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Lt. Al Giardello

Best Wrestling Quotes...

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Reading Hogan's fucked up WrestleMania IV promo reminded me of this gem. Not the entire thing, but this was about as much as I could transcribe before my head wanted to explode.

 

 

Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania VI: "For it is written, Hulk Hogan, that the Warrior would come, and you have stood in the pathway. The deeper I went into the darkness, the closer I came to the light. And in that light, Hulk Hogan, there was a shadow. A man that had walls -- walls in himself -- not willing to give it all. Hulk Hogan, I am reality. I am the frustration that your mankind has swept under the carpet for years."

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The Raw after WM XIX:

 

FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO TORON...., TORON...., TO RUN HIS MOUTH ON ALL YOUR CANDY ASSES!!!

 

BOOOO.....

 

Also, every time Stone Cold called Benoit a snaggle-tooth S.O.B. had me squirting water from my nose. :lol:

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Guest Jar_of_Dirt

:headbang:

 

LOL at the "The Pills say one day at a time, moron!" Raven to Beulah.

Also LOL at Joey Styles and Cyrus "dammit" bit over Dreamer and CW Anderson.

 

Mcmahon had an unbelievable promo once to Foley, whom he had forced into a match with Terry Funk later that night....April/May 1998 Raw.

 

Also, when the belts were hoisted higher to accommodate the giant ladder the Sandman placed into the ring:

 

Styles- "Someone's raising the belts higher in the air!"

Cyrus- "I don't know what you're talking about"

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Guest DeathBecomesYou

Here's one of my faves, done by Jerry Lynn of all people, as he vrbally abused the shit out of Christian York and Joey Matthews @ ECW Guilty As Charged 2001...

 

"Let me explain something to you two morons. Your job is to make the stars look good, I had that job for 12 fucking years and it's not my job anymore. My job is to be who I am, and who I am is the whole fucking show."

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Guest Fook
How could I have fogotten about this gem that I don't think was mentioned...

 

"YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A NORMAL!"

-Ultimate Warrior to Sean "Who?" Mooney at WrestleMania VI

Also from that promo:

 

"You'll see I have come to DO NO ONE NO HARM!"

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(From the Angle/Benoit cage match. Austin is doing guest commentary.)

 

JR: Boy I can recall one time when Benoit hit 10 German suplexes on someone I know.

Austin: That someone was Stone Cold Steve Austin.

JR: Oh?

Austin: You think that's funny? You know how that felt . . . . . it hurt like a BASTARD!

 

Just a perfect delivery by Austin.

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Heel Austin on Raw in May 2001...

 

Austin: ... right here tonight in Cincinnati

 

(Crowd cheers loudly for him saying Cincinnati)

 

Austin (looking at crowd): You say that like you're proud to live in this cesspool.

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"You know something Mean Gene, you don't have to remind me and my Hulkamaniacs, that at Skydome, we're gonna face the Ultimate Challenge, brother! When we crossed the border from the United States of America to Canada, I was hovering over Skydome brother, I saw what was beneath me man. I saw the greatest arena of all times, where the Ultimate Challenge will take place...and as we landed brother, nothing but star-craving Hulkamaniacs were there to greet me at the airport. Nothing but positive vibes, man! Hulkamania is running wild like it's never ran before! But the Ultimate Warrior, you must realize that when you step into Skydome, when you feel the energy that is gonna run wild throughout the arena, those are my people. That's my energy, brother, and Ultimate Warrior, this is where the power lies, man, and the power of the Hulkster, the largest arms in the world, and once I get you down on your knees, Ultimate Warrior, I'm gonna ask you one question, brother! I'm gonna ask you: DO YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER? And if your answer is "yes," Ultimate Warrior, then BREATHE YOUR LAST BREATH NITO MY BODY! I can save ya, my Hulkamaniacs can save ya! We can turn the darkness that you live in into the light. We can save all your little Warriors with the training, the prayers, and the vitamins. But I gotta prove one thing to all my little Hulkamaniacs out there, it's not whether you win, or whether you lose, the only thing that matters is what kind of winner you are or what kind of loser you are! And Ultimate Warrior, I sure hope you're a good loser, brother! Whatcha ya gonna do at Skydome when the largest arms in the world and Hulkamania DESTROYS YOU????"

-Hulk Hogan, Wrestlemania VI

 

"Ahhhhh YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A NORMAL! You don't deserve to breathe the same air that I and Hulk Hogan do! Hulk Hogan, I must ask you now as you asked me: do YOU, Hulk Hogan, want your ideas, your beliefs, to live forever? For Hulk Hogan in this normal world, physically, none of us can live forever. But the places you have taken the Hulkamaniacs, the ideas and beliefs that you have given them can live through me, Hulk Hogan. That is why I breathe, that is why the Warriors have come. Hulk Hogan, there are ones that question where you are taking them. Do you no longer want to walk or step into that darkness? Hulk Hogan, that darkness I speak of is nothing of fear. It is about the beliefs...of excepting any and all challenges at the cost of losing everything Hulk Hogan. You have lived, Hulk Hogan, for the last 5 Wrestlemania's for this one belief. Now Hulk Hogan, I come to take what you believe in, further then you ever could. I come Hulk Hogan, not to destroy the Hulkamaniacs and Hulkamania. I come Hulk Hogan to bring the Warriors and Hulkamaniacs together as one. As we, Hulk Hogan, accept all the challenges with all the strength of the Warriors and Hulkamaniacs together. Hulk Hogan the colors of the Hulkamaniacs are coming through the pores of my skin...and Hulk Hogan when we meet Hulk Hogan, I will look at you and you will realize then that I have come to do no one no harm, but only Hulk Hogan to take what we both believe in, to places IT SHALL NEVER HAVE BEEEEEEENNNNNNN!!!!!"

-Ultimate Warrior, Wrestlemania VI

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"Big Show is too big!"

"Well what am I supposed to do about it?"

"Hey, I've read the Ross Report."

 

Also, any time that Heyman pissed off JR so bad he practically had an epileptic seizure, and Heyman just looked right into the camera and deadpanned the lead-in to the next segment.

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(From Survivor Series 2001's Battle Royal)

 

JR: (already agitated from Heyman's verbage) There's DDP, he has an advantage, he has nice teeth . . . (DDP gets thrown out) . . . DDP's gone, I guess he can go back and floss.

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Guest Staravenger
(From Survivor Series 2001's Battle Royal)

 

JR: (already agitated from Heyman's verbage) There's DDP, he has an advantage, he has nice teeth . . . (DDP gets thrown out) . . . DDP's gone, I guess he can go back and floss.

Jim Ross was ALL over Paul Heyman and the Alliance in that match. Time to watch the tape :D

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Two from the X-Pac vs. TAKA Michinoku match on the 8/30/99 Raw:

 

 

Lawler: "I understand that X-Pac wants to take on the heavyweights, but did he have to ruin Kane while he was it?"

JR: "He didn't ruin Kane!"

Lawler: "Yes he did! He became a human being. He has feeling now. He won't even read a book that doesn't have Chicken Soup in the title!"

 

And later...

 

JR: "X-Pac might only be 222 pounds, but his heart weighs 300."

Lawler: "And if you could hit somebody with your heart, maybe he'd win once in a while."

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(from Psychosis vs Rey Jr at BATB 96)

 

Tenay: And an Asai Moonsault to the outside from Mysterio

Heenan:(getting more confused at the moves named by Tenay) An Asai..wristlock? What you talking about Tenay?

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Joey Styles: "Al Snow got a little head and finally got some respect. Yeah, I said it. I think it's funny. And if my mom's watching? Sorry Mom."

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(From Survivor Series 2001's Battle Royal)

 

JR: (already agitated from Heyman's verbage)  There's DDP, he has an advantage, he has nice teeth . . . (DDP gets thrown out) . . . DDP's gone, I guess he can go back and floss.

Jim Ross was ALL over Paul Heyman and the Alliance in that match. Time to watch the tape :D

I love SummerSlam '01 after the Austin/Angle match where Austin got himself disqualified to save his title.

 

JR nearly gives himself a heart attack screaming at Heyman about how Austin couldn't beat Angle and he knew it. Heyman just sat there with a blank look on his face, and when JR finished, Heyman just looked at the camera and said: "You know folks, we've got this great new show debuting this Saturday night called 'Excess!' on TNN..."

 

You could see the smoke coming from JR's ears.

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Guest Staravenger

I love that he just completely ignores Jim Ross' two minute long rant and shills a shitty WWE show.

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Couple Flair ones:

 

"You're like a lot of women I know. You've got a great body, but haven't got a clue how to use it." - to Lex Luger

 

"I've had more titles than you've had pieces of ass." - to Waltman

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Classic Heenan Quotes:

 

"Tito Santana is like a cue-ball. The more you strike him, the more english you get out of him." -- Bobby Heenan

 

Heenan: I KNOW who the Assassin is!!!!

Schiavone: Tell us, Bobby, who?

Heenan: He's the guy down at ringside wearing the mask!

 

(Refering to the Steiner Brothers)

"Three toughest years of their life...the eighth grade"

 

(After Cactus Jack crashes into ringside railing)

"You'd better get somebody down here. That rail could be damaged."

 

(In Paris)

"Just like Glens Falls for Jim Duggan. They don't speak English there either."

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"The only reason people bought your book is because they hoped you died at the end of it." - Chris Jericho, to Mick Foley

 

"THE DOG POOP! THE DOG POOP! THE DOG POOP! ROCK BOTTOM INTO THE DOG POOP!!!" - Michael Cole

 

"There's a lady! There's a lady in the men's bathroom!" - Dusty Rhodes

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"That's about as legitimate as a three-legged donkey...which as we all know is illegitimate because donkeys have four legs." - Lance Storm

 

"Here comes Lita, jerking Edge off...the ladder..." - JR, WMX7

 

From WM7:

 

Gene: "Alex Trebek, my very dear, close, personal long time friend, it's great to have you here at WrestleMania."

 

Alex: "Thanks, JIM, it's good to be here."

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Lawler: "Helen Hart is the only person I know who has an autographed copy of the Bible. When Cain killed Abel, she was on the jury!"

 

 

Bobby Heenan, during a Mexican minis tag team match: "When he found out he was going to be on Nitro tonight, he said 'I'm so excited, I feel like I'm four feet tall.'"

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"Hulk Hogan, we comin' after you, nigga!" - Booker T

 

"What would you have made them out of, King? Cotton Candy?" - JR to Lawler, who was complaining about Austin's kneebraces being foreign objects

 

"A friend in need is a pest." - Bobby Heenan

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I now present to you, the comedic stylings of Scott Steiner.

 

 

 

 

 

"But the date is set, this Sunday at Greed, and you're gonna notice the day of that the weather's gonna change, because the pendulum on which the earth rotates on is gonna be on a 51 degree axis, I'm gonna have the sun to my right, the dark side of the moon to my left, and I'm gonna come at you with a vengeance, and I'm gonna eclipse your ass."

 

"Now, what happened, Sid Vicious ran into the freak. See, Sid Vicious came off the top rope, he hit the massive chest of the genetic freak, and he felt the power, and that power sent his leg down to the mat, shatterin' his leg and his dreams of ever becomin' world champion again."

 

"Now Ric Flair, you've been in this business a long time, and you have seen a lot of white trash, and a lot of jabrones, so when Diamond Dallas Page comes out here and says 'self high five,' do your job - send him back down to the bush leagues where he belongs! When he comes out here and says 'badda-boom, badda-bing, badda-bang...' I don't even know what the hell that means - send him back down to the bush leagues, because he's proof you can take somebody out of the trailer park, but he'll always be...white trash. "

 

"Booker T, at Mayhem, I'm gon' look at you, and I'm gon' look at the whole world, and I'm gonna say Vinny, Viddy, Voochy. And I know that's not in your Ebonics handbook, and I know none of these white trash know what it means, but at Fall--- at-- at Mayhem, I'm gonna give you the same thing I gave Sting..."

 

"There won't be no drama, there won't be no mystery - I'm gonna kick your ass! As far as 'save the drama for your momma,' the only drama is she don't know who your daddy is!"

 

"Booker T., I'm sitting and listening to you in the back talking all your jive, and to be quite honest with you, I don't understand a word you're saying. You come out here and say save the drama for your momma, 'cause she don't know how much her welfare check is, I don't understand that. And don't hate the player, hate my momma 'cause she works on a street corner for $1.95 an hour, I don't understand that. So what I'm saying to you is, I need the ebonics handbook to understand your ass!"

 

 

"I'm the genetic freak, and size does matter! But that statement, Mean Gene, comes true whether I'm in the ring or out of the ring, see when I have my freaks horizontal, they understand size, they appreciate size, and size does matter, and they know that they don't have to wait for the earth to rotate on a 47 degree axis, so the stars can touch the sky and create an equinox so they can see the Big Dipper - no no no, all they gotta do is call the Big Poppa, 'cause I'M the man with the Big Dipper and satisfaction's comin' when I go behind, and do the bump and grind, and it's only a matter of time before they call me the Big Bad Booty Daddy! So Goldberg, realize this - I only care about two things in this world, my freaks and my peaks - and when I beat your bald ass down at Fall Brawl, and I'm about to put you in the Steiner Recliner, I'm gonna whisper in your ear...SIZE DOES MATTER, bitch!"

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Guest TheZsaszHorsemen
(From Survivor Series 2001's Battle Royal)

 

JR: (already agitated from Heyman's verbage)  There's DDP, he has an advantage, he has nice teeth . . . (DDP gets thrown out) . . . DDP's gone, I guess he can go back and floss.

Jim Ross was ALL over Paul Heyman and the Alliance in that match. Time to watch the tape :D

I love SummerSlam '01 after the Austin/Angle match where Austin got himself disqualified to save his title.

 

JR nearly gives himself a heart attack screaming at Heyman about how Austin couldn't beat Angle and he knew it. Heyman just sat there with a blank look on his face, and when JR finished, Heyman just looked at the camera and said: "You know folks, we've got this great new show debuting this Saturday night called 'Excess!' on TNN..."

 

You could see the smoke coming from JR's ears.

That sort of stuff is just acting.

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