The final chapter

[frisco 0]

Since I might as well finish what I started I’ll at least finish the story…

 

A long black Limo pulls up to Candace’s house in the early morning. A heavy rain is falling today as the limo driver attempts to park under a tree to avoid the downpour. After considerable searching he gives up in vain. As the limo stops the passenger side door flies open and Frisco bolts to the door. He stops to catch his breath under a flimsy canopy while he pounds at the knockers. After a brief pause the door opens and Frisco enters the old house.

 

“Damn It’s a typhoon out there” he remarks as he hands Lobo his jacket. “Where’s Candace?”

 

Lobo points to the kitchen as Frisco makes his way there with a sense of urgency to his step. As Lobo can immediately tell something is up he drapes the jacket over the couch and follows him into the kitchen.

 

Candace is busy washing the dishes as Frisco enters. She is still wearing the thick black leather mask as well as an arm sling courtesy of her last match at Smartdown. She glances at her manager as he grabs a soda from the fridge.

 

“We gotta talk” Frisco states as he pops open the soda.

 

“What?” Candace asks as she approaches her manager.

 

“First I’ll preface this with a well known fact. I’m an asshole” Frisco starts which does not bring nearly the response he was hoping from the Dragon. She merely nods In agreement.

 

“But I always do what I know to be in the best interest of the people I manage. Now you might not believe me at this particular moment but I always did what I knew to be in your best interest” he continues.

 

“Like having Tanner power bomb me in the dressing room?” she responds which receives a casual shrug from Frisco.

 

“Yeah” he replies. “I wanted you to give up. I wanted you out of this place. It was a bad idea to come here from day one” he rants as Candace looks on.

 

“Look there are legitimate federations where they really more on wrestling than gimmicks. Every damn match with you has either been a hard core match or a cage match. It’s all stunts here. You’re a professional wrestler. What does driving a light bulb in your face have to do with wrestling? Did Brett Hart make a career out of hardcore matches?”

 

Candace nods in agreement with Frisco’s logic.

 

“Is there a point?” she asks as he continues on his soda.

“Yeah, a beaut..” he continues. “Take off the mask!”

 

A look of real concern crosses Candace’s eyes. She has no desire to confront her own scars.

 

“No” she replies as she walks back to the dishes.

 

“You need to see something. So I’m not asking you, I’m telling you…take off the mask!” Frisco exclaims as his voice rises to show he is dead serious. Candace looks unimpressed as she realizes she could probably kick Frisco’s ass even with an arm-sling on. She considers his demand for a moment, and then her own curiosity gets the best of her. She reaches to the back and unlocks the tightly applied mask and tosses it to the countertop. As Frisco looks on she approaches him with a large ABD pad still taped to the side of her face. The 2 by 3 cling bandage has already been removed as the doctor had deemed that area healed. Candace’s raven black hair was already staring to grow over that scar and in no time it would be nothing but an unpleasant memory.

 

“Now take off the dressing!” Frisco barks as Candace shakes her head in denial.

 

“The dressing needs to be on for three or four months she replies as Frisco lunges over and rips it off in one fluid move. Candace screams in surprise as Lobo barges into the kitchen. As his eyes focus on Candace’s face they grow wide with shock.

 

“What the fuck?” he barks as Candace runs to the closest mirror. She is stunned to see her face is perfectly free of scars.

 

“What the hell?” she asks in amazement.

 

Frisco quickly polishes off the soda and continues.

 

“Call it shock value” he mutters as Candace can not believe her ears. “I wanted you to think you were scarred. I wanted to think that ass monkey Austin Sly was successful in his quest to maim you. He hit you with the light bulb but it impacted at the hair line, not on your face. I mean with all the blood no one could say for sure but once the doc cleaned you up in the dressing room I recognized the tremendous teaching opportunity. In short you’re fine now, but think of what could have been if he hit you with that glass…”

 

Candace continues to stare in the mirror as she gently runs her fingers over her intact skin. A smile crosses her face for the first time in weeks.

 

“It’s time to move on. This place has some good things going for it, but at the same time there are a lot of real ass wipes here and you don’t need that shit”

 

As Candace continues to stare at her intact cheek Frisco instructs Lobo to start loading the car with Candace’s personal belongings.

 

“I’ll have Tanner come by latter with a U haul and you guys can get the rest. Right about now I think we best make a speedy exit from this place”

 

Candace notices the obvious fact that Frisco is in a major hurry to get out of dodge.

 

“Why the rush?” she asks.

 

“Well I kind of left a little going away present for certain people in the SWF” he says with a smile as he helps Candace put on her coat. “Just a few of the more advanced dick heads like Flesher, Austin Sly, Andrea Monkey asshead, and Toxxic…”

 

“Anyone else?”

 

“Probably a few others, can’t remember them all but I was a bit busy”

 

As Frisco escorts her to the limo he notices the rain has started to wind down.

 

“What did you do?” Candace asks as Frisco opens the back door to the limo.

 

“I put crazy glue on their toilet seats” Frisco says with a wry smile.

 

“A little something to remember us by!”

 

As Lobo joins the group Frisco and Candace step into the back of the Limo. Lobo enters the passenger side as starts the car. A white puff of smoke billows from the exhaust as the car backs out of the drive way. As the rain begins to stop the black limo heads down the road and off into the sunset.

 

Somewhere birds are chirping…

[Hank Kingsley 0]

Crazy glue on the toilet seats? LOL, classic!

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

Well it's a damn good thing it wasn't ketchup packets. I might get confused and think my arsehole was bleeding.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Okay, I'm involved, despite Candace and I having no history at all? Neat...I think.

 

Good thing I haven't written too much of this match, or I might have to edit. Then again, I might just go the route of having Candace fall on her head...

 

Oh, and "Andrea Monkey asshead"? OHMYGODZY!! CANDACE AM PWEEN ME!!

 

This post has been brought to you by 'pween', which is what Mark Stevens typed when he meant 'pwn'. He says King pronounces it 'pween'.

[Golgo 13 0]

I read the CRAZY glue on the toilet seats bit, and my head exploded from the hilarity!1one It was all...

 

 

And then it was all...

 

 

Truly the greatest pranking ever. Frisco, I salute you.

[Hank Kingsley 0]

holy fuck, Manson. Those are the greatest pictures I've seen in ages.

[Ace309 0]

“Look there are legitimate federations where they really more on wrestling than gimmicks. Every damn match with you has either been a hard core match or a cage match. It’s all stunts here. You’re a professional wrestler. What does driving a light bulb in your face have to do with wrestling? Did Brett Hart make a career out of hardcore matches?”

We've actually discussed this a couple of times. The consensus of the writers tends to be that writing straight wrestling matches all the time gets boring for them. Frankly, I agree with you on this one, but not on the same grounds - I think you can tell a better story if you save the gimmicks for special occasions, and I just like writing straight wrestling a little more.

 

That said, at some point when you're floundering in the lowercard due to a total lack of writing ability, you take what you're given.

 

“Well I kind of left a little going away present for certain people in the SWF” he says with a smile as he helps Candace put on her coat. “Just a few of the more advanced dick heads like Flesher, Austin Sly, Andrea Monkey asshead, and Toxxic…”

 

“Anyone else?”

 

“Probably a few others, can’t remember them all but I was a bit busy”

 

I'm honored. Really.

 

Did I use Candace as a device to run my character's gimmick and write a match that wasn't my best effort? Yes. Yes I did. You earn a bit of creative license and newb-hazing privileges after a certain amount of blinding success in the fed, and you also develop an expectation that people won't take themselves so damn seriously.

 

But beyond that I offered you honest criticism that wasn't sugar-coated but also wasn't cruel, which I was hoping would make your matches and promos less eye-clawingly bad. I see that I've failed. I don't do that much, so I'm quite disappointed.

[Guest Fire and Knives]

"Monkey-asshead"? Was this supposed to be scathing, somehow?

 

Normally I'd fly off on some kind of fantastic angry tangent here, but people - crazy glue on the toilet seats? That's just too far beneath us.

 

Let's save it for somebody that can understand the words we're using, here.

 

K.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

I know that "Monkey asshead" made me cry, Kibashi. Cry a lot. It was only through Manson's lollerskates and roflcopter that I've pulled myself together to post this. Thanks, Manson.

[The Ill One 0]

I'm totally going to job the match to Candace. Kibashi, how disappointing there's no verbal rapings.

 

EDIT- GOING OLD SKOOL, BITCHES!

 

Promo- Petey T. Penguin

 

"Jesus Christ, I went to take a shit and was severly injured by the skin ripped off by the crazy glue... I will never, ever forget that damned Candace and that sneaky Frisco!"

 

 

Petey says "Jesus Christ your e-fed is even more pathetic than Basketball ASA's attempt."

[Golgo 13 0]

 

And the LOLLERCOASTER makes an appearance, after a bit more searching.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

OH MY GODZY, BEST PROMO IN SWF HISTORY EVER!

 

BUMPBUMPBUMP!

 

THIS = REQUIRED READING FOR ALWAYS!1!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, uh, some folk might get upset I bumped this pointless and shitty promo, but I was looking through old stuff, and I just had to share it. Word.

[Justice 0]

Not enough child rape.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

No, no Judge. There will ALWAYS be enough child rape.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

....

 

I'd ask what possesed you to bump this, but I'm afraid you might tell me...

[Smartly Pretty 0]

The chat clique, kliq, however you spell it, was making fun of it.

[Ace309 0]

“Look there are legitimate federations where they really more on wrestling than gimmicks. Every damn match with you has either been a hard core match or a cage match. It’s all stunts here. You’re a professional wrestler. What does driving a light bulb in your face have to do with wrestling? Did Brett Hart make a career out of hardcore matches?”

We've actually discussed this a couple of times. The consensus of the writers tends to be that writing straight wrestling matches all the time gets boring for them. Frankly, I agree with you on this one, but not on the same grounds - I think you can tell a better story if you save the gimmicks for special occasions, and I just like writing straight wrestling a little more.

 

That said, at some point when you're floundering in the lowercard due to a total lack of writing ability, you take what you're given.

 

“Well I kind of left a little going away present for certain people in the SWF” he says with a smile as he helps Candace put on her coat. “Just a few of the more advanced dick heads like Flesher, Austin Sly, Andrea Monkey asshead, and Toxxic…”

 

“Anyone else?”

 

“Probably a few others, can’t remember them all but I was a bit busy”

 

I'm honored. Really.

 

Did I use Candace as a device to run my character's gimmick and write a match that wasn't my best effort? Yes. Yes I did. You earn a bit of creative license and newb-hazing privileges after a certain amount of blinding success in the fed, and you also develop an expectation that people won't take themselves so damn seriously.

 

But beyond that I offered you honest criticism that wasn't sugar-coated but also wasn't cruel, which I was hoping would make your matches and promos less eye-clawingly bad. I see that I've failed. I don't do that much, so I'm quite disappointed.

 

What he said.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

He's a wise man.

[Sly 0]

I think all I did to him was smack Candace upside the face with a light tube.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

Apparently that light tube managed to get her fucked up enough to think child rape was a good idea.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

And that "Andrea Monkey ass head" was a wicked burn.

[Guest step up, ghetto blaster.]

I cleverly disguised my shock and awe at the magnitude of the burn by pretending to be underwhelmed by the burn.

 

wait.

 

no, I didn't.