How El Generico Earned His Cape

[Llakor 0]

I look forward to Devil's Night next Saturday, October 29th with enthusiasm, with excitement... and with emotions mixed (and blended) like a fruit smoothie. This will be the first show that El Generico comes out as a heel. He certainly deserves to be booed for choosing to stand with Kevin Steen and for kicking his room mate, his best friend, Beef Wellington, in the face with an OLE! kick.

 

And yet, at the same time, ye olde school fans like me, we helped to create El Generico. We turned him from a one night joke into a fixture. We cheered him so hard that we essentially forced him into the main event. Perhaps El Generico arrived in the main event of the IWS too soon. But we had the pleasure of watching him grow into the role, of getting better and better. We had the pleasure of watching him go to other feds and proving how good he was there.

 

And because we discovered him (first), because we "Created" him, when others discovered him, we felt pride - self-pride - and as the Bible says pride goeth before the fall. And we woke up one day to realize that El Generico was so busy going to Jersey and Philly and especially Kalifornia that he was no longer staying in Montreal to wrestle. That we muttered darkly, selfishly, was the first betrayal.

 

When El Generico OLE! kicked Beef Wellington in the face, we watched our creation turn solidly not just against Beef Wellington, but against us - the IWS fans. This was the real betrayal.

 

So, I have mixed feelings going into October 29th. On one had there is the affection that I have for El Generico, a wrestler who is connected with the IWS fans in a way that no other wrestler is. (As I wrote about HERE!) On the other hand, there is that moment in Frankenstein, when Viktor finds one of the victims of the Monster and Viktor has a Choice. It's the Old Yeller choice. Do you allow your affection for your old friend to blind you from the fact that he has gone bad? Or do you honour all that was good by sending your old friend to a better place?

 

Like say... Germany?

 

This is probably as good a time as any to mention that El Generico has been invited back to Germany to perform for wXw in Essen, Germany. On November 12th, he will wrestle against Emil Sitochi in a rematch of a match held in IWA-MS which El Generico won if memory serves. El Generico's match for November 13th hasn't been announced yet.

 

On October 29th at Devil's Night in Montreal, I will put a stake through the heart of my affection for El Generico and I will boo the last Spic traitor like the back-stabbing little duplicitous wet-back that he is. But until October 29th, if you will permit me, I would like to take one small instant to remember El Generico in better times...

 

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Also, I should just mention, as will become obvious...

 

Verily, I did readest too much Mighty Thor as a kid.

 

When We Were Marks

How El Generico Earned His Cape

 

HEARKEN!

Gather round and pay heed

to Mighty Volstagg of the Warriors Three!

Fill my flagon with golden mead

and I shall tell you such a tale

as wouldst make e'en the Grim Hogun merry.

 

I warn you this is no tale of the Warriors Three.

Nor a tale of the Gods and Heroes of Asgard.

For if the Mighty Thor has taught us nought,

It is that you weak short-lived mortals from Midgard

Are capable of amazing feats of bravery and strength.

After all, who is more brave - he who feels no fear?

Or the scared mortal who confronts his fears?

 

KNOW!

That there was in that time,

A masked wrestler dubbed El Generico.

On the eve of his first match,

He was handed his mask and told,

"Tonight, you face NT of the T,

And Lo! He is sorely vexed.

No doubt he will beat and abuse you,

and take advantage of your youth.

If you live, we have plans for you,

So wear this mask that the crowd

Will accept you better later on...

If you live."

 

NOTE WELL!

He were s’pposed to wrestle

But the one time

And then disappear.

Only in that first match

Didst the brave El Generico cry:

OLE!

And the crowd didst respond:

OLE!

And the NT of T was sorely vexed

And didst so abuse El Generico

That the crowd didst call e'en louder:

OLE!

The vicious NT of T became so vexed

Upon hearing the crowd cry:

OLE!

That he didst Pillmanize El Generico's neck

And then in a rare fury he left the ring

While El Generico didst twitch and drool

The NT of T didst yell at the official

Instructing him to count to ten

And doing so, the official didst give

The victory to El Generico.

The brave masked wrestler was

Carried to the back.

Where he was grabbed and told,

"You doth realize that you are now

Stuck with the mask?"

 

FORSOOTH!

El Generico was indeed stuck with the mask

But also stuck on the road to victory.

He didst aid the Los Latinos to emerge triumphant

Against NT of T and his heavy friend Maxx Fury

Winning a rare victory by DQ.

 

El Generico didst also beat PCP Crazy F'N Manny

In a retirement match that didst end Manny's career.

And he didst vanquish both Latino brothers

In a Lucha Libre three-way that was considered

a triumph for all three men.

 

And as his victories mounted, El Generico didst

Find himself propelled to the main event

And found himself allied with a proud Nubian

Called by all - Onyx of the Dru.

Now this Onyx had for many months pursued

That Golden Belt with which grapplers

Were named Champions and the best.

But another masked wrestler held that belt

And kept it just out of the reach of this Onyx.

This Masked Phantom, Green in colour

And Envious by nature didst refuse to face Onyx.

But choosing as his partner the strong man

Steve of the Royds, the Phantom Green didst

Challenge Onyx saying,

"Brother, pick your partner and if thou art

Able to vanquish Royds and Me,

You will have your title shot.

Pick any man, so long as he is El Generico."

 

And El Generico was sore afraid.

 

But he could not refuse a hero such as Onyx,

So he prepared for the bout

As best he could and prepared to face

The Phantom Green and Steve of the Royds.

During this fight, El Generico was much abused.

And Onyx was sorely vexed.

For the Phantom Green didst provoke Onyx

But also, note well, avoid him.

It so happened that the referee of the match

Was PCP Crazy F'N Manny

And this strange and dangerous man didst so conspire

That Steve of the Royds was pinned by El Generico

And Manny jumped on El Generico's back to keep

Steve of the Royds pinned to the mat

And didst count to three while so pinning Steve

Giving Onyx his chance to win the title.

 

Time passed and Steve of the Royds stoked

His rage as men keepeth a fire burning

(As doest our landlord here

Keeping us warm as the wind howls outside.

Fill my flagon with beer

For surely this telling of tales is thirsty work.)

 

The next meet of grappling to be held

Were called Know Your Enemies

And surely El Generico and Steve of the Royds

Didst know each other as enemies.

Now El Generico found himself grappling

With a Suicidal Youth with the initials K squared

One half of the tag team champions was he.

His partner being busy grappling with

Latino Mysterio upon whose bony teenage ass

His hand he didst break

A Trans Meta Carpal Fracture.

Or so said the physics who on the broken hand attended.

 

El Generico found himself battling not one man but three

As the Special K times two didst

Call on his partner and their lurking Ogre

Who from Florida didst hail.

But El Generico didst emerge triumphant

When Steve of the Royds came to his aid.

This was passing strange,

That an enemy would so rescue him.

But Steve of the Royds was quick to explain

Later that night, El Generico would grapple

A second time against the strongest man

For miles around - that is to say Steve of the Royds.

 

And El Generico was sore afraid.

 

Also tired, for he had grappled with great energy

Against that Double K of the Five on High

Still El Generico didst gird himself for the battle

And fatigued was nonetheless quick as

Steve of the Royds was strong.

Thus Steve found to his peril

The saying true:

Thou wouldst skin a fleet woodland creature?

First, thou must catch it.

So desperately, El Generico didst avoid

Steve of the Royds great swings

Whilst still stinging the great brute

Like a bee stinging a great bear

And thus to the great joy of the crowd

Didst El Generico topple the giant

And claim victory.

 

Now it didst so happen that Steve of the Royds

Came to the ring with a golden cape

And having lost to this smaller, quicker man

The heart of the giant was filled with shame.

Taking this golden cape from his shoulders,

Steve of the Royds hung it upon El Generico saying,

"You are more deserving of this cape than I shall ever be.

Wear it and remember that you won it by beating a giant.

I am putting away my boots and hanging up my weight belt

Until such a time that I am needed again."

And El Generico didst wear this golden cape

And with great joy didst cry:

OLE!

And the joyful crowd didst cry in reply:

OLE!

 

And this is how El Generico Earned His Cape.

 

Now if you forgive Noble Volstagg,

The fire of our generous landlord

Doth cause my eyes to droop

And sleep doth beckon me to her arms.