Best Wrestling Quotes...

[Jericholic82 0]

oh man I just found another one on the Benoit dvd

 

during the hart/benoit Owen Tribut match

 

Brain: You know I've been to their home and their whole house is a dungeon

 

 

Brain: What Benoit should do right now is extend his hand to Bret Hart, his hand of friendship, and then reach into his trunks and pull out something that weighs about 45 pounds and tape it to his fist and hit him right between the running lights and knock him cold.

 

 

I have lots of good quotes I worte down for I guess situations like this heres a slection of them

 

 

The Rock before the rumble match at Royal Rumble 2001

 

"The Rock is sick and tired of asking that question, answering that question: Is Kane together with the Undertaker?, is The Undertaker together with Kane? Kane wants to buy the Undertaker a box of chocolates, The Undertaker wants to tickle Kane's big red nipple.

 

 

 

 

wm 4 during heenan/islanders vs bulldogs/koko

 

Jess: Well it's obvious Heenan's saving himself, don't you think Gorilla?

Gorilla: Yea for the Senior Prom maybe.

 

 

 

Kurt Angle to Lita to translate for Essa Rios on smackdown early 200 when he chose essa to be his partner in an attempt at the tag title

 

"Tell him that I know you arefrom a poor country, but when we win the championship,you can take the gold and sell it to feed your family"

 

 

Kurt Angle at a Raw held in San Antonio Texas 1/4/01

 

"So what's the saying around here? Apparently it's 'Remember the Alamo' Remember the Alamo, but forget some other things: like showering, holding down a job, literacy, and obviously mastering the concept of using a toothbrush"

 

 

Christian to Angle about HHH-Raw 10/30/00

"Yea he's 'The Game' alright,if the game is 'pin the tail on the two-faced reekazoid."

 

 

of course the best one I can find

 

 

"Edge: If we beat the Dudleys, we will so be in the good graces of the faction

Christian: I thought they were called the regime?

Edge: No, The Faction

Christian: Regime

Edge: Faction

Christian: Regime

Edge: Lets just compromise and call them the 'Fac-gime'

Christian: Yea we are so working for the Fac-Gime tonight"

 

Smackdown 6/15/00

 

 

 

"The Knicks are going down!!!!- In the NBA Finals after beating the Indiana Pacers"

Kurt Angle-Raw-5/22/00 in Indiana

 

 

 

"I think I know why this is called the Windy City, this town blows!"

Christain-Sd 6/15/00 in Chicago

 

 

"I'm getting goosebumps, just thinking about it. (Steven looks at Kurt's arm) You can't see them but they're there"

Kurt Angle to the members of the RTC smackdown 10/12/00

 

one more for now

 

"King: Have you seen Albert's tounge, it's pierced, have you seen that JR

JR: I have not looked at his tounge or any other parts of his anatomy closely, quite frankly.

King: He told me that piercing didn't hurt, then he showed me one that did."

 

Royal Rumble Match, Royal Rumble 2000

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

"YOU WANT DA FINGER? YOU GOT DA FINGER, (Holds up the middle finger)" - The Mountie, Summerslam 91 after losing his match againest the bossman where the loser goes to jail, and the cops ask for his finger prints.

[CanadianChick 0]

(This is the Raw after WM 16, when Edge and Christian beat Hardyz and Dudleyz in a three way ladder match)

 

Edge: "Hey - don't hang those heads, guys - pick those chins up, young bucks. YOU did a great *JOB* last night."

Christian: "There's no shame in being (makes the 'gun' hand signal) SECOND best - or even (makes 3D sign) THIRD best, for that matter."

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

"Hogan is an American Hero because Vince McMahon told him he was one. If Vince McMahon had todl Hulk Hogan he was a zookeeper, well, he would have been a freakin zookeeper" - Kurt Angle prior to his KOTR 2002 match with Hogan

 

(I just finished disc 1 of Futurama Volume 4, which contained an episode with a character named The Zookeeper)

[JHawk 0]

October 1986 SNME.

 

Roddy Piper: "So what you're saying me to is some goofball in a dress and some...and some fat hog...we're talking between the two of them, 600 pounds (unintelligible)...what you're saying is I can't wrestle The Iron Sheik tonight because these fat, nasty, stretchmark looking sons of no g...what you're saying to me is I can't wrestle, is that what you're telling me?"

 

Gene Okerlund: "The doctors are telling you that."

 

Piper: "Oh, the doctors are telling me that. You know what you can do, little Dr. Torre? You can go out and deliver somebody's baby! I ain't no baby! Nobody in my entire darn life has ever told me what to do! If I wanna wrestle, I'm gonna wrestle! I'm not gonna sit back and say 'Oh my poor little knee', and let them have the courtesy of saying they didn't let me wrestle. I'm not gonna sit back! You see, there's a difference in the entire world between every wrestler and myself! And thank God for that, man!"

[alfdogg 0]

"The Knicks are going down!!!!- In the NBA Finals after beating the Indiana Pacers"

Kurt Angle-Raw-5/22/00 in Indiana

Guess Kurt lost some money on that one.

[Jericholic82 0]

He may have lost some cash lol

 

 

heres more great qoutes:

 

 

 

 

"It's not talking about it, it's not talking about the past, It's not posing, or covering a bald spot."

 

JR at WM 13 during Bret-Austin Submission Match, taking a shot at WCW

 

 

"I think she's just been instructed to cover her ugly face"

 

King, after shot of Bret's daughter in crown covering her eyes in fear as Austin beats up Bret

 

 

 

 

Jesse Ventura during Valentine-Steamboat wm 4

 

"I don't think The Hammer should try to match up hold for hold with Steamboat, I think he definately should cheat"

 

 

 

Royal Rumble 2000 Match, talking about Backlund

 

King: He's running for office.

JR: In Connecticut

King: All you ever run for is dinner.

 

 

Edge: I am in Bad shape, I am in Golden State Warrior bad shape

 

Edge to the Oakland crowd SD 7/13/00

 

 

King: That's because Owen's not 'wrestling with shadows'

 

St Valentine's Day Massacre 2-14-99 right after Bret's film came out

 

 

Heenan at Summerslam 93 during Razor-Dibiase

 

"Just think, after the match, Razor Ramon can have a drink of Cerveza (sp?) and the 123 Kid can have some Ovaltine, and they can compare the evening"

 

 

Summerslam 91 Bret-Perfect

 

Heenan: Don't touch that ref Perfect!

Gorilla: Why? A disqualification will save his title.

Heenan: Ok, then nail him!

 

Heenan: You can't pull Bret Hart's hair.

Piper: Why?

Heenan: Because you'd get too many oil slicks on your hand

 

Heenan: I heard a rumor that your (Piper) mom and dad, ran away from home.

 

Heenan: Yknow Piper used to come home from school and find out that his parents had moved.

 

Heenan: You know why they're (Stu and Helen) concerned? They snuck in, they're scared the usher will come.

 

 

The Brain after HBK threw Jannety threw the window

 

Heenan: Oh my god, look, that coward Jannety just dove through the window.

 

 

"Shane, your role,know it, Vince, your llama's anus,lick it, Stephanie your dirty panties, wear them"

 

Rock of course Raw 5/1/00

 

"Viriginia is for lovers....Provided that they are not from the same family."

 

Kurt Angle 5/4/00

 

 

"He let his 12 year old daughter smoke at the table in front of HER kids"

King making fun of Earl Hebner, who was in a tag match with The Rock SD 5/4/00

 

"Hey Earl you got a string hanging from your shirt, oh wait it's just your arm"

 

"Can they RIVERDANCE?"

King about Too Cool and Rikishi dancing SD 5/4/00

 

 

Someone peed in their gene pool

King about the Dudleys SD 5/11/00

 

 

A classic from Owen Hart Raw 5/2/96 during a KOTR 1st round match between Vader and Ahmed Johnson, discussing his loss to Johnson in the Kuwaiti Cup Final

 

Owen: Unfortunately I lost to Ahmed Johnson, and uh, he cheated.

Vince: He Cheated?!!

Owen: He cheated, and I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen here tonight.

 

Mark Madden on Nitro 5/1/00 about Hogan in his shirt

 

"Look at that shirt, FUNB, no FUHH I say"

 

 

'and as promised the full transcript of Edge and Christian describing a run-in

 

RAW 4/24/00

 

 

Christian: The reason why we're here is, you see, in about 3 or 4 minutes, if ah Road Dogg here in fact does have the upperhand, you know maybe he's gettin jiggy and maybe throwin some jabs or something like that, we're basically going to interfere and cost him the match.

 

Edge: You know what, in wrestling circles that's called a run-in, derived from the fact that as it looks like Road Dogg's about to win the match, we're gonna cause him to lose.

 

King: A run-in?

 

Edge: Yeah.

 

King: Hey JR, they're going to do a run-in!

 

JR: That's what I've heard, I'm somewhat shocked at their bluntness.

 

King: Sometimes JR can be sorta markish.

 

Edge: Well I know he's a mark for Edge and Christian, and damn well should be.'

 

 

 

and some ECW ones to close us out

 

ECW Heawave 2000 during Roadkill's match

 

Cyrus: There must be a lot of Amish in LA

Joey: Oh yea, earlier today I saw a horse and buggy drive-by in South Central

 

"My mother's gonna kill me for this- but HOLY SH-T!"

 

Joey Styles at N2R 99 during Awesome-Tanaka after Mike powerbombed Masato threw a table off the apron

 

 

Joey: Most 6 feet tall, nearly 300 pound wrestlers don't even leave that feet anymore, BROTHER, Mike Awesome flies through the air

 

 

someones gotta do some Joel Gertner intros I'l start you off, from the intro to ECW Living Dangerously 2000

 

 

"It is I, the quintessential stud muffin, Joel-This girl I know wanted to see the show, live here tonight in Connecticut, so I told her to bend over and I'd show her where I'd stick it, for the next 45 minutes she proceded to tease and please and lick it, but when all was said and done, you know I made her buy a ticket-Gertner"

 

 

 

any more great quotes?

[JHawk 0]

Jim Cornette: "Ladies and gentlemen, here they are. The men most women would throw their husbands and boyfriends off a cliff to spend one night with. The Gangster of Love and the Sultan of Swing, Beautiful Bobby and Sweet Stan, the Midnight Express!"

 

 

Stan Lane: "And now, the man who taught Pee Wee Herman everything he knows. He's your friend and mine, Mr. Jim Cornette!"

 

 

Jim Cornette, after an overzealous fan entered the ring during his intro: "We're fixin' to save your life. We're gonna let you sleep it off!"

 

 

Joey Styles during the Chris Benoit-Al Snow match at Double Tables: "I've seen more wrestling in five minutes than I've seen on pay-per-view in five years."

[Guest traveshamockery]

The previously mentioned "You are nothing but a normal!" line from Warrior puts a smile on my face every time.

 

One of my personal favorite wrestling quotes has always been from Cactus Jack. I believe that he was cutting a promo on Sting (maybe somewhere around Beach Blast 92) when he said...

 

"That lump in your throat isn't emotion... it's your liver!"

[JHawk 0]

Jim Cornette (referring to Baby Doll): "That cowboy Dusty Rhodes doesn't tie his horse up, he lets it walk with him to the ring."

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

Flair: "Okay, you got your match. You versus RVD for the title."

Taker: "......."

Flair: "You're the champion."

Taker: "For the title?"

Flair: "For the title."

Taker: "DAMN! I ...you...but...DAMN!"

 

 

Back when Flair was the GM of RAW. I loved Taker's reaction.

[CanadianChick 0]

Flair: "Okay, you got your match. You versus RVD for the title."

Taker: "......."

Flair: "You're the champion."

Taker: "For the title?"

Flair: "For the title."

Taker: "DAMN! I ...you...but...DAMN!"

 

 

Back when Flair was the GM of RAW. I loved Taker's reaction.

I never knew if him stumbling over words was intentional or not.

[TheOriginalOrangeGoblin 0]

Off the Benoit DVD during Benoit.Guerrero:

 

Eddie hits a tornado DDT,

 

Mongo: Wow that move has never been done on this planet and if you think you've seen it before you have more rocks in your head than Heenan.

 

Later same match,

 

Mongo: If you don't like WCW, you're as dumb as dirt.

[Guest Staravenger]

No one ever accused Mongo of being smart....or somewhat smart....or above "Dumbass". I guess he got tackled too much playing for Chicago, and it went to his head.

 

And I thought his 1 match commentary in WWF was bad (before WM XI).

[DrVenkman PhD 0]

There's some pretty funny material from the Global Warming DVD from Tazz and Cole, who seemed to go into a studio and record the show in one take as if it was live, but since it wasn't a PPV, have fun with it. Sadly I can't remember anything off hand.

[JHawk 0]

Tazz doing ring announcing (this may have been during the Lawler feud): "Weighing in at 6000 pounds from the waist down...Rikishi! Rikishi! Rikishi!"

[CanadianGuitarist 0]

 

All from Heatwave 98

 

Joey Styles:

"Big Dick Dudley with Total Penetration to Dreamer on the ladder! You know that move will pop on Monday Night Wrestling, they'll call it something else!"

 

Joel Gertner about Bubba Ray and Dvon 3D-ing Beulah McGillicutty:

 

"You saw, on ECW Television, Bubba Ray and DVon drive Beulah McgilliSLUTTY's head into the ring with such impact, she didn't know whether to urinate, defecate, or ejaculate!"

 

Shane Douglas, doing guest commentary while his stablemate Bam Bam Bigelow fought Tazz, and Tazz drove Bigelow through the aisleway.

 

"OH MY GOD! GET A REF DOWN THERE AND MAKE SURE THEY'RE STILL OK! NO, I TAKE THAT BACK! MAKE SURE BAM BAM IS OK!"

 

I also thought every Rhino(I will never use Rhyno) promo in ECW when he was on his own, especially towards the demise of ECW, were legitimatly intense.

 

And there was a great MacMahon promo when he scheduled a great match on Raw between Funk and Foley. Anyone remember it? The only thing i remember vividly is "If you reach into his chest, and pull out his heart, and hold it, in front of his eyes, so the blood drips down, then you'd have made the sacrifice necessary to become the World Heavyweight Champion"

 

 

 

 

[JoeDirt 0]

Vince McMahon: Kane challenges you, Austin, to a match in which clearly, the winner will be the man who draws first blood on his opponent.

 

JR: WHAT DOES HE MEAN?

 

---

 

And in the Michael Cole points out the obvious category, in the RAW in 1999 where Undertaker is stalking the Mcmahon family, we cut to the McMahon house and hear Undertaker talk about how nobody's home and all the evil things he's going to do, etc etc. Of course Michael Cole blurts out:

 

Cole: KING! IT'S THE UNDERTAKER AND THE MINISTRY!

 

No shit, Sherlock.

[Use Your Illusion 0]

Kaientai interupt the Holly's X-Mas celebration:

 

Molly - Wait on a minute here, are you guys challenging us?

 

TAKA: (with his dubbed voice-over) You are correct silly, apple pie eating, American girl!

 

UYI

[Guest Fook]

And in the Michael Cole points out the obvious category, in the RAW in 1999 where Undertaker is stalking the Mcmahon family, we cut to the McMahon house and hear Undertaker talk about how nobody's home and all the evil things he's going to do, etc etc. Of course Michael Cole blurts out:

 

Cole: KING! IT'S THE UNDERTAKER AND THE MINISTRY!

 

No shit, Sherlock.

Cole was fucking retarded in 99.

 

Remember him giving away the results for the WMXV main event about an hour into the show?

 

Or how about this gem: "This handicap match has turned into a two-on-one affair!"

[Cran Da Maniac 0]

And in the Michael Cole points out the obvious category, in the RAW in 1999 where Undertaker is stalking the Mcmahon family, we cut to the McMahon house and hear Undertaker talk about how nobody's home and all the evil things he's going to do, etc etc. Of course Michael Cole blurts out:

 

Cole: KING! IT'S THE UNDERTAKER AND THE MINISTRY!

 

No shit, Sherlock.

Cole was fucking retarded in 99.

 

Remember him giving away the results for the WMXV main event about an hour into the show?

 

Or how about this gem: "This handicap match has turned into a two-on-one affair!"

Can't forget this gem

 

"The hell in the cell is dangerous because you could get your fingers caught in there".

[CanadianChick 0]

Kaientai interupt the Holly's X-Mas celebration:

 

Molly - Wait on a minute here, are you guys challenging us?

 

TAKA: (with his dubbed voice-over) You are correct silly, apple pie eating, American girl!

 

UYI

That was AWESOME!

 

Didn't Molly had a confused look on her face after that? Gold.

[Vampiro69 0]

There's some pretty funny material from the Global Warming DVD from Tazz and Cole, who seemed to go into a studio and record the show in one take as if it was live, but since it wasn't a PPV, have fun with it. Sadly I can't remember anything off hand.

From the Global Warning commentary there is a great exchange between Tazz and Cole.

 

Someone goes for a small package during the match and Tazz lets out one of his best lines ever against Cole when he says "Cole, everytime I see a small package I think of you!"

 

It was made better because there was a few seconds of silence followed by laughter after that.

[Guest ally mccoist]

From the NWO Horsemen pisstake:

 

Arn Anderson (played by Nash): "I'm a guy of average size, average speed, average quickness, average looks, average intelligence, average.....carpentry skills. But you know what? I parlayed that into a wrestling career which, if I may say so myself, was quite excellent".

[Gary Floyd 0]

"Hey Mr. Personality, This show is about television ratings!"-Disco Inferno

 

"You don't respect me, because I'm GERMAN"-Alex Wright (I don't know why, but that one always cracks me up for some reason)

[DCMaximo 0]

There are two WWF superstars who the Rock has a concern with; there are two who might give the Rock problems. Number one is gonna be Crash Holly. Number two is going to be--Headbanger Mosh. And the Rock says, if he can get by THOSE two, then he MIGHT have a shot at winning the Royal Rumble. (The Rock at the 2000 Rumble)

 

From the same Rumble:

 

LAWLER: What poor schmuck is this? WHAT?! It's Grand Master Sexay... I thought he was luckier than this!

 

JR: Some say he got a bad break at birth, but that's only a rumor!

[JHawk 0]

Loosely paraphrased.

 

Joey Styles: "Joel, can you believe that when TNN becomes The National Network next week, their slogan is going to be 'We've got pop'?"

 

Joel Gertner: "That's still better than the first slogan they had."

 

Joey Styles: "What was that?"

 

Joel Gertner: "TNN. We f{BEEP} pigs!"

[Use Your Illusion 0]

Austin's "It hurt like a BASTARD" is my favourite so far.

 

Austin was king was 2001.

 

UYI

[JHawk 0]

A few from Unforgiven 98:

 

 

[During HHH-Owen, with Chyna suspended above the ring in a cage]:

JR: "What's she got there, King?"

Lawler: "It looks a like a file!"

JR: "I think that's what it is!"

Lawler: "And it wasn't even baked inside a cake!"

 

 

[During the evening gown match]:

JR: "You must be a lonely guy, King."

Lawler: "Come on, JR! Sex is the most beautiful and natural thing that money can buy!"

 

 

[During the inferno match]:

Lawler: "Remember what they say, Paul (Bearer). Hell hath no pizza, so you don't wanna go there!"

[Guest ally mccoist]

From ECW, The Dudleys are taunting the crowd:

 

Buh-Buh (to a crowd member): Come on you fat bald motherfucker!

Cyrus: How did he know his name?