OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 3/10/05

[Patty O'Green 0]

Last week on OAOAST HeldDOWN!

 

MALIBU

It's come down to this, but it didn't have to be this way! You people made it this way! Now we're not responsible for our actions! I'm Zack Malibu god damn it! I'm...

 

BOOM!

 

CONCHAIRTO!

 

CUT TO:

 

The Global Party XChange, X-Division Champion Leon Rodez and a number of arena employes watch a monitor position backstage, stilled shocked at what's been shown. Hoff, the man who'll have an opportunity to walk out with the OAOAST Championship at AngleMania, appears in the distance but walks away as he sees everybody huddled around the monitor.

 

CABOOSE (Voice-Over)

WHAT THE HELL!?

 

COLE (V.O.)

What the... Black T hit Zack with a Conchairto! Black T have turned on Zack Malibu! But why?

 

Candie's jaw drops in shock, as Malibu flops to the mat, releasing the steel chair that was in his hand and also dropping the mic. Tony Brannigan stomps Malibu in the ring, while Dan Black picks up the mic.

 

BLACK

WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE YOU LUNATIC! It's not about WHO you are anymore, it's WHAT you are! You're a liabilty to us, Zack! You're falling from grace and you were going to bring Black T with you, but we weren't about to let it happen!

 

Dan Black removes J.R.'s belt from around his fist and WHIPS Malibu's like a governement mule~! It doesn't take long for the welts on Malibu's back to become bloody. Dan signals for Tony to go up to the top. The 6'6", 292 pound strongman climbs on the apron and onto the second turnbuckle as Black tucks Malibu between his thighs.

 

COACH

Oh, you don't think...

 

COLE

Oh no, not that. Not that!

 

Dan Black lifts Zack up, locking his hands between Malibu's legs. Tony Brannigan dives off the second turnbuckle and driving Zack's feet to the ground as he hands on the arena floor. SPIKE CRADLE PILEDRIVER ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR!

 

"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"

 

CUT TO:

 

Crystal watching on her monitor with a big smile on her face.

 

COLE (V.O.)

My God, they could've broken his neck.

 

Dan rolls Zack on his stomach and leg scissors his left arm and clamps on a side headlock. HEART OF ICE (Crippler Crossface) applied! Zack is out cold. Tony kicks Malibu in the head with the Heart of Ice stilled applied, the blood dripping on his boots and Black's hands. OAOAST officials rush out from the back. The agents and officials have to pry Black off Malibu.

 

COLE

In all my life I have never, EVER seen a person manhandled like that.

 

Tony grabs a microphone. Dan stands next to him after wiping off the blood on his hands on Zack's tights.

 

TONY

Zackie, baby, when we sealed the deal to join forces you told us if we crossed you you'd leave us for dead. Well, not to sound like Stephen Joseph and go all biblical, but do unto others before they do unto you. Looks to Black T, the Original Elite, like Planet Malibu just went the way of Krypton. KA-BOOM!

 

CUT TO:

 

Many of the OAOAST superstars watching in the locker room area

 

A second stretcher has come out, and the EMT's are getting Zack strapped onto it, as Black T turn back to the crowd, standing on the ramp raising their arms in triumph, with an overpowering boo heard in the background... EMTs stretcher Zack and Candie away.

 

OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

The opening video plays to the awesome sounds of La La by the way cool, Ashlee Simpson. Although we all know Love Me for Me is the far superior Ashlee song. Anywho, Hold You Down by Jen Lopez should be the new theme song. Fat Joe!

 

 

Aurevoir logo! Fireworks EXPLODE LIKE DOLPHINS WITH DYNAMITE IN THEIR STOMACHS as we cut to the live nerds..I mean crowd. Crowd! Crowd!

 

 

3C is here to entertain the asses. I mean masses. Masses!

 

COLE

Welcome to Boston for another moderately exciting edition of the world’s third favorite fake fighting show, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I’m Michael Cole, the guy wearing the makeup and still has the nerve to crack on me for being gay is Caboose and the other guy is best known as The Coach.

 

COACH

Yo! We are in the TD BankNorth Garden or The Fleet Center if you will, and our show is crackalating! Hoff deals with Chris Stevens in the twenty foot steel cage! Former and current tag team champions hook up when The Midnight Express and Black T join in holy matiromony to take on The Global Party Exchange and Chicks Over Dicks, also known as the co-presidents of The Coach’s fan club. Heh heh.

 

CABOOSE

Sure, Coach. People, we have one on one action right freaking now!

 

Ring Announcer: The following match is scheduled for one fall

 

*Bound for the Floor starts playing and a large oaf of a man stands at the top of entrance way looking kind of lost*

 

RA: Making his way down the aisle, from Minneapolis, MN… Jumbo!

 

*Some fans boo and others just sit on their hands not caring much about the lummox that usually accompanies Chris Stevens*

 

Coach: Well its pretty clear that Jumbo just doesn’t seem to know what to do heading into this next match. Without Stevens he may just be a fish out of water.

 

Caboose: Look Coach. Jumbo may not be the wrestler that Stevens is, but he’s a brawler that knows how to get it done. He understands Chris can’t be out here with him because he has to get ready for his Steel Cage match later with that boob Hoff.

 

*Jumbo enters the ring and removes his vest leaving him in jeans and cowboy boots only. Bound for the Floor dies down and Jumbo cracks his knuckles while staring at the entrance way.*

 

RA: And his opponent…

 

*the house lights dim and are slowly replaced by a red hue. Just then a deep and harsh voice fills the arena

 

"Come on God, Answer Me.

For Years, I've Been Asking You Why?

Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive?

Where is Justice? Where is Punishment?”

 

a sharp and hard guitar riff cuts off the words momentarily as Rick Heyross comes out and walks down the ramp, stops, and stares towards the entrance way

 

“Or Have You Already Answered?

Have You Already Said to the World,

Here is Justice. Here is Punishment.

Here....

In Me."

 

Punishment by BioHazard kicks up on the arena speakers, a line of Pyro goes off along the stage of the entrance and when it dies down Brock Ausstin is standing there causing the fans to go absolutely nuts.*

 

RA: he comes to us from Victoria, Minnesota. He’s the Man Beast, The Current Big Thing…Brock Ausstin!

 

*Brock stands at the entry way for a moment before doing the Happy-Happy Hoss Dance~! And then he walks down the aisle; meets up with Rick Heyross and both make their way to the ring*

 

Cole: These fans are on their feet for Ausstin!

 

Caboose: Well in a short while Brock will be on his back and Jumbo will be walking away with a win over a man even Chris Stevens has to be impressed by.

 

Coach: Well either way don’t expect many holds, this is going to be…

 

J.R.: One helluva Slobberknocker bah gawd~!

 

*Triple-C glare down Jiving J.R. who hangs his head in sorrow and walks away to the back. While they do that Brock has already made his way to the ring and the ref signals for the bell to sound and the match to begin. Jumbo and Brock walk up to each other and stand nose-to-nose. Jumbo shoves Brock hard in the chest causing him to stumble back a bit. Brock comes back with a hard push of his own which sends Jumbo stumbling all the way back to the corner. Jumbo stomps back up to Brock and both men lock up and try to gain an advantage. They circle a bit and wind up with Jumbo gaining the advantage and forcing Brock back into the corner. Our referee for this match; Charles Robinson calls for a clean break and gets inbetween the two. Jumbo starts to back off and as Brock lowers his guard he’s hit by a cheap right to the jaw. Jumbo backs away and has a good chuckle over the whole thing.*

 

Caboose: See? That’s the genius that Chris Stevens has imparted onto Jumbo.

 

Cole: It looked like a cheap shot to me.

 

Caboose: Oh, what do you know?

 

*Brock stands in the corner taking some words of advice from his manager before walking back up to Jumbo and locking up with him again. The two men end up with the same result and Jumbo goes for another cheap shot but its blocked and Brock turns Jumbo around and into the turnbuckle. Brock grabs the middle ropes near by and starts lowering his shoulder into the flabby muscle of Jumbo’s abdomen. He send his shoulder in not once, not twice, but five times total knocking the wind out of Jumbo. Brock then irish whips Jumbo hard into the farside corner and when he hits the impact causes the ring to shake a tad. Jumbo stumbles out slowly and Brock levels him with a running Hoss-Line~. Jumbo hits the mat hard and the fans cheer on Brock who takes a moment to soak it in.*

 

Cole: Again, you have to wonder if not having Chris Stevens in his corner is hurting the big man’s performance here.

 

*Brock brings Jumbo up to his feet and as he does so Jumbo pokes his thumb into Brock’s eye causing him to release and turn away momentarily*

 

Caboose: I don’t think its affecting him at all. If anything he’s motivated and taking Stevens’ teachings into effect now.

 

*Brock turns back and Jumbo grabs him, then irish whips him into the ropes. A still somewhat blinded Brock bounces off and gets hit with a big boot by Jumbo causing Brock to fall and clutch his head. Jumbo shakes off the cobwebs from earlier and brings Brock to his feet, then wraps his arms around Brock’s waist and lifts him up into a big bearhug*

 

Coach: This might be enough. Those large arms of Jumbo are going to try and squeeze the life out of Brock.

 

Caboose: And right now I’d like to congratulate Chris Stevens publicly on how well of a job he’s done tutoring Jumbo here in the ring.

 

*Jumbo tightens the hold further and Brock’s arms are sent stiffly up in the air out of pain. Rick Heyross begins to yell and motivate his client while the fans try to accomplish the same thing through cheering.*

 

Cole: These people are clearly on the side of Brock tonight!

 

Coach: And their cheers may be bringing the monster back to life!

 

*Brock starts to pump his fist in the air a tad, then looks Jumbo in the eyes and claps his hands into Jumbo’s temples. Jumbo loosens the hold a tad allowing Brock to do this again, and a third time causing Jumbo to let go of the hold. Brock takes the opportunity and runs off the ropes and charges into Jumbo, but Jumbo was ready and catches Brock with a hard powerslam!*

 

Caboose: Oh ho ho…beautiful move by Jumbo.

 

Cole: Jumbo covers Brock and hooks the leg…

 

1

 

 

 

2

 

 

Th…KICKOUT

 

*The fans go wild and Jumbo gets up and grabs the ref by the collar telling him he was clearly wrong about the count. The ref warns Jumbo who looks downright disgusted that this match is going to continue. Trying to ignore the cheers of the fans Jumbo drops a knee across the forhead of Brock. Jumbo looks out to the fans and they acknowledge him with boos and profanity. Jumbo then grabs Brock and pulls him slightly towards the corner. From there the big ogre of a man climbs the second turnbuckle and looks out to the crowd to signal the end.*

 

Caboose: This is it. Not only is he going to end it here but this will be a big confidence boost for Stevens going in up against Hoff later tonight. If Stevens can train Jumbo into beating the likes of Brock Ausstin then Hoff has NO CHANCE against him.

 

Cole: I don’t know…he’s taking his time up there and you don’t want to give a man like Brock time to recover.

 

Caboose: Its in the bag Cole!

 

*Just as Caboose says that, Jumbo raises his arms and dives off the middle turnbuckle looking for a splash…but he took too long and Brock rolls out of the way! Jumbo hits hard with a thud and bounces off almost all the way back to his feet.*

 

Coach: You may want to check that bag Boose cause its looking awfully empty to me!

 

*Brock begins to get to his feet and Jumbo is on a knee. Ausstin rises all the way up and the fans are chanting “Aus-stin! Aus-stin! Aus-stin!” in unison now.*

 

Caboose: Why can’t these morons shut up?!

 

*Brocks stands there sizing up Jumbo and looks out to the fans who cheer wildly*

 

Coach: There’s no way he could be thinking what I think he’s thinking…

 

Caboose: If you’re thinking he’s going to F-Stunner-5 a man the size of Jumbo then you’re crazy Coach!

 

*Jumbo gets to his feet slightly dazed and turns around where’s he met by a boot to the mid-section*

 

Cole: I think he’s going for it!!!!

 

*Brock positions himself over the slightly slumped over Jumbo and lifts him high up in a fireman’s carry! The fans are on their feet and screaming*

 

Caboose: There’s no way!

 

*And then he drops Jumbo down hard!*

 

Cole: F-Stunner-5! My God! That man’s almost 350lbs!

 

*Brock rolls on top of Jumbo and doesn’t even bother hooking the big man’s leg*

 

1!

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

3!!!

 

*The bell sounds and Punishment fills the arena as the fans keep on their feet. Charles Robinson goes to raise Brock’s hand in victory but Rick sidesteps him and does the deed himself*

 

Cole: An impressive showing by Jumbo but even more-so of one by Brock Ausstin. You have to wonder if the same fate is waiting Chris Stevens later tonight.

 

Caboose: There’s no way. As good as Jumbo was right there Chris Stevens is 5, no, 10 times better! Hoff doesn’t stand a chance.

 

(GO BACKSTAGE)

 

We leave Jumbo to wallow in his own self pity and cruise on over to Crystal sitting on a wooden bench, slowly sliding her kneepads over her legs. The fans appropriately shower her with jeers and catcalls until, moments later, a rather unfamiliar chant starts to break out among the Boston crowd.

 

“CRYSTAL SUCKS!”

 

“CRYSTAL SUCKS!”

 

“CRYSTAL SUCKS!”

 

As The Female Phenom continues to get ready, she suddenly sees two feet stand before her. Crystal slowly looks up and winds up with a rather confused look once she sees who’s actually standing before her.

 

CRYSTAL

…what the hell do you want?

 

The camera peels away to find it’s none other than Drek Stone -- the OAOAST Heavyweight Champion, if you happened to forget -- standing before her with the title proudly adorned over his shoulder. He looks down at her with a grin, before moving the title over to his other shoulder.

 

DREK

I need to talk to you.

 

Crystal puts her head down and continues to work on sliding her right kneepad over her leg.

 

CRYSTAL

I have nothing to talk about with you.

 

Suddenly, Drek puts his hand on Crystal’s forearm, stopping her progress for the time being.

 

DREK

Now, I wouldn’t say that. I know we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye on everything. We’ve had our fair share of fights. You made me tap out on HeldDown when you were still the champion. I eventually beat you in the Elimination Chamber to win my first Heavyweight belt. We’ve had our history, and it’s basically solely consisted of fights between the two of us. But let’s make it water under the bridge. Let’s put that behind us. Because I have a proposition for you.

 

Crystal looks up at the champion again. Yet, this time, her facial expression shows more interest than anything else.

 

CRYSTAL

Proposition? What kind of proposition?

 

DREK

A proposition I think could really help the both of us -- at the expense of one man neither of us even like. What do you say?

 

Drek looks on with a wry smile as Crystal slowly starts to nod her head, fully comprehending what this situation could mean for her.

 

CRYSTAL

….I say I can’t wait for you to explain.

 

The two hated superstars share a laugh between them as we roll to the opening credits for the second time tonight! Our production department should be fired.

[Patty O'Green 0]

*the credit gaffe gets fixed and the cameras take us to the back where The 70s Dude is about to open the door to his locker room. As he reaches for the knob Josh Matthews comes up to him with a microphone in hand*

 

Josh: 70s Dude, care to explain your actions last week?

 

The 70s Dude: Not really but since your square-self won’t leave me be till I do I’ll give you your sound byte. I just wanted to let Calvin know that while he may have pinned The Dude’s shoulders to the mat at Zero Hour, it was only because I was kind enough to let him do so.

 

Josh: What are you talking about? It was pretty clear to me that you didn’t allow him to do anything. He beat you right in the mid…

 

Dude: Oh Josh, you need to open your eyes man…let the Dude help expand your mind. If you remember correctly The Dude was out there dancing circles round that wallflower and just flat out embarrassing him. What does Calvin choose to do then? He shoves the ref and gets himself DQ-ed. Now I’ll admit, my emotions were running a little high and I wanted a piece of Szechstein so bad that I allowed the match to continue. That was my first and last mistake though. Next time The Dude aint gonna be so kind and Cal…well he’ll be back on the couch watching The Dude climb that OAOAST ladder right to the top where I belong, OH!…have mercy!

 

*The Dude turns away from a befuddled looking Matthews and opens the door to his locker room. He takes a few steps in and then suddenly stumbles back out into the hallway. Calvin runs out from the locker room and starts throwing rights at The Dude*

 

Cole: Its Szechstein!

 

Caboose: Its also a blatant ambush. What a coward to blindside The 70s Dude like this!

 

Coach: You can’t blame the former champ here. The 70s Dude has this coming after what he did last week and the previous weeks as well.

 

*The 70s Dude grabs Cal by the belt of his jeans and pulls him into the concrete wall of the hallway. The Dude then tries to regroup and make a break for it but Cal will have none of it and pounces on him from behind. The two roll on the ground exchanging punches back and forth before Carl Winslow makes it on the scene huffing and puffing(having obviously ran more than 10 yards to get there) and begins to direct security into how to break it up. Security rips the two men apart and The Dude backs away slowly, tapping his temple with an index finger while nodding as if to say “I’ll remember this”. Cal nods slightly too his face flushed with anger.*

 

(break to commercial or the ring or something. Up to you Patty)

 

(Patty sez: let's take a break! I have to pee!)

 

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

We return to a somber looking Sofa Central.

 

COLE

Fans, we saw clips from that brutal beatdown by the Black T upon Zack Malibu. We understand Zack spent several nights in a local emergency medical facility, and the full extent of the damage to his neck following that spike piledriver on the floor has not yet been determined. The whole of the OAOAST is really in shock over this incident. I don't think any of us really knows how to feel.

 

COACH

Unfortunately, Black T have requested and been granted a segment here tonight. I can't see what possible use it can have, but its scheduled next.

 

CABOOSE

Um, I'm guessing they want to gloat?

 

Cue: "Quiet"

 

COACH

Oh man, is this really necessary?

 

"The Ice Heart" Dan Black and Tony "The Body" Brannigan, in dark, sharp suits, walk down to the ring. The boos of the crowd are deafening, a storm of noise buzzing through the arena; a new ferocious hatred added to Black T's usual frosty reception.

 

Black and Brannigan enter the ring, the fans not abating their verbal assault even as they take a microphone each.

 

COLE

Whatever anyones opinion on Zack Malibu, it's clear that Black T went too far last week. Chair shots, belt whippings, spike piledriver - not to mention a totally unnecessary Black Out on poor Candie.

 

COACH

But there's been no one challenging them. Does anyone really care?

 

CABOOSE

I don't think anyone wants to get in the way of Black T right now. Everyone knew the fine wrestlers they are, but we've now seen a new, deadly edge to them.

 

Dan Black has to raise his voice against the boos.

 

DAN

Good evening, Boston!

 

*BOOOOOOOOOO!*

 

*BLACK T SUCKS! BLACK T SUCKS!*

 

DAN

You'll be glad to know that your great city is the first calling point of the Black T "Elimination Zack Tour 2005"! T-shirts are currently being printed, special edition DVDs of last weeks HeldDown are in production and after the show we will be available for autographs. We have a selection of photographs that we will be happy to sign. Here's a small selection.

 

Dan gestures to the AngleTron, which display a series of black and white images.

 

The Black T conchairto, the camera picturing the exact moment the chairs crash into Zack's head.

 

An evil grin on Brannigan's face as he prepares to spike Zack into the concrete floor.

 

A bloody and lifeless Malibu trapped in Dan's Heart of Ice cross face.

 

The crowd boos each of the pictures in turn, as Dan and Tony laugh and slap each other on the back. May I continue?, asks Brannigan to Dan's approval.

 

TONY

A few months back Dan and I talked about an enemy lurking among us. Well that enemy was you, Zack Malibu. You think you're the franchise? Pfft! That's nothing more than a figment of your imagination. An urban legend. I spit on you! I spit on your accomplishments! I spit on your whole damn career! As one of the most senior members of the OAOAST, I happened to remember quite vividly how popular you once were. Man, some of your feuds were legendary. Boom! Then you snapped. And where'd that get you, Franchise? It made you more enemies than the United States. You alienated them all. So we make a pact to join pool our resources together because of an common enemy. But we weren't your friends. Never were, never will. You were nothing more than an associate. You know--you scratch our backs, we'll stab yours. Think about it, Malibu. Think about it. Black T are about money and championship gold, neither of which we accomplished once your 90210-size agenda with women clouded what The Original Elite was all about. Once Dan and I made the decision to pre-emptively strike your ass, we knew we were in the clear because you have no friends. How embarrassing it must be for your family to watch at home as their son, friend got his ass handed to him on worldwide televsision--not to mention giving your girlfriend a late Valentine's Day surprise. Zack, your career is over. Go back to your beach house and stay there unless you want to live the rest of your life a cripple, because that's exactly what we'll do to you if you wanna play hero and come back for revenge.

 

DAN

The story ends here Zack. There's not going to be any "feud" between us. No comeback. No big fairytale of redemption for you, beacuse no one cares if you get it or not. Take our advice. We might even buy you a beer one day and tell you stories of all the greatness we accomplished without you. How's that, little man?

 

COACH

Someone shut them up. Last week wasn't enough, they have to come out and verbally humiliate Zack too?

 

CABOOSE

But is there anyone left who cares? Who's going to stand up for Zack?

 

Dan and Tony smirk at the crowd, and make to leave. They're by the ropes when the crowd's continuing abuse abates, and suddenly a familiar tune sounds in the arena, and immediately has Black T step away from the ropes and look at each other in shock.

 

COLE

He's...he's HERE?

 

"Getting Away With Murder" draws a pop for the first time ever, as Zack Malibu comes storming out of the back, still bruised and stitched from the previous week. A charge to the ring replaces his powerwalk, and Black T scatter, ready to pounce on Zack, who slides under the bottom rope and rushes Dan Black, spearing him down! Zack gets up, and Tony spins him around...then gets floored with a hard right hand! Zack picks Tony up and sends him to the ropes, leaping up and connecting with a dropkick to the jaw! Tony reels, and as Zack gets up he approaches again, but finds himself jumped from behind by Dan Black, who pulls him to the ground and sits on his back, hammering on the back of his neck! Tony brushes himself off and stands up, stomping on Zack's head as he's being beaten by the Ice Heart!

 

CABOOSE

Again going for the neck! Tony and Dan are like two sharks that smell blood!

 

COLE

Oh my God, Zack Malibu is in serious trouble out here!

 

CABOOSE

(Sighing) Well, Black T did warn him. You have to respect Zack's guts and determination in coming out here but I'm afraid he's just made a bad situation worse.

 

Black T stand over Malibu, shaking their heads, looks of surprise on their faces.

Dan gets a mic back.

 

DAN

Are you stupid? Retarded? What the bloody hell is wrong with you, man? I-I just- you- we- Tony?

 

TONY

It seems our advice has gone unheeded. Well, as they say, actions speak louder than words.

 

Black T bring Zack up and set for another spike cradle piledriver. The crowd almost screams its collective larynx out in protest.

 

COLE

This could paralyze the man! Kill him even! Somebody do something!

 

COACH

Who?! Who can possibly have any reason to risk themselves for Zack anymore?

 

There's a sudden disturbance in the crowd and the immediate section around it POPS with surprise and delight. A figure emerges, jumping over the guard rail, pushing security aside and diving into the ring. Black T pays no mind, figuring the crowd is just trying to urge on a Malibu comeback, and Tony stands with Malibu's head scissored, preparing to lift him until Dan backs away in shock, and can only watch as Tony gets spun around...

 

 

 

 

POLLYCUTTER!

 

 

 

 

 

*CEE-DUBYA-EMM! CEE-DUBYA-EMM!*

 

COACH

YO~! C DUB BABY! C DUB TO THE RESCUE!

 

COLE

Oh. My. Freakin'. God.

 

CWM stalks Dan Black, who quickly backs out of the ring, wanting nothing to do with the badass bastard who hasn't been seen in months. Dan comes around the ring and reaches in, dragging a woozy Tony out to ringside, as CWM eyes them both. Black T look up as CWM raises his arms in triumph, staring a hole in the former tag champs to a super sized return POP!

 

CABOOSE

Well look who's back...

 

CWM turns around as Zack to his feet, standing behind Malibu as he recovers Zack feels a presence behind him and turns around, fist cocked...and comes face to face with an old foe. One of his greatest challenges.

 

And the man who just saved him from paralysis.

 

COACH

I can't believe it! CWM! CWM!

 

The camera cuts between Black T's wide eyed, half scared, half enraged expressions and the cold grin on the face of CWM, then finally Zack, a mixture of bewilderment and anger on his face. Despite the heroics of his former rival, Malibu simply exits the ring and storms to the back, leaving CWM, the fans, and pretty much everyone else in anticipation of what this all means!

 

(BREAK TIME)

 

(BREAK OVER)

 

Backstage Malibu is storming through the back, looking for Black T.

 

MALIBU

TONY! DAN BLACK! BLACK T! I'm gonna find you you god damn...

 

"Zack. ZACK!"

 

Malibu stops and turns around, as CWM has caught up to him.

 

MALIBU

What the hell do you want? This doesn't concern you.

 

CWM

You know what, you're too damn proud for your own good. Do you realize what was about to happen...

 

MALIBU

Since when do you care about what's going to happen to me? I sent you crashing through the roof of a cell, and through the windshield...

 

CWM

...of an ambulance. Yeah, I get it. We're not the best of friends. That's not what I'm looking for.

 

MALIBU

Leave me alone. BODY! Chickenshit cowards.

 

CWM

Zack, you need me right now.

 

Malibu stops and turns, burning a hole through CWM.

 

MALIBU

I don't need anybody.

 

CWM

Cut the heroics, Malibu. You know what, maybe you have the crowd back on your side, but that's not going to win the war for you.

 

MALIBU

I don't care about what anyone thinks. All I care about is that I make them pay.

 

CWM

You can't do it alone.

 

MALIBU

The hell I can't.

 

CWM

Zack, they nearly crippled you, and they took out your girl last week.

 

Malibu lunges, tearing at CWM's vintage Nirvana shirt and nearly tearing it off his body.

 

MALIBU

STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! THEY'RE GOING TO PAY FOR IT! I'LL MAKE THEM SUFFER! I'LL MAKE THEM BLEED! THIS IS MY COMPANY! MY COMPANY! THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU!

 

CWM

GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF ME AND STOP FOR A MINUTE! STOP BEING SUCH A SELFISH, EGOTISTICAL SON OF A BITCH! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN THEY CAN, ZACK. THEY WANT YOU OUT!

 

Malibu backs off, as CWM wasn't afraid to confront the OAOAST's Loose Cannon in the same manner.

 

MALIBU

I know they do. But they're not going to do it.

 

CWM

You're right, they won't. But I'm going to watch your back.

 

MALIBU

I told you...

 

CWM

And I told YOU, I'm in this now. They're gonna want my blood just like you. You wanna know why I did it? Because it wasn't corporate kiss ass Tony who built this company, or Dan and his damn drunk fish. It was guys like you and me, and Anglesault and Caboose and...bleeding, brawling, doing whatever it took not to make ourselves look great but to make this company great. You think I'm gonna let two clowns on an ego trip start staking claim to something that wasn't theirs to inherit? I might not like you, Zack, but you've got as much right to this company as anyone. Truthfully, I'm glad it's you than Popick or something. Just look around you, Zack. You've alienated everybody. Not a soul in this company right now is going to help you. Where were they last week? Watching...some waiting to see if it was all another "master plan", and others were thinking "good riddance". Black T is out to do something that you've made EVERYONE want to do. Fan response? Means nothing. What you say? Means nothing. Now's the time for action, and if you're gonna get through this, you need someone who knows Tony and Dan just as well as you do. You needed a wild card, and that's where I came in.

 

MALIBU

So what do you want from me for it.

 

CWM

I want you to shake my hand, because we're in this together now.

 

CWM extends a hand, a truly surreal sight. Malibu looks down, then back up, eyeing his former foe.

 

MALIBU

This is my fight. Keep your ego in check.

 

CWM

Of all the people to say that...

 

Malibu shakes CWM's hand, shutting him up before he can get the jab in.

 

CWM

All right then, Zack. Let's do this. Shall we say, Anglemania?

 

MALIBU

Anglemania.

 

CWM

Let's take this company back.

 

(FADE OUT)

Edited March 11, 2005 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

Coming back from break, we head to Sofa Central and Triple C.

 

COLE

Folks, if you tuned in last week, you saw the debut of Prince Killings, a man who had some very controversial comments regarding his thoughts on this business and what he called his new “role”. If you didn’t, here’s a sample of what you missed:

 

The HeldDown logo sweeps across the screen and Prince Killings comes up on the screen. The words “Last Week” are displayed across the bottom of the screen.

 

KILLINGS

…..It’s true. All professional wrestlers are glorified stuntmen fake hitting each other…what else could it be?

 

…..This place is full of people that couldn’t cut it in REAL acting roles, so they gather here and fool themselves and everyone that watches them into thinking this is some sort of “athletic exhibition.”

 

…...THIS is no question the bottom rung of the ladder, a pseudo-sport watched by dumb rednecks and people too stupid to find anything better to watch.

 

The arena crowd boos heavily as we go back live to Cole.

 

COLE

As you might have imagined, Prince’s comments ruffled a LOT of feathers in the locker room this past week, and our GM Josie Baker has gotten multiple requests to face him in a match this week. The problem is…..Prince has not arrived at the arena today. What DID arrive was a videotape, delivered by a courier, with instructions for it to be played if the subject of Prince Killings was brought up. We haven’t seen what’s on this tape, but we understand it’s all ready to go, so we’ll play it for you now.

 

Fade in on a beautiful beach. The sky is as crystal clear as the clean blue water below, small waves breaking on the sand. The camera pans across all types of attractive females in very revealing swimwear lying on the sand, working on their tans (some even have their bikinis untied in the back, CALL THE FCC!!!!). Some kids build a sand castle among them. The camera continues to pan the area until the image of Prince Killings, shirtless and in bright banana yellow shorts, sitting on a deck chair in the sand; an umbrella is propped up to protect him from the sun. Killings, wearing his trademark sunglasses, is lying back on the chair when he notices the camera.

 

KILLINGS

Oh, hello. I’m sorry that I didn’t show up this week, but I’ve had this vacation planned for six months, long before I ever heard of this wrestling gig, and when the sands of Oahu comes calling, you accept the charges. Besides, it’s not like I would have actually gone into the ring this week. My agent Eddie…I tell you, the guy is so relaxed during negotiations that I call him Calm Eddie….was able to put into my contract with this place that I don’t have to “work”, as you would say, any HeldDown that I don’t want to. Hell, I don’t even have to SHOW UP if I have somewhere better to go. See, I don’t lower myself to do network TV, nor basic cable. If people want to see Prince Killings’ first wrestling match, you’re just going to have to pay for the privilege.

 

CROWD

KILLINGS SUCKS!!

KILLINGS SUCKS!!

KILLINGS SUCKS!!

 

A waiter hands Killings a drink in a coconut shell. He takes a sip and puts it on the small glass table next to him.

 

KILLINGS

That’s right; my first match will be at AngleMania IV. Against who? Anyone that wants to step up to the plate and face the future. After I take care of that, I will be well on my way up, will win the OaOast title, ditch this place, and have people brawling at their local theaters for tickets and then Wal-Marts to be the first one to pick up the DVDs of my movies. Nothing can stop me. I know it; everyone in that locker room knows it…..

 

He slowly removes his sunglasses and points at the camera.

 

…..and you know it. Don’t worry, I’ll probably be there next week to find out if anyone was stupid enough to take the bait and become my first steppingstone, but right now….

 

A pair of bikini-clad brunettes appear, sitting on the arms of Killings’ chair while looking seductively into the camera.

 

…..I’m going to enjoy the local “hospitality” around here.

 

We go back live to the arena and Cole.

 

COLE

Unbelievable. That’s really all I can say.

 

COACH

Hmmm….what beach was that?

 

And as quick as Killings' segment appears we go just as quick back to the ring, where The Buff man is holding a microphone in the center of the squared circle.

 

The regular house lights drop, replaced by a deep purple (not *the* deep purple) shine. The opening erry piano chords of Another Body Murdered kick in giving rise to a pop from the Bean Town faithful! The entrance doors split apart, showcasing the Women’s Champion, Holly-Wood to the viewing audience. Holly tilts her body to the side and shoots her sparkling title belt into the air. The gold lights near the entrance way bounce off the title’s extravagant diamonds in hypnotizing fashion.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a TV time limit of twenty five minutes and it is for the OAOAST Women’s Title. Now making her way to the ring, from Hollywood, California, appearing courtesy of Arista Records...HOLLY-WOOODDDD!

 

COACH

Mmmm! Yum-Yum!

 

COLE

Holly’s life has been turned upside as a result of the despicable actions by Jim Cornette and the Midnight Express. What they’ve done to her and The Sa...the people who used to be known as The Saints, bring new meaning to the word disgusting.

 

A deep voiced man, who probably gives great head, sends out a call of “LIGHTNING CREW!”. Being that we’re no where near Puerto Rico, the fans aren’t overly thrilled to hear the opening strands of No Chance in Hell. Purple smoke begins to crowd the entrance way, moving farther and farther into the stands, suffocating the fans and forcing us into a mountain of lawsuits. Through that smoke, a yellow lightning bolt shoots down from the Heavens and hits the center of the entrance stage! Little kids throughout the audience are scared out of their minds from the loud crackle.

 

*No Chance (No Chance)

That’s what ya got (Ha, Ha, Yeah)

 

We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong)

Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS (Puppets!)

 

Through that purple haze, steps a very foxy lady, the sultry sexpot, Miss Lindsay Gonzales. No one really boos her, because who in their right mind would boo a chick that hot? However a few fans do chant “PR SUCKS”, obviously no fan of the Rock-a-like.

 

BUFFER

And the challenger...from San Juan, Puerto Rico, she is the First Lady of the Lightning Crew and the 2004 Miss Puerto Rico, weighing in at one hundred eighty one pounds....LINDSAY GONZALEZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

COLE

The next Women’s Title shot was supposed to go to Candie, but thanks to Black T, that obviously couldn’t happen this week, so after some smooth talking to a few higher ups, The Puerto Rican scored Lindsay a title shot against Holly.

 

Wearing pink leather pants, a pink shirt tied up to reveal her stomach, The San Juan beauty slides into the ring. She flashes an evil smile at Holly, letting the surly incumbent know that her time with the belt is near a close.

 

COACH

Oooooooooooh. This is gonna be hot. Ooooooooh.

 

The referee calls for the bell and the fans settle in for what will hopefully be an exciting title match!

 

*RING DING DONG. RING DING DING DING DONG*

 

Lindsay goes behind for a waistlock. She lifts the flame haired champ into the air for her trademark German Suplex! As PRL’s girl descends backwards, Holly flips out of the move, landing gracefully on her black boots! Hair clogs her vision, not fully allowing her to get a good view of her adversary. Gonzales stands up, wearing a look of extreme frustration. Holly charges in, but Lindsay drops down to her knees, and chops the back of Holly’s legs! The champion tears into the air and lands back first onto the unforgiving mat with a resounding thud. Lindsay grabs both her legs, then flips through them for a bridged pin!

 

1

 

Kick out!

 

COLE

Lindsay’s boy and boss is embroiled in a bitter feud with Panther, one of our hardest working wrestlers.

 

Both women stand up, albeit Lindsay quicker the woman she’s trying to unseat. Lindsay drives the underside of her shoe into Holly’s six packed stomach, doubling her over. Holly staggers to the side, coughing and clutching her abdomen. The challenger, taking advantage of Holly’s injured state, grabs an inverted 3/4 face lock and goes for an Ace Crusher! But Miss Wood is quick to counter and drops her rival with an inverted DDT! The champion sticks her knee out at the last minute, so that Lindsay’s lower back crashes into it! Holly stands up and brushes a few strands of hair away from her stone grey eyes. She measures Lindsay, looking for just the right spot to hit. After she finds it, she drops an elbow, nailing Lindsay in the middle of her back!

 

CABOOSE

Nice to see Holly dropped that “french whore” look from last week. It wasn’t becoming.

 

Holly takes Lindsay into a wheel barrow suplex set up. Digging her fingers into the mat, Gonzales tries to scrape her way to the ring ropes. But Holly allows no such thing, shifting both their bodies so that they are facing away from the corner. Holly falls backwards and wheel barrow suplexs Lindsay into the corner! Lindsay’s back slams hard into the turnbuckles, leading the ugly orange ropes to vibrate from the impact!

 

CABOOSE

Holly softening Lindsay up for her version of the Liontamer, The Hollywood Groove.

 

COACH

Holly can groove my wood anytime.

 

Holly darts in and jumps into the air with a body splash, driving all her weight into Lindsay! Definitely damaged from the move, The Lightning Crew member stumbles forward, allowing Holly to slip behind her. The champ grabs a hold of her foe’s head for a bulldog! However, Lindsay gets the best of her by simply shoving her off! Holly lands flat on her BUTT, not totally sure of how her move got countered. Gonzales positions herself on the second rope, then jumps off, catching Holly with a nice second rope whip lash! Holly nurses her neck and moans softly. Lindsay’s move caused far more pain then one would of thought.

 

“HOLLY! HOLLY! HOLLY!”

 

Grabbing hold of Holly’s blood colored hair, Lindsay hauls her enemy to her feet. Gonzales gives the thumbs down and then floors Holly with a devastating swinging neckbreaker! Now on the mat, Holly, despite her hurt neck, is still sharp enough to preemptively grabs the ropes, guarding herself against any dangerous submission hold. Leaving Holly to suffer alone, Lindsay runs to the other end of the ring. She bounces off the ropes, comes back at Holly and savagely drills her in the side of the head with the bottom of her boot! Holly’s head twists to the side in an awkward and disgusting fashion after the boot scrape connected. The fans fiercely boo the young challenger. She shoes them off then drops down for what she thinks will be a winning pin.

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

The audience cheers the kickout, while Lindsay looks beside herself. Holly stands up under her own power and blasts Lindsay, who’s arguing with the ref, with a spinning back kick to the back! And another! And another! Lindsay lurches forward in obvious pain, her face contorting strangely with each passing blow. With the crowd planted on her side, Holly goes for what she hopes will be a killer back breaker! But at the height of the move Lindsay shifts her body weight and suddenly turns it into a lateral press, pushing Holly to the ground and into a pin!

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

KICK OUT!

 

Holly springs up and her beautiful rival does the same. Lindsay launches another boot to Holly’s gut, once again doubling her over. She sets up for a DDT, made even more deadly than normal due to Holly’s aggravated neck. But Miss Wood, showing excellent ring awareness, shoots her arm behind her and grabs onto the ropes! Lindsay is unable to pull Holly down and as such her anger lights her up like a Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Plaza. She manages to pull Holly off with an Irish Whip, but Holly reverses it into a short arm powerslam! NO! Gonzales, in mid air, turns it into the DDT she was robbed of mere seconds ago! Holly’s head gets spiked into the canvas, her brains scrambled like a porno on the Spice Channel. The California girl, messed up neck and all, rolls over onto her stomach, heroically preparing to push herself to her feet. Lindsay has zero intention of letting her opponent get to a vertical base. After taking a second to catch her breath, The Latin hottie jumps into the air and hits Holly with a knee drop to the back of the neck! Lindsay goes for a pin!

 

1

 

2

 

KICK OUT!

 

Understandably less then pleased, Lindsay shoots a nasty glare the ref’s way. She brings Holly to her feet and goes for an Irish whip! NO! Holly reverses it! NO! Lindsay reverses the reversal and sends Holly sprinting to the ropes! Holly rushes back and Lindsay shoots her high into the arena air with a back body drop! However, Holly is able to land firmly on her feet with some effort! Pulling herself together, she tries to tag a slightly startled Lindsay with a super kick! But the diva grabs the champion’s attacking foot and angrily slams it onto the mat! She spins behind Holly and goes for a back suplex! But Holly counters with a bulldog! But Lindsay counters THAT by shoving her off for the second time in the match! Unlike last time Holly lands on her feet, but is annoyingly unable to seize the advantage. Ornamented with fury and a desire for championship diamonds, Gonzalez pounces on Holly with a Tornado DDT! In mid spin, the Tinsel Town Terror amazingly counters the tornado DDT with a picture perfect BACK FLIP NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! The fans are nuclear with heat for the awesome strike!

 

COACH

I’m dizzy just from watching that sequence.

 

Instead of bridging for a pin, Holly decides to capitalize on all the back work she’s done in the match and hooks in the always deadly Hollywood Groove(Liontamer!)

 

“TAP! TAP! TAP! TAP!” order the fans, who were brought to their feet by that scorching sequence that just occurred.

 

With the fans rooting her on and belittling her foe, Holly drags Lindsay to the center of the ring, so that escape through the ropes is almost as impossible as the flight of pigs. Having no other choice but to submit, a wounded Lindsay taps out!

 

BUFFER

Your winner and still OAOAST Women’s Champion...HOLLY-WOOD!

 

The spectators clap for the finish, as the exhausted champion gets to her feet. After receiving her diamond adorned title, she foists it into the air, a barely there grin appearing on her pretty, sweat covered face.

 

CABOOSE

Lindsay spent the majority of the match targeting the neck, but she could never hit a killer move to put Holly away. A good showing from The First Lady of the LC!

 

BAM!

 

The cheers suddenly vanish, now replaced by boos, as Narcissistic Ned Blanchard, who ran through the audience to get to the ring, hits Holly from behind with a microphone! She collapses to the ground, grasping for quickly escaping air and incorrectly assuming that Lindsay was the one to back attack her. Showing no respect for her well being, Blanchard hammers her in the stomach with a hard kick that’s fueled by his own hatred for her! The blow sends spasms of pain throughout her body. Groaning in misery, she rolls onto her back. Her red hair falls in front of her face, preventing the viewer from seeing her pained expression. But it doesn’t stop her from seeing that Ned is the one who assaulted her. The sight of him fills her disgust and anger. But she’s powerless to act on her emotions. Just like last week she’s shackled, unable to stop the Midnight’s endless abuse.

 

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” scream the fans to Ned. He doesn’t let the taunts affect him, fully aware that his unrivaled beauty puts the homely wrestling nerds that are degrading him to shame.

 

NED

Holly, Holly, Holly, you're like that rash on Simon's ass that he didn't want me to tell anyone about, you just won't go away. Honey Bunny, you fester like a pimple. Do you know what I do to a pimple? Nothing, because my fair skin never gets pimples. But do you know what other people, not fortunate enough to have skin as beautiful as me, do to pimples? They pop them. And now I've got to pop you. There's no one here to save you. The Saints are no more. You're abandoned. You have no friends, no family, nothing. You are a cold and lonely woman. You're forgotten and that's the only thing worse then being dead. I don't need to do anything else to you. I've already killed you.

 

“WE WANT LOGAN! WE WANT LOGAN! WE WANT LOGAN!” bleat the spectators, praying that The Saints’ lead singer will come and vanquish the self centered prick in the ring

 

Ned raises his arms into the air and triumphantly crosses them into the shape of an X as he stands over Holly, who’s been reduced to nothing but a pitiful mound of flesh. Chase plays over the speakers, overwhelming the irate crowd’s jeers and insults.

 

COLE

The Midnight Express once again cross the line. Of the whole Arista Records gang, because I can’t use their real name, Holly’s the only who’s left. So they’re going to keep tormenting her every week, just because they can.

 

Forget Holly! Everyone knows blondes have more fun so the camera cuts away to find Crystal walking down the hallway, lightly twirling her hair along the way.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

 

CABOOSE

MAH BABY GURRRRRRL~!~!

 

COACH

Ugh, I never realized how dumb that sounded.

 

The jeers immediately rise up throughout the Fleet Center as Crystal rolls her eyes and keeps walking. Once she gets near the curtains, she stops for a moment to gently bite her fingernail. She looks somewhat hesitant to step out onto the ramp.

 

COLE

What is this? Could Crystal actually be nervous coming out here?

 

COACH

I -- I don’t remember ever seeing her look this jumpy. What could she be getting ready to say?

 

COLE

Well, all I know is that we’re all going to find out AFTER the break.

 

COACH

Boo.

 

CABOOSE

WORDS FROM MAH BABY GURRRRRL~!~! Comin next!

 

(GO TO BREAK)

Edited March 11, 2005 by Chuck Woolery

[Patty O'Green 0]

(Return from break)

 

CUE: “Plug In Baby” by Muse

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

COLE

I don’t think I’ve witness someone go from loved to hated by the fans so quickly, with maybe the exception of Zack Malibu last year.

 

COACH

Well, that’s what happens when you’re a bitch.

 

CABOOSE

Hey now! She’s a nice young lady who deserves our respect!

 

By the time the commentators have conversed, Crystal is in the ring, grabbing a microphone and acting like she can’t even hear the crowd.

 

CRYSTAL

Axel, Adam, please, can you come out here? I…I need to explain myself.

 

She waits for a second and after not hearing Axel’s music hit, Crystal sighs heavily.

 

CRYSTAL

Okay, okay, I can see you don’t want to come out. And really, I can’t blame you! I mean, after the way I acted last week, all spiteful and hateful? I wouldn’t ever want to even look at me! But I’ve had a week to watch and reflect on what I said. I honestly can’t believe what I did. Please come out?

 

COLE

Oh, come on. She can’t be serious.

 

CRYSTAL (holding back tears now)

Please Adam?

 

“CRYSTAL SUCKS! CRYSTAL SUCKS!”

 

CUE: “Down With the Sickness”

 

COLE

Axel should just turn around and go back. He shouldn’t have to face this bullshit. Hasn’t the man suffered enough? Crystal’s just toying with him now!

 

CRYSTAL (as Axel comes face to face with her)

Adam, I’m really, really sorry. I can’t believe what I’ve said and did in the last two weeks. You are a wonderful human being and a wonderful boyfriend. I..I love you.

 

“BULLSHIT!”

”BULLSHIT!”

”BULLSHIT!”

 

CRYSTAL

Please, forgive me?

 

Axel looks at her, and looks at the crowd. He starts shaking his head slowly, almost as if he’s not willing to believe Crystal’s apology -- although it’s easy to see that there’s nothing in the world he would want more. Various chants of “Bullshit”, “Don’t do it”, and the random booings are heard. He has a skeptical look on his face until Crystal reaches up, grabs the back of his head, and forces it down for a big, loooong, kiss.

 

“BOOOOOOO!”

 

CABOOSE

They’re booing this? I have a tear in my eye! It’s so romantic!

 

They break the kiss and Crystal looks up to Axel, who’s grinning like a madman. Crystal smiles up at him and gives him a quick peck on the cheek.

 

COACH

Watch out Axel!

 

BAM! A chairshot takes Axel down and DREK STONE smiles down at him while Crystal laughs.

 

*CRACK*

 

COLE

Dammit! Of course it was a setup!

 

CABOOSE

Well, it’s obvious what happened here. Axel’s simply a bad kisser.

 

The crowd explodes into a passionate chorus of boos as Drek Stone and Crystal immediately start laying in a series of stomps to The Dark One. Drek motions for Crystal to step to the side for a moment and allow Axel a chance to breathe. She does so hesitantly as Axel slowly starts to move himself to his hands and knees. The Heavyweight Champion then picks the chair high up over his head and….

 

COLE

No, Axel. Just stay down. Watch out! WATCH…

 

*CRACK!*

 

The loud snap of metal connecting with flesh echoes through the building as Axel recoils to the mat, holding his back in pain.

 

COLE

This is despicable. How could Crystal take part in this?!

 

CABOOSE

Because she realizes what a good plan actually entails. The idea Drek came up with for tonight was genius, plain and simple. Toy with the psychological side of Axel first before taking apart his physical side.

 

As the Angle Mania #1 Contender rolls around the mat, Drek picks the chair up over his head again and…

 

*CRACK!*

 

…hits him with another chairshot!

 

COACH

Come on. That’s enough.

 

As Axel’s body begins to quiver from the force of those shots, Drek lifts the chair up once again. Yet, as he gets ready to come down with it, Crystal suddenly steps in his way and demands he stop.

 

CRYSTAL

No! Stop this! STOP! This wasn’t part of the deal!

 

The Boston fans actually get silent for a moment as Crystal stands up to Drek and demands he stop his chairshot arsenal.

 

COLE

….what’s this?

 

COACH

Could it be?!

 

With wide eyes, Drek stares down at this woman that was his partner-in-crime only a moment ago. Crystal then yanks the chair out of the grip of the Heavyweight Champion, choosing to hold it in her hands instead.

 

CRYSTAL

This wasn’t part of the deal, Drek. We never agreed to this! I wouldn’t have allowed this to happen! NEVER!

 

“YEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

COACH

Could it be?! Could my GURRRRRL be back?!

 

CRYSTAL

We agreed I would get a chance to beat this miserable bastard too!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

 

CABOOSE

Coach, your GURRRRRL is gone. She’s forever gone. But mine is still here!

 

Drek moves away from Crystal with a wry smile on his face as The Female Phenom steps away from her ex-lover. Axel slowly starts to move his way to his hands and knees, while Crystal taunts him from behind the entire way. As Axel dizzily holds onto the middle rope to pull himself up, Crystal lifts the chair up and gets ready to swing. She….

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!”

 

CABOOSE

Oh no! NO! What the hell is he doing here?!

 

The fans blow the roof off the Fleet Center as none other than HOFF races down the ramp and slides into the ring. Drek Stone immediately runs at him to take the big man out, but finds himself powerless when Hoff scoops him up ANDDD --

 

-- HITS HIM WITH A MONSTER SPINEBUSTER!

 

*BOOM!*

 

“YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

 

CABOOSE

Oh my God!

 

COLE

What a powerful spinebuster!

 

COACH

That could have been one of the strongest ones Hoff’s ever thrown! Such impact!

 

The sheer velocity of the move sends tremors through the Heavyweight Champion’s body. The crowd roars as he rolls out of the ring and falls to the arena floor. Crystal looks on, absolutely shocked, as Hoff stomps over to her now.

 

CABOOSE

Get that menace out of here! I hope he’s not even CONSIDERING battering a defenseless woman here!

 

STEVE AUSTIN

Why not?! I think Hoff needs to open a can of whoop-ass on that bitch. OH HELL YEAAAHHHHHH~!~!

 

Crystal pulls the chair back, looking ready to swing it the Minneapolis native, but Hoff grabs a nice handful of hair and violently pulls her head back. He immediately starts screaming in her face, addressing the woman he has quite a fair amount of history with.

 

HOFF

How DARE you do this to Axel! How DARE you agree to work together with Drek Stone. That piece of scum!

 

The reaction in the Fleet Center manages to get even louder as Hoff continues to verbally scold the Female Phenom. Yet, for all the screaming he’s doing, there doesn’t seem to be much fear in her eyes. Rather, defiance more than anything else.

 

HOFF

Somebody needs to teach you a lesson. Maybe then you’ll stop being such a cold-hearted BITCH!

 

“HOFF!’

 

“HOFF!”

 

“HOFF!”

 

As the Boston fans continue to passionately cheer for the AngleMania #1 Contender, he starts dragging Crystal into the center of the ring by her hair. She tries kicking her way out of it, but he has a solid grip, and there is simply no chance of him releasing it. Once he gets her away from the ropes, he’s suddenly spun around by a gloved hand clamping down on his shoulder. Hoff now finds himself FACE-TO-FACE with Axel!

 

CABOOSE

Uh-oh.

 

The two men have an INTENSE~! staredown with each other as Crystal runs towards the corner for a temporary safe-haven. Hoff turns his attention to her -- and a second later, Axel does the same.

 

“YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!”

 

CABOOSE

Oh no. Get out of there, Crystal. For the love of God, leave immediately!

 

COACH

I think this is exactly the kind of shock therapy Crystal needs!

 

They both stare at the Female Phenom for a few moments, who’s looking pretty much trapped in the corner.

 

COLE

Nowhere to run. Nowhere to ride. It looks like Crystal is finally going to get her comeuppance!

 

Finally, Hoff takes the first move. He tries stomping over to Crystal -- but suddenly gets whisked around once again. This time, Axel clamps a vicious hand across the throat of his fellow AngleMania top contender.

 

COACH

Wait. Wait! What the hell is Axel doing?!

 

Hoff can only look on in shock as Axel lifts him up HIGH off the mat --

 

-- AND HITS HIM WITH A NASTY CHOKESLAM!

 

COACH

Oh, come on Axel! What the hell are you doing?!

 

CABOOSE

I’ll tell you what he’s doing! Even after turning on him tonight, Crystal STILL has Axel wrapped around her gorgeous pinky. He’s like that puppy dog you can’t kick away, no matter how hard you try.

 

The reaction in the Fleet Center concerning Axel’s actions seems to be split. The majority of the fans appear to be booing the Dark One’s actions here tonight, but there is just no doubt that a noticeable percentage of the Boston fans are standing and clapping for Axel. He stares down at Hoff for a second, looking almost apologetic for what he had to do. Solemnly, he turns his body towards Crystal’s direction and….

 

*WHAM!!*

 

….gets CRACKED between the eyes with a steel chair!

 

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

Axel goes down like a ton of bricks as Crystal drops the chair to her feet and immediately rolls out of the ring. She starts scampering up the ramp as the crowd showers her with boos.

 

CABOOSE

What an excellent plan Drek Stone hatched up tonight for both he and Crystal. He not only took Axel out with a nice series of chair shots, but he even got Hoff spiked into the mat with a chokeslam too! Two for the price of one!

 

COACH

Yeah, well, Drek found himself getting a WICKED spinebuster into the mat too. I wouldn’t say this night turned out exactly perfect for him either.

 

COLE

Wicked?

 

COACH

Well, we ARE in Boston, you know?

 

COLE

….right.

 

CABOOSE

Drek Stone is a real man. I’m sure he has no problem taking a weak spinebuster all for the sake of watching a plan follow through. That sacrifice -- THAT is the mark of a champion. And how about Crystal too?! What a beautiful acting performance on her part. And great form on her chairshots too. I’ll tell you guys, that one is really impressing me.

 

COLE

Oh, I’m sure she is.

 

COACH

Yeah? Well…..girlfriend looked fat in that dress tonight. *snaps fingers*

 

CABOOSE

You wish. She’s never looked so better. Get a good look at her!

 

The camera focuses upon Crystal, who is now once again standing at the top of the ramp with a wide smile on her face. She makes sure to proudly revel in the boos as we slowly move away to a commercial.

 

(COMMERCIAL! BUY ME STUFF!)

 

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

They return as the cameras focus on the entranceway as "Breathe" by Fabolous flares up. The Mad Cappa walks out cocky as usual as he berates the crowd! He makes his way down to the ring and has a mic in his hand.

 

Cappa: "Hey hey hey! What's up people?!"

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Cappa: "It's time once again for YOUR favorite superstar to grace your presence!"

 

YOU SUCK chants from the crowd!

 

"I'm just going to ignore that for now. On to other things. I know your poor little souls were wondering, (high pitch tone) 'Where was Cappa last week? Oh dear lord? Wherever can he be?' Well, I'll explain."

 

Crowd starts chanting "NO!" over and over!

 

(Yells) "TOUGH SHIT! You see people, it goes like this! I SO totally beat Axel at Zero Hour! Well, that would've been if his 'girlie-buddy' hadn't smoke me with a chair before she revealed herself to the world! I had to take a break, just to soak in the victory! Both of me winning and seeing Axel in total shock! HA!"

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

"But hold on silly people! I'm back as you all can see! Then again what do I expect! It's Boston for Christ's sake!"

 

Pops from the crowd at the mention of Boston!

 

"Look people, I'm already tired of this stinkin' trash hole you call a city. Shoot even Philadelphia is a better looking city than this and they got trash covering the ground everywhere you step!"

 

The crowd gets rabid!

 

"What's with all the hostility! I speak da' truth fools!"

 

"Asshole" chants spring up from the crowd!

 

"Look! If I hear how great your shitty beer is, um um, Samuel Adams, then I may as well shoot myself!"

 

"SAMUEL...ADAMS *clap clap clap*!" crows from the crowd to piss off Cappa!

 

"Lucky for you there's no shotgun around to end the misery so I may as well go on......"

 

The lights flicker as the crowd cheers as they won't have to listen to Cappa for a while.

 

"GATAMELA!"

 

Come Out and Play by the Offpsring strikes up as the crowd turns to look towards the entrance. Mad Cappa goes silent, very annoyed that he has just gotten cut off. Out walks Sonic Youth, swagger n' all and smiling from ear to ear. He's clad in black jeans and has a black leather jacket thrown over a white turtleneck as he looks over the cheering crowd. Sonic walks down the ramp and begins to ascend the steps as Mad Cappa backs up a little bit. Sonic steps into the ring and pulls a mic from his back pocket as the crowd starts up a "Sonic" chant.

 

"Took a while but what better way to come back than to return in my hometown," says Sonic as the crowd lets out a pop. Sonic looks them over before returning his gaze to Cappa.

 

"Now, I hear you out here running Boston down. *crowd boos* I can understand that you aren't exactly Mr. Suit and Tie and honestly, neither am I but that's for another time. I came out here because I've seen many men like you. You walk around all big, thinking you're tough shit, thinking how you're the top dog, and that nobody can knock you down off the pedestal. I figured I'd at least come out here and let ya know face to face...I'm gonna be the one to knock you down," states Sonic as Mad Cappa's eyes narrow. He takes a step forward as Sonic does the same.

 

"I think you're just some upstart who thinks he can take out myself and get some notoriety whilst doing it," responds Cappa with a sneer as he pulls out a cigarette and a lighter. He lights it and blows smoke in Sonic's face.

 

"Cute," comments Sonic as he waves the smoke away.

 

"You can run down my city and talk the talk but I'm here to see if you can walk the walk. It seems to me that you have a big mouth and yeah, I remember you and your feud with Puerta Rican Lightning in IZ but that was the past. You're cocky and I like that, but I'm cockier and you know why? I can back it up," states Sonic as both men are almost touching nose to nose now. Mad Cappa pulls his cigarette out and looks away...

 

Szzzttt! Sonic instantly grabs his right eye and falls to the mat in pain. Mad Cappa leers down at Sonic as officials race to the ring to assist Youth. They roll Sonic out of the ring as EMT's run down the ramp. The camera swings back to Mad Cappa as the crowd is booing and throwing paper cups into the ring.

 

"Don't ask Youth, just accept it!" shouts Cappa, followed by a sinister laugh as he throws the mic out of the ring. He exits through the ropes, sneering at Sonic before making his way back up the ramp.

 

(GO TO ANOTHER BREAK)

Edited March 14, 2005 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

Backstage, Krista Isadora Duncan and Johnny Jam Jackson are engaged in a heated argument.

 

KRISTA

I'm not sure what the hell you're smoking to think I'm going to take orders from some tenth rate Eminem, excremental excuse for a human being like you, but it must be very very very expensive.

 

JOHNNY

Bizotch, I'm a millionth rate Snoop Doggy Dogg! Millionth as in Ah get ma millions. Of dollars, hoe. Bling bling, mama. Got more shine then a bottle of wine.

 

KRISTA

That makes no sense! You just said that because it rhymed!

 

JOHNNY

Seen more cheddar then a cheese grater.

 

KRISTA

And you've also seen more dick then a prison shower.

 

Johnny starts to bounce back and forth like a heavyweight boxer

 

JOHNNY

UH-UH! Uh-uh! Uh-Uh! I know you didn't! I know you didn't! Cause if you did, you'd be getting shot up in this mug. And I ain't shoot you yet, so I know you didn't.

 

KRISTA

Go ahead, Snow White! If you got a gun then shoot! Yeah right. You can't even aim a stream of piss, much less a gun. I've seen KKK members with more street cred then you. Why don't you make like Ludacris and move, bitch?

 

JOHNNY

Why you hatin' on yo wigga, mama? Why you takin' a wigga to the International House of Hatercakes? One love. One love.

 

Krista stomps away, fuming.

 

CUT TO THE RING

 

 

BUFFER

The following eight person match is scheduled for one fall with a TV time limit of forty minutes. The match can end by pinfall, count out, disqualification, submission or knock out.

 

Chase leaks out of the speakers while the arena is shrouded in a deep purple light. Boos come out of the mouth of fans who have no shortage of dislike for the men stepping out from behind the entrance doors, The Midnight Express and their manager, Jim Cornette. Decked out in black trunks with silver star on the groin region and "MX" written in silver on the buttocks, Narcissistic Ned and Sarcastic Simon walk to the ring wearing the ANGEL WINGS outfit once worn by that artists formerly known as The Saints. Pounding his fist against his trademark tennis racket, Cornette scowls at the audience.

 

COLE

What disrespect shown by The New New Midnight Express, wearing The Saints' Angel Wings outfit.

 

CABOOSE

The Wings are now a trademark of Jim Cornette Enterprises.

 

COLE

Yeah, after Jim Cornette screwed The Saints out of their hard earn money. Last week the NNMX went out of control, terrorizing Logan Mann and injuring his vocal chords and ruining his career while forcing Holly to watch, helpless. I was appalled. In addition to that, they also back attacked Krista and Alix. Alix was able to recover, but Krista had to get X-rays on her arm. Thankfully no damage was done.

 

BUFFER

Now making their way to the ring, being accompanied by James E Cornette..from Beverly Hills, California, weighing in at two hundred thirty five pounds of sweet sweet man beef, the reflection of perfection that needs no inspection, Narcissistic Ned Blanchard, and from Charleston, South Carolina, weighing two hundred thirty pounds, Sarcastic Simon Singleton...THE NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESSSS!

 

Ned raises his arms into the air, wiggling his fingers, as if to bring in the crowd's hatred. Simon leans back and jams a tune on the air guitar, taunting his fallen rivals in The Saints.

 

CABOOSE

Simon Singleton coaches his son's little league team, organizes his daughter's school bake sales and is an active member of his church community as well as a staunch supporter of the troops. And yet these people boo him? Shame.

 

COLE

He doesn't like white people.

 

CABOOSE

He is white!

 

COLE

Self hate is such an awful thing.

 

As The Midnights hit the ring, the alt rock tune Quiet replaces Chase, causing a near riot in the stands!

 

BUFFER

Aaaand their partners, accompanied to the ring by the "Farmer of Champions", Jivin' JR, first, from Hollywood California, weighing in at 292lbs, he is the master of the spinebuster, a living legend, Tooneeeeeeee BRRRRRRRRRRANIGAN! His tag team partner, from London England, at 242lbs, he holds the OAOAST record for most tag team title wins, he is the "Ice Heart" Daaaaaaaaan BLLLLLACK!

 

They are 2 time former tag team champions of the world and the winners of the MWC Conference in the Anderson Cup, the Angle Award Winners for best tag team THIS IS BLLLLLLLLLLACK! TEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

“BLACK T SUCKS! BLACK T SUCKS! BLACK T SUCKS!” The security guards littered in the stands are barely able to keep the riled up fans under control.

 

Tony Brannigan, attired in an open glittering robe that reveals his close to pornographic tights struts down the ramp, holds his head high and keeps an air of superiority. Black, in his usual half black half white tights, walks alongside him, cracking his knuckles. Jivin Jr, dressed like Scooby Doo, trails behind them holding a “Hack Malibu” sign, that has a graphic drawing of Black T lopping Zack's head off.

 

COLE

Here come two of the sickest human beings alive. Many, myself included have begun referring to Black T as the Trans-Atlantic Wrecking Crew following their actions last week. Their attack on GPX was bad enough, but their actions against Zack and Candie were...horrible. It wasn't right.

 

The Body and Dan Black roll into the ring. They meet up with The Express and the teams exchange handshakes and strategies. Except for JR, who tries to lick Cornette's face.

 

The lights drop! Strobes go WILD CHILD!

 

In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees,

there finally emerges a group

which has come to set the record straight.

so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard

can you say uhhh na na na na...

 

YAHTZEE!

 

PLAYA DON'T PLAY!

 

YAHTZEE!

 

PLAYA DON'T PLAY

 

Johnny and Scotty burst onto the scene joined by a pop as their Hip-Hip remix of "Make Her Say" blares! Sporting matching green 3-Count like pants, the party animals dance across the stage, throwing up random gang signs.

 

BUFFER

From HOTlanta Georgia, at a total combined weight of 408lbs - they are the former OAOAST Tag Team Champions and the Anderson Cup Champions- Johnny Jackson! Scotty Static! The GLLLLLLLOBAL PARTEEEEEEEEEEEE X-CHANGE~!

 

COLE

Fans, you're listening to "Make Her Say (OAOAST remix)" from "OAOAST Aggravated Assault" available this Tuesday in stores around the country. It contains not only your favorite OAOAST superstar theme song, but remixes of them as well. If I may say, they're bitchin', ho!

 

GPX darts to the war zone, their legs carrying them faster then a bullet train. The second they slide into the ring, their opponents exit it.

 

Anything But Me booms out of the loud speaker and the sellout Boston crowd erupts with a huge pop for the tag team champions! A stunning red pyro fountain springs forth from the top of the stage, nearly clearing the video screen with its height. After it dissipates the entrance doors separate giving us a view of the champs!

 

BUFFER

And their partners..from Beverly Hills, California, Alix Spezia! From West Hollywood, California, she is the author of the best selling self help book No Man, No Cry as well as the star of the best selling fitness video Buns with KID, Krista Isadora Duncan! They are the professional wrestling tag team champions...CHICKS OVER DICKKKKSSSSS!

 

Wearing her usual hippy trippy tube top and shorts, Alix hops to the ring, slapping hands with random fans in the front row. Krista, in gold top and gold skirt, tags along after her.

 

COLE

Alix Spezia pinned Zack Malibuu last week, joining her partner, who's pinned him twice, as women who've bested Zack.

 

The face unit stands in the ring, having some difficulty determining who should start for their squad. Neither the champions nor the number one contenders can come to an agreement. Johnny shouts loudly, boasting of GPX's laundry list of achievements as means to prove why one of them should start the contest. Krista screams over him, rudely informing him that “GPX's time is past.” But the voices heard the clearest are the ones screaming the loudest and containing the most passion. These are the voices of the fans:

 

“COD! COD! COD!”

 

A noticeable look of hurt appears on Scotty Static's face, but he holds his head high and he and his partner take up position on the ring apron.

 

COLE

Looks like the match will start out with the two natives of Beverly Hills, Alix Spezia and Ned Blanchard. Actually we have four wrestlers form California in this match, Alix, Krista, Ned and Tony. All from the western suburbs of Los Angeles.

 

CABOOSE

What does that have to do with anything? That's like when J.R. used to recite a guy's football career.

 

COLE

You know, you would of made a great American because you don't care about learning.

 

CABOOSE

I'm rich. There's a lot of things I don't have to care about.

 

COLE

Well here's another bit of information, all the teams involved have held Tag Team gold, with C.O.D. being the current OAOAST World Tag Team champions. Black T and GPX having won them twice, the New New Midnight Express and C.O.D. once.

 

Ned rubs his hands against his forehead, gathering up sweat and moisture on his fingertips. He shoots his hands forward, flinging a mass of sweat on Alix!

 

“BOOOO!” hollers, the disgusted audience.

 

COLE

The match just started and he's already sweating. That can't be healthy.

 

COACH

There's been some heat -- and I don't mean like a dog's heat -- between the Midnights and C.O.D. about comments made by Alix concerning Arn Anderson at Zero Hour. Jim Cornette didn't take too kind to Alix confusing Double-A with a abuser from her past, sending Corny off on a rant that week on HeldDOWN~!

 

Alix calmly wipes a smirking Ned's sweat off her face then not so calmly charges at him a spinning heel kick! Ned ducks, and her body sails over his curly blonde locks. He turns around, cocking his white tape covered hand to nail her with a discus punch. But Alix is right there to tag him with an ever so lovely dropsault! Blanchard falls backwards, feeling a tad humiliated. The flower child stands up and gives the crowd a peace sign!

 

“YOUR NAME'S NED! YOUR NAME'S NEDS! YOUR NAME'S NED!” the audience chants at Ned, reminding him of what a stupid first name his parents saddled him with. "And you don't get laid," Jim Cornette responds for his man, ensuring The Narcissistic One keeps focused on the match and not the buffoons in the arena.

 

Blanchard scowls at the fans, seriously considering marching into the stands and pummeling every last one of them. Alix, thinking Ned is distracted, runs the ropes and comes back at him with an ill advised clothesline. Blanchard, in an effort to restore his lost pride, shoots Alix high into the heavens with a flapjack! On the way down, Ally cat wraps her arms around Ned's head, then spins both their bodies and drops him with a nasty tornado DDT! The rowdy audience cheers the splendid show of quickness and wrestling ability and Alix responds by flashing them a cute smile.

 

COLE

Yay!

 

Nursing his hurt head, Blanchard rolls to his corner, ready to tag in his friend Simon. But Dan Black sticks his hand over the ropes and asks for a tag. Ned looks to Simon who nods in approval. Blanchard makes the tag with the cool as ice gladiator.

 

CABOOSE

The Birtish Bulldog, William Regal...Me!, all wrestlers who came out of the mother land but very few can compare with Dan Black.

 

The Ice Heart's entrance into the match is greeted with MASSIVE HEEL HEAT! The crowd makes every last effort to boo the multi-time tag champ out of the state of the art building. But in a testament to his stoic demeanor, he ignores their cries. He heads over to Alix who leaps onto his broad shoulders for a hurricanrana! Dan grabs onto her bare legs and flips the tiny brunette off! She lands on her feet, then drops down to the ground, taking Dan's legs out with a super quick leg sweep! Cheers come out from the stands, people no doubt pleased to see a hated villain get bested. The man once known as Mystery Eskimo stands up looking unaffected by the strike. He lays into Alix with a European uppercut! Followed by a flesh searing knife edge chop! Followed by a European uppercut! The medley of uppercuts and chops continues fast and furious, until it looks like Alix might just pass out from white hot pain.

 

COLE

If you remember, back in January, Dan gave Alix a little taste of his ice sickle as he shoved her face into his crotch! I offered him my special underwear, two thousand dollars, my mother's special milkshakes and a free unit of my home waxing kit but he wouldn't do the same for me! What does he think he is? Straight?

 

Danny boy whips Alix into the fluorescent orange ring ropes. Before she can run back to Danny B, Johnny “Jam” Jackson makes a blind tag. The actual tag was unnecessarily hard and the sound of his hand smacking against her back travels throughout the venue. The temperamental Krista, obviously irate, gives him a hard shove, that almost sends him flying off the apron! In no uncertain terms, she warns him to watch what he's doing. Equally hot headed, John pushes her back and let's her know he can do “whatever the fuck I want.” The crowd seems to be planted on Krista's side of the argument, agreeing that Jackson tagged in the loveable Alix too hard.

 

CABOOSE

Oh, come on. Nothing wrong with a little rough foreplay. This whole GPX-C.O.D. feud is nothing more than sexual tension. They should see Narcissistic Ned, who's a brilliant couples advisor.

 

The debate gives Black time to stroll over to his rivals' dysfunctional corner. He interrupts the argument by hiptossing a stunned Jackson over the ropes! Although he was caught by surprise, The Jammer is none the less able to land on his Nike tennis shoes.

 

COACH

Talk about quickness!

 

Black isn't put off by Jam's counter. Rather he sweeps in front of his arch enemy, grabs a front facelock and hits a vertical suplex! The Ice Heart rolls the move, bringing them both upright. Brannigan sounds off with approval as his partner switches from a front face lock to a Northern Lights set up. But Black is unable to hit one of his favorite suplexes, as Jackson hammers his back with wild axe handle smashes! The blows leave red markings on Dan's tanned skin. Black has little option but to free Jam in order to preserve his own well being. Jackson rushes to the ropes and rumbles back as fast as his legs will carry him with a shoulder block!

 

KAPOW!

 

Black rearranges Johnny's jaw structure with the ever popular super kick! Jackson shrieks in agony, the blow crashing him to the beige canvas. The Ice Heart mounts him and proceeds to unload punch after punch after glorious punch on Jam's badly injured face, perhaps non verbally informing him that it should be Black T and not GPX in the tag team title match at Anglemania IV. Referee Billy Silverman warns the Londoner about the use of closed fists, but Black shrugs him off.

 

COACH

Black, resorting to brawling tactics right here.

 

CABOOSE

Coach, statements like that are exactly the reason why your job is in peril. Black T doesn't resort to anything. Everything they do, they do it not for The Rock, but because there is a purpose to it.

 

After hauling Jackson to his feet, the Ice Heart whips him into his (Dan's) corner. He then follows him in with a simple but very effective turnbuckle clothesline! The impact leads Jackson's legs to kick upwards, while air escapes from his slim body. Pleased with his handiwork, Dan makes the tag to family man Simon Singleton. Instead of entering the ring, Singleton climbs to the top rope. The crowd buzzes with anticipation, openly wondering what Singleton has in store. Simon satisfies their curiosity as he places his hand on Jackson's rather large head and flies off the turnbuckle, smoking Triple J with a top rope face crusher! Singleton rolls a groaning Jackson onto his back and hooks his leg for a pin!

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

KICK OUT!!!

 

CROWD: YEAAAAA!

 

Brannigan claims that was an easy three count, but Silverman puts his foot down and refuses to have his mind changed by the strong man. In the ring Simon sez is on all fours, hovering above the Jammer. He mimics a dog by lifting his right leg up and pretending to take a leak on Jackson's face! Three Midnight Express marks in the front row who are totally into watersports wildly applaud Singleton, but the majority of the capacity crowd is appalled at the show of poor sportsmanship!

 

COLE

Such crass behavior!

 

Singleton pulls the young wrestler to his feet and peppers him with a few jabs to the breadbasket. He goes behind him and hooks in a tight full nelson! “Shit.” Johnny mutters, never before experiencing such a painful version of the elementary hold. It feels like the hold is being applied by a Grizzly Bear. Simon violently pulls Jam into the air, then drops him face first onto the mat, falling to his knees as he does so! Although Jackson isn't the biggest man in the company, the impact of the slam manages to shake the ring. The arena lights bouncing off his baby oiled body, Simon stomps away at Jackson's face! Decimating the poor teen idol, he grins with savage delight.

 

COLE

Simon Singleton from South Carolina, a star in the making...

 

CABOOSE

Hold it right there, Cole. A star in the making? Simon is a star already. I see why you to are in danger of being replaced.

 

Singleton tags in his fellow republican, the much detested Tony Brannigan. The muscular warrior steps into the ring, accompanied by a huge chorus of jeers and taunts. Jackson, a cut opened above his eye, stands up to meet his foe only to be hooked into a front face lock! Tony starts to lift him up for a vertical suplex...but Jackson, his glazed look all but gone, pulls him into an inside cradle!

 

1!111!!

 

 

 

KICK OUT!!!

 

“BLACK T SUCKS! BACK T SUCKS! BLACK T SUCKS!"

 

Both wrestlers hop to their feet. Tony leaps into action and goes for an Irish whip. But he unpleasantly finds that Jackson is able to turn the tables with a short arm clothesline! But as quick as Johnny threw the attack, Tony ducks it, momentarily putting the match in a stalemate! The Body strikes back first, smacking Jackson with a left hook that would make Buster Douglas jealous! The true ladies man barrels into Jackson with a clothesline of his own, but the Jammer snaps him over with a fast arm drag! The counter enrages the mastodon, and he stands up to blast Jackson with god knows what. But the neon green attired fighter takes to the skies and hits him in the cheek with a back heel kick!

 

COLE

Hooray for Johnny!

 

Jackson heads to his corner where both Krista and Scotty are leaning over the ropes, simply begging for their chance to get their hands on Brannigan. The fans certainly have an idea of who they want to see be the next entrant into the battle!

 

“WE WANT KRISTA! WE WANT KRISTA! WE WANT KRISTA!”

 

COACH

Don't we all!

 

Once again appearing a tad disgusted that the fans favoritism for COD is shining brighter then the sun, Jam begrudgingly tags in Krista Isadora Duncan. The fans pop while Kris and Johnny exchange nasty glares.

 

CABOOSE

I don't think this going too be good for Tony. Tag out, brother!

 

Krista stalks over to the man she once referred to in an interview for OAOAST magazine as “worse then Hitler”, Tony Branngian. Although he hasn't done anything harmful to her in a month, her face is aflame with pure hatred for the Black T member. A montage of images of past wrongs he and his teammate, Dan Black, took against her and Alix race through her mind as she begins to tremble with passionate fury.

 

COACH

Um, she doesn't look very happy.

 

Apparently, Tony is the only one the arena who doesn't realize his safety is in jeprodey. He stands up fully prepared to avenge his past losses against her. When he sees Kris' maddened expression complete with flaring nostrils, bugging eyes and sneering lips, he almost jumps out of his sexually explicit tights in fright! Being of utmost intelligence he thinks super quickly and hits her with a clubbing forearm! That bends her over and he hits her with another!

 

COACH

That clubbing forearm dropped Krista to her knees.

 

CABOOSE

Ha-ha! Just where he likes her!

 

COLE

Just where he likes me to! Tee-heh.

 

Tony takes off to the ropes and comes back with a full head of steam! For reasons that may never be fully known to mortal man, The Body decides that right now would be a great time to vary his already vast moveset. So he steps onto Krista's knee and uses it as a launching pad. Once in the air he attempts the always in style Shining Wizard.... CRAAAACK! Krista counters the en vogue move by PUNCHING HIM IN THE BALLS BLOODSPORT STYLE~! complete with the shouting and holding her attacking fist in front of her after she does it!

 

COACH (standing on top of the announce table)

JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMMME ON YA'LL IGNOARANT ASS BITCHES! THAT'S WHAT'S UP! COACHCALL!

 

“YOU GET SERVED! YOU GOT SERVED YOU GOT SERVED!” the crowd chants at Tony, piling insult onto horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible injury!

 

COLE

I guess I have the night off!

 

Krista, slightly more calm, brings Tony, still clutching his pride and joy, upright. She hits him with few kicks to the ribs, then swings her arm across his head for her favorite move, the headlock. KID wrenches on the hold, applying enough pressure to his neck to almost qualify it as a chokehold. Brannigan, possessing the body of a Mister Olympia and outweighing Krista by well over one hundred pounds, shoves her off into the ropes. The former fitness model comes back and takes The Body, still afflicted by the low blow, down with her second favorite move, the drop toe-hold.

 

COLE

Krista reminds me a lot of Bret Hart!

 

CABOOSE

You don't even know who Bret Hart is.

 

Izzy swings over on Tony and grabs another one of her headlocks, while Ned Blanchard encourages Tony to fight back.

 

COACH

Normally Krista uses headlocks to wear down her foes so she can hit a bigger offensive move later. But right now I think she's just screwing with Tony because she doesn't like him and wants to humiliate him.

 

“Come on, you premature ejaculator.” Krista coolly barks at Tony while dragging him to a standing position, her headlock still held in. Krista spins behind him and hooks in a waist lock. Being much stronger then she is, he pulls her arms apart, then gets her with a wrist lock! “Ha!” he cackles, trying to upstage her with the reversal. Never one to be beat in a game of one upsmanship, Krista rolls through the hold. Staying grounded, she places her hand on the back of his left knee, then swings her leg towards his ankle, putting him on the mat with a leg sweep/single leg take down combo! In full control, Kris gets to her feet. She lifts his left leg into the air, then twists her body around so that she's facing away from him and towards his corner. Ned blows her a kiss and she responds with the one finger salute. She places her right leg onto the top of Tony's elevated leg, then presses down with her leg, driving his ankle into her left leg with a scissor leg slam! With Tony gritting his teeth in misery, Krista ties her ankles together,making an effort to keep her newly applied leg submission held tight. Having no intention of spending the majority of the match on his ass, Tony fights through the pain and shoots his body upwards. He grabs her into a guillotine choke! Using her quickness Krista rolls through the move, preventing Tony from gaining the advantage.

 

CABOOSE

Normally you have to pay Krista double for this kind of action, but she's giving it to Tony for free.

 

Tony stands up and meets the best selling author with an arm wrench into a wrist lock! Again he taunts her, reminding her that she can't measure up in the ring to him. Determined to prove him wrong, Krista once again rolls forward to the ground. She kips up, then impressively back flips out of the move! Irate at Krista's escape, the 292 pound beast darts at her! She leap frogs him and he goes running to the ropes! Upon his return, the golden haired champ throws out a lariat! But Brannigan catches her arm and sends her off to the ropes with an Irish Whip! She returns to the muscled up fighter and he tries a flapjack! However, Krista foils his attempt by turning that flapjack into an arm drag. The move does nothing to calm Brannigan's hurricane strong intensity and he comes right back at her! Much to the delight of everyone but the members of Tony's team she snares him with a backflip arm drag, and even manages to land on her feet!

 

CABOOSE

Japanese arm drag right there.

 

Exhibiting great fighting spirit, the less then revered T-Bod stands up to slug Krista in the jaw! But before he can take any action she drops him with a double leg takedown! Not letting up for a moment, she flips the two time tag team champion onto his stomach for a Texas Clover Leaf! The crowd pops for the move, but Tony's teammates express no similar emotions! Simon Singleton launches himself over the ropes to assist Brannigan in his time of need. Johnny Jackson, who hates Krista, but loves the thrill of victory even more, cuts Simon Singleton off with a thunderous clothesline! Eyes roll into the back of the wrestler's head, while Jackson takes in the cheers from the adoring spectators. Joining Krista, Jam puts Simon into a Texas Clover Leaf! Dan Black becomes the latest member of his battalion to enter the battle field and is immediately decked with a missile dropkick from Alix! Somewhat smarter then Simon, Dan tries to roll out of the ring, but Alix pulls him back towards the center of the squared circle for her own Texas Clover Leaf! The rabid audience is on their feet, jumping up and down and screaming their fool heads off! At the panicked order of Jim Cornette, who's nearly having a heart attack, Ned reluctantly steps into the ring to aid his fallen comrades. He fluffs his vibrant, naturally blonde hair and does a little pimp strut over to his allies. Unfortunately for our lovable egomaniac, Scotty Static, who hasn't even been in this match, knocks him into next week with a Yakuza Kick! Ready to explode with pent up energy, Static hits a standing moonsault! Ned screams like a little girl as Scotty crashes into his sculpted chest. Sadly the pain only gets worse for Neddy Bear as Static locks him into a Texas Clover Leaf! The crowd is on fire up in here! It's getting hot, they on fire! Jim Cornette dies! Jivin Jr is reduced to tears! Four grown men are screaming like infants!

 

COLE

Quadruple Texas Clover Leaf! That's teamwork!

 

The rule breakers reach the ropes, forcing the fan favorites to release the hold, but not before taking it down to the wire with referee Billy Silverman's 5 count, breaking at 4. The Midnights and Black T bail outside, where a concern Jim Cornette and Jivin' J.R. gather the foursome together for a meeting of the minds. Alix, Scotty and Johnny sprint to the ropes and slingshot over the top, landing on the ring apron as the heels cower away. All 3 springboard to the middle rope and wipe out the NNMX and Black T with SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULTS! Cornette and Jivin' J.R. creep up behind Alix, only to have Krista level them with a FLYING CLOTHESLINE off the ring apron! C.O.D. and the GPX slide back into the ring. Alix, Scotty and Johnny climb onto the second turnbuckles and pump their fists, further encouraging the crowd to get louder and louder, while Krista stands mid-ring in a fighting stance.

 

"GPX!"

 

"C.O.D.!"

 

"GPX!"

 

"C.O.D.!"

 

COACH

Dueling chants.

 

CABOOSE

(chanting)

Black T! NNMX! Black T! NNMX!

 

COLE

That doesn't sound right.

 

CABOOSE

Neither do you.

 

Black T and the New New Midnight Express all jump back into the ring and trade blows with Chicks Over Dicks and the Global Party XChange. The Chicks pairing off against the Midnights, the XChange with Black T. The team of C.O.D. and GPX start taking it to the former Tag Team champions. The heels respond by RAKING THE EYES. All 4 fan favorites whipped to the ropes. Sarcastic Simon, Narcissistic Ned, Dan Black and Tony Brannigan form a human chain. Krista, Alix, Scotty and Johnny duck underneath a quadruple clotheline attempt, the rule breakers duck their heads as their opponents come back towards them...

 

...QUADRUPLE SUNSET FLIPS!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THR-- THE HEELS KICKOUT!

 

COACH

WOOOO!

 

COLE

Boy, was that a helluva sequence or what?

 

CABOOSE

You won't see this on SmackDOWN, right, Cole?

 

COLE

Right.

 

Sarcastic Simon, Narcissistic Ned, Tony Brannigan, Scotty Static and Johnny Jackson all return to their respective corners, leaving Krista Isadora Duncan and Dan Black in the ring. The referee has obviously lost track as to whom the legal wrestlers are, since it should be Tony in the ring, not Dan Black. But a member of Black T is a member of Black T. Krista rocks the Ice Heart with forearm smashes against the ropes. Out of nowhere, Dan hits a SPINNING NORTHEN LITES SUPLEX.

 

ONE...

 

TWO....

 

THR-- Krista SLAPS Black's stomach with the palm of her hands. Duncan is the first to get up as Dan tries to get some air back into his body. Front facelock applied, Krista tries to pick Black up for a suplex but he blocks it by sticking his right leg between her's. Krista tries lifting Dan up with raw power but the 243 pound Black is just too much, as he counters her suplex attempt into a FACLON ARROW. He falls on top and hooks the leg.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THRE-- NO! SHOULDER UP!

 

Black clamps on a front facelock, dragging Krista to his corner where a tag is made to Tony Brannigan. The 6'6", 292 pounder comes off the top with a double axe-handle to the back of K.I.D., dropping her to her knees. Tony stands over Krista and flexes his biceps before placing his hands on his head and swiveling his hips. Krista shrieks as she's kicked in the rib cage. The author and self help guru rolls towards the center of the ring, clutching her ribs.

 

COACH

Something tells me she might have to set-up an appointment at Windy City Hospital.

 

CABOOSE

I don't think it'll be wise to go in for a checkup with the unlucky streak the Docs are in. Go in for an X-Ray, come out with cancer.

 

Tony easily scoopes Krista up and slams her back down to the mat, following it up with an elbow to the sternum. Cover...

 

ONE...

 

TW-- KICKOUT!

 

Tony sprints to his corner and tags Sarcastic Simon Singleton. The high flier immediately goes to the top as Narcissistic Ned enters the ring and positions himself in the corner. Krista lies on her back in the center of the ring. Narcissistic Ned places his right hand on Sarcastic Simon's thigh, his left on Simon's chest and LAUNCHES him off the top -- but Krista ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY and Singleton SPLASHES nothing but canvas. Narcissistic Ned puts his hands in his face and freezes in the corner, along with Black T, stunned that Krista rolled out of the way of the Rocket Launcher. Krista crawls to her corner on her knees and makes the TAG TO AL-- SCOTTY STATIC! Alix is puzzled. Krista was clearly trying to tag her but Scotty reached over and tagged himself in. Narcissistic Ned charges towards Static, so Scotty SPRINGBOARDS to the top rope and clobbers Blanchard with a MISSLE DROPKICK. Scotty sees Sarcastic Simon sneaking up on him out of the corner of his eye and catches him with a back kick. He brings Blanchard and Singleton together for DOUBLE COCOCUT! Both Midnights stumble around the ring, trying to shake off the cobwebs. Static throws Blanchard over the top rope and to the floor. Jim Cornette rushes over to Narcissistic Ned and helps him to his feet, taking a woozy Blanchard back to his corner. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Sarcastic Simon staggers back towards Scotty, who kicks him in the midsection and then hits a DDT! He positions Simon right where he wants him and runs to the corner. His back facing Sarcastic Simon, Scotty shows a great vertical leap as he jumps from the canvas to the top rope and 360s in midair to face Singleton. He somersaults from the top rope and crashes all his weight down on Sarcastic Simon. STATIC SHOCK! Scotty covers.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THRE-- Narcissistic Ned breaks up the count, kicking Static upside the head. That brings in Johnny "Jam" Jackson. J.J. Jackson rocks Blanchard with a big right hand, sending him reeling against the ropes. Jackson grabs Blanchard's left arm and fires him across the ring. Johnny leapfrogs over Narcissistic Ned and is then joined by his partner, Scotty Static, as they send Blanchard falling though the ropes with a DOUBLE DROPKICK that would make the Rock 'n' Roll Express proud. Billy Silverman escorts Johnny back to his corner. Scotty turns around and is taken down to the mat by a SWINGING NECKBREAKER from Sarcastic Simon. Singleton once again tries his luck in aviation as he heads back to the top, still feeling the effects of the double headbutt with Ned.

 

COACH

What will it be? Legdrop? Flying elbow? Kneedrop? Another big splash?

 

GUILLOTINE LEGDROP! The very move that put Logan "Usher" Mann, formerly of The Saints, out of commission last week. Singleton covers Static and twirls him around the ring as the referee counts...

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THRE-- ALIX SPEZIA with a RUNNING DROPKICK TO THE HEAD. Simon rolls off Scotty and makes the tag to Narcissistic Ned. Blanchard swings over the top rope into the ring and quickly proceeds to stomp Scotty. On the apron, Sarcastic Simon lies on his back and is given a neck massage by Jim Cornette. In the ring, Narcissistic Ned has Scotty in a front facelock, dropping his feet down on the top rope after taking him up in the air and suplexing him back to the mat. SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THR-- Johnny "Jam" Jackson returns the favor and pulls Narcissistic Ned off Scotty. The referee warns Johnny about coming in illegally. Narcissistic Ned tries to cheapshot Jackson with a superkick, but Johnny catches Blanchard's leg, spins him around and gives "the reflection of perfection that needs no inspection" a FULL NELSON SLAM! A furious Jim Cornette hops on the ring apron and is decked by a haymaker from Johnny.

 

CABOOSE

That should be a DQ right there. I'm okay with Johnny trying to make the save, but he didn't have to do that to James E.

 

COLE

Cornette got what he deserved.

 

COACH

Cliche!

 

Billy Silverman kicks Jim Cornette off the apron, drawing the anger of Black T and Jivin' J.R. because that allowed Johnny to drag Scotty back to their corner and tag himself in. Johnny "Jam" covers Narcissistic Ned.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

T-- Dan Black breaks up the pinfall. The two briefly exchange in a fisticuffs before the referee gets between them and gets Black out of the ring. Johnny talks smack to the corner of Black T and the NNMX as he turns around and...gets decked by a RUNNING LARIAT! Blanchard cradles Jackson.

 

ONE...

 

T-- KICKOUT!

 

Narcissistic Ned places Johnny in a front facelock and tags Dan Black. The Ice Heart enters and kicks Jackson in the rib cage. Johnny walks to a netural corner, holding his ribs. Dan shoves him in the corner and unloads with a barrage of European Uppercuts, snapping Johnny's head back and sending the sweat flying off his chest/face. Black Irish whips Jackson across the ring to the heel corner and connects with a charging clothesline. Black repeatedly rams his shoulder into the gut of Johnny. Billy Silverman orders Dan to let Johnny out of the corner but Dan continues ramming the shoulder into the midsection. After another stern warning Silverman has to forcefully restrain Dan. Black allows the ref to take him to the center of the ring because it allows his team to embark on some illegal double-teaming. Sarcastic Simon chokes Johnny with the tag rope, Narcissistic Ned throws kidney punches, and Tony Brannigan delivers an onslaught of forearm shots to the jaw. The heels retreat as the referee whips his head around. Billy Silverman questions Tony because he saw him fleeing the ring as he turned around. Tony points to the mat.

 

COLE

Tony Brannigan is claiming he lost his contact lense in the ring, even though he doesn't even wear one!

 

CABOOSE

When I lose something I always retrace my steps. I'm sure that's exactly what Tony was doing.

 

COACH

I guess looking for a contact means hitting somebody.

 

CABOOSE

If that was one of the things you were doing before you lost your contact... retrace your steps.

 

Tony struts on the apron, turning his back away from the ring to thrusts his pevis towards a couple of beautiful women sitting ringside. The ladies laugh. Tony shoos them away and turns around to a STRAIGHT RIGHT HAND from Johnny "Jam" Jackson. Brannigan falls off the apron, as Johnny fights out of the corner, decking both Midnights with a couple of right hands. Dan brushes the referee away and stops the momentum Johnny was getting with a running forearm smash to the back of the neck. He shoves Jackson back in the corner and pounds him with more European Uppercuts, talking trash to him in the process. Black BACKHAND SLAPS Jackson across the face. Johnny's face lights up with rage. He asks Dan to keep bringing it. Black fires off a combination of European Uppercuts and overhand chops. The crowd becomes alive as Johnny pumps his fists, asking for more. The crowd oohs and aahs as Daniel Maximus Black SLAPS Johnny again. Johnny charges Dan who bails out and right back into the ring, stomping Jackson as he chases him back into the ring, bringing him to his feet and rocking him against the ropes with some more, stiff, European Uppercuts. Snapmare takedown by Black, legscissors the head. Johnny twists his body so he can get to a vertical position. Crouching down, Johnny kicks his feet out, freeing himself from the legscissors and DROPKICKING Dan right between the eyes. Black's partner, Tony Brannigan, comes in is HIPTOSSED for his trouble. Black tries to sneak up behind Johnny, but he stuns Dan with a quick kick to the midsection and scoopes him up...but Black floats over the top and applies a Full Nelson, taking Johnny up and dropping him on the back of his head for a DRAGON SUPLEX. The referee goes down to count but the Ice Heart rolls over and brings Johnny back to his feet, turning the Full Nelson into a waistlock and taking Jackson over with a GERMAN SU-- NO! Johnny rolls through for a modified VICTORY ROLL.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THR-- BLACK SHIFTS HIS WEIGHT BACK!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THR-- JOHNNY ROLLS THROUGH...AGAIN...this time getting back to his feet and hooking Dan's legs under his arms. Johnny CATAPULTS Dan into the corner, but Black catches himself on the middle turnbuckle and leaps back off with a FLYING CLOTHESLINE attempt. Jackson moves out of the way so Dan improvises in midair, landing on his feet. He stuns Johnny coming back at him with a kick to the midsection and grabs him in a 3/4 facelock but is sent into the ropes. Black ducks underneath a clothesline and waistlocks Jackson, finishing off his GERMAN SUPLEX from earlier and following it up by a TIGER SUPLEX INTO A BRIDGE, completing the CHIMERA SUPLEX SEQUENCE.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THRE-- SHOULDER UP!

 

The crowd EXPLODES. They don't know how Johnny managed to get his shoulder up. Dan stalks Johnny, waiting to strike. SHINING WIZARD (Kick to back of head)! Sensing that still may not be enough, Dan climbs to the top where he comes off with a DIVING HEADBUTT...THAT MISSES! Johnny rolled out of the way. The crowd CHEERS Johnny on, chanting his name. Scotty slaps the top turnbuckle and claps his hands American Males (American Males, American Males)-style over his head. Meanwhile, the heel corner cheers on Dan. Tony, Sarcastic Simon, Narcissistic Ned, Jim Cornette and Jivin' J.R. shout so Dan knows which corner to crawl to. Tony and the Midnight see C.O.D. and Scotty stand on the bottom rope, reaching out as far as they can, so they do the same.

 

CABOOSE

This is like an infant race?

 

COLE

Infant race?!

 

CABOOSE

Yeah. Where you have a bunch of babies race by crawling to the finishing line. Of course the reward here is a tag, not a year's supply of diapers.

 

COACH

Who'll be the first to make the tag?

 

Dan is! Tagging in his Black T cohort Tony Brannigan. T-Bod tries to prevent Johnny from making the tag but cannot as Jackson TAGS SCOT--ALIX! Scotty screams at Alix for tagging herself in, which she responds with shouting "BALLHOG!" Krista tells Scotty to quit his bitchin' and buy her book. Tony swings through a roundhouse right, Alix with a go-behind waistlock into a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! She hits the ropes and connects with a RUNNING SHOOTING STAR PRESS!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THRE-- KICKOUT!

 

Alix kicks Brannigan in the face and goes for a STANDING 450 SPLASH, but Black puts the knees up and Spezia lands on his knees. T-Bod lifts Spezia up for a BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX but Alix floats over and has her Irish whip attempt reversed. Spezia hits the ropes and HANDSPRINGS back with a REVERSE ELBOW -- but Tony hits her with a RUNNING KNEE, sending Alix tumbling down onto the middle rope. The man who once referred to himself as "The Body" GROINS HIMSELF trying to crash all his weight down on Spezia. He wobbles towards the center of the ring, grimacing. Alix hits the near side ropes... where Johnny "Jam" Jackson reaches out and TAGS HIMSELF ... RUNNING ENZIGURI! Alix covers, only to have the fall broken up by Narcissistic Ned. Krista comes in and goes after Ned. Sarcastic Simon joins the fray, helping out his partner. Dan Black tries to nail Alix, who's fighting with Sarcastic Simon, from behind, but is stopped by Scotty Static. Black ducks a right and back bodydrops Static over the top rope. Tony Brannigan spins Alix around and kicks her in the gut, tucking her head between his legs, locking his hands together to signaling for the ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT PILEDRIVER.

 

MISSLE DROPKICK BY JOHNNY "JAM" JACKSON!

 

The crowd is RABID! Johnny brings Tony back to his feet and PUMPHANDLES Brannigan, the prelude to the pumphandle into piledriver maneuver known as the BEAT DROP... RUNNING STO (clothesline/legsweep) BY DAN BLACK! The Ice Heart double underhooks Jackson's arms for PITCH BLACK... SHOOTING STAR LARIAT! Static Static springboarded to the top rope from the apron, after being thrown out of the ring by Tony, and hit Dan Black with the Shooting Star Lariat. Scotty places Johnny on top of Dan.

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THRE-- CORNETTE AND JIVIN' J.R. PULL JOHNNY OUT OF THE RING!

 

COLE

Damnit! This match was over.

 

COACH

It ain't over 'til it's over. A motto created by The Coach.

 

Jim Cornette throws J.R. to the wolves and slides into the ring, his back facing away from the action. Johnny bodyslams Jivin' J.R. on the arena floor and steps back into the ring. Cornette keeps his distance from Johnny, backing away with his TENNIS RACKET cocked and bumps into Scotty Staic. Cornette jaw drops as he slowly turns around. Alix SPEARS Cornette out of nowhere. Alix grabs Cornette's racket. Scotty sees the Midnights and Krista brawling outside, so he hits the ropes and dives over the top, the Midnights jumping out of the way like a couple of action movie stars diving for safety before a big explosion, and Scotty comes down on Krista with a cross bodyblock, otherwise known as a PESCADO!

 

CABOOSE

He did that on purpose.

 

COLE

What?!

 

CABOOSE

He saw the Midnights move out of the way and he still hurdled over the rope. I'm telling you, as somebody who has been involved in some risky business in the past, he hit her on purpose. I think the GPX want to win this match on their own so bad, they're willing to do whatever to ensure if's a GPXer who's getting the 1-2-3.

 

COLE

I think you've been reading too many headlines on the Internet. Johnny was in midair by the time Singleton and Blanchard moved.

 

Billy Silverman throws his arms up and sticks his head through the ropes, checking if nobody is seriously hurt. While all that is going on, Johnny sets Dan up for the BEAT DROP. Alix SWINGS at Cornette's head! But Dan PUSHES CORNETTE AWAY AND ALIX BLASTS J.J.J. WITH THE RACKET! Tony rolls Jackson up in a SMALL PACKAGE! Black tackles Alix to the mat and stays on top of her as the referee Billy Silverman counts...

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THREE!

 

* DING DING DING DING *

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, the team of the New New Midnight Express and Black T!

 

COLE

Black T and the New New Midnight Express stole one! Johnny had this match won, but thanks to--

 

CABOOSE

Alix Spezia, Michael Cole.

 

COLE

It was an accident, and you know it. It was 6-on-4 with Jim Cornette and Jivin' J.R., and Black T and the NNMX stole it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

CABOOSE

Dan Rather held his final newscast a couple of days ago after airing a false story, I'm thinking tonight should be your last telecasts after spreading lies.

 

Black T, Jivin' J.R., the New New Midnight Express and Jim Cornette high five each other as they walk up the rampway. Scotty Static crawls underneath the bottom rope and begins throwing a tantrum in the ring. He calms himself down and walks over to Alix and Johnny, both of whom on lying on their backs. Johnny because he got nailed with the racket, Alix because she can't believe the closing moments of the match. Scotty extends his arm out, which Alix reaches for but Static pulls back and grabs Johnny's hand, picking him up. Krista joins the 3 in the ring and glares at Scotty.

 

COACH

Awwww, don't fight!

[Patty O'Green 0]

We leave the tension filled ring and go some place else. You can plan a pretty picnic but you can't predict the weather.

 

VOICE OVER

The following is an above average Anglemania moment brought to you by OAOAST Assault The Album: Music to come out of the closet to. The newest OAOAST CD, featuring the entrance themes of all your favorite OAOAST superstars!

 

OAOAST Anglemania III

Scotty Static then delivers a brutal Yakuza kick, sending Nathaniel straight down onto the chairs. Static then slams the ladder onto Nathaniel, basically shutting the steel coffin on him. Static then climbs up to the apron as Michael is putting the finishing touches on the table-stacking in the ring.

 

CABOOSE: I usually don't say stuff like this...but whatever you do, Scotty, please don't KILL YOURSELF!

 

Static looks around as the buzz throughout the crowd continues to grow again. Scotty takes a deep breath, springboards up to the top rope, launches off....and connects with an ASAI PHOENIX 630 SENTON THROUGH THE STEEL COFFIN AND NATHANIEL!!!

 

The preceding was an above average Anglemania moment.

 

Anglemania IV

The dream continues March 27th

Or maybe April 3rd

We haven’t decided yet

We’ll let you know when we do

Bye!

 

(GO BACKSTAGE)

 

Crystal walks through the curtain to the backstage area with a bright smile on her face. She bumps into a random stagehand and grabs him by the shirt.

 

CRYSTAL

Did you see that? Oh man, that was great! Me and the three men who are fighting over the OAOAST Title at Anglemania, and who is the last one standing? Me! And to think that I don't even have a match at Anglemania yet!

 

"Ahem."

 

Crystal whips around and sees JOSIE standing right behind her!

 

JOSIE

Yeah, that's changing. You do have a match now, after your actions in the past two weeks.

 

CRYSTAL (smirking)

You've seen the light and are giving me a World Title shot?

 

JOSIE

Not quite. At Anglemania, it'll be Crystal facing off against....AXEL!

 

"YEAH!!!!!"

 

Crystal looks at Josie wide eyed, her smirk faltering.

 

CRYSTAL

Um, really? Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea...

 

JOSIE

Oh?

 

CRYSTAL

Yeah, you know, uh, Axel is wrestling earlier that night, and uh, that's just unfair to him!

 

JOSIE

I don't know about that. Whoever he is facing will have to wrestle earlier that night too. It seems perfectly fair to me.

 

Crystal stares at Josie for a second before her smirk returns.

 

CRYSTAL

Me and Axel at AngleMania? Fine. It's not like he'll ever hurt me. I've gotten that man wrapped around my pinky finger. Besides, it's not like I haven't beaten him before. I'm warning you though Josie, it won't be much of a match.

 

Crystal walks away as Josie shakes her head in disbelief.

 

JOSIE

Don't be so sure Crystal.

 

CABOOSE

SHORTY WANNA RIDE?!!!

 

COLE

When we come we'll hear from The Love Doctors!

 

(GO TO BREAK)

[Patty O'Green 0]

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

A graphic, "Taped earlier today", as we cut to a sit down interview.

 

Mean Gene Okerlund is joined in a darkened room by the Love Doctors, Max Anderson and - oh. Steve Pigley isn't here. Gene sits in a plush leather recliner, while Max perches nervously on a wooden stool, looking with concern at the empty stool next to him.

 

GENE

Max- is your partner going to join us?

 

Gene opens an arm of the recliner and pulls out a bottle of beer and a cigar. He starts to enjoy both.

 

MAX

I called, I paged, I left messages...I can't-

 

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

Gene has engaged the vibrate facility of the chair. He moans softly.

 

MAX

Er...Gene? Maybe we could do the interview just you and I? Gene?

 

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzz-

 

GENE

Oh! Sorry...sure. So, Max, what's the future for the Love Doctors? We saw you humbled at Zero Hour, and now your colleague Dr. Pigley is nowhere to be found.

 

MAX

You see Gene -

 

Anderson is interupted again, this time by Dr. Steven Pigley's sudden arrival. He rushes in, almost knocking Anderson over.

 

STEVE

Sorry, Gene, Max, I got here as fast as I could.

 

MAX

Oh yeah?? Where from, being passed out drunk in your car?

 

STEVE

Max, I realise I let you down this week. But I want to make it up to you. And I think I have. I spoke to Josie Baker, and -

 

MAX

Do you even realise what was wrong?

 

STEVE

You want to know where I've been this past week? I'll tell you, Max. Nowhere. I've been getting the cold shoulder from all the women, all the clubs, everywhere. Since we lost the titles like that, no one wants to know us. So I went to work. And the patients, they - they- they said we sucked!

 

Gene emits a small chuckle. Pigley ignores him.

 

STEVE

And I see now, how badly we neglected our duties, both as doctors and champions. Being a playboy might suit the likes of Dan Black and Tony Brannigan, but its not for me. Not for us. Right?

 

MAX (grinning)

I'm glad you finally see it my way. So you spoke to...?

 

STEVE

I spoke to Josie Baker, and I think...I hope...I've gotten us a rematch for the HIYAH tag titles!

 

MAX

Wow, that's great! When?

 

STEVE

Well, that's the thing. There's a spot at Anglemania. But Josie isn't sure we deserve it. If the fans think we'll lose in a minute again, there's no buyrates in that.

 

GENE

Yeah, like anyone's going to buy Anglemania for the HIYAH titles! Ha, and indeed, Ha!

 

MAX

Sometimes you can be really mean, Gene.

 

STEVE

So we have to prove ourselves.

 

MAX

How?

 

STEVE

Well...apparently Josie's car needs washing. And then we have to carry her groceries home. And then she might think about putting us in a contenders match next week.

 

Max sighs, and starts to roll up his sleeves.

 

MAX

Well, we gotta do what we gotta do. Let's get to it.

 

GENE

Heeeheeeeheeeeheeee....

 

STEVE

What are you laughing at? And why do you laugh like a girl?

 

GENE

I had a growth problem as a child. I had hormone therapy, and it left me with this deep, manly voice but a very girlish laugh. Heeeheeee.

 

MAX

Oh. Well that's nice. Come and help us wash Josie's car.

 

GENE

Can I sniff her pedals?

 

STEVE

...sure...

 

(AWKWARD!)

 

We swoop to the back and to the catering area, where Leon Rodez is kicking back and enjoying his night off with a refreshing bottle of Mountain Dew. Lounged back on his seat and with his feet up on the table beside him, Rodez makes sure that the camera gets a good shot of his Mountain Dew, before he takes a swig...tries his best to disguise the burning sensation in his mouth...and suddenly notices someone rush past him. And of course, it's none other than Josie Baker. Rodez thinks nothing of it at first...but eventually, some sort of figurative lightbulb goes off in his head and he rolls off of his chair before walking over.

 

RODEZ

S'up Jos?

 

JOSIE

Hu...oh, oh hi Leon. Sorry, I was miles away. How are you enjoying the night off?

 

RODEZ

Eh. I appreciate the 'not having to get hit in the face' part of it, but to be honest I'm bored out of my skull. The GPX are off somewhere doing something...I dunno what, they talk so fast sometimes I kinda turn off and listen to music in my head. They usually make more sense that way.

 

JOSIE

I know what you mean.

 

RODEZ

And there's nobody else around. I mean, usually if the GPX were away, I'd be flirting away with Crystal somewhere. Jokingly, obviously. I'm not stupid enough to get on Axel's bad side. But at least it was something to do. Now though...I dunno, flirting with her doesn't seem so appealing now she's discovered how to kick guys in the balls. She's changed.

 

JOSIE

I know what you mean.

 

RODEZ

...

 

JOSIE

Not about being kicked in the balls obviously.

 

Rodez smiles, as from the hatch that they're standing next to, one of the caterers passes Josie a bottle of Mountain Dew. Not what Josie ordered by the look on her face and audible groan. But she smiles sweetly all the same, resisting the urge to drink any of it.

 

RODEZ

So...uhm...how are things with you?

 

JOSIE

Not bad. This General Manager shtick is tougher than it looks. I've got to try and keep Drek, Hoff and Axel happy over the main event...keep Panther and Tha Puerto Rican apart...deal with what happened to Zack last week, which I want NO part of...deal with Crystal, deal with Cornette, keep track of The 70s Dude.

 

RODEZ

Plus being a mom.

 

JOSIE

Heck, that's the best part of my day. I just wish some of you guys were as well behaved as is.

 

RODEZ

And better potty trained.

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

Yeah. So, how is ?

 

JOSIE

Good.

 

RODEZ

Sleeping okay?

 

JOSIE

Well, pretty good. You know how ba...well, you probably don't know. But still, for her age she's pretty co-operative about sleeping.

 

RODEZ

I see. And Ken?

 

Finally realising why she's being asked so many questions, Josie smiles wryly.

 

JOSIE

He's fine.

 

RODEZ

Good...good, glad to hear it. I mean, what with his return at Anglemania, it'd be a shame if he wasn't...fine. I mean, if he had any niggling injuries.

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

You know, like a bad knee.

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

Or...if he was an insomniac, so he didn't get a lot of sleep, meaning he'd be tired for The Joy Of X Match, especially with a young baby. He's not an insomniac is he?

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

...or, a bad neck. I know what a lot absence from the ring can do to your neck. Everything creeps up on you.

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

Same with your back.

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

Trick hip?

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

Gout?

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome!?!

 

JOSIE

...

 

RODEZ

Anything!?!

 

JOSIE

Leon, you know it'd be unprofessional for me to tell you anything.

 

RODEZ

Yeah, but, if you were tell me in the strictest confidence, as friends...

 

JOSIE

...and besides that, I'm not going to give you an edge against my own husband now am I? Nice try though. Almost got me.

 

RODEZ

Really?

 

JOSIE

No.

 

RODEZ

Oh.

 

JOSIE

Anyway, listen, while you're here...I might as well tell you. Next week, I've got something organised. It's not been run by everyone yet, but to be honest I've got so many meetings and so much paperwork, it'll save time if I tell you now. Next week, it'll be you one on one...with The 70's Dude. And it'll probably be for the title too. That's not cleared up yet.

 

RODEZ

70's Dude huh?

 

Rodez smiles, rubbing his chin as he muses this announcement over.

 

RODEZ

So, straight up singles match or does he want something wacky and 70s-ish like...I dunno, John Travolta on a Pole Match?

 

JOSIE

Phff, like we could afford John Travolta!

 

RODEZ

You got Hasselhoff in.

 

JOSIE

The guy lives out of his rental car.

 

RODEZ

Really? Wow. I might have to ask him to move in with me. Now THAT would make for a sitcom!

 

JOSIE

...yeah, anyway, it'll be straight singles.

 

Breaking out of his daydream, Rodez blinks for a moment, Josie's words taking a while to set in.

 

RODEZ

Sounds groovy.

 

JOSIE

Alright, well, I'll see you around.

 

Josie pats Rodez on the back and begins walk off as Rodez goes to take a sip of his Mountain Dew. Before realising it's Mountain Dew and thinking better of it.

 

RODEZ

Sure...and give Ken my best regards! Make sure he doesn't do anything dangerous like DIY or take up pilatés. Wouldn't want him injured for AngleMania.

 

JOSIE

Don't worry, I won't.

 

RODEZ

And go easy on him in the sack too.

 

JOSIE

...goodbye Leon.

 

Josie sighs as she finally disappears out of view, leaving Rodez alone again in the catering area.

 

COLE

Well, Leon Rodez unable to get the inside edge on K-Money. But let's hope he's near a monitor, as he might be able to get an inside edge on another of his opponent's...The Amazing Rando. As here, for some of our newer viewers, is a taste of what Rando brings to the table.

 

 

Cole: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to OaOasT School's Out. We begin right now with the HeldDown X-Title Championship!

 

Coach: That's Right. After causing the quittings of several superstars, the Purist looks to end Amazing Rando's lackluster career here tonight

 

Cole: It's all about tradition and a plucky rookie!

 

 

RING ANNOUNCER

The following contest is set for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST X-Title!

 

COLE

What a minute. I understand something is going on backstage.

 

We cut backstage and see The Purist attacking the Amazing Rando. The two men exchange punches as they fight, heading to the ring.

 

COLE

These two have already started their match...backstage.

 

COACH

For somebody who preaches the way wrestling has become, The Purist is sure tossing that aside.

 

OAOAST officials break the two men apart, then escort each of them to the ring.

 

* DING DING DING *

 

After that brief brawl, the match starts off with a collar-and-elbow tie up. Purist goes behind Rando and applies a waist-lock. Rando tries to counter with a elbow to the head, but The Purist has his head in a position where Rando can't connect. Drop-toe hold by Rando into a head-lock now has the defending X-title holder struggling to break free. The Purist slams the mat in anger.

 

COLE

Obviously the Purist didn't expect Rando to use mat wrestling holds.

 

Unable to break free The Purist rises to his feet delivers forearm shots to the ribcage of Rando before sending him into the ropes. Rando ducks a clothesline, then connects with a CROSSBODY BLOCK...

 

1....

 

2....

 

NO! Kickout at 2.

 

COACH

I don't think The Purist or his manager James E. Cornette expected Rando to come off this strong.

 

The Purist quickly exits the ring for a time out, to regroup. Jim Cornette goes over to him, the cameras pick up the following comments: "It's alright. We didn't expect this. Just take it one move at a time. Don't worry."

 

Cornette notices the camera, puts his hand over the lense.

 

CORNETTE

Get that camera outta my face! What's wrong with ya!

 

Purist gets back into the ring, locks eyes with Rando. Collar-and-elbow tie up, knee to the gut by The Purist. Double axe handle to the back sends Rando down. Knees to the small of the back make Rando scream in pain. Elbow to the back, then The Purist applies a CAMEL-CLUTCH. Outside the ring, Cornette shouts "You're not amazing now, are ya?"

 

COLE

Cornette is lashing out at Rando.

 

COACH

He feels as though his man is in total control.

 

COLE

Remember fans, The Purist can't win by submission, but he can use the holds.

 

Purist then modifies the camel-clutch by drilling his knee into the lower back and pulling back on the neck of Rando. Finally, Rando reaches the ropes. The Purist kicks Rando outside, then distracts the referee, allowing Jim Cornette to blast Rando in the back with his tennis racket. Cornette adds a few kicks for good measure before the ref turns around and warns Cornette to back off. The Purist sends Rando back into the ring.

 

COACH

Back to the ring they go. The Purist is in total control of the match.

 

As The Purist re-enters the ring Rando hits a RUNNING ENZIGURI! Both men are down. The referee starts to count them both out...

 

1...

 

2...

 

3...

 

4...

 

5...

 

6...

 

The Purist gets up, charges towards Rando, leg sweep sends Purist down -- STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS!

 

1...

 

2...

 

NO! Kick out!

 

Rando whips Purist into the turnbuckle, the impact sends The Purist back towards Rando who back bodydrops the champion. Dropkick, another dropkick, running spin wheel kick...

 

1....

 

2...

 

NO!

 

COLE

Oh, I thought for sure Rando had it.

 

Cornette looks like he's going to faint.

 

Rando whips Purist towards the ropes; leapfrog by Rando who then tries a crossbody block but Purist ducks, sending the Amazing Rando straight into the ropes. The Purist quickly goes for the pin...

 

1...

 

2...

 

FOOT ON THE ROPE!

 

Purist brings Rando back into the middle of the ring, then applies THE BOSTON CRAB!

 

COLE

Remember fans The Purist can ONLY win by pinfall, but he's using them to weaken the Amazing Rando.

 

Sensing Rando is weaken enough The Purist goes for the pin...

 

1...

 

KICK OUT!

 

Cornette calls for the Purification piledriver. The Purist tries to hit the move but Rando counters the move into a SMALL PACKAGE...

 

1...

 

2...

 

NO!

 

The Purist quickly gets up and kicks Rando in the stomach, then whips him towards the turnbuckle. The Purist runs towards Rando who quickly climbs to the top and nails a HURRICARANA! The Purist is down as the crowd goes crazy. Jim Cornette gets on the ring apron but Rando dropkicks him off. Rando to the top...PHEONIX SPLASH!!!

 

1...

 

2...

 

3!

 

* DING DING DING DING *

 

COLE

OH MY!

 

COACH

Incredible!

 

COLE

The Amazing Rando is the NEW X-Title holder.

 

RING ANNOUNCER

The winner of the match, and NEW X-champion...the Amazing Rando.

 

COLE

Main event up next!

 

(GO TO BREAK)

[Patty O'Green 0]

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun...

 

The house lights lower as the steel cage descends from the rafters, drawing a big pop from the fans.

 

COLE

Folks, we are just moments away from our main event, a rematch from Anglepalooza in January. Two of the most bitter rivals we've ever seen, Hoff and Chris Stevens, go one-on-one in that steel cage.

 

COACH

This match is going to be violent, this match is going to be gruesome! We heard from both guys earlier, and they are dying to kick each other's ass.

 

CABOOSE

This isn't going to be a technical affair. Both men are incredible wrestlers, but this is simply going to be a fight.

 

COLE

Absolutely. You think of their Anglepalooza matches, and all of their matches before this one; it seems like one of them has always been hesitant to get into the ring, but not tonight.

 

CABOOSE

That's quite right, Michael. Whereas the Anglepalooza match was a contest full of head games, this is entirely different. Both these men simply want to destroy each other.

 

COACH

The Coach wouldn't be surprised if someone's gotta leave here on a stretcher.

 

COLE

EMTs are standing by, we are all set for this one. The ring crew has the cage locked in place, and we are ready to go!

 

BUFFER

The following steel-cage contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is our main event of the evening!

 

CUE: "Bound for the Floor" by Local H

 

The fans greet Chris Stevens with a deafening chorus of boos. Stevens steps out from the curtain, alone. He simply walks down to the ring, ignoring the taunts of the fans in the aisle, focusing on the task at hand.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, from Rochester Minnesota, weighing in at 221 pounds....CHRRRRRRRIS STEEEEVENS!!!

 

Stevens looks up at the cage as he reaches the end of the aisle, pausing briefly before climbing the ring steps and entering the ring through the swinging steel door. Once in, Stevens stretches briefly, before heading to a corner. His music dies down...

 

CUE: "Black" by Sevendust

 

The fans EXPLODE as the theme of one of their favorites hits, and the cheers grow even BIGGER as Hoff steps through the curtain!!

 

BUFFER

And his opponent, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, weighing in at two-hundred and seventy-five pounds.....he is HOFF!!!!!

 

Hoff pauses halfway down the ramp, delivering an icy glare to Stevens, who waves him into the ring. Hoff's face is riddled with anger as he walks into the ring...and gets bum rushed by Stevens!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOO"

 

Stevens starts laying into Hoff with some vicious punches, dragging him away from the cage door! The referee at ringside, Nick Patrick, closes the cage door and locks it, while in the ring, Charles Robinson calls for the opening bell.

 

*ding ding ding*

 

Stevens doesn't exactly care about the bell, though, as he's already started working the big man over. Stevens pulls Hoff's head up and absolutely SMASHES him with a forearm shot, causing Hoff to grab his forehead in pain. Stevens grabs Hoff by the hair and turns him around...and Hoff BLASTS him with a right hand!! The crowd ROARS in appreciation!!

 

COACH

I'm not sure if Stevens wants to brawl with Hoff.

 

CABOOSE

Oh, he WANTS to -- it's just probably not a good idea.

 

Hoff stands up and drills Stevens again with a right hand, and again, sending the technician reeling. Hoff grabs him by the hair and points to the far cage wall, sending the fans into a frenzy! Hoff runs Stevens to the wall and smashes-- NO!! Stevens puts on the brakes, blocking the attempted face-to-cage transaction with his right arm, and using his free left hand to deliver a THUMB TO THE EYE!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOO"

 

CABOOSE

The ultimate in technical moves.

 

Stevens grabs the momentarily blinded Hoff, and RAMS HIM INTO THE STEEL!! Hoff's skull bounces off the wall, and he falls in a heap. Hoff quickly crawls back to his hands and knees...but Stevens stomps him in the back, sending him back down. The fans boo as Stevens shouts for Hoff to "GET UP!!"

 

COLE

Chris Stevens is showing no fear of Hoff this time!

 

CABOOSE

Damn right.

 

Hoff crawls up to one knee, and Stevens pulls him the rest of the way up, delivering a knee to Hoff's gut for good measure. Stevens drags the doubled-over Hoff to a nearby corner and rears back, RAMMING Hoff's head into the turnbuckle! The crowd jeers as Stevens smashes Hoff head-first into the corner several times, then turns him around! Stevens runs all the way across the ring, to the opposite corner, and throws Hoff OVER the post and into the cage wall!! The move draws an "ooooh" from the capacity crowd, as Hoff lands sternum-first on the post, then slowly slides off of the corner and falls backwards onto the mat.

 

COACH

DAYUM~!

 

Stevens scrapes his boot across Hoff's face, drawing some big heat from the crowd, and amplifies that heat by turning to them and holding his arms out to the side.

 

"YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!"

 

Stevens turns back to Hoff, who has valiantly made it to his knees. Stevens clasps his hands together, lifts them, and brings them down, SMASHING Hoff across the forehead with a double axehandle blow. Hoff's eyes go wide, and slowly, he topples over, falling to the left in a nearly comical fashion.

 

CABOOSE

You know what it is? Hoff's got all this stuff going on with Drek Stone and Axel and Crystal, while Chris Stevens is focused on one thing.

 

Stevens reaches down and picks Hoff up by the hair, pulling him to the near side of the cage. Stevens rears back and smashes Hoff again into the wall-- but holds on to Hoff, GRINDING his face into the steel!! The crowd groans and boos as Stevens raps Hoff's head across the steel bars! Hoff tries to cover his face, but it's no use, as Stevens is in total control. He runs Hoff acorss the steel one last time, before flinging him backwards. Hoff lands back-first on the mat with a thud, and immediately cradles his face in his hands.

 

STEVENS

LOOK AT YOUR HERO NOW!!

 

COACH

You know, there really are an awful lot of people who don't like Hoff.

 

COLE

HOLLA!

 

COACH

That's my line, cracka.

 

The fans tear into Stevens, booing him out of the building, as he pulls Hoff up. Stevens comes face to face with Hoff, who has a few lines of blood streaming downfrom his forehead. Stevens smiles, a sick, depraved smile, before rearing back and blasting Hoff with a sharp knuckle to the forehead. Hoff falls, and Stevens laughs to himself.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOO"

 

CABOOSE

Stevens sees what he's done to Hoff, and now he intends to capitalize. I love this guy.

 

COLE

The blood is flowing from Hoff's face, and that cannot be good.

 

Stevens pulls Hoff up again, and, smiling, rears back to deliver another punch...but Hoff BLOCKS it!! Stevens' smile fades as he rakes Hoff acorss the eyes, drawing HUGE heat! Stevens grabs Hoff's hair again and rears back, and throws a brutal-looking right hand...but Hoff BLOCKS!! The fans are elated as Hoff somehow finds the strength to deliver a BIG right hand of his own, and Stevens reels!! Hoff, bloody, rears back and throws a HUGE right hand, and Stevens spins from the impact!! The crowd is up to its feet, and as Stevens turns back to face Hoff, the big man throws one more HUGE fist that sends Stevens down!!!

 

CABOOSE

NO!! HOW?!

 

Stevens hits the mat, and Hoff waves him up!! The crowd is cheering as Hoff picks Stevens up and whips him off the ropes!! Stevens comes off the other side, and Hoff sidesteps him...and HURLS him into the steel!!!

 

COACH

DAYUM~!

 

COLE

Hoff used Chris Stevens' own momentum to send him hurtling into that cage wall!!

 

Stevens hits hard, and stumbles backward, holding his face!! Hoff grabs him and spins him around...and FLOORS him with a HUGE right hand!! Hoff waves Stevens up, and Stevens gets to his hands and knees, prompting Hoff to lift him off the mat. Hoff grabs Stevens by the hair, and HURLS him into the nearest face of the cage!! Stevens collapses onto the top rope, and Hoff comes up behind him and uses the rope to CHOKE the life out of his foe!! The crowd is ECSTATIC as Stevens FLAILS his arms, desparately trying to get free--

 

CABOOSE

LET THE MAN BREATHE!!

 

Hoff grabs Stevens by the hair, pulls him off the rope, and FLINGS him into the cage wall!! Hoff holds onto Stevens' hair, rears back, and does it again!! Hoff keeps ahold of Stevens, and flings him into the steel ONE MORE TIME, this time letting Stevens bounce off of the cage and hit the mat!! Stevens, lying on his stomach, tries to pull himself up....but collapses!!

 

COLE

Stevens is in a bad way.

 

Hoff stalks over to Stevens, pacing around him before pulling him up off the mat. Hoff looks at Stevens, shouts an unintelligible curse, then LEVELS him with a stiff shot to the forehead!! Stevens clutches at HIS forehead, as Hoff looks out to the crowd and raises one arm, letting loose a primal roar to the fans' delight!!

 

CABOOSE

Oh, please don't encourage them.

 

Stevens gets up...his own forehead now bleeding, although nowhere near the bloody mask Hoff has become. Hoff capitalizes by pressing Stevens up, walking to the nearest side of the ring, and HURLING Stevens like a javelin into the cage!! Stevens hits HARD, and falls, his neck catching on the ropes, SNAPPING him back as he falls!! The fans are BANANAPHONE~!

 

"HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF"

 

COACH

Stevens had better do something quick!

 

Hoff pulls Stevens to his knees...but Stevens hits Hoff with a LOW BLOW!! The fans cry foul, but there's nothing referee Robinson can do as Hoff falls to the mat!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

 

Stevens, slowly, gets to his feet, the blood trickling. Stevens looks down at Hoff, and, inexplicably, gives him the DX crotch-chop, drawing some heavy heat from the crowd.

 

CABOOSE

Down where?

 

COACH

DOWN THERE!!

 

As Coachman does his best X-Pac impression, Stevens picks Hoff up and whips him off the ropes. Hoff comes barreling off, right into a Chris Stevens superkick!! Hoff falls to the mat, and the fans jeer as Stevens makes a cover!!

 

ONE!!

 

TWO!!

 

THR-NO!! Hoff kicks out to a MONSTER pop!!

 

COLE

I thought Stevens may have had him. How much more can these men take?

 

Stevens gets back to his feet, pulling Hoff up with him...and Hoff surprised Stevens with a big right hand!! Hoff fires another, and another, and ANOTHER, and whips Stevens into the ropes!! Stevens comes off the far side, and Hoff thorws hi over with a back body drop-- INTO THE CAGE WALL!!! Stevens hits back first, upside-down, and falls down slowly, holding his back in pain. Hoff falls to his knees, rolls Stevens over, and hooks his leg!

 

ONE!!

 

TWO!!

 

KICKOUT!! Almost!!

 

CABOOSE

These two men have given us more in five minutes than some do in thirty. This is intense.

 

Hoff SLASHES his arms as he gets to his feet, and the crowd comes ALIVE!! Hoff picks Stevens up, whips him off the ropes, and catches him with a HUGE rolling spinebuster~! The crowd gives the move a MEGAPOP as Hoff rolls onto Stevens!!

 

COLE Double A'd be proud! THE COVER!!

 

 

 

ONE!!

 

 

 

TWO!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!!!!!! Stevens gets a shoulder up JUST in time!! The fans can't believe it.

 

CABOOSE

This isn't good, this was supposed to be Chris Stevens' revenge!!

 

COACH

Well it's about to be Hoff's!! LOOK!!

 

Hoff stands up. Looking over the crowd, his face a bloody mess, Hoff holds a thumb out to the side. He tilts it up.....then DOWN to a monster pop!!

 

COLE

Let's just point out that Hoff was doing that last summer, way before "some people" started doing it.

 

CABOOSE

Let's just point out SHUT THE HELL UP!! Run, Chris, RUN!!!!

 

The fans are buzzing as Hoff pulls Stevens up and hooks him from behind!! Hoff, with a grunt, lifts Stevens up, holding him in the air....but Stevens shifts his weight and falls behind Hoff!! Before Hoff can react, Stevens shoves him into the ropes!! Hoff comes off the strands, right into a super--NO!! Hoff grabs Stevesn' foot, spins him around, and grabs his head from behind!!

 

"YEEEEAAAHHH!!!"

 

Hoff lifts Stevens up......holds him.....and drives him DOWN with the Future Shock!!

 

COLE

THE COVER!!

 

The ENTIRE BUILDING counts along!!

 

ONE!!!

 

 

 

TWO!!!!

 

 

 

THREE!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*ding ding ding*

 

The referee raises Hoff's hand!!

 

BUFFER

The winner of this contest....HOFF!!!!!!!

 

CABOOSE

No, no, no, it wasn't supposed to be like this!!

 

COLE

Hoff has done it!! He has soundly defeated Chris Stevens!!

 

Hoff, bloody, climbs up the cage wall, climbing to a corner and raising his arm!! Fifteen feet in the air, a bloodied and battered Hoff poses for the crowd, who love every moment of it. Meanwhile, Chris Stevens gets to his feet, and, lookig up at Hoff, leaves the cage with a scowl.

 

COLE

Well, you can't fault Stevens, he gave it everything he had...wait, what's he doing?

 

Stevens, instead of going up the ramp, heads to the timekeeper's position and grabs an empty chair!!

 

COLE

Aw, come on!!

 

The fans boo as Stevens folds the chair, clanging the steel chair on the steel cage. Hoff turns and looks over his shoulder, spying the bloody Stevens entering the ring with the chair. Stevens yells for Hoff to bring it on, holding the chair.

 

COLE

Hoff, no, it's a trap!

 

CABOOSE

DO IT, Hoff! PLEASE come down!!

 

COACH

He has to come down sometime!!

 

Hoff looks at Stevens....Stevens looks at Hoff...and Hoff hops off of the cage wall!! Stevens CHARGES at Hoff, and SWINGS....but Hoff DUCKS and the shot sails overhead!! Stevens turns around....into a boot from Hoff!! Stevens drops the chair, and Hoff grabs it, rears back, and WALLOPS Stevens with the chair!!

 

"YEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!"

 

CABOOSE

NO!!!! THIS NIGHT IS THE WORST NIGHT EVER!!

 

Hoff throws the chair into the middle of the ring....then grabs Stevens by the hair!! Hoff drags Stevens to the center of the ring!!

 

CABOOSE

Good God, what next?

 

Hoff positions Stevens over the chair, then places him in a standing headscissors!! The crowd goes CRAZY as Hoff grabs Stevens by the waist!!

 

COACH

Oh, NO!

 

Hoff lifts Stevens up onto his shoulders....and POWERBOMBS him onto the chair!!

 

COLE

Good lord, that's enough!!

 

The fans are cheering their lungs out as Hoff looks down...then grabs Stevens AGAIN!!

 

COLE

NO!! Come on, Hoff, put him down!

 

COACH

This is Hoff letting out all hsi frustration, guys! He's not going to stop!!

 

Hoff lifts Stevens up again...and POWERBOMBS him onto the chair again!!

 

"HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF"

 

CABOOSE

How can they cheer this?!

 

COLE

He's their hero!

 

CABOOSE

Some hero!!

 

Hoff starts to walk away....then turns back.

 

CABOOSE

NO.

 

Hoff pulls Stevens up one more time, hooking him in the standing headscissor position.

 

COLE

Come on, no!!

 

Hoff lifts Stevens up once more....and POWERBOMBS him onto the chair!!

 

COLE

MY GOD, what a sick move!!

 

CABOOSE

Stevens landed HARD on his shoulders. Guys....oh, no. Stevens is in trouble.

 

Robinson checks on Chris Stevens, and waves medics out from the back. Several come running out, while Hoff just looks at the damage....and raises one fist in the air.

 

"YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Well, Stevens knew that Hoff was looking for blood, and he got it, much to the delight of the fans.

 

"Black" starts up as more EMTs come down the ramp, with a stretcher. The cage lifts, and Hoff looks back, unremorseful. The cage lifts into the air, and the stretches crew slides Stevens onto the flat board. Jumbo comes barreling down the aisle, ignoring Hoff as he checks on his boss. Hoff gets to the top of the ramp, surveys the carnage, and, to the delight of the crowd, raises his fist one more time....

 

*CRACK*

 

COLE

What the hell?!?

 

Hoff falls in a heap at the top of the stage, and the camera pans up to show....DREK STONE!! Drek, holding his belt as a weapon, looks down at Hoff, smiling.

 

COACH

It's da champ!!

 

CABOOSE

YES! My muse, my reason to live, and he just took Hoff out! Oh, thank heaven!!

 

The fans jeer, as Drek Stone stands over Hoff, looking down. As Stevens is carted off on a stretcher, and Hoff lies prone on the stage, Drek Stone looks out over the crowd, holding his world title proudly into the air as we....

 

*fade to black*