OAOAST AngleMania All Day!

[Guest SP-1]

[scene opens on DA COACH~! sitting in a cozy room with a fireplace and shelves upon shelves of books. He sits in a large, comfortable looking chair with a pipe in his hand. He looks up and offers a cheesy smile.]

 

COACH

Good afternoon everyone. In the hours leading up to AngleMania 3, the OAOAST has decided to air several programs designed to highlight some of our past moments. In this particular segment, we're going to focus in on former active wrestler and current Director of Marketing for OAOAST Home Entertainment: SpiderPoet. In light of Poet's twin brother, The Goblin, requesting airtime during AngleMania tonight, coupled with Poet's disappearance following Goblin's vicious attack at AnglePalooza, we wanted to show just how vicious their feud could get in anticipation of where it might be going tonight.

 

We're going to show a match from the GREAT ANGLE BASH 2003. The OAOAST Tag Titles were on the line in a Singles match. SpiderPoet against the sadistic Edward Robins, also known as EvenflowDDT. Three. Stages. Of Hell. The first match was a regular one fall event. The second? Barbed Wire ropes. And to finish it all off, they would go to Hell. Hell . . . in the Cell. The Goblin would have his say before it was all over and the OAOAST issues a warning with this match: it is not for children. Or the faint of heart. Viewer discretion . . . is advised.

 

[commercial break]

[Guest SP-1]

[Graphic: OAOAST GREAT ANGLE BASH 2003! Tampa, Florida]

 

Cue: Hell’s Bells

 

*DONG*

 

*DONG*

 

*DONG*

 

The familiar guitar strains of the AC/DC song hit the speakers, and the crowd POPS for El Dandy~! Dandy emerges from the back, wearing the zebra stripes and his regular tights. Clearly ready to officiate, but clearly ready for action. He makes his way down the ramp.

 

Ring Announcer: Approaching the ring now, serving as special GUEST REFEREE for this match, which WILL DECIDE the OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS . . . EL DANDY~!.

 

The crowd pops huge as Dandy slides into the ring. He stands and turns to the ramp as his music dies out, watching and waiting.

 

Cue: “I’m Only Shooting Love”

 

The music signals the arrival of Ed, who comes down the ramp with a scowl on his face, the two Tag Titles slung over his shoulders. He looks angry, focused, determined. He stops at the middle of the ramp with Stephen Joseph in tow, who the steps in front of him and faces him and “preaches” to him with strong words. He looks like a drill sergeant trying to pump up a pupil, only this sergeant is deadly and his pupil is out to destroy in the name of righteous indignation over the perceived wrongs done to him. Joseph, satisfied, steps away and allows Edward to continue on down to the ring, looking more focused than before, somehow. Tonight the Trinity is aiming to dominate, and this match is a huge advantage in that war.

 

RING ANNOUNCER

Making his way to the ring, defending the OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS on behalf of THE TRINITY, EDWARD ROBINSON!

 

Edward hits the ring and poses, holding the two belts up in the air, taking in the thousands and their collective hatred of him, as if he intends to capture it and use it to fuel him. Finally, he lets his arms fall to his side, stands in the middle of the ring, and faces the entrance ramp intently.

 

The lights go out.

 

Cue: “In Vain” by Mad at Gravity

 

A guitar’s yearning sounds, distorted, echo through the arena, and soon the bass and drums begin. The AngleTron lights up with a pair of boots, walking towards the camera in time with the beat, the image jumping and distorting to match it. The music escalates and the view moves up the body, revealing the costume and eventually the masked head of SpiderPoet.

 

Lines (It’s cold outside)

Will go unbroken (Close the door)

Thoughts (Once complete)

Will fade away (Nevermore)

 

RING ANNOUNCER

Making his way to the ring, one half of LOS . . . INFERNALES: SPIDERPOET!

 

Spidey emerges from the back to a huge pop and makes his way towards the ring, looking just as focused and determined as Edward. He pauses and looks at the bundles of barbed wire waiting on spools along the aisle, and the ominous Cell suspended above the ring. He regards it all, and knows the danger he’s walking into full well. He knows that this could go many ways over the next three matches, and he knows that there’s always the possibility of taking one hit too many and ending everything. All this he considers in a moment before jumping to the apron and walking to the ring post and climbing, throwing an arm up to the roar of the crowd as the chorus hits.

 

I’m reaching to find

the words to define

the meaning entwined

in every aching line

In vain

 

Poet looks at Ed and hops to the top of the turnbuckle. The two regard one another across the ring intently, and a crackle of energy can almost be felt between them. A hush falls over the audience as they stare and the music dies out. The lights come up and - he’s going for a move! Poet leaps - HURRICANRANA! HURRICANRANA TO START THINGS OFF!

 

*DING DING*!

 

Ed is slung across the ring, unprepared for the ‘rana. Spidey is on his feet quickly and he runs the ropes as Ed tries to get to his feet. Poet drops and slides in for a dropkick as Ed is on his hands and knees, and Ed is sent spinning over. This time he’s quicker on the recovery, and Spidey’s attempt to haul him up is blocked with several shots to the midsection. Poet stumbles back and it’s all Ed needs to launch up into a tackle. Poet absorbs the shock and somehow keeps his footing, but Ed siezes the opportunity he has. His arms already around SP, he locks his hands together and lifts up -FLAPJACK!

 

Poet hits hard, and nurses his masked face even as he bounces up from the impact and contorts himself in mid-air to roll away. Poet slings himself over to his back as Ed lunges at him, but Poet throws his feet up and Ed lands. Ed is irate as he lies, leaning forward, suspended above Poet as Poet holds him up with his legs. After a brief moment, Poet clocks him with a right hook and pushes him off. Ed, though dazed, lands on his feet and stumbles backwards. Poet kips up to a pop from the crowd and is on the attack again. He charges Ed, but Ed dodges and snags him, and RUNS HIM INTO THE CORNER! Spidey unwillingly shouldertackles the turnbuckle hard, but goes limp on the way in to try and absorb the impact.

 

Ed moves on him, and Poet sees. He grabs the top ropes right where they connect at the turnbuckle and, with his rear to Ed, kicks his back legs up. He snags Ed’s neck between his ankles and pushes back off the ropes, dropping low, and rolling on his shoulder - HURRICANRA TO THE TURNBUCKLE! Ed lands upside down in the corner, perfectly in the tree of woe!

 

JR

This one’s getting off to a high impact start!

 

JESSE

I haven’t seen Poet wrestle like this since he first got here.

 

JR

Bah Gawd, they have harassed him, beaten him, and taken his woman! That boy’s got a fire under his ass now!

 

Poet lands on his back, feet in the air, right in front of the turnbuckle. Ed gets his eyes open just in time to see Poet kick his feet out to kick him in the stomach. It’s a hard kick, and it jolts the entangled Edward. SP gets to his feet and runs to the opposite corner. He charges out towards Ed, but Ed scouts it and PULLS HIMSELF UP! He had his feet locked between the top and middle ropes and just sat up! Poet was already in motion, going for a dropkick. Instead, his crotch meets steel and he cries out.

 

JR

Ed must have quite the six-pack.

 

JESSE

I wish I had a whole keg.

 

Ed seizes the opportunity and gets his balance, standing on the top rope. With a quick look back, he simply jumps backwards - AND PLANTS BOTH FEET IN POET’S CHEST!

 

Ed bounces back off of Poet’s chest and lands on his feet perfectly. Poet is doing a half-sit-up on his own from the pain racing through his ribs. Ed quickly moves in, stomping away on SP’s chest. Harsh boots to the ribs he just landed on, not allowing his opponent the opportunity to get away. Finally, after a horrific pounding, he reaches down and hauls SP to his feet. He pushes the Poet back into the corner and rears back - CHOP~! Poet falters from the chop, but Ed quickly pushes his chin up and delivers another - CHOP~! Edward whips Poet to the opposite corner and quickly follows - POET LEAPS TO THE TURNBUCKLE - MOONSAULT - HOOKS THE LEG! DANDY SLIDES IN FOR THE COUNT!

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

ED KICKS OUT! Poet doesn’t have the energy to immediately get to his feet, instead automatically clutching his ribs again from the impact of the moonsault, hunched down on all fours, save for the arm clutching his torso. Ed gets to his feet, frustration etched in his features. He rears back and kicks Poet in the ribs again! And again! Spidey tries to roll with the force of the kick and goes over onto his back. Ed kneels beside Poet and cradles his head, pulling him up slightly. WHAM! He punches SP in the face!

 

WHAM!

 

WHAM!

 

WHAM!

 

After several vicious shots, Edward hauls SP up to his knees. He then draws back and SLAMS Spidey with a hard forearm across the back of the neck. Satisifed that Poet is subdued, Ed picks him up and whips him to the corner. Ed runs to the opposite corner and CHARGES towards Poet! But Poet hauls himself up to the top and leaps - MISSILE DROPKICK TO ED! BOTH men flail to the mat, Poet again nursing his ribs, and Ed curling up as he thuds to the mat to nurse his own upper body. Dandy quickly checks on both of them and begins to take advantage of his count.

 

1!

 

2!

 

3!

 

4! Poet stirs, and begins to get to his knees.

 

5!

 

6! Edward is on his knees, and the two eye one another!

 

Poet lunges first, and delivers a forearm to the back of Edward’s neck. After a second one, he hauls Ed up, but keeps him doubled over. Spidey yanks him in and hooks him up - SUPLEX! Poet keeps it hooked and hauls Ed up again for ANOTHER SUPLEX! He keps it and rolls up for another but Ed BLOCKS! Spidey tries again but it’s blocked again and this time Ed acts quickly. He fights his way out and staggers Poet backwards. He moves forward before Poet can regain his footing and lays into him with two stiff right hands before whipping Spidey off to the ropes. Ed rebounds back off the ropes behind him and charges at Poet, but Poet leaps for the DROPKICK - and ED PUTS ON THE BRAKES! Poet falls flat on his back, and Ed is there, snatching his legs up and twisting for a BOSTON CRAB! He rolls Poet on over and hauls it back, sinching it up tight. The pressure is clearly taking a toll on Poet’s already busted up upper body, and it can be seen as he reaches out his hands, flexing his fingers in agony but refusing to tap!

 

JR

That son of a - he knows Poet’s had bad wheels ever since AngleMania!

 

JESSE

Rock it back, Ed! Destroy those legs!

 

Dandy keeps asking and Poet keeps denying, and Edward just keeps hauling it back more, rocking back and forth with the hold. Finally, Poet plants his hands and pushes himself up off the mat, and tries to crawl to the ropes. He only gets a few inches when Ed rocks it back harder and Spidey is forced to halt, screaming out in pain. Again, he tries to get to the ropes, and again Edward denies him. After several long moments of trying to force Poet to tap, Edward finally releases the hold. Spidey’s legs flop down, aching and exhausted. Before he can do anything, Edward is all over him, hurling thunderous kicks to his ribs and back. Again and again and again until Dandy has had enough and tells him to knock it off. Edward stops and turns slowly to the referee and the two stare each other down for a moment.

 

Whether Ed wanted to take Dandy down or not, we don’t know, but he does turn his attention back to Poet with one more stomp, aimed at Spidey’s kidney. He then steps around and grabs Poet’s legs to hook in the Crab again. SPIDEY WIGGLES A LEG FREE! He pushes himself over on his back as Ed tries to grab his leg again, but Ed gets nothing as Poet KICKS HIM IN THE FACE! Edward is intent on the hold, though, and doesn’t let go of the leg he’s got. He moves in again, but SP kicks him right under the chin again, and this time a spurt of blood flies out of Ed’s mouth! He’s dazed, and Spidey takes advantage, locking his legs around Edward’s waist and twisting - SCISSORS TAKEDOWN!

 

JR

THE POWER OF THE POET!

 

JESSE

Oh please! Rush of adrenaline, if that!

 

Poet, nursing his ribs, hauls himself to his feet with the aid of the ropes. He assesses the situation and sees that Ed is laid out in front of the corner. Poet wearily stomps his way over and the crowd’s volume rises with every step. He looks to the top turnbuckle and grasps the top rope on both sides with his hands and begins to haul himself up. He reaches the top and signals for the -

 

JR

SPIDAHSAULT! THIS IS IT!

 

Poet backflips perfectly, gaining quite a bit of air, and comes down - RIGHT ON ED’S RAISED KNEES!

 

JR

NOO!

 

JESSE

HA! He had him scouted! THAT is the sign of a TRUE Champion!

 

Spidey rebounds off, clutching his ribs and screaming in agony. He lands face down, but automatically lifts his mid-section off the ground, cradling it, kicking his feet against the mat. Edward gets to his feet and runs at SP - SLIDING DROPKICK TO SP’S FACE! Poet’s head whips around and he falls limply to the mat. Edward is all over it, rolling Poet over for the pin. Dandy has no choice but to count!

 

1!

 

2!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.9999! POET THROWS AN ARM UP!

 

JR

BAH GAWD WHERE DID HE PULL THAT FROM?!

 

JESSE

NO! DANDY COUNTED TOO SLOW!

 

Ed, disbelieving, bears back down on poet again!

 

1

 

2

 

 

 

SP KICKS OUT! The crowd is going NUTS! Flustered, Ed wipes the blood draining across his chin from his mouth away and proceeds to haul SP up. He gets Spidey to his knees and SLAMS him with another forearm. He jerks Poet up to his feet and hauls back and punches Poet right in the jaw. ANOTHER PUNCH! AND ANOTHER! AND ANO- POET BLOCKS! POET FIRES BACK! ED FIRES BACK! POET! ED! BRAWL~! The two exchange stiff punches in the center of the ring before Ed finally blocks and WHIPS Poet to the ropes with AUTHORITY! Poet on the rebound - DROPS! SLIDES BETWEEN ED’S LEGS!

 

Ed doesn’t turn to be punched, instead he bolts to the ropes himself. He erbounds off of them and comes back -

 

 

ED LEAPS FOR A FLYING FOREARM!

 

 

 

 

 

 

SP CATCHES HIM!

 

 

 

 

THROWS HIM UP IN A PRESS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

~!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JR

TILDEBANG! TILDEBANG! TILDEBANG! ~!~!~! POET CRAWLS OVER FOR THE COVER!

 

Dandy is on it!

 

1!

 

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

 

 

3!

 

The ring crew immediately springs into work as a breathless SpiderPoet and a severely stunned Edward lie motionless in the ring. The second fall hasn’t started yet, awaiting the instruction of El Dandy as if it were a living creature. But matches are, aren’t they? They take on a life of their own sometimes, even in death.

 

Barbed wire is unspooled as the ropes are taken down, the ring left as an open area. SpiderPoet rolls to his belly, still cradling his ribs. The TildeBANG~! Visibly took a lot out of him, and the pin was most likely made on adrenaline alone. He rocks back on his knees to see better, and through his mask his eyes lock with Ed’s, which have just fluttered open. Ed’s head lulls to one side and the two stare at each other as the ring is transformed all around them. Barbed wire is strung up and cris-crossed into huge X shapes between ringposts, with seven more lines of wire strung up behind them for reinforcement. Though not spoken aloud, the giant spools of barbed wire outside the ring could conceivably be used somehow. The only rule? Win. Inside the ring.

 

Both men turn this information over in their minds as they eye one another, and both know what’s coming. Both know that the ‘wrestling’ portion of this exhibition is over, and that vengeance is about to be waged. Vengeance for a best friend wronged, vengeance for a lover taken. But vengenace, no matter the cause, is a harsh and cold thing. Often bloody, and almost always brutal in some fashion. Whether emotional or physical. Someone pays. And someone pays dearly.

 

The ring crew, satisfied with their job, back away and retreat up the ramp. El Dandy glances at the two competitors as Ed and Poet find their footing and stare at one another. He takes a step back and looks outside to the timekeeper.

 

*DING DING*

 

Let vengeance begin.

 

Poet and Ed circle one another. The game has changed, the rules are different, and the setting is lethal. Poet is the first to strike, but Ed matches, and we return to the wrestling standard of the lockup. Ed gains the advantage and tries to whip Poet to the wire, but Poet reverses. ED reverses, however, but Poet manages to put the brakes on before crashing into the spiny, sharp wire. He whirls around, perhaps hoping that Ed would have stupidly charged, but Ed stayed where he was.

 

Circle again, Poet favoring his ribs and Edward again wiping a line of blood from his chin as they walk. Again, Poet lunges first, and again they lock up. Struggle for power, and this time Poet gains the advantage with a well-placed knee to Ed’s gut. Ed falters and Poet hooks him up for a suplex to the barbed wire, but Ed blocks. Poet tries to haul him up again, but Ed reverses in mid-air, twists, and lands behind Poet. Poet thinks fast and throws his arm around Ed’s head, and makes for the barbed wire, trying for the bulldog, but ED PUSHES POET FORWARD AT THE LAST SECOND!

 

A camera is close enough to record the prolonged grunt as the barbed wire rips at Poet’s costume and flesh as he’s sent tumbling over it to the outside. It sags, but holds. SP is on all fours, trying to take count of all the scratches and tears in his costume while nursing his troubled torso. In the ring, Ed backs up as far as he can and sprints before vaulting over the barbed wire. Poet had gotten to his knees, and looked up just as Ed came crashing down on top of him. Poet goes limp and rolls with it to the barricade, where he uses the momentum to roll on to straddle Ed. Bewildered at his sudden detrimental position, Ed has no defense as Poet lets a hard right fist fly. It smacks into the side of Robins’ head, and is followed by a left fist doing the same.

 

SP plunges his right hand down and holds Ed by the throat as he punches him twice more with his left fist. The final time, a sick *POP* can be heard, and a small splattering of blood flies from Edward’s nose, along with a groan from Edward’s throat. Whether his senses suddenly return or the sight of his own blood suddenly fuels him, we simply do not know. But Edward swings his own right fist around and clocks Poet in the side of the head. It stuns the costumed man, but Poet draws back to continue his own assault. Ed heads him off by popping him again, forcing Poet to stagger to his feet.

 

Ed is quick to act, sneering as he spears his feet out, wrapping them around Poet’s waist. Ed twists, much like how Poet did in the first match, and in a scissors-like maneuver, forces SP over and down against the side of the ring. Poet’s chin lands right on the edge of the ring itself, and his head snaps back as he’s clearly stunned. He sits on his knees, swaying back and forth as if trying to gather his wits. Ed is on his feet and at Poet’s side quickly, wiping the mass of blood running from his nose away with a *SLURP* kind of sound that causes some of the viewers at home to cringe in disgust.

 

Ed grabs Poet by the head and yanks it back so Poet is looking up at him. Ed says something garbled, but the camera can pick up the word, “Widow,” in there somewhere. He than pulls Poet’s head back and then FRAM’S it into the edge of the ring again! Ed pushes Poet over, who slumps to the ground lazily. He looks over to the spools of barbed wire sitting by the entrance ramp and a smile slowly creeps across his bloodied face. He makes his way over there and begins inspecting the spools as Poet begins to stir at ringside. Ed moves around behind the huge spool and grabs it’s round, flat edges. He pushes it, and it begins a slow roll towards the ring. So intent on this is he that he doesn’t notice that Poet has regained his bearings, ripped costume and bloodied chest and all, and is haphazardly perched at the top of a nearby ringpost. He is forced to take this into account, however, when he looks up just in time to see Poet flying through the air with a FLYING CROSS BODY! SP CRASHES into Ed, sending them both tumbling back onto the hard, metal ramp. They both stagger to their feet similarly, and Ed comes at Poet with a punch. Poet blocks and returns one of his own, which lands, but Ed doesn’t seem fazed. He instead answers with a right hand of his own, and the two begin to brawl, heading up the ramp towards the stage.

 

Finally, Poet blocks a punch attempt and darts around behind Ed. He locks his arms around his waist, looking for a German, but Ed blocks it and elbows his way out. Ed whirls around to see Poet going for a standing dropkick, but Ed steps back to avoid, and instead catches Poet’s legs in mid-air. Poet has no choice but to continue his fall, winding up in an upside down position as Ed holds his legs. Ed hauls back and hoists SP up to a sitting position on his shoulders. Sensing what’s coming, Poet tries to fight his way out, but Ed quickly hops back and falls flat on his behind, POWERBOMBING SPIDERPOET ONTO THE STEEL RAMP!

 

JR

THAT IS UN-FOR-GIVING STEEL! POET CAN’T CONTINUE AFTER THAT!

 

JESSE

Get him in the ring, Ed! Pin his sorry carcass!

 

If he somehow heard him, Ed ignores Jesse’s advice and shrugs Poet’s legs away from his shoulders before rolling to his knees and getting to his feet. He looks at Poet, who lies with his back arched, his mind trying to process which is more important: his hurt back or his hurt ribs? Edward then looks back towards the spool of barbed wire at the end of the ramp and at the ring beyond, and begins moving back that way.

 

JR

That cheap sonofa – if he wins this thing by forcing Dandy into a countout, I’m gonna -

 

JESSE

What? You’ll sit here and cry into your barbecue sauce? He can’t. It has to be pinfall, in the ring.

 

Edward stops at the spool of barbed wire as, up the ramp, El Dandy kneels by his partner. An almost imperceptible nod from Poet is enough for Dandy, who stands and backs away. Down the ramp, Ed tugs on the loose strand of barbed wire and tugs, trying to unravel it. Back up the ramp, Poet is on his hands and knees, his mask above his nose, gasping for air. After several long moments of Edward slowly pulling a line of wire free of the spool, and Poet trying to get to his feet, Spidey is standing. He begins making his way down to Ed, and breaks intoa limping sprint for the last third of the way. Ed sees him approaching though, and ducks out of Poet’s initial CLOTHESLINE attempts. He whirls around just as Poet does, and throws his leg up to boot Spidey in the gut. Poet doubles over and Edward pulls him in to try for a Suplex, but Poet blocks, reverses, and tries to haul Ed up for a Suplex of his own! Halfway up and over, though, Ed reverses and lands right behind SP, quickly locking his arms around his waist.

 

Ed moves quickly - RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!

 

 

 

POET LANDS ON TOP OF THE BARBED WIRE SPOOL! HIS BACK ARCHED, SPRAWLED OVER THE WIRE, HE IS MOTIONLESS as he SCREAMS!

 

JR

IN ALL MY YEARS I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!

 

JESSE

Good L - that kid’s got to be dead!

 

Ed pulls himself to his feet using the barricade for support, and looks at Poet. At first his face is expressionless, but slowly a sadistic grin spreads over it. Edward walks around the spool, where Poet is twitching slightly, and goes up the steps to the ring. He looks from Poet to the audience and back before throwing his hair back from his face and leaping - LEGDROP TO POET! FROM THE RING APRON TO THE BARBED WIRE SPOOL!

 

JR

DAMN HIM!

 

JESSE

“ . . . “

 

Poet flips off of the spool from the legdrop and lands face-first. His back is ripped to shreds, both in costume and in flesh. Through the torn fabric of his costume, blood pours from deep cuts where the prongs in the wire not only deeply penetrated his skin, but tore from that deep level as he tore away from the spool when he was dropkicked. Ed lies a few feet away, having taken great care to hit Poet with his leg and move away to avoid the spool. Edward rolls over to his hands and knees, and blood pours from his nose before he looks up, pooling lightly on the protective mat outside the ring. He sees the blood running down the sides of Poet’s back and takes it in for a moment before pushing himself on up to his feet.

 

Edward reaches down and picks Poet’s more or less limp form up from the ground and drags him around to the side of the ring where Poet originally tumbled over the wire to the outside. The side where the wire is weak. He hoists Poet up above his head in a press and HURLS SP INTO THE BARBED WIRE “ROPES”! Poet crashes into them and they snap and break at the ends under the pressure, snaking out and around him as he continues on into the mat. Droplets of blood get on Edward and the ring mat as the barbed wire rips and tears at SP’s flesh as he collides with it. And then SP lies in the ring, save for the random - but frequent- spasm, crumpled, tangled amidst quite a bit of barbed wire. Edward surveys his work for a moment before carefully climbing into the ring. He stands above SP and sneers at El Dandy, who regards his fallen partner with worry in his eyes. Edward reaches down and begins pulling the barbed wire away from SP, seeming to take joy in every small *pop* as prongs pop free of Poet’s body. After a moment or two of this, Edward drags Poet away from the barbed wire and pulls him to his feet. With a wicked smile of bloodied teeth and lips, Ed boots SP in the stomach and delivers an EVENFLOW DDT~!

 

Poet is planted, and he rolls over easily as Ed pushes him. Ed looks at Dandy and smugly signals before draping an arm over SP. Dandy has no choice . . .

 

1!

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

 

3!

 

JR

My God, Jesse, SpiderPoet looks to be very, very hurt.

 

Jesse

It doesn’t seem like a lot has happened, but the things that have would take their toll on anyone.

 

JR

Nobody’s pulling their punches here, folks.

 

The arena lights dim significantly, and the stage lights flash in colorful sequence to signify the transition to the final part of this match: Hell in the Cell. Edward stands in the ring as Dandy kneels beside Poet, Edward with his arms outstretched as he looks up at the descending Cell, Dandy talking to Poet who is indeed nodding at his words. The camera angle is from the stands, facing the side of the ring, as is standard for most wrestling shows. It’s zoomed in on Ed, though, and it’s a disturbing image to see his grinning, bloodied face as the cell begins to descend over the frame.

 

El Dandy stands as the Cell sets down securely, and he catches Edward’s attention with a light shove to the shoulder to break him from his maniacal thoughts. Ed sneers at him, but Dandy is undaunted. Dandy tells him the things that he needs to know for the match, a measure every ref that comes after him has to go through who has the displeasure of working inside the “INTENSEZONE” Cell.

 

JR

I’d hate to be in El Dandy’s shoes right now. Earlier, we all received word that an IntenseZone sponsored Cell match has the added stipulation that Warzone Rules are in effect. And as we learned a while back with SpiderPoet, that means that contracts stipulate that no matter how badly injured - or worse - a man becomes, not a soul is liable for it except for himself. This is truly the epitome of . . . anything goes.

 

JESSE

Judging by what we’ve seen so far, once Spidey gets his second wind, things aren’t going to get pretty.

 

JR

You know, Jesse, part of he hopes that Poet never gets that second wind. The Tag Team Titles are one hell of an incentive, but if this drags on much longer . . .

 

JESSE

You’re right, Ross. Exhaustion is never a good thing in the ring. If your body, your strength fail you, nobody’s safe.

 

 

Dandy finishes explaining the Warzone Rules implications for the Cell to Ed, whose grin somehow widens with every ounce of knowledge passed on.

 

JR

Look at ‘im. He’s loving every minute of this.

 

JESSE

He’s just looking forward to the task at hand. Like a preacher converting someone. The Trinity is, after all, all about purity through pain. Poet’s going to be very . . . very pure when this is over.

 

Dandy steps away and signals the time keeper.

 

*DING DING*

 

We’re on. Edward reaches down and begins to haul SpiderPoet to his feet. Ed pushes Poet back, non-chalantly, and Poet just topples over, dangerously close to the pile of bloody barbed wire that was once serving as the ring ropes. Ed chuckles and limps over to Poet, and raises him to his feet again.

 

And again pushes him over. Clearly amused, Edward takes a moment to toss off a smug, bloodied grin to El Dandy before playing to the crowd, which is chanting for SpiderPoet’s recovery. Ed raises a fist to his own eye and moves it back and forth in a, “Boo-Hoo” motion, which draws boos from the less committed. But most of the audience ignores him and continues chanting for their fallen hero. Ed shakes his head in disgust, no doubt counting a cheer for Poet as a cheer for Zack Malibu. He turns back to Spidey and again goes to haul him up - BUT POET WAS READY!

 

Poet whips a fist around and punches Edward in the side of the head. Edward stumbles back and Poet goes on the offensive. A flurry of un-wrestling-like punches force Edward back . . . back . . . SPIDAHKICK! ED GOES FLYING BACK INTO THE OPPOSITE BARBED WIRE ROPES AND ON DOWN BETWEEN THE CELL WALL AND THE RING TO THE FLOOR!

 

JR

I’ve never seen anyone move like that!

 

JESSE

I have, Ross. On heldDOWN. On the rooftop of the arena.

 

JR

You watch the competition?

 

JESSE

For this epic? I TIVO that joint.

 

Poet stands, leaning to the side to favor his ribs and leg. His costume is torn, tattered, bloodied, but still he stands. He sits on the edge of the ring and slides down to the floor beside Ed, who is writing as hundreds of barbs are embedded into his skin. Poet carefully picks him up and ROLLS HIM into the ring, causing Ed to become even more tangled up in the barbed wire, and countless more barbs to dig into him.

 

JR

Every move you make can hurt like hell when there’s barbed wire all over you.

 

Poet crawls back into the ring now as Dandy checks on Edward. Dandy looks up to see Poet standing in the middle of the ring, and for the briefest of moments a smile plays across his face. He hides it quickly, though, and returns to officiating. Poet moves to Edward and goes to pick him up, but Edward whips a fist around - a fist wrapped in barbed wire. It connects with Poet’s cheek, and the sound of both flesh and fabric ripping can be heard as Poet’s head snaps around and he falls to one knee. When he looks back up, we see that the left side of his mask is torn, his cheek sports several small gashes, but the blood welling up makes it look like one big one. Poet staggers to his feet and backs off of Ed for a moment. He turns and looks at the AngleTron and sees his shredded cheek.

 

So caught up is he that he doesn’t notice Edward stirring behind him, ripping the barbed wire from him, ignoring the more gory aspects of doing so. All of it . . . except for his wrapped fist. Poet is mesmerized by the AngleTron view and he reaches up and lightly touches his bloody cheek. The view on the Tron switches though, just in time to show Ed charging at Poet. Poet can’t turn fast enough, though, and Ed’s barbed wrist plunges right into the small of his back. Ed rakes it away, ripping fabric and flesh as Poet spasms from the hit. Ed spins him around and punches him in the face again, ripping away more mask and skin. He knees Poet and then forearms him across the base of his neck, sending Poet to his hands and knees. Ed kicks him in the ribs, sending Poet onto his back in pain.

 

Ed drops and straddles Poet and wraps his free hand around Poet’s neck to hold his head still and then begins RAKING THE BARBED WIRE FIST ACROSS POET’S FOREHEAD, digging in as hard as he can, ripping away mask, skin, meat. Again and again he rakes, his knuckles becoming covered with blood - both his own and Poet’s. He doesn’t notice it at first, but Poet grasps his wrist around his throat and struggles it free. Ed tries to force his hand back around his opponent’s throat, but Poet resists with everything he’s got, and it must have been quite a sight for Ed, with blood flowing down across the white eyes of Poet’s mask. Poet pushes the hand away and Ed draws back to make another run with the barbed fist, but Poet lurches up quickly with a HEADBUTT that stuns Ed! Spidey then brings a fist across Ed’s jaw, and then another, and finally punches him right in his already broken nose, sending Edward toppling off of him.

 

Poet scrambles to his feet and staggers to Ed and tries to pick him up, but Ed slams him with the barbed fist to the gut and Poet doubles over, pain racing through his ribs and torn flesh. Ed plows him in the face with it again as he gets to one knee, and as Poet falls to one knee himself, Edward HEADBUTTS POET! Edward gets to his feet and picks Poet up and

 

HURLS POET OUT OF THE RING!

 

 

POET CATCHES THE CAGE!

 

Edward looks on in disgust as Poet hangs from the side of the cage wall, holding on to the fencing with his hands. Ed leaps to drag poet down, but SP spears a leg out behind him and ROCKS Edward, sending him flying back into the ring - INTO THE PILE OF BARBED WIRE! No sooner does Edward start to untangle himself than POET LEAPS FROM THE CAGE - CORKSCREW SPIDAHSAULT FROM THE CELL WALL! Poet ignores the barbed wire pawing at him and hooks Ed’s leg!

 

1

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.999 ED KICKS OUT!

 

JR

SONOFABITCH! HE HAD HIM! HE HAD HIM!

 

JESSE

Even I thought that was it, Ross!

 

Poet crawls away from Ed, unable to muster the will to get to his feet again. Everything he had, ignoring his ribs and other wounds, went into the near-impossible SpidahSault from the cage wall.

 

JR

Damn it. It looks like there’s no more gas in the tank . . .

 

JESSE

Come on, Kid . . . do something.

 

Edward comes up behind Poet and hauls him to his knees. He reaches down and hooks Poet’s arms up in a Full Nelson and drags Spidey backwards a few feet before jerking him up - FULL NELSON SLAM TO THE BARBED WIRE! Poet just lies on his shoulders, arse in the air, legs folded back over his head.

 

JR

HE’S DEAD! HE’S DEAD!

 

Edward turns and pulls Poet’s legs down, hooking one. Dandy slides in and sadly goes for the count.

 

1

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.99999999999999 HOLY SHITE, POET THROWS AN ARM UP!

 

JR

HE’S ALIVE! SOMEHOW, SOME WAY, HE’S STILL KICKIN’!

 

JESSE

SLOW COUNT! THAT BASTARD REF IS SLOWING THE COUNT!

 

Ed rolls away from Poet, both men too exhausted, apparently to do much of anything.

 

POET KIPS UP!

 

JR

YES! I DON’T KNOW WHERE HE GOT IT FROM, HE PULLED DOWN FROM THE BOTTOM OF HIS BOOTS, BUT HE . . . KIPPED . . . UP!

 

Staggering, almost drunkenly, Poet makes his way to Ed and kicks him in the head for good measure before continuing on to the corner. He almost collapses across the turnbuckle but holds himself up. One side is ropes, the other is not, and for a moment Poet gazes at the edge of the ring where the ropes have been broken. He looks back at Ed with bloodstained, masked eyes, and raises his foot - *STOMP*

 

Ed begins to stir and the volume of the crowd rises with every *STOMP*

 

*STOMP*

 

*STOMP* Ed gets to his knees.

 

*STOMP* Ed is on one knee

 

*STOMP* Ed is up! Poet comes rocketing in - SPIDAHKICK!

 

JR

HE GOT HIM! HE GOT HIM!

 

JESSE

Ah, to hell with it. Wrap it up, kid! You’ve got him!

 

Poet collapses backwards onto Ed, facing up. Dandy is there for the count!

 

1

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

POET SITS UP.

 

JR

What the - wait!

 

JESSE

The cell roof! It’s HIM!

 

Poet is sitting up, Edward forgotten, gazing up at the Cell roof. Standing there is THE DARK POET. The two Poets stare at each other and SP slowly gets to his feet, never taking his gaze away from TDK. Sp then stumbles to the edge of the ring and reaches out to grab a handfull of cage and BEGINS TO CLIMB! Within a few steps, though, he goes to move his leg, but can’t. He looks down to see BLACK WIDOW securing his leg against the cage wall with a strand of barbed wire from the spool sitting at ringisde where Edward had rolled it earlier!

 

JR

NO! THAT JEZEBEL!

 

JESSE

DAMN!

 

Poet looks at her and she looks back at him, expressionless. Her eyes are glazed over and she seems to just be staring off into space. Poet looks at his foot, to Widow, and back to TDK. He thinks for a moment before just RIPPING HIS FOOT FREE! Barbs tear at his boot, but don’t do much damage, and he continues on his way up the side of the cage. Up top, TDK makes with a “Come one” gesture.

 

JR

Look at the way the bastard is dressed.

 

The camera angle changes to see the top of the Cell better, and indeed TDK has strayed from his usual black and white version of Poet’s costume. His mask is the same, but he wears a long coat now, that buttons up to a high collar. SP reaches the top of the cage and swings - monkey bars style - across the roof, to the door at the top. The same door he had to go through to win the Tag Titles at AngleMania. Only this time, it isn’t locked, and this time, TDK is there to rip it open. He reaches down and snags Poet and lifts him out of the Cell, tossing him down on the roof. TDK slams the door shut.

 

JR

I have a bad feeling about all of this.

 

JESSE

Me too, Ross. Me too.

 

In the ring, Edward is stirring. He is sitting on his knees, untangling the mass of barbed wire from two torn down sides of the ring. El Dandy doesn’t see, as he’s watching the two Poets on top of the cage. At ringside, Widow begins pulling more and more barbed wire free of the spool.

 

Up top, SP gets shakily to his feet, and the two face each other. For a long moment they simply stare, both unaware that a boom mic is being lowered from the rafters by the OAOAST Production Crew. Neither of them cares if this moment, this conversation, is made public or not. It’s too important to care. And in a way, being public might rest both of their souls much easier. The Dark Poet slowly unbuttons the coat before sliding it off his shoulders. He reveals a sick display . . . he is wearing a violet sleeveless shirt and black tights with thick boots. But his body . . . his body is tattooed with green scales. Small things that almost-but not quite- blend in with all the scars that are now apparent, running the lengths of his arms and likely continuing on all over his back and chest. He then reaches up and removes the black mask, to reveal a scarred and tattooed face. It is no longer the twin of Poet . . . he has forced himself into something opposite. Something not even human-looking anymore.

 

Into a Goblin.

 

TDK

So very much the same, brother. We are. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to change it, change it all, I couldn’t stand to be associated with you. But when it was over, when the ink dried and the scars healed, I realized that I had become something even more tied to you and your persona. I had become your worst enemy. I wept.

 

But then I remembered. I remembered what this . . . creature . . . this . . .Goblin . . . did to your namesake.

 

((TDK looks over at Black Widow, who robotically continues unspooling barbed wire))

 

He robbed him of his first love. Off a bridge she went, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t save her. And neither . . . can you.

 

SP

((Poet reaches up to his own mask and sticks his thumbs under the fabric at the base of his neck. And slowly . . . he begins to lift. He lifts it up, up, over his nose, but doesn’t stop there. He continues. And removes it completely, revealing a face red with his own blood, pouring from his various scars from the match. His hairline is matted with drying blood, and his right eye is swelling. But he stares right at TDK and says,

 

SP

My name is Peter James Cone. I don’t need this mask. I don’t need you, your approval, or our father’s. I am my own man. And I’m telling you right now, that if you kill her . . . I will kill you.

 

Goblin

(Wicked smile) Oh . . . she’s not going to die. Not yet.

 

Goblin spears a hand out and grabs Poet by the throat, applying just enough pressure that Poet can feel his strength draining, his body finally failing. Down in the ring, we see that Edward has been very busy, methodically stringing the free barbed wire across the ring from corner to corner, creating . . . a web. He looks on as El Dandy regards him with cold contempt.

 

And he never sees Dandy come after him. Dandy clocks Edward in the side of the head as a roar goes up from the crowd, and quickly snatches him up - EL DANDYNATOR TO THE OUTSIDE!

 

JR

FINALLY! WARZONE RULES FOR EVERYONE!

 

Dandy makes for the cage door and flings it open, going after Widow. Just as he gets there, though, she reaches to the side of the giant spool and grabs something. The last thing he will remember is Widow swinging a chair wildly and with full force at his head. El Dandy falls, a vicious shot sprawling him. Few people would have been standing anyway. She looks up at the top of the Cell, where Goblin is holding Poet out at an arm’s length, signaling her. She takes the end of all the unspooled barbed wire she’s managed to take out, and begins climbing the side of the Cell.

 

Widow reaches the top of the cage with barbed wire in tow.

 

Goblin

I may not be a Spider anymore, but she’s a Widow. (To Widow) Do what I told you to.

 

Widow stares at SP, that same spaced out gaze, and begins wrapping the barbed wire all around him. After a few moments, he’s secured . . . in a cocoon of barbed wire. Goblin grins wickedly and suddenly tightens his grip, and Poet can’t do a thing. He spits up blood and sputters and gags, but ultimately . . . he loses consciousness and sags in Goblin’s grip. Widow silently walks over and opens the cell door.

 

Goblin holds the cocooned Poet up over the roof door and drops him.

 

JR

NO! NO! NO!

 

Poet lands in the web of barbed wire with a harsh thud and doesn’t stir. Edward, however, throws an arm over the edge of the ring from the outside, and hauls himself into the ring. He crawls over to Poet as another ref comes flying down the ramp from the back at the sight of a pinfall to end this thing. Ed ignores all the cutting and scraping of crawling over the barbed wire web, and drapes an arm over Poet’s neck.

 

The ref uneasily makes the count in a free area of the barbed wire web.

 

1!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!

 

JR

NO! NO! ED RETAINS THE TITLES!

 

JESSE

Somebody get the damned Medics out! It’s over!

 

The Cell begins to lift immediately, and Goblin and Widow merely ride it up and out of sight, disappearing into the shadows of the rafters. Medics flood from the back, some checking on Edward, but most flocking to Poet. With wire cutters they quickly cut him free of the barbed wire and begin checking his battered body. One of them removes a radio from it’s holster on hsi uniform and begins requesting something.

 

JR

Folks, we’ve just been informed that an ambulance has been requested. SpiderPoet’s not breathing . . .

[Guest SP-1]

[Fade in on Coach, who looks disturbed]

 

COACH

Fans, the Goblin will stop at absolutely nothing to end the career of James Cone, the man we know as Spider Poet. And as we head into AngleMania 3 tonight, only on PAY PER VIEW, anything can happen. And probably will. Thanks for watching. Next up on ANGLEMANIA ALL DAY: The Rise and Fall of CWM: True OAOAST Legend or Merely King of the Slurpee Machine? I'm DA COACH, signing off.

 

 

[roll credits]

Edited March 28, 2004 by SpiderPoet