Promo - ladies and gentlemen...

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Hey... just so you all remember who I am, what I do... a-one, two, three-four-five, everybody's in the house so c'mon, let's ride...

 

PROMO:

 

I feel like such a fuggin' cripple.

 

This is the happy thought that rushes through Mike Van Siclen's mind as the camera shows an extreme close-up of his his face, before fading out to show a very unhappy looking MVS, crutches under each arm, propelling himself forward.  Slowly.  Extremely slowly.  Switch camera shots to show Mike Van Siclen, standing next to a small, blonde-headed boy...

 

And this is what I choose to do while I have a broken leg... why me...

 

Standing in front of FAO Schwartz.

 

I hate kids... I really, really, really hate kids.

 

"(Kid) C'mon, Mike!"

"(Mike) I'm trying, Tommy, I'm trying..."

 

The automatic doors open to the left and the right as Mike's crutches and little Tommy's feet touch the black carpet that leads the way into the toy heaven.  Glancing to his left, Mike sees a long, black scorch mark, a token of the Midnight Carnival/IGNWO feud from oh-so-not-very-long ago.  The unlikely duo walk in...

 

Pink.

Blue.

Yellow.

Toys.

Lots...

of toys.

 

It's like heaven in here...

 

"(Tommy) Oooh!  Mike, look over here!"

 

The young'in charges over to a huge GI Joe display, leaving Mike in a cloud of dust and trying frantically to catch up to him, crutches and all.

 

I hate kids...

 

"(Tommy) Look at this, Mike!  It has real karate-chopping action!"

 

And Edwin said it would be good for my image... why can't they just hate me?

 

The crowds of people look down at Mike's electric-blue cast as he crutches by, the black signatures of many wrestlers, celebrities, etc, decorating Mike's leg cast...

 

"Hey Mike... WAAAAAIIIIIT!  You suck! - Erek Taylor"

"Mike... I'm better than you are!  I'm far superior!  I rule Uranus!  Ha! - Z"

"I am invincible! - Vanguard"

"Hey, I'm a former WCW World Champion!  Me!  I am!  Dial 1-800-C-A-L-L-A-T-T! - David Arquette"

"Hey baby... I wanna sign more than your cast... (note: there's a very inappropriate female picture next to this) - Alexa Rae"

 

So, yeah, Mike's got connections... and as all the fans look at him, before going back to their toys, they ask themselves...

 

"(Fan 1) Where have I seen him before?"

"(Fan 2) I think he wrestles... SJL or something..."

"(Fan 1) Does he really?"

"(Fan 2) I'm not sure..."

"(Fan 3) He does... he broke his leg trying to hit his finisher on Tom Flesher."

"(Fan 2) The poor guy."

"(Fan 3) I know."

"(Fan 1) That must've shattered his confidence..."

"(Fan 2) I know."

"(Fan 3) I don't think he can ever hit a Van Slaminator again..."

Collective sigh

 

Apparently, Mike is the object of many people's pity...

 

"(Tommy) Mike!  Mike!  Look at this!"

 

Oh god, what now...

 

Wait... we haven't covered Tommy's story yet, have we?  Well... Tommy has leukemia.  Nobody has been found that has a bone-marrow match... this is his final farewell.  He asked to meet Mike Van Siclen... the Amazin' one, an ignorant hero to so many...

 

"(Mike) What is it, Tommy?"

 

Tommy holds up a box... a muscular man... blue eyes... black hair... red tips... long, gray tights... M-V-S on the side.

 

"(Tommy) It's you, Mike..."

"(Mike) I know..."

 

Oh my god...

 

"(Tommy) Don't worry, Mike... you'll be kickin' ass again soon..."

"(Mike, distant voice) Watch your mouth..."

 

Is that the end of our story?  Why, of course not... there's always someone who doesn't believe...

 

"(Some Guy) HEY YO!"

 

Mike whirls around, quickly as his crutches can spin him, and nearly loses his balance.

 

"(Some Guy) Not so big and tough now, eh Van Siclen?  You think just because you're a pretty boy who lost it all, and you sleep with the boss' daughter, that you can make yourself kingshit?  Good for Flesher, I say!  He took control of his own destiny!"

 

Mike looks at the guy, slightly astonished by this sudden exchange...

 

"(Mike) I don't sleep with the boss' daughter, man..."

"(Some Guy) Oh, really?  Then why were you the European Champion?  You held Brody back, man, and look at him now!  Look at Kojack!  You're a cancer, Van Siclen!"

"(Tommy) He is not!"

"(Some Guy) Oh really, little boy?  You're too naive... you don't see what he's done to the SJL... he flat-out killed it... but you know what?  You're gone now, Mike... you're on the shelf... and you'll just fade into oblivion... and nobody'll care.  So two, three years from now, when people say the name Mike Van Siclen, they'll all be saying, 'Mike who?'"

"(Mike) Shut up, man... you don't know me, you don't know me at all... so just shut up..."

 

And with that...

 

...Fader...

 

OOC: Wow... I seriously think that sucked, but what the hell, I can make up for it later...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Wooga.  It was a little all over the place and unorthodox, but I liked it.  Cool perspective.  And mad props for FAO Schwartz, yo.

[Guest ErekT2k]

Who's Mike?

 

Good promo. Very good indeed. And do I sense a comeback coming?

[Guest Insane Clown Dan]

I likey very much indeed. A fresh change from the norm of promos made by the new guys in here. A lot deeper than it seems at first.