Joe's Thoughts: XPW "Go Funk Yourself"...

[Guest Joe]

XPW Go Funk Yourself

July 22, 2000

 

Billed as their one-year anniversary show, Go Funk Yourself is my first look at an XPW event. And while I have been familiar with the company, by name and reputation, for some time now, I’m going into this with no idea of what to expect from the show. Some people love XPW. Some hate the company. Personally I’ve always been a little enamored by XPW. They quickly became known as a company that would seemingly do anything to shock an audience. Time now to see which side of the coin I will fall on, love ‘em or hate ‘em.

 

The show starts off with XPW Champion Sabu, along with Josh Lazie, in the ring. Levy thanks all of the fans for being there and mentions something about how after last week, many thought it wasn’t “cool” to be an XPW fan anymore. I’m not sure what he’s talking about here. Out comes XPW Owner Rob Black, along with the Black Army. Black takes a microphone and starts cutting basically the same promo Levy did, only he does it in a heel fashion. Black also takes time to put down “internet marks” that talk about him. Oh, and he mentions XPW and WCW having a common hatred for Paul Heyman, owner of ECW. Basically at this point you’d have to be a smart to understand a thing going on. Then the Black Army enters the ring to attack Sabu, but instead they all just sort of stand in line as Sabu knocks them down with the weakest looking punches I’ve ever seen. I mean really, I’ve seen one man take out a whole team of guys before, but never has it looked this ridiculous. Once the Black Army is disposed of, Terry Funk comes out. Funk, who was brought in by Black, will fight Sabu for the title later tonight. Funk and Sabu tease fighting right now, but of course it never happens. And it takes forever to never happen. So far, so bad.

 

Nosawa vs. Pogo The Clown *½

 

Pogo The Clown, and yes his gimmick is a serial killer who dresses as a clown, defeats Nosawa in this opening match. Nosawa manages to dominate most of the beginning of the match, using his speed to take advantage of the big Clown, but in the end Pogo comes back and gets the win. Nosawa is pretty bad at selling moves, that’s all I really noticed about him. After the match, Nosawa’s tag team partner runs down to the ring and tries to help Nosawa beat down Pogo, but of course the Clown manages to take both men and break them in half like fortune cookies. Definitely not a good match.

 

The Westsiders (Chronic and Bigg Rott) and Carlito Montana vs. Mexico’s Most Wanted (Halloween, Damien 666, and Rey Mysterio Sr.) ***

 

Before the match, which takes forever to start, the two teams trade insults before Carlito Montana comes out. He actually insults both teams, but then ends up joining with the Westsiders to make this a six-man match, instead of an originally billed handicap match. Overall a good match with a nice mix of wrestling and hardcore action. These six guys are pretty fast in the ring. They’re also good at putting on a brawl. So really we get the best of both worlds here. Can’t complain about that. The Westsiders win, thanks to a fast count from the referee. After the match, Mexico’s Most Wanted attacks the referee, using a staple gun on him. The referee bleeds, much to the delight of the fans.

 

I Quit Match: Kid Kaos vs. Steve Rizzono ***

 

Good match here between Kid Kaos and Steve Rizzono. Both guys look good in the ring, both look wise and wrestling wise. At one point, it looks as though Rizzono has won as the referee heard somebody say I Quit. But it turns out the person who said that was a ring attendant hidden under the ring by Rizzono. The match starts up again, Rizzono attempts to use a sword, yes a small sword, on Kaos. But Kaos stops him and uses the sword, yes the small sword, himself. He grinds the sword into Rizzono’s head until Steve finally quits. After the match, the Black Army hits the ring to try and attack Kid Kaos, but instead Kaos fights them off. Rob Black, angry at what happened, signs for later tonight Kid Kaos against Black Army member Tracy Smothers in a loser leaves XPW match. Good angle.

 

“White Trash” Johnny Webb vs. John Kronus vs. Homeless Jimmy ***

 

The match was originally scheduled to be Johnny Webb versus Homeless Jimmy, but Webb tells us at the start that Jimmy is unable to wrestle tonight. Webb thinks this means he has the night off, but John Kronus comes out and we seem to have a match. The last time I saw Kronus was probably around 1998, and man has he put on a lot of weight since then. Kronus and Webb fight some, and then out comes the man that we were told couldn’t wrestle tonight, Homeless Jimmy. Guess that means it’s a three-way. Another good match, though not from a wrestling standpoint. There’s very little actual wrestling here. What there is though is a lot of brawling. Lots of hardcore action, complete with tables, a ladder, and plenty of blood. Hey, when you’re watching a company called Xtreme Pro Wrestling, you should expect more of this and less actual wrestling. So I have no problem with that. And these three guys seem to be good at what they do, which is basically beat the crap out of each other. Johnny Webb wins, pinning Homeless Jimmy after putting him through a table, which actually took three tries as the table refused to break. After the match, the announcers and referee sold Jimmy as being hurt. I’m not sure if that was an angle or if he really was injured, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he was. This match was brutal.

 

King Of The Deathmatch: Supreme (Champion) vs. Messiah ***

 

I have to admit, I was having a problem deciding how to rate this match. On the one hand, I was absolutely shocked and disgusted by the whole match. These two men did things to each other that I honestly couldn’t imagine anybody ever wanting to do. They used barbwire, thumbtacks, nails, and light bulbs on each other. They both bled. They took some bumps that literally left me in shock. I watched the entire match with my jaw dropped. It was sick. On the other hand, who’s to say my reaction wasn’t exactly what these wrestlers wanted? I mean this was a death match, it was meant to be beyond violent. If they wanted me to be in complete shock over what happened, then they were more than successful. For that reason, I’m giving this a better rating then I think my heart wants to. Honestly, I don’t think I enjoyed the match any more then a two star rating, but I was shocked by it and that warrants three stars. I would never go beyond three stars though as that would be an insult to actual wrestling matches that are classics. It’s a shame too, Messiah has a great look and actually showed off some wrestling skills. He reminds me of a younger version of Tommy Dreamer. He should leave this type of garbage wrestling behind and try his hand at some real wrestling. After the match, the Black Army attacks Supreme, putting him through a table with barbwire and light bulbs. That was just plain sick. EMTs come out and in what looks very much legit, help a hurt Supreme from the ring.

 

Loser Leaves XPW: Kid Kaos vs. Tracy Smothers **

 

Kid Koas and Smothers have what comes across as a basically boring match. Nothing at all special here. Smothers controls a good portion of the match, but in the end Kid Kaos gets the win, which means Smothers has to leave XPW. After the match, Smothers teases punching Rob Black, who of course is the reason he was even in this loser leaves XPW match, but instead of punching him, Smothers hugs Black.

 

XPW World Title Match: Sabu (champion) vs. Terry Funk **

 

A surprisingly dull match between two guys that have had great matches in the past. I guess it just goes to show that both men are but a shell of their former selves. Funk and Sabu fight, and when I say fight I basically mean punch and kick each other, around the arena. At one point, the XPW logo above the entranceway falls down on top of Funk. There are a few blown spots in the ring, including Funk attempting a piledriver off of the middle rope and onto a chair, but he ends up landing his back on the chair and destroying it. The end of the match has Funk lighting his branding iron on fire and attempting to blow fire into Sabu’s face, but Sabu ducks, another fire ball comes out of nowhere, literally, and then Sabu has a fireball of his own that he lights up and throws at Funk. Except the fireball doesn’t even come close to touching Funk, and what’s worse he doesn’t even sell it as hitting him, which he was clearly supposed to do. Sabu then hits Funk with the branding iron and puts an end to this match. Sabu’s still the champion.

 

After the match we get two short promos, one by Josh Lazie and Sabu, and the next with Funk. Basically it comes down to both guys saying they will fight again. After watching the match before this, it’s hard to get excited about them fighting again.

 

 

Overall Show Rating: **

 

A lot of ups and downs here, but it seems like more downs then anything. Things started picking up around the Westsiders/Mexico’s Most Wanted Match, but they went down hill again after the Death Match. The announcing also brings the show down. Announcers Larry Rivera and Kris Kloss are mostly terrible on the microphone. If I have to hear Kloss scream like a little girl one more time at what is supposed to be a shocking moment (basically his version of Joey Styles’ “Oh My God!”) I swear I will hunt the guy down and hurt him.

 

The DVD itself is perfectly acceptable. There’s a menu and a Select A Match feature. No extras.

 

So where do I stand on XPW now? Yay or nay? Well, I’m still not sure. They didn’t impress me, but at the same time they didn’t totally turn me away. I can see why a lot of people hate XPW. I’m still scratching my head why some people love it though. Either way, I would give XPW another chance.

[EMAXSAUN 0]

i think its a great review, and is unbiased. you should check out hostile takeover and fallout, and you will like how much xpw has improved