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Mystery Eskimo

OAOAST IntenseZone - 2/24/04

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We open on a darkened room. A shadow enters. In one corner of the room is a huge box like object. The camera zooms in, as the light comes up a little. The man is Dan Black. The box is the immense industrial freezer which will be used at Zero Hour in the Artic Freezer match. The top of the freezer is encrusted with ice.

 

Wearing his usual sharp suit, Dan slides a finger along the ice, and shivers, a look of twisted pleasure on his face, as the camera pans in on his cold, bitter grey eyes...

 

BOOM!

 

BOOM!

 

BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMABOOM!

 

PYRO~!

 

The lights go up on another packed out crowd, as we go live on air with another edition of:

 

intensezone.jpg

 

Cue: Some generic cowboy music

 

Good ol' JR, Jim Ross, comes walking down the aisle! JR waves to the fans who respond lethargically, before heading over to the announce table.

 

hid_ross.jpg

 

JR

Good evening, ladies and gentleman! I got myself an entrance! You like that? I thought so! Surveys have shown I am the number one attraction on IntenseZone! BAH GAWD! It's true! I asked my wife! Folks, we're just a few days away from Zero Hour, and what an event that will be! Tonight we have been promised the Adrenalin Title on the line, plus the final leg of the Lightning Crew gauntlet, and- hey, let's head backstage for another announcement!

 

(Show moves to Dan Black’s office where he’s meeting with Scott Lunde)

 

Dan: Hi Scott, what can I do for Intense Zone’s newest superstar?

 

Scott: I’ll tell you what you can do, you can give me a title shot tonight. I’m not going to sit around and wait months for what I know I can take.

 

Dan: Fine, I did promise you your shot if you came here. Tonight I’ll give you a chance to become the new OAOAST North American Champion. Now get out of my office, I’m a busy man.

 

Scott: Whatever you say boss

 

(Scott leaves the office with a cocky grin and walks down the hall back to his dressing room unaware that OAOASTimes Ace Reporter Gary Holmes was eavesdropping on the whole thing.)

 

JR

Shuffle vs Scott Lunde, here in this very ring! Lunde wasting no time in getting into it with the IntenseZone stars! Can he win a title in his very first match? And what was Gary Holmes doing back there?! It beats me folks, so let's head to the ring!

Edited by Mystery Eskimo

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As we return, we have a live shot of the ring, with Stephen Joseph and Reject already in the ring pacing around. The crowd looks agitated, they look agitated, and Stephen starts yelling for a mic. That's when the "Ice Heart" Dan Black steps up on the entrance ramp with a smirk on his face.

 

Dan Black

Hey Reject...How's Jennifer? Ole Buddy Stephen, you haven't tried to plant any new spies in my organization have you?

 

Reject/Stephen

Son of a ....

 

JR

That bastard Dan Black left Jennifer out cold and bleeding the last time we saw Reject. He's been at her side ever since!

 

Dan Black

No formalities, you're both probably wondering why you're out here. Yes? Well, I could give you a tag team title shot, but I don't like you. So, how about doing what you expect me to do? Hardcore Match, right now. You two. Start of IZ hot...maybe I might...approve.

 

Stephen

No.

 

Dan Black

You're not corporate anymore Stephen. I could fire you.

 

Reject

Man its not worth it.

 

Stephen

No.

 

JR

Stephen Joseph is standing firm in the ring, he refuses to fight his former partner in a hardcore match.

 

Dan Black

If you or Reject leaves without a pinfall and someone being bloody, I will fire both of you!!!

 

::The crowd murmurs in anticipation::

 

Stephen Joseph

You want blood Dan? ::Stephen starts pounding his hands into his forehead:: YOU WANT BLOOD DAN? Is this good enough for you?!

 

::Dan Black stands on the ramp, transfixed, a little disturbed::

 

Stephen Joseph

Nate, pin me.

 

Reject

Boss...?

 

Stephen Joseph

Pin. Me.

 

Dan Black

No! This isn't what I had in mind!

 

Reject lowers himself over Stephen and the referee slides in 1...2....3!

 

Stephen Joseph (with mic)

You. Dan Black. Rule over nothing. Not one wrestler here. Not one fan in the audience. Not yourself. You're a slave to ego. And Sunday, You'll get to confront this...face to mirror. Hey Reject...

 

Reject

Yo.

 

Stephen Joseph

Let's go catch Danny Wanny and see if he's in a mood for a threesome.

 

Reject

Hell yeah!

 

JR

Dan Black is taking off, and Stephen Joseph and Reject are in pursuit. What a way to start off iZ!

Edited by Mystery Eskimo

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:Cut to The Lightning Crew dressing room. The crowd starts booing the moment Colombian Heat is shown. Wearing his orange Lightning Crew tanktop and red t-shirt along with his orange baggy shorts and white sneakers with a black skull cap on his head, gold chain around his neck and clock also around his neck with a pierced ear, the second-in-command of The LC is pacing around the dressing room, biting his nails, jumping up and down and sweating. He is shaking in his sneakers as the rest of The Lightning Crew relax on their couches waiting for Puerto Rican Lightning to arrive.::

 

Colombian Heat:

Damn, yo. I freakin’ messed up last week. I lost to CRAPPA of all people, and now, PRL is gonna have to take on that jabrony in a match. This is all my fault, G.

 

Vitamin X:

Relax, Heat. It’s okay. Sure, you ruined the Lightning Crew Gauntlet. And sure, thanks to you screwing up, our leader, YOUR BEST FRIEND, must now take on that miserable fool in a match. And sure, if you had not stood there WHILE HE WAS CAPPING UP YOU COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING! But are we mad? No. We are not mad. Isn’t that right?

 

::The rest of The Lightning Crew all nod in agreement, albeit with hesitation.::

 

Colombian Heat:

But I think PRL is mad at me. He hasn’t talked to me since last week, and now he’s on his way to the arena. Oh man, oh man, I am in deep crap, now, yo. I don’t know how he is going to take this, lost, you know what I’m saying? He could be furious for all I know.

 

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:

You worry too much, Heat. Puerto Rican Lightning is a super nice guy. He cares about all his friends, EVEN IF THEY SCREW UP. I’m sure when PRL comes here, he will give you a hug, tell you it’s okay, and then we can move on like normal.

 

Colombian Heat:

You sure about that?

 

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:

Absolutely. Believe me, I know how he reacts to things.

 

Colombian Heat:

Hmph.

 

Vitamin X:

PRL’s coming in a few minutes, I think he has cooled off since then. Good luck.

 

Colombian Heat:

Thanks.

 

::Colombian Heat sits down and bites his nails, while the crowd boos and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!”::

 

::The camera cuts to backstage. Puerto Rican Lightning is shown walking with his black bag around his right shoulder carrying the Puerto Rican Championship belt on his left shoulder. He is wearing his Puerto Rico flag bandana, a white Lightning Crew t-shirt, and black baggy pants, with his wrestling boots on. The crowd boos the moment his face is shown. They begin chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” as PRL power walks with a look of rage on his face. He shoves several road agents away and curses underneath his breath. Lightning continues power walking as the camera fades out.::

 

JR:

There he is Puerto Rican Lightning. The Lightning Crew Gauntlet ended last week, and he does NOT appear to be in a good mood this week. We will find out what he will say after this break! We’ll be right back after these messages!

 

::FADE OUT::

 

::COMMERCIALS::

Edited by Mystery Eskimo

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(Cameras focus in the back where The Shuffle is sitting, going through his gym bag. Just then Ace Reporter Gary Holmes comes in)

 

Holmes: Ace Reporter Gary Holmes of the OAOASTimes here.

 

(Shuffle turns his head slowly and looks up at Holmes in confusion)

 

Holmes: Shuffle, care to share any words with the fans on your match later tonight with heldDOWN turncoat Scott Lunde?

(Holmes quickly places the mic in front of Shuffle)

 

Shuffle: All I have to say is that he picked the wrong guy for his first match tonight. I’m going to beat him within…

(Holmes pulls the microphone away quickly)

 

Holmes: How do you plan on going about beating Scott Lunde?

(Holmes quickly places the mic back in front of Shuffle)

 

Shuffle: I’m just going to go out there, stay focused and when Scott least expe…

(Holmes quickly pulls the mic away again)

 

Holmes: There you have it, a very focused Shuffle. Ready for his match later on tonight with new comer Scott Lunde!

(Holmes leaves and Shuffle sits there with his jaw still wide open waiting for his chance to finish)

 

::The camera cuts back to The Lightning Crew dressing room. The Lightning Crew are relaxing except for Colombian Heat who is standing up awaiting PRL’s appearance. The crowd boos loudly.::

 

Colombian Heat:

He’s here in the arena. PRL should be here in just a few seconds.

 

Vitamin X:

He may not be in a bad mood, so you should be careful.

 

Colombian Heat:

Yo, I am never scared.

 

::Just then, the door opens wide. The camera pans over to Puerto Rican Lightning standing in the doorway, fuming. Colombian Heat freaks out, but then composes himself and begins to speak.::

 

Colombian Heat:

Hey! Puerto Rican Lightning! What up dog?

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

Don’t you “What Up Dog?” me you son-of-a-bitch!

 

::PRL drops his bag and Puerto Rican Championship belt and rushes towards Colombian Heat. Heat tries to back away as slowly as he can, but PRL rushes towards him.::

 

Colombian Heat:

Wait, PRL, I can explain! I can explain! PLEASE LET ME EXPLAIN! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

::Puerto Rican Lightning shoves Colombian Heat to a wall. He continually smashes Heat’s head against the wall. Heat screams like a girl and becomes dizzy.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH! YOU CAUSE ME THE LIGHTNING CREW GAUNTLET! NOW, THANKS TO YOU I MUST FACE THE MAD CRAPPA FOR THE PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU! I BLAME YOU FOR ALL OF THIS! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

 

Colombian Heat (struggling to breathe):

NO, WAIT! AAAAHHHHH!!! P.R.! AAAAAAHHHHHH! BUDDY! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! HOMIE! AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! LET ME EXPLAIN! AAAAAHHHHHHHH! I’M SORRY! AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

::The Lightning Crew all get up and try to pull PRL back. PRL is furious, but Colombian Heat is dizzy. They finally succeed in pulling him off.::

 

Vitamin X:

Now come down, calm down. P.R., just calm down for a sec. Hold yourself together, he is one of us. He is NOT The Mad Cappa, he is one of us. Now calm down, calm down.

 

Colombian Heat:

Aw, thank you, X-Man.

 

Vitamin X:

AND AS FOR YOU!

 

::Vitamin X shoves Colombian Heat back into the wall. He smashes his head against the wall several times. Colombian Heat continues screaming and begging for mercy while The Lightning Crew all try to pull X off of Heat.::

 

Vitamin X:

HOW DARE YOU MAKE OUR LEADER LOSE! HOW DARE YOU MAKE OUR WONDERFUL LEADER TAKE ON THE MAD CRAPPA! HOW DARE YOU LOSE TO MAD CAPPA! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

 

Colombian Heat:

OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!

 

::Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez pulls Vitamin X off.::

 

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:

That’s enough. That’s enough! Let him go! He’s had enough!

 

::Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez smashes Colombian Heat’s head against the wall.::

 

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:

YOU BASTARD! THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO SUCH A THING! I HATE YOU! NOW MY BOYFRIEND MUST TAKE ON MAD CAPPA! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

 

Colombian Heat:

LET ME EXPLAIN! OW! OW! LET ME EXPLAIN! OW! OW! OW!!!

 

::Thomas Rodriguez pulls Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez off of Colombian Heat. He beats on him.::

 

Thomas Rodriguez:

YOU STUPID IDIOT! YOU STUPID BASTARD! YOU DUMMY!!!

 

::Spanish Fly pulls Thomas Rodriguez off of Colombian Heat. Spanish Fly dropkicks Colombian Heat in the face. He spits on him. PROTOTYPE: The PERFECT Lightning Crew Member pulls Spanish Fly off of Colombian Heat. He chokes Colombian Heat on the wall. Cuban Wall pulls PROTOTYPE: The PERFECT Lightning Crew Member off of Colombian Heat.::

 

Cuban Wall:

OKAY! OKAY! MY TURN! MY TURN! LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM!

 

::Cuban Wall smashes Colombian Heat’s head on the wall. Wall beats on Heat and kicks his ass. Mr. Boricua pulls Cuban Wall off.::

 

Colombian Heat:

Oh no.

 

::Mr. Boricua does a double chokehold on Colombian Heat. Heat gasps for air and turns blue in the face while Mr. Boricua grunts snorts and yells at Colombian Heat. The Lightning Crew tries to pull him off, but he still holds on. The crowd laughs at Colombian Heat’s pain.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

OKAY! LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO!

 

::Mr. Boricua lets him go. Colombian Heat coughs a lot and begs for air, and then slides on the wall. He coughs a lot as PRL pulls him back up.::

 

Colombian Heat (gasping for air):

P.R., I’m sorry. I screwed up. I messed up. I’m sorry. I screwed up. Please forgive me. Please, please forgive me. Show me some mercy!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

Okay.

 

Colombian Heat:

Oh, thank you. Thank you!

 

PRL:

BUT I’M STILL PISSED OFF! I am legally binded to one more match against The Mad Cappa. I have no other choice. THANKS A LOT HEAT!!! Now, I have no other choice but to do this stupid match.

 

Colombian Heat:

Well, I checked the contract, and you aren’t going to like it.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

Give me that!

 

::Puerto Rican Lightning grabs the contract and looks over it. He groans and slaps the contract over his head. He throws the contract away.::

 

PRL:

Well there’s nothing I can do. If I back out, I can get sued by The Mad Cappa for millions of dollars. And I DO NOT want that. So, I guess I…Have…To…Fight…The…Mad…Cappa.

 

::The crowd pops.::

 

Colombian Heat:

Once again, I’m sorry, G.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

Eh. Well, I guess I better go out there and confront him, myself. Let’s do it right now. AND NEXT TIME, HEAT, I WON’T BE SO NICE! Come on, let’s go!

 

::The Lightning Crew all leave. Colombian Heat stops and saids.::

 

Colombian Heat:

That didn’t hurt THAT much…ouch. ::COUGH::

 

JR:

It looks like we’re going to find out the date for The Mad Cappa/Puerto Rican Lightning match! I can’t wait!

 

COMMERCIALS

Edited by Mystery Eskimo

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JR:

Folks, last week on IntenseZone, The Lightning Crew Gauntlet, set up by the Puerto Rican Champion, Puerto Rican Lightning ended after a 2 month run. And it ended the way it should have ended, with a Mad Cappa victory. Let us take you back to the end of The Lightning Crew Gauntlet. The Mad Cappa vs. Colombian Heat with Puerto Rican Lightning on commentary.

 

::The IntenseZone logo flashes by on the screen. The Lightning Crew Gauntlet logo flashes by on the screen. A caption, in big, white blocky letters reads “LAST WEEK ON INTENSEZONE”. Cut to the end of The Mad Cappa/Colombian Heat match with PRL on commentary.::

 

Heat hits Cappa some more and then picks him up and sends him into the ropes. The Mad Cappa goes for the clothesline, but Heat ducks, stops, and kicks The Mad Cappa in the gut. The crowd explodes with boos and stands up in anticipation as Colombian Heat gets behind The Mad Cappa and grabs his arms. He lifts The Mad Cappa and screams loudly. The crowd boos as Colombian Heat screams and drops The Mad Cappa with the Colombian Necktie to a loud pop but it devolves to boos. Colombian Heat breathes a huge sigh of relief.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

YES!!! YES!!! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!!! THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE!!! THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE!!! THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE HAS JUST BEEN PUT ON THE MAD CAPPA!!! THE SAME MOVE THAT COLOMBIAN HEAT PINNED THE MAD CRAPPA WITH IS THE SAME MOVE THAT WILL END THE LIGHTNING CREW GAUNTLET!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAHAAAAAA!!! I AM LOVING THIS! I AM LOVING THIS!

 

JR:

The Mad Cappa has just suffered the Colombian Necktie! A move that no one has kicked out of since Colombian Heat joined the OaOasT!

 

PRL:

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAA!!! THE MATCH IS NOW OVER!!! THE MATCH IS ABOUT TO END!!! THE LIGHTNING CREW GAUNLTET IS OVER!!! THE LIGHTNING CREW GAUNLTET IS ABOUT TO END WITH THE MAD CAPPA NOT RECIEIVNG THE MATHC HE WANTS!!! THIS WILL BE A HAPPY ENDING! HAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!! THE MAD CAPPA IS ABOUT TO SUFFER A P.R. NIGHTMARE!!! THE MATCH IS OVER!!!

 

JR:

It looks like the match is about to end! Colombian Heat hit the Colombian Necktie!

 

The crowd boos loudly, very loudly chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” as Colombian Heat smiles evilly and poses for the crowd. Some people throw garbage in his direction, but Heat doesn’t notice.

 

JR:

The Lightning Crew Gauntlet could be over at this very moment!

 

PRL:

Of course it will, Jim Ross! Now I can relax and worry about other things because Cappa will have no choice but to NOT fight me!

 

Colombian Heat covers The Mad Cappa. The crowd boos loudly, but the referee counts.

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 ½

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 2/4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 ¾

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.9999999999999999999999

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-----NO!!!! THE MAD CAPPA KICKS OUT OF THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE!!! THE CROWD EXPLODES!!! COLOMBIAN HEAT IS SHOCKED AND NOW WORRIED CLUTCHING HIS FOREHEAD!!!

 

JR:

AND OH MY GAWD~!!! THE IMPOSSIBLE JUST HAPPENED!!!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

WHAT!?!!!! WHAT!? WHAT?!!! NO!!! IT CAN’T BE!!! IT—IT—IT CAN’T—IT JUST CAN’T BE!!! DID THE MAD CRAPPA JUST KICK OUT OF THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE? DID THE MAD CRAPPA JUST KICK OUT

OF COLOMBIAN HEAT’S FINISHING MOVE? DID THE MAD CAPPA JUST NOT GET PINNED BY COLOMBIAN HEAT AFTER USING THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE? THE SAME MOVE THAT DEFEATED CRAPPA LAST WEEK IS THE SAME MOVE THAT HE KICKS OUT OF THIS WEEK?

 

JR:

THE MAD CAPPA HAS JUST MADE A COMEBACK IN THE MOST IMPORTANT MATCH IN THE LIGHTNING CREW GAUNTLET!!!

 

The crowd is now standing up and cheering like crazy.

 

JR:

COLOMBIAN HEAT HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO NOW!

 

PRL:

OF COURSE HE DOESN’T! EVERYONE IS SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN FOLLOWING THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE! INSTEAD, HE HAS TO CONTINUE THE MATCH KNOWING THAT THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE DID NOT WORK! IF THE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE, IF THE VERTIBREAKER DID NOT WORK, THEN WHAT THE HELL WILL?

 

JR:

PERHAPS YOU HAVE UNDERESTIMATED THE MAD CAPPA’S WILL TO WIN?

 

PRL:

NEVER!

Colombian Heat becomes worried and looks at PRL for help.

 

PRL:

I DON’T KNOW! HIT HIM!

 

Colombian Heat punches The Mad Cappa in the face, but The Mad Cappa is unaffected by the punch and stands on one knee. Colombian Heat becomes worried, but he punches him in the face again. The Mad Cappa kneels in front of Colombian Heat and dares him to punch him again. Heat does so, so The Mad Cappa stands up and yells in his face. The crowd stands up and goes crazy cheering and chanting “MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!” as Cappa shakes in the ring walking around, dancing and jumping up and down as only he can. He is “Cap-ping Up”.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

What the hell is he doing? What is he Hulk Hogan or something?

 

JR:

He is not Hulk Hogan! He is The Mad Cappa! This is the OaOasT. You will not find no Nathan Jones, no Triple H’s, no Mark Henry’s, and no John Heidenreich’s here!

 

PRL:

And that really makes you sad, right?

 

JR:

… Yes.

 

PRL:

Don’t just stand there like an imbecile, Heat! HIT HIM!

 

JR:

The Mad Cappa is “Cap-ping Up!” The Mad Cappa is the “Comeback Kid.” He came back from a career-threatening injury. He came back from numerous LC beatdowns. And now he is coming back in this matchup.

 

Colombian Heat punches The Mad Cappa in the face again. Cappa no-sells it and smiles. The crowd cheers as Cappa punches Colombian Heat in the face two times, dances, and then drops him to the mat with the IMPACT~!

 

JR:

IMPACT has taken Colombian Heat down!

 

PRL:

Ugh. Oh no! Oh God no! Please don’t tell me it ends like this! Please don’t tell me it ends with The Mad CRAPPA winning. Oh no. Oh God no! I don’t even want to think about something that horrible!

 

The Mad Cappa picks up Colombian Heat and whips him into the ropes. Colombian Heat goes for a clothesline, but Cappa ducks, and hits the Fall From Grace to a big pop.

 

JR:

The Fall From Grace!

 

PRL:

Come on! Come on! Get up! GET UP! HEAT GET UP! GET UP!!!

 

The Mad Cappa stops to dance for a bit and then stares a hold into Puerto Rican Lightning. The crowd is going crazy chanting “CAP-PA! CAP-PA! CAP-PA! CAP-PA!” as Cappa smiles and heads to the top rope with Colombian Heat lying on the mat.

 

PRL:

UGH! HE IS NOW STEALING MY MOVE! MY MOVE! I INVENTED THE TOP ROPE LEGDROP! I INVENTED IT! THAT IS MY SIGANTURE MOVE! THE MAD CAPPA CRUSHER 2003 IS MY OWN MOVE!

 

JR:

Regardless, Cappa is now going up for the Legdrop. And it connects!

 

The Mad Cappa goes for the cover.

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three---COLOMBIAN HEAT KICKS OUT!!!

 

PRL:

Whew. That was a close one right there.

 

JR:

Heat continues to take a beating from The Mad Cappa. Irish Whip to the ropes. SPINEBUSTER!

 

The crowd stands up and cheers very, very loudly as The Mad Cappa stands over Colombian Heat and gets an idea.

 

PRL:

Oh no! Don’t tell me he is going to do what I think he is going to do, is he?

 

JR:

He is, P.R.! I think he is!

 

The Mad Cappa stands over Colombian Heat and gets in position to deliver the Puerto Rico Elbow. He takes off his shirt to ladies squeals, and throws it to the crowd. He does some weird hand signals, and a little shimmy, then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Colombian Heat, and leaps over the other ropes.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

This is my move! THAT MOVE IS COPYRIGHTED! I SHOULD SUE THE MAD CRAPPA FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT! I SHOULD SUE THE MAD CRAPPA FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!

 

The Mad Cappa does a little dance, which causes the crowd to pop some more and does the Puerto Rico Elbow to a loud pop.

 

JR:

The Puerto Rico Elbow connects on Colombian Heat!

 

The Mad Cappa points at Puerto Rican Lightning and trash talks with him. Lightning and Cappa engage in another staredown. Their faces become fill with rage as the two archrivals engage in a heated yelling contest with the crowd standing up and going crazy. PRL stands up from his chair and sneers at Cappa.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

You got no chance Mad Cappa. You hear that, NO CHANCE! NO CHANCE IN HELL! IN HELL! IN HELL!

 

The Mad Cappa continues yelling with PRL when suddenly the crowd’s cheers turn to boos. Cuban Wall runs into the ring and goes after Cappa.

 

PRL:

And here comes the reinforcements!

 

Before Cuban Wall can attack, The Mad Cappa notices him and ducks his clothesline attempt. The Mad Cappa punches Cuban Wall twice, dances, and then does the IMPACT~! Onto Cuban Wall. Cuban Wall gets back up and they continue brawling while Colombian Heat struggles to get up. The Mad Cappa kicks Cuban Wall in the gut…and he receives the BUST A CAP to a loud pop. Wall crawls out of the ring.

 

PRL:

DAMNIT! SEND MORE OUT HERE! SEND MORE OUT HERE! GANG UP ON HIM! GANG UP ON HIM!

 

Spanish Fly, Vitamin X, and Thomas Rodriguez head into the ring. Meanwhile, Heat crawls out of the ring and calls to the timekeeper’s table.

 

JR:

The LC is ganging up on Mad Cappa.

 

The crowd boos loudly as Fly, X, and Rodriguez send Cappa to the mat. Vitamin X picks up Cappa and goes for a punch, but Cappa blocks it, and gives Vitamin X the BUST A CAP to a big pop.

 

PRL:

NO!!!

 

TMC elbows Spanish Fly and Thomas Rodriguez. Cappa punches Thomas out of the ring, and he gives Spanish Fly the BUST A CAP to another loud pop. Fly leaps up and falls back first down to the mat.

 

JR:

Mad Cappa is now decimating the Lightning Crew!

 

PRL:

Not for long!

 

JR:

Wait a minute, what does Colombian Heat have?

 

Spanish Fly exits the ring as Mr. Boricua and PROTOTYPE: The PERFECT Lightning Crew Member enter. Colombian Heat grabs his pimp cane and slowly crawls back into the ring. TMC fights off Boricua and PROTOTYPE with the IMPACT to both men. The crowd is still going crazy as the rest of The Lightning Crew lie around the ringside area. Cappa clotheslines PROTOTYPE over the top rope and gives Mr. Boricua the BUST A CAP to a loud pop. Boricua exits the ring when suddenly, Colombian Heat smashes his pimp cane across Mad Cappa’s back causing it to break. The crowd boos loudly as Mad Cappa falls to the mat.

 

JR:

BAWD GAWD WHAT A SHOT FROM THAT—THAT PIMP CANE!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

AND THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

 

The crowd boos loudly and chants “HEAT SUCKS! HEAT SUCKS! HEAT SUCKS! HEAT SUCKS!” but Colombian Heat doesn’t care and just raises some gang signs. He trash talks to the crowd and grabs his testicles, and then laughs his evil laugh while The Mad Cappa recovers from the cane shot. He dances a bit and spits at the crowd. He flips the crowd up and picks up Cappa slapping him in his face.

 

JR:

What a shot of disrespect from Colombian Heat!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

And now it is finally going to happen! The Mad Cappa will finally lose! The Lightning Crew Gauntlet will end! Colombian Heat will make The Lightning Crew proud! Go, HEAT, GO! GO, HEAT, GO! GO COLOMBIAN HEAT!

 

JR:

This does NOT look good for The Mad Cappa. He is still feeling the effects of that pimp cane shot and who knows how stable his back is? Colombian Heat can take the advantage and win the match ending The Mad Cappa’s dreams of getting a match against Puerto Rican Lightning!

 

PRL:

That’s not going to happen any night!

 

JR:

This is—this—this is just—just too depressing to watch. Cappa is one his knees, being carried around by Colombian Heat.

 

PRL:

It’s all over, Cappa. It’s all over. All your dreams. Your hopes. Your future. It is all about to fade away. Face it, Cappa. You’re nothing. NOTHING! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!

 

The crowd continues booing loudly and chanting “HEAT SUCKS! HEAT SUCKS! HEAT SUCKS! HEAT SUCKS!” and “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” and throw garbage into the ring as Colombian Heat picks up the tired, in pain, fatigued, sweaty, breathing heavily, dazed, and confused Mad Cappa. Heat spits in the crowd’s direction as he stands Mad Cappa up.

 

JR:

This doesn’t look good for Mad Cappa.

 

But then, in a burst of energy, The Mad Cappa kicks Colombian Heat in the gut, and gives him the BUST A CAP to a loud, humongous pop.

 

JR:

AND WHAT THE? WHAT THE? OH MY! OH MY GAWD~!!! THE BUST A CAP! THE BUST A CAP!!! THE MAD CAPPA HAS JUST HIT THE BUST A CAP ON COLOMBIAN HEAT!!! HE HIT THE BUST A CAP OUT OF NOWHERE! NOWHERE!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

WHAT? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! COME ON LIGHTNING CREW! GET UP! GET UP LIGHTNING CREW! COME ON LC! COME ON AND GET UP! DAMNIT! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!!!

 

The crowd goes wild as Colombian Heat falls to the mat back first and acts like he is in a seizure. The Mad Cappa smiles and covers Colombian Heat.

 

JR:

COVER HIM!

 

PRL:

NO! NO!!! IT CAN’T END LIKE THIS! IT JUST CAN’T!!! IT JUST CAN’T END LIKE THIS!!! NO!!!

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!

 

 

*DING DING DING*

 

JR:

CAPPA DID IT! CAPPA DID IT! MAD CAPPA! MAD CAPPA! MAD CAPPA! MAD CAPPA!!!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Gary Michael Cappatetta:

Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match, and WINNER of The Lightning Crew Gauntlet, and will NOW be receiving a shot at the Puerto Rican Championship against Puerto Rican Lightning, THE MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD CAPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A!!!!

 

::”Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” by DJ Kool begins playing again. The Mad Cappa smiles a wide smile and gets his arms raised by the referee. Colombian Heat is still lying on the mat, struggling to get up, while the rest of The Lightning Crew walk to the entrance, all in pain. PRL stands up and throws a temper tantrum at the announcer’s table. The Mad Cappa gets the crowd hyped up, waving his hands in the air and climbing the turnbuckles, getting the crowd to cheer louder and louder. The crowd is going crazy chanting “MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!” as Cappa smiles and yells out “I GOT MY SHOT! I GOT MY SHOT!”::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I agreed to this stupid Gauntlet!

 

JR:

Well it’s too late now to back out of it. You are LEGALLY BINDED to a one-on-one match against The Mad Cappa. And there is NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO BACK OUT OF THIS MATCH! YOU HEAR THAT, P.R.? NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!! NOTHING—

 

PRL:

SHUT UP! I GOT IT! I GOT IT! As much as I hate to say it, The Mad Cappa did what I wanted him to do. He defeated all 8 members of The Lightning Crew. I gotta give him propz for at least doing that.

 

::”Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” continues playing as The Mad Cappa continues standing in the ring smiling, dancing, and jumping up and down. Cappa makes the international “I-Want-The-Belt-Around-My-Waist” hand motion and puts one finger in the air symbolizing his match against PRL. The crowd cheers.::

 

PRL (distraught):

Aw, shut up, you stupid fans!

 

JR:

You said it couldn’t be done. You signed the contract and made it legally binding because you thought that The Mad Cappa couldn’t defeat every member of The Lightning Crew. You thought he couldn’t defeat Mr. Boricua. You were proven wrong. You thought he couldn’t defeat Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. You were proven wrong. You thought he couldn’t defeat Cuban Wall and PROTOTYPE in a Handicap Match. You were proven wrong. You thought he couldn’t defeat Colombian Heat or Vitamin X. You were proven wrong. For 2 months, The Mad Cappa has proved you wrong week in and week out. And now you must pay the price. You WILL defend your Puerto Rican Championship against The Mad Cappa. The question is at what date will this one-on-one match happen and it WILL happen.

 

PRL:

SHUT UP JR! DON’T MAKE ME SEND PROTOTYPE AFTER YOU AGAIN! I GOT TO THINK! THIS IS SOMETHING I DID NOT EXPECT! I EXPECT CAPPA TO GO DOWN IN A BLAZE OF GLORY! I DID NOT ACTUALLY EXPECT HIM TO WIN THE DAMN LIGHTNING CREW GAUNTLET!!! I SET THIS UP BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WOULD LOSE AND I COULD GET HIM OUT OF MY HAIR! WELL NOW, THIS IS SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEW TO ME! I NEED TIME TO THINK!

 

JR:

When will the match take place?

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

WILL YOU SHUT UP? I NEED TIME TO SORT THINGS OUT!

 

JR:

AW, KISS MY ASS!!!

 

PRL:

No thank you! Now, if you’ll excuse, I need to get my things together. I need to think about the date of the match. The stipulations. And I got to confront Colombian Heat and The Lightning Crew for FAILING ME IN THIS GAUNLET! I AM VERY ANGRY AT COLOMBIAN HEAT RIGHT NOW AND HE WILL HEAR FROM ME NEXT WEEK! HE HAS A WEEK TO RUN, BECAUSE NEXT WEEK I WILL PUNISH HIM FOR FAILING ME THIS WEEK!!! COLOMBIAN HEAT WILL GET PUNISH NEXT WEEK!!!

 

::Colombian Heat slowly leaves the ring. He is shocked that he lost and is sad. The Mad Cappa is still in the ring celebrating.::

 

PRL:

Next week, all the questions will be answered. I will punish Colombian Heat. I will address the crowd about the end of the Lightning Crew Gauntlet. And I will reveal the date of the PRL/Mad Cappa Puerto Rican Championship Match.

 

JR:

Next week looks to be a barnburner! The Lightning Crew Gauntlet has finally ended this week, and it was won by The Mad Cappa! Way to go Cappa! Way to go!

 

PRL:

SHUT UP!

 

::”Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” by DJ Kool begins playing again. The Mad Cappa heads to a turnbuckle and poses to a loud pop. The Mad Cappa looks directly at Puerto Rican Lightning and gives him a mean look. Puerto Rican Lightning looks at The Mad Cappa and sneers. He stands up and grabs his Puerto Rican Championship belt and raises it for Cappa to see. He points to it while Cappa continues staring a hole in him.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

No Chance. No Chance. No Chance In Hell. Do you hear that? DO YOU HEAR ME YOU BASTARD? THERE IS NO CHANCE IN HELL THAT YOU WILL EVER BEAT ME!!! NOT A CHANCE IN HELL THAT YOU WILL WIN THE PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

 

::Puerto Rican Lightning stands up on top of the announcer’s table and raises his Puerto Rican Championship belt in Mad Cappa’s direction. He yells at Mad Cappa.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

NO CHANCE IN HELL!!! YOU HEAR THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH?!!! NO CHANCE IN HELL!!! NO CHANCE IN HELL!!! YOU WILL NEVER BEAT ME!!! NEVER!!! NEVER!!! NO CHANCE IN HELL!!! NO CHANCE IN HELL!!! No chance in hell! No chance in hell!!! NONE!!! No chance in hell!!!

 

::The IntenseZone and OaOasT logos flash by on the screen. The Lightning Crew Gauntlet logo flashes by and the camera cuts back to Jim “JR” Ross.::

 

JR:

And it is because of this, that we now head to tonight, with Puerto Rican Lightning expected to reveal the date for the PRL/Mad Cappa match. As you just saw, PRL is NOT pleased at all that Colombian Heat lost the match last week and I can’t blame him. PRL is afraid of The Mad Cappa and KNOWS that he can’t back out of this. This match MUST happen. The question now is just when? Well, PRL said he was coming out here to reveal the answer, but where—

 

::A deep, slow voiced man saids "LIGHTNING CREW". The AngleTron lights up with an image of Puerto Rican Lightning on it. The crowd boos the moment his face is shown. The image of a smiling PRL changes to another image of PRL raising the Puerto Rican Championship belt after a match. The crowd continues booing waiting for Puerto Rican Lightning to show up. As the AngleTron shows image after image of PRL, music is being played in the background. The music is slow and mellow sounding like the opening to a classical song. A man whispers the words "Chance" throughout the opening. On the AngleTron, the image changes to an image of PRL choked up. Follow by PRL being very very angry. Follow by PRL crying. Finally, the last image is of Puerto Rican Lightning smiling in a psychotic matter. The music swells, the crescendo hits, the AngleTron switches to a waving Puerto Rico flag with, in big white blocky letters, LIGHTNING CREW appearing in front of it. A lightning bolt hits the entrance. Fog fills up the entrance as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Boyds begins playing. The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron as the crowd boos waiting for PRL to arrive.::

 

JR:

It looks like Puerto Rican Lightning is coming out here right now! And we will now find out just when The Mad Cappa/Puerto Rican Lightning match will happen.

 

::The crowd chants "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" until finally, Puerto Rican Lightning steps through the fog and smoke and the flickering lights, and smiles evilly. The crowd boos PRL loudly, chanting "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" but PRL does not listen. He laughs, looks at his Lightning Crew, and then orders them to walk with him to the ring.::

 

JR:

PRL is out here with The Lightning Crew. Just a few moments ago he scolded Colombian Heat for losing. And as we just found out, the contract is legally binding so there is nothing PRL can do to escape this match.

 

::Puerto Rican Lightning walks to the ring with a solemn look on his face mixed with anger. The rest of the LC are unhappy especially Colombian Heat, who is rubbing his head and is sad as "No Chance In Hell" continues to play. The crowd continues booing him, some even throwing garbage in his direction. PRL jaws with some fans at ringside and flips them off.::

 

JR:

The Lightning Crew aren’t coming to the ring their usual selves.

 

::PRL enters the ring with an angry look on his face. He is chewing gum with a solemn look on his face. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez holds the ropes for the rest of the LC and then enters herself. The crowd continues booing and chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” as PRL grabs a microphone. The Lightning Crew stand in the ring depressed as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Boyds comes to an end. The crowd is still booing chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!”::

 

JR:

These fans not really appreciative of Puerto Rican Lightning. Tha Puerto Rican not in the mood to receive “P.R. SUCKS!” chants, but is he ever?

 

::PRL looks at the crowd, still chewing his gum. The crowd is still booing and chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PRL chats with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and the crowd finally quiets down. Puerto Rican Lightning speaks.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

You know, over the weekend, I found out that I will be apart of HeldDOWN’s little Super X Cup Tournament at Zero Hour: Night of the X. I will be taking on some dude named Black Diamond who I never heard of. Have you heard of him, Colombian Heat?

 

Colombian Heat:

No, G, I ain’t got no idea who he is.

 

PRL:

What about you, Vitamin X?

 

Vitamin X:

No sir, I do not know him.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

And you, Lindsay?

 

Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez:

No, PRL. I haven’t gotten the slightest clue who he is.

 

PRL:

Well, that’s nice. It most likely means that I don’t got to worry about him. Now, I can’t say this does NOT flatter me. I am VERY glad that HeldDOWN was able to recognize what IntenseZone and you fans couldn’t. That I, Puerto Rican Lightning, am without a shadow of a doubt, the GREATEST WRESTLER in the world today and quite possibly, of all-time. That I, Puerto Rican Lightning, am talented, charismatic, handsome, “gifted”, and all around great. That I, Puerto Rican Lightning, am the MOST ELECTRFYING MAN IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING TODAY, AND THAT’S THE TRUTH, RUTH!

 

::The fans start booing again. PRL sneers at the crowd while the crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” The Lightning Crew all applaud PRL and smile. PRL kisses Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez.::

 

JR (disgusted):

This is making me sick.

 

PRL:

However, if you want my thoughts on this Super X Cup, then tune into HeldDOWN this Thursday night, because YOUR Puerto Rican Champion, Puerto Rican Lightning will make his very first appearance on that show with a few words for the competitors of the Super X Cup Tournament.

 

JR:

Did PRL just advertise the competitions show?

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

But enough about that, let’s talk about the thing that has been on my mind ever since last week. And that is The Lightning Crew Gauntlet.

 

::POP!::

 

PRL:

Namely, the end of the Lightning Crew Gauntlet, which saw The Mad CRAPPA defeat Colombian Heat.

 

::Loud pop.::

 

JR:

That is true. Tha Puerto Rican now must take on The Mad Cappa for the Puerto Rican Championship.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

Now, according to the contract I signed with IZ General Manager Dan Black, I am legally binded to a one-on-one matchup against The Mad Cappa. Now, I already confronted Colombian Heat about losing and everything is cool with us.

 

::Colombian Heat smiles and then frowns.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

But, I’m sure The Mad CRAPPA is in the back, dancing up a storm, eating vitamins, drinking milk, kissing babies, and doing all that crap that was stale in the early 90s. Now, I KNOW that you don’t have as much intelligence as I do. I KNOW that you aren’t as talented as I am. And I KNOW that you can’t dance as good as I am.

 

::PRL dances, but the fans boo.::

 

PRL:

And so, it is because of this that I am here to announce that, as of right now, this PRL/Mad Cappa Puerto Rican Championship Match…WILL NOT HAPPEN!

 

JR:

WHAT? THIS IS RIDICOLOUS! THAT MATCH MUST HAPPEN! IT IS LEGALLY BINDED!!!

 

::The crowd boos loudly. Chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PRL smiles.::

PRL:

Now, now, now. I know that you all are upset. I know you were all thinking::Stereotypical Hick Southerner Voice:: “Dang Jethro, I wanted to see that Mad Cappa fellow kick the doo doo out of that Puerto Rican fella.” Well, Mary-Jo and Billy Bob, you will NOT be seeing this match. I--

 

::The opening trumpet blare causes the crowd to stand up and pop in anticipation.::

 

JR:

I know someone who is not happy about this announcement!

 

::”Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” by DJ Kool starts playing as the lights go down in the arena. Spotlights circle the arena. The fans stand up, some dancing, and chant “GO CAP-PA! GO CAP-PA! GO CAP-PA! GO CAP-PA! GO CAP-PA!” as PRL stands in the ring disgusted. The spotlights stop except for one that is in the entrance. The Mad Cappa walks through the curtain to a loud pop, but he is not dancing tonight. He is not smiling, and is carrying a microphone. PRL and Cappa engage in a staredown as “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” continues playing.::

 

JR:

The Mad Cappa went through 8 Lightning Crew Members in a 2-month period. And he did it all, just to get a match against Puerto Rican Lightning, the very man who nearly ended his career by crushing his larynx, sending him to a hospital for 3 months. Doctors said he would never wrestle again, but he came back early, all because he wanted revenge against Puerto Rican Lightning! And now PRL is saying the match is off, but he is legally binded to a one-on-one match. What’s Cappa going to think of this?

 

::The Mad Cappa stands in the aisleway with the microphone in his right hand. Tha Puerto Rican sneers at Mad Cappa and trash talks. Cappa begins to speak as “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” by DJ Kool stops playing. The crowd is hot chanting “MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!” Mad Cappa stands in the aisleway for a few moments and then speaks.::

 

JR:

I wonder what is he going to say?

 

The Mad Cappa:

GATLAMALA!

 

::The crowd cheers.::

 

The Mad Cappa:

Now, did I just hear right? Did I just hear you say—say that you will NOT be giving me a shot at the Puerto Rican Championship?

 

PRL:

You’re damn right I just said that.

 

::Crowd boos.::

 

The Mad Cappa:

Well color me surprise. I guess you really are a coward after all!

 

::Crowd pops. PRL freaks out.::

 

PRL:

I AM NOT A COWARD, MAD CAPPA!!!

 

Cappa:

Then prove it! Let me fight you, one-on-one in the middle of the ring for your Puerto Rican Championship!

 

JR:

YEAH! YOU DO THAT! PROVE YOUR MANHOOD! TAKE HIM ON! GO FOR IT PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING! GO FOR IT!

 

::The crowd cheers loudly and chants “MA D CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!” PRL discusses with The Lightning Crew for a few minutes as the crowd is hot while Mad Cappa stands in the aisleway waiting for an answer.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

MAD CAPPA! You make me sick! I detest you! I can’t stand the very sight of you! Everything about you makes me want to vomit. I can’t stand you, and you don’t deserve all the things you get. Therefore, it is because of this, that you will not, will not, WILL NOT get a match against me!

 

::The crowd boos. The Mad Cappa stands in the aisleway with a sly smile on his face.::

 

The Mad Cappa:

*Sigh* You know, PRL. I pity you sometimes. You come out here and you run your mouth. You talk about how you’re the greatest wrestler who ever lived. You talk about how no one is in your league. You talk all this bull, and then when you are offered a REAL challenge. Someone who is definitely in your league, you run away. You get scared and do all you can to stick your tail between your legs and run away. And that is a sign of a sad, pathetic man. Then I realize that this is Puerto Rican Lightning. A man with a prostitute for a girlfriend, a stupid jumping bean for a best friend, a brain dead muscle moron for a bodyguard, and a bunch of jabronies who couldn’t cut it in any wrestling league so they come to you, sucking your C(BLEEP)K hoping that you will accept them and feed them. You have the sorriest sack of ass kissers I’ve ever seen! Puerto Rican Lightning, you are just a PUERTO RICAN LOSER!!!

 

::The crowd pops. A loud “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” chant starts up again. Puerto Rican Lightning stands in the ring furious along with The Lightning Crew, who are also furious, as The Mad Cappa smiles and chants along with the crowd. PRL looks like he is about to explode.::

 

JR:

Puerto Rican Lightning looks like he is about to blow a gasket. This does not look good.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

ALL RIGHT THAT DOES IT!!! I AM ABSOLUTELY SICKED OF YOU!!! MY PATIENCE FOR YOU IS RUNNING THIN!!! YOU SEE MAD CRAPPA, I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING. I REALIZED THAT THE OAOAST IS NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US!!! ONLY ONE OF US IS STRONG ENOUGH TO SURVIVE AND SINCE YOU ARE SO DAMN DETERMINED TO HAVE A MATCH WITH ME, THEN LET’S FIND OUT WHO THAT PERSON IS!!! YOU WILL GET YOUR MATCH!!! AND YOU WILL GET THAT MATCH…AT OAOAST ANGLEMANIA III!!!

 

JR:

OH YEAH, HERE WE GO!!!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

THIS HAS GONE ON FAR ENOUGH!!! YOU AND I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR THIS FOR ALMOST A YEAR AND I’M SICK OF IT!!! I HATE YOU!!! I CAN’T STAND YOU!!! LET’S SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL AT ANGLEMANIA!!!

 

::The crowd pops loudly. The Mad Cappa looks satisfied with that answer while Puerto Rican Lightning, now sweating and shaking with his face red, calms down.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

But, on one condition, AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS ONE CONDITION! I will make this match happened, but…BUT…I WANT YOUR CAREER ON THE LINE!!!

 

::The crowd boos loudly. PRL sneers while Cappa thinks of his answer. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” at PRL.::

 

JR:

That’s not right! PRL has no right to do this! Making Mad Cappa put his career on the line just so he can have a match against Puerto Rican Lightning? That is not fair. Will Cappa go through with it?

 

The Mad Cappa:

If I have to put my career on the line in order to have a match with you…so be it. I ACCEPT!!!

 

::The crowd pops. PRL and The Mad Cappa engage in a staredown.::

 

JR:

WELL WE FINALLY HAVE THE MATCH!!!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

SO THEN IT’S SETTLED!!! SUNDAY, MARCH 28, 2004 LIVE FROM THE PONTIAC SILVERDOME IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN!!! OAOAST ANGLEMANIA III!!! CAREER VS. TITLE MATCH!!! PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP: THE CHAMPION PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING VS. THE CHALLENGER THE MAD CAPPA WITH THE MAD CAPPA’S CAREER ON THE LINE!!! IF YOU LOSE, CRAPPA, IT’S OVER!!! DONE! FINISH!!! YOUR CAREER WILL END!!! YOUR CAREER WILL BE OVER!!!

 

The Mad Cappa:

I like how that sounds, but tell you what, P.R. I don’t care about your Puerto Rican Championship. It’s not why I’m having this match. I don’t give a damn about your fake title belt that you brought in San Juan. Sure, WHEN I beat you, I will wear the belt, and bring some DIGNITITY to that piece of strap and gold. I will make that belt prestigious. I will make it important. But, that’s not why I accept this match. You see, I’m doing it so that I can BEAT YOU!

 

::Crowd pops.::

 

Cappa:

I’m sick of what you have done. To me, to the OaOasT wrestlers, and to these fans. On March 28, you will get your comeuppance. On March 28th, in the Pontiac Silverdome, you will get a beating you have avoided since last year. I will make you pay for putting me in the hospital for three months. I will make you pay for crushing my larynx. But most importantly, I will make you pay for screwing the OaOasT fans for this whole year. Your ride will end. Your momentum will stop, and GATLAMALA, when I beat you and win the Puerto Rican Championship, the OaOasT will have the celebration of a lifetime! Sure, this match is the most important match in my life, and sure, if I lose, then I will have to retire, but that doesn’t scare me. Because I am ready for the challenge. And I am ready to take you down and make you suffer. Don’t ask, just accept it! Because on March 28, 2004 the OaOasT will witness THE END OF PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING!!! NOW HIT MY MUSIC!!!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

I’ll see you this Sunday at Zero Hour for the contract signing, Cappa.

 

Cappa:

Can’t wait to see you there, bitch!

 

::”Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” by DJ Kool starts playing. The crowd cheers loudly as Mad Cappa does a little shimmy in the aisleway. Puerto Rican Lightning converses with The Lightning Crew in the ring. PRL is in a bad mood, but Cappa is smiling.::

 

JR:

And there you have it. At AngleMania III, The Mad Cappa will take on Puerto Rican Lightning for the Puerto Rican Championship and if The Mad Cappa loses, then his career is over. It is a match one year in the making and it is happening on March 28th, at OaOasT AngleMania III! Folks, we’ll be right back after this!

 

::COMMERCIALS::

Edited by Mystery Eskimo

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JR

Fans, last week as you know not only saw the return of the former two-time World's champion Anglesault, but the uncalled for -- uncalled for -- attack by Tony The Body, on the night our 'Sault's award for Lifetime Acheivement.

 

I have a couple of announcements to share with you. I know AS won't like me saying this, but he spent the last week at a local medical center for tests. I can confirm to you, besides the obvious bumps and bruises, Mr. OAOAST suffered broken ribs and received 10 stitiches near his hairline from chairshot and brutal right hands (I'd normally say 'soup bone rights' but Tony isn't black) that followed.

 

The second announce--

 

Before JR can finish his comments the music of the sexeist man alive, "Simply Ravishing," hits, causing women - and men, if you bat for the other team - worldwide to experience bliss.

 

Tony forcefully grabs the mic from J.R. and pushes him to the turnbuckle.

 

TONY THE BODY

Cut the music. This is for Rude! What I'd like to have right now, is for all you cubby (damn P.C.), white-powder-donut-with-pudding-inside-eating 'net surfing dweebs, keep the noise down while I give the 'Why?' speech. Damn, I love saying that.

 

Random comment of the week: Why are anchorwomen and women in the news media so beautiful?

 

When I got back to one of my many mansions across the country all the little homeless kids kept coming up to me asking the question everybody in the world wants to know: "Can you spare loose change Sir?" As I looked into their ugly faces, I said, happily I might added, "Beat it ya little scum!". After they wiped the tears from their eyes, then they asked "Why did you brutally assault Anglesault?" I once again looked into their eyes, which were uglier than I last remembered, and said "Because he wouldn't help a good cause."

 

Ladies and gentlemen, that 'good cause' was Anglesault signing IZ's contract and helping return IZ to the promiseland. Returning IZ to the force it once was. In this business everybody is family. Even the guy or gal you go out there night after night trying to beat to a bloody pulp, because just like every family in the world you have differences. Despite those differences when a family member's in trouble and you can help in any way, shape or form, you do. But no! Not with Anglesault.

 

You see Anglesault is that spoiled family member who walks with his chin so high you think he had his nose stuck up the bosses ass. The man only cares about himself, and himself only. He'd rather tell you the story how he won the OAOAST championship for the first time, like the Captain of the high school football team telling all his teammates how he banged the head cheerleader in various positions including in her asshole. Well AS is that asshole! AS is considered Mr. OAOAST. But when the family -- me and IZ -- were in trouble he turned his head aside because it was happy hour. It wasn't until Miss Celo opened my eyes months back. She made me see the new...me...T-Bod. Yes...T-Bod. I needed a change, and I got that. Not only do I look better, I feel better. Bitch, happy hour has turned into Zero Hour for you. As a card carrying member of the Board of Directors, I, the real Mr. OAOAST, challenge you to a match at Zero Hour. You and me one on one, no gimmicks needed... Wait a minute. Wait just a darn minute. I beg your pardon. I forgot you don't have a contract with IZ. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Such a pity.

 

(jumping around singing)

You can't touch me! You can't touch me! Hahahaha!

 

T-Bod pauses as he sees --

 

The Chairman of the OAOAST board of directors "Cowboy" Bill Watts, smile on his face, entering the ring.

 

WATTS

Tony -- excuse me, T-Bod. I, like many of the fans worldwide are disappointed we won't see you vs. Anglesault at the Pay-Per-View. But following the events of last week I got a call from the rarely seen Co-Owner of OAOAST Entertainment . As a matter of fact, he's live from our Headquaters for this special message just for a star like yourself. Please turning your attention to the IZ jumbotron.

 

BOARDROOM, OAOAST HQs

 

The 12 member board are seated, the back of a chair is seen -- the chair turns to reveal Co-Owner OAOAST Entertainment...DONALD TRUMP!

 

THE DONALD

T-Bod. I'm pleased to know you're a 'card carrying member of the board of directors' but I have some news for you. A board member doesn't commit an act like we saw last week. Selling your stock after being tipped off, yes. Attacking a historical figure, no. I want you to take that card and shove it! T-Bod...YOU'RE FIRED!

 

As a resulting of your firing, the board also passed a ruling allowing AngleSault to appear on IZ anytime he so wishes. Fans disappointed about your match against 'Sault not taking place at Zero Hour can be comfort knowing it'll happen next month at AngleMania III.

 

When we informed Anglesault about our decision this afternoon he sent the board an e-mail with these truthful comments..."SNAP. CRACKLE. POP!"

 

We cut back to T-Bod with a stone face look. He doesn't seem worried at all. As a matter of fact he gives off a quick smirk.

 

WATTS

By the way, here's your ticket to Zero Hour because you'd want to see the return of The Body Shop with Jesse "The Body" Ventura; guests Anglesault & T-Bod. I look forward to AngleMania III where you two will hook 'em up!

 

We hear the beginnings of "Carmina Burana O Furtuna".

 

Tony pauses, looking up into the heavens almost as if he's breathing in this sign.

 

JR

Now what? I know I sound like a moron when I say that, but could somebody PLEASE let the damn guy in the cowboy hat know what the hell is going on one time! Once. Just once for the love God!

 

The song slowly warps into an instrumental version of "Dream On".

 

Tony begins to freak because he knows AS is a) behind the songs playing, b) possibly somewhere in the building and c) sending him a very real message.

 

We go to commerical watching T-Bod standing mid-ring, still stunned about what he just heard.

 

JR

What an announcement. What a message being sent by Anglesault. AS vs. T-Bod at AngleMania III. What a night it'll be!

 

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As we return, we're backstage. Dan Black is running through the corridors, eyes wild, suit dishevelled. Dan sprints into his office and locks the door firmly behind him.

 

We cut to the locker room, where Reject and Stephen are watching Dan on a monitor. They grin at Black's fear, and Stephen nods slowly.

 

SJ

What do you say we take a ringside seat for the next match?

 

Reject smiles, and the two men stride out. We cut to the ring.

 

GARY CAPPETTA

Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall and is for the OAOAST Adrenalin Title!

 

JR

Dan Black has been forced to put the title on the line, as he has not defended the belt since winning it against SpiderPoet at AnglePalooza! His Zero Hour defence comes just outside the 30 day time period needed for a defence, so we'll see who Dan has as an opponent.

 

We cut to see Stephen Joseph and Reject in the front row, relaxing in their street gear.

 

Cue: "Quiet"

 

Floods of black smoke pour from the entranceway, as bright sparks of pyro shoot through it.

 

GMC

Introducing first, from London England, weighing 238lbs, he is the reigning and defending Adrenalin Champion- "Ice Heart" Dannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn BLACK!

 

Dan emerges through the smoke- with 6 big security guards all around him! Wearing black trenchcoat, black tights and black shades, Dan strides down to the ring with the security sticking tightly to him.

 

JR

Dan has a lot of muscle with him! He clearly knows that Stephen and Reject are in the crowd!

 

Dan stops in front of SJ and Reject, and removes his shades to stare at them. Reject laughs, but Stephen rises to his feet and returns Dan's gaze. Black breaks away with a sneer and enters the ring as the music cuts out.

 

Dan removes his coat, and hands his title belt to the referee, before grabbing the microphone from Cappetta.

 

BLACK

Allow ME to introduce my opponent...he weighs in at an intimidating 375lbs....he hails from parts unknown....ladies and gentleman, the IntenseZone debut of Jobby McJobberton!

 

With no music, Jobby McJobberton appears.

 

JR

MAH GAWD! That kid can't be more than 150lbs! Dan Black is full of horse sh-

 

BLACK

C'mon Jobby! This is your big chance!

 

JR

He's only a kid! Eighteen, nineteen maybe! What did Dan do, go round the local wrestling schools till he found the smallest guy?

 

McJobberton walks down to the ring, shaking with nerves.

 

BLACK

Don't be afraid! Look at the muscle on you! It should be ME that's afraid!

 

Jobby steps into the ring, and Dan extends a hand! Jobby nervously takes it- and Dan pulls him into a belly to belly suplex!

 

BLACK

Let's get this on!

 

DING DING DING

 

JR

Well, apparently this is an official match and title defence. Damn Black and his GM powers!

 

Dan picks Jobby off the mat and lashes him with a pair of European uppercuts. Black whips Jobby to the ropes, and nails him with a high elevation dropkick. Shaking his head, Dan scuffs the head of McJobberton on the mat, telling him to get up.

 

JR

This isn't right! Dan comes out here, acting like a bigshot- when we all know he's terrified of Stephen Joseph! All that security- if he was the man he claims, that wouldnt be there!

 

Black waits for Jobby to get up, and then runs in with a YAKUZA kick- but Jobby ducks! Punches to Black- but Dan gives JMcJ a toe kick, hooks up his leg, and gives him a fishermans DDT!

 

Black stands over Jobby and poses, before walking to the edge of the ring, pointing at Stephen Joseph and making a throat cutting gesture. SJ and Reject leap up, but Dan's security stands in their way, and they sit again reluctantly.

 

Dan scrapes Jobby up off the mat and hooks in a full nelson, hitting a release Dragon suplex that crushes the unfortunate kids neck into the mat! Black covers:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Dan picks Jobby up!

 

JR

Oh c'mon, enough already! This isn't right, even for you Dan!

 

Black sets Jobby up and gives him a cradle piledriver! McJobberton isn't moving and the crowd begins to boo Dan loudly. Black struts across the ring, picks up the Adrenalin Title and raises it above his head! Dan then throws it down next to Jobby, and picks the kid up.

 

Dan underhooks both Jobby's arms, going for his PitchBlack onto the title belt! The referee tugs at Dan's arms, trying to stop him, but Dan shoves the referee down hard, and gives Jobby the spinning tiger driver onto the belt! Black is up and pumping his arms in sick celebration!

 

At ringside, SJ has had enough, and stands. The security moves over, but Stephen produces a large bundle of cash, which the guards shrug and take, before moving off!

 

JR

AHAHA! That serves Dan right! No one has any loyalty to him, and Stephen just got rid of his backup with a few dollars!

 

Black, unaware of the events, is still posing. With the referee down, Stephen is in the ring behind him! Black turns-

 

KICK!

 

WHAM!

 

PITCHBLACK!

 

JR

MAH GAWD! Stephen just nailed Dan with his own move! And-whats this?

 

Stephen throws Jobby on top of Dan, and slaps the referee into consciousness! SJ scoots out of the ring as the ref counts!

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

JR

NEW CHAMPION!!

 

THREE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!

 

 

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

JR

Damn it! So close!

 

Dan Black slowly rolls over, draping an arm and reversing the cover! The ref counts, reluctantly:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

DING DING DING

 

GMC

The winner of the match and still Adrenalin champion, Dan Black!

 

JR

Damn it!

 

Medics run in to attend to Jobby, as Dan picks himself up on the ropes, furiously staring at Stephen, who, together with Reject, makes his way back up the ramp.

 

JR

Ladies and gentleman, at last, at Zero Hour, these two men will come face to face, one on one! It's been brewing for 6 months, and the Hour is almost here! Who will survive the cold? Who will feel the Adrenalin? Join myself and Jesse Ventura, this sunday, to find out!

 

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The lights dim a bit and The Horror begins playing throughout the arena. Fireworks shoot off from the top edges of the ramp as The Shuffle makes his way out and down to the ring)

 

JR: Sit back and enjoy this one folks, I guarantee you we’re about to see one hell of a fight! I'm proud to welcome back, as a warm up for Zero Hour by special permission of Dan Black- its Jesse Ventura!

Jesse: You’re right about that JR. These two men are in prime condition and we’re about to be treated to a fine contest

 

(The Shuffle already in the ring now is catering to the crowd as the cameras shift to the back. We see Scott Lunde making his way towards the entrance way, but out of nowhere comes Gary Holmes)

 

Holmes: Mr. Lunde, Mr. Lunde!

 

(Scott stops and turns around)

 

Holmes: Mr. Lunde, do you care to comment about the match you are about to have?

 

Scott: No, I really don’t. I’m not some goofy kid running around playing repor…

(Holmes cuts him off)

Holmes: Mr. Lunde, would you care to tell us just how you intend on beating the Shuffle and taking the OAOAST North American title?

Scott: Lemme tell ya kid (Scott places arm around Holmes) I’ve always thought actions speak louder than words. So lemme tell ya how I’ll beat him (Lunde uses the arm placed around Holmes shoulder to grab Holmes by the hair quickly. He then proceeds to slam Holmes’ head into the concrete wall which leaves the young reporter laid out on the floor. Lunde gives a small chuckle and proceeds to make his way to the entrance way. Camera move back to the ring)

JR: That Scott Lunde is a no good bully!

Jesse: Shut up JR. You’ve never been approached by the press and seen how annoying they can be. I can totally relate to Scott’s actions and I commend him for it.

 

(Shuffle’s music stops and a horse snarl can be heard followed by hooves clapping. Music begins to play and at the top of the ramp stands Scott Lunde with a wide smile on his face. He makes his way down the aisle and into the ring. The ref holds the title up into the air, hands it to the time keeper and motions for the bell officially starting the match)

 

Lunde walks up and gets into Shuffle’s face. The two are face to face and Lunde talks trash before giving Shuffle a shove. Shuffle returns the shove which sends Lunde a few steps back. Lunde walks back up and proceeds to slap the taste out of Shuffle’s mouth. Shuffle with his head still turned proceeds to place his left hand over his left cheek before dropping it to his side and pulling out quick over hand rights to Lunde.

 

Jesse: Those are closed fists!

 

With each ovrhand right Lunde stumbles back a little more until finally he hits the corner. Shuffle places his hand on Lunde’s chest pushing him back against the turnbuckle and then hits a knife-edge chop that echoes through out the building. He hits a second, and then a third before grabbing Lunde and Irish whipping him across to the other corner. Lunde hits hard and slumps back against the turnbuckles. Shuffle follows it up with a vicious running clothesline and then steps to his left. Lunde stumbles out of the corner a bit and then proceeds to just collapse on his face.

 

JR: This could be over real quick!

 

Shuffle covers Lunde and gets a 2 count. Shuffle stands up and brings Lunde to his feet. Shuffle places an arm around Lunde’s neck and tries for a suplex. First attempt is blocked, second attempt is blocked, third attempt is… COUNTERED. Lunde lifts Shuffle high up in the air and drops him on his neck with a hard brainbuster

 

Jesse: This one looks a long ways from being over JR. Don’t go counting your chickens too soon

JR: You can see Shuffle immediately grab the back of his neck as soon as he landed. He’s definitely still favoring it.

 

Both men lay there as the ref begins the mandatory 10 count, but as he hits 5 Lunde begins to get up. He slides over to Shuffle who is slowly reaching his knees and locks a reverse chinlock on him.

 

Jesse: Great strategy. He knows Shuffle has a bad neck, he knows the brainbuster furthered it, and now he’s just working it over.

 

Shuffle’s eyes begin to look glossy and the ref checks with him to see if he wants to give up. Getting no response the ref lifts his arm once and it drops, he lifts it for a second time and once again it drops. The ref begins lifting Shuffle’s arm for a third time and the crowd starts stamping their feet and chanting for Shuffle. The ref lets go of Shuffle’s arm and it stays up, fist clenched and pumping in the air. The crowd pops huge as Shuffle begins to fight his way to his feet.

 

Jesse: Where is he getting this from?! Don’t tell me its because of all these idiots in the crowd

JR: He feed off’em Jesse, and it looks like its about to pick up!

 

Shuffle makes his way to his feet with the hold now being turned into a side headlock. Shuffle rams an elbow into Lunde’s stomach, he rams another, and another with the last one dazing Lunde and breaking the hold. Shuffle bounces off the ropes and runs at Lunde but Lunde catches him, wraps his arms around him, turns 180degrees with him and lands a vicious spinebuster.

 

Jesse: This is it JR, new champion!

JR: This could be it!

 

Lunde hooks the leg

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

KICKOUT

 

JR: Bah Gawd it aint over yet!

 

Lunde gets to his feet and brings Shuffle to his. Lunde hooks him and snap suplexes him. Lunde floats over and covers.

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

Lunde starting to get annoyed brings Shuffle to his feet. Lunde grabs Shuffles arm, wrenches it around once and then begins yanking on the arm to pull Shuffle into him. Each time he drives his own shoulder into the socket of Shuffle’s arm. After the 5th one he whips Shuffle into the ropes. Shuffle bounces off, Lunde hooks him and snaps him into a Northern Lights Suplex.

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

JR: The Shuffle has too much pride, he aint gonna stay down!!!

Jesse: What does Scott Lunde have to do to beat this man?!

 

Lunde gets up and lets his frustration known by looking at the ref and slapping his right hand against his left quickly 3 times to indicate it should have been 3. The ref tells him it wasn’t and Lunde walks away running his hands over the top of his head. Shuffle begins to get to his knees. Lunde notices and refocuses his attention onto him. Lunde walks over and grabs Shuffle by the hair to bring him up but Shuffle punches Lunde in the abdomen. He hits him with a second and then third shot which surprises Lunde, allowing Shuffle to reach his feet. Shuffle begins to hit over hand rights on Lunde once more slowly backing him near the ref. He hits about 3 consecutively and then goes for a quick super kick. Lunde dodges it falling backwards and the ref gets knocked clean in the head with the kick.

 

JR: He missed with the KICK ASS BLASTA~! And nailed the ref instead!

Jesse: That’s a DQ right there, you can’t touch a ref!

JR: There’s no way he meant to do it! He was aiming for Lunde!

Jesse: I don’t care, a rule’s a rule JR

Shuffle in disbelief goes over to check on the ref and try to revive him. Lunde uses the opportunity to crawl up from behind, get to his knees and LOWBLOW Shuffle!

 

JR: What do you call that Jesse? Scott Lunde just broke the rules and you’re not complaining!

Jesse: The ref is knocked out JR. As far as I’m concerned this match should be over, so Lunde can do whatever he wants to Shuffle now. It doesn’t matter.

 

Shuffle drops down in pain and lays somewhat in fetal position. Lunde noticing the ref is out uses this to his advantage and goes to the outside to grab a chair.

 

JR: What’s he gonna do with that?!

 

Lunde slides the chair into the ring, then rolls back in himself. Lunde stands up with his back towards the entryway and close to the turnbuckle. He grabs the chair with both hands and stands slouched with it just waiting for Shuffle to stand back up. The crowd begins to pop as Lunde yells at Shuffle to get to his feet.

 

Jesse: Hey, what the hell is he doing out here?!

 

Blurricane runs down the aisle way with his arms out stretched.

 

JR: He’s a super hero Jess, he can’t let this happen!

Jesse: Don’t give me that crap! He’s a nut is what he is.

 

Lunde starts hitting the mat with the chair as Shuffle slowly reaches his knees. At that moment Blurricane jumps up on the apron and climbs the turnbuckle. Lunde still unaware stands their waiting for Shuffle to reach his feet. Blurricane jumps off the top rope and nails Scott Lunde, causing the chair to bounce off the mat, slide under the bottom rope and tip out of the ring.

JR: Blurred Reality, he hits Scott Lunde with the Blurred Reality!

Jesse: This is an absolute mess, where’s security?! Why are they letting this happen?!

 

Blurricane slides out of the ring and runs back up the ramp where he stands at the top and watches.

 

The ref begins to come to and Shuffle is now leaning up against the ropes. The ref finally reaches his feet and with him so does Shuffle. Shuffle picks up Lunde and hits him with a knife-edge chop followed by an over right punch, and another knife-edge chop. The 3 strikes back Lunde who bounces off the ropes and tries to hit Shuffle with a short clothesline. Shuffle ducks it though and when Lunde turns around Shuffle boots him in the stomach. Lunde hunches over and stumbles back a bit but Shuffle follows him, locks Lunde’s head between his legs, and then proceeds to lift him up, spin around and then jump up a bit to sit down slam Lunde.

 

JR: Shuffle Bomb!

 

The ref hits the mat

 

1

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

(the bell sounds and Shuffle rolls out of the ring. He slowly makes his way over to the timekepper’s table with his left hand on the back of his neck. He grabs his belt and raises it in the air.)

 

Announcer: Your winner, and still North American Heavyweight Champion… THE SHUFFLE!!!!!

 

(Shuffle celebrates with the fans at ringside. In ring however Lunde begins to come to and looks up at the top of the entry way. Blurricane strikes a Super Hero pose and Scott Lunde stares at him with a look of intense anger written on his face)

 

(Fade to commercial)

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JR:

Main event time on IntenseZone!

 

::A deep, slow voiced man saids "LIGHTNING CREW". The AngleTron lights up with an image of Puerto Rican Lightning on it. The crowd boos the moment his face is shown. The image of a smiling PRL changes to another image of PRL raising the Puerto Rican Championship belt after a match. The crowd continues booing waiting for Puerto Rican Lightning to show up. As the AngleTron shows image after image of PRL, music is being played in the background. The music is slow and mellow sounding like the opening to a classical song. A man whispers the words "Chance" throughout the opening. On the AngleTron, the image changes to an image of PRL choked up. Follow by PRL being very very angry. Follow by PRL crying. Finally, the last image is of Puerto Rican Lightning smiling in a psychotic matter. The music swells, the crescendo hits, the AngleTron switches to a waving Puerto Rico flag with, in big white blocky letters, LIGHTNING CREW appearing in front of it. A lightning bolt hits the entrance. Fog fills up the entrance as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Boyds begins playing. The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron as the crowd boos waiting for PRL to arrive.::

 

JR:

Puerto Rican Lightning is now making his appearance, as the main event of this week’s IntenseZone is about to begin. Tha Puerto Rican announced earlier tonight that he will be facing The Mad Cappa at AngleMania III for the Puerto Rican Championship, and this Sunday at Zero Hour, we will be seeing the contract signing for that event.

 

::The crowd chants "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" until finally, Puerto Rican Lightning steps through the fog and smoke and the flickering lights, and smiles evilly. The crowd boos PRL loudly, chanting "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" but PRL does not listen. He laughs, looks at Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Mr. Boricua, then orders them to walk with him to the ring. Puerto Rican Lightning walks cool and cocky to the ring as "No Chance In Hell" continues to play.::

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Gary Michael Cappatetta:

Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is the main event of this week’s IntenseZone and is scheldued for one fall, and is for the Puerto Rican Championship. Introducing first, coming down the aisle at this time, accompanying to the ring by the First Lady of the Lightning Crew, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and his bodyguard, Mr. Boricua, weighing 223lbs. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. He is the Puerto Rican Champion. The leader of The Lightning Crew, PUERTO RICANNNNNN LIGHTNIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

 

JR:

Tha Puerto Rican will be defending his Puerto Rican Championship against an unnamed opponent this week. Fans have been wondering whom PRL will bring out this week, but if the past is any indication, he will most likely bring out someone who is in no threat to his title.

 

::The crowd continues booing Puerto Rican Lightning, some even throwing garbage in his direction. PRL jaws with some fans at ringside and flips them off. He laughs evilly, then steps onto the ring apron and sneers at the crowd. He enters the ring, and spins around soaking in the jeers, and revealing in the hatred the fans feel for him. PRL laughs evilly, and talks about how great he is, then does the HBK-pose while pyro fires up behind him and Mr. Boricua and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stand behind him smiling evilly and holding the Puerto Rican Championship for the fans to see. PRL laughs evilly as the crowd boos loudly and chant "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" Puerto Rican Lightning laughs and grabs the Puerto Rican Championship belt and then gets on the top rope and poses, receiving nothing but boos. PRL flips the crowd off then heads to another turnbuckle, where a single spotlight shines on him. He poses a'la The Rock, and again receives boos. The crowd chants "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" but PRL just sneers at the crowd as "No Chance In Hell" by Lloyd & Boyd continues playing. PRL jaws with the fans, then jumps off the top rope and stands in the ring, as the lights go back on in the arena, and the fans chant "P.R. SUCKS!" "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Boyds dies down. The crowd still chants and PRL still trash talks.::

 

JR:

We also found out earlier tonight, that Puerto Rican Lightning will be competing in the Super X Cup Tournament this Sunday at Zero Hour. He will be taking on Black Diamond in the First Round, and if PRL is able to survive he will bring the X Cup home to IntenseZone. But his chance at winning maybe ruined, since he will also be signing the contract for the match against Mad Cappa at AngleMania III at Zero Hour. PRL’s mind maybe on The Mad Cappa this Sunday, and that may hinder his chance of winning this Sunday.

 

::PRL grabs a microphone and stands in the ring. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Mr. Boricua exit with the Puerto Rican Championship belt. The crowd boos very loudly and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Lightning sneers at the crowd and trash talks to them. He saids something in Spanish as the crowd points to an anti-PRL sign in the crowd.::

 

JR:

The crowd is not being kind to Puerto Rican Lightning.

 

::PRL begins to finally speak.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning:

Well, here I am, in the main event of this week’s IntenseZone, defending MY Puerto Rican Championship. The question I’m sure all of you are asking is who did I pick to defend my belt against? Who, in the thousands upon thousands of wrestlers today, did I pick to go head-to-head with the P.R. Menace on this week’s IZ? Since, I have a heavy plate this Sunday, and for the next month or so, I decided that tonight would be my last relaxed night, and because of this, I decided to defend my Puerto Rican Championship against someone who, quite frankly, wouldn’t be a risk to my reign. Someone who wouldn’t make me work so hard. To call this person an enhancement talent is a little harsh, but…that’s basically who this person is.

 

::The crowd boos.::

 

JR:

PRL could end The Mad Cappa’s career once and for at AngleMania III. It’s a Career vs. Title Match. One-On-One.

 

PRL (Continuing):

At AngleMania III, I will be in without a doubt, is THE most important match I’ve ever had. I will be going head-to-head with The Mad Cappa, and if I win, then The Mad Cappa will retire from the sport of professional wrestling. But if I lose, WHICH I WON’T, then I lose the Puerto Rican Championship. The belt that means a lot to me. As you can see, I am going into a very historic battle at the Pontiac Silverdome in Detroit, Michigan on March 28th.

 

::Fans chant “ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE!”::

 

PRL:

So, tonight, the main event, I just want to kick back and relax. So, it is now time for my opponent to make his entrance. He weighs 243 lbs. And is from Detroit, Michigan. He has been wrestling for 6 years now, and is making his national T.V. debut. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for MR. TOD GIVANTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!

 

JR:

Tod Givanti? That’s certainly a new one.

 

::Generic rock music plays on the P.A. system. The crowd stands up, but does not react, as Tod Givanti makes his appearance. He is a stout, pale man with freckles on his face. He has blue eyes, a blonde mullet hairstyle, blonde handlebar mustache, white wrist tape, black long tights with a purple design on them, and white boots. The crowd boos as Tod power walks to the ring. PRL bounces off the ropes and looks at his opponent with a determined look on his face.::

 

JR:

PRL defending his Puerto Rican Championship against this 31 year old man from Detroit, Michigan, the sight of AngleMania III! This is Givanti’s first OaOasT match, and what better opponent then the cornerstone of IntenseZone, Puerto Rican Lightning?

 

::The generic rock music continues to play as Tod Givanti enters the ring. Givanti stares at Puerto Rican Lightning, who in turn looks on in disgust. PRL gets a good luck kiss from Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and then exits the ring. The referee checks on Tod Givanti and then PRL, and calls for the bell.::

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Puerto Rican Championship Match: Puerto Rican Lightning (with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Mr. Boricua) vs. Tod Givanti:

Puerto Rican Lightning and Tod Givanti engage in a staredown. The crowd gets hyped up and boos loudly chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Lindsay cheers PRL on.

 

JR:

And here we go, with the main event of this week’s IntenseZone.

 

PRL, who is taller than Tod by 2 inches, trash talks Givanti. PRL shoves Tod, who shoves back. The crowd pops for that, but PRL slaps Tod across the face, and knees him in the gut. Lightning clubs Tod Givanti across the neck several times as the crowd boos.

 

JR:

PRL taking it to Tod in the earlier part of this match.

PRL punches Givanti in the face several times and then whips him into the ropes. He follows with the Flying Forearm. The crowd starts to boo loudly once again as they know what is going to happen next. Lightning gets back up and whips Tod into the ropes again and follows with a second Flying Forearm. Lightning trash talks Givanti and then picks him up again, kicking him in the gut before whipping him into the ropes for the third Flying Forearm.

 

JR:

It looks like Puerto Rican Lightning is setting up for the Sweet Chin Music, which in turn, sets up the P.R. Nightmare.

 

Tha Puerto Rican picks up Tod Givanti once again and Irish Whips him into the ropes. Tod reverses, but PRL reverses that, ducks a clothesline, and hits the fourth flying forearm, and then kips up to loud boos. Chants of “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” fill up the arena as Lightning smiles evilly and heads to a turnbuckle.

 

JR:

It looks like it is time for the Sweet Chin Music. PRL is going for the Sweet Chin Music on Tod Givanti minutes into this match-up.

 

Lighting taps his right boot a’la Shawn Michaels. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. PRL urges Givanti to get up, sneering at the slowly getting up Givanti.

 

JR:

PRL is “Tuning Up The Band”. The Sweet Chin Music is coming up.

 

Mr. Boricua yells as PRL smiles evilly…and hits the Sweet Chin Music on Tod Givanti just as he gets up. Lightning poses, laughs and smiles evilly as the crowd continues booing and chanting “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PRL smiles as Tod Givanti lies on the mat, breathing hard, and crawling to the outside.

JR:

Puerto Rican Lightning hits the Sweet Chin Music on Tod Givanti and is wasting his time playing to the crowd.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning continues smiling and posing as the crowd continues booing and chanting “P.R. SUCKS!” Tod Givanti crawls out of the ring, but suddenly the crowd’s boos turn to cheers when The Mad Cappa appears in the crowd. The Mad Cappa slides into the ring and stands right behind PRL, who does not notice that Cappa is behind him, so he continues smiling and posing.

 

JR:

IT’S THE MAD CAPPA! THE MAD CAPPA IS HERE! AND PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING HAS NO IDEA THAT MAD CAPPA IS RIGHT BEHIND HIM!!!

 

::The crowd goes crazy as Puerto Rican Lightning thinks they are cheering him. The Mad Cappa stares at the back of PRL, not smiling and with focus. PRL waves to the crowd and bumps into Cappa. PRL has a shocked look on his face.::

 

JR:

I THINK PRL HAS JUST SOILED HIMSELF!!!

 

::PRL touches the top of Cappa’s head, and as soon as he does, he realizes who is behind him. PRL touches Cappa’s face just to be sure, which causes him to have a worry look on his face and start crying. PRL does the international “Aw Shucks!” sign and gulps, refusing to turn around.::

 

JR:

SOONER OR LATER, HE WILL HAVE TO COME FACE-TO-FACE WITH THE MAD CAPPA! THE MAN WHO HE WILL HAVE TO FACE AT ANGLEMANIA III ON MARCH 29TH!!!

 

::PRL slowly turns around, to the chagrin of Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Mr. Boricua. When he does, he freaks out, and the crowd pops. The crowd goes crazy as The Mad Cappa and Puerto Rican Lightning engage in a staredown.::

 

JR:

COME ON MAD CAPPA! HIT HIM! HIT HIM! HIT PRL! BEAT HIS ASS, MAD CAPPA! BEAT HIM UP!!!

 

::The crowd is cheering loudly as Puerto Rican Lightning and The Mad Cappa engage in a staredown. PRL has a worry look on his face, begging Cappa off. PRL starts to sweat while Mad Cappa continues looking at PRL with an angry look on his face. They both wait for the other to make the first move.::

 

JR:

Can you imagine the rage going through Mad Cappa right now? Face-To-Face with the very man who nearly ended his career, and could end his career at AngleMania. Career vs. Title at AngleMania!

 

::PRL and Cappa continue their staredown. PRL continues worry, and then Mad Cappa charges after PRL. PRL exits the ring just as The Mad Cappa is about to grab him. The crowd boos loudly and chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Cappa and PRL trash talk each other.::

 

JR:

DAMNIT! THAT DAMN PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING! THAT BASTARD!!!

 

::The Mad Cappa continues cursing out PRL, who is walking up the entrance. Suddenly, Mr. Boricua enters the ring and hits Cappa in the back. He beats on Cappa to the crowd’s boos, and then grabs him by his neck for a Chokeslam. However, Cappa kicks Boricua in the gut and brings him down with the BUST A CAP.::

 

JR:

BUST A CAP ON MR. BORICUA! BUST A CAP ON MR. BORICUA!

::The crowd boos loudly as Boricua leaves the ring. Cuban Wall, Colombian Heat, Thomas Rodriguez, Vitamin X, PROTOTYPE: The PERFECT Lightning Crew Member and Spanish Fly, make their way into the ring.::

 

JR:

AND HERE COMES THE LIGHTNING CREW!

 

::They all go after Mad Cappa, but are all taken down with one shot. The crowd goes crazy as Mad Cappa does the BUST A CAP on Spanish Fly, Vitamin X, Thomas Rodriguez, PROTOTYPE, Cuban Wall, and Colombian Heat.::

 

JR:

BUST A CAP! BUST A CAP! BUST A CAP ON THE LIGHTNING CREW! THE MAD CAPPA HAS ONCE AGAIN TAKEN OUT THE LIGHTNING CREW EXCEPT PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING!!! PRL HAS ESCAPED JUSTICE ONCE AGAIN!!! BUT NOT FOR LONG BECAUSE AT ANGLEMANIA III, THE MAD CAPPA WILL TAKE ON PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING FOR THE PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

 

::The crowd goes crazy as Puerto Rican Lightning and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez stand in the entrance way with worry looks on their faces. The Lightning Crew all lie in the ringside area in pain as The Mad Cappa stands alone in the ring staring a hole into Puerto Rican Lightning. The crowd cheers loudly chanting “MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA! MAD CAP-PA!”::

 

JR:

THE COUNTDOWN IS ON! THE BATTLE LINES HAVE BEEN DRAWN! THE MAD CAPPA WILL TAKE ON THA PUERTO RICAN FOR THE PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP AT OAOAST ANGLEMANIA III WITH THE MAD CAPPA’S CAREER ON THE LINE!!!

 

::”Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” by DJ Kool begins to play. The Mad Cappa is still in the ring staring at PRL, not smiling and sneering at him. PRL stands in the entranceway, frightened, while The Lightning Crew all crawl over to PRL and look at Mad Cappa. Cappa challenges PRL to fight as “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” continues playing.::

 

JR:

IT WILL FINALLY HAPPEN!!! CAREER VS. TITLE MATCH!!! PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING VS. THE MAD CAPPA ONE-ON-ONE FOR THE PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP!!! SUNDAY, MARCH 28, 2004 FROM THE PONTIAC SILVERDOME IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN AT OAOAST ANGLEMANIA III!!! BUT DO NOT MISS ZERO HOUR THIS SUNDAY!!! THE SUPER X CUP!!! PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING AND THE MAD CAPPA SIGN THEIR CONTRACT FOR THEIR ANGLEMANIA III MATCH!!! STEPHEN JOSEPH AND “ICE HEART” DAN BLACK IN AN ARTIC FREEZER MATCH FOR THE ADRENALIN TITLE!!! AND MUCH, MORE MORE!!! FANS, ORDER NOW!!! WE’LL SEE YOU THIS SUNDAY FOR OAOAST ZERO HOUR: NIGHT OF THE X!!! I’M JIM ROSS, SAYING GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!!!

 

::The last image is of The Mad Cappa standing in the ring as “Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)” by DJ Kool continues playing.::

 

::FADE OUT::

Edited by Mystery Eskimo

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