The memphis eel

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

I'm not retiring Frost, so don't get your hopes up. I just had some time and creativity to kill. Check him out and tell me what you think. Feel free to use this guy for something if you want in a storyline.

 

Wrestler’s Name: The Memphis Eel

Nickname: Steve

Height: 6 ft.

Weight: 250 lbs.

Hometown: Memphis, Tennessee (by way of Planet Lovetron)

Age: 49 (forever)

Face/Heel: his name is the Memphis Eel, figure it out

Stable: none

Ring Escort: none

Weapon(s): hands of stone

Quote: none really, but refers to all opponents as either “son,” or “boy” and accuses them of “being on the reefer.”

 

Looks: Has died jet-black hair, slicked back like Pat Riley.  Wears jumbo rose-colored sunglasses to the ring, gaudy rings on ever finger and a giant gold medallion that says, “FUNK” in the middle of it. Wrestles in variously hued, rhinestone covered jumpsuits with extra large flares at the bottom and huge butterfly collars up top.  The suit is opened down to the top of his ripe like a watermelon beer gut in order to show off his gray chest hair.  His white boots have a six-inch heel (he’s really only five foot four).

 

Ring Entrance: does not believe in theme music, pyrotechnics or fancy videos. Two referees will stand to the side of the entrance ramp holding up sparklers for him when he comes out though.

 

Stats:

¯¯¯¯¯

Strength: 5

Speed: 5

Vitality: 5

Charisma: 5

 

Style: Jerry Lawler x Jeff Jarrett x Honky Tonk Man squared

 

Signature moves:

1) cowardly heel tactics (stalling, bailing to the floor, begging off, complaining of miscellaneous crap to the referee; will usually take the first seven minutes of the match before he actually wrestles)

2) secret cheating (pulling the hair, pulling the tights, feet on the ropes, grabbing the ropes for leverage, what ever he can do behind the ref’s back)

3) ludicrously blatant cheating (eye poke, thumb to the throat, punch to the nads, choke, back rake, etc.)

4) Dusty Rhodes limp wristed “I rule, you’re gay” mega pimp strut of taunting. If he does this to you, you must sell it like you took a cannonball in the gut at point blank range, even though the guy is like ten feet away from you.

5) rest holds a-go-go (headlock, chinlock, armbar, wristlock, bearhug; like 80% of his matches)

6) signals for a chokeslam, then hits a guy with an inverted atomic drop

7) the no selling of new fangled maneuvers (meaning he will sell an armbar like you’re hacking it off with a chainsaw, but hit him with a Tiger Driver ’92 or a Vertebreaker and he pops up like nothing happened)

 

 

Common moves:

1) punch

2) knee lift

3) punch

4) knee drop

5) punch

6) elbow drop

7) punch  

8) fist drop

9) punch

10) suplex

11) punch

12) bodyslam

13) punch

14) back breaker

15) punch

16) flip flop and fly

17) teases the punch then surprises the guy with a really big punch

 

Rare moves:

1) belly to belly suplex

2) Weaver Lock (sleeper hold)

3) neckbreaker

4) drop kick

5) double axehandle off the top rope  

(all can be brutal finishers, especially that last one, it’s coming off of the top rope after all)

 

Finishers:

1) piledriver (yup, basic old piledriver; if done on the floor or through a table you will be declared legally dead)

2) face claw (can cause bleeding from the temple, cerebral hemorrhages, headaches, nausea, projectile vomiting, loss of motor skills, loss of bladder, memory loss, may induce a stroke)

 

Notes:  Is Mickey Gilley’s third cousin

          can play the moonshine jug

          knows 57 different ways to cook gator

          has a bit part in the Burt Reynolds film “W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings” as “Redneck #3”

 

Bio: Was born a poor black child in a log cabin high up in the Smokey Mountains, which is only odd if you consider the fact that he’s whiter than Pat Boone. Left his home at the age of 16 to make a name for himself and immediately landed a job as Elvis Presley’s official fried peanut butter and banana sandwich maker, upgraded to Quaalude carrier within a year.  Became a wrestling promoter upon the King’s death after answering an ad in the newspaper (he was unqualified to sweep dung out of chicken roosts).  Promoted independent shows all over the south central United States until one of the guys who sat up the ring realized he wasn’t any good at it and had him fired.  Tried to get a job as a promoter with Jerry Lawler’s Memphis based wrestling league, but Lawler thought to have him train to be a wrestler instead, primarily to get him out of his hair and keep him from pissing on his tires every morning when he drove to the arena. Studied under the auspicious guidance of the WWF WrestleFest arcade game and watching old tapes of Wahoo McDaniels. Has floated around just about ever independent fed in the U.S., primarily because he sucks. Is now up to the S’s.

[Guest]

Uh...Frost,

 

Da Memphis Eel is da 'ish. You gotta like a guy that no-sells everything except a arm wrench and and maybe an atomic drop.

 

That is all...

[Guest TheBostonStrangler]

I can dig that, sucka!

[Guest]

Uhhh...well, no. Sick with Frost, Frost and do the right thing...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Hee hee.  The Memphis Eel reminds me of the Cock.  But evil.

 

I dig.

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Anyone up for seeing Toll Booth Willy's stats?

[Guest Ash Ketchum]

Well... here they are!

 

---------

 

Wrestlers Name: Toll Booth Willy

Real Name: William Patrick O' Hannon-Langley III

Height: 6’3”

Weight: 223 pounds

Hailing From: The Exit 20 Toll Plaza (in Boston, MA)

Age: Unknown

Face/Heel: Face

Stable: None ... he's all alone for now

Ring Escort: None

Weapon(s): His coffee mug. The one that says “Toll Booth Willy” on it. The one he got for being Massachusetts Toll Boothperson of the Year

 

Quote: "Time to pay the toll."

 

Looks: A lightweight, but built more like Rey Mysterio, Jr. Physically, is resembling Joe Dirt, but with a shorter mullet and a full facial goatee.

 

Ring Entrance: The arena goes silent. Over the PA, the sound of a bell rining twice can be heard, and then “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC kicks in as Toll Booth Willy makes his grand entrance, walikng to the ring and warming up. Inside, he warms up more before he does the Ali shuffle in the middle of the ring.

 

Stats:

¯¯¯¯¯

Strength: 4 - He's a lightweight, but he can still hoist some guys around. You have to be, to be a suplex machine like he is.

 

Speed: 5 - Doesn’t look very fast, but he’s got moderate speed.

 

Vitality: 5 - Very good stamina, and hard to pin. Prefers not to submit, and bleeds like a stuck pig given the opportunity.

 

Charisma: 6 - EVERYBODY loves Toll Booth Willy. Even Jay Dawg. He may not seem like it, but deep down inside, he does.

 

Style: He just fights. More of a technician than a power guy. LOVES to be popular with the crowd.

 

Signature moves: Highest- to lowest-impact

- The Pains Of The Tollman (Testicular Claw. But he ain’t a homo)

- Cheap shots (Eye Pokes, Low Blows, Back Rakes, etc.)

- Backdrop... Drop (High-angle belly-to-back suplex)

- Tollman’s Elbow (lamer, more-flashy version of the People’s Elbow)

- Fisherman’s Suplex

- Ankle Lock

- Ric Flair Strut, followed by Hogan’s Air Guitar

 

Common moves: Again, highest to lowest

- Punches (Any type of punch)

- KARATE CHOP OF DOOM!!!!! (Austin Powers-style karate chop to the neck)

- Superkick

- Headbutt to groin

- German suplex

- Leg Drop

- Vertical Suplex

- Sleeper Hold

- Arm Drag

- Doc Marten boot-related offense (Yakuza kick, double stomp, or, with the opponent seated in the corner, a running boot to the face that he repeats. Anything that is simple.)

- Arm Bar

- Roll Up Pin

- Backbreaker

- Elbowdrop

- Bodyslam

- Bulldog

 

Rare moves:

- Dropkick

- Sit-out Neckbreaker

- Neck Twist (like Zeus used to do)

- If he gets REAL bored, he just rolls around the ring like Naked Mideon did against Regal @ No Mercy 2000

 

Finishers:

- The Tollhouse Rock (Reverse Crossed Arm Powerbomb. Obviously limited by size. Preferred finisher.)

- Under Construction (Canadian Backbreaker Rack Diamond Cutter)

 

Bio: Was born a poor child in a two-room apartment in Boston, right next to Wrigley Field. Became a wrestling fan at 3, tool booth operator at 25. Was hired by aloacl fed to promote their shows and had AMAZING success. Promoted independent shows all over the northeast United States while still working the Exit 14 Toll Booth... until he had to choose: toll booth or promoter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Toll booth.

 

Went back to the toll booths for a while, until his discovery by Paul Heyman, a.k.a. Paul E. Dangerously. Paul liked the guy’s writing samples, but Paul E. thought to have him train to be a wrestler instead, primarily to get him out of his hair and get free tolls every morning when he drove to the arena (toll people got connections, you know). Studied under the auspicious guidance of the WWF Wrestlemania arcade game and watching old tapes of Hulk Hogan and The Super Mario Bros. Show, trained by Taz, the WWF training staff, and Lou Thesz. Has floated around New England while still working the tolls, and is now part of the SJL. Still a toll booth operator on the side.

[Guest The Superstar]

Whoa.

[Guest Ace309]

And SS bumps a thread that's a year old. I salute you. (Y)

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Just wait until he digs up The Cock and its patented "belly" to "back" suplex.

 

::shudder::

[Guest Powerplay]

Just wait until he digs up The Cock and its patented "belly" to "back" suplex.

 

::shudder::

I take it the pelvic thrusts aren't optional, eh?

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

I don't even think he has a pelvis. I don't even want to think about what you'd call it if he did a "palm strike."

[Guest Powerplay]

I don't even think he has a pelvis. I don't even want to think about what you'd call it if he did a "palm strike."

Or even worse, a "spear"...

[Guest Insanityman]

...I blame my warped mind on you guys. Also, I guess the name the "jackhammer" for a move wouldn't go over well. Yeah, but being oblivious to the whole Memphis thing the first time I read this- I found myself stopping and trying to find the sexual joke behind it all.

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Not everything is a dick joke. Some like this are just simply obscure pop culture references and absurd playoffs of the brilliance of Dusty Rhodes. I still think the Memphis Eel should be the new JL color man. Holla' if you hear me.

[Guest Insanityman]

Well, with the Cock and Mr. Bukkake within our rankings, it makes me wonder. Oh, I guess I could holla' to that (four man rotation team= (Y)!) and bring back Nancy for Retro, lol.