The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA - July 9th, 2003

[Guest TSMAdmin]

The Dames’ Diatribe on NWA:TNA – July 9, 2003

 

Welcome back to another TNA show and another Diatribe. What? You didn’t see last week’s Diatribe?

 

Alright, I’ll admit it. It was 6 days late and was probably overlooked, but it WAS done and an explanation for its tardiness is included. Let me just get one piece of business out of the way really quick.

 

The countdown is on for my 23rd birthday! 15 days from now, July 25th, yours truly will get a year older…so buy me something. I don’t have an Amazon Wishlist up yet, but I shall. I don’t really think I’ll get anything from you guys, but a guy can try right?

 

Also…everyone’s favorite TNA fans, the Heel Section, are boycotting the show indefinitely. After talking with Doug of www.heelsection.com, apparently TNA officials asked them to stop cheering the heels because the faces aren’t getting over and accused the guys of being in “business for themselves”. I might not be the most observant guy in the world, but TNA openly focuses on them in the crowd and if it weren’t for those guys, the arena would be so silent, you could hear a pin drop. Besides, seeing as how they’re paying for their seats every week and are supporting TNA with their dollars, who are they to tell them who to cheer? They’ve never started any chants to focus on themselves, instead focusing on the wrestlers and getting them even more over with the crowd. How many people scream out “Hail Sabin” when Chris Sabin comes to the ring? I, for one, have never heard a “Heel Section” chant by that group. For the record, a few of the members will still be there tonight because they purchased their tickets in advance, but by next week, the Heel Section will have a vacancy. Let’s see how long the boycott lasts and if it’ll affect the crowd heat tonight.

 

Now lets skip the B.S. and head straight to tonight’s recap. Oh, thanks to Bob Barron again and all that good stuff for providing me with this week’s show.

 

Last week, AJ Styles almost KILLED Frankie Kazarian and for those of you who missed it or just want to see it again…here it is.

 

 

I’m going to go along with the general consensus and dub that botched spot “STYLES CLASH ‘03~!” Thanks to Placebo Effect of the TSM Forums for the clip, btw.

 

Onto this week…

 

The FBI warn us about bootlegging tapes…because THEY KNOW. Look behind you…go ahead. Do it.

 

As usual, we start off with a video package recapping last week’s events. The footage lacks much color for some reason. Either that or Bob just REALLY sucks at taping shows.

 

The show starts and SCOTT HUDSON~! is BACK and is shown in the parking lot earlier in the evening to talk to the arriving Jeff Jarrett. Apparently, Jeff Jarrett is defying doctors orders by showing up tonight (can’t he just be a fan??), but the former NWA Champ has plans of his own for Vince Russo and Joe Legend, the newcomer who attacked him last week.

 

We immediately kick off the show with a tag team title match up.

 

Americas Most Wanted vs. Johnny Swinger & Simon Diamond (w/ Glenn Gilberti) for the NWA Tag Team Titles

 

Match Background: Johnny Swinger and Simon Diamond, a former tag team from ECW, returns to the TNA tonight for their third tag team match up, this time to face the current champions Americas Most Wanted. Johnny Swinger has seen some TNA action as of late, but Simon Diamond hasn’t been seen since Week 33, where he and Swinger faced and lost to the Disciples of the New Church. TNA seems to be out of tag teams as Simon and Swinger are getting a title shot already. They’ve never faced AMW in TNA so far.

 

The Match: Glenn Gilberti comes to ringside and joins the announce table. Mike Tenay informs us that Glenn Gilberti wants to take the tag titles away from AMW and henceforth, has recruited Simon and Swinger. Let’s see if they stick around for more than a week this time.

 

Harris locks up with Swinger as Gilberti trashes their gimmick and claims that Triple X carried them in TNA’s top contender for Match of the Year. Harris gets a couple of hiptosses on Swinger, so he tags out to his partner Simon Diamond who receives more of the same. Swinger lunges at Harris on the apron, distracting him enough for Diamond to connect with a superkick. They go to work on Harris in the corner, but Harris gets a Lou Thesz press on Diamond and lunges for a tag. Swinger comes running across the ring and knocks Storm off of the apron and continues the double team on the Wildcat.

 

As Swinger pounds on Harris and puts his feet on the ropes for a two count, Mike Tenay informs us that despite being advertised last week, Negro Casas and Shocker will not be in attendance tonight. He makes it sound as if they backed out of the deal, but of course, that’s TNA’s side and there’s always two sides to any story. Either way, TNA should make sure that they have guys committed and confirmed before putting up a video package like that. Imagine the backlash they would have received if Sting no showed the Anniversary Show?

 

Simon Diamond comes in and hits 2/3rds of the Simon Series (acknowledged by Tenay) and only gets a two count. Swinger comes in, but Harris is able to escape the double team and get enough separation to tag Storm in. The ref didn’t see the tag, however, so Storm is held back. Considering the fact that neither Simon nor Swinger where anywhere near Harris to prevent him from tagging, the ref really should have allowed that. Simon and Swinger continue to double team Harris in the corner as a “Bullshit” chant breaks out in the crowd and dies quickly.

 

Harris escapes a second double team and finally is able to make the tag to James Storm who comes in and metamorphisizes into a HOUSE…EN…FUEGO~! Storm is eventually thrown over the top though, but skins the cat to come back in and avoid a baseball slide, connecting with a pescado on Swinger instead. Storm heads back into the ring and gets a nice cross body off the top on Diamond for two. Storm then turns his attention to Swinger again and connects with a roundhouse kick to the jaw for another two count. Diamond gets back into the ring and attempts to help his partner, but Storm double DDT’s both men and tags into Harris.

 

Harris and Storm then hit the old school Hart Attack, but the ref is out of position. Diamond tosses Harris over the top, allowing Swinger to hit a sit out jawbreaker for a close two count. They set up Storm in the ring as Diamond heads to the top, but Swinger is shoved into him, crotching his partner and Harris tosses him to the floor. Storm ranas Diamond off of the top and goes for the pinfall…ONE…TWO…NO!

 

It sounds as if the crowd is trying to make up for the absence of the Heel Section as they’re very audible with their “Bullshit” chants tonight. Swinger comes running back in and eats a Storm superkick and set him up for the Death Sentence. Harris goes to the top, but Gilberti shoves him off the top! Storm rolls up Diamond, but he’s shoved off and Gilberti hits Storm in the head with a chair! Simon and Swinger with a double inverted Russian Leg Sweep (aka Frankie Kazarian’s “Wave of the Future”) and go for the cover! ONE…TWO…NO! The crowd bought it and I’ll admit…so did I. The crowd popped big time for Storm’s kick out.

 

Diamond sets up Storm in a Hart Attack position, but Harris comes charging back into the ring and spears Swinger! Storm holds onto Diamond as the ref gets into position. ONE…TWO…THREE!

 

Winners: Americas Most Wanted

 

Gilberti exchanges words with AMW as he walks up the ramp…

 

My Opinion: AMW are definitely over with the crowd. The crowd popped for every near fall towards the finish of this match and they were actually able to get the crowd to believe that they might lose the tag straps to Simon and Swinger tonight. Simon and Swinger looked decent tonight, although they’ve looked better in ECW, but were solid enough to warrant a full time spot in the very open tag team division in TNA. **1/2

 

We now go to a video package centered on “The Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels. EXCELLENT video package as Daniels is finally allowed to break out his “Fallen Angel” character and the montage ends with the words “Returning soon to save your soul, say your prayers” on the screen. Excuse me while I MARK OUT!

 

Elix Skipper got a video package dedicated to him last week, so I’d assume that there will be a Low-Ki video package coming soon as well to round out the Triple X trio. It seems as if they’re going their separate ways, which is good for TNA as they’ve already been 3 time tag champs and can do so much more in the Heavyweight Division, especially Chris Daniels.

 

We go back to the ring and Joe Legend (looking VERY Al Snow-ish) is in the ring with THE STICK~!, but he’s only getting tildebang privileges from me because he’s wearing an away Yankees jersey. Let’s see if he can retain them with his mic skills. It sounds like he’s got a thick Boston accent, although he’s from Toronto. He puts over Vince Russo and introduces Jeff Jarrett. He gets in a good verbal jab as he says that he should be “Home with his Baby Tonight” and Russo comes out dressed as the Jeff Jarrett character from 1995. I’m talking about the long hair, the JJ jacket, the old outfit, all that. Russo takes off the jacket and does THE STRUT~! in the ring.

 

He gets on the mic and good lord, Russo needs to put a shirt on. He plays on all of Jarrett’s old mannerisms, such as the “Ha Ha” and the spelling of his name as he runs him down. This is definitely the worst parody I’ve seen by far. The crowd can’t decide whether to chant “Russo” or “Russo sucks” because of his actions.

 

Joe Legend is now playing the part of Vince Russo…and now sounds like Nathan Jones! Ok, that’s it. No more THE STICK~! for you!

 

The parody actually takes a turn for the worse as “Jarrett” asks to kiss “Russo’s” ass and gets down on his knees to do so. Legend starts to unbuckle himself when the real Jeff Jarrett comes in and attacks them from behind. Too late, in my opinion. Jarrett clears the ring and goes after Legend, but gets caught with a backbreaker. Legend splashes Jarrett on the floor and sends him into the guard rail, but Jarrett is able to avoid a charging Legend to get out of trouble. Jarrett sends him into the crowd and attacks him with a chair several times as Jarrett’s ribs are revealed to be taped. Jarrett and Legend brawl to the top of the stairs in the floor section and Jarrett tosses Legend down to a level below. They now brawl near the former SEX locker room and end up back in the crowd. Legend wedges Jarrett’s head by the safety rail, placing a chair that Jarrett is CLEARLY holding for him, before kicking him and busting him open. They go over the guard rail and end up by the announce table and back into the ring. Legend has the clear advantage as Jarrett bleeds in the ring, but Legend goes to ringside to get some chairs. He sets them up next to each other and looks to powerbomb him onto them, but Jarrett is able to backdrop him with Legend falling on the chairs instead to a pop. Jarrett then hits The Stroke on Legend onto an open chair and tapes Legend to the top rope in the same fashion that he was last week.

 

Jarrett grabs Russo’s bat that is lying in the corner and goes to use it on Legend, but Russo runs in. Jarrett turns around in time and actually nails him with it several times with Russo selling the knee! Jarrett puts on the figure four as Legend is able to break free and waffles Jarrett with a guitar. He picks up JJ now and hits a move that starts out like a Stunner, but ends up in a neckbreaker. Tenay informs us that the move is called the “Stone Cutter” and that just sounds really bush league to me.

 

Russo holds Jarrett’s midsection open for Legend as he whacks him with the bat for the second week in a row. Russo gets on the mic and gets in Jarrett’s face as he screams that he’ll never get a rematch for the NWA Title. TNA’s worthless security finally come to the ring after this 10 minute brawl and separate everyone and Jerry Jarrett makes his first live appearance in front of a TNA crowd as he comes to check on his son in the ring.

 

My Two Cents: Probably the worst parody since DX impersonated the Corporation. I didn’t care for that one too much. The brawl went WAY too long, but will probably be remembered for the first time that Russo was beaten down at all. I hope that Joe Legend can back his work up in the ring so this feud can have some proper blow off, but let’s face it, the end result of this whole thing seems to be Jarrett overcoming the obstacles and getting the NWA Title back. Logical storyline, but after his last reign, no more Jarrett main events please. I hope they drag this thing out for months.

 

In the back, Scott Hudson interviews X Division Champ Chris Sabin. Hudson talks about Frankie Kazarian, the man that beat Sabin two weeks ago in a non title match and was almost KILLED last week by AJ Styles. Both men have the nickname “The Future”, but Sabin says that the rights to the name should be his since he has the gold. Sabin cuts a humorous promo, saying that Kazarian is on a losing streak and needs to rack up about 10 to 15 wins before he can even consider giving him an X Division shot. Sabin isn’t too bad on the mic at all. Sabin walks off and continues to shout “maybe” while out of the scene as Hudson tries to segue to a video package.

 

Elix Skipper’s video package from last week is replayed.

 

Jeremy Borash then introduces Elix as he’s going to do some commentary tonight.

 

6-Man Elimination Match:

 

Kid Romeo vs. Matt Sydal vs. Altar Boy Luke vs. Delirious vs. Matt Stryker vs. Frankie Kazarian

 

Match Background: Matt Sydal, Altar Boy Luke and Delirious are all making their TNA debuts. Kid Romeo was last seen in TNA in Week 47 as he squared off against Frankie Kazarian in a 6 man tag team match. Matt Stryker was also in that match and on the winning team.

 

The Match: It’s very obvious who’s going over as Kazarian comes in last and actually has a new video package that’s played before his entrance. I’d just like to add that Frankie Kazarian is a fucking NUT after taking that bump last week and getting back into the ring this week. Go on…look at it again, but make sure to come back.

 

Skipper and his feminine voice responds to Tenay’s question on whether or not he’s interested in the X Title, seeing as how he’s out here for this match by saying that he’ll get it on the way to getting the Heavyweight Title.

 

Stryker and Delirious start out and Stryker connects with a spinebuster for two. Skipper actually says that he was off the night of the Cage Match, but since he’s the best wrestler in the world, he can have a bad night and still put on Match of the Year Candidates. He continues to talk about himself and Tenay asks him to stick to the match, which offends Skipper and he walks away! Speaking of sticking to the match…

 

Kazarian gets a Magistral cradle on Delirious for two, but Altar Boy Luke comes in and eats a GORGEOUS missile dropkick! Sydal tags in and connects with a pretty springboard cross body for his very own two count. Kid Romeo makes a blind tag and slingshots himself over the top rope with a clothesline on Sydal that ends up with Sydal bumping like MAD off of it. Romeo goes to work on the kid, but Sydal trips him up and hits a moonsault splash to Romeo for a two count. Romeo gets a head scissors to come back and then Alley Oops him for a two count. Romeo tags in Kazarian who gets a slingshot legdrop for two count. Sydal strikes Kazarian in the ribs, which are taped up due to being folded up like an accordion and being hit in the midsection by Russo, so Stryker comes in and drops Kazarian on the top rope. Sydal dropkicks Kazarian down and enziguiries Styker to the outside as well.

 

Cool spot as Delirious charges at Sydal in the ring, but Sydal leapfrogs him…and Delirious ends up diving through the ropes onto Stryker on the floor. All three men on the outside then decide to group hug to piss me off and Altar Boy Luke decides to join the fray with a Somersault Tope con Hilo. Sydal then comes off the ropes, but Romeo trips him up. Romeo then dives onto the pile himself. Sydal then moonsaults onto the pile for a pop.

Back in the ring now, Sydal connects with a somersault dropkick on Stryker and gets a two count. He connects with a dropkick, but gets caught in his second attempt and is slingshotted into the arms of Kid Romeo who hits the Last Kiss for the elimination.

 

Altar Boy Luke comes in and hits a NICE sit out half nelson suplex which he calls the Holy Driver (now known as the HOLY DRIVER~!). The kid actually messes up going through the ropes to the apron, but quickly rights himself and connects with a GORGEOUS praying moonsault which he calls the Halo for two. Kid Romeo gets up and gets a GREAT bulldog for another two count and tags in Kazarian.

 

Kazarian puts Luke in a wheel barrow position, but Delirious charges and gets a sunset flip on The Future, causing him to Ocean Cyclone suplex Luke! Luke walks to the back for some reason as Delirious puts on a cool pin attempt for two. HARD scissors kick by Kazarian stuns Delirious, but he goes to the top anyway, only to be caught with Back to the Future for the pinfall and the elimination.

 

Stryker comes in now and hits a Thesz press on Stryker, but Kazarian is able to counter a moonsault with his knees. Romeo comes in, only to eat some of Stryker’s offense. Romeo sets him up for the Last Kiss, but can’t quite hook it in a blown spot. They make up for it though as Stryker takes Romeo up top and gets hooked there, so Romeo comes off the top with the Last Kiss! ONE…TWO…THREE.

 

It’s down to Romeo and Kazarian (although Altar Boy Luke was never eliminated). Kazarian leaps in with a missile dropkick and a back elbow. Romeo hooks Kazarian for the Last Kiss, but Kazarian escapes and connects with the Wave of the Future for the pin.

 

Winner: Frankie Kazarian

 

My Opinion: Well, its nice to know that Kazarian can still move and doesn’t appear to have any long lasting effects from that crazy ass bump. Matt Sydal was impressive, as was Altar Boy Luke…who WASN’T ELIMINATED. That’s a glaring error in this match. Delirious was just there for a couple of high spots. Kazarian was clearly going to be the winner in this match, but he could have made the last sequence with Romeo better. Romeo clearly worked his ass off in this match and was the most impressive, but only lasted about 30 seconds when down to he and The Future. So far, I’m enjoying the new X Division. **1/4.

 

Jeremy Borash PISSES ME OFF by announcing Kazarian as the number 1 contender for the X Title after this win…since the number 1 contendership being on the line was NEVER announced! It would have been better if the chase for Sabin’s title was a long one.

 

All of a sudden, Chris Sabin’s music hits and he appears at the top of the ramp. He gets in the ring and on THE STICK~! and tells him that he proved himself SO MUCH…he’s going to give him a shot RIGHT NOW! A minor “Hail Sabin” chant starts as the match begins.

 

Chris Sabin vs. Frankie Kazarian for the X Division Title

 

Match Background: Two weeks ago, Chris Sabin faced Frankie Kazarian in a match that would have won best match of the night if the cage match hadn’t happened then as well. Kazarian won that match, but it was non title. Kazarian was looking to get an X shot because of this, but NWA Champ AJ Styles gave him a title shot at his belt last week…and lost due to Chris Sabin’s interference. He JUST won the #1 contendership to the X Title and gets his shot right now.

 

The Match: Sabin immediately goes for the ribs and rips off the tape. Sabin then poses for the crowd and screams “HAIL SABIN”, showing just how much influence the Heel Section has on crowd heat and getting wrestlers over. The crowd responds with the chant and Sabin throws Kazarian into the ring post ribs first. He then throws him into the guard rail and suplexes him on it before legdropping him down. Sabin signals for the end of the match and goes for his swinging Rock Bottom over the knee, INVERTED so that Kazarian’s ribs would hit flush, but Kazarian is able to escape and get an overhead belly to belly! He gets to his feet and gets a cool neckbreaker on Sabin, which sends him reeling to the outside. Kazarian slingshots himself to the outside with a cross body, but Sabin drops down to one knee and blasts him in the ribs. Sabin then throws Kazarian in and goes for a slingshot sunset flip, but Kazarian holds on and wraps him up for the ONE…TWO…NO! Sabin quickly gets back up and puts the knees in the ribs before going back up top. Sabin gets caught and Kazarian follows for the Flux Capacitor, but gets shoved off. Sabin jumps off the top into Kazarian’s arms and he goes for the Wave of the Future, but Sabin escapes and turnbuckle Splash Mountain’s him! WOW! Sabin hits the FUTURE SHOCK~! and it’s over baby.

 

Winner: Chris Sabin

 

My Opinion: Well, I guess Kazarian getting the number 1 contendership was a good idea after all as the rivalry heats up, Kazarian loses NOTHING by being in two matches injured and almost pulling it out and Sabin gets the clean win and best of all…the chase continues. I can’t wait til this feud is blown off because that match will fucking ROCK. This match was short, but then again, it was Kazarian’s second, but in that short span, they were able to incorporate psychology, some high impact moves and counters. GIVE ME MORE. **

 

Scott Hudson is in the back to detail us about Jeff Jarrett’s injuries as he’s sprawled out on the floor being attended to by EMT’s. All of a sudden, Russo and Legend come busting in and attack Jarrett again. Security breaks it up this time though.

 

In the ring, TNA dancer Lollipop gets on the mic and calls out Bitch Slap (Tracy and Nurse Veronica). Lollipop always sounds mighty nervous on the mic. Nurse Veronica comes down the ramp, but there’s no sign of Tracy. They meet halfway up the ramp, but security is MIGHTY quick to break them up. The other TNA girl, April, comes down to assist Lollipop, but there’s no sign of my beloved, EVIL Tracy.

 

Let me get this straight. Russo and Legend can beat the EVER LOVING SHIT out of Jeff Jarrett for about 10 minutes and hit him in the ribs with a baseball bat several times before security stops them, but the women are separated immediately?

 

A LARGE “Let Them Go” chant breaks out as security gets booed big time.

 

We go to a pre-taped segment as Mike Tenay sits down with Father James Mitchell. He asks why he’s associated with Shane Douglas and Mitchell says that Douglas couldn’t get into TNA so he volunteered to get him in as long as he took care of Raven. They both despise Raven, although they have different reasons. Douglas is upset at the fact that Raven wanted to go after the NWA Title, a title that he threw in the garbage when ECW was formed. (Why wouldn’t he go after the champion though? Technically, the champ is the one resurrecting the title. ) Mitchell’s reason is this…

 

According to Mitchell, Raven is a whiner who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had a great run in the wrestling business. He doesn’t know what real loss is, but Mitchell does due to the accident that happened to him 3 years ago in ECW. A legit incident where a fire throwing device exploded in his hand and he lost part of his finger, had a hole in his chest that nearly killed him and left him with a $100,000 medical bill. Due to that, he lost his entire life, his wife, his house and the ability to walk without the use of a cane…but he never complained.

 

Tenay asks about the similarities between the two men, such as mind control. Mitchell says that Raven doesn’t really have that ability, since anyone can manipulate losers and drop outs the way he does. He also says that Raven doesn’t even have control of himself, since he was a junkie for years.

 

Tenay then states that both men are known to play with the dark side. Mitchell gets offended by this as he states that Raven is just playing with it, but to Mitchell, it’s everything. He says that Raven didn’t conjure up any dark spirits…he conjured up something even worse. Mitchell himself and for that, he’s going to show him what real pain and real loss is.

 

EXCELLENT promo by Father James Mitchell. When the man is on…he is ON.

 

The Gathering is in the ring and Julio has the mic. He calls out Shane Douglas for taking out Raven and CM Punk and says that if he doesn’t answer the challenge, he’ll wipe his ass with a Douglas T-shirt. For the record, I think that’s his old ECW shirt and not TNA merchandise. Douglas then has no real reason to come out there, since Julio wipes his ass with it anyway.

 

A ripoff of Deep Purple’s “Perfect Strangers” starts to play as Shane Douglas comes down the ramp. He’s always got to have that music, baby.

 

Julio (w/Alexis) vs. Shane Douglas

 

Match Background: Two weeks ago, Shane Douglas attacked Julio and Alexis to send a message to Raven. He then attacked Raven himself and last week, along with Father James Mitchell, took out CM Punk. The Gathering came to the rescue and Julio issued the challenge just now.

 

The Match: Julio attacks Douglas from the start and wipes his ass with the Franchise shirt again before sticking it in Douglas’s face. Julio with a suplex on Douglas and remains in control. An STO puts down Douglas for two and Julio continues on offense. Douglas rakes the eyes, but Julio gets a full nelson slam for two. The Franchise rolls to the outside, but Julio connects with a pescado. Alexis then attacks Douglas himself and Julio leaps off of the steel steps onto The Franchise. Douglas is FINALLY able to get an offensive move in as he drops Julio on the steps and throws him into the ring. Douglas gets a half assed powerslam and gets a two count out of it. He turns into a Julio elbow and Julio splashes Douglas in the corner. Julio continues with the offense and gets some more near falls. A superkick by Julio puts Douglas down and Alexis gets on the apron. Douglas gets a pair of atomic drops on Julio…but Alexis comes off the top with a swinging DDT in full view of the ref, but no DQ is called for. Julio covers and gets a two count. As Alexis gets on the apron to argue with the ref, Douglas shoves Julio into her and hits the belly to belly for the pinfall.

 

Winner: Shane Douglas

 

My Opinion: Probably the worst I’ve ever seen Shane Douglas be in the ring. He seemed blown up, got practically zero offense in and the match was just boring. Keep him on the mic PLEASE. I adore his mic work. The announcers tried to play up Douglas as being very resilient by withstanding all of Julio’s offense, but he just looked tired to me. DUD.

 

Mitchell comes into the ring and Douglas sets him Julio for the fireball. It looks like someone missed their cue big time (cough*Alexis*cough) as they wait around FOREVER to throw the fireball at Julio. He doesn’t end up doing so as Alexis gets on Douglas’ back and he sends her to the mat. Instead, she gets the fireball to the face and the heels scatter as she oversells.

 

Scott Hudson is in the back with Jeff Jarrett supposedly, but when the camera starts rolling…he’s in the middle of ANOTHER beatdown from Russo and Legend before he’s about to be placed into the ambulance. Several workers such as Jerry Lynn, D’Lo Brown and AMW come out to break it up. We get the point already!

 

Don Harris (w/ Ron Harris) vs. Shark Boy

 

Match Background: Last week, Shark Boy escaped an H-Bomb after defeating Mike Sanders. That’s it.

 

The Match: Don Harris attacks shortly after the bell, just tossing him from corner to corner. Shark Boy sucks under Harris coming off the ropes and hits a pair of dropkicks. Harris catches SB in a cross body attempt, but SB is able to roll him up for two. SB clotheslines Harris, but his brother Ron pulls him out of the ring. The ref sees this though and Ron puts him on the ring apron gently. Don Harris then tosses SB into the guard rail and Ron tosses the kid back into the ring. Harris then connects with running clotheslines in the corner and SB bumps off of it, which I love. Harris goes for the mask, so SB bails as a “Let’s Go Shark Boy” chant starts. SB gets back in and gets caught in a BIG slam. Don Harris goes to unmask SB again, but is unsuccessful. Harris starts to choke him, but SB actually counters with his unique faceslam and neckbreaker! SB gets the 10 punches in the corner, but he’s shoved off. He goes right back to him and finishes…before jumping off to clothesline Ron Harris, who’s standing on the ring apron. SB turns around and gets chokeslammed bigtime for the pinfall.

 

Winner: Don Harris

 

After the match, they double chokeslam him, which Tenay miscalls as the H-Bomb…and they then unmask him. The Harris’ look to the crowd to taunt, but SB has another mask underneath! He gets up to laugh at them, so they attempt the real H-Bomb…and SB escapes again!

 

My Opinion: Shark Boy really got over with those New Jack skits. Hopefully New Jack ends up saving SB one of these days, but that would probably lead to a tag match that would break the negative star ratings meter. SB is talented, but not good enough to carry Don Harris to a good match. ½*

 

B.G. James, The Truth & Konnan are in another pre-taped skit called TNA Weekday Update, hosted by “B. Gizzle, K-Diddle and the Suntan Superman”. Funny moment as Konnan talks about the Kobe Bryant sex scandal, but says that the rumors that the 19 year old in question is Juventud Guerrera is unfounded. B.G. James disputes that, saying that Juvi is 26 and is dating Kid Romeo, silly! B.G. James then talks about Dusty Baker’s quote about Blacks and Latino’s playing better in the heat than whites…but can’t finish the story because he’s got heat exhaustion. “Suntan…Superman…help…The Cracker.” Truth then talks about how traffic conditions suck because it got foggy in the car.

 

B.G. James then says that to close the segment, the writers wanted to close with something funny. “At Vengeance, Stephanie McMahon vs. Sable…there’s nothing more funnier than that.”

 

Funny segment…STILL don’t know where it’s going. I’m glad that B.G. James has found his charisma again though.

 

Scott Hudson is in the back with D’Lo Brown. During the last brawl, D’Lo grabbed Vince Russo and no he’s nowhere to be seen. AJ Styles comes up to D’Lo and shoves him and they get into a pullapart in the back…

 

Kid Kash (w/ Abyss) vs. Jerry Lynn

 

Match Background: These guys have no real reason why they’re battling. The last time they faced each other was in an X-Division Title match in Week 38 where Kid Kash was able to retain his belt.

 

The Match: Funny entrance for Kash as he comes out on top of Abyss’ shoulders and he gets the big man to do his little “rotating fingers” motion with him that Trinity used to do.

 

Some mat work to start, but eventually Lynn gets the advantage and Kash bails to the comforting, loving arms of Abyss. He’s just so cuddly, isn’t he?

 

Kash comes back in, but Lynn gets the advantage again with a side headlock. Kash gets out and pokes Lynn in the eyes, but gets caught with a tilt a whirl backbreaker for two. Kash ends up bailing and Lynn gives chase…and runs into Abyss. Each time though, Lynn is able to duck under any of Abyss’ attacks and gets back into the ring, only to be stomped by Kash. Kash’s slingshot suplex attempt is reversed into a roll up for two. Lynn then dives to the outside onto Abyss, but gets caught and planted with the kneeling torture rack backbreaker. Lynn is tossed back in and Kash finally hits the slingshot suplex for two. Kash puts on the Iron Claw, but Lynn bridges up and escapes the hold. Lynn gets a swinging neckbreaker and he follows it up with a face plant for two. Lynn charges at Kash in the corner, but EATS BOOT, so Kash comes off the top…and crashes to the mat. The ref is bumped by this somehow…although he was never really hit and Lynn hits the TKO. Abyss comes in to attack Lynn, but Lynn is able to fight him off and counters the Super Bossman Slam with a DDT! The ENTIRE TIME that these two guys were battling, the ref was standing next to them pretending not to see…yeah, BULLSHIT YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT RUDY.

 

Kash holds Lynn and tells Abyss to go to the top, so he does…but Lynn low blows Kash and ranas Abyss down! Kash attacks from behind and goes for the Money Maker, but Lynn reversed it into a Cradle Piledriver attempt. Justin Credible comes in and nails Lynn with the kendo stick, allowing Kash to roll up Lynn for the pin.

 

Winner: Kid Kash

 

My Opinion: The interference was just BLATANT in this match and it definitely makes suspending your belief watching wrestling when the ref has to as well. The Credible/Lynn feud obviously keeps on chugging and Abyss showed some more talent while keeping Kash strong. Not bad. **

 

We get a brief video package on Sonny Siaki.

 

Mike Tenay is now in the ring with a gold trophy and introduces the Sandman in order to present him with the Hard 10 trophy. Sandman limps to the ring in street clothes (blue jeans, not his usual black wear) with a case of beers. Don West scares the life out of me by stating that Sandman is the first ever Hard 10 champ…making me think there might be more.

 

Tenay asks Sandman how he feels and Sandman says that he’s hurting. Tenay asks what he’s going to do with the trophy…so Sandman decides to pour beers into it and drink out of it like the Stanley Cup. He drinks some and then asks who else wants some…and goes into the crowd to pour into some fans mouths.

 

As he goes up the ramp, a BIG FAT GUY in a suit attacks Sandman and throws him into the ring where he hits a senton.

 

“Excuse me…Excuse me” is heard over the PA and I MARK THE FUCK OUT AS DON CALLIS (Cyrus the Virus) IS IN TNA! He starts cutting a promo on Sandman and introduces the big man as Edward Chastain. Callis says that Hardcore wrestling, as well as the Sandman’s career is over! Chastain goes to hit Sandman with a garbage can, but Callis stops him to say that they should act more “Corporate”. YES~! He’s playing up the whole “Network” angle he did back in ECW…at least it seems that way. He then tosses the Hard 10 title in the garbage can, where it belongs! The only way I could have marked out anymore if is he gave us a random “RRRRRROOOOOLERJAM!!!!”

 

We now go to part 2 of Behind the Paint with Sting.

 

Tenay: Favorite opponent?

Sting (without hesitation): Ric Flair

 

Tenay: Favorite match?

Sting: (after some thinking) Great American Bash ‘90

 

Tenay: Dusty Rhodes

Sting: One of the most charismatic, if not the most charismatic wrestler ever. (I’ve got to say The Rock BLOWS him away.)

 

Tenay: Eric Bischoff

Sting: You got to give credit where credit is due. (Gives Bischoff credit for Nitro and WCW’s early success)

 

Tenay: Roddy Piper

Sting: Talented character

 

Tenay: Bret Hart?

Sting: Great Finishing Hold

 

Tenay: The Ultimate Warrior?

Sting: Very Bizzare

 

Tenay: Vince McMahon

Sting: Best chess player of all time

 

Tenay: Hulk Hogan

Sting: Best chess player of all time (both laugh). The Michael Jordan of wrestling.

 

Tenay: Randy Savage

Sting: One of my favorite characters of all time.

 

Tenay asks his thoughts on the Internet’s influence on wrestling. Sting says that there is good and bad. He stopped paying attention a while ago, even though people were writing good things about him. There’s so many people that want to “rip you up”, according to him. He says that people show him things that people say about him and the rest of the business, saying that’s all that some of them know how to do. “Why do you watch it? You watch it because you love it, so start talking positive about it. “

 

Next week: They discuss the Final Nitro.

 

In the back, Scott Hudson is in the back with Trinity…who’s wearing a scantily clad dress. Trinity says that she doesn’t owe anyone an explanation…and then gives one. She’s busted her ass for months only to be unappreciated. Russo made her realize that she doesn’t need the fans approval. She says that she’s got the whole package *coughexceptthefacecough*, but she doesn’t have to get her hands dirty anymore because Russo’s got bigger plans for her. She says that if D’Lo wants to play hide the Russo, then he’s got a New York surprise coming for him….

 

Tenay and West hype up next week’s show. Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn in a Last Man Standing Match. New Jack & Shark Boy vs. The Harris Brothers (DAMMIT!) and Jarrett vs. Legend.

 

AJ Styles vs. D’Lo Brown for the NWA World Title

 

Match Background: For weeks, the dream of both competitors was to be the NWA World Champion. Both went up against Jeff Jarrett and failed due to interference by S.E.X., so they joined forces and took on the SEX faction week after week in various tag team matches. They climbed up the ranks quickly as a fluid team, yet never lost sight of the big prize, the World Title. After they were in a pre-lim match, they expressed their feelings about the politics in TNA because they feel like they’ve been HHHeld down. They ended their partnership on good terms in order to focus their attention on the World Title…and in Week 47, they TORE THE HOUSE DOWN when they faced each other to see who got the shot against Jarrett. Raven ended up costing D’Lo the shot and AJ went on to win the NWA Title with the help of Vince Russo. D’Lo felt betrayed by this and demanded answers…but got into a brawl with AJ instead. They then had an impromptu cage match two weeks ago which ended when Russo interfered and AJ gave D’Lo the Styles Clash onto a steel chair. Last week, D’Lo made the save for Frankie Kazarian after a match with AJ and demanded a title shot. Russo agreed that AJ would give him one, but he’d be in the corner. D’Lo said that it was fine because he’d have an equalizer…so the stage is set for tonight’s NWA Title match.

 

The Match: Styles comes out to a cool looking new shirt. I want one, dammit. D’Lo has a new shirt as well with “Notorious DLB” on the back. I don’t care for that one.

 

Boxing Style intros by J.B.

 

D’Lo grabs the mic before the bell rings. He says that Russo has been running around TNA for quite some time now…so he’s not going to delay thing any further and brings out his equalizer. It’s revealed to be…Vince Russo in a cage and is placed on the top of the ramp. So much for new, incoming talent.

 

AJ leaps out of the ring to go unlock Vince, but D’Lo attacks him from behind. He tosses AJ into the cage and they brawl back into the ring. AJ trips D’Lo, but misses an elbowdrop and D’Lo attempts a roll up but AJ hangs on. Styles goes for a superkick, but its caught and he’s scooped and then slammed. Shaky Shaky Legdrop by D’Lo, but AJ blocks it by putting his arms up and retreats to the corner! I’ve never seen a counter to that…very cool.

 

AJ buries a knee into D’Lo’s midsection and puts on a side headlock. He tries to use the ropes to take D’Lo down, but he’s back suplexed instead. AJ goes to the outside and D’Lo follows and spears him into the steel guard rail! D’Lo whips AJ into the rail again…but AJ SLIDES UNDERNEATH IT and ends up in the crowd to avoid D’Lo! WOW!

 

D’Lo clotheslines him down and pulls him back in. D’Lo with a slingshot senton in the ring now for a two count. AJ misses a discus clothesline and D’Lo elevates the champ and Diamond Cuts him on the way down for two! AJ gets up and connects with a dropkick to the knee. D’Lo goes for the Sky High, but AJ ranas out of it and kicks him down. AJ knocks D’Lo to the outside and AJ goes flying over the top with a RUNNING MOONSAULT AND LANDS ON HIS FEET! There is NOTHING this man can’t do! It get a replay and rightfully so, dammit.

 

Back in the ring now, D’Lo tries to whip AJ into the corner, but he stops and tries to float over. D’Lo catches him and SLAMS him down hard to a pop and a “D’Lo” chant. A slugfest begins in the middle of the ring with D’Lo getting the power advantage. A BAAAAACK Body drop by D’Lo sets up a spinebuster and the Shaky Shaky Legdrop.

 

Trinity comes down to the ring and gets on the top turnbuckle facing the ring as the ref is with AJ in the far corner. He hits a twisting moonsault on D’Lo and AJ covers for a two count. AJ whips D’Lo in the corner and the ref is almost bumped…but D’Lo stops short. AJ goes for an enziguiri, but D’Lo ducks and THAT’s where the ref bites it. SKY HIGH~! D’Lo heads to the top and nails the LO DOWN~! Sonny Siaki comes into the ring and hits D’Lo with a walking cane! The Siakalypse! AJ goes to the top and hits the LO DOWN~! on D’Lo for the pinfall!

 

Winner: AJ Styles

 

After the match, Trinity and Siaki come in and put the boots to D’Lo. They unlock Russo and they lock D’Lo in the cage. They knock the cage over and Russo starts to smash it in with his bat as the show comes to a close…

 

My Opinion: This match doesn’t even compare to their first one on one match, but I think that’s because this match was much shorter and since both men were babyfaces the first time around, it was kept very evenly matched throughout. Still, this was smartly booked and it was good while it lasted. **1/2.

 

End of PPV…

 

Overall: Not a great show by any means as no matches were in the *** mark, but there were a few decent bouts. The skits for the most part made sense, but the Jarrett/Legend/Russo nonsense got to be a little too much for my liking. I’m absolutely in love with the Kazarian/Sabin feud because it’s being booked properly and Sabin is letting his dickish character come through. The main event picture is still up in the air as it seems that Russo’s faction is growing, so D’Lo may have to get some back up. The Raven/Douglas feud will be good, promo wise, but in the ring…it’ll suck AND blow at the same time. TNA desperately needs more tag teams too, so lets throw a couple more in there and round that out. DON F’N CALLIS is in TNA, which rocks in spades, so maybe the Hard 10 tournament really did have a purpose. Still the worst tourney ever. Oh well.

 

Remember…My birthday is coming, start saving up!

 

See you next week…

 

The Dames, Damian Gonzalez

 

Any fan mail, hate mail, questions, comments, ANYTHING…send it all to [email protected].