HD: NNMX promo

[Tony149 0]

This should go on before the Heavenly Rockers-SJ/PR AC match but sometime after Leon's interview with the NNMX parody. I address that skit in my promo.

 

Positioned atop the INTERVIEW STAGE near the entranceway (popularized by the OAOAST after WWE retired it so many years ago and just recently brought back) is OAOAST correspondent and C.O.D. bitch Terry Taylor in a lovely OAOAST polo shirt available at OAOAST.com.

TERRY
Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome the men who'll meet The Usual Suspects for the World Tag Team Title at Anglepalooza...accompanied, as always, by their manager James E. Cornette... the New New Midnight Express! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

As "Chase" blares over the loud speakers, a tennis racket-wielding Jim Cornette leads to the interview stage Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned, clad in matching silver vests, gold chains, and sporting brand name sunglasses. The trio avoid debris hurled their way by angry fans, including verbal insults from a grandmother in a C.O.D. t-shirt. 

COLE
Here come the #1 contenders to the World Tag Team Title. And do they have some explaining to do after their actions last week. As Terry Taylor said, they'll be facing the World Tag Team Champions, The Usual Suspects, January 29th at Anglepalooza. And unlike the champs, the New New Midnight Express won't be greeted kindly when we arrive in Toronto for Anglepalooza. 

COACH
Haven't you ever heard of psychological warfare? 

COLE
This isn't psychological warfare, Coach. It's personal. 

COACH
It's all a ploy to get Leon Rodez, Mr. Cool, if you will, worked up.  And if you ask me -- and I know you would -- James E.'s plan has worked to perfection. I don't care what Leon Rodez says, he's been taken out of his game. The Midnights have got him all bent out of shape. I can't wait to see him and that prissy prep Zack Malibu go down at AP. Back up to the Red Rooster. I mean, Terry Taylor. 

TERRY
Gentlemen, we're now just 2 weeks away...

SIMON
Hey Terry, aren'tcha gonna congratulate us on winning the tag Lethal Rumble? Huh? 

TERRY
I would...

NED
Then go ahead.

TERRY (CONT'D)
...but what you did to Jade Rodez was downright... It was downright repulsive. Your actions last week have completely overshadowed winning the tag team Lethal Rumble, which was won rather controversially, I might add. The fact you 3 are up here all giddy is even more sickening. 

CORNETTE
(scoffs)
Oh, sticks and stones, Terry Taylor. It's just like the media to build up and tear somebody down, just like they did to that fine young man Marcus Vick. Why? Because they can't stand the sight of greatness. Being surrounded by greatness makes people like you and everybody out there realize how sad and pathetic they really are so they resort to character assassination to build themselves up. And that's exactly what those morons in the crowd and watching live on TSM did when they voted The Usual Suspects as Tag Team of the Year. Never mind the fact Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez have only been a tag team for, like, 3 months, the Midnight Express didn't even finish in the top 3! You know where they finished, Terry Taylor? 

TERRY
Last. 

CORNETTE
Can you believe that, brother?! Not only that, but C.O.D. came in second! 

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The thunderous ovation the mentioning of C.O.D. receive anger Cornette and the Midnights, who try silencing the crowd via intimidation. The strategy backfires on the former two-time World Tag Team Champions, as the crowd break out into a chant of...

"C-O-D!"
"C-O-D!"
"C-O-D!"

COLE
Oh, yeah! They love Krista and Alix here. 

CORNETTE
Speaking of C.O.D., let me tell YOU something, Krista Isadora Duncan, Ms. Fitness guru. You wanna talk about victims. Let's talk about your ex, the proud father of little Maya, Ned Blanchard. You like to paint Ned out to be a deadbeat dad, don't you, Krista? Let me ask you this, Duncan. If Ned is such a deadbeat father, why does he continue to wrestle? This man doesn't put his body on the line every week of the year so he can afford to pay you child support -- for which YOU sued for despite the fact you makes millions helping ugly people get in shape and using those same millions to help fund organizations like the one currently trying to oust Joe Pa, a 79-year-old college football coach who still does what he loves for the love of the game -- just for you to slander his good name in front of a worldwide television audience. You suck this man so dry out of his hard earned money you don't need the Botox injections you pay for with the child support given to you by the World's Greatest Dad. 

COLE
Hmph! The World's Greatest Dad? Who's he kidding.

CORNETTE (CONT'D)
You see, those wrinkles on your forehead aren't the product of natural aging. No. It's the result of you falling flat on your face every time you fall off the wagon, Duncan! Remember, the last time you and your idiot of a partner got in my men's way, not only did we take your World Tag Team Titles but we sent you into witness protection. But you see, Terry, this isn't the first time the Sultan of Sarcasm and the Handsome Hustler have gotten the shaft from the fans. We haven't forgotten about coming in DEAD LAST in the interactive poll last year. 
And what happened soon thereafter? 

SIMON & NED
Gold, baby!

CORNETTE
(laughs)
That's right. That brings me to Anglepalooza and you, Leon Rodez and Zack Malibu. The Usual Suspects. 

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

CORNETTE
(scoffs)
Yeah, we saw your little skit. Real cute. I hoped you had fun, Rodez. But in case you forgot, let me remind you what profession your in, punk. This isn't SNL. This is professional wrestling! Pop the crowd and whatever else you wanna pop outside the ring all you want, Rodez. 
This is a dog-eat-dog world. It's survival of the fittest. And as you can see, my men are in tip-top shape. There isn't a man, woman or child who can match intellects with Jim Cornette. I told the wrestling world I had a plan. And just like J.R. Ewing, when James E. Cornette has a plan -- watch out! I can't deny The Usual Suspects ability in the ring, but I can deny them -- more specifically, the Midnight Express can deny them from crossing the Canadian border back into the United States with the World Tag Team Title. 

TERRY
You sure how awfully confident, Jim Cornette. 

CORNETTE
You would too if you got the belated Christmas present of a lifetime. Santa sure did make up for not delivering my presents this year. Must've been a traffic nightmare up in the North Pole. You see, I happened to have a very nice meeting with our esstem new General Manager Axel, and...heh...we both concluded The Usual Suspects will probably try and get themselves counted out or disqualified once they run into trouble against the Midnight Express. So I took the liberty of getting a couple of stipulations added to the tag title match at Anglepalooza. 

TERRY
What in the world are you talking about, Cornette? I haven't heard anything of the sort. 

CORNETTE
That's because General Manager's office and my office haven't gone public with the information until now. So without further ado. Ladies and gentlemen, J.C.E. in association with Axel's OAOAST proudly announce the World Tag Team Title match at Anglepalooza, Sunday, January 29th will be contested under the rules that if either one of those hotheads, Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez, try and get themselves counted out or disqualified...

SIMON
Something we wouldn't do. 

CORNETTE (CONT'D)
...Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned will become the NEW World Tag Team Champions! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

TERRY
What?! You gotta be kidding me. 

CORNETTE
I assure you, I'm not. The contract will be posted on OAOAST.com for all to see so it can put an end to any false rumors The Usual Suspects will probably start over their dissatisfaction. 

TERRY
I can't believe it. Your men's behavior last week, which Krista Isadora Duncan, the mother of your child, Ned, who isn't exactly the most friendliest person in the world...

SIMON
Especially after she's gulped down a bottle of Jack Daniels! 

TERRY (CONT'D)
...as I can attest to, thought went WAY over the line was...basically rewarded. 

NED
Awwww, man. Krista? Her idol may be Gloria Steinman, but her Sugar Daddy is the Handsome Hustler. You gotta take what she says with a big grain of salt. She says I'm not the same Ned she met. What, is she looking to hook up with me again? Does she want to plan a double wedding with Spezia and Rodez? Hey, the sex was great, so if she wants to get it on rather than get along, I'm game. But I don't have to explain my actions to you or anybody but the big Neddy downstairs. What I did was no different than when Pussy Galore finally gave in to James Bond. Some would say 007 forced himself on Pussy. It's called sexual tension, ladies and gentlemen. Sexual tension. Pussy wanted that piece of meat that was Sean Connery. Jade... well, she wanted that piece of meat that is "The Handsome Hustler" Ned Blanchard. And being a man who aims to please, I'm always open to offers from fine-looking bitch-- ladies. But Jade Rodez is no lady. She's that Ned wannabe Leon Rodez' slutty sister. You know what her favorite hotel is, Terry Taylor?

TERRY
I'm afraid to ask. 

NED
The Hilton. Because EVERYBODY'S been in one. If you thought our behavior last week was cold, Rodez and Malibu, take into consideration that was only a little taste of things to possibily come. Knocked up chicks deserve to feel sexy too, you know. :lol:

COLE
Ugh! How dare he. 

COACH
It wouldn't be the first time the Ned Man's been with a knocked up chick. 

COLE
Yeah. He nearly performed an abortion with his penis the last time. 

SIMON
As you can see, our future is so bright we gotta wear shades. It was just two weeks ago that Ned and I went through some of the very best tag teams the OAOAST has to offer...and once again we showed why we are the greatest tag team in not just the OAOAST but professional wrestling today! We're gonna make ALL the LOSERS regret voting The Usual Suspects as Tag Team of the Year. They voted us last, at Anglepalooza we're coming in FIRST! All you people better get your brush with greatness now, because in a couple of weeks we'll be too big of stars to get close to! Not that we'd get close to you anyway. :lol:

CORNETTE
They''ve broken ribs, arms, hearts and spirits. At Anglepalooza they will break up the most popular tag team in the OAOAST today. The road to AngleMania V for every tag team in the Anderson Cup runs through the Midnight Express! 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Chase" hits, marking the end of the interview. Cornette grabs Simon and Ned by the wrist and lift their hands up. They pose atop the interview stage as we go to break. 

[b][color=#993399]ANGLEMANIA V[/color]

11 WEEKS AWAY[/b]