WWE Confidential July 19, 2003

[Guest TSMAdmin]

WWE Confidential July19, 2003

 

It’s taken a pretty long time, but Bobby Trask has finally filled the Heat position at The Smart Marks. So I guess that means that finally we have every WWE show covered… Well, not for long. I’ve been doing the Confidential gig for the last 14 months without missing a SINGLE episode. Quite an accomplishment if I do say so myself. However, in case you haven’t noticed this column hasn’t exactly been all that timely over the past few months. That’s what a job will do to you. On top of that, I’m the kind of person who gets sick of routine, and this routine has been going on for a damn long time. That being said, it’s time for a change, so as of August 9th I will no longer by “The Confidential Guy”, which would make the August 2nd episode my last. Most of you will be able to move on, except for those who steal my work and post it on their site. Eh, they’ll find someone new to smooch off of. Not to fear though, I will still contribute The Booking Report on a weekly basis and you might get an occasional review of something or other. It’s been a hell of a (long) ride and only two weeks remain, so it might be a good time to start sending me a decent amount of feedback. You know, since I’ll be done with this relatively soon. That would make for a nice send off.

 

Yeah, also check out my latest Booking Report column, which actually has been generating a steady stream of feedback. It’s only taken me the better part of 2 and a half years, but I finally found my niche. A column that people actually *gasp* look forward to.

 

This Week on Confidential: Mick Foley on writing and wrestling, Trish Stratus and Val Venis hang out with sick kids, and John Cena pitches for the Blue Jays.

 

Mick Foley thinks of writing in the same light as wrestling. Figuratively, he gets the same rush while writing a novel that he does when competing in the ring. He believes that his book Tietam Brown can also be compared to WWE, in the sense that you will either love it or hate it. From here Foley, his agent, and other people involved in literature go on about the plot of the book. Admittedly, I’m not all that into reading, so if you want to hear about the details of his book, don’t look at me. Knopf, the most prestigious publisher in America picked up Foley’s book, so that was a huge accomplishment for Mick. He is now setting off on what may be the most ambitious book tour ever, as he will be stopping over in 25 cities, within three countries. He still drives to each city (well except the ones in England) and hasn’t changed his cheap travel accommodations. Basically, if you like reading it seems like you would like Mick’s book because many people in literary world have been digging it. Then again, even if you are like me and can’t sit through two pages of a novel, it might still be worth checking out of the library (or reading in Barnes & Noble) if you have some time to kill. Mick will be back later with some more interesting chatter: WRESTLING.

 

Segment 1: .5/1

 

John Cena was given the privilege of throwing out the first pitch at a Blue Jays game. Coincidentally, the Jays were playing Cena’s hometown team the Red Socks. Early on Cena (decked out in Jays clothing) reveals that he is planning on infiltrating their dugout to help out his team. He went on the field where the female mascot hit on him. After throwing the first pitch he did some color commentary and was then whisked away to the cheap seats. John Cena made what should been a dull, waste of time segment entertaining so more power to him. In my mind this guy easily has the coolest personality out of practically everyone on WWE’s roster. Now we just have to cross our fingers for his match at Vengeance.

 

Segment 2: 1/2

 

From the Vault: Christian

 

Andre the Giant & S.D. Jones vs. Big John Studd & Ken Patera ~ December 15, 1984

Christian gives away the finish right off the bat. He used to be a big Andre mark, so when the heels cut the Giant’s hair after the match he was devastated for the rest of the day. The heels of course have Bobby Heenan in their corner. Patera gets his arm worked a little to start. He and Studd turn the tides by sending Jones to the floor. They doubleteam the hell out of Andre, which is grounds for a DQ at 2:45. DUD After knocking him out cold, the heels rape Andre… of his dignity. You can thank McMahon for that one. Too bad we don’t see the damage done because the clip cuts before Andre lifts up his head. Even though this match sucked, I prefer seeing obscure stuff like this as opposed to mainstream matches from big PPVs.

 

Segment 3: 1.5/3

 

Outside the Ropes: Chris Jericho

 

The Coach feels that Jericho does not need an introduction, Jericho agrees that he doesn’t NEED one, but he DEMANDS one, so Chris introduces himself.

 

1. In one of your songs you ask, “Who am I to kill a stranger?” Well, who are you?

 

Undisputed Champion, King of the World, Host of the Highlight Reel, etc. Jericho goes off on how crappy of a set the Coach has.

 

2. Fozzy’s mascot is Pig-Man, was there ever another option for the mascot?

 

Pig-Man unfortunately suffers from swineus, which changes your features to that of pig. Once when he was sick his cousin filled in, who suffers from clownus. Jericho tells the Coach that nerdy announcers need not apply for the position.

 

3. What is more painful: The Walls of Jericho or a Celine Dion concert?

 

Definitely Celine, as she is worse than SARS, Anthrax and a heart attack combined. The fact that she makes $33 million a year really says something about America, since she was more or less kicked out of Canada. Jericho goes on to tell us how she resembles an alien from outer space.

 

4. It’s Hockey Spelling Bee time: Khabibulan?

 

Jericho misspells it several times, but he was able to pronounce it.

 

5. Jean Sebastien Giguere?

 

He spells everything right except puts an “a” where the second “e” is in “Sebastien”.

 

6. What do you think of the Devils winning the Cup?

 

Jericho isn’t down with the Jersey Clowns for several reasons. First of all, New Jersey is just a couple of highway exits that include an airport and a diner. Secondly, it’s very brown. And lastly, the women talk like idiots with big hair.

 

7. Who is your dream guest for the Highlight Reel?

 

It would have to be someone entertaining, which excludes the Coach. In WWE-world he would like a returning Superstar like Mick Foley. In the real world it would be Pam Anderson. She wouldn’t be allowed to say anything either. Just stand there and look pretty.

 

8. Do you look to Oprah Winfrey as an inspiration for the Highlight Reel?

 

The only way he’ll look at Oprah is if she is falling off a cliff into a pool of water. He goes on about how much a rip-off she and her book club are. This segues into a story about an Oprah Convention near where he lives. Supposedly thousands of women paid $500 a pop to enter it. Chris then recalls that time Oprah pulled a wagon of beef on to her show. He decides that would be the perfect Highlight Reel. Oprah sitting in a wagon, not talking, Pam Anderson not talking, all while he and Mick Foley trade witty banter. CHRIS JERICHO IS GOD! NO QUESTIONS ASKED!

 

Segment 4: 2.5/4

 

Mick Foley is back for some more. When he left the WWF he didn’t think it would be for so long. What we saw on TV (his firing/resignation) was pretty much how it actually went down. Vince turned someone who loved wrestling into someone who couldn’t stand it anymore. While he was gone he spent most of his time working with children. He went overseas to a third world country with an organization that gives children born with deformities reconstructive surgery. Since he wasn’t actually a doctor, they had him doing a lot of scut work, but he still ranks that as one of his greatest moments. His return proved to him that one is always able to return home. He does plan on returning again sometime, but this time “sometime” will not be 19 months later.

 

Segment 5: 3.5/5

 

Trish Stratus and Val Venis spent a day with terminally ill and underprivileged children in Disneyland. A short fluff piece followed that showed the plane ride and all the activities the kids partook in.

 

Next week: The story of Zach Gowen

 

Segment 6: 3.5/6

 

THIS IS IT

 

WWE must know that I’m on my way out because this was a damn good episode. Chris Jericho was without a doubt the highlight of the night, just like he is most Mondays. Now what a day it would be if he defeats HBK TONIGHT. I can’t believe I’m actually looking forward to Raw. I can’t remember the last time that happened, but whenever it did the night probably ended in me being disappointed. Here’s to that NOT happening for a change.

 

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