OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 5/16/02

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

HeldDOWN  May 16,2002  (Star Wars Is Here, So go watch it!)

 

 

OPENING BARRAGE OF PROMOS~!

 

::Michael Cole runs up to our mega-Godlike hero, The Superstar, James Allan::

MC: "Mr. Allan, we are just minutes away from your big Taipei Deathmatch against Sandman, with Anglesault as the guest referee. What are your thoughts?"

JA: "WELL YOU KNOW SOMETHIN COLE, Sandsham and Peppersalt (::pauses for laughter, but gets none:...sorry. But you know, they're going down tonight. Sandman's face is going to be torn to shreds. Let me say that again. Sandman's face is going to be torn to shreds. Haha. And Anglesault, dont even try to screw with me. Just because I beat you on Intensezone, brother, don't hold a grudge. Heck, I think everyone should love me, seeing as I'm the OAOAST UNIVERSAL CHAMPION, and all. But--"

::Suddenly, in a vicious and unkind attack, Sandman and Anglesault jump our hero, beating him with 2x4s. Michael Cole can't stand it anymore::

MC: "What the...what are you guys doing? -Oooh, what a shot by Anglesault-. You can't hurt him! You might have to....FACE....MEAN MICHAEL COLE!!"

::Sandman and Anglesault shoot confused looks, and shove Cole away::

MC: "THAT'S IT!" Suddenly, Cole attacks Sandman and Anglesault! He hits Sandman multiple times with the microphone, causing Sandman to ((do a wussy blade job and)) bleed.::

MC: "Oooh, steel shards must be lodged into your skull!! Haha!"

::He ducks an Anglesault clothesline, and KICK WHAM! STONE COLE STUNNER! Anglesault is out cold! Suddenly, Jim Ross waddles onto the scene. He looks to nail Cole with his big cowboy hat, but in a SHOCKING SWERVE~!, he hits Sandman with it, and HUGS COLE! Superstar recovers, and they share a group hug!::

JA: "I told you, I told the ENTIRE OAOAST! I said if I was provoked enough, I would INJECT A LETHAL DOSE OF POISON INTO THE OAOAST...AND THAT POISON...IS THE INTRODUCTION OF MY *NEW MANAGERS*...JIM ROSS AND MICHAEL COLE! ALL OF YOU WILL BOW DOWN AT YOUR OAOAST UNIVERSAL CHAMPION NOW! HAHAHA!" ::Jim Ross rips off his shirt for effect, and Cole rips off his pants.::

JA: "Oh, guys, you better stay backstage for my match, cause, um, these guys might be mad. Just don't go anywhere."

 

NEXT PROMO BAYBEE~!

 

::A huge limo arrives at the arena.  Michael Cole, the driver, gets out and walks over to let out none other than evenflowDDT! Michael Cole pulls out a mic and begins the interview::

 

Cole: evenflowDDT, this is your return to OAOAT after a week's absence.  Some say this absence is because you're afraid of Sandma...

 

evenflowDDT: Damn it Cole, what do I pay you for again?!

 

Cole: Sorry.  What I meant to say was, you're not even booked for a match tonight, why are you gracing HeldDown with your presence?

 

evenflowDDT: Cole, it's simple.  First off, the show needs Zack and I for the ratings, since all the little people LOVE to see their gods.  If we weren't on, there'd be no reasons to watch.  Second off, I want to make one thing clear, I'm NOT a coward, but after all that I went through last weekend, I have taken a little precaution.

 

::evenflowDDT takes out a piece of paper

 

evenflowDDT: THIS is a restraining order, drafted by the finest, most expensive lawyers in the country, in response to a certain... sick individual who shall remain nameless.  Basically, if Sandman9000 or anyone from an opposing team at WarGames TOUCHES me before AngleSlam, even by mistake, they will not only forfeit their match and spot in the WarGames at the PPV, but they'll be IMMEDIATELY restrained and taken to prison by police until after the event.

 

Cole: Sorry to interrupt, sir, but ratings aside, you still haven't told us why you're here.

 

evenflowDDT: Dammit Cole, DAMMIT! WHAT am I paying you for... to stir up trouble?! NO! I'm here to boost ratings with my stylish, cool, awe-inspiring presence, and support my team.  I'm not going to act like that idiotic trailer trash Sandman9000 and risk injury before a big match because of pride.  But I guess I'm not only richer, more stylish, and cooler than Sandman, I'm also smarter.  Ain't that right Randy?

 

::evenflowDDT snaps his fingers.  Randy Savage comes out of the other door of the limo, belts out an "OOOOH YEA!" and goes back into the limo.  evenflowDDT heads toward the locker rooms.::

 

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

AND WE’RE BACK~!

 

 

HeldDOWN! More EXCLUSIVE footage on what happened last week on "The Body Shop"

 

::A police station is shown::

 

Tony "The Body": "We're here in the downtown police station with Caboose. Who along with Angle-Plex, were arrested for disorderly conduct. The officers are keeping both men in different cells."

 

Tony "The Body": "Caboose, rumors have started flowing like water through the 'net that AngleSlam will be your last show in the OAOAST. Is this true?

 

Caboose: "Yes, it is."

 

Tony "The Body": "Seeing as AngleSlam is going to be your last show, surely your going to go out with a bang?"

 

Caboose:"You damn straight, I'm going to go out with a bang!

Not only will AngleSlam be the end of my current career, AngleSlam is going to be the start of a new era in the OAOAST, and while not everyone is going to like it, I can guarantee it's going to be sensational!"

 

Tony "The Body": "Would you care to elaborate on this "new era"?

 

Caboose: "Patience my talentless friend, at AngleSlam all will be revealed. I'll say this, my last match will have more significance on the OAOAST then any of my previous matches did."

 

Tony "The Body": "Will it be more significant than your showdown with AngleSault, when you joined the aWo and set out the current agenda of swerves and the aWo's dominance?'

 

Caboose: "Yes it will. Now excuse me."

 

Tony "The Body": "Hey, who made bail?"

 

::Tony "The Body" looks befuddled::

 

::Commercial ad for "The Body Shop"::

"This week, "The Body Shop" will air at a very special time. Late, late, Friday night.

Tony "The Body" runs down the final AngleSlam card. On 'The Body Slam', OAOAST World Champion Anglesault is the guest.

And the infamous and oh so dangerous, Dungeon of Doom will appear in an exclusive interview.

All that and more! Late, late Friday night. It's 'The Body Shop'

 

 

Masked Mystery Eskimo Vs. Treble Charged (Champ) For the Women’s title

 

 

The Masked Mystery Eskimo Is Accompanied to the ring by Huskies and A Large Stuffed Fish Called Derek.

 

A Brand New Low Hits And The Women’s Champion Treble Charged hits the ring.

 

TC Starts the match fast with a dropkick to MME’s back while MME was feeding his Huskies. MME tumbles to the floor and TC follows with a Suicide Dive onto MME. TC whip’s MME into the STEEEEL steps. TC goes for it again but MME reverses and follows up with a belly to belly suplex on  the

Concrete floor!.  TC rolls back into the ring. MME picks him up and goes for a Northern Lights Suplex but TC blocks and Rolls him up for a two count. MME goes back on the offense with a low blow and an atomic drop. MME signals for the Penguin Kick but TC catches the foot and delivers a Dragon Screw Leg Whip! TC quickly applies a Leg Lock but MME makes it to the ropes.

 

TC  stomps away on MME’s injured leg, he goes for a figure 4 but MME kicks him into the turnbuckle. MME finds a surge of adrenaline and hits the KILLER WHALE PLEX 1..2…NO! TC kicks out!! MME is frustrated he signals for the IGLOO DDT, but it’s blocked TC hits the BRAND NEW LOW but MME’s feet are in the ropes. TC drags him away from the ropes and applies the Toronto Maple Leaf. MME tries to hold on but the pain is too much and he passes out.

 

WINNER AND STILL WOMEN’S CHAMP: TREBLE CHARGED by Submission

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

It Is Now Time For STRUT~! Vs. DANCE~!

 

 

Big McLargeHuge vs. Some Guy

 

 

Big STRUTS out to Ringside accompanied by the music of Limp Bizkit. Some Guy DANCES Down To The Ring while listening to the aWo Porno Music.

 

Some Guy Grabs the Mic: Big even though we’re on opposing sides at war games and even though we’re fighting each other tonight, I just want to say that I consider you a friend still::

 

BIG: AWESOME~! I accept, I take back all the things I said about you…

 

SG: what did you say about me?

 

Big: Oh I told Anglesault that you were dating his siste…

 

SG: I’LL KILL YOU~!

 

SG and Big fall to the mat a tangle of punches and CHOPS. Big gets the upper hand with a vicious RUDO Chop to the neck.. Big Follows up with a suplex and a floatover DDT. He irish whips SG into thecorner so hard SG bounces back right into a Belly to Belly. Big STRUTS, but he takes so ling that when he goes back to SG, he gets rolled up for two. SG unleashes an amazing array of Some Kicks and Some Chops. And then a Some Bomb. Instead of going for the pin SG goes up top for a Some Star Frog Splash. Big gets the KNEES up in the nick of time. Big applies the Crippler Crossface, but SG makes it to the ropes. Big stomps a mudhole,and hits a backdrop Suplex and a elbow from the top rope. He goes for the pin and gets 2. Big applies a Mexican Surfboard but SG just won’t give up. Big let’s go of the Surfboard in frustration. He goes for a PileDriver but…SG backdrops him.

 

SG digs down deep and finds some energy. He’s A HOUSE A FIRE. He nails a clothesline and follows of with a wheelbarrow Suplex and a Cradle Someplex. 1..2.. but Big kicks out. SG signals for the SOME KICk but Big ducks and picks him up for the RUDOBOMB…SG slips out of it and when Big turns around SG nails him with the SOME KICK  1..2…3!

 

Winner: Some Guy

 

SG is DANCING~! Big regains his senses though and gives him a RUDOBOMB and STRUTS out of the ring.

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

As we cut from coomercial, "Our Time" hits, Stephanie mcMahon steps out and goes to the ring with a chorus of boos.  She steps into the ring and grabs the microphone from Lillian Garcia.  Stephanie yells, "GET OUT OF MY RING!  NOW!!!!!  AND NOW WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I WILL SING THE NATIONAL ANTEHM TO EVERY COUNTRY," an she says this the commentators hide under the table, and the audience takes one big bathroom break. She sings and butchers up three countries, just before she could start the fourth one, Brock's music hits.  Heyman steps out with Lesnar following behind him.

 

Heyman takes the mic and prepares to speak, but "Bodies!" hits and Jason breaks through the ramp.  The commentators come out and talk about the Superhuman strength of these men for surviving falls like that.  

 

Brock charges up and tries to spear Jason, but is caught and dropped on his stomach across the barrier.  Jason whips Brock into the steps and ring post, Brock gets up and crawls away.  Jason takes the steps and tosses them at Brock, Brock goes down.  Brock crawls away, and Jason takes the ring bell, and hits Lesnar with it.   Jason prepares to hit Lesnar again, but he fires back with a punch to Jason's gut.  Brock picks Jason up and TKOs him on the commentator's table.  A ref comes out and starts the match, Brock rolls jason in and stands on him for the pin.  1!  2! and no!

 

Jason kicks out and sends Brock to the ropes.  Brock bounces off, and Jason catches him with the Big boot, then Jason chokeslams him straight to Hell.  Jason signals for the Tombstone, he gets Brock in position and drops him to the mat, and covers him.  1!  2!  3!

 

As the bell rings, Vader storms in and assaults Jason with punches.  When Jason is backed into the corner, Vader avalanches him, and knocks him down.  Vader delivers a Vader splash.  Vader admires his work and hits four more splashes.  Vader finishes his work by hitting a moonsault.  EMTs rush out and take Jason away.  The Druids chase the EMTs away and take Jason back to the Dungeon.

 

[cut to Commercial]

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

[During the match]

 

The reason why the Dungeon didn't assist Jason is shown on the Angletron.  The other Dungeon members break into the In-Crowd's locker room and assault Zack Malibu.

 

The Coach: This JUST IN! Caboose made bail last night, and since than no one has heard from him!

 

 

TaiPei DeathMatch: Sandman9000 vs. The Superstar Special Ref Anglesault!

 

 

Superstar By Saliva hits (crowd boo’s) and here comes the Superstar! BOOM by P.O.D. hits and Sandman comes down to the ring. Da Right Angle plays and Anglesault comes out.

 

As the match is about to start EvenflowDDT wanders out and sits down at ringside.  In this match glass shards are taped to the wrestlers fists.

 

Superstar hits a quick dropkick to start and follows up with a eye rake.. Superstar drags the Glass over Sandman’s forehead, cutting him open. But Sandman Just Smiles,  Sandman stands up and licks the blood off his face. Superstar backs away but he was just sucking Sandman in for a WELL PLACED KICK TO THE NUTS. 1..2..NO! Sandman kicks out. Superstar drops the leg and hits a fist drop on Sandman, before going up top.Sandman signals for the SUPERSPLASH but He takes to long and Sandman struggles to his feet and nails him in the stomach. Sandman scales the ropes and they punch each other in the face repeatedly, Sandman gets the upperhand though and pushes Superstar off the ropes and than delivers the Phantismo Destructo! 1..2.. but Evenflow pulls Sandman out of the ring. He goes to punch Sandman but Sandman blocks and hits Evenflow in the eye lodging glass in Evenflow’s eyes.  Sandman goes back into the ring but superstar has taken the time to recover and hits the THROAT CANCER! Superstar follows up with a Wedgie Driver and goes for the pin but Sandman kicks out at 2. Superstar picks Sandman up for the STARPOWER, but Sandman blocks and hits athe EDGE CRUSHER. 1..2.. but Evenflow breaks up the pin.and hits Anglesault with a Chair. Superstar holds Up Sandman  and Evenflow grabs a Lightbulb and goes to Smash it over Sandman’s head but Sandman moves out of the way and the Evenflow breaks the lightbulb over Superstar’s head! Anglesault gives Evenflow the SODIUM DRIVER sending Evenflow tumbling out of the ring. Sandman scales the ropes with chair in hand and waits for Superstar to stumble to his feet. Superstar is a bloody mess and his condition isn’t helped any when Sandman hits the 666 Diving Chair Shot! 1..2…3

 

 

Winner: SANDMAN9000

 

Commercial Break

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

During the Break the DOD abducted Superstar’s friends Michael Cole and JR.

 

 

CobainWasMurdered VS. Zack Malibu (Referee: Mario Logan)

 

 

MarioLogan is already in the ring. The Saved By The Bell Theme Hits and Zack (who has recovered from his DOD beatdown) comes down to ringside accompanied by Evenflowddt and BPP.  Smells Like Teen Spirit Is played and the Fans go crazy. CWM comes out onto the ramp with a MIC in hand.

 

CWM: As I am the Commish of HeldDOWN I’d like to announce that EvenflowDDT is banned from ringside. As Is BPP! ::CWM waits until they leave::  now I’m going whoop your ass Zack.

 

CWM runs down to the ring and unleashes on Zack an array of punches and chops. CWM gives Zack a suplex and locks on a armbar. Zack powers out and hits a low blow to gain control. Zack hits a standing Dropkick and a elbow. Zack irish Whips CWM into the turnbuckles and hits a few jabs before picking CWM up and placing him on top of the turnbuckle. Zack nails a SUPERplex and then a flying bodypress. 1..2..NO CWM kicks out. Zack is frustrated so he jaws off to the fans, when he turns around CWM nails him in the gut and Hits the Conspiracy Bomb, CWM is too weak to pin him though. Mario  administers the 10 count, both men make it up at 9  Zack takes a swing at CWM and CWM ducks under the blow and goes for the POLLYCUTTER, but Zack fights it off. Zack is down on his knees begging off, but he was just suckering in CWM and nails him with a lowblow and than a missle dropkick.. Zack goes for the SCHOOL’S OUT SUPERKICK but CWM moves and goes for a superkick of his own, Zack catches the leg and gives him a leg lariat and locks on the Crowd Control. But Mario is ignoring Zack. Zack breaks the hold and pushes ML. While Zack is distracted CWM recovers and when Zack turns around CWM gives him the POLLYCUTTER. 1..2..NO! Alfdogg has run down and Pulled Mario out of the ring, Alfdogg hits Mario with the chair. The Dungeon Comes out and carries Mario away.

 

CWM is left alone with Zack and Alfdogg. They give CWM a 3D. All of a sudden the lights go out and DA RIGHT ANGLE hits, and Anglesault, comes out to be the ref.  AS makes Alfdogg leave. Zack picks up CWM =who is as good as dead. Zack goes for a powerbomb..BUT YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMA….CWM~! CWM reverses ino a facebuster. As the two of them lie on the mat, A scene of the Back comes onto the ANGLETRON: The aWo teams are fighting each other and The In-Crowd, The Dungeon Is running around Killing people, and The Superstar and BPP are brawling with each other. IT’S ANARCHY BAYBEE.

 

When we come back to the ring Zack has picked himself up. He reaches into his tights and pulls out some BRASS KNUCKLES! When CWM staggers to his feet, he nails CWM with them. AS has no choice but to count..1..2…3…!

 

Winner AND NEW IC CHAMP: ZACK MALIB…

 

BUT WAIT! Anglesault sees the Brass Knuckles on Zack’s Hand and reverses the decision, DUSTY FINISH BAYBEE~!

 

WINNER AND STILL IC CHAMP: CobainWasMurdered!

 

COMMERCIAL BREAK!

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

Anglesault/The Sole Survivor V> JINGUS/Alfdogg

 

 

The Teams are already in the ring when we come back from commercial, Alfdogg is about to tie up with TSS when SMELLS Like TEEN Spirit hits and HeldDOWN COMMISH CWM comes onto the Ramp.

 

CWM: I’ve decided that a special Stipulation is in order. Alfdogg I don’t think you really deserve to fight me at the PPV, so you’ll have to prove it! So the stip is, Whoever gets the Pinfall gets Alfdogg’s title shot!!

 

CWM leaves ringside.

 

Alfdogg is dazed and confused in the ring, allowing TSS to immediately hit him with THE CLOTHESLINE OF ALMOST CERTAIN DOOM~! TSS goes for the pin, but Jingus barges in and throws TSS out of the ring.

Jingus tags himself in and goes after TSS on the outside. Jingus tears away the protective mat on the floor, and goes for a Tombstone Piledriver, TSS reverses, BUT Jingus reverses the reversal and delivers the Tombstone on the exposed concrete. Jingus throws TSS back in but instead of going  for the pin decides to terroize some kids in the front row allowing AngleSault to tag in. AS goes for a flying bodypress to the outside and Jingus Catches him! Jingus tosses him back into the ring. Jingus tags out to Alfdogg, who hits the ALFKICK. 1..2..but TSS breaks it up. Alfdogg sends AS into the corner where Jingus chokes him out. AS falls down  and Alfdogg goes for THE GAYEST MOVE EVER! The Bronco Buster!, AS gets a boot up though and Nails Alfdogg right in the crotch. AS gets up an heads for his corner but Jingus tags in and tackles him to the ground. Jingus signals for the Clawslam! AS pokes him in the eye though and hits a desperation SODIUM DRIVER. Both men are down and out. BUT JINGUS SITS UP! Jingus is a monster!! TSS charges into the ring and nails a CLOTHESLINE OF ALMOST CERTAIN DOOM, but it only seems to piss off the MOSTER JINGUS!!! The ref tries to get Jingus to calm down but Jingus grabs him and gives him the DEVILBOMB~! AS has grabed two chairs from outside, he gives one to TSS and they give Jingus the CONchairTOE! Finally Jingus goes down. Alfdogg charges into the ring and spears TSS. AS goes to hit Alfdogg with the chair but Alfdogg dodges and AS hits TSS! Alfdogg covers but there’s no ref! The ref climbs back in 1..2..NO As pulls Alfdogg off and goes for another chair shot BUT He hits TSS instead! This time on purpose! AS gets out of the ring and stands on the outside. Alfdogg doesn’t waste anytime eing confused and makes the cover 1..2..3!!!

 

WINNERS: ALFDOGG AND JINGUS

 

Alfdogg celebrates in the ring (Jingus has already left to Terrorize soime Girl Scouts) Anglesault gets back into the ring and hits the Salt Shaker on Alfdogg. AS than locks the SALT AND PEPPER on TSS!

 

The big brawl that was going on in the back spills out to ringside, everybody is engaged in one huge midless fight. BUT in the ring AS still has TSS locked in the SALT AND PEPPER!

 

Fade OUT!

 

Thoughts, Comments, and Bitching may now commence

[Guest Sandman9000]

Good deathmatch, needed more blood.

 

So, am I going to jail or not?

[Guest J*ingus]

Well, you made me realize that my character is basically Kane with a cannibalistic streak, but that's (insert DDP's catchphrase here).  Good show, well written, nicely organized, sets up Angleslam just fine.

[Guest Some Guy]

Well I'm 4-1 I think, that's cool.

 

I'm working on the limerick for you CWM.

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

Good stuff...even though the MME lost...he will be back, with Derek even larger and fishier than ever, godammit.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

During the Break the DOD abducted Superstar’s friends Michael Cole and JR.

DAMMIT, Michael Cole, what do I pay you for, to get captured?! That's the last straw... the Dungeon of Doom is going to pay very dearly for this!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

good, i like how everything is shaping up for angleslam, nice job cwm

 

i think you left enough room so that with angleslam we can start booking decently in advance

 

*claps*

 

my shows still better...but yours is good too

 

*handshake into a Stunner*

 

cya at AngleSlam

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

::CWM knows that BPP is just jealous of CWM::

[Guest Tony149]

So JR & Lillian Garcia are in the OAOAST? Nobody kill them or hurt them because I have a plan for those two. Wait and see.

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

Has the AngleSlam card been finalised? Can the MME have a match or run in or somethin? Hell, he'll even be on the equivalent of Heat, if you have one!

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Good deathmatch, needed more blood.

 

So, am I going to jail or not?

Ummm... I think we're putting this one in the same category as Stacy Keibler's baby's daddy... what pregnancy? What restraining order?

[Guest Sandman9000]

Exactly.

 

Move along folks, nothing to see here.

 

Hey!  What did I just tell you!  Get back here!  Aw, fuck it!

 

::Pulls out gun and fires::

 

There.  Keep moving everybody.

[Guest treble charged]

That women's title has been the best thing to happen to my career.

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

thats...really...sad treble

 

MME, why dont you and superstar book a match for heat...? give you some experience

 

 

make it a number one contenders match for my us title

 

[Guest]

During the Break the DOD abducted Superstar’s friends Michael Cole and JR.

???????

 

Oh, right now I get it!  AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAA!!!!  I'm going to put Michael Cole out of our miseries right now.

 

Update:  Last night after the show, after the Dungeon kidnapped Michael Cole, they took him to the ring.  The Dungeon put him in a bag, which made Earthquake feel nostalgic, so he decided to repeat his Jake the Snake feud by sitting on Michael Cole.  Thank God, Cole is gone!

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

MME, why dont you and superstar book a match for heat...? give you some experience

 

 

make it a number one contenders match for my us title

 

who's superstar?

[Guest Tony149]

Who's Superstar?

 

I think we found out when S.S. debuted. LOL