Stone cold: what?

[Guest]

I got this video a couple weeks ago, I figured, why not start with an awesome tape?

 

The Superstar RANT:

“Stone Cold Steve Austin: What?”

Note: I’m rating the matches based on the entire match, not the clipped version, because the clips kinda suck.

-ONE WORLD LEADER: ATTITUDE! RIP, WWF

-Austin music video starts, I’m pretty sure it’s the same as his Desire one from late 2001. Anyway, “When I’m sittin’ there backstage and I’m waiting to go through that curtain, and I’m waitin’ for that glass to break, and when it hits, when that crowd explodes, I might as well be an addict, I’m hooked on adrenaline.” And a lot of footage of stunners, chairshots, and Rattlesnakes. Then a lot of people saying “WHAT?”

-He talks about his parents work ethic, that’s still in him.

-He works day to day, week to week, PPV to PPV.

-He talks about being in the main event of Wrestlemania. Including footage of his previous WM main events vs. Michaels and Rocky.

-WRESTLEMANIA X7: First, he talks about it being his home state. Slugfest, Quick Lou Thesz Press, and FU elbow. He throws Rocky over the top rope. Austin says it was his best match ever with the Rock. Brawl into the crowd. Rock slams Austin’s face into the table, WOW, this is CLIPPED really weird, going place to place. Austin hits Rocky with the ring bell. Earl argues with Austin. Austin with more punches, neckbreaker. Rock with a lariat. Rock gets the ring bell, and levels Austin with it, but it gets 2. Rock with punches in bunches, now they’re back outside. Austin with a TV monitor to the head, AUSTIN with the SHARPSHOOTER inside, but Rock escapes. Austin locks it in again, Rock gets to the rope to BIG boos. He finally lets go, but locks in the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! Arm drops once, twice, but NOT THRICE! Rocky does the Bret Hart reversal, but it only gets two. Good thing Austin remembered that. ROCK COLD STUNNER!, but it only gets two. Now Vince is out. Austin with a spinebuster for two. PEOPLE’S ELBOW! 1, 2, VINCE PULLS ROCK OFF THE COVER! Rock is PISSED! He chases Vince, but runs into a STONE BOTTOM! Only 2! He goes for the stunner, but Rock pushes him off. Low blow on Rock, He holds Rock, VINCE HITS ROCK WITH A CHAIRSHOT, it only gets two! Rock with a Rock Bottom on Austin! Now he pulls Vince into the ring and lays the smackdown on him! But he walks into a STUNNER! 1, 2, NOOO! The crowd totally thought that was it. Austin takes the chair, SICK CHAIRSHOT! Only TWO! And there’s the chairshot melee. About 15 or something. ONE…TWO…THREE!!! JR: “What in the hell is this?” Heyman: “It’s a new champion!” Austin wins the title in 4:26 shown. Austin shakes hands with Vince post match. ****3/4

-Austin says it took a long time for the fans to register the heel turn.

-Clips from RAW, Austin says he doesn’t owe ya no explanation. Now clips from the cage match. HERE COMES TRIPLE H with the sledgehammer! But he hits the Rock! They kill the Rock with Stunners, Pedigrees, Sledgehammers, etc.

-Austin talks about Vince working hard, clip from St. Valentine’s Day Massacre when Vince fell off the cage. Classic Call from Michael Cole: “NO! NO! HE COULD BE DEAD!” Random clips of Austin hitting Vince with chairshots.

-HHH talking about them being the most dominant team ever. HHH wins the IC title from Jericho on Smackdown. They beat up the Hardyz on RAW

-Austin talks about HHH and his work ethic, his injury, and Austin’s injury.

-No Way Out: 2/3 Falls: Austin vs. HHH- Austin talks about it. Slugfest, Thesz Press, Various moves, shown so fast I can’t type them all. Stunner, and Austin wins the first fall in :25 seconds clipped. Heh. That was fun. This clip job SUCKS! Austin talks about the build being WM quality. Austin nails HHH with the TV monitor in the 2nd fall, they brawl in the crowd. Austin with chairshots. Reminiscent of his attack on the Rock next month. BARBED WIRE 2x4! But Austin takes it! HHH goes for the pedigree on the announce table, but AUSTIN WITH A BACK BODY DROP, TRIPLE H GOES THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE! Holy crap. Austin is bleeding bad. HHH has the sledgehammer. Stompin’ a mudhole, goes for the Stunner, HHH pushes him off, sledgehammer shot, Pedigree, HHH wins the second fall. Cage match time. Various clips of brawling in the cage. Sorry, but the clipping is really bad. Austin slashing HHH with the barbed wire, DDT in the chair by HHH. Austin fighting back with right hands, HHH FLOP~! But it gets 2. They climb, but Austin crotches himself. Austin throws HHH off the top turnbuckle. Austin goes for Stunner, HHH pushes him off, Pedigree! One, two, NO!!! Catapult on HHH, STUNNER! 1, 2, NOOOOOO!!!!! That looked stiff. HHH has the sledgehammer, Austin has the 2x4, HHH falls on Austin, 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HHH wins a bloodbath in 4:26. Man, it’s still about *****, but they really shouldn’t have clipped it that much. They showed about 1/10th of the real match.

-Austin promo, saying he made the biggest comeback in the history of this business. Uh oh, it’s the Smackdown when Austin kicks JR’s ass in his hometown. Austin said it was a good chance to get heat. He stomps a mudhole, punches, Vince says STOP IT! “That’s your best friend, and you’re taking it easy on your very best friend. OPEN HIM UP!” He chokes JR. JR bladed, ha ha. Austin says it was fun, JR says “It was more fun for you than it was for me!”

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Austin kicks Michael Cole’s ASS!! AUSTIN IS MY HERO! Stomps and punches, tears Cole’s shirt off (eww) and HE KILLS MIKEY’S CHANCES OF HAVING KIDS!

-He makes Debra carry his bags, he beats up Tajiri, he hits Tazz with the title. He said it was his idea to turn heel. The clip of Austin calling Molly a bimbo, and Spike ripping up Austin’s contract that would get him out of the KOTR Triple Threat Match.

-Austin vs. Spike Dudley, Smackdown: OK, there isn’t much of this ‘match’ shown, but I’ll do it: We start with Austin’ stomps, CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! He lets go, Stone Cold Stunner, Austin wins in :17. Ha. DUD

-Clips of Austin giving chairshots to a bunch of faces, including Undertaker, Kane, Benoit, Hardys. Austin said it was some of the most vicious acts ever in the WWF.

OH YEAH, here comes THE BEST SMACKDOWN MATCH EVER:

-Austin vs. Chris Benoit, WWF Title, Smackdown: Austin said he had a lot of steam, the match was brutal. Vince is the guest enforcer. Benoit gets the crossface, enziguri, he rams Austin into the announce table, stomps him, they’re fighting on the outside some more. He has the title belt, but the ref takes it away, BENOIT WITH A DDT ON THE TITLE. DIVING HEADBUTT~! But Austin puts the title in his way! Vince is relieved. SHARPSHOOTER ON BENOIT! Benoit with a Superplex on Austin, CROSSFACE AGAIN! …but he makes it to the ropes. Austin with a gourdbuster on the announce table, twice. Benoit into the ring steps. He flicks off the Edmonton fans. He chokes Benoit and shows him the title belt. Benoit comes back, but Austin attacks him some more. “Let’s Go Benoit!” chant. Slugfest, he goes for the Stunner, Benoit pushes him off, GERMAN SUPLEX!!! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! Oh my god, TEN GERMAN SUPLEXES~! Austin said he’d never seen that, he felt every one of them. Benoit pushes Austin into McMahon, CROSSFACE! Vince is in the ring, nailing the ref. Benoit low blows Vince, CHAIRSHOT! HE KILLS VINCE WITH CHAIRSHOTS! But Austin with a schoolboy! 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Austin retains the title in 3:21! AWESOME match  ****1/2. WOW.

-Austin says everything happens for a reason, the time was right for him to make it. He said he grew up watching wrestling. ARN ANDERSON talks about seeing Austin in WCW, he saw something in him back then. Old WCW Clips. He says he used to go to the Dallas Sportatorium to see The Von Erichs fight the Freebirds. HARVEY WHIPPLEMAN talks about him. An old entrance for Austin, from a Clash of Champions. He’s accompanied by RICK RUDE and PAUL HEYMAN. RIC FLAIR says he saw a great athlete. Austin says when he was with WCW and USWA, he was more hold-oriented. He said he roomed with Billy Joe Travis and Gary Young, and he would ask them about psychology. Old match clips, with a YOUNG JR talking. Heh. ARN says Austin was green back then. FLAIR says Austin wanted to understand the psychology. ARN says WCW didn’t see anything in him, they didn’t know how to market him. Harvey says Austin went through all the small territories, he made 40-50 dollars a night. Austin says the Road agents think he reminds them of Mad Dog Vachon. Austin says his favorite person to ever work with was Ricky Steamboat. Short clip of them fighting. He says he liked Jake Roberts, he didn’t do a lot, but it all made sense. He says of course Ric Flair is on ‘his list’. OH, it’s The Hollywood Blondes versus Flair & Anderson from Clash. Ric says they could work with anyone, at any time. Flair says they made them look like a million bucks.

-Clips of Austin signing autographs. Clip of Austin taking the OwenDriver. He says he keeps a low profile.

-Clips of Austin on Mad TV. Will Sasso talks about Austin. Austin is a redneck in one skit (no change, haha). Some Mad TV people talk about him. Clip of him playing Tony Little, the informercial guy, and WILL SASSO is playing as Austin. He says “WHAT” a couple times. Debra is his wife. Sasso says Austin liked his impression. Sasso is good as an Austin impersonator. Austin’s good at this. Austin sings a song with the guitar, it’s MC Hammer, but I don’t know what song. Tony Little puts the figure four on Stone Cold. HAHA. Debra slaps Tony Little. HAHA.

-Austin talk about trying to learn guitar, but he has no musical talent. He says his brother beat him up once because he sucked at singing.

-BEST PART OF THE SHOW: Austin is in Vince’s room, with THE GUITAR! He sings KUMBAYA! Austin said he actually had to do this skit in two takes, because the first time, he started laughing and they had to do it again. It’s funny watching Vince laugh too. Austin: “I gotta start that shit again.” KURT WITH THE GUITAR. “Um, can you move over, you’re making me nervous.” ::Austin moves closer to Kurt::, “No the OTHER WAY!” Haha. JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I DON’T CARE! Vince walks out! “I’m trying to cheer up Vince!” “Cheer up who?” “VINCE!” “Where is he?” “You ran him outta the room, you stink! You’re horrible, you’re pathetic!” “Well I wasn’t any worse than you, I heard you when I came in here.” “I spent a lot of money on guitar lessons. I’m great. TELL HIM I’M GREAT!” OK, sorry, I was laughing so hard I missed some stuff. Austin said Kurt was into it 110%. Austin hugs Vince for the first time.

-Austin and Vince and Angle in the ring, Austin says they don’t need Kurt. Kurt looks so sad, ha. “I think you’re a jackass” “I’m a hero, not a jackass!” “You’re a jackass!” “No, I’m a hero!” “JACKASS!” “HERO!” “JACKASS!” “HERO!” etc, etc. Vince says they should get it on now. They look like they’re gonna fight, but KURT HUGS VINCE! Austin: “YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Austin hugs Vince! Kurt looks sad. Austin said Kurt was a big part of it.

-THE COWBOY HAT INCIDENT! Kurt says “NOT VERY MUCH, BUT I LIKE YOU” is Austin’s backstage catchphrase. Austin says he thought of the cowboy hat idea and started laughing so much he had to stop exercising. KURT HAS THE COWBOY HAT!!!!!!!!!!! That is SO priceless. “I feel like a real cowboy. YIPPE KIY YAY!” I am laughing SO HARD right now. Kurt gives them badges. Kurt says a lot of the skits were improv. Austin: “You didn’t get Debra nothin?” “YOU didn’t get HER anything last week!” Austin says Kurt looks stupid with the hat on. Ha. Kurt says Steve rolls with the times.

-The speech from Smackdown when VINCE NEEDS THE OLDE STONE COLD~!!!!!! Vince asks Austin to beat him up, but he walks away. When Austin is on the top of the ramp, Vince says “GIVE ME A STUNNER DAMMIT!”, and Austin STOPS, but continues walking. Sad music playing in the background, haha.

-Clips of OLDE STONE COLD~! Returning on RAW. Vince plays “Welcome Back Old Stone Cold” on the guitar. Austin “tunes” the guitar, then Smashes Vince with it.

-THE WHAT phenomenon. Beethoven song played, with WHAT clips put in. He says it started when he was driving alone one day. He calls Christian, of all people. Christian says he left a fifteen minute message, and that’s where WHAT started. “He was babbling on about something, and he would say, ‘I’m driving by a rest stop. What? I said a rest stop.” Clips from fans saying What. Fan: “If you’re talking to a stupid person, it’s just, WHAT?” Umm, ok. Fan 2: “Hes playing games with Kurt Angle, it’s like What? And no one likes Angle, he’s a whiner” I hate marks. Angle says he can’t even talk now, it sucks. They’re making Kurt Angle mute. He hopes it dies tomorrow. Me too. Austin says it’s still fresh. Debra says he always says What at home because he can’t hear. Debra’s favorite what moment is from Royal Rumble 2002, when Austin starts attacking Stephanie with WHATs. She runs off. Austin’s favorite was surprising, when the MSG crowd said “WHAT” after every pause in the national anthem sung by Lillian Garcia. Clip of that. Kurt says Austin is the only guy that could make the What chant what it is.

-Austin vs. Angle, WWF Title, Summerslam: Wow, how novel, a MATCH. Not that I didn’t enjoy the clips. Austin and Angle say it was intense, and it was a classic. Slugfest, and tons of moves, another fast clip job. Angle with German suplexes in bunches. SEVEN! Superplex by Austin, STUNNER! One, two, ANGLE KICKED OUT. ANOTHER STUNNER, but Angle rolls outside. Angle into the ringpost tons of times. Angle is either busted open hardway, or he did a MANLY BLADEJOB. In the ring, it gets two. They fight in the crowd, but Angle gets the Anklelock on the barrier. It’s awesome, because he’s wrenching it and there’s blood dripping down his face. Anklelock in the ring. Suplex on the outside, ANGLESAULT~! Only gets 2. MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! STUNNER AGAIN! One, two, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Angle reverses a Stunner into the ANGLE SLAM! But it only gets two! Anklelock, Austin gets the ropes. Austin hits Hebner! DDT by Angle, ref runs in, two. Austin low blows Angle, STUNNER ON JIMMY KORDERAS! Tim White runs in, but Austin hits him the the title belt. ANGLESLAM, here’s Nick Patrick. He rings the BELL! Stone Cold is disqualified in 3:21, so he keeps the title! BS! I remember when I first saw this I was PISSED OFF! ****1/2. Great clipping there, even if it was still fast.

-“On 9/11, Smackdown was cancelled due to terrorist attacks. Two days later, the WWF broadcast Smackdown live from Houston, Texas.” Clips of the National Anthem played, with various wrestlers. Austin said wrestlers take people’s minds off of things like that. Vince’s interview, thanking everyone for the privilege of performing that night. Clips of Austin attacking Angle after Smackdown went off the air.

-AWESOME PART OF THE SHOW: Off camera, Austin talks to someone at ringside. IT’S HIS BROTHER! Haha! He’s a carpenter. Austin HATES carpenters. ROFL! He goes to the guy next to him. He’s a wielder. “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a sorry ass wielder.” He’s singing “Camptown Ladies” in the ring. HAHA! “I’ve got a skinny carpenter, a fat wielder, and a whole lot of people who don’t like Stone Cold Steve Austin.”

-“The Broadcast is Over…But the Show has just begun” Clips of Austin interacting with the fans. JR says Austin spends an inordinate amount of time entertaining the fans. He sings Kumbaya on RAW is WAR. Austin says it’s to continue having fun. He decides to meet more people in Nashville. He talks to Joe, a college student. He can’t stand smart ass college kids. David, Truck driver. He can’t stand sorry ass truck drivers” Stacy, works for Christian publishing company. HA! “If there’s one thing I can’t stand…” he starts laughing and so do I. Beer drinking stuff. MARK YEATON interview! He said he’s thrown 100s of beers. He says on a given night, Austin probably drinks 24 beers. Beer drinking with HHH, Rocky, Taker, Booker T. One time, they run out of beer, so Austin beats him up! HAHA!

-How to Drink a Beer, the Stone Cold Way. Angle describes the process. Mark says he throws the beers underhand only. Angle says “Maybe about an ounce of it goes down his throat, the rest goes everywhere.” LOL. Debra hates Austin crunching beer cans at home. Angle says he wishes HE thought of doing that five years ago. Yeah, but you were in the Olympics. Clips of Austin messing with Tom Stuart, cameraman. HAHA! One time, he grabbed Tom’s cable and pulled him in like a fish. Tom said he’d rather save his life than the camera. Heh. Austin comes up behind him during the interview. Austin says Tom’s life means something to someone, somewhere, in someplace special. “That was the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever said” Clips of Austin messing with refs, fans, etc. Earl Hebner says Steve drinking beer makes fans happy. Debra says Austin staying after the show shows his focus. Most people are in their hotel room already, and he’s still entertaining the fans. Austin says he can’t control everything, but Austin does it because he hopes they come back next time.

-Austin says he loves the business, gets hooked on it. Sweet music video of Austin to end. Beats up everyone, Taker, Kane, Rock, Angle, Hardys, HHH, Vince, Jericho, Benoit, MR PERFECT, RVD, Booker T. “If it ain’t 120%, then it ain’t right.” He says he’s gotta do whatever he’s gotta do to be the best. Great way to end the show.

 

Bottom Line (BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO): AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME tape. This is by far my favorite “Biography” tape out of them all. Steve is talking as himself, not as Stone Cold. Buy this tape as soon as you can. I hear the DVD has Steamboat/Austin from Clash and HHH/Austin from N W O ’01. Get which ever one you want, they both kick ass. BUY IT! *****+

 

Comments, thoughts, etc. are welcome.

[Guest treble charged]

Good job man.

[Guest bob_barron]

Very good tape review.

 

The DVD has Steamer-SCSA from BATB94.

[Guest]

hey superstar, email me at [email protected]

 

Tony

[Guest nWoScorpion]

Good Rant, makes me wanna buy it now.