iB's Diatribe on WWE Judgment Day 2004

[Guest I Got Banned for Sucking]

iB's Diatribe on WWE Judgment Day 2004

16(17)/05/04

By iB ([email protected])

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Well, ladies and gents, WWE Judgment Day has finally rolled around.

 

No matter what low thoughts I have for a PPV, the hour or so before it when I get out of bed and whatever I do during that time just always seems special, as if there's something big planned.

 

As I busied myself watching The Never-Ending Story to pass the time, as well as wondering how I didn't notice the incredibly shoddy production values as a young child, I was wondering whether or not Judgment Day would surprise like last year's Vengeance, whether it would be good for what was on offer, whether it would be absolute stinker, etc.

 

Who's Judgment Day will it be? The wrestlers touted as having their Judgment Day... or the viewers'?

 

Folks, here's my take on the matter. So it probably means nothing

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The main reason that I liked this opening video package was because, as cliched and repetitive as this sort of thing is, the voice-over really actually gave you something to think about.

 

3/10

 

This is WWE Judgment Day for the 17/05/04 here, and the 16/05/04 in the US of A, where we are LIVE from the possibly legitimately sold-out Staples Center in Los Angeles, CA - Home of WWE WrestleMania 21 in less than a year's time (couldn't they have booked another venue?) - Your announcers for this SmackDown! exclusive are as expected, Michael Cole & Tazz, aswell as Hugo Savinovich and Carlos Cabrera

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Tag team contest scheduled for one fall: Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam VS The Dudley Boyz

 

Bubba lost the headband. Good for him. It's very unhick-like. Then again, so is living in New York City.

 

I figured we'd have our match of the evening right here, and it's hard to say, but for what some of the matches (match?) were, maybe not quite.

 

Fast-paced and enjoyable, as expected. I haven't said it before, but with the Dudleyz' persona, they are effective whether face or heel.

 

Excellent workrate from all four competitors - yes, including the Dudleyz, who kept up with the speed and agility of the face team, and while the match itself might not have been a technical masterpiece, it is a good sign for the future tag team division. Well, decent at least.

 

I always mark the fuck out when Rey is in a tag team match and gets the hot tag - he picks up the pace well, cleaning house, which is all good for the heel team. I could definitely see Rey and Van Dam as permanents. At least, that's what I'm hoping for, which is why I mentioned the match being a good sign. But damn, the cruiserweight division is in shambles enough to give their Championship to someone very undeserving. A very undeserving woman. A very undeserving non-cruiserweight woman.

 

Good match, even if it won't be remembered in a few weeks time, and a nice choice for an opener.

 

4/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Weak Booker T promo

 

There was just nothing special about it - it was standard. It was interesting to see his feelings heading into his match, and a match like this calls for a Booker T promo.

 

Nice little set-up you've got in there too, Book.

 

1/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Kurt Angle is in the City of Angels

 

Well, of course he is - he's just getting a promo. Nice little vehicle.

 

Excellent getting of cheap heat to start us off here - he actually put the effort in and came out with about as much as you could get out of this city.

 

Asshole Kurt was at his best this evening - must be that rise. I fail to see what putting Torrie's job on the line is going to do by way of meaning. It couldn't've been to try and increase the match's anticipation, because if so, they crashed and burned.

 

Loved Kurt here - pretty much the entire score goes to him.

 

4.5/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Scheduled for one fall: Torrie Wilson VS Dawn Marie

 

Not as bad as it could've been. In the given time, they probably worked as best as they could.

 

The thing with the women on SmackDown! when they get in the ring is that they try to pass themselves off as fully credible wrestlers. I mean, no spots were blown here or anything, but when they do it, it's oft slow and is an insult to scientific wrestling itself.

 

Kept short, thus inoffensive. Always nice to see Dawn's ass, and I felt pretty damn good about getting at least one thing out of this match until I discovered that she was wearing a g-string. Sure, it was still a nice view and would've showed viciousness had their match meant anything and they were there for any reason. The possibility of the rest of Dawn's spandex falling rapidly dropped.

 

Don't get me wrong, when I say that they probably worked as best they could, I'm not calling this a good match, which has to say something about SmackDown!'s women "wrestlers".

 

At least it wasn't a dud - it very easily could've been.

 

1/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

John Bradshaw DiBiase is in the building

 

No depth in this promo - ripping on Eddy about his heritage (it's been done), getting more and more vulgar each time, and ripping on the LA fans (it's been done).

 

1/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Scheduled for one fall: Mordecai VS Scotty 2 Hotty

 

There you go... On the new SmackDown!, when you lose the Tag Team Championship, the smaller member is the new resident jobber.

 

Well, not exactly a "jobber". But it's not as if the match was focused on Scotty at all.

 

Mordecai's got an alright look to him, and folks, let's face it - albinos are scary.

 

Match-wise, just pretend that it's the Undertaker VS Scotty 2 Hotty, but with less speed and less of a squash. What I'm getting at it is the skill level, as far as that style of wrestling goes.

 

No run-in later on, so we'll probably see something from him on SmackDown! - and at least he's got a half-credible finisher.

 

1.5/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Jacqueline's present for Chavo

 

Horrible segment. If Chavo's supposed to be so cut up about having to job to a non-cruiserweight for his Championship (seriously, I don't blame him), then what the fuck was this? It was nothing but a joke, and not funny in the slightest.

 

Way to make Chavo Sr. look credible.

 

0/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

WWE Tag Team Championship contest scheduled for one fall: Rico and Charlie Haas (Champions) w/ Jackie Gayda VS Hardcore Holly and Billy Gunn

 

Looks like Haas isn't Rico's new lover yet. WWE are so going to do that to explain his frustration of late.

 

Actually not so bad. Pretty nice wrestling throughout, though nothing great.

 

The entire first half of the match was going to have Rico exploiting his gimmick, thus pissing off the gay community probably, and making wrestling take the back seat.

 

In the second half, things got a little more serious, and the pace started to pick up. As we neared the finish, even though we all knew that Holly and Gunn wouldn't get the belts in their first actual match (well, this is SmackDown!... and this is just another cheap jibe), I was wondering how things would finish off.

 

Nice work from Haas, as always, and Rico too, who's ability in both wrestling and martial arts make for entertaining stuff.

 

Good ending, too.

 

3.5/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The Undertaker and Paul Bearer have a message for Booker T

 

It just hit me that this is the Undertaker's first promo since his return. Nothing of note though, just monotony.

 

Just the two hinting at Booker T losing, and using words that make it sound scary due to 'Taker's gimmick.

 

And I'm sorry, but I'm just not taking the Undertaker seriously anymore.

 

.5/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

What a shitty video package. But yes, a good one here would be a travesty.

 

.5/10

 

WWE Cruiserweight Championship contest scheduled for one fall: Jacqueline (Champion) VS Chavo Guerrero Jr. w/ Chavo Guerrero Sr.

 

A shitty, offensive match.

 

Even with the short length, it was still offensive. There's absolutely nothing in a male VS female "match". We'll just call it "extended segment".

 

Not even a cruiserweight match, as to be expected. You just can't convey the message to someone who just doesn't get it what it's like when the Cruiserweight Championship is being contended for in not even a cruiserweight match. Utter bullshit.

 

The 'hand behind back' was forgotten about by me, and I'm just adding this in - shows how stupid and pointless it was, huh?

 

Post-match, I was actually hoping for a cruiserweight to come out and make a challenge - hell, I would've taken Jeff freakin' Hardy.

 

I just hope that this is blown-over now, and SmackDown! can take a turn for the better, if only small, and let an actual cruiserweight or two contend. And the italics show how simply frustrated I am.

 

Way to make Chavo (Jr.) look credible - both him and his father have to band together to take out a woman that isn't Chyna. Hopefully I no longer have to use that analogy.

 

DUD

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Below average video package to start.

 

1.5/10

 

US Championship contest scheduled for one fall: John Cena (Champion) VS Rene Dupree - where's FiFi!?

 

Pre-match rap was decent, and I'm still hating the new Cena, sucking up to the crowd each and every week and sporting a local jersey. It was James Worthy this time.

 

Rap: 3/10

 

Before seeing the show, even though I wished I could have high hopes, if I couldn't trust Eddy Guerrero and Bradshaw to deliver a credible match, then what could I expect out of these two? Alright, here there is at least more than one capable wrestler, but on a show like Judgment Day, the main event was obviously getting more attention.

 

When we started and made our way to the match's center, my hopes had become even lower as we didn't even have a wrestling match - it was just a brawl, and there's no reason for a match such as this to be a brawl.

 

Towards the end, the suspense picked up due to the use of "international" objects. Fuck it, foreign objects. I thought Dupree might have just had the match in the bag as predicted, but that was on what were obviously going to be near falls.

 

Nice little spot to end there, and I can't see any option for this feud other to carry on. Torrie and Dawn will make sure of this.

 

Excellent crowd interaction by Cena at the end there, not just throwing the jersey from the ring, but it still accounts to the new, annoying Cena.

 

3/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Video package: 1.5/10

 

Scheduled for one fall: The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer VS Booker T

 

The thing with this was that we didn't have ourselves much of a match at all until we got to nearing the end where the pace suddenly picked up, speed-wise. Weird, huh?

 

As for that bag... Well, I was convinced that it had something to do with Mordecai. I'm happy that we had ourselves a clean match, but what's this going to do for Booker, presuming that he is putting retirement on hold? I can't talk about this without mentioning that little bag of his. If WWE had decided to nix whatever it was, just like they nixed that "I still remember" note that Booker T received on Raw (assumably from Goldust), then this makes sense. They had to deliver with the mystery, so they just had Book throwing it in his opponent's eyes.

 

I think we lose either way there, because it's more than likely that if anything happens on SmackDown! this week in regards to it, it's going to be Katie Vick all over again. You know, stupidity-wise.

 

The match wasn't much of a wrestling match, but the pace picked up towards the end. WHY THE FUCK IS THE UNDERTAKER STILL USING THE LAST RIDE!? Already having his gimmick fucked over is still no excuse.

 

Substandard match, and while Booker will presumably go into the title hunt, which wouldn't make sense due to his clean job (and at least the match wasn't an all-out squash - funnily enough, 'Taker had more trouble with Booker than Kane) there'll presumably be an Undertaker/Mordecai program, from this point. Even without the run-in, it's the gimmicks that you have to take into consideration.

 

2.5/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Good video package, covering Bradshaw's gimmick change and Eddy's mother's "heart attack", as well as their feud - which was/is next to nothing other than cheap Mexican heat.

 

4/10

 

WWE Championship contest scheduled for one fall: Eddy Guerrero (Champion) VS John Bradshaw DiBiase

 

If you're looking for a straight-up technical masterpiece, then I'd advise you to check yourself at the door.

 

Coming into this, I wasn't expecting too much wrestling in the match. I actually picture more interference, i.e. running in than wrestling. Well, there was a small portion of wrestling and no run-ins, so that theory was out, but as we started here, it became obvious that we didn't have a wrestling match on our hands.

 

As we continued and got to about the halfway point, I was somehow transfixed - I don't know why, possibly due to the possibility of Bradshaw winning this one.

 

Soon-after, the suspense grew because all of us watching just knew that Booker T wasn't making a run-in here after his match with the Undertaker. So so far, we've got a straight-up brawl that's not going to have any interference by an outside party.

 

Ref bumps are always fun - Brian Hebner should did stay down for a helluva long time just from Eddy running into him, but it allowed some of the events to take place that would make this match.

 

I liked the way that Bradshaw portrayed the self-contradictory heel by his use of "international"... no, fuck it, foreign objects, which is a joke in itself. A brawl isn't a brawl, especially not in this case, without the smacking of heads with other objects.

 

WOW, what a blade job by Eddy here! I must say, that is the most blood that I've seen anyone shed in quite a long time, especially in this company. I don't know whether or not he was disappointed in what the match was so far (along with everyone in the back with the exception of Vince) and really wanted to make something of it. If so, I commend him. And even if not and he cut himself deeply, I commend him for withstanding it - you don't know what it does to a human being to see themselves bleed, ESPECIALLY of an abundance such as Eddy did.

 

When we were back in the ring, AIDs is a factor that comes into play. You have to wonder whether or not WWE test for the disease. It would be a wise move to start, if not. In Washington, TSM's Scroby explained that you are tested for AIDs when acquiring a wrestling license, which is smart, especially if you're going to be doing bladejobs such as this.

 

A DQ finish? Well, I will give it that it was more fitting than the last PPV main event to end in a DQ, that being Brock Lesnar VS The Undertaker at Unforgiven '02. Sure, it led on to No Mercy for the Hell in a Cell, but it was still incredibly annoying. This feud here had more of a need for that finish, even if the feud itself sucked. This can be likened to what could have been great, one of the greatest of all time in Eddy/Chavo at this year's Royal Rumble. It was a decent feud, but what came with it was what warranted a brawl - Chavo and his father, Eddy's brother, turning on Eddy, and payback was what had to come, and that ended up being a disappointing match. Here, while all of the cheap heat on Bradshaw for his Spanish racism and Eddy's mother's "heart attack" was idiotic, it might've helped in making this a brawl, and the reason that this is acceptable as a brawl is because it would indeed have seemed stupid to try and pass it off as a wrestling match when Bradshaw is clearly not wrestling material.

 

I loved the post-match beatdown - everyone was just dying to see Bradshaw get what was coming to him. Bradshaw can't say that at the end of the war (or "battle", as it may very well turn out), Eddy got the better of him. The DQ finish was probably also/designed around saving face for Bradshaw, especially if this feud is carrying-on, which is hopefully won't be. And this week on SmackDown!, it'll be interesting to hear what JBD has to say about things. Whether the feud carries on or not, there has to be something by way of a promo. He'll use that DQ finish for credibility, even if he did, too, use that steel chair to bust Eddy open.

 

Apart from the DQ finish, this was an excellent blow-off for a shitty feud which ended in a good for what it was match.

 

Overall, as I said, if this was to be a rated as a wrestling match, it'd be low, and this here, despite the stupid, lackluster build, is a rare opportunity for a PPV main event to be a brawl. And as a brawl, it definitely delivered, a main factor of which can be attributed to Eddy's cut (when the second camera angle of that was shown, they're lucky they flicked over to the right

 

So kudos to both men, Bradshaw for, while not being main event material, delivering an entertaining brawl. And moreso to Eddy for his humongous gig and to adapting to what is certainly not his style for around 30 minutes.

 

I think that being that this is indeed a *wrestling* company, a *wrestling* match (or what was supposed to be one) deserves a rating as far as *wrestling* goes.

 

Wrestling match: 1/10

Brawl: 9/10

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Overall, not at all a good PPV. I believe that majority lived up to what it could've (which might seem like a pretty broad statement to someone else), but that's not a lot.

 

No match bar the main event, which was just a brilliant slugfest, had anything special. Sure, there were some special parts of some matches, such as the opening tag team match, Cena/Dupree and the Tag Team Championship, but everything else either sucked or was pretty damn substandard.

 

Bad Blood next month looks promising (don't know if I can say the same for The Great American Bash), so I'll look forward to it.

 

2.5/10

 

'Til next time,

Beau

 

Feedback ([email protected]) me. Diatribe Archive me. And for fuck's sake, DVD Collection me.

 

See you at Bad Blood!