OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 7/29/04

[Patty O'Green 0]

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

Hear: “I Like”. See: opening video. See:.....

 

 

We go to the arena and we see lots of.....

 

The arena is littered with numerous colorful signs from fans who proclaim everything from their love for Crystal to being the daddy of Calvin’s baby. There’s even a very vocal group of fans in one of the nosebleeds dressed up like Zack Malibu (insert a drag queen joke here). Anyway we’re taken to the announce table where Triple C is ready to roll!

 

COLE

We are three days from the most unique spectacle the world of wrestling has ever seen, License to Pin: This Ain’t OZ! Welcome to another edition of sports entertainment’s flagship show, OAOAST HeldDOWN~!! We are live from Oakland, California! I’m Michael Cole, joined by Caboose and....

 

COACH

C-O-A-C-

 

CABOOSE

Hey, dipshit; you’re not Fabolous, you don’t need to spell your dorky ass name. Anyway, tonight’s show promises to not suck. Rick Edwards returns from an “injury” to take on my favorite wrestler, SB87. We have eight man wildcard tag team action as GPX and Black T go up against the team The New New Midnight Express and Hell’s Hitmen! Plus the gender gap will be closed just a bit when Synth Esizer teams up with the queen of the tomboys, Alix Spezia in a tag team match!

 

COLE

Since when is SB87 your favorite wrestler?

 

CABOOSE

Since he slipped me an 8-ball and a couple twenties. We should take this opportunity to note that the champ isn’t in the building. He’s not even in the same city! He’s at Alcatraz Island, training for this Sunday’s big match.

 

CUE: “Set it Off”

 

::Crystal walks down the aisle with her street clothes on to the ring. She politely acknowledges the crowd, but doesn’t play them up like usual. She swiftly gets in the ring and asks for the mic.::

 

CRYSTAL

Last week Zack Malibu, my and your friend, came out and had quite a rant.

 

CABOOSE

Well, he’s MY friend.

 

“ZACK SUCKS! ZACK SUCKS! ZACK SUCKS!”

 

CRYSTAL (after the crowd has died down)

Included in this rant, aka temper tantrum, was his disillusioned belief that the fans owe him for all he had given them. I think I speak for all of us here when I call bullshit on that fact. Zack, if anything, you should be THANKING these fans! Without their support, you would just be another faceless wrestler. Ever heard of the expression “Don’t bite off the hand that feeds you”? With your bitchy speal last week, 0only bit off the hand, you bit off the whole damn arm! So to say these fans wouldn’t be here without you is ludicrous, because frankly asshole, you wouldn’t be here without them! And neither would anybody else for that matter!

 

COACH

You go girl!

 

CRYSTAL

Not that I owe any explanation to you, but two weeks ago, my grandma died of cancer. I know it’s hard for you to comprehend having a family that you love, because you’re a selfish asshole that would steal from his own mother, but I couldn’t leave her bedside. I don’t want to dwell on that though, so let me just refute another comment in you rant last week. I’m a novelty act, am I? A sideshow? A gimmick, perhaps? Someone who is here just to bring the “Girlpower”? A joke?

 

“BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!”

 

CRYSTAL

Well, fuck you, Zack Malibu! I’ve heard ENOUGH of that shit! You want to know what the real joke is Zack? You claiming to be the best when you can’t even beat me without cheating! I mean really Malibu, needing your personal slut to distract the referee, so you can hit me with the belt? For shame Zack! Couldn’t even beat a sideshow act at School’s Out?

 

COLE

She’s got a point there.

 

CABOOSE

Whatever. The bottom line is, she couldn’t get the job done.

 

CRYSTAL

Zack, you are right though. When this company was in trouble, you were, without a shadow of a doubt, the cornerstone. But times are changing Zack. It’s a bit pathetic, really. You are trying desperately to hold on to the control you had over the company. You don’t want to face the fact that not everybody wants to play your way. I’ve got news for you Zack: the OAOAST isn’t your personal fucking puppet show! Whether you like it or not, little by little, your firm grasp is slipping. The puppets are cutting off their strings. Sure, you may control your little group, but no one else is following. The so-called future of this company is rapidly becoming the present, and it KILLS you to see it. You can’t stand people that you despise being the future of the company. A punk kid, like Leon, as the future? Sly, a student of yours that you absolutely hate, as the future? I mean, a girl as the future? That’s just ridiculous, right Zack? People that you don’t approve, being the future of a company that you consider yours? Preposterous!

 

“CRYSTAL! CRYSTAL! CRYSTAL!”

 

CRYSTAL

Too damn bad Zack. This Sunday, champ, that future, the one you despise so much, is now. It’s time for the old guard to step down for the new guard. At License to Pin, this “novelty act” takes the most prestige belt in the business, and the puppet master loses all control.

 

::With that, Crystal tosses the mic down, and makes her way to the back with the crowd cheering her all the way.::

 

COLE

Some powerful words from Crystal there.

 

COACH

I can feel it in my bones Mickey! Crystal’s taking the gold on Sunday! Say hello to the new OAOAST champion!

 

CABOOSE

Hardly. She talks a big game, but I don’t think she can back in up like Zack can.

 

COLE

Only time will tell this Sunday!

 

COACH

Peeps, let’s head backstage to invade Hoff’s privacy!

 

We cut to a shot of Eddy Kalm sitting in a makeshift office backstage. Eddy sits uneasily in his seat, shifting, keeping one eye on the door.

 

COLE

Eddy Kalm is still not in good shape after that ruthless assault by Christopher Cain the other week...

 

COACH

Yeah, but he wants to be here for his friend, Rick Edwards!

 

CABOOSE

Sickening.

 

COLE

Eddy Kalm displaying a lot of class, looking out for Rick.

 

Eddy starts biting his nails, nervously, when there's a knock at the door. Eddy jumps a foot out of his seat, then gets up, moving away from the door.

 

EDDY

Who....who is it?

 

The door opens slowly, and Eddy reaches behind his desk and grabs a foam-covered therapy bat, presumably for self-defense. The door opens wider, and in through the door steps...Hoff!

 

COLE

Hoff? What the hell?

 

COACH

What's he doing there?

 

CABOOSE

Maybe he's here to beat on Eddy some more...heh heh.

 

COLE

Would you stop.

 

Hoff steps into the room, looking at Eddy tenatively. Eddy takes a hasty step back, bringing his foam bat into his hands.

 

HOFF

Eddy?

 

Eddy shakes as he looks very, very warily at Hoff.

 

EDDY

What...what do you want?

 

Hoff takes a deep breath.

 

HOFF

Eddy...listen, I need some help.

 

COLE

What?!

 

COACH

Help?

 

Eddy lowers the bat slightly.

 

EDDY

Help...how do you mean?

 

Hoff takes another step toward Eddy, who closes his eyes, flinches, and brings the bat back up...but Hoff simply sits in a nearby folding chair.

 

HOFF

Well, see, I've been having some problems.

 

Hoff looks down, waiting for Eddy to respond. Eddy, sllllowly, opens one eye, then the other, and looks at Hoff. Eddy cautiously lowers his bat and sets it against the wall, and takes a seat on his desk.

 

EDDY

What...kind of problems?

 

Hoff sighs.

 

HOFF

Well...see, I know you've been busy with Rick and J. Arthur, and Parka, but I'm sure you know about the deathmatch tournament this weekend.

 

Eddy, relaxing ever so slightly, nods.

 

EDDY

I've heard of it, yes. Rick's in it.

 

HOFF

Yeah. Well, anyway, the thing is...I don't really want to be in it.

 

COLE

Doesn't want to be in it?

 

CABOOSE

Aw, come on, Hoff! Do it for the Thrillogy! Do it for America!

 

COLE

You're British!

 

CABOOSE

No, COACHMAN is British.

 

COACH

I am?! Wow! Cor blimey!

 

Eddy cocks his head slightly, loosening up a bit.

 

EDDY

Well.....why not?

 

Hoff looks up at Eddy, then back at the floor.

 

HOFF

Well, you see, it's just that....you know....mumble mumble.

 

EDDY

Wait, what?

 

HOFF

I'M SCARED.

 

CABOOSE

.......what.

 

COACH

Ha ha! Hoff's scared!

 

CABOOSE

QUIET! I'm sure he...he just misspoke.

 

COLE

Well he SAID he was scared to be in the tourney!

 

CABOOSE

I'm not listeniiiing....

 

Hoff sighs again and takes another breath as Eddy leans in to listen more intently.

 

HOFF

See...I mean, I can deal with wrestling fine. I'm a tough enough guy, I can take bruises, breaks, sprains, no problem. But...but some of these deathmatches...some of them have thumbtacks...and barbed wire....and...and broekn light tubes...and the craziest...I mean, Eddy, that stuff is SICK! I can't deal with that!

 

Eddy nods, mulling over Hoff's words.

 

HOFF

And you know, I've got no one to talk to. Calvin, he's all business. "Wrestle, wrestle, wrestle. Let's get it done. Blah Blah Blah." And Zack...I mean, Zack's like my new-found brother from a different mother, but...if I laid THIS on him, I know he'd be disappointed. I mean, hell, I'm ashamed ENOUGH as it is.

 

EDDY

Hmm....well, Hoff, it sounds to me like--

 

HOFF

And I mean, it's not like I've never been cut before! I have, you know, I've been in brawls and bar fights. I was a bouncer back in Minnesota, you know.

 

EDDY

Yes, well Hoff, I--

 

HOFF

And I can handle myself around blood, I'm not squeamish or anything, I watch that surgery shit on TV all the time, and I saw when my kid sister had her baby, and there was blood EVERYWHERE, although that was a pretty happy time, and--

 

EDDY

HOFF!

 

Hoff SNAPS his head up, causing Eddy to jump back, almost falling off the back of his desk.

 

HOFF

I don't know what to do! I mean...I want to win this thing, you know, as bad as I've ever wanted to win anything in my career....

 

Hoff sighs.

 

HOFF

Can you help me?

 

Eddy straightens his shirt and clears his throat.

 

EDDY

Yes, well....to me, it seems like your confidence is all right....this is just one irrational fear. So...confront your fear. This Sunday, don't be afraid to get physical.

 

Hoff looks at Eddy, thinks it over, and nods.

 

HOFF

Yeah...maybe. I guess I'll have to deal.

 

Hoff gets up, and Eddy almost falls off his desk again.

 

HOFF

Thanks, Eddy. You're a good guy, know that? Just stay out of the Thrillogy's way.

 

Hoff smiles and winks as he leaves the room, closing the door behind him. Eddy immediately exhales a sigh of relief.

 

EDDY

He thinks HE's scared.....

 

*cut to Sofa Central*

 

COLE

Well, what about it, Booze? Looks like Hoff's afraid of the Deathmatch tournament!

 

CABOOSE

Nah, no way, he's just playing. He'll win that thing easy.

 

COACH

I dunno, Caboose, you sure?

 

CABOOSE

Well....maybe Rick will win it. Or Drek! I mean, come on. Anyway, Hoff is fine, stop stirring the pot.

 

COLE

Well, fine or not, Hoff will be one of 16 men in this weekend's Emperor of Death tournament at License to Pin! But we've got more ahead right here, so stay tuned!!

 

(Go to break)

Edited July 29, 2004 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

(Return from break)

 

A hard dark green light swamps the entrance way in a dark glow as “Scarecrow Man” kicks up. The entrance doors slide apart and out steps the team of Skull Mask and Skull Kid! Both men walk down the entrance ramp, stopping in the middle to raise their arms into the air while the green light at the entrance way starts to flicker on and off.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the OAOAST is proud to bring to you the following tag team contest! Now making their way to the ring, hailing from the mean streets of Mexico City, Mehico the two most frightening men in the world of pro wrestling....SKULL MASK AND SKULL KIIIIIIIDDD!

 

CABOOSE

Once upon a time the Skulls were one of the top ranked teams in the tag division! They were big fish in a tiny pond. A lot of folks thought they’d be on the level of TNT and GPX, but times have changed in the tag team scene. The arrival of The Saints, Chicks Over Dicks, Hells Hitmen, Black T and The Midnight Express have pushed the Skulls far down the rankings. Now they’re guppies in an ocean, but that could change tonight. Tonight they can move up the tag team food chain.

 

COACH

Excellent point, Caboose.

 

CABOOSE

Your mom has an excellent point......In her mouth! BWHAHAHHAAHA!

 

Skull Mask hops onto the ring apron and steps over the ropes. His partner slides under the ropes and into the combat zone. Both men stare emotionless at the entrance ramp, waiting for their opponents.

 

They don’t have to wait long as the minute “Scarecrow Man” cuts out. “Leave” by JoJo begins. Multicolor lights flash on and off on and off as the fans break out into surprisingly loud ovation for tonight’s competitors! The entrance doors slide apart allowing Alix Spezia and Synth Esizer to step out to the arena floor!

 

COLE

Well, Synth appears to be having much more success with Alix then Logan’s having with Krista! Speaking of whom, we’ve received word that if Krista doesn’t pay her fine by next week she risks indefinite suspension.

 

CABOOSE

Please say indefinite suspension is another word for firing.

 

BUFFER

And the opponents, From Las Vegas, Nevada, he is one half of the greatest rock n wrestling band of all time, The Saints, he is Synth ESIZEEEEEERRRR!

 

Synth’s name gets a smattering of cheers which are easily drowned out by the jeers and taunts directed his way. Synth pretends not to notice, but deep down inside the crowd’s hostility towards him combined with his own insecurities from a broken and abusive childhood is sending Synth’s inner self into a violent spiral of self defeating depression and loathing.

 

BUFFER

And his partner, from Beverly Hills, California, she is one half of the Chicks Over Dicks tag team, Alix SPEZIAAAAAAA!

 

Alix receives what can basically be described as a home town pop as she’s a former resident of the Bay area.

 

COACH

Alix has history with Skull Mask and Skull Kid! Bet ya didn’t know that? Skull Mask put her out of action with a back injury. Then she got some revenge when she and Krista beat the Skulls in the first round of the tag team title tourney.

 

The two walk down the entrance, starting with Alix trailing Synth. But she quickly catches up with him, running towards him like a lost puppy to it’s newly found master. She hooks her arm around his, smiling over the fact that she’s got a chance to be so close to him. Synth for his part looks neither thrilled nor disgusted to be in a tag team match with Alix. He’s more concerned with fluffing his hair and making sure it looks good for the TV.

 

CABOOSE

It looks like Alix raided your wardrobe, Cole.

 

COLE

I don’t own a tie-dyed criss cross halter top and matching booty shorts!

 

CABOOSE

Not anymore you don’t.

 

As “Leave” fades out, Alix decides that she’ll start the match and Skull Kid decides the same for his team.

 

“Tag out if you need to!” Synth shouts to Alix.

 

“I won’t.” Alix expresses plainly, her eyes fixed on Skull Kid not on Synth.

 

Lockup to start. Skull Kid goes behind Alix and gets her into a waistlock. Kid fights to lift her up but gets taken down to the mat with a side headlock takedown. He rises to his feet and Alix catches him with an arm wrench! She goes behind him and grabs a hammerlock. Kid thinks back to the long hours he spent getting stretched out at wrestling school and comes upon a way to counter the move. He grabs Alix’s head, bends down and flips her over his body. She lands on her feet! “That’s not how that went at wrestling school” Skull Kid laments to himself. They grab another lockup. Jockeying for position, Skull Kid is able to push her back to her corner. Still in the lockup he pushes her down so that her left knee is almost grazing the mat. WHAM! Out of no where, Alix slugs him in the stomach. Kid stumbles backwards and inch or two. Alix stands all the way up and gives him a hard shove to the mat! SLAP! Something just hit Alix on the back! She turns around to see what it was and isn’t the least bit pleased to find that Synth had tagged himself in. DASTARDLY FIEND!

 

“The Synthmaster’s got this one. Don’t worry yourself.” Synth mutters to her, failing to acknowledge that she had been in complete control of Skull Kid.

 

COLE

What is he doing? She didn’t asked to be tagged in!

 

CABOOSE

He’s saving her!

 

COACH

She was in the lead! So to speak.

 

CABOOSE

Look at her! She’ll never be in the lead for anything! She looks like my baby sister!

 

COACH

Your baby sister must be damn fine!

 

Synth smiles that money making rockstar smile as he brings Skull Kid to his feet. POW! Skull Kid hammers Synth in the jaw with right hook that rocks him six ways from Sunday! “Holy shit.” Synth thinks to himself, staggering backwards and wondering how a guy that size could pack such a punch. Kid grabs a hold of Synth’s arm and hurls him to the ropes, where Skull Mask is waiting to hit him in the face with his television sized boot! Synth falls backwards like a chopped down tree and lands back first onto Kid’s outstretched knee!

 

CABOOSE

What team work! I mean, what cheating! Damn it! There are too many heels in this match!

 

Skull Kid leaps onto the second rope, then springs back with outstretched legs landing them across Synth’s neck! A few cheers can be heard for Kid’s aerial maneuver. Kid drags Synth over to his corner and slams him back first against the turnbuckle. Synth struggles to fight off the dizziness that is fogging his brain. He fails to see Skull Kid tag in Skull Mask. Mask steps over the ropes and he and Kid lay into Synth’s midsection with well placed boots.

 

“Outta the ring!” OAOAST ref, Billy Silverman barks at Skull Kid. Kid actually obliges without question, figuring that his teammate doesn’t need any help in finishing Synth off.

 

The monster, Skull Mask wraps his massive hands around the neck of Synth. He squeezes tightly, and his eyes burn with an incurable anger as he legitimately tries to crush Synth’s neck into pieces. Synth, rapidly losing air, does the only thing he can do and grabs onto the ropes. His hope is that the referee will show him a little mercy. And Billy Silverman does just that, by ordering Skull Mask to break the hold. Mask does indeed do that, but not the way Synth was hoping. Mask lifts Synth high into air, his feet dangling like they’re running in place. He gives him a hard shake then tosses him towards the center of the ring. Mask watches in what can vaguely be described as satisfaction as Synth flips through the air and lands with a thud on the mat!

 

COLE

He should’ve let Alix stay in the match. Didn’t Alix have this problem with Scotty Riggs?

 

COACH

Would you trust Alix in the ring with a man the size of Skull Mask? Would you trust anybody with a man the size of Skull Mask?

 

Synth is wheezing and coughing but he doesn’t care! He’s free from Skull Mask’s grasp and he ain’t ever going back! Mask lumbers towards Synth. The pace of his step is so sloooooooooow that he gives Synth just enough time make a small recovery. Synth rushes towards Mask. Mask goes for a clothesline but Synth ducks underneath it! Mask comically stumbles forward, disgusted in himself for missing the move! Synth runs past Mask and bounces off the ropes.....

 

“BONZAI!” Synth hollers as he knocks Mask to the ground with a spinning wheel kick!

 

CABOOSE

Impressive!

 

Skull Mask is up as quick as he went down! Synth shakes his head, wondering how Mask recovered so quick while he’s still hurting from Kid’s punch! Synth darts to Mask’s side and wraps an arm around his neck! He hooks his leg around Mask’s and they both fall back in a Side Russian Leg Sweep!

 

CABOOSE

A nice basic move. Nothing to fancy but it’s still effective.

 

COACH

Hey, Boo-Boo, you said that kinda fast, what’s the Russian? HAAA!! Get it? Russian? Fast? Side Russian Leg Sweep! HAHAA!

 

The Synth-o-nator hooks Mask’s leg and goes for a pinfall.

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

Synth shoots Billy Silverman an icy glare! How quickly we forget those who have shown us kindness! Synth, not wanting to waste his own energy, lets Mask bring himself to his feet. Synth in an impressive show of strength lifts Mask into a Fireman Carry’s position. Beads of sweat roll down Synth’s face as it’s obvious that lifting such an enormous man was a great strain. He starts to think that picking Skull Mask up was an awful idea but realizes that he has no choice but to go through with his plan. A loud grunt escapes from Synth’s mouth as he swings Mask in front of his body, taking hold of the behemoth’s head. Synth sits out on the move and SLAAAAAAM he drops Mask face first onto the ground!!!

 

“Nice job!” Alix shouts encouragingly. She and the crowd share feelings of being wowed at Synth’s handling of the 300 pounder.

 

Pin attempt!

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

Both men to their feet. A primal scream is heard from Synth as he exerts a great deal of energy by whiping Mask into the corner. This would’ve been a smart move if he hadn’t whipped Mask into the Skull’s corner! Of course, Skull Kid tags himself in, giving Mask a break. The tag will allow the big man to catch his breath and be more powerful then ever before!

 

Kid charges into the ring, leaping onto Synth’s shoulders and flipping him head over heels with a hurricanrana! Kid points a menacing finger at Alix, telling her that she’s next! She points a finger back at him, telling him his fly is undone. Which it is. Alix is helpful.

 

COLE

I talked with Skull Kid and Skull Mask earlier today and they said they plan...

 

CABOOSE

Stop your lies! No one in the locker room’ll say a word to your punk ass.

 

Kid turns his attention back to Synth. He puts the boots to him as he tries to crawl towards the ropes! Kid grabs a handful of Synth’s hair and yanks him to his feet. He hooks his heavily tattooed arms around Synth’s and twists him around as if he’s going for an unprettier, but Synth breaks free of the hold and shoves Kid to the bouncy ring ropes! When Kid rebounds Synth goes for a powerslam but Kid reverses it into an armdrag!

 

COLE

I didn’t know a powerslam could be turned into an armdrag.

 

COACH

You can reverse anything into an armdrag. Even peanuts.

 

Kid scales the ropes and makes it to the top turnbuckle, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Synth is still in the perfect is position. He is. Kid cracks an uncharacteristic smile, it’s not everyday he gets to do the move he’s planning to do. Hell, it isn’t today he gets to do the move he’s planning on doing as Alix rushes towards the corner and yanks his leg out from under him! Kid drops onto the top turnbuckle, crotch first! “N..o..” He sputters barely able to withstand the pain that’s working overtime to overwhelm him.

 

CABOOSE

Dirty trick! No fair! It’s not like he can do that to her! Maybe to Krista, but not her!

 

Predictably, Skull Mask marches over to STRIKE ALIX DOWN! Even more predictably, Billy Silverman cuts him off midway! Most predictable of all, Alix decides to take advantage of the referee’s temporary distraction. She climbs to the top rope to meet Skull Kid, who’s fighting back tears of anguish. She hooks him into a front face lock, and camera flashes fill the air as the two fly thru the air above the ring entangled in a top rope sitout DDT, popping the sold out crowd in the process! Alix absorbs most of the move with the same BUTT Synth has been drooling over for weeks. Kid’s not so lucky as he takes the move with his face! Silverman, hearing a loud thud come from behind him, whips his head around to see what mischief has occurred! He sees Kid lying on the mat holding his head and crying out in pain. Silverman turns his suspicious gaze to Alix, who’s standing on the mat, smiling cutley, batting her eyes, holding her hands behind her back and twisting her body like a little girl. He admonishes himself for ever considering that she could be guilty of foul play.

 

CABOOSE

She cheated!

 

COLE

Oh shut up! How could someone so precious ever cheat in a wrestling match? Look at her, she’s adorable. Like Thumper, from Bambi!

 

COACH

Yeah, Caboose, stop being such a grumpy dillweed.

 

CABOOSE

You both saw her! We all saw her! Cheater!

 

Synth crawls over to Skull Kid and drapes an arm around his chest. Pinfall attempt....Billy Silverman is still checking out Alix and wondering how he’s going to explain to his wife of thirty years that he left her to chase a twenty five year old pro wrestler.

 

“Yo!” Synth barks at Billy Silverman, snapping him out of his daydream. “Count the Synthmeister’s fall of pin, pissface!” Synth makes a mental note to have Billy Silverman fired after the match.

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

As expected, Synth immediately blows a casket and blames Billy Silverman! Rightfully so. He pops up off the ground and gives Silverman a life time worth of heat.

 

“You were scoping out the Synth-o-mania’s gal when you shoulda been counting the Synthmachine’s fall of pin! Synth outta turn his feet into drumsticks and play tune on your ass!” Synth hollers. This verbal tongue lashing gives enough time for Skull Kid to recover some strength. He grabs the inside of Synth’s leg and rolls up him up!

 

1

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

The ring is filled with ANGER! Both from Synth at getting rolled up and from Skull Kid at only getting a one count! The two men get to their feet at the exact same time. They exchange brutal close fists, each trying their hardest to rearrange the others face, neither man giving an inch. In a nice display of sneakiness, Kid goes behind Synth and wraps his arms around his waist for the dreaded waist lock!

 

COACH

Isn’t Kid’s hand a little close to Synth’s......you know.

 

German Suplex by Skull Kid! Synth lands on his feet, surprising even himself with a show of agility. Synth pushes his luck a bit to far when he charges at Kid with a shoulder block! Kid counters the move into a flapjack, sending Synth rocketing into the air! On the way down, Synth starts to regret his decision to try a shoulder block as Skull Kid hits him with a diamond cutter! Skull Kid starts the making of a pin fall but stops short when he sees that Skull Mask is leaning over the ropes, practically begging to get in on the action! Kid walks over to Mask and brings the big man back into the match!

 

CABOOSE

Welp, here comes the pain!

 

COLE

Hey!

 

CABOOSE

He quit! The phrase is up for grabs! I’m claiming it! It’s mine now!

 

Skull Mask grabs Synth and stuffs him between his legs for some ORAL PLEASURE~!~~!~!~!~! Actually he’s just going for a powerbomb! AND WHAT A POWERBOMB! Skull Mask slams Synth against the mat, nearly driving him to the ninth level of hell! The sound of Synth’s flesh slamming against the mat sends echoes throughout the arena! The fearsome beast isn’t done bringing the carnage to Synth’s world! Not by a long shot! He lifts Synth up again and hits another powerbomb! LORD HAVE MERCY! Over in a corner far far away, Skull Kid smiles on, waiting to see what type of devastating move Skull Mask will do next! Skull Mask brings the answers by lifting Synth for another Powerbomb! Mask thinks “Hey, it’s not everyday I get to powerbomb someone three times.” and gets fancy by doing lil helicopter spin while holding Synth on his shoulders! This proves to be a bigger mistake then Caboose’s conception as Synth counters it into a tornado DDT driving Skull Mask’s face into the mat!

 

CABOOSE

Welp, here comes the pain!

 

COACH

Dude...

 

CABOOSE

I’ll say it all I want. I go to take a shit: “Welp, here comes the pain” I see my mother in law: “Welp, here comes the pain!”

 

Synth struggles to collect his thoughts. There’s no way he can continue duking it out with this heartless fiend, but he can’t tag Alix in. She’ll just get beat up and he can’t be seen with a groupie who’s eye is swollen shut. “Synth’ll get the Synthmaster disqualified!” he exclaims in his head, not realizing how weird it is to think to yourself in third person.

 

Synth punts Skull Mask square in the nuts! Satisfied with himself he lets his guard down expecting the bell to be rung at any moment. Any moment. Any. Moment. Now. WHERE’S THE FUCKING BELL??!!! Synth looks over in horror to see that Billy Silverman’s attention is being occupied by talking with Alix. He’s asking her if she’s doing okay and checking to see how she’s holding. Considering that she’s been in the match for a grand total of forty seconds, Synth can see that Silverman’s concern is just a transparent ploy to garner an opportunity to look down Alix’s shirt. Synth would go over and kick the crap out of Billy Silverman but he now has more important things to worry about. The freak of nature, Skull Mask is on his feet and he is ENRAGED~! His fists are clenched in melon sized balls, and his head is demonically twisting itself around. Left to right, up to down. He grabs a hold of Synth’s neck and wastes no time in punishing him with a chokeslam! Skull Mask falls to the mat with Synth the way he would if he was executing Hoff’s Rock bottom.

 

COLE

Good gawd, look at the power! LOOK AT THE POWER!

 

CABOOSE

Calm down there, JR. Next you’ll be telling us where Mask played his college ball.

 

COACH

Yeah, you wanna play with Zack Malibu’s college ball. LMAO!

 

Mask, his hand still firmly clasped around Synth’s comparatively scrawny neck, brings himself and Synth upright. He lifts Synth up for ANOTHER chokeslam, but Synth, trying to avoid an early death, twists his body around, hooks his legs around Mask’s torso and gets him into a roll up pin attempt!

 

 

1

 

 

 

2

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

CABOOSE

Slow count...er...fast count! The heel/face dynamic has been ruined!

 

Both men rise to their feet. Mask is up quicker then Synth and as such he gains the offensive advantage. He grabs Synth’s lower arm and violently propels him to the corner! Synth, not wanting to pick up what Mask is putting down, leaps onto the top rope and gracefully comes back with a moonsault! While beautiful, Synth’s moonsault is way to slow, as Mask is able to set himself into perfect position to catch him in his arms! With Synth slung over his shoulder, Mask seeks to resume his sadistic beating! He charges towards the corner with the intent on driving Synth’s back into the turnbuckle! The thought of extraordinarily high chiropractic bills does not sit well with Synth! He manages to free himself of Mask’s grasp and lands behind the behemoth! Seizing his newfound advantage, Synth shoves Mask into the same corner his back was about to get up close and personal with! Mask staggers backwards and turns around into a SUPERKICK! The move doesn’t knock the big man off his feet but does send him reeling back into the ropes! Regretfully, Synth finds himself out of options. He has no choice but to make the hot tag to Alix! The crowd pops as the “slap” sound echoes throughout the arena! Alix hops over the ropes and darts into the ring! Not surprisingly, Skull Kid does the same!

 

COLE

Skull Kid didn’t get tagged in!

 

Kid and Alix meet once again and Alix gains the upperhand by smacking him across the forehead with a flipping clothesline! Kid refuses to let a woman get one up on him! He gets to his feet and dashes at Alix with a clothesline! Alix steps out of the way and he goes flying into the ropes, getting the arm that he tried to clothesline her with draped over the top! Alix grabs a hold of both his legs and dumps him out of the ring! Kid falls to the floor bellow, smashing the side of his head against the hard as rock mats!

 

“Sayonara!” She says without a hint of sarcasm or cruelty in her voice.

 

Alix turns towards Mask. He’s off the ropes and looking for someone to maim. “That someone isn’t going to be me” She tells herself. She baits Skull Mask into coming towards her, pretending to be an easy target. He lumbers towards her, salivating over the prospects of sending such a beautiful young lady to the emergency room. He reaches out with his tree trunk like arms, wanting to bring her into his nearly unescapable grasp. As he starts to grab a hold of her upper chest, Alix reaches into her hot pants, slips on a pair of brass knucks and HAMMERS Skull Mask in the chin with a sick uppercut!

 

BAAAAAAAAM! That’s the ear drum shattering sound of Skull Mask hitting the mat! The entire ring shakes as if it had just been hit by an earthquake! It’s like a boulder was dropped in the center of the ring! Synth has to hold onto the ropes to make sure the shaking doesn’t cause him to doesn’t fall off! A few of Mask’s off white teeth ejected from his mouth and flew through the air, landing on the canvas at the foot of their knocked out owner. Mask’s eyes roll to the back of his head and he’s to far gone to hear the chants of “Alix” and the sound of Billy Silverman’s hand slamming against the mat.

 

CROWD

1

 

 

 

CROWD

2

 

 

 

CROWD

3!

 

The fans erupt in a chorus of cheers as “Leave” by JoJo plays once again, signifying Alix and Synth’s victory!

 

BUFFER

You’re winners the team of Alix Spezia and Synth Esizer!

 

COLE

Tres impressive! Right, guys?

 

COACH

Right!

 

CABOOSE

Right nothing! If Alix looked like Drek Stone and not some “Young and Modern” cover girl, you two would be throwing a fit! She cheated! Twice!

 

COLE

So what? She’s adorable!

 

COACH

Like Thumper!

 

CABOOSE

Does Thumper die in the end?

 

In the ring, Alix’s hand is being raised by Billy Silverman. Doubtful that her hand’s the only thing being raised between the two. Alix pulls away from Billy Silverman (who isn’t happy to let her go) and heads over to Synth. She checks to see if he’s okay, the helps him up. All smiles, she raises his hand into the air so that he to can enjoy the adulation of the fans! The look on Synth’s face though, tells us that he’s none to happy to have been saved by Alix.

 

COLE

Gang, I think Synth might be embarrassed. Maybe kind of upset?

 

COACH

Over what, old friend?

 

COLE

Over the fact that he tagged Alix out at the start of the match, thinking that she couldn’t do anything to defend herself against these sick animals only to have her come in, save the day and score the winning pinfall! That has to irk him.

 

CABOOSE

B.S. Synth softened both Skulls up to the point where Alix was allowed to successfully come in and commit her act of treachery!

 

COLE

Well, what’s done is done. Fans, we understand that we’re about to hear a few words from Italian Champion, Drek Stone.

 

CABOOSE

Finally, someone entertaining!

 

*The camera slowly fades into a dark room, in which the only thing that can be clearly seen is the profile of a man. The lights in the room begin to get a little brighter until finally, thanks to the AngleTron, the fans are able to see that the man standing by himself in this room is none other than the current OAOAST Italian Champion Drek Stone. A steady chorus of boos rises up from the capacity crowd, but Drek isn’t anywhere close enough to the crowd to hear their jeers. The camera slowly peels away from the scene for a second, until everyone is able to see that – in this room – Drek is standing next to the Hell-in-a-Cell structure that will be used this Sunday. Drek begins to slowly pull at the steel bars of the cage, almost enamored with the technological construction of the structure. After a few moments, the camera moves a little closer to Drek, and he finally begins to speak*

 

DREK

Well, this is it, Cappa. This is what our three months of fighting have led to. This Sunday, we’ve come to the big climax. This is our Gettysburg. Our D-Day. Finally, we have reached the turning point of our feud. After this, there will be no turning back. And fortunately, I think we both realize this.

 

*Drek begins to walk beside the steel structure until he gets to a deflated balloon that has been taped to the bars*

 

See, for you, Cappa….I can understand your plight. This entire feud has something to do with your pride. Following your feud with Tha Puerto Rican, you were on top of the world. You had the Puerto Rican Title in your grasp. You finally had the feeling that you had become an established superstar in the OAOAST. Everything was finally going your away……until I came along. From the first HeldDown after Living Anglelously, I was ready to stalk you. To end that infuriating celebration spectacle you were having that night. At that point, you knew you had reached nothing. At that point, it was then that you realized that you were still a nobody. And I had already very quickly become a somebody. You see this balloon, Cappa? This was one of the balloons that fell from the rafters as you proudly marched to the ring. I kept it. As a reminder of that night, and as a reminder of the beginning of our feud. I think it adds a classy bit of symbolism to this speech, don’t you? Much like this balloon, your career has deflated as well.

 

*Drek continues to walk besides the cell until next, he reaches a pair of brass knuckles that have been tied to the bars with a thick piece of string*

 

I’ll admit that you came out on top at School’s Out. But, let’s be honest here now….ultimately, that win meant absolutely nothing. Nothing! Because, Cappa, I came back stronger than ever. As witnessed from that HeldDown episode a few weeks later. I duped you. Hook, line, and sinker – I fooled you into accepting a Puerto Rican Title challenge two weeks after we had fought our first match. You thought I was going to let you off that easy? Oh no, I had better plans. Much better. And, rest assured, you wound up seeing that. These brass knuckles….these glorious brass knuckles…..they were the same ones I used to bust you open that night. The same knuckles that tore open your forehead, staining the entire mat with crimson. A beautiful piece of Americana, I think.

 

*Once again, Drek starts to walk, until he comes to the sledgehammer hanging off the edge of the cell. The fans begin to boo immediately, understanding the significance of this item*

 

Now Cappa, I’m sure you remember what this is. But just in case you don’t……I mean, that was a really nasty blow to the head….I’ll try to remind you. After I had crushed you at Great Angle Bash, after I had taken away your Puerto Rican Title, after I had taken away any remaining shred of dignity you were desperately clinging onto….I tried, oh so desperately, to finish this job. So, I held this sledgehammer in my hands, lifted it high over my head, and rammed it into your empty, greasy head. All the boos in the world that night couldn’t ruin the ecstacy that pumped through my veins. But ah yes, before I hit you with the hammer, I did do something else with it….

 

*Drek takes three steps forward, coming next to a belt strap on which the gold plate of Puerto Rican Title used to sit*

 

I ruined YOUR championship belt. I smashed one of the most important things in the world to you. I destroyed the gold that you had worked so hard to obtain in the OAOAST. I was able to see your heart break in your eyes as I heard the gold crack and splinter under the massive weight of the hammer. My proudest accomplishment, I do think. And finally….

 

*Drek walks ahead again, this time coming to a box that is sitting on the floor, pushed next to the Hell-in-a-Cell. Drek bends down and pulls out a pile of fabric from the crate*

 

Some memorabilia that I thought you’d find interesting. This….

 

*Drek holds up a shred of ring mat that has a noticeable, crimson stain.*

 

This is the ring mat from the HeldDown on what was supposed to be our Puerto Rican Title match. This red stain……why, Cappa, that’s your blood.

 

*Next, Drek holds up a pair of ring trunks that have a clear, red mark stained across the fabric*

 

These are the trunks you wore at the Great Angle Bash. Do you know how much I had to pay the ring rats in the back to get a hold of this thing? Well, Cappa, just to we’re completely clear…..that’s a red stain on your trunks. Not a white one, thankfully. And Cappa, just so we’re clear once again…..that’s your blood. Surprise, surprise.

 

*Finally, Drek holds up a T-Shirt that, once again, has a large, red stain running down the entire fabric*

 

And this….this T-Shirt may symbolize, perhaps, the greatest tactic I ever pulled. Flashback to two weeks ago when I hired those Rent-a-Cops to haul your ass out of that ring. I had you cuffed to the chair, helpless against anything I had planned….and I busted you open again. AGAIN! Jesus Christ, once again, YOU STAINED MY HANDS WITH YOUR BLOOD! This is the T-Shirt you wore that night when I made you bleed for the umpteenth time. But Cappa….

 

*Drek drops all the fabric to his feet*

 

It’s not enough. For as many times as I’ve made you bleed, I’m not satisfied yet. I’m not finished with you. All of that blood, and I’m just not happy. Because, to put it simply…..that was all child’s play. That was me toying around with you. That was me having my fun before I finally cut you down and end your career. And Cappa….time has just about run out for you. I’m tired of having my fun, and it’s time for me to put you out of your misery. Combine all the blood I made you shed over the past three months…..it doesn’t even compare to the amount of blood I plan to extract from you this Sunday. Because, Cappa, like I said…..this is the end. This is the final battle. And I am going to give those fans that night something to remember. I vow to you Cappa, this IS going to be Hell-in-a-Cell for you. And following “License to Pin”, when they look at me, they’re not just going to see me as a tremendous technical athlete. They’re not just going to see me as a brutally vicious brawler. They’re not even going to see me as the most handsome human being they ever laid eyes on. No……they’re going to see the epitome of ruthlessness. And when I walk past them….from this Sunday night for the rest of my natural life….they’re going to say “THAT’S the man that ended The Mad Cappa’s career. THAT’S the man that laid down one of the worst beatings I’ve ever seen. THAT’S…….THAT’S DREK STONE!” And Cappa, as you sit at home in your wheelchair….bitter, crippled, and isolated from the rest of the world….you’ll remember that day in April when we first locked eyes. Like I’ve known all along – and like I’ve warned you for months now – it was the beginning of the end of your career.

 

Cappa….

 

*The camera starts to peel away once again, with the image of Drek Stone getting significantly smaller, as the lights begin to slowly darken*

 

It’s over…..

 

*Finally, the entire scene goes black*

[Patty O'Green 0]

(Back to arena)

 

COLE

Welcome back to this Special Pre-Pay Per View addition of HeldDown ladies and gentlemen. Now guys, there is one INTENSE~ rivalry that has been a main focus of HeldDown over the last couple of weeks, that being the rivalry of Hoff and Gunner Sharps. Both men are in the Emperor of Death tournament, on opposite sides of the draw. So to get to Hoff, Gunner must go the distance in this tournament, and hope that Hoff does the same.

 

COACH

You know Michael this all started back in late June when Hoff faced AJ Flaire for the Twenty-Four Seven Championship, H-Bombing AJ onto the back of a chair, and breaking his back. Ever since then Gunner has been out for Hoff’s blood, and has guaranteed to hurt the Twenty-Four Seven Champion in the name of his fallen friend. It may not be in the Emperor of Death tournament, but these two are certain to meet one on one somewhere down the line. Let’s have a look at a comparison between the two athletes.

 

*The HeldDown logo flashes over the screen as we see a shot of the OAOAST Twenty Four Seven Champion Hoff in all his glory*

 

COLE

First, Hoff. The guy has been on a role ever since he came to this company. Starting off as the Enforcer of the Underground, feuding with CWM, joining the Thrillogy, becoming the Twenty-Four Seven Champion, and defending the title against the likes of Axel, AJ Flaire, and countless others. From Minneapolis, Six Foot Five, Two Hundred and Seventy-Five pounds. A dominant presence in the ring, some would say a natural, a blue-chipper. His Spinebuster is one of the greatest we have seen this side of Arn Anderson. His Rock Bottom so devastating, that even the great Hollywood actor himself must admit that he doesn’t do the best version. The H-Bomb, a crippling move, and you only have to take one look at AJ Flaire to see that. And his latest finishing move, a sit out vertical brainbuster known as the Future Shock that took down Gunner last week on HeldDown. Hoff has a move set that everyone envies. He is a guy who has the potential to be the greatest performer we have ever seen in the OAOAST. He reminds many of a young Zack Malibu, or CWM, or Calvin Szechstein when they first arrived here. Natural charisma, natural power, natural technical ability. The guy has it all.

 

CABOOSE

That’s why he’s in the Thrillogy guys.

 

COLE

And Gunner Sharps. Two words to describe the guy? Raw Power. Seven Feet tall, Three Hundred and Fifty pounds. Animalistic tendancies. The sheer impact of the Sharp End reminds many of a Rhino’s charge. When Gunner connects with the Sharp End, his opponent is lifted into the air and then their head and neck connects with the mat. One of the most agile big men we have seen here. He too is young, and will go far in this company if he sticks to it. When he started out he lacked direction in the Underground, and after leaving the group, he joined with a man who he had partnered with many months before, Axel. Axel harnessed the potential and made Gunner realise that he could be not just god, but great. It may be slightly scary to see the transformation that Gunner underwent under the tutelage of Axel. Gunner has one main thing driving him to defeat Hoff, and that is the image of his greatest friend, a guy he knows as his borther, AJ Flaire, lying in a hospital bed. We interviewed Gunner after the incident a few weeks ago on HeldDown, and he seemed calm, and very upbeat. As soon as Hoff’s name was mentioned, the animal came out. He wants Hoff in the worst way.

 

COACH

If you ask me, it’s pretty evenly matched.

 

CABOOSE

If you ask me, you are an idiot. Hoff is the rising star in this company, he’s the man. He also has two of the greatest World Champions of all time backing him up. How in the hell can this be evenly matched?

 

COLE

That may be the case Caboose, but one on one, the two are somewhat evenly matched, where Hoff has ability and stamina, Gunner has a height and weight advantage. One more issue to discuss though, is the mental state of Hoff at the moment. We have been watching him go insane because of these messages the have been interrupting The Thrillogy, and more directly, Hoff, in the last few weeks.

 

CABOOSE

We still have no freaking idea who the hell has been doing this. All we know is what the messages have been saying. You’ve been trying to make sense of this Cole?

 

COLE

Well I have only been able to get the following information from the messages: there is a girl involved, and perhaps this person is trying to save somebody he loves. There are also numerous references to ‘Dark’ and ‘Pain’. Make of that what you will.

 

COACH

In any event, we now have Gunner Sharps in two on one competition coming up here on HeldDown!

 

CUE: ‘Debonaire’ by Dope

 

Rhino’s old ECW theme kicks in as the fans go BALL-ISTIC for the big man. Gunner walks out to ringside in his orange jumpsuit with ‘GS’ logo, and beats his chest on his way down to the ring. He slides into the ring and starts to unzip his jumpsuit as Michael Buffer announces his arrival.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and Gentlemen the following is a two on one handicap elimination match! Introducing first, from Detroit Michigan, weighing in at Three Hundred Fifty pounds… GUNNNNNNNERRRRRRRRRR SHAAAAAAARRRRRRPPPSSSS!!

And his opponents, at a combined weight of Five Hundred and Eighty pounds, Johnny and Luke, the SOLO BORTHERS!

 

Johnny Solo, the Three Hundred pound brother, starts off with Gunner. Johnny starts to taunt Gunner before nailing him with a right hand. Gunner fires straight back with a right of his own, sending Johnny down to the mat. Johnny gets up and charges at Gunner but gets knocked down with a clothesline. Gunner goes for a quick cover, but only gets a 1.

 

COLE

This is quite a test for Gunner; these two guys are strong and match him in size.

 

Gunner grabs Johnny by the hair and brings him over to the corner, before driving his knee into the abdomen, and following it up with a hard right hand. Gunner sends Johnny over to the other side with an Irish Whip, Johnny reverses, Gunner reverses the reversal, Johnny goes into the corner and rebounds out, Gunner catches him with a big sidewalk slam, goes for the cover…

 

One…

 

Two…

 

No! Johnny kicks out.

 

COACH

For everyone at home, the rules of this match are simple. It’s like a Tag Elimination match, but two on one. Gunner has to pin both men to win the match. The Board of Directors thought that Gunner needed a workout before License to Pin seeing as he has only had one match in the last two months.

 

Gunner picks Johnny up again and lifts him up for a Scoop Slam, but Johnny slips down his back and pushes Gunner into the corner, where Luke hangs him up on the top rope. Gunner staggers back, and Johnny comes off the ropes, flooring the big man with a clothesline! Johnny makes the tag to Luke, who comes in and starts peppering Gunner with hard right hands just as the big man is trying to get up. Gunner blocks one blow, and grabs Luke by the throat with both hands, before flinging him over to the other side of the ring, and hitting Johnny with a hard right in the corner.

 

COLE

Gunner is holding his own against the Solo Brothers!

 

Gunner puts his hand and signals for a Chokeslam; Luke turns around, and gets caught in a goozle!

 

COACH

Luke is going for a ride!

 

Gunner lifts Luke high in the air… but Johnny comes in and nails Gunner in the back! Luke drops down and catches his breath while Johnny lays in right rights and lefts to the temple of Gunner, before joining his brother in the beating. The Solo Brothers both hook Gunner up, and take him over with a double suplex! Luke comes off the ropes and hits a quick leg drop, and Johnny follows him and hits a standing splash! Both brothers go for a cover…

 

ONE…

 

 

TWO…

 

 

COLE

Gunner might be done!

 

THRRNO! Gunner kicks out!

 

COACH

I thought Gunner was gone there.

 

The referee tells Johnny to get back to his corner and he obliges. Luke lifts Gunner to his feet and starts connecting with more right hands and heavy blows. Luke goes for another Irish Whip, Gunner reverses, Luke runs to the ropes, but Gunner catches him by the throat in his left hand!

 

COLE

Uh-oh, I think the giant has woken.

 

Gunner lifts Luke up with a Gorilla Press, before dropping him down into a Spinebuster! Gunner runs over and knocks Johnny off the apron again as he heads to the top rope!

 

COACH

Look at this athleticism!

 

Gunner launches himself off the top rope and onto Luke with a big splash! The referee counts!

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREE!

 

*DING*

 

COLE

Gunner just eliminated Luke Solo!

 

COACH

This is a pre-match workout for the big man!

 

Johnny Solo runs over to Gunner and connects with a big boot to the head, sending the big man down onto his stomach. Johnny runs to the ropes and connects with a leg drop to the back of the head, before going for a quick cover…

 

ONE...

 

NO! Gunner powers out at the count at one, sending Johnny over to the other side of the ring, before getting straight up! Johnny runs to Gunner and connects with a clothesline, but Gunner doesn’t budge! Johnny runs to the ropes again and tries to knock the big man down, but again, he doesn’t budge! Gunner SCREAMS at Johnny to try it again, and Johnny runs back to the ropes, but Gunner floors him with a stiff boot to the face!

 

COLE

My God what impact!

 

Gunner faces the crowd and points to the sky, as they go up as one!

 

COACH

Nah… he can’t do that; Johnny Solo is Three Hundred and Twenty pounds!

 

Johnny gets up and turns around to face Gunner… and Gunner catches him by the throat! Gunner lifts Johnny up in a Military Press!

 

COLE

Oh my God! What power!

 

Gunner holds Johnny up in the air for a few seconds, before dropping him down in the Tortured Soul Slam! Gunner runs to the other corner and crouches, begging Johnny to get up! Johnny slowly makes his way to his feet, turns around, and gets steamrolled by a MOTHER FUCKING IMPACT SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR~! Gunner puts one hand on Johnny’s chest!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

CUE: ‘Debonaire’ by Dope

 

BUFFER

Here is your winner, GUNNERRRRR SHAAAAAARRPSSS!!

 

COLE

What an impressive display by Gunner Sharps, defeating two men!

 

COACH

Gunner’s showed just what a dominant player he can be!

 

CABOOSE

Hoff could have done that.

 

COLE

Nevertheless, we still have more to come here on HeldDown! Stay tuned folks!

 

(Go to break)

 

(Return from break)

 

(Cut backstage to special correspondant Lee Marshall standing in front of a set that's supposed to look like a locker room.)

 

LEE

Hey guys, Lee Marshall here on special assignment, as I'd like to bring in my guest right now, a young man competing in the Emperor of Death Tournament, set on revenge for former mentor Calvin Szechstein somewhere in the tournament...Sly Sommers, come on in...

 

(Sly enters the set)

 

LEE

Sly...this weekend, you might have a chance to both proclaim yourself as the sickest wrestler in the OAOAST by winning this tournament AND getting revenge on Calvin Szechstein in one fell swoop. Your thoughts?

 

SLY

My thoughts? What do you expect me to say, "I'm just a bit cheery, but this cut's got me down?" Lee, you and all of the people out there in TV Land know that I'm not a happy camper these days. Calvin...you've stolen so much from me. You stole my pride when you took away something I worked hard in helping to build in Totally Endorsed. You took away my best friend when you hit Colvid with that car...he still can't walk to this day! You took away my reputation when you beat me at my own game: the European Rounds match. You took away any chance I could have had with picking up chicks with this scar you left on my forehead...it looks like a vagina, for God's sake! Last week, thanks to the damage the previous week, you indirectly cost me the OAOAST Italian Title! This weekend, Calvin...by hook or by crook...I'll cost you blood, I'll cost you your self-proclaimed "natural good looks", and I'll cost you the Emperor of Death Tournament!

 

LEE

But what if you two don't end up against each other? It is a random-draw tournament and one of you could lose early on...

 

SLY

Trust me...we'll meet. That, I will guarentee.

 

(Sly walks off.)

 

LEE

There you have it, folks...Sly Sommers is promising victory AND a meeting with Calvin Szechstein somewhere in the Emperor of Death Tournament, this weekend at License to Pin, ONLY on Pay-Per-View!

 

DIRECTOR

CUT!

 

(Lighting goes down a little; rustle is heard in the background)

 

DIRECTOR

Hey, Lee...

 

LEE

Yeah?

 

DIRECTOR

You're fired.

 

LEE

WHY?

 

DIRECTOR

Look at you! You're Lee Marshall! That's enough reason to cut you.

 

(Marshall waddles away crying.)

 

(FADE SCENE)

 

COACH

Poor Lee Marshall.

 

CABOOSE

Who the hell is Lee Marshall?

 

COACH

The dude who just interviewed Sly!

 

CABOOSE

Sorry wasn’t paying attention. I was to busy thinking how pleasant this fed’ll be after Calvin kills Sly in the EOD.

 

COLE

Fans, it's only three days until --

 

Cole is once again cut off as the strains of Sevendust's "Black" fill the arena.

 

COLE

God dammit.

 

The lights dim, and Hoff steps out onto the stage, dressed in blue jeans and white Thrillogy t-shirt, with the 24/7 Title strapped around his waist. Hoff surveys the jeering crowd with a grim expression, before patting his belt and raising one arm into the air. The fans boo as Hoff makes his way to the ring, ignoring the fans.

 

COACH

I wonder what's on Hoff's mind tonight?

 

CABOOSE

You wonder what a mind IS, tonight. And...every night.

 

COACH

Good one Booz--

 

CABOOSE

SHUT UP!!!

 

Hoff climbs the ring steps and takes another long look at the crowd, pausing to look back at the AngleTron, before stepping into the ring. Hoff climbs to the second rope in the near corner, playing to the crowd briefly before hopping down and asking the timekeeper for a microphone.

 

COLE

Not a lot of fanfare from our twenty-four seven champ tonight, and I can't blame him! Hoff has to have a lot on his mind!

 

Hoff looks out among the fans as his music dies down, soaking in their reaction as he always does, and letting the slightest smile on his face as he delivers the line...

 

HOFF

Welcome....to the future.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

HOFF

And I want you all to remember that. Lately, there have been some...some things that have distracted me.

 

COLE

Yeah, no kidding!

 

HOFF

First of all, I've had to deal with Gunner Sharps.

 

*cheer*

 

HOFF

Now Gunner, I know you're all pissed off because I put your little buddy in the hospital. I'll level with you -- I never meant to cripple the punk. But what's done is done, and, if his career is over, that's one less thing that the Thrillogy has to deal with.

 

*boooooooo*

 

HOFF

So I'm sorry if your panties are in a twist, big man, but that's just the way the business is. And I know, I know, you've entered yourself into the Emperor of Death tourney, and you've got it in your head that you're gonna kick my ass in the most sick and twisted way possible. Well, Gunner, I don't think a second-rate scrub like you will make it one round in the tournament. And if you DO make it to me, well, rest assured...I'll take care of you before you know what hit you.

 

Hoff pauses and smirks out to the crowd as they boo.

 

COLE

Well, Hoff seems awfully confident so far!

 

COACH

Maybe he's shaken off some of the things that were bothering him!

 

Hoff's smirk fades as he puts the mic to his lips again.

 

HOFF

And as far as this Deathmatch thing goes......

 

Hoff trails off as the fans begin to cheer. Hoff looks down, his eyes unfocused and far-off.

 

COACH

Maybe not!

 

COLE

Hoff has certainly not been warm to this whole--

 

HOFF

DAMMIT, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS COMPANY!!

 

The fans EXPLODE!!

 

HOFF

I never, EVER wanted ANY part of this thing!! I mean what kind of civilized, technical wrestler wants to get thrown into thumbtacks...or barbed wire...or...or....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DAMN IT ALL!!!!

 

The fans cheer, and laugh, as Hoff struggles to gain his composure in the ring. Hoff breathes heavily as some of the red starts to fade from his cheeks.

 

HOFF

....fine....that's just fine. If Zack wants me to be Emperor of Death, fine. I'll go into this horrible tournament...against my will....

 

Hoff looks up...

 

HOFF

And I'll WIN it without breaking a sweat!!

 

*booooooooo*

 

Hoff laughs in the ring.

 

COLE

Aw, come on.

 

CABOOSE

BWAA ha ha! Hoff totally PSYCHED YOU OUT, Cole!

 

COLE

This is ridiculous, I mean...you just can't trust him!

 

CABOOSE

I know! It's GREAT!

 

Hoff wipes a mock tear from his eye.

 

HOFF

I mean, COME ON!! Me, the future of this industry, afraid of some spikes and tables? Get real! People, take a good, long look. This is the future of this industry. This is what the business is evolving into. You are feasting your eyes on the ultimate blend of speed, strength, skill, and -- let's face it -- sex appeal that has ever set foot in a wrestling ring! There is no one, NO one, that can touch me right now, and the thought of somebody beating me in this ring -- in MY ring -- is insane. I AM THE FUTURE. And I am not afraid of anything.

 

The fans are livid, drowning Hoff in a wave of boos and hisses.

 

HOFF

And....and anything INCLUDES a certain "mystery man" who's been downright STALKING me these past few weeks.

 

COLE

Give me a break.

 

CABOOSE

It's true!! Hoff has been absolutely harassed by those damn messages!

 

COACH

You guys, I have an idea who might be behind those--

 

CABOOSE

Whoa, you have an IDEA? Let me write this down.

 

COACH

I-- ah-- fine, screw you then.

 

Hoff looks directly at the AngleTron as he speaks.

 

HOFF

Now...you might think you've got the edge, mystery man. You might think that you've got Hoff's number. Well, let me tell you something. I think I've got it figured out. I think I know who's behind the mask, and you don't scare me one single bit. And if you think that you can PUSH ME AROUND just by flashing some words on a screen, then you--

 

AND THE LIGHTS GO DOWN!!

 

A cheer rises in the stands as the two flaming staves appear at the top of the stage!

 

CABOOSE

Oh, no, not this again!

 

Hoff can be seen in the faint light, frantically pacing the ring, looking at the AngleTron. The Tron lights up...and displays a dark, shadowy silhouette of a man.

 

MYSTERIOUS VOICE

Hoff....

 

COACH

Is that who I think it is?!

 

COLE

I...I....

 

Hoff's eyes are locked on the silhouette on-screen, and he is positively jittery, shaking his head no and mouthing "it can't be".

 

VOICE

You and those around you have committed crimes....crimes against humanity....crimes against....her.

 

The crowd pops big at the word "her," and a small "Crystal" chant breaks out across the arena.

 

VOICE

And soon...very soon....you will pay for those crimes....in BLOOD.

 

The silhouette fades as a wave of blood washes over the screen -- and the arena goes completely black!

 

COACH

Whoa, what happened?

 

The AngleTron goes blank, and the fans shout and scream in the darkness...until the lights come back up!

 

COLE

Oh my GOD!

 

In the ring, Hoff stands....COVERED IN BLOOD!!!

 

CABOOSE

What the hell is THAT?!

 

Hoff, his eyes horrorstruck, looks down at himself, looking at the red liquid on his hands. Hoff shoots his gaze up the ramp, but the staves are GONE, and the AngleTron is blank.

 

COLE

This is surreal!

 

COACH

Hoff is gonna pay in blood? Is this...oh my!!

 

Hoff looks at himself again, shaking his head, then looks back up.

 

HOFF

YOU SON OF A BITCH!! I'LL KILL YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME? COME TO LICENSE TO PIN AND I WILL *BLEEP*ING KILL YOU!!!

 

Hoff throws the mic down and storms out of the ring, frantically wiping blood off of his 24/7 Title as the fans cheer!

 

COLE

Guys, what did we just witness...

 

CABOOSE

Cole, I have no idea, but I don't EVER want to see it again.

 

COLE

Hoff was...was covered in...

 

COACH

He was covered in blood!

 

COLE

.........Fans, we'll be right back.

 

(Go to break)

Edited July 29, 2004 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

(Return from break)

 

COLE

Next up here we have a match that came about because of an altercation backstage last week between the Rave and Assault Squad and Rick Edwards. It seems that the RAS have blamed Rick for interrupting them.

 

COACH

Not only that, but it seems Rick Edwards is now the fourth member of the Parental Indiscretion 2 Match at License to Pin!

 

CABOOSE

With all the crap going on his life right now he’s gonna get involved in the Emperor of Death Tournament? Maybe someone will shut up his whining finally.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and Gentlemen this next match is scheduled for one fall and is a non title match!

 

CABOOSE

What?

 

COLE

It seems the Board of Directors doesn’t feel that SB87 has done enough to warrant a title shot. I don’t really agree with them, but that is their decision.

 

CABOOSE

Well when SB87 beats this whiny bastard then will he get a shot?

 

COLE

I don’t know.

 

*Mindfields" by Prodigy starts up and the fans boo as SB87 comes to the stage. The lights go out and multi-colored lights flash to the beat of the music. SB87 dances a little before heading down the aisle and sliding into the ring.*

 

BUFFER

Coming to the ring, from wherever he slept last night, weighing in at 136 pounds, SB87!!!!

 

COLE

This will be the first time we’ve seen Rick Edwards in the ring since The Great Angle Bash, because Rick has been nursing a hamstring injury.

 

CABOOSE

He’s been lazy! He’s not hurt.

 

COLE

How do you know he wasn’t hurt? I’m sure after this Saturday and Sunday he will be hurt, because no one will be the same after the Emperor of Death Tournament.

 

*The music dies down and is replaced by Tear Away by Drowning Pool. Some fans boo while a few cheer. The fans are still not sure what to think of Rick. Rick comes out as the song hits the first verse and he slaps hands with a few fans that have warmed up to him.*

 

BUFFER

Coming to the ring, from Houston, Texas, weighing in at 210 pounds, the X-Division Champion, RICK EDWARDS!!!!

 

*Rick slides into the ring, but he quickly glances back at the entryway before turning to face his opponent.*

 

COLE

How can he focus on this match with a guy like Cain running around?

 

COACH

He can’t, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him come out here tonight.

 

*Rick comes face to face with SB87 and nods to him as a nonchalant greeting, seeing as he probably wouldn’t shake his hand. SB87 just smirks and waits for the bell.*

 

*Ding Ding Ding*

 

The two men lock up and SB87 quickly twists into the wheelbarrow position around Rick’s waist and then goes for a Bulldog. Rick manages to grab onto him and hit a quick Backdrop Suplex to counter and goes for a quick cover.

 

1

 

 

No!!!

 

COLE

That was a good counter.

 

CABOOSE

He better have a lot of those against SB87.

 

SB87 quickly gets to his feet and both men lock up again. Rick whips him to the ropes and goes for a Back Body Drop, but SB87 twists in the air and lands on his feet behind Rick. SB87 hits a Dropkick that sends Rick forward into the ropes where he leans against them. SB87 then basically walks up Rick’s back and hits a flipping kick to the back of his head before landing on his feet. Rick falls backwards to the mat and holds his head in pain.

 

COACH

Ouch! Damn that had to hurt.

 

Rick stands again, but SB87 is there to whip him to the ropes and hits a quick Leg Lariat that takes Rick back down. He then wastes no time in springboarding off the ropes and hitting a Corkscrew Splash onto Rick.

 

COLE

SB87 is proving to be a little too fast for Rick it seems.

 

CABOOSE

Rick isn’t used to opponents like this.

 

1

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

No!!!

 

Rick kicks out and SB87 pulls him to his feet and hits him with a European Uppercut that knocks him back to the ropes. SB87 then runs up the ropes right beside him and hits a Flying Headscissors that sends Rick flying across the ring! Rick gets back up a little dazed and SB87 runs in for a Hurricanrana, but Rick plants him with a Sitout Powerbomb to counter the move.

 

COACH

There’s another counter. That’s basically the only offense Rick’s gotten this match is counters.

 

CABOOSE

He’ll need more than that.

 

COLE

Rick with a cover! 1…2…No!!! SB87 kicked out!

 

Rick pulls SB87 to his feet and pulls him right into a Short Arm Clothesline that knocks SB87 for a loop! Rick then pulls him back up, whips him to the ropes, and hits a Running Back Elbow that sends SB87 back down to the mat hard. Rick then quickly bounces off the ropes for a Flipping Leg Drop and goes for another cover.

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

No!!!

 

COLE

Rick is starting to show a little speed of his own.

 

COACH

He’s not a slouch; he just has a different style.

 

CABOOSE

No, he’s a slouch.

 

Rick then pulls SB87 back to his feet and lifts him high for a Brainbuster. SB87 manages to break free and land behind Rick before leaping up onto Rick’s shoulders, spinning around, and hitting a Hurricanrana that sends Rick across the ring and under the bottom rope! Rick hits the floor hard as SB87 gets to his feet and runs across the ring. He then bounces off the ropes and performs a Suicide Dive through the ropes to a standing Rick Edwards. Both men go crashing into the guardrail and lay on the floor in pain.

 

*The crowd cheers and some even stand up for the move.*

 

Both men lie still on the mat as the ref starts his count.

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

3

 

 

SB87 starts to move

 

4

 

Rick starts to move

 

5

 

SB87 gets to his feet slides half way into the ring to stop the count and then pulls Rick up. He then whips him towards the ring steps, but Rick manages to leap on top of the steps to avoid hitting them. He then leaps onto SB87 for a Tornado DDT onto the hard floor!

 

COLE

My God!! He could have cracked that young man’s skull!

 

CABOOSE

Now that would have been entertaining!

 

COACH

No it wouldn’t.

 

The ref orders both men back into the ring and Rick grabs SB87 before sliding him in. Rick then follows him into the ring and goes for a cover.

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

No!!!

 

Rick pulls him back to his feet by the head and whips him to the corner. SB87 hits with a thud and Rick quickly follows him in with a Running High Knee to the face! Rick then whips a dazed SB87 across the ring to the other corner and follows him in this time with a Running Splash! However, as Rick comes in for the Splash SB87 gets a foot up and nails Rick in the chest. Rick goes flying back to the mat and SB87 hops up to the top rope. SB87 waits for him to stand before coming off with a Corkscrew Dragonrana! SB87 holds on for a pin.

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!

 

No!! Rick kicks out at the last second!

 

COLE

What a move!!

 

COACH

I actually can’t believe he kicked out of that!

 

CABOOSE

I don’t think SB87 can either.

 

SB87 stands up and lays in some stomps to Rick Edwards before pulling him to his feet and whipping him to the ropes, but Rick reverses and hits a hard Dropsault that sends SB87 to the mat right on his head and neck!

 

CABOOSE

Can you say whiplash!?

 

COACH

Whiplash…it wasn’t that hard.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah…you’re a real rocket scientist.

 

The fans cheer the move as Rick rises to his feet and smiles at the cheers he’s finally getting. Rick then pulls a groggy SB87 to his feet and goes for a Hurricanrana of his own, but SB87 shoves Rick off. Rick back flips and lands on his feet, but SB87 kicks him in the gut and sets him up for a Piledriver. SB87 then leaps over Rick, while still holding onto him, and hits the Death Party (Sunset Flip Piledriver)!

 

COACH

Whoa!! What the hell was that!?

 

CABOOSE

Do you not do your homework?

 

COACH

We have homework??

 

COLE

That was an incredible move is what was!

 

SB87 is still groggy, so he is a little slow to make the cover, but he manages to get it.

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

3!!

 

No!!! Rick kicks out again!

 

SB87 then climbs back to the top rope, a little slower than before, and goes for the Dope Nose (Corkscrew SSP). As he lands Rick gets his knees up and SB87 bounces off hard. SB87 lies on the mat, holding his gut in pain, as Rick pulls himself to his feet using the ropes. Rick then goes to the top rope and waits for SB87 to stand. As SB87 slowly stands and groggily turns towards Rick, Rick jumps off and catches him with a Diving Tornado DDT! However, SB87 grabs him around the waist before he can hit the move and flings him over the top rope. Rick manages to land on the apron and grabs SB87 by the head. Rick tries for a Suplex over the rope, but SB87 blocks it and goes for a Suplex of his own. Rick blocks the move and snaps SB87’s head across the top rope. SB87 falls back to the mat and Rick climbs back to the top turnbuckle.

 

COLE

After a series of counters we’re back to where we started.

 

COACH

Maybe he’ll hit it this time!

 

SB87 slowly stands and Rick comes off the top rope with a Sunset Flip!

 

COLE

I wasn’t expecting that! He hasn’t done that since the Blurricane days.

 

CABOOSE

There’s nothing wrong with breaking out old moves every once and awhile.

 

Rick brings him over, but SB87 rolls through and stomps Rick dangerously close to the groin area. The ref warns SB87, but he claims it was to the gut. SB87 then pulls Rick to his feet and whips him to the ropes. SB87 follows right behind him and hits a Clothesline that sends Rick to the floor. SB87 then runs to the other side of the ring before leaping to the top rope and springboarding off with a Moonsault to the outside! SB87 lands on a prone Rick Edwards and both men lie on the mat in pain. Rick rolls around holding his gut as the fans chant “Holy Shit.”

 

COLE

Wow!! SB87 just sacrificed himself to take out Rick Edwards, maybe for good!

 

COACH

I’d say it was a bad idea.

 

CABOOSE

For once we agree.

 

The ref starts his count as both men still lie on the mat.

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

3

 

 

4

 

 

5

 

 

6

 

 

7

 

SB87 starts to push himself off the mat

 

8

 

 

9

 

SB87 uses a burst of energy to slide into the ring and break up the count.

 

COLE

I can’t believe he made it in time!

 

SB87 lays half way in and half way out of the ring trying to catch his breath as Rick pulls himself up on the outside. Rick then grabs SB87 by the feet and tries to pull him out, but SB87 shoves Rick with his feet back into the guardrail. SB87 then pulls himself up in the ring and climbs to the top rope, but Rick slides back into the ring. SB87 turns slowly on the top rope to face Rick, but Rick quickly bounds up the turnbuckles and nails the Brain Damage (Enziguri to an opponent on the top rope), which sends SB87 somersaulting back into the ring!

 

COLE

The Brain Damage!

 

Rick then pulls SB87 back up and goes for Superman’s Dead! As he pulls him into the Inverted Vertical Suplex position SB87 slips out and catches him with a Falling Reverse DDT on the way down! Both men lie on the mat trying to regain their composure as SB87 is still groggy from the Brain Damage.

 

COLE

What a counter!

 

CABOOSE

SB87 is just too fast for him!

 

SB87 finally makes a cover.

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!

 

No!! Rick kicks out!

 

The fans cheer as the match is not over yet. SB87 gets up and waits for Rick to stand. Rick stands and SB87 runs in, leaps onto Rick’s shoulders from behind, and rolls under him for a Victory Roll.

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!

 

 

No!!! Rick kicks out again!!

 

SB87 starts to show frustration as he pulls Rick back up, runs to the ropes, and springboards off with a Moonsault. Rick manages to catch him and put him in a Tombstone position. Rick goes for a Tombstone, but SB87 shifts his weight and Rick starts to bend back. SB87 ends up with Rick in a Tombstone position and hits his own Tombstone!

 

COLE

Another counter by SB87!

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!

 

 

No!!! Rick kicks out!!

 

CABOOSE

I thought that would be it!

 

SB87 then climbs to the top rope and steadies himself, but Rick begins to stand. SB87 then flies off for a Cross Body, but Rick rolls through it. However, SB87’s momentum is too much and he rolls through as well until he’s on top for the pin.

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!

 

 

No!!

 

SB87 stands and pulls Rick to his feet before whipping him to the ropes. As Rick bounces back SB87 springboards from the other side and hits a Corkscrew Cross Body that knocks Rick to the mat.

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!

 

No!!!

 

COLE

My God!! SB87 has Rick struggling to stay in the match!

 

Rick looks tired and frustrated as he slowly gets up and turns around right into a Hurricanrana attempt. Rick shoves him off and he back flips down to the mat where he hits a quick Dropkick that sends Rick to the mat. SB87 then climbs to the top rope and gets ready. Rick sees him on the top and goes after him. Rick then goes for the Brain Damage again, but SB87 shoves him off and Rick hits the mat hard! SB87 uses the opportunity to come off the top rope with The Roofie (Phoenix 630 Splash) and hits it!!!

 

COLE

Wow!!! This might be it!!!

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!

 

*Ding Ding Ding*

 

COLE

What an upset!!!!

 

CABOOSE

Whoa!! That was unexpected!

 

COACH

Well I’ll be damned!

 

BUFFER

Here’s your winner…SB87!!!!

 

SB87 gets up and makes the universal “I want your belt” gesture around his waist. Rick looks up and actually nods upon seeing the gesture.

 

COLE

Could we see a title match between these two?

 

COACH

Who knows?

 

CABOOSE

Rick didn’t know what to expect coming into this match and he was just overwhelmed by the high flying style of SB87!

 

COLE

That could be a bad sign for Rick at License to Pin in the Emperor of Death Tournament. Fans don’t go away because we have more to come!

 

COACH

Like what?

 

COLE

Like, EVERYTHING!

 

(Go to break)

 

(Return from break)

 

We cut to a shot of the back, where Crazy Vampire is sipping a bottle of water. Behind him, we see a figure creeping forward, a stake in his hand, and garlic around his neck.

 

COLE

Is that Chris Stevens?

 

CABOOSE

He's still employed?

 

Stevens sneaks up behind the Vampire, and DRIVES THE STAKE THROUGH HIS HEART!!!

 

COLE

Whoa!!

 

Stevens pulls the stake out and scowls as CV drops to his knees, black blood pumping out of his chest. Vampire curses, then, in a puff of smoke, TURNS INTO A BAT and flies off.

 

STEVENS

Damn, I thought that'd kill him.

 

RANDOM PRODUCTION ASSISTANT

Yeah, I bet he'll be back, though. Or at least, he could be.

 

Stevens looks to his left uncertainly.

 

STEVENS

Who the hell are you?

 

R.P.A.

I'm just someone the Board sent over to bring some closure to this angle and let you move along to your next storyline.

 

STEVENS

Oh. ...But why would you say that?

 

R.P.A.

In case the company ever wants to use the Crazy Vampire character again.

Abruptly, Crazy Vampire gets up from off the floor, where he was lying just below the camera's view.

 

CRAZY VAMPIRE

Yeah, see, I tested well -- the writers just didn't have anything for me. But they need to leave the door open.

 

STEVENS

Oh. Well, that makes sense.

 

VAMPS

Yeah.

 

Awkward silence.

 

R.P.A.

Well, good luck in the tourney this weekend!

 

VAMPS

Yeah dude, give 'em hell!

 

STEVENS

Thanks!!

 

*cut to da S.C.*

 

COACH

And you yell at ME for breaking kayfabe.

 

CABOOSE

That certainly was odd.

 

COLE

Mmhmm. But effective.

 

COACH

True dat, homie.

 

CABOOSE

For sure. Well, um, uh, stay tuned, assfaces! More HD in a few minutes!

 

COLE

That's my job!

 

CABOOSE

Not anymore. HA~!

 

(Go to break)

Edited July 29, 2004 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

(Return from break)

 

(We go backstage where Rick Edwards is in the locker room resting. Parka walks in and sees him sitting there.)

 

PARKA

Tough loss tonight.

 

RICK

I was just out wrestled. My mind hasn’t been focused on the ring with all this stuff going on, but frankly I just got smoked.

 

PARKA

I wouldn’t take it too hard. You can’t win them all.

 

RICK

Well now I’m in the Emperor of Death Tournament against these guys. Don’t get me wrong though. Some good old fashioned violence will do me good right now, but I’m not making the same mistake again.

 

PARKA

I suppose SB87 will want a title shot now as well.

 

RICK

Well I’ve been thinking about that. I don’t really like the guy much, but he proved himself tonight. I love this belt *slaps the X Title* and I love the thrill of competition. If he wants a shot then what better place is there than License to Pin?

 

PARKA

You’re gonna wrestle twice?

 

RICK

No I’m not. I’m going to put the X Title up for grabs in the Parental Indiscretion 2 Match. It’s been awhile since I defended it and I owe it to those guys not to let my personal life get in the way of good old competition. I’ll put in a request to the Board of Directors to let me put the title up for grabs.

 

PARKA

You know what. I have an idea to help you be more prepared for these guys. One of my old trainers lives nearby and you could spend the week with him learning all the crazy high flying moves they do down in Mexico where I trained. Sure you won’t be an expert, but you just need a crash course for this match…no pun intended. If you spend all week with this guy training your guts out then maybe you’ll be able to take these guys.

 

RICK

You know what…I’ll take that offer.

 

*Rick shakes Parka’s hand and leaves. Parka is about to leave when he hears something in the shadows.*

 

J. ARTHUR

Look at you two…all buddy buddy now huh?

 

PARKA

What the hell? Have you been in here this whole time?

 

J. ARTHUR

I was going to give Rick a little talking to about his recent behavior, but then you came in and I figured I’d see what you two were saying behind my back.

 

PARKA

Yeah…that’s creepy. Speaking of where’s your boyfriend Cain?

 

J. ARTHUR

He’s around here somewhere, but I wouldn’t worry about him right now. Maybe you’re the one who should go train a little. If you don’t I’ll walk all over you come Saturday.

 

PARKA

I don’t need anymore training. I’m ready to kick your ass right now.

 

J. ARTHUR

Sure, but are you ready for that. *Points over Parka’s shoulder*

 

PARKA

I’m not falling for that.

 

J. ARTHUR

Suit yourself.

 

THWACK!!!!

 

*Cain nails Parka in the back of the head with a chair and Parka goes down to the floor.*

 

J. ARTHUR

You should have looked.

 

*JAE and Cain walk off laughing as the camera fades out on a shot of an unconscious Parka.*

 

(Go somewhere else backstage)

 

MEAN GENE

"Mean" Gene Okerlund backstage with James E. Cornette and his New New Midnight Express, along with their tag team partners for tonight's Wildcard match, Hell's Hitmen. Gentlemen, tonight you'll be facing the OAOAST tag team champions Black T & the Global Party XChange.

 

CORNETTE

Wild card match? Look at who our partners are, Okerlund. Jingus & The Sadist -- Hell's Hitmen. They're so big they make beeping noises when they walk backwards. Unfortunately for Black T, when the pack of cards were opened and shuffled, they got stuck with two jokers in the Global Party XChange, charter members of the Woody Allen dating club. Instead of Soon-Yi, it's Sue-Mi. Haha! But, brother, the Midnights are still upset about what happened last week on HeldDown. Jealous of our tag team superiority, Black T decided to stick their nose in our business. Bad mistake, boys. If there's one thing in life you don't want to see -- it's a pissed off New New Midnight Express. We're so upset right now, we could rip your heads off with our bare hands. But we'll save that for License to Pin, since we'll be able to commit the crime and blame it on some coke-addicted who sliced and diced his wife on their honeymoon.

 

MEAN GENE

Jim Cornette, last month at the Great Angle Bash, you bashed Jingus & The Sadist. I belive you called Jingus "a garbage wrestler."

 

JINGUS growls.

 

CORNETTE

Now-Now you just hold on a mintue, you wrinkled-up old prune. You misinterpreted what I was saying, brother. Last month I might have said something that could be misconstrued as a jab at Hell's Hitmen. You know how the kids speak nowadays, with their slang, yo-yo-yo, yippe-yo-yippe-a. I was speaking my native slang -- Louisville Slugger across you head if you don't shut up, "Mean" Gene. You ain't so mean, anyway. My dear ol' mama could beat you -- and she's dead. God rest her soul. The New New Midnight Express are teaming up with two men who loving beating the bejeezus outta punks like GPX, and are still angered by losing their only tag title match to date against Black T last month at the Great Angle Bash. Compare the relationships of the NNMX & Hell's Hitmen against the Global Party XChange & Black T's, Gene. Compared to them we're the Society of Friends, singing Kumbaya around a camp fire.

 

MEAN GENE

There you have it, straight from the mouth of James E. Cornette. Now let's send it to my broadcast colleauge Jesse "The Body" Ventura, standing by with the Global Party XChange & the OAOAST tag team champions Black T. Jess, it's all yours my friend.

 

Jim Cornette & the Midnights mug for the camera, only to run off as Hell's Hitmen growl.

 

CUT TO:

 

DRESSING ROOM

 

JESSE

Thank you, Mean Gene. Jesse the Body here with an exclusive interview with the World's tag team champions...

 

T-BOD

Say what?

 

JESSE

With the World's tag team champions.

 

T-BOD

You said what?

 

JESSE

(gleefully)

The World's tag team champions, Black T, along with the Farmer of Champions, Jivin' J.R., who'll be involved in a grueling tuxedo match against that pansy Jim Cornette at This Ain't Oz! Oh yeah, the Global Party XChange are also here.

 

JOHNNY

Dang, Jess, don't be hatin', bro.

 

SCOTTY

Yeah, we don't wanna have to change our vote from you to Hillary in '08, man.

 

JESSE

You do that, you're stupider than I thought. Can we get on with this interview, or do you wanna sit here cracking jokes?

 

JOHNNY

Cracking jokes.

 

JESSE

I'd like to crack your heads, but I'm afraid there's nothing left in there. Anyway, Black T... I gotta ask ya, why did you run in during the NNMX's match last week? I mean, I would of figured you'd want to see both teams beat the hell outta each other -- and that's exactly what they were doin'. I gots to know.

 

DAN

If I may field that question. You see, Jesse, Mr. Cornette made an accusation saying we, Black T, had confidence issues. All we were doing last week was building up our self-esteem. Because everybody knows a happy person is a good person, and after we let out all our anger -- in a non-violent way, I might add -- we were happy people.

 

JESSE

Dr. Phil, eat you heart out.

 

T-BOD

Jess, LTP: TAO is coming up in a matter of days, and while we're fully aware of our title defense, I want to say something to our partners tonight. You guys better get your asses serious because we're here to win -- something you guys have trouble doing when it counts.

 

SCOTTY

Lemme tell you somethin', Mr. T, you're not the only team with problems, okay? That's bitch's (refering to Dan) former partner and his new anal buddy kicked out ass last week. He rammed my head into the steel ringpost and powerbombed me, while I took a clothesline from The Sadist, on the concrete floor. Not only did I need 5 stitches to close the wound on my head, but I have a couple of bruised ribs, so the S-Man has only been able to perform orally because any thrusting motion is a little painful.

 

JOHNNY

What the Static is saying is, Hell's Nitwit's, this weekend the Party's at your place! And we're gonna trash da frickin' joint, suckas. Then, we're turning on attention to those belts wrapped around you're pretty little waists, fools.

 

T-BOD

Don't touch the belts, a-hole!

 

GPX & Black T get nose-to-nose. Jesse gets back.

 

DAN

In case you need a reminder, we've beaten you twice. T-W-I-C-E. (sticking his finger in Johnny's face, who slaps it away)TWICE!

 

Both teams continue to stare at each other, as Jesse tosses it back to ringside.

 

JESSE

Things are getting heated backstage. Still to come: Hell's Hitmen & the New New Midnight Express vs. The Global Party XChange & Black T in a big 8 man tag. And at License to Pin: This ain't Oz, Black T will defend the OAOAST tag titles against James E. Cornette's New New Midnight Express, while GPX face off against Hell's Hitmen. A night so big, it's being held over two days. July 31st & August 1st, 2004. Three C, I send it back to you.

 

(Back to the arena)

Edited July 29, 2004 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

We cut out to the ringside, where Jackie Gayda stands in the center of the ring with a mic in-hand.

 

JACKIE

Ladies and gentlemen, last week's HeldDOWN ended with one of the most tragic...most...horrific scenes in recent memory...perhaps even in professional wrestling history. Last week "J-Dogg" Johnny Gunn was brutally MURDERED in the middle of this ring by The Hand. It all went down last week at the end of a tag match that pitted Gunn and Panther against The Hand and Chris Bryte.

 

The HeldDOWN logo flashes across the Angletron, and footage from the tag match begins to play on screen.

 

JACKIE

There you see it right here, fans. J-Dogg and Chris Bryte are in the ring...J-Dogg seems to have the match well in hand when...

 

J-Dogg runs into the ropes and dives at Bryte with a flying bodyscissors, looking to end the match with his signature "Dogg's Bite." However, before he can complete the move, The Hand rushes in and grabs him by the throat with both hands. The footage freezes right there, and the crowd boos as we cut back to Jackie in the ring.

 

JACKIE

Right there you saw it...The Hand grabbing Gunn by the throat, choking him down to the canvas and...well...that was it. Gunn and Panther would win via DQ, but post-match, The Hand refused to release the choke. He relentlessly squeezed the life out of J-Dogg, crushing his throat...causing all types of internal hemorraging, and unfortunately, fans, Mr. Gunn did not survive those injuries. He passed away in the ring...(sighs) we at OAOAST would like to send our condolences out to the Gunn family on this tragic...tragic situation.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah. In other words: PLEASE DON'T SUE!!!!!!

 

COLE

Will you stop?!

 

CABOOSE

No.

 

JACKIE

Well fans...it's quite unfortunate that J-Dogg will no longer be with us...but tonight, there are a couple of guys who *are* with us, and the both of them sure as hell have a lot of explaining to do! So, without further ado, I would like to call The Hand and Chris Bryte down to this ring right now!

 

The crowd boos wildly as "It's Goin' Down" starts up over the PA system. The house lights dim, a blue hue covers the arena, and white strobe lights begin to flash upon the entrance.

 

Watch them flee...

 

Watch them flee...

 

Wa...Wa...Watch them flee [hip hop hits]

 

*Scratch**Scratch*

 

...and you do it like this!

 

The crowd damn near riots as Bryte strolls out from the locker room with The Hand on his heels. Bryte's clad in a dark gray suit and, as always, his trademark shades. Around his left arm is a black band, upon which "J-DO" is printed in white letters. He taunts fans on his way down to ringside as Jackie, from the ring, looks on with disdain.

 

CABOOSE

Call me crazy, but I'm sensing a little bit of venom from Ms. Gayda towards Mr. Bryte there.

 

COLE

There's a lot of venom directed at Mr. Bryte these days, and not just from Jackie. Just about every superstar behind that curtain was shocked and appalled by what transpired last week.

 

COACH

You ain't lying, dude. And it's not like Jackie didn't have problems with Bryte already. You remember what happened the last time she interviewed Bryte.

 

COLE

Right. That took place backstage at the Great Angle Bash...just goes to show what type of low life this idiot Bryte is, but never...NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that we'd see something like what we saw last week. That was absolutely...HIDEOUS!

 

Now at ringside, Bryte and The Hand enter the ring and approach Ms. Jackie. The lights return to normal and the music dies down as Bryte puts his right arm around Jackie. She quickly pulls away from him, fuming.

 

JACKIE

Chris Bryte, who in the hell do you think you are?! How dare you...the nerve of you to come out here after what you and this oaf did last week...don't you have any respect???!

 

BRYTE

Hey, hey, hey! Cool it, sister! I'm wearing an armband, ain't I?

 

JACKIE

Oh, yeah! For...(reads the band) "J-DO"?!

 

BRYTE

Woman PLEASE! The way these overpriced armband makers are charging these days, Gunn's lucky to get this much outta me. I mean c'mon...$2 a letter? What kinda highway robbery is that?!

 

The crowd boos wildly in the background, and chants of "CHRIS BRYTE SUCKS" echo throughout the building. Bryte just laughs it off, while The Hand stares ominously into the crowd.

 

JACKIE

Well I'll tell ya what, Chris: you and The Hand here had better get used to charges after what went down last week, because the way I see it, the both of you have got some jail time on your hands! (crowd pops)

 

BRYTE

Aww! Is that how you see it Jackie? (she nods) And HeldDOWN...is that how YOU see it too?! (crowd pops louder) Well get some new glasses! You see, The Hand and I aren't going anywhere. Nope...not at all! And do you people wanna know why? It's because last week's little...accident with J-Dogg was just that: a sports-related ACCIDENT!

 

The crowd boos once more, and chants of "Bullshit" start up in the crowd.

 

BRYTE

Oh no, no, no! It's true alright, and if you don't believe me, just ask the New Mexico State Athletic Commission, because that's exactly what they're calling it! Just ask the Santa Fe PD! That's what they're calling it! (smiles) Ya see--contrary to how the OAOAST's propaganda team has been painting us for the last week--me and The Hand...we're really nice guys! (crowd boos) It's true. See...we don't come down to this ring week after week to hurt people! We don't come out to cause harm. The Hand and I are athletes! We're competitors! We're...by god, we're CHAMPIONS, damn it! We've got the heart of a lion! We've got that unquenchable spirit...that undeniable will to win! And that's all that we were trying to do last week people...we were trying to win! And really, people, you can't fault us for that. I mean...the name of the game is to win at all costs! To pull no punches! It's not our fault that J-Dogg wasn't tough enough to take the beating we dished out. I mean, really, people...this ain't ballet!

 

COLE

Aww what a crock of sh--

 

CABOOSE

Now you just wait a minute, Cole! I actually agree with Bryte on this! If J-Dogg wasn't tough enough to take it, he never should've put himself in that position last week.

 

COLE

(rolls eyes) Please.

 

BRYTE

But of course, you idiots are oblivious to all of that. You listen to all of this OAOAST propaganda...you listen to Cole, you listen to Coach! They paint The Hand and I as bad guys, and of course, you eat it right up! But luckily for us, the good people of New Mexico aren't as gullible as all of you! They were able to see through the lies! See through all the propaganda! They were able just what kind of people The Hand and myself truly are, and they were able to see that the two of us are absolutely, positively, 100% NOT GUILTY, baby! (crowd boos) So no, Jackie, there WON'T be any criminal charges filed against The Hand or myself as it relates to this whole J-Dogg matter. And...oh yeah! Let me take a second to give thanks to my loving Uncle Kev for all of the *COUGH* help *COUGH COUGH* you've provided us throughout this entire ordeal! Thanks again, Unc...*COUGH COUGH COUGH* excuse me! It's a little smokey in here.

 

JACKIE

You know, Chris, when I was assigned this job tonight, I was told that you were gonna issue an apology!

 

BRYTE

And I *AM* Jackie! I am apologizing! But not for the J-Dogg thing, because, again, it wasn't my fault. If you people wanna blame somebody, then you look no further than the so-called "Champion of Champions." (crowd pops) Yeah that's right, Panther! J-Dogg's death falls squarely on your shoulders!

 

COLE

You have got to be kidding me.

 

CABOOSE

Oh, he's telling it like it is, Mikey! Preach on, Chris! Preach on!

 

BRYTE

You see Panther, you are the cause of this! You are the reason that I've done everything I've done since entering the OAOAST. Because, Panther, rather than admit that your time is up--rather than admit that you'd been beaten--rather than admit that you're just not the guy that you used to be...you had to keep on coming back! You had to keep clinging to a business that has passed you by. Not only that, but Panther, you had to keep sticking your nose in my business! You kept pushing me and pushing me, until you forced The Hand and me to react the way we did last week. Face it, Panther: J-DOGG IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!!!!! (crowd boos) But I dunno why I'm even wasting my breath on you, Panther. You know what I say is true, but you'll never admit it. No! You'll just continue on living in a state of denial; a fantasy world in which you're still a great wrestler--a world in which you're the almighty Champion of Champions, and you can do no wrong. Pathetic. (scoffs) And they have the nerve to ask me to come out here and apologize tonight. Well Panther, the ONLY thing I'm sorry about is that I actually looked up to a worthless piece of trash like you!

 

The crowd boos wildly in the background as Bryte saunters around the ring with a big smile on his face.

 

JACKIE

Well...I can see we're not gonna accomplish anything here. Fans, let's take...

 

BRYTE

Whoa, whoa! I'm not done!

 

Jackie rolls her eyes as Bryte snatches the mic from her.

 

BRYTE

Now Panther, when I laid that challenge out to you a few weeks back...when I challenged you to face The Hand, I was hoping that you'd finally accept the truth. That we'd finally get you to accept that you're just not fit to compete in a wrestling ring again, and I thought that it'd worked. We thought you had gotten the message, but unfortunately, last week showed me that I was sadly mistaken. And it's like I said before: The Hand and I aren't out here to hurt people. We don't enjoy inflicting harm, but Panther, you leave us with no choice. In order for you to see the light, Panther...it appears to me that maybe...maybe The Hand has to make yet another example here tonight. It appears that someone else must suffer because of your stubbornness, Panther, and that someone...is none other...than...

 

 

JACKIE GAYDA!

 

JACKIE

Huh?!

 

*WHAM*

 

COACH

WHAT THE HELL?!??!

 

The Hand blindside Jackie with a hard clothesline, sending her straight to the canvas. The crowd begins tossing trash into the ring as Bryte backs away into a corner, grinning from ear-to-ear.

 

COLE

Chris Bryte...the son of a bitch just sent The Hand after Jackie...oh no!

 

COACH

She's busted, Cole!

 

Indeed. Jackie pulls herself up to her knees, revealing that she's bleeding from the mouth. Suddenly, a bevy of officials rush the ring, hoping to prevent another J-Dogg situation, but Bryte quickly intervenes, taking them all out with a series of martial arts strikes and kicks, much to the crowd's chagrin.

 

COACH

This is just like last week, Cole.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah. This oughta show her not to mouth off to Chris Bryte.

 

With the officials down, Bryte turns back to The Hand and signals for him to finish her. Jackie tries to escape, but The Hand reaches down and catches her by the throat. The boos grow louder and louder as The Hand forces her back to her feet, with Jackie fighting him as best she can.

 

COLE

C'mon, damn it! Don't do this! Bryte...please don't...

 

Tears are streaming down Jackie's cheeks as The Hand tightens his grip around her throat. Suddenly, the crowd's boos turn to cheers.

 

CABOOSE

Hey wait a minute...what the--

 

COACH

IT'S PANTHER!!!!!!!!!

 

YES! Panther appears from the crowd with a chair in hand. He hops the barricade, charges the ring and blasts The Hand with a HARD chairshot to the head, causing him to release Jackie. A second shot from Panther causes The Hand to stagger, at which point, Panther makes a lunge for Bryte, *JUST* missing him with a chairshot attempt as Bryte slips out to the arena floor. Panther tosses the chair at Bryte's head then turns back towards the ring, managing to duck a clothesline attempt from The Hand and ROCK him with a superkick to the jaw! He follows up with a hard right hand! Another! The Hand tries a right hand of his own, but Panther ducks, and starts tearing into him with a vicious combo of lefts and rights! To the chest! To the jaw! To the throat! The Hand is reeling, and the crowd comes to its feet as Panther runs to the far side and comes off with a running front dropkick, sending The Hand tumbling backwards through the ropes and out to the arena floor. The fans erupt into a LOUD chant of "PANTHER, PANTHER" as officials and security rush The Hand, preventing him from re-entering the ring. As Bryte and The Hand struggle with officials on the outside, Panther grabs the mic in the ring.

 

PANTHER

Is this what you wanted, Bryte?! You wanted the OLD Panther?!?! (chuckles) Well bitch, you should be careful what you wish for, because I'M BACK! (crowd pops) Consider your challenge officially accepted!

 

COLE

NO!

 

PANTHER

It's on between me and The Hand, and big man, trust me, the strongest hands in the world aren't gonna be strong enough to pull my foot outta your sorry ass! This Sunday night, your ass belongs to me, and when I get done with him, Bryte, you had damn sure better believe you're next. And you can call that a threat--call that a guarantee--but when it's all said and done, you'll know that THAT'S...THE FUCKING...TRUTH!!!!!

 

"State Prop (You Know Us)" hits the PA system as the officials continue to try and hold The Hand back. Panther just glares at him from the ring.

 

COACH

What about that?! Panther just accepted The Hand's challenge!

 

COLE

This is bad! This is really bad! Panther...he cannot step into the ring with this man! He could get killed in there! I can't believe this!

 

Panther continues to stare down The Hand as Bryte yells at him from the ramp, "You're a dead man, Panther! You're dead!" Panther glares intensely at them both as we fade out.

 

(Go to break)

 

(Return from break)

 

COLE

Well, here we go folks, what a match we have coming up- 8 men, 4 tag teams- this is going to be wild.

 

COACH

Last week on HeldDown the match between NNMX and GPX descended into chaos after Black T and Hell’s Hitmen interfered. This is the match made by Bill Watts to attempt to restore some order going into Licence to Pin.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is the 8 man Wild Card Tag Match, and is set for one fall.

 

The bizarre mix of “Hit Me Verdi One More Time” scares half the audience, as fire erupts across the stage.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, total combined weight seven hundred sixty two pounds, the team of JINGUS and The Sadist- HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLS HITMEN!

 

J&S stride down to the ring, snarling at the crowd.

 

COLE

At LTP GPX will be taking on these monsters, and I don’t envy them at all.

 

CABOOSE

It’s going to be a beautiful blood bath.

 

Cue: "Chase"

 

BUFFER

And their partners…

 

JIM CORNETTE

Take a minute their, Buff! Ladies and Gents, boys and girls, effeminate announcers and monsters, allow me to introduce the NEXT OAOAST Tag Team Champion of the World- the new franchise players, "Sarcastic" Simon & "Narcissistic" Ned, the New New Midnight Express!

 

Cornette leads his men down to the ring, each looking confident if a little worn from the beating Black T laid down upon them last week.

 

COLE

NNMX get their shot at gold in just a few days, but they face the most dominant tag team in OAOAST history, Black T.

 

CABOOSE

It’s going to be a hell of a match between four real men. Unlike these next guys….

 

In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees,

there finally emerges a group

which has come to set the record straight.

so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard

can you say uhhh na na na na…

 

*HUGE POP!*

 

BUFFER

Aaaand their opponents, first at a total combined weight of four hundred eight pounds, from HOTlanta Georgia, they are Scotty Static and Johnny “Jam” Jackson , the Global Party Xchange!

 

GPX do their usual dance down to the ring.

 

CABOOSE

Last week Scotty got taken away on a stretcher! He can’t be in any shape for this match.

 

COACH

This just shows that behind the clownish exterior, GPX have champion hearts. They want to beat Hell’s Hitmen at LTP and get another shot at the Tag Titles, whoever holds them.

 

GPX show no fear in bouncing into the ring and facing down their four opponents. Jim Cornette is talking to Hell’s Hitmen, who don’t appear to want to listen.

 

Cue: “Quiet”

 

BUFFER

And their partners, accompanied to the ring by the “Farmer of Champions”, Jivin’ Jim Ross, at a total combined weight of five hundred thirty two pounds, they are the OAOAST Tag Team Champions of the World and are still UNDEFEATED as a team…they are “IceHeart” Dan Black, and his partner T.Bod- BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLACK TEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

JR and Black T walk slowly down to the ring. T.Bod wears his traditional sparkling robe while Black has his trench coat and shades. JR is topless and waving his man boobs around whilst screaming incoherently at Cornette.

 

COLE

Wow, look at JR move!

 

Black T are in the ring, and face up to GPX.

 

COACH

This has got to be the ultimate in odd-pairings. Black T and GPX have been at odds since Dan and T.Bod first became a team, and now they find themselves on the same side? This has disaster written all over it.

 

CABOOSE

Black T are professionals. All they ask is that GPX try to behave in the same way.

 

GPX offer handshakes to Black T, who look at them in disgust before removing their respective entrance attire and standing on the apron, completely ignoring the NNMX, who glare angrily at their backs.

 

Our referee, Nick Patrick, gets Cornette out of the ring, where he hastily moves to the opposite side of the ring as JR. Ned Blanchard is going to start for his team, and Johnny Jackson takes up the position for their opponents. Scotty Static plants himself between Dan and T.Bod and grins at them both, who look purposefully away.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Lock up, and Ned overpowers Johnny, pushing him into the NNMX/HH corner where JINGUS immediately slaps on a choke. Patrick counts it off, and warns JINGUS.

 

CABOOSE

This could be a long and difficult night for Patrick. Let’s hope he doesn’t get bumped.

 

Ned chops Jackson, before bringing him over with a snap mare and locking on a chin lock. Jackson is too fresh to be held down however, and gets to his feet before throwing a couple of elbows to propel Ned away from him. Jackson runs the ropes and rolls over Blanchard’s back as he drops down. Johnny throws a few shapes behind Ned, until the NNMX member turns and eats a dropkick to the jaw.

 

Ned scuttles back to his teams corner and tags in JINGUS, who steps over the top rope with a snarl. Johnny swallows, but holds his ground, putting up his dukes and glaring at the Devilman. JINGUS steps forward and just shoves JJ down onto his behind. The monster laughs, but Jackson is back up and peppering him with forearm shots and kicks to the calf. JINGUS looks a little taken aback, but when Johnny tries to whip him to the ropes, the Devilman won’t be moved and instead pulls Jackson into him and hits a big belly to belly suplex.

 

COACH

Just too much power in that hoss for Jackson to move. He’ll have to take to the air, if he wants to gain an advantage.

 

CABOOSE

Well thanks for explaining that to all the foetuses watching, idiot, as they’re about the only ones who might not already know that!

 

JINGUS pulls Jackson up and sends him to the ropes, but JJ ducks the killer lariat on his return and jumps onto the middle rope on the other side of the ring, spring boarding back with a body press- but JINGUS catches him easily!

 

A big pop suddenly, however, as Scotty Static is on the top rope with a missile dropkick to the back of Jackson, which knocks JINGUS down and into a cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Jackson pounds on JINGUS, as he brings him into the GPX/BT corner, and looks for a tag. Dan and T.Bod are suddenly in conference with JR, so Jackson has to wait for Scotty to get back from his dropkick and make the tag.

 

GPX perform a double team whip to JINGUS, followed by a double drop toehold and stereo elbow drops to the back of the Devilman’s head. As the referee ejects Johnny, Static lands a twisting leg drop to the neck and follows with a running back senton splash. Cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

COLE

Not enough to even have Big J in trouble. They’ll need to hit him with much more than that.

 

CABOOSE

I don’t even think they have it in them, Cole. GPX are outweighed and outclassed.

 

Static brings JINGUS up, throws a few forearms, and then manages to whip him to a vacant corner. Static runs in with a Stinger splash that connects, but makes the mistake of telegraphing another one, and JINGUS catches him coming with a stiff STO, slamming Scotty hard into the mat.

 

JINGUS tags in to the Sadist, who picks up Static into the power bomb position. As he raises Scotty up however, the GPX member flips out and lands a dropkick to the knee of Sadist. Another dropkick sends Sadist down to one knee, and Static tries a Shining Wizard- but Sadist blocks it. Sadist back to his feet and swings at SS, who evades the shot and nails Sadist with a trio of swift kicks to the midsection. Scotty slaps on an arm bar and brings Sadist over to his team’s corner, where he just SLAPS Dan Black hard on the chest.

 

Black looks horrified at what Scotty just did, but Nick Patrick is counting it as a legal tag and gestures Dan into the ring.

 

CABOOSE

I can’t believe Scotty just HIT his own partner!

 

COLE

It was the only way to get Black T into the match! They would have sat on the apron and let GPX do all the work otherwise!

 

CABOOSE

Well, they do have a Championship match this weekend. It’s not fair they should have to be out here.

 

Dan slams an elbow on the arm of Sadist as Scotty has it in the bar, and then goes to work with European uppercuts that have the Sadist staggering into the ropes. Dan doesn’t let up his assault, flaying the chest of the Sadist with knife edge chops until Patrick counts him off.

 

The chest of Sadist is red from the chops, and he strokes his pecs happily, enjoying the pain. Black shudders at the sight, and backs off as Sadist approaches him. Sadist makes a grab, and Dan pokes him in the eye. The crowd actually pops for this, as some of GPX’s popularity seems to be rubbing off on Black T a little.

 

More European uppercuts, and Dan applies a front facelock before hitting Sadist with a snap suplex.

 

COACH

Impressive strength from Dan Black in suplexing Sadist.

 

COLE

But Sadist likes it!

 

Indeed, Sadist just gets up from the suplex, a grin on his face. Dan stomps the mat in anger. He beckons Sadist to him, asking him if he wants some more. But as Sadist reaches him, Black grabs him by the trunks and trips him into his team’s corner. A tag to T.Bod, and Black T double team Sadist with boots and punches. Sadist is groggy on the mat.

 

T.Bod pulls Sadist up and hits him with a back suplex and a running Muta style elbow drop. Cover:

 

ONE!

 

Sadist throws T.Bod off him! The Ravishing One looks shocked, and swing at Sadist as he gets up, but the perverse monster catches his arm and hits T.Bod with a Divorce Court arm bar takedown. Sadist wrings the arm of T.Bod as he brings him up and goes to tag JINGUS, but Simon Singelton of the NNMX gets in there first, tagging himself in.

 

COLE

NNMX wanting a piece of Black T while T.Bod is at a disadvantage. That’s some solid strategy. Can they win the titles this weekend?

 

CABOOSE

There’s no reason why not. These guys are managed by Jim Cornette remember. He only works with winners.

 

Simon takes over on the armbar, wringing it round again, but T.Bod counters to his own armbar. Grinning, T.Bod rolls his hips while Simon grimaces in pain. Tony turns the armbar into a hammerlock, and then hits

a body slam with the arm locked in behind. Simon shouts and holds his arm as he gets up, but walks straight into a kick to the gut and DDT from T.Bod. Cover:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

T.Bod brings Simon up and goes for another hammerlock body slam, but Simon escapes as T.Bod picks him up, landing behind the tag champ and locking on a sleeper! Tony flails momentarily in the sleeper, before countering to his own sleeper. But suddenly Ned Blanchard runs in with a sleeper to T.Bod! Dan Black can’t stand for this, and locks on a sleeper to Ned!

 

COLE

That’s a lot of sleep being administered here!

 

JINGUS steps into the ring and grabs Dan off with a full nelson. JINGUS looks about to hit Black with a Dragon suplex, when Black escapes to a waistlock on the Devilman, and hits him with a German suplex!

Dan then grabs Ned with a waistlock and pulls him off T.Bod before hitting him too with a German. Black is ejected by Nick Patrick, but he’s done his job as T.Bod has the sleeper on Simon with no interference.

 

This work is undone however, when Simon drops down, hitting T.Bod with a jawbreaker. Simon rolls up T.Bod, grapevining the legs:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THRE-KICKOUT!

 

Simon pummels T.Bod as he bring him up, but T.Bod fights back and whips Simon to the ropes. Simon slides down, through Tony’s legs and attacks from behind, but T.Bod fires back and whips SS into the BT/GPX corner. Tony runs in with a charge, but Simon jumps aside and T.Bod slams into Johnny Jackson, sending him to the floor. T.Bod holds up his hands, showing it wasn’t deliberate as Scotty Static yells at him. Simon meanwhile rolls across the ring to tag in JINGUS.

 

The Devilman grabs T.Bod from behind and hoists him into a torture rack position. T.Bod escapes quickly though and takes JINGUS down with a lariat. Tony runs the ropes to deliver a running move, but Jim Cornette trips him up! T.Bod turns to shout at JC, and of course falls victim to a SPINEBUSTAH as he turns back to JINGUS.

 

COLE

Get Cornette out of here! He’s a menace to matches!

 

COACH

Cornette turns the advantage back to his side, but so far neither team has been able to stay on top for long. These are four evenly matched tag teams, there’s no doubt.

 

CABOOSE

Except that GPX are by far the worst, of course.

 

JINGUS picks T.Bod up and slaps on a claw for a CLAWSLAM~!, but Dan saves his partner by clipping the legs of the Devilman from behind. Dan then locks his Heart of Ice (Crippler Crossface) onto JINGUS! Sadist runs in, breaks it up, and then lies on the mat, inviting Dan to apply the hold to him! Dan shakes his head and instead drops a knee to the back of Sadist’s neck.

 

Ned and Simon run into the ring to join the action and nail Black with a double clothesline, and then T.Bod gets the same as he rises. NNMX raise their arms in celebration- but suddenly eat boot as both members of the GPX jump in with springboard dropkicks!

 

Nick Patrick is frantically trying to restore order, but GPX and NNMX are slugging it out in the middle of the ring as Dan fights it out with JINGUS and T.Bod and Sadist spill to the outside, firing blows at each other!

 

NNMX get the advantage on GPX are hit them with stereo body slams. Simon heads up to the top rope as NNMX prepare to use the Rocket Launcher onto Johnny Jackson.

 

Meanwhile- KICK WHAM BLACKOUT to JINGUS and Dan kicks him out of the ring. Black jumps onto the apron, climbs up behind Simon and locks in a Dragon Sleeper on the top rope!

 

This allows GPX to get back into the match, and they grab Ned Blanchard, hitting a double team back drop driver that spikes Ned hard into the mat!

On the outside T.Bod sends Sadist crashing into the ring steps, and follows with a big Yakuza kick to the head!

 

COLE

This is all breaking down now, as I predicted!

 

COACH

Oh, what a great prediction, Mikey. Everyone knew it would. Even foetuses!

 

CABOOSE

Don’t steal from me.

 

Dan still has the Dragon sleeper on when GPX jump onto the top rope with him! Dan looks shocked as GPX grab Simon away from him and hit a beautiful Spanish Fly on Simon down to the mat. GPX then gesture Dan to follow them down. Black shrugs and jumps off with a diving head BUTT that connects with Simon hard!

 

Cover!

 

Nick Patrick refuses to count!

 

COLE

Dan isn’t legal!

 

COACH

Who the hell is?

 

COLE

Er…

 

CABOOSE

JINGUS and T.Bod. Man, get a grip!

 

Black advances on Nick, threatening him, but Patrick isn’t intimidated and shoves Dan away! GPX try to restrain Dan, who in turn shoves GPX away. T.Bod gets back into the ring and gets in Static’s face, and it looks as if GPX and BT’s partnership is crumbling…

 

Dan is about to fire a punch at Static, when Sadist grabs him from behind and lays him out with a half nelson suplex! Sadist is a house of fire, with lariats to Tony, Scotty and Johnny. Sadist throws GPX out of the ring, grabs T.Bod up and hits him with a Tiger Bomb!

 

Sadist then goes outside to get JINGUS back into the ring.

 

COLE

Sadist just restored order! Who’d have thunk it?

 

Jim Cornette has gotten the NNMX out of the ring, and they regroup on the floor as JINGUS rolls into the ring and covers T.Bod.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

JINGUS and T.Bod both climb up slowly, and start to exchange blows. T.Bod works over the monster with body shots, but JINGUS fires back with a stiff chops that leave T.Bod staggered. JINGUS picks T.Bod up and hits him with a shoulder breaker.

 

Cover!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

No! It’s broken up by a leg drop from the top by Johnny Jackson!

 

COACH

Well, Sadist tried to restore order, and it lasted 2 minutes…

 

Sadist runs at Jackson, who evades his big boot and hits a spinning heel kick to the head of Sadist, followed by a jawbreaker. But as Sadist falls to the mat, Jackson is caught from behind in a full nelson from Simon Singleton- release Dragon Suplex!

 

Simon celebrates, but turns into an OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE! (Spinebuster) from a semi-recovered T.Bod. Jackson and Simon roll out of the ring, as we’re left with T.Bod and JINGUS once more. T.Bod LOW BLOWS the Devilman and hits him with the Rude Awakening! (Neckbreaker)

 

Cover!

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREE!

 

 

 

 

 

NO! Ned Blanchard breaks it up! Ned and T.Bod exchange blows, with T.Bod overpowering his opponent and setting up for a piledriver! Before Tony can crush Ned’s head however, Sadist is back for more and slams T.Bod in the back, making him release the NNMX member. Sadist puts T.Bod on his shoulders, and then drops to his knees, hitting a sit down backbreaker. Sadist doesn’t stop there, getting to his feet to repeat the move, but Scotty Static hits him with a spinning back elbow from the top rope! T.Bod falls to the mat as Static executes a moonsault dropkick that propels Sadist to the ropes.

 

Tony is up, and grabs Ned in a full nelson. T.Bod yells at Static to help him out. Scotty runs the ropes and aims a kick at Ned’s midsection- but Ned escapes at the last minute and Scotty kicks T.Bod in the groin! The crowd roars with approval as T.Bod sinks to his knees. Scotty tries to apologise but seems to be laughing too much…

 

…but the smile is knocked off his face when Sadist nearly decapitates him with a big boot! JINGUS picks up T.Bod and sets him for a PowerBomb as Sadist ascends to the top- Flying clothesline assisted power bomb and JINGUS covers T.Bod:

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Dan dives for the save-

 

THREE!

 

-but is too late!

 

Patrick slaps them out and calls for the bell, perhaps thankful to have this one over.

 

DING DING DING

 

BUFFER

The winners of the match, the team of the New New Midnight Express and Hell’s Hitmen!

 

NNMX and Hell’s Hitmen leave the ring quickly, grinning at having come out of the chaos with the win. Dan Black and JR check on T.Bod, while GPX regroup on the outside.

 

COLE

I have to feel for T.Bod!

 

CABOOSE

C’mon, you can’t possibly know what it’s like. Your manhood doesn’t compare to a man like T.Bod’s.

 

COACH

Are you saying you admire T.Bod’s manhood?

CABOOSE

Take that back.

 

COACH

Yes Sir.

 

Black helps T.Bod up, and they leave the ring…coming face to face with Johnny and Scotty! Black starts to hurl abuse at the GPX, who argue back. Jivin’ JR starts to flail a taunting dance in front of Johnny, who doesn’t look impressed. Dan SLAPS Scotty in the face, and the two teams are about to come to blows-

 

When Hell’s Hitmen and the NNMX run back down the ramp and attack! NNMX are swinging steel chairs-

 

CRACK!

 

CRACK!

 

Dan and T.Bod are taken out!

 

CRACK!

 

Tennis racket shot to JR from JC!

 

Hell’s Hitmen slam GPX to the ground, before whipping both members in turn hard into the steel steps. HH borrow the chairs for the NNMX and deliver hard shots to Johnny and Scotty. Satisfied, the two teams leave, with GPX and BT down and out.

 

COACH

NNMX and HH just struck a huge blow going into LTP! They must now be considered favourites for their respective matches!

 

COLE

One thing’s for sure, it’s going to be brutal, it’s going to be bloody. Folks, we’ll see you this Saturday for night one of the most historic event in OAOAST, maybe wrestling, history, License To Pin: This Ain’t Oz. If you haven’t ordered it yet, good lord do it now, because it’s going to be awesome!

 

Edited July 29, 2004 by Patty O'Green