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King Cucaracha

PROMO: Happy Birthday Mr Maddix!

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"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

 

Groaning, Landon Maddix sits up in his hotel bed, bedsheets hiding his lower shame and also treating female viewers to a shot of his rock-hard abs~! Of course, there's no women reading this, so maybe I should just move on. It's February 15th! And anyone with a memory that's far too advanced for human lifeforms will of course remember that that means it's Landon Maddix's birthday! Judging from the pile of cards, some opened some not, on the bed beside Landon, he's done pretty well for himself despite being a completely despised bastard. Sure, a few of them were sarcastic and downright spiteful and one of them had that weird, itchy plant in it...but hey, at least they remembered!

 

"Who in their right mind buys talking cards?" groans Landon, wiping the sleep from his eyes to read the contents of the card. "'Happy Birthday, from your bestest buddy...Alan Clark.' Figures."

 

Maddix tosses the card into his happily titled 'Enemies' list. Reaching over the bed, Maddix then picks up another card and hurriedly tears the envelope away, to reveal a card which curiously reads 'Happy 50th Birthday'.

 

"'Landon...sorry I couldn't get ya the proper card, mate, but it was short notice. They don't sell cards for 22 year olds I guess. 'Appy Birthday, Amy.' Heh, whadda ya know, she writes like she talks. 'P.S, I 'ad to run, but I'll see ya round.' Well, isn't that sweet."

 

Landon places the card proudly on his bedside cabinet with a smile.

 

"Everything's coming up Landon."

 

"How do you figure that?"

 

Looking up, Landon just now realises that he has some company. Standing in the doorway of the hotel room, Jay Hawke pushes his room service trolley off and out of sight down the hallway. Moments later, a loud crash can be heard accompanied by an agonised scream, both of which are ignored by the International Champion.

 

"Uh...hey Jay. How are ya?"

 

"I'm good." mumbles Jay offhand, glancing at the card beside Landon and wondering what idiots Landon knows to get a card wishing him a happy 50th. "I was good last time I saw you too...which was a pretty long time ago, now that I think about it. Question is, how are you? Or, better yet, what the hell is wrong with you recently?"

 

"Why should anything be wrong?"

 

"Well, where do I start? Me and JJ have seen nothing of you recently, your training sessions with us have dried up and we're worried about your behaviour. From the little we've seen of you in the past few weeks, you've been really scatty and we can't figure out why. You're running around here and there. It's like you're hiding something."

 

"So, this is all about me missing some training sessions?"

 

"No...but, JJ seems to think you're packing the whole thing in."

 

"Well, JJ's wrong. I've been going through some personal stuff and...yeah, I've been having second thoughts about the whole re-generation thing. But that's all changing. I need you guys and your help again."

 

Hawke sighs, sitting down on a chair in the corner of the room.

 

"Listen, no offence Landon...but, give me reasons why we should. Ever since we formed Cucaracha Internacional, we've seen even less of you than when we had nothing to do with you."

 

"...it's too early for me to understand sentences like that."

 

"*sighs* What's the deal, Landon?"

 

Suddenly all too eager, Maddix goes to get out of his bed and give Hawke a dramatic explanation. It's then that he realises he's not clothed and he just about manages to scramble backwards in time.

 

"I've figured out a way to get my career back on track."

 

"Okay...but, if it's about the World Title, then JJ..."

 

"No, no, it's not about the World Title. Look, I've thought about that route, trust me. There's no way the SWF committee are gonna give me a World Title shot." Maddix pauses. "Well...I guess they might do, now everyone's caught up in that dumb Lethal Lottery tournament. But that's not the point. I've figured out what my problem is and it's not what I thought it was. Winning the Clusterfuck...it wouldn't have made any difference, because it's not the thing I need to gain revenge for. It's not about the World Title. I've won that before and I could win it again, once I sort my head out. The problem isn't me losing the World Title Match at From The Fire...it's WHO I lost to at From The Fire!"

 

"Toxxic?" asks Jay, confused. "But he's..."

 

"Missing, I know. But not for long."

 

Hawke is still confused, as Maddix leans a little closer, still keeping himself mercifully covered up.

 

"Keep this to yourself for now..."

 

"You mean, apart from the camera man who's been standing in your en-suite hiding behind the door for the past who knows how long?"

 

Looking up, Maddix curses under his breath.

 

"Why do they alwas do that to me?" Maddix snaps, before conceding. "Okay, tell whoever you want. It's not like it's gonna stay secret for long anyway, considering what I'm gonna have to do to make the plan work."

 

"Plan?"

 

"Plan."

 

"Which is."

 

"Operation Get Toxxic Back!" smiles Landon.

 

"Snappy name."

 

"Hey, gimme a break here. It's my birthday and it's 7:20 in the morning, you're hardly gonna get Shakespeare now, are ya?"

 

"True." accepts Jay. "So, what's the plan entail?"

 

"If by 'entail' you mean 'me issuing a challenge to Toxxic on Storm', then that's exactly what it entails. I'm gonna go out to the ring and basically, I'm gonna call him out. And I'm gonna continue to call him out until he finally drags his punk-wannabee, flaming homosexual ass out of hiding and back to the SWF and faces me in a match. And believe me, he will. If I can get him back for From The Fire, then so be it. I'm sure Max King can cope with a TLC Match on his own, or he can get that Laberynth guy to tag with him, whatever. But, if he doesn't come back by From The Fire...no biggy. I'm just keep turning up the heat until he's forced to come back and 'avenge his mighty honour'. And when he comes back, I'm going to be so technically sound, with you and JJ's help, that I'm going to tie his spot-monkey ass in knots and kick the living crap out of him. And then, with him beaten and From The Fire avenged, I can get on with my career and everything will be just swell."

 

 

...

 

"Also, I'm screwing his sister."

 

"WHAT!?!"

 

Hawke is shocked. So shocked infact that he involuntarily stands up, hands behind his head and eyes pinned on the ceiling.

 

"AMY STEPHENS!?!"

 

"Yep." Landon grins, checking his nails.

 

"Oh no...no no no. You're not serious. Please, tell me you're not serious Landon."

 

"Jeez, calm down Jay. Sure, she's not Miss Nottingham material...well, actually, she might be, I've never been to Nottingham. If it's anything like London then she's sex on legs, but that's not the point. She's not my usual type, that's for sure. But she's cute enough. Anyway, who are you to judge, Jay? When was the last type you had someone on your arm?"

 

"That's not the POINT, Landon!! You're sleeping with Toxxic's sister!!"

 

...

 

"Your point being?"

 

"My point BEING, Toxxic's gonna come back..."

 

"Exactly!"

 

"...and then, he's gonna kill you!" despairs Hawke, halting Maddix for a moment. "Not to mention the probability he's gonna kill me and JJ first for simply being assocciated with you. Landon, this isn't name calling and this isn't goading someone into fighting you. This is personal. I don't know Toxxic all that well, but chances are if you're fooling around with his sister, he's gonna be pissed off. And, all this is assuming that SHE doesn't tear you limb from limb before her brother even gets chance. I mean...think this through for a minute here, please. You're 'involved' with Toxxic's sister, the same Toxxic you intend on drawing back to the SWF by hurling insults, threats and challenges at, whilst all the while you continue to be involved with said sister? And you see NOTHING wrong with this?"

 

...

 

Hawke clearly brings up a good point and Maddix's bubble is on the verge of being burst. But, ever the blind optimist, Landon smirks at the clear discomfort Jay is in.

 

"Not gonna happen. All she cares about is getting her brother back. She wins, I win, Toxxic gets his neck broken...everybody wins!"

 

*groan*

 

"Now, what have you and JJ got planned for the birthday celebrations then?" beams Landon, quickly changing the subject.

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"Everything's coming up Landon."

 

Sure is, he's sleeping with Amy, and soon he'll lure Toxxic back.

 

Good Promo.

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Well, apart from the fact that JJ's just left the fed, this is an EXCELLENT promo.

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This can only lead to one thing...EMO Maddix.

 

Good promo (Yes I read it). It brought teh funny, which the recent Maddix promo's have been bringing. I'm digging this storyline too.

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GAH!

 

The apostrophe s does not mean plural. It means possessive, or as a contraction. However, it doesn't work as a contraction here, as 'promoes' is not correct.

 

/end beating with the grammar stick

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Akira's Teacher: Well now [gives Akira's real name, since I doubt it's Akira], your grammar has certainly improved over the last few months. To what can we attribute this change?

 

Akira: Well, there's this e-fed I'm involved in, and they're all pedantic grammar fascists...

 

 

Also, Drea: The English 'u' will always hold you down. Accept it.

 

 

However, I think the thing I like about Landon promos is that they always get me interested in the angle. I'm interested in this angle and want to see what happens next, and I know what happens next!

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It is also the Canadian 'u'. However, I tend to remove it (and put dates in American order) in order to not boggle your feeble American minds.

 

JJ Johnson: Showing his true colours since 16-2-06.

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I also put the dates of the Wrestling Panda in American order so people don't start going 'but there is no fourteenth month' and similar. Although since they're American, maybe it should be 'forteenth'. And 'shold'. Can't have those 'u's arond people, they're dangeros to health.

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U's are for Vestublians.

 

And Toxx, in Jacksonville Florida, by comparison my grammar has always been top notch, haha.

 

"We was gon clean upstairs, but Y'all don't got no dirt, I tell you what!"

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Guest The Satanic Angel
"We wuz gon clean upstairs, but Y'all ain't don't got no dirt, I dun tell you whut!"

 

Edited for accuracy.

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Somehow I've been involved in some damn funny promos without actually knowing about it ahead of time.

 

Oh, and JJ is still helping train guys in Cleveland between his UFC training. Yeah, that's it.

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Pssht. You always look like the sensible one, and Maddix always looks like the goof. It's when it's the other way round that you have to start beating on him.

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I've only just realised that it should have always been 'An Ouctoupus'.

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