The undertaker comp rant part 1

[Guest nWoScorpion]

-The Undertaker saga began at the 1990 Survivor Series, on the team of Ted Dibiase & Rhythm & Blues took on Dusty Rhodes, The Hart Foundation & Koko B. Ware. He quickly showed us how damn good he was by destroying Ware with the tombstone and elimanating Rhodes. This Rant will culminate the first 5 years of his WWF career. Its lacking only a few PPV matches, but who liked UT vs. Kamala matches anyway?

 

-Tugboat Vs. the Undertaker (w/ Brother Love)

He still has the tight Black gloves and Brother Love, which means its pre Royal Rumble. I guess he didnt need acting lessons cause hes scaying people shitless. Tugboat is merely food jobber here. Another Wrestling Challenge match. Lockup goes nowhere. Shoulderblock does nothing. Tugboats doesnt work. Undertaker with a choke in the ropes and knee to the gut.  LEap frog botched and UT drives his knee into tugboats face. Snapmare and elbow misses. Tugboat clothesline and headbutt. Tugboat elbow misses and Ut kicks him in the back some. Fake rake by Taker. Knee to the back of Tugboat. Sucsesion of headbutts follows. Both men exchange rights. Takers gray footwear have fallen down. Tugboat blocks the rope walk and throws Taker across the ring. Powerslam and tugboat collapses. Taker sits up. He continues to hammer him but eats boot. Charge misses. UT goes up, walks the ropes and drops an elbow for 3 at 5:44. DUD. UT squash builds him up more. This guy sop ruled then.

 

-The Undertaker Profile:

Paul Bearer rambles ans does Undertaker as his theme msuic plays. He chokes Hammer and slopily tombstones Tornado, and a choke on roberts.

 

-The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) Vs. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine:

I love UT squashes. Valentine has a theme music! And a good one!! took what> 8 years? This is from Wrestling Challenge. Who wins here? 3 guesses stupid! Undertaker punches him and throws him to the buckle. Valentine gets a boot to the face and some heavy knife-edges. Bionic Elbows!!!1 Taker with a thrust off the irish whip (ala goldust). He works more in and chokes him in the corner. and more choking. And more Choking. Valentine fights back and nails a 2nd roipe axhandle followed by more chops. Armbar galore. big Boot by the Taker and a diving clothesline. an elbow drop misses. Valentine locks on the figure four Leglock and uses the ropes before he goes after Bearer/ undertaker "takers" up and tombstone his geriatric ass for the win at 5:26. DUD. fun watching Undertaker murder opponents.

 

The Undertaker vs. Superfly Jimmy Snuka

Im guessing Snukas the heel with the evil goatie, while UT gets a major fac epop. OH MY! ITS The PHENOM vs. THE PHENOM! DUMMM...........DUMMMM.............Its the Undertaker! This guy literaly scared me to death at this point. For whom the bell tolls. gotta love that line. Undertaker just about beats the shit out of Snuka for 4 minutes or so. Paul Bearer looks slim comapred to now. Someone special is in the UT urn. Couldnt they use that for the Kane fued 7 yrs. later? for his dead parents part.

 

Heenan: He should have a bigger urn for the Big Boss Man, maybe one of the green trashbags.

 

Undertaker jumps the cardinal veteran from behind with some heavy shots. Bearer had a very ugly expression on his face right on cam, (shudders). Snuka eats turnbuckle followed by UT thrusts to the face! Not the neck Choke in the ropes. UT nails a tremendous flying clothesline! About 5 feet  in the air he got on that one. Snuka gos for a flying body press but UT dogdes it and he gos flying over the top rope. He gos for a slingshot in but Undertaker catches and legitimatly drops him on his head with the tombstone for the win and his first WM win for those out thier at 4:19, BIG POP for that one. DUD by the way.

 

-Superstars of wrestling recap from 2 weeks before Survivor Series 1991. hogan is on the funeral parlor. Flair comes out and gets in Hogans face. hogan punches him and UT sneaks up on him and clobbers him with the Urn. Savage & Piper try saving him and they both hit UT with a chair, which he no sells. He rips off the cross but it burns his hand and drops it in fear.

 

-WWF-Championship Match:

Hulk Hogan © Vs. The Undertaker:

Hulkster Rules Brother! Hogan is being cheered like nutz. Hogan destroys the coffin with his logo painted on it. Ut shoves hogan and misses an elbow. UT has only 1 TATTOO! sideheadlock by hogan. Irish whip by Taker, shoulderblock sends Hogan down and out of the ring. UT with a choke on Gogan and we get a shot of my no eyeballs. Throat Thrusts. He tries to rip off his face.  He chokes him on the top rope now. Bearer chokes on hogan and Gorilla calls hima piece of garbage.

 

Heenan: "My Moniter went out."

Monsoon: "Your brain went out!!"

 

UT elbow misses. Hogan with a few roundhouse rightrs. Clothesine staggers him. Slam doesnt work as UT fights out. Eye Rake. And another. Running elbow. Punch and chop. He eats buckle. He eats another. Punch. And another. clothesline and 360 by the undertaker but lands on his feet. hogan eats ring steps by going to the outside after him. He chokeshogan now with the microphone cord. UT with more chokes and Bearer gets in another cheap shot. UT chokes hogan in the middle rope. The Hulk-a-maniac i just noticed who dresses like Hogan all the time is here. Face grip by Taker. Hulkster choke on his face. Hulk getiing up. He breaks the grip. Kick and another. Shoulderblocks stagger him but UT comes back with a flying clothesline to a huge pop. Tombstone Piledriver and hogan hulks up! UT is shocked. Punch, Punch, Punch,running fist. Punch. And another, he drops to one knee. Hogan eye rake, Scoop Slam!! Flair coming to the ring. Legdrop stopped by Bearer. Hogan attacks Flair. Big Boot by hogan but UT is up and scoops up hogan and tombstones him onto a steel chair for the win at 12:43 for the WWF Title. *1/2. Hogan is layed out for the next 5 or so minutes as Heenan cheers.

 

-WWF-Championship Match:

The Undertaker © (w/ Paul Bearer) Vs. Hulk Hogan:

UT drags the belt along the floor to the ring. Double noggin knocker by Hogan to both men. Running clothesline and the 10 punches of doom by the Hulkster. Inverted Atomic Drop screwed up as UT punds him on his way down. Running clothesline by Hogan and he puts the boots on him. Slam blocked with a roundhouse and Hogan fights off UT more. Scoop Slam no sold. Hogan with a few roundhouses and clothesline sends Ut to the floor on his feet. UT botches another move as he tries to choke Hogan across the ropes. Taker chokes him a bit on the arena floor. BAck in the ring and Taker with more choking. And more choking in the corner. Nice tattoo of the Undertakers, as he only has 1 at this time, not 60. Hogan rams Take rin the buckle and rtuns right into a knee. Undertakerr with the rope walk clothesline to the neck of Hogan. More choking by the Undertker. On the outside Hogan gets whipped into the steel post. Claw to the face of doom!! Hogan hulks up. Boot to the midsection and Taker trips in the ropes somehow. Roundhouse by Hogan and he runs into a Taker boot. Flying clothesline connects for a 2 count. Taker gets thrown off the top rope while going for the clothesline. Hogan hulks up.Heeeeres Flair!!!  3 roundhouse rights and a clothesline send Taker to the floor. hogan with a chair and he nails flair with it and he falls on Tunney. Back in, running elbow by Hulk, roundhouse, knife edge cho but Taker with an eye rake. Flair gets a steel chair and hols it up for Taker. hogan reverses it and Taker smacks the steal, clothesline to flair! Big Boot!!!Flair gets Tunney to gain conciousness. Bearer misses Hogan and hits Taker with the urn. Hogan takes out the ashes of it (what a surprise) and nails Taker with it and rolls him up for 3 at 13:07 for his 4th title reign. *1/4. Nothing special, but fun match near the end. This only lasted 1 night since Tunney declares the title vacant. Hogan has black shit all of his hands from the ashes. Heenan is having a heart attack as Hulkamania lives on.

 

The Undertaker Vs. Jake "The Snake Roberts:

The build up for this was Roberts was going to attack Savage & Liz with a chair, but the Undertaker had a change of heart and stopped him. Several weeks later, Roberts appeared on the Funeral Parlor, beat the hell out of Bearer, and slammed the lid of a coffin on Undertakers hand. Robert's uses his "speed" (not the stuff you smoke) to have Undertaker chase him around for a bit. Undertaker fights him off and gives him that dreaded choke-hold of doom! Flying clothesline connects, and he goes for the Tombstone. Jake rolls out of it behind the Taker and quickly plants him with a DDT (when it wasn't a joke move). Undertaker sits up and eats DDT a 2nd time. Jake then proceeds to chase Paul Bearer around til Undertaker sits up, Scoops him up on the outside and tombstone's him on the arena floor. Hit the road Jake, your days in the WWF are numberd. Undertaker gets the win at 6:41. I'll give it a 1/2* cause of the buildup and history to it.

 

Damion Damento v. The Undertaker:

3 guesses who wins this one LoL. Damion looks very, awkward to say the least. Damento is a house of fire with some weird punches but Undertaker shoves him about. old School.....er Tightrope Walk clothesline to the back of the neck of Damento.  Undertaker works in the everlasting choke to the face. Damento avoids a charge and works on Undertaker for a few seconds. Damento clothesline misses and Taker scoops him up and plants him with the Tombstone Piledriver for the 3 count. -Nothing match, but KINDA watchable. I'll go 1/4* because i liked both guys. Yup, I liked Damento's gimmick.

 

-1993 WWF Royal Rumble Match:

Undertaker enters #15, to probably the best crowd reaction of the whole match. Heenan says by the time he enters the ring it will be time for Wrestlemania. Samu is dumb enough to attack him with some ehadbutts. Taker grabs him by the throat and chokeslams him over the top to the floor. Tenryu the dumb jap chops hima  few and gives him a enziguri but ends up being backdropped to the floor. Koko gets chopped so hard he falls back 3 feet. Choke on Dibiase in the corner. Monsoon yells at Heenan a bit. Dibiase chops away on Taker. #16 is Terrific Terry taylor, and no one cares. He goes at it with Koko, i guess he's mad about Survivor series 1988. Dibiase dumps both their sorry ass' out. Undertaker chokeslams Dibiase and dumps him leaving him, berzerker and backlund. As berzerker hammers him, Giant Gonzalez is coming down to the ring. Undertaker dumps Berzerker. Both men stare at each other for about 2 minutes, until #17 comes out, in which its Damion Damento. Gonzalez with bad chops sends Taker out and over. He continues to beat on him for a few minutes. A few hookers in the front row, yeah! Chokeslam to the Undertaker lays him out, and Gonzalez repeatedly posts UT's leg while IRS comes out at #18. Gonzalez finally leaves and Paul Bearer comes out to revive Taker with the urn. Taker limps to the back as the match continues but thats another rant. Too bad we are promised this isn't over yet.

 

The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Giant Gonzalez (w/ Harvey Wippleman)

Slllllooooooooooooow offense by both men. Most notable thing is Undertakes Crow (or is it a reven)? Gonzalez has enough of taker and somethers himwith chloroform or something to Disqualify himself at a OVER ABBUSED 7:33. Refs come down to try to stop him, but Gonzalez chokeslams all of them. They finally take Undertaker to the back via a stretcher, why, i dont know, since hes ALREADY DEAD!! Gonzalez stands tall in the ring, but suddenly the bell tolls, and Taker comes stumbling back out down the aisle. The Undertaker punches away on him, then takes him off his feet with a big flying clothesline, first time the big lazy bastard ever goes down.

 

-Rest In Piece Match: Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez:

I cant explain how crappy this fued was. Gonzalez stole the urn and so on. Gonzalez punches the shit out of Taker, but nothing works, as Taker repeatedly gos for the urn in Wipplemans corner. Undertaker is literally over everything until Paul Bearer returns, clobbers Wippleman and takes abck the urn. Undertaker sits up, nails 4 clothesline to knock down the Giant to 1 knee, then nailed a flying clotheslienoff the top rope for the pin at 8:05. 1/2* lousy match, even for the undertkaer, thank god Gonzalez left for Argentina in a few months after this.

 

-Hype for Undertaker/Yokozuna at Royal Rumble 1994. Basically UT playing mind games and building a casket.

 

-WWF-Championship:Casket Match:

Yokozuna © Vs. The Undertaker:

It's THAT match. I never thought i'd be reviewing this match, i've been avoiding it infact. Reason being is that I don't wanna lose my sanity. The bell tolls and the lights dim. You can hardly see Taker walking behind Bearer. Since it's 1994, it was obvious who was going to win this match. This marks the 2nd to last time the Undertaker wore the gray outfit. Last time was at Wrestlemania XIII. Yoko jumps Taker but he dodges and the throat thrusts work in plus a HUGE flying clothesline. Yoko spills to the floor and walks into the ringpost. Taker repeat of SSeries 93 by no selling the steel steps. Ropewalk clothesline to the back of the neck. Fyling clothesline misses and Yoko grabs a steel chair, which he gets nailed with by Taker several times. MAJOR salt job by Yokozuna, practically the whole bucket. Yoko with the chair shot to the taker. Clothesline puts Taker back down. Yoko rolls Taker into the casket but Taker no sells everything and attack him. they change punches/chops until Taker gets belly to belly suplexed by the Fat man. Taker sits up, grabs him by the throat and chokeslams him very badly. HUGE DDT by Taker. Now the pahteticness begins. Crush comes out and attacks Taker before he closes the lid. Taker fights back and nails a clothesline followed by thrusts. Here comes Great Kabuki. He chops Taker. Tenryus here. Double clothesline by Taker to both japs. Bigelow comes out now and he gets booted and choped. Crush attacks Taker. Both him & bammer with headbutts. Fuji steals the urn and he gets leveled by Bearer. All of a sudden Undertaker No sells like crazy. Kabuki goes in the casket. He attacks all of them. Noggin knocker to Crush & Tenryu. Bammer got the bucket and he nails Crush. Taker uses it on Bomb, Bam Bam, and Bomb again. He nails jarrett commin off the top rope in the jaw. Jarrett eats bucket. Everyones gettin beat on. Head Shrinkers come out. Double thrust kick. Diesels sorry ass finally shows up. Taker continues to no sell. Thrusts to Shrinkers, Bomb, Bam Bam, Jarrett. They all take shots on him. He's in the coffin finally. He blocks the lid and nails everyone again. From Fatu, Bammer, Crush, Jarrett. Tenryu eats fist. Yokozuna steals the urn from Bearer and opens it, allowing the Green Smoke to come out. Ok. Let me say that again. GREEN SMOKE CAME OUT OF THE URN. Suplex by Crush  followed by a fist drop off the 2nd rope by Jarrett. Elbow drop by Diesel followed by Bigelow headbutt. Samu goes up top and nails a Big Splash. Fatu does the same. They finally place him in the casket signalling the bell at 14:23. Incase he sits up, they all cluster on the lid. But wait, theres more!!!! As they wheel the Cakset down the aisle, the bell tolls and smoke comes from under the casket followed by the lights going out and Undertaker appears on the video wall. All of these guys lost thier heat about 2 months later the least. As he lies in the casket, he gives this speech.

 

"Be not proud, because the spirit of the Undertaker live within the souls of mankind, the eternal flame of life that can not be extinguished, the origin of which cannot be explained.

The answer lies in the everlasting spirit.

Soon all mankind will witness the rebirth of the Undertaker.

I will not rest in peace."

 

Afterwards, the lights flicker and lightning strikes, as Underfaker #1 is lifted to the heavens by about 8 wires. This UF was Marty Jannetty reportedly.This finally ends this monstrosity. I wonder how many doobies Pat Patterson was smokin to come up with this shit. Matchwise, I give it a DUD. If you count all the crap, I give it -**.

 

-"The Undertaker" Vs. Tatanka:

This is from an episode of Superstars. Good Ol' J.R & Lawler before they were good. Lawler was so much funnier back in the day. Now he is Mr. Sexual Inuendo. "'Taker" from behind with some roundhouse rights(?). And a choke in the corner. Boot to the midsection and another choke. Roundhouse right follows as does a big boot. Arm ringer and the ropewalk clothesline to the back of the neck follows. another series of chokes in the corner. I'd never think Tatanka was a jobber. Tatanka works in the chops picking up the pace until "taker" gives him one punch. Drop Toe Hold and a Face ringer. Deffinitly not Undertaker like wrestling. Anothr Chokehold. I mean Jawhold. Tatanka eats buckle and no sells. He starts the dance. Chop and another. Knifeedge's and head chops by tatanka. "taker" stops him but gets chopped again , and a 2nd time. Flying forearm puts him down. Boot and Chop but "taker" with a thrust to the throat and tombstone to end the match at 6:21. DUD. Wow, Tatanka did shit here.

 

-The Undertaker Vs. The Underfaker:

We just witnessed a great Bret vs. Owen steel cage match. Anyway onto the match. First Ted Dibiase introduces his Undertaker. Afterwards Paul Bearer coms out with a casket, and takes a GIGANTIC Urn form inside it. He seriously scares me as the lights flicker and he shines the light from inside on his face as the Undertakers new theme plays. They do a mirror thing by both disrobing their hat, necktie & jacket similtaniously. The face to face staredown sees  UT dwarfing UF by a good 3 inches. Both men land several thrusts to no avail. UT gets a suplex in and then tosses him to the floor. As he trys to pull him back in the ring, UF drapes him across the top rope to take the advantage for now. Chokeslam is no sold by UT. UF is pissed off now and plants him with the tombstone piledriver. and UT Sits up yet again. Ok, so we know this one is indistructable. UF goes for another but Undertaker shifts his body weight and MERCILESSLY KILLS UF with his own Tombstone piledriver. UF is layed out. Taker scoops him up, and plants him with a 2nd tombstone piledriver. a Third one seals his fate for the 3 count at 8:56. Afterwards, he stuffs him in the casket and the druids take him away. Match was eh so i'll go 1/4*. Atleast the real Undertaker's back, but he just enterd the Purple Daiz, as he is at constant war with people whos workout rate is a 1 on the rictor scale.

 

-That raps up this part of the segment. The next part will be up as soon as possible.

[Guest Mark4steamboat]

Good review as always. man you must always watch tapes and review them. oh well keep it up and keep me entertained.

[Guest nWoScorpion]

next up.....

 

BRITISH BULLDOG

[Guest Mark4steamboat]

i admire you for that. Youre a good man Mr. Scorpion.