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OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 9/29/05

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PRESENTS

 

HeldDOWN~!

 

fireworks.jpg

 

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

B O O M ~ !

 

COLE

WELCOME to Providence, Rhode Island! We've got a sold-out crowd here tonight in the Dunkin' Donuts Center, jam-packed here for OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

COACH

Big night tonight, Alfdogg will defend his Heartland title for the first time since AngleSlam, right here tonight!

 

COLE

Also, the hometown boy, Zack Malibu, and much, much, more! Let's get to the action!

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As soon as clocks around the nation hit 8pm (Eastern Standard Time, of course), we are taken to the ring, as a wild Rhode Island crowd has packed inside of the Dunkin' Donuts Center tonight for the latest edition of the OAOAST's flagship wrestling program. It's time for another HeldDOWN~!, and standing in the ring is the General Manager of HeldDOWN~!, Calvin Szechstein. Looking ever so dapper in his three piece suit, Szechstein has a mic in his hand, and prepares to address the crowd.

 

CALVIN

Ladies and gentlemen, WELCOME to OAOAST HELDDOWN~!

 

::crowd roars::

 

CALVIN

I'm General Manager Calvin Szechstein, Cal to my friends, and a slew of dirty words to my enemies, and tonight, I am pleased to bring you this special HeldDOWN~! Homecoming!

 

The fans pop again, and everybody in the arena begins chanting one name and one name only.

 

"ZACK!"

"ZACK!"

"ZACK!"

 

CALVIN

I know, I know, you want him...and you GOT him! Ladies and gentlemen, presenting one half of the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, he is Providence's own ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIBUUUUUUU!

 

"Getting Away With Murder" hits, and the DDC walls rattle as the noise from the cheers shakes the building to its very foundation! Out onto the entrance stage steps Rhode Island's favorite son, the OAOAST World Tag Team title belt draped over his shoulder. Malibu walks down the stage, but then stops, and holds up his finger as if to say "wait a minute". Malibu then turns around and motions for someone to come out from the back, and the crowd goes wild for a second time, as CANDIE makes her return to OAOAST programming alongside her beau!

 

COLE

We haven't seen Candie in nearly six months, since being put on the shelf thanks to Dan Black's Blackout, and now she is back and looking as good as ever!

 

COACH

I'll second that!

 

CABOOSE

Oh what the hell, I'll third it!

 

Dressed in boot-cut jeans and a white polo shirt, Malibu leaps up onto the apron, then leans over and helps Candie up to it. Malibu raises Candie's arm up into the air, and raises his OAOAST tag belt up with his other hand, and the cameras scan the crowd who are happy to see their favorite couple back together, here tonight in Zack's hometown.

 

COLE

What a welcome for the hometown boy who made good!

 

"Getting Away With Murder" fades out, and Zack and Candie enter the ring. Malibu shakes Cal's hand, and Cal leans over to give Candie a peck on the cheek, although she's a bit reluctant to take a smooch from her old stablemate. Malibu calms her down, and the three remain silent, as no one could even begin to talk over the rabid cheering.

 

"ZACK!"

"ZACK!"

"ZACK!"

 

Candie smiles at Zack, who smiles back. Calvin takes a backseat to it all, stepping back and letting the local boy have his spotlight, as he finally raises the mic to his lips.

 

ZACK

The Zack Attack is BACK HOME, PROVIDENCE~!

 

The crowd roars, and Zack laughs, knowing that he's got the fans in the palm of his hand.

 

ZACK

That's right, it's good to be back, but more importantly, it is so good to have my babygirl back, so give it up for her, huh? Give it up for Candie!

 

Again, the crowd roars, and Candie's cheeks turn red, because despite performing live in front of OAOAST crowds for over two years. Zack smiles about it, and then continues addressing his hometown crowd.

 

ZACK

It's great to be back, it's great to be back with Candie, and it's great to be back in town holding some OAOAST gold! The OAOAST Tag Team Championship, you know, this belt means as much to me as any World Title I've won. Leon Rodez and I went through hell to get these belts, and I guarantee you we're going to go through hell to keep them! In fact, I'm sure you all caught Dirty Deeds, and...

 

"OH! OH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"

 

CABOOSE

What the...that's "Sexy Boy!"

 

COLE

Some Guy! We haven't seen him in a while, but here he comes!"

 

The crowd pops, but Zack and Candie are shocked by the interruption. Clad in blue jeans and a David Ortiz Red Sox jersey, Some Guy does his trademark dance before walking down the aisle, looking slightly miffed. He climbs up the steps and into the ring, and instead of greeting his former tag team partner with a handshake, he rudely snatches the microphone from his hand!

 

CABOOSE

This should be interesting.

 

The crowd is cheering, but some fans have picked up on Some Guy's demeanor, and are jeering the mic-snatch.

 

SOME GUY

Zack, Zack, Zack...welcome home.

 

The crowd roars, but Zack is still perplexed at the disruption.

 

SOME GUY

I know you're surprised to see me, but hey, who doesn't like surprises, right? I mean, I know that I for one love to be surprised, except when SOMEONE decideds to leave me off the pay per view that was coming from MY hometown!

 

Some Guy glares at Calvin Szechstein, who glares right back at him, not intimidated.

 

SOME GUY

What's the matter, Calvin, you gonna pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about? Dirty Deeds took place from Boston. From Fenway Park, the home of my Sox, and it was a chance for the world to see Some Guy on a grand stage again. It was a chance for me to return to the ranks with a bang, and what did I get? I got to sit backstage and watch those matches with the ring crew. Instead of kicking some ass, I got catered food, bottled water and NO AIRTIME. You left one of the superstars of the past 3 years, one of the OAOAST "Originals" as we've been called, off a pay per view extravaganza, and yet you think you're a GOOD General Manager?

 

Calvin has no retort, because Some Guy won't give him the mic. As Some Guy and Calvin bicker off-mic, Zack takes the mic back and responds.

 

ZACK

Hey man, look, if you've got a bone to pick with him, that's cool. You do your thing. He's out here because tonight is...

 

SOME GUY

You give that mic back to me, you son of a bitch!

 

Some Guy snatches the mic back from Malibu, and now things are getting tense between the two.

 

SOME GUY

For months, I watched your back. You brought me back because shit was going down, and you didn't know where to turn. Remember Anglemania? It was Caboose and I who helped save your ass when Dan Black, Tony and CWM had you at their mercy. It was me who helped you handle the GPX and Drek Stone, and then when I needed to rest myself, to let myself heal, well it seems that the world just forgot about ol' SG, didn't they? Especially YOU, partner. Then a few weeks ago I turn on HeldDOWN~! and what do I see? I see you and a kid, a rookie, someone who for all you know could be playing you like a fiddle, win the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles...the titles that should have been OURS. It shouldn't have been "Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez" in that match. It should have been Zack Malibu and Some Guy, two Original asskickers, and you and I both know we'd have run through all those teams in half the time it took you and Silk Stalking or whatever he wants to nickname himself, and it would cement The Originals as the driving force behind this company, but no. That didn't happen. I was almost ready to forgive it, because I figured it was just some goodwill gesture to open the eyes of the rest of the young lions, and show them that we're standing on equal ground, but then when I got left off Dirty Deeds, from Boston...FROM BOSTON, Zack, I realized I needed to stop playing nice. I needed to stop playing, and start doing what's good for me, and for my career at this point. Now you, and the booker man over there robbed me of my chance at gold, and tonight, I...

 

CUE: Oh Hell Yeah

 

CABOOSE

What the hell?

 

COACH

No 'boose, it's "Oh Hell Yeah" by the H-

 

CABOOSE

Fist. Face. Unless you shut up now.

 

Another unexpected arrival enters "The Dunk", as the OAOAST X Division Champion, Peter Knight, makes his way down to the ring. Knight looks agitated, and rolls under the bottom rope, coming to his feet, revealing that's he's brought his own mic. He looks at Some Guy, while Malibu, Candie, and Calvin all look on.

 

KNIGHT

You know something, Some Guy, I've been hearing you bitch for the last few minutes about being left off Dirty Deeds, and all I can say is it could be a LOT worse.

 

SOME GUY

How do you figure?

 

KNIGHT

How do I figure? Do you even need to ask me that? You weren't even on the show, and to me, that's a hell of a lot better than being the focal point and losing the big one, blowing your shot at the World Heavyweight Title in front of your friends and family!

 

The crowd is shocked, as Knight continues.

 

KNIGHT

Dirty Deeds was supposed to be MY night, MY time, MY chance at being at the top of the mountain. Don't get me wrong, I'll do everything in my power to keep this X Title presitgious, but the World Heavyweight Title is the belt that everyone strives for, and I let it slip away from me. I made myself weak, I made myself tap, and I made myself miss out at a chance for glory. I stood in that ring heartbroken the other night once I heard that bell toll, and now here we are, rolling out the red carpet for Zack Malibu.

 

All eyes are on Zack now, and he quickly snatches the mic back from Some Guy to retort.

 

ZACK

PK, look man, I've been where you are, and I know what you're feeling.

 

KNIGHT

No, no you don't. You have no idea what mental torture I've been through these last few days. You didn't lose in front of thousands of people who all knew you before you were a star!

 

Some Guy takes his mic back, and now the mic-swiping is getting ridiculous.

 

SOME GUY

Knight, you're right, he doesn't know, and that's why tonight, I want you in this ring, Zack. I want you and Leon Rodez across the ring from me, and I want what should be mine...the OAOAST World Tag Team Championship...and I'm going to take Peter Knight as my partner!

 

The crowd is in awe, and Knight is taken aback by it.

 

KNIGHT

What do you thi-

 

SOME GUY

Hear me out. You talk about how he doesn't know what it's like? Well now's your chance to show him. You can redeem yourself tonight, you can be a DOUBLE CHAMPION tonight, you can win the gold with me and have Preppy Boy flat on his back, looking at the lights in front of allllllll these idiots!

 

The crowd boos, and then start a chant up against Some Guy.

 

"MASSSSSSSSHOLE!"

"MASSSSSSSSHOLE!"

"MASSSSSSSSHOLE!"

 

Some Guy runs to the ropes and kicks them, threatening some ringsiders, while fellow Massachusetts native Knight looks a bit unimpressed at the chant.

 

KNIGHT

Look, you've made your points, Some Guy, but I think you and I are on different pages here. I think that...

 

All of a sudden, Calvin Szechstein finally steps in.

 

CALVIN

ALL RIGHT! That's it, no more talking, no more name calling, no more musical chairs with the microphone! Now, it seems that we've got a few issues boiling over here, a little bit of controversey, and I've gotta admit, I like it. Controversey equals ratings, boys, and tonight is no exception. So tonight, in this ring, your main event will see Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez put their OAOAST World Tag Team Championships on the line against...PETER KNIGHT AND SOME GUY!

 

The crowd roars for the announcement, and Some Guy looks pleased. Knight looks around him, first at Calvin, then at Some Guy, then at Zack. Malibu looks at Candie, then turns his attention to Some Guy, who walks up to him, smiles, and then heads out. As Some Guy leaves, Knight and Malibu stare at each other, and then Knight ducks out of the ring, leaving the hometown hero and his girlfriend bewildered at all that's just happened.

 

COLE

What an announcement, what a night it's going to be...tonight, the OAOAST World Tag Team Titles are on the line here in Providence! Fans, stay tuned tonight, because this one is not to be missed!

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AC/DC's Dirty Deeds hits.

 

Coming to DVD...

 

Leon Rodez is shown standing at the top of the steel cage.

 

COACH

DIZZAMN~!

 

COLE

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!

 

November 1st, 2005...

 

PK! PK! PK! PK! PK!

 

It's OAOAST Dirty Deeds!

 

SCHIAVONE

The OAOAST's fall classic is live on the air!

 

Relive every breathtaking matchup from the OAOAST's fall classic, and receive special bonus features, including a star-studded TEN-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH that took place after HeldDOWN left the air the following Thursday!

 

Footage is shown of ten elite OAOAST superstars doing battle in the ring.

 

OAOAST Dirty Deeds, coming to DVD, Tuesday, November 1!

 

COLE

Indeed, Dirty Deeds, the FALL CLASSIC of the OAOAST, coming to DVD in about a month, I can't wait! It was a great show, Coach.

 

COACH

Well, you don't HAVE to wait as long as the people out there, Cole! We'll get them in advance! We DO *work* for this company, remember?

 

The camera cuts backstage as HeldDOWN~! GM Calvin Szechstein walks back to his office from the ring, making a sudden stop at the doorway.

 

CALVIN

What the hell are you doing?

 

The camera pans over to show Alfdogg sitting at Calvin's desk with his feet propped on it. The crowd pops upon seeing Alf.

 

ALF

What's up, boss? I just dropped by to see if you found an opponent for me yet. You do remember that this is the end of my 30-day period, right?

 

CALVIN

*laughing* Don't you worry, I haven't forgotten. And get out of my desk!

 

*Calvin pushes Alf's feet off the desk, and Alf gets out of the seat*

 

ALF

Whoa, take it easy! Just tell me who I got tonight, and I'll be on my way.

 

CALVIN

I've got someone for you, all right. He's returning tonight, for the first time since License to Pin. Tonight, Alf, you're going to defend your title against...BROCK AUSSTIN.

 

*crowd cheers for the announcement as Alf is noticeably less cheerful, but manages to keep a straight face.*

 

CALVIN

Now...you were on your way, right?

 

*Alf grins and nods, then leaves the office. Calvin grins and sits down at his desk, then yells for someone in the hall to come in. In walks Chris Stevens to a nice pop.*

 

STEVENS

You wanted to see me?

 

CALVIN

Yeah, I do. I need to talk to you.

 

STEVENS

What is it?

 

CALVIN

Remember License to Pin, when you inadvertently cost Brock Ausstin a shot at the OAOAST World title?

 

STEVENS

*sighs* Yeah, I remember. What's your point?

 

CALVIN

Well, Brock's back tonight.

 

STEVENS

No.

 

CALVIN

Yes. And I've booked him against Alfdogg for the OAOAST Heartland title. Now, I'm sure if you were to help Brock win that title tonight, you could get back on his good side. Just something to think about.

 

STEVENS

You know, that just might work.

 

CALVIN

And should you succeed...I'll make sure you get a shot at that title at World Without End. So, do we have a deal?

 

STEVENS

Absolutely!

 

*Stevens shakes a reluctant Calvin's hand, and walks out. Calvin has a half grin and half strange look on his face.*

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"Smells Like Teen Spirit" rifts up as HeldDown gets back underway. The crowd roars a mixture of approval and disapproval for the definitely Original but not always likeable C Dubya M. He heads out down to the ring, crosses under the ropes, and asks for a microphone.

 

CWM

Hold on folks. I've got something to say. Caboose! Caboose man, I'm going to need to talk to you

 

COLE

Caboose?

 

CABOOSE

Don't know. But if its CWM, he's got a major annoucement.

 

Caboose takes off his headset and gets up from SOFA CENTRAL~! to the cheer of the crowd. He takes the long way around the ring towards the ring steps as CWM awaits in the ring.

 

Over the safety wall from behind jumps Stephen Joseph, slamming a steel chair on the back of Caboose's head! He stands and stares at CWM in the ring, pulling a microphone out of his pants whilst standing over Caboose's prone body.

 

Stephen Joseph

Let me make your announcement for you Cobain. You see, I've beaten Dan Black, but that didn't get me a title shot. I've beaten Tony Brannigan,a former World Champion, and that didn't get me a title shot. So tonight, C Dubya M, I'm going to beat you, and maybe that will get me a title shot, if the damn Champion ever shows up. To me Cobain, you're just another Original standing in MY way. So Move, BITCH, Get out the way!

 

Cobain

How about right now? ::Cobain pulls off his shirt and motions for SJ to come into the ring

 

Stephen Joseph

Oh No! No no no! I've got a plan, and I still have things to do. Your little buddy, Caboose, that was Step 1 of my plan tonight. Now no one's going to help you, not even Zack Malibu or any "Originals"

 

Cobain

Joseph, you've NEVER beaten me. But since you've forgotten, I'll have no problem reminding you anytime, anywhere, anyplace

 

Stephen Joseph

Tonight, I beat you. As for your friend here... ::SJ raises the chair::

 

COLE

 

Stephen Joseph

Say hello to MY little friend ::SJ drops the mic and grabs the chair with both hands, slamming down on the back of Caboose's head.

 

Cobain darts under the ropes and chases Stephen Joseph off as EMT's enter the ringside area to attend to Caboose, who's bleeding from the back of his head.

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COLE

I’m being told that—that something is happening backstage as we speak.

 

COACH

What? What’s going on?

 

COLE

I don’t know. But let’s go backstage right now!

 

The camera cuts backstage. Members of The Lightning Crew are shown huddling over somebody. It looks as though they are attacking someone. The crowd boos the moment they are shown.

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew is at it again!

 

The camera moves in closer to reveal whom The LC is attacking…SPANISH FLY.

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew is doing a beatdown on Spanish Fly.

 

COACH

This must be payback for Spanish Fly costing PRL his match with Popick against Black T last Sunday at Dirty Deeds!

 

Vitamin X and Thomas Rodriguez hold Spanish Fly up as Cuban Wall punches him in the face repeatedly. Fly is feeling the effects of the beatdown, but The LC isn’t done with him yet. The crowd is still booing. Vitamin X nails Fly with a right jab. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez slaps him. Thomas Rodriguez even punches Fly, but the punch hurts him as much as Fly. It’s obvious that the 4’11” Spanish Fly is no match for the taller members of The Lightning Crew.

 

COLE

This is terrible! Spanish Fly is at the mercy of The Lightning Crew!

 

COACH

I can’t bear to watch!

 

“The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican and Stephen Joseph Popick arrive. PRL applauds his Lightning Crew for what they’ve done. Spanish Fly is on his knees, groggy, catching his breath. PRL walks up to him, an evil smile on his face.

 

“THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN

You want to be a big man huh? You want to attack Tha Puerto Rican?

 

PRL kicks Spanish Fly in the stomach.

 

PRL

Well you’ll never be a big man! You’re always going to be a small twerp!

 

PRL and Popick do a beatdown on Spanish Fly!

 

COLE

Will somebody please stop this?

 

Tha Puerto Rican picks Fly up. Mr. Boricua grabs Spanish Fly and throws him into a garage door! Spanish Fly crumbles to the ground with a loud thud. PRL walks over to Spanish Fly and slaps him in the face.

 

PRL

Come on. Help me take the midget's mask off!

 

PRL and Popick kick the midget--er--I mean Spanish Fly in the stomach for good measure, and then try to take off his mask. Fly fights back, but he is no match for The Corporate Champ and his “Career Consultant” and his mask comes right off!

 

PRL

YES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAAA!!!

 

Tha Puerto Rican holds Spanish Fly’s mask in the air. Fly quickly covers his face, although the camera manages to show his shaved head. PRL puts his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt in Fly’s face.

 

PR

You want this so bad!?! You want to win this belt!?! WELL YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO GET IT! NEVER! NEVER!!!

 

PR spins the belt plate.

 

PR

Go back to the bush leagues little man!

 

PRL kicks Fly in the face. The Lightning Crew leaves. Spanish Fly is still covering his face, coughing. The crowd boos.

 

(Cut back to Triple C~!)

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew just did a number on Spanish Fly. They took off his mask and left him for dead. Their message was loud and clear: Don’t mess with Tha Puerto Rican.

 

COACH

You’re right, Michael. PRL and Popick had the match won against Black T last Sunday at Dirty Deeds, but Spanish Fly did another sneak attack on PRL, and you could say that it was thanks to him that Black T won.

 

COLE

Spanish Fly has done sneak attacks on PRL ever since AngleSlam, and it looks like those sneak attacks have come back to bite him in the you-know-where. Fly is gunning for PRL’s 24/7 Title, but after tonight, I doubt PRL will ever give Fly a shot at his title.

 

COACH

Well you never know Michael. PRL could give Fly a shot someday, but you know that if and when it does happen, The Lightning Crew will be waiting in the wings. As you just saw, Spanish Fly’s speed is no match for The Lightning Crew’s strength. They are a powerful force to be reckon with, and if PRL and Spanish Fly ever meet for the 24/7 Title, Fly better watch his back if he wants to become 24/7 Champion.

 

COLE

Absolutely Coach. Now fans, we're going to send you to Josh Matthews!

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Josh Matthews

Stephen Joseph, you challenged CWM for tonight. Is there a reason why you're fighting the Originals one at a time on HeldDown?

 

Stephen Joseph

Brilliant question JM! Of course there's a reason why I'm doing this. Let me ask you a question. Where's the World HeavyWeight Champion? Have you seen him? I haven't. Every second our great Champion stays away with the OAOAST gold, its value diminishes. Well, I for one value that title, since its something I never could get when the Originals were in charge. Now that the Upstarts, and most importantly Tha Puerto Rican, have my back, I feel the winds changing. I hold victories over 2 of the greatest OAOAST veterans in the last month. In fact, I haven't been pinned since I re-entered the ring.

 

I'm focused. I'm ready. And after I beat ANOTHER former World Champion here tonight, I'll call out Hoff. And if he doesn't respond then, I'll beat another Original. Maybe Some Guy. Maybe Zack Malibu, or Leon Rodez. I'll continue to beat opponents until someone recognizes that I deserve MY chance.

 

Let's face facts here people. The old order is crumbling. The new wave is here. And I'm going to ride that wave all the way to that big, golden, belt.

 

Ya Heard?

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Jay Richards arrives to the arena late, getting a good pop as he walks in the door. The cheers quickly turn to boos, however, when Rick Heyross walks onto the screen, flanked by Team Heyross, and puts his arm around Richards.

 

HEYROSS

JAY RICHARDS! I'm glad to see you here tonight. Now I know we've had our differences over the past few weeks, but we share a common hatred. Do you know what that is?

 

RICHARDS

*in a weird tone...think "Hello, Newman"* What is it, Rick?

 

HEYROSS

We both hate...BROCK AUSSTIN.

 

*Richards starts to see where Heyross is coming from, and looks up in the air, giving it thought.*

 

You see, Brock Ausstin STABBED ME in the BACK. And he did the same to you guys in the CSI. Well, seeing as you're just getting here, you probably don't know that Brock Ausstin is back tonight.

 

RICHARDS

No.

 

HEYROSS

Yes. He is in the building right now, and he's been booked in a match with Alfdogg for his Heartland title. Now we know that you hate Brock Ausstin for ditching you guys, right?

 

RICHARDS

Right.

 

HEYROSS

And we know about Alfdogg...he's a fighting champion. Look what he did to your associate at License to Pin.

 

RICHARDS

*swelling up* Starting to get a little stiff, Heyross.

 

HEYROSS

Just bear with me here, Jay. I bet if you went out there and helped Alf successfully retain his title against Brock Ausstin, he'd be more than happy to give you a title shot at World Without End.

 

*the crowd is in a mixture of cheers and laughter, realizing the conundrum that's about to happen later tonight.*

 

And could you imagine the bragging rights you would have if you took Alf's Heartland title on Pay-Per-View, just three months after your leader failed to get the job done?

 

*Richards starts to grin, and nods in agreement along with Team Heyross.*

 

RICHARDS

I like the way you think sometimes, Heyross.

 

*Richards slaps Heyross on the chest lightly and walks off chuckling.*

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COLE

We're joining this in progress!

 

COACH

They didn't have enough pyro left!

 

They start out, and its all CWM. He charges Popick down into the mat, hitting him with a series of elbows to the head. Then he pulls him up and slams him back down with a DDT. And add to that a running legdrop. CWM is on fire!

 

CWM slows down a bit and marches SJ into the corner, where SJ pokes him in the eye! He pushes CWM back first into the turnbuckles and sends a right handed chop right to the chest! And again! And Again!

 

COACH

WHOOOOOOOO!!!

 

CWM staggers out of the turnbuckle and into SJ's awaiting grasp. He pulls him over with a suplex into a pin attempt!

 

 

 

1! CWM kicks out!

 

And CWM is standing up. That woke him up! CWM blocks a Popick punch and kicks him in the knee, then grabs him acrosst the waist with intentions of hitting a belly to belly!

 

CWM covers!

 

 

1!

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

NO! SJ kicks out.

 

COLE

Fast paced match here folks.

 

CWM with knees to the midsection sends Popick into the ropes, then whips him across, on the return nailing popick with a Rolling Thunder Clothesline! He signals for the PollyCutter!

 

COLE

CWM wants to end this now!

 

COACH

NO SJ, Look out!

 

CWM leaps to catch Popick with the Polly Cutter, but Popick pushes CWM away.

CWM lands on his feet!

 

COLE

What a block!

 

SJ hits the turning CWM with a POLLYCUTTER!

 

 

1!

 

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

 

3!

 

 

 

NO! CWM with the shoulder up!

 

 

SJ slaps the mat hard and argues with the ref, then turns to pull CWM up and whips him hard into the turnbuckle.

 

SJ places CWM on the top turnbuckle, and takes little time in pulling him down into a superplex! Fast as fast can be, SJ darts back to the top of the turnbuckle, taking time to grandstand to the crowd. He leaps off with a 450 SPLASH that ...

 

 

COMPLETELY MISSES!

 

CWM rolled out of the way and Popick tastes ring mat. CWM turns around on the mat and schoolboy's Popick out of instinct

 

 

1!

 

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

 

CWM slides over SJ's shoulders, pin attempt

 

 

 

1!

 

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

 

 

CWM then pulls SJ up and levels him back down with a European Uppercut, and tells the crowd its time to finish this!

 

Puerto Rico jumps over the ring barrier from the crowd!, causing CWM to turn away from SJ and intercept Puerto sliding into the ring. CWM hits him with rights and lefts, then tumbles Puerto Rico out of the ring with a ringing clothesline!

 

COLE

Damn that Puerto!

 

COACH

You're on the wrong side there pally!

 

CWM turns away after knocking PR off the ring apron. He signals to the crowd for the PollyCutter! SJ is groggily standing up, and CWM kicks him hard in the gut, lifts his head up and POLLYCUTTER~!

 

NO! SJ stops it in mid-jump by latching on a full-nelson and turning CWM up and over, onto SJ's Shoulder! CRACK!

 

COACH

FINALITY! FINALITY!

 

Stephen Joseph covers...

 

 

1!

 

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

 

3!

 

 

 

BUFFER: Your Winner... screeetchhh

 

COLE

Stephen's taken the microphone away from Michael Buffer.

 

Stephen Joseph

How many more do I have to beat? How many more former World Champions must I pin in this ring till I get my shot? I want my Answer next week!

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Cut backstage, to The Parka. Standing in one of the more secluded hallways in the arena, Parka is making presumably a private phone-call, which is pretty hard to do in a wrestling arena, what with the cameras and people and stuff. What he's saying we can't quite hear, because the camera is a little way away. Far enough away to see two shadows loom over into shot.

 

WRIGHT

Well well, if it isn't 'The Parka'.

 

Parka turns his head and, seeing Christian Wright and Bohemoth, quickly tell the person on the other end of the line that "I'll call you back", before hanging up.

 

WRIGHT

Finally emerged from your hiding place have we, Parka?

 

PARKA

Excuse me?

 

WRIGHT

What were you doing on September 25th? Better yet, what was I doing on September 25th? Sitting, twiddling my thumbs in Boston, Massachusets, that's what! I didn't much appreciate you running out on our scheduled encounter Parka. I showed up at Dirty Deeds and waited around the arena for TWO HOURS before finally, someone had the courtesy to inform me you'd cancelled your appearance and were instead 'visiting family'.

 

PARKA

That's right...

 

Scoffing, Wright turns to Bohemoth.

 

WRIGHT

Hark, he doesn't even deny it!

 

PARKA

Of course I don't deny it. I was with my family. In Houston. Believe me, I'm as sorry as you about not getting to take up your little challenge at Dirty Deeds.

 

WRIGHT

So sorry that you took a family vacation regardless?

 

PARKA

I'd hardly call preparing for a Category 4 Hurricane and sitting on the side of the road for countless hours with no petrol a 'vacation'. Besides, my family are more important than anything. If I'm worried about them, I'm going to concern myself with them, not some jumped up upstart.

 

Scoffing again, Wright laughs.

 

WRIGHT

Worried? About what, may I ask...that a branch may get blown off in the breeze and hit someone? I've experienced more dangerous winds sitting in front of a box-fan than anyone saw from that...'so called' 'Hurricane'. Your excuses are pitiful Parka...just as you yourself appear to be!

 

Parka is slowly beginning to fume more and more, just about holding his temper in check as Wright and Bohemoth sneer on.

 

PARKA

Listen, 'Shakespeare'...if you think I'm afraid of you, you're dead wrong! I've fought people a whole lot bigger, a whole lot badder and a whole lot tougher than you could ever hope to be! So, don't you worry yourself, Christian. You'll still get your match with me. Infact, it's already been rescheduled. For World Without End. And believe me, nothing's going to stop me from beating you this time...nothing. Oh, and while I think of it, I also got myself a shot at the HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship, next week. So, I guess I'll be seeing you both sooner than you thought.

 

Eyes opening wide, Wright turns to Bohemoth and stares at the belt hanging over his shoulder, before staring back at The Parka, speechless. Bohemoth doesn't seem nearly as worried as Wright though and nods, as Parka walks off out of shot. Watching on, Wright pats Bohemoth's title defiantly, the bigman staring off in Parka's path as we fade back out.

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A cold, dark voice begins to speak the ungodly hymn over the loud speakers, as smoke begins to cover the entrance way.

 

"Come on God, Answer Me.

For Years, I've Been Asking You Why?

Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive?

Where is Justice? Where is Punishment?

. . . . . . . . . . .

Or Have You Already Answered?

Have You Already Said to the World,

Here is Justice. Here is Punishment.

Here....

In Me."

 

"Punishment" by BIOHAZARD starts up, and Brock Ausstin makes his way through the curtain, getting a mixed reaction.

 

COLE

And here comes Brock Ausstin, his first appearance since License to Pin, where he lost to Hoff with a shot at the World title on the line!

 

COACH

And who knows, if not for miscommunication between Chris Stevens and Brock Ausstin, Brock could be walking out here with the World title around his waist right now!

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, is for the OAOAST Heartland championship, and is scheduled for one fall to a finish. Making his way down the aisle...he stands six feet, four inches tall, and weighs in at 320 pounds. He is truly one of the most intimidating presences in the OAOAST today, and tonight, he is making his return to the ring after a two-month absence! From Victoria, Minnesota...BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNN!!!!!

 

Brock gets into the ring and does his Happy Happy Hoss Dance~! as Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon hits and the crowd goes crazy as Alfdogg comes through the curtains and strides towards the ring.

 

BUFFER

His opponent...weighing in at 240 pounds. He is a former OAOAST World Champion, and truly one of the greats in the lore of the OAOAST! The reigning, and defending, OAOAST Heartland Champion...ALFDOGG!!!!!

 

Alf poses in the corner with the belt in one hand, and jumps down and stares down Brock across the ring.

 

COLE

Alf staring down Brock Ausstin. This is the first time these two have ever met in a match.

 

COACH

That's right, and a lot of people, myself included, thought it should have been Alf taking on Hoff at License to Pin for that No. 1 contendership.

 

COLE

Well, if you recall, Coach, Alf got his shot just days after that and couldn't get it done.

 

COACH

Alf was in a barbed-wire ladder match just four days earlier, what do you expect?

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Alf and Brock circle the ring, then tie up. Brock easily backs Alf into the corner, then smacks him upside his head. Alf rushes out and gets caught in a tieup again, and gets shoved to the mat. Brock then catches Alf coming up and tosses him into the corner, hammering away with punches and kicks. Brock whips Alf into the opposite corner hard, and catches coming out with a press slam.

 

COLE

Look at the strength here from Ausstin, and Brock, as you would expect, overpowering Alf here.

 

COACH

No doubt, Ausstin looking good in his return to the ring.

 

Brock drags Alf out of another corner and gives him a snap suplex. Brock stalls a bit, allowing Alf to give him a shot to the gut, then a couple right hands to the head. Brock drives a knee into Alf's midsection, then drives forearms into the back. Brock whips Alf into the corner, but eats boots on the charge! Alf then climbs backwards to the top rope ala Rick Steiner, and jumps off, going for a hurricanrana, but Brock catches him with a powerbomb! Brock holds on, and delivers another! Brock gives a devilish smile to the wide camera.

 

COACH

It's been all Brock so far, Cole! I'm a little surprised here.

 

Brock lifts up Alf and gives him an overhead belly-to-belly! He then walks across the ring, picks him up, and gives him a second suplex! Alf gets sent HARD into the corner again, and takes a BIG backdrop!

 

COLE

Look at the elevation on that one, and Alf is in serious trouble here!

 

Brock then catches Alf coming up with a THIRD belly-to-belly, and Alf rolls out of the ring.

 

COACH

You remember earlier Mr. Szechstein encouraging Chris Stevens to maybe get back on Brock Ausstin's good side by helping him win this matchup, but I don't think he's going to need it tonight.

 

COLE

And again, what about Jay Richards? He's got a mindset after talking to Heyross, he wants to keep that title AWAY from Brock's waist! He's got to be getting really nervous back there!

 

Alf lays on the outside for about five seconds, then Brock follows, giving him a knee to the midsection, then driving him back-first into the ringpost! Brock then climbs back in the ring. Alf lays out there for about eight more seconds, then climbs back up on the apron, driving his shoulder to Brock's midsection. Alf then grabs Brock's neck in a Stunner position, and drops him across the top rope!

 

COLE

Alf finally starting to mount a little offense here!

 

Alf then grabs Brock's leg and wraps it around the ringpost! The crowd pops for this, realizing that Alf may finally have turned the tide. Alf slowly rolls back into the ring, and dropkicks Brock's knee right out from under him!

 

COACH

Alf being very smart here, going after a limb on the big man, and now he looks to be going for a submission hold!

 

Alf grabs both legs, but Brock is able to push Alf back into the corner. Brock slowly makes it back to his feet, and is met with right hands from Alf. Alf whips Brock into the ropes, but puts his head down. Brock delivers a foot, then a MASSIVE clothesline! Alf rolls into the corner, and Brock lifts him up, delivering CHOPS!!!

 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 

More CHOPS!!!

 

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

 

Brock then backs off, and charges...but Alf moves, and Brock hits knee-first in the corner, going all the way over to the floor!

 

COLE

This could be the big break that Alf needs, Brock crashing all the way to the floor on that charge!

 

COACH

I think Alf needs to rest here, he needs to let Brock expend his energy and put strain on that injury by climbing back into the ring!

 

Alf, however, follows Brock out...with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!!!

 

COLE

OH MY!!! Alf FLYING over the top rope!

 

Alf delivers rights to the head of Brock, then rolls him back into the ring, where he gives him a chop block, holding onto the leg as he does it. Alf then turns him over...and hooks a SHARPSHOOTER as the crowd goes ballistic!!!

 

COLE

SHARPSHOOTER!!! SHARPSHOOTER!!! This HAS to be it! No way Brock can survive this with the punishment that's been delivered to that knee!

 

COACH

Well, you remember a few months ago Alf put Peter Knight on the shelf for a few weeks working on his arm, just like he's working on Brock's leg right now! Alf was absolutely vicious that night, and I see that looks in his eyes right now!

 

The camera indeed shows a look on Alf's face as he cinches in the Sharpshooter, then pans over to show the face of Brock, which is in pain. Brock lets out a scream, then yells NO loudly as the referee asks if he wants to give it up. Brock slowly starts to pull himself towards the ropes. He gets inches away...and Alf pulls him back to the center to a HUGE pop, then REALLY sits back and pulls on the legs!

 

COLE

And now, back in the middle of the ring! Alf looking to end this one via submission!

 

Brock pulls himself to the side ropes, and this time is able to reach them. Alf takes a four-count, then drags Brock out and slams his knee on the mat. Alf then wraps Brock's leg around his own, and bridges back with an INDIAN DEATHLOCK, grabbing Brock in a crossface!

 

COLE

Alf back to the submission!

 

COACH

Brock's not gonna scoot to the ropes on this one!

 

Brock hangs on for about ten seconds, then gets a hold of the referee's shirt, pulling him into Alf, breaking the hold!

 

COLE

And look at that desperation move by Brock Ausstin!

 

COACH

Hey, that's smart! There's no DQ's in the Heartland division!

 

Alf gets up and gives the referee some shit, then goes to pick Brock up, but Brock pulls him by the tights and sends him out of the ring.

 

COACH

Brock buying himself a little time here, but that knee has got to be gone by now.

 

Brock rolls out to the other side, grabbing a chair from underneath the apron, and rolling back in. Alf rolls in and charges, but takes a chair straight to the gut! Brock then uses the chair to pull himself up, and delivers a HUGE shot to the head, falling down himself in the process!

 

COLE

OH MY GOD, what a chairshot delivered by Brock Ausstin!

 

COACH

And Alf has been busted open by that shot, look at that!

 

Indeed, the blood is streaming down Alf's face as the camera gets a close-up look! Brock pulls himself up with the chair again, then gives Alf another shot to the gut and goes behind...GERMAN SUPLEX!!!

 

COLE

Those germans don't have the same authority they normally do, and that's got to be credited to the work Alf did on that knee of Brock Ausstin!

 

Brock rolls through, and delivers a second, and then a THIRD, releasing, then crawling over slowly for the cover...

 

COACH

This is it, we're gonna have a new champion here!

 

 

1......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2..................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!! Alf kicks out!

 

COLE

And believe it or not, that was our first pinfall attempt of this match, and it was a close one!

 

Brock grabs Alf in a beast choker, and wrenches back!

 

COLE

And now, it's Brock Ausstin looking for a submission here!

 

COACH

I don't recall ever seeing Alf submit, could this be the first time right here?

 

The camera zooms in on Alf's face popping out from Brock's armpit, then zooms out to show the hold being applied. Alf slowly fades away, and the referee grabs his arm, and it drops heavily. The crowd count along...

 

 

 

 

 

1!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

The referee grabs it again...another drop!!!

 

 

 

 

2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

The referee grabs it a third time...and...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alf BARELY keeps it up on the third drop! Alf delivers a huge elbow to the ribs! And another!!! And another!!! Alf then grabs Brock's bad leg and pulls on it, as Brock yells out in pain!

 

COACH

We've got double submissions going on here, Cole! Who's gonna crack first?

 

Brock slowly releases his grip on Alf, then goes to the eyes, and Alf releases his end. Brock grabs Alf to set up a suplex, but can't sustain the lift, thanks to his knee! Alf grabs Brock in a fisherman suplex...

 

 

1............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...........................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But Brock is able to kick out!

 

COACH

And that had to take even more out of Brock's knee to power out of that one!

 

Brock pops up with a huge clothesline!

 

COLE

And WHAT a burst of adrenaline from Brock right there!

 

Brock walks around the ring for a minute, then tries another German, but Alf flips back and lands on his feet! He then catches Brock turning around with a superkick! Alf goes to the ropes and yells out to the crowd, who rallies in response as Alf gives Brock a snap suplex! He follows that up with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex!

 

COLE

Amazing, what strength left in Alf after all this time!

 

Brock gets up, and walks right into a T-Bone suplex! Alf then puts one hand on his knee, and waves Brock up, whipping him into the ropes and catching him with a AA-SPINEBUSTER~!!! Alf then points to the sky!

 

COACH

Alf is signaling for the Five-Star!!!

 

Alf scales the top rope, as someone is seen tiptoeing down the aisle...

 

COLE

Who the hell is that?...

 

The camera focuses in on Chris Stevens, who shoves Alf off the top rope!

 

COLE

That's Chris Stevens! Remember the conversation he had with Calvin earlier!

 

Brock pulls himself up with the ropes, and spots Stevens at ringside, getting a confused look on his face as he stares him down. Stevens points at Alf, then points at Brock and signals as if to say "we're friends, remember?" Brock slowly walks towards Alf and sets up the F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111...but Alf inadvertently takes out the ref in mid-spin, allowing him to counter it into a DDT, right on the steel chair!!!

 

COACH

What a counter by Alf, and Brock is out!

 

Suddenly, Stevens slides into the ring, runs off the ropes, and drops Alf with a DIAMOND CUTTER~!!!

 

COLE

And look at Chris Stevens now!

 

COACH

You can tell how bad he wants another crack at that Heartland title!

 

Stevens pats Brock on the face, trying to revive him. As he's doing this, Jay Richards sneaks down the aisle and ducks down below the apron. Brock gives another weird look to Stevens, but pulls himself up again as Stevens attempts to revive the official. As he turns to do this, Richards quickly slides in and gives Brock a chop block to the front of his knee, and then slides out as if nothing had happened!

 

COLE

I...I think Stevens missed all of that!

 

Stevens turns around and looks at Brock, then looks at Richards and asks "what happened?" Richards shrugs at Stevens, then sneaks over to the announce table and grabs the conveniently placed water pitcher, dumping it onto Alf, then running around the ring and busting the pitcher over the head of Brock Ausstin!

 

COACH

Pitcher to the head of Brock, and now HE is busted open!

 

COLE

And Stevens saw that one!

 

Stevens hops out of the ring, and exchanges words with his stablemate! They each shove each other with one hand, then Brock grabs Richards around the neck, and attempts to drag him into the ring, but Richards goes to the eyes of Brock, then pulls him outside, where he looks on confused as Stevens and Richards continue to argue. Alf breaks up the confusion with a HANDS-FREE PLANCHA, taking out all three men!!!

 

COLE

Alf FLIES again!!! What a match this has been!!!

 

All four men lay around on the floor for a few seconds, then Alf rolls Brock back into the ring. Richards crawls over and grabs the Heartland title belt, then rolls into the ring and flies at Brock...who ducks, and Richards collides into Alf with the belt!

 

COACH

Uh-oh!

 

Richards puts his hands on the sides of his head in shock, then Brock sends him over the top rope with a clothesline! He then drops to the mat, and drapes an arm over Alf, as the referee slowly pulls himself over...

 

 

 

 

1.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.............................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

NO!!!!!!!! Alf gets a shoulder up at the last split second!!!

 

COACH

WOW! Brock THAT CLOSE to winning the Heartland title right there!

 

Stevens slides into the ring and waits for Alf to get to his feet. Alf and Brock struggle to their feet at the same time. Stevens hops across the ring, and delivers a SUPERKICK!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...but Alf ducks, and STEVENS HITS BROCK!!!!!

 

COLE

OH MY GOODNESS...

 

COACH

DE JA VU from License to Pin! Brock is down and out!!!

 

Alf catches Stevens with an overhead belly-to-belly, and Stevens bounces over the bottom rope to the floor! Alf then slowly climbs to the top as the crowd reaches a fever pitch...and flies off with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH to Brock, who is nearly two-thirds of the way across the ring!!!

 

 

1..............

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.............................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

COLE

ALF RETAINS AGAIN! WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MATCH!!!

 

BUFFER

The winner of this bout...and STILL OAOAST Heartland champion...ALFDOGG!!!

 

COACH

And you have to wonder what problems could arise within CSI after this one!

 

COLE

And how Brock will respond to yet more miscommunication with Chris Stevens!

 

Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon plays on the speakers as Alf slides out of the ring with his belt and walks back to the locker room.

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Backstage, Tony Schiavone stands in front of a OAOAST backdrop, alongside the Sooner Bruisers, who look INTENSE!

 

SCHIAVONE

Gentlemen, this past Sunday night at Dirty Deeds you were involved in one of the best matches I've ever seen in the history of this great sport, going up against the New New Midnight Express. Back and forth encounter with many great exchanges. But it's what happened before the 1-2-3 that I'd like to talk to you about. It's no secret the South Central Militia are serving as Jim Cornette's hitmen. He wants somebody eliminated, they get the job done for him. Unfortunately they've already completed one successful mission, taking out the Heavenly Rockers. We know these are some real bad guys with equally bad attitudes. Nothing more than hired thugs. And it appears they've turned their eyes to you as we saw at Dirty Deeds, where they cost you your match against the New New Midnight Express. It is said wounds heal in time. But judging by the looks on your faces, that isn't the case.

 

FRANK

HELL, NO, that isn't the case, Tony Schiavone! We pride ourselves on kicking ass straight up. If we're beaten it's because we lost to the better team that night. Everybody who saw that tag match Sunday night knows the New New Midnight Express weren't the better team. Like after pulling out of a fine piece of ass, the next step if the big finish. And like anyone of the Man of Tomorrow's megabytes would tell you, the big finish is never premature. As we're about to finish off the Midnights, them punk-ass bitches, Marcellus Wallace and Vincent Santana, the South Central Militia, show up and screw us up the ass. We don't need no damn help winning matches. Just like a lumberjack, all we need is our hands. So boys, instead of hittin' us from behind, why don't you try doing it in front of our faces? My brother and I challenge you two punks next week. We don't care if you're under contract or not, we'll do it non-sanction if we have to. We want a piece of your asses!

 

FRANKIE

Dirty Deeds...done dirt cheap? Next week we'll another AC/DC classic: "Highway to Hell." Ow-ow-ow-OWWWWWWW!

 

FRANK

The Man of Tomorrow is your upgrade, download if ya need me.

 

The Man of Tomorrow flexes his bicep, then kisses the peak before exiting with his brother.

 

SCHAIVONE

That's it from here, guys. Back to you.

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BUFFER

Llladies and gentlemen, the following tornado tag team match is for the OAOAST Tag Team Championships of the World!

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

Oh Hell Yeah blasts across the Dunk’s PA as the X-Champion, Peter Knight, walks through the curtain. In an ironic twist, he is met with mostly boos from the pro-Zack Providence crowd, even though his hometown is only a 15 minute drive from here.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, the challengers. First, from Fall River, Massachusetts, weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds, he is also the reigning X-Division champion of the WOOORLD…Peterrrrrrr Kniiiiiight!!

 

COLE

I don’t think at the beginning of tonight’s show, Peter Knight thought he would be getting another shot at OAOAST gold, but here he is.

 

Knight, ready and waiting to take his frustration over his loss to Hoff out on someone, steps through the ropes and drops his title belt in the corner, adjusting his straps and pulling the ropes as his music fades.

 

“Ohh OHH OOOOH!”

 

Sexy Boy hits the PA for the second time tonight and the crowd unloads with boos on Knight’s partner, as he simply walks through the curtain, skipping the usual dancing and playing to the crowd. Instead, he looks upon the crowd with contempt as he walks down the aisle.

 

BUFFER

And his partner, from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at two hundred and forty-five pounds….SOME Guyyyyyyyyyy.

 

COLE

Some Guy, who wasn’t at all happy with being left off Dirty Deeds this Sunday, came out to start the show and tore into everyone he could think of, which set up our main event tonight.

 

SG, looking as intense as his partner, walks over to Knight and gives him a pep talk, though Knight doesn’t look at him and instead looks towards the entrance as the music fades.

 

*GOOOOOOONG*

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

 

“GET DOWN!”

“GET DOWN!”

“GET DOWN!”

“GET DOWN!”

“GET DOWN!”

“GET DOWN!”

“GET DOWN!”

 

The Providence crowd bobs and grooves to the entrance music of one half of the World Tag Team champions, who struts into the arena, tag belt around his waist.

 

BUFFER

And their opponents, the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions! First, from Grand Rapids, Michigan, weighing in at two hundred and twenty-eight pounds, The Silky Smooth One, Lllleonnn Rodezzzzzzzz!!

 

Rodez walks down the aisle, playing to the crowd and clearly enjoying life. Suddenly, he stops and looks down at the tag team belt around his waist and slapping his forehead. He turns and points towards the entrance as his music fades, the Rhody crowd knowing what (or rather who) Rodez is signaling for.

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

 

The first notes of Getting Away With Murder hit the PA, but that’s all the TV audience hears, as the roof figuratively blows off the Dunkin’ Donuts Center (because if it literally did, the arena would be destroyed, see).

 

COLE

LISTEN TO THIS CROWD!!!! I HAVE TO SPEAK IN CAPS TO CONVEY HOW LOUD I HAVE TO SPEAK TO BE HEARD OVER THIS OVATION!!!

 

Even Rodez is surprised a bit as the other half of the tag champs walks into the arena with Candie on his arm, shaking his head in amazement at the reaction he gets from his hometown crowd.

 

BUFFER (Barely heard)

And his partner, from PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND, weighing in at one hundred and ninety-five pounds….ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MALIBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!

 

Zack meets Rodez in the aisle and slap hands before walking together the rest of the way.

 

COACH

I must say, these two have gelled in the ring surprisingly well for the short time they have teamed together.

 

The champions hop up on the apron, and each one heads to a corner and climbs up, raising their OAOAST World Tag Team Championships up high. Candie stands ringside, clapping along with the crowd as Zack and Leon leap off the top and into the ring, ready for action against the makeshift team of Massachusetts natives.

 

COLE

As if this match wasn't controversial enough, General Manager Calvin Szechstein has ruled that it will be Tornado Tag Team rules, which means that no tags are needed, and all four men will be considered legal at any given time.

 

COACH

Just like how Hilary Duff is now!

 

Nick Patrick takes the tag belts from the champions, and raises them up in the air to remind us that the match is for the belts. As soon as he hands them over the ropes to Michael Buffer, the bell is sounded, and we are underway with our HeldDOWN~! main event!

 

Before the two teams engage, Some Guy brushes past his own partner, and tells Knight to stay back. Some Guy walks over to Malibu and starts to mouth off to him, while Rodez looks on. Some Guy then smacks the taste out of Zack's mouth, which draws an "Oooooooooooooh" from the crowd...and then Malibu attacks! Zack takes Some Guy to the canvas with a double leg takedown and starts clubbing him with forearms, but Some Guy covers up, and then throws Zack off of him. Knight and Rodez look on as Some Guy ducks out of the ring, and when Malibu rolls out after him, they tie up in a lockup!

 

COLE

Folks, it's going to be tough to call all this action, so please bear with...WHOA!

 

Cole is startled by the sight of Zack Malibu taking the head of Some Guy and ramming it into the commentary table. Meanwhile, in the ring, Knight has sent Rodez to the ropes, but Leon is quick like a cat, sliding through the legs of Peter Knight rather than leapfrogging him. Knight quickly spins around and fires off a lariat, but Rodez ducks and rolls under it, then leaps to the second rope and springboards backwards, flooring Knight with a crossbody, and covering him for a pin!

 

ONE!

 

And one is all it gets, as Knight pushes Rodez up off of him. Leon reacts quickly, locking Knight in a side headlock as he rises to his feet, and when Knight tries countering with a back suplex, Rodez releases the hold and flips over his shoulder, then reapplies the headlock! This time to break, Knight shoves Leon to the ropes, and when he rebound he presses Rodez up into the air...but Leon manages to turn the flapjack into a dropkick that puts Peter Knight down! Knight rolls away and rolls out to the floor, while Leon preps himself, waiting for the right moment to strike. As Knight gets up, Leon charges for the ropes, looking for some momentum before leaping into action...but as he hits the ropes he's tripped up by Some Guy, and pulled out to the floor! Leon puts his hands out to stop himself from smashing his face on the concrete, and as he drops to all fours, Malibu races over and springboards OFF HIS PARTNER onto Some Guy's shoulders, sending him flying into the guardrail after a huracanrana!

 

COACH

There will be no rest period for these four, they're going to have to pull out every trick in the book to hold an advantage!

 

With Some Guy taken care of, Malibu checks on his partner, who says he's OK. Zack then climbs up on the apron and sees Knight doing so on the opposite side. The two superstars meet in the center of the ring and circle each other, preparing to lock up for the first time in a very, very long time. They tie up, and Knight quickly grabs a headlock, only for Malibu to slide out and then do the same to him. Zack then switches to a rear waistlock, but Knight takes Malibu's wrists and breaks the grip, then spins around to face him and quickly scoops him up, then slams him to the canvas! Malibu reels, but then rolls onto his stomach and sweeps Knight's legs out from under him, then dives on him for the cover...but again, it's a short-lived count. Knight rolls over onto his stomach, and as Zack gets up, he gets his legs taken out from under him, but when Knight follows up with an elbowdrop, Malibu rolls out of the way. Zack tries one of his own, but Knight dodges that by rolling out the way. Both men come up to their feet at the same time, and Zack strikes first, chopping away at the chest of Peter Knight. He forces him back to the ropes and then readies him for an Irish whip, but Knight counters and sends Zack across the ring. As Malibu is sent running, Some Guy slides into the ring and springs to his feet, then uses a SOME KICK~! as Malibu nears him, but Zack manages to reach out and grab his ankle, blocking the kick! Malibu spins Some Guy around, right into SCHOOL'S OUT~!, but Some Guy blocks Malibu's superkick attempt, and spins him around, then reaches down and hooks the legs, looking for the SOMEPLEX...but Malibu counters with a bulldog to Some Guy, planting his face in the canvas!

 

COLE

What a series of reversals! These guys have brought their A game!

 

COACH

Not me, I just bring my pimp game.

 

Some Guy is hurt, and Zack stands over him, but he's immediately booted in the stomach by Knight, and set up in a standing headscissors...but Rodez saves the day, coming up from behind and applying a sleeperhold! Knight squirms and tries to break free, and finally manages to break by snapmaring Leon over, but as he does that, Malibu delivers a dropkick to the back of his knee, knocking him down! Rodez then gets up and hits the ropes and delivers a basement dropkick that drives both of his feet into the jaw of Knight, and both challengers are reeling while the champs celebrate over their fallen bodies!

 

COACH

They can’t get too cocky yet. Knight is a resilient SOB as we’ve seen.

 

Zack jumps onto Knight for a pin.

 

ONE

 

But Knight again kicks out quickly, so Rodez tries a cover on Some Guy.

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

But he only gets two as SG kicks out as well. Rodez goes to pull SG up, but he grabs Rodez’ tights and yanks him forwards, sending him through the middle rope and to the floor. Meanwhile, Zack has Knight in the corner, he rears back and….

 

*SLAP* “WHOOOOOOOOO!!

*SLAP* “WHOOOOOOOOO!!

*SLAP* “WHOOOOOOOOO!!

*SLAP* “WHOOOOOOOOO!!

 

Fires off some hard chops to stun the X-Champ. He tries an Irish whip, but PK reverses it, sending Zack crashing into the corner and SG follows up with a running dropkick to the face. SG tells Knight to go after Rodez on the floor and the big man does, stepping through the ropes and to the floor to drag the stunned Rodez up, but Leon fires off a shot to the jaw, knocking Knight back a step. Knight retaliates, triggering a slugfest. Rodez lands a shot, recoils from Knight’s answer and tries to land another, but Knight ducks it and spins to Rodez’ back, hooking him and nailing him with a backdrop suplex to the floor. He rolls Rodez back into the ring as SG chokes Zack with his boot in the corner. Knight calls to him as he shoves Rodez into the corner, snapping off a few boots to the gut to keep him stunned. SG nods his head and stuns Zack with a chop before readying him for a whip as Knight does the same.

 

COLE

What’s going to happen here?

 

COACH

Looks like the champs are about to go in for a meeting.

 

The champs are whipped towards each other, but suddenly Zack ducks down and Rodez goes up, leapfrogging his partner and avoiding the collision. The champs charge towards their opponents, but Knight and SG are ready for them. *SMACK* Knight boots Zack in the face to send him to the mat while SG picks up Rodez and slams his face into the turnbuckles with Snake Eyes. Knight goes for a pin on Zack.

 

ONE

 

 

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

But Zack kicks out. SG immediately drops down and covers Rodez.

 

ONE

 

 

 

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

But it is also just two. Knight drags the fallen Zack over to the ropes and leans him against the bottom one, firing off some kicks to the chest and jamming his foot into Zack’s throat. SG pulls Rodez out of their corner and hooks a front facelock, driving him to the mat with a suplex and floating over.

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

But it’s only two. SG pulls Rodez to a sitting position and jams his knee into the small of the back while locking his hands around Leon’s chin and pulling back. Candie starts a clap that the capacity crowd quickly picks up. Rodez starts a comeback, rolling onto all fours and then onto his knees, the crowd helping him along with a “LE-ON!” chant. He gets to his feet and drives an elbow into SG’s gut, followed by another, and another, but Knight approaches as SG releases the hold, both men pulling his hair and yanking him backwards, driving the back of his head into their knees.

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

 

Suddenly, Zack pounces on SG, throwing himself onto his former partner and peppering him with punches. Knight comes up from behind and hooks Zack into a full nelson, using his weight advantage to yank Zack up and drill him into the mat with a full nelson slam. Knight walks over to the fallen Malibu and picks up his legs, looking to the crowd and sneering.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

 

COLE

He’s going for it!!

 

Knight steps through and crosses the legs, but Rodez comes back and nails him in the head with a double axe to knock him off his partner. He continues to slug away on Knight and doesn’t see that Some Guy is stalking him, lightly tapping his foot on the canvas. The crowd screams at Rodez to get his attention.

 

COLE

Wait, look out!

 

Rodez notices fans pointing to something behind him, so baffled, he turns around, which was exactly what SG was hoping he’d do.

 

*SMACK* “OHHHHHHHH!!”

 

COACH

SOMEKICK! He scored on Rodez. Cover him!

 

SG flops onto Rodez for a cover.

 

 

ONEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOO

 

 

 

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

 

COLE

Zack with the save!

 

Zack drags him up and hooks him in a front facelock, throwing SG’s arm up over his head and throwing a finger into the air.

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

COLE

We might see the Pop Drop here!

 

Zack tries to grab SG’s leg to hook it, but he shakes it away and knees Zack in the gut. Another knee, and one more releases Zack’s grip and allows SG to push him off….right into Knight who hoists Zack onto his shoulders, quickly turning him and driving him into the mat with a Knightmare!!!

 

COLE

KNIGHTMARE!! The Knightmare on Zack Malibu! Here’s the cover!

 

ONEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

 

COLE

But Leon Rodez SOMEHOW makes the save!

 

The champions are rattled, but still managed to escape what looked like certain defeat. Malibu has to roll away and regain his composure, and it leaves Leon in a bad way, as Some Guy and Knight double team him. They send him to the ropes and lock hands, ready to take Leon out with a double clothesline, but on the rebound Leon leap up and comes down onto their arms, breaking the clothesline attempt!

 

COLE

That's different!

 

Both PK and Some Guy are stunned by the move, and when they turn to Leon, they see him getting up, but don't notice in time to see Malibu drag himself to his feet with the help of the ropes and leap from the apron onto the top rope, and catch them both with a foot to the chest!

 

COLE

Springboard double dropkick! Nice move by the hometown boy!

 

The teams pair off again, with Malibu picking Knight up and bringing him to the corner, ramming his head into the top turnbuckle, while Rodez goes for Some Guy. Once again, Some Guy tries to put the odds in the favor of his team by tossing Rodez over the top rope, but Leon hangs on and lands on the apron, then reaches in and yanks Some Guy to the canvas by his head! Leon looks out to the excited crowd and then slingshots himself onto the top rope and pouncing off of it, rotating in mid-air as he crashes down on Some Guy with a springboard version of his trademark 450 Splash...but he hits knees!

 

COACH

I didn't know he was in the mood for ribs! Haha, I made a funny!

 

COLE

No you didn't.

 

Leon curls up into a ball and rolls away, while Some Guy takes a moment to himself. Meanwhile in the corner, Malibu has chopped away at the chest of Knight, and now perches himself on the second rope, pounding away at him while the crowd counts along!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

FIVE!

 

SIX!

 

SEVEN!

 

Suddenly, Some Guy appears to help his partner, coming up behind Malibu and putting him on his shoulders, taking him away from the punchfest! Knight shakes the cobwebs loose and rises himself up onto the top rope, then dives off with a clothesline to Zack Malibu...BUT MALIBU COUNTERS WITH A VICTORY ROLL THAT DODGES THE CLOTHESLINE, AND ROLLS SOME GUY UP FOR THE PIN!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

COLE

WOW! So close, I thought that was three!

 

Some Guy manages to kick out, and as he rushes at a recovering Zack, he's quickly grabbed and lifted off his feet with a uranage that drops him across Zack's knee!

 

COLE

Uranage backbreaker!

 

Some Guy kicks and groans on the canvas, his lower back now a focal point for the champions. Leon Rodez gets up, still clutching his ribs, and drags Some Guy to his feet, then scoop slams him down. Malibu then picks him up and does the same thing, which is followed up by Leon Rodez scoop slamming Some Guy for the second time. Malibu gets a second turn as well, and now the crowd is even counting along as the champions take turns slamming Some Guy on the mat!

 

FIVE!

 

SIX!

 

SEVEN!

 

EIGHT!

 

NINE!

 

Malibu picks Some Guy up for the tenth one, and hesitates, causing the crowd to go nuts. Instead of slamming him, he has Leon come over and the duo sends Some Guy to the ropes, catching him on the rebound and pressing him up into the air! The champions hold him up there, perhaps to let him think about his recent change of attitude, and when Peter Knight rises to his feet Some Guy is tossed at him, knocking him off his feet once again!

 

COLE

Nice move by the champions, and wait, what's this?

 

Leon Rodez leads a weary Some Guy to his feet and tosses him into the waiting arms of Zack Malibu, who lifts him up...

 

WHAM!

 

...and delivers a TENTH scoop slam! Malibu then goes for the cover, as the crowd is still going wild over the slam series!

 

COACH

SLAM! Dut dutta, dut dutta, let boys be boys!

 

(only in the OAOAST would our commentators quote an Onyx song. Because who remembers them anyways?)

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR-NO! KICKOUT!

 

With Some Guy down, Zack gets up and motions for Leon to go to the top. The popular youngster leaps into action, hopping up on the top, but Peter Knight lunges forward and shakes the ropes, causing Leon to lose his balance and crotch himself! Malibu runs over but Knight ducks, and Malibu winds up trapped across the shoulders of Peter Knight, as the X Champion prepares to deliver a KNIGHTMARE...NO! Malibu slides out, and when Knight turns around, it's lights out because it's SCHOOL'S OUT~! In the meantime, Leon makes a shaky recovery and dives off the top, hitting BEFORE THE LADY LOVES for all his adoring fans, and crashes down across Some Guy!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

 

With both foes pinned, Patrick drops to the canvas and uses both hands to count both pins!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

COLE

They got them! The champs retain in a wild match!

 

COACH

It wasn't that wild, I mean, there was no nudity!

 

COLE

...did you WANT there to be?

 

COACH

I was talking about Candie!

 

COLE

Uh huh. And people call ME the homo.

 

"Getting Away With Murder" hits, as Zack and Leon drag their groggy selves to their feet and embrace, then get handed their tag titles by Patrick. The veteran referee then stands in the middle of them and takes their arms, raising them up to symbolize their hard earned victory.

 

COLE

What a homecoming for Zack! A successful defense in front of his hometown crowd, the return of his girlfriend to OAOAST TV, and, well, just listen to the reception he, Candie, and Leon Rodez are getting right now!

 

The roar is loud and continuous, as Candie stands at center ring, pointing to both Leon and Zack, who are on opposite corners, facing the crowd and raising their belts proudly. Some Guy has rolled out of the ring, clutching his ribs after the 450 and pounding on the canvas, blowing off Nick Patrick's offer of assistance. Meanwhile in the ring, Peter Knight starts coming to, feeling his jaw after having it shattered by the superkick from Malibu, and when Zack gets off the turnbuckles, he walks over to Knight.

 

COLE

What's this about?

 

Malibu stares at him, with Leon and Candie in the background, looking on. Knight looks up and sees Zack before him, and then sees that Malibu is extending a hand, which causes the crowd to cheer again.

 

COLE

All right. Zack Malibu with a show of sportsmanship, that...HEY!

 

The hand is not accepted, as Peter Knight knocks it away, then goes to exit. Malibu, not pleased with this action, spins Knight around and puts his hand out again, letting it slide. For the second time, Knight knocks it away!

 

COACH

He's PISSED!

 

COLE

Ya think?

 

Malibu is pissed now too, spinning Knight around and yelling at him for his disrespect, telling him to shake his hand. Knight just stands there, staring Zack down, when suddenly the scream of Candie distracts him...

 

...JOHNNY JAX AND SCOTTY STATIC HAVE JUMPED LEON RODEZ!

 

COLE

It's the GPX!

 

Malibu jumps into action, pulling Jax off his partner and fires punch after punch after punch off on the Upstart, but as he takes Johnny by the head, Jax drops down and goes low, bringing Zack to his knees with a nutshot! Jax then drapes Zack's neck over the middle rope and starts choking him out, while Scotty Static picks up Zack's fallen tag team title and braces it in his hands, then clocks Leon Rodez in the back of the head with a beltshot!

 

COLE

This is disgusting!

 

In the midst of all this, Peter Knight has walked off, not even so much as turning back to the ring as he heads up the aisle. Meanwhile, OAOAST staff rush down past him to get in the ring and seperate the Global Party Exchange from the champions, and a camera shot reveals that Leon Rodez was busted open by that beltshot, as a puddle of blood has formed under his head. With the arrival of the staff, Jax and Static take off, leaping over the rail and through the crowd, as garbage is thrown at them by angry, pro-Zack fans.

 

COLE

I don't believe...just when we were about to end the night on a high note, the Global Party Exchange has, well, they've crashed the party tonight!

 

COACH

It's war, baby.

 

COLE

You've got that right, Coach. Folks, we're out of time, we'll see you next week.

 

*FADE TO BLACK*

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OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents...

#~~THE LOVE SHACK~~#

 

The opening logo type thingy fades away, to reveal Leon Rodez sat at a desk, in what seems to be a poorly disguised part of the backstage area. Apparantly, it's supposed to resemble a living room, judging from the hastily made back-drop that hangs behind the desk. Complete with a road sign, reading "Welcome To Grand Rapids". Lounged back in his chair, Rodez is busy perusing the latest edition of "Swimsuit Monthly" when he suddenly realises he's on the air, tossing the magazine uncerimoniously over his head and sitting bolt upright in his chair.

 

RODEZ

Alright OAOAST fans, welcome to history in the making...it's Leon Rodez's Love Shack! And as you can see, we are live at the Rodez family home in beautiful, majestic Grand Rapids, Michigan! Wonderful place. So wonderful. (trails off) ...uhm, anyway, welcome to The Shack as it will hopefully become affectionately known by 'the kids'. And man, what a night of action we just had here tonight on HeldDOWN~! And of course, the main event featured...yours truly. Defending...

 

Rodez lifts his OAOAST Tag Title up.

 

RODEZ

This beauty. But of course, like most nights in my life, I wasn't alone. I was joined by a man. Which...uh, which isn't usual...infact...uh, I'm usually joined by women. Yeah. Lots of women. But not tonight, for I was joined by a man. A manly man. A man known around the world. A former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. My chum. My buddy. My amigo. Mi hombre. My best friend. My tag team partner. And my special guest, here tonight in this inaugral Love Shack...ladies and gentlemen, give it up for ZACK MALIBU!!

 

Fake applause is suddenly cued from off screen, as a rather bemused looking Zack Malibu walks in with Candie by his side. The two look around the 'set' curiously, before Zack sits down on the provided chair...leaving Candie standing.

 

RODEZ

Zack, it's a pleasure to have you on, welcome to The Love Shack.

 

MALIBU

Uh...thanks.

 

RODEZ

Obviously, I want to thank you for taking the time to come up here and be my first ever guest.

 

MALIBU

Don't mention it. So, what's the deal anyway?

 

RODEZ

Well, they couldn't afford Ventura anymore so they asked me to fill in on the talk show time...*whispers* He's hit the bottle real bad, if rumours are to be believed... SO! Zack, obviously it was a big night tonight on HeldDOWN~! for you, because not only because we were live from your hometown of Provide...uuhh...Grand Rapids, Michigan!

 

Candie glances at Zack, confused, getting no answer and simply a shrug of the shoulders.

 

RODEZ

But also, because you and I defended our OAOAST Tag Team Championships successfully, yet again. And, at the risk of tooting my own proverbially, non innuendo involving horn...we did pretty damn awesome. Hey, Zack, remember when I did the thing.

 

MALIBU

Yeah...that was...uh, great.

 

RODEZ

And then you were going to do the other thing, but I did the other other thing and you were like WELL, DAYUM~! That was sweet. So, what's next for The Z Squad?

 

Zack sighs.

 

MALIBU

I told you...we agreed we weren't going to call ourselves that.

 

RODEZ

The Am-Am Connection?

 

MALIBU

That's terrible.

 

RODEZ

How about Dicks Over Chicks.

 

Candie frowns.

 

MALIBU

I thought we agreed on The Usual Suspects.

 

RODEZ

That was before I watched the film. I mean, seriously, I thought CSI was a horrible name for a team. But we're naming ourselves after a Stephen Baldwin movie. Now, if it were Billy Baldwin, we'd be talking.

 

MALIBU

We agreed. End of.

 

Rodez folds his arms and for a moment, there's an awkward silence...before Rodez reaches over and grabs a bowl from his desk.

 

RODEZ

Candy?

 

CANDIE

Yes?

 

RODEZ

HA, GOTCHA!!

 

A loud sigh escapes Zack. After all, even he doesn't tell jokes that bad. Except when posting on The Pit. BURN! Rodez continues to offer the sweets though, until Zack finally takes one.

 

RODEZ

So, do you enjoy eating candy?

 

Zack spits out the sweet in his mouth and starts choking, while Candie looks at Rodez with daggers in her eyes.

 

RODEZ

Moving on swiftly, it seems us 'makeshift' Tag Team Champions are doing pretty well for ourselves. Now, be honest, what do you really think of teaming with me?

 

MALIBU

Honestly?

 

RODEZ

*nods*

 

MALIBU

Well...uh, it's taken a little bit of getting used to. You are a little...unorthodox, at times. But you're athletic. Charismatic. And thankfully, you're not stupid enough to be lured in by the Global Ungrateful Exchange.

 

Zack waits for some laughter from Rodez, but he's keeping a straight face. Like, dead straight.

 

MALIBU

...nothing?

 

RODEZ

I have a 'canned laughter' button here, but even that's not going to save you.

 

MALIBU

Right. Well, in all seriousness, it's good to see that not all the youngsters in the OAOAST are power mad and psychologically imbalanced. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad there someone for me to maybe pass the torch to, some day. Who knows, maybe some day when I'm laid up in the retirement home, you can take over the mantle of 'The Franchise'. *laughs*

 

RODEZ

Would I have to start a bitching war with Ric Flair?

 

MALIBU

No.

 

RODEZ

Would I have to talk about 'Franchisin' people's asses'?

 

MALIBU

No...

 

RODEZ

Would I have to do the laugh? Because I can. BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!

 

MALIBU

...uh, no.

 

Rodez smiles

 

RODEZ

Cool. Well, this has been real great, but we're running out of time here and I've got a couple of Providence hotties waiting in the locker room for me.

 

MALIBU

I thought we were supposed to be in Grand Rapids. *nods towards the sign*

 

RODEZ

...they're tourists.

 

MALIBU

Riiiight.

 

RODEZ

So, this was the Love Shack, I was Leon Rodez. Zack, thanks for coming down to join us. Candie...will you make sweet love to me?

 

CANDIE

Ew, no!

 

RODEZ

...damn...

 

 

Suddenly, we cut away to...Leon Rodez, for some inexplicable reason seeing as the camera was on him already, although now he's alone so it's obviously a pre-recorded bit.

 

RODEZ

Don't forget to watch OAOAST HeldDOWN~!, next week, where we will be in historic [Lance Storm voice]Calgary, Alberta Canada.[/Lance Storm] Expect more matches, more super showdowns, more TALKING~! and more from The Shack, next week. It will be The Parka challenging Bohemoth for the HI-YAH Heavyweight Championship. Plus Stephen Joseph wants answers, all your favourite superstars will be in the house and will Bret Hart be there? WHO KNOWS! That's HeldDOWN~!, 7 central and...whatever eastern is compared to central. I don't know, they just pay me to do the hard shill. That's not just the coolest, that's not just the best, that's OAOAST HeldDOWN~! from [Lance Storm voice]Calgary, Alberta Canada.[/Lance Storm] See you all, next week, natch!

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