Promo : viva la revolution

[Guest Insane Clown Dan]

A camera closes in for an inside look of a locker room. Namely, Flexxx and Mafia's locker room. Flexxx is sitting at a table, dealing cards with some Just Joes from the SJL, and the mob-sponsored Hitman sits comfortably in an armchair, watching a Pink Floyd video. As Mafia munches on some chips and sips a beer, a familiar face is seen walking through the room like a housewife...

 

...she's carrying a tray of drinks over to the gentlemen playing cards at the table... and reveals herself to be Candra!

 

"Any of you men want some more snacks?"

 

[*Flashback* : Candra and Mafia broke up, but Mafia found Candra on the street in misfortune and she begged to come back with him. So Mafia struck a "deal" with her...]

 

Mafia reaches backa and grabs another beer from the tray, barely locking eyes with her, before turning back towards the tv, now featuring a Static-X video"

 

"You made me miss part of that Pink Floyd vid..." Mafia says rejectedly.

 

"Umm...I've never seen the big deal about them."

 

Mafia jumps up and vaults over the back of the chair, surprising Candra and forcing her to drop the tray of foodstuffs.

 

"DO NOT DISS THE FLOYD!" - Mafia screams gravelly voiced "Now, pick this stuff up."

 

"Flexxx?" Candra pleads.

 

Flexxx turns around and looks down at Candra, as he belches like a dumbass, then turns back to playing cards with his JL buddies.

 

"Now all I ask of you... my dearest,... is to deliver a message to Tom Flesher's mailbox. Get out... that door and be gone from my sight!!"

 

Mafia pulls Candra towards the door and turns the knob, throwing it open, only to see a man standing right in front of him! With a microphone and a cameraman, nonetheless!

 

"...ugh... Hardy..."

 

"Mafia! Hi, this is Ben Hardy, and I would like to conduct an interview on you and Flexxx, on behalf of the JL-"

 

"I know who you are, dumass. Talk to Flexxx. I'm busy...."

 

As Mafia walks back over to his seat and sends Candra away, muttering godawful swears under his breath, Ben Hardy taps on Flexxx's shoulder.

"Hey, hey. A full house! You should have this one won easily." - Hardy exclaims...

 

Everyone gives Ben Hardy a very, VERY wierd look, as Flexxx slowly stands up from his chair to face Ben Hardy.

 

Flexxx : "Who the hell is this sorry loser?"

 

BenH : "What?"

 

Flexxx : "I said, what is this piece of rotten, nose-stifling human sewage standing in front of me?"

 

BenH : "What?"

 

Flexxx : "Do you have a stutter? Do you have a slurred speech impediment? Do I need to call 1-800-A-B-C-D-E-F-G and order you Hooked on Phonics for monkeys?"

 

BenH : "Wait a goddamn minute here... I just-"

 

Flexxx : "Nah-uh-uh! Just stop your trap for a minnit' here... I smell something awfully funny coming from your mouth..."

 

Flexxx sniffs over Ben Hardy's body for a peculiar stench, and all the guys at the poker table say "Hubba-hubba!"

 

Flexxx : "Your breath smells like rat piss..."

 

BenH : "I SAID I WANTED AN INTERVIEW, AND I'M GOING TO GET IT! AAAAAAAARGHHHHH!!! I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE BERATED LIKE THIS" Ben kicks the door and stomps his feet.

 

Flexxx : "No no no! Please, I hate it when a full-grown man cries! Just ask me your goddamn question!"

 

BenH : "OK. Flexxx, both you and your partner Mafia will be separated on Crimson, in two triple-threat matches! What is your strategy for this weekend? Do you and the Hitman have any special plans in store for the days-ahead battle between Poisyn, IL, Ced and Z?"

 

Flexxx : "I plan to stunner Poisyn. I plan to stunner Ced. I plan to bring in a deer from the woodlands and grab it by its bitch-ass horns, then stunner the deer! Wanna know what I'm going to do next?"

 

BenH : "Uh... sure. Go ahead and finish, I got time."

 

Flexxx  - "Then I'm going to tar and feather those two sorry bastards, along with the deer, and lay a CD player loaded with "Mmmbop" by Hanson to play on a constant loop! Then I'll put a table over them and call in a random lady from the audience, so I can f***ing RAMSHACKLE her with sweaty, dirty sex, while those two pathetic little tools Poisyn and Ced are enduring ungodly suffering! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

 

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"

 

"BUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"

 

BenH - "OK... you are the most disturbed person I have ever met. Seriously. Do I need to give you the breathalizer test, Flexxx?"

 

Flexxx - "I have a better idea. How about you pull your head in between your legs and eat flaming spicy shit?"

 

BenH : "How about NO?"

 

Flexxx : "........"

 

 

Mafia stands from the chair, still muttering as he puts a Puddle Of Mudd video on mute.

 

"no-talent shit."

 

BenH : "Ah, here's Mafia. Mafia, how about your plans to-"

 

Mafia : "Save it."

 

BenH : "Save what?"

 

Mafia : "You are a completely uncredible idiot, Hardy. You don't even know that my friend here was simply toying with your mouse-sized cranium. If you want to know how we'll beat our many opponents in our so-called "midcard clusterfuck" on Crimson.... Let me tell you this, they all stood in our way before, and the second verse will be the same as the first, as we'll kick all their asses once again. Either way, they are ours, we OWN them, because they are still yet in the way...... of the REVOLUTION...... THE NEW SOUND...... HELL, we should be fighting for the CHAMPIONSHIP, NOT fighting a group of men we could easily defeat."

 

BenH : "But what makes you so sure you'll beat them at Crim-"

 

Mafia : "NEVER interrupt me, you low-life! I beat those who interrupt me to within an inch of their life. How dare you question the team of yours truly and the Flunkmasta? You... gigantic... tool... we will castrate them of all their pride and dignity! Those stupid, stupid motherfuckers do NOT know of what we have planned...they do NOT know of my Excellence, my finesse, my Gangland Execution...

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

"The JL will be overcome by the Revolution... all of them... even Ash Ketchum and Tom Flesher........ and they will hear the New Sound, shocking them in a split-second realization... such can be likened to the sound of NINETY. VIRGIN. MARYS. SCREAMING. FROM SUFFERING THE MIGHTY ROMAN EMPIRE. SCREAMING. OF SORROW. AND BEGGING. FOR MERCY. FROM THE GREATER POWER... FROM ALL OF THE LOSSES THEY SHALL BRING TO THEM IN THE FUTURE..."

 

"We are their SAVIOURS of the SJL! It is an unholy injustice that they tread on us like lowly snakes!"

 

BenH - "But Mafia... ranting and raving like Hitler or a drunken Suicide King isn't proving any point... Ash, Ced and Z are still much stronger of a force than you are and-"

 

......Grrrrrrrr.......

 

Mafia - "Why are we even wasting our time with you!? Have you NOT been paying attention these past few weeks? We DEFEATED XF9 in a Tag Match last week on Crimson. Flexxx DEFEATED Z on the last show, Metal. And I came through as well, as I DEFEATED Ced Ordonez on that same show."

 

BenH - "Er... I dunno."

 

Mafia - "GET OUT!"

 

...he points to the door, and Ben Hardy reluctantly takes his leave from Flexxx and Mafia's locker room. Flexxx laughs and guzzles down a whole bottle of beer, and Mafia sits down to join Flexxx and his poker buddies for a drink. They all laugh quietly, under their breaths, and move on with their fun, for XF9 and the entire SJL shall be another day's conquests.

 

END PROMO

 

---

 

OOC : Both me and Mafia wrote the promo.

[Guest Muzz]

Poor Candra...

 

Good promo guys.