411's Byte This Report: John Cena, Kane

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411's Byte This Report: John Cena, Kane

 

Possibly the only Byte This Report on the Net!

 

Hosts are Dr. Tom and Josh Matthews – who welcome us to the best internet show ever! Special guests today are Kane and John Cena, but the surprise is blown as Josh reveals Tazz as the star guest and Dr. Tom offers Josh a party in his mouth.

 

A generous episode of Byte This today as three WWE Originals CDs will be given away during the show! First question (and you at home can play along as well): What is the name of the producer of the WWE Originals CD?

 

The pimping of the RAW and Smackdown magazines is interrupted by the sound of a life support machine – which can only mean one thing! The wrestling dead have awoken from their shallow graves and have come to haunt Josh Matthews. And purely by coincidence – its Tazz, who begins by messing up a joke involving a tool, Josh and a pair of boxer shorts. Tazz’ pick for the Royal Rumble is the Big Show, not just because of his size, but due to events on this forthcoming Smackdown.

 

On Hardcore Holly vs. Brock Lesnar, Tazz believes Holly will eventually make a mistake and become overzealous. Although there is a chance that we might see a new champion. Holly could wear Brock down. The trick in the wrestling business is to never underestimate your opponent. Tazz sees Chavo getting one over Eddie. He sees the uncle as a glory hound and thinks that’s what Chavo hates.

 

Tazz believes it’s difficult for wrestlers to prepare for the Rumble, with Benoit and Goldberg being the exceptions – as they know their places. He’s looking forward to the Rumble, and the crazy Philly fans.

 

The answer to the first question was Jim Johnston and the winner of the WWE CD was Omar of New York! The second question is: who was the artist who performed the song “Don’t You Wish You Were Me?”

 

Fans in the UK will now be able to watch the Royal Rumble! Log onto royalrumble.com to find out how (hint. you need digital tv). Dr. Tom honours us with a rendition of “Don’t You Wish You Were Josh? No”.

 

We then watch John Cena’s debut against Kurt Angle from, um, a while back. Angle won’t accept Cena’s hand after the match. Bad. Joined by the man himself, who reveals that the album has been finished for two months and is a full, 18 track CD. Right now though, WWE wants to concentrate on the WWE Originals CD – but it will be released soon after. Cena also has his own DVD being released in February – which will contain his freestyles, some studio outtakes and a whole lotta other stuff.

 

On whether he has a girlfriend, Cena says he’s single, available and easy. Just say the word and he’s there. Jordan from Ontario wants to know where the inspiration for his street speak came from. Word Life – telling the truth. Thuganomics – that you can be a thug without being a drug dealer or other bad type of person. As for You Can’t See Me – Cena credits his brother, you adapted it from something he saw on MTV.

Josh from CA wants to know where the name FU came from. Cena says it came from the feud which catapulted him into the main event scene – with Brock Lesnar. Lesnar has the F5, Cena has the FU. James from Indiana wants to know how long it takes to come up with a rap. Most of the stuff that Cena wants to put in his raps are shot down by the censors – but he says it anyway.

 

Cena really enjoyed the trip to Baghdad, where he stayed in one of Sadham’s gutted palaces. It was awesome being in the main event as well – he got to perform one of his raps for the troops. He says he used to feel the pressure of being in the main event scene, but that it still hasn’t sunk in yet. Cena believes that once you become complacent to the position you are in then you will begin to slip.

 

Chris from Somewhere wants to know who Cena’s favourite hip hop artists are. He picks Freddie Fox, Jay Z, Cannabis (sp?), Eminem, Notorious BIG and 2Pac. On a possible appearance by Eminem at WrestleMania (where do these rumours get started?), Cena thinks he would get destroyed in a battle rap. Cena’s lost more battle raps than he’s won – but he’ll never back down from a challenge.

 

Cena pays for his outfits and is glad he has the luxury to show off his individual style. Advice for those trying to get into the wrestling business? Never give up, and realise sacrifices have to be made. Also, you will never get anywhere without busting your ass. Danny from England wants to know if there is any resentment backstage because of his quick rise to the main event scene. Cena’s not aware of any, and wouldn’t resent anyone himself regardless of their rise.

 

Cena would like to see Eddie win against Chavo. He has the experience and the fire to beat his nephew. Eddie’s a true veteran and has earned Cena’s respect. Cena is surprised to find out that Rico is in the Royal Rumble, but is excited to be in the same ring as him. They were tag team champions in OVW and Cena had good fun wrestling with him and felt they had good chemistry. Cena leaves.

 

The answer to the second question was Chris Jericho and the winner is Chris (not Jericho) from New York. Congratulations Chris! The third and final question: What was the last PPV to take place in the good city of Philadelphia?

 

As a bonus track on the WWE Originals CD, Josh Matthews sings the theme tune to Lassie!

 

Kane on the phone, who hasn’t been in a good mood for a while – but is looking forward to the Rumble in Sunday. He was also pleased to hear that he is one of the fifty greatest WWE Superstars ever. Kane is still angry though, as he nearly had the RAW Championship match wrapped up before the intervention of Evolution.

 

Yelda (yes, Yelda) from CA wants to know if this Kane is the real Kane. Kane reveals that Kane is in fact the real Kane, and there has been no other Kane. Just the one Kane then. Kane likens it to the times when fans thought there were at least 50 Undertakers and 50 Ultimate Warriors. Kane.

 

The Big Red Machine hasn’t heard anything about a possible appearance in a scary movie but believes he would give Freddie Krueger, Jason and Michael Myers a run for their money. Kane thinks Shane is a spoilt rich kid – but a tough one. If Kane respected anyone (which he doesn’t), he would respect Shane.

 

Here Kane makes the lamest joke ever about a plumber’s ass, which falls flatter than Stanley. It has to be heard to be believed. Actually, it’s not that good, but you should hear it anyway.

 

He wouldn’t put out a DVD or a book, as the type of stuff he would put in would land it in the wrong section of the shop. His favourite match was the First Blood against Steve Austin at King of the Ring, as being the world champion is something few manage to achieve.

 

Kane’s thoughts on the internet and its effects on Pro Wrestling? He’s not a big reader of the internet because most of the reporters write for themselves and their own egos. They have also exposed the business like it never should have been. There are a certain group of fans who exclude everyone else, try and be part of something they are not and don’t appreciate the effort the wrestlers put in.

 

Kane believes a tag team depends on its surrounding elements. If you find the right tag partner it can be like a marriage – but if you are stuck with the wrong one it can be hell.

 

Kane leaves.

 

Watch Smackdown on its last stop before the Royal Rumble in Philadelphia! Next week is a special “How to be a wrestler” edition with Danny Davis, Paul London and someone from the Real World! I can’t remember who!

 

End of Show.

[Lil' Bitch 0]

There are a certain group of fans who exclude everyone else, try and be part of something they are not and don’t appreciate the effort Mark Henry puts in.

 

I fixed it.