HD: DEBATE!

[Patty O'Green 0]

If you could put this after the skit with bo that would be wonderous. thank you.

 

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen it is time for an official OAOAST debate on the subject of [b]role modelling[/b] and it is brought to you by Ecstasy a new fragance by Krista Isadora Duncan!

The eloquent funk that makes up the intro of [i]Drop it like it's hot[/i] by Snoop Doggy Dogg seeps into the viewing audience's ears. The noise is met with confused whispers from the attendees. But the hushed silence soon turns to brilliant cheering as the special guest moderator appears on screen. He is none other then the dog father himself, Snoop Doggy Dogg!

BUFFER
Introducing first the special guest moderator, as selected by Alix Spezia, from Long Beach, California her is a grammy nominated recording artist who has gone platinum with over five different albums he is.....SNOOP DOGGGGG!!

“YEAAAAAAAA!”

COACH
My man, Snoop! Alright! Leave it to Axel to bring out the c-lebs!

COLE
Alix picked him, dummy!

Snoop slaps hands with the ringside fans, who forcefully push and shove at each other to get a closer glimpse of the hip-hop mega star. As the noise level reaches it's highest point, he enters the squared circle, which contains two podiunms, and is handed a microphone.

“SNOOP! SNOOP! SNOOP!

SNOOP
The D-O-double geeze in the Big O! Saint Louis, this shit's about to jump off real fast and real quick. I hosted Girls Gone Wild, but ain't nothing more wild then the O to the A to the O. And we gonna get real wild with the Big Boss Dogg as we setting to straight up debate with Christian Wright and my girl Alix Spezia. This is gonna be some freaky shit, so let's let them dogs out!

On cue the hard driving preamble of [i]Slither[/i] by Velvet Revolver comes ripping through the arena's speakers! Boos are immediate as the entrance doors tear apart, revealing a snarling, Christian Wright. Outfitted in a charcoal single breasted suit, the vengeful Upstart, throws his arms out to his side, tilting his head towards the heavens and striking a defiant pose of triumph in the face of an unending wave of jeers!

BUFFER
Introducing contestant number one from Raleigh, North Carolina, he is The Natural......CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIIGHT!

More taunts, insults and catcalls drench the snobbish grappler, who struts down the ramp with his head held high in fantastic confidence. But the frown written on his visage betrays his otherwise stoic demeanor. 

COACH
Fellas, this guy was robbed at Zero Hour. Krista Isadora Duncan, who had no reason to be down there, cost the man his world title. Christian Wright deserves to be a champion, and he's a champion in my mind. And we're about to see that not only does he wrestle like a champ, he debates like one to! 

COLE
Wright didn't get robbed! Bo was trying to screw Zack, and Krista made sure justice was served. And Christian deserved no less after what he did to Jade and how he cost the girls their tag titles.

CW steps into the ring, careful not to cause any wrinkles to his fashionable threads. Snoop, perhaps unaware of Wright's horrible reputation, offers his hand in friendship. But Wright meets the polite gesture with a contemptuous sneer, and heads to his podium. Soon his rollicking tune fades away, and the chants of “YOU'RE NOT THE CHAMP! YOU'RE NOT THE CHAMP!” are heard crystal clear by his outraged ears.

But those chants are soon subdued by a scream of anticipation as a beautiful [color=red][b]red[/color][/b] pyro fountain rises forth from the stage. It meets with an equally lovely [color=#ff3366 ][b]pink[/color][/b] pyro waterfall. As the chorus of Nelly Furtado's [i]Promiscuous Girl[/i] seeps into the ears of the OAOAST faithful, both the pyrotechnics dissipate, replaced by a booming [color=#ffff33][b]gold[/color][/b] explosion that consumes the entire stage! The fans erupt with a thundering ovation as Alix Spezia, bedecked in a red tube minidress, appears on the stage. She rhythmically jerks her body back and forth to beat of her song, as Buffer prepares to make his final introduction!

BUFFER
And contestant number two, from Los Angeles, Califorina, she is the 2005 OAOAST female wrestler of the year, ALIX MARIAAAAA SPEZIA!

Alix flounces down the ramp, while Wright, sweating bullets, grips angirly onto his podium. He nearly digs his fingers into the balsa wood, but it's all he can do to stop his rage from completely overtaking him. The beloved heroine steps into the ring apron, and slowly and seductively enters the squared circle, causing Snoop to crane his neck for a closer inspection.

SNOOP
They oughta put a camera in my sun glasses, 'cause what I'm seeing gots it going on. I feel like the mutha'fucking president right here. Wassup girl? Alright. Let's get make this bizzile crackalizzile. Here the rules....

(Wright is seemingly unable to contain his furor for the female fan favorite any longer. Trembling, he leans into his microphone, and launches a vile barrage of accusations her stunned way, interrupting Snoop.)

WRIGHT
Do you realize what you have done to me? Do you realize what irreparable harm you and your booze ridden armpiece have done to my reputation? Do you realize that by robbing me of my championship you have turned my once tranquil existence into an anarchic living hell? Is your minuscule brain, no bigger then the droppings of a Shar Pei puppy and with all the intelligence to boot, capable of comprehending what wrongs you have transgressed towards me?

ALIX
Uh, is this all gonna be old stuff I already know? Or is this new stuff? I'm gonna have to start writing all this down! Jeez, ya nearly choke a guy to death, and ya got an enemy for life! What gives? (singing like the Black Eyed Peas) Where's the love, yall? I don't know. Where's the love? I don't know. One love. One love. One love.

(Pushed to the edge of his sanity, Christian steps away from his podium, ready to change this battle from one of wits to one of brawn. However Snoop swiftly intercepts the ill tempered star.)

SNOOP
Man, chill the hell out. We gonna conduct this debate and we gonna conduct this the right way. So sayeth the muthafuckin dogfather. Now can you deal wit that? Get yo ass back behind the podium. I'm gonna ask you a question, and all you gotta do is answer it. I don't ask you a question, you don't got nothing to say. Simple as that. You follow that one rule we cool. You don't follow that one rule, then when we ain't cool. And believe me, you wanna be cool with a crip. Understand? (Brooding, Wright nods) Babygirl, you caught the rule?

ALIX
Like herpes from a Tijuana hooker!

WRIGHT
There! There! Right there! She did it right there! Right there!

SNOOP
Man, what the did I just tell you? You get done licking the windows on the short bus and decide you wanna play wrestler? What's wrong with you? You wanna speak? I'ma let you speak, then. Make your opening statement.

WRIGHT
(clearing his throat first)
Very well. OAOAST fans are a contemptible lot. Their viewing of Chicks Over Dicks as role models is a pitiful concept, one that should tell you many things about the mind of the common wrestling fan. As I watch these televisual transmissions from the comforts of my dressing quarters, I am often both amused and highly distressed to see the fan base cheer so fiercely for Miss Spezia. What we have gathered before us in the stands today is a freakshow worthy collection of sub-human troglodytes, disgusting in both hygiene and thought, and ugly to the point where they rival the elephant man in terms of unsightliness. While I know it is not proper to judge a book by it's cover. I must allow myself this one slip up. For these fans' outter appearance perfectly symbolizes the frightening hideousness of their horrible souls!

“BOOOOOOOOO”

WRIGHT
So is it any wonder that they're smitten with these Chicks Over Dicks? After all not only are these females as ignorant and boorish as they are, but unlike them, they carry the added bonus of not looking as though they recently crawled out of a sewage plant! Consequently, the meatheaded OAOAST fanbase laps them up like they do a pool of their own urine! Stunning in appearance, the “entertainment” offered by these women shows that they're of the mentality that their thongs serve a dual purpose, both as underwear and a bank deposit for whatever man or woman wishes to slip a twenty into it. What they lack in the style, wit, and class, they make up for with by parading their silicone infested bodies in around tights that display half their posteriors. Each woman commits their own sins. What of Krista Isadora Duncan? She appears as though she should embody the very perfection of the feminine ideal. But this amazon has all the femininity of an out of control jack hammer! The only thing that separates her from the crude violence prone dullard at a local tavern is high heels and Revlon lipstick! She is no woman. She is an uncontrollable hooligan draped in Marylin Monroe's clothing. And what of Alix Spezia? The bile that spews forth from her mouth would overflow a toxic waste dump. Disgusting Jezebel. She like so many other women would've been better born a mute. This nymph openly flaunts her promiscuity and sexual deviancy without regards to shame or modesty. She freely discusses her abusive past she suffered at the hands of her cave-dwelling brethren as if it was a mere comedy prop. Her general idiocy would give any man with a lick of sense pause. Thankfully for her, there are very few people in wrestling besides myself who have that lick of sense! If Alix Spezia was to speak her mind, I do believe she would be speechless! She is no woman! She is a glorified street walker! Now let us put her on the street so that she may earn us some extra revenue! 

COACH
I'm buying! Can I get a frequent drivers card? Heeeheh.

WRIGHT
A proper female is to be docile, respectful, modest and most importantly silent. Alix and Krista are unruly, disrespectful, flamboyant, and loud. And for that I highly recommend they, like any woman who does not know her station, be slapped and smacked until the shroud of silence falls over them. What somebody such as Krista is doing is inspiring a generation of young women to believe that their place isn't at beck and call of their husbands, and underneath the scrutinizing eye of man. She is tricking them into believing that a woman's role is not dictated by the oven timer! And you fools cheer for them! You celebrate their appearance on your television! You take Krista as a strong female role model! And that is a horrible indictment of you as individuals, and as a group! And for that you deserve nothing but hell and misery!

“YOU'RE NOT THE CHAMP! YOU'RE NOT CHAMP!” chant the audience, reminding Wright of his own personal anguish.

SNOOP
Alix, hit me with a rebuttal.

ALIX
Oooh, ooh, ooh! Christian, you've just sent a little man up my BUTT and he's telling me it's time to rock on out! And when I've got a little man up my BUTT, yelling in my ear to rock the hell out, I say “I'm gonna rock the hell out!” Unless that little man happens to be rubber and strapped on to someone, in which case I usually say “Krista, can ya stop tugging on my hair so hard?”. But back to the point! And the point is women's lib! Women's lib is most the gnarly thing since Kool-Aid Jammers! Women's lib is like a power up for the soul! Like mushrooms to Super Mario! Speaking of,  I've been eating mushrooms since I was little bunny, and I never turned into a giant like Mario, all I do when I eat shrooms is ride unicorns across the sky of 18th century Egypt with Jimi Hendrix and Mama Cass. Anyway! Women's lib is like totally empowering! To everybody! It gives all of us the strength to stand up and say “We're not gonna take it! No we ain't gonna take it! We're not gonna take it anymore!” Like without women's lib my Aunt Karen might still be working at the Busy Beaver All Nude Revue! But because of women's lib she was empowered to stand up for herself and say “This neon pink cowgirl outfit and glow in the dark boobie tassels demeans me as a woman and objectifies me as a sex object!” and women's lib gave her the strength to quit that job and a take a better one! One at Tan Fannies Thick BUTT Showcase, where they respect her right not to degrade her womanhood by wearing demeaning boobie tassels! Hooray women's Lib!

(Wright starts biting his lip, a futile effort to stifle his rage)

ALIX
Because of movements like women's lib, we know that it's okay to be who you want to be! Women's lib gives us all a great sense of self confidence! We can all say I'm here and I'm queer! I'm black and I'm back! I'm white and I'm right, but not right in the sense that I will continue to subjugate the same minority groups I've oppressed and belitted for a gazillion years! We can say I'm Asian and uh...nothing rhymes with Asian. But they're still dope! It empowers you to be able to express yourself the way you want to, and not the way someone else wants you to! Christian, you can express that you think I'm a dirty whore, and I can express that I think your next vacation should be to a redneck biker bar wearing a tinker bell costume and carrying a bag full of Barbra Streisand albums! Freedom of expression is wonderful and we owe it to women's lib! Movements like women's lib are about giving us back control of our lives! They let us control bodies and our future so that we can do who ever we want!

WRIGHT
Do you mean do [i]what[/i] ever we want?

ALIX
I said what I meant! Because of people in the women's rights movement and others like it continue to fight for our freedom of self expression, you and I are able stand up here today and have this debate! And because of all that I have to say I respectfully disagree with your opening assessment and say that Diet Doctor Pepper does taste like regular Doctor Pepper!

(At this point Wright loses his shit)

WRIGHT
(going red, looking like he's about to explode)
That...that....that....HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SUBJECT AT HAND! I hate you! I hate you! Rapper man, I don't recall your name, disqualify this girl at once! Make haste! Declare me the victor!

(Wright latches onto Snoops arm and starts to vigorously shake it, as chants of “ALIX! ALIX!” ring through the air)

SNOOP
Man, what the hell is wrong with you? Get up off me! You always act like this? You need to get you some weed, some hen, some hos, something to calm yo crazy ass down. God damn. Alix, girl, that was some powerful ass shit, right there. Deep. But the man's got a point, this here topic ain't about  liberatin' but role modelating.

ALIX
Awwww! Well, I ask that my comments be stricken from the record!

WRIGHT
That is a legal term. We are not presently located in a courtroom!

ALIX
Oh! Well then, I rest my case!

WRIGHT
Strumpet! I believe it is my turn vocalize my concepts and ideas, Puff Daddy.

SNOOP
It's [i]Snoop....Dogg[/i].

WRIGHT
Dully noted. You all look alike anyway. Present me my query. Be quick about it, boy!

SNOOP
I'll be quick 'bout something. It ain't gonna be what you want me to be quick about. Here you go, what makes a good role model?

WRIGHT
A good role model is someone who does not speak as if she is paralyzed from the nose up, such as this wild bimbo. A good role model is not someone who's g-string goes down faster then a Popsicle stand in December. A good role model isn't someone like Alix Spezia who wouldn't know left from right if you gave her four guesses. There is your answer. The squalor, the filth, the wanton sexuality, the depravity, the reckless display of carnal pleasures, the promotion of uncontrolled substance abuse, the glorification of degeneration of the American family, and the complete absence of anything wholesome or good that Alix Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan represent authors a wicked mindset among their numerous devotees, and makes it a certainty that if their smut is allowed to proliferate unchecked by the moral majority, society will be sunk into something little more civilized then a rabid pack of stray dogs.

ALIX
Okie dokie artichokie, then [i]who[/i] makes a good role model? You?

WRIGHT
Exactly. Citizens of Saint Louis, rather then relegate you all to the level of methadone clinic out patient, which is the level you belong on, I am offering you my assistance! Anoint me as your savior, and I shall achieve glories known only to the Gods. Seek salvation from sin and perversion with me! Leave this succubus to rot in her cauldron of decadence! Make me your role model! I am doing it for your own good! I am the ideal! I am the moral high ground! You need a man who's slate has not been wiped clean because it's never been soiled in the first place! What you need is a leader, a warrior, who's unassailable morality stands as firm as cast iron bars, and who's vibrantly bursting colors of virtue will not fade from the unrelenting wear and tear put on it by it's trampish adversaries. Most of you would have a better chance of landing on the moon then emulating a being of my majestic splendor. Howeverit is better to try and fail to live in the image of god, then it is to try and succeed to live between the devil's bed sheet. Live through me and join in my jubilant celebration as the tower of my virtuosity rises to the heavens!

ALIX
That will be the only thing rising with you. Snoop, babe, do you mind if I get my [i]rebutall[/i] on?

SNOOP
Go on babygirl, do that thang.

ALIX
With so much drama in the O-A-O, it's kinda hard being A-L-I-single X. But somehow someway I keep coming up with funky ass shit nearly every single day. Christian, I'm starting to pick up on a wee bit of jealousy. And why wouldn't you be envious of me? I am an Oscar Winner.

WRIGHT
You've never won an Oscar!

ALIX
That's what Jodie Foster's lawyers say, but possession is ninth/tenths of the law, right? Well I possess ten/tenths of an Oscar, so that little golden man is mine, baby! Anywho, were where we? Oh that's right jealously. I think your main problem is that, well, you're not getting any.. I mean your sex life has as much life in it as a school of mortuary science. The only pair of melons you get your hands on in are the ones in your grocery store's produce aisle! The only time you get [i]laid[/i] is when you buy a bag of potato chips. The last time you touched a pussy, you were at Pet-Smart! You couldn't get your hands on a vagina if your initials were O-B-G-Y-N.

“OOOOOOOH!”

ALIX
But that's alright, that's okay! There's a great explanation for why there's no motion in your ocean! And that has something to do with the fact that when Christina Aguilera in her hit song [i]Beautiful[/i] sung “We are beautiful in every single way” she added in a silent “Except for Christian Wright who is hideously ugly, and has the barely there facial hair of an acquitted on a technicality child molester.” Christian, I don't want you to take this wrong way, because we're friends, but your so ugly that when your in the bathroom, and someone walks in on accident, they don't say “Sorry, didn't know it was occupied.”, they say “Damn! Somebody left a floater!”

“OOOOOOOOOH!”

ALIX
Christian, your so ugly that when you masturbate, your penis files rape charges!

SNOOP
Damn, damn, damn! Somebody just got pimpslapped!

“YOU GOT PIMPSLAPPED! YOU GOT PIMPSLAPPED!” chant the fans as Wright starts stomping around the ring in outrage.

ALIX
Hey, turn that frown upside down, dude! I'm sure you'll get laid one day. I don't exactly think it will be with a real live woman. And just in case it [i]isn't[/i] with a flesh and blood chick, and you forget to cover your stump before you hump, lemme be the first to ask....can I have one of the puppies?

“WE WANT PUPPIES! WE PUPPIES!”

WRIGHT
(to Snoop)
Your efforts as moderator have shown to be as effectual as attempting to put out the great Chicago fire with a single ice cube! Are you going to allow this lollipop to desecrate my fine name with unfiltered accusations of..of..of..bestiality.

SNOOP
Man, you just don't quit. Aight. Go on and take yo turn. You spit about Alix, so what you gotta say about Krista Isadora Dizzile?

WRIGHT
Ah Krista Isadora Duncan. While I may not subscribe to her nonsensical pro-choice beliefs, in her case not only must I make a badly needed exception. The next time she gets pregnant, I offer to wield the coat hanger personally! That she beast should have as much right to bear a child as a  chimp should have the right to hold political office! What must her daughter think when she looks to Krista, her mother and sees a boisterous, vulgar banshee? What sort of childhood must this girl have had when her first book is not [i]The Cat in The Hat[/i] but [i]Why does Jane have two Mommies?[/i]? What sort of example is being set for this child? With a mother such as Krista, it would not shock me that if by the time this child's sixteenth birthday rolls around, she spends it not with cake and candles, but by walking a south central street ready to go down on any man with a wad of cash and a brick of crack.

ALIX
That's it! That's it! That is it!

CHRISTIAN
Excuse me..

ALIX
Quiet, meanie! It's time for me to flip on the bitch switch and jack up the seriousness because you've made this Chiquita an angry little banana! You may think you're like Freddie Prinze Jr and you're all that. But everyone else seems to see you more like Bam Margera, because you're a... 

“JACKASS!”

ALIX
Whenever I enter the arena I have to whip out the Lysol because your shit is stinking from miles and miles away. I mean, what the hell makes you such a hot and wonderful person that you can walk around and cast your little judgements on everyone, as if you're the king of the universe we all have to bow down to you? Seriously! Like, what's so freaking awesome about you that you're able to tell me that Krista isn't a good mother? I mean, how dare you. What kind of dick are you? Remove your head from Axel's, Bo's, Coach's , whoever's ass it's lodged into, board your spaceship and join the rest of us back on earth. Do not try and tell me that Krista is a bad mother! You have no idea what she goes through. None whatsoever. And for your sake I hope you never do. You would die if you had to do even an eighth of the work she does. I hope you never, ever, have to walk even an inch her shoes. You'd kill yourself. You'd wake up every morning wishing you were dead. I know I would. Anyone would. But Krista does it because she loves her daughter. Like a [i]good[/i] mother should.

WRIGHT
Puppy fellow, your name seems to be slipping form my memory again, my speech was not complete. Are you going permit her to talk on my time?

SNOOP
The way you been popping off, be grateful if the only thing I let her do is talk. Go on, girl.

ALIX
You're a mean one, Mister Wright! You really are a heel! You're as cuddly as a cactus, and as charming as an eel! Mister Wright! You are a monster, and you've totally tricked yourself into thinking that what your doing isn't just cause to have you institutionalized. You so believe your own wacked out shit. And if I didn't work with you this would make great trainwreck TV, but I do have to work with you and it sucks. I can deal with monster who knows and admits he's crazy. Like Hell's Hitmen. When they simulate ass rape in their basement they aren't rationalizing it by saying they're studying the effects that analingus on even dated Friday's has on the migrating patterns of the South African gazelle.  They say “Hey, we're in the basement simulating ass rape while a fat Russian woman named Helga rams glass dildos in our mouthes because we like it.” You are way different. When you do something wrong, when you do something horrible, when you try to wreck someone's life, you give this bogus rationalization that it's for their own good.  Everything is for somebody else's “good” with you, isn't it? But what you do to people is always something bad. Why not do something good for somebody else's good? That's what a [i]real[/i] role model does.

WRIGHT
I steadfastly maintain that all my actions are for greater good.

ALIX
Okie dokie. When you gave Jade a stunner at Zero Hour and left her knocked out on the mat, who's greater good was that for, mister? Her's?  Hi, Jade I'm a doctor! It's possible you've suffered a severe case of whiplash, and a minor concussion. But I have some good news! You just saved money on your car insurance by switching to Geico? No, Christian Wright did this for your own good! Really, he did? Tremendous! What a swell chap! I think I'll dance the macrena in celebration!” Whatever! Actually the conversation went more like “Why me? Why did he do this to me? Why?” But your conscience was clear as Crystal Pepsi, because you did it for her own good. Tremendous! You're a great guy, aren'tcha!?

WRIGHT
Jade Rodez attacked me. I was acting purely out of self defense, as is my right by the laws of your homestate of California.

ALIX
You're delusional, Christian! Any semblance of you being a decent human being is totally gonzo! Oh my god, I've seen less shit in a septic tank then I've seen come out of your mouth tonight. You're insane! I feel so bad for you. And you wanna be a role model? As if! The only group you could ever role model to are aspiring serial rapists! I never ever said Krista or I made good role models, but we're a million times better then you, dude! Let me tell you what else makes you such a bad role model. Despite what you like to claim, you don't do anything for other people's benefit. There is only person worth helping in your world and that's you. You're not trying to make the OAOAST a better place for the fans, you're trying to make it a better place for you. A role model is supposed to have some kind of ability to understand people's feelings and thoughts and accept their flaws. But I guess when god was passing out personality traits that aren't related to being a total dick, you must've been practicing one of those long winded speeches that bore half the audience into changing the channel, because you missed out. You live in an unrealistic and sheltered world, and you want everyone to conform to impossible standards that you and you alone set. And because they're impossible, nobody can meet them. So you judge them, you belittle them and you mow down their individuality. Why? Because if you cut down everyone else, you an emotional midget, look great in comparison. Your whole motive is to try to make yourself feel better at someone else's expense. But in case you didn't notice you always come out looking like the asshole. And I know you're obviously pretty upset about Krissy and I costing ya your HI-YAH title belt. And I understand that, 'cause I'd know I'd be hella mad if I lost a title I hadn't defended in four months. But don't worry, because we did it....

ALIX AND THE CROWD
For your own good!

(Overcome by rage, Wright furiously kicks his podium, nearly knocking to the mat)

CABOOSE
Excellent.

WRIGHT
I shall not lend credence to the drug fueled ramblings of some harpy who feels the need to end every other thought with the word “dude”. I am not your dude, young lady. I am your moral and intellectual superior, and be thankful that I allowed you that moments rambling. For any other woman would've scored a solid punch to the stomach for choosing to speak out of turn as you did. From henceforth, I believe it would be in your best interest to keep your mouth closed, and stick to what you do best, keeping your legs [i]spread[/i].

SNOOP
Man, that ain't right.

WRIGHT
[i]That ain't right.[/i] Must you bait me to go into my dissertation about how ebonics of the lower class have ruined cultured America. No, your ineptitude must be dealt with swiftly, and perhaps violently. I bit my tongue when I saw that a rapper, and a degenerater of society, a poisoner of the young mind, was selected by this gutter slut to be the guest moderator. But my convictions will lie dormant no more!

COACH
Here it comes! Here it comes!

WRIGHT
Because you are a guest in my establishment I shall spare you a vituperative dressing down and cut to my razor sharp point. I demand that you resign your position as moderator. 

SNOOP
Naw. You don't demand nothing of ol Snoop Dogg.

WRIGHT
If it's payment that is the issue, do not fret. Of course you shall be generously compensated for your rather lackadaisical efforts thus far. I know your people do not aspire towards much....

ALIX
Hey!

SNOOP
My people? My people about to break they foot of in yo ass.

WRIGHT
Hold on. I was not permitted to complete my proposition! Perhaps you could be placated with some rims, or malt liquor? A bottle of Colt 45, perhaps?

(Snoop seems ready to throw down with CW, but Alix steps between him, begging him to calm down, and fearful of what CW might do if they were to brawl. But this moment's hesitation just gives CW further opportunity to insult Snoop.)

WRIGHT
I have approached you with more altruism then a man of your thuggish character has earned. I now see that this appeal was erroneous on my part! It would seem that the only way that your kind can be reached is through a swell of illegal narcotics, a showcase of gratuitous violence, or the blaring racket of a police siren! Pardon me, Master P, but I must claim ignorance to the mores and social customs that transpired within the urban jungle where your formative years were misspent. But in civilized, mainstream America, where I take residence, tarts such as the one currently protecting you from a savage beating are shunned and disgraced for their lewd actions. Additionally we expect our debate moderators to display a shred of objectivity in their conduct. A gentlemen in your station, now matter how ill his repute may be, owes it to himself and to the integrity of the debate to uphold a sterling impartiality! You sir have failed on several accounts, and I am telling you to answer my calls of resignation from your miscast role as debate moderator. If you do not do so quickly and promptly, your face will be answering to the underside of my boot, and your teeth will be answering to a sharp fist.

SNOOP
Alix was right, man. You ain't no role model. You need to reevaluate and reeducate you life and your beliefs. You may got it up here (points to brain), but You ain't got it right here (points to heart). And until you got it there, you ain't got it at all.

WRIGHT
My. You have put me in place. I fear that my time in your presence has drawn to a close. But before I make my departure, head held low, self esteem held lower, let me say that you have given me something to think about. Now, allow me to give you something to think about as well.

SNOOP
What?

WRIGHT
This...

(Christian shoves his podium at Snoop, knocking the startled Long Beach native to the floor! As boos fill the Saavis center air, Wright seeks to beat a hasty retreat! However his path is blocked by an ireful Alix Spezia! A well placed right hook sends the Upstart tumbling back to the ropes! The crowd quickly changes their tune as it looks like the snooty superstar is about to receive his just desserts! Alix surges forward, ready to tear his face off with a superkick! But The Meterosexual Monster, [b]Bohemoth[/b], appearing at the best possible moment, reaches into the ring and attempts to pull his friend towards safety! But his grip slips and he winds up causing more harm then good, staggering Wright towards Alix, who blasts him with that thunderous superkick! While the excited crowd roots on the move, he's knocked into the ropes, where he gets tangled like a fly caught in a bright orange spider web. To make a bad situation even more humiliating, Snoop Dogg and Alix join hands and lunge towards Wright! He's powerless to stop the unit as they amazingly double clothesline him clear out of the ring! Wright lands in Bo's arms and the hapless duo clumsily topples to the mats! The fans explode with ear shattering cheers and applause for Wright's comeuppance!)

“SNOOP! SNOOP! SNOOP!”

(Alix and Snoop celebrate their impressive achivement amidst the rambunctious ovation from the Saint Louis crowd, as Wright and Bo slink up the ramp. Wright offers a sullen Bo an earful for his embarassing folly.)

COACH
I..I..don't think that was supposed to happen.

CABOOSE
Hhahahaha! Your boy just got knocked out by a rapper who weighs like eighty pounds! Haaaha! What's the mother f'n name? Snoop Doggy Dogg!

COACH
While you may have the favor of celeberties and trailer trash divas, we have what's really important, the OAOAST World Title.

CABOOSE
It's too funny! Coach, you may well be the third most competent member of the Upstarts.

Edited March 3, 2006 by Patty O'Green