UWA Hardcore

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

In order to prepare myself for the Warrior1 show coming in a week and change I decided on a whim (I was in the area) to check out the UWA show that was running Friday night. I had always intended on going to their shows as they are hosted in Mississauga monthly, it's just up to a few weeks ago I never knew where.

 

I got there late, they said the doors opened at 7:00 and there were still people outside lined up by 7:15. I hate talking wrestling to anyone besides Curry in "real life" so I just kept to myself in line and for the whole night; that, and wrestling fans are fucking annoying and tonight was no different. The demographic breakdown is as such:

 

90% white

95% male

40% wore hats

35-40% wore wrestling tshirts

85% were between 16-26

5-10% were under 16

5-10% were over 35

 

By about 7:20 or 7:30 I got inside St. Johns Hall, picked the first seat I saw (3 or 4 rows behind the turnbuckle) and there was a match between two stereotypical indy workers was going on. No idea who they were, one guy was wearing a cut-off t-shirt and the other guy was dressed like the Ultimo Dragon. The only good spot was when the UD clone (cough) did a handspring against the ropes and the other guy did a low drop kick to his face in the process. I can't really remember who won.

 

Then came a Joey Styles rip off, Joe E Slick (I thought it was Joey Schtick at first, which impressed me. Then I realized it was Slick and reality set in.) UWA fans, apparently, are the best in the world. What makes them different from any other fanbase on the planet? Oh, they paid to see UWA.

 

The first match was a 6 man scramble match between Rip Impact, Matt Bison, Jeff Flury, Devon Parkside, Blade, and of course, Snapdragon.

 

Rip Impact dared to deviate from the mold as he had long hair, as opposed to the shorter coif everyone else sported. Other than that he was made from the lanky, black hair, pathetic attempt at facial hair, shitty tights, no idea how to wrestle template. Two guys in this match looked exactly alike, I dunno if that was intentional or not.

 

The match itself was a crazy spotfest that the crowd enjoyed and I just shook my head at. I don't want to say that I know more about wrestling than the fine folks at UWA, so please read between the lines and assume that I am saying exactly that. This was the ONLY non-singles match on the show and they have it as the designated opener (I guess the first match was a "dark" match...) And not only that, but it goes on for 15-20 minutes AND they TOOOTALLY blow their wad in it.

 

They did some crazy-ass shit that -if put into a better context and had actually been built- would have impressed me. Nothing (NOTHING) the rest of the night could top the spots done in this match - AND THEY HAD 8 MORE MATCHES TO GO AND MOST OF THEM HAD CRAZY SPOTS IN THEM! But since the spots were much more crazy and constant in the first match the spots done later on in the show were tame in comparison! - so here's a fucking lesson to aspiring and current bookers - DON'T BLOW YOUR WAD IN THE FIRST MATCH!! At the very least, this should have been put before the intermission so fans could recover from it. Who ever booked this show needs to either stop or think for once. You didn't see the TLC's opening the Summerslam or WM cards now did you? Pacing of a show is crucial and something like this should never start off a show. And if you do, DON'T LET THEM UPSTAGE THE OTHER WRESTLERS!! Restraint is a GOOD THING sometimes.

 

And then there are the wrestlers. What the fuck are you thinking?! How much are you getting paid?? WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO WORK?! Jesus fucking christ! Here's a lesson to aspiring wrestlers - when you are in the back before a match, or in the match itself, and are planning big spots, think to yourself "am I maximizing the potential impact/crowd response for the move? There were so many throwaway spots in that match. I can't remember most of them. When you do 100 crazy moves in a match, and only 2 or 3 stick out, what was the point of doing those other 97? It's just wasteful to the match, to the other wrestlers, and to your (and their) body.

 

And they didn't even build from a lesser crazy move to a more crazy move. If you are going to do a spotfest (yeah, like it was a choice with these goobers) then at the very least, save the craziest spot for last. In this match, it was all random. Plus they blatently caught each other. They did the *everyone out on the floor while guys take turns jumping from in the ring on to each other* spot, and they didn't even bother making it look natural. Instead they all just looked up like idiots and waited for the other guy to fall on them. BRILLIANT!

 

Oh, and I could kick the shit out of any of these guys. Whether I actually could or not is irrelevant, the very fact that I think it takes away their credibility. I'm not advocating steroid use, but these guys looked like they could be serving me at a McDonalds counter. Stan Hansen could kick my ass, and he didn't have an amazing body. And most of these guys looked like they bought their tights from the same online retailer. Shiny pants, with shitty prints on em. To complete the outfit - a t-shirt. This may sound trivial to some, but wrestling is a visual medium, so it's important.

 

The next match was Beef Wellington vs. Asylum (though the program said it was match #3. For a guy who never been to a show, something like an accurate program is important). To show that this is not all bitching, I enjoyed Beef Wellington a lot. He is from the IWS (International Wrestling Syndicate) and his big move is the Ass Punch. His music is "Hangin Tough" by NKOTB and it starts off with a cow mooing. His gear is green and black cow print pants and a cow on his shirt. He cut a promo before the match saying that he knows why Asylum is so angry, but not to worry, he can buy a shirt for $15 at the souvenir stands after he loses. Asylum is a Rhyno clone.

 

The match itself was nothing really to write home about, but Beef was fun as he was kinda mock-wrestling/kayfabe breakin by saying "I'm gonna tap him out with a headlock!" and whatnot. They built the ass punch up with an enzigiri to the ass and then he went to the top and landed it (pretty self-explanitory). Beef sold the impact like he landed a fatal blow, while Asylum was all "what the fuck was that?!". Good shit.

 

Then came The Amazing Blackstone vs. Tony Mack. Blackstones gimmick is that he is a magician, and Tony Mack is "The Club Stud" who had his family in the crowd. Match was awful. Third match in a row with a headlock (i think only one match DIDN'T). The highlight was TAB bringing in a magic wand and the ref taking it away only for it to extend into a string-like thingie which he used to choke Mack with. TAB looks like Eddie Guerrero, kinda, but his gimmick is that he has gay pants... Mack closed out with a shitty Rock-esque promo, which had me wonderin why this overly tanned Italian was the face in the match.

 

Then came Nick Watts vs. Osiris. Osiris is one of the "founding fathers" of UWA and is one of the most over guys there. He, to me, really fucking sucks in the ring. When I say "sucks", I don't mean "botches moves", I just mean his moves have no real purpose. It all seems so video-gamie too me. And I really fucking hate that. And he wears a tshirt... and so does Nick Watts. The match was boring. They did some "lucha" submissions, there was no real pacing or flow to it. It seemed like they were trying to build a "intense" match, but they didn't do a very good job at it. I kinda get a headache just thinkin about it. Went long.

 

Black Jabroni vs. Hazuki was next. BJ was cornering Nick Watts in the previous match, and he got his ass kicked by Osiris. Which has me questioning why on earth would THIS match go second. It was already established that BJ sucks because he couldn't do anything to Osiris, so all this does is make Hazuki look bad. The best thing about this match was BJ's entrance, which was a technofied Darth Vader theme and he came out with a hood and cloak on. I should note that this guy is like 12. I actually enjoyed him too, cept for his actual wrestling. This went WAY too long. It should have been a 5 minute sprint and instead it was a 15 minute marathon. Most of the shit they did was no sold, blah blah blah.

 

TBC...

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

..Continued.

 

After the intermission (the announcer said 10 minutes, but it felt like 20 to me), out came the only guy who actually looked like a pro wrestler. I have no idea who the guy was, and he looked like a generic wrestler who came from the WCW power plant, but he should have been used better than beating some fat guy. Take him, have him squash one of the skinny guys, and build a monster. It's what Paul Heyman would have done... it's what Paul Heyman did do. It was Awesome.

 

Then came Lionel Knight vs. Kevin Steen. Steen was one of only 3 guys who looked "polished". He wasn't great or anything, but he didn't do anything overly stupid in the ring either. Another longish bout where they traded offense (8 singles matches, all had the same fucking structure), he won with a very nicely done moonsault.

 

Josh Prohibition vs. Chris Bishop. Best thing I can say is that the end of the match had JP winning the belt and cutting the stereotypical babyface acceptance speech and then saying "if you believe any of what I just said you're dumber than I thought!" and then said he'd put the belt on Ebay and everyone can suck his cock. He then made jerk off motions on the belt. Did I mention there were 20 or so children in the audience? Not a particularly bad match, it just didn't do anything for me.

 

Last match of the night was THE match of the night. One of the funniest matches I've seen, Colt Cabana vs. MDogg20. Lots of comedy spots, most I haven't seen before. Very impressed with CC's live charisma. Some guy yelled out "bor-ing" and Cabana quickly said "Fuck-You", thus prompting a "Fuck you!" chant from the crowd. The worst thing I can say about this match was that the crowd did the dueling chants thing... like, for most of the match. God that's bad. So fucking bad. Especially when there are people who say both names. The best spot of the night IMO was when Cabana and MDogg did a cradle pin spot all around the ring and the ref was following them trying to count it - when it was eventually broken up (maybe a dozen rotations around the ring?) they all stood up and all fell back down dizzy (including the ref). So much good stuff in this. Hell, it may be my MOTY, certainly my live MOTY. I really, really enjoyed it. It was the only thing that got a good pop out of me the whole night.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

To cap it all off, I don't think this is a bad promotion so much as it is just poorly booked. That many singles matches, all going well over 10 minutes... it's too much. There needs to be variety. They could have EASILY put Beef Wellington in a tag with Osiris and Hazuki against Nick Watts, Black Jabroni and Asylum. That match could have been an elimination style match where they could have gotten all their spots and storylines in and didn't have to be so damn repetitive.

 

Start off the show with Darkstone vs. Mack, then do the 3 vs. 3, then do Steen vs. Knight, then do a quick squash, then do the scramble, then do the Prohibition match, and then the main event (actually, the ME shouldn't have been the last match, as it was mainly comedy though CC was the "big" star on the show. The other title match had a title change, so it probably should have went on last.) This didn't need so many singles matches.

[The Mandarin 0]

I just noticed this writeup now while looking for some RoH stuff. I've made the trip to the UWA arena for the last few shows, including last night's.

 

Yeah, UWA's wrestling is a little disjointed and bland, but it's pretty much all the GTA's got.

 

The only true standout matches from the shows that I've been to were Austin Aries vs. Josh Prohibition, which was so smartly wrestled it put everything else on the card to shame; M-Dogg 20 vs. Cabana which was a safely worked comedy match and a Lionel Knight vs. Mickey Knight "grudge match" from last night where they just mangled eachother in a short spotfest. It was vicious.

 

Good review. There was a much higher concentration of women at last night's show, though.