Will John Kerry Make WWE A Fortune 500 Company??

[Guest killernerd]

“Will John Kerry make WWE a Fortune 500 Company Again?”

 

Hello Smart Marks,

 

WWE is highly considering hiring John Kerry has Teddy Long’s replacement as the Smackdown GM in 2005. WWE feels Kerry has the name value to do big things for WWE. Most in the WWE front office believe George Bush will beat John Kerry in the up coming election, which will leave Kerry unemployed and disrupt for a high paid public speaking position. WWE plans to call Kerry the “Original Bullshitter” based on his real live character in the media. Bookers in the front office got the idea when Kerry made a speech on national television to the state of New Mexico. Kerry promised native Americans free health care and a greater quality of life in the United States. Most in the front office felt this was a bunch of hogwash, which lead to the brainstorm idea of the “Original Bullshitter”.

Kerry gimmick will basically be he makes false promises to the WWE fans. The following scenarios have been planned out and Vince McMahan feels confident the angles will make Kerry a perfect heel.

 

1. John Kerry will promise the Smackdown fans a world class wrestler is coming in at the end of the night to face Kurt Angle in the big main event. Kerry will state “it could be the Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan or even Roddy Piper but I promise you I will deliver come bell time”. Angle will be in the ring waiting for his mystery opponent when the theme song of Baywatch comes on. The special wrestler will end up being Lifeguard Steve Collins formerly of WCW Worldwide Wrestling. The Smackdown fans will be sadly disappointed in the choice of opponent for Kurt Angle to say the least. The match will be a easy squash match for Kurt Angle.

 

2. John Kerry will announce at the beginning of Smackdown their will be a special lottery to see, which lucky fan wins a million dollars. Kerry will bring out a giant wind box with ping pong balls in the box that has fans names inside the ping pong balls. Kerry will choose the lucky fan and have the fan come down to the wrestling ring to collect their check. Kerry will than say “Notice anything funny about the check?”. The fan will say “No!”. Kerry will say “Wrestling fans are so stupid. Look who signed the check. Do you honestly think Mickey Mouse is going to pay you a million bucks?”. The camera will than zoom on the signature of the check, which will have Mickey Mouse’s John Handcock written on the authorizer of the check.

 

3. John Kerry will build up a big triple threat legends match between Bret Hart, Hulk Hogan, and Macho Man Randy Savage for four weeks. However, it will really be the Zit Man, Nacho Man, and the Huckster in a triple threat match. The zit man will win the match after hitting the Nacho Man in the eyes with his dreaded zit cream. Fans will react more negatively to Kerry’s scam than any Dusty Finish in the last twenty years.

 

4. John Kerry will host a special Divas’ sex line commercial to the Smackdown fans. Kerry will say “You can now talk to Torrie, Jackie, and Dawn Maria about your most private thought for 99 cents a minute. What are you waiting for? Call now!”. The fine print on the screen will say “The cost is really twenty bucks a hour. Mantaur, Bastin Booger, and Kamala are the people you will share your sexual thoughts with.”. This will leave many perverted Smackdown fans with a sour taste in their mouth.

 

Looks like John Kerry will have a very good job after losing to George Bush in the upcoming election. I really don’t think much of John Kerry the politician but he may make a very good heel for the WWE. I’m really not a political person but I’m definitely looking forward to the “Original Bullshiter” angle. Thanks for reading and have fun posting on the forums

 

yours truly,

 

Killer Nerd

[Guest Staravenger]

I REALLY need to start paying attention to Smackdown I guess. Didn't know WWE was interested in him.

[KingPK 0]

All right, that's enough from you.