Guest Ash Ketchum Report post Posted May 5, 2002 "Yes ladies... I am the World champ..." Tom Flesher tosses and turns in his sleep, dreaming he is surrounded by beautiful women in Bermuda. He seems so happy, but little does he know what he has gotten himself into. He fights Ash Ketchum for his title Wednesday. But little does he realize just how TERRIFYING Ash Ketchum can be... No, no... not like Triple H terrifying or 'Taker terrifying or Ted Flink or Cutthroat terrifying: He's essentially a Carnie in training. But Tom is seemingly to stupiud to realizethat, his flamboyant, "I love myself" persona and ego blocking out the signals to his brain. But back to Tom. He's sleeping all nice and quiet, sipping Long Island ice teas on a dream beach, when... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! The sound of a phone ringing disturbs the pseudo-paradise inside the World Champion's mind as he picks up the receiver to answer it. "'Ello?" "Good morning. This is your wake-up call." "...What wake-up call?" Tom wonders. The man on the ohter end clears his throat and speaks clearly. "The wake-up call from London. It's morning here, and-" "THUNK!" the phone slams back onto the stand as Flesher rolls back over into bed. "Ass..." However, just as he falls back asleep... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! Once more, Flesher lifts the receiver. "Hello?" "Oh, a good day to you, sir." the Arabic-sounding voice projects over the phone. "This is your nap wake-up call from India-" "I DIDN'T ORDER NO DAMN NAP WAKE-UP CALL!" Tom angrily screams as he slams the phone down, falling back onto his bed, but exactly 47 seconds later... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! Tom's just about had it right now as he snatches the phone up and screams into it. "WHAT?" "Good evening, Flesher-san." The Asian-sounding voice speaks into the champ's ear. "This is your good night call from Beijing-" Tom doesn't even answer as he slams the phone, angry as hell. But by then, he's awake, and realizes he's tense, but needs to get back to sleep. "I just need to calm myself..." Flesher tells himself half-heartedly. "Maybe a glass of water will help..." Flesher drags himself into the bathroom, opening the door and flipping on the light... to reveal a large X FORCE NIIINE!!! banner draped from one corner to the other. Flesher looks in disbelief as he turns to look into the mirror, but the expression on his face is priceless as yet another surprise can be seen. "F*CK! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS????" Flesher is confronted with the visual picture of his face. Plastered on it are five XF9 temporary tatoos, one above each eye, on each cheek, and one SMACK DAB in the middle of his face. And to boot, someone has drawn a Hitler-like mustache under his nose and connected the sideburns on his face into a chinstrap... IN PERMANENT BLACK MARKER. Flesher looks down to see if anything else has been vandalized. His arms sure have, covered in small saying and writings, including "FLESHER=DUD", "FLESHER S*CKS HIS MOM'S ASS!!" and "FEAR THE PANDAS!". Flesher clutches his fists, both embarassed and angered as he tries to hold back his rage. Unfortunately, he can't, and he punches his fist into the wall, leaving a miniscule dent behind, a mark of hatred and anger toward not just X Force Nine, but his opponent on Wednesday... Ash Ketchum, The Next Big Thing, The Poke Freak, The Undercard King, Master of The Gimmick Match... the man Flesher wants to not just beat, but end his career. The single most intimidating threat to Flesher's reign. And he must be stopped. "God damn..." Flesher remarks "I've been... DEFACED by these... HOOLIGANS who think they're better than me. But I'll show them." Flesher sighs heavily. "Better take a shower to wash this sh*t off..." As Flesher walks to the shower and draws back the curtain, he finds a bottle of champagne, a tape, and a My Size Barbie doll. Attached to the doll is a note. Flesher rips it off and reads the following: Tom, Hey! I found you a woman! She just your type, too... You two have fun now, OK? Because come Wednesday... fun time's over. Enjoy the title reign while you can, OK? Sincerely, ~Ash Ketchum~ Flesher crumples the note up, quickly gathers the items in the shower, and without wasting time, leaves the bathroom, grabbing a white robe as he leaves and slipping into it. "This isn't all that bad..." Flesher looks down at the title of the movie. "Hmmm... 'Xtreme Lesbians'? Sounds good to me." Flesher goes to the TV/VCR, pops the tape in, and watches the previews for new movies coming out this year, including Cyclone Comet's NEW movie. WOOT! He pops the cork out of the champagne and starts to down the damn thing. "Ahhhh... this is the life... huh?" Looking at the box again, Flesher sees part of the box is peeling, and pulling it off, then FULL title of the tape is revealed: Xtremely Old Lesbians. "...Uh-oh..." Flesher gulps, looks up, and shuts his eyes in pain, creaking them open for a peek at the horror unfolding on screen. Recongnizing a face, he spits out the champagne in his mouth, all over his robe. "GRANDMA????" Flesher quickly leaps up, running to the TV and ending the terror on screen, followd up by a sprint to the bathroom, where he throws up part of his dinner into the toilet. He flushes the toilet, and it seems all is done. "God... that was sickening..." As Flesher looks at his reflection, he notices his lips are green. Opening his mouth, the ENTIRE inside of his mouth is dyed green, thanks to that champagne from XF9. He rolls his eyes, sighs, and simply gets up, exiting the room and throwing his robe aside, goes to the closet where extra robes are. Opening the closet in one quick movement HUNDREDS of stuffed platypuses flood from the closet, submerging the World Champion beneath them. Then all goes silent for a few seconds. Suddenly, toward the top of the pile, some of the stuffed platypuses begin to move, and suddenly, Tom Flesher surfaces, gasping for breath as he coughs, finally having dug himself out of the fake marsupials. He looks around at his room: A TOTAL MESS. Flesher shuts his eyes, raising a clenched fist up, and slams it down ont the stack of platypuses. He does this at least two more times before he pushes himself out of the pile, brushes himslef off, and finally comments. "I won't even comment... I'm just going back to bed... I'll deal with this in the morning..." Exhausted, Flesher staggers to his bed, having had enough sh*t for one night. Not even getting a chance to lay down, something happens... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING! Tom tiredly picks the phone up and bleakly answers. "Hello?" "Good morning, Mr. Flesher. This is the wake-up call from front desk." "Oh... OK." Flesher hangs the phone up, and then in one swift movement, falls back onto his bed and falls asleep. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Insane Clown Dan Report post Posted May 5, 2002 Classic promo, Ash. Screwing with the world champeen's mind + Geriatric H33T = 5 bags of vomit + Pokemaster kickingz it again. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DiabloIIFreak1010 Report post Posted May 5, 2002 Ahhhh...Ash. You amaze us one again with your humor. Rock on, man. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ace309 Report post Posted May 5, 2002 [Promo critic hat: ON] Well, from a strictly out-of-character standpoint, that was mostly an amazing promo. It was all reasonably plausible and handled the character very well. However... Flesher gulps, looks up, and shuts his eyes in pain, creaking them open for a peek at the horror unfolding on screen. Recongnizing a face, he spits out the champagne in his mouth, all over his robe. "GRANDMA?" Flesher quickly leaps up, running to the TV and ending the terror on screen, followd up by a sprint to the bathroom, where he throws up part of his dinner into the toilet. He flushes the toilet, and it seems all is done. Funny, but completely implausible, and that sort of ruined it for me. [Promo critic hat: OFF] [Promo mode: ON] I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT, YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Promo mode: OFF] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Beingz0wningj00 Report post Posted May 5, 2002 Ash, you suck more cock then a girlfriend at Xstasy's house. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ash Ketchum Report post Posted May 5, 2002 [Promo critic hat: ON] Well, from a strictly out-of-character standpoint, that was mostly an amazing promo. It was all reasonably plausible and handled the character very well. However... Flesher gulps, looks up, and shuts his eyes in pain, creaking them open for a peek at the horror unfolding on screen. Recongnizing a face, he spits out the champagne in his mouth, all over his robe. "GRANDMA?" Flesher quickly leaps up, running to the TV and ending the terror on screen, followd up by a sprint to the bathroom, where he throws up part of his dinner into the toilet. He flushes the toilet, and it seems all is done. Funny, but completely implausible, and that sort of ruined it for me. [Promo critic hat: OFF] [Promo mode: ON] I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT, YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Promo mode: OFF] Thanks, guys. And Tom, I'm only guessing on that. Sorry. I just figured that even our champion would be shocked to see their grandparent in a pr0n. I'm sure of it. ;;;;;;; And yeah... it seemed weird... but what did you want me to put in there... 3 1/2 hours of Cutthroat and Ted Flink? Because it ALMOST ended up as that... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Insane Clown Dan Report post Posted May 5, 2002 CUTTHROAT!? TED FLINK!? PR0N~!?!?!? That would give us nightmares for at least 30 years, Ash. Well, maybe not for Cutthroat. Such a pr0n0 would give the little prepubescent child some wet dreams. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ash Ketchum Report post Posted May 6, 2002 Like a young Bobbi Riley, Flexxx? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
