The Festivas of Ramadomination

[frisco 0]

Note: This segment was initially planned for SWF Ramadomination. However to a mix up it didn't make the show, so here it is in all it suspect glory.

 

 

 

(Opening ceremonies)

 

 

 

“Welcome to Festivus”

 

Joseph Peters scanned the room. A slight chill ran up his spine as he noticed the eight eyes peering into his very soul. Four of the SWF’s Superstars…Stryke, Manson, Candace and Jason Von Dierch…sat at a massive, wooden table in the lavish Palace of Sheik Abdul Aham-Ahalla. The Sheik was kind enough to loan the Palace to the SWF in order to house their superstars for the big RAMADOMINATION Pay-per-view. However, since none of the four SWF stars in the room had been booked for matches, Peters had to occupy them in another capacity…as special guests for the Festivus ceremonies.

 

“In a moment, we’ll be setting up the Pole…” Peter’s stated enthusiastically. A thin, dark skinned man of obvious Saudi descent entered the room from the side door. The man, clad in a white tunic and black dress pants with shiny black, patent leather shoes, hurried over to the table with a pen and notepad in hand. The man flashed a wide smile at the group, and then spoke with a noticeable Arabic accent.

 

“Good evening…my name is Omar…I am your Captain tonight.”

 

Manson shook his head in disgust as he glared at the frail looking kitchen helper.

 

“May I get you something to drink?”

 

Almost instantly, Stryke called out from across the table.

 

“I’ll have a Fosters!”

 

Omar smiled politely as he scribbled something down in his note pad.

 

“I am sorry sir…I don’t believe we carry that particular brand. We do have the Heineken brand if that would be acceptable…or perhaps Coors or Budweiser…”

 

Stryke sneered as he contemplated his options. He pondered the decision carefully, visually sampling each beverage in his mind, and then blurted out his choice.

 

“I’ll have the Bud…I don’t want those other Kraut beers…”

 

Almost instantly, Jason Von Dierch fired a menacing glare at the Australian native.

 

“…and for you, Sir?” Omar asked.

 

Von Dierch considered the question for a moment, and then shrugged his shoulders dismissively.

 

“I’ll have a real mans beer…give me a Heineken…”

 

Omar smiled as he jotted it down on the paper.

 

“I wouldn’t wash my feet on that Kangaroo piss Fosters beer!”

 

Omar quickly approached the Asian beauty Candace.

 

“…and for you, my lady?”

 

Candace smiled politely at her host.

 

“I would like cup of tea…”

 

Manson snorted in disdain as he glared at his recent nemesis. Omar…appearing ill at ease…slowly approached the surly Manson.

 

“…and for you Mr. Manson?”

 

Manson slowly lifted his dark, black eyes and glared at Omar.

 

“Jack Daniels…bring me a whole fuckin’ bottle”

 

Omar quickly jotted it down on paper, and then scurried out of the room.

 

“Fuck you Von Dierch!” Stryke offered from across the table.

 

“Go fly a Boomerang”, Von Dierch replied as he rested his black, leather booths on the thick, Mahogany table. As Von Dierch leaned back, he noticed Joseph Peters walking into the room with a tall, thin aluminum pole. The host, smiling enthusiastically as he

gently rested the pole on the floor, quickly turned his attention to his guests.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen…it’s time to erect the pole!”

 

The less-than-thrilled Superstars looked at Peters apathetically.

 

“Erect the pole?” Stryke chuckled under his breath. “You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me…”

 

“That’s the saddest damn Christmas tree I have ever seen” Von Dierch spat as he glared at the long, thin aluminum rod. “I mean don’t you guys have tree’s down here?”

 

Peters rolled his eyes in annoyance as he turned his attention to Von Dierch.

 

“Christmas is very much a commercialized Holiday. We’re not going to bother with all these ornaments, garland, and stuff. We’re just going with a classic, simple pole theme. Less distracting…more efficient.”

 

Manson took a long drink from his Whiskey.

 

“Cheaper” he blurted under his breath.

 

Joseph Peters shook off the response, and then smiled warmly at his guests.

 

“Can I have someone help me erect the pole?”

 

Manson, Stryke and Von Dierch quickly turned away as Peter’s spirits quickly dimmed. Candace placed her tea on the table and hurried over to her downtrodden host.

 

“I glad to help you…”

 

Peters smiled as Candace took hold of the long, aluminum pole. The two slowly placed it in the corner of the room. The Pole, shining brightly as it reflected the glow of the fireplace, stood tall and straight.

 

“I guess she helped him with his erection”, Von Dierch blurted snidely. Candace glared at Von Dierch, and then slowly headed back to her spot at the table.

 

“Dinner will be served in a little while…You can just relax here while we prepare the food…”

 

Jason again flashed a smile, then walked out of the room and headed off into the kitchen

to talk to the cooks. Manson once again took a long, deep swig from the Jack Daniels bottle.

 

“This sucks…” he muttered under his breath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Dinner segment)

 

“Dinner is ready…”

 

The four guests slowly looked up from the table as a troupe of servants bought out numerous trays of foot. A heavy-set man with a long, shaggy beard placed a massive chrome tray laden with cold cuts and boiled eggs in the center of the table. Another servant rested a huge bowl of Minestrone soup near the cold-cut tray. As the guests looked on in stunned silence tray after tray of questionable food choices soon filled the massive table.

 

“Sardines?” Stryke blurted as one of the men rested a tray of the tomato soaked fish in his general vicinity.

 

“What the hell kind of a Christmas dinner is this?” asked Von Dierch as he glared at an elegant place holding Spam.

 

Jason Peters smiled politely as the kitchen help slowly filtered out of the room. The four superstars look somberly at the table, which was now holding a very unusual assortment of food choices.

 

“Dig in guys…” Peters offered to little reaction. “While the food is still hot!”

 

Von Dierch, Stryke and Manson looked in disdain at the food options. Candace quickly reached over and picked up a plate. She smiled appreciatively at Peters, and then started towards the sardines.

 

“Now I realize you guys have some differences…” Jason Peters started in a shrill voice. “So in the spirit of Christmas…perhaps you should talk them out?”

 

The room fell silent as all eyes turned to their host. Peter smiled calmly at his guests, and then quickly headed out of the room.

 

“What the fuck?” Manson blurted as he grabbed a plate and began to fill it with Cold cuts.

 

“Don’t take them all…they’re the only think that looked edible…” Stryke stated as he looked over the food.

 

Candace quickly headed to a large bowl of steaming white rice. She loaded her plate with the rice as Von Dierch glared at her in contempt. As Candace proceeded to cherry-pick the most appealing items, Manson and Stryke slowly got off their chairs and went to the table. Von Dierch remained in his chair the longest, but finally springs off as Candace starts towards the last of the cold cuts.

 

“Air our grievances? Is that what he said?” Von Dierch barks as he snags the last cold cut from the Joshi Dragon. “Well I have a few problems with almost everyone here…especially you Stryke...”

 

The Tall Aussie shrugs off the remarks as he looks over a large platter of potato salad.

 

“I don’t trust many people…but sure as hell not a back stabbing son-of –a-bitch like you!”

 

Stryke barely acknowledges the angry German as he loads a large scoop of the unique salad in his plate.

 

“I don’t care if you trust me or not…Why would you trust me? Why should I trust you? I don’t give a shit…”

 

Von Dierch snarls as he continues to fill his plate with various items of food. A hint of a smile creases his lips as he spots a chicken leg on the table. The smile quickly fades as he discovers it’s been fried in Peanut butter.

 

“I just like to know that my fellow SWF stars aren’t only in it for themselves. Say if I ever got stuck in a tag team with you how the hell am I going to trust you to have my back?”

 

Stryke smiled in amusement as he bought his plate over to his table.

 

“As if I’d ever tag team with a head case like you…”

 

Candace smiled politely as she looked up from the table.

 

“I have no grievances…I just happy to be here…”

 

Manson grimaced as he glared at the Asian beauty.

 

“You should be just happy to be alive…I still remember that stunt you did before you left the SWF months ago…”

 

Candace dropped her eyes to her plate as Manson approached the diminutive Asian star.

 

“You know people have been killed for less than that!”

 

Von Dierch and Stryke momentarily abandon their hostilities as they glance over to Manson.

 

“What he did do?” Von Dierch asked.

 

Manson again grimaced as he took a handful of spam and stuck it into his mouth.

 

“None of your fuckin’ business you Kraut bastard!”

 

Von Deirch glared at the SWF behemoth.

 

“Does Hillbilly Jim know you have his beard?”

 

Manson stopped dead in his tracked as he locked eyes on Von Dierch.

 

“You piece of shit…”

 

As the two SWF stars started towards each other Stryke quickly separated them. The tall Aussie flashed a relaxed smile as he tried to restore order.

 

“Guys…its Christmas…”

 

A momentary silence filled the air, as Von Dierch looked at Manson, then Manson looked at Von Dierch, then they both turned their attention to Stryke.

 

“Shut the fuck up!”

 

Joseph Peter’s hurried into the room as he noticed the voices escalating. The host smiled warmly as he interrupted the heated conversation.

 

“Guys…save this for later…after dinner we will have our annual Feats of Strength show…”

 

The four stars grew quiet as they locked their eyes on Peters.

 

“It’s all part of the show…and will be broadcast live at RAMADOMINATION!”

 

Peter’s again smiled, and then walked out of the room. As he walked away Manson, Von Dierch, Candace and Stryke gazed at each other in nervous anticipation.

 

 

 

 

 

{Feats of Strength}

 

“Ladies and gentlemen we are going to a remote location for the next segment,” Pete offered as SWF RAMADOMINATION returned from the break. “We will be televising live from the home of Sheik Abdul Aham -Ahalla in Saudi for a special “Feats of strength” segment…”

 

The King smiled as he quickly turned to the microphone.

 

“Evidently four SWF stars…Stryke…Manson…Candace and Jason Von Dierch are competing in a contest at the Sheiks palace. I’ say more but I really don’t know a whole lot about what is going on there…”

 

“Well evidently Joseph Peters is about to make a statement…we’ll be heading to the broadcast live now…we will of course be providing the commentary for the events…”

 

King smiled as the image cut to the Sheiks Palace.

 

“Nice digs…”

 

Joseph Peters stood in the center of a large gymnasium. In the background Manson, Candace, Stryke and Von Dierch stood quietly as Peters turned to face the camera.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen…we are going to have a Feats of strength contest between the following SWF Superstars…Introducing first…MANSON!!!!”

 

Manson raises his hands into the air as he glares menacingly at the camera.

 

“Also the Australian Speedster,,,STRYKE!!!”

 

Stryke nods in acknowledgement as he waits in silence in the background.

 

“The Joshi Dragon…CANDACE!!!”

 

Candace smiles politely as she waves towards the camera. In the background, Manson spits in disgust as he tapes his wrist.

 

“…and finally…From Germany…JASON VON DEIRCH!!!!”

 

Von Deirch pumps his fist in the air as he awaits the start of the contests.

 

“No idea what Candace is going to do here…?” The King states in background commentary. She’s a girl…how can she compete with Manson, Stryke and Von Deirch?”

 

“It will be a challenge”

 

Peters smiles as he turns his attention to a bench in the center of the ring. The heavy, steel bench holds an Olympic size bar…bowed visibly in the center as it holds numerous, large 45-pound plates on either side of the bar.

 

“Manson will now attempt to bench press 460 pounds…”

 

Manson slowly approaches the bench. The behemoth, his face a mask of concentration, slowly crawls under the bar and locks his hands on the grips. Manson inhales deeply, and then quickly snatches the bar from the rests. He lowers the bar to his chest…then very slowly raises it back up…”

 

“My God he did it!” exclaims Pete in the background.

 

Manson once again brings the bar down to his chest, and then shoots it up again. He holds it in air for a moment, and then slams it back onto the heavy steel rests. A loud thud resonates through the gymnasium as the bar crashes down onto the bench rests.

 

KLANK!!!

 

“Very impressive…” King responds.

 

Manson slowly gets off the bench, and then walks back to his fellow stars. He stops as he pasts Candace, glaring down at the Asian beauty.

 

“You wanna try that?”

 

 

 

“Our next contestant…STRYKE!!!”

 

Stryke emerges from the back. The Aussie star smiles confidently as he approaches a squat rack.

 

“Styke will attempt to squat press 570 pound!” Peter exclaims as Stryke slips his shoulders under the bar. The gymnasium falls silent as Stryke hoists the bar off the rack and slowly bends his knees. Stryke slowly assumes a squatting position…suspending the bar in air for a moment, then forces his way back to a vertical base. Stryke leans back and places the tremendous weight back on the rack. Once again, a tremendous thud resonates through the gym as steel bar meets steel rack.

 

CRASH!!!

 

“Holy Cow…very impressive!” Pete states in awe.

 

“Yeah, didn’t know he was that strong” King responds.

 

 

Stryke heads to the back, flashing a cocky smirk at Manson.

 

“Thanks for warming up the crowd for me…boy!”

 

Manson glares at the confident Aussie as he moves to the back.

 

 

“Introducing next…CANDACE!!!”

 

The Asian beauty smiles as she heads towards a dark, blue mat. An overweight man in a white Karate suit holds a thick board several feet in front of the Japanese star.

 

“Candace is going to demonstrate the art of Karate for us…” Josephs continues.

 

Candace smiles politely towards the man, then bows in a show of respect. She slowly returns to a vertical base… steps back… then snaps a wicked kick towards the board.

 

CRACK!!!!!

 

The board instantly splits in half as Candace breaks it with a single kick.

 

“Yowza!” Pete blurts. “Imagine if that was your head!”

 

“I was imagining something much better…” King jabs. “That it was yours!”

 

Candace smiles politely as she bows towards the Peters, then returns to the back.

 

“The final contestant…JASON VON DEIRCH!”

 

Von Deirch, looking far from impressed, walks out into the center of the gym.

 

“Mr. Von Deirch is going to attempt to use the Persian Clubs…”

 

Two men walk towards Von Deirch; each carrying one of the heavy stone clubs.

 

“Talk about playing up to the locals…did he steal those from the Iron Sheik?” King spits as Von Deirch slowly begins to twirl the clubs.

 

“Those things look damn heavy…”

 

The confident look of Von Deirches face quickly fades as he raises the clubs over his head. The short German quickly looses his balance, and begins to staggers back and forth. The awkwardly swinging clubs quickly hit the ground as Von Deirch stumbles backwards to the floor of the gym.

 

“Holy humiliation…” Pete yells as Von Deirch is instantly the target of riotous laughter from Manson and Stryke.

 

“Not exactly great form” The King slips in.

 

Von Deirch springs to his feet and quickly approaches Peters to request another attempt. The host shakes his head negatively as he turns his attention to the other stars. Unsatisfied with the response Von Deirch spins Peters around and hits him with a short arm clothesline. Peters falls hard to the ground as Von Deirch starts to stomp away of his host.

 

“Looks like we could be experiencing some technical difficulties…” Pete understates.

 

Stryke darts from the back and takes down Von Deirch with a well-aimed spear. Manson quickly joins the fray, leaping onto both Von Deirch and Stryke as Candace watches quietly from the back.

 

“I’m thinking this was a bad idea…” The King offers as Von Deirch, Manson and Stryke pound away on each other.

 

Candace quickly approaches the fallen Joseph Peters, and then measures him as he slowly starts to get to his feet. As Peters slowly rises, the Asian beauty fires a blaring Buzz saw kick to Peters skull. The hosts head snaps back as he collapses to the floor. Candace quickly makes the cover…slapping down on the floor herself for the count.

 

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREE!

 

 

“Well…there’s a pin” King quips.

 

“It is a wrestling show” Pete offers. “What better way to end this nonsense?”

 

Candace smiles victoriously as Manson, Stryke and Von Deirch continue to pound away on each other.

 

SWF RAMADOMINATION goes to commercial break.