Guest Report post Posted May 24, 2002 Trouble is spelled in the `02 with a capital M-U-L-[-D-O-O-M-S-T-O-N-E-]. He should be coming over any minute and I`m assuming he will bring the Steel Reserve to supplement the Day Before Payday PBR that I`ma drinking now. Our wives are pregnant so they are asleep by 8:15 so we are bored, gelded and looking for booze. Shartan Pro called me yesterday and told that he had seen the spoilers for this episode and he said it sucked a gargantuam shlong but I told him to save his spoilers. A man- A REAL MAN- has to sit in front of the TV and watch the sewage spewforth into his little den if he is going to write a true Workrate Report. I AM A MAN! WHAT WORKED- - I need to check out this UPN line up. I seems like there will be some talking to the hand. There will be the sharing of too much information. QUOTH THE MUL[DOOMSTONE]: ``I just need to catch up on my MARTIN reruns.`` - Lance Storm gets served up to HHH. HHH looks very apelike tonight before Lance shows up- but more like he was drawn by Keith Giffen aping Jack Kirby. Lance throws funny punches- not bad- just funny, a sort of Canadian parody of Barry Windham`s elaborate punches. SCTV was from Canada and everything- so there is a precedent. Yes, there is. There was a downside from the weak sister of the Yuji Yasuraoka-Lance Storm WAR Junior Heavyweight Tagteam: His elbows showed a week of daylight. His kicks take three edits and they still suck. HHH bleeds for no apparent reason, which I love. This was your basic guy getting in lots of offense in early because you know his opponent going over, but then they throw ya a curve! and did a nice job of doing a couple nearfalls and an actual submission on HHH to keep this from being a squash. HHH`s selling of an assbeating the last three weeks has been pretty beautiful. Blood in the first match is always a plus- FUCK THE POLICE! - Angle with the wig was fabulous. If he had Paul Jones as a manager and became a lovable old Nazi, it would be the ``It is not a vig`` Baron Von Raschke angle- re-created! Micheal Cole is perfectly fine as a wrestling announcer, but he would never top the Bob Caudill aghastness, ``Why Baron, of COURSE it`s a wig!`` Maven assumes the role of the venerable Caudill and it almost becomes interesting when Angle turns all bad ass on him but then you notice the wig so he can only go so Arn Andersen on him. He should have ripped Maven`s shoulder out and had him stretchered out. That would rule. Blood in the first match, stretcher job in the second. Quoth the Mul[DOOMSTONE]: ``Coal Miner`s Glove for the third match.`` Edge makes the save on Maven and Christian saves THE WIG~!. - TEST is the best possible Brian Lee Ever! Orton is all jumpy and shoulderblocky. Stacy sucks on the stick. Yes. Yes, she does. Orton with the Psicosis bump makes up some awkward sequences which I would expect from a guy who is so new to the ring but the Orton roll-ups were downright fun. TEST`s Angel Wings were quite the 1/4 as good as Christopher Daniels` but what ya gonna do? Quoth the [mul]DOOMSTONE: ``Orton is a rich man`s AJ Styles! He needs to grow the fro like his pops.`` - HOT MALE ASS! FUCK YEAH, DADDY! Rico is teaming with Rikishi now- uh whoda thought? I can`t figure out who is hunkier- Billy or Chuck? Chuck has those dumb jock eyes that drive me crazy with buttery, spurty love. It seems like there is trouble in the House Of Bunz. Then Jericho and Farooq interact after bumping into each other in the hallway. QUOTH THE MUL[DOOMSTONE]: ``What the fuck is this, the Larry Sanders Show?`` - Chavo is one of the two dozen people watching RAW. I love a company man. Shane Helms acts in a skit and it so much less than something you would see in the Rotary Club version of Guys and Dolls. QUOTH THE [MUL]DOOMSTONE: ``World`s worst Andy Dick.`` - Survivor? Winner? The Game? HHH does his badguy in a Chuck Norris movie style promo and LANCE~! comes out to get in his PROMO~! Lance says- and I quote, ``Triple HHH you were lucky oot there and Your Luck is aboot to run oot!`` Needless to say, me n MDS mutually wet our pants with laughter. Those Canadian accents are COMEDY GOLD! Oh fuck all of you, like you wouldn`t make fun of my Southern accent... THEN THEY FUCKING RESHOW IT! AWWWWESOMMMME! I`m ABOOT to lose a kidney laughing here. Let me now move this to the WORKED column. - Chavo and Shane Hurricane Helms had a good little match. Full Worldwide point. Chavo whipped out the K-Driller variation. Shane with the nice punches and clothesline and then the Buff Blockbuster for the pin. Two whole minutes of hard-hitting Cruiserweight action! - Jericho being baffled by being stuck in the ring with the Nouvelle Fred Ottman is completely understandable. Jericho walks to the ring and you can SMELL the sweet sweet scent of Tenta- as the world`s strongest man can`t be far behind. Mark Henry`s theme music sounds like a Nazereth song that isn`t ``Hair Of The Dog``. Like one of those shitty songs on Loud And Proud. Jericho eats a lot of offense and makes it look all fabulous. He actually does a Randy Mulkey versus Warlord match up to the cool looking full through the ropes Big Bossman Memphis Sit On You Thingy. Then it became Jericho doing his best late era Funklike sell of the posting. The finish made Jericho look like shit. HHH fought like a motherfucker despite his HitC injuries while Jericho has trouble putting away the fatter version of Ice Train. What the fuck? It was an okay little match for what it was. Yes it was. WHAT DIDN`T WORK- - Edge and Maven - FROM CHARLOTTESVILE!... I had a woman from C`ville break my heart once so I`ve automatically decided this will not work. Christian comes out and me and MDS rock out to the riff. It is so W*A*S*P 1988. Angle looks like Rick Steiner with the wig and the headgear so this is REALLY not working just through muscle memory of me doing Steiner matches for Nitro Workrate Reports. Christian`s punches are fun. Angle is actually punching like Steiner in this. We need to deeply lose the wig. He`s losing his awesomeness. Edge throws the Lugertacular clothesline and then hits Locomotion High Back Body Drops? The fake crowd was grooving to the spunkiness of Maven and I was also digging it. Angle takes the bump that Steiner would never even contemplate taking so he erases all the other shit i said about him. If Maven wasn`t from Charlottesville- SHE BROKE MY FUCKIN` HEART!- and Angle didn`t scare me with the approximating Rick Steiner, this would have worked perfectly fine. BUT THE TRUTH IS THE TRUTH AND I AM A MAN! - Divas: Tropical Pleasures- for guys who will jack off to anything... - The teasing! The Comedy Skits! Kurt Angle bald! Then Test secretly calling Stacy a whore and then insinuating that he will be trying to fuck her- right there on camera! DOESN`T MR. MCMAHON WATCH THIS SHOW? Wow, THAT`S ENTERTAINMENT. IF I BLEW IT OUT OF MY ASS~!~! WOW! - Rikishi comes out and so there is always hope that Chuck and Billy will have their tights around their ankles- writhing on the mat in their thongs, oiled up and helpless. D-Von sucks on the stick but he`s fine in the ring. Rikishi no-sells the DDT and he is losing vaunted Worldwide points by the second. The crowd is ready for the Rikishi fecal spray but their is shenanigans afoot. Deacon Batista kicks like Syd Eudy. MDS sez he kicks like Dirty White Girl. Doomstone is so old school. My insult hides it`s head in shame. The thing about Rico talking to Billy and Chuck about double crossing Rikishi is that it would seem like they are assuming that nobody tells Rikishi what happens on Smackdown. God, are ratings THAT bad that they can do what ever they want on camera, knowing that word will never get around because nobody is actually watching anymore? - Stacy shoves her pussy right into the screen and I feel the urge to pull out my ones. Strip joints suck. You`re around a buncha sweaty fat guys who can`t actually get any TANG~! so they are paying a surrogate to NOT fuck them. HEY! That sounds like the WWE! Quoth the [mul]DOOMSTONE: ``BRA AND PANTIES MATCH!`` - I thought Undertaker was RAW BRAND~!~! WOW~! He`s on SMECKDURN! I am torqued! Undertaker hops on the stick and sounds like Gregg Almond after that solo album with the ``show you my tattoo`` line in it. QUOTH THE [MUL]DOOMSTONE: ``Undertaker might steal your diamonds but he`ll bring you back some gold.`` - SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER! Hogan didn`t retire. And he didn`t retire FOR FOURTEEN MINUTES. THERE YOU HAVE IT. DEAN RASMUSSEN. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest RavishingRickRudo Report post Posted May 24, 2002 - Jericho being baffled by being stuck in the ring with the Nouvelle Fred Ottman is completely understandable. Jericho walks to the ring and you can SMELL the sweet sweet scent of Tenta- as the world`s strongest man can`t be far behind. Mark Henry`s theme music sounds like a Nazereth song that isn`t ``Hair Of The Dog``. Like one of those shitty songs on Loud And Proud. Jericho eats a lot of offense and makes it look all fabulous. He actually does a Randy Mulkey versus Warlord match up to the cool looking full through the ropes Big Bossman Memphis Sit On You Thingy. Then it became Jericho doing his best late era Funklike sell of the posting. The finish made Jericho look like shit. HHH fought like a motherfucker despite his HitC injuries while Jericho has trouble putting away the fatter version of Ice Train. What the fuck? It was an okay little match for what it was. Yes it was. 1 Paragraph 2 Wrestlers 8 References I have never heard a Canadian say Aboot in my life, and I have been one for quite some time noow. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 24, 2002 RRR SEZ: - Jericho being baffled by being stuck in the ring with the Nouvelle Fred Ottman is completely understandable. Jericho walks to the ring and you can SMELL the sweet sweet scent of Tenta- as the world`s strongest man can`t be far behind. Mark Henry`s theme music sounds like a Nazereth song that isn`t ``Hair Of The Dog``. Like one of those shitty songs on Loud And Proud. Jericho eats a lot of offense and makes it look all fabulous. He actually does a Randy Mulkey versus Warlord match up to the cool looking full through the ropes Big Bossman Memphis Sit On You Thingy. Then it became Jericho doing his best late era Funklike sell of the posting. The finish made Jericho look like shit. HHH fought like a motherfucker despite his HitC injuries while Jericho has trouble putting away the fatter version of Ice Train. What the fuck? It was an okay little match for what it was. Yes it was. 1 Paragraph 2 Wrestlers 8 References ---- DR: I was rambling. I have never heard a Canadian say Aboot in my life, and I have been one for quite some time noow. DR: I vacation exclusively in Canada and yeah y'all do- y'all just don't realize it. I await the kicks to the groin from Ollie and Rob when I visit Ottawa in October. DEAN. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 24, 2002 Good stuff (as always), Dean. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest chirs3 Report post Posted May 24, 2002 Don't ever stop doing these. I don't get half the references you make, but these posts are great. Hogan didn`t retire. And he didn`t retire FOR FOURTEEN MINUTES. LOL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest RavishingRickRudo Report post Posted May 24, 2002 I say 'ah-baa-ou-t', not 'ah-boot'. I can hear myself say it and I have a good ear for things like this (hell, 3 years of speech therapy (non-consecutively) in getting wid of my ahwuhs, and a lil bit of ttthhhith will do that to ya ) DEAN, don't you ever....EVER...stop rambling... Pass through Mississauga...I'll get the girls all polished... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest razazteca Report post Posted May 24, 2002 DEAN just like Dennis Miller on Monday Night, you are over the peoples heads with the references. Aboot a SCTV Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas reference? Was there a mouse in the beer you were drinking? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 24, 2002 I say 'ah-baa-ou-t', not 'ah-boot'. I can hear myself say it and I have a good ear for things like this (hell, 3 years of speech therapy (non-consecutively) in getting wid of my ahwuhs, and a lil bit of ttthhhith will do that to ya ) DEAN, don't you ever....EVER...stop rambling... Pass through Mississauga...I'll get the girls all polished... That's right outside of Toronto, right? I'm not sure what I'm gonna be doing other than seeing the Ottawa Renegades play and await the beloved Allouettes to fold like a card table if they haven't already by the week I arrive. I'm thinking of a giant booze tour of Ontario since my wife will be with the new youngun and I will be driving solo next time. We should get together and have the poutine that isn't really poutine because it ain't from Montreal. DEAN. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 24, 2002 Aboot a SCTV Rick Moranis & Dave Thomas reference? Was there a mouse in the beer you were drinking? ---- DR: It's a jelly.... DEAN. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest gthureson Report post Posted May 24, 2002 Why aren't these being put on the actual Smartmarks.com website? They're pure gold. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Hogan Made Wrestling Report post Posted May 24, 2002 "TEST`s Angel Wings were quite the 1/4 as good as Christopher Daniels` but what ya gonna do? " Uh Dean, don't you mean the Last Rites? I thought the Angel Wings was Daniels' butterfly powerbomb. Unless you are talking about that move and Test used it somewhere in the match, but I assumed you meant his finisher. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Special K Report post Posted May 24, 2002 Raw gave us some hope. The show wasn't that hot, but the new directions seemed promising. but after Smackdown, I draw the line. Not that it was a extraordinarily awful show, just because it was a bad show. I've taken in a ton of bad shows, but never a streak (if RAW next week follows up, then that merits an exception) of such putrid shows. I have been watching wrestling for a long time (6 years, I know to some I am a newbie) but never have I felt so apathetic to a wrestling show. i'm not a conspiracy theorist. I think I'm a Smark, able to form opinions. I have a few faves that won't be pushed. I accept that. But, for the 1st time, I'd rather spend 15 miutes jawing on the net than watching something I've love since my teen years. Waiting for your fave guy to get pushed is worthwhile only if the show can somewhat entertain you in the meanwhile. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Brian Report post Posted May 24, 2002 The Angel's wings is the double-underhook, lift, and into the sit-out driver. Brian, still wondering why greener than grass Maven is getting TV time and not Daniels. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 24, 2002 Uh Dean, don't you mean the Last Rites? I thought the Angel Wings was Daniels' butterfly powerbomb. Unless you are talking about that move and Test used it somewhere in the match, but I assumed you meant his finisher. DR: I said Last Rites. Just because I don't know doesn't mean I'm... lying. DEAN. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
