Wcw bash at the beach 1998

[Guest]

WARNING: What you are about to see is truly atrocious. But hey, you guys asked for it.

The Superstar Rant:

WCW Bash at the Beach 1998

 

-OK, I guess I decided to torture myself with this one. Oh well.

-Before we start, there’s an ad for the WCW ROAD WILD 1998 tape, featuring the mammoth main event, Jay Leno and DDP vs. Hogan and Bischoff. Heh.

-A VIDEO PACKAGE THAT PUTS THE WWF TO SHAME! Or not. Featuring Goldberg, Kevin Greene, Goldberg again, Goldberg again, MALONE, RODMAN, DDP, MALONE, MAILMAN, MAILMAN, RODZILLA, HOLLYWOOD HOGAN, this sucks. And yes, I wrote the names as many times as they did.

-LIVE FROM SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA! PYROOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hosts: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Tony looks fat in a Hawaiian shirt. And he’s the only one with leis on. They discuss the AWESOME main event.

-Opening Match: Raven’s Rules: Saturn vs. Raven (w/ Lodi & Riggs)- Ha, WCW’s “Titantron” videos suck. It’s like, slow motion of the guy walking around. Raven’s WCW theme was pretty sweet. Saturn meets him in the entryway and they brawl. Raven goes into the guardrail, twice. Saturn with a headbutt. Raven into the guardrail, again. He chokes Raven with Raven’s flannel, and into the guardrail AGAIN. Finally in the ring. Saturn goes up top, but he trips, but gets a dropkick and a legdrop. Whip reversed, but Raven gets a drop toe hold, into an ANKLELOCK~! Irish whip, Saturn with a gutwrench suplex, with some punches. Bodyslam by Saturn, and he goes up top again. Legdrop misses. Raven with a double arm suplex. Raven goes outside, and gets a TABLE~! Tony: “Raven has found a CHAIR underneath the ring!” Bobby: “That’s a table” HAHA! Raven tries to suplex Saturn on the table, but he crotches him. Saturn tries to springboard on Raven, but he rolls under the ropes. Raven with a Russian Leg Sweep into the guardrail. Tony: “I think Saturn is severely injured here.” Back into the ring, it gets two, with feet on the ropes. Stomps by Raven, and he taunts the crowd. Raven with a snap suplex. Raven gets a sleeper hold. Saturn escapes, but Raven gets it again. Saturn reverses into a jawbreaker. Saturn pounds him in the corner with kicks. Saturn with a head-leg suplex, I think. Saturn goes outside and gets a chair. I bet he takes the drop toe hold onto it. Wait, he beats Raven with it. He puts it on Raven’s face, SPRINGBOARD LEGDROP ON THE CHAIR ON RAVEN’S FACE…gets two. Oh, he sets up the chair. DUH. Lodi & Riggs beat up Saturn, but he fights them off. Saturn bumps the ref off an Air Sabu. Raven bails. Saturn bulldogs Raven’s head into the ring steps. Saturn gets ANOTHER table, setting it up next to the first one. He puts Raven on the table. And the OTHER TABLE ON TOP OF RAVEN. He goes up, Kanyon pulls him off, Saturn jumps THROUGH THE TABLE?!? WTF? It looks like he was trying to get Kanyon. Kanyon gives Raven the FLATLINER INTO THE CHAIR! But Lodi puts Raven on top of Saturn 1, 2…NO! Raven sets up the chair, NOW I bet we see the Drop toe hold, yep. It gets two. SUPERKICK INTO THE CHAIR by Saturn! But Riggs breaks up the pin. DVD ON RIGGS! But Raven gets him, EVENFLOW DDT! 1, 2, 3! Raven wins in 10:35. Good opener with a good crowd. **3/4

-Mean Gene introduces EDDY GUERRERO! With the swank WCW music! (Chavo uses it in the WWF now). He’s got a macho mullet and the “Eddie Guerrero is my favorite wrestler/Cheat to win” SHIRT! They talk about Chavo having to fight Stevie Ray before the Hair vs. Hair match. Eddie says Chavo is whacko. The audience is so enthralled, they chant “Goldberg.” Eddie says Stevie Ray will demolish Chavo, and Eddie will frog splash him, give him a nice haircut, and send him back home to mama.

-Kidman (w/Lodi) vs. Juventud Guerrera- Kidman is still with the Flock at this point. Lockup, and they dance around the ring before breaking, and they slug it out, headlock on Juvi, Kidman with a shoulder block. Leapfrog reversal by Juvi, Juvi does the hiptoss flip that I hate. Mexican Violence, Juvi with a flying head scissors. Juvi clotheslines Kidman over the top. Lodi trips Juvi and beats him up. AND THE REF IS WATCHING HIM DO IT! Kidman tries to crossbody Juvi, but hits Lodi. He helps Lodi, but Juvi gets a high springboard bodypress on both of them. Kidman with a sweet wheelbarrow suplex back in the ring. He chokes Juvi, and throws him over the top rope again. He gives Juvi the ALLEY OOP right into the guardrail outside! Holy crap! Kidman runs on the apron but hits the guardrail, and Juvi gets a back body drop. On the apron, Juvi with a SUNSET FLIP off the apron. Tony: “Sidewalk slam from the inside out!” Juvi elbowdrops him. Crowd is so enthralled, they chant “Lodi sucks!” Juvi stomps Kidman in the corner, sets him up top, Kidman with a low blow, RHYDEEN BOMB FROM THE TOP!!! It only gets two. Kidman gets a chinlock, giving me a break. Juvi fights out, But Kidman getsa cross corner whip, Juvi gets a boot up, Clothesline ducking sequence, Kidman with a bodyslam, REVERSED for two. Kidman with a dropkick. Juvi tries a dropkick but goes THROUGH THE ROPES to the outside. Damn. Kidman goes up top, But Juvi catches him, no, he crotches him on the ropes. SPRINGBOARD HURRACANRANA gets two. Northern lights by Juvi gets two. Eye rake by Kidman, Juvi with head-arm suplex, I think, for two. I’m bad at those complex suplexes. Kidman with the STRATUSFACTION, sorta, for two. Kidman with a bridge, its the obligatory pinfall reversal sequence. JUVI DRIVER…gets two. Kidman with the RHYDEEN BOMB! He’s going for the Seven Year Itch (Shooting Star Press), JUVI MOVES! Juvi goes up top, 450 HITS! 1, 2, 3, Juventud wins at 9:54. Good match. ***

-Let’s go to the WCWwrestling.com booth. Lee Marshall talks with Konnan, who talks about hydraulics and Hawaiian shirts and the Wolfpac. Ok…

-Stevie Ray vs. Chavo Guerrero, Jr.- Chavo had sweet music in WCW too. He has a floating device and a Super Soaker. Eddie comes out to watch, with scissors. Surprisingly, no Brutus Beefcake references. Chavo dedicates this match to Eddie. This match rules, BTW. Chavo poses for like, a minute.. Chavo offers a handshake, Stevie takes it, and CHAVO TAPS OUT! HAHAHAHA! Stevie Ray wins by submission at 1:32. DUD. Chavo is exhausted for his match with Eddie next.

-Hair vs. Hair: Chavo Guerrero Jr. Vs. Eddie Guerrero- Lockup, Chavo gets a shoulder block. Chavo bites Eddie’s BUTT. Right. Eddie sells it, haha. Eddie pantomimes “kiss my ass.” Oh, he’s showing the bite marks. Whoops. Chavo stalls some more with dancing. Yawn. Eddie kicks the ropes and hurts his foot. Eddie bails. THIS SUCKS. Eddie gets a chair, but Lil’ Naitch doesn’t let him use it. Chavo takes it and sits down in the middle of the ring. He looks bored. He’s not the only one. Eddie offers a handshake, he goes on his knees, Chavo takes the handshake into a clothesline. Eddie beats him up, Chavo reverses a whip BIIIIIIIIIIG back body drop. Eddie hugs Lil’ Naitch, and Chavo bites his BUTT again. Once again, this sucks. Lockup, break, Eddie dropkicks Chavo’s knee. Chavo into the turnbuckle, Shoulder rams into Eddie’s back, DROPKICK to the back. Tony: “That could affect a rib guys, or maybe a vertebrae.” Eddie with a vertical suplex, and stomps. SLINGSHOT SENTON! Tony: “Roll in slam by Eddie.” Eddie with a slingshot elbow, or something. They’re outside now. INTO THE GUARDRAIL. Can we go a match without that? Oh, we just did before. Eddie with the GORY SPECIAL! Chavo escapes and gets an armdrag, but Eddie with a clothesline. David Penzer has the clippers. Eddie with the camel clutch. He lets go and stomps Chavo. MEXICAN VIOLENCE. Whip, Chavo with a headscissors. Flip reversal thing that RVD does. Mexican violence by Chavo. Cross corner whip reversed, Chavo tries a Whisper in the Wind, but misses, Chavo gets a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Eddie throws Chavo outside, Chavo into the ring steps. Eddie pulls away the protective mats. BUT THE BITTER HAND OF IRONY STRIKES, as Eddie gets suplexed onto the concrete. Tony: “That could break a collarbone or dislocate a shoulder!” Back in, Chavo with a bodyslam. He goes up top, but gets crotched. Eddie goes up with him, SUPERPLEX! Double KO sequence. Eddie with a cross corner whip, but Chavo with a snake eyes, Bodyslam, FROG SPLASH BY CHAVO, but Eddie gets the knees up. Eddie tries CHAVO’S TORNADO DDT, and hits it. Eddie gets the scissors, but Naitch pulls them away. Eddie goes up top, FROG SPLASH misses. Chavo with a sweet swinging DDT. He takes the scissors, duh, I wonder what’s going to happen. Sure enough, Eddie rolls him up, 1, 2, 3. Eddie wins at 11:26. Of course, about 5:00 of that was stalling and ass biting. Middle portion was good, but the beginning sucked. **. Chavo looks like he’s going to shave Eddie, but he shaves his own head. Chavo wants Eddie to do it too “So we can be twins!” Chavo calls Eddie whacko. Ha. He sits down and shaves his head some more. Ugh, this takes forever. Tony: “People at ringside are STUNNED!”

-Back to the announcers. It was supposed to be Jericho vs. Malenko, but Malenko snapped and lost his title shot. HAHA, I remember when they called Jericho “The King of Loopholes.” Jericho ruled in WCW.

-“Special Added Match”: Disco Inferno (w/ Alex Wright) vs. Konnan (w/ Big Lazy & Lex Luger)- Penzer says: “Previously from Brooklyn, New York, now from Funkytown!” Alex Wright talks in German. Disco & Alex copy Konnan’s spiel. Ha, I remember when I was a huge Wolfpac mark, and their music made me cheer like crazy. Heenan: “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s…K-Dogg!” I hate Konnan. As a matter of fact, I hate everyone in this ring. Wasn’t Sting in the Wolfpac at this point? Nash talks ghetto or something. Nash says The Wolfpac ain’t players. “WE JUST CRUSH A LOT!” Konnan does his spiel. I’m falling asleep. Konnan starts with forearms and a hiptoss. Lockup, Konnan with a whip, Arm drag. Konnan with a drop toe hold, and stomps. Konnan calls a spot directly on camera. Disco counters a sunset flip with dancing, but Konnan gets the flip anyway for two. X-Factor by Konnan, whip, Konnan with that GAY Rolling clothesline. Disco reverses some weird bearhug, throwing Konnan outside to Alex Wright. Now Luger gives Alex the Torture Rack. And Nash gives Disco the Jackknife. Konnan with the Tequila Sunrise, Disco taps at 2:15. You know, why does the audience CONDONE FACE CHEATERS? But when heels do it they boo them out of the building. Anyway, DUD.

-SPECIAL CHALLENGE~!: The Giant vs. Kevin Greene: Cue the PORN MUSIC~! Oh yay, another football player. He looks…weird. He has the football paint under his eyes or whatever. Greene escapes Giant a couple times. Yawn. Was Giant smoking back then? OR was it later? Giant pretends to be a defender or something. Giant misses a slap and Greene gets his own. Greene with a shoulder, and he bails, ANGRY GIANT~! Yawn. Greene crotches Giant on the ropes. Green with a 3-punch count. Again. He tries again but Giant catches him and gets a bearhug, into a front slam. Giant does the Outsider’s Edge pose. Ha. Well it’s a big elbow drop. Giant with a rope assisted foot choke. I think I’ve found the cure for insomnia. The crowd is so enthralled, they chant “Goldberg.” Giant slams Greene’s head into the mat. Giant shouts something I can’t make out. Greene with punches to the midsection, Giant with slaps. Tony says it was supposed to be Goldberg/Greene vs. Giant/Hennig, but when Goldberg won the title, they made it single matches. Giant with a whip, he catches Greene, but Greene with a hotshot. Well it’s a headbutt that sends Greene to the outside. Announcers keep making football analogies. Giant’s head goes into the guardrail, and into the ring post. Repeat, but Giant shoves him down. Back in the ring, Greene with a flying clothesline or something that knocks Giant down. KICK OUT WITH AUTHORITY~! Chop block on Giant, kicks to the leg. Oh god, 3 Point Stance, But Giant reverses, AHHHHHHHHHTHECHOKESLAM! Giant wins at 6:56. Cue the porno music~! Match was atrocious. DUD.

-Back to the WCWwrestling.com booth, where Lee Marshal is with Curt Hennig. Hennig says he has the secret to beat Goldberg: “17 years experience.”

-Let us take you back to Nitro last week. It’s Booker T vs. Dean Malenko, but Jericho comes out. He has the cool ponytail. Jericho challenges Malenko, but Booker gets the Axe Kick, sucka, to get the win. Jericho laughs, and runs away. Now we’re in the ring, and JoJo Dillon is in there too. He says if they touch each other, the match is off. Jericho talks about Dean’s dad. OOOHHH, don’t go there, sista. “Have you ever wondered why you and your brother look absolutely NOTHING alike?” OOOOOH. Dean snaps and attacks him. Later on, during Ultimo Dragon vs. Jericho, Malenko runs in and kills Jericho. It must be noted that Larry Zybysco’s commentary is annoying.

-Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho © vs. ?- Jericho comes out with a top hat and cane. Jericho looks awesome. Jericho rules. “I want you to want…ME!” He calls him Stinko Malenko. Haha. He uses “Never…EEEEEVER.” He says he’s going to do a softshoe routine…but JoJo Dillon comes in. Dillon says he made a mistake, let’s let bygones be bygones. About what? They’re disappointed because they can’t see Jericho defend the belt. JoJo says he’s found a local replacement. Jericho: “An independent jabroni?” Jericho: “CHRIS JERICHO equals BUYRATES!” JJ says he hasn’t wrestled in six months…REY MYSTERIO JR!! The match is No DQ. Rey looks ripped. Mysterio ducks a cane shot and beat him up. BIIIIG back body drop, and a dropkick on Jericho. Whip, cool chop block thing. SPRINGBOARD AXE KICK, SUCKA! Gets two. Jericho bails, and Rey follows. Rey with a sweet move, he swings around the ringpost and gets a headscissors. Back in, Rey with MEXICAN VIOLENCE. Jericho with a chop block to the formerly injured knee. CANADIAN VIOLENCE, and he kicks the knee. Jericho with a cross corner whip but misses a Stinger splash, and goes outside. They go down to the beach set. OMG, THAT’S REAL SAND!!!! Jericho climbs up the lifeguard stand, but Rey throws him into the sand. Rey goes up, HURRACANRANA OFF THE LIFEGUARD STAND! But he hit before Jericho did. Tony: “HOLY SMOKES!” Sand to the eyes of Jericho. Rey goes up top, Crossbody but Jericho reverses for two. Rey looks like a midget compared to Jericho. Jericho puts Rey up top, TOP ROPE POWERSLAM~! Jericho rules. Tony: “A great variation of the superplex!” Jericho gets a chair. CHAIRSHOT TO THE KNEE. He puts the knee in the chair! He goes up top, PILLMANIZING TIME! Rey moves, however, and kicks Jericho’s leg. Chairshot to Jericho’s leg. Dropkick, into the chair, into Jericho’s knee. Rey reverses a back body drop into an X-Factor. Springboard, but Jericho reverses, LIONTAMER~!!!!!!!! Wait, Rey isn’t letting him, he gets to the ropes. HERE’S MALENKO! Jericho goes for the Liontamer, but Mysterio reverses, 1, 2, 3! Mysterio wins the title in 6:00. Fun match, **1/4. Jericho tries to run away from Malenko, but Arn holds him. Malenko kicks his ass.

-Television Title Match: Bret Hart vs. Booker T ©- CUE THE PORN MUSIC~! I can’t believe how badly they used Bret in WCW. It’s weird hearing Booker’s music without the “CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKA?” at the beginning. It’s the old school Booker T, with the nose strip and pants. T shoves Hart, lockup. Booker takes Hart down. Booker hasn’t learned to stare at his hand yet. Wrestling sequence, and Bret whips him, T ducks a clothesline and gets a forearm for two. T with the arm wrench into a sidekick, and snapmare gets two. Booker whips, Hiptoss reversal, and Booker hiptosses Bret over the top rope. They fight on the outside, and Bret goes into the guardrail, just like every other match, but Booker takes a snake eyes into the rail. Tony: “Booker T, slapping some skin with fans at ringside.” Back in the ring, Bret with an eye rake. Bret whips, back elbow. Headbutt to the LOW midsection. Bret with a whip Booker reverses, 110th STREET SLAM (sidewalk slam) gets two. Bret clotheslines Booker over the top, Bret taunts the fans. Booker into the ring steps, Booker’s back goes into the ringpost. Bret with a legdrop back inside. Backbreaker by Bret. DRIVING ELBOW! Ah, I believe it’s the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM~! Russian leg sweep, gets two. Some fan tells Bret to suck it. Ha. He drags Booker’s face across the ropes. Too bad he couldn’t finish the 5 moves. Of doom. He stomps Booker in the corner. Cross corner whip, T reverses with a rollup for two. (It got messed up). Booker reverses a whip, Leg lariat. AXE KICK SUCKA! Booker with a whip, flapjack. SPINAROONIE! Of course, back then, it was just “BREAKDANCING!” Booker goes up top, Missile Dropkick. Wasn’t that one of his finishing moves? Yeah, Bret gets his foot on the ropes, and bails. He gets a chair, CHAIRSHOT on Booker T, Booker wins by DQ at 8:26. OK, that ending sucked. **1/2

Bret Pillmanizes the leg. RINGPOST FIGURE FOUR~! I love that move. Here’s Stevie Ray, but he just stares at Bret and Bret walks away. Stevie doesn’t look too concerned. Stevie takes the TV title and gives it to Booker. Yawn.

-Video package of Nitro, when Goldberg beat Scott Hall and Hogan to win the WCW World Title. Hogan sounds like he had a sore throat. HAHA Hogan: “I…am going to kick Goldberg’s…………BUTT!!!!!” After Goldberg gets the Jackhammer, Tony: “OH HELL YEAH!”

-Oh yay, it’s Michael Buffer is out. LLLLLLLETTTTTTTT’S GET READY TO SUUUUUUUUCK IIIIIITTTTTTT!

-WCW World Title: Curt Hennig vs. Goldberg ©- CUE THE PORN MUSIC~! Hennig is not accompanied by Rick Rude. Hennig has a Goldberg shirt. “Who’s Next?/GOLDBERG!” Hennig does the MR. PERFECT GUM SWAT~!!!! He was always better in the WWF. Man, I always hated Goldberg’s entrance. Lockup, Goldberg gets a side headlock. Goldberg with a shoulder block and Hennig does a couple flips. Goldberg with a belly-to-belly suplex, of some sort. Lockup, HENNIG VIOLENCE. Goldberg with a cross corner whip and a scissors takedown. Goldberg with another cross corner whip, Hennig gets a boot up, twice, Hennig goes up top, Goldberg catches him, Gorilla press into a powerslam. Mike Tenay mentions Goldberg’s INTENSITY~! Hennig works Goldberg’s knee. That goes on for about a minute and a half. Goldberg reverses into a leg lock, but Hennig gets the ropes. Phantom clothesline by Hennig. PERFECTPLEX~!!! Only gets two. Goldberg with a clothesline. Oh, crap. SPEAR, stupid pose, Jackhammer, Goodnight. Goldberg retains the title at 3:50. Well, DUD.

I wish I could stop the tape right now. I’m afraid of the next match…Video package.

-“Multi-Sport Main Event BRAWL~!”-Hollywood Hogan & Dennis Rodman vs. DDP & Karl Malone- WARM UP THAT VOODOO CHILI! Oh, look who’s with the nWo: ZODIAC! Err, I mean the Disciple. YES! NO! YES! NO! Their entrance lasted about 5 minutes. Heels stall for a long time, before the bell. Yawn. Hogan has the weightlifting belt. Rodman hugs Hogan. I’m falling asleep. Finally the bell rings. Rodman and Malone start. Rodman stalls, Hogan takes off his sunglasses. Rodman stalls some more. Rodman stalls some more. I have a feeling I’ll be typing that a lot. Malone wants a test of strength, but Malone slaps him and Rodman stalls. Hogan makes the “CHICKEN” pantomime and points at Malone. Rodman with a headlock on Malone, finally, some contact. Rodman gets whipped but he stalls. Again. Wow, Hogan had shiny hair. Yes, I’m noticing that because there’s NO ACTION GOING ON IN THE RING. Malone does the “DIAMOND CUTTER FEEL THE BANG” pantomime. Rodman tags in Hogan. BOW DOWN when KARL MALONE COMES TO YOUR TOWN. Hogan does his poses. This is SO BORING. Hogan wants a test of strength, but Malone is playing the “I’m TALLER THAN YOU” game, and Hogan stalls. Lockup, Malone with a standing chinlock or something, but Hogan gets the ropes. But Malone gets it again. Wow, the first real move is a resthold. Go figure. Hogan gets the ropes but Malone pulls him back. OMG A BODYSLAM MALONE IS THE GREATEST. Hogan sells it like he just took 3 Rock Bottoms. DDP gets tagged in. “DDP” chant, I think. DDP wants Rodman. Rodman is tagged in. THIS IS ATROCIOUS. It’s been 5 MINUTES ALREADY! Lockup, DDP pushes Rodman down and he stalls. Crowd is so enthralled, they start a “Goldberg” chant. Lockup, DDP pushes Rodman down again. Rodman stalls. Hogan & Rodman hug. Rodman stalls. Rodman spits at DDP, DDP spits at Rodman. Lockup, Rodman with a takedown. HOGAN STRUTS~! On the apron. That was hilarious, actually watching Hogan STRUT~! DDP does the “Kiss my bottom” pantomime. Lockup, Rodman whip, shoulderblock knocks Rodman down and he stalls. Lockup, Rodman with a headlock. DDP fights off and they both tumble. DDP covers for two. DDP with a chinlock/headlock of something. Rodman with a whip, LEAPFROG by Rodman, twice, and they mess up a shoulderblock spot. DDP gets two. Malone in the ring, stomps Rodman, Hogan tagged in. Maybe he’ll STRUT~! Some more. Hogan does the “I’ll break him in half!” pantomime. Hogan with a wristlock. OMG~! HOGAN RULES! Or not. Malone gets his own and shoves Hogan down. Hogan stalls. OOOH, Rodman with a cheap shot. It’s been 10 FREAKIN MINUTES. Hogan punches Malone, ooh, a vicious shot to the chest that Malone sells like he’s having a heart attack. Hogan chokes Malone 3 times. Heenan mentions John Stockton. That’s my grandpa’s name, actually. Hogan with a bodyslam on Malone, and some elbowdrops. Rodman tagged in. Elbowdrop by Rodman. WOW. Twice. Rodman whips Malone into Hogan’s boot. Wow. Tony: “Some FINE teamwork by Hogan and Rodman.” Hogan tags in and covers Malone for two. Malone into the turnbuckle. TIMBER! Hogan with punches. TIMBER! It gets two. Hogan with a rear chinlock. Yeah, can’t go 5 minutes without a resthold. Hogan with more choking. Rodman tagged in. Double team and Hogan hits Malone, which knocks Rodman down. HAHA. Hogan with a HORRIBLE Belly-to-back suplex. Malone was about six inches off the ground. Hogan misses an elbowdrop and we see Malone’s wife. HOT TAG DDP. DDP with a top rope clothesline, he knocks down Rodman, Clothesline on Hogan. Hogan reverses a whip, Rodman nails him, clothesline by Hogan. OH NO, NOT THE WEIGHTLIFTING BELT. Hogan with a vicious chop to the throat. Hogan with more choking. Rodman tagged in. Is the crowd chanting “UTAH SUCKS”? Double team clothesline gets two for Hogan. BACK RAKE OF DISCOMFORTING AGONY! Hogan with more choking. This match, dare I say, is better than Bret-Owen 1994. Hogan with a Cross corner whip and clothesline. Hogan drags DDP across the ropes and tags in Rodman. Hogan: “WATCH THE EYEBALL!” WTF? Double big boot on DDP. Rodman with a front face lock. Yay. DDP fights out, Hogan tagged in. Beefcake is pulling DDP’s pants down as Hogan kicks him. Rodman chokes DDP. Hogan with a BEAUTIFUL VERTICAL SUPLEX, for two. Man, Hogan’s busting out the moveset tonight. Hogan with punches, Rodman tagged in. They double-team throw DDP into the corner, and DDP sells it like hot death. I guess Hogan is tagged back in. DDP comes back, DROP TOE HOLD BY HOGAN. MOVESET TIMES TWO! Rodman tagged in. FRONT FACE LOCK AGAIN. It’s been 20 MINUTES! DDP tries to fight out, but fails. Again, but he fails. Again, no. Hogan distracts the ref, no tag. Double team on DDP. Hogan’s in. Someone get me a pillow. Hogan with a whip, BIG BOOT OF INORDINATE DISCOMFORT! IMMORTAL LEG DROP MISSES. HOT TAG MALONE. Hogan begs of. Clothesline on Hogan. Again. Clothesline on Rodman. BODYSLAM ON HOGAN. BODYSLAM ON RODMAN. This is so exciting. OH NO, THE COCONUT BUTT OF IMMORTAL AGONY! Hogan’s head into the turnbuckle. A lot. HOGAN FLOP~! What a rip off. INTERNATIONAL SIGN OF THE DIAMOND CUTTER! This match RULES! ::cough:: Malone whip, BIG BOOT OF INORDINATE DISCOMFORT! DDP tagged in. DIAMOND CUTTER on Hogan. Rodman breaks up the cover, no, DIAMOND CUTTER ON RODMAN. Stone Cold Stunner by Beefcake on DDP. Hogan & Rodman win in 23:44. Diamond Cutter on Beefcake. Should I rate this? Yes. 23 minutes of crap. -*** Diamond Cutter by Malone on Charles Robinson. N W O celebrate as we go off. Hogan raises the roof and says “I’m the King of the World!”

Bottom Line: Oh man, the undercard was good, but WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?!? HORRIBLE PAY PER VIEW. I can’t even recommend this for the undercard. Thumbs WAY DOWN.

 

All comments and criticism, etc. welcome!

[Guest RetroRob215]

I like your reviews a lot...all two of them.  They are a little SK'ish, but you will get passed that after you write a few more and hone your own style.

[Guest nWoScorpion]

Word od advice, it's easier to know when another match is being reviewed by pressing the enter key. Otherwise it looks all clustered together.