Guest Report post Posted May 29, 2002 I decided to see what everyone's favorite quotes are from my favorite TV show "Married With Children." Here are some of mine all spoken by the great Al Bundy: So, we're having a new baby. The gods are on a roll, aren't they? Must've been playing another round of "Can you top this?" One started off, "We'll make him a shoe salesman." Then another said, "We'll give him a red-head." Then another one, probably a cruel, hungover god, said, "But let's have him be a mighty athlete in high school first so his fall will be all the greater." ------------------------------------------------------ Everybody, I have an announcement. Your happiness... sickens me. Everybody but me is looking at good times. But for me it's been one long continuous year since I got married. Actually, one long month. Helluary. ------------------------------------------------------- There are no trimesters. There's actually just one long forty year-mester. It just seems less painful if you break it into stages. There's the fat stage, the "I'll only eat ribs from one place a hundred miles away" stage, and, Lord in heaven, the horny stage. -------------------------------------------------------- Ah, Peg. You're down here. Damn. Then I was dreaming you ran off with the dwarf down at the bookstore, and I was living in sin with a Playboy centerfold and her eight friends who could speak but chose not to. ---------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, doggone it. If we could only be comfortable with our age like you darn gals. You know, I mean, in the morning you go into the bathroom, a little blush, a little mascara and voila! You got an old woman scared of rain. Then you try and clean and jerk your breasts into a bra, ease some exercise pants over that front and back belly, go down to the market and flirt with the bag boy. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's just pretty pathetic when we guys try to cling to our youth. ---------------------------------------------------------- I Care, by Al Bundy. When hooters jiggle around and I find nickels on the ground, I care. When a Mustang engine purrs and the bathroom is not hers, I care. When the pitcher's on the mound and the wife is underground, I care. But when I've been playing this for days, I will kill anyone who stays. I swear! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TheDames7 Report post Posted May 29, 2002 "Peg, its not the pants that make you look fat....its the FAT that makes you look fat!" - Thats just classic. Dames Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TUS_02 Report post Posted May 29, 2002 Hooters Hooters yum yum yum.... Hooters hooters... on a girl that's dumb. I know there's another after that, but I forget what it is. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Madmartigan21 Report post Posted May 29, 2002 Finally Married with Children gets some respect. I often feel like it's the Rodney Dangerfield of sit-coms. Al Bundy : Dad had one great dream, a dream that had been handed down from generation to generation of male Bundys: to build their own room and live separately from their wives. Sadly, they all failed. Al Bundy : Well, according to my research, the cost of raising a baby from birth to college is approximately seven hundred and eighty thousand dollars. Thanks to my actually selling a shoe last week, I'm proud to say we're now just short seven hundred eighty thousand dollars. Thank you. Al Bundy : You know what I would do if I was President? I'd take a big empty state, that nobody's using, y'know, like Idaho, and I'd pack every pregnant woman in the country into donut trucks, and convoy 'em all to Boise. And since Idaho means nothing anyhow, I'd change the name to Preg-naho Al Bundy : Look, Steve. Why don't you do this? Go home, wake up Marcy and say, "Hey, I lost my money. I screwed up, it won't happen again, and what's for supper?" That's what being a man is all about, Steve. Making mistakes and not caring. Al Bundy : Those articles that say married couples have sex every month are just sensationalistic lies perpetrated on the public to sell magazines. It's hooey I tell you, hooey. Al Bundy: I'm tracking down Seven's real parents. Nobody sticks Al Bundy with unwanted kids except his wife Peggy Bundy: What would you like? Al Bundy : A nice juicy steak, medium rare, with little brown potatoes on the right side of the plate, ketchup on the left, where some people waste space with vegetables. And for dessert, a roast beef. Jefferson D'Arcy : I don't want to live with Marcy anymore. She wants sex all the time. I mean, sex with your pregnant wife is like putting gas in the tank of a car you already wrecked. Al Bundy: Thank God my wife pulls into self-serve. Peggy Bundy: No TV, Al, we're talking. Al Bundy: You're my wife. I will not talk to you while I have a TV. Bud Bundy: Bundy's a name you earn. Our emotional scars run so deep you can almost see them Al Bundy : You think I'm a loser? Because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every day when I wake up in the morning, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep. So I get up. I have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no gas, no upholstery, and six more payments. I fight honking traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I wanted to. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never know the joy of driving through the city without a bag over my head. But I'm not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what they wanted to be, is out there, being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I didn't put a gun in my mouth years ago -- that little fact makes me a winner, baby! Al Bundy: Feed me, or feed me to something. I just want to be part of the food chain. Al Bundy: Bud, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Bud Bundy: Luscious hooters? Al Bundy: No. That's what I should have been thinking about, but no. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Youth N Asia Report post Posted May 29, 2002 *PEG just gets home* PEG: "You miss me, Al?" AL: "With every bullet so far..." I was also a big fan of the Bundy family moto: "Hooters hooters, yum yum yum, hooters hooters, on a girl that's dumb." Plus countless others I can't even remember. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 29, 2002 Little kid at shoe store- Mommy I want a balloon. Al Bundy- You already have one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest dreamer420 Report post Posted May 29, 2002 ...where the beer gives you gas, and the Bundy's kick ass...at the nudie bar! After Bud first trip with Al. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest the pinjockey Report post Posted May 30, 2002 Hooters hooters yum yum yum is one of my favorite line from any show I have ever seen. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest AlwaysPissedOff Report post Posted May 30, 2002 It's about friggin' time MWC got represented on here. I got so many quotes that it'd probably take a few posts to get them all in, but here's one of my favorites: Al singing: "Ohhhhh, we're broke, cha-cha-cha/everybody's broke, cha-cha-cha/livin' in the gutter, cha-cha-cha/(points to Peg) early grave, cha-cha-cha.... Now everybody SHOOT ME! Be back when I got some more. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Mark4steamboat Report post Posted May 30, 2002 ...where the beer gives you gas, and the Bundy's kick ass...at the nudie bar! After Bud first trip with Al. That whole episode is one of my favorite episodse of MWC. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest ant_7000 Report post Posted May 30, 2002 Im suprise nobody has said it yet Al: I scored four touchdowns in one game for Polk High *and poses like he's throwing a football* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest slabinskia Report post Posted May 30, 2002 polk high all state.scored 4 touchdowns in a single game Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MarvinisaLunatic Report post Posted May 30, 2002 I don't have a quote, just a fav episode where they go to Las Vegas and end up broke and he has to last in the ring with a woman wrestler, and Al thinks is going to be one of the prettier looking ones, but it ends up being BIG BAD MAMA. I can't think of quote right this second... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted May 31, 2002 My favorites where the Psycho dad theme songs. Here they all are for your pleasure: Psycho Dad Who's that riding into the sun. Who's the man with the itchy gun. Who's the man who kills for fun ! Psycho Dad. Psycho Dad. Psycho Dad ! He's quick with a gun, but he loves his son. Killed his wife 'cause she weighed a ton... Psycho Dad ! ...taken from episode 501 (AL... WITH KELLY) ----------------------------------------------------- Psycho Dad - New Theme Song A little touched or so we're told. Killed his wife 'cause she had a cold. Might as well, she was gettin' old. Psy-cho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad. He's quick with a gun, and his job ain't done. Killed his wife by twenty-one, he's Psy-cho Dad ! ...taken from episode 621 (TEACHER PETS) --------------------------------------------------- The Psycho Dad Christmas Episode Who's that riding in the sleigh. Who's that firing along the way. Who's got the most popped on christmas day ? Psy-cho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad. ...taken from episode 813 (THE WORST NOEL) ------------------------------------------------------- The New Adventures Of Psycho Dad Who is the tall, dark stranger there. The one with the gun and the icy stare. The one with the scalp of his ex-wife's hair. Psy-cho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad ! He's a durn good pa, but he hates the law. He's likes to eat it raw, Psycho Dad ! ...taken from episode 823 (KELLY KNOWS SOMETHING --------------------------------------------------------- The New Adventures Of Psycho Dad 2 Who's that ridin' across the plain. Who's lost count of the wives he's slain. Who is the man who's plum insane ! Psy-cho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad ! ...from episode 823 (KELLY KNOWS SOMETHING) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Crazy Dan Report post Posted May 31, 2002 I love the episode where Bud wins a concert at his with Anthrax(the band). And they all end up getting snowed in... Scott Ian says "Yeah, that is like saying that he is a rap star, she's a genius, and we are happy to be here. I just love that line. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest converge241 Report post Posted May 31, 2002 to the guy who was nice enough to provide the psycho dad stuff, thak god you left out psycho mom. i love the at the nudie bar stuff and no ma'am(which also almost had its own spinoff) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DrEvil Report post Posted May 31, 2002 Al: A man's home is his coffin Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest What?! Report post Posted June 2, 2002 Al's at a bar on Christmas Day or Eve and a hooker goes up to him. "I'd give you to my son, but he wouldn't know what to do with you" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest slabinskia Report post Posted June 3, 2002 POLK HIGH ALL STATE SCOREd 4 TOUCHdOWNS IN A SINGLE GAME-al bundy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Zack Malibu Report post Posted June 6, 2002 Not really a quote, but the episode where Al and Steve think they're going bald had some of the most hilarious scenes. Steve gets a hair growth formula "from a guy in the bar", and Al wants to try it. Steve:"Bottoms up." Al starts chugging formula, smiles like it tastes good. Steve:"Uh...Al, you're not supposed to drink it, it goes on your head!" Al (PO'd):"THEN WHAT'D YOU SAY BOTTOMS UP FOR?" Then Steve says he has to do "the test" to see if Al's scalp can handle the formula. He lights a match, and burns Al's head. Al:"OWWWW!" Steve:"No, Al, that's good, you passed the test!" Al:"Hang on Steve (goes and grabs baseball bat)...I GOT A TEST FOR YOU!" Steve:"No, Al, my head burned too. See, where there's pain, there's life...you should know that more than anybody." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Redhawk Report post Posted June 7, 2002 Kelly Bundy: "We always used to eat Toaster Levens." (the crumbs at the bottom of the toaster.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
