HD: NNMX promo

[Tony149 0]

COLE
Our own Josh Matthews is standing by backstage with the New New Midnight Express and Jim Cornette. 

Standing in front of a OAOAST backdrop is Matthews, an agitate NNMX and disgruntled Jim Cornette. So disgruntled he doesn't even have a tennis racket on hand. 

JOSH
What a bad night it was for Jim Cornette Enterprises Sunday night at Climax. Not only did the South Central Militia lose to the Heavenly Rockers, but the New New Midnight Express failed in their attempt to capture the World Tag Team Championship for an unprecedented third time. 

SIMON
Don't you think we know what happened? We were there, you idiot! Everybody saw how we got robbed. The Usual Suspects were cheating throughout the match. 

NED
As usual. 

JOSH
Cheating? 

SIMON
Yeah. And what did those damn referees do? Nothing! You know why they didn't bother doing a damn thing? Because the fat girls in the crowd take the money they'll usually spend on cheeseburgers and fries to buy Usual Suspects gear and Leon Rodez' old movies using their parents credit card. The Usual Suspects may have beaten us once, but I'd damn sure like to see them do it again. 

JOSH
I must've been watching another match, because the only time I recall seeing anyone cheat was when YOU guys were doing it. 

CORNETTE
(exasperated)
Wha--What?! You're probably with one of those girls who spend all their money buying every piece of Usual Suspects merchandise out there. Why don't you just stand there in your nice little suit and let me do all the talking, kid. 

You see, I've got so many problems right now I could be President of the United States. We've got the Heavenly Rockers breathing down our necks and the Usual Suspects walking around with my boys tag team titles. But like in any business, you're gonna have your ups and downs. Sunday night happened to be one of those downs for Jim Cornette Enterprises. It's what you do when you're down that separates the men from the boys. Who has guts? The last time everybody said the Midnight Express couldn't get it done, they went out there and defeated C.O.D. for the tag titles. And that's exactly what's going to happen again because Sarcastic Simon and the Handsome Hustler have guts. 

I like to think I know a little something about tag team wrestling. So let me tell you something, Usual Suspects. You're no tag team. You're the creation of a corrupt administration, a couple of second-rate Midnight Express imitators! People might call you the best tag team in professional wrestling today because you're walking around with the most prestigious set of tag belts in our sport. But being called the best and being the best are two very different things. You happen to be looking at the best tag team in my Midnight Express! They've overcome every obstacle thrown at them. They've beaten hitmen, bruisers and even rockers. Not to mention natural blondes unlike a certain so-called "franchise." And when they retire they'll go down as the greatest tag team of all time. Isn't that right, Ned?

NED
You hit the nail right on the head, Jimmy. The Usual Suspects are nothing more than New New Midnight Express imposters. Take Zack Malibu for example. Good-looking kid, dynamic dude and father-to-be. Remind you of anybody? That's right. You're looking at him, baby. Certainly not as handsome or dynamic as yours truly, and I already got a kid...or so the birth certificate says. I can't fault the guy for wanting to be me. Then look at Leon Rodez. 

SIMON
Rip-off! 

NED
The bastard doesn't even try to hide the fact he's a Ned clone. At least with Malibu...at least he just wants to be me. Rodez is me. 

JOSH
You guys look absolutely nothing alike!

CORNETTE
Guzzling the kool-aid already, aren't we, kid? 

SIMON
To show you how much The Usual Suspects wish they were us, they even have their own Jim Cornette wannabe. Candie. Not only is James E. smarter than her, he's also bet...

Simon pauses and looks at Jim, who's smiling. That smiles fades when he notices Simon and Ned staring at him. 

SIMON (CONT'D)
... One out of two isn't bad. My mother taught me it's what inside that counts. You're my perfect 10, Jimmy. 

CORNETTE
Oh, Simon. 

Simon and Jim share a man hug! 

CORNETTE
I give you all the credit in the world, Malibu and Rodez. Not very many teams have been able to put Simon and Ned on their backs for the 1-2-3, but you did just that at Climax. But as the saying goes, every dog has his day. And our day is coming soon. Heh Heh. 

JOSH
What are you talking about, Jim Cornette? 

CORNETTE
If you shut up and stand there holding the microphone like I told you, I'll explain. With the Anderson Cup beginning January 5th, the OAOAST Board of Directors in conjunction with our crooked General Manager Calvin Szechstein have comissioned a tag team battle royal to determine who'll face The Usual Suspects at Anglepalooza, January 29th. The OAOAST sees money in the tag team division, that's why they want a tag team title match on pay-per-view. The intellectual genius that I am, I've signed Simon and Ned up for the battle royal...

JOSH
Wait a minute, Jim Cornette. Why didn't you sign them up for the Anderson Cup as well? Guys, don't you feel a bit short changed?  

CORNETTE
You're already short, but pretty soon your face will be changed courtesy of my Midnight Express if you don't shut up. See, that's the problem with the media nowadays. They're always trying to stir something up. What journalistic credibility do you have questioning someone like myself or the Midnight Express, huh? Unlike you, Josh Masterson, I've been involved in the sport for the better part of 20 years. I've seen them come and go. I've dealt with more promoters than Larry King has gone through ex-wives, brother. To survive in this business you gotta have a plan. And brother, do we ever have a plan. 

SIMON, NED, CORNETTE
:lol:

JOSH
Come on, why don't you us a bone here. You say you have a plan...

CORNETTE
We do. 

JOSH
... Well, share a little bit with us. 

SIMON
Call the hotline and maybe you'll find out. :lol:

JOSH
Well, okay, I can see I'm not going to get anywhere there. If I can bring up another subject, one you've briefly touched on. The situation between between the New New Midnight Express and the Heavenly Rockers. They've promised payback for what happened to their publicist/girlfriend of Logan Mann. And so far they've delivered, kicking off their revenge tour with a bang this past Sunday night. 

SIMON
(sarcastically)
Ooh, we're real scared. The Heavenly Rockers are mad and are coming to get us. Ooh. Maybe if we apologize they'll get off our backs. So here goes. We're really sor... Nah, you can kiss our asses, you big babies! :lol:

CORNETTE
Hey. Hey, you know what I heard? I heard the Heavenly Rockers recently held a concert and every stray dog and cat within a 20 mile raidus committed suicide. 

SIMON, NED, CORNETTE
:lol:

NED
Heavenly Rockers, we've left you on your backs more times than Alix Spezia at the AVN Awards. Aw, man, was that a low blow on Rodez? 

SIMON
It's the only kind of blowjob he's gonna be gettin' anytime soon once we're done with him. :lol: 

NED
Oh, oh, that's lower than low. That's rock bottom. We're not sorry for the pain we caused you, Synth and Logan. In fact, you brought it on yourselves. That harlot Holly-Wood was two-timing you maybe not physcially but mentally, Logan. Whenever you were on top of Holly or hiding her from behind, her mind was fixed in one man, sonny boy, and it wasn't you. It was the Handsome Hustler himself, Ned Blanchard. 

JOSH
You know what? This interview is over. You guys are going too far. Let's go back to Sofa Central.

Edited December 22, 2005 by Tony149