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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

SJL Absolution - April 24th

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

Pyro explodes and, much to Xero's delight, "War Pigs" blares!  I'd sing the lyrics if I knew them, but I don't, so on with the show!


SJL Absolution, Wednesday April 24th

Arena: Where else would a PPV be? The Gund Arena.


TV Title #1 Contendership Hardcore Mall Brawl

Vanguard vs. Frost vs. T-Bone vs. Kojack vs. Jack The Ripper vs. The Reaper vs. Cutthroat vs. Josh Stark

- A repeat of last years Save The Drama For Your Momma match. 8 men go into mall. They beat the living hell out of each other. Simple. Referees are everywhere. To win, you must find a ticket saying "MALL BRAWL WINNER" which is hidden in the mall, and show it to a referee. The ticket is hidden inside a balloon, which is floating around the mall. Remember, the characters and officials don't know this. No DQ, etc, etc. Have fun with this one.


TV Title Match

"TNT" Taylor Nicholas Thompson © vs. Tod deKindes

- "TNT" and Tod have become somewhat allies of late. How do we solve this? Face them off against each other in a match for the TV title, that's how. Glorious.


Singles Match

Insane Luchador vs. Poisyn

- Erm... Two men, both fighting for respect. Win and they probably won't get it regardless, but at least they tried.


European Title No DQ Elimination Match

"The Superior One" Tom Flesher © vs. Z vs. Ced Ordonez vs. "Deathwish" Danny Williams

- These four guys have had so much going on between them since they joined the league. Countless triple threats, contendership matches, and flurou green tights. It all comes to a head here, where they will beat the stuffing out of each other. Elimination rules - once you're pinned/submit, you head to the back and cry. Winner is the last man standing. Does Flesher really wanna win here? Hmmm... I don't think so. But what would I know, I'm just the boss.


Cage Match

Jacob Helmsley vs. Ash Ketchum

- Misty finally escaped Jacob on Crimson, and a frail Ash wants revenge. He will get his chance, in a vicious cage match. But for the not 100% Ash, overcoming HHH's relative will not be easy - the cage is very unforgiving. To win, exit the cage.



World Title 45 Minute Iron Man Match

Erek Taylor © vs. Stryke

- Weeks of tension, anger and hate comes to head right here in what will surely be a match for the ages. It will be both men's last match in the SJL, before they head to the greener pastures of the SWF this weekend at 13th Hour. But, before that happens, they must decide who gets to leave with the honour of being the World champion. The title will be vacated on Crimson next week, where a group of worthy, WRITING competitors will go for it. But who cares about next week, when you have two bitters rivals ready to duke it out in a 45 minute Iron Man match? The person with the most falls in the alloted time wins. Good luck gentlemen.

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

Absolution!! SJL Pay Per View time!! It's that great!! Axis, Edwin MacPhisto, and The Suicide King are arguing as usual, and behind them, the Cleveland fans are hooting and cheering and chanting, waiting for the opening match to begin. Funyon stands in the center, brings his mic up to his lips and prepares to announce the opening match.


"(Funyon) The following match is schedul-"


Before Funyon can finish, the Smarkstron flickers on, bringing a live view of the backstage area. The cameras go through the hallways before stopping in front of a door. The door, surprisngly, is shaking up and down, with loud music heard on the other side. The door opens up, and inside, the room is crowded with people who are dancing mindlessly to the loud music. There's a disco ball up in the air, shining out multicolored lights everywhere. Ben Hardy shoves out of the way to the far end of the room, where he spots Ash Ketchum and Erek Taylor chatting away.


"(Erek) So I was saying, who the he- god damn, it's Hardy."


"(Ash) Hardly a man!"


"(Erek) What the hell do you want, Ben?"


"(Hardy) I would like a word. Seeing as tonight is your last night in the SJL, what are your thoughts as you prepare to embark on a journey into the SWF?"


"(Erek) I would like to put all issues aside because I want to celebrate like it was New Year's. But of course, there's always that lil man who always tries to ruin the party. Do you know who that is?"


"(Hardy) Stryke?"


"(Erek) Stryke? Well.... yeah. But I was referring to you. I'm here, talking to Ash, seeing which girl I should hit on and you come here with your ho with the camera and you start askin dumb questions."


"(Hardy) He-"


"(Erek) No, hey yourself. Why don't you get out of the room so we can continue our party?"


"(Hardy) Okay."


Ben Hardy escorts out as two figures walk up from behind.


"(Ash) Hey guys, how's the party?"


"(Figure1) Better than I imagined! KUDOS!"


"(Figure2) Kudos? You're really bugging."


"(Erek) Listen, good luck in your match tonight. I hope one of you wins."


"(Figure1) Thanks man, and good luck with your match too. Not that you need it, eh?"


"(Erek) Oh I need it."


"(Figure2) Nah, you don't."


"(Erek) Whatever. Welcome to the group guys. It's gonna be funny with you two here."


"(Ash) Damn straight."


Erek walks away but turns around....


"(Erek) Oh yeah, by the way, Ced and Z, please don't put a whoopee cushion under my carseat again. It's very disturbing."


"(Ced) HAHA!!!"


"(Z) YES!"


Erek Taylor walks away as the cheers from the thousands of Cleveland fans pours into the room, knowing that Z and Ced are now officially XF9ers!!!!

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

SJL Absolution is in full effect!  The screaming fans in the Gund Arena are almost wetting their pants for the umpteen-thousandth time, as the signs wave, the cameras click, and the concession stands begin to empty of their tremendoudly overpriced wares.  Time to zoom in on the announce table.  MacPhisto, Axis, and The Suicide King beam with pride.


-Edwin “Don’t look now, but I think It’s a Pay Per View!”


-Axis “I gotta say this was a good idea.  The buyrates are off the chart.  Look at this incredible Cleveland crowd!”


-King “Screw that!  Look at me!  This event has given me a chance to get into my Sunday best, and if I do say so myself, I look PDG- Pretty Damn Good!”


-Edwin “Other than that mustard stain on your tuxedo shirt!”


-King “Good one, Edwin, but I’m not falling for it.  I just got this one out of the dry cleaners this morning, and haven’t had a bite to eat since I put it on.”


-Axis “Edwin, look closer, that’s not mustard.”


-Edwin “Hey, I think you’re right.  It looks more like a Lewinsky stain.”


-King “Lewinsky stain?  What’s that?  Hey, no way!”


King looks down at his shirt as Axis and Edwin snicker among themselves.


-Axis “I knew you would look.”


-King “That’s not funny.  That is not funny at all.”


-Edwin “And neither is our main event tonight, where, in their Absolute last SJL event, Erek Taylor and Stryke will finally square off, man to man, with everything on the line.  Pride.  Honor.  And of course, the SJL Title.”


-Axis “It’s gonna be vacated when they leave, so both of these guys are going to have to give it all they’ve got!  And let me tell you mates, it’s gonna be a slobberknocker.”


-King “Alright J.R.!”


-Axis “Well, I couldn’t come up with anything else.”


-Edwin “That match is a 45 minute long Ironman extravaganza!  It better darn well be called a slobberknocker.”


-King “But gents, if you are really gents, we also have a brutal cage match between Ash Ketchup and The Game Master, Jacob Helmsley!”


-Edwin “Blood, Guts, and Glory for that one, with only one man escaping the steel encased terror.”


-Axis “Keep in mind that all three titles are going to be defended tonight, careers will be made, and some careers may be ended.”


-King “But first- heh- the most controversial match of them all- ha ha ha ha.”


-Edwin “Well, I wouldn’t say that, but this is definitely a great way to start off Absolution.”


-King “Great way to start off?  By booking a travesty as a match.  This never would have happened in the old school.  Why, when I was in the ML-“


-Axis “King, please.  When you were in the ML, you did NOT have to walk through five feet of snow barefoot.  Nor did you ever milk your own cows.  And if I have to hear one more NTD molestation story, I’m gonna start to believe you enjoyed it.”


-King “Grrrrr.”


-Edwin “As I was saying- we have an eight man Mall Brawl!  That’s right!  Eight guys will have to search the local mall, top to bottom, and turn this thing upside down until they find a card that says ‘MALL BRAWL WINNER!’  Until then, it’s a beat down fest for everybody!”


-Axis “That’s right, tonight is our Clearance Sale on Brutality, as these men claw, scratch, bite, and fight their way to the top.”


-King “Yeah, as king of the dorks.”


-Edwin “What these shop-a-holics don’t know is, that we’ve hidden this ticket inside a Red Balloon at the local toy store.  But shhhh- nobody tell them, we don’t want to ruin the gorgeous surprise.”


-King “One balloon?  There’s no way they’ll find it.”


-Axis “Of course they will.  This is the SJL, you know something weird is going to happen, and someone’s gonna find the balloon, then it’ll accidentally burst, and the person who found it is gonna go for the ticket, then another wrestler is gonna hit their finisher, take the ticket, and become the winner.  It’s elementary, stuff like this happens all the time.”


-King “Improbable at best.  Contrived at not best.”


-Edwin “But this is the SJL, nothing is ever contrived.”


They all look into the camera while a ba-dum CHING style rimshot sounds.  Edwin shrugs his shoulders.


-Edwin “I guess we’re all ready to get started.  Let’s go to THE MIGHTY MALL for Funyon’s introductions!”


Cut to a slick shoppers’ paradise.  In the very center, by the information desk, a HUGE group of people have gathered.  SJL fans who paid to get into these shots, as well as follow around a bunch of overgrown athletes as they attempt to pound the life out of each other.  Seven men stand right near the desk, eyeing each other angrily, while Funyon stands behind the counter with a microphone in his hand, and two security guards flanking him.  A zebra- read “referee”- is also on hand.


-Funyon “Ladies and gentlemen at the Gund Arena, and ladies and gentlemen of the MALL!”


A huge cheer fires up.


-Funyon “Thank you, thank you.  The following contest, if you can call it that, is a Mall Brawl!  Eight men will search this mall for a ‘MALL BRAWL WINNER’ ticket, and the first one to grab that ticket and show it to a referee is the winner!  Here are our contestants, in no particular order- first, from Greenwich, Connecticut, weighing in at 244 pounds- Cutthroat!”


The makeshift crowd cheers as Cutthroat bows.  His opponents look at him with scowls, but say nothing.


-Funyon “His opponent.  From London, England, weighing in at 178 pounds- Jack- The Ripper!”


Jack turns his back on the fans as they boo, looking instead at Funyon, who shrugs, as The Ripper takes off his trench coat and top hat.


-Funyon “Their opponent, from Sonoma, California, weighing in at 275 pounds- The Steak Sauce Covered Bastard, T-Bone!”


T-Bone raises his fist, after taking a swig of A-1, of course.  He then spits a stream into the air.  While the people cheer, and a mild “A-1” chant fires up, a little sauce hits Josh Stark in the eye, as he grimaces and turns to Frost.


-Stark “Must he do that?”


The Icelander merely stands still, as Josh shrugs, and Funyon continues.


-Funyon “Introducing next, from London, England, weighing 300 pounds- The Dark Reaper!”


Reaper stands, breathing while the crowd cheers him on.  Ripper is obviously angry, but seems able to contain himself, for now.


-Funyon “The next contestant, from Miami, Florida, weighing in at 240 pounds- Kojack!”


The people now begin to boo once again.  Kojack’s eyes get wide, and he looks over at Funyon, who immediately indicates the two security guards beside him.  Everyone chuckles as Kojack shakes his head, and points to Funyon, indicating a rain check on the ass kicking he wants to give, as Funyon sticks out his tongue and the security guards, grab their nightsticks and pepper spray.  Because, as we all know- Mall Security Personnel are too incompetent to wield firearms.


-Funyon “Their opponent, from Reykjavik, Iceland, weighing 296 pounds- Frost!”


The boos pile on even more now.  Frost stands, fist clenched, breathing heavy.  He says and does nothing, as Funyon shrugs.


-Funyon “O-kay.  Moving right along, the next contestant, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 220 pounds- Josh Stark!”


Stark drops his silver robe, and immediately hops the information desk, much to the surprise of security and Funyon.  Immediately, he begins to talk into the microphone.


-Stark “Thank you, Funyon, and thank you Cleveland, Ohio- for being grateful enough to have me, and for building this run down, crappy excuse for a mall.  I swear, we’ve got run of the mill barrio plazas in L.A. that look like High Society establishments when compared to this dump.  But in all seriousness, I’d also like to thank you for hosting this match.  In which I, Josh Stark, will win the number one contendership for the TV Title in my very first match!”


-Random Fan “Stark you SUCK!”


-Random Fan 2 “Shut up, jackass!”


-Stark “Awww, don’t worry.  I hate you too.  I hate every one of you mouth breathers so very, very much.”


-Funyon “Umm, Stark.”


-Stark “Yes?”


-Funyon “My microphone.”


Security lifts Stark up and over the desk, while he kicks and throws a bit of a fit, as most spoiled rich kids do.  You know, “You can’t do this to me,” and “Do you know who I am,” all of the regular rebuttals, but they do him no good.  Back in his place, Stark crosses his arms and fumes, while the crowd gets a little rowdy with cheers for Funyon.


-Funyon “Now, where was I?  Oh yes.  Our final contestant, from an unknown location, perhaps the Batcave, weighing 219 pounds, Vanguard!”


But the Dark Knight is not standing with the other seven contestants.


-Funyon “Ahem!  Vanguard!”


With a sudden Whoosh, the Vindicator drops out of the sky on a swing!  He begins to glide back and forth, as the fans ooh and aah, and snap pictures.  Nightwatch the Owl hovers nearby, until finally, Vanguard unhooks himself, and lands on the floor.


-Stark “Show off.”


The other seven look at Stark with hatred, and he motions to zip his lip, lock it, and throw away the key while Vanguard stands, tosses his coat to Nightwatch, and shrugs to Funyon.


-Funyon “Let me guess- you were out fighting crime- again?”


Vanguard nods sheepishly, while Funyon sighs.


-Funyon “You’re not supposed to be late, you know that.  Anyway, never mind, everyone’s here and accounted for.  Gentlemen- start your engines.  Absolution is officially begun!”


Funyon suddenly shoots off a small pistol, indicating the start of the match, but scaring the crap out of the nearby fans, who think the shot indicates some unnecessary violence.  Some of them run screaming away, while others merely peer closer, to see what happened, including a little French boy wearing a Beret and carrying a Red Baloon.  


-French Boy “Allouett-e gentile Allouett-e… mon dieu, les wrestlers est tres grande!”


The French Boy skips away, holding his balloon by the rope, and causing everyone to scratch their head in confusion.  But in an instant the contestants are all over each other.  Immediately, Jack the Ripper launches himself at Reaper and nails a Dropkick, which is followed by right hands to the dome.  Meanwhile, Kojack is nailing stiff chops to T-Bone, backing him up from the desk!  Cutthroat immediately sails into the scene, punching Kojack, but the brawler turns around, and decks Cutthroat, knocking him to a knee.  Not too far away, Josh Stark nails a hard punch to Vanguard, who absorbs, and then turns to Stark.  The Filmmaker’s son, starts to stand his ground, looks over Van one time, and then bolts, with Vanguard in hot pursuit.  Unfortunately, Frost blindsides the Dark Knight with a clothesline, and sends him to the floor.


-Vanguard “You.”


-Frost “Avenge this.”


Frost grabs him around the neck, and lifts him up, tossing him across the information desk, and sending Funyon and Friends scrambling.  Stark comes behind him.


-Stark “Hey, great moves.  Call me crazy, but Frostee my friend, this would be the perfect time for us to team up.”


Frost begins to stalk the quintessential heel, but Stark holds up his hands in peace.


-Stark “Whoa, big guy, come on.  Two heads are better than one.  And once we find the ticket, every man for himself.”


The larger man prepares to beat down Josh, but suddenly stops, and nods.  Immediately, Stark begins to walk away.


-Stark “There’s our best bet- the department store.”


Silently, Frost makes a beeline for the store, while Vanguard peers over the desk, ready to pursue.  But wanting some action, Cutthroat suddenly approaches with a kick, one that Vanguard ducks, and returns by leaping over the table and dropkicking Cutthroat to the floor.  The King of Jobbers stands, and ducks a Vanguard chop, locking him up back to back, and dropping the Dark Knight to the ground in a Neckbreaker.  The fans begin to feel the sympathy pains, as Vanguard rises, and looks at the celebrating Cutthroat.  Feeling the eyes of Vengeance upon him, he does what any normal person would do.


-Cutthroat “Uh-oh-“


He runs.


-Fans “Go Cutthroat Go!  Go Cutthroat Go!”


While Blind Justice pursues Cutthroat, Ripper slams Reaper’s head into a nearby fake palm tree, while Kojack is taking it to T-Bone near a bench!   A quick hip toss puts the Boner (heh heh heh) onto the ground, and Kojack nods.


-Kojack “You like that, b—ch?  Do you?”


A kick while T-Bone is down seals the deal, then Kojack gets him back up!  He goes to whip him, reversed, and T-Bone sends Kojack right into the window of a music store!  The crash scares the customers out of the store, but most of them wait there to view the brawl.


-T-Bone “You can’t beat me Jack.  Why did you even show up?”


T-Bone steps through the broken window and lays in the kicks!  A nearby referee moves a little closer to see the action, and T-Bone begins rummaging through some sheet music to find the Winner’s ticket, with no success.  Unfortunately for him, Kojack rises, and nails a hard low blow!  Doubled over, the SSCB is placed in pumphandle position, and then hoisted onto Kojack’s shoulder!  He is then planted down in a hard Pumphandle Slam, and kicked over, as Kojack grabs a nearby guitar.  He plays a string, raises it up, and then smashes it over T-Bone’s head, splitting it into several pieces of wood, string, and metal!  The clerk gets his undies in an uproar, and hustles over to the harbingers of destruction.


-Clerk “That guitar costs 600 dollars!  And that window’s gonna be at least 400!  What the hell are you doing?”


-Kojack “Is the Mall Brawl Ticket in here, jerk?”


-Clerk “Hey, I’m not a jerk!  I’m a CLERK!  And no, no one put any ticket in here.  This is all for that stupid wrestling match, isn’t it- UMMPH!!”


A swift clothesline from Kojack puts the poor guy down.


-Kojack “That’s all I needed to know.  Happy hunting, Sirloin!”


He stomps on T-Bone, and then exits to find the ticket elsewhere.  Unfortunately, he does not see his archenemy rise to his knees, with blood on his forehead, and a grimace in his eyes.


Meanwhile, not too far away, a guy in a Panda Suit greets customers to the local Kay Bee Toy Store.  That is, until two of his customers enter fighting!  Panda Guy scurries away to get help while Cutthroat is thrown into a bin of stuffed animals!  As he gets up, his vengeful assailant front locks him, pulls him out, and plants his head on the floor in a hard Jumping DDT!  The counter staff is up in arms, and begins throwing nerf balls at the vandals, but to no avail.  Vanguard raises Cutthroat up, and chops his chest several times, causing audible slaps.  The poor jobber then finds his head rammed into the nearest toy shelf, sending little plastic dolls of N*Sync dropping like rain to the floor.  One of the packages opens, and Vanguard accidentally steps onto a Justin Timberlake figure, complete with curly blonde hair.  His foot rents the young pop star doll’s clothes asunder, and the Dark Knight bends down to pick up the now naked, and asexual doll.


-Vanguard “Hmmm- Anatomically correct.”


He tosses the doll, nailing Cutthroat square in the forehead, before going to the coloring book section.  Tearing out books, and brochures, the Vindicator fails to find the ticket, and so backs away, bumping into someone in the process.  He turns around, to find the Little French Boy, nearly in tears!


-French Boy “Mon Dieu!  Ballon!  Ballon!”


-Vanguard “What?”


-French Boy “Ballon Rouge!”


What the poor Dark Knight doesn’t know is that he knocked the little boy down, causing him to let go of his Red Balloon.  The low ceiling stops it from getting out of arms reach, but now, the boy’s favorite toy and companion is one of many Red Balloons looking for a master.  And Vanguard isn’t sure which one belongs to Frenchie.


-French Boy “Sil vous plait, monsieur, mon ballon.”


As Vanguard looks at the Beret adorned child, confusion written on his face, a Tonka Truck nails him in the head!  Vanguard staggers backwards, and that is all the newly risen Cutthroat needs!  He grabs the Dark Knight around the waist, and lifts him up and back for a huge Belly to Belly suplex, as the little boy, wide eyed, stares in disbelief!


-French Boy “Bon Dieu Omnipotente (Good God Almighty)!  Une Suplexe Belly-to-Belly (A Belly to Belly Suplex)!”


Cutthroat grabs one of the Red Balloons, and hands it to the French Kid, as he smiles.


-Cutthroat “Here you go, Little French Boy.  And remember, don’t do drugs!”


-French Boy “Oui.  Si je ne suis jamais vous (Yeah.  So I’ll never be like you)!”


-Cutthroat “That’s a good little French boy.”


He straightens out the boys Beret, and walks out, waving to the boy and to the counter staff of the toy store.  Outside, Cutthroat sees a passing referee, and motions for him to come along!


-Counter Person “But, But you just gave the boy- oh never mind.”


Vanguard rises, shakes off the cobwebs, and sees everyone standing, looking towards the exit of the toy store.  He grabs the boy by the shoulders, and bends down.


-Vanguard “Where?”


The boy points, and the Dark Knight nods, tussles his hair, and is gone, while the Counter staff tries to explain to him what happened.  The little Boy shrugs, waves to the toy store staff, and then exits.


-French Boy “Aurevoir!”


Closer to the center of the mall, a woman walks by a rack of lingerie.  Not seeing anything in her size, she leaves, and from behind a rack of form fitting cross-your-heart bras, two large men peer out.


-Stark “Okay, the coast is clear.”


-Frost “Are you sure?”


-Stark “Yep, I’m sure, this’ll give us time to look through this Lingerie section for the ticket.”


-Frost “Why here?”


Stark pauses, shaking his head, then looks at Frost.


-Stark “Come on, Frost.  This match will never win without some gratuitous T & A!  And what better place to find T & A, than in the lingerie section of a Department Store.  Now my friend, if I can direct your attention to that curtain over there, you will notice that it is the changing room for this entire department.  And that, is where we are headed.”


-Frost “Why?”


-Stark “Because, big guy, that’s where the ticket is.  Not to mention the half naked women.”


Frost tries to hide his excitement while he follows Josh to the curtain.  They peel it back, and stark grabs the first fitting room door.


-Stark “Maybe its in here!”


He YANKS the door off the hinges, and the beautiful C cup sized creature within screams her head off.  Not that it hinders the two wrestlers any.


-Stark “Well, it’s not the winning ticket, but I’d say we hit paydirt!”


-Frost “Indeed!”


The woman yells at them to get out, but Frost goes to the room across from her and yanks that one off.  Finding the second woman to be even more well endowed, droolage abounds!


-Stark “Frost.”


-Frost “Yes?”


-Stark “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!”


Possessed like sixteen year old adolescents, the two giddy contestants go to the next door, nearly tearing it asunder.  And finding there a not so well endowed woman, but this one not yet adorned by the new bra she is trying on.  A large pause ensues.  Stark nearly faints, but Frost holds him up, his sense of duty getting the best of him, even for a split second.


-Frost “Not here?”


-Stark “On second thought.  You can win the match, Frost.  I’m going to stay here for a few minutes.”


The beautiful nubile young girl in the room tries to cover up using loose clothes, and she yells with daggers for eyes!  Frost backs away, and rips the hinges off of the fourth and final door, still looking at the topless beauty.  He becomes even more excited as the woman inside this door begins to talk.


-Woman “Well, aren’t you a big- STRONG man!”


Frost’s eyebrows shoot up.


-Woman “I just love muscles.  Turn around so I can see your face, sugar.”


The Icelander turns around, feeling more virile than ever before, and as he finishes his 180, his jaw drops to the floor.  There, in front of him, and completely naked, is a woman spilling over with a Double D chest, full lips, and long lashes.


-Frost “Oh god-“


Too bad the woman is well over two-hundred fifty pound!


-Frost “NO!”


-Woman “Oh, don’t be afraid sugar, momma’s gonna take real good care of you!”


The woman (who possesses incredible agility for a big girl) grabs him around the arm and yanks him inside, showering him with lipstick staining kisses, and throwing lingerie and plus sized clothing all over the place.


-Frost “Oh, dear god, no!”


-Woman “Oh yes!  Yes baby!”


Stark, hearing commotion, runs to the door.


-Stark “Frost, you old devil you- Oh my God!”


Seeing the engorged form of the woman who calls herself “Momma,” Stark stifles a retch, before backing away.


-Woman “Oooh, your little friend wants to join in!  Well come on, soldier, the more the merrier!”


-Stark “Um- no ma’am.  Frost, you’re on your own!”


-Frost “Stark!  Save me!  Please!”


-Stark “I value my life, Icelander!”


Josh runs at top speed, while Frost tries to pull himself away from the cat like grip of an aroused and naked 250 pound woman.  Cellulite and stretch marks fill his gaze, and with sudden determination, Frost is able to push the woman up against the wall.


-Woman “Ooh, you like it rough, huh baby?”


Wham!  She suddenly slams him through the door!  Frost’s eyes widen in horror as the woman pulls on some stretch pants and an undersized shirt.


-Woman “Momma’s got all the roughness you can handle, sweetheart!”


With freedom mere feet away, Frost does what any strong, self-respecting man would do.  He gets to his feet!  And he bolts!!  To his chagrin, however, Momma’s chasin’ her little boy!


-Woman “Come on back, baby, I still got some sugar left for you!  I don’t think you’re ready for this bootylicious jelly!”


-Frost “Stark.  I’m going to kill you.”


At the far end of the mall, many yards away from Frost’s love affair, a robed and cowled figure stands in front of SNK vs. Capcom 2.  Using Iori to the fullest, the game player pulls off the deftest of moves until suddenly, his playtime is interrupted by the loud sound of two brawlers entering the arcade!  Reaper and Ripper are fighting!  And the contest seems to be favoring the faster Jack!  A low blow doubles over Reaper, and Jack uses the advantage to place his mortal enemy into a headscissors.  He hooks the arms, and hops up into the air, but instead of coming down, he finds himself still raised!  Frantically, he kicks his legs, but to no avail!  The Dark Reaper stands up, and tosses Jack backwards and over him, crashing into a pinball machine!


-Reaper “This is the End-“


He lifts up the Ripper, and gets him into a Death Vally Driver reversed!  Holding him high into the air, he begins to come down for the feared Jack Bomb, but Jack is able to twist in mid air, and lock the neck!  He falls down into a DDT!  Both of them lay, spent, on the ground, while the arcade’s manager yells at both of them to leave.  The Man at the SNK vs. Capcom 2 machine shakes his head sadly.


-Ripper “The End for you, Reaper!”


-Reaper “C’mon.”


They both rise, and the faster Jack pummels the Dark Reaper like crazy with kicks!  He dodges as the Reaper tries a clothesline, and tries a Boot, which glances off of Reaper like nothing!  Immediately, Ripper charges in, and gets grabbed around the neck by two hands!  Reaper lifts him off of the ground, and tosses him back, right into the SNK vs. Capcom 2 machine!  Whining after the impact, the machine suddenly turns off, and the man in front of it looks at the screen in disbelief.  Reaper and Ripper both stand to face off, but the man suddenly speaks out.


-Man “Did you just break my game?”


Ripper and Reaper both look at the hooded figure, then at each other.


-Ripper “Go pick another one.”


-Reaper “And Leave us be.”


The man nods, then removes his cowl.  Both Ripper and Reaper show telltale signs of fear as the robed figure looks on them with recognizable features!


-Thoth “I’ve got a better idea-“


The WF Superstar’s cameo causes the crowd to burst with pop!  He immediately grabs the two behind the head, and rams them into each other!  Stunned with awe, neither man can resist, as Thoth turns them both around, close to the door, and then pushes both of their heads hard into the change machine!  Golden Tokens spill out of the little dish, and both Englishmen hold their heads with shame and pain, as Thoth swiftly boots their asses out of his arcade.


-Thoth “Jlers- go figure.”


He immediately goes back in to try and fix the crossover hit 2-D fighter while Reaper and Ripper contemplate going back in and getting revenge!  But they both think the better of it.  After all- it IS Thoth, and they ARE enemies!  Immediately, they are at each others’ throats again, and a nearby ref follows!  But neither of them know that not too far from their position, Kojack is searching a Drug store for the Winning Ticket, leaving no stone unturned.  Behind the Pharmacy desk, he demands that the Pharmacists on duty tell him where the ticket is hidden.


-Pharmacist “I told you, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”


-Kojack “Bulls—t!  You know!”


-Pharmacist “I really don’t!”


Kojack thrusts the man away, while a woman, also a Pharmacist, tends to him.  He knocks down bottles, and spills papers all over the floor, before a familiar voice calls to him.


-T-Bone “Kojack!”


Knowing the unmistakable voice of his hated foe, Kojack leaps over the Pharmacy counter and back into the main store.  He stands at the end of an aisle, where, at the other end, he sees the SSCB, standing there.


-T-Bone “You’ve gone too far.”


-Kojack “Shut up!  I’m gonna find that ticket, and win MY title back!”


-T-Bone “Your title?  That title is mine!”


-Kojack “Not after tonight.”


Silence.  A loose tumbleweed rolls by, what a tumbleweed is doing in a Drug Store, nobody knows, but on either side of the deoderant, contact lens solution, and feminine hygiene products aisle, stand the two enemies.  They both squint their eyes and wiggle their itchy fingers.  T-Bone, for some reason, is chewing on a straw.  The check-out girl ducks, and puts up a closed sign, and everyone else watches with anticipation as they face off.


-T-Bone “It ends now.”


-Kojack “Grraaarrrr!”


The former ECW superstar takes a running start, as T-Bone stands there, his hands down to his side!  As it seems that Kojack is going to bowl him over, T-Bone suddenly reaches to either side, and grabs two Squeezable bottles of A-1 Steak Sauce from the shelves!  He opens the tops, and squeezes them, sending the contents of spicy brown goodness spilling onto the floor right in front of Kojack!  His rival slips, slides across the floor, and falls into the puddle of Sauce while the people around cheer!  Finally, Kojack comes to a halt right in front of T-Bone, who blows across the tops of the bottles, caps them, and then does a bit of a strut before dropping down and landing his fist right in Kojack’s gut!  The lighter man sells, and then gets raised up by T-Bone!


-T-Bone “This is over, pardner!”


The SSCB locks his hands in T-Bone position!  He tries to lift, but Kojack is able to kick his legs and is set back down, kicking his leg and taking out T-Bone’s left hamstring!  As he favors that muscle, Kojack immediately goes down, taking both of the legs out in a Double Leg Takedown!  T-Bone lands on the floor, and the Steak sauce there gets mopped around by the bodies as Kojack tries to get to his feet!


-Kojack “Come on, jackass.  Get up!”


Immediately, the Kojaculator grabs the ankle of T-Bone, and locks it up, scissoring with his leg and putting tons of pressure on it!  T-Bone begins to cry out, and Kojack only lays on harder with the Torque, his submission finisher!


-Kojack “Yeah!  Come on, T-Bone!  Let’s see that Steak Sauce now!”


Kojack rears back, the unbearable pain on T-Bone’s leg a struggle to deal with, until T-Bone suddenly kicks back his leg!  He catches Kojack on the left knee, and Kojack loosens his hold a little, enough for T-Bone to turn the entire contraption around and get behind the rising Kojack!  Immediately, he grabs a rear waistlock, lifts, and puts Kojack down in a hard German!  The people nearby cheer, as T-Bone tries to take some weight off of his right ankle.  He signals to the people.


-T-Bone “Is it here?”


-Counter Person “No, sorry.  We don’t have it!  I hear its somewhere near the Toy Store, though.”


-T-Bone “Hmmm.  Well, Edwin is commissioner, so it makes sense.  Thank you for you cooperation.”


He grabs Kojack by the hair, and begins to leave the drug store.


-T-Boen “And you, are coming with me!”


A large figure enters the food court.  Most of the people stop what they are doing, and glance in his direction as he looks about.  Frost, the Icelandic Wonder, looks over his shoulder to make certain he isn’t being followed.  Not far away, he sees Reaper and Ripper going at it!  Reaper suddenly lifts Ripper into the air, and drops him through a Food Court table!  Never one to back down from action, Frost stalks the Dark One, and approaches.  Jack seems to be destroyed, his body all but broken by that table, but with Frost’s presence, Reaper becomes distracted!  The two large men approach each other, and Frost runs full speed!  He charges the taller man, and knocks him to the floor!  Then he picks up a chair, and tosses it at the Reaper, who rolls out of the way as it falls!  The 300 pounder picks himself up, and locks up with Frost, who rams a knee into Reaper’s gut!  He then lifts up Reaper, scooping his arms, and falling backwards, just able to toss Reaper back and to the floor!  An incredible fallaway slam on the humongous Reaper!


-Frost “Where is it?”


The Reaper tries to get away, and finds kicks raining on him, until a blur catches Frost’s eye!  He catches barely a glimpse of purple tights before his head is locked, he is spun, and then planted to the ground!  Cutthroat leaped off of a nearby table and executed a perfect Tornado DDT!


Now Reaper is getting back up, and Frost rises to his feet, only to pause as Cutthroat begins to laugh at him.  Frost looks up at him, and then at Reaper, who appears to be stifling laughter behind his dark half mask as well.  Irate, Frost simply launches himself forward and clotheslines both of them to the ground!  He then whirls around as he hears a voice behind him.


-Stark “Hey big guy.  You find it yet?”


Frost glares at his “partner.”


-Frost “Stark!”


-Stark “Sorry about that buddy, no hard feelings, but a good warrior knows when he’s outgunned- what the hell!”


Stark chuckles, then tries to stop laughing as he points at Frost’s chest.


-Stark “What the hell is that?”


Frost looks down, and is just as surprised as anyone to see a flesh colored brassiere  on his torso!  He sighs, ripping the undergarment off and tossing it aside as Stark nearly explodes with laughter.


-Frost “Don’t ask.”


-Stark “I don’t plan on it.  Look, someone said that the ticket was in the Toy Store, I think we should look there.”


-Cutthroat “HA!  I was there already, no ticket!”


As Cutthroat picks himself up, Stark approaches.  


-Stark “I don’t care where you were.  If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.”


Cutthroat goes for a lock up, but Stark explodes with a knee to the chest!  Cutthroat staggers back, and is fodder for stiff Chops by Josh!  The jobber is pushed back, and Frost goes to Reaper once more, to deliver some boots!


-Reaper “Get off.”


The big man rises, in spite of Frost’s boots, and the Godzilla vs. Mothra has begun!  The two monsters soon lock up, and Frost seems to be getting the upper hand, until suddenly, Reaper grabs Frost close, lifts him in a Bearhug, and then slams him down to the ground!  Frost rises not long after, and reaches out, slapping a hand around The Dark Reaper’s neck, but soon the Icelander finds himself choked out- by TWO hands!  Reaper lifts up, both of his hands on Frost’s neck, and then he slams the Frigid One down to the floor!  The sickening thud coincides with Frost’s pain, and he writhes on the ground, while Reaper stands there!


-Reaper “The End is near-“


But the victory is short lived, as Reaper is grabbed from behind the head, and Bulldogged into a nearby table, his head bouncing up, before his assailant, the risen Jack, locks him up, pushes his foot off of a table, and then comes down from on high!  He lands on his BUTT, painful, but not as painful as the snapping of the Reaper’s neck as he falls to the ground!


-Ripper “The Ripping!”


But as Ripper turns to continue his quest for the Winner’s card, his right leg is suddenly knocked from under him!  As he falls to the ground, his attacker stands behind him from the Rolling Tackle.


-Ripper “Not you again.”


Standing in front of him is the Dark Knight- Vanguard!  And he doesn’t look happy.  Ripper rises, and approaches Van, going for a dropkick, but the Vindicator dodges the move, and Ripper lands flat on his back!  Adding insult to injury, Vanguard executes a beautiful standing moonsault, landing on top of Ripper and knocking the wind out of him.  Vanguard stands, and looks up just in time to see a newly risen Frost charging for a clothesline, which he promptly ducks!  The off balance Frost is soon mounted over the shoulders, and Vanguard begins to unload on his dome-piece with punches from the Guillotine position!  Frost tries to battle back with a Powerbomb, but Van swifly shifts positioning, locking his legs around the neck, and dropping Frost to the floor in a Hurricanrana!


-Vanguard “For Vengeance-“


Suddenly, Kojack’s head is rammed into a nearby trash can flap by T-Bone!  The two rivals have just entered the fray, and immediately join in the fun!  T-Bone goes directly for the fallen ripper, while Reaper, who is getting to his feet, walks over to Kojack, and decides his time would be well spent laying into his body with forearms!  Vanguard looks over, and sees Stark, not far away, double Cutthroat!  He immediately hooks a leg, and flips Cutthroat over with a Fisherman Buster through the table located behind him!  The crash sends leftover Taco Bell scattering all over the place, and Vanguard immediately rushes over!  Josh looks over his shoulder at the approaching Vanguard, and sidesteps just as a Freelancer explodes!  The Dark Knight goes careening into a group of nearby chairs, and lands exhausted on the ground!


-Stark “Well, well- if it isn’t the Mighty Master of Vindication!  You know, your story would make a great movie- if you weren’t such a Tool!”


A hard kick emphasizes Stark’s last word, and afterwards, he lifts Vanguard up!  Immediately, he finds his head snapped back by two-piece punches to the dome!  Stark looks up, and finds a kick headed his way!  He grabs the loose leg, but Van fires another one up!  Josh leans back, and the Enzugiri misses, allowing him to run in for a knee to Vanguard’s mid section!  After being doubled, The Vindicator is flipped up onto Stark’s shoulders!  He runs for a few steps, and then brings Vanguard down to the floor with a hard thud!  The Dark Knight arches his back in pain, and tries to rise.


-Stark “Heh, looks like Vengeance is mine!”


Only a few feet away, Reaper is taking it to Kojack, lifting him up and putting him down again with an Electric Chair drop, while T-Bone lays into Ripper with hard chops.  But during this entire cacophony of violence, the little French Boy from before skips into view, Red Balloon in hand, and sees Josh Stark taking it to Vanguard.  Suddenly, the Boy approaches.


-French Boy “Monsieur.  Monsieur!”


-Stark “Go away, you stupid Frog!”


He grabs the boy’s balloon paying no attention to Vanguard, and the boy curses angrily in French!


-French Boy “Put!  Tu es un put!  Epeche!”


He kicks Stark in the shin, causing the wrestler to double, and immediately goes for the money shot, the punch between the legs!  Like an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos, Stark’s eyes bug out, and he nearly falls, as the little boy scurries away and scowls angrily.  Unfortunately, Josh has let go of the balloon, and it flies up towards the lights above!


-Stark “Now look what you did!”


-Cutthroat “Hey, don’t mess with my French fan!”


Cutthroat approaches Stark now, and the others are a mess of legs and arms, including the newly risen Frost, who is laying in to pretty much everyone.  The entire group seems to be near each other as the Balloon continues to sail upwards, and even farther upwards and out of reach!  Vanguard stands, and prepares to enter the fray.  The Melee almost gets out of control, and the nearby refs watching begin to fear for the safety of the people nearby until-




-French Boy “Oh non!”


Everyone looks up.  The refs.  The fans.  The Beret wearing French Kid, and even the Wrestlers.  The red balloon has popped.  And its contents come out.  Some confetti.  A few streamers.  And a golden card with intelligible words printed on it.  It spins, sways, and falls closer to the wrestlers, who are now fixated with its contents.


-Stark “That’s it!”


-T-Bone “It’s mine!”


-Kojack “I’m getting it!”


-Cutthroat “Stand Back!”


They all prepare to go for the ticket as it falls closer, and closer to their location!  Everyone holds their breath with anticipation!  Everyone except for Vanguard, who lets loose with a loud whistle.


-Stark “What the hell?”


He goes for an elbow, which Van ducks, and then turns back to the falling ticket!  It comes down.  Just within arms reach!


-Reaper “I’ve got it.”


The tallest man reaches up, while the rest prepare to jump!  It seems just beyond their fingertips as it spins, seeming to hover in air, and then-


-Ripper “Yes!”




A blurr swiftly flies by, just above their hands, and snatches the ticket up in mid air!  The seven wrestlers peer after it, the figure of a large, dark owl, speeding away with their ticket to the number one contendership!  And the Dark Knight, Vanguard, is running top speed after his pet to claim it!


-Cutthroat “Get him!!”


They all begin to run, some faster than others, but as fast as they can after Nightwatch!  He flies up to the second floor, and into the Sports Authority, where he lands high up on a shelf and holds the ticket, awaiting the arrival of the superstars.  As he climbs the escalator, Vanguard arrives on the second floor right outside of the Elevator, where Josh Stark steps out and greets him.


-Stark “There you are, Dark Knight.  I just want you to know, I’m not leaving your side for one second.  If that owl of yours comes to give you the ticket, I’m gonna be right there to take it!”


-Vanguard “You’re starting to annoy me.”


-Stark “It’s my Hollywood charm, you’ll get used to it.”


Vanguard runs off into the Sports Authority, with Stark in hot pursuit, and the others following not too far behind!  Van begins to look around, while Stark chases after.  And a few seconds later, the others enter the room and begin to disperse.


-Kojack “That Owl is mine!”


-T-Bone “Not if I get it first!”


Frost lumbers in, and immediately begins to stalk Nightwatch, while T-Bone heads for the team sports section!  Cutthroat goes for the singles, and Kojack- well, he heads for the redneck section- a.k.a. the guns.  


-Kojack “It’s hunting season.”


Stark follows his charge close.  Annoying the piss out of Vanguard, but determined not to make it easy!


-Stark “So what’s the plan, Dark Knight?”


-Vanguard “Vengeance- on you!”


-Stark “Is that so.”


He chuckles a bit, turning to read the aisle signs and determine which section he is in.


-Stark “Well, you’re my only ticket to this win, so don’t expect me to let you go.”


He turns back to Vanguard, and of course, is completely miffed when the Vindicator is gone.


-Stark “Then again, you can disappear at will, so who am I to hold on to you?”


Stark sighs, and begins the search.


-Stark “Where could he go?”


Meanwhile, in men’s athletic wear, Reaper and Ripper face off!  The big man tries to lock in a facelock, but Ripper immediately goes for the low blow, and kicks Reaper in the face!  He then grabs a tee shirt, rolls it up, and chokes Reaper with the shirt around the neck!  Jack pulls down, making it hard for the Dark One to breathe, and grabbing a nearby sale pole, the Ripper nails his arch-nemesis in the head!  Another shot, and Reaper goes down, nearly done!  Jack celebrates, but is soon grabbed and set on top of someone’s shoulders.  He doesn’t have time to adjust, but is brought down on his shoulders backwards!  He hits the ground, and is almost out cold as his attacker stands.


-Stark “No fun for you.  And now, to find Vanguard.”


On the other side of the large store, T-Bone and Cutthroat both pick up random balls.  T-Bone has a football, and Cutthroat a basketball!


-T-Bone “I’m going first!  He’s mine!”


-Cutthroat “You’ll miss!”


The Bone launches the football with all of the accuracy of a Quarterback- in Elementary school!  The ball sails wide of Nightwatch, who watches it pass, and then hoots his disapproval!


-Cutthroat “Told ya!”


-T-Bone “Jackass!”


-Cutthroat “My turn!  My turn!”


He rears back, and tosses the Basketball at top speed!  Somehow, it barely misses the owl, bounces harmlessly off of a nearby rack, and falls to the ground!


-T-Bone “Not as easy as it looks, huh?”


-Cutthroat “Shut up!  I was closer than you!”


Both of them look for more weapons, when a deep, gravelly voice speaks behind them.


-Vanguard “My turn.”


T-Bone is the first to turn around, and so is the first to get Freelanced in his gut, and knocked to the ground!  Cutthroat rushes as Vanguard stands, and while his opponent comes, Van kicks a loose soccer ball forward!  It nails Cutthroat in the gut, and the young superstar doubles over, leaving him open for Vanguard to grab him, raise him up, and drive him head first into the hard floor.  The hard Piledriver puts him out almost instantly, and Vanguard stands, then disappears around the corner.  A few seconds later, Stark comes upon the two on the ground, and looks around in anticipation.


-Stark “That’s it, Van, leave a trail for me.”


As he goes off to find his new enemy, Kojack is in the arms department aiming!  There’s a wait on firearms, so he picked a state of the art BB gun to test out on the pesky owl!  He lines up Nightwatch in his sights, and smiles to himself.


-Kojack “This baby is pumped and ready, and that winning ticket it going to be mine, birdie.”


He continues to aim, but just as he pulls the trigger, the gun is suddenly rammed upwards and he misses completely!


-Kojack “Who the-?”


He doesn’t have time to finish the sentence, as the barrel of the BB gun hits his forehead lightly!  He tosses the gun down, and suddenly finds himself tripped up by a leg sweep!  Then, strong line from the nearby fishing and hunting department is wrapped around his ankles and wrists before he even knows what is going on!  He tries to lash out, but his entire body is tied up!


-Vanguard “Don’t you know Owls are endangered?”


-Kojack “You!  Let me the hell up!”


But Vanguard merely marches away, while Kojack tries to find something to cut the fishing line with!


-Kojack “Why that no good- I’m gonna kill him!”


Not far away, Frost stalks.  The huge Icelander stands at full height, and looks up at Nightwatch, trying to come up with a plan of action, when suddenly, he hears footsteps behind him!  Almost smiling at the thought of battle, his muscles tense.


-Frost “I know its you!  I hope you’re ready, because this time, I’m not going easy on you!”


Before he turns around, he hears the voice- but unfortunately, its not the voice he was expecting.


-Woman “Oooh, baby, that’s just what I wanted to hear you say!”


-Frost “Oh no-“


He turns around, and there is the large, outgoing woman who Frost had the pleasure of seeing naked not long before!  He backs away in horror, but the woman moves quickly when she is determined, and she tackles the big man to the ground and showers him with thick lipped kisses!  Her extra padding envelops Frost there on the ground, and he tries in vain to free himself!


-Frost “No, please-“


-Woman “Momma’s not gonna go easy on you either, sugar!  Ooh, all those muscles, you need a big girl like me to keep up with you, and I’m more woman than you can handle!”


-Frost “I agree.  Please-“


-Woman “Stop playing hard to get, baby, and enjoy the ride!  They don’t make ‘em like me anymore!”


The Dark Knight shows up, watches the fiasco, and somewhere deep within his hardened heart, he feels sorry for Frost.  But it is too late to save him.  And besides, his fate is probably worse than any beat down the Vindicator could give him.  So he quietly tiptoes away.  He looks up at Nightwatch, knowing that there is only one man left to stand between him, and his win!  Tasting victory, Vanguard confidently makes his way over to the owl, until he sees a huge net envelope Nightwatch and trap him, bringing him down off of the top of the shelf!


-Stark “Vanguard!  I’ve got your Owl!”


Vanguard growls, but sees some bungee cord nearby, and smiles to himself.  He takes a rope, and begins to climb the wall shelf up to the ceiling with the swiftness of a squirrell.


-Stark “I already told you idiots I can beat you in any store, especially the sports authority!  And I’m warning you.  If you show up, your little birdie is gonna lose a few feathers.  I’ll let him go once I get the ticket!”


Josh looks at the owl as it tries to escape.  A bit afraid of the sharp claws and beak, he tries to grab the ticket, and Nightwatch hisses at him to keep him away!


-Stark “Come on you overgrown canary, just give it to me.”


Stark finally grabs the card, pulls it through the net, and smiles triumphantly!  Turning down the aisle, he shouts.


-Stark “There, you see, that wasn’t so hard.  Vanguard, here’s your bird back, don’t think I’m gonna let him go now!”


No answer.  Josh looks around.


-Stark “Umm- Vanguard?”


Still no answer.  He turns around, looking for Nightwatch, but sees nothing.  No net.  No owl.  Nothing.  Josh’s eyes widen, and a bead of sweat begins to form on his brow, while he looks all around, and then realizes that there’s only one direction he hasn’t looked in.




-Stark “Oh no-“


The Dark figure drops from the sky right above him, on a bungee cord, and grabs him, lifting him up to the top shelf on which Nighwatch had perched mere minutes ago.  Vanguard puts Stark there, then falls back down, out of reach of the LA native.  He unhooks himself from the Sports Authority brand bungee cord, and picks up the ticket dropped in fear by Stark.  He lifts up the ticket, then the gathered net in which Nightwatch is held captive.  Opening the net, and freeing the Owl, Vanguard smiles at Stark, and then takes his leave.


-Stark “You asshole!  Do you know who I am?  You can’t just leave me here!  Vanguard!  Get back here!  Please, get me down!  I’m afraid of extreme heights!  Vanguard!  Where are you going?  Get back over here and get me down!”


Of course, the Dark Knight turns a deaf ear, and makes his way out, with Nightwatch.  Unfortunately for him, the other six contestants see him holding the ticket, and pursue!  In the rock climbing section now, Vanguard grabs some rapelling rope.  On the run, Vanguard reaches the check out area.  But Vanguard is a man on a mission, and he knows that there is a referee in the parking lot, which, unfortunately, is on the first level!


-Vanguard “Time to fly!”


The others begin to gain on him, but Vanguard makes sure to secure one end of the rapelling rope to a pole fixture!  Then, he runs, and leaps through the store’s window, shattering the glass in the process while the cashiers and customers look on!  With the others in hot pursuit, Vanguard drops down, swinging towards the wall, and finally crashing into it with a Thud, as the referee below looks up at him!  He immediately climbs down, with the faster of his opponents trying to climb after him, but by this point it is too late.  Van drops to the ground, and waves the ticket to the referee in the parking lot, who notices!


-Referee “We have a winner!”


Back in the stadium, the people cheer for the antics and spectacular finish of the match, while Funyon, who has taken a limousine back to the arena, makes his announcement!


-Funyon “Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, and the new number one contender to the Television Title- Vanguard!”


The camera shows Vanguard, winded, and quite scratched up, but otherwise okay, while the contestants up above give jealous looks!  It then cuts to back inside the arena.  Edwin, King and Axis are on hand.


-Edwin “Can you believe that?  He leaped out of the Sports Authority on nothing but a piece of rapelling rope Through the huge glass window!  And that stunt allowed him to secure a victory!”


-King “Yeah, but if it wasn’t for that damn owl, he probably wouldn’t have had it!”


-Axis “Are you kidding, Josh Stark had just as much of a chance to get that ticket, but he blew it!”


-Edwin “That Dark Knight sure is mysterious, and out of eight men, he stands alone.  But what an effort.  These guys went all over looking for that thing, and they had some great clashes along the way!”


-Axis “Well, if you think that match was something, you haven’t seen anything yet.”


-King “’Ain’t seen nothing.’”


-Axis “Beg your pardon?”


-King “It’s ‘Aint seen nothing.’  Not ‘haven’t seen anything.’  Sheesh you’re Australian, not some stuffed shirt Brit.”


-Edwin “Hey, I resent that!”


-Axis “We’ve got more incredible matches to come, and they’re sure to surprise even the most die hard of fans, don’t go anywhere!”


A split screen shows Van’s dive through the window.  On the main monitor, Vanguard holds his side and the ticket as the referee holds up his hand in victory.  But meanwhile, back in the sports authority-


-Stark “Hello.  Anyone there?  Can somebody please help me?  I need to get down from here, this is really uncomfortable!  Hello!  Vanguard!  You’re DEAD!”


Just goes to show you- never mess with a man’s Owl.

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

***The camera switches from a shot of outside the Gund, to inside where the raucous crowd is sporting signs representing their favorite wrestlers. We cut to a video montage of the recent events between Tod deKindes, Taylor Nicholas Thompson and 'Deathwish' Danny Williams that have led up to tonight's TV title match, with Korn's 'All In The Family Playing' in the background. It ends with a neat little animated graphic of "Tod deKindes vs Taylor Nicholas Thompson" and the TV belt in the background; and with "Tonight!!" written across…***


Axis: It's now time for our World Television championship match, Taylor Nicholas Thompson defends his title against Tod deKindes. But for now, let's take you backstage to Kevin Cole.


***Cut to backstage at the interview area, Kevin Cole stands with both wrestlers ready for combat.***


Cole: Thank you Axis, it's a huge night tonight at Absolution and coming up, the TV title match. I'm here with both participants, and…I gotta tell ya, it's like we're back at where we started. Tod deKindes and Taylor Thompson, it was almost a month ago that I stood between you two gentlemen as you were about to compete in your respective debut matches. But now, here we are, Absolution, the TV title is on the line, you two are going to go at it again, what are your thoughts?


TNT: No, you see Kevin, I don't have any thoughts right now. I have but ONE thought, and that is to get throught tonight and walk out of the Gund Arena with this (taps TV belt which is resting on his shoulder) and I know it's not gonna be an easy task, cuz I gotta face THIS guy…


***Cole swings the mic over to Tod.***


Tod: You're right, it's not gonna be easy…keine Leid, keine Belohnung…No pain…no reward…You see, I've congratulated you on making the right choice last Saturday. Sure, we're getting along now. You got my back, I got yours. But you're also the TV champion and you've given me the first shot. It's like the first time, Taylor. It's gonna be a hell of a fight.


TNT: Like the first time, huh?…I dunno if you recall, Tod, but the first time…I actually won. Both times, too. I guess you're saying history's gonna repeat itself?


Tod: We'll see about that…When that referee counts one, two, three…we'll see if history repeats itself again.


TNT: I'm counting on it.


***Both men walk off.***


Cole: Lots of tension between these two tonight. It's a matter of mutual respect, and a matter of who's good enough to wear that TV gold. Let's send it back to ringside.


***Cut to the ring area where Funyon is standing and Mark Hebner is jogging down the aisle and entering the ring.***


Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, our next contest is scheduled for one fall, has a fifteen minute time limit, and it is for the SJL World - Television - Championship!


***The crowd erupts in a small cheers at the thought of the upcoming match.***


Funyon: Introducing first, the challenger. From Muenchen, Germany, weighing in 227 lbs…Tod - deeeeeeee - Kin - deeeeeeeesssss!!!


***As 'Shock' fires up, Tod's new entrance video consists of many shots of him filmed with a 360 camera and his name being spelled out in black and silver letters. As Tod walks out, bathing in the strobelights, smoke fills out the entrance way. With a calm-but-intense pace he walks down the aisle and slides under the bottom rope. He climbs up to the second rope, sweeps the crowd with one gaze through his silver framed sunglasses and lets out a mighty roar to the fans.***


Axis: Tod deKindes is fired up tonight and he only has in mind the sight of him holding up that TV title belt when this is all said and done!!


Edwin: He's got to keep in mind the time limit though! Can he beat Taylor Thompson in under fifteen minutes? That is the question…


***While 'Shock' fades to a stop, Tod removes his trenchcoat and shades, tossing them to a ring attendant. He warms up and stretches with the aid of the ropes, and paces around the ring, instead of his usual manner of calmly waiting for an opponent by sitting on the top turnbuckle.***


Funyon: And his opponent, he hails from Anaheim, California. Weighing in 267 lbs, he is the SJL WORLD - Television - Champion. He is the TNT, Taylor - Nicholaaaaaaaaaas - Thompsooooooooooooonn!!


***As the fans chant the accompanying "Oy! Oy! Oy!…", the rocking tunes of AC/DC's "TNT" fires up on the speakers. Thompson walks out with the belt strapped around his waist and starts encouraging the chants. He stops under the Smarktron while egging on the cheers, unhooking his title belt and holding it up. The chants seem to fire him up as he gets more and more energetic and starts power-walking down the aisle, with accompanying pyro crashing down on the set. He walks the apron, tosses the belt in the ring, crosses the ropes and poses to all four corners. He picks up the belt, does one more pose with it, and hands it to Mark Hebner who holds it up and hands it to the timekeeper. Both wrestlers meet up face to face in center ring, as the referee gives them a quick reminder of the rules.***


Edwin: Lot of pride going in this match between these two men.


King: Who cares about pride? It's about killing or being killed! One of those days, when they LEAST expect it, one of these two is gonna turn his back on the other and leave him out to dry. Something doesn't feel right about this so-called alliance of theirs…


Axis: Nonetheless, these two have promised us a fight once again and it is a fight we'll have. And they seem ready as ever, here we go!


***Bell rings. Both men circle each other, hand slap to establish the mutual respect, and they meet in center ring with a lock up. Back and forth to start, but Thompson eventually pushes Tod to a corner. Five count is applied, both men break clean. To center ring once again, lock up #2. More tussling around, but Thompson thinks quick and grabs a headlock. Tod whirls around, grabbing Taylor’s arm in the process, Taylor attempts to squirm away, but Tod somehow manages to power him into a hammerlock.***


Edwin: Gee whiz, how on God’s severely polluted Earth did Tod out-muscle TNT?


Axis: You have to remember Eddie Mac, that’s the same arm that Danny Williams nailed with a steel chair last Crimson! According to my calculations, that means that Taylor’s arm is only at 76.8% And Tod appears to be using that to his advantage!


***Thompson grimaces in pain, but manages to work his way to the ropes. The referee issues the 5 count, which deKindes takes advantage of all the way to four. Both men again designate themselves to their proclaimed corners, once again sizing each other up. Time for lock up #2! Both men aggressively attempt to gain some sort of momentum, but the two adversaries remain completely evenly matched.***


Edwin: I dunno about you guys, but I can't help feeling a little glimmer of hope for Tod.


King: Why on Earth would you go for that German nudnik?


Edwin: Well…my magic 8-ball told me to.


King: …You're pathetic.


***An Irish-whip exchange takes place, with TNT gaining the upper hand, Tod ducks a clothesline, but takes a massive kneelift to the head. Tod goes down, but not for long, as he quickly kips up, ready for yet another face-off. Both combatants travel to the center of the ring, besieging one another with intimidating glances. Tod outreaches one hand, telegraphing to his dynamite opponent that he wants to lock up once more.***


Edwin: It looks like the two competitors are challenging eachother to a game of “mercy!” I used to play that game all the time when I was a kid!


King: No wonder you were never SWF champion, you grew up playing sissy games like “mercy.” I myself was more of a tea party person.


Edwin: You were SWF champ, so what, it's not like --…wait, tea parties?


King: Uh…erm…nothing. Forget about it.


Axis: I think he said he played tea party when…


King: I said forget about it!


***Both men outreach both arms, and lock up! TNT quickly gains the upper hand…literally. Tod tries to resist it but falls to his knees, moaning in pain. Taylor mercifully lets go of the hold, and struts over to the turnbuckle, basking in the cheers of his adoring fans. Suddenly, deKindes bounces back to his feet. Taylor, standing on the 2nd rope, eggs on a “T-N-T” chant as Tod slowly staggers in his direction. Tod hops up on the turnbuckle, standing behind the oblivious TNT, hooks his arms, and plants him into the mat with brutal second rope Tiger suplex. Tod crawls over and lays on top of the heaping pile of jello that is Taylor Nicholas Thompson as referee Mark Hebner makes the count.***


Hebner: One!


King: Kick out! Kick out! I know that this former SWF Champion could do it!


Hebner: Two!


Edwin: Kick out! Kick out! I know that this former ICTV Champion could do it!




Axis: No! Hebner couldn’t even manage to start the 3 count before Taylor kicked out! Tod is showing a little lethargy after that move, can he capitalize?


Edwin: Yes! No! ……Maybe.


***Meanwhile, inside the squared circle Tod has already managed to scrape the explosive road-kill off of the mat.***


Axis: Rear waist-lock by the rabid German!


Edwin: But it’s reversed!


Axis: Reversed again!


Edwin: And again!


Axis: And again!


***Taylor attempts to circle Tod for yet another reversal, but his attempts are put to a screeching halt by Tod, who is latched onto TNT like some kind of fungus clinging on to a pair of really, really old underpants. Tod lifts the hulking mass, struggles a little, hammers a few forearms in Taylor's upper back, lifts him up…and spikes him into the mat with a German suplex. He holds onto the move and bridges into a pin.***


Hebner: One!


Edwin: The German with a German suplex! Oh, the irony!


King: But alas, not quite as ironic as when I ROYALLY kick your ass! Hahahahahaha!


Hebner: Two!


King: Get it? ROYALLY? And I’m a king!


Edwin: What a maroon…


Hebner: Thr…


***The pyromaniac grappler barely manages to elevate his shoulder a mere fraction of an inch off of the mat! Tod jerks the limp Thompson off of the mat. Tod, slightly upset, struggles to keep his cool as he aggressively glares at the slow counting referee. He saunters toward Mark, but stops short as Hebner bails out of the ring. TNT slowly edges toward the distracted Tod, and rolls him up in a surprise schoolboy attempt. The audience displays their mad countin’ skeelz, but it’s no use without the referee. Hebner, halfway to Zimbabwe, begins to make his way back to the ring just as Tod reverses the rollup into a pinning predicament of his own! By the time the crowd has already counted to 4, Mark finally slides under the rope and begins to administrate the 3-count…but stops short discovering that TNT’s foot is on the ropes!***


King: Make the count ref! Make the count!


Edwin: His foot is on the ropes King.


King: Screw the rules! If he doesn’t make the count I will!


Axis: I don’t think you have the authority to…


King: Authority shmority. Tod’s the new TV champ and you know it.


***Both men return to their corners once more. With a glint of respect in their eyes, they slowly approach eachother. Taylor goes for a short clothesline, but Tod reverses it into an arm-bar takedown! The wrestlers rise to their feet, and Taylor introduces his fist to Tod’s face several times. An Irish whip exchange occurs, with Taylor winning the exchange with a spinebuster the shades of Arn Anderson. Tod hits the mat with a loud “thud,” as TNT makes the cover.***


Ref: One! Two! Thr…


King: He kicks out! You know back in my SWF Champion days I…


Edwin: What is your pointless rambling leading to? Can you just make it short?


King: Gladly. I rule, you suck.


Edwin: Thought so.


***Yet another Irish whip exchange, and TNT comes reeling out with a second knee lift. Which misses miserably. TNT ducks down, but is duped with a leapfrog. TNT stands up, scanning the ring for his sly opponent, but is speared into the corner! Tod attempts to follow up with a double-underhook suplex, but is stopped short as Taylor grasps his throat, cutting off his air circulation! The ref issues a 5-count, but on 4, TNT lifts Tod off of the ground and plants him back down where he came from with a vicious chokeslam! He hooks the leg…but the stubborn German puts his foot under the ropes! TNT, who’s anger has now consumed him, begins to viciously take off a turnbuckle pad! He lifts the fallen foreigner from the mat, and Irish whips…wait, no…is hurled into the unforgiving turnbuckle himself. He stumbles back towards Tod, who again goes for a spear, but is caught by the legs…and catapulted into the padless ring post also! Both men, busted wide open with dazed looks on their faces, fall to the ground incoherently. Mark attempts to make a ten count, but constantly forgets what comes after 7.***


Edwin: Oy vey! I hate to see these two like this!


King: Please, I was doing that to other kids in kindergarten..


Edwin: How can you say that?


King: With much zestiness.


Axis: (sigh) Will you two shut up?


King: Nein!


***Axis sighs, shuffles his papers and tries to call the match accordingly, as his two intellectually challenged companions quarrel at ringside. Inside the ring, bloodied and beaten, the respectable foes collect themselves, and lock up once more. With Taylor once again using his strength to his advantage, Tod bails out with a drop toehold. He inches his way to Thompson’s mid-section, and once again begins to wrench Taylor’s arm right out of its socket.***


Axis: TNT is struggling to hold on as he no doubt has pictures of his prized Television title dancing through his head. But how long can he remain conscious with that amount of juice leaking from his skull?


Edwin: Juice run? Put me down for grape.


Axis: Um, Edwin, I’m talking about blood.


Edwin: Mmmmmmm, blood.


Axis: …Oooo-kay. Isn’t that just fantacular and spectastic, my colleague’s a nutcase.


King: You just noticed?


***Tod, realizing he won’t get the submission, attempts to arrange himself several arm-wrenching positions to see which one is the most effective. TNT slowly shuffles his way to the ropes, breaking the hold. Tod gets up and forces TNT to do the same. Tod reverberates off of the ropes and comes back…***


Axis: Down with the sideslam by TNT! That one’s gonna hurt in the morning!


Edwin: At this rate, I doubt he’ll be ALIVE in the morning!


King: Eh, I could kick out of that no problemo. Speaking of pinfalls, TNT makes the cover!


Hebner: One! Two!


Axis: Tod signals to the crowd that he’s not dead by kicking out at the last second!


***TNT, still hurting from the beating he took earlier, stands up and waits for Tod to rise. Just as Tod rises to his feet, Taylor revs back against the ropes, and send both Tod and himself soaring over the top rope with a Cactus-like clothesline. The grapplers stagger outside the ring, but their stumbling comes to a halt as both men crash into the guardrails. The ref begins to make the count. (1) Taylor lifts the lifeless Tod onto his shoulder, and goes to ram his head into the ring post, but To falls behind him and shoves TNT himself into the post. Taylor falls back, holding his face in anguish. (2) Tod tries following up by leaping onto the steel steps and launching off with a dropkick right into TNT’s face. (3) Taylor, who is somehow still on his feet, reverses a spear attempt by Tod…into a devastating Dominator onto the concrete.***


Axis: He PLANTS him down on the floor!!!


King: Calm down, I’ve taken worse.


Edwin: You have not.


King: Have to. Remember when I was power bombed off of a 50 foot ladder through 20 barbed wire, flaming, broken glass covered, solid steel, thumbtack covered, explosive rubber ducky manifested tables?


Edwin: You just made that up.


King: I did not! That’s something some sort of sick and twisted freak would think up in their head!


Edwin: Yep. You made it up alright.


***(4) TNT stumbles away, shocked at the act of bigotry that he just committed. (5) Taylor paces back and forth around Tod, looking a tad bit concerned. (6) Taylor, just to seal the deal, lifts Tod up in the powerbomb position and…(7) …is hurricanranad onto the solid concrete! (8) Tod barely manages to aimlessly wander into the ring, breaking up the count. The ref restarts the count for just TNT, but by 7 Taylor is on his way back to the ring. His progress is halted however as he is sent back down to the hard, beer covered cement courtesy of an over-the-top-rope flip by Tod himself! Both men lay on the concrete, dazed and confused.***


Axis: And Tod deKindes will pull out all the stops to win this one!!


***Hebner restarts once again the 10-count, as Tod gingerly staggers to his feet. He pulls up Thompson by the dreads and rolls him back into the ring. He shouts a German war cry to the crowd, who replies with cheers for their hero. Tod climbs up to the apron and sees Thompson in perfect place for him to deliver a spingboard senton atomico ala Eddie Guerrero. He contemplates a cover, but chooses rather to bounce off the ropes and deliver a knee drop to the side of the head, and THEN a cover.***








***Thompson gets a shoulder up at the last second. He slowly staggers up and retreats to a corner. Tod meets up with him and climbs up to the second rope for the Auf Deutsch Ten Punch Count Along.***


Crowd: Eine! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Fünf! Sechs! Sieben! Acht! Neun! Zehn!


King: I didn't know this crowd could count to ten! In German, no less!


***As Thompson staggers out of the corner, Tod catches him in a fireman's carry position, and slams him down with a death valley driver.***


Edwin: DVD!


King: Pimp Drop!


Edwin: Spicolli Driver!


***Tod climbs up the ropes, gives a brief shout to the crowd and comes flying down with a swanton bomb. He crawls over and goes for the cover.***








***Shoulder up. Tod grabs Thompson's arm, puts it in an arm wringer and wrenches on it a little. A quick check of the referee, Tod brings Thompson back down with a single arm DDT and he hooks on a Fujiwara arm bar.***


Axis: Tod is almost merciless on that arm, he's almost trying to pull it out of its socket!


Edwin: Wouldn't it be weird if that actually happened?


King: Funny you should ask, it was at the Sportatorium, and it was me and this …--


Axis: And the referee is asking TNT if he gives up!!


***Thompson replies with a resounding 'No!!' as Tod maintains the pressure on the arm bar. Tod releases the move and drops a few knees on the elbow joint, sending Thompson in violent pain spasms. Still holding onto the arm, Tod runs and hops over the ropes, snapping Thompson's arm against the rope. Thompson is down, clutching his arm and screaming in pain.***


Edwin: Shades of the Macho Man Randy Savage!!


King: Randy Savage did that move with the guy's head, you nitwit.


***Thompson slowly gets to his feet, while Tod climbs back on the apron. He times his steps and connects with a springboard seated dropkick right in Thompson's face that rocks the big man. Irish whip exchange, back bodydrop attempt by Thompson. Tod hops over it and dropkicks him in the rear end, sending him staggering to the apron. Thompson gets to his feet while Tod times his steps once again. He bounces off the second rope and dropkicks Thompson right off the apron. He walks up the ropes to do some high flying, but sees that Thompson is too far. He drops down to the apron and nails a running dropkick off of it, right on Thompson's face. He picks him up and bashes his head against the ring steps and the announce table. He tosses him back in the ring, and follows suit. Seeing Thompson down on the mat, hardly moving and holding onto his arm; Tod looks at the crowd, gives out a throat slash and yells out a sentence in German.***


Axis: And Tod looks ready to finish things off!! The TV title could be mere moments away for this youngster!


***He picks up the limp TNT and knees him in the gut for good measure. He grabs one arm, runs it through his legs, and hooks the other arm in a pumphandle position. He lifts him up, but Thompson starts moving and rolls forward into a pinning predicament.***








***Kick out. Tod, upset at this sudden little resurgence from Thompson, brings his opponent to a corner and stomps a mudhole. He stops to listen to the referee's warning and then proceeds to walk it dry. He sits up Thompson on the top turnbuckle and climbs up there himself to deliver a flying headscissor from the top. Tod goes for a bodyslam but Thompson slips out from behind and catches Tod in another surprise roll up.***








***Shoulder up at the last second. Tod still has an incredulous look in his eyes. He mounts the fallen Thompson and delivers rapid fire right hands to the side of the head. He bounces off the ropes and drops an elbow right in the heart. And again. And again. Whip to the ropes, Tod catches Thompson with a powerslam and a fist drop to the head. Cover.***






***Kick out. Another whip to the ropes by Tod. He plants a boot in Thompson's gut and comes off the opposite ropes with a swinging neckbreaker. Cover.***






***Kick out. Tod lifts up Thompson by the hair, puts his head between his legs and plants him down with a jumping piledriver, bouncing Thompson's head at least two feet off the mat. Cover.***








***Kick out in the nick of time. Tod gives out a quick "That's it!!" and lifts up Thompson by the hair. He grabs him in a front facelock and places his arm over his head, prepping him for the Cerebral Driver.***


Edwin: He's going for that modified neckbreaker to win this match! Is there enough time left?!


Axis: Can he put it on?…


King: No!!


***Thompson spins around, frees himself, and catches Tod with a reverse DDT. Both men are down as Hebner starts the 10 count. They start to squirm around six, and now both men are up at 9½. Right hands are exchanged, but Thompson gets the better of that one. He blocks one more right and sends Tod reeling against the ropes. Irish whip to the ropes, Thompson catches Tod with a spinebuster. He rolls over into a cover.***






***Kick out. Thompson puts Tod back down with a running powerslam. He goes up to the second rope and delivers a flying elbow from there. He catches his breath for a second and goes for a cover.***








***Kick out at the last second. Irish whip exchange, Tod goes for a back bodydrop, but Thompson counters it and hits a running DDT from out of nowhere. Thompson rolls over and puts an arm on Tod.***








***Kick out once again. Thompson nails a dual set of Irish whips / corner clotheslines and lifts up Tod in an Argentinian back breaker position.***


Axis: What's he gonna do there?


Edwin: Good Lord, that's a Burning Hammer!! That move drops you right on your head and puts a lot of pressure on the neck!! Tod appears to be out!!


King: This is it, guys! Make or break!


***Thompson sees that Tod is out on his back. He looks at him, and looks towards the corner. Feeling confident, he slowly walks over there and points at the skies.***


Axis: What could TNT have in mind now?


Edwin: Looks like he's going up top!


King: Wait now, TNT isn't known to be a high flyer! This is gonna come back and bite him in the ass…


***Thompson climbs up the ropes, facing the crowd. He concentrates for a second and flies off in a picture perfect moonsault…and hits nothing but mat. The Tod supporting section of the crowd erupts at the sudden development, as the announcers gain a touch of intensity in their voices. ***


Axis: Nobody home!!!


King: What did I tell ya!! I told you he would regret it!! Now all Tod has to do is pick up the remaining pieces and WIN that TV title!!


***Tod staggers to his feet, listening to the raucous crowd. He does another slow throat slash accompanied by his mighty roar. He picks up the officially dead Thompson and preps him for the pumphandle slam position again. He swings him up and slams him down head first.***


Axis: Spirit Breaker!!! That's it!!!


***Tod hooks both legs, but the bell rings instantly.***


Edwin: What the hell is this??


***Tod releases the pin, looking confused. The fans boo out of confusion as well. Mark Hebner is seen talking to the timekeeper and pointing at his wrist.***


King: It looks like the time limit has passed!


Axis: And it would've been a sure victory for Tod deKindes!!


Edwin: What a heart breaker!!


Axis: Let's get the official word from our announcer…


Funyon: (after conferring with the referee)…Ladies and gentlemen, referee Mark Hebner has notified me that the fifteen minute TV time limit has indeed expired…(boos from crowd)…The referee has also declared this match…a DRAW!…(louder boos)…Therefore, STILL SJL World Television Champion…Taylor - Nicholaaaaaas - Thompson!!

***Cheers are distinctly heard, but most are still booing, disappointed at that ending.***


Axis: Well, these two will live to fight another day, I can assure you.


Edwin: Wait! Look who's coming!!!


***”Deathwish” Danny Williams, comes darting down to the ring with a steel chair in hand.***


Axis: What the hell is he doing here!?


King: Go get ‘em tiger! Deathwish is gonna make those to wish they were……dead!


***Danny slides into the ring, and begins screaming at his former student and his new friend. The audience can vaguely perceive the dialogue coming from the ring.***


“Wanna take us on? Put down the fuckin' chair!”

“Imma kill you two!”

“Bring it on!”

“Don't think I won't!”

“Taylor's right, just put the chair down!”

“Fuck YOU!”


“Fuck! You hit him in the fucking…”


“Don’t fucking mess with me!”


***The two fallen grapplers lay in the ring, both possessing crimson masks. Danny begins to leave to ringside, but an incoherent TNT scampers to his feet, jumps on his former mentor, and unleashes a flurry of punches on him. Tod joins in on the brawl, attempting to get a piece of Danny. Suddenly, TNT signals to Tod, who begins scaling the turnbuckle to the second rope. Meanwhile, TNT lifts Deathwish up for a powerbomb…and Tod comes sailing off the second-rope with a flying Hart Attack clothesline, following Danny all the way to the mat where he lands with a devastating “thud!”***


Axis: I…I…I’ve never seen that move before!


Edwin: Nor have I! It looks like some sort of…powerbomb meets Hart Attack!


King: Eh, I use it all the time.


Edwin: Well, we can’t tell, since you don’t have any friends to do it with.


***The two companions, satisfied with their revenge, travel back to the locker room, staggering dizzily. Deathwish, recovering from the punishment, slides out of the ring, and beelines straight towards them. Another pull-apart brawl ensues as punches are thrown. The gaggle of referees and agents try to separate everybody, as they slowly drift off to the locker rooms.***


Axis: These people won't rest until someone gets absolutely taken out! This situation is far, FAR from over...!


***The shots switches over to a promo hyping all the upcoming house shows around the country and plugging the SJL website.***

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

“…And Da’ Pound versus the Clan in a match of EPIC PREPORTIONS! Fallout versus SWF Champion The HVille Thugg for the Heavyweight Title! The manipulated. The treacherous. The deceived.  ESS… DOUBLEYOU…. EFF… DEFIANCE...  April 28, ORDER NOW!”


The camera fades back in from the blatantly gratuitous plug for the upcoming SWF PPV, giving a shot of the announcer’s table, showing the Suicide King, Axis and Edwin MacPhisto, all dolled up for one of the JL’s rare special events. Axis begins to speak…


Axis: “Hello, JL fans!”


King: “Yeah, all three of you!”


Axis(ignoring King): “Welcome back to the SJL pay per view extravaganza, Absolution! Back from a plug for the upcoming WF PPV, Defiance…”


King: “Which, may I add, is the most important WF PPV in ages! Because I, the Suicide King, former SWF CHAMPEEN, will finally put an end to the party that never stops! *I* shall do what no other could, and put an END to the Midnight Carnival! Ain’t that right, Eddie Mac?”


Edwin(sour): “Blow your nose, King. You’d get more out of it.”


King: “Oh! The MacDaddy has wounded me to the quick!”


Edwin: “I guess this means you’ll be moving a lot slower from now on, eh, Three o’ Clubs?”


King: “…shut up, MacPhisto.”


Axis(muttering): “Five matches to go, Axis. Just five more matches, and then you get a paycheque…”


Axis’s mumbling about how much his job sucks is interrupted by the SmarkTron, which flickers to life! The shot shows the image of a regular wooden door, with a placard reading ‘TOM FLESHER’ …and the words ‘Euro Champ!’ scribbled beneath in magic marker. The crowd reflexively boo’s their hearts out, just at a mere sign of his name. With a small ‘ka-chack’ the door opens, and the camera pans back… revealing Z walking into Tom’s dressing room. The crowd explodes in cheers!


Axis: “And that would be Z!”


Edwin: “One *half* of the newest members of XF9!” –sniff- “The way he was introduced was just beautiful… bleeding beautiful, Axis.” –sniff… snigger- “Tarring and feathering Stryke!” –giggle!- “The carnival couldn’t of done it better!”


King: “Unfortunately… Although, I do want to know why the hell he wants to bother Tom Flesher.”


Z walks further into the dressing room, approaching the unsuspecting Tom Flesher, who is taping up his wrists…


Z: “Hey, Tom!!”


Tom jumps in the air, before turning to Z.


Tom: “WHAT THE HELL!? WHO THE FU—Jezus CHRIST! Don’t scare me like that!”


Z: “Heh… whoops.”


Tom: “Yeah, yeah… so what do *you* want?”


Z: “Well, you saw what I did to Stryke at the beginning of the show, right?”


Tom: “Yeah…”


Z: “You saw what Ced did to Stryke, right!?”


Tom: “Yes…”


Z: “You saw how we’re both now part of XF9, RIGHT!?”


Tom’s expression starts to fall, as he sees where this is headed.      


Z: “Well, guess what? Erek said it was okay for me to ask you to join!”


Tom(glowering): “Z, I…”


Z(throwing an arm around Tom): “Aw, c’mon! It’ll be great! You get to do pranks, you get to annoy guys like Stryke, You even get a T-shirt! See?”


Z reaches into his jacket pocket, producing an XF9 shirt and unfolding it.


Z: “Here, try it on!”


Tom: “Look! It’s not that--”


Z: “You know what else? I had this OTHER great idea!”


Z shoves the shirt into Tom’s arms, before throwing his own around Tom’s shoulders and gesturing wildly with is other hand.


Z: “I though that you, Ced, and I could come out as a team! Maybe do a little soft shoeing, have Bon Jovi do a live performance… Hey, maybe we could even have some burlesque dancers come out and--”


(Tom yanks Z’s arm off of his shoulder and starts shoving him to the door.)


Tom: “Yeah, yeah, that’s all well and good, but I have a match to prepare for and if you don’t mind…”


Z: “But you’ll think about it, right?”


Tom: “Sure, sure. Now get out!”


With one last shove, Tom sends Z stumbling out of his dressing room, slamming to door soundly behind him.


King: “Man oh man, I don’t think I could respect Tom if he went and joined XF9.”


Edwin: “You respect him now?”


Tom sits on one of the benches in the dressing room, looking at the XF9 T-shirt.


Tom: “XF9, huh?”


Tom clenches the shirt, and scowls. With a tremendous ‘RIIIP!!’ he tears the shirt in half and tosses it behind him!


Tom: “Bah…”


Axis(stunned): “What the…?”


Edwin: “Uh-oh…”


On that ominous note, the camera fades out, as the crowd crows with solid heat for Flesher’s actions. The ring crew finishes setting up the next match as the camera cuts back to the ring…

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

As the pay-per-view comes back to life, the first few guitar strums of Hoobastank’s "Crawling In The Dark" begin to echo though the arena. The arena’s lights dim, as purple pyro shoots up from the stage, exploding in a neon burst in the air. A misty smoke comes out of the entrance way, as Poisyn emerges from the smoke pouring out from under the entrance way. He looks back into the smoke and simply raises his hand, as Brianna Flynn comes skipping out after him, as the couple begins to walk down to the ring.


“Well, folks, it’s time for a match that’s been waited for all night!” Axis says.


“Right you are, Axis. This is a match purely based on respect, and we are about to see how far these two will go to prove to the other that they need the respect more!” Edwin says.


“Bah! I don’t like this at all!” The Suicide King snaps, “Poisyn should be competing against ‘The One’, whomever he may be, and Insane Luchador should be in bigger better matches! I don’t see the point of this match!”


Poisyn begins to climb up the ring steps, looking out at the fans, who just simply pound him with a parade of boos and remarks, as Poisyn simply ignores the insults and steps into the ring, Brianna Flynn following him closely behind. Poisyn climbs up to the second rope, as he leans over, taunting the fans with a smirk.


“The following contest…” Funyon begins, “Is a singles match! Introducing first, being accompained to the ring by Brianna Flynn, from New Haven, Connecticut, weighing in at 239 Pounds…PPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOIIIIIIISSSSYYYYNNN!!!”


“Well, Poisyn continues his search for ‘The One’,” Edwin says, “And you never know. Perhaps it’s Insane Luchador!”


“Well, Luchador and Poisyn have been very good friends in the locker room, I wonder if their close friendship will affect the match,” Axis remarks.


As “Crawling In The Dark” comes to a close, Mudvayne’s “Dug” violently plays over the PA System, startling several unexpecting fans. The arena’s lights quickly die out, but then turn back on again, still very dim. A vision of a man arched back with his arms crossed across his chest can be seen, as he spits the mist out in a giant frenzy! He turns around and dashes to the ring, revealing himself to be Insane Luchador. He quickly glides across the rows of fans near the entrance way, and slides under the bottom rope, locking eyes with Poisyn.


“From Easton, Pennsylvania…weighing in at 195 pounds, “THE TRUE PLAGUE” INSANE LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCHADOR!” Funyon says, holding out the ‘u’ in luchador for way too long.


“And here we go, a match awaited for this entire night,” SK says, “Insane Luchador going against Poisyn, a battle for pride, respect, glory, whatever you want to call it, this match is sure to be talked about for months to come!”


Luchador and Poisyn meet in the center of the ring, their eyes locked, as it seems as if fire is burning in their eyes. No insults are exchanged, no curses are muttered, only a long, cold stare of rage and respect between the two rebels. The bell rings, as it signals for the brawl to begin.




“And aaaawwaaaaayyyy we go!” Edwin says.


Luchador and Poisyn continue their stare after the bell, as the crowd becomes dead silent, waiting to see who will be the first to attack. Luchador then quickly looks away, as Poisyn looks away as well, and Luchador tries to throw a right hand at Poisyn, but the martial-arts master is too quick for Insane Luchador, as he blocks the punch. Poisyn then quickly tries hit Luchador with a spinning wheel kick, but Luhador ducks under the sweep and does a roll backwards away from Poisyn, trying to separate him from Poisyn. Luchador then walks over to Poisyn, and instead of brawling locks up!


“Well, this isn’t what we usually see out of Mister Rickman,” Axis says, “He tried to brawl with Poisyn, but he saw that it was only going to get him nowhere quickly from the martial-arts master!”


Poisyn tries to muscle out of the lock up, but Insane Luchador quickly rolls Poisyn around into a headlock. Poisyn uses his strength to pick up Luchador, but this only works to Luchador’s advantage, as he pushes his feet up on the second rope and takes a leap off, who stills has a tight headlock, as he slams down Poisyn in a bulldog! He sees the fallen Poisyn, as he quickly jumps up to the top rope and quickly looks out at the crowd, as Poiysn rises to his feet, and jumps off in a hurricane-rana! But Poisyn counters the high-flying suicide move by catching the lankly legs of Luchador and stopping his momentum, and picking him up on his shoulder, and slamming him down in a mighty powerbomb! The referee quickly begins to count…




Two…No! Insane Luchador kicks out at two!


“And a kick out at two by Rickman!” SK says.


“Kick out…that reminds me King,” Edwin says, “I heard a lot of noises coming out of your hotel room last night. You must have been doing a lot of  ‘kicking’ with Stubby!”


“Or maybe it was YOUR MOM!” SK says, pointing a finger at the commissioner.


“King, my mom is in Amsterdam, England, watching this Pay-Per-View. I’m sure she’s not in your hotel room,” Edwin counters. King crosses his arms in anger.


Back in the ring, Andrew and Poisyn begin their assault on each other, as Poisyn bounces off against the ropes, only to have Luchador leapfrog over him. Poisyn then slides under the legs of Rickman, as he comes up and suprises Luchador by staying under the 195 pound man and getting up, putting Rickman on his shoulders! Rickman looks around for a way out of the move, as it seems like a light bulb pops in his head as he leans forward and rolls Poisyn up! Luchador quickly grabs the legs of Poisyn, as the referee counts…






Thr…no, no! Poisyn kicks out! Poisyn scurries to his feet, as he bounces against the ropes and comes at Luchador, only to be met by a dropkick to the face! Poisyn backs away from Andrew’s kick, as he looks back as Luchador, who is getting up from the dropkick. Poisyn then rushes at Luchador, full speed, only for Andrew to duck and send Poisyn flying over the top rope, but Poisyn safely lands on the ring apron! Luchador turns away from Poisyn, as he faces the fans, his hands extended into the air in celebration of the throw. His smirk extends across his face, but all of the sudden the fan’s boos turn into loud cheers! Luchador quickly turns around to see Poisyn up on the rope, as he dives down in a twisting corkscrew moonsault, as he falls right on the chest of Insane Luchador, as he hooks a leg and covers…






Thr—no, no, Andrew shoots his shoulder off the mat!


“Ah, a close call with a high flying move!” Edwin proclaims, “This match is beginning to become a high flying criserweight type match!”


Poisyn picks Andrew up once again and whips him across the ring, as Rickman comes bouncing back, but Andrew counters by hitting a hard dropkick to Poisyn’s ribs, as Poisyn doubles over forward, gasping for air. Luchador then proceeds to hit Poisyn with a swift punch with his right hand, as Poisyn tastes another one, too, and then Luchador hits a haymaker dead-on! As Poisyn backs away, Luchador tries to hit a reverse bulldog, but his plan is foiled when Poisyn uses his superior strength to lift Luchador into the air, and he sets IL down with the top rope between his legs, in a very uncomfortable position! Poisyn then quickly jumps over to the ring apron, as he grabs Luhador’s arm as he puts it over his head lifts him over the tope rope in a suplex, as Luchador comes crashing down to the outside, as the devastating move also seems to hurt Poisyn as well!


“…OH MY GOD!” Axis proclaims, “Poisyn just suplexed Insane Luchador from the top rope and on to the padded mat on the floor outside the ring!”


“Bah! That’s nothing!” SK remarks, “That’s like a paper cut for me!”


“I’m sure you were ‘slammed’ a lot last night, too, King,” Edwin says. King scowls at the commissioner once again.


Rickman and Poisyn slowly begin to make it to their feet, as they lock eyes with each other once again. Insane Luchador charges at Poisyn, but Poisyn is one step ahead of Luchador as he delivers a swift tae kwon do kick to the head of Rickman! Luchador backs away from Poisyn a few steps, as he charges once again at Poisyn, this time his charge is full of rage…but his assault is quickly stopped when Poisyn scoops Luchador off of his feet and slams him down once again on the cold, hard, protective mat! Luchador’s spine tingles at the powerful slam!


“My…LORD!” Edwin says, “Poisyn could have broken Insane Luchador’s back, and I don’t really think Poisyn could give a damn!”


Poisyn, looking down at the aching Luchador, climbs up to the ring apron once again, as he looks out at the crowd, as they give him a huge pop, much to his surprise! Poisyn then points to the fallen Rickman, and takes a dive off of the ring apron, hoping to hit a frogsplash on Luchador…but instead, misses, as Rickman quickly rolls out of the way and Poisyn meets the cold, hard, mat!


“POISYN MISSED! POISYN MISSED!” Edwin, “Poisyn’s frogsplash missed, and he paid for it!”


Luchador quickly rises to his feet, his smirk stretched across his face. He grabs Poisyn and shoves him back into the ring, as he quickly covers him…






Thr…No, no, Poisyn kicks out yet again!


Luchador now sees that it’s time to end Poisyn, who is holding his ribs very carefully. Luchador climbs up to the top rope, as he looks down at Poisyn, and dives off, ready to hit a 450 splash, but a certain someone quickly pulls Poisyn out of the way, as Luchador’s back hits the mat at full force! Poisyn is now pulled all the way out of the ring, as it is revealed to be Brianna Flynn! The referee leans between the middle and top rope, as he warns Brianna Flynn not to get involved in the match. Poisyn simply slides under the bottom rope and continues the match with Luchador.


“Well, I can’t blame Brianna Flynn for getting involved. If Insane Lucahdor hit that 450 splash, this match would have been more over than King writing a book on ‘How To Make Friends And Keep Them’” Edwin says, as Axis chuckles.


“Oh, hardy har har, Edwin. I’m…cracking up. I really am,” Suicide King remarks.


“Doesn’t look much like it,” Edwin says, “What’s the matter? Hamsters die? Did Stubby dump you?”


“No, Edwin, I’m laughing on the inside,” Suicide King says, “And for your information, My Hamsters are just fine and my relationship with Stubby is better than ever…wait…ohhh…Edwin…you bastard. I hate carnies…”


Back in the ring, Poisyn approaches Luchador who is hunched up in the corner, his back facing the bottom turnbuckle. Poisyn reaches down to pick up Rickman, but that is his flaw as Rickman quickly grabs his arm and throws him down to where he was, as he begins stomping on Poisyn with all his might!


“Oh! Oh! This is what Insane Ludachor calls ‘The Beginning Of The End’!” Edwin says, “Will the move live up to his name?”


Lucador backs away from Poisyn, whose head and more importantly his neck are leaning against the bottom rope, as Luchador rams his foot against the back of the neck of Poisyn, choking him. The referee tries to pull Luchador off of Poisyn, but Luachdor only snaps at the referee, and continues his assault on the neck of Poisyn.


“It must be getting hard to breath for Poisyn,” Axis says, “With all that pressure on the neck of Poisyn, plus the aching and what seem to be injured ribs of Poisyn still there, Insane Lucahdor could win this match by Poisyn passing out by lack of air!”


Luchador then backs away from Poisyn, striking a karate like-pose, taunting the martial-arts master to rise, and he does, as Poisyn comes up on both knees. Luchador tries to make a martial-arts kick to the face, but Poisyn ducks, and quickly rises to his feet and hits Insane Luchador’s knee with a tae kwon do kick of his own! Andrew Rickman doubles over, as Poisyn locks his arm around the head of Andrew Rickman, as he slams his head down on the mat in an Evenflow DDT! The crowd goes crazy, as both men fall to the ground!




ONEEEEE!!! The referee claims, as there is no movement between the two wrestlers.




TWWWOO!!! Luchador tries to rise to his feet, but his legs wobble from the DDT, as he only comes up to one knee. Poisyn tries to rise, also, as he makes his way to one knee, also.



TTTTHREE!!! Luchador looks over at Poisyn, who is now on both knees, but panting, trying to gain strength for the rest of the match…




FOOOUUR!!! Luchador finally rises to his feet, as does Poisyn! They both lock eyes, struggling to stay on solid ground! Poisyn tries to his a high kick, but Luchador ducks under the kick, and uses his head to head-BUTT the injured ribs of Poisyn! Poisyn doubles over, as Insane Luchador doubles over, and Poisyn locks his arm around the head of Andrew once again, trying to hit a Evenflow DDT, but Luchador counters it with several fury punches to the ribs of Poisyn.  Luchador bounces off the ropes only to have a middle kick collide with his stomach. Poisyn turns his back to Luchador, reaches back, and hits a ‘The Memory’, a Diamond Cutter! Luchador goes down hard, as Poisyn quickly rises, taunting Luchador to get up!


“I think Poisyn has a little surprise in store for our good friend Andrew Rickman…” Suicide King says.


“Speaking of suprises King, I…” Edwin begins, but is cut off of by The Suicide King.




“Actually…I had this…” Edwin says, reaching under the announce table, “Surprise! I got you a present, just in case we don’t see each other anymore after the next SWF Pay-Per-View!”


“…Oh…How…I…Hate…Carnies…” Suicide King says, not taking his eyes off of Edwin.


Back in the ring, Insane Luchador comes to his senses and comes up on both feet, as he meets eyes with Poisyn…


Their rage burns inside…


…and they both don’t know they both have the same idea.


Poisyn, just at the same time Insane Luchador does, shoots the black mist out of their mouths, which connects with their eyes, as it blinds both men! Brianna Flynn then hops up on the ring apron, distracting the referee!




Both men wander around in the ring, trying to find a way out, but Poisyn finds Brianna first, thinking that she is Luchador, delivers a high kick, knocking her off the apron! As Poisyn gets his eye-sight back, he looks down at Brianna, whose eyes begin to tear. A look of pure shock stretches across the face of Poisyn, as Insane Luchador, who is recovered from the mist, too, spins him around and tries to hit him with a haymaker, but Poisyn ducks, and shoves Luchador on his back! He quickly changes Luchador’s position, slamming him down in a devastating Tombstone Piledriver! The sound echoes through the arena! Poisyn hits ‘The Crawling’! The referee beings to count, as the crowd goes nuts…



























“YES! YES! POISYN HAS DONE IT! POISYN HAS DONE IT! HE’S DEFEATED INSANE LUCHADOR! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!” Edwin says, literally hoping up and down like a giddy little school girl, as “Crawling In The Dark” blasts through the arena’s PA System.


Poisyn quickly climbs out of the ring, ignoring his friend Insane Luchdor, as he simply goes to Brianna, whose eyes are tearing. He takes her in his arms, as he simply says, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Brianna wipes away her tears, as they hug on the outside of the ring, as the fans give a gigantic “Aaaaaaawwww…” as they watch the couple embraces.


“Lookie that King. An’t it sweet?” Edwin says.


“…I hate love,” King says, as Poisyn hops back into the ring, as he and Insane Luchador meet eyes. Poiysn motions for a microphone, as the announcer gives him one. He tooks out at the crowd, and back as Luchador.


“You…are NOT…the one,” Poisyn says, “…But you put up a damn good fucking fight.”


Poisyn drops the mircophone, as he extends his hand toward Luchador. Luchador simply gives Poisyn a simple nod of respect, ignoring his extended hand, as he exits the ring, and walks up to the entrance way. Poisyn and Brianna Flynn stand in the ring alone, as the Pay-Per-View continues.

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

…And we’re back! The familiar outside shot of the Gund Arena, which we’ve seen many times recently, shows the usual scrolling marquee “SJL ABSOLUTION!!… …PPV!!… …SOLD OUT!!…” The camera switches to the inside, where the fans are more electric than usual! The camera crosses several sections, some fans holding signs read “Don’t Forget: http://www.hotpandaluv.org!” “Scotsman FEARS Stryke!” and “Z – Born To Be Mild!” The camera does a dramatic spiral from the top of the arena to the bottom, as the strains of Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs” are clearly heard CRAWLING through the stereo. Finally, the camera settles on the announcer’s table, manned, as always, by The Usual Suspects.


All three men are decked out for this special occasion, Axis in an immaculate black tux, The Suicide King in a gaudy white tux, complete with cumber-bun and little broken heats on the lapels. Edwin, however, is about as formal as he ever gets, with his ever-present red trenchcoat, this time with a “Queen” T-shirt beneath. He is, however, wearing a red candy stripe bow tie. Axis greets the fans…


Axis: “And welcome back to SJL Absolution!! Back from that thrilling advertisement of the next Metal…”


King: “Humph. Commercials on a PPV. How low have you sunk, MacPhisto?”


Edwin: “I might say your level, but…”


King: “…then I might be forced to do something drastic for a certain WF PPV, eh?”


(Edwin grumbles)


King: “Ah… it’s good to be the King!”


Axis: “Sigh. You two have been at each other all night. Don’t you ever get tired?”


Edwin: “Me? Never! Why, just ask Kingy’s girlfriend!”


King: “What’d you say!?”


Edwin: “Oh ho! As I found out, you’re not just impotent in the SJL, that’s for sure!”


King: “You… you…!”


Axis: “Enough! King, stow it! Edwin, how about this next match?”


Edwin: “Ah, yes. A devilishly good one for the European Title! As all of you should know, since their introduction, Tom Flesher, Ced Ordonez, Danny Williams, and Z have had something to with each other. Tom and Danny had their debut match together, the following show, Z and Flesher had a tables match together. The show after that? Ced and Z tagged together, forming my new all time favourite tag-team!”


King: “Ugh… Ced and Z connection… lime… bicycle shorts… must contain… lunch…”


Edwin: “Heh. As everyone remembers, Z and Ced also tagged AGAIN, with them imitating the Old Age Outlaws. Much to King’s disdain, heh heh heh…”


Axis: “But most importantly, Tom and Z formed some sort of alliance, which was basically Tom using Z as a steppingstone to Euro title. Of course, Flesher probably didn’t expect Z to keep thinking he was actually his buddy for so long…”


King: “This had to be so trying for Tom! Ugh! Poor guy…”


Edwin: “It should be interesting to see how these match-ups play out! Especially since it was revealed tonight that Z and Ced are now card carrying members of The Junior Carnival! Erm… I mean, XF9, of course. Heh.”


King: “Guh! Did you HAVE to remind me? Those two morons, along with the other morons in XF9! At least I’ll be free of Taylor after tonight… but still, that makes this completely unfair for Tom! He’s having to go up against—No, DEFEAT two members of XF9 is inexcusably biased booking!”


Edwin: “And WHO stole whiteout and booked the last Crimson card? Karma’s a you-know-what, King Crab!”


King: “Grr… don’t think you’ve won any battles, Supertramp! This isn’t the only PPV you have to deal with this week!”


Edwin: “True enough, I suppose. But this also wasn’t the only time I had to deal with your girlfriend!”


King: “WHAT!?”


Edwin: “Kya’Hahahaha! Don’t dance with the MacDaddy and expect to lead! Edwin: Two! King: NADA!”


(King screams and pulls at his long blond locks, before reaching over Axis and trying to strangle Edwin.)


Axis(pushing King away): “Children! Enough! Let’s get down to Funyon for the introductions.”


Funyon steps through the ropes, as dressed up as always, wearing a long, plaid, tuxedo for this event, complete with tailed coat. He raises the microphone to his lips, and…


Funyon: “The following match, is a four corners ELIMINATION match, for the European Title! All four men will be in the ring at the same time, and once they are pinned, they must head to the back! This match has NO countouts…” (He pauses for the cheers) “…and NO disqualification’s!” (He pauses for the really LOUD cheers.) “Introducing first…”


With a blast, the heavy grinding grooves of Dillinger Escape Plans "Calculating Infinity" tears through the stereo like tissue paper, almost blowing the audience away! The SmarkTron flashes to life, as the word ‘D E A T H W I S H’ blinks on the screen, as the crowd booms with verbal venom! Clips of Danny Williams sweetest spots and baddest bumps play out, as he steps from the gorilla area, giving the audience a steely, serious glare…


Funyon: “From Louisville, Kentucky! Weighing in at 235lbs… ‘Deathwish’… DANNY… WILLIAMS!!”


Williams makes his way down the aisle, a no-nonsense look on his face, matching his cold persona. He climbs up the steps and through the ropes, walking deliberately to one of the corners. Seemingly not noticing the hateful crowd, Danny stretches and tugs on the ropes, warming up.


Axis: “Well, in the feud between these two men, you could say that he’s the odd man out in this match. Although, I doubt that’s what’s going through his mind right now, especially considering what happened on Crimson! Danny had helped TNT gain the TV Title… only to have Taylor Thompson turn on him!”


King: “Bah, forget Thompson! You know what’s going through Danny’s mind right now? He’s thinking ‘How long do I let these guys play around before I completely dismantle them?’ He’s too focused to let Thompson get to him!”


Edwin: “Yes, you could say Deathwish has a lot of INTENSITY~!”


Danny stands in a corner, with an agonizingly serious look on his face; as the cheery pop sounds of Faith No More's 'Epic' funk over the stereo system, and the crowd electrifies with cheers! A single spotlight shines down on the ramp, as Z throws aside the curtain, shuffling his way down to the ring.


Funyon: “Now making his way down the aisle, from Trenton, New Jersey! Weighing in at 229lbs… Z!!”


Z spins on his heel, banging off a quick salute to the crowd, before rolling under the bottom rope. He quickly bounds up to the second rope, getting a gargantuan ‘RAH!’ from the crowd as he pulls on the lapels of his jacket, showing his new XF9 shirt to the crowd! Z drops down to the mat, eyeing Williams warily, before slinking into an unoccupied corner.


Axis: “And there he is, folks! One half of the newest XF9 pranksters!”


Edwin: “Showing off some of the XF9 merchandise! Remember, you TOO can be as cool as XF9, just by buying one of their shirts off of SJLsuperstars.com! Only 19.98! We need the money!”


King: “Ugh… I NEVER liked XF9 before, but now… now I can’t even respect them! I mean, that midget Ced is one thing, but Z!? *Z*!! The world’s bitchboy! The biggest loser this side of Jay Dog! Man oh man, at the very least, I can be pleased he can’t actually win this thing. Not that he ever would, but the beating Stryke gave him made *sure* of it.”


Edwin: “Lest you forget, that horribly strenuous match he had with Ced before that!”


Axis(sighs): “It was a game of STREET FIGHTER Edwin.”


Edwin: “And? Z still lost horribly! It’s a testament to his will to show up, after suffering two unforgiving, emotional losses in a row!”


Axis: “…right. Well, as we saw earlier tonight, Z tried to get Tom Flesher to join XF9 too. He accepted an XF9 T-shirt… but tore it up afterward.”


Edwin: “Ominous… could this be the end of Z/Flesher?”


As Axis finishes speaking, the faint, twinkling rhythms of  “Esaka?” from the KoF 96 soundtrack stir the arena. As the rhythm gives way to the main beat, the already acclaiming crowd goes into overdrive, cheering louder and clapping along with the beat! With as much dramatic purpose as possible, Ced Ordonez steps from the back, pausing at the top of the ramp with a slight smile, as the ‘OR-DON-EZ! Or-DON-EZ!” chants call throughout the arena!


Funyon: “Approaching the ring, from San Jose, California! Weighing in at 191lbs… CED… ORDONEZ!”


King: “You know what, Axis? Considering that Ced is also in XF9, I can’t BLAME Tom for tearing up the shirt! As a matter of fact, I encourage it! How about some of the ultra-violence, Tom?”


Edwin: “Well, as my spade headed colleague pointed out, Ced is the other new member of XF9! Introduced the most dramatic fashion… by helping Z tar and feathering Stryke! Add a panda and it would have been perfect! These two make a carney proud!”


Ced steps down the aisle, tagging hands with several of the fans, before stepping into the ring, and making eyes with Williams. His staring match is interrupted as Z gives him a pre-match hug for luck. As “Esaka?” fades away, the arena immediately falls dark, and the crowd starts getting ugly, already knowing who’s about to enter. As several opening guitar strains sound through the stereo, Funyon clears his throat…


Funyon: “And finally, from Buffalo, New York! He is the Smarks Junior League EUROPEAN CHAMPION! ‘The Superior One’ TOM… FLESHER!


King: “You know, as much as I like Williams chances, I have to give the edge to Flesher. It’s a point that hasn’t been brought up, but the man is UNDEFEATED in singles matches! Hell, the only time he did lose, he wasn’t even pinned!”


A large X of Pyro sprays out across the stage, and as Jim Morrison sings "Tell all the people that you see... follow me...." Flesher walks through the curtain. Tom ignores the tremendous heat the crowd gives him, flexing his biceps at the top of the aisle! Brushing off the crowd like dust, He struts to the ring confidently in rhythm to the song, taking a moment to blow a kiss to the adoring crowd that exists only in his mind.


Axis: “It doesn’t seem to matter what happens to Tom, he still lives in his fantasy world…”


King: “What fantasy world?”


Axis: “He’s a legend in his own mind, King! Look at the crowd, they hate him! They know how he’s using Z!”


King: “Oh yeah? Well look over here, Crocodile ‘Dud’dee! He’s go one fan… right here!” (King stands up and applauds.)


Axis: “I guess I should have know to try and tell this to someone else who’s a legend in their own—Oh, look at THIS.”


At Axis’s prompt the camera cuts back to the rings, where Flesher has stepped though the ropes. As he unbuckles his Belt, he takes a moment to actually *kiss* it, before handing it off to Matthew Kivell, who holds it up for the crowd to see.


Axis: “Disgusting, innit?”


Edwin: “Well, it’s not like he—Wait, look at Williams!”


As Edwin shouts, the camera again cuts to the ring, where Danny Williams sprints out of the corner, trying to take Tom’s head off with a clothesline… which he ducks! Tom quickly takes Williams hand, tossing him to the ropes with an Irish Whip! As Danny ricochets back, Tom telegraphs a backdrop, only to eat a kick to the face from Williams! Tom shoots up, getting hooked upside the head with a clothesline! Tom stumbles back to the corner, as Kivell hastily signals the timekeeper!




Axis: “And this one is FINALLY underway!”


Edwin: “And it’s a bloody slobberknocker, Axis!”


King: “Eh… I can’t love everyone in it, but I can sure love the chaos!”


A Williams continues to pound on Flesher, a hand grabs him by the shoulder and rips him around… to receive a double punch on behalf of Z and Ced! Danny topples over the ropes as the crowd crows in appreciation! Z hurriedly pulls Tom up from his slouching place in the turnbuckle, up to his feet, as Ced shoots him a dirty look. Ced goes to talk to Z, but is stopped cold as Danny Williams slides under the bottom rope, delivering a solid shin kick to Ordonez!


Axis: “Looks like Ced was trying to stop Z from helping Tom, but Danny Williams interrupted…”


Edwin: “God love him, but Z’s still the only one who doesn’t know that Flesher is using him. He’s gonna stay loyal to Tom no matter what.”


Ced is backed against the ropes as Williams fires off several hard, STIFF, elbow strikes to Ced’s face! Danny grabs Ced’s hand, and shoots him to the ropes, telegraphing a backdrop… only to have Ced leapfrog him! Danny’s head quickly pops up, and he turns around, having Ced land a hard Flying Body Press on him! Danny quickly uses his momentum, rolling though for a pin!


Axis: “Quick pinfall attempt here!”






Edwin: “Danny broke the pin Axis!”


Axis: “Danny slides onto Ced… and mounts him for some heavy punching!”


King: “Well… I can’t blame him for braking a pin for a little ultraviolence. It’s still early, anyway.”


Z turns his head from Tom to see Ced getting beat on, and tries to go to help, but is stopped at the sound of a ‘thud.’ Z spins around to see Tom on his knees, clutching his chest! Z hurries back over to his aide; as Danny continues to beat on Ced, before latching on a cross armbar!


King(acting shocked): “Oh no! Tom must of suffered a… a twinge of some sort! Good thing Z’s there to help him!”


Axis: “Durham, King! Tom’s feigning injury just to keep Z from helping Ced!”


King(still acting): “Whatever do you mean? This looks serious!”


Edwin: “Bloody hell, King! The *crowd* looks serious!”


Indeed, the crowd is serious, as they rain hatred at Tom and Williams. Neither seems to notice, as Tom continues to gasp and pant on the canvas, still having Z’s attention, and Williams continues to torque on Ced’s arm! Pained, Ced jerks over, trying to hit Danny’s knee with his free hand and tear his assaulted one away! Finally, with one solid hit to the knee, Ced rips his arm away, quickly scrambling to his feet. Danny does the same, only to get a dropkick right to the mouth! Danny staggers to his feet, wobbling backward, as Ced ricochets himself off the ropes, jumping and colliding with Williams with a twisty back elbow! Z rapidly glances between the still down Tom and Ced, before making his decision, hurrying over to Ced.


Axis: “And the crowd noisily approving of Z’s decision!”


King(STILL acting): “But… but… what about Tom? He needs help! A doctor! Z, get back there and provide some emotional support!”


Ced picks up Williams, tossing him to the ropes, and hooks one of Danny’s arm while Z hooks the other, executing a double HIPTOSS OF HAUNTINGLY HELLISH DISCOMBOBULATION~! Danny crashes to the mat, and tries to get up from the less-than-destructive blow, but Z stomps away at him. Ced stands on the second rope, giving direction to Z, before hopping off with a legdrop to Danny’s neck and Z delivering a kneedrop to Williams gut! Danny rolls on the mat in doubly pain, rolling himself to the outside. As he takes a breather, Ced turns to Z and has a bit of a discussion…


Edwin: “Uh-oh, Axis… I think Ced’s talking to Z about why he’ s helping Tom!”


Axis: “And I’m pretty sure Z doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about!”


As Ced tries to explain Tom to Z, Z make a confused hand gesture and points to Tom… who’s risen to his feet and looks fine! Seeing the attention on him again, Tom suddenly clutches his chest and howls in pain! Ced groans and shakes his head as Z tries to help Tom, who staggers along the ropes. Suddenly, Tom ‘trips’ and falls forward, ‘accidentally’ clotheslining Ced! The crowd’s ire boils over, as they spit out the “FLESHER SUCKS!! FLESHER SUCKS!!” with extreme prejudice!


King: “Damn it, can’t this crowd understand?! Flesher is hurt! He needs medical attention!”


Edwin: “So how come he clotheslined Ced?”


King: “Damn it, it’s an old knee injury! Those things act up at the worst possible time!”


Flesher continues to feign injury, pulling himself to his feet with the help of the ropes. Ced, however, jumps to his feet, looking incredibly pissed off! Ordonez grabs ‘The Superior One’ by his shoulders, yelling into his face! With a start, Flesher backs away, forgetting about his supposed ‘injury’ and then returning fire!


Axis: “Oh, man… this could get ugly!”


Edwin: “ ‘Need’s a doctor.’ Eh, King?”


King: “Well, I… uh… it’s a… mutant healing factor! Flesher is quite resilient, you know!”


Ced and Tom continue to argue, as Z tries vainly to separate them! His attempts to calm them fall on deaf ears, as fires off a “Blue midget bitch!” insult, and Ced’s face darkens, before he delivers a brutal roundhouse kick to Flesher’s right kneecap! The crowd practically creams on the spot, as and awesome cheer rise up to the rafters of the Gund Arena! Tom staggers backward, taking his knee, then turning his leer to Ced with fierce eyes. With all the contempt he can, Flesher builds up bile, before spitting a wad of saliva into ‘The Submission Mark’s’ face! Ced and Tom both lunge at each other, trying for a lock up a Z squeezes himself in-between them, trying to break them up!


Axis: “This is it! Ced and Tom are going to tear into one another!”


Edwin: “And you know Z wants nothing of the like! He can’t stand to watch either of them fight!”


King: “I can’t stand to watch either of them, period! I hope Flesher tears both of them apart!”


Axis: “You might get your wish, King! I think Z grip is loosen—NO! Williams! Danny Williams!”


At Axis’s shout, the one forgotten member of the match makes his presence felt, diving into the ring and smashing the Ced/Z/Tom tieup into the corner, before grabbing the shoulder of  Ced, spiking him to the ground with a High Angle DDT! The crowd ‘ooh’s’ as Ced rolls around on the mat in agony, clutching the back of his head.


Edwin: “Gracious! Agonizing DDT by ‘Deathwish!’. I think Ced’s still got a sore head from that beating weeks ago.”


Axis: “Frankly, Edwin, I don’t think Danny really cares! He’s out for everyone’s blood!”


With Axis’s comment, Danny reaches over the still crouching Z, and lands several painful elbow strikes to the side of Tom’s head! Williams reaches over to take Tom’s arm for a suplex… only to be pushed back by Z! Danny’s cool conscience breaks for a moment, giving Z an obscenity laced reason for him to get out of the corner! Z holds steadfast, again pushing Danny back as he tries to latch in another suplex! With a growl, he gives Z a stiff knee, sending him to the ropes and shooting back off and colliding with Williams… who lets out and uncharacteristic scream and buckles onto the canvas! The crowd cheers the realization of…


Edwin: “Z got it! Z got the… Gal-ah-tay-yuh SPECIAL!”


Axis: “This crowd is going nuts!” (He pauses as Edwin giggles) “…erm… but this early in the match? It is one of Z’s signatures!”


King: “Eh, I dunno’. I bet Danny’s used to having his nuts go early…”


Axis: “Who’s side are you on, King? Flesher’s or Williams’s?”


King: “Easy, Axis. Whoever’s winning.”


Z alternates between looking at Tom and the still hurting ‘Submission Mark,’ who’s still clutching his head. Z goes to help out Ced… and is caught by Danny Williams’s single free hand, the other being busy clutching his still stinging gonads! Holding firmly onto Z’s ankle, Danny keeps Z hopping on one foot while barking –in a strangely high pitch- threats of vengeance for unethical treatment of his testicles. Williams continues, ranting on Z, before Z has heard enough! Z jumps up, trying to kick Danny’s head with his other foot in an Ezuigiri… which fails miserably! Z barley gets his foot into the air, before falling flat on his back pathetically. Danny Williams smirks, and allows himself a rare chuckle, before letting lose with a solid kick to the pit of Z’s knee!


Axis: “Now Danny trying to do what he usually does in a match: Focus in on a weakness.”


King: “And he’s making the perfect selection here by starting with Z!”


Danny continues to kick into Z’s knee joint, as the crowd spits their anger onto him. Danny ignores them of course, and takes Z’s leg by both hands, flipping over and snapping the leg! Meanwhile, Tom Flesher watches in the corner, watching idly as Z tries to soothe the pain from his knee. Flesher glances over, and sees Ordonez rising to his feet, generating a bit of a crowd reaction!


Edwin: “I see Ced’s finally come back to the land of the living!”


Axis: “Indeed! But Flesher’s appears to be aiming to send him back to dreamland…”


King: “Via the head-trauma express, of course!”


Ced continues to struggle to regain his footing; as in the background, Danny Williams flips with Z’s leg in hand one last time, before taking his foot, and struggling to get Z over in a Single Leg Elevated Crab! The audience’s attention is set directly on Flesher and Ced, as Ced finally finds his wobbly legs! Wasting no time, Flesher quickly bounds off the ropes from the corner, charging at Ced… and the barley focused Submission Mark catches Flesher with the corner of his eye, dropping down and letting Flesher give the Yakuza Kick… to the face of Danny Williams!


Edwin: “Whoo! A bit of a malfunction at the junction, and Danny gets the FESTIVAL OF THE BOOT~!”


Axis: “And strangely enough, the sole of Flesher’s Doc Marten does *not* taste like chicken! And I’m damn positive Tom didn’t want to break the submission attempt on Z!”


King(strained): “Naw! Tom wanted to break the submission on the man who irritates him most!”


Tom curses under his breath at his bad aim, and turns to look at the fallen Williams… and turns to look the suffering Z… and turns to look into the eyes of Ced Ordonez! The angry Filipino glares into Tom’s eyes, breathing heavily and gritting his teeth to ignore his head pain. The crowd roars in anticipation, as Flesher anxiously paces around Ordonez!


King: “Great! We could finally see Ced get destroyed by Flesher!”


Axis: “And Z is still trying to nurse that hurting leg… There’s no-one to stop Ced and Tom this time!”


Eager to avoid, Tom tries to duck left, only to be cut off by Ced! Tom ducks right, only to be hindered by Ced again! Tom turns behind him… only to see a turnbuckle! Knowing no other way out, Tom carefully reaches forward with his arms, trying for a lockup, as Ced follows suit. The two inch closer… and closer… and Tom lunges, trying for a quick grapple, which meets thin air! Ced quickly evades Tom grasp, slinking behind him and gaining a switch up! Tom gags and tries to get out, elbowing behind him, left and right! All of which bobs his head away from! The crowd prepares another “OR-DON-EZ” chat, and as Tom sees no other way out, he brings his foot up, and…


King: “Ha! Mule kick! Mule kick right to Ced’s nuts! You can’t argue with that, Axis! It’s no DQ!”


Axis(grumbling): “Yes, well… it still doesn’t make it alright. Or ethical…”


Ced breaks the back grapple to tend to ‘Little Submission Mark’ as Tom hurries behind Ced, latching on with a back grapple of his own. The crowd boos their hearts out, but Ced is still to pained to struggle, as Tom locks his fingers together around Ced’s gut, taking a breath and flinging Ced back with a back with German Suplex! Tom drops to his knees in his trademark taunt! Tom seems stunned for a moment as the crowds rancor turns into hurrahs, but he shrugs it off and continues posing, this time with a big grin. Tom gets to his feet and turns around… only to have Ced Ordonez stare right back at him!


Edwin: “Egad! Ced flipped out of the German, landing on his feet! He’s a catlike one, ya’ know…”


Axis: “Definitely, Edwin. Even though suffering some, heh, ‘Unethical Treatment of the Testicles.’


(King mutters something about a ‘stupid backward penal colony.’)


Tom recoils right into the ropes, where Ced immediately takes advantage! Ced drives several brutal kicks into Tom’s gut, before ending with a roundhouse to the face! Tom clutches his nose painfully and staggers down the ropes, where he throws a couple feeble kicks at Ced… the second of which he catches! Ced secures his arms around Tom’s ankle, before dropping and spinning counter-clockwise for a Dragon Screw Legwhip! Not finished, Ced bounds to his feet, Pulling Flesher up with his ‘Ego Buster’ shirt. This time, Ced takes Tom’s ankle and spins clockwise, dropping ‘The Superior One!’ with a reverse Dragon Screw Legwhip!


Axis: “Ced’s really bringing the work to Tom here!”


Edwin: “Maybe if Tom wanted to win, he’d just use some catnip!”


Axis: “…pardon?”


Edwin: “Yeah! So that Ced wouldn’t be able to fight!”


Axis: “…”


King: “…”


Edwin: “Because he’s so… catlike? Get it?”


(King and Axis glare at Edwin.)


As both of the other commentator’s kick The MacDaddy in the shins; Ced takes both of Tom’s legs and sets them in the figure ‘4.’ He takes a step back , before leaping over Tom and landing feet first n his other side in a Jackknife Bridge! Kivell drops to the mat…




Axis: “…huh? …oh! Ced’s gotten Tom in a pinning predicament!”




Axis: “There’s going to be a *new* European Champion!”


King: “What? No! Tom can’t be the first to go!”




Axis: “Williams! Danny Williams! Damn it, that’s the second time he’s been forgotten about!”


Ced’s pin is broken as Williams sprints from his thought resting place in the ring, snapping a hard stomp to break it up! Danny continues to stomp on Ced, keeping him from rising to his feet! Just as Ced does, Williams locks himself around Ced’s waist, hefting him up with a Northern Lights Suplex! Kivell counts…




King: “This time Ced’s finished!”




Axis: “You sure?”


King: “Of course! I boldly predict that Danny will also win this match!”


THRE—NO! Ced kicks out!


Edwin: “Uh-huh. Remind me not to let you pick my lottery numbers, King.”


King(muttering): “Damn it, that’s what the tarot cards said…”


Ced struggles to get to his feet, but Danny grabs a handful of his hair, before taking his arm and throwing him to the buckle violently! Ced audibly moans as he hits the turnbuckle, arching his back in pain and slumping down. Danny allows himself a satisfied nod, before looking over to see the recovering Tom Flesher. Tom looks at Danny. Danny looks at Tom. …They both look at Ced.


Axis: “Uh-oh. You don’t think that these two would…”


King: “They can and will! Just watch!”


King is almost prophetic, as both of the men stalk to the turnbuckle with terrifying purpose! They both grab the ropes at either side for leverage, before firing million-mile-an-hour kicks into the gut of Ordonez! Ced slumps even further into the Turnbuckle at the mudhole stomping… only to have Danny grab him by his hair, pulling him back to his feet! Both Danny and Tom look at each other and nod, before reaching back and landing dual *huge* Knife Edge Chops on Ced’s chest!



**SMACK!** “Whoo!”


Axis: “Danny Williams and Tom Flesher in the midst of some heave double teaming, folks!”


**SMACK!** “Whoo!”


Edwin: “Man, the Nature Boy would be proud, wouldn’t he?”


King: “Forget about that sagging bag of flesh! *I’m* proud, here!”


**SMACK!** “Whoo!”


Axis: “That’s the third dual knife edged chop that Ced’s had to take…”


King(continuing): “After all, who’s appreciation are you going to be more proud of? Mine, or some withered old geezer who was a couple time champ of some two-bit indy promotion?”


**SMACK!** “Whoo!”


Axis: “King! He was a 15 time NWA/WCW world title holder! Two time WWF title holder! And--”


King: “Yeah, yeah… but was he ever *SWF* World champion? Of course not. Were either of YOU ever SWF world champion? No. So shut up already!”


**SMACK!** “Whoo!”


Axis: “Whatever, King… Anyway, after five Knife Edge Chop assaults, it appears that Tom and Danny are ready to give up…”


Indeed, Tom and Danny do stop chopping… but Danny has a much better idea, as he locks Ced in the suplex position, picking him up and sitting him on the top tope. Danny encourages Tom to join him… but stops as he suddenly hears the crowd come alive… Danny turns around, only to see Z, still clutching his hurting leg, hobble towards them! Immediately, Z spins Tom around and consults him about exactly “What’s going *ON!?*” Tom immediately tries to downplay any violence against Ced, instead pointing his finger at Danny Williams!


Axis: “Now Tom’s trying to pin the blame on Danny!”


Edwin: “Puh-leeze, Axis! Only a total moron would… fall… for… that… Uhm…”


King(chuckles): “Z, Edwin. Remember, Z.”


Danny starts to argue loudly, hopping down from the second rope he was perched on. Right away, Z, Danny, and Tom start an incomprehensible argument, going on for several seconds! Suddenly, The arguing is brought to a halt by a sharp whistle! Danny, being the only one not facing the right way, spins on his heel angrily… only to get kicked in the chops by Ced! Danny turns right back around, trying to soothe his jaw, as the semi-recovered Ced stands on the top rope…


Edwin: “Ced’ getting mega-encouragment from the crowd, here!”


Axis: “I Wonder if he’s going to…”


Barley acknowledging the cheers, Ced jumps onto Danny’s back, rapidly locking his legs under Danny’s arms and forcing him to fall over, letting Ced grab his legs and roll through for a…


Axis: “Victory roll!”




King: “Damn it! Kick out! ”


Ced grabs the tights, just for extra help…




King: “What!? Damn it, where the hell is Tom!? HE’S GOT DANNY’S TIGHTS!”


Axis: “Z won’t let him stop Ced and you know it! Besides, why would he want to?”


Danny forces his feet out of Ced’s grasp, but it’s a millisecond too-late!






Funyon: “Eliminated first, by pinfall… DANNY… WILLIAMS!”


King: “What!? HE had the tights! How could Kivell…”


Axis: “It’s no DQ, King. Have you forgotten?”


King: “But…”


Edwin: “Looks like your bold prediction was wrong there, Kingler.”


King: “But…”


Danny is not as sulky at King with his defeat, leaping out of Ced’s pin only a second too late! Full of rage he immediately grabs Matty K by the shirt, yelling every obscenity know to man, while grabbing at his tights to make a bit of a case. Fearful, Kivell quakes as he reminds Danny, albeit too late, that there’s no DQ’s. Danny flies off the handle, screaming obscenity after obscenity, before looking down at Ced… who casually blows him off.


Axis: “Uh-oh…”


Edwin: “With all the hallucinogenic drugs Danny’s taken in the past, he may not be the type of person you want to taunt when he’s already angry…”


King: “…how can you say some of that stuff?”


Danny seethes and quickly exits the ring, stalking over to the timekeepers table… and grabbing the steel chair!


Edwin: “Bloody HELL…”


Axis: “Someone needs to talk some sense into Danny, right now!”


With a ‘snap’ Danny folds up the chair, walking to the ring with horrible purpose! Danny dives into the ring, tossing aside the hapless Matthew Kivell, in his attempt to try and stop him. Faster than anyone can backtrack out of the ring, Danny lunges out, smashing the chair into the side of Tom Flesher’s head! Tom collapses to one knee, and Danny slams the steel chair into his back, dropping him to the ground! Danny turns to Z, who bravely attempts to stop Danny… only to receive a chairshot for his efforts! Ced tries to intervene, but Danny takes particular pleasure in smoking him with the chair too!


Edwin: “Mah Gawd! What carnage! Horrible, awful carnage!”


Axis: “Danny’s going insane after losing!”


King: “Remember, Axis! It’s ‘No DQ!’ Hahaha! I love the fact he’s taking time to destroy Z and Ced!”


Danny turns around, smashing another chairshot into the face of Z, dropping him for good! Danny turns around to face Ced Ordonez, with a small trickle of blood coming down his face, propped up on the mat with one hand. With a scream of rage, Danny brings the chair into the vulnerable Submission Mark’s face!


Axis: “Good gawd! There’s human wreckage everywhere!”


Edwin: “Finally, the ref’s are coming to put a stop to this!”


Eddy Long and Sexton Hardcastle leap into the ring, grabbing Danny’s arms and letting the bent and broken chair drop to the ground. Danny struggles mightily, even as the ref’s succeed in taking him away. He continues to shout obscenities all the way up the aise…


In the ring, Matty K craws out of his place in the corner, idly kicking the chair away from the ring. Sighing as he surveys the damage, he reluctantly starts the ten count…




Axis: “Well, Danny Williams snapped, and he left everyone in this match lying.”


Edwin: “Damn. I didn’t take into consideration what happens if  nobody gets up…”




King: “You know, that’s pretty easy: Tom retains! Z and Ced retire from injuries! Everybody wins!”











Axis: “This is worrisome. Nobody in the ring has even moved!”


King: “Danny did a real number on them, I’ll give him that.  Granted I could of done better, but…”




In the ring, Tom Flesher starts to stir. With a groan not unlike that of a hangover, Tom painfully rolls himself to his belly…


Axis: “Figures. Tom’s the only one that’s alive.”


Edwin: “It’s logical, Axis. He was the first to be attacked, and he didn’t receive as much head trauma as the other two.”


Axis: “...Edwin?”


Edwin: “Oops. Uh… wooble?”




Tom struggles to pull himself to his nearest opponent… Z. He craws closer… and closer… before finally, with the last strength he can muster, he tosses his arm over Z’s chest. Kivell counts…


Axis: “No way! On Z!?”


King: “What the hell are you so surprised about? You know Tom was using Z!”




Axis: “Yes! But this would just break his heart… I mean how could Tom!?  


King: “Boo freaking hoo. Look at him, Axis. How could he? He’s doing it right now!”




Axis: “Not… like… this…”


King: “Too late! Ah Hahahaha!”






















Axis: “Z go the shoulder up! Z kicked out of that vile chairshot!”

King: “Say what!?”


Edwin: “No way, Kingy. Be like the crowd, say ‘Z!’”


The crowd has started it’s first “Let’s go Z! Let’s go Z!” chant of the match, raining down applause on the 26 letter of the alphabet. Strained, Z and Tom rise to their feet, using the ropes for the best assistance that they can. As Z and Tom get up, they stare at one another… and Z asks Tom a question.


Axis: “I know exactly what Z’s asking, guys…”


Edwin: “The real question is, is Z going to buy Tom’s excuse?”


Tom stands up, giving an exaggerated and overblown excuse as to why he tried to eliminate Z. After several moments of ridiculous explanation, Tom opens his arms and ask Z if he graciously accepts a handshake. Z takes a moment to stand there, looking at Tom for a long moment… before reaching out and accepting. Quickly, Tom pulls Z forward for a clothesline… which Z ducks! Z skids on the mat, turning on his heel and giving Tom a heavy haymaker to the face!


Axis: “I don’t believe it! Z actually saw Tom’s turn coming!”


King: “Z!? With foresight!? But! But…!”


Edwin: “But nothing! Z going to town on Tom!”


Z delivers another haymaker to Tom’s head, backing him to the ropes! The crowd’s cheering seems to reach a zenith, as Z Irish Whips Tom into the opposite ropes, picking him up… and dropping him with an Inverted Atomic Drop! Tom hobbles around, clutching Little Tommy, as Z scoops his up… and drops his with a vicious scoop slam!


Axis: “Z channeling the spirit of Johnny Generic as he beats on Tom!”


King: “Damn, Z beating on anyone isn’t right! Tom, letting Z beat on you is like running away from a finish line! DO SOMETHING!”


King’s plea falls on deaf ears, as Z grabs the rising Tom in a front facelock, throwing Tom’s arm over his shoulder. Z grabs hold of Tom’s jeans… and actually manages to execute the GENERIC VERTICAL SUPLEX OF UNFATHOMABLY EVIL PROPORTIONS~! Tom thuds to the mat as Z floats over for the cover!






King: “A two count? Off of a suplex!?”


Edwin: “Whoa, Z really IS Johnny Generic!”


Z rises to his knees, frustrated, before he runs to he ropes, hopping over Flesher, who sprawls himself out. Z rebounds off the opposite ropes, and earns a dropkick to his knee by Flesher! Z drops like so many rocks and grabs at his knee, as Tom drops a solid elbow onto Z’s back. He follows it up with a second, before grabbing Z’s knee and delivering a few choice stomps to it!


Axis: “As per usual, Z falling victim to his own uselessness. And Flesher exploiting that knee!”


King: “One leg over, one leg under… you know what he’s doing, that’s the Superior Stretch!”


Tom folds Z’s legs in a cross, and tries his damndest to turn Z over! The crowd again boils over, as Tom struggles to turn Z over. Finally, Tom stops trying to turn Z one way, and goes the other, successfully turning Z and locking on the Superior Stretch!


King: “Yes! He got it! This one is history!”


Edwin: “Not so fast, my gambit no-longer-buddy! Look up! WAY up!”


The camera cuts from Tom just locking in the Stretch, to the turnbuckle he’s facing… to show Ced Ordonez perched on top! With yet another sharp whistle, Ced gains the attention of Tom, then leaps to the sky and levels Tom with a flying cross body, breaking the stretch and saving Z from any extended pressure!


Edwin: “Ordonez to the rescue!”


King: “Z tapped out, didn’t he? Didn’t he!? Please say he’s out of the match!”


Kings worst fears are met, as Z IS still in the match. Ced rolls through on the Cross Body, his momentum not allowing him to stay on Tom for the pin. Z, Tom, and Ced all desperately attempt to get to their feet, using the ropes as an ally. Ced arises first, and helps Z to his feet, as Tom still struggles to arise. Ced whispers something into his ear. Z’s expression lights up…


King: “They aren’t planning to… ulp… double team Tom, are they!”


Edwin(smirk): Fraid so, King.”


(King grimaces.)


As Tom tries finally shakes most of the cobwebs out, Ced and Z add some new ones with a DEVESTATING double stomp to Flesher! Z and Ced both pick up Tom, and throw on a double front facelock! They each take one of Tom’s arms, throw them over their necks, and fling him behind them with a double snap suplex! Ced gives Tom no time to recover, pulling him up and whipping him to the corner! The sheer force of the whip causes Tom to stumble out, only to be leveled by a running clothesline from Ced! Seemingly reading each others mind, Z goes to the apron, climbing up to the top rope, as Ced sits Tom on his shoulders, heaving him up with some difficulty.


Axis: “From Johnny Generic to the Road Warriors, these two are quite the channellers!”


King: “Not the doomsday device…”


Z pauses to throw out a few poses to the crowd at the top of the turnbuckle, as Ced really starts to struggle with Tom’s weight on his shoulders. The groggy Flesher senses his only opportunity, and as Ordonez’s grip lessens, he quickly breaks free, sliding down his back and shoving him into the turnbuckle! Z wobbles at the top, falling to the side, onto the ropes, and catching his leg right on the second, springing up and tying himself up, trapped!


King: “Ohho! Man, I love Flesher! Taking advantage of Ced and Z’s stupid planning by getting free of Ced’s grip! You NEVER use the small guy to hold somebody up for the doomsday device!”


Axis: “Really? Any other pearls of wisdom?”


King: “Two! Z never should have taunted that long…”


Edwin: “…despite the fact that’s exactly what you’d do…”


King: “And now that Z trapped himself, he’s going to have top live with the fact that he cost Ced the match!”


Z tugs and pulls at the ropes in an attempt to get himself free. But it’s useless, his bad leg being the one caught in the ropes. Ced stumbles from the corner, still not sure what’s going on. Unfortunately, Z’s words of warning come too late, as Tom positions himself at Ced’s side, cradling him and throwing him back with a Lotus Suplex! Z cures himself and tries harder to get out, seeing Tom keeping the hold. Tom rolls to his feet, still holding on to Ordonez… and lifts him up, driving him down with the Lotus Driver!


King: “You see? Those are Tom’s signatures! He’s obviously gotten serious! Z’s gotta’ be regretting his flamboyancy now!”


Axis: “That wasn’t Z’s fault and you know it!”


King: “Ha! How? He’s the one who decided to play to the crowd instead of going through with the move! It’s his own fault Ced’s doomed!”


Axis grumbles sourly at King’s stubbornness, and turns his attention back to the match, where Tom is holding onto Ced’s hand, delivering several toe kicks to his gut! Ced drops to his knees, as Tom yells at him to ‘Get up!’ As Tom jerks Ced to his feet, he throws him to the corner violently! With purpose, or perhaps just for dramatic flair, Tom stalks to the turnbuckle slowly. Casually and deliberately driving his fist into the side of Ced’s head. Satisfied, Tom again walks slowly, back the other corner, berating Z all the way. Tom naturally ignores the crowd, as he takes a stance…


King: “You know what this means…”


Tom charges from the corner, leaping in the air and *crushing* Ced with a Running Avalanche! Ced coughs and droops into the corner. Tom has none of that, pulling Ced to his feet and exchanging insults between him and Z! The crowd spits their most powerful, deep hatred at Tom, but all to no effect! Tom puts Ced in the suplex position, sitting him on the top rope.


King: “YES! You know what this means!”


Tom takes his time climbing up the ropes, taunting Z all the way. Z struggles feverishly against the ropes, desperate to try and escape! With a sad snort, Tom locks on a facelock, throwing Ced’s arm over his neck…


King: “The most devastating finisher in the SJL today!”


With a handful of Ced’s trunks, Tom flies off the turnbuckle, Ced in hand! Tom pulls back on Ced in mid-air, forcing him up… and letting his head collide with a sickening ‘thud!’


King: “The BOILERMAKER! Ced is *dead!* DEAD!”


Axis: “That’s about as right as you get, King. I’ve never seem anyone kick out of the Boilermaker, and I doubt anyone ever will!”


Z goes double-time, pulling with his arm and pushing off with his good leg in a last ditch effort to free himself! As Tom and Ced lie motionless, Tom begins to stir, and with a grunt of effort, manages to throw  himself over Ced, hooking his leg…




Z uses his good leg against the ropes and tries to twist them with his hands, trying with all his might to get free!




With a scream of effort and determination, Z gives one final kick, managing to jerk his leg free! Z dives across the ring, in an attempt to save his friend…









…and crashes to the ground a good foot short of his target.






Funyon: “Eliminated by pinfall… CED… ORDONEZ!!


King: “Yes, yes, yes! Tom got him!”


Axis: “Oh my… Ced looks to be in serious pain.”


Tom helps himself to his feet, raising his arms in victory as the crowd lets him know what they think about him. He ignores them, and looks down at Ced, who is now rolled onto his back, clutching his had in AGONY. Tom scoffs, and looks to the outside of the ring, seeing Eddy Long and Sexton Hardcastle dash down to assist Ced. As they try to ease Ced out of the ring, Tom gives him one last good shot to the head!


Edwin: “Oh dear, Axis…”


Axis: “Ugh. Disgusting. What a disgusting human being…”


King(smirking): “Tom, obviously, taking the best page out of my book.”


Flesher leans over the ropes, letting one last insult out to Ced, who is being helped to the back by referee’s. Satisfied with the verbal tongue lashing, Tom turns back to the ring… and sees the prone figure of Z, sprawled out on the Canvas.


Edwin(dramatic): “And so… as it was written, so it shall be done. It all comes down… to this.”


Axis: “It couldn’t have been a better pairing. Although, you have to think that what happened to Ced is going to affect Z’s psyche.”


King: “Think? THINK!? Are you kidding me, Axis? If Z were even half capable of beating Tom, it would completely destroy him! PLUS, thinking about what Tom’s going to do, it’s just a waste of time to even try to fight back!”


Edwin: “Well, Z did actually make it this far into the match… Which YOU didn’t predict, Suicide Skunk.”


King: “…man, you’re losing your edge. Besides, the only reason Z’s here is because Tom let him get here! He just proved he’s the most advanced species on earth, defeating all of the hardest creatures first, and letting the defenseless one cower until it’s his turn!”


As Z rises to his knees, he makes eyes with Tom. Empty eyes. Confused eyes. Perhaps… angry eyes. There is another long moment between the two… which Tom breaks with a palm blow across Z’s face! As Z tumbles back to the mat, Tom stomps away at him, sending him cowering to the corner! Tom sees another opening and charges the corner, aiming to take Z’s head off… and he MISSES! Z does a wobbly roll to escape a Tom’s Doc Marten claps off of the post! Z pops to his feet uneasily, grabbing the stunned Flesher’s hair as he turns around and Headbutts him!


Edwin: “Z just made Tom look like a BUTT head with the Head BUTT!”


Axis: “Right…  Anyway, Z taking a bit of a page out of Tom’s playbook, and…”


Axis stops cold as Z recoils from the headbutt, clutching his forehead in agony. Tom, however, easily shakes off Z’s weak assault. As Z continues to stumbles around, Tom takes his hand, and hurls him into the ropes! Tom telegraphs a backdrop… as Z leapfrogs him, barely getting any hangtime! Flesher sees Z ricocheting back at him, and quickly slides behind him, gaining a backdrop driver! The crowd gives huge heel heat as Tom walks to the other side of Z, grabbing his leg and winding around it…


King: “If the Superior Stretch didn’t work, surely this will!”


Axis: “Well the figure 4 is a tried and tested method of dispatching opponents. And don’t call me Shirley.”


As King almost falls out of his chair at the thought of Axis having an actual sense of humour, Tom finishes winding, and drops to the mat, Figure 4 locked in place! Z yells and covers as Tom grabs the ankle of his injured leg, pulling back as hard as he can, forcing more pressure on the injured leg with the crossed one! Z screams in pain, as Matty K kneels next to him, asking if Z gives up… only receiving a pained shake of his head. Frustrated, Tom takes his free leg and snaps it down on the ankle of Z’s crossed one, causing him to scream out in pain!


King: “Ah, if only I could have that lull me to sleep every night…”


Axis(stares at King): “You’re sick. Flesher’s sick for using especially underhanded tactics to get Z to submit! You two are a disgustingly good match.”


King: “Why, thank you very little, Axis. I’m flattered.”


Edwin: “So’s your… uh… you know the… uh… crud. I can’t think of anything.”


Axis: “Sigh. Don’t sweat it, Edwin. King’s just—SHOULDERS DOWN!”


At Axis’ exclamation, the camera cuts back to the ring, where the pain causes Z to fall shoulders down on the mat! Kivell counts!









Z’s shoulder shoots off of the mat, as Flesher torque’s the leg even more. Again, he snaps his heel down on the ankle of Z’s crossed leg, causing him to fall back again! Kivell counts!










Z’s shoulder again shoots off the mat!


Edwin: “More pinfalls here than submission attempts!”


This time, Z keeps his arm up, continually throwing it over to try and get Tom to roll onto his belly, reversing the pressure! Sensing this immanent, Tom tries to turn the other way, as the attempt to counter goes into a full out tug-of-war! Suddenly, Z drops his pressure, letting Tom fall back to the mat… and the momentum carries him halfway in the other direction! Z easily throws his other shoulder over, turning Tom and reversing the pressure of the hold on a swift motion!


Axis: “This is it! The pressure of off of Z’s leg!”


King: “Huh? Damn it, Flesher, don’t make me revoke my sponsorship! You can’t get beaten by that little runt!”


Seemingly hearing King, Tom scrambles, throwing himself forward and braking whatever pressure Z was giving! Flesher holds onto the ropes ahead of him, as Z rolls to the corner, pulling himself up with surprising speed…

As Flesher lies near the ropes, he hears the sudden roar of the crowd… and a…




Axis: “And it looks like Z is tuning up the band!”


Edwin: “Firing up the panda!”


Axis: “Whatever.”


King: “What? How!? Z’s leg was… I mean he was…”




Edwin: “Easy! Danny Williams started the target of Z’s leg… which wasn’t his kicking leg! Flesher just followed up the first leg to be injured!


King: “Crap!”




Seemingly disbelieving, Flesher rises from his place from the ropes to turn to Z…




Z quickly finishes, leaping out of the corner, and striking Flesher full force with his Superkick finisher, “The Blizzard of Oz!” Flesher drops like a bag of laundry… and Z falls too, his bad knee giving out!


Axis: “Z got the Superkick! Evne with his bad knee, can he cover!?”


Z lies, clutching his knee, while Flesher lies out cold! With un-exaggerated effort, Z claws his way over to Flesher… and throws an arm over him! The crowd chants along with Kivell’s hand!












Axis/Edwin/King: “WHAT!?”


Axis: “GOOD LORD!”


King: “HELL YEAH!”




Axis: “Flesher KICKED OUT of the Blizzard of Oz! How much more can these two take!?!?”


With a dissapointed groan, Z lets his head slump as he rolls off of Tom. Sighing, the ref beings another count…
















Something. Tom and Z flinch.




Painfully, Tom and Z crawl to the ropes, pulling themselves up…




Tom and Z pull themselves halfway up, almost there…




Tom and Z finally get to their feet, at about the same time. The two weary men stumble to the centre of the ring… and with a sudden intake of air Tom lets lose a palm blow to Z! Z staggers back, but returns fire, landing an overhand punch on Tom! The do the same again! A third time! The crowd comes back into play as the two get their third or fourth wind, who’s counting? Finally, Tom nabs Z’s hand and throws him to the ropes… and Z reverses! Tom is shot to the ropes from his own Irish Whip, and on the rebound he charges up, letting lose with his patented Yakuza Kick… which Z catches!


Axis: “Z catches a Kick of Tom’s own!”


Edwin: “This could be Tom’s last mistake!”


Z breaths heavily as he holds Tom’s leg, ignoring the trash talk Flesher spouts, even in this situation. Finally, Z looks up… and gives Tom the bird! The Crowd roars in approval! Z spins Tom around, and lands a brutal Western Lariat! Tom crashes to the mat… but Z has other plans. Trying to ignore his sore leg, Z heads to apron… and accents the turnbuckle!


King: “No… you can’t be serious…”


Edwin: “Oh, yes he can! It’s time for…


Z squats on the top of the turnbuckle, sizing up the prone Flesher for a long moment. Finally satisfied, Z rises uneasily, and blows a kiss to Tom, before hopping and jumping off with his one, good leg, backflipping gracefully for…




Z gets an imperfect 2.5 point landing, crashing onto Tom’s chest. He rises to his knees for a moment, looking groggy… and then flops onto Flesher’s chest. Again, the crowd counts with Kivell’s hand…



Axis: “This is for Ced!”




Axis: “This is for Mike Van Siclen!”







Axis: “Most importantly, this is for him!”


King: “….no.”




Funyon: “The winner of this match, and NEW SJL European Champion… Z!!”


Matty K pulls Z up from the ground, as the funk of ‘Epic’ rocks the arena! He pulls up Z’s hand as high as he can, and hands him *his* Euro Title. The crowd, naturally, goes nuts, chanting a “You Won Z! You Won Z!” chant.


Axis: “Well, come hell or high water, Z has overcome Tom, kept gold in XF9, and most importandly, proved to me, at least, that he can win!”


Edwin(sniff): “I love happy endings!”


King: “I’m going to be sick!”


Z climbs a turnbuckle, uneasily, and thrusts the Euro Title into the faces of the crowd. The camera gives a shot of Tom Flesher, giving a shell shocked look at Z, as the camera fades for the package for the next match…

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

As SJL Absolution comes back from commercial break, the crowd inside the Gund Arena in Cleveland light up, cheering as loudly as their voices and lungs let them. Signs are seen in the crowd, reading obscure things like “NIC-NAC! THe POKE FREAK IS BACK!”, “King Needs a Hug!” “Panda Powers... activate!”, “I came to see Xero... in a dress!”, and “YOU S*CK!”. After viewing the signs and giving out the appropriate props and slops at home, the camera’s shot cuts from the last sign to the announcers’ table, where sitting next to the confusing, PPV-only Spanish announcing team of El Luchador Magnifico and that other dude, are Edwin MacPhisto, The Suicide King, and Axis.


Axis: Welcome back to SJL Absolution! I’m Axis, joined by Edwin Macphisto and The Suicide King!


King: Yeah yeah. Let’s get this over with.


Edwin: Next up, Jake Helmsley and Ash Ketchum will settle things finally after a bitter and bloody feud...in a cage match! This’ll be great!


Just then, "Meaning of Life" by Disturbed kicks into full gear.  The lights go out as the song starts, but suddenly, the lights on stage pulsate for approximately five seconds. After this light show, a blood red spotlight shines down on stage, reflecting off Jacob Helmsley and casting an eerie shadow over his face… just like big brother does in the WWF. Helmsley then walk down the entrance ramp, down into a hail of boos louder than even X-Pac would’ve received.


Funyon: The following is  a cage match! Introducing first, from Calgary… Alberta, Canada, weighing in at 227 pounds… JA-COBBBBBB HELMS-LEYYYYYYY!!!


Helmsley climbs onto the apron, clutching an unforeseen steel pipe in his right hand. He raises it above his head and lets out a large scream before turning around, spotlight following him as he walks through the door to the steel cage, which remains open behind him. He then turns around as the lights come up.


King: Wow. I'm f'n impressed. HELMSLEY RULES!!! AND I SPEAK FOR US ALL!!!


Axis: What gives you any say in what we think?


King: Hey, I'm the guy with all the titles…


Edwin: Not this again…


Axis: I’m afraid so, Edwin.


Just then Axis is cut off as the lights go out, the sold-out Cleveland crowd rising to its feet.


Edwin: YES!!!! THIS IS IT!!!


Edwin grabs Axis by the shoulders and shakes him as he overreacts… like he usually does.


Axis: Almost time to go home… almost time to go home…


Just then, the beginning of U2’s "Elevation" begins to play, the part at the beginning pumping the crowd up as a waterfall of pyro flows over the SmarkTron and shoots up in front of the entrance, like Christian’s entrance. But then, as the first words begin, the pyro in front of the entrance stops, a spotlight shining onto the stage, shining off Ash, who is in a Jericho-like pose. The crowd pops like there’s no tomorrow as the see the Poke Freak, shiny Tag Title clutched in his left hand. Misty is on his left side, wearing a sexy pink string bikini, her hair pulled back into it’s usual ponytail on the left side with a pink scrunchie, gold chain ankle bracelet on her left ankle, her arms on her hips smiling as Ash spins around from his Jericho pose and walks halfway down the ramp. Stopping his walking, Ash brings his right arm up straight in the air quickly and makes his signature split-finger victory sign with his right hand. At this point, five red pyro blasts shoot up from the stage in unison, right where the original pyro was. Ash and Misty release themselves from their poses and go down to ringside, Ash slapping hands with the fans and getting pumped up as a video of clips from his best IGNWF, JL, and ML matches plays on the SmarkTron.


Funyon: And his opponent: Being accompanied by Misty, from Pallet Town… weighing in at 255 pounds… he is a member of X FORCE NINE… ASH KET-CHUMMMMMMMM!!!!!


He walks up to the cage door, climbs up onto the apron, and after helping Misty in, enters the cage, removing his Jeff Jarrett-style sunglasses. Ash climbs the turnbuckle closest to the crowd and takes off his shirt, whipping it over the cage wall and into the first two or three rows of the crowd, giving a lucky fan a souvenir to take home. Ash then hops off the turnbuckle as Misty exits the cage. Well duh... she’s not in the match. A twenty-one-year-old Ash fan, a college kid from the University of Ohio, third row, catches it, and he gives Ash a big thumbs up, happy to have something of his idol’s. Ash responds back with a thumbs up of his own and a bonus wink, then turns back around as the crowd chants his name, almost deafening in amplitude …


Crowd: ASH!!! ASH!!! ASH!!! ASH!!!


Edwin: YAY!!!! ASH IS HERE!!!


King: Edwin, for my sake, shut you damn mouth.


Edwin: You're mean… no wonder why no one wants your autograph…


As both men stare each other down in the ring, their faces covered with that look of rage, the timekeeper reaches across the table as Referee Timmy Thompson locks himself outside the cage...




Axis: And here we go in this huge cage match-up between two of the best players in the game!


Edwin: Lame-ooooooooooooo... you gotta have more feeling, Axis...


King: And you need to shut your damn mouth... NOW.


The two men slowly begin to close in on each other, but suddenly, running on anger and wanting revenge, Ash makes the first move, swinging his leg around as he attempts to nail Jake with a standing spinning heel kick, but Helmsley ducks under it, and as Ash spins around, Helmsley lifts his head up, swinging his arm around into a discus lariat. Ketchum, though, quickly ducks that to, and as Jake spins toward him, he grabs Helmsley around the waist and leg, lifting him up and dropping backwards into a back drop, but Helmsley flips over Ash, landing on his feet as Ash stops falling back. But quicker than you can say “Spinaroonie of DOOM!!!!”, Helmsley has locked in a waistlock, and using his powerful strength, lifts Ash back, pulling Ketchum into a German suplex! But as if something else is controlling these men, Ash pulls his legs up, breaks the hold, and flips back, landing on his feet! Helmsley falls onto his tailbone, but he hops right back up as Ash crouches down, all to reminiscent of Crimson.  As Jake faces away from Ash, Ketchum thrusts his leg out for a superkick... but Jake ducks it, too! With Ash’s leg on the back of Jake, Helmsley straightens his back out, flippiing Ash back in the air as he turns around. Ash lands on his feet and draws an arm back as Jake turns to face Ash... and the crowd goes wild!


Axis: What an amazing start to this match-up!


King: Bah. I’ve seen better stuff.


Edwin: It’s almost like they’re mad, huh Mr. Fuzzums?


As both men stare each other down, they shift to the right, slowly circling each other like two sharks circling their prey, but then, in a spilt second, they both lunge forward, thrusting their arms around and entangling them in a furious grapple! Leaning toward one side and then the other, both men try to gain control over the other, but finally, shifting his arms around, Jake spins Ash around, grabbing him around the head and locking in a reverse chinlock, sending the Poke Freak down onto one knee. Ash cries out once, but he slowly draws his arm back as Jake tightens the hold and grunts. Helmsley grabs the other arm of Ash as he tightens the hold around Ketchum’s throat, bending the other arm back into a hammerlock and pulling off the a chicken-wing headlock. The Buzzkill forces another yelp of pain from Ash, a sound that pleasures Helmsley. “WHACK!” An elbow flies back into the ribs of Jake Helmsley, courtesy of Ash Ketchum as he tries to loosen the hold, but Jake refuses to budge, so Ash slowly draws his arm back slowly like stretching a rubber band again. Jake only tightens the hold. “WHACK!” Another sharp elbow slams into the ribs of Jacob Helmsley, and this time, he releases, allowing the Undercard King to get up onto his feet.


Axis: Crafty little counter from Ash Ketchum, escaping that chicken-wing headlock.


King: Ain’t no thing like a chicken-wing… except snapping necks and other bones.


Edwin: OLD-SCHOOL!!!! (Edwin begins to hulk up next to King.) OHHH YEAAAHHH!!!


King: Stop that. You’re scaring not only me, but all the people in this damn arena…


As Ketchum gets up, he runs back toward the ring ropes, and with great speed, bounce off them, flying back at Jake, who looks like he just crapped his pants. However, as Jake turns to face his adversary, he extends his leg out, heel first, in an attempt to nail Ash with a boot to the face! Ash, though, ducks down, extending a leg out and executing a baseball slide under the leg of Jake Helmsley. The Anti-Game turns around as Ash pops onto his feet, and Ketchum extends his arm out, dropping Jake to the mat quickly with a clothesline! The crowd shells out a minor pop, but a cheer none the less, and as Helmsley gets to his feet, Ketchum grabs Jake’s arm, tugging hard on it and whipping Jake to the opposite ropes.


Axis: Ash is clearly in control of this match so far…


Edwin: Which isn’t a bad thing… it’s a good thing!


King You ***! You’ll get us sued!


Ricocheting off the ropes, Jake flies back at Ash, who ducks down and leans toward Jake. As Jake closes in on Ash, Ketchum extends his arms out, scooping Jake across his chest as he spins and falls forward simultaneously, slamming Jake into the mat with an Irish whip powerslam!


Axis: For that? You’re overreacting-


King: No! If we get sued… I’ll lose money!


Axis: A**.


King: Don’t you disrespect me! I’m the only one of us who’s been a World Champion, unlike you two peons…


Jake grabs his back and arches in pain, but he slowly perseveres, getting back onto his feet as Ash backs up a step to wait for him. Suddenly, Ash draws his arm back and thrusts his right palm forward, right into Jake's chest with a palm strike. The blow stops the Canuck temporarily, but Ash is far from finished, clenching his hand into a fist and driving it up under Jake's chin, executing a rising uppercut that knocks the lighter Jake to the ropes. Bouncing off the ropes, Jake stagger-steps back toward Ash. Suddenly, Ash grabs Jake, grabbing him across his body and preparing to lift him into the air, ready to slam Jake down with a sharp Rock Bottom called the Poke Rap! Helmsley, however, secretly hooks his leg with Ash’s and as Ketchum tries to lift Jake up, he can’t. He tries and tries, straining himself, but Helmsley falls forward, slamming Ash to the mat with a brain-rattling stalling STO!


Axis: And Helmsley counters with a sneaky STO!


King: That’s how you play the game.


Edwin: Can’t they sue us for that, too, King?


King: ...No...they can’t sure us for that, stupid. I should know. Champions like me are smart, especially in law-


Edwin: -So when you brutally attack someone and get arrested, you can get yourself freed! Riiiiight?


Ash slams hard into the mat, but he slowly begins to get up. Helmsley does as well, and as they both get up, Ash swings at Jake, spinning around. Jake ducks the blow, catching Ash from behind in a waistlock and flips him back into a German suplex!


King: I’m taking the fifth.


Edwn: I think little Kingypants is hiding something from us... (Edwin smiles, the grin stretching from ear to ear.)


King: ...Stop that! You’re creeping me out!


Meanwhile, Jake gets back up, pulling Ash up and flipping Ash back into a second German suplex! Ash hits the mat hard on his neck again, but Helmsley pulls Ash up again for another German suplex! He repeats this one more time before Axis intervenes, four German suplexes complete, and another seemingly coming.


Axis: He’s tearing Ketchum to shreds!


Edwin: That ain’t right!


King: It’s no DQ, boys! Ha ha!


SLAM! A fifth German suplex to Ash! When will this end-Look! Jake’s picking Ash up slowly yet AGAIN!!! This time, his back faces the steel cage wall!


Axis: COME ON! NO-


King: DO IT!!!


Jake bends back, and “SLAM!” “RATTLE!” The cage wall rattles as Ash is slammed up against it for a SIXTH consecutive German suplex! Unreal! Ash falls forward as Jake sits up, a sinister look spread across his face.


Axis: What does this psycho have planned next?


Ash remains down, grabbing his upper back and crying in pain, so Jake goes over to Ash after he gets up, grabbing the Poke Freak and pulling him onto his feet. Forcing Ash to bend over, Jake hooks Ash’s arms, and falling back, double arm DDTs Ash’s head into the mat, but Ash’s knee lands in Jake’s ribs, causing serious pain to both men that keeps them down for a while.


Axis: Ash’s knee went into Jake’s ribs. That CAN’T be good.


King: Don’t worry. He’ll get over it. He’s not a woos like Edwin who needs his little pandy-wandy.


Edwin: Don’t make me do something I’ll regret...


Axis: Yes. Don’t. For your own sake.


Slowly, Ash and Jake get up, Helmsley still bent over a little. Seizing the moment,

Ash grabs Jake around the head, leaning one way, then the other, swinignging Helmlsey onto his back and slamming him to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker. Helmlsey hits the mat hard and remains down as Ash slowly gets up, pointing to a random fan in the crowd as they mark out for him!




Axis: Could this be it?


King: Pokemania? is Ash some balding, slow loser?


Ash leans back, going to the ropes and bouncing off them, shooting back at Jake. Leaping into the air at Jake’s head, he drops into a sitting position, falling across Jake’s chest with a massive leg drop! Ketchum gets up soon after, soaking in the cheers before he walks to the cage wall, hopping up onto it, and begins to climb it. Helmsley, though, sits up, getting up onto his feet after the leg drop and fast walking toward Ash. Ketchum has barely begun his ascent before Jake has grabbed him, and with a heave, throws him off the cage, Ash slamming hard back first into the mat!


Axis: How brutal!


Edwin: Mr. Fuzzums doesn’t like that...


King: Screw Mr. Fuzzums. Who cares...


As Ash hops onto his feet, Jake turns to face him, leaping into the air as he spins, Jake extending his feet out as he drops Ash to the mat with a 360 corkscrew missile dropkick, the Corkscrew! Ash falls back, but both me quickly get back up.


Edwin: What did you say?? Take it back...


Part 2 of 2:




As both men get up, Ash leaps into the air, countering as he extends his legs out, hitting the Rocket Launch, a missile dropkick into Jake’s face. Once more, both men go down quick, but get right back up quickly.


King: Hmmm... NO.


As both men get  to their feet yet again, Jake ducks down, waistlocking Ash as he places his head under Ash’s arm, bending back and flipping Ash back into a northern lights suplex! Though a cage match, Jake still bridges the move, a natural instinct, a stupid mistake. As Jake bridges, Ash uses the move’s momentum to force himself to sit up, somehow flipping  Jake back oto his feet as for a DDT while slowly getting up. But grabbing Jake’s arm, Ash falls back after getting up, adding boddy scissors to the hold to create the guillotine choke called the Bind!


Axis: Edwin, it’s just a panda...


Edwin: Just a panda? JUST A PANDA?!?!?!


King: Yeah, a stuffed one, stupid.


Jake remains motionless as Ash tightens the hold, the crowd cheering, but suddenly, Jake drives his knee into the groin of Ash Ketchum, causing the hold to be released. Ash grabs his groin, falling over as Jake gets up, grabbing Ash by the head and pulling him up.


Edwin: No one makes fun of Fuzzums!!!


King: I just did. I can do that as a former champ, you know...


Pulling Ash onto his feet, Jake steps behind him, grabbing him around theneck and head and locking in a standing sleeper hold! Ash tries to break free, drawing his arm back and elbowing Jake in the ribs, once, twice, but he doesn’t let go, applying more pressure. Reaching back, he thrusts a third elbow into jake’s ribs, causing Jake to loosen the hold, just enough for Ash to spin around. Facing Jake, Ash places both hands behind the Anti-Game’s head, and dropping into a sitting position, impacts Jake’s chin upon his head, Jake violently bouncing away as Ash releases him after the sit-down jawbreaker!




King: Oh yes it is... quite so...


Axis: Watch the match, you two... fight later.


As Ash gets up, Jake slowly grabbing his jaw, he turns to Misty and calls out for a chiar. Misty complies, grabbing Funyon’s chair and folding it up, and with a MIGHTY heave, the chair sails over the cage wall and down onto the canvas with a “CRACK!”. Grabbing the chair once it has landed, Ash picks it up, lifitng it over his head and swinging it down at Jake. “CRACK!” The chair dents as it smashes over Jake’s head, but the big man staggers back, somehow remaining up. Ash lifts the chair over his head again, and “CRACK!” it hits Jake in the head once more, but Helmsley only staggers again, then turns to face Ash, fury imbedded in his soul.


Axis: Uh-ohhhh...


Edwin: Uh-ohh times two...




Quickly swinging his leg up into Ash’s chest, Jake forces the Poke Freak over, and grabbing him around the head, Helmlsey immediately drops back, impacting Ash’s head upon the canvas with a furious Evenflow DDT! Ash’s body goes semi-limp due to the move, but Helmsley retains the headlock, pulling Ash back up, Exhausted, Ash puts up no ressitance to Jake, who takes him to the nearest cage wall, and placing his hand up against the back of Ash’s head... “SLAM!” the wall shakes as Ash’s head violently bounces off it. Jake catches Ash’s head, moving to the next wall. “SLAM!” There he goes again! Still hlding the head, Jake moves to the next wall...


Edwin: Brutal... ouch.




“SLAM!” Ash’s head bounces off a third wall, and as Jake picks Ash up again, he fast walks to wall #4, thrusting Ash forward. “SLAM!” Ash hits the fourth wall, and as he falls back, a small stream of red oozes from his forehead. Jake still stands, but as a result of the last face slam, the cage door has come loose and is swinging in the breeze. Noticing this, Jake walks, no, struts to the door, reaching the opening.


Axis: What a pitiful ending...




He turns to look at his victim, and as he turns back...




“SLAM!” The cage door slams in his face as Misty brings her arm back after having pushed the door.




King: ...Shuddup!


Jake spins all the way around, taking the punishment as he staggers back, bent over and grabbing his jaw as he sits up, but suddenly, Ash knees Jake, right in the chest, causing Jake to bend over forward in pain. Ash takes a step back, but he steps forward, leaping into the air as he swings his left leg up and down, planting it on the mat. He repeats the process with his right soon after the left one starts, nailing Jake in the back of the head with a vicious scissors kick! Jake drops onto the mat cold, but he bunces off the mat and ends up on his back, posibly setting him up for something more sinister and powerful, perhaps?


Axis: Jake went for the door... and he paid for it! Air Ketchum Deux to jake Helmsley!


Not finished, Ash runs back to the nearest ropes, bouncing off them and flying at Jake, doing a front somersault that rolls him up to Jake's body.


Axis: This may be it! We may see-




King: Shut up, Nature Boy.


Rolling onto his feet, Ash springs into action, leaping into the air as he coils and uncoils his limbs, crashing on top of Jake's body with a rolling five-star frog splash! Ash bounces off Jake, landing and rolling onto his back and eventually onto his feet as he staggers up, staggering toward his corner. Ash reaches that corner as Jake gets up, ribs damaged, but as Ash staggers back toward him, Jake slowly getting onto his feet, Helmsley waistlocks Ash, flipping onto his back and flipping Ash back into a devastating belly-to-belly suplex! Ash lands hard on his back as the crowd boos, Jake making a thorat-slashing gesture as he gets up, tired.


King: Damn I love this guy!


Axis: What a horrible and psychotic man! How can you cheer for him.


King: Easily.


Edwin: You sicken me.


King: As do you.


Helmlsey goes to the nearest turnbuckle, jumping up onto it. As the crowd boos, he steadies himself and leaps off, flipping once, twice around in mid-air into a shooting star press called the 540! But just as if it seems the end is near, Ash rolls out of the way and Jake eats canvas, bouncing off the mat chest-first and staggering onto his feet from the move’s momentum. As he staggers about, Ash gets up, ducking down, and Jake falls, landing on Ash’s shoulders. Ash catches him in a Samoan drop, and it looks like Mew Driver time! But wait! Just as Ash releases the legs of Jake, he spins Jake’s body 180 degrees and swings him around, instead droping into a sit-out neckbreaker! This new move drops Jake to the mat like a ton of bricks, and leaves Ash in a great position!




Edwin: I dunno... but it was cool! Looks like some form of a cutter... Mr. fuzzums agrees-


King: To hell with Fuzzums-”SLAP!”(Edwin slaps King!


Edwin: To hell with you!


The cage door, still open just a tad, calls for Ash. It calls his name, and Ash answers, getting off his BUTT, and walking slowly, staggering toward the cage door, the camera focused solely on him, Misty cheering him on as he smiles, victory at hand. He reaches the cage door and goes to open it, but from off-shot, Helmsley charges him, delivering a heart-breaking clothesline! Ash’s head slams against the cage door and he falls back onto his back as Jake quickly grabs Ash’s leg, pulling it back as he executes a horrifying and crowd-silencing half Boston crab!


Axis: Half Boston Crab! This could be it!


Ash grits his teeth in pain, but his will perseveres, allowing him to get onto one foot. Then, in one quick move, he hops off the foot, landing facing Jake, and leaping off that foot, flips back, drills Jake under the chin with the toes of his boot, flipping as Jake releases the leg and falls back, landing on his feet as he finishes off the frontflip enziguri!


Axis: What a counter from Ash! Neither man is giving ground in this match!


Edwin: This is great! I love it!


King: No one cares for your opinions, peons. They only care about moi.


Jake falls back, but he slowly recovers, grabbing his jaw in pain. As he sits up, Ash moves in for the kill, but Jake swings his leg around, spinning into a spinning heel kick! Ash takes the blow, unable to guard against it at the moment, but Jake wraps his leg around Ash’s neck, drving Ketchum down onto his back with a reverse fameasser... the Blackout! Ash goes down as Jake lands on his knees, releasing the hold around Ash’s neck and getting up onto his feet. Making his way over to the cage wall, Jake grabs hold of it, climbing up it slowly.


Axis: What a counter by Jake!


King: It’s aaaaaaaaall over.


Edwin: Man... what an ending...


Jake has now reached the halfway point, but suddenly, Ash slowly pushes himself off his back, sitting up in a daze. Helmsley looks down, stalls, mouths the word “SHIT!”, and watches for a second as a pissed off and bloody Ash gets onto his feet. Looking up at Jake, he points at him and yells out:




Jake turns around, slowly scrambling to get to the top as Ash runs at the cage wall, leaping at the chain link wall and clutching onto it. With unbefore seen energy, he bounds up the wall, Helmsley reaching the top of the cage, lifting a leg over the top. however, Ash’s fast scaling has allowed him to catch Helmsley, grabbing him by the leg. Jake bends back over to see Ash pulling his leg down, and he swings at Ash, throwing himself off balance. Bad move. Suddenly, Ash grabs Jake around the head, dropping back off the cage wall and falling to the mat below, nailing Jake with an interesting, yet sloppy inverted DDT! Jake drops onto the mat cold, falling upon his back as Ash slowly sits up, the crowd cheering him on as he staggers onto his feet and staggers to the cage wall.


Axis: Ash may have this in hand! What a turn of events.


Edwin: YEAH!!!!


King: You’re telling me... this s*cks...


Ash begins to climb the cage, albeit slowly, the crowd silently chanting his name. He climbs about a foot each time, taking two or three seconds to do so. The seconds pass by. Thirty seconds pass and Ash is halfway up. Forty-five seconds pass, he’s 3/4 of the way up. And at 61 seconds, Ash reaches the top of the cage, the crowd now in full swing, screaming his name at the top of their lungs!


Crowd: ASH! ASH! ASH!


As Ash reaches the top, he turns around to face the fallen Helmlsey, and stops, smiling. Flashing his split-finger victory sign to the fans at home, Ash leaps from the top of the cage, contracting and extending his arms as he falls, soaring through the air and slamming into Jake’s chest with a five-star frog splash, the Snorlax Splash... from the TOP OF THE CAGE!!!! Ash bounces off Jake quickly, flipping forward and landing hard on his back, both men grabbing their ribs and crying out in pain as the crowd marks out for tis momentous occasion!




King: ...I’m speechless...


Edwin: What balls Ash has! Leaping twenty feet down on top of Jake Helmsley! Superb!


Slowly, the two men begin to get up after the move, each staggering to their feet. Ash’s face is a bit bloody from the cage slamming before, but he’s OK. Helmsley gets to his feet, but suddenly, he gets to the ropes. Both men turn to face each other, and realzing the time to strike is now, they run at each other, both ducking down as they both go for a spear or gore or whatever you wanna call it!



“CRACK!” The sound of flesh and bone slammig into flesh and bone echoes throughout the arena as the crowd marks out for this moment: BOTH MEN SLAM INTO EACH OTHER AS THEY GO FOR SEPARATE GORES! Their heads whip back and they immediately fall back, as if two male rams just butted heads. Both Helmsley and Ketchum fall onto their backs, motionless as Misty looks on in concern, her eyes beginning to water after the head-to-head contact. Jake hits the mat, and a split-second later, Ash follows suit, both men now out cold, it seems. This match could very well be over by double TKO!


Edwin: ...Holy...




King: That deserves another look!


Suddenly, the shot gets smaller as another screen, the Pepsi Max Instant Replay screen comes into view, recapping what just occured in the ring. From that angle, the blow looks even worse and the audio is even more sickening. It sounds as if both men’s necks have been snapped in half!


Axis: What a sickening accident!


As the shot reverts back, though, both men are slowly, veeeeeery slowly crawling toward the ropes. Each man claws for ground, slowly pulling themselves on like soldiers ona  death march. For some reason, Helmsley is making great strides, and he and Ash are neck and neck as they both reach out, grabbing the top rope. Struggling, both men slowly begin to pull themselves up, each depserately trying to get up ont that wall of steel links.


Edwin: Panda-rific! These two are gonna give us quite a show, eh King?


King: Yeah... and your mom’s a dime store whore.


Edwin: Actually, my mom is a 35-year-old housewife in Amsterdam, England, cheering on her favorite SJL hero, other than me, Ash Ketchum, while watching the PPV-(A cell phone rings and Edwin answers it.) Hello? Mother? Hi, Mum! Yes, I wore my underwear today...


As both men claw toward the top of the cage, they reach the all-crucial halfway point. Suddenly, their pace seems to pick up as they are suspended 10 feet above the ring, and they continue their ascent. They reach up, grabbing another eight or ten inches each time, unitl finally, they can reach up no more and are at the top. Slowly and caustiously, each man lifts a leg over the top of the cage, now straddling the top bar of the cage wall as they look up and see each other, realizing there’s no way in hell they’re gonna get over without someone falling back inside the cage. Ash makes the first move, swinging his arm around into a hook to the face. Jake’s head turns with the blow, but he straightens out and counters with a hook of his own, causing Ash’s face to turn with the blow. Both men remain on top, and they begin to exchange right hooks. One from Ash, one from Jake, Ash, Jake, Ash Jake, Ash, Jake... it seems like it’ll never end! But suddenly, as Helmsley recovers from an Ash right hook, he reaches into his back pants pocket and extrudes... the pipe. The damn pipe. The motherf*cking pipe. Clutched in his right hand, Jake’s personal weapon hits it’s target as he swings it, nailing Ash in the head and causing him to tip... and fall back into the ring! Victory is at hand for Jake, but as Ash falls, he grabs the leg of Jake Helmsley, pulling Jake from the top of the cage, and both men tumble to the mat below!




Axis: Going crazy?


Edwin: Well, I’m not at the moment... but since you asked.... (Edwin jumps in the air) WOOOOOO! GO ASH GO! GO ASH GO!!!! YEAAAA!!!


King: Stop acting like a little schoolgirl. I bet you scream like one when you get your ass whipped, too.


“THUD!” ”THUD!” The two bodies slam hard into the mat and lie motionless for what seems like an eternity.


Axis: God... are they dead?


King: I hope Ash is...


Edwin: Well... I hope Jake is, then...


King: Well... them maybe Mr. Fuzzums can join them-




The crowd stands in silence on the edge of their seats as Misty worriedly looks on. In the process, the cage door has come ajar and is hanging wide open, an easy escape route. Suddenly, as if he rose from the dead, Jacob Helmsley snaps his head up, having landed hard upon his chest, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth, indicating broken ribs. He slowly extends an arm out, grabbing hold of the ring apron, clutching it in his hand and slowly pulling himself toward the cage door. At the same time, Ash, on his back, rolls onto his back, looking at the ropes, and he slowly crawls toward them, close, but not close enough to reach them.


Axis: Look at these men go!


Edwin: Fruity!


King: Yes you are, Edwin. Yes you are...


Ash continues to claw his way to the ropes, reaching up and grabbing the top one as he pulls himself up. Clutching the cage wall, he slowly pulls himself up onto the cage wall, straining his muscles, but he reaches there. He begins to take much larger grasps, pulling himself up. He reaches the midway point quicker than expected as Jake reaches the halfway point of his journey, slowly crawling toward the door.


Axis: What is driving these men? What can it be? Guts? Adrenaline?


King: Stupidity?


Ash reaches up, cutting less distance off this journey, and reaching up again, the bloodied Undercard King grabs the top of the cage! But wait! Helmsley’s reached the ropes!


Edwin: It’s a bloody mad dash to the finish! Who will win?


Ash reaches the top of the cage, and lifting one leg over, he strattles the top bar. Lifitng the other leg over, he reaches the outside to a huge pop, but Helmsley reaches the apron, slowly lowering one leg down as Ash begins to descend!


Axis: This is gonna be close!


Edwin: I can’t watch!


As the descend, one of Jake’s feet hits the floor, but he needs the other! He slides it out of the cage as Ash is about seven-six-five feet from the floor! Suddenly, an exhausted Ash falls, hitting the floor from five feet above! Jake’s foot touches the floor at almsot the same time!


Axis: What a finish!


Slowly, Funyon raises the mic to his lips for the announcement...






Funyon: Your winner... ASH KET-CHUMMMMMMMMM!!!!


And the crowd goes wild! Ash’s theme begins to play, a chant of “Ash!” begins to snowball, but suddenly, the theme


Funyon: I’m sorry, there’s been a mistake. Your winner... JAKE HELMMMMMMMMMMS-LEYYYY!!!


And the crowd goes... unwild! They begin to boo as “Meaning of Life” kicks in. Helmsley staggers up, empty beer cups rain down from the stands in every direction, piling at the feet of Helmsley, but our great announcer lifts the mic up once more.


Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen... the ending of the match is under review by Referee Timothy Thompson...


Timmy goes over to a small monitor at the announcers table, carefully watching the ending of the match. The crowd is silent as the announcers watch on the other monitor and discuss.


Axis: Damn... that’s a close call... but it looks like Ash might barely have it-


King: BAH! Are you kidding? Jake was clearly the victor!


Timmy Boy watches the monitor for a few seconds, watching the events that have just unfolded, and suddenly, his head pops up from the monitor. He speaks to Funyon, though this is inaudible, but a few cheers pop up from the front row...


Funyon: The referee has made his final decision: The winner of this match...














The crowd goes nuts again as Helmsley turns around, pretty damn mad, but he cannot do anything. The ref’s mind is made up, and Ash Ketchum, who is now standing up, falls onto his BUTT, hands raised into the air before he falls back, absorbing the crowd’s cheers.


Axis: None the less, a spectacular match from both men! This could be the best match of the night!


Helmsley collapses in exhaustion as EMTs come down to check on the condition of both men.




Edwin: Hey, show some respect. Jake did a great job, King.


King: ...OK. Whatever. You made your damn point. Now get on with it.


Misty runs over to Ash, checking on him as the EMTs help Ash up, Ketchum smiling under that mask of crimson across his face, slowly staggering up the ramp, EMTs on either side of him as the crowd cheers for him.


Axis: But this isn’t all! In fact, up next, Erek Taylor and Stryke do battle for 45 MNUTES in an ironman match for the SJL World Title! DO NOT GO AWAY!!!! We’ll be right back!


The shot then slowly fades, audio and visual blurring to blackness and silence as a commercial for the SWF’s PPV kicks in, featuring Thugg and Fallout’s big main event match!

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

SJL Absolution....


"Tonight is my final night in the competitive dungeon known only as the SJL. This is where everyone plants their roots, to sprout into bigger and better fighters. Six months. Six months I have fought in the ranks of the SJL and just a month ago, I shattered Axis' record for longest European Title reign and I shattered Xstasy's record for longest title reign ever. I leave with one purpose on my mind and it is to defy the odds, to deny the inevitable, to reach the top. It has been done before, but forgotten in the common mind. I plan on reminding the common that success is achieved by speed and intelligence, not by power and manipulation."


"You people think that being the Champion is the greatest? You don't know how much I will sacrifice to be in your shoes. There's too much pressure on my shoulders, I carry the weight of the worlds. I am expected to put up great performances night after night, and in the process, look like I don't tire. Nobody understands it. Everyone thinks it's so great to be Erek Taylor but it isn't. You people don't know the tiniest details."


"And you people, you act as if you are my friends. True friends don't come easy. I thought she was my best friend but in turn, she waited until I turned around to stab me in the back with the dagger she possessed. And then he came, out of the blue to help me through my depression. Ash, now that's a true friend. He would check up on me with his girl, and whenever I needed support, he was there to give it. After all the matches we've been in, whether it's me against him or me and him against others, our friendship came first and I thank you, Ash, for everything. I leave only with a hope that you will gain what you have so long hunted for."


"I have so much to say yet so little time to say it. Commissioner Eddie Mac and the Suicide King, two great inspirations in my career. How many times I went to them for advice, so many times it would make Cutthroat look normal. And yet, they didn't shut me off, they opened up with their infinite knowledge of this business and they gave me advice. I see them both as a pair of elder brothers, fighting for control of the family. I leave to your league, to fight with you, to fight against you. But I will never forget what you two have done for me and I promise that one day, I will make it up to you, I promise with my life."


"And so, I prepare for the ending of my story. The ending that will indeed challenge me to the limits, to see if I can pull it out or not. Stryke proves to be a worthy adversary but I have proven again and again, I am far too versatile to be matched up in that category. K-Os knew that, and he knew that he could only fight with his smarts. That's how he beat me. He took me off my feet, taking away the only weapon I have against my opponents. So here I go.....



I came into this league hooked on speed.......




I will leave them all in the dust......."

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

SJL Absolution continues, War Pigs blaring around the Gund Arena as the crowd continues to scream and yell like monkeys with the ebola virus, still cheering after the great show they’ve seen. But the fun isn’t over yet, and the camera focuses back on the terrible trio of commentary, Edwin MacPhisto, Axis and the Suicide King.


Axis: “6 huge matches down, and only one to go. We’ve seen fights in a mall, Title matches, elimination matches, a brutal cage match, but now it’s time for the main event, and what a match it will be.”


King: “If you paid for this event your about to get your moneys worth, as Stryke destroys that pretty boy Erek Taylor and captures the JL World Title.”


Edwin: “Well I don’t know King, it seems like Erek Taylor’s been on a winning streak dating back to 1947, so form is certainly on his side. But as we’ve seen, Stryke will do absolutely anything in order to get Erek and that big shiny belt, tearing through half the roster like a chainsaw in a room full sheep in order to get this match.”


King: “And that’s what he’ll do tonight as well. Erek can do flippy-floppy crap off a ladder to win, but can he compete with Stryke in a match like this, where he’ll have to out wrestle him? I don’t think so.”


The screen suddenly switches away from the announce table to show the SJL Absolution logo flash up onto the screen, before the moving images of Stryke and Erek Taylor flash up in front of it, Erek with the boyish grin on his face and SJL World Title draped across his shoulder, Stryke with his usual angry, determined look on his face. Underneath the images it says ‘World Title 45 Minute Iron Man Match,

Erek Taylor © vs. Stryke’, the fans absolutely exploding into cheers as they see the big main event is coming up right now. In the background a timer quickly moves down from 45, and when it hits 0 the camera flashes back into the arena, the lights dimming, except for a spotlight in the middle of the ring where Funyon stands, all suited up and getting ready to announce the match.


Edwin: “This is the last JL match for both men before they get bumped up to the SWF, and both will be desperate to leave the SJL World Champ. I’m giddy in anticipation!”


Axis: “It’s only mere moments until we’ll get to see this much anticipated one-on-one match between the two, and it will surely blow the roof off the Gund Arena. Lets not waste any more time and get right into the action.”




Funyon: “Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time for the MAIN EVENT of the evening!”


Another huge roar comes up from the excited fans, Funyon waiting for them to calm down before continuing.


Funyon: “The match is set to be a 45 Minute Iron Man Match for the SJL WORLD TITLE! The individual that scores the most falls by the time the clock expires will be declared the winner and will be the SJL World Champion.”


After a moment of silence “Break Stuff” by Limp Bizkit kicks up, the Cleveland fans lashing out with savage boos for Stryke. 4 blue fireworks blast up from the stage, before 4 silver fireworks blast up from the same spots a second later. Finally, a huge blue flame of pyro blasts up from the middle of the entranceway, and when the sparks and smoke clears, Strkye is standing on top of the entranceway, Karen by his side.


Funyon: “Entering first the challenger, weighing 207lbs, standing at 6’4” from Sydney, Australia, STRYKE!!!”


After standing there a moment to absorb the thunderous boos of the crowd, Stryke makes his way down the ramp and quickly slides into the ring, before making his way to the far ring corner and climbing up, raising his right arm to the fans, resulting in a wave of hatred for the Australian. As the fans boo their hearts out Stryke hops down into the ring and prepares for the match. Stryke leans over the ropes and says a few quick things to Karen, who stands at ringside, before returning to the ring, setting himself for the match.


King: “Here he is, the next JL World Champ. Erek’s in for a long night.”


Axis: “I wouldn’t be so confident King, Erek’s got a 3-1 lead on Stryke as far as past matches go, so Erek’s shown he can defeat him.”


King: “Bah, those losses were tag matches or 3-ways. Erek’s never beaten him in a singles contest.”


Edwin: “That venomous vixen Karen’s out here too, so that doesn’t bode well for Erek, she’s bound to get involved at some point.”


King: “She’s not going to interfere, she’s just here to get a good seat to watch her buddy Stryke win the World Title, that’s all.”


Edwin: “I’ll bet. Well that devious devil Stryke’s out here, so that means we just need the champ out here and than we can get this party started. Huzzah!”


As Stryke faces back towards the entrance the lights in the arena dim to a pitch black, with the only signs of light are in those of the spotlights shining down and moving across the arena. The music of "Toxicity" by System of a Down slowly eroticates the arena and a missile-like projectile shoots down from the ceiling, exploding on impact as it explodes into a giant mass of pyrotechnics at the top of the ramp, the fans going into orgasmic cheers for the X Force 9 member and current World Champ. "Toxicity"s lyrics begin to kick up and smoke begins to conceal the curtains, making it impossible for anyone to spot anything on the ramp. As the lights in the arena come back on, the shadow of Erek Taylor blazes down the ramp. The arena erupts in massive cheers as Taylor mindlessly spins around and gets into a crouching pose, absorbing all the fanfare and adulation from the packed Gund Arena.


Funyon: “Now heading to the ring, weighing 215lbs, standing 6’1” tall and hailing from Anaheim, California, the reigning, and defending SJL World Champion, EREK TAYLOR!!!”


The ovation from the crowd is nearly deafening as Erek Taylor starts to make his way down the ramp, slapping hands with some of the ringside fans, but all the time keeping his eyes focused on Stryke.


Edwin: “And here comes the champ! The crowd are certainly happy to see him too.”


King: “Well the crowd is stupid. They can cheer pretty boy all they like, but lets see how much they cheer when Stryke wins 50-0.”


Axis: “I doubt the final score will be 50-0. But with the intense rivalry between these two it’ll surely be an incredible contest. After going at it at full pace for 45 minutes whoever comes out on top will surely deserve to hold the SJL World Title.”


Erek makes his way to the ring and stops at ringside, looking at both Stryke and Karen to ensure they don’t try any shenanigans. With referee Sexton Hardcastle keeping Stryke back to let Erek in the ring, Erek hops up on the apron, before taking the belt off his shoulder and climbing in through the ropes. Erek gives the belt to Sexton, who holds it high for all the crowd to see before taking it over and giving it to the timekeeper at ringside to keep it safe.


Axis: “Both men are in the ring, now all that’s left is to ring the bell and let 45 minutes of carnage commence.”


A timer with 450 on it comes up in the bottom right corner of the screen and the SmarksTron, and it starts to count down right as referee Hardcastle calls for the bell.






As the clock starts to tick down Stryke wastes no time, charging right for Erek. Stryke goes for a clothesline but Erek is prepared for him, ducking underneath. Stryke turns around to get back after Erek, but the high flying prince is ready, jacking Stryke’s jaw with a big right hand. The fans continue to go nuts as Erek launches a barrage of punches, sending Stryke flailing towards the ropes. As Stryke’s reeling on the ropes, Erek grabs Stryke to whip him across the ring, but as he does Stryke is able to hold on and whip Erek instead. As Erek rebounds he blazes back at Stryke at full pace, Stryke attempting another clothesline, but Erek’s quickness allows him to once more duck under and continue onto the opposite ropes. Stryke turns after missing, only to have Erek run in and jump up on Stryke’s chest, placing his right hand around Stryke’s neck, choking him while using his weight to force Stryke down to the mat. The crowd goes berserk as Erek continues to throttle Stryke, with his left hand punching away on Stryke in a frenzy of fists, the move known as the Flying Morale.


Edwin: “Erek starting like the proverbial house on fire! He is all over Stryke, obviously wanting to catch Stryke off guard.”


Axis: “An action packed start, and we’re only in the first minute! With the Flying Morale Erek’s on top early and as you can hear the crowd is totally behind the champ.”


Erek keeps on hammering Stryke into mush, but with referee Hardcastle starting a 5 count due to the chokehold he has to release it. Erek hops back to his feet, while Stryke rolls to the ropes and out of the ring, holding his throat from the choke, boos flying as Stryke makes an early retreat.


Axis: “Well, for all Stryke confidence he’s running from Erek. Perhaps he’s underestimated the champ.”


King: “He’s not running convict boy, he’s merely taking a quick breather. Erek got a lucky start, so Stryke’s going to calm things down and start on an even slate. It’s not cowardice, it’s genius.”


With Erek standing tall in the ring, Stryke slowly moves up the ring steps and climbs into the ring, Stryke yelling for Sexton Hardcastle to keep Erek back before he gets in the ring. With Erek on the other side on the ring Stryke slowly climbs back in. Stryke more slowly approaches Erek this time, and the pair meet up in the middle of the ring, quickly locking up.


Edwin: “A more cautious approach by both men this time, neither will want to make another mistake only a tad over a minute into this.”


Erek and Stryke are locked up, fighting for position. They struggle back and forth, before Stryke gets a knee up into the ribs of Erek, stunning him. With Erek temporarily hurt Stryke maneuvers Taylor into a side headlock, cranking away on the head and neck of the champ. Erek is still alive and kicking though, and fights back, nailing a series of quick shots to the side of Stryke, causing him to loosen his hold. This allows Erek to slip out and get behind Stryke, pulling his arm back into a hammerlock. Erek puts maximum pressure on the arm and shoulder of Stryke, but the Showstopper quickly fights out with some back elbows to the head of Erek. Erek stumbles back, obviously feeling the elbows to his head. With Erek suddenly on the defensive Stryke takes charge, laying into the X Force 9’er with several stiff right hands, rocking him back with every hit. Strkye takes Erek by the wrist and flings him across the ring to the ropes, jumping up for a dropkick as Erek hits the ropes. But when Erek hits the ropes he grabs on, stopping his momentum, leaving Stryke to crash back to the mat, hitting nothing but air.


Axis: “Stryke missed! Erek grabbing onto the ropes, leaving Stryke to land on the mat.”


Edwin: “An error from Stryke, and in a match with a time limit every mistake can be fatal.”


As Stryke slowly gets to his feet Erek bolts towards Stryke, but instead runs past him, coming off the ropes behind Stryke and charging back at him, catching Stryke’s head for a one-handed bulldog. But as Erek tries to hit the move Stryke is able to break his head away, Erek ending up in front of him. As Erek turns back to face Stryke he is greeted with the sight of Stryke’s boot headed right for his head, Stryke attempting a superkick, the Heatseeker. Erek is on the ball though, dodging to the side. As Stryke lands back on both feet Erek greets him with a kick to the mid section, doubling the challenger over, before grabbing Stryke arm and putting it between his legs, and then hooking his remaining arm in a pumphandle position. With Stryke trapped Erek powers him up, before dropping Stryke down onto the mat with a big Pumphandle Slam. As the crowd roars in approval Erek moves over and makes the pin, hooking the far leg as referee Sexton Hardcastle counts the pin.










TH… No, Stryke powers out of the pin, the timer showing a bit over 42 minutes to go.


Axis: “The first pin of the match, but Stryke kicks out without too much trouble. It’s been pretty much all Erek so far.”


King: “Stryke’s just lulling him into a false sense of security, he’ll be back in this in no-time.”


Erek gets back to his feet, pulling Stryke up with him. With Stryke woozy on his feet Erek quickly darts to the ropes, bouncing off and coming back at Stryke with a hard forearm shot, the Diving Adelphia. But just before Erek hits Stryke explodes forward, catching Erek, putting his arms around him before lifting Erek up and tossing him over with an Overhead Release Belly-to-Belly Suplex. The crowd goes up in boos as Erek crashes to the mat, Stryke crawling over and making the cover.










THR… No, Erek is able to get his shoulder off the mat.


King: “Haha, see, I told you it wouldn’t take long for Stryke to be back in this, a beautiful Suplex, nobody does it better.”


Edwin: “The momentum’s going back and forth like a see-saw at the moment, neither man is on top for long.”


Stryke is still feeling the affects of being on the receiving end of Erek’s offence, and gets to his feet rather gingerly. Once on his feet Stryke makes his way over to Erek, laying in the stomps with Erek still on the mat. As the fans continue to boo Stryke he picks Erek up, giving him another quick punch to the face before whipping him hard into the nearest turnbuckle. Erek hits backfirst into the pads, arching his back in pain as he stumbles forward towards Stryke, who meets him with a kick to the stomach, followed by hooking his arm and lifting Erek high for a Vertical Suplex. Stryke stalls, holding Erek in the air for a number of seconds, before dropping back, again slamming Erek into the mat. Stryke slides over, moving around and covering Erek for a pin.










THR… No, Erek kicks his legs out, getting his shoulders off the mat before the 3 count.




Axis: “Another picture perfect Suplex from Stryke. A few more moves like that and Stryke could get the first fall of the match.”


King: “It’s like Stryke said, Erek can do flippy floppy crap off a ladder and whatnot to win, but when it comes to down and out wrestling, Stryke’s a level above Erek.”


Edwin: “It’s been a good start to the match from both men and with just under 40 minutes to go there’s plenty of time for anything to happen.”


With Erek down in the center of the ring, Stryke hops back up and heads straight for the ring corner, scaling the turnbuckle.


Axis: “It was only a matter of time before the action went up top, with two high flyers involved you can’t keep them on the mat for long.”


Erek continues to stay on the mat in pain as Stryke reaches the top rope, the crowd sending boos in Stryke’s direction. Stryke stops on top and gives the crowd a middle finger, resulting in an even bigger wave of hatred for the Australian. With the fans suitably riled up Stryke faces his attention back into the ring, and leaps off the top rope, flying towards Erek with a top rope Elbow Drop. But just after Stryke jumps Erek rolls out of the way, leaving Stryke to crash unsupported into the canvas, the Gund Arena erupting into massive cheers as Stryke finds nothing but mat with his elbow.


Edwin: “Stryke missed! A bit too much time jawing with the fans may have cost him there.”


King: “Gah, damn Erek, he’s not supposed to move!”


As the crowd goes bananas Erek gets himself back on his feet, while a reeling Stryke gets back on his feet as well, holding his side and in obvious pain. Stryke stumbles around right towards Erek, who meets him with a flurry of punches, each blow driving Stryke back as the crowd ‘oooo’s along with each punch. Erek takes Stryke by the arm and whips him across the ring, and as Stryke comes back Erek leans down, setting himself to back body drop Stryke. Erek does just that, but as Stryke goes over he is able to twist around, landing on his feet behind Erek. Before Erek has a chance to turn around Stryke grabs his opponent in a rear waislock, and Stryke quickly lifts Erek up, looking for a German Suplex. But again the wrestler on the receiving end in able to escape, Erek using his agility to rotate over and land on his feet. Just as he lands Erek drops to his knees, grabbing Stryke and pulling him back, rolling him up into a pin. SJL official Hardcastle circles into position and counts the pin.










THRE… No, Stryke kicks out in the nick of time.


Edwin: “Wowzers, Erek almost caught Stryke by surprise there.”


As Stryke kicks out both men quickly get back to their feet, Erek trying to take Stryke by surprise again with a short clothesline, but Stryke sees it and gets his foot up, hitting Erek in the mid section. With Erek doubled over Stryke places his leg over Erek’s head, setting him for a fameasser, his finisher the Recoil.


King: “Yes, the Recoil! Here comes the first fall for Stryke!”


Axis: “If he hits this Stryke will certainly take a 1-0 lead in the match, and if he can hold onto that for the rest of the match he’ll be the new JL World Champ.”


Stryke sets for the Recoil as the crowd vehemently boos Stryke. The Showstopper jumps up, looking to crush Erek’s face into the mat. But just as he does Erek forces up, standing tall and sending Stryke tumbling backwards. But again Stryke’s agility comes into play, turning over and landing on his feet once more. Stryke stumbles back slightly when he lands though, allowing Erek to regroup and get after Stryke once more. Erek steps back before charging in, going at Stryke with a shoulder tackle. But just before Erek hits Stryke gets his knee up, drilling it into Erek’s face, knocking him to the mat right in front of Stryke. Erekgets back to his feet, brains still scrambled, and stumbles right toward Stryke, who bends down and lifts Erek up into a fireman’s carry. Stryke moves to the middle of the ring as the Gund Arena faithful boo their lungs out, but their boos can’t help Erek, as Stryke swings him out and drops down, hitting a diamond cutter from the fireman’s carry, the Overdrive. With boos still flying Stryke rolls Erek onto his back and covers him, the referee counting the fall.












Erek draws on all his energy and kicks out, but it’s too late as the three’s already been counted.


King: “Yes! Stryke leads 1-0! Overdrive for the first pin of the match.”


Edwin: “Erek’s behind the 8 ball now, he’ll have to play catch up.”


Funyon: “The winner of the first fall, by pinfall, STRYKE! Stryke now leads 1-0.”


Axis: “Stryke getting the start he would have wanted, but with around 36 minutes to go there’s plenty of time for both men.”


Stryke gets up, raising his arms in victory as the crowd boo him as hard as they can. Stryke looks to go right back after Erek again, but Sexton stops him, telling him to keep back until Erek’s back to his feet.


King: “Boo, you suck Sexton, let him go after Erek again.”


Axis: “Looks like Sexton Hardcastle’s enforcing a short rest period, which is a fair decision, allowing Erek to get back in the match.”


King: “Bah, screw that, Erek’s just weak, a real champion shouldn’t need a break.”




Erek slowly gets back on his feet, the Overdrive having taken plenty out of him. Stryke bounces around on the other side of the ring, doing a bit of shadow boxing and showboating to the crowd, drawing another wave of boos from the agitated Cleveland fans. As soon as Erek’s on his feet Stryke charges in, moving past Hardcastle and hammering away on Erek, driving him back down to the mat with a number of hard right hand punches. With Erek reeling on the ropes Stryke pulls him off, lifting him up and slamming him on the mat with a scoop slam. With Erek down next to the ropes Stryke quickly climbs through the ropes and gets on the apron, grabbing onto the top rope and jumping up over the top, coming down on Erek with a leg drop. After he hits Stryke pulls Erek away from the ropes before making another cover.










THRE… No, Erek twists to the side and forces Stryke off him, stopping the count.


Edwin: “Erek’s still reeling from the Overdrive, and Stryke’s hitting a few good moves now, including that fantastical leg drop. Erek seems to be in quite a spot of bother, that pillock Stryke taking control.”


King: “Stryke’s not a pillock you dope, he’s a fine upstanding individual.”


Edwin: “Hah, he about and fine and upstanding as you are King. But regardless of that he’s certainly putting on a boffo effort so far, keeping on top of Erek.”


Stryke is full of confidence, paintbrushing the back of Erek’s head with his hands, Stryke in full cockiness mode, the fans just seething with hatred for the overconfident Australian. Stryke goes back and picks Erek up, tossing the High Flying Prince right into the ring corner, Erek slamming into the turnbuckle. With Erek back first against the turnbuckle Stryke hops up onto the second turnbuckle, getting ready to deliver the 10 punch before Erek grabs Stryke’s legs and moves forward, before dropping back and slamming Stryke jaw first into the top turnbuckle to a huge cheer.


Axis: “Stryke getting a bit too overconfident, and Erek made him pay. You can’t allow Erek Taylor anything, or he’ll certainly take advantage.”


Strkye holds his jaw in pain as Erek gets back to his feet. With the fans going wild Erek moves in behind Stryke and places his arms around him, lifting back and drilling Stryke into the mat with a German Suplex. The fans are on their feet as Erek hops back to his feet, moving to the turnbuckle and climbing up.


Edwin: “Erek’s back in the action! A suplex all the way from Germany, and showing why he’s called the High Flying Prince the champs going up top!”


King: “Damn him. Come on Stryke, do something!”


Erek is perched up top, waiting for Stryke to get back on his feet. Stryke, looking quite dazed gets back to his feet, but is very wobbly on his feet. Stryke turns and faces the corner, and is greeted with the sight of Erek leaping off the top rope with a missile dropkick, his feet connecting with Stryke’s head and sending him sprawling back, Stryke ricocheting across the ring like he was just shot with a shotgun. The landing takes plenty out of Erek too, but he’s still able to make his way over to Stryke, draping himself over the Showstopper for a pin, the fans chanting along with the count.










THRE… NO, Strkye kicks out just before the 3, an exasperated ‘ooohhh’ going up from the fans, thinking that was a three count for sure.


Axis: “A missile dropkick from Erek, but Stryke just managed to kick out.”


Edwin: “The tide is quickly turning Erek’s way, Stryke better come up with something quick smart or this will be all evened up.”


King: “Don’t worry, I’m sure Stryke has a plan, Erek ain’t pinning him anytime soon.”


Erek brings his hands to his head, sure that the missile dropkick would get the pin. But no dwelling on it, Erek gets back up, dragging the stricken Stryke up behind him. Moving him near the ring corner, Erek rears his arm back before smacking Stryke across the chest, a very loud ‘woooo!’ going up from the packed Gund Arena as Erek delivers a sharp knife-edge chop across the chest of Stryke. Erek doesn’t let up though, lashing out with chop after chop, Stryke falling back into the turnbuckle in agony, red marks beginning to become very pronounced across Stryke’s chest.


Axis: “Erek Taylor wailing away with knife edge chops, Stryke would have to be in a world of hurt if the volume of those chops is any indication.”




With Stryke against the turnbuckle Erek moves back, before running in, running up Stryke for the Wolf’s Frenzy. The crowd is going nuts, but Stryke pushes forward, knocking Erek away from him. Erek lands on his feet, steadying himself as Stryke comes out of the corner with a Discus Lariat, spinning around before going for Erek with the high impact clothesline. Erek dodges though, and as Stryke goes past Erek grabs his arm, spinning him and whipping with all his might back into the turnbuckle, Stryke smashing front first into the pads to a big cheer. As Stryke falls back out of the corner Erek is on the spot, delivering a quick kick to Stryke’s spine, before bending him back and placing his head over Erek’s shoulder, dropping down into a reverse stunner, Stryke neck crashing against Erek’s shoulder, the Fame and Fury. Karen looks on rather concerned as the crowd goes completely ballistic, Erek moving around to cover Stryke, hooking the far leg as the ref and the crowd count.












Edwin: “The Fame and Fury from Erek Taylor! It’s all tied up baby!”


King: “No! Erek must have cheated, Stryke’s supposed to be winning!”


Funyon: “Scoring the second fall by pinfall, EREK TAYLOR! The match is now tied at 1-1.”


The fans are still going wild, and an ‘Erek!’, ‘Erek!’ chant kicks up, the fans ecstatic that Erek has tied the contest. Stryke is struggling back to his feet, using the ropes to pull himself up.


King: “Don’t worry, let Erek have that one, Stryke will still beat him, plenty of time for the next JL World Champ to get back in front. 29 or so minutes of pain are still in Erek’s immediate future.”


Erek stands patiently, waiting for Stryke to get back up. Stryke eventually gets back up and starts to turn, but the secind he does he receives a punch to the face, Erek Taylor wasting no time in getting things back underway. Erek unleashes a few more punches before whipping the still groggy Stryke across the ring. Stryke rebounds back and Erek moves to greet him, catching him around the head, locking in a sleeper hold. The already tired Stryke starts to fade, Erek holding onto the sleeper hold as tight as he can.


Axis: “Erek with the sleeper hold, a smart move to weaken an already tired Stryke.”


Edwin: “Erek seems to be as popular as the Beatles right now, the fans going bonkers even for a usually boring move like a sleeper hold.”


Stryke flails his arms, desperately trying to find a way out of the hold, but Erek’s got it locked in too well. Stryke looks to be fading, but then quickly moves towards the ring corner, running towards it and running up the turnbuckles, pushing off the top and floating over, freeing himself from Erek’s hold and landing on his feet behind him. Taking full advantage Stryke hooks both Erek’s arms, setting him in position for an unprettier. Stryke turns Erek around, but instead of dropping Erek face first to the mat Stryke drops down into a stunner, Erek snapping back from the impact and crashing to the mat from the Event Horizon.


King: “What a reversal from Stryke! Out of the sleeper and into the Event Horizon, a genius counter from the next JL World Champ.”


Erek lays still on the mat from the move, but Stryke too has had plenty taken out of him, and can’t follow up. Both men are down on the mat, and referee Sexton Hardcastle has no choice but to instigate a 10 count.








Axis: “Both men are down, and if one of them can’t get up before the 10 count it will be another fall to their opponent.”






King: “Come on Stryke, get up! Though I doubt that idiot Sexton Hardcastle can even count to 10.”








Both men finally start to move, slowly getting back to their feet.






Edwin: “And they’re up!”


Both men are just up before Sexton counts 10. Erek and Stryke move together, and it’s Stryke that attacks first, smacking Erek across the face with a big right hand. Erek is sent back slightly, but he is quickly back in it, jacking Stryke’s jaw with a right hand of his own. The pair continue to exchange shots back and forth, until Erek thrusts up with a knee to the midsection, taking the air out of Stryke and crumpling him to the mat. Erek picks Stryke up and sends him into the ropes, and as Stryke returns Erek lifts Stryke up, before dropping him back to the mat with a scoop slam.




Edwin: “Erek with the most devastating move in wrestling, the Scoop Slam, a move feared world wide.”


With Stryke down Erek drops down to the mat as well, going for a quick pin.










THR… No, Stryke kicks out of the move before the three.


King: “Fleh, nobody gets pinned by a scoop slam.”


Erek is quickly back on his feet, grabbing Stryke by the arms and pulling him towards the ring corner. Erek goes between the ropes and starts to climb up the turnbuckle as the crowd get to their feet in expectation. The crowds cheer turn quickly to boos however, as Stryke’s manager Karen hops up onto the apron, grabbing hold of Erek and stopping his progress. Karen and Erek share some heated words, before Erek is able to shake out of Karen’s grasp, knocking her down to the floor to an enourmous pop.


King: “Abusing a woman! What kind of champion is that?”


Axis: “Come on King, she interfered first, he’s just getting her out of the way.”


Erek turns back towards the ring, but the time Karen had distracted Erek allowed Stryke to get back to his feet, and with Erek Taylor standing up top Stryke charges in to take Erek down, but Erek lashes out with a kick to the face, sending Stryke stumbling back. Stryke is holding his face, back to Erek, with Erek on top calling for Stryke to turn around so he can perform what he has in mind. Stryke slowly starts to turn around, but right before Erek can do anything Stryke explodes towards the corner, leaping up with one foot on the second rope and one on the top, locking his hands around Erek before pushing off the ropes, tossing Erek overhead in a massive Belly-to-Belly Suplex. A huge ‘aaahhhh’ comes up from the crowd at the spectacular move, Erek being tossed almost the entire way across the ring, landing in an incredible impact.


Edwin: “Holey moley, what a suplex from Stryke! An Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex from the top, Erek being tossed from one side of the ring to the other.”


King: “You can’t take your eye off Stryke for a second or he’ll make you pay.”


Axis: “He wouldn’t have been able to do it if Karen wasn’t out here though, her presence means Erek Taylor will be fighting the odds all night.”




With Erek in a heap Stryke draws on everything he can muster, moving over to Erek and making the cover. As referee Sexton Hardcastle gets into position at Erek’s shoulders Stryke puts his legs up on the top rope, putting extra pressure on Erek’s shoulders out of the sight of the ref.












Erek’s gets out of the pin but it’s too late, the legs on the ropes allowing Stryke to steal a pin. Stryke hops up and slides out of the ring as the fans yell their lungs out in hate-filled boos, very angry that Stryke cheated to score the pin.


Axis: “Stryke using the feet on the ropes, a typically despicable move from Stryke.”


King: “It’s not illegal if the ref doesn’t see it. Cheat to Win baby!”


Funyon: “Scoring the fall by means of pinfall, STRYKE!!! Stryke leads 2-1.”


Edwin: “That dastardly devil Stryke with another fall, and he again takes the lead. Erek will have to work hard to even the score and then take the lead in this one. But the clock ticked over with 25 minutes to go just before the pin, so there’s plenty of time left.”


Erek is reasonably quickly up to his feet, obviously not happy with going down a fall once again. Seeing Stryke gloating to the crowd on the outside Erek darts to the ropes, hopping through and going after Stryke. Karen warns Stryke just in time, and Stryke quickly tries to escape running around ringside, Erek in hot pursuit.


Edwin: “It’s an old fashioned chase! Lets get some country and western chase music here to set the mood. I’m the commissioner, I command it!”


Sure enough some chase music kicks up as Erek continues to chase Stryke, complete with banjo and some yokel saying ‘YEE HAW!’. Stryke finally bails into the ring, and as Erek slides in after him Stryke turns and lays the kicks into Erek.


King: “What a clever guy that Stryke is. Getting into the ring first and greeting Erek with a bag full of kicks, and also taking up some more time from the clock, a very smart move when your in the lead.”


Axis: “Well if Erek can come back and take the lead it won’t be very smart, as Stryke’ll need all the time he can get to score a fall.”


King: “Well that won’t be happening convict boy, Stryke will lead from start to finish.”


After stomping away on the X Force 9’er Stryke picks Erek up, sending him into the turnbuckle once more. Stryke charges in after, but Erek jumps up, getting his boot into Stryke’s face. With Stryke temporarily stunned, Erek pulls himself up onto the second turnbuckle, before leaping at Stryke with a cross body, a big cheer going up as he does. But right as Erek’s about to hit Stryke moves back, going down to one knee and letting Erek land gut first across his knee, a big ‘ooohhh’ going up at the second rope gutbuster.


Edwin: “An uncharacteristic error from Erek, thinking Stryke was more wounded than he was an getting an perilously painful gutbuster. It makes me queasy just thnking of it.”


After getting draped across Stryke’s knee Erek rolls off, dropping to the mat in quite a bit of pain. Stryke hops over him and climbs the turnbuckle, quickly making his way to the top. Stryke stands facing out into the crowd, before leaping back, looking like he’s going for a moonsault, but rotating an extra 90 degrees, landing knees first right in Erek’s chest and stomach. Erek rears up in pain as the boos sound forth, Stryke hopping down and covering the stricken champ.










THREE… No! Erek still has some fight left in him, and he’s able to thrust his arm up off the canvas, a fraction of a second before the three. The fans go wild at Erek’s kick out, while Stryke is very upset, getting in referee Hardcastle’s face.


King: “Come on, that had to be three! Damn Hardcastle’s as bad a ref as he is a wrestler, and that’s pretty darn bad.”


Edwin: “Well it wasn’t 3 King, but Erek certainly is in a spot of bother, Stryke seemingly taking control once again.”


As Stryke argues with the referee he takes Hardcastle’s view away from Erek, allowing Karen to swing around and grab Erek’s legs, pulling them so that they’re around the ring post. As the fans boo Karen grabs both legs and pulls back, Erek’s testicles taking the role of airbags as the champs delicate undercarriage is squished into the steel ring post.


Axis: “Karen again getting involved, putting Erek in a whole new world of hurt.”


Edwin: “Jeepers creepers, a blow like that will keep you up at night. He’ll certainly be sore in the morning.”


Karen quickly evacuates the scene, moving away as Stryke leaves the referee and looks to continue the assault on Erek. Sliding out of the ring Stryke moves to where Karen just was, kicking the stairs out of the way before grabbing Erek’s right leg. Stryke takes it before swinging it in, ramming it right against the ring post, Erek screaming out in pain. Stryke isn’t satisfied though, grabbing the leg again and slamming it into the post as hard as he can, drawing further yells of pain from Erek and a torrent of boos from the crowd.


King: “Stryke really working the leg of Erek here, most likely building to his Half Crab, maybe snapping Erek’s leg in the process.”


Axis: “Well I’m sure a sicko like Stryke would like nothing more than to do that, immobilizing Erek and getting a further point in this match.”


The referee is making the 10 count due to Stryke being out of the ring, so Stryke has to quickly slide back in the ring before going back to the floor again. Erek is trying to pull himself out of the corner, but Stryke won’t let him, grabbing his legs and moving back to the post. This time Stryke grabs Erek’s legs and folds them together, beforelifting his own leg up and placing it in between them. A sound of shock and hate comes up from the Gund Arena as Stryke jumps up, before falling back, holding Erek around the post in a figure four. Erek screams out in pain as Stryke applys maximum pressure on the leg of Erek, the steel post just digging into the knee and leg of the champ.




Edwin: “A figure 4 around the ring post, Stryke may severly injure Erek if he doesn’t let go soon. The High Flying Preince could soon be grounded if Stryke’s malicious attack of Erek’s leg continues.”


As the timer reaches 20 minutes to go Stryke is still hanging upside down, applying all the pressure he can to Erek’s leg. In the end the referee has to stop the situation, instigating a 5 count for Stryke to let go. In true fashion, Stryke leaves it until 4.99999 to let go, dropping to the mat outside as Erek desperately tries to pull himself out of the danger of the corner.


Axis: “Finally Stryke releases the hold, but the damage has most like been done. Erek now really has a mountain to climb in order to get back into this, still down one fall.”


Stryke stands back and reaches into the ring, catching Erek’s legs and pulling him back into position before he can escape. Stryke holds his legs and looks to crotch Erek on the post again, but just before Stryke can do that Erek pulls his legs back in, pulling Stryke right into the ring post, a great cheer coming up as Stryke smacks face first into the hard steel. Stryke drops to the floor holding his face in apin as Erek is finally able to escape the corner, crawling away from the predicament and slowly trying to regain his footing.


Edwin: “Stryke having a face to face meeting with the pole, at last stopping his attack on the leg.”


King: “A temporary set back, but now we’ll see just what condition the champ is in.”


Stryke isn’t down for long, and gets back in the ring, as Erek is back on his feet, albeit hobbling quite noticeably. Stryke comes in for a clothesline, but Erek has enough left in the tank to duck under, getting his arm around Stryke’s waist and slipping around behind him, locking both arms around before lifting Stryke over, crashing him into the mat with a German Suplex. Huge cheers resonate around the building, seeing that the crowd’s favourite still has some fight left in him. Erek doesn’t follow up with a pin, instead getting back to his feet. But the pain in his right leg is hindering him, causing him to get up rather slowly, giving Stryke a chance to use the ropes and pull himself up as well. Stryke moves forward again, looking to catch Erek off guard with a swift clothesline, but again Erek ducks, running on to the ropes before rebounding, coming back at Stryke and grabbing him by the head, slamming him face first into the canvas with a one handed bulldog to a sizable pop. This time Erek Taylor does stay on top for the pin, referee Hardcastle making the count.










THRE… NO! Stryke twists his body weight to the side and is able to get his shoulder off the mat, much to the disdain of the crowd.


Axis: “Erek finding a second wind here, despite being in obvious discomfort a series of good moves, taking Stryke down.”


Edwin: “Stryke’s been throwing all sorts of clotheslines at Erek all match long, but each time Erek’s been able to duck or dodge, bobbing and weaving all over the house. The champs just too nippy for Stryke to take down that way, and it could cost him sooner rather than later.”


King: “It’ll take more than a suplex and a bulldog to finish Stryke, so I hope Erek’s got more in store for him than that if he wants to compete.”


Erek seems to be walking the injury off, back on his feet and taking a quick walk around the ring to loosen up. As Erek sees Stryke getting back to his feet with the assistance of the ring ropes Erek heads over to the ropes, jumping off the second rope and coming at Stryke with a springboard dropkick. But Stryke’s ready though, and just as Erek’s in the air Stryke dodges to the side before smashing Erek’s leg with a double axe handle, his fists nailing the right knee of Erek and sending him down in a heap, once again clutching his hurting appendage.


Axis: “A mistimed maneuver from Erek, and whatever pain his leg was in before has been multiplied after that shot to the leg.”


Erek tries to pull himself up with the ropes, but just as he’s up Stryke moves in, dropping down and drilling his shoulder into the back of Erek’s knee, clipping him and sending him down in a heap once more, a look of pain etched across Erek’s face.


Edwin: “Stryke may be quite an unsavoury individual, but in the ring there’s no doubting his ability, he’s putting on perhaps the best effort he’s ever showin in either the IGNJL or SJL.”


King: “After ripping Erek’s leg off and winning the JL World Title, he’ll move onto the WF and destroy Erek’s former XF9 buddy Longdogger Pete for the Hardcore Gamers Title at SWF Defiance, the same event where I get to see a carnie retired, Joy to the World!”


Edwin: “Ah, I was wondering how long it would take you to bring that up King of Farts. But don’t worry you sourpuss you, the Carnival shall prevail through thick or thin.”


King: “We’ll see Edwin, we’ll see.”


With Erek down cholding his pain-stricken right leg, Stryke looks to open up an important lead over the champ, dragging Erek by the leg into the middle of the ring, before turning him over and grabbing his right leg, pulling back into the Half Boston Crab. A deafening round of boos is heard as Stryke pulls back on the leg of Erek Taylor, who screams out in pain as Stryke looks to damage the leg as much as possible.


Axis: “There it is! The Half Crab from Stryke, and unless Erek can make it to the ropes he’ll surely have to tap eventually, giving Stryke a probably uncatchable 3-1 lead.”


King: “Come on Erek, the pain has to be incredible. Tap out, save yourself the pain, you know you want to.”


Strkye applies as much pressure as he can, but Erek won’t tap out, along as he’s breathing the champ will do everything he can to fight the move. Erek slowly is able to crawl towards the ropes, inch by precious inch. Stryke is able to put a stop to Erek’s temporary momentum, cranking back even harder of Erek’s leg, Erek in very obvious pain. He’s so close to the ropes, yet he’s also so far away, reaching out with all his might and just not being able to grab onto the bottom rope.




Edwin: “He’s perilously close to the ropes, one final burst and he could make it.”


Stryke holds onto the submission, desperately trying to stop Erek from getting closer to the ropes. He looks towards the SmarksTron, and in particular the timer in the corner, which he just sees still ticking down, 14 something minutes remaining. But it’s focusing on the clock and taking his attention away from Erek, even for a split second that costs him, Erek stretching out with all his might, his fingers grasping onto the bottom rope to a giant ovation, the champs fight never ceasing to amaze the crowd.


Axis: “He made it! Despite what must be mind-numming pain to his leg Erek makes it to the ropes.”


Sexton Hardcastle moves in, telling Stryke to break the hold, but he has no such intentions, pulling back on the leg and dragging Erek from the ropes, back into the middle of the ring to great boos. Stryke yells a few things to the referee, but again taking his attention from Erek costs him, as Erek is able to reach around, grabbing the leg of Stryke and pulling him down, getting hold of both legs and holding them in place for a roll up pin!










THREE… NO! Stryke was taken by surprise but is just able to kick out at the very last moment possible the crowd barely believing he kicked out.


King: “Oh thank god, that Erek almost stole a pin, but Stryke’s too good to go down like that, especially with as much riding on the line as there is.”


Both men quickly get up but it’s Erek taking the initiative first, catching Stryke with a kick to the gut before grabbing him in a side headlock, dropping down in one smooth motion with an Evenflow DDT, spiking Stryke right on the top of his head. The incredible move out of nowhere sends the crowd wild yet again, and Erek looks to make the most of it, going for a pin.










THREE… NO! Stryke again kicks out, unbelievably close to the three.


Edwin: “Again, just a hair between the ref’s hand and the mat as Stryke kicks out.”


King: “Boy, you talk about Erek’s fight and determination, Stryke has those qualities as well. A normal man would have been pinned there, but Stryke is putting ona super effort here, this is his last chance ever at the SJL World Title, he can’t afford to lose. It’s a must win situation for the Showstopper.”


With Stryke very slowly getting up, quite dazed from landing on his head, Erek stands, slapping his forearm to signal to the fans that the Diving Adelphia is coming up.


Axis: “If Stryke’s brains weren’t scrambled before this they will be after Erek delivers that savage forearm shot to the head. This may just be enough to get Erek the match-tying fall.”


As Stryke finally stands Erek charges to the ropes, looking to get up a head of steam before hitting the move. Erek runs into the ropes and springs off, but just as he does Karen again plays a role in the match, reaching in and tripping up Erek, causing him to go sprawling at Stryke’s feet. As Erek lands Stryke picks him up, placing him in position for a rock bottom, lifting the champ up before slamming him right into the mat with the Breakdown, much to the displeasure of the JL fans in attendance for Absolution.


Edwin: “Gosh darnit, Karen again screwing with Erek, the High Flying Prince’s offence just stopped completely with one of Stryke’s primary moves, the Breakdown.”


Stryke stands back up, a grin on his face, deciding not to pin Erek but instead run at the ropes. Stryke hops onto the middle rope and uses it to spring back, flying back in a lionsault and crashing on top of Erek, the meteor driving all the air out of Erek’s chest cavity and adding firther pain to his world.


Axis: “And now the Meteor. After both a Breakdown and a Meteor you’d have to think Erek would be primed to be pinned.”


Yet again Stryke decides not to pin, to the bemusement of most people watching. But those people with sicker minds that enjoy seeing pain might have an idea, as Stryke grabs the leg of Erek again, turning him over into the Half Boston Crab once more.


King: “Come on Stryke, he worn out now. Erek’ll have to tap, there’s no way he can fight out again.”


Erek tries to fight the move again, but like King noted Erek’s taken quite a bettering and he just can’t find the energy to get over to the ropes. Erek puts up a valiant fight, holding on for quite some time, but in the end he has no recourse but to tap out, thunderous boos reigning as Stryke gets another fall over the champ, right on the 10 minute mark.




King: “Yes! Erek taps, and Stryke moves further into the lead! New champion here we come!”


Funyon: “The winner of the decision by submission, STRYKE! Stryke now leads the contest 3 falls to 1.”


Edwin: “Phooey. As much as it pains me to say, Stryke has what would seem to be an insurmountable lead, just under 10 minutes of this gruelling Iron Man match remaining.”


Axis: “Indeed, with the assault Stryke’s given Erek over the course of this match it’ll take something special to score not only the two falls to tie it up but the further fall he needs to take the lead. Erek’s been full of miracles in the past though, but it’ll take the fight of his life to win this now.”


Edwin: “We’ve seen it before though, if anyone one can do it it’s Erek Taylor.”


King: “Bah humbug. You two can get misty eyed and reminisce over Erek’s past successes all you like, but the only one winning here is Stryke.”


Stryke stands back up, raising his arms in victory to the crowd, drawing more hatred from the fans, but some fans don’t even bother booing, dejected that seemingly the next JL champ will be Stryke, their most hated individual since probably The Clan’s John Kruger or Red Storm Rising’s Brimstone were champion. Stryke may not be part of a stable, but the fans disgust of the Australian is on the same level of just about anyone in the JL’s history.


But you should never bet against Erek Taylor. With less than 10 minutes to go, he couldn’t possibly do the impossible, could he? Well don’t ask me, I’m just the narrator. Read on and find out!


Stryke turns to face the fallen champ, Erek’s body wracked with pain, down by two, but he won’t stop fighting until the final bell rings. Stryke moves in and meets him, laying the punches into his tired frame. Erek tries to fight back, but Stryke soon puts a cork in any quick comeback, stunning Erek with a stiff shot to the midsection, before picking him up and dropping him back first across Stryke’s knee in a backbreaker.Erek drops back to the mat in pain, and Stryke makes the cover.










THRE… NO, Erek kicks out, but Stryke doesn’t overly care, that’s 3 more seconds off the clock as far as he’s concerned.


Axis: “Stryke controlling things now, a backbreaker and a pin attempt, he just has to keep control and he’ll have the victory in around 9 minutes time.”


Stryke again gets back to his feet, obviously very tired with a lot taken out of him, but he’s so close to his goal he doesn’t care, lifting Erek back up. Stryke whips him to the ring corner closest the announce table, before laying in the chops. ‘Woooo!’ the crowd goes, Stryke hand slicing along Erek’s chest. After a few more chops and the complementary ‘Wooo!’s, Stryke picks Erek up and seats him on the top turnbuckle, before climbing up in front of him.


Edwin: “Stryke once more going up top, probably for the Frankensteiner.”


Stryke stands tall, and sets himself to go for the Frankensteiner. But just before he’s able to Erek thrusts his arm up, cracking Stryke in the testicular are with a hard low blow. The fans are suddenly back on their feet and screaming with all their might as Erek’s back in it. As Stryke bends over in pain Erek leaps over him, grabbing hold on the way down and slamming Stryke into the mat with a big Sunset Flip. Erek holds onto the position, keeping Stryke in position for a pin which the ref counts, fans counting along with all their might.










THREE… NO! Stryke kicks out, thrusting his shoulder up at the last second.


King: “Phew, come on Stryke, don’t let Erek get on top now.”


Stryke pops up, reeling from the hard drop from the top to the canvas. He stumbles to the ropes nearest the announce position, and Erek charges in, delivering a hard forearm blow to the head of Stryke and sending him toppling to the floor to a massive cheer.


Edwin: “Diving Adelphia from Erek! This time no mistakes, and suddenly Erek is on fire!”


With Stryke slowly getting up on the floor, Erek, still showing a bit of a limp scales the top turnbuckle. As Stryke turns in his direction Erek shows no care for his own well being, leaping off and connecting hard with Stryke, crushing him into the concrete floor with a huge cross body.


Axis: “Cross Body from the top! Erek’s going for it all, and with such little time left he has to.”


King: “Damn it, come on Stryke, stop him, Erek can’t get back in this, he can’t!”


With Stryke flattened on the mat Erek pulls himself up, holding his ribs but rfighting through it, and jumping back up on the apron. This time Erek moves to the next top turnbuckle along, crowd all on their feet. Erek faces out into the mass of screaming fans, back to Stryke, before suicidally leaping back in a corkscrew moonsault but twisting around, shifting his weight so that he moves into a swanton bomb. Erek comes down, landing square on top of Stryke as the fans erupt into quite possibly the loudest ovation of all time, Erek hitting the Fame and Fury X!


Edwin: “Hooley dooley, he did it! Fame and Fury X from the top to the outside, and Erek Taylor may have killed both he and Stryke!”


Axis: “Erek putting it all on the line, showing incredible aerial ability to pull that off. But for however much that took out of Stryke it took plenty out of Erek as well. And look at the clock, only 5 minutes left!”




King: “God no, he can’t do this again! Damn Erek, why can’t he just stay down!”


Erek and Stryke are both in a heap on the floor, and referee Sexton Hardcastle has no choice but to start counting both men out.










Edwin: “A double count out won’t do any good for Erek, he needs to get back in the ring quick smart!”




Erek is stirring, and almost instinctively realising the situation crawls to the edge of the ring, getting his hands on the apron and desperately trying to pull himself in.






Erek is right on the apron and only has to get under the ropes, while Stryke is just starting to move.





Erek gets back in the ring! In the loudest pop ever for someone just rolling into a ring Erek’s count stops, but the count continues for Stryke, who’s just on his handsand knees now.








Stryke is on the floor at the apron but just can’t get back in time, and it’s only a one fall game, 4 and a half minutes left!


Funyon: “The winner of the fall via count out, EREK TAYLOR! Stryke leads by the score of 3-2.”


Edwin: “I’m flabbergasted, Erek’s still in this! A Stryke count out, and Erek only needs to find a way to beat Stryke again to tie it up!”


King: “This is terrible! Come on Stryke, your so close, don’t lose now!”


Erek is down in the ring still, nearly all his energy expended. Stryke is finally able to drag himself into the ring, but things aren’t looking as rosey for the Showstopper as they were a few minutes ago, Erek seemingly back in command. Erek gets back to his feet, but it’s taking time, and every second is working against the champ. The F & F X took everything out of Erek though, and by the time he’s fully up there’s only 4 minutes to go.




King: “4 minutes Stryke, 4 minutes! You’ve waited months for this, don’t let it run away in 4 minutes.”


Erek is up, and pulls the rapidly fading Stryke up as well, delivering hard punches to Stryke, each blow furth sapping the Australian’s energy, and his spirit. Erek takes Stryke and whips him across the ring, and once Stryke rebounds he catches Stryke for a spinebuster, lifting Stryke up. But Stryke ain’t finished yet, managing to punch Erek in the side of the head, causing him to drop him down. Erek tries to get back on top, swinging at Stryke with a big knockout punch, but Stryke ducks, getting behind Erek and grabbing hod of his head before dropping down in a neckbreaker, completely stoping Erek’s rampant momentum and deflating the soaring spirits of the crowd.


King: “Yes, what a great desperation move, a neckbreaker from nowhere.”


Axis: “Stryke won’t give up without a fight, he’s led for the better part of 45 minutes and to give it up would surely be shattering for him.”


Stryke pulls himself back up, but instead of following up on Erek just makes his way to a far corner, leaning up against the turnbuckle, resting and allowing time to tick away.


Edwin: “Stryke just leaving Erek on the mat, hoping time runs out. It was a hell of a neckbreaker, but I doubt it’ll keep Erek down for the 3 minutes and change we have left.”


Erek is moving on the mat, but not much, and Stryke is urging time to go faster. The 3 minutes to go mark ticks by, but much to Stryke’s disdain and the crowd’s joy, Erek is getting himself up off the mat.




Axis: “Erek’s getting back up! Less than 3 minutes for Erek to come through, can he do it?”


Stryke is very upset that Erek’s getting back up, but Stryke just lets Erek get up under his own power, letting him use up his energy and let a few more precious seconds tick off the clock. But finally Erek is on his feet, and Stryke has no choice but to move in and get after the champ. Stryke charges in, but he’s too impetuous in his movements and Erek is able to catch him on the run, picking him up before slamming Stryke into the mat with a Diving Spinebuster, Stryke’s back arching in agony as he’s smacked into the hard canvas.


Edwin: “Diving Spinebuster, will that be enough?”


Erek moves forward and covers Stryke, Erek needing to try and pin Stryke every chance he gets.










THREE… NO! A huge ‘ooohhh’ goes up from the Gund Arena as Stryke somehow kicks out yet again. Stryke just won’t give up his 1 point lead without the fight of his career.


King: “Thank god. Come on Stryke, think of something, quick! Only 2:11 to go!”


Erek gets to his feet as quick as his body will allow him, dragging up the rapidly tiring Stryke behind him. Erek takes Stryke and hooks his arm, lifting him up for a vetical suplex, but just Stryke’s gets in the air he able to fight out, maneuvering his weight and causing Erek to drop him back to his feet. This time Stryke delivers a kick to the midsection, before lifting Erek up for a vertical suplex of his own.




Axis: “A reversal from Stryke, a move here could finish the match for good!”


Stryke has Erek up, but Erek gets his arm free, jabbing Stryke in the throat, causing him to drop Erek back to earth. Erek swings out at Stryke, but he ducks, getting behind Erek and setting him in position for a Reverse DDT. Stryke has Erek set in prime position, but Erek pushes down on his feet before springing up, lifting himself up and over Stryke, freeing himself and landing behind Stryke. Erek runs forwars, pushing Stryke front first into the ropes. Stryke bounces back and Erek again rolls him up, looking for the wining pin. The fans chant along as 1 minute to go flashes up on the screen!










THREE… NO! Stryke is able to roll back and get himself out of the pinning predicament.


Edwin: “Holy bovines, so close! All this tension isn’t good for the ticker, I might have a heart attack from the excitement!”


Axis: “A great sequence of wrestling by both men and a clever roll up from Erek Taylor, but it didn’t get the pin and as such took up precious time. 55 seconds left!”


Both men pop straight back up, the fans at a fever pitch of excitement. Erek flashes at Stryke with a clothesline, but Stryke dodges, getting in behind Erek and locking in a sleeper hold, the ultimate time wasting move.”


King: “Sleeper! Stryke can drain away the clock with this!”


Boos fly as Stryke applies the sleeper, but they soon turn to deafening cheers, Erek thusting his leg back and low blowing Stryke with a mule kick! Stryke is in a world of hurt, but Erek doesn’t stop there, taking Stryke and lifting him up, holding him in position for a stalling brainbuster! With time on the line Erek doesn’t stall for long though, dropping down and impaling Stryke on his head to humongous cheers. Erek doesn’t stop there, getting up as fast as he can, ignoring the pain in his leg and quickly moving to the ring corner, climbing up as fast as he can.


Edwin: “A brainbuster from Erek, but no pin! Erek’s going up top and if this doesn’t do it he’ll be out of time! 45 seconds to go!”


Erek is on top, facing into the ring as the crowd is going ecstatic. Erek leaps off with all his might, diving off before twisting around into a moonsault, crashing down on Stryke with the Synergy! As he hits the move takes plenty out of Erek as well as Stryke, Erek holding his ribs unable to follow up with the pin. But Erek quickly blocks the pain out of his mind, bringing his battered body over and covering Stryke.


Edwin: “Yes!”






Axis: “Yes!”






King: “Noooooooooooo!”




The fans go abolutely insane, Erek’s finisher the Synergy finally enough to keep Stryke down and tie it up!”




Funyon: “Scoring the fall by pinfall, EREK TAYLOR! It’s all tied up at 3-3!”


King: “This can’t be happening!”


Edwin: “It is King, Erek’s tied it up!”


With time ticking, Erek is slowly getting back up, dragging the dead weight of Stryke up as well, hoping to perhaps score another fall and prevent sudden death overtime. But as he’s doing that on the outside Karen runs to the announce area, knocking one of the ring crew out of the way and picking up a steel chair. Taking it in her hands she darts back to the ring, climbing up on the apron and climbing in!


Axis: “Wait, what’s Karen doing with the chair?”


With time flushing away Erek has Stryke on his feet, but stops as he sees Karen standing there, chair in hand. Erek prepares himself for her to swing, and she quickly does, but where the chair’s aimed at shocks everybody. She quickly turns, moving to Stryke and smacking the chair as hard as she can across his head! A gigantic cheer going up as Stryke drops to the mat practically dead. Erek doesn’t know what to think as Karen gets back out of the ring.


King: “Why, why is everything against Stryke?”


Edwin: “What did she do that for, what the heck’s going on?”


But it’s clear of one thing that’s going on, the ref signals another fall, which Funyon announces.


Funyon: “The winner of the fall due to a disqualification, STRYKE! Stryke leads 4-3!”


A look of shock quickly comes across the face of Erek, and he looks at the clock, showing only 11 seconds left! Erek drops down and covers Stryke desperately needing a pin.














THREE... NO! Stryke kicks out! 8 seconds left, Erek frantically covers again.















THREE… NO! Stryke again kicks out with everything he can muster. 4 seconds Erek has to cover again.















THREE.. NO!  A third time Stryke is able to kick out! Time expires, and Erek can’t do anything!






Funyon: “The winner, by a score of 4-3, and NEW SJL WORLD CHAMPION, STRYKE!!!”


The place just goes beserk in boos, Erek just kneeling in the ring, not knowing what just happened, his title now property of Stryke. He knows who’s to blame though, and quickly scans the area for Karen, fuming that se cost him the match and the World Title. Erek turns and see’s her, the only problem is she’s back in the ring, chair in hand. Karen swings and before Erek can react…




Erek flops to the mat, his head kabonged with the steel chair. The crowd reacts with a mixture of boos and confusion, but quickly the crowds doing only one of those things, as Karen drops the chair and moves over to Stryke, helping lift him off the mat before raising his arm in victory. The Gund Arena just snaps, booing as if Hitler just came through the curtain.


King: “Yes! Yes! Yes! This is the greatest moment ever! Stryke’s the new world champ, and Karen DQ’d Erek to ensure it! What a great plan!”


Axis: “That is despicable! Erek has Stryke practically beat and that devil woman gives Stryke just about the most tainted win possible! This is absolutely disgusting.”


(match continued in next post)




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Guest Edwin MacPhisto

(very end of Stryke's match--character limit)


Referee Sexton Hardcastle brings Stryke the SJL World Title, but as soon as he gives it to him Stryke cracks Hardastle in the skull with it, sending him into a heap next to Erek Taylor. Stryke moves to the ring corner and climbs up the turnbuckle, holding the SJL World Title high, a grin from ear to ear, as the Gund Arena continues to spew hatred towards the ring, booing, swearing, throwing food, trash, chairs, small children, anything they can get their hands on.


Edwin: “Unbelievable. Just when you think Stryke couldn’t go much lower he goes deeper still. Getting himself DQ’d, taking out the referee, one of the worst human beings there is. And he’s the SJL World Champ, oh goody.”


King: “The pair of you suck, that wan’t despicable, it was a wonderful plan to ensure victory in the Iron Man match. Hell, I wish I thought of it! He’s smart, executing the plan to perfection, and there’s nothing Erek, X Force 9, you Edwin, anyone can do about it. He’d be the cerebral assassin if that wasn’t already trademarked. And he hit Sexton Hardcastle with the belt, hahaha, that’s great!”


Axis: “Whatever King, who may like tactics like that, but it’s still a rotten way to win.”


Stryke continues to celebrate in the ring, garbage and drinks continuing to fly from all parts of the arena, but the hate the Cleveland fans are showing Stryke only make him want to egg them on more. But as well as further agitating the fans Stryke is about as happy as one could possibly be, the goal he spent so long chasing finally his, the reward in his hand for all the months of effort. Undeniably on top of the JL, he is the SJL World Champ.


Edwin: “Well that’s a rather sour note to an otherwise super-dooper show.”


King: “It’s not sour Edwin, it’s fantastic! Let s all have a party, New Champ! New Champ! New Champ!”


The SJL logo comes up, signalling the end of the event. The camera gives a final shot of Stryke holding the belt high, finally his dreams have become reality, Stryke’s absolution at last achieved.

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Guest Edwin MacPhisto



First off, XF9 has two new members!  Read on to find out who...


In the opener, Vanguard finds the golden ticket and wins the Mall Brawl in fine fashion!  Folks, this is must read stuff: not only does he include topless women, he includes oh, oh so many references to the French film, "The Red Balloon."  When it comes to dorkiness, Vanguard is my new king.


I had no idea we had a 15 minute time limit on the TV title match, but, uh, apparently we did, because TNT retains his belt after he and deKindes fight to a draw!  But both men team up afterwards to take out Deathwish Danny Williams.  Match written by both men, I reckon.


Z gives us a promo...


...and Poisyn crunches IL!  Ugly fight, but cool, and it had DOUBLE BLACK MIST~!


Your new European Champion: Z!  The bumbler pulls it together for once and finishes Tom Flesher with the Shotgun Moonsault to put an end to a solid reign with a great title match.  Fine matches from every one of you guys who wrote this, I've heard.


After a controversial decision, Ash Ketchum regains his honor and beats Jacob Helmsley in the cage match!  Oo la la, brutal.


Erek Taylor preps for his final JL match and gives a departure promo that lives up to the kick-arse one K-Os turned out last month!


And, your JL World Heavyweight Champion in his final match here: Stryke!  For once, he didn't job, folks!  He turns in a blistering Iron-Man match that goes down to the wire, but ends with the Aussie picking up the title after toppling Erek 4 falls to 3.  Here's to both men as they ride off into the WF sunset this Sunday.


In print, gentlemen: a fine show.  Behind the scenes: a little less nice.  Too many no-shows for a PPV--you know who you are.  However, the Crimson Card will be up momentarily, and there are some surprises and opportunities there for everyone who did their best this time around.  Here's to a fine PPV.

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