Crimson 20th comments

[Guest Renegade]

GRRRRREAT Show i must say. Cant wait for that ppv

[Guest midnight_burn]

Well i won, even if it was by default. Yay.

 

Show looks pretty good, but the no-showing is rather dissapointing, especially the triple no-show.

 

Is Shawn Brody even around? Haven't seen him on the boards for ages (last post of his i found was April 7), and he's no showed his last 3 or 4 matches i think. Shame he's seemingly dissapeared, he was good.

[Guest Insanityman]

Awesome show, and that first blood match ruled. Basically I wrote a crud match so I didn't have to no-show. Granted from a superb match from Flesher I doubt even if I took all the time I wanted it would win. Kudos to everyone who gave a damn and showed.

[Guest crusen86]

Yeah, I think Brody's died.

[Guest Insane Clown Dan]

What the hell is going on? I should be facing Poisyn, or at least somebody... but im not on the card at all.

 

At least have me wrestle my own shadow or something!

 

Anyway... read. Enjoy.

 

----

 

(Switch back from Herbal Essences commercial – “to get those orgasmic… er, organic experiences!”)

 

Edwin : “DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!”

 

Axis grunts and pushes as hard as he can, with trails of sweat pouring down his forehead… his face turning red…

 

Axis : “RRRRRAAAAGH!!!”

 

*PFFFFFFT!* Axis passes gas.

 

Axis : “And so the deadly nerve gas was released into the atmosphere! Now it will prey on those unlikely… er, *very* likely citizens from behind the nuclear test site!”

 

Edwin : “Oh… my… GOD! Think of the children! Think of the lepers! Think of the whores! Think of the PANDAS! What have we done……… oooh nooo! We've created a environmental disaster... of Three Mile Island proportions!”

 

As that horrible flatulence floats towards some unlucky people in the crowd, they cough and gag so much that some of them are evacuated to the hospital!

 

King : “…we’re ON THE AIR, you fruitcakes! Do your jobs right!”

 

Axis : “Oh. Righto. Welcome back everybody. Yatta, great show so far. I’ve seen that there’s already been some tension between the lumberjacks scheduled to appear on our show in the main event! I must wonder, though, what’s been going on in Ced’s mind lately, and-“

 

The arena's lights go off, and purple pyro shoots up from the stage, as the first few gituar lines of Hoobastank’s “Crawling In The Dark” hits. Soon afterwards,  Posiyn emerges from the mysterous smoke that flows out of the stage entrance. When Posiyn walks out on stage, a green strobelight hits the arena while the man we all knew once as Matt Myers walks down the ramp with a microphone in his hand. The crowd tries to touch him while he walks down the trail to the ring, but he flips them all off and calls them all pathetic little children, having a good laugh.

 

Edwin  : “Poisyn’s out here right now… but why?”

 

Axis : “We’ll find out soon enough.”

 

When Poisyn enters the ring, he shoves the ring official over the ropes and walks around the ring, looking at all the people he will be speaking to. Then, he puts his microphone up to the mouth and begins.

 

Poisyn : “…Oh just great. I’m in redneck central… Nashville, Tennessee. This is how life makes me its bitch… by making me travel long distances to places like THIS!”

 

The offended denizens of Nashville boo at Poisyn.

 

Poisyn : “Haha… that’s all you can do. Boo. God, do you all suck! Where’s the chanting?”

 

 

 

 

…….

 

 

 

 

“ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!”

 

Poisyn : “Now throw wallets at me! C’mon! Throw those wallets toward the ring! Damn hard objects they are, they’ll bust my face open! COME ON YOU PUSSIES! Show some strength for once!”

 

The front row of the audience takes their wallets out and throws them at the former Matt Myers, unknowingly following his every single command like a helpless flock of sheep.

 

Poisyn : “Hahahaha… that’s some more money for the SWF. Yup yup yup… the case is officially closed. You’re all so goddamn inbred, your IQ’s are only slightly higher than Forrest Gump’s! Just know that you are all of very little use… you have no lives… you have the most horrible taste in music… eww, country… and while POISYN is PERMANENT…….. you half-brained hicks are ALL…. VERY, VERY TEMPORARY!”

 

The crowd stops chanting “Asshole” and stops throwing their wallets, and actually use their minds for a second.

 

Poisyn : “That’s better. Anyway, I have a very important announcement to make. Not that it really concerns any of you halfwits, but ah, what the hell. You see, there is in fact a JL PPV coming up. Unfortunately, I do not have one worthy opponent to face. Actually, there is one man… but he won’t be facing me at the PPV, I am afraid. So instead, I would like to call out another man…”

 

Axis : “Huh? Who could this be?”

 

Edwin : “Shhhh! Listen!”

 

Poisyn : “…a man who I still have a grudge against. A man who took me under his wing, and then threw me away like a Garth Brooks CD, in favor of another.”

 

Axis : “But who in the hell is he talking about?”

 

 

 

 

 

………

 

 

 

 

 

Poisyn : “GET YOUR SORRY ASS IN HERE…… FLEXXX!”

 

Axis : “What in the hell-“

 

Poisyn : “Yeah, that’s right… the Flunkmasta Flexxx.”

 

The crowd boos at the conniving Flunkmasta’s name, still remembering what he’s done to Venom and GoldenEye, and how he’s been nothing but an added thorn in the side to X Force Nine’s Ash Ketchum and Erek Taylor.

 

Poisyn : “C’mon Flexxx… I can’t wait all night here, you know.”

 

Still… silence. Nothing happens at all, and the impatient Poisyn turns completely irate.

 

Poisyn : “I SAID GET YOUR COWARDLY PORN SCUM ASS IN HERE, NOW YOU FREAKIN’ BASTA—“

 

Just then, Zach de la Rocha's unusually creepy voice echoes in a low, ghostly volume throughout the arena, "Born as Ghosts" by Rage Against the Machine plays and a video of Flexxx's Golden Gun flashes on the SmarkTron screen. Flexxx twirls around his kendo stick and calmly walks down the ring, as the raging porno man points and swears at Poisyn and the other man simply glares back at him with a burning anger. Flexxx drops the kendo stick by the ring apron and steps into the squared circle, facing his former friend Matt Myers.

 

Poisyn : "Flexxx—"

 

Flexxx : “Who the hell do you think you are, Myers, calling me down here, huh? I ain’t got nothing to do with you! What’s your problem anyway, son?”

 

Poisyn : “Er…”

 

Flexxx : “Are your eyes all misty because me, Payne, IL and Renegade all knew you were a little chicken shit  who thought you could get your way with us, huh? Did you piss your pants because nobody likes you no more, and you’re so goddamn sulky and depressed over it… you named yourself POISYN!?!?!?”

 

Poisyn : "Now look, you—"

 

Flexxx : “Are your feeling hurt? Are you going to cry? Are you going to write a poem about your sorry, miserable little life?”

 

Poisyn : “Grrrrrraaaarrrr…”

 

Flexxx : “Are you going to attend group therapy sessions and draw pictures of flowery meadows to reveal your sensitive side, then do a hug circle and learn how to sing Kumbayah together—"

 

Poisyn : “SHUTUP! SHUTUP! ALL OF YOU, JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!”

 

As Matt Myers snaps from the haunting voices in his head, viciously mocking him again and again, Poisyn tries desperately to restrain himself from lunging at his most hated enemy, Flexxx. The crowd laughs and chants insults at Myers still evermore, torturing his mind relentlessly.

 

Poisyn : “…YOU…”

 

Flexxx : “Huh?”

 

Poisyn : “You are in NO position to take verbal jabs at me, you hypocritical ****tard! Look at YOU! What have you done ever since you turned your back on Destruction? When you turned your back on the fans? Huh? Huh?”

 

Flexxx : "You’re delusional! I didn’t turn my back on nobody, Matt—"

 

Poisyn : “And where have you been, anyways? Since when have you won a match, huh? Was it two months ago? Why have you been missing in action for two weeks anyhow? Are you so goddamn lazy, laid-back…. and spoiled… that you decided to kick back, and avoid WORK?”

 

Flexxx : “Uh, Myers… that’s kind of personal, and—"

 

Poisyn : “NO! No more lies! No more excuses! Tell these… ack… rednecks the truth! Tell me the truth, for once!”

 

Flexxx : “Well, if you must know…”

 

Axis : “Heh. This is going to be interesting.”

 

Matt Myers, the fans, the announcers, and everybody else was waiting to hear the Flunkmasta’s grand story of why he was missing. With one deep breath, in a lame attempt to swallow all of his nervousness, Flexxx put the microphone back up to his mouth and looked Myers straight in the eye.

 

………..

 

 

 

Flexxx : “OK, this is why I was gone. You see, two weeks ago, when I fought world champion Erek Taylor and lost, I was pretty bummed out.  I was sad, I was pissy, I was depressed like all getout… just like you are every single day of your pathetic life! But I decided to do something about it…… I needed to be cheered up. I needed to be happy again. So I decided to take a trip to the Playboy Mansion and visit my old pal and buddy, Hugh Hefner!”

 

(Immediate pop from the crowd)

 

Edwin : “Hugh Hefner? Hahahaha!!!”

 

King : “Now that man has a castle suit for a king!”

 

Flexxx : “Hugh’s an old friend of mine from way back in the day, indeed… we partied our heads off our shoulders! We drank lots of beer, we ate some ass-kickin’ steak, and then we took a tour of the Mansion and hanged out with the Playboy bunnies! And then, I met the famous porn star Jenna Jameson! And you wanna know what?”

 

(the crowd says “WHAT?”)

 

Flexxx : “WE ******… ALL… NIGHT… LONG… FOR SIX RELENTLESS, CONSECUTIVE HOURS OF TRUE HARDCORE! SHE WAS A WIIIIIIIIILD WOMAN!!! WE WERE ON FIRE SO MUCH, YOU COULD SWEAR THE WHOLE WORLD WAS SHAKING UP AND DOWN, UP AND DOWN, UP AND DOWWWWWN………………”

 

Poisyn sighs, and the perverted fans continue to mark out like crazy.

 

Flexxx : “But all of that constant action took its toll on me. My gun… my poor poor gun, shooting until it could shoot no more, and constantly getting rattled about…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flexxx : “My gun broke. My poor golden gun…… it got fissured on the top of the pistol. So I called in sick and the SWF management gave me two weeks to heal my injury.”

 

Poisyn : “THIS IS BULLSHIT!…… THIS IS COMPLETELY ABSURD! You’re saying that you were gone from the JL because your wanker got hurt?”

 

Flexxx : “Right you are, Myers muh boy! Ain’t he quite the honor student, folks…”

 

Poisyn : “YOU’RE A TOTAL DISGRACE TO THIS FEDERATION! YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE TO BE A MICHAEL COLE IN HERE! GET OUT!”

 

Flexxx : “Huh?”

 

Poisyn : “I SAID GET OUT!!!”

 

Flexxx : “Why?”

 

Poisyn : “HIT THE ROAD AND BREAK YOUR ASS ON A CAR OR SOMETHING, OR I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF! YOU HEARD ME, FLEXXX!!!”

 

Flexxx : “I’m really sorry, Myers, but if the heat’s too much for you, just stay out the kitchen! Muahahahahahaha!!!”

 

Poisyn : “Huh?”

 

Flexxx : “Yo, Dan our resident DJ masta technician! Hit my porno music!”

 

Cheesy 70’s porno music plays, and Flexxx struts around in a lude sexual dance, getting a raise out of all the screaming females in the front row! Flexxx rips his shirt off and swings it around, flexing his muscles in front of the women, then he throws his shirt out into the crowd and makes 11 ladies fight over the rights to it!

 

King : “Ooooh, I do not like that look on Myers’ face…”

 

As all of this is happening, however… “Poisyn” Matt Myers leaves the ring and walks over to the announce table. Myers takes a chair and walks back into the ring, getting ready to smash Flexxx over the head with it and stop him once and for all! And before Myers can thwack the porn star on the head with the steel chair, Flexxx grabs Myers without even looking, and instinctively lifts him into a Fireman’s Carry!

 

Axis : “HOT DAMN! Flexxx is going to hit the Golden Gun, just like that!”

 

…But Myers jumps off of Flexxx before he can nail the GG, and he pushes Flexxx into the ropes! When the porn star bounces back, Myers lifts him into that same Fireman’s Carry…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And throws Flexxx in front of him in a vertical, upside-down position, hitting a picture-perfect Tombstone on top of the steel chair that Myers dropped!

 

Axis : “POISYN HITS ‘THE CRAWLING’ ON FLEXXX!!! THE FLUNKMASTA IS OUT COLD, ON BLOODIED STEEL!”

 

King : “Stop screaming goddamnit! We don’t need hearing aids, Axis!”

 

As Myers paces around the ring with a burning adrenaline rush and makes sure to stalk Flexxx down to the ground, he runs to the ropes and jumps off of them in a springboard flip, hitting the Alternative Elbow on Flexxx’s forehead… just for the hell of it!

 

Axis : “Oww… holy crap! Elbow to the head! Poisyn, the former Matt Myers, sure means business! It now seems like he will strive to no ends to kick Flexxx out of the Smarks Wrestling Federation!”

 

Myers then runs out of the ring, fuming like a volcano, and he keeps on running to the backstage with the steel chair in hand for defense. EMTs rush out and step into the ring almost immediately, to check on the brutally attacked Fletcher Callaway’s critical condition.

 

Edwin : “New match made for the PPV, people.”

 

King : “Zuh?”

 

Edwin : “’Poisyn’ vs tha Flunkmasta Flexxx!”

 

Axis : “That will be quite the showdown to behold. But now, we have to go to commercial break.”

 

 

 

(As the camera focuses in on Flexxx’s blood-drenched face and the EMTs, and on Poisyn's widened smile, the screen fades to black.)

[Guest Longdogger_Pete]

Rankings Top Ten

 

(Low Brass is now off the list.  The upcoming PPV is a good chance to move up, as those multi-man matches are worth a lot of ranking points.  Also, with a mass bumpage coming up soon, by this time next week the rankings will have some radical changes.)

 

#1. Erek Taylor (63)

#2. Ash Ketchum (42)

#3. (tie) Insane Luchador (27)

#3. (tie) Xero (27)

#5. Stryke (25)

#6. (tie) Flunkmasta Flexxx (23)

#6. (tie) Mafia (23)

#8. (tie) Poisyn (22)

#8. (tie) "The Superior One" Tom Flesher (22)

#10. Jacob Helmsley (18)

[Guest crusen86]

Eh... Damn. I never got that Flexxx. Sorry.