The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted June 25, 2004 Duke: Now shut up and dance. Jay: You can't make me. Duke: Oh yes I can, it's in your contract. Jay: I believe it says I am required to prance. ::reads contract:: Duke: You win this round, Sherman. ::Jay, Duke, and Marty are playing Scrabble.:: Duke: Qwzybuk. Jay: That's not a word. Duke: We'll just see about that. Get me Webster on the phone. Noah, how you doin'? It's Duke. How about you make qwzybuk a word. I don't know what it means! How about "a big problem"? Great. What about that other word I asked for, Dukelicious? What do you mean nobody's using it? What a Duketastrophe. ::Later in the episode, Jay is trying to cure Duke's illness.:: Doctor: I'm sorry, Mr. Sherman, but we're in a real qwzybuk. We're all out of rats. ::Jay daydreams about winning an Oscar.:: Jay: ...and as I accept this award, there is one issue I cannot remain silent on any longer. Independence for Quebec! ::Cut to a group of Quebecois drinking beer with the Quebec flag above the TV:: Man: Vive le Jay Sherman! Vive la Quebec! ::Two more men enter the room:: Vive le Jay Sherman! Vive la Quebec! ::A goaltender riding a moose enters and unfurls a flag with Jay's head on a beaver:: Vive le Jay Sherman! Vive la Quebec! Jeremy: In Crocodile Gandhi 2, they let me do my Kirk Douglas impression. ::Jeremy in towel and glasses with a nasal-y contrived voice, holding a machine gun:: The fast...is OVER! Now I'm gonna fill your bellies...with LEAD! YEehhHHA! Gary Grossman: I mean, we're not making "I, Claudius" here. Well, actually we are, but we're calling it "Claudia Shiffer's Toga Party." Margo: Jay, of everything in life, I love you and my horse the most. I wish there was a way to combine you two. ::Margo rides a horse with Jay's head majestically through a field. They get to a fence.:: Jay: ...I think we'll just go around it. Jay: Your cereal turned my urine pink! Humphrey The Hippo: But you'd have to eat six bowls in one day for that to happen! Jay: Yeah I know, with chocolate milk. Come on Marty, we're leaving. Jay: Why is everyone so mad? Woman: She killed off the Fat Little Pig. Jay: Good bye Porky, You made me feel so dorky, They killed you in New York-y, I hope you rot in hellllllllllll! How did he die, anyway? Woman: He had a heart attack while singing and doing a stupid dance. Eleanor: Teddy, I thought I asked you to leave! And put your pants on! Ted Kennedy: I, ah, did not come here wearing pants, and, ah, I do not intend to leave wearing pants. Duke: What do you think of my Hall Of Presidents? Jay: That's not Bill Clinton, you just used one of your leftover Hillbilly Bears. Duke: Yeah, but so far nobody's been able to tell the difference. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes Report post Posted June 25, 2004 Geraldo: Franklin, I heard you can say your name backwards. Franklin: Nilknarf! Geraldo: What is your favorite food in the whole wide world? Franklin: Nilknarf! ---------------- Franklin: If I could be a vegetable, I'd be a carrot. ---------------- Jay: It's my best story that I only tell to impress women...wait a minute, you're a woman! Alice: What gave me away? Jay: If I told you, you'd slap me. ---------------- Sumo Wrestler as Jay: Help! Help! I have to go potty! Marty: Did you say that dad? Jay: I may have yelled potty, but they took it completely out of context. ---------------- Random Critic (rambles on and on about Disney movies being about making you feel good, and not winning awards) Siskel: You're Satan aren't you? (Critic morphs to Satan) Satan: You've won this round Siskel!! ---------------- William Shatner: Buy...my....book. Buy my...book. Buy....my...book. Jay: Its the William Shatner robot! Ebert: No, that's really him. ---------------- Jay: Let's take a look at Home Alone......5. Mother: Oh no, we left Kevin home alone...and he's only 23! Adult Kevin: (in gruff voice smoking cigarette and with beard)) AAAH!!!! ---------------- George Bush: You asked to be Secretary of Balloon Doggies. Franklin: I didn't ASK to be Secretary of Balloon doggies, I was demanded. Balloon Doggy: No you weren't Franklin: Shut up! ---------------- Doris: Tell me if you suffer any brain damage (drags Jay down stairs) Jay: Dance with me Tony, Dance with me! Doris: You're fine. ---------------- (Alice offers Jay a kiss for his story, some kid wants to tell one now) Alice: You will get a cookie Jays Stomach: Oh man, I could've had a cookie. ---------------- Jay: (after meeting Jeremy's sister) I wonder what she looks like naked (realizes he fucked up) I mean...I wonder what she cooks like...naked. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted June 25, 2004 It's not a quote per se, but Eleanor goes up to Franklin who is sitting in his study reading the Greater New York Yellow Pages. it's just a priceless sight gag. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes Report post Posted June 25, 2004 Also a visual: Whenever they'd do Jays vocie only, the file photo of him would be of him weighing 1,000+ pounds, and possibly with something in his hands to eat. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Showstoppa Icon Report post Posted June 25, 2004 Franklin:(to penguin) I dont care how many stuartesses youve bagged, you're STILL a lousy pilot ----------------------------------- Duke Phillips: I'm giving you five days of my time to turn you around. Jay Sherman: What if five days isn't enough? Duke Phillips: Son, I spent just three days with a young man named Bill Clinton and look at him now. Jay Sherman: Maybe you should've taken four. Duke Phillips: Yeah ----------------------------------- Franklin: I've invented the worlds Gizmo-baby-whirl-a-ma-gig ----------------------------------- *kitchen silverware and cat are stuck to cieling* Jay: I understand the silverware, but why the cat? Franklin: You UNDERSTAND the silverware...coo-coo! coo-coo! ------------------------------------------------------------- Franklin: I'm not wearing pants. I was wearing pants, but then they split and now I'm not wearing any. also any Orson Wells bit is priceless Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BlackFlagg 0 Report post Posted June 25, 2004 Orson Welles: Rosebud... yes, Rosebud frozen peas. Full of country goodness and green peaness. Wait, that's terrible. I quit. ------------------------------------------------------------- Franklin Sherman: [After Jay sees his lost son on TV] Just reach in there an pull him out! That's how I met 'the Fonz'! ------------------------------------------------------------- William Shatner: I'm-William-Shatner-and-this-is - "Celebrity 911."-On-tonight's-show-all-calls-from-James-Caan's-house... [makes face] William Shatner: KAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!" ------------------------------------------------------------- Franklin: Oh son, if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times... who are all you people? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted June 25, 2004 Jay: Dad, I have a question. What should I do with my life? Franklin: I have a question for YOU. They're called fingers, and yet they don't fing. Noodle THAT one for a while. Man: I have one word for your future: trucking. Franklin: And I have one word too: Snapple. Jay: Oh Dad, you and your made-up words... Are you prone to having blackouts? No. Are you prone to having blackouts? No. Are you prone to having blackouts? No... Are you prone to having blackouts? No! Fine then, Mr. I-Know-Where-I-Am-At-All-Times. Sorry. Are you prone to having blackouts? ...Yes! All right, now there's the matter of the vision test. You see that chart? Yeah-- Okay you pass. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Man Of 1,004 Modes Report post Posted June 25, 2004 Jay: My father had a stroke a few years ago. Jays Mother: Actually he didn't, we just say that. ------------------- Franklin: The peanut is niether a pea, or a nut....(later) oh wait, yes it is. ------------------- Jay: (peels down an Oscar) AHA! Chocolate! Now I want one more than ever!! ------------------- Doris: Every 30 seconds I have a hot steamy fantasy about us. Duke: Excuse me I'll be taking this elevator... Doris: Thats just an empty shaft... Duke: It'll be quicker....AHH!!!!! ------------------- Doctor: Quick! To the Suicide Mobile! ------------------- Jay: On the shermometer this film rates a ZERO. BRRR!!! ------------------- (during review of Rabbi P.I.) Jay: I won't make you suffer through the musical number...well, maybe a little. Arnold Schwartzenegger: Dradel Dradel Dradel, I made you out of clay... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nogoodnick 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2004 Jay: "Hiiiii guy." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JumpinJackFlash Report post Posted June 27, 2004 I love the film parodies, so I used quotes from those: From Rabbi P.I. Robber: Eat lead Rabbi! Rabbi: Sorry, that's not cochure!(shoots robber) From Arthur 3 Arthur: Don't look now, but someone's eaten all your popsicle sticks! Oh look, a piano! From Little Men Arthur(after Joe Pesci shoots his glass twice): I asked for two shots, but this is bloody ridiculous! The Parody to One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest Jack Nicholson(After Chief presses a pillow on his head): Hey Chief, how did you get these sheets so freakin' white! From D.T. ET( after drinking a bottle of beer): I love you, I REALLY love you man! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Amazing Rando 0 Report post Posted June 27, 2004 *kitchen silverware and cat are stuck to cieling* Jay: I understand the silverware, but why the cat? Franklin: You UNDERSTAND the silverware...coo-coo! coo-coo! This is my favorite bit of dialogue from the whole show. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jericholic82 0 Report post Posted June 29, 2004 also from the little men parody Look theres Gary Coleman (giant feet walk by) "Listen youre the only one for me I love you. Jay: Uhhh Queen Latifah?" Marty: look dad. there's yesterday afternoon live alumn Jon Lovitz Jay: hes handsome (or somethin) Marty: well you kind of sound like him dad Jay:You think? Alice: I suspected Cyrus was cheating on me when he came out with his album "I'm cheating on my wife Alice Tompkins, That's right Alice Tompkins. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Czech Republic 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 "The only available guy in the neighborhood is Ed Koch." "How'm I doin'? How'm I doin'?" "Get away from me!" "I'm not doin' so good." "And now, New York governor Mario Cuomo will participate in the marathon." "I am ready to run.........I have chosen not to run." "Aw come on Mario, we want you to run!" "If the people want me to run, I will run...............eh, maybe next year." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scroby 0 Report post Posted June 30, 2004 "Penguin's can't fly.....PENGUIN'S CAN'T FLYYYYYYYyyyyy!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TheZsaszHorsemen Report post Posted June 30, 2004 Christian Slater: "I want the truth." Jack Nicholson: "Alright, here's the truth: You talk like me, you walk like me, you're just a carbon copy of ME!" Kevin Bacon: "Objection, Your Honor!" Jack Nicholson as Judge: "Sustained. Read that back to me." Jack Nicholson as Stenographer: "What am I, a freakin' parrot?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
