Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 COLE Folks, after AnglePalooza, our X-Division Champion Leon Rodez was set to be in action here tonight but we regret to inform you fans that...uhm, well... CABOOSE Let me handle it Cole. It's obvious you'll just sugarcoat it. We've been told by Bill Watts to tell you fans that our X-Division Champion, Leon Rodez, has 'possibly' been found to be in violation of his OAOAST contract and has also been accussed of gross misconduct, pending further investigation. He has apparantly been suspended whilst the OAOAST board of directors discuss a punishment, with that announcement scheduled for next week. And, according to this, we've got a video to show you, explaining it? I guess, we should roll that then... *********** February 1st 2005 An OAOAST houseshow event has finished roughly two hours ago and a large group of fans have congregated at the back of the building, in search of autographs from the OAOAST stars as they leave the show. As the video we're seeing begins, Leon Rodez is just leaving the arena and is starting to sign some autographs, when at the top of the picture, one fan can be seen holding something out towards him. As Rodez calls for security, the object is thrown at him. Security quickly grabs the offending person and drag him away as Rodez takes a look at the object, which DIDN'T hit him...and with one look, he suddenly throws away the pen, gives his autograph back and quickly calls security to escort him to his car. The fans seem a little peeved that Rodez didn't stay long, as meanwhile, the cameraman catching this begins to jostle to where the incident took place. Eventually he gets close enough to get a shot of the object. Which is a video cassette, with Leon Rodez on. Beside two topless women. Both a-stradle giant inflatable bananas. And holding banana shaped 'impliments' in their hands. As the camera gets a last quick shot of the video, a member of security quickly grabs it off the floor and yells at the fan to turn his camera off, which he promptly does... ...which is where the feed ends. *********** Back in the arena, the crowd who have seen this 'get it' and some are cheering and applauding, while others try to take in what they've just seen. Meanwhile, down at Sofa Central, Triple C are dead silent. COLE Uhm, well...I guess you can draw your own conclusions from that. CABOOSE Own conclusion? There can only be one conclusion. COLE Okay...let's just get on with the rest of the sho... CABOOSE Unless that was a government funded advertising video promoting bananas and healty eating, which I highly doubt, then there only one thing that COULD have been. COLE Yes. Like I say, let's just... CABOOSE And I don't think those bananas were your 'conventional' banana. COLE Can we drop it, please? You're awfully quiet Coach. COACH Yeah...sorry, I was just tryin' to remember the name of that chick on Rodez's left before. COLE ... "YOU MAKE ME WANNA LA LA!" HeldDOWN is presented by OAOAST Entertainment. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Man, Ciara smokes Ashlee Simpson, "Goodies" would've been an excellent theme song... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 (edited) Woke Up This Morning Got Yourself A Gun Mama Always Said You’d Be The Chosen One “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Through the midst of the booing, Drek Stone saunters out to the top of the ramp with the OAOAST Heavyweight Championship securely fastened around his waist. The fans PASSIONATELY boo the champion, even more so than usual, as he calmly smooths out his suit before walking down to the ring. COLE Boy, Drek Stone really DOES love coming out here at the beginning of HeldDown, doesn’t he? CABOOSE Well, why wouldn’t he? There’s no better way to start off the night than with the Heavyweight Champion! COACH …..what about when Crystal had it? CABOOSE Well, nobody was even watching HeldDown at that point. Once Drek gets close enough to ringside, he swipes a microphone off the timekeeper’s table and climbs the steps into the ring. Once inside, he looks out at this still unbelievably bitter Maui crowd. Wide-eyed at the distaste he is being shown, the Heavyweight Champion takes a second to read some of the signs the crowd has spent their hard-earned time working on. “DRECK SUXS!!!” Well, of course, not every Hawaiian has a dictionary at their disposal. But some of the signs tonight are at least somewhat witty. “Even in Hawaii, Drek can’t find a pair of coconuts!” “Drek Stone, get ready to get axed down by Axel!” And so on. After surveying all these signs, Drek finally decides to talk to this capacity crowd. DREK You people are booing me? You all should be booing yourselves! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” DREK Keep booing. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” DREK There we go. I certainly hope that booing WAS intended for yourselves this time around. I have something important to talk about here. “DREK STONE SUCKS!” “DREK STONE SUCKS!” “DREK STONE SUCKS!” DREK Get out all your chants. I don’t give a damn anymore. I have more important issues to worry about. Something that, at AnglePalooza, finally really rose to my attention. Something that concerns AngleMania and -- to be quite honest -- the future of my title reign. At this, the crowd already begins to roar, knowing exactly who the Heavyweight Champion could be referring to with that statement. “AX-EL!” “AX-EL!” “AX--- DREK WHO?! Axel?! No, no. I was talking about me! And I was talking about all of you! This issue finally came to my attention at AnglePalooza. To put it quite bluntly: You people DO NOT respect me! All I’ve done for this damned federation, and you all still do not give me an ounce of respect. I’m not talking about you pineapple-sucking Hawaiians specifically, but the entire OAOAST fan base as a whole. COACH Could it have something to do with the way he’s acted? Has he ever considered that? CABOOSE Come on, Coach. These people have been known to cheer Crystal, for chrissakes. How dare they boo Drek Stone! DREK I mean, not that I want to be repetitive or anything, but think about my accomplishments in the past few months. If I can be modest, I’ve been an absolutely amazing Heavyweight Champion. I have vanquished every single opponent that has dared to step in my way. It’s like a laundry list of competitors. Crystal, Ragdoll, AJ Flaire. I ran Sly Sommers out of this federation! Sure, we can use his contract dispute as an excuse, but he had absolutely NO desire to step into the ring with me. There’s been no one in the past few months more successful here than me! I dismantled Crystal’s knee. I may have ended AJ Flaire’s career permanently. I have been absolutely FLAWLESS….. ….. DREK …..and still, you people choose to focus your attention on Axel rather than me! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!” DREK AXEL, of all people! Don’t any of you realize this guy hasn’t done anything worth caring about since he came to the OAOAST? He held the HI-YAH Heavyweight Belt? Real prestigious title there, oh Dark One. While you were doing that, I was going out, winning title belts, and RENAMING them after my own cultural heritage. Oh, look, Axel ended Ragdoll’s career? Who cares?! I softened Ragdoll up for him only days before their epic retirement match at Climax! Everything Axel has done, I have had a major effect on -- or I have done, but only better! CABOOSE YES! He has a point, guys. Admit it! DREK Which is why it pains me to see…..in recent months, he’s been getting ALL of my attention. I mean, I’m the Heavyweight Champion of the world. WHERE are my Main Events?! Why the hell aren’t I wrestling in the last match on the Pay Per Views?! Back in November, I outlasted Axel in the Elimination Chamber! In fact, I wound up winning the whole damn thing. So what happens at Climax in December?! I’m stuck defending my title against that hag Crystal in a MIDCARD match, while Axel steals my Main Event slot! But I’m not done yet! CABOOSE Hear that, guys?! He’s not done yet! DREK We come to January. I’m making a Heavyweight Title defense against AJ Flaire, a guy that’s making his HUGE return back to the OAOAST. And, to raise the stakes even further, it’s an I-QUIT match! But where do I find my match placed again?! The midcard! Of course! But then I see Axel -- and he’s wrestling in the Main Event slot yet again! YET AGAIN, he’s able to end the show standing triumphantly in the middle of the ring. Who the hell is Axel?! He’s an underachieving worm! Someone that thinks they need to dress scary just to gain some intimidation points. Who am I?! I’M THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! WHERE IS MY ATTENTION?! At this point, Drek leans against the ring ropes and starts screaming specifically at the fans sitting at ringside. DREK WHY AM I NOT MAIN EVENTING THESE PAY-PER-VIEWS?! Why am I treated as an afterthought?! Calvin Szechstein wasn’t treated like this! Zack Malibu wasn’t treated like this! Crystal wasn’t treated like this! Why am I the unfortunate one?! Why am I forced to HIDE in the midcard while Axel gets MY attention?! AND MY MAIN EVENT SLOTS?! COACH Uh-oh. Why do I get the feeling Drek’s head is just going to explode here? DREK WHERE IS MY ATTENTION?! THIS DOESN’T MAKE ANY….. Suddenly, in the middle of Drek Stone’s diatribe, OAOAST Chairman Bill Watts appears on the ever-impressive AngleTron! CABOOSE Jeez….whenever we seem to be getting into a good groove with a Drek Stone promo, Watts always has to stick his nose into it. Drek, still incredibly furious, looks up at Watts’s image and starts mouthing off. I won’t print the words here, but it’s safe to say a few bombs slipped past the censors. WATTS Mr. Stone, hold on one second. As much as I may disagree with it, I certainly can understand your outrage. As the Heavyweight Champion of the OAOAST, it isn’t quite right that you’ve been shunted out of the Main Event slot the past two months. In fact, it’s downright reprehensible that something so awful has happened to you. So I’m here to make it all better. I’m here to make my Heavyweight Champion happy. DREK Oh yeah? Well, how do you propose to do that? WATTS Well, hold on a second. Let me get to that. Drek Stone, you will be pleased to know that, as of now, I have already decided your opponent for Zero Hour. “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” DREK No, Watts! NO! After the travesty that happened with AJ Flaire dressing up like Phoenix last month, I will NOT allow myself to be given an unfair opponent again! WATTS Mr. Stone, after the disgusting act you pulled against AJ Flaire at AnglePalooza, I couldn’t care less about what you think. So here, let me be frank. I have found your opponent for Zero Hour at the end of this month. And let me tell you, it’s going to be someone that I think you’re somewhat familiar with. It’s someone that, many feel, should have been given this opportunity long ago. Someone who, at AnglePalooza, really proved that he’s ready to be given such a shot. COACH …..who could he be talking about? WATTS Someone who held the Heavyweight Title before. Someone who many feel shouldn’t have lost the title in the first place. “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” WATTS Keep in mind, Mr. Stone, Zero Hour is going to be taking place in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Which just so happens to be the hometown of this impressive superstar. “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” CABOOSE Oh no. WATTS Now, without any further ado, let me introduce you to your opponent at Zero Hour. Enjoy. CUE: “Black” “YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” The crowd EXPLODES as the sounds of “Black” start to boom over the loudspeakers and Hoff steps out to a massive reaction. DREK CABOOSE Oh, this is awful. This is terrible. That man doesn’t deserve a title shot! COLE After his impressive performance against Chris Stevens at AnglePalooza, I don’t see how he DIDN’T earn this title shot. CABOOSE Well, this is why no one has ever mistaken you for being smart, Mikey. Once Hoff slides into the ring, he immediately stands up to Drek Stone and the two men stare at each other face-to-face. The buzz in the arena immediately starts to soar as Drek and Hoff have their eyes locked with one another. No strangers to each other, neither man wants to blink. So all they can do is stare. Stare. Until….. CUE: "Bound for the Floor" COLE Now wait a minute!! The fans turn their attention from the pow-wow in the ring to the stage, as Chris Stevens and his associate Jumbo step out from the curtain! Jumbo looks about the same, but Stevens is worse for the wear, sporting a large bandage on his forehead, and one MEAN snarl. J.R. Like an Oklahoma Rottweiler! BOOMER SOONER!! CABOOSE Git! Stevens comes armed with a microphone and ready to use it. STEVENS Now hold on for one damn minute. "BOOOOOO" COLE That's what I said! CABOOSE No one was paying attention. COLE But what does Chris Stevens want now? COACH Maybe he's just pissed! Hoff beat him pretty bad at Anglepalooza! COLE That he did. Stevens stares daggers to the ring, aimed at Hoff, who looks none too not angry about the interruption. STEVENS Hoff, you son of a bitch. I should have known you'd use last night to weasel your way into a title shot-- The fans start jeering, prompting Stevens to raise his voice. STEVENS That you DON'T DESERVE... "BOOOOOO" STEVENS That you NEVER EARNED... "BOOOOOOOOO" STEVENS JUST SHUT UP A MINUTE!! I am SO SICK of you PEOPLE....... Stevens stops, and takes a deep breath, getting a pat on the shoulder from Jumbo. In the ring, Drek nods his approval, turning to the front row and mouthing "I'm sick of you too." STEVENS The fact is that you got lucky, Hoff, and you know it. If this company had officiated the match properly, they'd have gotten an official to the ring to open the cage door, and I would have been the winner last Sunday. But you STOLE ONE AGAIN, big man!! And now you're trying to steal the title from Drek Stone, who, for all his faults, is ten times the champion you'll ever be. The fans let Stevens have it as Drek politely applauds in the ring. Hoff looks back and shoots Drek a look, but the champion simply smirks at him. HOFF Listen, Chris. You took something from me, and now I intend to get it back. It's that easy. And if you've got a problem with that....they why don't you do what you couldn't do Sunday, and beat it out of me. Stevens glowers at Hoff...and starts heading to the ring!! Stevens, with Jumbo in tow, starts shouting obscenities at Hoff on his way. Hoff steps to the ropes to egg Stevens on...but Drek, seeing his opportunity, nails Hoff from behind with a shot to the back of the head! COLE Oh my! CABOOSE Ha ha! Hoff reels, and the fans boo as Drek begins to pummel Hoff from behind. Stevens quickly seizes the moment, sliding into the ring and turning it into a two-on-one assault!! "BOOOOO" "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!" CABOOSE This is great! COACH Come on, Hoff, get out of there! Or fight! I forgot my announcing cliches! COLE Come on, can't we get some security out here!! Stevens and Drek drive Hoff to the canvas and begin stomping away. Bill Watts tries to grab Stevens and pull him off, but Jumbo grabs him and throws him into the corner, pinning him there with his big bulky body! Meanwhile, Hoff crawls to a corner, where Drek and Stevens stomp a mudhole in him! J.R. AND WALK IT DRY! SLOBBERKNOCKER!! TAZZ RED HOOK!! CABOOSE Would you two get out of here?! COLE This is sick, this is deplorable! Somebody needs to get out here and stop this!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM~!~!! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!" The fans go APESHIT as the Lethal Rumnble winner sprints down to the ring, and slides in, Hoff being subjected to a three on one attack. Chris Stevens is the first to go to Axel, but he is soon put in his place, getting knocked down with a HUGE clothesline! COLE Axel is here! Jumbo is the next to try and take on The Dark One, but Axel is right there waiting, connecting with thrfee right hands, and then a HUGE uppercut, the same one that won him the Lethal Rumble! Drek Stone then tries to take Axel out, but he eats a clothesline as well! COACH Axel is on fire! CABOOSE Someone get him out of here! Axel yells to the crowd, as if he's a man possessed! He waits for Stevens to get up from the clothesline, like an animal watches its prey! COLE I see some pain in Chris Stevens' future! Stevens finally gets up, and turns around... RIGHT INTO AN AXEL SPINEBUSTAH~! COLE BETTER THAN HOFF'S! Axel gets up from the spinebuster, looking at the damage he has caused, when he falls forward courtesy of a shot to the back by Jumbo! Jumbo grabs Axel by the hair and goes for a BIG CLOTHESLINE... but Axel ducks under! Axel comes off of the ropes and charges at the big man... ...RUNNING ENZIGURI! COACH Wow! Axel has taken out Chris Stevens and Jumbo! COLE But look who's next! Oh yes, Axel has his sights set on the third party, his tenetative opponent for AngleMania, the OAOAST Champion, Drek Stone! CABOOSE No! Not Drek! Drek gets to this feet, shaken from the clothesline, and Axel picks him up from behind, for an Axel Slam! The crowd pops HUGE for this, but the pops soon turn to boos, as Chris Stevens pulls the Champion out of the ring by the foot, and out of harms way! COLE Awww no fair! Axel tries in vain to get to the champion, but Stevens and Jumbo have pulled him to safety. Axel stares down the three men, and Chris Stevens begins talking trash to the Dark One, trash that Axel is happy to return. COACH Axel took out Chris Stevens, Jumbo, and almost the OAOAST Champion in a matter of moments! Axel is on fire tonight! Axel turns around, presumedly to check on the man that he just saved, only to find that Hoff is up, and the two are face to face! COLE Uh-oh... CABOOSE Ha-ha! Hoff and Axel are going to get it on! The two men say a few words to each other, and for a moment it seems like they are both pissed off... but the tension fades somewhat, and they both take a step back. Out of the corner of his eye, Hoff notices the OAOAST Championship belt in the ring, and his gaze is soon joined by Axel's! COLE Both of these men have a golden opportunity in the next few months to be the OAOAST Champion. Hoff for the second time at Zero Hour, and Axel for the first time at AngleMania Four at Trump Plaza! COACH Both of these guys know that sometime down the track, they will possibly be facing each other! We don't know when, but it will happen! COLE Oh my guys... I've just been given word! Bill Watts has signed a HUGE Six Man Tag team Main Event for next week's edition of HeldDown! In one corner it will be Chris Stevens and Jumbo, joined by our OAOAST Champion Drek Stone! In the otehr corner, it will be The Dark One, Axel; his girlfriend, Crystal; and finally... Hoff! COACH Whoa! COLE What an amazing Main Event for next week! COACH And we're not done yet! COLE Stay tuned, HeldDown will be right back! Edited February 4, 2005 by NY Untouchable Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 (We see an all black room with the Tag Team Champions, Chicks Over Dicks seated on stools in front of an OAOAST banner. Alix is wearing a ruffled black skirt and a baby blue Emily the Strange tee shirt that says “I know I’m strange. But what are you?”. Krista is attired in a sparkling gold minidress more suited for a dance club then a wrestling show and a rhinestone belt stretched across he waist. For some very unusual reason Alix is holding a 40 Oz. Colt 45.) KIRSTA Alix Maria Spezia. ALIX Krista Tyler Myrick. OMG SH00T NAMEZ!1111 KRISTA I’d like to observe a moment of silence for a friend. A friend that’s a lot like Alix’s drunken uncle Anthony, who winds up passed out in the kiddy pool every family barbecue, awash in a pool of water, vomit, urine, anal discharge, and the misery that arises from knowing that even though he’s surrounded by loved ones, nothing will ever break the vast feeling of despair that is engulfing his booze and hooker fueled existence. ALIX I love you Uncle Anthony! KRISTA This friend is none other then The Original Elite’s tag team title reign. Gentlemen, some would say that your title reign didn’t last long enough. These are the same people who say the Holocaust never happened, so we’ll ignore them. Dan Black, Tony Brannigan, generic Shane Douglas ripoff, you all make me sick. I feel like vomiting whenever I have to look at your ugly faces. You went to wrestling school and wound up with a degree in colonoscopy. Nice job. Alix, fans, a moment of silence for T.O.E. (For ten seconds the ladies are quiet. Alix takes a sip of her 40 oz, then pours the rest of it on the floor.) ALIX One for my dirty south bitches in The Original Elite. KRISTA Well said. ALIX Krista, when we were given this segment we were told to talk about the Anderson Cup. Eight tag teams, vying for a chance to go onto Anglemana and job to two women who are a hundred pounds smaller then they are in a midcard match that will be forgotten the next night. And we will get to that, but first, I feel we need to discuss something that’s been on my mind. KRISTA And what would that be? ALIX (in a southern accent) Ya know, I think it’s time we stop worrying about “throwing it up for our hood” or “representin’ the west coast gangsters” and started to represent the one man that truly keeps it real. I’m talking about, your lord and savior, Jesus Christ! KRISTA (in a masculine southern accent) For sho. ALIX I know C-O-D is down with G-O-D but there are two guys who don’t roll with God’s set. They think they can get this party started with the D-E-V-I-L. These guys are Hell’s Hitmen, Jingus and Sadist. Jingus, Sadist, I know you want to mutilate yourselves, violate your body that God gave you as a gift and think these impure thoughts that don’t do no one a lick of good, but you two guys gotta know something...That no matter how much you turn away from the teachings of the lord and accept pagan practices and rituals, Jesus is not gonna turn away from you. He’s not gonna stop loving you. KRISTA Testify, sister. Peace n’ love. PNL from JC. ALIX And Jesus, he’s always gonna love you. You can go out and lose your match to Frankensteiner’s in thirty seconds and you’ll come back stage and JC’ll be there waiting with open arms because he died for your sins and now he’s dying for your love. Accept him into your hearts. He took a bath, he doesn’t stink. He ain’t gonna bite. But he is gonna love. Because as that one band who’s name I can’t remember would sing, Jesus was made for loving you and you were made for loving him! Jesus loves you. Badd Boy, baby. 2005. Please believe it. KRISTA Now, their opponents in the first round of the Anderson Cup are the Frankensteiners. Hell’s Hitmen versus The Frankensteiners. Wow. Awesome. I can feel the excitement running through my body. No wait. That’s a bladder infection. My mistake. I hear these mouth breathing brain dead mutants once won some kind of college trophy. That’s impressive, huh. ALIX At San Jose state university there’s a fraternity that gives an award to whoever can fit the most hot dogs in their BUTT. KRISTA Point taken. Did you win? ALIX No. Some 4 foot eleven Korean kid won! He must’ve had a dimensional vortex lodged in there or something. But here’s the really funny part. I had a boyfriend in the fraternity... KRISTA Yes, you having a boyfriend is funny in a pathetic, sort of ironic “man wins lottery is mugged and killed at gunpoint shortly thereafter” kind of way. ALIX No, stupid! The funny part is that the frat were to cheap to buy new hot dogs so they’d just reuse the one’s from the ass contest the next month in the hot dog eating contest. Anyway, predictions for this match? KRISTA I predict I’ll fall asleep at the three minute mark. ALIX And I predict I’ll shave your eye brows at the four minute twenty five second mark. I also predict that I’ll feel guilty at the seven minute eighty five second mark. At the twelve minute mark you’ll wake up and I’ll blame the whole thing on Jackie Gayda. KRISTA Wait a second. This match is gonna go longer then five minutes? I thought the point of the television was to attract viewers not drive them away in droves. If wrestling skill is the ground the house of greatness is built on, the Frankensteiners must’ve built their house on quicksand. ALIX You’re so cruel! I personally think the Frankensteiners will win. I like them because Frankie barks like a dog and I like dogs and I like Frankie because he barks like a dog. And I like dogs. KRISTA I know we’re supposed to wrap up this skit but honestly, I can’t leave the subject of Black T alone. These guys crack me up. I heard they called themselves the greatest tag team of all time. That’s funny, because the only reason you two can claim you’re the greatest OAOAST tag team of all time is because we haven’t beaten you. And the only reason we haven’t beaten you is because you worthless wastes of sperm haven’t had the guts to face Alix and I in a tag team match. Until now. And what a surprise it just so happens that you grew a set after we won the titles. But that doesn’t matter. You may have championship dreams, but its just that, a dream. A fabrication. A fantasy without a home to call its own in the real world. Just like Santa Claus, The Lochness Monster and Big Foot, your chances of beating of us in a rematch don’t exist. Here’s a dose of harsh reality, children: You think you’ll be in the championship spotlight once again? The only lights you’ll be seeing are the ones staring down at you when you’re lying face up on the mat and we’re pinning you one..two...three. ALIX Dan, because you’re all beauty and zero brains I’m going translate what she just said into terms you’ll understand: Goo-goo ga-ga! Goo-Goo ga-ga! KRISTA Enjoy your fall from grace boys. You’ve got a long way to go before you hit bottom. But trust me, you’ll get there. We’ll be sure to send you a postcard from the top. “The view’s great. Wish you were here.....Never mind. No we don’t. Assholes.” (Krista and Alix wave bye-bye as we go to break) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 (Return from break) Frankenstein by Edgar Winters plays drawing a solid ovation from the Maui faithful. BUFFER The following is a first round matchup in the OAOAST ANDERSON CUP! Now making their way to the ring....weighing 510 pounds, from Oklahoma, they have combined for eighteen different amateur wrestling titles.......THE FRANKENSTEINERS! COACH How many hot dogs do you think you can fit in your ass, Booze? CABOOSE Seven COACH Seven. Exactly seven. Not six. Or Eight. Or Seven and one half. Just seven. That kind of exact number means you must’ve done it before. I’ve done your mom before. Spread my relish all over her buns, I did. Eat it, Caboose. Eat it and like it. Decked out in their Ohio State singlets, the brothers come out from the back bursting with competitive energy! Frankie happily runs around the entrance ramp, barking his fool head off and punching himself in the face! Frank, who’s a bit more calm, pumps his clenched fist in the air and then heads to ring. Stern, serious and legitimately dangerous, he fully intends on having his team emerge victorious. COLE The Anderson cup. Eight teams are fighting it out for the honor to compete at Anglemania, the most revered event in sports and entertainment, for the OAOAST tag team titles! This is our first match and it comes from the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference. The winner will take on the winner of Black T and The New New Midnight Express match. CABOOSE You mean Chicks Over Dicks and The Midnight Express. No way Black T goes down to the twisted sisters from LaLa land. Gentlemen, I have goosebumps just thinking about how awesome this tournament will be. What you have is eight of the greatest, hungriest teams in the world all trying to get a shot at tag team gold. Alix and Krista may not have acted serious earlier, but Krista’s smart, she’s watching this tourney and she’s studying. Because anyone of these eight squads could be future opponents. I believe all that insulting talk was a carefully planned strategy to undermine the confidence of the competing tag teams. That’ll come in handy when they face one of these two after beating The Midnights in the first round next week. Frank and Frankie slide into the ring at the exact same second. The siblings give each other high fives and encouraging slaps on the ass. With patient expressions on their faces they turn towards the entry way. OH BABY, BABY! OH BABY, BABY The Hell’s Hitmen enter the arena looking deadly serious about this history making event. The fans boo them, JINGUS getting the majority of the heat. With purple lights swirling around the venue, the servants of Satan head to the ring, cracking their knuckles and twisting their necks. As they solemnly walk down the ramp, fans in the front row scatter, fearful for their worthless lives in the face of the hellish beasts. COACH I know for a fact that after getting beat by a man much smaller then him in AJ Flaire, Jingus is out to reestablish himself as a man to be dreaded. BUFFER And the opponents..weighing a combined weight of six hundred eighty pounds...from the Depths of Hell....they are the minions of the dark lord.....JINGUS....SADIST....HELL’S.....HITMEEEEEEEEENNNN! COLE Sadist reminds me of my favorite movie. CABOOSE What’s that? The Thing? Poltergeist? It? Jason X? COLE No! Boys ballin’ Bears 47: Hunks in outer space! Available at fine Adult Video retailers nation wide. COACH Give me America’s Funniest Home Assgasms any day of the week. Anyway, The Frankensteiners made waves in the OAOAST for the first time in....well ever, by beating the New New Midnight Express. Ned Blanchard and Simon Singleton were furious but that match goes down as only the Frankensteiner’s third televised victory. Recently at a house show in Duluth they beat The Tethers brothers in thirty seconds. These guys have skills. They could be major darkhorses here. That’s cool. GIVE ME A SIIIIIIIGN! HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME! COLE The Frankensteiners and Hell’s Hitmen collide! JINGUS is a former tag team champion with Mystery Eskimo! The Frankies are decorated vets of the amateur world but that didn’t translate into much success until last week *DING DING DING* No feeling out process here as the match gets underway with a slug fest! Punches are exchanged like trading cards between JINGUS and Frank! Although the Devilman is bigger, Frank holds impressive strength and stands up well against the former tag team champion! The colossal blows are handed out with neither man giving an inch. The fans can sense what type of intense tournament this will be as each blow increases in ferocity. Frank ends the punchfest and gives JINGUS a whip to the orange[/orange] ring ropes! NO! JINGUS reverses it and brings in Frank for a short arm clothesline! FRANK DUCKS underneath the big man's arm and runs to the ropes! The Devil worshiper isn’t too happy about whiffing on his move. Frank comes back and takes the snarling super heavyweight down with a bulldog! COACH Frank hitting the first big move of the match. Caboose, do you like the Frankensteiner’s odds of winning the match? CABOOSE No. I know they upset the Midnight’s last week. But that was an upset. That means its not indicative of what they can and normally do in the ring. Adrenaline surging through every vein in his roid enhanced body, Frank gets to his feet and lets out a primal scream! He runs the ropes and returns to nail a now standing JINGUS with a high knee lift right to his enormous chest! The mastodon wobbles backwards like he was drunk. Frank follows him in and puts him flat on his back with a diving clothesline! The Ohio State graduate stands up, flexes his ripped bicep, gives it a little kiss then drops an elbow onto JINGUS’ throat! The Devilman clutches his neck while his enemy goes through a sit up routine! “FRANK, YOU’RE LATE ON YOUR CHILD SUPPORT!” Hollers a ghastly overweight female in the audience. Ignoring her accusation, the elder Frankensteiner drags JINGUS upright. He wraps his arms around JINGUS for a front waistlock and prepares to hit him with a belly to belly suplex! However the mighty beast lowers his head down and buries his rapier sharp teeth into Frank’s forehead! Tanned skin tears away from his head, ripped to shreds by the gruesome assault. Blood pouring from above his eyelash and down to his eyes, Frank cries aloud in distress. Half his world is turned a shade of dark red as the nasty goo clogs his vision! The fans are disgusted and admonishments are drawn from referee Clem Boxerfeller Jr. With the sour taste of Frank’s blood fresh in his mouth, JINGUS drops his victim with a HUGE BOOT~! to the head. Frank goes down with the force of a sack of bricks! “JESUS LOVES YOU! JESUS LOVES YOU! JESUS LOVES YOU!” chant the fans towards the man who will never see a glimpse of Heaven, JINGUS. JINGUS grabs a hold of Franks boot and drags the bloody amateur wrestling champion to his corner. The tag is made to THE SADIST! The behemoth enters the warzone and he and his supersized partner devour poor Frank with brutally wicked stomps to the gut! They stand him up and nearly take his head off with a double clothesline! The Sadist goes for a cover but Boxerfeller jr is preoccupied with removing JINGUS from the ring. As JINGUS, now outside of the ring, positions himself on the apron, his teammate lays into a standing Frank with a back elbow! The blow is comparable to being hit in the face with an aluminum baseball bat by Sammy Sosa, but somehow Frank stays up! The respectful crowd applauds Frank’s toughness and he draws strength from their kindness. The mammoth opposite him runs the ropes and charges back! It’s like staring down a pack of wild elephants but Frank shows no fear! Instead he exhibits determination to advance in the tournament! He spins behind a running Sadist, slows the wild animal down, lifts the 300 plus pounder up, and nails him with a release German suplex! The impact doesn’t just shake the ring, it doesn’t just shake the arena, it doesn’t just shake the city, IT SHAKES THE ENTIRE STATE! Frankie, who’s wildly applauding his bro, nearly fell off the apron from the earthquake like vibrations! "YOU GOT SERVED! YOU GOT SERVED! YOU GOT SERVED!" chant the fans to Sadist. CABOOSE Sweet mercy! He might as well have suplexed a hippo! COACH That’s the same thing I said about your mom. Only replace the word ‘he’ with ‘I’ and ‘suplex’ with ‘fucked’. Cool. To the surprise and disappointment of Frank and his younger sibiling, Sadist is up and ready to roll! Disgusted groans are given off by some members of the audience as Sadist pinches his massive man boob between his thumb and index finger and proceeds to gently tongue his hockey puck sized nipple! Deep orgasmic moans escape from the hellish cesspool that is his mouth, as his darkest, most vomit worthy fantasies that should’ve never seen the light of day much less prime time televison, have been satisfied by an unwitting mistress in Frank Frankensteiner. COLE You can always tell its time for a commercial break in a Hell’s Hitmen match when Sadist starts sucking his nipples. (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) We comeback with Frankie and Sadist in the ring. Frankie takes the much larger fighter over with a snapmare, then hits him with a standing whiplash! Proud of his handiwork the excitable lad stands up to celebrate. Unfortunately, Sadist does to! Frankie spins around and hammers the demonic grappler with a knife edge chop that would’ve sent any other wrestler into early retirement! But all it does to Sadist is cause his twisted mind to be thunderstruck with erotic glee. Frankie runs to the ropes, partially out of fear, buts gets nailed in the jaw with a boot from an apron bound JINGUS! COLE Hey that’s not right! The cheap shot leaves protective brother Frank downright enraged! He rushes into the ring but is immediately cut off by Boxerfeller jr! His attempt to rescue his mentally handicapped brother thwarted, Frank watches with helpless horror as Hell’s Hitmen punish Frankie with a horribly painful double backdrop! Sadist goes for a pin attempt as JINGUS rolls out of the squared circle. 1 2 KICK OUT! No one in the arena, not Frank, not JINGUS, and definitely not Sadist can believe that Frankie kicked out! Obviously Hell’s Hitmen underestimated the spirit of the Frankensteiners! Both men are on their feet. Sadist has his threatening, fear inspiring hands wrapped around Frankie’s neck! He lifts him for the choke slam! As Frankie is forced to leave his feet, the crowd gets to their’s, sensing the end of the match draws close! But Frankie counters with an armbar takedown! The submission hold is never properly cinched in as Sadist powers out! CABOOSE I don’t think Sadist would’ve kicked out in the first place! COACH Kicked out? Of what? Are you going senile? Front facelock by the Devil’s henchmen! No! Frankie, showing off amazing strength, breaks the grip that was tighter then a nun’s pussy! Now it’s Frankie’s turn for a front face lock! Frank is leaning on the ropes, encouraging and cheering on his brother who has so much admirable fighting spirit! Frankie lifts Sadist high into the air! Falling backwards Frankie somehow nails him with an awesome BRAINBUSTER~! Every member of the crowd, from the most gullible mark right down to the most jaded smark is left simply stunned that Frankie could unleash such a powerful attack on the most intimidating wrestler the OAOAST has ever offered! COACH Wow! Frankie just brainbustered Sadist! If every match in this tournament is like this, we are in for a wild ride! That’s cool. Both competitors, stomach’s almost glued to the mat, make the long trek to their corner. Hankering to see some in ring action, Frank hops up and down, clapping his hands together to rally on his nearly out of it brother! The fans join in and lend their strength to a man who desperately needs it! Soon the entire arena is in a clapping frenzy! TAG TO JINGUS!!!!!!!! CROWD:BOOOOOOO! TAG TO FRANK!!!!!!! CROWD:YEAAAAAAA! The two monsters come rumbling into the ring, ready to send each other back to the stone age with a variety of viscous power moves! JINGUS WITH A CLOTHESLINE! NO! DUCKED! Frank off the ropes! He comes back! FRANKENSTEINERLINE~! THE CROWD GOES NUTS as JINGUS is taken off his feet and dumped to the canvas! CROWD:YOU GOT SERVED! YOU GOT SERVED! YOU GOT SERVED! Frank hooks the leg for a pin! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 CROWD 3!!!!! HELL NO! SADIST BREAKS UP THE PIN! Frank stands up and meets Sadist with a rock hard punch to face! Sadist returns the favor! But Frank blocks it with his beefy forearm! BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD SUPLEX~! Frank nails Sadist with a belly to belly overhead suplex! “FUCK YEAH!” Frank shouts as he flexes his adonis like muscles! The much scrawnier fans scream along with him, totally psyched about the possibility of being witness to a huge upset! Frank turns around to finish off his opponent only to meet a gory end at the hands of a DEVILBOMB! JINGUS covers! 1 2 FRANKIE CHARGES INTO THE RING! SADIST CUTS HIM OFF WITH A YAKUZA KICK! 3! Clem Boxerfeller jr calls for the bell. The crowd is a bit let down over not seeing an upset victory as Hell’s Hitmen advance. BUFFER Your winners....HELL’S HITMEN! CROWD: JESUS LOVES YOU! JESUS LOVES YOU! JESUS LOVES YOU! JINGUS and Sadist exit the ring, throughly prepared to dominate whoever is unlucky enough to draw them in the second round. COACH No surprise there really. Hell of an effort by Frank and Frankie, though. CABOOSE It sure was. But effort will only get you so far. This match was won on pure f’n power and that’s what JINGUS and Sadist have got. Any other team would’ve been put away by that brainbuster. Not these guys. COLE Can Hell’s Hitmen win this tournament? CABOOSE Yes. Provided they face the right teams. If they ever have to encounter The Saints, who hit hard and hit often or Black T, who are too smart to beat, they won’t win. Wrestling is an intelligent sport, believe it or not, and Tony Brannigan and Dan Black are two of the smartest men alive. COLE What about me? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 Scene opens with Bill Watts sitting at his desk, leaning back in his chair. He has a rather large smile on his face as he speaks to an anonymous person. WATTS Well, the role of HeldDown General Manager will be quite difficult...you have to deal with the likes of Drek Stone, Axel...Zack Malibu...they can be very forceful at times. PERSON Mr. Watts...I have a five month old daughter at home...I know how to deal with children. WATTS That's another thing...you're going to be away from your family a majority of the year...can you deal with that? PERSON Well...no...I mean, I have to be there for my daughter... WATTS Then maybe the job isn't right for you. PERSON ...Can I bring her with me? WATTS Of course you can. But you can't let your motherly duties get in the way of being a General Manager. PERSON Oh, I know...I'm fully capable of being a mother to my daughter AND the wrestlers. WATTS What about Ken? PERSON Well, he's going with Austin on a six month tour of Europe...some "becoming brothers again" thing...I dunno....anyway, that gives me time. WATTS Well then...One last time, are you SURE you want to do this? PERSON Oh yes. Very much so. WATTS Then, Josie Baker...welcome back to HeldDown. The camera pans around to show JOSIE!!! sitting in the plush leather chair. She wears a grey zipped up hoodie and tiiiiiight black pants. She smiles wide and stands. JOSIE Can't wait, Bill. With that, Josie turns around and walks out of the room. The screen fades to black... ...and then cuts to the parking lot, where Dan Black and Tony Brannigan are walking~! In their trademark snappy suits and shades, Black T stride into the building, removing their glasses and glaring at anyone getting in their way. COLE Here we see Black T, fresh off a second successive title loss on pay per view...tonight they have a shot at reclaiming those OAOAST tag belts...we'll see if we can get someone to speak with them... Black T stop. Josh Matthew is in their way. J.Math, fresh off a beating from Brannigan a week ago, trembles in his boots. JOSH Gentlemen, I appreciate- Brannigan slaps him hard across the face, sending the dimunitive J.Math crumpling into a heap. Black T continue their match, until a fat man with a shiny head emerges in front of then. MEAN GENE Now, Black T, this is a big night- Dan throws Gene face first into the wall. Black T step over his body and walk on. COLE Can ANYONE get this interview? Jesse Ventura appears from a side room. Black T stop in their tracks, but don't look any less ferocious. TONY This isn't a good time, Jess. VENTURA Boys, you took a bad loss at Anglepalooza. You've got to have something to say about it. Dan and Tony look at each other. BLACK You know, we were going to let our forthcoming victory to all the talking. But I've had a few things on my mind, I must admit. The more I think about our loss on Sunday, the more it gets under my skin. It's really bothering me. So much so, I havn't even been able to make love to my quota of the Black T groupies. TONY It's true. Jivin' JR has had to take over. All three men shudder. BLACK Because, you see, I can accept losing to a team of fine athletes, a team of competitors. If I'm pinned by the New New Midnight Express, Hell's Hitmen- even... Dan swallows with distaste. BLACK The "Love Doctors" or "Gee Pee Ex". But to lose to a pair of filthy slags like those? No, I - we- won't stand for it. How did that Alix cow get into the OAOAST anyway? Through the idiot Northstar, that's how. And don't think we've forgotten what Northstar did to IntenseZone. My show. Our show. Black swallows with emotion. His partner steps in. TONY Ladies, we've played with you. You may be chicks over dicks, but we're pricks with dicks. And a whole lotta bad attitude. I admit it, wrestling girls was an intrigue for me, I'd never done it before. At least, not in front of an audience. At least, not in front of an audience in a public arena. At least - but that doesn't matter. Girls, tonight, I'm deadly serious when I say you'll get no more mercy from Tony Brannigan. No pulled punches. None of that playful spanking I know you love. Just an Out of Body Experience you'll never forget. VENTURA Gentlemen, I salute your confidence and resolve. One more question, if I may. The Original Elite. How is the moral in your group, post Anglepalooza? Dan and Tony look at each other once more. BLACK Just fine, Jess. Why wouldn't it be? VENTURA Some people - some cynical, troublemaking people - have suggested there might be some tension between yourself and Zack Malibu, given the manner of your elimination from the Lethal Rumble. Dan puts his sun glasses back on and smoothes back his hair. BLACK Jess, you know as well as I that business is business. Remember last years Rumble, when I made the final three? Zack cost me that match too. It's the nature of the game we play. Next year, who knows, I might eliminate Zack. But as for Sunday, I shook Zack's hand after the show, and told him how sorry I was he didn't beat that creepy bastard Axel. TONY The Elite is more together, more focused, stronger than ever. Tonight, a natural order is restored. You know, I expect we'll hear those girls run their mouths as usual at some point before the match. But as you and Black T know, Jess, that there's only one thing a woman's mouth is good for. Tony grins lecherously and grabs his balls. Jesse and Dan laugh. BLACK Maybe one more thing women's mouths are good for, Mr.Brannigan. TONY What's that, Mr.Black? BLACK Getting punched. Black T shake hands with "The Body", and walk onwards. COLE Did Tony mean what I think he meant? CABOOSE Yeah. COLE Wow! I knew women used their mouths to clean themselves! I just knew it! Disgusting! I can't believe I kissed one once! CABOOSE Er... COACH Well, I can't believe Dan Black just advocated hitting women! CABOOSE But Black T have to hit them. They're in a match against women. COACH Well, that's a bad example 4 da kidz! CABOOSE So are you two, comedy gay man and comedy black man. Now shut up. I have a feeling something else is going to happen right about..........now. We cut back to Josh Matthews in the ACTIONZONE~! J.MATH Was poppin'. pizzimps! This is your boy, Josh Matthews! And right now, I'm standing with a man who recently made his OAOAST return after 8 months in calabozo! 8 months in the pokey! The big house! The slammer! The blue bar hotel! The... THA PUERTO RICAN (off-camera) I think they get the point, Josh! J.MATH ...right! With me now is Tha Puerto Rican, alongside his associate, Stephen Joseph Popick. P.R. and SJ step into camera view, receiving jeers from the fans watching from within the arena. Neither man looks happy as they approach Matthews. . J.MATH Now, P.R., it's good to have you back with us on HeldDOWN, but I'm sure that everybody's wondering just what it was like for you in jail. I mean...being locked away for 8 months...8 LONG MONTHS, P.R.! THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah, and I wouldn't mind doing 8 more if you don't know your role and shut your damn mouth... P.R. rears back and starts after J.Math, but Popick catches him before he can do any damage to the announcer. He takes a deep breath and turns to the main camera, his face twisted with anger. THA PUERTO RICAN You wanna know about my time in jail, Matthews?! Well I'll tell ya, Matthews--IT WAS HELL! It was absolute hell being locked away from this business! Being locked away from my destiny--the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! (sighs) For the past 8 months, that belt has been on my mind, Matthews! All I've been able to think about was the day that I was released from that cell! The day when I'd be able to return to this company and claim what's rightfully mine! And Anglepalooza was my chance to do just that, Matthews! This past Sunday night I set foot in that Lethal Rumble and completely outclassed everyone who got in my path! Everybody! Cappa! Crystal! Axel! EVERYBODY! I outclassed them all, Josh, and you know, Popick knows--HELL! The whole damn world knows that right here tonight in Maui, I should be standing before you people as not only the Most Electrifying Man in Sports-Entertainment, but I should also be the #1 CONTENDER TO THAT WORLD TITLE! But NOOOOOOOOO! That's not the case, is it, Matthews?! Because of one man, I won't be going to Anglemania to challenge for the title! Because of one man, I've been robbed of my dream! Because of one man, I've been robbed of my DESTINY! (deep breath) And of course...that one man...is Panther. The crowd ERUPTS at the mention of Panther's name. Both P.R. and SJ roll their eyes as faint chants of "PAN-THER" can be heard from inside the arena. THA PUERTO RICAN Yeah, leave it to you classless idiots in Maui to cheer a 2-bit jabrony like Panther! It doesn't surprise me; you're all jealous of me! You all wish that you could be like me--The Corporate Champ! And the same thing goes for that jabrony Panther! See, I showed the world this past Sunday night that I'm superior to Panther! I proved it when I--ALL BY MYSELF, FAIR AND SQUARE, with absolutely NO HELP from ANYBODY--threw his monkey ass up over the top rope and eliminated him from the Lethal Rumble! (crowd boos) You people can boo all you want, but you know it's true! All of Panther's talk! All of that trash about him needing the World Title! About 2005 being the year of the Panther! (chuckles) It was all for naught thanks to me...the Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment! I threw Panther out and I was well on my way to winning the Rumble! Well on my way to staking my claim as the #1 man in this industry, when this...this...jealous asshole brings his candy ass in the ring AND ATTACKS ME!!! This...this idiot comes into the ring ILLEGALLY! He attacks me and--(crowd pops) AND YOU PEOPLE CHEER! YOU CHEER FOR THIS SON OF A BITCH!!!!! YOU PEOPLE CHEER FOR ME GETTING SCREWED OUTTA MY OPPORTUNITY--DAMN IT, WATTS!!!! WHERE WERE YOU THEN, WATTS?!? HUH?!??! WHERE WERE YOU?!?! YOU AND THAT OLD FOGEY VIGODA!!!! You're all for law and order, right?!?! You can...you can call the cops and take away 8 months of my life over some meaningless little attack, but Panther can cheat me outta MY RUMBLE WIN and not even get a slap on the wrist...DAMN IT WATTS!!!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR VALUES?!?!?!? P.R. has a wild-eyed look on his face as he glares into the camera, breathing deep, rapid breaths. SJ pats him on the back of the neck in an effort to calm him down, but P.R. shrugs him off and continues. THA PUERTO RICAN Panther...you listen to me you little jabrony--you're gonna get yours! Yes you will! Watts may be too stupid--too senile to punish you--BUT ME..oh you'd better believe I'm gonna make sure you get yours Panther--YOU'LL GET YOURS IN DUE TIME!!!! It's gonna be just a matter of time before I get my hands on you and lay the Smackdown! on your candy ass--GIVE YOU A BEATING THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU'VE NEVER HAD BEFORE! I'll make you sorry, Panther! I promise, I'll make you sorry--I'll make you sorry--I'LL MAKE YOU SORRY YOU PIECE OF CRAP!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!! YOU ASSHOLE!!! YOU SWIIIIINE!!!! You...YOU JACKOFF!!! I promise that before it's all said and done, I'm gonna make you SUFFER...you...you...BIG...F-F-F-FAT........DOODY-HEAD!!!!!!! P.R. suddenly seems to regain his composure, sheepishly looking around the room as if thinking to himself "Did I just say that"? Faint laughter can be heard from within the arena as SJ massages his shoulders to calm him further. J.MATH Well, P.R., one can't grieve forever! The Rumble is now behind us, and tonight, you'll be IN ACTION~! against...well...someone whose name escapes me right now. What are your thoughts going into that one? THA PUERTO RICAN My thoughts? I'll tell ya what my thoughts are! My thoughts are that you and each and every last one of these ignorant people here in Maui need to be down on your hands and knees right now thanking me for gracing you with my presence in this ring tonight! And I'm also thinking that whoever the hell I'm up against is gonna get his monkey ass whipped all over that damn ring by the Corporate Champ! And Panther, I sure do hope you watch my match tonight! Watch that beating I lay on that jabrony here tonight, because as bad as it's gonna be--mark my words--the beating I'm gonna put on you will be so much worse! And that's the truth, Ruth! J.MATH Well, there you have it from Tha Puerto Rican! We look forward to seeing him back in singles competition later tonight! Right now, let's take you to something...that's not this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 COLE I'd like to welcome in Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who'll provide color commentary for our next event -- an Anderson Cup opening round match pitting the Global Party XChange against the current HI-YAH International tag team champions, The Love Doctors. Both teams are very well liked by the fans, with many wrestling insiders predicting the winner of this match will go on and win the whole thing. VENTURA Well, you have two teams going in opposite directions, Michael Cole. The Global Party XChange haven't been the same since losing the tag belts to The Original Elite. They look a little tired. The Love Doctors, meanwhile, have been on a roll since winning the HI-YAH International titles from Black T. I've experienced fame, Michael Cole, and I know what it can do to you, and Dr. Stowe and Dr. Delgado have been developing quite an ego. This one could go either way, but I think GPX will win because they're desperate. And desperate men do desperate things. Heh heh. COLE You are certainly entitled to your opinion. But I think this will be a very clean wrestling match, with the Love Doctors prevailing at the end. As you said, they're on a roll. In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabee's there finally emerges a group which has come to set the record straight. So, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard? Can you say uhhh na na na na... BUFFER The following contest is an opening round Anderson Cup match set for one fall. Introducing first, from Hotlanta, weighing 192 pounds, Scotty Static. His partner, from the 313, weighing 215 pounds, Johnny "Jam" Jackson. THE GLOBAL PARTY XCHANGE! The strobe lights flickering, green lasers beam throughout the arena, the Global Party XChange finally emerge onstage. Scotty and Johnny point all around the arena, rocking their heads to the beat, as they slap hands with many of their fans ringside. They jump on the ring apron, point to each other and sommersault into the ring. The GPX continue rocking their heads to the beat, dancing in the ring, as the OAOAST pays some bills. COLE OAOAST HeldDOWN~! is being brought to you by... Viagra. Stiff, hard hitting action is no longer just OAOAST wrestling. VENTURA And by "O" Magazine. You won't get one with Oprah on the cover. But if you get really drunk, you might. COLE OAOAST presents ZERO HOUR on Sunday, February 27th. Call your local cable or satellite operator to order today! "Calling Dr. Love" by KISS drowns out "Make Her Say," and the Love Doctors appear on the rampway. Windy City Hospital's finest are wearing surgical masks and caps, along with white lab coats over their red scrubs. The Love Doctors strut down the aisle, stopping at the sight of a BIG BREASTED BLONDE. "SHOW YOUR TITTIES!" * clap clap clapclapclap * "SHOW YOUR TITTIES!" * clap clap clapclapclap * "SHOW YOUR TITTIES!" * clap clap clapclapclap * VENTURA Those things are as big as a turkey, Cole. Oh, I forgot. You're probably not enjoying this. COLE Actually, I am. VENTURA (sarcastically) Yeah, and I think you're the best play-by-play man in the business. The Docs pull the big breasted blonde over the security railing and become her private dancers. The big breasted blonde giggles as Dr. Max Anderson and Dr. Steven Pigley seductively remove their lab coats, rubbing them between their legs and draping them around her neck. Anderson and Pigley bump and grind the lady as they remove their scrubs, their eyes always directed at the women's large rack. Once their scrubs are fully remove, the big breasted blonde kisses them on the cheek and the Docs sprint into the ring, sliding underneath the bottom rope. * DING DING DING * All 4 men are in the ring. Referee Nick Patrick stands between them, making sure nothing happens, although that is likely unnecessary as both teams respect each other. To the delight of the crowd, Scotty, Johnny, Dr. Max, Dr. Steven all shake hands. Johnny and Dr. Max exit the ring, leaving us with Scotty Static and Dr. Steven Pigley. After one last handshake, both men lockup. Wristlock into the armbar by Dr. Steven Pigley. Scotty sommersaults to the mat, kipping up and sweeping Dr. Steven's legs out from under him, diving on him for an early two count. Dr. Pigley sends Scotty across the ring with an armdrag. The two lock back up, and this time it's Scotty who tosses Dr. Pigley across the ring with an armdrag. Dr. Steven charges Scotty with a clothesline, but Static ducks under it, bounces off the ropes, leapfrogs over Pigley, uses the middle rope as a springboard and lands on Dr. Pigley with a SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT. 1... 2... KICKOUT! Scotty stands by his corner as Dr. Pigley rests on one knee, nodding and smiling at Scotty, both men soaking in the fans' cheers for their opening squence. They meet back in the center of the ring and shake hands, much to the liking of the female fans in attendence, all the yelling and screaming making you feel like you're at a teenybopper concert. VENTURA That's disgusting. That's like kissing your sister. You don't let the other guy know he took it to you. Tag made by both teams. In come Johnny "Jam" Jackson and Dr. Max Anderson. Collar-and-elbow tieup, Dr. Anderson using his weight and slight height advantage to take control with a side headlock. J.J. Jackson shoots him to the ropes. Johnny falls to his stomach, Dr. Max hops over the top, ducks under a leapfrog and gets kicked square in the jaw as he bounces back off the ropes with a well executed DROPKICK. Johnny doesn't allow his opponent to get much of a breather, immediately scooping him up for a slam, but Dr. Anderson rolls through for a SMALL PACKAGE, the same way Ric Flair defeated Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat to win his 6th World title back in 1989. 1... 2... KICKOUT! Dr. Max wraps his arms around Johnny, trapping Jackson's arms between their bodies, and slams him down to the mat with a belly-to-belly suplex. Two count. It's becoming very clear that both teams strategy is to win this match as quick as possible, thus saving themselves the bumps and bruises for later tournament matches. Irish whip. Dr. Max makes the mistake of ducking his head, leaving himself wide open to a clubber forearm shot to the back. Johnny tucks the arm between the legs and lifts Anderson up in a PUMP HANDLE, the prelude to PUMP HANDLE PILEDRIVER, otherwise known as the BEAT DROP. But Dr. Anderson counters it into a HURRICARANA. Japanese armdrag by Anderson. Another armdrag takedown, this time into an armbar. Anderson drags Johnny to his corner and makes the tag to Dr. Steven Pigely. Dr. Steven comes off the top with a double axe-handle to the arm, then reapplies the armbar. Pigley cranks down on the arm, wrenching it. Jackson showing he's more than just a high-flyer, which is like the stars of the O.C. saying they're actors, by ducking under the armbar and applying a hammerlock. Unfortunately for Johnny "Jam," his brief venture as wrestler is short-lived as Dr. Pigley counters his hammerlock into one of his own. Johnny thinks about throwing an elbow to the head but decides to take another route, instead of using a commonly used cheapshot. Jackson puts his right hand between his legs and takes Pigley down with a single-leg takedown. Johnny tries to capitalize by hitting a cannonball (somersault splash) but Pigley rolls out of the way, causing J.J. Jackson to land on the canvas, the impact of the blow echoing throughout the arena. The adrenaline running through his body allows Johnny to absorb the blow, until tomorrow morning, and go up for a dropkick. But Pigley swipes his feet away, sending Jackson facefirst into the mat. Dr. Steven grabs Johnny's legs and rolls him on his back. Steven Pigley, M.D. positions his feet under the shoulderblades and slingshots Jackson into the ropes. Jackson ricochets off the ropes and comes crashing down on his back on Pigley's knees. THE CHIROPRACTOR. COLE Oh, my! VENTURA The only person upset about that is Johnny Jackson's chiropractor. He ain't gonna be comin' in for his scheduled appointment this week, I can guarantee you that. 1... 2... SCOTTY WITH THE SAVE. COLE Dr. Steven doesn't look to please with that. I think he's upset Scotty kicked him hard in the head. VENTURA I don't know why Dr. Delgado is upset. That's part of tag team wrestling. There are times when you gotta make the save, and that was one of those times for the GPX. By the way, Cole, have you seen anything new on Lifetime lately? COLE As a matter of fact, yes. You were in Batman & Robin with Vivica A. Fox, right? VENTURA Right. COLE Well, she has this great show on Lifetime called Missing. It's about two F.B.I. a-- VENTURA You're gonna go missing if you keep watching Lifetime, Cole. COLE What about your boy, Tony Brannigan? He watches Desperate Housewives. VENTURA Now you listen here, little man. He just so happened to stumble across that show while channel surfing. It ain't his fault hot women roam all over that show. Unlike those 4 punks in the ring, Tony likes women who know what they want. He ain't got time to play all the these games that young, imature women do. Now that I think about it, it's kinda makes sense you're going after a guy who watches a show filled with hot ladies, Cole. I mean, you don't even like ladies, do ya? I heard your father always wanted a girl so she could be "daddy's little princess," but I bet he didn't expect his own son would play that role. COLE Now you shut up! And for your information, buster... VENTURA Buster?! COLE (CONT'D) ...I like watching shows with hot women on it. Two of my favorite shows, Strong Medicine and Missing, have hot women on it. So there! VENTURA It's a WOMEN'S network, Cole! COLE Well, you take away the "W" and "O" and you got MEN'S network. You know what? I don't have time for this. We have a great match going on in the ring, and I'll be damned if I go down in the gutter with you. VENTURA Good thing. I wouldn't want you going down on anything with me. The Love Doctors with the tag. Dr. Max Anderson is climbing to the top. Dr. Steven Pigley has Johnny up in a bearhug. He squats down, exposing "Jam's" upperbody. They're going for the LETHAL EJECTION! Dr. Max is set to deliver one of the most spectalucar moves in the world today -- the SHOOTING STAR ELBOW DROP. Scotty Static is SHAKING the top rope, trying to knock Dr. Anderson off-balance. Dr. Max looks like he's walking a tight rope, trying to keep himself from falling on the top turnbuckle. Scotty shakes the ropes faster and harder. OOF! VENTURA Looks like Dr. Max Anderson just got a free vasectomy. If only we could do that to J.R. I hear rumors he wants to be a sperm donor. COLE Dr. Max is straddling the top turnbuckle. He's gonna be indisposed for awhile. With the bearhug stilled applied on Johnny, Scotty enters the ring and hits the ropes, dropkicking Dr. Steven in the back. No longer in control, Johnny uses the blow to hit Dr. Pigley with a SWINGING DDT! Pigley lies on his back in the center of the ring. On his stomach, Johnny crawls to his corner, inch by inch. Scotty slaps the top turnbuckle, chants of "JOHNNY" ringing through the arena. TAG MADE. The crowd EXPLODES as Scotty Static enters the ring. Scotty makes his first order of business going after the legal man. He sprints to the corner, running over Dr. Pigley's stomach, and SPRINGBOARDS to the top rope, wrapping his legs around Dr. Anderson's neck and brings him back down ONTO DR. PIGLEY noless with a HURRICARANA! The crowd is going wild for the tremendous atlethicism shown by Scotty Static. The adrenaline running through his veins, Scotty shouts "Shit, yeah, motherfuckers!" COLE We're broadcasting on HBO now! VENTURA (chuckles) With some of the things we've seen in the past, that may not be the worse. Scotty covers both Doctors. 1... 2... DOUBLE KICKOUT! The crowd lets out a collective sigh. The GPX portion of the crowd booing, the Love Doctors portion cheering. They, nor GPX can believe the Love Doctors managed to kickout of all that. COLE MY GOD! What will it take? VENTURA This is what it's all about. It's all about the tag team championship. It's about wrestling in the biggest show of the year for the top prize in your division. This is what professional wrestling is all about, Cole. You can be the biggest promotion in the world, with all the gimmicks you'd like, but in the end, it's all about the wrestling. You either got it or you don't. Both these teams got it. And I'm for one proud to be calling this match. COLE Amen to that, brother. Scotty Static is going absolutely crazy in the ring, throwing a minitantrum, stomping his feet and kicking the ropes. He whips Dr. Anderson in the corner. Squeezing Max's jaw tightly, Scotty says, "You ain't gonna keep us from those tag titles, you hear, bitch?" Scotty connects with a well placed punch to the jaw, Dr. Anderson's head snapping back. Static unloads a series of punches, kicks and knife edge chops to the doctor from Windy City Hospital. Scotty once again squeezes Dr. Max's jaw, telling him "I told ya. You ain't gonna deny us what's ours. You hear me? Huh? Do you, bitch?" SLAP! The fans gasps. They all rise to their feet, wondering what'll happen next. VENTURA Whoa! COLE Scotty obviously a bit frustrated by not being able to put away the Love Doctors. And I can't say I blame him. Jesse Ventura talked about how the GPX haven't had a sense of direction since losing the straps to The Original Elite at the end of 2004. They're obsessed with getting the belts back...maybe at all costs. Dr. Max Anderson's face becomes filled with rage. The left side of his face left with a bright red imprint of Scotty's right hand. Static stares deep into the eyes of Dr. Anderson, perhaps realizing what he's done in the heat of the moment. SLAP! COLE He did it again! VENTURA Oh, it's gonna get good now, Cole. Finally somebody has cracked under the heat of the battle. Dr. Anderson's blood pressure must be skyrocketing off the charts. He looks like he's ready to explode. And Scotty is mockingly shaking his head, as if saying, whatcha gonna do. Gritting his teeth, Dr. Anderson runs his hands through his hair and THROWS Scotty into the corner. Rights, lefts, kicks, chops. Static is rocked. Then out of nowhere, JOHNNY "JAM" JACKSON jumps on Dr. Anderson's back, pummeling him with forearms to the back of the head. DR. STEVEN PIGLEY pulls J.J. Jackson off his partner, and now the two begin exchanging blows. VENTURA All hell's breaking loose now. The crowd is an an absolute FRENZY as a pier-six brawl erupts in the ring. Referee Nick Patrick tries to restore order, but the guys are having none of that P.C. bullshit. All 4 men exchange heavy fire in the center of the ring, the cheers growing louder with every haymaker thrown. GPX rake -- yes, RAKE -- the Love Doctors in the eyes. The Docs sent into the ropes. They duck under a double clothesline, hit the ropes and nail GPX with a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE of their own. GPX bail out of the ring to regroup. Just as they rise back to their feet, they look up to see TWO MEN DIVING over the top rope and hitting them with a pair of PESCADOS! VENTURA I don't even know who the legal men are. COLE I think it's Scotty Static and Dr. Max Anderson. The Docs toss Scotty back into the ring. Dr. Pigley with an inverted atomic drop. But he keeps Scotty on his knee as Dr. Anderson hits the ropes and connects with a dropkick. THE LOVE-MATIC GRANDPA! 1... 2... SAVE MADE! Dr. Steven hits Johnny with a SPINNING HEEL KICK, knocking him out of the ring. Dr. Max signals it's time for another dose of STRONG MEDICINE. Dr. Max hoist Static above his head, Dr. Steven hits the ropes. Unbeknownst to Dr. Steven, Johnny sneaks back in the ring, and KICKS DR. MAX LOW, just as Dr. Pigley is in mid-air for the clothesline portion of the double-team maneuver. COLE Dr. Steven just narrowly misses the clothesline as Scotty rolls Dr. Max up in a SMALL PACKAGE. VENTURA And that's exactly what he'll have. 1... 2... 3! * DING DING DING DING * Dr. Steven makes a last ditch attempt to breakup the pin, but it's too late. Scotty rolls out of the ring, joining Johnny "Jam" Jackson on the arena floor. The crowd isn't sure what to make of this. The females are going wild, while the men have a more mixed reaction. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing to the second round of the Anderson Cup -- THE GLOBAL PARTY XCHANGE! The shrieks and screams of the females fill the air, but a few noticeable boos as well. Scotty and Johnny pump their fists, while Dr. Steven Pigley has a few choice words for them as they head backstage to the music of "Make Her Say" by O-Town. VENTURA I don't know why Dr. Stowe and Dr. Delgado are upset. Win if you can, lose if you must, be always cheat. Winning is what it's al about, Cole. If that means you gotta break a few friendships and make a couple of enemies, so be it. I'd much rather have money and gold than friends who'll keep asking to lend them a few dollars. COLE I'm sure you would. The Anderson Cup tournament has certainly started off with a bang. Jesse, I wanna thank you for joining me. It was a great honor, even with all the jokes at my expense. VENTURA It's been your pleasure. I had a blast. But the night isn't over yet. The tag team championships of the world are still to be defended. And I predict Black T will regain the gold later tonight. COLE You predictions didn't go too well at Anglepalooza. VENTURA Tonight's a different night. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 The arena goes dark momentarly and then colored strobe lights flash about all over the audience. ABBA's Dancing Queen Hits and some bubbles spray into the air from the entrance way. As the bubbles begin to thin out The 70s Dude is revealed at the top with a smug grin on his face doing some weird dance. He does the Hustle all the way to the ring, getting in and beckoning to the ring attendant for a microphone. The ring attendan hustles to get a microphone, and tosses it to the 70s Dude, who catches it... with panache! The 70s Dude holds the mic at his side, loking around the arena before beginning to speak. THE 70S DUDE The 70s Dude has been here for less than a month and he's already cutting through those squares in the back like nothing. I came here for a challenge and the only challenging thing I've found is... The 70s Dude takes a dramatic pause, the fans listening breathlessly... THE 70S DUDE ...getting my sex kittens into the dressing room before they're scared off by the stray cats filling this arena, looking for my autograph, oh! Have mercy! The crowd, however, shows no mercy on the 70s Dude, harshly booing him! The Dude can do nothing but patiently wait for the crowd to quiet down, but as it becomes apparent that they won't quiet down, Dude raises the mic to his lips and speaks again. THE 70S DUDE You boo all you want, but the Dude is the only thing worth watching here. Ain't a person in the back that could hang with the Dude in a ring or in the clubs. The namesake of this joint left, your heroes are long gone and all you got now is The Dude. So it's time you fans got down or got out, 'cause ain't a cat around here who's able to change it. The 70s Dude grins smugly, basking in the truth of his answers as the booing of the crowd swells around him. The people are speaking, and they don't like The 70s Dude... "THREE-TWO-ONE!" "I'M THE BOMB!" ... and as "I'm the Bomb" by the Electric Six hits and Calvin Szechstein comes out from behind the curtain, it becomes obvious from his expression that he doesn't like the 70s Dude, either! For once in his life, Calvin steps out to cheers, mic in hand, and what was moments ago a smug looking grin has now turned into a shocked and lost look. The Dude doesn't seem to know what's going on, but Calvin Szechstein is about to open his eyes. CALVIN Hey, dude? Shut your mouth and listen up, because tonight you just might learn something. The crowd pops, and the Dude keeps quiet, apparently wanting to learn as Calvin continues speaking. CALVIN I don't know if you're aware, dude, but you're in the presence of a man who single-handedly brought ratings to this fed for two years. You're looking at the man who brought the HeldDown brand to prominence, the man who holds the record for longest OAOAST World title reign, the man who ushered in an entirely new era in the OAOAST... and now, with all the heroes of the OAOAST long gone, it's time for someone else to step into that role. For too long, I've found myself being a corporate puppet, but they turned their back on me, and they gave me up for dead. But Calvin Szechstein is a phoenix, baby, and from the ashes is coming the hottest thing in the fed, a comet that's ready to rock the OAOAST's world... Calvin pauses, the intensity in his voice quieting the crowd and the 70s Dude. A devilish smile crosses his face and his eyes shimmer as he glares at the Dude. CALVIN ... and dude, I'm coming for you first. Calvin throws the mic away, tearing off his warmup shirt and stalking towards the ring, the crowd roaring for this new side of Calvin Szechstein! He slides into the ring, looking like he could kill the Dude... but the 70s Dude wants no part of that altercation, not here anyway, and he rolls out of the ring! He begins backtracking up the ramp, Szechstein glowering at him as he begins to speak. THE 70S DUDE Whoa, whoa, whoa big fella. The Dude has all the respect in the world for the former champ. These fans can scream for my head all they want but there ain't gonna be a rumble going down between us. The Dude gets the message...you're the cat on top of things round here. I can dig it...I can dig it... The Dude slowly retreats behind the curtain and out of view, but the cameras are giving the rejuvenated Szechstein all the love, the crowd roaring for his return as we fade to commercial... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 (edited) BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL~! Suddenly, the Puerto Rican flag appears on the Angletron, and P.R.'s voice can be heard reading the following words, which appear in bold, blocky letters on the Tron. *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* And with that, "Know Your Role 99" hits the PA system! The arena lights go down, and begin flickering on and off as a thick roll of smoke fills the entrance. After a few moments of waiting, the arena fills with boos as the man himself emerges from the back, Stephen Joseph Popick at his side. BUFFER Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Stephen Joseph Popick, hailing from San Juan, Puerto Rico and weighing in tonight at 223 pounds, here is THA PUERTO RICAN~! The fans voice its disapproval as P.R. enters the ring and poses for the fans. "THE CHAMP IS HERE" can be heard being repeated over and over in the song as P.R. leans up against the turnbuckles, looking across the ring at his opponent. BUFFER And his opponent, hailing from Chicago, IL and weighing in tonight at 158 pounds, here is "TIME'S UP" THOMPSON!!!! COLE "Time's Up" Thompson??? COACH What the hell kinda name is that? CABOOSE That's the kinda name you find when senile Bill Watts goes shopping for wrestlers down at the local Wal-mart! COLE Stop it! P.R. making his in-ring return to HeldDOWN tonight. Of course, he was here last week, making his first appearance since being arrested in June, and he did a number on Panther! It was a disgusting attack orchestrated by he and Popick, and it nearly cost Panther his spot in the Lethal Rumble this past Sunday night! Luckily, though, Panther was able to show up for the Rumble, only to be screwed by P.R. once again! P.R. entering the Rumble... CABOOSE LEGALLY, Cole! Remember: P.R. was a legal participant! COLE Well, yes. P.R. took the backdoor into the match after Chris Bryte was injured in the X-Title 4 Way earlier in the evening! Panther was caught off guard, and thanks to P.R. and Popick, Panther was eliminated from the Rumble! CABOOSE Fairly! P.R. was a legal participant, Cole! He eliminated Panther LEGALLY! COLE Of course, Panther would return later in the match for revenge, aiding Crystal in eliminating P.R.... CABOOSE After entering the ring ILLEGALLY, Cole! Tell it like it is! COLE P.R. had it coming after what he had done to Panther! The son of a bitch got exactly what he deserved! CABOOSE (chuckles) Listen to you! Making excuses for Panther's illegal actions! Had someone like Drek Stone or Zack Malibu done what Panther'd done, you'd be damning their soul to hell! But since it's one of your favorites, since it's your buddy Panther, it's all good, huh? COLE P.R. brought it all on himself when he tried to take Panther out of the Rumble last week! That's my story and I'm sticking to it! CABOOSE Whatever. By now, Buffer has exited the ring and the music has died down. Referee Tim White calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COLE This one is now underway! Tha Puerto Rican up against "Time's Up" Thompson. P.R.'s looking to shake off some of the ring rust in this one. The two men circle momentarily before tying up in the center of the ring. Thompson grabs a headlock on P.R., but's only able to maintain it momentarily, as P.R. quickly shoves him into the ropes. Thompson tries to rebounds, only to be sent to the mat via a P.R. shoulder block. P.R. flashes a smile into the crowd, drawing boos. CABOOSE Show some respect you idiots! Can't you see that THE CHAMP IS HERE?!?! COLE (scoffs) Muhammad Ali he isn't. VINCE McMAHON Yeah! STING LIKE A BUTTERFLYYYYYYY~! We cut to Sofa Central, where Coach, Cole and Caboose all turn to Vince and give him a weird look. After a moment or two of awkward silence, Vince leaves the announce area and hops into the crowd, tearing his OTHER quad in the process. Guards rush to his side as he rolls around on the floor in pain. COACH They just don't make quads like they used to, eh Boo Boo? CABOOSE Your mother! Back to action now...P.R. drives two knee lifts into the midsection of Thompson before grabbing a front facelock and bringing him over with a textbook vertical suplex! He rolls through and brings him back to his feet, only to take him over with another vertical. He holds on and rolls through again, bringing him back to his feet for a third vertical, after which, P.R. pops back to his feet and raises a double fist. He laughs sinisterly as the crowd jeers him, then looks into the main camera and yells the words "THIS IS FOR YOU, PANTHER"! He then turns back to Thompson, who's groggily pulling himself back to his feet. With SJ rooting him on from the outside, P.R. rushes him from behind and knocks him to his knees with a clubbing forearm. He then catches Thompson by the hair and the back of his tights and charges forward, sending the unknown sailing up and over the top rope and to the floor. His body smacks hard off the ringside mats, and P.R. thrusts his arms into the air, reveling in the jeers of the capacity crowd as he backs out to the center of the ring. COLE Oh...Tha Puerto Rican trying to rub it in! CABOOSE Yup! That was ALMOST as good as when P.R. sent Panther sailing up over the top the other night! ALMOST. COACH Yeah...and speaking of Panther... CABOOSE What?! The crowd's jeers transform into cheers, and the fans begin to come off the edge of their seats as Panther slides into the ring with a chair! P.R. is so busy celebrating that last move, he doesn't see him coming! CABOOSE Oh my gosh! P.R.! Look out! Look out! SJ is frantically slapping the mat trying to warn P.R. of Panther's presence, but it's no use. With a smile on his face, P.R. slowly turns around... *WHAM!* ...and has both that smile and his head nearly taken off via a SKULL SHATTERING~! Panther chairshot! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Here is your winner, as a result of a disqualification...THA PUERTO RICAN~! CABOOSE What the hell is this, Cole?!?! COLE Panther...Panther's just laid out Tha Puerto Rican! Panther damn near took his head off with that shot! CABOOSE Damn it, no fair! Chants of "PAN-THER, PAN-THER!" echo throughout the arena as the Champ of Champs looks down upon his rival, a smug look on his face as P.R. lay motionless on the canvas! Looking to follow up, Panther slowly brings the chair above his head...ONLY TO HAVE POPICK ENTER THE RING AND SNATCH THE WEAPON FROM HIS HANDS! The crowd boos as Panther turns to face SJ, who begins screaming obscenities into his face! CABOOSE Thank God for Popick! COACH Yeah! I dunno about saving the board, but he damn sure saved P.R.'s ass there! COLE Popick giving Panther the badmouth in there! P.R. is still down after that chairshot from Panther! And it looks as if SJ is about to give Panther the same treatment! He rears back with the chair and swings...BUT PANTHER DUCKS UNDER THE SHOT, and manages to wrap Popick up in a rear waistlock and FOLD HIM UP with a sickening German suplex! The crowd goes crazy in the background as Panther pops back to his feet and begins putting the boots to Popick! COLE Panther's all over Popick! Panther is beating the hell outta Stephen Joseph in that ring! CABOOSE This is not right! This is no way to treat a member of the OAOAST Corporate Office! Referee White tries to pull Panther off of Popick, but gets shoved onto his ass for his troubles. Panther then walks over to where the chair lay on the canvas and lifts it up, drawing another pop from the crowd. He then turns back to Popick and motions for him to rise! Popick does so...slowly, and as soon as his feet are under him... *WHAM!* ...PANTHER BLASTS HIM WITH A VICIOUS CHAIRSHOT!!!!! The impact sends Popick tumbling through the ropes and to the outside! COLE What a shot by Panther, there! Stephen Joseph Popick has just been obliterated, and what's Panther gonna do now? CABOOSE He needs to be arrested if you ask me! Where's Watts?! Where's Abe Vigoda?! Send this moron to jail and send him now! Blood is dripping down P.R.'s forehead as he slowly begins to push himself up off the canvas, at which point Panther turns to him with a sinister smile. His body begins to tremble with rage as he inches closer to his foe, begging and pleading for him to get up. P.R.'s able to push himself up to his hands and knees, at which point Panther brings the chair up over his head... CABOOSE Oh no! OH NO! COLE Panther's got that chair...he's gonna do some more damage to Tha Puerto Rican! P.R. is able to get one foot under him, at which point he slowly raises his head, locking eyes with Panther. Another smile crosses Panther's face, and P.R's eyes widen with fear as Panther begins to bring the chair down... ...AND... *WHAM!* MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ ENTERS THE RING AND BLASTS HIM WITH A LOW BLOW FROM BEHIND!!!!!!!! The crowd boos loudly as Panther drops the chair and falls to his knees clutching at the injured area! COLE That's :Lindsay Gonzalez! Lindsay Gonzalez has come to the aid of Tha Puerto Rican! My God... CABOOSE My God, Cole! Do you know what this means?! COACH Yeah! It means I get to see that ass back on HeldDOWN again! BOOYA!!!! CABOOSE No, you moron...IT MEANS THE LIGHTNING CREW IS BACK!!!!! THE LIGHTNING CREW HAS RETURNED!!!!!! Lindsay kneels over her man, helping him back to his feet as Panther lay injured on the mat. Suddenly, the crowd bursts into a fit of cheers as Tina rushes from the back with a chair. Lindsay and P.R. slide to the floor as soon as she hits the ring, and quickly start towards the ramp as Tina kneels down to check on Panther. COLE P.R. and Lindsay making an escape on the floor! P.R. able to escape Panther's wrath thanks to Lindsay Gonzalez... CABOOSE But realize what this means, Cole! It means the Lightning Crew is back! The Lightning Crew has made it's return to the OAOAST! COLE Could it be true??!? Is the Lightning Crew back in the OAOAST??!?! By now, Popick has joined up with P.R. and Lindsay and together, the trio heads back to the locker room as Panther and Tina eye them intently from the ring... and we cut to Zack stalking down the hall, with his usual "happy" demeanor. He gets to the trainers room and barges in. ZACK God I need a massage or something. My arm is freaking killing me! Now do your job and do something about-oh, it's you. The camera follows Zack's sneered look and, lo and behold, it's Crystal! CRYSTAL Pleasure to see you too, jackass. ZACK Oh, aren't we the catty one? And why are you in here? Sorry bitch, this isn't a veterinarian. You can't get your muzzle fitted here. CRYSTAL You must have this confused with a glue factory. ZACK What? CRYSTAL (feigning surprise) Oh, you were looking to get your lame ass shot and get it over with? ZACK You bitch! CRYSTAL Huh, Has Been Malibu. New catchphrase Zack! I won't even charge for royalities! ZACK (snorting) Oh please. Once you leave high school, leave all the lame jokes with it. CRYSTAL The irony of you of all people telling me to get out of high school is grand, just grand. ZACK With your little romance with Axel, seems to me it fits. Tell me Chrissy, how did it feel to get eliminated by your sweetheart? And so close to Valentine's Day! Ouch! CRYSTAL I gotta admit Zack, I felt a lot worse when I lost three times in once night. (Crystal pauses, and then smacks forehead) Oh right, that was you! 0 for 3! Zack stalks over to Crystal and looms over her. ZACK Listen bitch, don't go there. CRYSTAL Please Malibu, you think you intiminate me? Hate to break it to ya big boy, but you don't. ZACK Like hell I don't. The only reason why you're being so brave right now is because you know the moment you get in any trouble, big bad boyfriend will come to the rescue. Well, unless you stand in his way to get what he wants. CRYSTAL That is ridiculous, and you know it! Listen jerk.... The door opening interrupts Crystal and the crowd pops hard for who it is, therefore it must be.... AXEL Hey! What the hell is going on here? ZACK (smirking at Crystal) Case in point. AXEL If you know what's good for you, you'll get the hell out before I decorate this room with your blood! ZACK (putting his hands up in a surrendering gesture) No need for violence Axel. I was just leaving. With a final knowing smirk to Crystal, Zack leaves and Axel turns to her, concerned. AXEL You okay? CRYSTAL (angry) I'm fine! You didn't need to do that, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, you know! Crystal shoves past Axel and stomps out of the door as we fade to black on Axel's very, very confused face. And now we fade to commercial. Edited February 4, 2005 by Chuck Woolery Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 (The side entrance door to the arena swings open and J. Arthur Edwards walks in followed by Chris Cain. The fans boo as the two of them walk towards the dressing rooms with their bags slung over their shoulders. Before they can make it to the locker room, however, they are cut off by the two men in suits from Williams & Horn.) SUIT #1 Why aren't you returning our calls? SUIT #2 Or our letters. J. ARTHUR Not you two again. Listen for the last time, I don't want anything to do with you! I never asked for the two of you to show up at the Rumble! I had planned on going out alone and all of the sudden you two show up and escort me to the ring! SUIT #1 Compliments of Mr. Williams and Mr. Horn. J. ARTHUR I thought you guys fired the two of us? Why do you want us back? SUIT #2 Mr. Williams and Mr. Horn realize that it was Father who caused all our troubles and not the two of you. They realize that they acted harshly and they wish to give you your jobs back. J. ARTHUR I don't need it anymore. I am perfectly happy focusing on wrestling. SUIT #1 You're perfectly happy living in a dump of an apartment and eating cold soup every day? J. ARTHUR What have you been having me followed!? SUIT #2 We know that you have been struggling to get by. That is why you returned to the OAOAST. We have people on the inside of the OAOAST who informed us that you came back to the OAOAST begging for your job back. J. ARTHUR You listen here! I climbed the corporate ladder myself and I know what it's like to be down! I'm not some spoiled rich kid and if I choose to live a more simple life then it's my business! I don't want anything to do with your company! Who's to say you won't can us when things go wrong again!? I don't trust your company...I should know since I spent so many years there! I'm surprised you didn't just try and find some way of getting that Robert Edwards clone out of prison again. SUIT #1 We couldn't even if we wanted to. J. ARTHUR Why's that? SUIT #2 Because he hung himself in his cell a month ago. (For a second JAE almost seemed saddened, but he came back to his senses.) J. ARTHUR See what happens when you spend to long working for Williams & Horn. That just strengthens my resolve to not come back to work for you. Now get out of my way so I can go to my locker room. (JAE and Cain leave as the two men in suits look unfazed., and we cut to the ring, where ‘One’ is cued up!) As the guns fire, the crowd reacts moderately for the Co-24/7 Champion, who enters in business attire. CABOOSE Well, if you missed AnglePalooza last Sunday, you missed one hell of a match! OAOAST Sunday at AnglePalooza Geddon once more pulls the Phenom up and goes towards the ropes, lifting him up and dropping him across them with a… SPRRROINNG!! …and over into a slingshot suplex! “THE ARMADA…FLOATOVER!! COVER!” ONE! TWO! REVERSED!! ONE! TWO! REVERSED AGAIN!! The duo rolls across the mat and the referee counts as they settle… ONE! TWO! THREE!!!!! DING DING DING!! The crowd is silent as the small package is broken, both men claiming their victory towards the referee, who stands there shaking his head. Geddon heads to the outside and grabs at his championship, only for the Phenom to pull it away from him! COLE WHO WON?! WHO WON?! HEBNER Ladies and Gentlemen…due to both men’s shoulders being down…it is in the best interest of the OAOAST that the winners of this match…and CO-TWENTY FOUR/SEVEN CHAMPIONS…. DEVIN GEDDON AND THE PHENOM!!” Geddon is now in the ring. GEDDON Aloha, Maui! (Crowd gives typical cheer) GEDDON Last Sunday, at AnglePalloza, I fought someone who I thought I could beat easily. But that wasn’t the case, now was it? It turns out that neither of us is better than the other one. It also turns out we have the same goal: Total Domination. Come out here, Phenom! (Cue: ‘Seven Nation Army’) The Phenom comes out, also dressed in a suit. CABOOSE What’s going on here? COACH That’s what I’d like to know. Just a week ago, these two were bitter rivals! The Phenom takes the microphone from Geddon. PHENOM Thanks, Dev. You know, wrestling is a funny thing. It’s like politics: If you know somebody, you are somebody. That’s why Devin and I have decided that we need to stick together if we want to get anywhere. That’s why me, Devin, and two of our friends have decided to create the Disciples of Chaos. Our only alliance is to ourselves. Our only friend is the ring. Our only goal is total domination. Do you want to see the next Disciple of Chaos? Crowd reacts less than stellar. GEDDON Well, he’s been known well in the OAOAST for longer than both of our careers, and he truly is a legend, Mr. Matthew A. Harms! (Cue: ‘Higher’) Crowd gives some heat as the (again) dressed-up “Mad” Matt Harms, but a lot of cheers grace him as he jogs to the ring. COLE Well, Matt Harms is apparently a Disciple of Chaos as well! COACH I have eyes, Mike! HARMS I’ve gotta tell you folks; when I saw these two guys in action at AnglePalooza, I thought to myself, ‘Man, these guys are good!’ And lo and behold, they wanted me to join their group. I figured, these two guys are in good condition. Maybe I can rub off some of my talents onto them. Perhaps we all are going be champs, right? All three cheer to each other. PHENOM And last, but definitely not least…our manager, Warren Peace! COLE Who? (Cue: ‘Personal Jesus’) PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! PHENOM We met this guy in a bathroom stall in Toronto. He seemed like a good guy, so we made him our manager. PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! GEDDON Isn’t he amazing, folks? PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! PHENOM You can be quiet now, Warren. PEACE … HARMS Well, people, you’ve just met the next dominant group in the OAOAST. VOICE Hold on! CABOOSE Huh? The Original Elite are standing at the front of the arena. Boo’s a-poppin. BLACK What did you say about being the next dominant group in the OAOAST? I believe we are the only people to be dominant in this company. You’re just 3 nobodies and some smelly old man! Suddenly, Warren Peace jets out of the ring and SPEARS~! into the Ice Heart! The audience is in an uproar as Zack and Tony have to bring him to the back! PEACE BAM baby, that’s what I like! (Cue: ‘Personal Jesus’) CABOOSE Did I just see what I thought I saw? COACH Did you see Ronald McDonald playing drums? CABOOSE No. COACH Then this was some bad cannabis. COLE I have nothing to say to you, John. 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Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 The cameras cut to a shot of Hoff being examined by one of the OAOAST's resident trainers. COLE Fans, you're looking at the man who will challenge Drek Stone, on February 27th, for the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP, in his OWN HOMETOWN at Zero Hour. The trainer shines a light in each of Hoff's eyes, and the big man complies with the examination as best he can, showing some mild annoyance. HOFF I'm fine. The trainer ignores Hoff's self-diagnostic and checks his head for cuts, lumps and abrasions. CABOOSE You know, this is really making me sick. Here we have a guy who couldn't hang onto the title for a week, and he gets the most stacked deck in the history of wrestling...just unbelievable. COACH Well Boo-Boo-- CABOOSE What have I told you about calling me that. COACH You might have a valid complaint for once, as Zero Hour is gonna be right in Hoff's backyard, and you KNOW there's gonna be one hell of a turnout for tha H-man. The trainer, seemingly finished probing at the former World Champ, nods and puts his light away, telling Hoff he's okay. Hoff mutters something unintelligible, eyeing the doc with no small degree of contempt. COACH Hoff's apparently not real fond of the doctor's office! CABOOSE Whoa, did we stumble into the tag team division all of the sudden? COACH No, 'Booze, not the LOVE Doctors......just regular type. CABOOSE TGS~! COACH Totally. COLE Fans, if you missed the earlier parts of the show, you missed a vicious, two-on-one assault by Drek Stone and Chris Stevens on Hoff. COACH Stevens told the world that he'd never let Hoff hold the World Title again, which sorta puts he and Drek on the same page! COLE And after that, Axel making the save for Hoff, which sets up our big six-man tag for next week: Drek Stone, Chris Stevens, and Jumbo against Axel, Crystal, and Hoff. That's gonna be a-- Cole is cut short by a knock at the door, prompting Hoff to lift his head. The big man's expression turns...muddled, as AXEL enters the trainer's office. COACH Oh my! COLE Axel of course will face the winner of Drek and Hoff's title match at Anglemania IV, whomever it may be... Axel smiles at Hoff. AXEL Hey, mate. How ya feelin'? Hoff laughs to himself. HOFF Fine, man. Chris has been kicking my ass for years now, and it hasn't fazed me. Axel laughs slightly at the jest, and Hoff shakes his head. AXEL Well, we'll get 'em next week, eh? Anyway, I just wanted to check on ya, I'll leave you to yourself-- HOFF Whoa. Hold up a sec. Hoff stops Axel as the Dark One was heading out the door. Axel turns back slowly, not sure what to expect. AXEL ...Yeah? Hoff clears his throat. HOFF Look, uh...listen, I didn't mean to step on your toes by asking for a title shot. I mean, I know you're looking forward to your big night at Anglemania, but...I had to get what was rightfully mine. A small cheer goes up in the arena. HOFF You understand what I'm saying? Axel nods slowly. AXEL Listen, Hoff. You and me have been up and down the road. We're not always on the same page...far from it. But that sh** is in the past, man. You did some things, I did some things. We're both sons of bitches... The two fan favorites share a laugh. AXEL The point is, I do understand. You never lost the World Title. You deserve a shot, a rematch. I get it. Just as long as you get that if you do win, I'll be waiting. Hoff smlies, and extends a hand. HOFF Axel, man...facing you at the biggest event of all time...it'd be an honor. Axel smiles and clasps the hand. AXEL Likewise, mate. The two men smile and shake hands. Axel takes a step back, leaving Hoff sitting on the examiner's table. AXEL Next week, buddy. You and me, crackin' skulls. HOFF Brother, I can't wait. I'll see you there. Axel chuckles and steps backwards out the doorway, leaving Hoff griinning and shaking his head. *cut to SOFA CENTRAL OF DOOM~* Cole and Coach are grinnning. Caboose is...well, less happy. CABOOSE Holy hell, did we move to the Family Channel when I wasn't looking? COLE Well, I think it's great. CABOOSE GREAT?! It's nauseating! This isn't what wrestling is about!! It's about kicking ass. Hoff used to get that. How low the mighty have fallen. COACH What about Axel? CABOOSE Bollocks, I've never liked the wanker. COACH Playa hatin'. Shame, Booze. Shame. COLE Well in any event, it seems that Hoff and Axel are on the same page! That six man next week should be a big one! But we've got more yet tonight, so stay tuned! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 Now Airing On The Angletron! The familiar theme and video of the OAOAST's self professed Savior begin simultaneously, drawing the fans in a frenzy of boo's, as the man who left Anglepalooza without any gold makes his way to the ring. COLE So much for the Malibu Gold Rush at Anglepalooza, eh Coach? CABOOSE Whoa whoa whoa, before you guys get on THAT kick, let's think about things here. Zack Malibu lost the tag belts the other night. Zack Malibu didn't get the X Title, and he didn't earn the right to go to Anglemania. Now tonight, of all people, the person who started it all, the person who led Zack to become...unbalanced, shall we say, is the one person with the balls to get in his face? Gentlemen, talk all you want, but I'm going to sit back and watch this massacre unfold! The usually overconfident prep comes down the aisle slowly, not smirking as he would usually, but rather scowling. Candie walks a few steps behind, not holding her beau's hand as he doesn't appear to be in the mood for PDA, instead choosing to roll into the ring and stand silently, simply looking around at the fans with an angered look. COACH If this were a cartoon we'd see steam coming out of his ears! Candie doesn't even bother to join Zack in the ring, not wanting to test his patience tonight. Zack turns to face the entrance ramp, awaiting the arrival of the young lady who became his most formidable challenger, and sworn enemy back in the early portion of 2004. As soon as the opening notes of "Set It Off" hit, the fans jump up to welcome their beloved Female Phenom as she enters the arena. COLE It's deja vu for us all folks, as this was the match that...hang on now! Cole is cut off by Malibu bolting from the ring and running up the aisle after Crystal! Crystal sees Malibu coming at her and runs towards him, and the two competitors lock horns in the middle of the aisleway, trading punches with each other! Crystal's music stops, as does her onslaught, courtesy of a well placed Malibu knee. Zack then tugs on her long hair and leads her to the ring, shoving her onto the apron and into the ring, then climbing up in pursuit. Crystal gets up as Zack is entering and hits the ropes, coming at him with a clothesline that gets ducked, but she keeps running! Malibu turns and gives her a hiptoss as she rebounds, but Crystal floats over, and lands on her feet! She counters with her own hiptoss, but Malibu blocks it, sending her to the ropes again and catching her in his arms, pressing her up over his head...but Crystal rakes the eyes! Malibu releases her, allowing her to drop to her feet behind him and run the blinded former World Champion towards the ropes, looking to roll him up...but he hangs on! Crystal rolls backwards and then charges as Malibu turns to her, jumping up onto his shoulders with a huracanrana and carrying him to the canvas! Zack quickly gets up, but finds himself hooked in a front facelock, as Crystal tries a suplex...but Malibu shifts his weight to land across the chest of the Female Phenom! Referee Charles Robinson slides down to the mat... ONE! But Crystal quickly shoves Zack off of her! She goes to get to her feet, but Malibu is waiting, driving a knee into her ribcage and then leading her to the corner, ramming her face into...NO! Foot up to block, and Crystal takes Zack's head and smashes it into the turnbuckle! Malibu stumbles back, and Crystal quickly climbs the ropes, leaping off with a missle dropkick...SWATTED AWAY! The former first ever female World Champion hits the canvas hard, and gets pulled up into a rear waistlock by Zack, then gets rocked with a quick back suplex! Crystal favors her head for a few moments and pushes up off the mat, not knowing that Malibu has her measured up...SCHOOL'S OUT...NO! Crystal quickly falls back and rolls under the ropes to the floor, avoiding the potentially fatal superkick and catching her breath, while the fans go nuts in appalause of these last few minutes of action. CABOOSE What a cowardly bitch. Get back in that ring, hussy! The fans don't view this as an act of cowardice, but Malibu and Caboose are on the same page, as Zack waves for her to get back in the ring. Crystal happily obliges, sliding right back in and coming up in Zack's face, then SHOVING him, shocking he, Candie, and even some of her own fans! Malibu comes back to his smaller rival and hovers over her in intimidating fashion, mouthing his trademark "Do you know who I am"...AND GETTING A SLAP ACROSS THE FACE! Malibu rears back and fires off a lariat, but Crystal ducks, swinging around behind Zack and shoving him towards the corner, then charging! Malibu hits the corner, but springs up over Crystal as she charges, landing behind her. When she turns around, he lifts her up and puts her on the top rope, then slaps the taste out of HER mouth, drawing nothing but hatred out of the fans in attendance tonight! Malibu goes up and prepares to take Crystal off the top with a superplex (or something similar), but Crystal fights it, pounding on his ribcage with right fists, and then executing a falling front suplex, letting Zack crash to the canvas! Malibu hits hard, and Crystal starts to get herself up...but before she can follow up, Zack runs to the ropes and shakes them, crotching Crystal once again! Malibu then stands by the ropes and jumps up, springboarding off the top rope but turning his body to land in the ring, as he cracks Crystal in the back of the head with a springboard enzugiri! Crystal's head bobs upon impact, and Malibu gets right back up and runs up the ropes, hooking both of Crystal's arms and executing a top rope butterfly suplex to put her down on the mat! COLE I'll give it to Malibu, he's channelling that frustration into a hell of an effort thus far, without his usual cheap tactics. CABOOSE Ain't nothing cheap about that man. COACH Except his girl OOOOOOH SNAP! CABOOSE Ah, how fun it must be to still be in high school, huh Coach? Crystal is down, but Michael Cole spoke too soon, as the next thing Malibu does is stomps her down, kicking at her fallen body repeatedly, much to the approval of Candie. Zack then picks Crystal up and sends her to the ropes, catching her on the rebound and lifting her up horizontally before dropping her down across his knee, snapping her in two! COLE Vicious backbreaker by Malibu! Crystal bounces off Zack's knee, and rolls around on the mat, getting up only because Zack tugs on her hair and brings her to her feet. Malibu taunts the Female Phenom, saying "this is what you get", referring to the months and months of torture the female fan favorite put him through, as he slaps her lightly, then spins around for a ROARING ELBOW~!...DUCKED...GERMAN SUPLEX! ONE! TW-KICKOUT! Both wrestlers get to their feet about the same time, and Zack delivers a boot to Crystal's gut, then pulls her into a standing headscissors...only to get backdropped over! Crystal then jogs across the ring, running up the ropes again and leaping off with a flying bodypress to a recovering Zack...AND GETS CAUGHT! Malibu doesn't even hesitate, because as soon as she's in his clutches, he swings her around and again drops her back across his knee, this time with an old standby...his Rock Bottom Backbreaker! COLE We haven't seen that one in a while, and I'm sure that Crystal wasn't looking forward to it! CABOOSE Nooooo shit, Sherlock. Malibu quickly rolls the agonizing Crystal onto her back, holding her down for the cover and waiting for Robinson to make the count. ONE! TW-CRYSTAL ROLLS A SHOULDER! Not one to give his foe an opening, Malibu runs the ropes, maintaining his offense...but falls victim to a drop toe hold from Crystal! The popular young lady then back into the ropes, and as Malibu is pushing up to his knees, his jaw gets shattered by a pair of feet, as Crystal strikes him down with a basement dropkick to the mush! Malibu falls forward, catching himself at the last minute...and as he's on his hands and knees, Crystal hops over his back, cradling him in an OKlahoma Roll! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Malibu rolls backwards, coming up to his feet, and is immediately met with a forearm to his already worn jaw. Crystal follows up with two more, and then Irish whips Zack to the ropes...COUNTERED...POWERSL...NO! COUNTERED WITH AN ARM DRAG IN MID MOVE! Malibu is stunned, and pulls himself up with the aid of the ropes...THEN GOES TOPPLING OVER, AS CRYSTAL STRIKES WITH A LEAPING LARIAT THAT SENDS THEM BOTH TO THE FLOOR! COLE This...this could get ugly. CABOOSE Coach I swear if you bust out a "yo mama" joke I'll kill. The fans start chanting for Crystal as she gets up, the first of the two to make it to their feet. Malibu struggles to get up, stunned by the effectiveness of that last blow, but Crystal decides to lend a hand, bringing him to his feet...and then whipping him into the guardrail! Malibu smashes against the steel and slumps down onto his ass, as Crystal comes over and looks to her fans before bringing her fist down into his forehead mulitiple times! Crystal then again pulls Zack up and tries to whip him across ringside to the other railing, but he holds onto this railing for dear life, not letting her send him over, and ulitimately backdropping Crystal over the railing and into the crowd! Malibu hobbles away, trying to regain his composure, and doesn't see Crystal spring up onto the railing, keeping her balance like a cat and then leaping over to the ring apron, scurrying up the ropes frantically...AND WIPING MALIBU OUT WITH A FLIP DIVE TO THE OUTSIDE! COACH YO~! Crystal pops up, favoring her back still, but proudly looking out to the crowd who have increased their chant. Candie comes rushing over to tend to Zack, but Crystal won't allow it, shoving Candie aside and then pushing Zack into the ring under the bottom rope. Crystal climbs up on the apron, but Candie swipes her foot off, then smashes her head into the apron before rolling HER into the ring, happily having bought her man some time. The crowd boo's this little stunt, but then a wave of cheers comes over them, as now AXEL is storming down the aisleway, with Candie completely oblivious! CABOOSE Get that Aussie ass out of here, he has no business being out here. COLE Of course he does...if Candie can be out here with her boyfriend, than... CABOOSE Then why can't Crystal have her bitch out here. I gotcha. COLE That's not what I was going to say. CABOOSE Don't lie. Candie immediately runs to the other side of the ring, as Axel starts pounding on the apron in support of Crystal. Crystal is again the first one up, and looks to Axel in disbelief, not expecting him to be out here...AND TURNS AROUND INTO SCHOOL'S...NO! Crystal catches the foot of Malibu, and spins him around, pulling him into a standing headscissors and DRILLING him with a sitout powerbomb that makes Axel proud! ONE! TWO! TH-SHOULDERS UP! The crowd gasps in awe, and even Axel thought that Crystal had finally caught Zack off guard enough times to have defeated him once again, upping his streak this week to 0-4. With her arch nemesis down, Crystal drags him into center ring and sets him up, getting up and running over him in order to leap up for DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH...AND GETS SHOVED OFF THE ROPES DOWN INTO THE ARMS OF AXEL BY CANDIE! COLE GET HER OUT OF THE RING! The crowd let's the hot-yet-hated Candie have it, as she managed to save Zack from Crystal's finisher. Pissed as all hell, Crystal shoves Axel away to run back at Candie, who ducks out of the ring...AND LEAVES CRYSTAL PRONE FOR SCHOOL'S OUT! ONE! TWO! THREE...NO! NO! CRYSTAL KICKS OUT! COACH My heart...my heart... The fans roar as soon as they catch their breath, having gasped seeing Crystal fall to Malibu's superkick. Zack pounds the mat, angered at his inability to get the fall, as Axel looks at the man he eliminated to win the Rumble, and smiles. Zack scowls, but then smirks back to Axel, as he pulls a dazed Crystal up off the canvas and holds her in a front facelock, then reaches down and cradles her leg... FALLING STAR DRIVER...WAIT, AXEL IS ON THE RING APRON! CABOOSE See! He's a menace! Robinson rushes over, trying to prevent the Aussie sensation from coming after Zack, which is exactly what Zack wanted, as he immediately drops Crystal down and starts laughing. Malibu then goes over to Axel and leans over Robinson, pie-facing him and causing him to fall off the apron...and that REALLY angers Axel, as now he's fighting to get at the cocky prep! Crystal is starting to come to, pushing herself up, so Malibu runs to the ropes that run alongside her...ZACK ATTACK~! NO! CRYSTAL LEAPS INTO THE AIR AND SPEARS ZACK DOWN! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! But that count was from the fans, as Robinson is still busy with Axel! Crystal looks up and shouts for Axel to get down, which he does immediately seeing what's going on. Robinson turns, and Crystal goes down for the cover again...BUT MALIBU SUCKERS HER IN, CRADLING HER WITH A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS! ONE! TWO! THR-AXEL PULLS ROBINSON OUT OF THE RING! CABOOSE COME ON! COLE You come on! COACH Come on who? CABOOSE ...I'm not saying anything if you won't, Michael. Robinson is infuriated, berating Axel for what he just did. Axel tries to explain himself, while in the ring Crystal pulls Zack to his feet, but catches a headbutt in the midsection, then gets hooked, lifted...AND DROPPED WITH THE FALLING STAR DRIVER! PIN BY MALIBU! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING! Axel buries his head in his hands, as Malibu gets up and tilts his head back, basking in the glory of victory. CABOOSE He did it. Months later, nothing at stake but pride, and Zack Malibu made that bitch his bitch tonight! COLE You couldn't have just said "Malibu just put one over on Crystal" or something, could you? CABOOSE Yeah, but then I wouldn't be much of a heel, now would I? Axel immediately slides into the ring to console his flame, while Malibu looks down at the man who cost him an Anglemania title shot. Axel shoots back a glare and leaves Crystal's side, wanting to have a go at "The Franchise", but Malibu quickly ducks out of the ring, leaving Axel to tend to Crystal while he and Candie retreat up the aisle. Axel helps Crystal up and puts and arm around her, but the young spitfire is in no mood to cuddle, as she pulls away and questions Axel, all while holding her head in pain. Axel does his best to explain his motive for coming out, but Crystal cuts him off, instead choosing to exit the ring on her own accord! Axel follows, calling out to Crystal, but all she can do is walk with her head hanging low, having to deal with the fact that the one man who COULDN'T beat her, just did. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 Cut backstage, where Calvin Szechstein is standing alongside the incomparable Josh Matthews, his eyes gleaming with pride as the crowd roars for his sudden appearance! J. MATH Hey yo, it's Josh Matthews again, this time alongside Calvin Szechstein. Calvin, tonight you came out and made a statement, and I guess what everybody really wants to know is... why? CALVIN Well, Josh, it's pretty simple, really. You see, for nearly two years now I've been nothing more than a puppet, telling people what they should buy and whoring myself out to various companies just for the sake of making money. I didn't care about wrestling, I didn't care about the World Heavyweight championship, I cared about money. J. MATH Are you saying that's changed? CALVIN You're damn right it's changed, Josh. Ever since I lost the belt at Anglemania III, I haven't been the same Calvin Szechstein. I didn't realize it then, but that World Heavyweight championship meant more to me than any amount of money could. I started to have a nervous breakdown, and the OAOAST sensed my anger and sent me home after me and Sly's thing finished up. And ever since then I've been feeling even emptier, and I finally realized why. This wrestling thing, it means more to me than you'll ever know, Josh Matthews, and I knew that I had to come back, but not for the money -- but for love of this sport. So when my contracts started running out, I didn't bother to re-sign, because when I made my comeback I wanted to make sure that everyone knew that I was doing it for me. J. MATH And what about the 70's Dude? CALVIN Josh, when I come out and I see a guy running his mouth about he's the best, it just infuriates me, because he doesn't give a damn about anybody but himself. He doesn't care about the guys in the back, he doesn't respect the sport... *CRASH!* A disco ball is broken out of nowhere over Calvin's head, and Szechstein crumples to the ground, clutching his bleeding forehead! The 70's Dude stands over him, smiling evilly. THE 70S DUDE And I don't respect you, either. 70's Dude gets shifty eyes, and then fless quickly, leaving Josh Matthews to wonder just what the hell is going on as we fade to commercial... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 COLE During the commercial break our own Jackie Gayda caught up with The 70s Dude after his heinous attack on the former OAOAST Champion; Calvin Szechstein *The cameras switch over to a poorly lit parking lot where The 70s Dude can be seen exiting the building and walking at a faster than normal pace. Every so often he takes a quick glance over his shoulder to see if he’s being followed until he reach a 1974 VW van painted all psychedelically. As he goes to unlock the door he’s greeted with a voice from behind.* JACKIE 70s Dude! 70s Dude…please if you would! *Jackie approaches the 70s Dude who’s still looking over his shoulder* JACKIE 70s Dude…what in the world were you thinking when you attacked the former champion just moments ago? 70S DUDE What was I thinking? What was Calvin thinking coming out and interrupting me? His days have long since been over and the Dude is the hip happenin’ thing now. His sponsors knew it when they dropped him and the Dude just got about to speeding up the whole retirement process. Lemme just say that Disco aint dead, but Calvin’s career…well daddy-o, its been long flatlined. Now unless you wanna come party with the Dude, I gotta be heading out. *The 70s Dude flashes a smile to which Jackie responds with a minor shudder and backs away. The Dude ignores it, hops into his van, and on the third attempt of trying to start up the vehicle he gets it running and speeds out of the lot. The cameras then take us back inside the arena and focus on the announce team.* COLE Can you believe the audacity of that man? CABOOSE He’s speaking the truth! Calvin was great…the key word there being “was”. Time finally passed him by and The 70s Dude caught up with him. COACH That’s just ridiculous. I don’t think we’ve heard the last from Calvin Szechstein on this matter at all. Meanwhile in Maui, the arena is crackling with electricity, things feeling a bit like the calm before the storm... and quickly that changes, as the wailing guitars of Getting Away With Murder begin rocking the arena and the lights start flickering in between blood red and scorching yellow. Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness I need to calculate what creates my own madness... ZACK MALIBU, in a black t-shirt with a "Z" in the center of a golden diamond, appears onstage alongside with his girlfriend Candie, still looking a Perfect 10 even though she's being supported by CRUTCHES, thanks to Holly-Wood. COLE What's he doing out here? This isn't on my format sheet. CABOOSE Not on mine either. COACH I can't read my sheet, I stained it with ketchup. COLE How did you do that? COACH I ate a burger. Sometimes I get hungry during the show, you know. COLE What else do you do during the show? COACH I don't think you'd want to know. But let's just say I can't hold my... you know... for long periods of time. As a matter of fact, I'm wet right now. CABOOSE Gee, thanks a lot for that image, Coach. COACH I'm just glad I don't feel like I sat on a pie. I feel irrational so confrontationaaaal To tell the truth I am getting away with murrrder "YOU TAPPED OUT!" "YOU TAPPED OUT!" "YOU TAPPED OUT!" "Yeah, and I tap that ass each and every night," Zack replies, referring to Candie. As the terriffic twosome head to the ring, none other than the original voice of the OAOAST, the Farmer of Champions, Jivin' J.R. appears right behind them. COLE Oh God, he's heading this way. Hey, where the hell are you guys going? The Coach and Caboose flee SOFA CENTRAL, leaving Michael Cole all alone. The fans laugh as Zack jaws with the same balding lardass from Anglepalooza holding a “Hack Malibu” sign that features Alix lopping off Zack’s head with a knife. COLE What the hell do you want? You're not supposed to be out here. Are you trying to hog the spotlight again? It's all about you, isn't it? Zack SMACKS Cole upside the head, knocking off his headset. Michael gives his best big boy face, but Malibu easily shoves the scrawy announcer to the ground. "Beat it," he says. Zack and J.R. take their positions at SOFA CENTRAL~! Zack sits Candie down on his lap, and she wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a peck on the lips. Malibu fans himself, laughing at the bald "Hack Malibu" lardass. J.R. Hello again, everybody. Good ol' J.R. -- Jim Ross -- here with the former two-time OAOAST World heavyweight champion, "The Franchise" Zack Malibu. Zack, we got our big main event coming up next, a return match from Anglepalooza -- representing The Original Elite, Black T vs. the new World tag team champions, Chicks Over Dicks. This is gonna be one helluva SLOBBERKNOCKER, SLOBBERKNOCKER, SLOBBERKNOCKER! ZACK Alix and Krista got lucky Sunday night, but they won't be so lucky tonight when they face the elite -- pun intended -- tag team in the business today, the personification of tag team wrestling, Black T. J.R. Black T are the only team to simultaneously hold both the OAOAST and HI-YAH tag team championships. They defeated 3 teams in a one-night tournament back in the Spring of 2004 on HeldDOWN~! to capture the then-vacanted tag team championship. Black T have held the tag titles in some form or another nearly the entire year. C.O.D. will have their work cut out for them, that's for sure. SLOBBERKNOCKER! A thick cloud of smoke rises out of the entranceway as Quiet hits. As Black T emerge through the smoke and make their way to the ring, they are greeted by chants of "C-O-D." When Black T enter the ring, they acknowledge Zack Malibu, who's standing up clapping along with Candie, with a thumbs up sign. ZACK The gold's coming back home to The Original Elite, boys. I know it. Haha! J.R. BLACK T! BLACK T! BLACK T! DAN BLACK! DAN BLACK! DAN BLACK! TONY! TONY! TONY! BLACK T! Dan places his shades inside his trenchcoat and drops it over the top rope to the female attendent outside. Tony removes his sparkling robe and poses, then runs the ropes and does a couple of upper body stretches awaiting his and Dan's opponents, the tag team champions. ZACK Picasso couldn't have made a painting any better than that. Anything but Me by Lindsay Lohan hits, a gorgeous red fountain of pyro shoots up from the rampway, signaling the arrival of the new World tag team champions, Chicks Over Dicks. The titles draped over their shoulders, the beautiful and deadly females from Cali stare down Black T from the rampway. If they were lasers, Dan and Tony would be nothing but melted flesh at this point. ZACK Look at them act tough. They both look like they should be working the corners of a street, not wrestling. Black T's gonna put these skanks in their places tonight. * DING DING DING DING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, our final event of the evening is set for one fall and it is for the professional wrestling tag team championship of the world. It is sanction by the state athletic commission and the OAOAST. When the bell rings your referee in-charge senior official Charles Robinson. Are you ready? Wrestling fans, are you ready? Then for the thousands in attendence and the millions watching around the world. LEEEEET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! J.R. I'm ready. BUFFER In the ring to my left, the challengers. Hailing from London, England, wearing his trademark black and weighing 240 pounds, "The Ice Heart" DAAAAN BLAAACK! His tag team partner, wearing black with gold trim, originally from San Antonio, Texas, but currently making his residence in Hollywood U.S.A., weighing 292 pounds, he's simply ravishing...TONY BRANNIGAN! BLAAAACK TEEEE! Dan and Tony raise their arms, with Tony blowing a kiss to Alix and Krista, who respond by sticking their index finger in their mouths. Obviously C.O.D. not taking too kind to Tony's gesture of peace and love. ZACK That's how they keep their figure. Maybe you should do that to lose some weight, J.R. J.R. No, thank you. I'm sooner born, sooner bread, and by God, when I die I'll be sooner dead because of a heart attack induced by good ol' J.R.'s BARBECUE SAUCE. BARBECUE SAUCE! BARBECUE SAUCE! BUFFER And their opponents. They are the professional wrestling tag team champions of the world, having dethroning The Original Elite this past Sunday night at Anglepalooza. Introducing first, wearing hippie colors and weighing an undisclosed amount, from Beverly Hills, California, ALIX SPEZIA! Her partner, wearing gold and weighing none of your damn business, from West Hollywood, California, she is a mother, author and fitness guru, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! CHICKS OVER DIIIICKS! Alix and Krista remove the tag title belts from around their waists and hand them over to referee Charles Robinson. Charles walks over to Black T and shows them the belts. Dan and Tony rub the belts for good luck and step back to their corner. Robinson holds the titles high in the air for all to see, the gold plates beaming under the bright lights. ZACK I'm surprised those bitches haven't changed the leather strap from navy blue to pink. J.R. Aren't most strap-on's black? ZACK I don't know. I'd ask Michael Cole if that little prissy was still here, but he isn't. J.R. We're about to get underway. Both teams having last minute strategy sessions in their respective corners. We thank you for joining us on what has been a very newsworthy night. Earlier tonight in the opening round of the Anderson Cup tournament to decide who'll receive a shot at the OAOAST tag team championship at AngleMania IV, we saw Hell's Hitmen defeat the Frankensteiners and the Global Party XChange defeat the Love Doctors, in a match that became very heated. The GPX will face the winner of next week's Saints-Fanboiz matchup... ZACK You might as well pencil The Saints in your brackets. J.R. (CONT'D) ...and Hell's Hitmen will either face their old foes the New New Midnight Express, Black T or Chicks Over Dicks, depending on whoever wins this match. ZACK The relationship between the New New Midnight Express and James E. Cornette seems to be all but dead after what happened tonight. J.R. Yeah, I'd say so. I never thought I'd see the day James E. went against the "Midnight Express" name. For those of you who may have missed it, James E. Cornette blamed Holly for The Saints loss to the NNMX Sunday night, saying she was the one who paid "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton and "Sweet" Stan Lane to run-in and cost The Saints the match, and fired her from J.C.E. As Holly tried to explain herself, Cornette despicably nailed her from behind with the tennis racket. Simon and Ned came out to make the save. What relationship there is between Holly and the New New Midnight Express, if any, we don't know at this time. It was certainly great to see Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane at Anglepalooza, both of whom still look great, especially Stan. ZACK One of the greatest tag teams of all-time, the Midnight Express -- the last tag team dynasty. In an era stacked with awesome tag teams, they dominated. Their matches with the Rock 'n' Roll Express are ones you can put in the time capsule and people from a hundred years from now will still marvel at. J.R. I had the honor of calling many of those great matches. And in this broadcasters humble opinion, Black T are in the same league as the Midnight Express, the Rock 'n' Roll Express, the Road Warriors, the Freebirds, the Hart Foundation, the Andersons, Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard, Arn Anderson and "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton. That's some company. Tony "T-Bod" Brannigan and Krista Isadora Duncan will start things out for their teams. Collar-and-elbow tieup. Krista backed against the ropes. Tony pinches her left cheek, drawing an "ooh" from the crowd. Tony prances around the ring, going to his corner to high-five Dan on the apron. Brannigan struts up to Duncan, flexing his biceps and jiggling his pecs. J.R. I wish I had pecs like that. You don't know how sad I feel when people chant "Show your titties" at me. I'm a man, BAH GAWD! I don't have titties. I admit, I'm a little big, but it's the fatty tissue around my pecs that give me the appearance of boobs. So all you jackasses at home, think twice when you make fun of a husky person because it damn sure ain't fun to be made fun of. ZACK I can tell you're really passionate about this issue, lard ass. (laughs) Krista takes a few seconds to stretch, then locks backup with Tony. Both jocky for position. The bigger and stronger Tony once again uses his height and weight advantage to back Krista into the corner. All of Brannigan's 292 pounds are pressed against Krista. Referee Charles Robinson asking for a clean break. Tony tells him to watch his back to make sure Krista doesn't try anything funny. Charles obliges, and it's Tony who tries something funny, NIBBLING on Krista's right ear. Brannigan arrogantly steps back, his hands up -- and maybe much more -- to protect his face from any possible cheapshots. Krista touches her ear while sarcastically smiling at Tony, then throws him against the turnbuckles, and unleashes a fury of forearm shots, kicks and knife edge chops. Tony shoves Krista away and puts his hands back up, backing out of the corner, then falls flat on his back. A little delayed reaction there. T-Bod drops to his knees near a netural corner, asking for forgiveness. "Aw, you're sorry?" Krista asks Tony as she nears closer to him. Tony nods his head yes, then gets sprayed in the face with a big wad of SPIT from Krista. ZACK I don't think he had this in mind when he thought about sharing bodily fluids with Krista, or Alix. T-Bod wipes the spit away with his hand, getting kicked in the midsection in the process. Brannigan's hiptossed out of the corner. He gets up and lunges at Krista, who brings him down with an armdrag. Back up is Brannigan, once again lunging at Krista, who takes him down with another armdrag, into an armbar. Tony gets back to a vertical position and sends Krista into the ropes. DAN BLACK hits her from behind with a forearm shot, but it was only a glancing blow, as Krista is quickly able to shake it off and knock Dan off the apron with a forearm shot of her own. This enables Tony to hit Krista in the spine of the back with a RUNNING KNEE, sending her through the ropes and to the floor. ZACK Charles Robinson prevents Tony from going outside, which is exactly what he wanted because Dan Black is out there doing the dirty work, stomping Krista. "Krista, this is the ring apron. Ring apron, this is Krista. And she gives in on the first date," Black jokingly says as he rams Krista facefirst into the apron. J.R. She gave the apron head. ZACK When was the last time someone went down on you, J.R.? J.R. It's been quite a while, 25 years or so. ZACK How do you know it's been 25 years or more? J.R. Because I was in my early 20s the last time I saw my penis. Black waistlocks Krista and rams her into the security railing, then tosses her back into the ring, where a tag is made. Dan's now the legal man. Front facelock applied. FALCON ARROW suplex. One of the many suplexes Dan loves to employ. ZACK Notice how they're keeping Krista isolated from her corner. The key to every sucessful tag match is cutting off the ring. Having been in my fair share of tag matches, let me tell you, J.R., when you start to wear down and you're near your opponents' corner, huh, that other side of the ring looks and feels like a desert! Your mouth is dry, you're under the hot lights of the ring, and it takes everything you've got to make that tag. J.R. Hmm... a ring full of dessert. Sprinkle donuts, oatmeal pies... Oh, God, I can practically feel the orgy in my mouth. Black springboards off the second rope, dropping the knee across the chest, which many have confused with an ironing board. Black drops the knee one more time for good measure. Lateral press, hooks the legs. 1... 2... FOOT ON THE ROPE. Black T with another tag. Dan slams Krista to the mat before exiting. Tony climbs to the second rope and attempts an elbow drop, but Krista moves out of the way, leaving T-Bod to land on nothing but canvas. Krista tries crawling to her corner, but Tony grabs a hold of her leg. She breaks free by kicking Tony in the face and makes a run towards her corner, only to have Alix decked by a punch by Dan Black, who entered the ring to prevent the tag. Krista sent back into the corner, but she absorbs the impact and comes back with a TILT-A-WHIRL HEADSCISSIORS. Krista and Tony rise back to their feet at approximately the same time, only for Tony to go back down once again courtesy of a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Dan Black comes back into the ring to prevent the tag, but this time he cannot. Alix comes in a little fireplug, hiptossing Dan across the ring. T-Bod tries to take both ladies down with a clothesline, but they duck under and connect with a DOUBLE DROPKICK! J.R. C.O.D. channeling the Rock 'n' Roll Express. ZACK Well, they sure are better lookin' than Ricky and Robert, that's for sure. With Tony down outside the ring, Dan is left all alone. Using the top rope to pull himself back to his feet, "The Ice Heart" doesn't know he's alone with two chicks...who are over dicks. Black turns around and sees Alix and Krista running towards him, and unlike movies that have the man and woman running in slow motion to hug each other, these chicks come full speed ahead and CLOTHESLINE over the top rope. With the crowd firmly behind them, Alix and Krista scale the second rope to jaw with special guest color commentator Zack Malibu. The self-ordained "Franchise" shoves Candie off his lap, and hollers from SOFA CENTRAL~! ZACK (Beep) YOU! Yeah, (Beep) YOU, BITCHES! I'm the franchise, the reason you two cunts are gainfully employed and not turning tricks on the street. I oughta go in there and beat both your asses myself, but I know Dan and Tony have everything under control. AH, SUCK MY DICK, BITCH! J.R. I think that one got past the censors. ZACK Screw the censors. Like I said, I'm the franchise, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and there's not a damn person alive who can stop me. Come on, guys! Go in there and kick their pussies! Black T dive back in the ring and exchange blows with Chicks Over Dicks, punching them in the stomach with open fists. C.O.D. with a pair of SINGLE LEG TAKEDOWNS. The crowd goes into a frenzy as Alix and Krista apply STEREO FIGURE-FOUR LEGLOCKS on both Dan and T-Bod. Black T scream in agony, thinking about making an effort to reach the ropes, but knowing they're dead center in the ring, they do the next best thing -- rake their opponents' eyes. Tony reaches across his body and thumbs Alix, while Dan does the same to Krista. With a slight limp, Dan and Tony rise back to their feet and whip Alix and Krista into the ropes. The ladies duck under a double clothesline, and connect with one of their own. Black sent hard into the turnbuckle. BACK BODYDROP. Now Tony is sent into the corner. Krista and Alix BACK BODYDROP TONY ONTO DAN. Krista SPRINGBOARDS a running Alix into the air. BIG SPLASH ONTO BLACK T! ZACK Kickout! 1... 2... BLACK T KICKOUT! ZACK Damn right. Black sent into the far side. Krista with the drop toehold. Alix kicks Black square in the face, then kicks him in the midsection. On all fours, Black doubles over in pain. T-Bod sent into the ropes. Another drop toehold by Krista, with Tony landing behind Dan in a very compromising position. J.R. Oh my. Oh, my! ZACK What Goddamn perverts. Why the hell are these dumbnuts (the fans) cheering? Krista and Alix hit the ropes and DROPKICK Dan and Tony in the HEAD. Black T bail out of the ring, holding their heads. Alix acknowledges the fans' chant of "C-O-D" by encouraging them to become more vocal, and they do so. J.R. BAH GAWD, I have never seen anything like this in my life. Maybe these girls are for real. I have never seen Black T dominated. The one thing they couldn't have happened did -- let the crowd get into it. Many believe, myself included, that the key to victory for C.O.D. is too keep this bout high-tempo. So far, they have done just that. ZACK I tell you what, Jim Ross, as much as it pains me to say it -- these chicks are for real. They're gonna lose, make no mistake about it, but they're obviously gonna go down in a fight. Black T have to slow down the pace of the match. The longer it goes, the more it favors Black T. Outside the ring, Black T huddle, not cuddle. Alix bounces off the ropes and LEAPS over the top, diving onto Black T with a PLANCHA -- but Dan and Tony CATCH HER. Knowing her partner is seconds away from either being slammed on the ground or rammed...into the ringpost, Krista runs the ropes and hits Alix's back with a BASEBALL SLIDE, sending her down on Black T. K.I.D. sends Brannigan back into the ring. Krista shows a great deal of power, scooping up the 292 pound sexy beast known as Tony Brannigan and slamming him to the mat. The crowd shows their appreciation for the tremendous accomplishment. Krista slingshots Alix in from the apron. 450 SPLASH! 1... 2... FOOT ON THE ROPE! J.R. The crowd sighs, they thought that was it, and it very well may have been if it weren't for the ropes. ZACK Charles Robinson has got to get Krista out of the ring. He's been allowing this illegal double-teaming since the start of this match. Come on, Charles. Get in charge! J.R. To be quite honest, I think Charles Robinson is doing a fine job officiating this contest. This is for a major championship, and I love seeing him let these two great teams go at it. Like any sport, the referee should never play an outcome of the game, or match is this case. ZACK You--You have this bi-polar thing, don't you? One minute you're repeating things 3 times, the next you revert back to your NWA/WCW form. J.R. Well, champ, when you've been raped of your dignity like I have over the years, it HAPPENS, HAPPENS, HAPPENS! Irish whip to the corner. Tony slouches against the turnbuckles, clearly exhausted from the beating he's taken. In order to gain further momentum, Krista Irish whips Alix towards Brannigan. SPINNING HEEL KICK. The force sends Alix falling out of the ring, but she safely lands on her feet outside. Krista charges Tony, and instead of landing her feet on his hips for a monkey flip, she lands on Tony's GROIN, then MONKEY FLIPS him over. Now back in the ring, Alix hits a RUNNING SHOOTING STAR PRESS! 1... 2... DAN BREAKS UP THE PIN! ZACK YEEEEAAAH! After Charles Robinson gets both Dan and Krista out of the ring, Alix whips T-Bod to her (C.O.D.s) corner. She climbs up to the second turnbuckle and repeatedly pounds her fist into Tony's forehead, the crowd counting along with every punch thrown. Tony grabs a handful of tights and slams her down, sliding on top of her and placing his feet on the ropes. Unfortunately for him, he's in the wrong part of town. Krista PUNCHES T-Bod in the GROIN. Tony rolls around the ring in pain, holding his balls. J.R. Ouch! Every male in the world felt that, except me. It's so far into me, I might as well be a DOG, DOG, DOG! At least he got a 2 count out of it, I'm barely lucky to get a drop of piss. Tag made by C.O.D. His left hand still holding his groin, Tony charges K.I.D. but is taken down with an armdrag. He gets back up, only to be taken down again, this time with a side headlock. Duncan tightens her grip on the headlock. Tony gets back in a vertical position, giving him some counter options. He throws a couple of elbows into the midsection of K.I.D. and lifts her up for a back suplex, but Krista floats over the top and hits THE SWEETEST THING, a reverse facebuster. She hooks the legs. ZACK No! Get in there Dan! 1... 2... NO! DAN BLACK...SHINING WIZARD (Kick to back of head)! ZACK YEEEEAAAH! J.R. What drama. What drama! ZACK And it isn't even backstage. J.R. Oh, man, I thought that was it. Krista did everything right, Dan just managed to beat the 3 count. Tony finally tags out. Black comes in and is quickly rolled up in a SMALL PACKAGE. 1... 2... Dan reverses it. 1... 2... KICKOUT! Both competitors rise back to their feet. Dan ducks a roundhouse right and go-behind waistlocks Krista. CHIMERA SUPLEX SEQUENCE (DRAGON, GERMAN AND TIGER SUPLEX in succession). 1... 2... ALIX BREAKS IT UP. Dan places Krista in a front facelock, lifts her up in the air and drops her feet across the top rope and drives her mat into the mat with a brainbuster. SLINGSHOT BRAINBUSTER! Only a 2 count. Krista just barely managed to get the left shoulder up. Black rolls K.I.D. on her stomach and applies the INDIAN DEATHLOCK. Krista shouts in pain, as Black yanks back on her legs. He bridges back on his head, wrapping his arms around Krista's neck and cranks back. ZACK Earlier I talked about how Black T needed to slow down the pace of the match, and that's exactly what they've done. Not only is Dan applying pressure to various points in the ankles, knees and neck, he's also giving himself and Tony a much deserved breather. C.O.D. had them working really hard early on, but now this match is firmly under control. J.R. Feeling like he didn't have the hold applied to his liking, Dan releases the Indian Deathlock and tags Tony Brannigan, a.k.a. T-Bod. With Krista still lying flat on her stomach, it leaves her in a position for Tony's liking, as he drives the forearm into the back of the neck. The arrogant challenger stands over Krista, swiveling his hips in those custom-made tights for this very event. ZACK You gotta love the tights. The back of a blonde woman's head in the front, her hands on the back. I love it! J.R. Modified version of the CAMEL CLUTCH applied. Black T have really cut off the ring, basically turning this into a handicap match. ZACK (cackling) That's why Black T were so successful in their matches with the Global Party XChange. Instead of doing what other teams did -- wrestle GPX's style -- Black T made sure to avoid Scotty's and Johnny's high-flying antics, forcing them to keep it to wrestling. And as we saw tonight, GPX aren't exactly known for their wrestling ability. (laughs) J.R. They most certainly were not. The Love Doctors found that out firsthand earlier tonight, losing a very hotly contest match to GPX in the opening round of the Anderson Cup. If Black T and GPX were to meet, it would be in the Finals, as both teams are in different conferences. ZACK I got news for ya, J.R. -- it's gonna be Chicks Over Dicks and GPX in the Finals because C.O.D. will be taking Black T's spot in the Cup after The Original Elite regain the straps. Tony releases the camel clutch in favor of going back to driving the forearm across the neck. T-Bod coolly picks Krista back up and snapmares her back down, and applies a reverse chinlock. J.R. Black T really focusing in on the neck area in the last few minutes. ZACK Again, the brains of Black T being exhibited. It's no secret Black T have an array of maneuvers that focus on the neck -- piledrivers, neckbreakers, etc. Women's necks are smaller than men's, therefore their necks can't sustain as much punishment as a man's. J.R. Much like a man's uterus is smaller than a woman's. That's why women have babies, not men. ZACK Uh...yeah. T-Bod drives the knee into the spine of the back. Krista moans after receiving another knee to the back. The grin on Tony's face says it all. Scoope slam. From out of the corner, Tony drops the knee -- but Krista moves out of the way! Tony lies on his back, holding his right knee. On her stomach, Krista begins crawling to her corner, but she's far away. Tony tags Dan in. Black stands in front of Krista, taunting her as she lies facefirst by his feet. She looks up and sees Dan laughing. "Get up," he says, helping Krista to her knees. She stuns Black with a couple of forearm shots to the midsection, but Dan fends off the attack by ramming his knee into the side of her face, the sweet flying of her hair. J.R. Ever tasted your own sweet before, Zack? It tastes like salted water, like blood. Black throws Krista over the top rope by her hair. Dan walks to C.O.D.s corner and SLAPS Alix. Furious, she enters the ring, allowing Tony to beat Krista outside while Charles Robinson keeps Alix at bay. Brannigan rams her into the ringposts. In the ring, Dan continues to irk Alix, laughing as he mockingly throws girlie punches at her. Meanwhile, on the outside, Tony sends Krista across ringside. She hits chestfirst into the guardrails and falls on ZACK MALIBU'S LAP at SOFA CENTRAL~! ZACK HOW DARE YOU, YOU BITCH! Zack takes off his headset and pummels Krista with vicious right hands. Malibu stomps K.I.D. against the sofa, then removes the protective mat ringside. Malibu whips K.I.D. towards Tony, who POWERSLAMS her on the concrete floor. Krista's almost on the verge of tears, in pain. Zack and Tony pound fists as Krista is tossed back into the ring, and Zack walks back to SOFA CENTRAL laughing his ass off. "Fuck you," he tells the C.O.D. from earlier as he takes his place back at SOFA CENTRAL. He whispers something in Candie's ear, and she proceeds to massage his shoulders. ZACK Don't say nothin', J.R. You saw her physically attack me. I had no choice but to defend myself and Candie. You know them feminist chicks can be hostile. J.R. I wasn't going to say a thing, actually. I think the fans at home would agree you were just in your actions. You can never be too careful nowadays. ZACK (laughing) YEEEEEEEAAH! You're a good man, J.R. J.R. The best play-by-play man in the business, BAH GAWD! Back in the ring, K.I.D. is rammed in the top turnbuckle. "The Ice Heart" Dan Black pounds Duncan with stiff EUROPEAN UPPERCUTTS. Referee Charles Robinson orders him to let Krista out of the corner. Black takes Charles away from the corner, blocking his view as Tony CHOKES Krista with the TAG ROPE. Finally, Dan obliges with the referee's request and let's Krista out of the corner, by throwing a forearm to the face! Black chuckles as Krista lies on the mat. TAG! Tony struts around the fallen Krista, then sets her up for the Attitude Adjustment piledriver. Black enters the ring, and heads to the second rope. The referee starts his 5 count, which is promptly ignored by Black T. ZACK Sit the hell down, Charles. You let them do it. Oh, yeah! One spike piledriver coming up. The sinister laugh of Zack Malibu echos through the television set as Black T hit a SPIKE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT PILEDRIVER! Instead of making the pin, Tony tags Dan back in. Black climbs to the top. DIVING HEADBUTT! He hooks the leg. 1... 2... ALIX BREAKS THE PIN UP. J.R. THAT WAS THE SLOWEST DAMN COUNT IN HISTORY! ZACK Aren't I supposed to say that? J.R. I'm just as biased as you are. And that was the SLOWEST BAH GAWD COUNT I'VE EVER BAH GAWD SEEN, BAH GAWD! ZACK (standing up, screaming from Sofa Central) That's bullshit, Charles! That was 3. From the ring, referee Charles Robinson says it was a clean count, broken up by Alix. Obviously, Zack isn't buying that. Tony goes after Alix, but she ducks a clothesline and hits T-Bod with one of her own -- clotheslining him over the top to the floor. Black charges Alix, but she moves out of the way and kicks Dan in the back of the hamstring as he bounces back off the ropes. She runs towards him and hits a RUNNING BLOCKBUSTER (sommersault neckbreaker). She returns to her corner and encourages the fans to cheer Krista on, who's still down in the ring. ZACK THAT DAMN BITCH! Charles has let C.O.D. break every Goddamn rule in the book. At least we tried to cover up the fact we were cheating, they're just doin' it right in front of him. J.R. Krista's not exactly really big on fan encouragement, but it appears to be getting her going. She's crawling on her belly. Can she make the tag? I hope not, but can she? Krista DIVES to her corner. The crowd ERUPTS as Krista makes the tag. ZACK SHIT! Come on, guys! J.R. STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! I mean, ALIX! ALIX! ALIX is a 5'5" ball of fire! Quick as a hiccup. SPINNING HEEL KICK. Beautifully executed STANDING DROPKICK. Running clothesline. Oh, Black thumbed her in the eye. Irish wh-- no, she counters the Irish whip attempt. Oh, man, Dan runs right into Tony on the apron. They butted heads like two government mules. SMALL PACKAGE. 1... 2... YES! DAN KICKED OUT! Dan's the first to get back up. Kick to the midsection, BLACKOUT (Stone Cold Stunner)... ZACK Goodnight, bitch! ...NO! Alix sends Black into the ropes. KICK, STUNNER! ZACK GODDAMN BITCH! J.R. Alix hit Dan with his own move -- the Blackout. She hits the ropes. Rolling sommersault splash, a.k.a. ROLLING THUNDER! We hear a brief sound of STATIC. The cover and count. 1... 2... ZACK PULLS CHARLES ROBINSON OUT OF THE RING! J.R. I know some of you at home are upset by Zack's actions, but truth be told, Zack saved Charles Robinson from Casper. And that damn ghost is supposed to be friendly. Friendly my ass. Damn him to hell! Charles chews Zack out for pulling him out of the ring, and the former World heavyweight champion takes it like a man, telling Charles he's right. Zack keeps looking into the ring while he explains himself to Charles Robinson because Tony has slipped back in, with the TAG TITLE in hand. Zack attracts the attention of Alix, who has some unkind words for Mr. Malibu. Tony sneaks behind Alix and BASHES HER ACROSS THE HEAD with the tag title. He places Dan on top of her. Charles is still chewing Zack out on the outside, but Malibu shoves him back into the ring. J.R. Yes! Like this. Win it like this. 1... 2... ALIX KICKS OUT! BIG POP! J.R. WHY, DAMNIT, WHY?! Zack goes BALLISTIC outside. Candie tries to calm him down, but he's having none of that. Zack calls for 3-B -- Black Body Bag. Black T make the tag. Tony Brannigan now the legal man. He whips Alix to the ropes and lifts her up in a bear hug. Dan hits the ropes, the prelude to the RUNNING ROCK BOTTOM, but KRISTA SPEARS Dan out of nowhere! His head smacks hard against the middle turnbuckle. J.R. We got all 4 m-- wo-- two guys, two girls and a wrestling ring. Referee Charles Robinson checks on Dan, who looks out of it. He's lying on the mat, clutching his head tightly. Krista goes over to kick him out of the ring but Charles prevents her from doing so, which allows Tony to cheapshot Krista from behind with a RUNNING FOREARM. Krista crashes into Charles and the two fall outside the ring. J.R. Uh-oh. Tony didn't see Charles Robinson in front of Crystal. And it's easy to see why not, because Krista's very tall for a woman -- 5'9". Zack Malibu, meanwhile, sees this as an opportunity to help his fellow Elite members out. He barks an order to Tony, who holds Alix up from behind. Zack takes a CRUTCH out from under his own unsuspecting girlfriend, CANDIE, who falls to the ground, and enters the ring. He taps the crutch on the mat and cocks it back. "Now," Krista says as Alix lifts her knees up to her chest, just as Zack SWINGS the crutch and Krista KICKS Tony LOW. A fan in the front row stares at himself on the AngleTron while holding up his "She just shattered his sauce!" poster as Tony drops Alix to the mat and has the crutch BROKEN across his back. Zack can't believe what's just happened. J.R. Good God! GOOD GOD! The crowd ERUPTS in mass cheer. THE GLOBAL PARTY XCHANGE run out from the back and pull Zack out of the ring, decking him to the floor after a big right hand from Scotty Static and Johnny "Jam" Jackson. In the ring, Tony struggles to keep himself from falling down, staggering around the ring. Krista stands behind Tony and gesture to Alix, who hits the ropes. They simultaneously hit Tony with a LEGSWEEP/RUNNING ENZURIGI, literally damn near breaking him in half as his body torques in an awkward fashion. J.R. As God is my witness, he's broken in half! Alix with the cover. J.R. Don't let it end like this. No, please! Jesus, Buddah, Allah, Virgin Mary, STONE COLD, give Dan strengh to rise from his pain and make the save. Please! 1... 2... J.R. SPONGEBOB?! 3! * DING DING DING DING * Anything but Me cues up, and an exhausted Alix and Krista embrace in the ring after their first successful title defense. J.R. BLACK T HAVE BEEN SCREWED! DAMN YOU, C.O.D. AND GPX. DAMN YOU TO HELL! I refuse to stand for this injustice. J.R. slams down his headset as we go to Michael Buffer for the official word. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, what incredible action we've just been witnessed to. The winners of the match, and STILL OAOAST tag team champions of the world, ALIX SPEZIA, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN -- CHICKS OVER DIIICKS! The music stops playing as J.R. powerwalks up the ring steps into the ring, trembing. Alix and Krista just stare at J.R. in awe. Outside the ring, the Global Party XChange grab the tag team titles and watch what's happening in the ring, as does Zack Malibu and Candie, who are helping up Dan and Tony. J.R. continues trembling as he paces around the ring. He stops and points at C.O.D., then removes his tan jacket and reveals a green Incredible Jivin' J.R. tank top complete with ripped back section a la Hulk Hogan t-shirts. With his cowboy hat still on his head, he rips the green shirt off to show his green-painted stomach and back. THE INCREDIBLE JIVIN' J.R.! The Jivester takes a swing and misses, and gets nailed with the same LEGSWEEP/RUNNING ENZURIGI combo Tony did. Zack Malibu exchanges some choice words with C.O.D. as GPX walk-up behind them in the ring. The ladies hear footsteps and whip around and see GPX holding their OAOAST tag team titles. Cautious, both teams keep one eye on each other, and one of The Original Elite. After a tense few seconds, Scotty and Johnny hand Alix and Krista the tag titles, with Scotty telling them to "keep 'em warm for us." Anything but Me cues back up as we FADE TO BLACK... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chuck Woolery 0 Report post Posted February 4, 2005 PROPS King Cucaracha Nice Guy Adam NY Untouchable Patty O'Green Mystery Eskimo Chuck Woolery Zack Malibu Failed Mascot Phenom The Amazing Rando Tony149 CanadianChick Puerto Rican Guy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
