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chirs3

SWF Smarkdown Card 3-20-2006

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The Smartmark's Wrestling Federation Presents...

SWF SMARKDOWN

LIVE, MONDAY, MARCH 20th, FROM THE SOLD OUT ASTRODOME IN HOUSTON, TEXAS!

(7:00pm PST, 10:00pm EST; check local listings)

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Tonight, the SWF's Hell or High Water tour marches East, to the Astrodome!

 

The SWF is short one commentator! In an effort to find the perfect replacement for Longdogger Pete, the SWF will be having trial runs for a number of different potential candidates. Tonight, the Suicide King will be joined by none other than AXIS~!

 

(I'll be honest, guys - I'm pretty much asleep at the keyboard right now. First person to come up with a good description for Axis gets a cookie.)

 

Unfortunately, many of our champions are still recovering from injuries, which I'm sure is why they did not make any appearances on AftershoxxXxXxxxX. Hint hint.

 

In any event, certain title matches will have to be held off until Storm, at least - Spike vs. Akira and Jay Hawke vs. Wildchild, specifically. So what's a fed to do in the mean time?

 

HOUSE RULES, THAT'S WHAT.

 

And in order to accomodate tonight's House Rules match, the stadium will be set up as if this were a baseball game! The wrestling ring will be in the middle of the field, right over the pitchers mound! Wrestlers will enter from the dugouts! Entrance music will be hard to hear and very echo-y! Someone will play cheesy tunes on an organ!

 

Doodlee-doo dee-doo! CHARGE!

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

The Main Event

Wildchild © vs. Kevin Coyote (non-title)

 

---> Two men who scored high-profile wins at From the Fire battle it out in the Main Event! Kevin Coyote, having now rid the fed of Longdogger Pete, fixes his gaze upward. His crack at the International Champion isn't for the title this time, but if he managed to pull out the upset... well... we'll just have to see.

 

Rules: Standard singles match.

Word Limit: 5000

Send to: chirs3

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

Landon Maddix vs. Michael Cross ©

 

---> Michael Cross has been cleared to wrestle as far as regular singles competition goes, but he still has not been deemed fit enough to cash in his shot against Bruce. So tonight, the new tag champion goes one on one with the now-former tag champion, Landon Maddix!

 

Rules: Standard singles match.

Word Limit: 4750

Send to: janusd

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

Ultraviolent Championship Match - House Rules

Scoreboard Scuffle

Bruce Blank © vs. Arch Griffon

 

---> The gauntlet has been thrown down. After Michael Cross was barred from competing on AftershoxXXXxXXxX, Bruce is just itching for a fight, and has welcomed all comers with a shot at his title. The first man to step up - Arch Griffon.

 

Tonight also marks the return of the House Rules match. Now when you think of the "house" in question, you probably think of baseball. But we couldn't exactly have Bruce and Arch play a game of baseball, now could we?

 

... actually, come to think of it...

 

No, we'll save that for later.

 

Instead, the SWF's overpaid and underworked House Rules committee, over the course of digging up Astrodome factoids, I came across two veeeery interesting ones...

 

1 - The stadium's first scoreboard was the world's largest. It was 474-feet long, weighed 300 tons and cost $2 million. It was dismantled in 1988 to make room for additional 10,000 seats.

 

2 - On April 28, 1965, Mets broadcaster Lindsey Nelson worked a game from a gondola suspended from the apex of the dome directly above second base.

 

A plus B equals...

 

Rules: The original Astrodome scoreboard, all 474 feet of it, has been pieced back together in its original, working form. For the purposes of this match, it will be suspended approximately 25 feet above the outfield, facing up. It will be running at the time of the match, with light displays, etcetera. The match will be fought under Scaffold Match rules - toss your opponent off to win.

Word Limit: 4750

Send to: Evolution

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

Jimmy the Doom and Insane Luchadore vs. Sean Davis and JJ Johnson

 

---> Calvinball winners vs. Calvinball not-quite-winners. FIGHT!

 

Rules: Standard Tag Team Match

Word Limit: 4750

Send to: Secret Agent

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

Cruiserweight Exhibition Match

Ghost Machine 2.0 vs. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins

 

---> With Akira Kaibatsu being groun-... uh... being injured at From the Fire... yeah, that's it... the Cruiserweight Championship Match between he and Spike will not happen on this show. Instead, Spike will face the man who gets a shot at the winner of that match, Ghost Machine 2.0!

 

Rules: Standard, with Cruiserweight addenda - outside count goes to 20, no tossing opponents over the top rope.

Word Limit: 4500

Send to: Justice

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

We're Very Sorry We Forgot To Book You At From The Fire Match

One-Weapon Rules

The Crimson Skull vs. David Cross

 

---> So, we made a bit of a snafu, and forgot to book Skull. We are shamed. To make up for it, the Crimson Skull will open this extra special show, and with an advantageous stipulation no less!

 

Rules: The Crimson Skull is allowed to bring one (1) weapon to the ring with him. It may be anything he chooses. For this match, that weapon is completely and totally legal. All other standard singles match rules apply.

Word Limit: 4000

Send to: realitycheck

 

-=-=-=-=-

 

Opening Promo: Wes mu'fuckin Davenport, mu'fuckas!

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

(Send all promos, marked matches, etc. to chirs3...)

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

 

Again, sorry for the delay. We had all sorts of yummy plans for this card, but a series of unfortunate events sort of derailed them. We hope to resolve all of this by Storm. Word limits trimmed to accomodate the delay.

 

Still, I think it turned out OK. :)

Edited by realitycheck

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Rules: The original Astrodome scoreboard, all 474 feet of it, has been pieced back together in its original, working form. For the purposes of this match, it will be suspended approximately 25 above the outfield, facing up. It will be running at the time of the match, with light displays, etcetera.
LOL now that's a unique stipulation

 

just one question - being totally ignorant on most things baseball, it's 474 feet long (damn!) but how tall was it? (or wide in the way it's suspended I guess) 20 feet? 30?

 

and now I'll have to figure out how long 474 feet is in meters ;)

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Couldn't find the pictures I was looking for, but I did find one that works well enough:

 

astro31.jpg

 

I think it's about as tall as those little firework shows going off on either side, above the stats.

Edited by chirs3

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Rules: The original Astrodome scoreboard, all 474 feet of it, has been pieced back together in its original, working form. For the purposes of this match, it will be suspended approximately 25 above the outfield, facing up. It will be running at the time of the match, with light displays, etcetera.

LOL now that's a unique stipulation

 

just one question - being totally ignorant on most things baseball, it's 474 feet long (damn!) but how tall was it? (or wide in the way it's suspended I guess) 20 feet? 30?

 

and now I'll have to figure out how long 474 feet is in meters ;)

 

I'd like to point out in fact this stipulation came up with Raynor messaging me because I was awake and he'd forgotten I was Australian. He suggested the scoreboard, I suggested someone going through it, then one of us suggested hanging it above the ring and... yeah. Never let tired people plot. It's a bad thing.

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Guest OKCoyote

Wildchild - I'll try to get some stats for Avery up by tonight, as she'll be accompanying Coyote.

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I'd like to point out in fact this stipulation came up with Raynor messaging me because I was awake and he'd forgotten I was Australian. He suggested the scoreboard, I suggested someone going through it, then one of us suggested hanging it above the ring and... yeah. Never let tired people plot. It's a bad thing.
Oh no, no, no I like it! I like the oddball, off the wall weird stipulations - I mean 474 feet of scoreboard, 3 GIANT screens and all the lightbulbs and what not makes for quite an Ultraviolent title match

 

Those I tend to win - it's the normal rules matches I mainly lose *wink* (smileys removed to make Landon's life easier lol)

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Hm. Unbooked.

 

Interesting.

 

But maybe it's for the best. Get me back in the swing.

 

Yeah. That's it.

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Sorry, Fury. I was trying to book as many people as possible, and with who we had left, I couldn't come up with any sensible matches.

 

Consider yourself already booked for Storm. :P

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Guest Evolution
I'd like to point out in fact this stipulation came up with Raynor messaging me because I was awake and he'd forgotten I was Australian. He suggested the scoreboard, I suggested someone going through it, then one of us suggested hanging it above the ring and... yeah. Never let tired people plot. It's a bad thing.
Oh no, no, no I like it! I like the oddball, off the wall weird stipulations - I mean 474 feet of scoreboard, 3 GIANT screens and all the lightbulbs and what not makes for quite an Ultraviolent title match

 

Those I tend to win - it's the normal rules matches I mainly lose *wink* (smileys removed to make Landon's life easier lol)

 

Scaffold matches suck in real life, perhaps in writing some excitement can be gained from it.

 

Probably not.

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Rules: The original Astrodome scoreboard, all 474 feet of it, has been pieced back together in its original, working form. For the purposes of this match, it will be suspended approximately 25 above the outfield, facing up. It will be running at the time of the match, with light displays, etcetera.

LOL now that's a unique stipulation

 

just one question - being totally ignorant on most things baseball, it's 474 feet long (damn!) but how tall was it? (or wide in the way it's suspended I guess) 20 feet? 30?

 

and now I'll have to figure out how long 474 feet is in meters ;)

 

I'd like to point out in fact this stipulation came up with Raynor messaging me because I was awake and he'd forgotten I was Australian. He suggested the scoreboard, I suggested someone going through it, then one of us suggested hanging it above the ring and... yeah. Never let tired people plot. It's a bad thing.

 

It was you who thought up the Scaffold Match style "toss them off" win, and that's what made me remember that second factoid, about a guy calling the game suspended above second base.

 

So, to sum it all up, this was totally my idea and Janus gets no credit at all. :P

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So, Axis...

 

Australian. I think. I forgot Janus was Australian, so I guess I could forget if Axis was too.

 

Face/play-by-play...

 

... what else? I only remember writing him in the ML, and he was opposite Comet, so that didn't help. :P

Edited by chirs3

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Sorry, Fury. I was trying to book as many people as possible, and with who we had left, I couldn't come up with any sensible matches.

 

Consider yourself already booked for Storm. :P

 

Oh, no prob... I wasn't complaining anything... That mess I typed up there? That's the result of about 10 hours of work, coming off of maybe 4 hours of sleep at 11am-ish yesterday.

 

Yeah. I still need sleep. :|

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What if Axis was like Cotton McKnight's play-by-play partner from Dodgeball, the guy from Arrested Development?

 

You know, somewhat of a poser, comedic, but is still capable of making logical and technical comments that help advance a match?

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Is my calendar wrong, or is March 20th a Monday, not Saturday? Also, doesn't Friday-Monday seem kind of short? Then again, the word limits are low-ish. Bork!

 

 

 

Edit: Uh, wouldn't Davis want to smash JJ's head, what with Sean's whole "DIE, FORMER REVOLUTION ZERO PEOPLE!" or is that mainly directed at Jennykins?

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Sean was long gone by the time I showed up.

 

Also, Axis had no character, except the PepsiMAX thing. He was completely and totally the straight man, in every sense of the word.

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We're still working on that.

 

Also, card edited as "Johnny Dangerous" and "Z" aren't TSM board names that I've ever heard of...

 

-Z

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Three days. Technically, it should be four, but we never get the card up the day it's supposed to be up.

 

The reason everything seems so scrunched up is because of the way we had to push the schedule back following the Lethal Lottery. The next two shows are 5-day shows, so it should all be back to boring, droll monotony after this.

 

-Z

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Guest The Satanic Angel
Is my calendar wrong, or is March 20th a Monday, not Saturday? Also, doesn't Friday-Monday seem kind of short? Then again, the word limits are low-ish. Bork!

 

 

 

Edit: Uh, wouldn't Davis want to smash JJ's head, what with Sean's whole "DIE, FORMER REVOLUTION ZERO PEOPLE!" or is that mainly directed at Jennykins?

 

It's just Jenkins because the bastard broke Sean's ankle (but only because I was a bastard and deserted.. :P).

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Matches are due MONDAY. I have edited the card again - I really am not sure where Saturday was pulled from, but the deep recesses of Raynor's mind are a terrifying and dark place indeed.

 

-Z

Edited by realitycheck

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The Saturday was pulled from the template I copied and pasted and forgot to change. :P

 

We haven't gotten the full list of guest announcers hammered out yet, but most of the good suggestions from the thread Pete started will be appearing.

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Scaffold matches suck in real life, perhaps in writing some excitement can be gained from it.

 

Probably not.

in real life scaffolds aren't 474 feet long and like 50 feet wide with light bulbs and big TV screens and speakers and shizniz either.

 

and we don't have to write them like most scaffold matches which are

 

X & Y climb up

X & Y move very slowly to not shake the scaffold or fall off

X or Y is pushed over the side and hangs from his arms to make the drop less than it really is and they can fall to their feet

Someone falls

then end - very disappointing.

 

thank god for the fact that we don't have to write them true to life ;)

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