CLI-MAX; GPX VS COD

[Patty O'Green 0]

 

My next match will be told entirerly through clickable smilies.

 

Tony-Ton-Ton, this has to go before the tag title match. Merci beaucoup, mon ami.

 

CREEPY VOICED OLD MAN
[B]In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees,
there finally emerges a group
which has come to set the record straight.
so, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard
can you say uhhh na na na na...[/B]

As the playfully romantic [i]Make her Say[/i] picks up to full crescendo, the less then playful and definitely not romantic, Global Party Exchange burst onto the elaborately decorated stage. The heavily aggravated looks they wear on their faces are in stark contrast to the bopping ballad that sings them into war. Clad in matching black cargo pants, and white Upstarts basketball jerseys, the duo stands back to back, arms folded as they're circled by a calvary of boos.

COLE
GPX hopes to turn their fortunes around tonight, but they face a team that basically never loses in Chicks Over Dicks.

As blue and green lights torrent across the not so state of the art Key Arena, GPX proceeds down the entrance ramp. Scotty barks at the jeering crowd, while Johnny focus remains unified on the task ahad.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of sixty minutes! Now making their way to the ring at a combined weight of four hundred, seven pounds...the former, two-time, OAOAST Tag Team Champions. First from Holanta, he is the man they call Jam, Johnny Jax! And his is partner, from Detroit Rock City, he is Big City Scotty Static! Together they form THE GLLOOOOOBBAAAALLL PPAAAARRRRTTYYY EEEEXXXCCHHAAAAANNGGEEEEEEEE! 

“BOOOOOOOO!”

The boys slide into the battle field ready for war. Scotty leans over the ropes and points to Coach, in a show of respect and solidarity. Johnny Jax scales to the top rope, and glares at every member of the audience his eyes can lay their sight on. He rips off his b-ball jersey, which still manages to get  a pop from the female fans. 

COACH
GPX is here to end the year just like they started it. Winning. GPX has got this one.

COLE
I thought you were a Chicks Over Dicks fan, Johnathan.

COACH
Bro's over ho's, Mikey. The Coach isn't just  a nickname it's a way of life. And The Coach has been coaching GPX on how to handle the COD. We've got a great strategy tonight.

COLE
Oh my. Well, uh, I'm interested to see how good a coach the Coach really is.

The opening guitar strands of pop sensation Lindsay Lohan's cover of [i]Edge of Seventeen[/i] play, as a gorgeous [color=red][b]red pyro[/color][/b] fountain springs forth from the stage. It meets with an equally lovely [color=#ff3366 ][b]pink[/color][/b] pyro waterfall, cascading from the ceiling. As the drum roll of the song kicks up, both the pyrotechnics dissipate, replaced by a booming [color=#ffff33][b]gold[/color][/b] explosion that engulfs the entire stage! 

Through all the smoke and harsh florescent lights comes Chicks Over Dicks, recipients of a gargantuan pop from the fans. Alix jerks her body back and forth, flinging her arm in the air to the beat of the pop tune. Krista downs a swig of Jim Beam, and slams it onto the steel staging.

BUFFER
And the opponents...first from Los Angeles, Californ-i-a, she is the 2005 OAOAST Babe of the year, and former tag team champion, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA!! And her partner from Tinseltown, Los Angeles California, she is the author of the New York Times bestseller [i]Soul of a Womyn[/i], and star of the [i]Fit with Kid[/i] line of exercise videos. She is...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN. Together they form CHICKS OVER DICKS!

Falling under the girls from SoCal's sway, the raucous Washingtonians belt out another pop. Alix wearing a festive Miss Santa outfit, consisting of red velvet halter top and matching hot pants, trots to the ring. Krista, sporting black leather pants and a black tank top, saunters down the ramp.

COLE
Coach, as a team GPX is well into double digits in the loss column. Individually they're both into double digits in the loss column. COD as team is 20-3 in two years of existence. Alix has a career record of 27-7, and Krista has a career record of [i]30-3[/i]. That is a .900 winning percentage. She has never lost a singles match in her life. She's never been submitted, and she's been pinned [i]once[/i]. By Ned Blanchard. GPX sometimes gets pinned twice in one night! She is the closest thing in the OAOAST to being unbeatable. She simply does not lose. So, I hope you and your boys have a good strategy.

Krista embodies the double kingdom of strength and beauty, the most beautiful and rarest of all kingdoms. She stands on the apron, one hand gripping the rope, eyes gazing into the roaring crowd, body striking a photogenic pose more gorgeous then any sculptor could desire. Alix is a little less graceful, perkily bouncing across the ring.

COLE
Let's get this conte....

Scotty and Johnny jump the COD from behind, starting off the contest with a wild donnybrook! Punches are exchanged like baseball cards! GPX uses their brute strength to get the equivalent of a Hornus Wagner rookie card and back the gals to opposite corners. Pummeling them, the boys nod to each other with cruel smirks. They attempt to whip COD into one another, but the duo from SoCal styimes their efforts with reversals! The crowd is electric as Johnny and Scotty come to a NASCAR worthy collision! Johnny sends his smaller ally airborne, pushing him three feet backwards! Ally Cat smacks Jax, who has no idea what's going on, with a beautiful superkick! The dizzying strike staggers him into the black ring ropes, filling him with a blend of frustration and fright. Krista springs forward  and furiously clotheslines the despised villain clear out of the ring!

“COD! COD! COD!” chant the still standing fans.

Static seeks to eliminate COD's effortlessly acquired momentum with a running knee lift to Alix's turned back. Not having a clue as to who hit her, Ally drops to the canvas in pain. Static can do no more damage, as Krissy converges on him with left hooks! The blows contort the flesh on Scotty's face in a most awkward fashion. Static, now sporting a swollen cheek, actually manages to block one of her slower punches with his forearm. He grabs her arm and tries an Irish whip, but KID reverses it with ease. However instead of throwing him to the ropes, she brings him in for a knee to the gut! Spittle falls out of Scott's vulgar mouth as he doubles over in a sheer agony. Alix stands up and gets her revenge, hitting her prone rival with the crowd pleasing [b]Burning Sensation when you urinate[/b] (Sunset flip pile driver)! The audience goes [color=orange][b]nuclear[/color][/b]! Alix makes a pin, as the replay of the awesome move plays on a little box on the bottom of the screen!

COACH
What the hell? This isn't how it was supposed to go!

CROWD
1

CROWD
2

Double J pulls his buddy out of the ring at the last second!

“BOOOOOO!” go the fans who want to get through this 45 match PPV as quickly as possible.

Johnny consoles a battered and bruised Scotty, as a steady surge of  catcalls flow freely to the pair. They walk around the ring, both discussing strategy, and each trying to place blame on the other for the poor showing thus far. Back in the battleground, Krista is giving Clem Buzzlefoxer Jr, an earful about GPX's questionable tactics. Unfortunately the official is 63 years old, and can't hear a thing. Alix is slightly more proactive then her friend, and jumps out of the ring to take care of business. She goes in hot pursuit of the two time tag team champions, who look like they've decided to throw in the towel and head backstage. One wild haymaker to Scotty's jaw from Ally cat knocks him right into the steel guardrail and puts a roadblock on his escape route. Alix grabs Johnny by his meticulously gelled hair and drags him all the way back into the ring.

COACH
Don't with mess the hair, dirty grrl! It takes him a whole hour to get it that spikey!

Jam-master Jax stands up, hollering a number of unkind words at the bubbly grappler. Unfortunately the Upstart forgets that her surly partner is located behind him! She gives him the most painful reminder imaginable, a birdged half nelson suplex!

CROWD
1

CROWD
2

KICK OUT!
BOOOOOO!

COACH
Gah! Not the strategy, you fools!

Johnny stands up fairly quickly, leading an overweight fan wearing a Velvet Revolver t-shirt in the front row to loudly lament the lost art of selling. Jax digs his thumbs into Krista's baby blue eyes, eroding her advantage. Thanks to her newfound blindness, JJ encounters little difficulty in whipping her to the black turnbuckle pads. Problematically she's no longer impersonating Helen Keller when she gets there. As such she counters his body splash by catching his slender body, and tossing it onto her shoulders in a standing fireman's carry! You can read the pleasure in Kris' face at her dominion over Jax.  She vaults her victim into the air so high, you'd think he could touch the scoreboard. Izzy drops down onto the her back, where she bends her long legs up to her chest. The horrified look on Jax's face is priceless as he sees what savagery eagerly awaits his landing! Double J crashes down onto Krissy's bare knees, suddenly feeling like he's had half his inner organs rearranged! Scarcely able to take a breath, he rises to his feet to make a tag to a partner who's no where to be seen. His jelly legs are unable to support his 6'1 body for long, and they won't have to, as Krista gets him into a pinning predicament with a victory roll!

CROWD
1

CROWD

2

KICK OUT! 

Krista cusses up a storm, but that may just be because her buzz is wearing off. As the crowd lustily boos the nearfall, A-Town's finest leans against the ropes to catch his breath. KID has the intention of blasting him with a clothesline that will either remove his head from his body, or knock him out the ring and into the third row! She runs the ropes to build up speed, but when she comes back, Jax steps forward, making the clothesline less then useful. Required to improvise, the blonde bombshell hops onto his broad shoulders! The hunky heel smartly counters her possible hurricarana with a high impact sit out powerbomb! A downpour of jeers rains on Jax, but the encouraging clapping from the returning Static, serves as an umbrella. Clem counts the pin, nearly throwing out his back as he drops down to count.

1


2

KICK OUT, WITH AUTHORITY, YOU BITCH MADE ASS MU'FUCKAS!

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!”

Frustrated and exhausted, Johnny dejectedly belly flops onto his stomach. He barely has the energy required to jaw at the fans who are calling him “Johnny Jackass.” Fortunately for the two Upstarts supporters in attendance, he has the energy to make the tag to his partner in crime, Scotty Static. Krista greets his entrance with a stare so cold it could frost every beverage at the concession stands. Dragging behind her a smoldering fuse of rage ready to blow at any moment, Krissy charges him with a clothesline. But Static, side steps her, and uses her momentum against her by grabbing the wrist of her unattacking arm and whipping her to the corner! The thirty-four year old hits the turnbuckles stomach first, but looks to be more annoyed then hurt. Big City fails to notice notice this, and runs in on her, seeking to implant her implants into the ringposts with an avalanche! KID swiftly counters by whipping around and driving the bottom of her gold boot into his midsection! 

COLE
Folks, later tonight you can catch Krista's ex, Ned Blanchard go for the tag team titles against Alix's current, Leon Rodez. That one should be [i]very[/i] interesting.

Krissy grabs the stunned fighter's oddly shapen head in a facelock, hops onto the second pad, then comes flying off with a Tornado DDT! Static avoids a surefire concussion, by holding onto to her thin waist and blocking the move! The GPX member seizes control of the fastpaced sequence, and quickly lifts her onto the top turnbuckle. Wasting no time, he scales to the top himself, intending on putting a quick end to this opening bout. Unfortunately Krista is slightly unwilling to go along with this plan, and she angrily pelts him in the ribs with several punches. The blows weaken his position, and the bestselling author is able to casually shove him back to the ring floor. Frustrated Scotty lands on his feet, facing away from her. Jax, who sees the always angry woman rising to her full 5'10 frame, frantically implores his partner to turn around. Unable to hear over the clangorous roar of the sold out crowd, Scotty looks at Johnny dumbfounded, cupping his ear. He soon finds out what the hell John was deliriously warning him about, as he has a pair of long legs clad in black leather wrapped around his neck. Krista gives an affright JJ the middle finger, then casts his partner down to the deepest level of physical hell with an inhuman inverted hurricarana!

COACH
(standing up)
Use your brains, morons! This wasn't the strategy!

CABOOSE
Did you just call them morons?

Scotty stands up into a pair of rights and lefts coming at him fast and furious like a Paul Walker driven car. A Static knee to the ribs ends the brief but one sided slug fest. Seconds later he grabs the back of his hated rival's head, lowers it down, drags her to ropes, and fiendishly rakes her eyes across the stinging cable. Amidst Krista's pained screams, Buzzlefoxer requests he let her go. Scotty obliges and Kris falls to the mat more concerned with the excruciating burning in her eyes then with bracing herself for the impact. Hurriedly, Scotty scoops her up and sends her across the ring with an Irish Whip. For reasons known only to him, he lowers his head allowing Krista to level him with a jarring knee lift.

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

Krissy runs the ropes for a Lionsault. Problematically she makes an uncharacteristic mental error by running to the ropes closest to Johnny J. Unlike Kris, Jax commits no gaffe, and pounces on this golden opportunity. As she begins her ascent, he pulls the third rope down, and she takes a dangersome journey to outside! Fortunately she avoids a horrific reintroduction to the familiar guardrails, by landing perfectly on her feet. Enraged to see her still standing, Jax come screaming off the apron with an axe handle smash! But Krista pulls an enormous counter out of her bag of tricks and uses a super kick to slam him like a battering ram! Johnny flails to the mats like a fish out of water, as the nearby fans heap salt on his wounds with a variety of insults.

COLE
Johnny Jax got crushed!

Krista leaves Johnny, minus three or four teeth, on the outside. She gets into the ring, only to get split in half by a razor sharp spear from Scotty Static! With Krista writhing in pain, and the crowd showing him nothing but disparagement , Static sits on his knees, hands against his thighs, huffing and puffing like the biggest and baddest of wolves. Scotty puts hands to lips and blows Alix a sarcastic kiss. Disgusted, she does the tried and true six grade technique of catching the kiss and throwing it away. Sufficiently cock blocked, Static turns his attention to the COD member in the ring. Nostrils flaring in anger, he stands her up and promptly pelts her with a flesh searing European uppercut! And another! And another! And a fourth? No! Izzy counters by spinning her body around, placing her back against his, and hooking both his muscular arms, putting him in a backslide set up! Instead of pulling the startled gladiator down into a pin, she whirls in front of the loathsome warrior and rocks his world with a crowd popping step up enziguri! Shockingly the brutal move doesn't even floor him. It just bends him over, leaves him wobbling like a rocking chair with a dazy haze (not [i]daizee[/i] haze) settling over him. She grabs Static into tightly secured facelock, then does further damage to his skull with an implant DDT! Scotty does a delayed sell, where he does three second head stand, before finally flopping over onto his back. The smark who earlier was complaining over the absence of selling creams himself. Krista floats over into a pin!

CROWD
1

CROWD
2

KICK OUT!

COACH
I feel like I've aged ten years. Is this how Dom Capers feels every Sunday?

With a wad of onyx tinted hair in hand, Krista angrily yanks Static to his feet. She gives him an Irish whip to the ropes, making sure to smack him on the back as he goes. With her hand imprint on his backside he rumbles back to her with a shoulder tackle! Despite outweighing her by a solid forty pounds, he barely budges the former fitness model an inch. Scotty's mouth droops into a disgusted frown, as Izzy vibrantly guffaws at his failure.

“If at first you don't succeed!” She says.

“Try, try, again!” The fans in the front row finish off the old adage.

Static takes their ill-meaning advice, and heads to the ropes once more. Leaning forward with his tattooed shoulder, he puts forth another shoulder block! He moves her about half a centimeter. The fans find this downright hilarious, but Scotty is totally irate with his glaring ineptitude. Krista, using her sweetest motherly tone, offers another round of encouragement to her downcast rival.

“Third times a charm, dear! You can do it!”

Fed-up with her condescending cheer leading, Scotty takes to the ropes once more, intending on knocking her into [i]next year[/i]with this latest shoulder block. He comes back with a full head of steam, setting her in his chaos hungry sights, only to get turned upside down and inside out with a powerful lariat from Miss California 1999 herself!

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

Beaming with pride, Krista makes like Sean Carter, and gets that dirt off her shoulder. Why? Cuz ladies is pimps to. A few well placed kicks from her glittery gold boots to Scotty's ribs to turn him onto all fours. KID straddles his back upper back, making the idea of escaping a preposterous one at best. She grabs his arms then awkwardly bends them underneath his baby oil drenched chest, crisscrossing them in a painful fashion. It looks like she's going for a back mounted crossed arm chinlock. However, Krista actually doesn't do a thing. You read that right. All she does is stand up, casually stroll to her corner, and joyfully watch as the brush strokes of her genius paint a comedic masterpiece on the OAOAST canvas. Scotty, curled up into a ball, doesn't seem to realize that he's not in a devastating submission hold and begins to holler in agony. His comically piteous groans reach every last inch of the arena. This elicits an uproarious laughter from the anti GPX crowd, and gets a round of giggles from Alix and Krista. Alix eventually has to bury her head in the turnbuckle, she's laughing so hard. Either that or she stored some coke in there and is doing a line.

CABOOSE
Coach, do you just hang out with these guys because they make you feel smarter?

After thirty of the most humiliating seconds of his life Scotty comes to the painfully obvious conclusion that he's not held in a submission. The Upstart stands up, a kaleidoscope of emotions, ranging from outraged to flat out embarrassed. The audience taunts him with cruel chants of “You're a dumbass” making bloody fury his primary feeling. Setting a homicidal gaze on Krista, he charges her, but she nonchalantly nails him with a forearm to the jaw! The force of her shot spins him around, letting her grab him with an inverted facelock. She vaults him into the air, as if she was attempting her old finisher the Down With Love curtain call. But she shoots him backwards, resting his feet on the top turnbuckle. Johnny, keenly aware of the misdeed set to transpire, is back on the apron hollering for his friend to mount a defense! Krissy pays Johnny no mind, stepping forward and pulling his partner off the ropes! Johnny's blood seethes as Kris sinks to her back, burying Static's face into the unforgiving canvas! As Static struggles to right his rapidly sinking ship, Krista decides to tag in Alix and let her join the fun!

“YEAAAAA!”

The perky brunette slingshots herself into the fray, welcomed by a round of “ALIX!” chants. She immediately takes up the task of taunting Johnny by jiggling her BUTT like a thick-ass dancer in D4L's [i]Laffy Taffy[/i] video. The incredibly aroused viewers at home whip out a box of tissues and a bottle of Jergen's lotion as quickly as possible. But Johnny's reaction is decidedly unfavorable! Enraged, he tries to come through the ropes to mangle loveable Alix. Yet he's inexplicably held up by sixty billion year old Buzzlefoxer Jr. With Johnny trapped by the Jurassic zebra, sly Ally Cat calls for a double team. She grabs hold of both of Scotty's legs, then drops backwards, slingshoting him towards a ready and willing KID. Krista grounds the airborne Static with an ultra stiff STO! She lands on the mat, but Scotty gets impaled on Alix's bare knees to the immense enjoyment of the fans and total revulsion of Jax! Alix throws more fuel onto her fire of brutality by quickly turning Static over into a liontamer!

“TAP! TAP! TAP!”

COACH
Not part of the strategy!

Jax, much more worried about both the outcome of this contest then his friend's deteriorating condition, overcomes the monumental power of Buzzlefoxer and runs into the squared circle. Alix's grey eyes see him coming a mile away, and she meets him with a right hook! While this harsh blow ensures he'll soon be making a trip to his dentist, Johnny's at least able to snatch the match from the sharp jaws of defeat. The Los Angeles native quickly rids the ring of Jax's presence by clotheslining him over the ropes, getting a great ovation from the fans! Scotty, who's undergone a miraculous recovery, rushes her with the now useless shoulder block. She spins around and blocks his attack with a punch to the face! The 5'5 fighter grabs onto his head like she's about to perform a twisting neckbreaker. From there she places her arm around his neck, moving her body to his side. Luckily he's able to weasel his way out of the hold, and take control of the match with a surprise hammerlock! Startled, Alix is unable to mount a suitable defense, and he pushes her down into a standing head scissors! His arms go around her waist, and mere seconds latter her neck gets pulverized with a piledriver! Thrilled to have some semblance of momentum on his side, Scotty tags in his hot headed wingman,  Johnny Jax.

“JOHNNY JACKASS! JOHNNY JACKASS!”

Jax takes his considerable hatred for Alix out on her upper back, tearing into it with multiple stomps. He roughly hauls her to a standing position then whips her to the ring ropes. Upon her return he launches her into the sky with a flapjack! However Alix is able to turn the tables with a hurricarana, pleasing the fans! Johnny gets up, neck smarting from the violent jerk her hold gave it, and staggers to the corner to catch a time out. Al runs in a circle to build up speed, then darts at her larger antagonist. Distracted by bothersome fans in the front row, he's unable to defend against her running up his hairless chest. She kicks him square in the face, before backflipping off. As he slowly totters out of the corner, Alix hurdles to the third rope.  Before he can move too far away, she traps him with an inverted facelock. She blows a kiss to Scotty, who ducks it(!), before gliding off the rope and hitting Johnny with a tornado inverted DDT! 

COLE
I'm sure Leon is cheering somewhere backstage, if he's not preparing for his tag title match.

As the crowd roots her on, Alix gets Jax into a camel clutch position, placing his arm around her knees. Oddly enough, the ditzy diva ditches the clutch part, and goes straight into posing. Popping the crowd, Alix gingerly flexes her biceps like she was competing for Mr.Olympia. While she's wasting time with her posing routine, Johnny carefully slips away from her and scales the second turnbuckle behind her! He shoots himself off, wrapping his arm around her head, ensnaring her with a monstrous bulldog! Alix blocks it by shoving him away, landing him on his Air Jordans! Annoyed, the Upstart turns to floor her with a discus punch, but finds himself tagged with a roaring elbow to the kisser! She advances her attack with a knife edge chop that rips at his tanned flesh. Each further chop leaves a livid red mark on his skin. Finally a knee to the gut by Jax eighty-sixes the chop series! After a moment's pause, JJ locks Spezia into a double underhook. The feisty competitor violently thrashes against his firm clamp, while he levies a bombardment of insults Krista's away. His strength advantage overpowers her resistance and he easily crushes her with an underhook suplex! Jax covers her, talking trash to outraged Krista as he does so.

1


2


KICK OUT!

“YEAAAAAAAAA!”

Johnny allows Alix to stand up on her own, forcing the twenty eight year old to expend her precious energy. He snaps her with forearms, alternating between lefts and right. After the tenth strike the youngster grabs her arm and attempts to sling her to the ropes! She surprises him with a reversal, putting him on the run. Thankfully Scotty has the wherewithal to hop off the apron and grab Johnny's ankle, stopping him from returning to blood thirsty Alix. Ireful over having her attack halted, Alix dashes at Jax with demonic speed. His arm whistles through the air to blast her with a clothesline! Yet she avoids certain devastation by dropping into a baseball slide. Ally wildly careens underneath Johnny's legs, out of the ring and into Scotty Static's youthful face! Caught off guard, he's thumped flat on his hemorrhoided ass! As the fans chant her name, Alix jumps onto the ring apron. She launches herself back into the match with a springboard dropkick to Jax, who had once again gotten into it with Krista!

CABOOSE
If Johnny hadn't been acting foolish, harassing Krista, he could've seen and countered that move.

While Johnny J rolls onto his stomach to protect his back, Alix runs to the corner, springs onto the second turnbuckle and comes crashing down with a Qadarabera (spelled wrong)! Jax gets his knees up! Too horrified for Alix's afflicted welfare to watch, Krista turns away as Alix's jaw meets Johnny's knee in a brutal head on collision! With bold shrieks of pain seeping through her hand that covers her injured mouth, Alix stands up. Unyielding in his assault, Jax pulverizes her with a well timed jaw breaker! So worried for her friend's safety, Krista has her body between the ropes, halfway in the ring, willing to risk disqualification just to aid her. His cobalt eyes staring venomously at Krista, Johnny picks up Alix and nails a second punishing jawbreaker! Sensing that the blonde timebomb is ready to explode, Johnny lights her fuse with a provoking chant of “We Want Krista! We Want Krista!” Anger playing on her face, Krista storms into the ring to level Jax! But Buzzlefoxer holds her up, making an effort to maintain order. This distraction permits Static to sneak in undetected for a round of devious tag teaming. Johnny snap mares Al into a sitting position, while Scotty builds up speed on the ropes. Static rebounds with a sadistic basement dropkick to her face! Alix slumps onto her back, and Johnny drops his 221 pounds on her with a body splash! Krista stares in abject in horror, as the pain spreads through Alix's fragile body like a cancer.

“Come on, Krista!” Johnny yells at her, sneering in disgust. “Your partner needs you!”

COLE
Such awful sportsmanship.

Jax grabs Alix by her coffee colored hair and drags her to the ropes nearest his corner. He drapes her throat first over the second cable, shouting back at Krista as he does so. Operating in perfect concert with his buddy, Scotty capitalizes on Alix's glaring vulnerability by dashing along the apron and planting his boot into her skull with a running kick! Spezia slumps back to the mat, volcanic tremors terrorizing her body, an agonized expression disfiguring her pretty face.

“Aren't you gonna help her, tough girl?” Scotty shouts at Krista. “You just gonna leave the bitch to get beat!” He accuses, before spitting on Alix's face like true barbarian.

“YOU SUCK, STATIC! YOU SUCK!” bleat the fans.

COACH
I think this might be a uh...variation of our strategy.

CABOOSE
Your strategy is to goad a bitter alcoholic who hates all people by beating up her only friend in the world? You're gonna get in trooooubbble. This'll be good.

Johnny steps on her throat, while feigning politeness as he invites Krista into the ring. Continuing his exhibition of cruelty, he scoops Alix up, and leads the knocked out diva to her corner. Displaying his first act of kindness, he extends her arm out, so that Krista can make the tag. But right before Krissy's hand can slap Alix's, uncompassionate Johnny joyfully jerks her arm away! Cackling manically, he hits Alix with a front Russian leg sweep, spiking her face into the mat. Krista nervously stalks across the ring apron, eyes blazing with rage at a world that would allow her partner to suffer like this. A fresh gout of blood seeps from beneath Alix's hairline, as the distressed fan favorite weakly moans for help from her best friend, tugging at the heartstrings of those in attendance.

“Why don't you tag Krista, cutie?” Scotty asks Alix behind a big phony smile. “Go tag Krissy, sweetie! Go on ahead, cutie-pie” He repeats, as Johnny steps on her hands, joyfully grinding his shoes into her knuckles, preventing her from doing anything but crying. “Johnny, why won't she tag her?”

Johnny shrugs his shoulders, “I don't know, bro!”

COLE
He can't tag her, because Johnny's on her damn hands, you motherfucker! Jeuss. I'm sorry, folks. 

Johnny takes a fistfull of Alix's hair and roughly cranks her neck, eliciting a thunderous bellow from the injured grappler that seems capable of shattering glass. Thrilled to have reduced the normally upbeat Alix to a quivering mound of  defenseless flesh, Johnny and his partner share in a cold-blooded laugh. He brings her back to her feet, just so he can deck her with a right cross. Alix lands with a resounding impact, blood shot eyes meeting Krista's own grief stricken orbs, before rolling to the back of her head. A scream escapes her lips as Jax wraps his legs around her neck for a grounded head scissors. The formerly pedestrian hold is now a death grip on her throat, waging a onesided war on the embattled young lady's wellbeing.

“Why won't you help her, Krista? Don't you care anymore?” Scott lays on the guilt trip, screaming over the crowd's chanting of Alix's name

Buzzlefoxer drops down to his stomach, getting in close to see if she wants to end this excruciating experience. Alix has too much completive pride in her bones to throw in the towel, and kicks her legs forward, barley reaching the ropes for an all important ropebreak. Jax refuses to relinquish the hold, milking it for the five second count afforded him.

“We're beating her ass, Krista! And you're just on the apron doing nothing!” Johnny shouts, as he lets go of the hold and tags in Scotty.. “I hope you make a better mother then you do a partner! I bet your kid grows up to be a slut just like her Auntie Alix!”

COLE
This is too much for me to handle.

“We can pound on her all night long, Krissy! We don't care about this whore! You do! You're the one we're after!” Scotty informs her, while he belts Alix's chest with an overhand slap. Blood oozes from her chest, as she tumbles to the corner, face masked in tears. Scotty sends an always dangerous yakuza kick to his foe, connecting with a most satisfying crunch. Straining to see through the streams of sweat and tears, Alix sinks to a sitting position. Unrelenting, Static batters her with a dozen boot scrapes, while joining his teammate in a caustic “Let's go Alix” chant! Pressing his size 11 boot against her moist cheek he smugly pushes her to the mat, a pitiful combination of whimpers and howls. The unfeeling Upstart gingerly steps on her throat with his right foot and grounds his left foot into her face, muzzling her heartbreaking cries of despair.

“PLEASE DIE, SCOTTY! PLEASE DIE, SCOTTY!” croon the outraged fans.

“How good are you at singles wrestling, Krissy? Maybe you can be our valet!” Johnny razzes her,as he receives the tag from chuckling Scotty. Amidst a grating melody of boos, the man known as Jam unhurriedly steps into the bout. Jackson pounds at Alix's back with forearms, as he slowly brings her to her feet. He wildly shoves her between his legs for a standing head scissors. Feeling blackness closing in her, Alix valiantly fights against his hold. But three forearms to the back crush her rebellion and the crowd's moment of faint hope. He drags her into the air, turning her upside down in front of his muscular physique. After a six second delay, he plunges forward, crashing her face against the rock hard canvas, and pressing the entirety of his bodyweight on top of her. A tremble of alarm passes through Krista, as she watches Johnny make a lateral press.

1


2


In the ultimate display of demeaning cruelty Johnny lifts her head up, breaking up his own fall. He stands her up, where she shows some life with an audience popping left jab! The party boy evades the swipe, and punishes her for her resistance with a left cross. A second strike from her is no more productive and returns a severe nose bleed from a Johnny Jax headbutt. Her own head abruptly jerks forward and is introduced to his fist. Her head bounces forwards and backwards again with each passing punch, like a tether ball on a playground. Jax winds up for one massive clothesline, but Alix exhibits admirable competitive spirit, by ducking it and coiling around his waist for a waistlock. But the southern fried star demolishes her cheek with a back elbow more fierce then all his punches combined. Finally he drags her down with a diamond cutter! Just for good measure he picks her up and scores a second one. He attempts a cover, making certain that he's facing despondent Krista.

1


2

“Help me, Krissy! Help me!” He impersonates Alix, speaking in her bubbly voice.

COLE
I...I...I..can't watch this. How can you do this to a woman? To a human being?

Driven by an instinctive imperative to save her partner, Krista finally declares all out war on her tormentor, much to the dismayed crowd's relief. But Johnny again pulls Alix's head up, ending the fall. With the pin exhausted, Buzzlefoxer has to block Krista's now illegal entry into the contest. Krista looks at Clem Jr with feral intensity, thinking about tearing him apart with her bare hands so she can do the same to GPX. “Good job Clemmy! Official of the year, dawg!” Scotty shouts over the fans' booing in the background. Back in the ring, Johnny sucks Alix into a front face lock. But the plucky diva flat out refuses to capitulate! She sends a fist rolling into her foe's side. Hurt, Johnny jumps back and releases the hold after her knuckles catch his ribcage. Extracting a mighty pop from both the audience and Krista alike, Alix hammers him with knife edge chops! Her advance meets an untimely death, thanks to a rake of the eye from Double J. Johnny backpedals, rubbing the sorest part of his chest. After a seconds pause, he thrusts forward, plowing into her like a runaway truck with a Stan Hansen worthy lariat! After she collapses to the mat he immediately mounts his squalling victim, fists pounding her with such vigorous barbarity he puts her on the verge of blacking out. Alix emits such a depressingly anguished cry that if GPX had any heart within the blackened abyss of their souls, they might actually take pity on her.

COLE
Coach, if this is your doing, I'm ashamed to know you.

COACH
Hold the phone, Mikey. I just told them that Krista has a bad temper, and  if they get her off her game, she'll do something dumb and get disqualified. This is them taking creative liberties. We never talked about this.

Johnny makes the tag back to Scotty, who's been impatiently waiting for another opportunity to inflict further physical havoc on miserable Alix. Mowing her down emotionally with the most cutting of taunts, Static grabs her by the hair and leads her to the center of the ring. The Detroit native shoves Alix down on all fours, forcing Krista to watch as the tears puddle on the mat beneath her. As the torment climbs to it's greatest height, Alix feels more helpless and humiliated.  In her twenty nine years never has she suffered under such tortuous misery. She is powerless and totally unable to control herself as she weeps and tries to scream for a savior to come and rescue her. She struggles like a caged animal for release but her maniacal predator's clutch on her hair  is indestructible and expert.

“Isn't she cute, Krista?” Scotty asks, with obvious sarcasm. “Isn't she just the most adorable thing you've ever seen?”

Suddenly Alix feels a burst of blistering white hot pain explode within her body as his forearms  begin to maul her face. The scream that they force from her dies as a high pitched bubbling in her throat. Her body, soaked in perspiration, jerks spasmodically underneath the force his remorseless blows, not turning limp until he finally ends his crippling attack. An ocean of anger washes Krista into the battleground. Like soldiers storming the beaches of Normandy on D-Day, Krista storms the ring. Buzzlefoxer becomes the biggest heel in the company when he lays down an unflinching law, demanding she return to her station. Choking down a sob, Krista retreats to her corner.

COLE
Krista, just knock him out! Who cares if you lose the match?

All on her own, Alix rises to face Scotty, unafraid She catches the arrogant stud with a roundhouse kick betraying her feeble condition! Grand cheers emanate from every soul in the stands in response to Alix's inspiring show of defiance. Scotty's temper flares wildly, and he kicks her in the stomach. He pulls her into a double underhook for a tiger driver! But Alix powers out with furious punches to his abdomen! With the fan's chanting her name, she lays into him with the stiffest punches her tiny body can muster. A particularly nasty body shot slams into him with the power of a wrecking ball and doubles him over! She sits her BUTT on his head, and hooks her arm around his. Alix turns around, lifting him upside down, and resting his back against her's. Glaring at Johnny, she drops Scotty right on his dome with a vicious cop killer!

“LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!”

Krista and everyone who isn't some sort of Jesus hating terrorist who supports a horrible team like GPX, is on hands and knees begging Alix to make the tag. Energy all but drained from her, Al begins the arduous trek to her corner. Static starts to stir and for a moment's time it appears he may cut Alix off at the pass. But, using what little energy she has left, the feisty heroine springs forward and makes the tag to Krista! The crowd erupts with bloodthirty jubilation as they are acutely aware that the devil herself is set to unleash unholy hell on GPX! A festering cauldron of pure hate, Krista jumps into the ring, issuing a full throated roar that sends the crowd into the further frenzy. Johnny, mysteriously unhindered by the ref in his entrance into the ring, has the misfortune of encountering the hellcat first. He attempts an ill advised sunset flip! Izzy doesn't even entertain the thought of going down, instead choosing to go up for a double stomp! Johnny avoids having his brains splattered by rolling onto his stomach, causing her to miss. This merely makes her even madder, and she leaves an imprint of his face on the canvas with her second double stomp!

“OOOOOOOOHHH!”

Scotty blindsides her,  flailing his arms like mad, pounding on her with forearms that will only make his eventual drubbing much more harrowing. Krista whirls to face him, and delivers a deep snarl that would give most men nightmares for an eternity. She whips him to the corner, where a hard thud with the turnbuckle sucks the wind out of his laboring lungs. A groggy Static staggers forward right into a face caving superkick so ferocious it propels him back to the corner! 

“[b]OHHHHHHH![/b]” go the crowd in response to the ghastly strike.

COACH
Oh shit!

With growing horror that he's fighting a losing battle, Johnny tries to take her by surprise with a waistlock. Horrible idea. Using a strength that dwarfs his, Kris shreds apart his grapple. She turns around and busts his lip wide open with a straight hook! A volcano of fury exploding in every which way, she grabs his head, clamps down his tights, then lifts him straight up like a missile, and drops him straight down with an Implant DDT! 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

CABOOSE
I don't want to say I told you so. But....

COACH
Then don't say it, you idiot!

Static is back in the fracas, springing forward with a yakuza kick! Krista sidesteps it and quickly locks the errant fighter into a full nelson. Hissing like a panther about to devour it's overmatched meal , she hurls him backwards with a release dragon suplex! The terrified heel goes tumbling and flipping through the air with concussive force! He lands on the mat neck first, momentum carrying him up to his weak knees. Krista spots this, and annihilates his once handsome face with a barbaric shining wizard!

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

COACH
Oh no, oh no, oh no!

Johnny comes from out of nowhere and scores a desperation bridged German Suplex! Clem Jr counts the pin, even though Jax is not the legal man.

KICK OUT!

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!

COLE
Not even a one count!

Moving at a frantic pace, JJ brings her to her feet, and fires her to the ropes.  She rebounds, but he drops down, requiring her to hop over him. Scotty, now upright and lusting for some form of vengeance, has a standing lariat waiting to put her in her place. But she merely shoves his questing arm down like it belonged to a five year old. He throws up his arms to his face, as if such a comically pathetic defense could save him from the dread he's sown. Krissy latches her arms around his waist, then flings him backwards with a belly to belly suplex! To add injury to injury, Scotty's 197 pounds land squarely on Johnny's back generating a loud cracking of the bones! Johnny lets out a high pitched squeal of terror, as the crowd cries for more punishment from the West Coaster! 

COLE
Go get him, girl!

The light in her eyes stoked to full fire, Krista goes after Scotty with vile right hands. Finally detecting an opening in her rapid fire assault, he plants a firm shoulder to her exposed midsection. Grabbing her by the waist he starts to foist her into the air for a spine buster, but she counters with a front guillotine choke! The still standing crowd explodes with an earthshaking roar that could make the deaf hear again. Scotty rages against the hold, realizing that his feral competitor is trying to strangle him outright. Any effort he makes to battle out of her death lock, causes her to tighten her grip. His face turning different shades of blue, Static picks her up and charges to the corner, drilling her backfirst into the padded turnbuckles! Chilling fear grips him as he feels her clutch on his air supply get tighter, and his odds of staying conscious turn dimmer. Spurred on by a desire to simply survive rather then win the match, he hauls her to the canvas with a bridged Northern Lights Suplex! Shards of jagged agony tear into him as Krista kicks her legs back and pulls him up with the guillotine still cinched in!

“TAP! TAP! TAP!”

With a steady stream of salvia dribbling down his chin, a world turned into a hazy blur, and an utterly terrifying rival who seems willing and able to put an end to his career latched onto him, like a parasite Scotty can no longer bear the intense pain. Thus he furiously [b]taps out[/b], surrendering to Krista!

“[b]YEAAAAAAAAA![/B]” screams the audience as [i]Edge of Seventeen[/i] restarts.

BUFFER
Your winner...CHICKS OVER DICKS!

CABOOSE
Scotty Static tapped out!

COACH
Is that so? Somehow I must have missed that among the ringing of the bell, and Buffer's announcement, and all the cheering fans. Any more brilliant insights you want to share with me, oh brilliant commentator, oh master orator, oh king of all his broadcast domain? Or would you just like to shut up and go back to being a third wheel?

Wanting to pay GPX in full for what they've done Alix, KID lets Scotty free and goes to Johnny. Fortunately, Johnny has the common sense to get the hell out of the ring, before he's signing autographs in the ER. Krista let's him run away, choosing to focus on Alix instead. As gently as possible, Krista helps Alix to her feet, where she receives a touching ovation from the spectators.

Edited December 19, 2005 by Patty O'Green