Charlton Heston = Chris Raynor

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

I learned today that Chris Raynor does not have an original bone in his body.

 

I was just down at the library screening a copy of Orson Welles' utterly brilliant film, Touch of Evil, reviewing a few scenes for a critical analysis paper I've got to write for a seminar.  There's a scene in Club Grandi where Heston's character, a Mexican cop, confronts some gangers who've been abusing his wife--if you've seen the movie, you know the scene--and a brawl erupts.

 

So Heston is standing in front of this bar, shouting and yelling "Where's my wife?  What did you do to my wife?" when suddenly a guy runs up on the bar behind him and jumps on his back...

 

...AND HESTON GIVES HIM A FACE-FIRST CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB THROUGH A TABLE.

 

I laughed very hard.  Sorry, Rayn-man: Chuck's been using your finisher for 40 years.

 

Now, time to go review Citizen Kane and find the scene where Joseph Cotten gives Welles the People's Elbow...

[Guest chirs3]

You... you mean Red Boobies was all for nought?!

 

*drops to knees*

 

Why, God?! Whyyyyyyyy?!

[Guest BA_Baracus]

PROMO (Stubby P. McWeed);

"Wow...

 

...I'd pay good money to see him do that to some sort of damn dirty ape.

 

After eating some Soylent Green of course.

 

Mothernature says, NRA forever!"

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Edwin, I thought you were a pretty cool guy before, but you just became the greatest person that I don't know it real life!!

 

It just so happens that Orson Welles is one of my favorite film personalities (actor, director, producer).  Citizen Kane is my favorite movie of all time!!!  Touch of Evil was real good too...

 

I had to write a paper on him for my video productions class in high school and ended up falling in love with his work.  I'm kind of surprised because, while his movie Citizen Kane was voted the #1 movie of all time, I still didn't think many young people knew who he was.  So thanks, you just renewed my faith in today's youth.

 

Da "no longer the youth of the nation" H

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Hoo yeah.  Welles be da bomb, whether he's calling for the Running Hestonbomb or a donut or whatever.  I still have nothing but bitter hatred for RKO for cutting 30 minutes out of The Magnificent Ambersons and butchering the ending, and similar loathing for them cutting a full *hour* out of The Lady From Shanghai.

 

Great filmmaker, but man, he'd have such a better legacy if he hadn't been treated like crap for most of his years in the business.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Yeah, I know.  It sucks because I don't think many people (mostly young viewers) know of how great he was because he doesn't really get many props for stuff other than Citizen Kane and "War Of The Worlds".

 

Da "Welles mark" H

[Guest Zero_Cool]

What is this all about?!  Are you guys having an....intelligent conversion?!  That's ludricious!!!

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Uh...no, no we're not!  Thugg and Edwin hate each other!  Yeah!

 

::Edwin stunners Thugg through 4 tables and a puppy and Thugg does the same back::

 

(Psst--then there was that scene in The Trial where...)

[Guest]

MY TURN! STUN ME! STUN ME!

 

lol

 

actually, please don't. My back and neck are killing me and I really don't wanna.

 

(Edwin pops T-Bone in the mouth, then kicks him in the stomach, jumps off his roof, and stuns T-Bone across a picket fence.)

 

Edwin: STAY OFF THE DAMN GRASS!