SJL Crimson Card - Saturday, April 13th

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

SJL Crimson Card

When the Ozone Layer burns, I'm Fucking Killing you two first, and it'll be Justified because I'll be Saving Air Due Date Saturday, April 13, 5 PM board time.

Venue: The Fleet Center, in Boston, Massachusetts!

 

Send all promos and Metal booking requests to Crusen, as he'll be posting the show!  Markers will be up after I get back from classes this afternoon, so hold on to your pants.

 

SINGLES DEBUT MATCH - send to crusen86

Cutthroat vs. Vanguard

-There's a new face of justice in town, and lo, its name is Vanguard.  The Dark Knight makes his JL debut against Cutthroat, who just may get a superhero ass-whoopin' if he's not careful...

WORD LIMIT: 3000

 

SINGLES MATCH - send to Suicide King

Frost vs. Kojack

-Neither man could take out T-Bone on Metal, but whoever gets a win here might see themselves getting back in the running for the Bonester's belt sometime soon...

WORD LIMIT: 3500

 

TV TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH - send to Thoth

Tod deKindes vs. "TNT" Taylor Nicholas Thompson

-Both men won in impressive form on Metal, and now they face off in a rematch of their debut to determine who will be the next man to face the Porterhouse King, T-Bone.  Will Deathwish show his face in TNT's business again?

WORD LIMIT: 3700

 

NO-DQ MATCH - send to HVilleThugg

Insane Luchador vs. "Deathwish" Danny Williams

-Williams drew welcome-wagon duty on Metal in a match against the returning Insane Luchador, and that dissolved into a horrid brawl.  Now the two men will fight again, but order has officially been removed: this match is no-disqualifications, and count-outs are not in effect.  Victory is by pinfall or submission, by any means necessary.  Let's see what happens...

WORD LIMIT: 4000

 

SINGLES MATCH - send to HVilleThugg

Poisyn vs. Ced Ordonez

-Matt Myers, now known as Poisyn, succesfully returned to the JL against Randy Turner in a find-the-briefcase match on Metal.  Now 5 dollars richer, Poisyn continues his hunt in a regular singles match.  Is Ced the man he's looking for?

WORD LIMIT: 4200

 

SUBMISSION MATCH - send to Suicide King

Z vs. Shawn Brody

-Brody's gone from being Tom Flesher's buddy to his worst enemy, and Z's gone from being an all-purpose whipping boy to a semi-competent sidekick.  The two will face off in a submission match.  All regular rules are in effect, except that the only way to win is to have your opponent tap out...or black out.

WORD LIMIT: 4500

 

EUROPEAN TITLE REMATCH - send to Suicide King

"The Superior One" Tom Flesher © vs. Mike Van Siclen

-Two weeks is coming fast, and Commissioner MacPhisto is not about to let MVS get away with the JL's funding.  Here's his rematch title shot...he'd better write for it.

WORD LIMIT: 4500

 

SINGLES MATCH - send to Thoth

Jacob Helmsley vs. Mafia

-It's a match we saw just a week ago, but hey, it was pretty cool.  Let's see it again, and see what impact Jacob's recent hijacking of Ash's girl and violence against everyone in the league has this time around.

WORD LIMIT: 5000

 

LADDER MATCH FOR THE SJL WORLD TITLE - send to crusen86

Erek Taylor © vs. Ash Ketchum vs. Stryke

-A match with tremendous build and tremendous possibilities!  The belt hangs 15 feet above the center of the ring.  Whoever pulls it down will be the champion, and have to face the wrath of Xero come Metal...

WORD LIMIT: 6001

 

And that's all that's fit to print!  Enjooooy!

[Guest hhh6294]

Mafia... New Jacob Helmsley Stats are updated on the Stats thread if you're going to show.

[Guest]

Good luck to ya all! Most of you are going to need it...even me. And I have made some important changes to my stats...

[Guest]

Wow, I get a day off. Being champion sure has its perks. Anyways, Crusen, do you want a promo or not? For Crimson I mean.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Promos are always cool, T-Bone.  I recommend you teach us all how to make a good steak while whooping ass at the same time.

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Hey, uh, Edwin?  I don't know if you got my PM on the spare boards, but I'm unable to write for the next 5-10 weeks... so, yeah...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

No, I haven't been to the spare boards any time lately.

 

Oh well.  Uh, Flesher, do whatever you want with that match now.  Turn it into a promo, write it, whatever you like.

[Guest CED Ordonez]

I'm going cross-eyed with frustration, so somebody settle the damn spelling of TAFKA Matt Myers's new name: Is it P-O-I-S-Y-N or P-O-S-I-Y-N ???

[Guest Suicide King]

Use Poisyn.  If it wasn't that before it is now.  I HAVE SPOKEN!

[Guest Insanityman]

Basically No-DQ means a chair shot, few cheap spots? Maybe a spot... anyways kick ass card. Good luck to all.

[Guest Ace309]

w00t

 

I've been toying with something in my mind that I wanted to do for a while, but it was too risky in a high-level match.

 

MVS, if I'm still champion, remind me to give you a title shot when you return.

 

Oh, wait. That's a ridiculous length of time.

 

GRUDGE MATCH BABY

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

That's the ticket, IL.  As markers have stated many times before, No-DQ generally doesn't mean "hardcore match but with pinfalls only in the ring."  Interpret the rules how you like, but just don't go powerbombing people through 14 stacked flaming tables with thumbtacks off of two stacked ladders on top of the SWFTron into a pit full dogs and bees and dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you.

 

Phew.

[Guest Coffin Surfer]

Quick question for IL.  What the hell is a toprope bulldog from the apron to the outside.  Do you mean a toprope bulldog to the outside(actually more like both men seated on the top rope, making it more like a second rope bulldog.) Since I have never seen two men actually stand on and jump from the top rope in a headlock bulldog position.  Let alone jump from the top rope to the outside in one.

 

Or do you mean a bulldog from the apron to the outside.  I have no idea, and I need more details on the spot.

[Guest]

Oh! You could give me the title shot if MVS won't take it! *Snicker snicker*

[Guest]

I just want to thank you guys for letting me be a part of this.  I can't wait to finally get started.

 

Cuttthroat, I'm changing stats as we speak.  Make sure you take a looksie.

 

And Coffin Surfer- I think what he means is a behind the head bulldog to the outside, victim standing on the apron, and executioner coming off of the top rope to hit it.  Sounds like a gruesome move.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

That's the ticket, IL.  As markers have stated many times before, No-DQ generally doesn't mean "hardcore match but with pinfalls only in the ring."  Interpret the rules how you like, but just don't go powerbombing people through 14 stacked flaming tables with thumbtacks off of two stacked ladders on top of the SWFTron into a pit full dogs and bees and dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you.

And a robotic Richard Simmons, he he.

 

Simpsons for life!

[Guest]

Note to Vanguard: Don't even try to wirte a match cause I'll lose any way!! Yep thats ringht!!

[Guest CED Ordonez]

Cutthroat: Not sure if you noticed, but your big ass logo is in Laker colors. It's nothing against you but, YOU DIE~!

 

::Final Surges Cutthroat onto red hot coals and thumbtacks then pours gasoline over him::

 

GO F'N KINGS~!

[Guest Insanityman]

Sorry, Deathwish it's from apron to outside.

[Guest midnight_burn]

Woo, super-dooper main event for me to write. And i'm not jobbing this one, that's for damn sure.

[Guest ErekT2k]

Ced, as an Anaheim native, I would like to say...........

 

GO KINGS!!

 

 

 

 

The LA Kings, that is.

 

Oh yeah, Go Lakers.

[Guest midnight_burn]

Kings suck, Lakers suck.

 

Blazers will win it all.

[Guest Zero_Cool]

Stryke must be from Oregon..

 

Pippen is a thug right now, and that bothers me.

 

Well since the Bulls are just..bad...go Mavs!!

 

I like pizza.

[Guest hhh6294]

Heh... My hometown boys will 0\/\//\/ j00 /\||!!!

 

 

 

GO \/\/0|\/35!!!!!!!!!!!

 

...moot!

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

GO BASKET TEAM

 

YAY SPORTZ!

[Guest realitycheck]

Bah, you all suck. Watch a real sport (hockey) and get back to me (after you watch hockey). Non hockey watching hosers.

 

Basketball sux0rs.

 

-Z

White. Canadian. You do the match.

(+1)

[Guest crusen86]

Cutthroat, if you don't remove that gigantic purple logo from your signature I will beat you senseless. And also assume you're gay with a panda.

[Guest CED Ordonez]

Everybody fears the Philippine Basketball Association's SAN MIGUEL BEERMEN!!!!. Or the PUREFOODS TJ HOTDOGS! And you WILL quiver in fear at the sight of the motherfucking SANTA LUCIA REALTORS!!!!

 

::quits smoking crack laced pot for a second::

 

...nevermind, the Realtors suck ass. YEAH BEERMEN~!

[Guest Ace309]

I'm so depressed. My Sabres didn't make the playoffs for the first time since 1996.

 

I guess I'm jumping on the New Jersey bandwagon extra-early this year. *sigh*

[Guest realitycheck]

Eh, the only thing I'll miss about the Sabres was the fact they could be counted on to show Philladelphia the door. The downside was I had to put up with everyone sucking up to Hasek.

 

But... New Jersey? New Jersey!? Dude, the least you could do is pull for the Islanders or the Senators or the Bruins! I mean, I know Jersey has problems finding people who cheer for them(or fill the seats, for that matter), but still...

 

Oh? This is the SJL forum? Uh... Erek rulesz u!!!!! He shioysld wiwin!!!!!!!!!!!!!11! chmp 4evr!!!!!!!! YOu all ssuckk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

-Z

Who would have to push Tom off if he jumped on the Toronto bandwagon, though. Hard.