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Lt. Al Giardello

Best Wrestling Quotes...

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Guest The Decadent Slacker

"I come to ECW, & you the Sandman...you got the Raven...you got Cactus Jack...You got a bunch of damn misfits!"-Steve Austin (probably not exact, but pretty close)

 

"Lita is multi-orgasmic in a cosmic sort of way."

"What?"- JR & Lawler on RAW a couple years ago

 

"I guess you must be dyslexic, because when you say 'Suck it,' you must mean 'it sucks,' & DX most definitely sucks. And Road Dogg, you most definitely suck"-Jericho at Summerslam '99, which is probably quoted wrong as it goes.

 

"*coughHAKUSHI*"- RVD at Heatwave '98, doing a promo with Sabu & Fonzie about their match with Hayabusa & Jinsei "Hakushi" Shinzaki

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"It's the Hamburglar. He's guilty of shoving chicken mcnuggets up his candy ass" - Rock to Hurricane (might be inaccurate)

 

"Say 'WHAT' if you sleep with your sister - The Undertaker (again, might be inaccurate, but, I think it's close enough)

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Guest Fook
Damn, I don't have the transcript but how about Hogan at WM 9?

 

"I look in the eyes of Bret, and I know that the title is coming back to America brother!"

 

"That jap..." Refering to Yoko.

So a match between a Canadian and a Japanese would result in the title going to the States? What the hell kind of globe did Hogan have?

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Damn, I don't have the transcript but how about Hogan at WM 9?

 

"I look in the eyes of Bret, and I know that the title is coming back to America brother!"

 

"That jap..." Refering to Yoko.

So a match between a Canadian and a Japanese would result in the title going to the States? What the hell kind of globe did Hogan have?

I think he must have just seen the booking sheet.

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Guest Samurai Johnny Frankenstein
Kurt Angle (to Funaki, shortly after winning KOTR): "I'm your king, which is the equivalent of your emperor or head ninja."

Angle = God, most of the time

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Chris Jericho at SummerSlam 99: "You think you're so smart by spelling your name 'R-O-A-D-D-O-double G.' You want to impress me? Spell lugubrious!"

 

 

Buddy Rogers after winning the NWA World Title: "To a nicer guy, it couldn't happen."

 

 

And probably my favorite spiel that few have ever heard. Johnny Valentine has just defeated The Crusher by DQ before the match ever started, as Crusher attacked before the bell. Valentine disposes of Bad Boy Joe in 22 seconds, and here comes Crusher to the ring. Please note I have no idea who the interviewer is, so he's acknowledge by a simple I. C = Crusher, obviously.

 

I:  This happened awful fast.  Why didn't this go on?

 

C:  Because the commissioner won't let me go in there and murder that bum because he knows I'll put that bum out of wrestling for the rest of his life if I ever get that bum in there!

 

I:  Why did the commissioner disqualify you?

 

C:  I wasn't disqualified, the match never even started!

 

I:  The bell hadn't rung, but the commissioner disqualified you!

 

C:  They didn't disqualify me.  They didn't want me to get back in that ring...  And I think there's a prejudice because they know, and everybody in this joint knows, that I am the greatest wrestler to ever set foot in Chicago or any other place.

 

I:  Will you take on Johnny Valentine anywhere?

 

[Crusher answers off mic, as he tries to reenter the ring.]

 

I:  When would you like to fight Johnny Valentine again?

 

C [looking at Valentine]:  If I ever get back in that ring, watch him run like a scared rabbit.  [Crusher begins to answer the question, but the combination of a bad mic and his off-mic taunting of the crowd makes part of it unhearable.]  ...intestinal fortitude, and that's what makes me the greatest wrestler in the world today.

 

I:  What about this [making the elbow motion]?

 

[No answer, as Crusher once again tries to reenter the ring.]

 

I:  Crusher.  What defense do you have against the skull buster?

 

C:  The best defense I've got is to put that bum in the hospital before he can ever use it.  The best defense is a good offense, and that what I've got is the best offense in the wrestling business today.  I need no defense.  And when I start on these bum, they don't have a chance to think or do anything else.  When they mess with me, they don't come back for seconds.

 

I:  Don't you think you started too early though?  The bell hadn't even rung.

 

C:  That's because of the lousy bells they got here in this state.  They ought to invest in a bell that I can hear, not in one that I can't hear.  I thought the bell rang and...

 

[Crusher once again tries to reenter the ring, but this time Valentine knocks him off the apron.]

 

C:  See that cheap Pearl Harbor punch he threw at me?  [The mic cuts out during this part of the spiel.]

 

I:  You'll have another chance!  Crusher... [Crusher taunts some fans.]  You'll get another chance at it, Crusher.

 

C:  You're darn right.  It's gonna be before the night's over!  And any place I meet that bum, whether it's in the street or in the alley, I'm gonna beat that bum!  He'll never walk around here again, I'll tell you that!

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Guest Staravenger

Hulk Hogan calling The Rock "Rock of Jabroni" was the funniest shit I've ever heard him say. Rock comes back mocking Hogans "What-cha gonna do" rambling of course.

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Chris Jericho at SummerSlam 99:  "You think you're so smart by spelling your name 'R-O-A-D-D-O-double G.'  You want to impress me?  Spell lugubrious!"

The response to that was pretty funny by the Road Dogg, unintentionally. Something to the extent of:

"Shuddup... bitch!"

(At this point, Jericho stuffed the microphone in his pants, to prove that, in fact, he isn't a bitch."

"My momma loves me! And if you're not down with that...."

 

Your momma loves you? That's great, Road Dogg.

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There was one during JR's initial heel turn in 1996 on Raw where they showed a clip from Superstars the previous wekend as JR was really into it since that was "his" show. He hammed it up to show the impact of "his" show Superstars. After the clip, Vince McMahon just followed it up w/ a sedated

 

"There ya go"

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This is a newer one but...

 

"I have a confession to make. ...I bet on wrestling."

-Bobby Heenan at the 2004 Hall of Fame Ceremony

 

And for an older one:

 

"Hey...how about getting your foot off of my shoulder..."

-Bob Ueker, seconds before being choked by Andre at WrestleMania IV.

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Austin: You're 275 pounds - your name is Hugh Morrus. What? Your name is...Hugh Morrus. What? Is that funny? Is that humourous? Are you here to make me laugh? What? You're PATHETIC! LOOK AT ME! You're pathetic!

 

God- there are so many Austin heel quotes from 2001.

 

I loved when Angle introduced himself to Torrie and said:

 

Hi I'm Kurt Angle ::pauses:: Olympic Gold Medalist

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God- there are so many Austin heel quotes from 2001.

Don't make me bust out the RVD/Austin interrogation skit!

 

Ah, what the hell:

 

AUSTIN: "Sit. In the chair."

RVD: "Okay."

(Austin dims the lights - except for a spotlight on van Dam.)

RVD: "What the hell is this?"

Austin:"What the hell do you THINK it is, RVD?"

RVD:"Tanning sys--"

AUSTIN:"Nonono - a what?"

RVD:"Tanning system?"

AUSTIN: "No it ain't a tan!"

RVD: "I don't know."

AUSTIN: "You ever seen on the TV, when they sit a (beep) down in the chair, and they ask him questions, and the lights shine on 'em, it's because they want answers. It's a five syllable word called interrogation."

RVD: "I used to see it on Baretta."

AUSTIN: "Do you think you're funny? Do you see me laugh? Do you know what my watch is saying?"

RVD: "I've never heard that watch."

AUSTIN: "It's sayin' it's time for you to sit there, look straight ahead, and give Stone Cold Steve Austin some answers. What were you doin' out there a while ago with Booker T?"

RVD: "That was just between Book and me."

AUSTIN: "If it was between Book and you, it's between you and me, because we're all a part of the Alliance, unless you got plans to go otherwise. You cost that man the WCW title. What? You're the guy, aren'cha? You're the guy. Straight ahead. You're ridin' around with Vince McMahon in the limousine. Do you think he's a great guy? It's all about Survivor Series for you, isn't it. You're gonna jump to the WWF to be a big star, this is your chance! You're the turncoat."

RVD: "Oh come on, Steve. I mean, seriously, you gotta admit, if anybody knows anything about turning coats, it's you! Yeah, remember at WrestleMania? You're talkin' about how much you hated Vince? Next thing you know, you're shakin' his hands, you're huggin' him, yeah! And then at InVasion, BOOM you turn back to hating him again. Yeah, that was you! I mean, you...you know, now that I think about it...maybe Vince has a point. Maybe the mole is you."

AUSTIN: "What?"

RVD: "It makes sense to me."

AUSTIN: "What? Me?"

RVD: "I'm thinking maybe so."

AUSTIN: "I think it's you."

RVD: "I'm saying it might be you."

AUSTIN: "I'm thinking it's you."

RVD: "It's you."

AUSTIN: "I don't have any more questions for you, you can leave. Thank you for coming by."

RVD: "...is it you?"

AUSTIN: "I don't trust you."

RVD: "See you later."

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That was gold.

 

Do you have any of the Angle-Austin stuff. My favourite was when they met Torrie Wilson or when Kurt convinced Austin that Debra was the problem

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Angle: Who would win the big match - Stone Cold Steve Austin and Booker T. Let's break it down, shall we? Stone Cold Steve Austin's the WWF Champ...and Booker T's the WCW Champion. Stone Cold Steve Austin has the experience...Booker T...is a little more...temperate. Umm, Booker T definitely has the height advantage...Stone Cold has the width advantage, he's a little more stout.

 

Austin: Width?

 

Angle: You're a little wider, that's all.

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"You couldn't beat my ass if the other half was helping you."

-Test to Shane McMahon

 

"Triple H, it's unfortunate that your ears aren't as big as your nose."

-Mick Foley

 

Goldust: If you will just allow me to have a drink of your Slurpee, I'll allow you a bite of my weiner

 

Booker T: Man, back the hell up!

 

(Goldust had a hot dog, and you know the deal)

 

"Not to mention our former tag team champions lost their titles after my good friend Christian was hit in the genitals with a hockey stick by a midget! I mean enough is enough!"

-Kurt Angle (When Kid Rock and the late Joe C were at RAW)

 

Kurt's gold when he's not serious.

 

The Jericho, Austin, Angle, and RVD quotes are great.

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Guest ally mccoist

Paul Heyman to Terri: "Terri, can you really be surprised that you got dumped for a mop? I mean, honestly, don't you realise that the mop had more personality than you, that the mop had more charisma than you, that the mop had more chemistry with Perry than you? Lets be honest: the mop doesn't require three hours in the make-up chair with a hairdresser, it doesn't require nine grand of plastic surgery every week. Can you honestly believe you ever had a chance against a mop? Get lost. Take a hike."

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Roddy Piper after a win over Cowboy Bob Orton: "What's the matter, Acey Baby, did you lose? Oh, I'm sorry. It was my fault."

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Guest Staravenger

I nearly gagged remembering the quote of Angle talking to Funaki after KOTR 2000. Head Ninja, :lol:

 

(Promo when HHH/Cactus HIAC was made)

Triple H: I will end...your fifteen year career...and it will be over!

 

 

 

RVD: I got you a christmas present...

Kane: ....Hungry Hungry Hippos?

 

OK, so I don't really remember it, but it was just so bad it was funny, like all of RVD's promos.

 

 

 

 

Jim Ross: The Red Rooster is gonna take over my job? What are you going to do? You going to peck me? The Red Rooster gonna take over for Jim Ross? A Mid-carder with a pitiful win-loss record is taking over for Jim Ross.

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Jim Ross: The Red Rooster is gonna take over my job? What are you going to do? You going to peck me? The Red Rooster gonna take over for Jim Ross? A Mid-carder with a pitiful win-loss record is taking over for Jim Ross.

Jesus! When the hell did Ross say that?

 

Is it just me or does Ross come across as a bitter old man with that comment. What the hell does he have against Terry Taylor anyway?

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Mean Gene: "Alright, over the last couple of months, it has been very difficult to introduce this man with the words World Wrestling Federation Champion, Hulk Hogan, here at WrestleMania IV this afternoon, you've got the opportunity to change that."

 

Hogan: "Oh yeah, it's been hard to live with, man! FEE FI FO FUM, Andre! One long year, and your time has come, man! No marks, no scars, no blemishes on the Hulkster, brother! But inside man, I've been scarred for one long year! Everywhere I go man, all the little Hulksters ask me, 'Is there any truth to the fact that there was a controversial count? Hulkster, did you really press him over your head? Did you REALLY beat the Giant? Well today man, in WrestleMania IV, we're gonna wipe all that controversy out! Andre the Giant, in the second round, when you're fresh as a daisy, with the whole world watching, I'm gonna PROVE, brother, that I can beat ya, anywhere, anytime! And all my Hulkamaniacs, they're gonna FEEL it, too!

 

Gene: "Speaking of the Hulkamaniacs, Hulk Hogan, we have seen them here in Atlantic City, and I know millions of others are watching very intently all around the world!"

 

Hulk: "Yeah! But if you look into their eyes, man, have you seen the FEAR in all those little Hulksters? They realize, that when I get Andre the Giant cinched up in the launch position, when I slam him through the Trump Plaza, brother, from New York, down to Tampa, Florida, the fault line is gonna break off! And as Andre the Giant FALLS INTO THE OCEAN, as my next two opponents, fall into the ocean floor and I pin 'em, SO WILL DONALD TRUMP, and ALL the Hulkamaniacs! But as Donald Trump hangs on to the top of the Trump Plaza, with his family in his other arm, as they sink to the bottom of the sea, THANK GOD DONALD TRUMP'S A HULKAMANIAC! He'll know enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, dog paddle with his life, all the way to safety! But Donald...if something happens and you run out of gas, and all those Hulkamaniacs run out of gas...JUST HANG ON, to the largest back in the world, and I'll DOG PADDLE us, BACKSTROKE ALL OF US TO SAFETY!"

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*Dibiase enters the arena*

Heenan: You know how they say money can't buy happiness?

Monsoon: Yes I do.

Heenan: Well, give me 50 bucks and watch me smile!

 

 

 

*A heel just made a fake tag*

Ross: There was no tag here.

Heenan: Yes there was one.

Savage: I didn't see it.

Heenan: Of course you didn't, you have sunglasses and a hat over your head.

Ross: I don't have any and I didn't see it!

Heenan: Yeah, but you're from Oklahoma.

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Guest Askewniverse

Rowdy Roddy Piper: "Just when you think you know the answers, I change the questions."

 

Jerry Lawler (at ECW Arena): "This building should be made out of toilet paper, because there’s nothing in it but shit!"

 

The Rock: "The jabroni-beating, pie-eating, trail-blazing, eyebrow-raising, stronger than a bear, faster than a buck, the biggest thing to hit Canada, 'cause the Maple Leafs suck!"

 

Kurt Angle (after being accused of running over Steve Austin): "Wait a minute, why is everybody looking at me? Why are you looking at me? Hold on a second! Why aren't you looking at Essa Rios? Why can't it be him, huh? Why not Essa? I mean, everybody knows it's always the quiet ones! Who knows...maybe Stone Cold Steve Austin stole his green card."

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Kurt Angle (after being accused of running over Steve Austin): "Wait a minute, why is everybody looking at me? Why are you looking at me? Hold on a second! Why aren't you looking at Essa Rios? Why can't it be him, huh? Why not Essa? I mean, everybody knows it's always the quiet ones! Who knows...maybe Stone Cold Steve Austin stole his green card."

Classic Kurt Angle.

 

Every wrestler in the ring was accusing over main eventers, then all of the sudden Angle accuses Essa Rios.

 

That had me rolling on the ground in laughter.

 

 

 

 

"I got more ammunition in my cannon then you will ever realize" - Goldust, King of the Ring 2002.

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Guest Staravenger
Jim Ross: The Red Rooster is gonna take over my job? What are you going to do? You going to peck me? The Red Rooster gonna take over for Jim Ross? A Mid-carder with a pitiful win-loss record is taking over for Jim Ross.

Jesus! When the hell did Ross say that?

 

Is it just me or does Ross come across as a bitter old man with that comment. What the hell does he have against Terry Taylor anyway?

This was during Jim Ross' "heel turn" in 1999, with Steve Williams as his boy. He just kicked Cole in the balls (to cheers) and took over the PBP position. Then McMahon told Terry Taylor to go get Ross out and take over. When he did, Ross got uptight and just insulted him for 2 minutes.

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Jim Ross: The Red Rooster is gonna take over my job? What are you going to do? You going to peck me? The Red Rooster gonna take over for Jim Ross? A Mid-carder with a pitiful win-loss record is taking over for Jim Ross.

Jesus! When the hell did Ross say that?

 

Is it just me or does Ross come across as a bitter old man with that comment. What the hell does he have against Terry Taylor anyway?

This was during Jim Ross' "heel turn" in 1999, with Steve Williams as his boy. He just kicked Cole in the balls (to cheers) and took over the PBP position. Then McMahon told Terry Taylor to go get Ross out and take over. When he did, Ross got uptight and just insulted him for 2 minutes.

Ok, thanks for that.

 

I remember him kicking Cole in the balls (and cheering also) but I didn't remember the Taylor bit.

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Guest The Decadent Slacker

Ross: "Lita is multi-orgasmic in a cosmic sort of way."

Lawler: "WHAT?"

 

"It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you maim the Game!"-Cactus Jack

 

Crowd: "What?"

Hogan: "Cha gonna do?"

 

Cactus Jack: "You've got FIRE! PIZAZZ!... If I asked you nice enough, would you kill someone for me?"

Mikey Whipwreck: "I guess so..."

 

"You know, if Chyna had a nipple for every time someone said she was the breast darn woman here, she'd be a millionaire."-HHH

 

Some probably aren't 100% accurate, but they're close.

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