OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 3/30/06

[Patty O'Green 0]

Welcome, welcome, welcome to just another HeldDOWN. I'll be your producer for night, so sit back and enjoy the ride as we wind down our little journey to Anglemania.

 

 

The camera comes up on the entrance stage as a vibrant display of pyrotechnics dances across the air in a chaotic fashion. Golden misses explode in the sky, as a blue wall erupts at the pit engulfing the entirety of the jumbo video screen. After the fireworks display settles into a misty haze, we're “treated” to a shot of the sold out Philadelphia Crowd. The fans erupt with an enormous scream of anticipation and excitement for what promises to be a fantastic show, the last HeldDOWN~! Before Anglemania V. The camera zip and zoom along the venue getting a shot of the rabid fans, before finally settling on the orange polo shirt wearing threesome of Triple C.

 

COLE

Folks, welcome to Philadelphia for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We are mere days away from the most fantastic show in the history of professional wrestling, Anglemania V. I can barely hear myself over the roar of these fans, and it's only going to get louder in Atlantic City. As you can tell, the excitement as we head into Anglemania has reached a fever pitch. I'm Michael Cole joined as always by Caboose and Johnathan Coachman.

 

CABOOSE

Anglemania promises to be our best show yet, no question. But don't sleep on tonight's HeldDOWN because the stars are out tonight and they aren't going to wait until Sunday to lay it all on the line. The tag team champions the Midnight Express will meet up with the oddball duo, Los Diablos De Fuego. The lovely ladies from Hollywood, America's Sweethearts Chicks Over Dicks will go toe-toe with a team still looking for their first win in the OAOAST, NRG. And I hear rumblings that Christian Wright and Bohemoth will be in action tonight.

 

COACH

Finally, the champion, the king of the hill, the lord of the manor, Peter Knight will team up with Reject to squash ThunderKid and neuter Alfdogg. People if you have a weak stomach then turn away, because Knight and Reject are going to brutalize them. Also, we'll hear from those washed up has beens Black T about their thoughts on their superior AM opponents, Drek Stone and Hoff!

 

COLE

But first we start off with tag team action!

 

The sweetened strands that open pop sensation Britney Spear's And then we kiss play, as a beautiful red pyro fountain rises forth from the stage. It meets with an equally lovely pink pyro waterfall, dropping from the ceiling. As the chorus of the song dips into the ears of the attentive audience, both the pyrotechnics dissipate, replaced by a booming gold explosion that consumes the entire stage! The doors pull slowly pull apart and through the foggy haze, steps the beloved tag team of Alix Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan. Alix, outfitted in tye-dye patterned tube top and matching booty shorts, rocks her body back and forth to electronic strains of her entrance music. Krista, in her usual black tank top and black leather pants, takes a swig of Tequila, then slams the bottle onto the stage before departing towards the ring. It should be noted that Krista has dyed her hair with pink highlights in an effort to make herself look younger. In actuality all it does is make her look like thirty four year old trying to look younger. While she trots down the ramp, Alix blows a sweet kiss towards the camera, leading super imposed red lips to appear on the screen. Awwww!

 

BUFFER

The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes, now making their way to the ring, first, from Los Angeles, California, the 2005 OAOAST Women's Wrestler of the year, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks!

 

COLE

As we all know, Chicks Over Dicks will meet up with Christian Wright and Bohemoth this Sunday at Anglemania. That will be the first Anglemania appearance for Bohemoth and the 2005 rookie of the year, Christian Wright.

 

CABOOSE

(looking worried)

Hey, what the hell is this?

 

A miniature invasion of sofa central is being staged! Melody Nerdly, in an AC/DC t-shirt and ripped up jeans, has barged her way into Triple C's life for the second time in three weeks. Coach is of course overjoyed to have Melody around, but the other two members aren't terribly enthused to have her around.

 

MELODY

Hey, guys! What's up? Happy to see me?

 

COLE

Delighted.

 

CABOOSE

Thrilled.

 

COACH

Huh-huh-huh. You're hot.

 

COLE

Melody, your brothers aren't wrestling, so what are you doing out here?

 

MELODY

Someone told me you fine gents get free drink service and bagels out here. And where's there's free food and drink, there's bound to be Melody Nerdly. (picks up Caboose's bagel and takes a big bite out of this) Hey dude, are you gonna eat this?

 

CABOOSE

Not anymore. Can we just go to Buffer for the announcement? Bloody hell. Who hires you yahoos?

 

BUFFER

And their opponents, being accompanied by Mackenzie DeCenzo, first from Venice Beach, California, weighing in at two hundred and twenty five pounds, he is the crown prince of hair care, BIFF “SHAMPOOOOO” ATLASSSS! And his partner from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, he has the body of a Mr.Olympia, and the mind of an Oxford scholar, weighing in at two hundred and ninety five pounds, he is FLEX PHILLLIPSSSSS! Together they are...Nutritions Real Gurus......N..R....GEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

Flex, bedecked in a simple pair of aqua trunks and matching kneepads and boots, throws his fist into the air, a triumphant display to the booing fans. Biff is a bit more flamboyant in his actions. Wearing a hula skirt that's so short it could be worn as a necklace and vine covered ankle bracelets, he does a sensual Hawaiian dance that simply involves shaking his ass to your inner homosexual's delight. Mackenzie sits outside, irradiant in a dark red halter mini dress with a beautifully sequined trim at the bottom.

 

CABOOSE

Tell the people at home how this match was made, Coach. Tell them. You, Jamie, and Christian went to Axel after last weeks show and started bitching and moaning about Alix and Krista's behavior. You three demanded that they be put in a match so they'll be nice and soft for Bo and CW come Anglemania.

 

COACH

You're such a liar, man. You know that? The Upstarts had a board meeting today, that just so happened to include only myself, Axel, Jamie and Christian, and we all objectively agreed that it would be in COD's best interest if they were given a friendly warm up match. No need to lie.

 

MELODY

You shouldn't lie like that, Caboose. It's ugly. God don't like ugly.

 

CABOOSE

Can't we just take it to the ring?

 

COLE

Can't we all just get along?

 

The battle commences with the pairing of A-list fitness queen versus F-List nutrition pauper, Krista Isadora Duncan against Flex Phillips. The six foot two Flex struts across the mat with arrogance in his step, not regarding his smaller foe as much of a threat. For her part, Krista merely smirks, knowing the opportunity to make him pay for underestimating her will present itself in due time. Amidst chants of “C-O-D” the warriors converge towards the center of the ring, Flex still boasting with contempt, Krista still grinning deviously. But as she nears her rival, the smile fades from the blond bombshell's face, and intensity defines her features. It's obvious she has her mind set on total victory. Phillips doesn't appear to be terribly worried by his enemy's new found vehemence, and continues to casually stroll about the ring. Eventually, Krista lunges at him with an ill advised lockup. Phillips humors the thirty four year old grappler for a bit, feigning a struggle over the hold, before finally overpowering her to the mat!

 

COACH

What strength! If six foot two Flex can toss her around like that, imagine what Bohemoth, the largest athlete in the OAOAST, can do to her. Wait, we already saw, and he dominated her, Hhehehe.

 

While the crowd boos his discarding of Miss California, Flex disrespects her further by pumping his massive biceps and flashing a condescending smile. She sits up and stares bullets at him, as referee Billy Silverman inquires about her health. She gruffly assures the zebra that she's alright, and rises, never letting her ocean blue eyes leave her haughty adversary. Now standing, the two competitors circle each other once more, Flex acting as if this whole charade was an enormous waste of time. He checks a phantom watch on his wrist, non verbally asking when this farce will conclude. Enraged at the lack of respect, the hot headed Krista seizes him with another lockup. Phillips offers no pretense of struggle here. He easily brushes her aside, shoving our heroine down to the mat with authority. Krista promptly sits up, scowling at the man, and wishing that the score board might fall from it's hinges and land on him, leaving his juicy remains scattered throughout the venue. That doesn't seem like it's going to happen any time soon, so she stands up, preparing to go to all out war with the muscle god. Phillips refuses to relent in his taunting, jigiling his beefy pecs, whipping the staunch pro-COD crowd into a frenzy. An astute Mackenzie realizes what Krista's capable of, and hollers for Phillips to cease his clowning, and get down to business. Meanwhile, Krista, thinking that the third time will be a charm, tries another lockup. And this effort results in a very charming headlock. Izzy wrenches on the hold so tightly, that even Biff, who's indifferent to his partner's welfare, has to scream about a possible chokehold. The legality of her hold becomes a moot point, however, when Flex shoves her off to the cables. Her considerable speed proves to be her downfall, as she gets bounced back before she can contemplate a plan of attack. Flex isn't nearly as indecisive as she, and lowers the boom with a shoulderblock. He follows that move up by attempting to drop an elbow onto a mat-based Krista's chest. But the blond bombshell recovers just in the nick of time, and is able to avoid his implant busting strike!

 

CABOOSE

This is a good tune up match for the girls. Flex and Biff are like a poor man's Wright and Bohemoth. They're another one of the big power guy with a muscular little guy team. Only they aren't exactly good at wrestling. Or anything else for that matter. Mackie is hot however. And in the end, isn't that what's important here?

 

Flex rises, clutching onto his aggravated arm, a procession of vulgarities streaming from his mouth. Krissy is unsympathetic to his plight, insulting him, inviting him to take another swing at her. Unable to withstand the salt she dumps on his wounds, he runs right into her trap with a lariat. Krista effortlessly counters this attack with a drop toe hold. Flex's less then attractive face collides with the rock solid canvas, and he immediately stands up, howling in piercing agony. Through the tears and water in his onyx eyes, he sees Krista mocking him by flexing her own rather impressive muscles. The audience, of course, delights in her bit of showboating.

 

“K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”

 

Those chants simply serve to increase Flex's already sky high hysteria. Thus it's with red vision that he blindly rumbles to Krissy, who's inched closer to the ropes. As he nears her for what could be face destroying lariat, Krista saves her supermodel good looks, by ducking down, grabbing the ropes and lowering them so that poor Phillips goes comically hurtling out of the battle field! As the crowd and Alix roar with approval, Flex has a less then graceful landing, splatting onto the mat, then tumbling forward like a drunk tossed out of a local tavern.

 

“Holy shit, do you suck! Go back to OAOVW, prick! I can't believe the money I paid for this ticket pays your salary. You suck bent penis! Eat shit and die!” screams a sixty five year old fan in the front row who happens to be Flex's father.

 

Phillips' humiliation reaches it's greatest height when he rises upright only to see a Krista, offering him a sickeningly sweet smile, sitting on the ropes and holding them open to grant him easy access to the ring. Mackie half heartedly tries to console her crazed charge, but can scarcely make herself heard over the raucous audience. Regardless, he'll hear none of her words as tremoring outrage clogs his senses. Like a wild tiger caged, he tears at anything he can find, the top of the announce table, sofa central's monitors, the guardrails, the ring steps, nothing that isn't nailed down is not safe from his warpath! The fans seem to be in absolute rapture at being able to witness his meltdown, even the announcers are getting a few laughs from his fit.

 

COACH

Hey, buddy, those monitors are coming out of your paycheck.

 

MELODY

(eating Cole's bagel)

He gets a paycheck? He's robbing the company blind.

 

COLE

I can think of a certain someone sitting next to me who's also robbing the company blind.

 

MELODY

(to Caboose)

Dude, I think he's talking to you. Don't take that mess from him!

 

Flex finally quits acting like a raving psychotic and begrudgingly returns to the squared circle. Immediately upon his arrival, he throws another lariat Krissy's way. But the speedy lady slips underneath his outstretched arm, and pops up to land a trifecta of knife edge chops on her foe's thick pectorals! Each blow does a splendid job of ripping away Flex's chocolate colored skin. However his mounting anger allows him to brush the damage aside and land a ferocious knee into Krista's six packed stomach. Another knee follows, and suddenly the big man has assumed total control of this bout. He let's her go free, and she crawls to a neutral corner, nursing her stomach, moaning pain, and wondering how's she going to regain the advantage over this fearsome beast. Flex's answer is that she can't, and he lays a thick forearm into her back to hammer that point home. The pain from that single strike is so immense that Krista has to turn to face him, just to protect her now seriously wounded back. Problematically this leaves her open to what ever strike Phillips' vile mind can concoct. Rather then try anything fancy, he simply whips her towards her corner. This proves to be an amazingly boneheaded blunder as a giddy Alix quickly applies a blind tag. Krissy returns to Flex, launching her slender body at him with a cross body block. Like any big man worth his salt, Flex catches Miss California in his expansive arms. His grip on her frame tightens, as he's certain he's about to obliterate her with a fall away slam. However Alix eighty-sixes that little scheme, throwing herself into the fray with a cross body block of her own! The multi colored trio clumsily topples backwards like a house of cards hit with a high speed gust of wind. A legit pissed Krissy rolls away, openly chastising Alix for her utter carelessness. Ally isn't much concerned with her partner's griping, and she pins her stunned enemy.

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO

 

Flex kicks out in a most impressive manner, thrusting the SoCal diva several feet into the air as he does! Fortunately she lands on her pretty little tie-dyed boots. But to say that unusual journey through the air set off alarm bells would be a serious understatement. A worried Alix uneasily backs towards a Swiss corner, as Flex closes in her, enveloping her entire universe with his solid physique. A panicked Miss Spezia whips a kick into his midsection. While the move pushes him back a few centimeters, it does nary a speck of damage, and he's able to regain the distance he just lost in a matter of nanoseconds. Now downright stricken with fright, Alix drops to all fours and makes an effort to crawl through the gap in his legs. Sadly, this proves to be a most unsuccessful escape effort as Phillips nonchalantly grabs the plucky lass by her ankles. His grip is stronger then a bear trap, and despite her frenzied efforts to break free, she remains his unwilling prisoner. Free to do as he wishes with her, he flips her onto her back, grabs hold of both her bare legs, then rockets her high into the sky as if she weighed as much as a small poodle. His unorthodox attack causes her to endure a brutal head first landing on the mat that instantly sends the fans and Krista into a state of worry for their beloved Alix. Flex, however, is unceasing in his assault, dropping down to his knees and blasting away with huge amounts of firepower in the form of closed fists. Silverman, at Krista's heated request, sternly admonishes Phillips for his illegal strikes. However the muscular grappler pays the official's warning little heed. It's only when the referee physically interjects himself into the pounding that the viscous brutalization ends.

 

MELODY

I tell you what....................

 

COLE

Yes? Yes? You'll tell us?

 

MELODY

I didn't say anything. You're crazy.

 

Taking Alix by her chocolate colored hair, Phillips drags her to her feet. She mounts and admirable rebellion against his clutches, but he easily snuffs out her fire with a clubbing forearm to back. With the energetic fighter temporally subdued , Flex foists her high into the sky in a press slam position. He twirls around, showcasing his prey to the furious audience, increasing their rage with each one of his contemptuous smirks. Finally he lets her go free, unceremoniously dumping her from his grasp. The drop from the peak of the move to the ring floor is a significant one, and leaves her short of breath and in a great deal of agony. Fortunately for her and her squad's hopes for winning this match, she's granted a reprieve when the off-kilter Biff Atlas foolishly tags himself into the bout. Mackie becomes beside herself with anger at Biff's intrusion into the contest, and gives serious consideration to asking Krista if she might lend her some booze for the night. Flex's response isn't much better then Mackie's, as he angrily questions Biff's decision to interfere with his dominant outing. Atlas plays it as cool as the other side of a pillow, suavely informing his comrades that he “has it in the bag”. This bold assertion looks to be false, when the clothesline he hurls at a standing Alix is swiftly evaded. But he promptly redeems himself by horse whipping Alix across the jaw with a back kick. The starlet timbers backwards, but isn't afford a single second to lick her wounds, as Biff covers her with a lateral press.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

Alix kicks out, infuriating the hula-skirted brawler. He decides to make her regret the day she ever escaped his pin attempt, and ensnares her into a sleeper hold. The affects of the move are immediate, a painful constricting of her breathing. This is more then a mere rest hold, for Alix this is onerous battle to remain conscious. Biff does her effort to stay awake no favors, violently cranking on her neck, torquing it as roughly as his strength will allow, putting a look of evident discomfort on her normally cute face. The supportive crowd promptly takes up the task of rallying the babyface, singing her name in unison. Drawing strength from their kindness, Miss Spezia bucks and roars against the body builder's epic restraints. Atlas' response is to simply tighten his grasp, and let her drift into a comfortable slumber. However this turns out to be a futile effort as our adorable heroine keeps on warring against his move. Eventually her frantic movement is able to weaken his clutches just enough that she's able to bring herself to her feet. Biff follows her upright, wrought with panic that his move is dangerously close to evaporating. His fears turn out to be well founded, as Miss Spezia launches a calvary of elbows into his ribcage that shred at his clutches. The sixth and final strike shatters the hold altogether, and pops the capacity crowd while causing Mackie to curse up a storm.

 

MELODY

The beat on the street is that NRG will be competing in a sausage fest battle royal at this Year's Anglemania Pre Show.

 

COLE

That is correct, but I don't think the actual name of the match is Sausage Fest Battle Royal. Also, your brothers will be in the contest along with D*Lux, The South Central Militia and others.

 

While Alix may be free of the sleeper, she's not free from the unhinged Atlas. And he keeps her aware of this chilling fact, by dropping a forearm across her back. She winces in stringent pain, as her fellow cruiserweight bulldozes her back to a neutral corner with lightning quick savate kicks. Ally Cat is pressed against the turnbuckles, where she tries her hardest to regain her rapidly depleting breath. But Biff keeps his attack steady like a metronome, and launches her towards the opposite corner with an irish whip. Alix smacks the thinly padded steel with a gruesome impact, but recovers just in time to halt Biff's incoming charge with a boot to the face. He staggers backwards, holding his hurt face, providing her precious seconds to catch her lost energy. But these seconds prove to be maddeningly few, as Biff, meaner then ever, barrels into her with a body splash. The ditzy diva thinks quickly, and evades his deathly move by dipping low and turning his momentum against him with a back body drop over the orange ropes! Mackie is about ready to launch into a tirade at Biff's incompetence, but the hula boy somehow manages to stave off a disastrous crash to the outside mats by landing squarely on his bare feet. The audience doesn't much care for his deft reversal of fortunes, and boos him heavily. Their hatred increases exponentially when he wiggles his skirted ass at them. Alix is all like “gratuitously shaking your tush is my gimmick, jerk” and tries to knock him clear off the apron with a haymaker! Despite the speed of her wild blow, Biff actually is able to avoid it and reacquire control of the match by driving his broad shoulder into her tightly toned stomach. She doubles over, loudly groaning in pain, and making herself easy pickings for Atlas' forthcoming offensive salvo. The Venice Beach native leaps onto the third rope, and uses it as his own personal launching pad as he rockets himself into the ring with a high light reel worthy springboad fame-asser! CRUNNNCCH! Biff move hits it's mark with a most disturbing accuracy. As the crowd boos the otherwise impressive strike, Alix rolls onto her back, feeling like she just got slugged in the neck with an aluminum baseball bat. Biff attempts a lateral press, hooking the leg for good measure.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

Alix shoots her shoulder up, which elicits a rocking round of “ALIX” chants. Biff springs up and immediately argues what he believes was a slow count. But he quickly as problems on all fronts, as Mackie is now berating him for tagging himself into the match in the first place. As he meekly tries to assuage her rudely stated concerns, Alix, unbeknownst to him, rolls beneath the ropes to the ring apron to get a much needed breather. But thanks to Flex's watchful eye, Biff is soon made aware of his bubbly foe's whereabouts. Putting aside Mackie's whining and complaining for the moment, Atlas stalks over to Alix's location. He grabs her by the back of her multicolored top, and roughly yanks her to her feet. When she reaches her full vertical base, she stuns the daylights out of him by fighting back with alarming energy! The fans come alive with approval as a series of left hooks decorate his agony riddled face. Fueled by adrenaline, Alix torpedoes a shoulder into the handsome fighter's abdomen. The shot knocks him nauseous for a deadly three seconds. And these three seconds are all the Los Angeles native needs to turn the tide of the match to her favor. Using the ring ropes for leverage, she catapults herself at her foe, locking her tanned legs across his neck. She then makes his nausea a million times worse, by whirling him like a dervish with a spinning head scissors! A dizzied Biff is deposited near the Chickies' corner, where his groggy state causes him to see three Kristas. While that would be a fantasy come true for most people, his misadventure soon turns to a nightmare as Alix comes bounding towards him like a glue sniffing, pill popping, anorexic bat out of hell! Fortunately for his unit, Atlas manages to terminate Alix's blitz by grabbing hold of her twiggy waist and hoisting her into the air for a possible inverted atomic drop! However, Alix artfully counters this hold, by making a tag with Krista, who's leaning forward as far as her lithe body will allow to aid her ally's escape! The audience let's loose with a gargantuan pop for the blond bombshell's reentry into this affair. Biff, ever the observant one, is led to believe that something is amiss from the swell of crowd noise. His fears are obviously confirmed, when a pair of golden wrestling boots slam into his lower back, pushing him to the mat! Krista stands up and gracefully bows to her legion of adoring fans, mouthing the words “thank you thank you” like she's accepting a standing ovation for a performance of Le Sylphide.

 

COLE

Krista making herself felt!

 

Atlas unsteadily scoops his two hundred twenty five pounds off the mat, only to have several of his teeth loosened by a thunderous spinning wheel kick from one KID. She carries forward her onslaught, picking him up by his mop like hair, and throwing the over matched pugilist to the ropes. He's involuntarily slung back towards his ill tempered rival, who moves his nose three inches to the left with a walloping superkick! The disgusting sound of her boot shattering the cartilage in his nose reverberates throughout the venue, making itself heard over the bellowing of the wild fans.

 

MELODY

He's going to need a plastic surgeon after that one.

 

Biff is upright, the immense pain clogging his mind, making self preservation his singular goal. Unfortunately that lone mission is a spectacular failure, as Krissy takes him for a vomit inducing merry-go-round like ride with a tornado DDT! Biff's melon violently snaps off the canvas, adding a throbbing headache to his ever expanding list of maladies. As he's left to attend to his injuries, his partner, Phillips, encounters his own problems with Kris, as she makes a bee line to him and knocks him off the apron with a furious punch! That bold attack brings out further cheers from the throats of the onlookers, as a mat based Flex is overwrought with total rage.

 

“K-I-D! K-I-D!”

 

When Krista turns her attention back towards Atlas, she finds that he isn't in as quite a miserable state as she led herself to believe. In fact the buff bodybuilder has a spinning karate kick with the former fitness model's name on it! Yet much to the delight of the fans, Krista easily catches his fast approching leg! The Biffster becomes rattled with fright as Krista spins him around so that he faces away from her, making him an open victim to whatever devious move her cold heart should desire. And what her heart desires, her body acts on, wrapping her hands around his face then plummeting the man to the mat with her testament to late comedian Redd Foxx, the Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (reverse face crusher)! The fans belt out a chorus of cheers for her oddly named finisher, as Krista grabs her foe's thick legs and the ref makes what should be the final pin count!

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO

 

Flex Phillips returns to the ring with a vengeance, breaking up the fall with an elbow to the side of Krista's face!

 

“BOOOOOOOO!”

 

Flex pays the hateful crowd reaction little mind, preferring the satisfaction of victory to the fleeting emptiness of fan support. Taking hold of Krista's arm, he drags her upright and sends her on a one way collision course with the turnbuckles. Her back eats the brunt the anguishing impact, leaving her momentarily stunned. Phillips spots her weakened state, and drool creeps out of the corner of his mouth as he salivates over the prospects of ending her short career. Zeroing in on his target, he makes a mad dash to her, seeking to impale her with a fierce shoulder block! But the only thing that's getting impaled around here is his shoulder by the callous steel of the ring post, as Miss California dodged his attack at the last possible moment!

 

YEAAAAAA!

 

The joyous celebration of the crowd just adds injury to insult, as white hot pain lances across his arm, leaving it momentarily paralyzed. On the outside Mackie is throwing a hissy fit over the complete ineptitude of the buffoons she's been forced to manage. Elsewhere a befuddled Flex stumbles towards the center of the warzone, unable to stomach the burning malaise in his arm. Krista doesn't do much to cure his growing misery, mowing the bald headed fighter down with a leg lariat!

 

COLE

Could this be a taste of what awaits Bohemoth and Christian Wright at Anglemania?

 

As the audience bleats her name, an energetic Krista kips up, increasing the volume of the chants. Problematically she has now to deal with two members of NRG, as a recovered Biff Atlas is trying to make up for his earlier follies by taking her head off with a spinning back kick! However the fitness queen ducks the incoming attack, and Biff's foot goes careening into a standing Phillips' visage! While the fans cheer the error, Mackenzie nearly has a heart attack from the crass boorishness on display by her team. Back in the ring, Biff sports the Steve Urkel “Did I do that?” expression at the sight of his fallen leader. His look soon turns to one of telling pain, as Krista levels him with a beautiful pele kick that connects with surgical precession on the top of his skull.

 

MELODY

Woah! What a kick! I can't even do one jumping jack without getting winded.

 

A recovered Flex stands up, ready to blast Krista into next week for the grief she's caused him and his squadron. However this plan doesn't quite come to fruition, as Alix makes her triumphant return to contest with a springboard drop kick that bulldozes Flex all the way to the ropes!

 

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

 

The nutrition guru is tangled within the florescent cables, making himself the largest and darkest sitting duck the girls have ever seen. As Bugs Bunny would say “It's duck season” and COD, like Elmer Fudd, has come to hunt. They surge forward and knock the six foot three brawler head over heels and out the ring with a crowd popping double dropkick! Phillips is effectively removed from this contest as he awkwardly tumbles into the steel guardrails. To make matters worse, a few front row fans take the opportunity to empty the contents of their soda cups onto his well defined body. Mackenzie just sneers at the beverage soaked fighter, disgusted by his utter uselessness.

 

CABOOSE

Flex Phillips getting taken out! That just leaves Biff Atlas.

 

Ah yes, Biff Atlas. Good Ol Biff Atlas. After having to deal with the likes of GPX, Black T, Hell's Hitmen, and The Heavenly Rockers throughout their careers, a man in a teeny-tiny hula skirt doesn't exactly strike fear in the hearts of Al and Kris. Regardless of his unintimidating nature, Biff runs towards their general direction, screaming like a maniac, and lobbing a lariat that isn't actually aimed at anyone. This of course is a recipe for disaster. The girls have an appetite for destruction, and they scrape their plate with their viscous double team finisher The Carpet Biter (Enziguri by Krista, Leg sweep by Alix). Biff's body twists and turns awkwardly before he finally crumbles to the mat in a convulsing heap of flesh, bones, straw, vines, and Human Growth Hormones. Krista covers his knocked out body, as Mackenize is already making her angry departure up the ramp.

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO

 

CROWD

THREE!

 

YEAAAAAA!

 

And then we kiss returns to the auditory forefront of the venue, as the girls share a celebratory hug for their victory. Flex, of coruse, isn't in as nearly an exuberant mood and verbally undresses a weeping Biff for his stunning failure. It looks like poor NRG will spend another week with a winless record.

 

MELODY

Gentlemen, it's been righteous. Good to have me out here.

 

COLE

Oh yeah, you're a bucket of fun. Drop by anytime. Anytiiiiiiime.

 

CABOOSE

(whispering to Cole)

Don't give this woman any ideas.

 

MELODY

Thanks, man. Smell you dudes later.

 

(Melody departs, but not before she pilfers Caboose's candy jar and Cole's bagel and bottled water)

 

COLE

As Melody takes her leave, we'll head to break. But when we return we will hear from tag team legends, Black T.

 

(GO TO BREAK)

 

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

We return from break and see TONY SCHIAVONE and BLACK T at the backstage interview position, which is nothing more than a steel fence with a HeldDOWN~! banner hanging in the middle.

 

SCHIAVONE

We're back live on TSM. Tony Schiavone here with the two men who will defend the honor and integrity of the OAOAST at AngleMania V as Black T face rogue superstars Hoff and Drek Stone.

 

TONY

You're exactly right, little man. Black T will be defending the OAOAST's honor at AngleMania. For the past year Dan and I have focused on singles accomplishments after doing it all in the tag scene, despite what Drek Stone claims. In that stretch, I managed to capture the title of all titles, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title, the very title that little Hoffy forefited when didn't get the star treatment. By now everybody knows the story of our opponents at AngleMania. Hoff and Drek Stone have a lot of anger in them. They feel like they got the shaft from management all the way down to the fans. Make no mistake about it, Hoff and Stone and two of the most talented wrestlers to ever set foot in the ring, but at AngleMania they're gonna experience the most devastating move in the sport today... 3-B!

 

DAN

Tony and I might not get along with many of the guys here, but the one thing we have in common with everyone in the company is the respect we have for the World Title. And when you disrespect the World Title, the flagship of the OAOAST, you disrespect not only the men and woman who have worn it or strive to wear it, but you disrespect the company. A treasonous act against the company that made you the superstars you are today. Last week you may have thought you got the upper hand when you ambushed me in the back.

(sinister chuckle)

All you did was get my blood flowing. You'll find out the meaning of snap, crackle and pop at AngleMania. It's not about titles, but pride and respect!

 

Black T flash the 3-B hand singal, with Dan throwing in a simultaneously throat-slash for extra coolness. Suddenly, the steel fence background crashes down on Dan and Tony! Two figures wielding STEEL CHAIRS appear from behind. HOFF and DREK STONE.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

The fans watching on the AngleTron voice their displeasure for the rogue superstars as they pumpel the trapped Originals with the chairs. Within seconds the backstage area is surrounded by security, but Hoff and Drek still get their blows in on Dan and Tony, stomping them on the head until they're physcially escorted away from the scene of the crime.

 

HOFF

(shouting)

That's just a little taste of what's to come at AngleMania! Just a little taste!

 

(BACK TO THE SC)

 

MELODY

(talking with her mouth full of Caboose's candy)

mmmfThosemmmmfjerks!

 

COLE

Get out of here, Melody! I thought you were leaving! Shoo! Go home!

 

CABOOSE

Ugh. It's a cliched term but Drek and Hoff's mouth just wrote a check their ass can't cash.

 

COACH

Are you making a funny? Drek was one of the most dominant men in the company, and Hoff is basically an undefeated world champion. Black T are washed up. Old hat. Time to move on. They couldn't even beat The Lonestar Gunslingers!

 

COLE

It remains to be seen how Drek and Hoff will fare against Black T. But more action when we return.

 

(GO TO BREAK)

Edited March 31, 2006 by Tony149

[Patty O'Green 0]

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

The camera cuts to the ring, where Michael Buffer stands in the center, cue cards in his hands.

 

MICHAEL BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the “Exhibition Match” scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Originally from Havana, Cuba, but now living in an expensive 500 million dollar mansion in beautiful Miami, Florida. He weighs in tonight at 248 lbs., which will also be his weight at AngleMania V. He is the Financial Consultant for The Lightning Crew. He is intelligent, handsome, witty, sophisticated, and…(Buffer looks at the cue card, a look of “I have to read THIS?” on his face)…well endowed. All the things Colombian HACK isn’t. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the man who will beat that piece of lower class filth at AngleMania on Sunday. The one, the only, God’s gift to professional wrestling and to the ladies, VITAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the Rocky theme song starts playing. “Gonna Fly Now” plays over the P.A. system, confusing the Hell out of the crowd. Then, the entrance doors slide open, and the confusion disappears, replaced with LOUD booing. Because Vitamin X, the X-Man himself, is out on the entrance stage.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

COLE

Uh…what the hell is going on?

 

CABOOSE

I don’t know Mikey. But I like it.

 

Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, and then pumps the crowd up. He is wearing a black tracksuit with white stripes and the OAOAST logo on the left side of the shirt. He is also wearing his standard Reebok sneakers, in addition to an iPod, which he is listening to right now. The X-Man does some shadowboxing on the entrance stage, somehow irritating the crowd even more.

 

COACH

Don’t you guys get it? Vitamin X is training for his match against Colombian Heat at AngleMania. AngleMania is this Sunday guys. He’s got to get ready for it!

 

CABOOSE

Yeah. You’re right. Vitamin X has been in intensive training for this match. 24/7. We are seeing part of his training regimen right now. The exhibition match.

 

Vitamin X switches between shuffling and shadowboxing as he walks down the entrance ramp. He shadowboxes the camera as “Gonna Fly Now” continues playing.

 

COLE

Well, this is certainly unusual. But then again, we have seen a lot more crazy shit in the OAOAST.

 

CABOOSE

You’re telling me. Look at Vitamin X. He seems to be ready for Colombian Heat on Sunday. He’s pumped up, brotha!

 

HULK HOGAN

WHAT’CHA GONNA DO!?

 

Vitamin X doesn’t jaw jack with anybody this week. He is strictly shadowboxing for now. He hops onto a turnbuckle. Vitamin X crosses his arms in an X, causing the crowd to boo some more.

 

COLE

I’m having a hard time believing what I’m seeing. Vitamin X, wearing a tracksuit, coming out to the ring to the Rocky theme song. This is just…surreal, I guess.

 

COACH

Vitamin X is going to show us that he IS ready for AngleMania V. He’s got to be. He’s going to be wrestling in his home away from home, Atlantic City. That’s where Donald Trump hangs. He’s got to look good in front of him!

 

Vitamin X hops off the turnbuckle. He bounces off the ropes and does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle again. He then continues shadowboxing.

 

COLE

You know, I don’t think this will be enough to defeat Colombian Heat. I think Vitamin X is going to have to rely on his talent to defeat Colombian Heat on Sunday.

 

CABOOSE

He will, son. At AngleMania V, Vitamin X will beat Colombian HACK one-two-three in the middle of the ring.

 

Vitamin X calls for a microphone. He gets one from a ring attendant, as “Gonna Fly Now” has to restart again.

 

COLE

Vitamin X is going to face a member of The Lightning Crew tonight, as a way to prepare for his big Grudge Match against Colombian Heat this Sunday at AngleMania V!

 

“Gonna Fly Now” dies down. Vitamin X stands in the ring, a microphone in his right hand. The crowd boos loudly.

 

“YOU SUCK, X!” yells one drunken fan.

 

VITAMIN X

Colombian HACK…

 

COLE

Here we go.

 

VX

I want you to watch this match closely. I want you to watch it because it’s going to be a preview. A preview of the Hell you will experience when I put my foot up your ass this Sunday at AngleMania!

 

CROWD

BOO!

 

VITAMIN X

Colombian Heat, at long last on April 2nd, you get what you want. You get your match with me. And I know you. I’ve studied your tapes. I’ve watched your matches. You think you got me. You think I won’t show up for AngleMania V prepared. That you’re just going to kick my ass all over the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center and pin me after a Colombian Necktie. WELL THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! At AngleMania, Colombian Heat, you will feel the almighty wrath of the X-Man! At AngleMania, you will take your Vitamin X. And at AngleMania V, I will beat you, I PROMISE THAT, because I am THAT much better THAN YOU! It’ll be as easy as uno, dos, thes. And you can bet on that, “homie”.

 

Vitamin X puts the microphone away. He takes off his track jacket, revealing that he is wearing the yellow COLOMBIAN HACK soccer jersey that he made. He also takes off his iPod. The crowd is still booing. VX slaps himself in the head to get psyched up.

 

COLE

Vitamin X talks a big game, but he’s going to have to back it up in the ring this Sunday.

 

CABOOSE

Are you paying attention? He’s going to show Colombian HACK just how he’ll back it up in the ring right now!

 

COLE

I wasn’t paying attention. I’m trying to think of anything that’ll distract me from having to listen to Vitamin X talk.

 

CABOOSE

Murmur. Murmur. Slightly more intense murmur.

 

“LIGHTNING CREW!”

 

And the booing continues, as Tha Puerto Rican’s stable is about to come out. The opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays, while smoke fills up the entryway. Then, the crescendo hits, and a lightning bolt hits the entrance. The crowd boos, as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds begins playing.

 

*No Chance (No chance)

That’s what ya got (Ha! Ha! Yeah)

 

We’re up against

no machine too strong (Too strong)

 

Pussy politicians buying souls for us

are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)*

 

The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron. The entrance doors slide open, and Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez come out, to loud boos. They both have tough looks on their faces. Yes, even Thomas Rodriguez. Mr. Boricua looks at the crowd, and raises his hands. Thomas Rodriguez does the same. Vitamin X looks at the two of them, ready for battle. Mr. Boricua grunts, snorts, and cracks his knuckles. He yells at Thomas Rodriguez, scaring him a bit, and then walks down the entrance ramp with him as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing.

 

*But will find their place

in line (In line)

 

But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz

Cuz it’s a matter OF TIME!

 

Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance)

 

NO CHANCE IN HELL!

 

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.)

 

NO CHANCE IN HELL!!

 

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance)

 

NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!

 

You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Chance)

 

NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!! (Yeah!)*

 

BUFFER

And their opponents. Coming to the ring at this time. At a total combined weight of 444 lbs. Representing The Lightning Crew. THOMAS RODRIGUEZ and MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAA

 

!

 

Mr. Boricua grunts and yells at the fans as he walks down the entrance ramp. Thomas Rodriguez is in his rarely seen wrestling attire, which is a blue singlet top, blue long tights with PUERTO written down the left leg in big white blocky letters, and RICO written down the right leg in big white blocky letters. A Puerto Rican flag is on the rear. Black boots. Blue elbowpads and blue wristbands. Thomas tries to get himself psych up by slapping himself, but he only causes more pain.

 

COLE

So Vitamin X’s opponents in this here Exhibition Match are Mr. Boricua and…Thomas Rodriguez. Thomas Rodriguez? Why couldn’t it have been Cuban Wall?

 

CABOOSE

Well, they asked Cuban Wall, and Cuban Wall said, “I would rather listen to a rap song, then participate in this stupid match.” His words, not mine.

 

COLE

Oh.

 

Mr. Boricua yells at the fans, and then climbs over the top rope, into the ring. Thomas Rodriguez also enters the ring. A spotlight shines on Boricua and Thomas. Boricua and Thomas stare at each other…and then do The Lightning Crew Salute, drawing more boos. Vitamin X is at a corner watching all of this.

 

COLE

Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez are merely here to act as enhancement talent for VX. They are pretty much being used as cannon fodder, as a way for Vitamin X to show Colombian Heat what’s in store for him April the 2nd.

 

CABOOSE

There you go! That’s the idea! Numb nuts.

 

Mr. Boricua yells some more. And more yelling. And more yelling. Thomas saids a little prayer for his safety as the lights go back on in the arena. Mr. Boricua poses on a turnbuckle. He yells at the fans.

 

CABOOSE

Oh boy. I’m excited. I’m excited for this “Exhibition Match”. I can’t wait to see what Vitamin X has in store for Colombian HACK at AngleMania V!

 

COLE

We’ll find out in just a few moments Caboose.

 

Mr. Boricua gets off the turnbuckle. He chats with Thomas Rodriguez while Vitamin X waits for the match to begin. Referee Mike Chioda pats down Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez. He then pats down Vitamin X. Afterwards; Mike Chioda calls for the bell.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

“EXHIBITION MATCH”

VITAMIN X vs. MR. BORICUA AND THOMAS RODRIGUEZ

Mr. Boricua is pumped up for the match. Vitamin X goes over to a turnbuckle and kneels in front of it. He starts praying, which is odd because Vitamin X is an agnostic.

 

COLE

He’s ripping off Rocky!

 

CABOOSE

Oh, like he isn’t the first guy to do so!

 

Vitamin X finishes his prayer and then crosses himself. He slaps the top turnbuckle pad and then turns around to face his opponents for tonight. Vitamin X chats with Thomas Rodriguez while Mr. Boricua stands there like an idiot. Thomas puts his right hand out. VX shakes it. Vitamin X then puts his right hand out for Mr. Boricua to shake. Mr. Boricua is a little hesitant at first.

 

MR. BORICUA

Uhhh. Me. Don’t. Think. Great. Idea.

 

VITAMIN X

It’s okay Boricua. I won’t bite. Don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you. I’m not going to hurt you.

 

Mr. Boricua looks at Thomas, who eggs him on. Mr. Boricua looks at the fans, and then, after what seems like ages, shakes Vitamin X’s right hand, which leads to Vitamin X kneeing Mr. Boricua in the stomach! Vitamin X punches Mr. Boricua in the face several times, and then applies a side headlock on Boricua.

 

CABOOSE

Look at X, tightening that hold. It’s amazing!

 

VX holds on for as much as he can, but Mr. Boricua elbows him in the gut, and then throws him to the ropes. VX bounces off the ropes, right into a shoulderblock from Mr. Boricua! Mr. Boricua bounces off the ropes, goes over Vitamin X, bounces off the opposite ropes, Vitamin X LEAPFROGS OVER Mr. Boricua! Mr. Boricua bounces off the ropes, right into a dropkick from Vitamin X!

 

CABOOSE

Aw yeah! Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Vitamin X is pulling out all these new moves for Colombian Heat. The leapfrog. The dropkick. I love it. We’re going to see a new innovative Vitamin X at AngleMania!

 

Mr. Boricua is in fear of the awesome power of Vitamin X. The crowd thinks otherwise.

 

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

 

Mr. Boricua makes the tag to Thomas Rodriguez. Thomas is hesitant. He enters the ring slowly.

 

COLE

Thomas is the cowardly referee from The Lightning Crew that I just love so much.

 

CABOOSE

Enough with the sarcasm buddy!

 

Thomas stares at Vitamin X. The 5’8” 248 pound X-Man is able to gain control of the 5’5” 144 pound Rodriguez. Armdrag from Vitamin X! Thomas gets up. Another armdrag from Vitamin X! Thomas is already starting to feel winded.

 

THOMAS RODRIGUEZ

I can’t do this. I can’t take it.

 

The crowd boos, as they can’t believe this farce is continuing. Thomas Rodriguez consoles Mr. Boricua, who just yells.

 

CABOOSE

I wonder what sound strategy they are discussing.

 

COLE

Caboose. Come on. Come on!

 

CABOOSE

What? I was just thinking.

 

Thomas Rodriguez is hesitant, but he receives a high five from Mr. Boricua. A “P.R. SUCKS!” chant starts for all three Lightning Crew members in the ring. Vitamin X and Thomas Rodriguez circle each other. They lock up. Thomas actually knees Vitamin X in the gut. He has a smile on his face, so he’s decided to go for an actual wrestling move, the bodyslam. However, just as Thomas is lifting VX off the ground, VX escapes. He gets behind Thomas, turns him around, and then scoops him up, crashing him down to the earth with the power of the bodyslam!

 

VITAMIN X

BOO-YAH~!

 

CROWD

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Vitamin X starts doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle, getting fired up. Thomas Rodriguez crawls over to his corner, and tags in Mr. Boricua. Mr. Boricua goes for a punch, but VX ducks it, and then punches Mr. Boricua in the face. He does it again. And again! Vitamin X starts doing the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Punch. Punch. Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Punch! Mr. Boricua falls to the mat.

 

CABOOSE

Whoa, did you see that? Look at the power of Vitamin X! He just took down Mr. Boricua with those punches! He’s strong, isn’t he?

 

COLE

Um, I don’t think his punches were enough to bring him down to the mat, Caboose.

 

CABOOSE

What?

 

The X-Man stomps on Mr. Boricua. He picks him up. VX whips Mr. Boricua into a neutral corner. Vitamin X then charges forward, and nails Mr. Boricua with a clothesline! Then Vitamin X starts unleashing a combination of chops and punches to Mr. Boricua.

 

COLE

Hey. Wait a minute.

 

The crowd starts buzzing, getting even louder when Vitamin X switches to martial arts kicks all over Mr. Boricua’s body.

 

COLE

He’s doing Colombian Heat’s moves!

 

CABOOSE

And he’s doing them better than Colombian Heat ever did!

 

Vitamin X finishes the martial arts kicks with a jumping back kick to Mr. Boricua’s jaw, knocking him down. The crowd’s boos get louder. Mr. Boricua’s head rests on the bottom turnbuckle, so the fans get an idea on where Vitamin X is going with this. And indeed, Vitamin X heads to the opposite turnbuckle.

 

COLE

You gotta be kidding me.

 

Vitamin X does the “low rider” hand gesture, and then charges forward, giving Mr. Boricua the Broncobuster!

 

COLE

Broncobuster on Mr. Boricua! Vitamin X is mocking Colombian Heat with the Broncobuster!

 

CABOOSE

Vitamin X Invented the Broncobuster you know. Colombian HACK stole it from him!

 

COLE

I seriously have a hard time believing that.

 

COACH

It’s true.

 

KURT ANGLE

It’s damn true.

 

Vitamin X gets off of Mr. Boricua. Mr. Boricua sits dazed on the turnbuckle pad. So, Thomas Rodriguez enters the ring. He goes for a clothesline, but Vitamin X ducks, and punches Thomas in the face. He does it again. And again! Vitamin X DANCES~! And then nails Thomas with a fourth punch, knocking him down!

 

COLE

Shake, Rattle, & Roll from Vitamin X?

 

COACH

Look at that! Vitamin X is showing off the OTHER move he invented! The Shake, Rattle, & Roll!

 

COLE

…

 

Vitamin X bounces off the ropes. He does a SHIMMY~! And then drops a knee onto Thomas’ head. The Shaky Leg Kneedrop! VX picks Thomas Rodriguez up. He punches him and then whips him into a turnbuckle.

 

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“KILL THE X-MAN!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

 

Vitamin X follows up with a combination of punches and chops to Thomas Rodriguez. Since Thomas is such a coward, he screams after every chop and punch. He also screams when Vitamin X starts kicking Thomas with martial arts kicks all over his body, finishing off with a jumping back kick to Thomas’ jaw. Thomas screams, and then falls to the mat, his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle. The crowd starts booing again, as they must once again see Vitamin X steal Colombian Heat’s most popular move. Vitamin X heads to the opposite turnbuckle. He does the “low rider” hand gesture, and then charges forward, hitting Thomas Rodriguez with the Broncobuster!

 

COACH

Broncobuster on Thomas Rodriguez! Broncobuster on Thomas Rodriguez!

 

CABOOSE

YEAH BABY~! WOOOOOOOO!

 

Vitamin X gets off of Thomas, and taunts him, calling him “Colombian Heat!”

 

CABOOSE

In his mind, Thomas Rodriguez IS Colombian Heat, and he is going to do the exact same thing to Colombian Heat this Sunday at AngleMania V!

 

The camera cuts to the backstage area, where Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly are watching the match on a monitor. The crowd cheers.

 

COLE

There is Colombian Heat, the man who Vitamin X will face in 3 days at AngleMania V!

 

COACH

Look at him. He’s shaking in his Reeboks. He’s terrified of having to face the jungle cat, the X-Man, Vitamin X!

 

CABOOSE

He’s probably like, “Yo. I’ma gonna get my ass kicked, son!”

 

COLE

I don’t see any fear on his face.

 

CABOOSE

That’s because he’s hiding it, you dumbass. Do I have to teach you EVERYTHING?

 

Vitamin X taunts Thomas Rodriguez some more. He does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle. Suddenly, Mr. Boricua is back on his feet, and grabs Vitamin X from behind. Vitamin X tries to escape, but Mr. Boricua is just too strong. Mr. Boricua tells Thomas Rodriguez to get off the turnbuckle. Thomas Rodriguez slowly, (very slowly) gets up, out of breath and perspiring. He wipes the sweat off his forehead, with Mr. Boricua and Vitamin X growing more and more impatient. Finally, Thomas Rodriguez walks over to Vitamin X, and starts punching him in the stomach.

 

COLE

I wonder how much a punch from THOMAS RODRIGUEZ can hurt you?

 

COACH

Oh they can hurt a lot. Thomas is not the little weakling that you think he is. He isn’t.

 

After taking several punches from Thomas, Vitamin X starts to regain strength. He has a cocky smirk on his face. Thomas’ punches are no longer affecting him. X kicks Mr. Boricua in the nuts! Mr. Boricua yells out, and grabs the little Boricuas. He falls to the mat.

 

MR. BORICUA

My. Pee. Pee. Hurt! Ow!

 

With Mr. Boricua down on the mat, Thomas Rodriguez starts to panic. He begs off Vitamin X, but X is having none of that. He has an evil grin on his face when he starts punching Thomas in the face.

 

CABOOSE

Look at that. Look at the power of Vitamin X! He’s making the comeback! Just like he will against Colombian Heat!

 

Vitamin X beats Thomas Rodriguez silly, and then whips him into the ropes. Back elbow from Vitamin X onto Thomas Rodriguez! Vitamin X gets right back up. He exits the ring. Vitamin X looks underneath the ring apron for something. He comes out with his gym bag from last week. Vitamin X opens up the gym bag…and pulls out a Kendo Stick.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

COLE

A Kendo Stick! The same weapon Vitamin X used last week to cost Colombian Heat a win against Mr. Boricua!

 

CABOOSE

The Kendo Stick is Vitamin X’s signature weapon. That’s his specialty. And I bet he’s going to want to use that Kendo Stick against Colombian Heat!

 

COLE

But if he uses it, won’t he get disqualified?

 

COLE

With the money he makes, I bet Vitamin X can bribe a referee to let him use whatever he wants.

 

COACH

Yeah.

 

Vitamin X enters the ring with the Kendo Stick in his hands. He waits for Mr. Boricua to get up. The crowd is antsy. Mr. Boricua slowly gets up.

 

COACH

If he hits Mr. Boricua this one is over.

 

Mr. Boricua gets to one knee. He then gets to a vertical base.

 

VITAMIN X

COME ON! COME ON!

 

Mr. B turns around…

 

 

 

 

*CRACK!*

 

 

 

 

 

…and gets nailed in the head with the Kendo Stick!

 

COLE

Ooh! What a shot!

 

Mr. Boricua falls to the mat! Somehow the Kendo Stick hasn’t broke despite meeting Mr. Boricua’s head. Thomas Rodriguez is just getting up too.

 

 

*CRACK!*

 

And he also gets hit in the head with the Kendo Stick!

 

COLE

My God!

 

CABOOSE

What great friends Vitamin X has, for them to allow Vitamin X to hit them with a Kendo Stick like this. What wonderful friends!

 

The crowd groaned with each shot. Both Thomas Rodriguez and Mr. Boricua are down on the mat. Vitamin X throws the Kendo Stick away, and exits the ring. He climbs the top rope.

 

COACH

Oh boy! Here it comes! This is the end! This is the finish!

 

CABOOSE

Oh yeah baby!

 

The crowd starts booing, knowing what’s coming up next. Vitamin X stands on the top rope, measuring the distance. Vitamin X leaps off the top rope…and comes crashing down with an elbowdrop on Thomas Rodriguez! The Leap Of Faith!

 

COLE

The Leap Of Faith! The Leap Of Faith on Thomas Rodriguez!

 

Vitamin X gets right back up, confusing the crowd. Vitamin X is now perspiring himself, and is breathing hard. Vitamin X exits the ring and climbs the top rope. The crowd starts booing again. X measures the distance between him and Mr. Boricua. And then leaps off the top rope, dropping the Leap Of Faith onto Mr. Boricua’s giant forehead!

 

COLE

And now the Leap Of Faith on Mr. Boricua!

 

CABOOSE

Double the pleasure, double the fun!

 

COACH

I got to see two Leap Of Faiths in one night! Awesome!

 

Vitamin X gets up, and puts an arm over Mr. Boricua and an arm over Thomas Rodriguez, covering both of them. Mike Chioda counts.

 

1…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*DING DING DING* (3:45)

 

COLE

Mercifully it’s over.

 

Vitamin X gets up and celebrates his win, while the crowd boos loudly.

 

BUFFER

Here is your winner…VITAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!

 

“Bling-Bling” by The B.G. featuring The Big Tymers and Hot Boys starts playing. Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez are still on the mat recovering from the Kendo Stick shots. VX gets his hands raised by Mike Chioda, and then jumps up and down like a spazz, a smile on his face.

 

COLE

Well Vitamin X just gave us an “Exhibition” of what he believes will happen to Colombian Heat this Sunday at AngleMania.

 

CABOOSE

It’s not just his belief; it’s what’s going to happen to Colombian Heat this Sunday at AngleMania. There is no way in Hell that Colombian Heat will be able to withstand the brutal assault of Vitamin X, the X-Man, this Sunday!

 

Vitamin X does the Shane-O-Mac Shuffle in the ring. He then dances badly as “Bling-Bling” continues playing. He points to his jersey, and says, “COLOMBIAN HACK! COLOMBIAN HACK! YEAH-UH! BOO-YAH~! BOO-YAH~!”

 

Just then, a piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody.

 

DMX

COME ON!

 

*BOOM!*

 

Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes out, causing the crowd to cheer, and cheer loudly I might add. Colombian Heat is wearing his Colombian flag bandana with the knot tied on the front, 2Pac style, a bunch of gold chains, his Colombian Heat yellow soccer jersey, a very expensive platinum watch, camouflage shorts, and brown workman boots. He is holding a microphone in his right hand and is PISSED OFF~! Vitamin X is nervous standing in the ring.

 

COLE

Colombian Heat is out here right now!

 

COACH

That piece of lower class filth is probably going to tell Vitamin X he forfeits the match after seeing Vitamin X’s excellent “Exhibition” match.

 

CABOOSE

He probably pissed his pants in fear.

 

COLE

I don’t know if he pissed his pants, but he is definitely pissed off.

 

Colombian Heat brings the microphone to his lips.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Yo, kill da beat.

 

“Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull dies down. The crowd is cheering.

 

“HEAT!

HEAT!

HEAT!

HEAT!”

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

So, I saw your little “Exhibition” Match. And I’s gots to admit, I really was impressed.

 

The crowd boos. Vitamin X smiles.

 

HEAT

Yeah. I’s was impressed dat you were’s able to get your fruity lil’ friends to agree to participate in this crap!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COACH

Hey!

 

CABOOSE

Participate is too big of a word for Colombian Heat.

 

HEAT

Vitamin X, none of yo training, yo exercising, yo “Exhibition Matches”, are gonna stop me from kicking your rich ass this Sunday at AngleMania V!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Vitamin X, I haven’t forgotten dat youse screwed me at Anglepalooza! And I haven’t forgotten da way youse has treated all these people. The way youse has look down on ‘em. Just cuz youse got a lil’ more money, doesn’t mean dat youse gotta treat the peeps real bad!

 

Vitamin X rolls his eyes.

 

HEAT

So Vitamin X, the “X-Man”. Sunday, April 2nd, AngleMania V, I’s gonna beat you, and I’s gonna beat you good. But I’m not gonna beat you just for me. I’ma beat you for the people too!

 

The crowd cheers.

 

COLE

Colombian Heat is representing the people this Sunday at AngleMania!

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

At AngleMania, I’MA GONNA DESTROY YOU! At AngleMania, you WILL feel da Heat UP IN THIS—

 

“BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH~!”

 

The crowd cheers some more. Vitamin X has had enough (He also has a microphone in his hands).

 

VITAMIN X

Real cute, Colombian Heat. Real cute. Representing the people at AngleMania. That’s very nice. But listen here, you Ebonics spewing, baggy pants wearing, gold teeth having, weed smoking, rice and bean eating MORON! You have to have TALENT to beat me. And Colombian Heat, you’ve NEVER had talent. Not when you were in The Lightning Crew, not when you were fighting PRL, and NOT NOW! Colombian Heat, at AngleMania V, YOU will be the one feeling the Heat UP IN THIS—

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Vitamin X is disappointed that he didn’t get the same response Colombian Heat got.

 

CABOOSE

Stupid fans.

 

VX

SHUT UP! Colombian Heat, how about we start our AngleMania match a little early. How about tonight, on HeldDOWN~!, you, and me we have a fight. Not a match. A FIGHT. I’m taking you to my world. I want us to have a CORPORATE STREET FIGHT!

 

COLE

A Corporate Street Fight?

 

CABOOSE

A Corporate Street Fight! That’s a great idea!

 

COACH

A Corporate Street Fight? I like the sound of that.

 

VITAMIN X

So what do you say? You up for it? Or are you a…pussy?

 

COLE

Uh-oh.

 

The crowd goes “OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!” on that one. Then they start chanting.

 

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

“X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *Clap Clap Clapclapclap*

 

CABOOSE

He is not!

 

Colombian Heat thinks it over.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

The only pussy I see is you!

 

Vitamin X didn’t like that one.

 

HEAT

Youse wanna go in a Corporate Street Fight? S’all good. You got it!

 

COLE

Colombian Heat accepts! We’re going to have a Corporate Street Fight later tonight!

 

Vitamin X nods approvingly. That evil grin is on his face again.

 

VITAMIN X

Good. Good. So, I’ll see you later tonight, when I beat your ass, and then finish the job at AngleMania!

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

That will only happen if I let it happen! Vitamin X, youse is about to become MY BITCH!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

HEAT

Now hit my music!

 

“Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Vitamin X stares angrily at Colombian Heat, who does the same to Vitamin X. The cheering crowd cheers.

 

COLE

We have another match made for tonight. A first time ever CORPORATE Street Fight between Vitamin X and Colombian Heat just three days away from their match at AngleMania!

 

COACH

Smart of Vitamin X to get a head start on AngleMania by having this match just 72 hours away from the pay-per-view. Now he can make sure Colombian Heat doesn’t make it to AngleMania at 100%!

 

CABOOSE

Colombian Heat has no idea what he’s in for. Vitamin X is quite the street fighter. He’s fought on the streets in Miami before. He’s fought in back alleys, in bars, and in the ghetto. He’s even played every single version of the game Street Fighter that there is. Vitamin X is more street than Colombian Heat, and he is going to prove it tonight in the Corporate Street Fight!

 

Vitamin X mouths off to Colombian Heat. Meanwhile, Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez are just starting to get up. They are on their knees.

 

COLE

Vitamin X vs. Colombian Heat. First time ever Corporate Street Fight tonight on HeldDOWN~!

 

Colombian Heat is still on the entrance stage staring at Vitamin X. Vitamin X does the McMahon SNEER~! He and Colombian Heat yell at each other as Mr. Boricua and Thomas Rodriguez get to their feet, tired and in huge amounts of pain. Thomas Rodriguez is holding his head and back. “Gasolina (Remix)” by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull is still playing.

 

(COMMERICAL)

 

"It's raining men

Hallejulah

It's raining men

Amen

 

It's raining men

Hallejulah

It's raining men

Amen"

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title bout is set for one fall with a 15 minute tag limit. Introducing first...at a total combine weight of 340 pounds, the sexiest tag team in all of Meh-e-co, Mariachi and Moracca... LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO!

 

Los Diablos de Fuego prance onto the illuminated pink and yellow stage, bumping and grinding to Geri Halliwell's cover of the classic 1980s hit. Mariachi and Moracca CARTWHEEL to the ring as GINGERBREAD MEN -- in clear plastic wrapper, of course -- designed like the homies begin falling from the rafters.

 

COLE

(hearty laugh)

It's raining gingerbread men. And fans, you can pick up a batch of gingerbread Diablos and other baked goods made by Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties online at OAOAST.com. Guys, I had the pleasure of tasting one of the gingerbread Diablos earlier today and let me tell you, they were delicious. Hm-mm.

 

COACH

Little Debbie has nothing to worry about over Alix Spezia. But Mrs. Spezia's Sweeties? That girl ain't married. Oh, dear God, that doesn't mean she and Rodez are engaged?

 

COLE

Sexually, perhaps, but as man and wife, not to my knowledge.

 

The homosexual luchadors get a little kinky with some of the men in the front row, allowing the fans to slap their butts, and Moracca to place his sombereo on a hunky male. Los Diablos slingshot into the ring and spring up to dry hump ring announcer Michael Buffer and referee Nick Patrick.

 

The joyful atomsphere turns into one of hate as "Chase" hits, signaling the arrival of the World tag team champions and their manager. But they aren't alone, as Ned Blanchard holds in his hands the GUITAR he and Simon took from Holly-Wood's home two weeks ago, Spirit.

 

BUFFER

And their opponents, being led to the ring by their manager, the legendary Jim Cornette... from Beverly Hills, California, the OAOAST tag team champions of the woooorld... Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned, the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXXXXXXXPRESSSSSS!

 

COLE

There you see it, ladies and gentlemen, the guitar given to Holly-Wood by her boyfriend Logan Mann now in the possession of that arrogant bastard Ned Blanchard and his partner-in-crime Simon Singleton.

 

COACH

But you know what they say, Cole -- posession...

 

COLE

...is 9/10ths of the law. I know.

 

CABOOSE

It should be noted this is the first match on television for the New New Midnight Express since retaining their championship last month at Zero Hour. For those wondering why the titles haven't been stripped from the champions for not depending it within 30 days, that rule was waived at the request of the Heavenly Rockers. They wanted to ensure the team they'd face at AngleMania was indeed the New New Midnight Express. Now the question is if it will even be the Heavenly Rockers facing Simon and Ned at AngleMania, or if it'll just be Logan. Synth still hasn't been heard from, but Mann says he'll go at it alone if he has to.

 

COLE

And in a Loser Leaves Town match at that. I will be interviewing the New New Midnight Express at the conclusion of this non-title match, win or lose, to get their response to Logan Mann's bombshell last week.

 

* DING DING *

 

That sound can only mean one thing -- the match is officially underway! Sarcastic Simon and Moracca starting for their respective teams. How each man views the match-up is clear from the beginning. Mariachi is focused whereas Simon is relaxed, not showing his opponent much respect by casually locking up with him, and flinging Mariachi across the ring with an armdrag takeover. Simon pops up to his feet and jumps into the arms of Ned Blanchard in the corner, the two acting like they just won the tag team titles for a fourth time, throwing their arms up in celebration.

 

COLE

The champs not showing much respect to their opponents.

 

COACH

Look at it this way, Mikey. You know what they say about Mexicans taking the jobs Americans don't want. Well, Los Diablos will be doing the job tonight!

 

Unaccustomed to the American culture, Moracca doesn't know the champs are having fun at his expense, so he starts grinding up against Simon who suffers a case of the runs as he leaves Ned all alone with Moracca, who hugs and kisses the disgusted Handsome Hustler!

 

COACH

That homie is violating the Ned-Man.

 

CABOOSE

Ned doesn't like it now that the shoe is on the other foot. He's getting a taste of his own medicine.

 

Simon carefully creeps up behind Moracca, like he's some disease infested mammal. He yanks Moracca off of Ned, but the masked luchador counters Singleton's attempted cheapshot with a jaw-dropping forearm smash. Moracca brings Singleton up by the wrist and wrings the arm, before performing self-molestion by rubbing the back of Singleton's hand up against his genitals! In comes Ned who fails in his attempt to aid his partner, missing a clothesline and eating a dropkick for his trouble. Moracca takes over a charging Simon Singleton with an armdrag, and then one of the Mexican variety. Simon gets up sneering, not because of sour candy but because he's irate. He and Moracca lock horns in the middle of the ring, with Simon gaining the advantage after a knee to the gut. A clubbering shot to the back and many knife-edge chops later, Simon whips Moracca to the ropes. The sassy illegal goes under a back elbow and floors the Sultan of Sarcasm with a spinning heel kick. Simon rolls over in a daze as Moracca quickly steps out on the apron and springboards off the top, driving Singleton face-first into the canvas with a guillotine leg drop!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

TH-- KICKOUT!

 

Moracca with a round of forearm smashes to the side of the head. Simon fired off to the ropes, but he slides through Moracca's legs and sweeps him off his feet, pulling him down and running over his back to hit the ropes. Moracca leapfrogs over the incoming Midnight and, in one fell swoop, catches Singleton on the rebound with a drop toehold into ESTACAS INDIAS (Indian Deathlock)!

 

COLE

We may have a submission here, guys! What an upset this would be going into AngleMania.

 

Blanchard gets caught trying to assist his partner again, this time by a Mariachi back bodydrop. And things get even worse for the Handsome Hustler as Mariachi places him in an inverted surfboard! The crowd is so loud referee Nick Patrick might not even hear a submission, but Jim Cornette is going to take any chances in the ref not hearing a submission as he climbs into the ring and drops a big elbow...on Simon! Cornette flops around like a fish out of water before he exits, or at least tries to exit. With perhaps the greatest manager of all time crawling on all fours, Mariachi starts riding James E. like a horse, slapping Corny's BUTT as he shouts "Giddy up!"

 

CROWD

 

CABOOSE

Those may be the only english words he knows how to say!

 

Having all been embarrassed, the World tag team champions and their manager regroup outside. Cornette does his best to calm his men, while berating the referee for a lack of order. After stalling for as long as they can, Simon slides back inside the ring and tags out. The Handsome Hustler enters and points at Mariachi, the man who got the best of him moments ago, saying he wants him. Moracca cartwheels over to the corner and kisses Mariachi on the cheek, their special way of making a tag. Mariachi slingshots into the ring and blows Ned a kiss, which Blanchard grabs in midair and throws to the ground, drawing heavy boos as he stomps it.

 

COACH

 

Ned calls for a test of strength, but things take a humorous turn when he's struck in the chest by one of the gingerbread men that fell from the rafters. Blanchard singles out the fan, a male in his early 20s wearing one of Los Diablos' "I'm a Homie" t-shirts, who threw the item and gets up in his face. Simon jumps off the apron to prevent Ned from going Ron Artest, playfully pleding with his partner not to hurt the guy. Ned takes Simon's advice and returns to the ring. As he steps through the ropes, he picks up the gingerbread man thrown at him and BITES off its head, SPITING it at Mariachi's feet. That awakens the Diablo inside the flamboyant luchador, as Mariachi levels the smirking blond with an overhand chop! Ned gets on his knees and extends his hand out to Mariachi in a sign of respect.

 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

Despite outcry from the fans, Mariachi accepts the gringo's hand...and pays for it with a thumb to the eye! Ned glances over at Simon, laughing as he shoves Mariachi in the corner and unloads with a series of rights and knife-edge chops. Blanchard whips Mariachi to the far corner and charges in, but Mariachi catches Ned coming in with a headscissors, taking Blanchard around the world and down to the mat. The fans go into a frenzy as Ned gets trapped in Los Diablos' corner, each of whom get their blows in on the brash co-holder of the tag titles before Mariachi sends him crashing into the corner with a dropkick. Moracca tags in and climbs onto the middle turnbuckle, driving his fist into the forehead of his opponent as the crowd counts along in Es Spanol.

 

UNO...

DOS...

TRES...

CUATRO...

CINCO...

SEIS...

SIETE...

OCHO...

NUEVE...

DIEZ!

 

Ned brings Moracca down for what he thinks is an atomic drop, but still reeling from the blows in the corner, he releases too soon and Moracca lands on his feet. Blanchard lunges forward out of desperation, his right arm outstretched, only to have Moracca crawl between his legs and spring off the middle turnbuckle with reverse HURRICARANA!

 

COLE

Oh, my!

 

COACH

Did you see that?!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

TH-- NO!

 

Mariachi steps back in after Simon makes the save, catching Singleton with a kick to the midsection, then firing him to the corner and taking him over with a monkeyflip. Los Diablos back the Midnights into the corner and shoot them toward each other, only to have Simon reverse Moracca's Irish whip. But it isn't all bad for Moracca, who does the do-si-do with the Handsome Hustler, then shoves him into Simon! With Singleton out of the picture, Los Diablos go to work on Ned, drilling him with forearm smashes before whipping him to the ropes...but Simon pulls Ned out of the ring and the Midnights regroup yet again on the outside while Los Diablos hear it from the fans.

 

CABOOSE

The tag team champions are rattled. I don't think they expected Los Diablos to put up this kind of a fight. It's clear to me, a former champion, they came in taking their opponents lightly.

 

COACH

You gotta remember, 'Boosey, Simon and Ned haven't wrestled a tag match since Zero Hour.

 

COLE

Good thing Cornette was smart enough to make this non-title. His champions are on the verge of being upsetted 3 days before AngleMania V.

 

COACH

It's just a little ring rust. That's all. Ring rust.

 

The Midnights get into it with the fans, including the one from earlier until security steps in. Blanchard returns to the ring and calls for the test of strength he never got the first time. Mariachi looks to the crowd because apparently he can't make decisions on his own. He might not know too much english, but he does know no means no in Spanish, as do boos, which he gets from the fans telling him not to go along with Ned's request. He does anyway, but the fans' shrieks cause him to back away at the last second. He bites his fingernails, trembling from not knowing what to do. Ned tries to ruffle his feathers by gesturing he's a chicken. Mariachi still isn't sure whether to accept the challenge, now feeling the pressure as Ned points to his right hand, telling him to lockup. Mariachi licks his fingertips and then caresses his nipples before leaning in, only to have Ned kick him in the midsection...but Mariachi sees it coming and grabs Blanchard's foot! Mariachi repeatedly kicks Ned in the hamstring, following it up with a series of forearm smashes. Ned reverses Mariachi's Irish whip, sending him running into the ropes and the knee of Sarcastic Simon, who drove it into the ribs as Mariachi hit the ropes. Ned laughs as Mariachi doubles over, winded, then jerks his head with a big roundhouse. Blanchard sends Mariachi into the turnbuckle and keeps him trapped in the corner as he...

 

* CHOP *

 

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

* CHOP *

 

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

* CHOP *

 

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

...unleashes a barrage of knife-edge chops, then stomps a mudhole and walks it dry. He snapmares Mariachi out of the corner and drives the point of the elbow into the sternum. Blanchard puts the boots to the fallen Diablos before scooping him up and slamming him mid-ring. Ned walks over to the corner and tags Simon.

 

COLE

Singleton going up to the top with Ned waiting in the wings. This could only mean one thing.

 

COACH

Rocket Launch in T minus 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...!

 

But Mariachi gets the KNEES UP, causing Simon to pop right up holding his ribs. Mariachi tags out, and Moracca catches Singleton getting up to his feet with a SPRINGBOARD CROSS BODYBLOCK!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

TH-- KICKOUT!

 

Ned steps in, and gets slammed. As does Simon. Dropkick sends Ned out to the floor. Los Diablos de Fuego tag team Simon, whipping him to the ropes for a back bodydrop. With referee Nick Patrick nearing the alotted 5 count to stay in the ring, Mariachi exits. Moracca shows great agility by leaping to the top rope, but has his legs taken out from under him by a Ned Blanchard chop block, causing him to crotch himself on the turnbuckle. Simon rolls over to his corner and tags out. Ned sprints over and up to the second turnbuckle, where he pumpels Moracca with closed fists to the back of the neck. He hooks Moracca from behind and slams him down to the mat by way of a BACK SUPERPLEX! Blanchard quickly picks Moracca back up and hits the SLINGSHOT SUPLEX. He then rushes over to knock Mariachi off the apron. Cornette comes on over and blasts Mariachi with the racket. After a tag is made, Blanchard places Moracca in a bearhug, leaning forward to expose the torso as Singleton comes off the top with a legdrop. VEGOMATIC!

 

ONE...

 

TWO...

 

THREE!

 

* DING DING DING *

 

COLE

Wow. And just like that the match is over.

 

CABOOSE

Simon and Ned got real serious at the end. They came in underestimating Los Diablos, and when Mariachi and Moracca began posing a threat, they quickly took them out. That's why they are the tag team champions.

 

BUFFER

Here are your winners, the World tag team champions... the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS!

 

As Buffer announces the winners, Cornette tosses Mariachi back in the ring, where Simon and Ned give him a double DDT, a clear message to their opponents at AngleMania V, the Heavenly Rockers. They kick Mariachi out of the ring as Michael Cole enters with a mic.

 

COLE

In their first match on television in a month and accompanied by Jim Cornette, the World tag team champions with a very impressive win after a shaky start. Fortunately for them, it was non-title. But gentlemen, the titles will be on the line this Sunday night at AngleMania V. And it was last week that Logan Mann raised the stakes when he said the war between the Heavenly Rockers and the New New Midnight Express will end with one team leaving town.

 

CORNETTE

The hype surrounding AngleMania surpasses that of every so-called granddaddy of them all. Everywhere I go people ask me about AngleMania, about the Heavenly Rockers... until I remind them it's Heavenly Rocker because there won't be any "Synthmeister" at AngleMania. You see, Simon and Ned have been preparing for this match for weeks. I've had them study the tapes, rewatch their past battles with the Heavenly Rockers while allowing them to go out and have some fun, if you know what I mean. The time for games is over, Mann. Tonight my boys did their part in curbing the flow of illegals in this great country of ours. The hot button issue in the world right now concerns the rule of law, be it labor or immigration. And there's not a question in my mind Alix Spezia is breaking some kind of labor law by having Los Diablos de Fuego play her Kiebler Elfs. And while we're on the subject... Logan Mann, you wanna go around passing laws like this is the wild west? Well, brother, so can my attorneys. Because you see, we accept your Loser Leaves Town stipulation if you accept ours: no holds barred. I talked with General Manager Axel, and he's agreed not to sanction the tag title match at AngleMania. Now what that means is, not only will the loser be disgraced by being forced to leave the number 1 wrestling promotion in the world, but should the participants -- or participant in your case, Logan -- be seriously injured during the bout, the medical costs will not be covered by the participant's OAOAST contract because it will be null and void immediately after the count of 3.

 

COLE

Come on, now. Isn't that going a bit too far, an unsanction Loser Leaves Town match?

 

SIMON

Logan said it himself, Michael Cole -- it's war, baby. Our objective of breaking Logan's spirit will be accomplished at AngleMania, because we're gonna break his "Spirit" literally and figurarly.

 

COLE

Do you laugh at everything you say?

 

SIMON

Laughter is the best medicine, and I feel sick from having to look at your face.

 

NED

I couldn't help but laugh, Mitchell, when you said it was the first time Holly or Logan really opened up about themselves last week. Mitchell, Holly opened up quite nicely for me a couple of weeks ago. Get it?

 

COLE

Yeah, I get it!

 

SIMON

Not without slipping something into somebody's drink first. I'm sorry. Continue, Ned.

 

NED

So, Mitchell, I'd say that was a misleading headline. But I didn't come out here to argue with you, frankly you aren't worth the breath or the time, I came out here to respond to what that whiner Logan Mann said last week.

 

SIMON

His real name should be Logan Womann, because he whines more then any girl I've ever seen. Waaaah you broke my grilfriend's neck, waaaaaah you broke my drummer's arm, waaaaaah you broke my drummer's arm again, waaaaaaaaah you kicked my ass for sixtieth time in a year, waaaaaah you stole my “spirit”, waaaaah my singing voice sounds like a small woodland creature died in my throat, waaaaaaah I'm a big loser and I suck and nobody likes me and my music is radio friendly pop-rock crap and my lame band can't even get airplay on XM satellite radio. Psh! Grow a set and man up, you sissy Hendrix knock off.

 

NED

Excellently stated, Brother Singleton. Let me tell you something, Logan, you can try to act like a macho man all you want, but the bottom line is, I'll snap you like Randy Savage through a Slim Jim. I've kicked your ass before and I'll damn sure kick it again at AngleMania. But I gotta hand it to ya, punk, you're doing a damn fine job setting up your excuse for failing Sunday night, saying you haven't heard or seen Synth since you threw him under the bus. You hear that, Mann? That's the world's smallest violin playing, jackass. (Simon plays the air violin in the background) Quit cryin' like a baby and just take the ass-kickin' of a lifetime at AngleMania like a man.

 

"YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

 

NED

(laughing)

About time people start seein' it our way.

 

The champs hold their belts in the air and pose with their manager as "WILD CHILD" LOGAN MANN emerges from the crowd and storms the ring, blindsiding Ned! Mann unloads on Blanchard, gouging the eyes and biting the Handsome Hustler as Simon and Cornette pull him on their comrade. They hold Logan up as Ned drills him with sharpe right hands to the jaw, rocking Mann's head back.

 

COLE

This isn't right. It's 3 on 1, damnit!

 

COACH

Logan came through the crowd will bad intentions, now he's the one getting beaten. Poetic justice at its finest.

 

Suddenly, another ROAR goes up in the arena as a man wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses hops over the railing and enters the ring. As chants of "SYNTH" ring throughout the arena, the man gets him some of the Midnights, leveling both of them with haymakers.

 

CABOOSE

Is it really Synth? The guy is moving too fast to catch a good look. Around the right size and height, but it's hard to tell.

 

COACH

It can't be Synth; he got thrown under the bus!

 

COLE

Whoever this person is, he's taking it to the tag team champions.

 

Jim Cornette sneaks up on the person in the ring, the tennis racket cocked. Cornette with a mean forehand, but the person turns around and grabs the racket out of Corny's hands. Simon and Ned hightail it with the belts and guitar. They watch with the rest of us as the person removes his hat and sunglasses to reveal... SYNTH!

 

"YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

COLE

It is him. Synth has returned!

 

Cornette just about pisses him pants. He tries making a quick exit, but the Heavenly Rockers quickly grab ahold of him. Looking at Simon and Ned, Synth and Logan dare them to return to the ring, threatening to take out their frustrations on their manager. The Midnights take a step forward before stepping back, leaving James E. to the mercy of the Heavenly Rockers.

 

* BOOM *

 

Stereo punches knock Corny off his feet. Synth and Logan pick James E. back up and place him in a double front facelock.

 

COACH

Oh, no!

 

DOUBLE PERCUSSION (DDT)!

 

"YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

Simon and Ned are fuming from the entranceway, but they remain at a distance as Synth picks up the mic Cole left in the ring.

 

SYNTH

For somebody who got whalloped by a bus, the Synthmeister sure lookin' fab-u-lous. Ah know grandma over there in the front row is liking what she seein'. Aintchu, baby? Ah know you wanna check up on ma gangsta lean. Peep this, son. Moi had a couple of weeks to think about what went down, at least I think it was a couple of weeks -- hit the bottle pretty hard, spent some nights in the slammer, but Ah had some time to clear the ol' noggin, work out a few things that had been troubling me. You'd think with a biggie match on the way, there wasn't nothing that could bring moi down. But I could've borrowed a feeling after Ah hear the bus comment. That comment be low, son, and had me feeling down low. The Synthmeister went Howard Hughes on everyone's ass. That shit cut into the man on the deep. Ah was conflicted, couldn't tell what was what or who was who. I ain't trying to drop the hardcore drama on ya'll, but Ah really began to wonder if everything Ah had been doing was just a waste of time. Were dem fans worth it? Were dem platinum albums worth it? Were my platinum grillz worth it? Were anything worth it, if it all be a lie? Ah didn't know, bro. Ah didn't know. Then the caption bubble popped over the brain, saying why the hell would Ah listen to what Ned said? I mean, Ned is a lying asshole!

 

"YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

COACH

What? He can't say that.

 

SYNTH

Yep! My main Mann n his main squeeze would slice and dice they first born up into bits befo' they ever, ever thought about throwin' they boi, moi, under a Greyhound. Mommy and Daddy would, but they gone. They gone up to Canada because they is pretty hardcore liberals. They don't like moi, the Prez and the red states or meat. Logan and Holly, they's the only family the Synthmeister got left. We ride together, we party together, we rock together, and we gonna die together. And this Heavenly Rocker made a pact with the man, Logan Mann. The sensation from the Sin City nation promised we's bring the belts home to Holly-Wood. A promise from the Synth-a-nator is like 24 Karats, you can take that hot shit to da bank. Word is bond, and bond is word, so keep yo head up and protect yo pencil necks, geeks. Cuz we's coming wit' that hot fire, and we won't stop till ya'll retire! We's gonna show you how we kick it in the S.C. And it ain't no fad like the O.C. ZING~! So bitches beware, unlike Simon and Ned, the Heavenly Rockers will be back in town next week!

 

Synth and Logan share some manly man love as we go to pay the bills.

 

(GO TO BREAK)

 

This ANGLEMANIA MOMENT is brought to you by Elegance a fragrance by Krista Isadora Duncan.

 

AngleMania II: Zack Malibu vs. Anglesault for the World Title

 

Zack sends him to the ropes, and when AS rebounds off them, Zack leaps forward, spearing him to the mat! Zack starts to get up, but as he does Anglesault grabs his foot...he pulls Zack to the mat with the SALT AND PEPPER (anklelock)! Every time Anglesault has locked this hold on Zack, he put more pressure on him than the previous time. This time, Anglesault is berating Zack, telling him to give it up or be crippled. Zack yells in pain, but will not tap out. He uses his hands to push himself up to his free foot while in the hold, but when he goes to kick back, AS just lets go of him, watching Zack flop to the mat, then applies the hold again! After what seems like an eternity in the anklelock, Zack Malibu again reaches the ropes, and Treble Charged calls for the hold to be broken.

 

Zack, who has nearly had his foot torn off of his body by Anglesault, gets supported from the ring ropes in getting to his feet. Anglesault stays on him, coming for him right away, but Zack kicks him with his good leg, and hops over his back with a sunset flip...ANGLESAULT ROLLS THROUGH...He's got Zack by both legs...CATAPULT OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE...NO! NO! ZACK SKINS THE CAT! Anglesault sees this and grabs him...ANGLE SLAM...NO! NO! ZACK slips out, LANDING ON ONLY HIS LEFT LEG! ZACK LANDED ON ONE LEG! Kick to the gut...POP DROP! POP DROP! ZACK MALIBU COVERS!

 

1...

 

2...

 

3!

 

* DING DING DING *

 

JR

Yes!

 

The crowd ERUPTS. People jump to their feet. Zack Malibu, completely spent, rolls off of Anglesault and onto his back.

 

LP

The winner and NEW OAOAST world heavyweight champion... Zack Malibu!

 

JR

HE DID IT, JESS! BAH GAWD, WE HAVE A NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

 

JESSE

Ross, this match has got to be one of, if not the best, in OAOAST history! I think congratulations are in order for both men, but man...Zack Malibu has finally become the World Champion! This response is deafening!

 

RIGHT NOW!

C’mon, it’s everything

RIGHT NOW,

Catch a magic moment, do it

Right here and now

It means everything

 

AngleMania V

THIS Sunday

LIVE! On Pay Per View

Free Krista bobblehead doll with order

Edited March 31, 2006 by Tony149

[Patty O'Green 0]

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

Backstage, Leon Rodez is sat and musing. Presumably, his musing is over AngleMania and his Ladder Match which is just three days away...and not his sister and her tag team combination D*LUX, who stand in the room behind him.

 

JADE

You okay bro?

 

LEON

Yeah I'm fine.

 

JADE

Listen, if it's not too much trouble...can I get some advice? You know, about wrestling?

 

LEON

Advice...advice...hmm. Well, The OAOAST Tag Team Division is...well, it's...have you ever seen the video for Daft Punk's "Around The World". It's kinda like that. Not that me and Zack really went through the ranks like you guys will, but there's a lot of very 'unique' characters in the division. A few oddballs, you know.

 

ALIX

HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEERRRRREEEE'SSSSS ALLY!!

 

Leon raises an eyebrow, as if to say "well, I did warn you.", as the OAO Alix Maria Spezia pokes her head through the door of the lockerroom. But Alix isn't alone as not just one Chick Over Dick, but two enter the room. Krista Isadora Duncan and Leon exchange a typically icy look as Jade perkily waves at the COD. Alix returns the chirpy gesture and gives her boyfriend a warm hug, while Krista barely acknowledges the wannabee student to her don't wannabee mentor. Instead, her interest is taken by D*LUX who apparantly she hasn't met, despite her 'friendship' with their manager.

 

KRISTA

Woah, when did Synth and The Marv have kids and why wasn't the national press informed?

 

JADE

Uh, Krista...can I...uh, ask you for some advice?

 

LEON

Uhm, ouch?

 

KRISTA

Oh don't worry, the moment wickle Jade here ends up with popstar spawn swimming around her belly, I'm sure you'll be the perfect guy to give her advice, but until then you don't worry your little head about unimportant things like being a good role model to your little sister.

 

Grumbling to himself, Leon figures no good can come of trying to talk with Krista around, so takes Alix off to the corner of the locker room for some private time. Meanwhile, Jade tries her best not to look like an over-eager lapdog as she waits for Krista to answer her.

 

KRISTA

So, what is it this time?

 

JADE

Well, I figured since you're a former World Tag Team Champion and you know all about kicking everyone's ass in the tag team division and stuff...maybe you could give us three a little advice? And stuff? You know...about tag wrestling or something? Cause I've been watching videos and stuff but it's real hard to learn everything so quickly and I've never really managed anything since my poor little bunny rabbit died when I was six because I kept eating all his carrots and lettuce and stuff.

 

KRISTA

It's funny you should ask in such a convoluted way. It so happens I have some advice for you. Grab whatever it is you two think passes as wrestling gear and get yourself warmed up, because I 'spoke' to Axel when he told me about my match and in between the threatening and the growling and the snarling, I stopped and let him speak and I got you two a match tonight.

 

JADE

You did that for me!?

 

KRISTA

Well...

 

JADE

Oh, wow, that's so kind Krista, thank you thank you! See, I told you she was real swell guys! Who's it against?

 

KRISTA

Well, gee golly little lady, untie that knot in your panties and settle yourself down and I'll tell you! (Krista holds up her hands) I'm sorry. It's just that sound of happiness and sweetness and love and blissful ignorance towards the world around you drills through my brain something rotten. I've tried switching Alix to decaf, I have. Oh how I've tried. All that Diet Dr Pepper she chugs down sends her loopy though. I found a whole pack under her bed once. Don't try it with Vodka, trust me. Really disgusting stuff. And the taste doesn't even mellow after 10 shots like most substances you find around the house do. But, I digress. It just so happens that New Kids On The Block here have earnt themselves a match with my AngleMania opponents, Christian Wright and Bohemoth. What are the chances?

 

Upon hearing that, Leon suddenly peels Alix off of him and storms over.

 

LEON

You're kidding me, right? You're getting my sister and her team to do your dirty work?

 

KRISTA

Oh, I'm sorry, I assumed this was none of your business. Silly me!

 

LEON

Christian and Bohemoth are experienced wrestlers. They've been in the company for near enough a year and they've wrestled some of the biggest names in the OAOAST and you're expecting my sister and her rookie team to beat them?

 

KRISTA

Newsflash hot stuff, I didn't make this match, Axel did. Remember him? The GM guy? But let's forget all about that and pile the hate trip on bitter ol' Krista Isadora Duncan, just because she has more faith in your sister than you do. You know, if I had a brother that automatically thought I was gonna fail at everything I did then I'd be pretty depressed with life and raid my parents spirits cabinet, then log myself onto MySpace and look for some buddies to go commit suicide with. Luckily, I don't have that. I just feel sorry for Jade that she's got a brother like you who lacks certain qualities such as commitment and loyalty. Maybe these kids are gonna get their asses handed to them by Christian and Bohemoth. Maybe Bohemoth's such an incompetent clutz that he'll trip up during his entrance and knock himself out on the floor, getting himself counted out. Who knows? Certainly not you, so maybe you should have some faith. Maybe they'll win. Maybe they'll lose. Maybe the match will get called off because JINGUS decides now's the perfect time to sacrifice a flock of sheep to his demon gods in the middle of the ring, causing everyone to run from the arena vomiting. I just hope that Bohemoth doesn't decide to bring any scissors to the ring and try to cut poor little Jade's hair, because God knows her brother won't be around to come to the rescue because he's too busy playing "1998 Redux" with Puerto Rican Lightning and his hombrés. And if we did need some help from these two to deal with CW and Bo, maybe it's because Alix's boyfriend is an unattentive waste of space who can't or more likely won't lift a finger to help her out when she needs him. Just a theory.

 

Krista finishes up on her tirade and takes a gasp of oxygen.

 

LEON

...I'll see you later Al, I've got things to do.

 

ALIX

Where you talking to me or Big Al the cameraman, sugar cookie? Because if you were talking about Big Al, we should maybe talk about a seperation.

 

LEON

I'll call you later.

 

Giving Alix a peck on the cheek, Leon promptly leaves, which prompts Krista to sulkily grumble to herself that Leon isn't enough of a challenge. D*LUX have in the meantime gone about getting prepped for their match, which is hampered by Alix's chirpy chatter.

 

KRISTA

Oh, Jade...

 

JADE

Yes Krista?

 

KRISTA

If you want some advice for being a manager, then I feel this is best coming from me rather than someone you neither know nor respect, because it's the most vital lesson you'll ever need to know. Men are fickle. I can talk to you from experience, but I doubt you want to fetch me beer after beer all night so I'll spare you. So let me leave it at this. You have assets, so use them.

 

JADE

So...like, my wrestling training?

 

Groaning, Krista wipes a hand across her head.

 

KRISTA

Look, this goes against everything you'll ever hear me say about women being more than mere sex objects...but, to most men, women are mere sex objects. The good Lord didn't give you those breasts just to feed your offspring with, if you catch my drift.

 

JADE

Uhm...you want me to flash people?

 

KRISTA

No. But come a step down on the sexploitation ladder and you're home and dry lil' lady. Jade, if I had assets like yours when I was eighteen I wouldn't have worn clothes at all, but apparantly you have some of those pesky morals people always tell me about. So here's the thing. You're a female manager. Instead of being one of those things well and being the other part by virtue, why not be good at both? Take advantage of both sides of that coin. Do all the research, do all the scouting. Be a manager. Stand up for women's rights. Preach to the world about whatever it is you kids care about nowadays like dolphins or a new face for Courtney Love. Take the 50% cut on your team's profits like I told you to...

 

JADE

It's 60%, actually.

 

KRISTA

Damn, I am good aren't I? Well, whatever, get rich off of them. And when those cheques clear, get yourself out in the stores and buy yourself the most revealing, lowest-cut, slutty tops and shortest skirts you can find and win your team matches.

 

JADE

Like, distraction? Gee, I dunno if that's really honourable Kris'.

 

KRISTA

That's for God to decide, not me nor you. You don't have to be a slut, just give the impression that you are. You could walk out to that ring in a potato sack and every red-blooded male in that arena is going to undress you with their eyes regardless, so why not make their lives a little easier if it means distracting the men in the ring from their job? So you show some flesh? Is that so bad? Do you wear sweaters on the beach? No. You wear a skimpy string bikini and scream 'hey, hunky guy, stop kicking over that little kid's sandcastle and service me'. I would have thought someone your age would be used to all this by now. What do they teach you in school nowadays? Sex sells. So next time you're feeling worried about something, just close your eyes, click your heels together and say to yourself..."There's no thing like money." "There's no thing like money." "There's no thing like money."

 

JADE

I will Krista!

 

KRISTA

And if you're planning on actually wearing a bikini to the ring, you might want to borrow one of my fitness videos first. No offence.

 

JADE

Uhm...thanks?

 

KRISTA

Don't mention it. Good luck tonight, I'll be watching real close.

 

(BACK TO THE SC)

 

COLE

I've been thinking long and hard about Krista's advice....

 

CABOOSE

Long and hard? She just said it!

 

COLE

(cont)

And I've got assets of my own. And when you got it, you gotta flaunt it, am I right?

 

(Caboose taps his cricket bat, squashing Cole's unwise idea)

 

COLE

Very well! Folks, this Sunday will be a day of ladder matches, as the we have one for the 24/7 title and another Two For the Money match. After the following contest, we'll hear some words from the wrestlers competiting in that two for the money contest. Now let's go up to the ring.

 

The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room where Vitamin X is. The crowd boos. Vitamin X is pacing back and forth, getting ready for his Corporate Street Fight against Colombian Heat later tonight. He has a cocky smile on his face. The camera pans to the left to reveal that Cuban Wall, VX’s partner in Brains & Brawn, is also in the dressing room.

 

CUBAN WALL

Uh…X. Are you sure you’re ready to do this?

 

VITAMIN X

Yeah sure. What—what makes you think that I’m not ready for this?

 

CUBAN WALL

Well, this is a Corporate STREET Fight. And…well…you’re not exactly street.

 

This stuns Vitamin X.

 

VITAMIN X

Not exactly street? Not exactly street? I AM street, Wall! I was street before Colombian Heat was street! I was street before there even was a word for street! Little does Colombian Heat know, but I have dabbled a bit in the “street” culture myself. I knew a guy that was black, I’ve seen Boyz N’ The Hood two times, I heard a 50 Cent song. I’m street. I’m down! I listened to Biggie. I know what street is! Look.

 

Vitamin X goes over to his gym bag and pulls out a black baseball cap, which he puts on. Backwards. That thug.

 

VITAMIN X

See?

 

Cuban Wall punches Vitamin X in the jaw! The baseball cap almost falls off.

 

VITAMIN X

OWWWWWWWWWWWW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?

 

CUBAN WALL

X, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard coming from your mouth! You’re not street! You’re Corporate! You’re rich! You don’t live in the ghetto, you live in a mansion! You listen to Mozart, not 2Pac! You’re not street in any way, shape, or form and because of that you’re going to get KILLED in the Corporate Street Fight!

 

VITAMIN X

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Listen. Listen my man. Listen. Now, I know on paper, it looks like I’m dead meat. But, I always go a plan. You see, there is a reason that I challenged Colombian Heat to a Corporate Street Fight tonight. And it’s because…

 

Vitamin X has put his black baseball cap back on. He stops and sees the camera in the room.

 

VITAMIN X

Hey. What are you doing here? Get out! GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!

 

CUBAN WALL

Yeah, get out!

 

Vitamin X moves towards the cameraman, shoving him out of the dressing room. The cameraman has no choice but to leave. Cuban Wall slams the door. The cameraman is left on the outside, depressed, and hangs his head in shame.

 

COLE

What could Vitamin X be discussing with Cuban Wall?

 

COACH

I don’t know, but I bet it’s good!

 

(FADE OUT)

 

We used to hate each other...

 

The voice of James Blonde echoes over a shot of he and Faqu, starting deep into the camera.

 

We're the hottest tag team in OAOAST history, whether you want to admit it or not.

 

Cut to shot of Scotty Static and Johnny Jax, the Global Party Exchange, snickering at the camera.

 

I gots the skills for the thrills, and the drive to survive.

 

Jamie O'Hara, arms folded in front of his chest, nods at the camera.

 

I'm the one with the most to lose...and I love those odds.

 

Zack Malibu, sitting on a locker room bench with the HI-YAH belt laid across his lap, looks up at the camera.

 

This isn't about anyone's war.

 

A voiceover speaks over clips of several clips of Upstarts/Originals altercations.

 

This is about pride.

 

A shot of Zack Malibu winning the HI-YAH Heavyweight Title is shown.

 

This is about glory.

 

A shot of Blonde and Faqu standing in the ring is shown next.

 

All allegiances are out the window.

 

Cut to a clip of the GPX and Jamie O'Hara walking to the ring.

 

Don't underestimate us.

 

Faqu's deep voice bellows a warning, as the camera zooms in on his eyes.

 

I'm willin' to kill myself for this chance...

 

Jamie O'Hara executes a corkscrew moonsault off the top rope.

 

...we're willing to take each other out if it means victory...

 

The GPX stare each other down.

 

...so just imagine what we're gonna do...

 

James Blonde hits a hard lariat on Dan Black.

 

...to YOU.

 

The five challengers, in unison, shout those words as a shot of Zack standing with the belt over his shoulder comes up.

 

THIS SUNDAY.

 

The narrator's voice returns, as various clips of all six men are shown in rapid-fire motion.

 

SIX MEN.

 

Seperate shots of each of the six combatants flicker across the screen.

 

VYING FOR NOT ONE...

 

A shot of the HI-YAH Championship belt.

 

...BUT TWO CHANCES FOR GLORY.

 

A shot of an official OAOAST contract, with a blank line for a signature at the bottom, is shown in close-up.

 

TO GET TO THE TOP...YOU MUST MAKE IT TO THE TOP.

 

Various clips from last fall's TLC match on HeldDOWN~! are shown, including the teetering ladder duel, and the powerbomb over the ropes onto the ladder.

 

ONE MAN WILL CLAIM TWO PRIZES.

 

A shot of the belt and the contract, side by side, is show.

 

THE RIGHT TO CALL HIMSELF CHAMPION.

 

Zack Malibu, standing on the ramp in his entrance gear with the HI-YAH belt fastened around his waist, is shown.

 

THE RIGHT TO CHALLENGE A CHAMPION.

 

Two shots, one of current champion Peter Knight, the other of his Anglemania challenger Alfdogg, flicker across the screen.

 

This Sunday...

 

JAMIE O'HARA.

 

This Sunday...

 

JAMES BLONDE.

 

This Sunday...

 

FAQU.

 

This Sunday...

 

SCOTTY STATIC.

 

This Sunday...

 

JOHNNY JAX.

 

This Sunday...

 

HI-YAH HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ZACK MALIBU.

 

THIS SUNDAY, GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH.

 

The OAOAST Presents: TWO FOR THE MONEY.

This Sunday, live on Pay Per View.

Only at ANGLEMANIA V.

 

(FADE TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK)

Edited March 31, 2006 by Tony149

[Patty O'Green 0]

COLE

We are back on HeldDOWN~! and much to my broadcast partner's delight, we're now joined at Sofa Central by SoCal's favourite daughter, Krista Isadora Duncan!

 

CABOOSE

Goody.

 

KRISTA

I notice Coach made a sharp exit. Smart kid. So what's on and popping, as the kids may or may not say.

 

COLE

Well we've got tag team action on the way and Krista, we saw yourself and Alix victorious earlier on tonight against Nutrition's Real Gurus...now, your AngleMania opponents in three days will look to match your performance. Christian Wright and Bohemoth have been a real thorn in the side of Chicks Over Dicks recently, but they ended up on the wrong side of some pwnage last week. This week, they look for a recovery. In their path are the OAOAST's newest tag team, D*LUX, of course managed by the evervescent Jade Rodez and successful in their debut last week. But Christian and Bohemoth will pose a bigger threat than Los Conquistadors, I'm sure.

 

KRISTA

Argueable.

 

 

"JUST ONE ON ONE

THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY!

JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!

 

JUST ONE ON ONE

THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY!

JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!"

 

And the crowd go wild, as the melodic stylings of A1's "First To Believe" play over the P.A and the softer, weaker, MTVer members of the crowd scream their support for the new kids on the block. So to speak. Jade Rodez is first to emerge, skipping out through the entrance doors and waving down at Krista with a beaming smile. Either side, "Showtime" Shayne Brave and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant hit a triumphant pose of their manager, their washboard abs on show for all as their bright blue denim jackets flap wide open. Jade and team soak up the energy of the crowd for a few seconds before Jade points the way on to the ring. And like the good tag team they are, Shayne and Tyler obey their god-damn master and walk on down the ramp tagging hands like it's going out of fashion!

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, this tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, being led towards the ring by their manager Ms. Jade Rodez...at a total combined weight of three hundred and ninety seven pounds. The team consisting of "Showtime" Shayne Brave and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant. Together, they are D*LLLLUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

D*LUX stop at the bottom of the ramp and pose once more...

 

 

 

 

...but are suddenly flung forwards, by the strength of "The Moral Highground" and "The Meterosexual Monster" barging into them from behind!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

DAMNIT! Christian Wright and Bohemoth from behind with a sneak attack, an ambush damnit!

 

KRISTA

What the fuck is this shit!?!

 

CABOOSE

I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

An understandably scared Jade Rodez scrambles to safety as Christian Wright and Bohemoth have started the match in the aisleway and are going straight for the kill! Bohemoth stalks over the fallen Tyler, while Christian follows after a stumbling Shayne and pins him up against the ring apron, drilling him in the gut with a knee. Referee Charles Robinson leaves the ring to try and gain control of the brawl but he's a helpless man as Bohemoth puts the boots to Tyler. Meanwhile, Wright barges Shayne into the ring apron once more before grabbing the wannabee pop sensation by the seat of his pants and pitches him into the ring itself. Robinson spots this and scrambles back into the ring, frantically calling for the bell.

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

COLE

And this match is off to a chaotic start.

 

KRISTA

Christian and Bohemoth cheating to gain an advantage. Well, my faith in humanity has been shaken tonight, I don't know about anyone else's. I...I just don't know what to think anymore. Why has the world decived me like this? Why?

 

"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"

"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"

"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"

"CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!"

 

Taking exception to the chants, Wright glares into the crowd and asks them to 'cease your infernal racket!', which the fans kindly pass up. So to teach them a lesson, Wright pulls Shayne towards him and clubs him over the spine with a forearm! Wright lands a second hard forearm before pulling Shayne upright and backing him into the ropes.

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

Wright then lands a knifedge chop...

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...and a second, before whipping Shayne into the ropes. As the man of many sincere emotions bounces back Wright then cocks his fist for a clothesline. Shayne goes low however, baseball sliding through a bemused CW's legs and scrambling up behind him. Off the ropes again, Shayne now charges at Wright. Wright instinctively ducks his head for a backbody drop, but again Showtime is one step ahead as he plants a hand on CW's back and leapfrogs over top. Now The Moral Highground is beginning to get flustered and as Shayne runs to the ropes once more, CW follows. Hearing the footsteps behind him, Shayne thinks quickly and springs up to the middle rope, falling back with an elbow extended, which slams into the on-coming Wright's sternum!!

 

COLE

Wow, great speed from Shayne and he out manouevered Christian Wright there!

 

Shayne scrambles to his feet first and wisely looks to gain control as he clamps on a side headlock on Christian and drops to a knee. With his power advantage, Christian is easily able to hoist Shayne back to his feet and promptly off his feet, preparing for a back suplex. Shayne is able to tumble backwards and escape though, landing on his feet behind CW and shoving him in the back to send him running off forward and towards the ropes in front of him. Back rebounds Christian as Showtime shows off, displaying his impressive vertical leap as he leapfrogs...the invisible man, but not Christian who comes to a screeching halt, catching Shayne in mid-air and tossing him overhead with a modified backbody drop! Falling back, Christian drapes an arm over Shayne with a quick pin...

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Dragging Shayne back up again, Wright looks around in search of his tag team partner. But Bohemoth is still busy on the outside laying a beatdown on Tyler Bryant, which means Christian has to go it alone. So go it alone he does, hooking up Shayne and taking him over with a snap suplex.

 

COLE

Well Krista, you're getting a good look at your opponents in three days time and obviously, you're scouting for your team.

 

KRISTA

Dib dob dib. Yeah, I'm scouting. Alix isn't too hot with the technical side of things so I'm taking care of that. She'll take care of the wierd flips and the smiling and clapping like always. It's worked okay so far, so as long as I'm not bored to sleep by this no-talent librarian we'll do fine.

 

Christian clambers back up with a smile, which earns him a scowl from Jade Rodez on the floor. No heed doth he pay to that, or something, as he comes off the ropes and drops a big knee to the chest, following up with a lateral press...

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

JADE

C'MON PEOPLE LET'S HEAR YOU!

 

 

*CLAP!*

 

 

*CLAP!*

 

*CLAP!*

*CLAP!*

*CLAP!*

*CLAP!*

 

The crowd rally behind Shayne, who seems to take some encouragement from the support as with clenched fists he fights to his knees. Wright levels him in the back with a knee though, stopping any momentum from building. Pulling Shayne upright, Wright then lands a forearm. A second. And a third, before lifting Shayne up into a fireman's carry. A slippery customer, Shayne slithers his way off of Wright back though and quickly runs for the ropes, ducking underneath a clothesline...and a back elbow...before getting CAUGHT under the armpits by Wright and pitched up into the Wright Off (Rydeen Bomb)!!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!

 

Furious, Wright shoves Shayne's legs away and storms back to his feet.

 

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

 

WRIGHT

SILENCE!

 

The crowd, at a loss for what to do next, boo Wright which seems to frustrate The Moral Highground. And he takes that frustration out on Shayne, swatting his hands from his chest and SLAPPING him with an openhanded chop!

 

"WE LIKE CLA - PPING!" *clap clap clapclapclap*

"WE LIKE CLA - PPING!" *clap clap clapclapclap*

"WE LIKE CLA - PPING!" *clap clap clapclapclap*

 

Wright is bugged by the chants but no more, refusing to let the crowd get to him. Instead he drags Shayne back up and drags him across the ring to the ropes, draping his head across the middle rope and attempting to choke the life out of the youngster! Shayne flails and flaps, but only the 5 count from referee Charles Robinson makes Wright break. And when he does break, it's only so he can rush into the opposite ropes and drop a leg down across the back of Shayne, again choking him on the rope in the process.

 

WRIGHT

THIS IS YOUR INEVITABLE FATE, ISADORA DUNCAN!!

 

KRISTA

Yo back off, I spit hot fire son.

 

Smiling down at the commentating Krista, Wright drags Shayne's limp body off the ropes and executes a simple but effective back suplex and makes a cocky one armed cover...

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

 

Propping himself up to the second rope, Christian waits and encourages Shayne to his feet. Shayne pushes himself up and stumbles across the ring with his forearm ready to strike. A block from Christian puts pay to that and a foot to the jaw might just put pay to any hopes of being a pin-up singer for Shayne, not to mention knock him loopy. Christian now leans forward and hooks Shayne up in a front facelock, signalling for a Tornado DDT. Grabbing the top rope, Shayne is able to hang on and prevent the impact. But Christian lands on his feet and boots Shayne in the gut before dragging him away from the ropes and completing his DDT. Shayne stays vertical for a moment, his head driven into the canvas like a tentpost before his body eventually flops down to the canvas. As that happens, Wright is already going back to the middle rope and already coming off, driving the point of his elbow into the sternum of Shayne!

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Wright sits up and chastises the referee in his own, unique, long winded way before pushing to his feet. Still Bohemoth is busy putting the boots to Tyler on the floor and despite CW's motioning for Bohemoth to come and help him out, the bigman's only focus is the Tremendous One.

 

KRISTA

Man, somebody lit a fire under Bohemoth's ass, huh?

 

COLE

Well after weeks of seemingly being the Upstarts' fall guy, it's probably heartening for Christian and Axel and whoever else to see Bohemoth so fired up. Especially after what happened last week.

 

KRISTA

Oh yeah that was sweet dudez.

 

Wright scoops up Shayne and slams him to the canvas, stopping to glare at the fans before exiting to the apron heading upstairs! This rare high-risk strategy has the crowd buzzing and it also has Jade frantic, slamming her hands on the apron with all her might as she yells at Shayne to get up. Shayne shows no signs of movement though, as Wright reaches the top rope, pointing down at Jade, then pointing down at Krista...

 

 

 

 

...and all that pointing allows the possum playing Shayne Brave to scramble back up and slam CW off the top rope!!

 

"YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!"

 

COLE

Christian Wright took too long up top and he pays the price, with an ass-first landing!

 

Jade goes back to the apron slapping, now more rhythmical as she wills Shayne to get back up. Quickly both he and his opponent reach their feet and it's Shayne who lands a right hand first, only for Christian to throw one right back. Shayne lands. Christian lands. Shayne, Christian, Shayne, Christian, it's a slugfest and one which Shayne surprisingly holds his own in. That is until Wright suddenly lunges with a knee, doubling Shayne over before taking the arms in a double underhook. Wright sets and lifts Shayne up onto his shoulder, looking for the Spinal Fusion. But suddenly, having presumably escaped Bohemoth on the floor, Tyler Bryant enters the ring and pulls his tag team partner to safety!

 

WRIGHT

 

Confused, The Natural turns around and is met with a double boot. D*LUX then take an arm and a leg a-piece and hoist Wright up, before dropping him down across the knees with a double gutbuster!

 

COLE

The Cowell Movement! We saw that last week!

 

CABOOSE

And the name sucked then too.

 

KRISTA

Hey! I'll have you know Alix stayed up all night with a Thesaurus, a Dictionary to look up the meaning of the word Thesaurus and a copy of Entertainment Weekly to come up with that name!

 

Obeying the rules of professional wrestling, Tyler quickly leaves the ring, while Shayne rolls CW over onto his back and hooks the leg for a cover...

 

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

BOHEMOTH! pulls Shayne off of the pin.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Jumping to his feet, Shayne realises he's at a size disadvantage and looks to stay on his toes as he dukes, jives and throws a jab. But Bohemoth makes all that dancing null and void as he simply ducks the punch, hooks up Shayne by the arm and lifts him INTO A BRUTAL HALF NELSON BACKBREAKER!!!

 

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Oh, MY! Shayne might have a broken back after that!!

 

KRISTA

Don't worry, there's plenty more American idol rejects where he came from.

 

The agonised Shayne wisely rolls himself under the bottom rope, while Tyler attacks Bohemoth from behind. Landing forearms over the back, Tyler slows Bohemoth to a stop and rushes into the ropes in front of him. Bohemoth recovers all too quickly though and wipes out Tyler with a MURDERLINE!!

 

CABOOSE

Well, he's done too.

 

COLE

Bohemoth is just tearing these kids apart!

 

KRISTA

Oh, whoopie! A clothesline! Somebody call up 60 Minutes and se if they'll do a feature on this guy, because he's DA FUTURE~! baby! Forget Frankie Frankensteiner, this man's going places! A clothesline! Whoo! Yadda yadda yadda, you know the drill.

 

Bohemoth is breathing heavily, but it's not through effort, more through intensity as he stalks over the motionless Tyler. With two handfuls of throat, Bohemoth hoists Tyler back to his feet effortlessly! He then deposits Tyler in front of him on his feet, waiting for him to stumble forward slightly before scooping him into his arms! The crowd know what's coming next and so does Jade, who rushes around ringside to try and help Shayne to his feet. But it's too late, as Bohemoth lets out a massive ROAR~! before swinging the ragdoll-esque Tyler out...

 

 

...around...

 

 

 

...AND DO...NO! HOW ABOUT, FEET FIRST INTO CHRISTIAN WRIGHT'S FACE!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Miscue! A miscue by the bigman!

 

KRISTA

Way to go, Mr Magoohemoth.

 

Dropping Tyler, Bohemoth worriedly kneels down and tries to revive his KOed mentor and tag team partner. That allows Tyler to lunge forward with a front dropkick, catching Bohemoth in the BUTT and sending him sprawling forward, through the ropes and out of the ring!

 

COLE

It's all going horribly wrong for Bohemoth and Christian Wright...again!

 

Tyler now tries to gain his bearings, still smarting from the clothesline. Groggy and all though, he helps Christian up off the mat and sends him into the turnbuckles with an irish whip. Sensing control, Tyler backs into the opposite corner from CW and charges headlong towards him, vaulting forwards with a Stinger Splash...THAT MISSES! Tyler takes the turnbuckles sternum first and collapses in a heap, as a very relieved Christian Wright stumbles on across the ring.

 

KRISTA

JADE! JADE! GET UP THERE!

 

COLE

Woah, wait a minute, what are you...

 

KRISTA

JUST DO IT WOULDYA!

 

COLE

...what's going...hey, where are you going!?!

 

It's a commotion on the floor, the crowd going wild not just because Jade Rodez has vaulted to the apron, but because K.I.D has had ENOUGH~! Throwing down her headset, Krista makes sure Jade is doing her distraction job before reaching under the commentary table and rushes towards the ring. Wright has recouped in the corner and is ready the pounce on Tyler...but unfortunately, Krista has other ideas...

 

 

 

*THWACK!!*

 

"YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"

 

 

...AND NAILS CW IN THE HEAD WITH...something.

 

CABOOSE

Normally, I wouldn't approve of this...but HELL YEAH KRISTA!

 

Stunned, Christian staggers out of the corner. And as Krista frantically signals for Jade to get down from the apron, Tyler Bryant finds the steam inside to charge forwards...THE MERRY TYLER GORE SHOW!! The spear, into the pin...

 

 

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

The crowd erupt and Jade jumps for joy on the outside as Tyler is dragged from the ring by Krista, who in the process drops her weapon on the floor. Krista helps Tyler around the ring and quickly D*LUX, manager and Krista are heading for the exit, as Bohemoth finally makes it into the ring, only 15 seconds too late!

 

BUFFER

Your winners of this match... "Showtime" Shayne and "Tremendous" Tyler... D*LLLUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXX!!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Bohemoth goes nuts in the ring and ends up chasing Robinson to the safety of the arena floor, as Jade hugs Krista and thanks her for her help, before it's hugs all round for the victors. Tyler looks geniunely shocked as Krista raises his arm in the air, all the while smiling back at the ring and the fuming Meterosexual Monster within.

 

COLE

D*LUX have pulled off a huge upset and you can give a major assist to Krista Isadora Duncan, as the COD get another one up on The Upstarts before AngleMania! And I think that must make it about even now, with three days until we finally see Christian Wright and Bohemoth take on Krista and Alix!

 

CABOOSE

Even? I'd say Krista and Alix have the big advantage now psychologically. What the hell did she hit Christian with exactly?

 

COLE

I don't know, but I think she dropped it down there...

 

CABOOSE

It looks like...it looks like a book.

 

CABOOSE

That's no book 'Boose, that's an Oxford English Dictionary! That's about 600 pages long! No wonder Wright got knocked so loopy! Talk about your cruel irony, Krista just bashed Christian Wright over the head with the English language and it's cost The Upstarts a vital victory here on HeldDOWN~!

 

 

*SOMETHING RESEMBLING A COMMERCIAL*

 

 

COLE

Folks, as we've no doubt mentioned a million times tonight, this our very last show before Anglemania V. And, if you're undecided about ordering, well then....

 

COACH

Nigga, you straight stupid!

 

COLE

That's one way to put it, I suppose. But I was going to say here's a rundown of the excellent card that we have on tap. Perhaps it will change your mind.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT VS VITAMIN X

 

COLE

Former allies in the LC, now turned hated foes. Vitamin X hates everything about Colombian Heat.

 

CABOOSE

And with good reason! Vitamin X was right on the money when he called him a lower class piece of filth! And Colombian HACK is in for a world of hurt this Sunday. Also, I would like it very much if a plane was to crash into Colombian HACK'S house, or some other such tragedy was to befall him. Make it happen, God.

 

!~LADDER MATCH FOR THE OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP~!

LEON RODEZ VS THA PUERTO RICAN ©

 

COACH

Hope ya like ladder matches because we've got two of 'em on SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! Our first ladder match pits the multi Angle Award winner and former tag team champion Leon Rodez against the current 24/7 champ Tha Puerto Rican...

 

CABOOSE

Oooooh Puerto, ooooooh!

 

COLE

Uh....yes. These two warriors have gone back and forth, trading barbs on the microphone and blows in the ring, but at Anglemania one man will walk away with championship gold and the other will leave with a life time of regret.

 

MELODY

Look guys, I'm Caboose, OMGRODEZSUCKSPUERTORULESILOVEUPUERTOSEXMESTUD!

 

CABOOSE

Damn it! Go away, Melody!

 

TWO FOR THE MONEY LADDER MATCH

ZACK MALIBU VS JAMES BLONDE VS FAQU VS SCOTTY STATIC VS JOHNNY JAX VS JAMIE O'HARA

 

COACH

Just in case Leon and Puerto don't totally quench your thirst for awesome career shortening spots, we've got a doozy of a match lined up for you. On the line in this contest is not only the HI-YAH heavyweight belt, but the right to face the OAOAST world champion at any time the winner choses. I mean, he could elect to face the guy seconds after the mainevent is over! That's wild!

 

COLE

I'm sure the match will be wild as well, as you have six superstars who don't seem to have any regard for their safety or their opponents'. Yes the winner will win big, but at what cost? At what cost?

 

!~OAOAST TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP~!

THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS VS THE NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS ©

 

COLE

Will Sunday be the day the music dies? After a year spent embroiled in a bloody, emotionally draining feud, the Heavenly Rockers and The New New Midnight Express will collide in a Loser Leaves Town Match.

 

CABOOSE

Cole, this match is about more then mere titles. This is about the soul, the heart, the blood, and the livelihood of four men. You can not comprehend the myriad of thoughts that are racing through these men's minds. This is it, Cole. This is it. You will witness one historical tag team title affair. Believe me.

 

THUNDERKID VS REJECT

 

COACH

Fellas, these guys were as tight as any pair in wrestling. Then Reject got smart and kicked ol Kid to the curb. Now Kid's sweating with the drama, and Reject's gonna have to smack the man down. Poor Thunderkid's going to be nothing but a stepping stone for Reject.

 

COLE

I highly doubt that, Coach. Highly doubt that. This is a personal war between two former friends, and it could get very violent.

 

CHICKS OVER DICKS VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT AND BOHEMOTH

 

COLE

The 2005 Rookie of the year Christian Wrights teams with the Meterosexual Monster, the largest athlete in the OAOAST, Bohemoth to take on America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks.

 

COACH

Blah blah blah. That's what those two do. Everyone's all entertained by COD's promos and their cutsie little pop culture references, and their cute little insults. And they can get away with talking so much trash because they're girls and it's cute and funny. But if their names were Christian Duncan and Alexander Spezia, they'd be lucky to work HI-YAH dark matches. Fortunately, my man Wright said he has no gender related sympathies and he's coming to beat them down. UPSTARTS REPRESENT! BROS OVER HOES!

 

BLACK T VS DREK STONE AND HOFF

 

COLE

Caboose, it's your line.

 

CABOOSE

I will not acknowledge those two....bastards.

 

COLE

Very well. The two most anticipated in ring returns happen on one night. Drek Stone and Hoff. after a controversial exit from the OAOAST that left the fed in shambles, step into the ring for the first time in months. We never thought we'd see them again. But despite the ill will and bad feelings, here they are, ready to do battle against the Transatlantic Wrecking Crew, Black T. Dan and Tony are dyed in the wool OAOAST loyalists, they would die before they ever left this company. They didn't take kindly to Hoff and Drek bolting, and they sure as heck don't like their reappearance.

 

COACH

This will be a match for the ages. I need new change of pants just thinking about it!

 

!~WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP~!

ALFDOGG VS PETER KNIGHT ©

 

COLE

The main event. The match everyone in the locker room, everyone in the stands, and everyone at home will have their eyes on. Peter Knight against Alfdogg. After numerous failures to secure world title gold, Knight struck pay dirt against former champion Stephen Joseph. Shortly after winning, he joined the Upstarts and became one of the most despised men the company had ever seen. Now he'll face a true OAOAST legend, a former champion himself, a man main eventing his first Anglemania, Alfdogg.

 

CABOOSE

Given Knight's "connections" you have to think the deck is stacked in his favor. But as we've seen from Alf's exploits with the Heartland title, this is a man who knows how to win a war.

 

COLE

And the world title match will be a war. Guaranteed.

 

COACH

We can't forget the PreShow Sausage Fest Battle Royal.

 

COLE

It's not really called that, quit listening to Melody! Also Stephen Joseph will be in the house. Fans, if you haven't been swayed to order AM V by now, I will agree with Coach, you are straight stupid, nigga.

 

CABOOSE

Our mainevent is coming up sometime in the near future, but... what?!

 

The camera cuts to the parking lot to find Colombian Heat standing there pacing back and forth. The crowd cheers. Colombian Heat is PISSED off, anxiously awaiting the start of the Corporate Street Fight. Colombian Heat is still in his Colombian Heat yellow soccer jersey and street clothes from earlier.

 

COLE

There he is. Colombian Heat. About to take part in the First Ever Corporate Street Fight coming up in just a few minutes.

 

CABOOSE

I can’t wait for this one, Michael Cole! It is going to be good. It is going to be REAL good! Vitamin X, the jungle cat, is going to wipe the floor with that piece of lower class filth!

 

COLE

Vitamin X despises Colombian Heat, and vice versa, now he can get his hands on him three days before AngleMania V! The Corporate Street Fight is coming up next!

 

Colombian Heat is still waiting in the parking lot. He cracks his knuckles.

 

(FADE OUT)

 

Commercials

 

We return to HeldDOWN~! to see Colombian Heat still in the parking lot, impatiently waiting for Vitamin X to come out.

 

COLE

Back on HeldDOWN~!, and the Corporate Street Fight is about to begin.

 

CABOOSE

This is going to be good Michael. Watch at Vitamin X teaches Colombian HACK a lesson!

 

Colombian Heat hears the sound of a door opening and closing.

 

VITAMIN X

Yo, HACK!

 

Colombian Heat turns around to see Vitamin X walking towards him, a mean look on his face, still wearing that black baseball cap backwards because that’s how Street he can get. He is also still wearing his custom made Colombian Hack yellow soccer jersey. Colombian Heat gets into a fighting stance as Vitamin X comes closer to him.

 

VITAMIN X

So, you ready to do this?

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Oh, I’m ready! I was born ready!

 

VX

All right let’s do this then!

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

You ready?

 

VX

Oh I’m ready! I’m ready! LET’S GO MAN! LET’S GO!

 

Vitamin X puts up his fists, as he is now only a few feet away from Colombian Heat.

 

VX

COME ON MAN! COME ON! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT! COME ON!

 

Vitamin X throws a right jab at Colombian Heat…who ducks, and then nails Vitamin X with a spinning heel kick knocking him down to the ground! The crowd cheers! Vitamin X’s black baseball cap has been knocked off.

 

COLE

And the Corporate Street Fight is underway!

 

FIRST EVER CORPORATE STREET FIGHT

COLOMBIAN HEAT vs. VITAMIN X

Colombian Heat stomps on Vitamin X, and then picks him up by his Colombian Hack soccer jersey.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Get up, fool!

 

Colombian Heat beats on Vitamin X. Vitamin X soon becomes dazed and confused.

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Punk ass jigger! Fool ass sucka!

 

Heat beats on Vitamin X some more, but then The Lightning Crew Mobile drives right into the parking lot! Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua come out of the low rider, followed by Thomas Rodriguez and Tha Puerto Rican!

 

COLE

That’s The Lightning Crew!

 

COACH

Hey! What a surprise!

 

The 4 other Lightning Crew members save Vitamin X from Colombian Heat! PRL, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and even Thomas Rodriguez lay some shots into Colombian Heat. The numbers game is too much for Colombian Heat, and he once again falls victim to The LC. The crowd boos.

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew is attacking Colombian Heat! Again!

 

CABOOSE

Say, do you think this is what Vitamin X was telling Cuban Wall earlier?

 

COLE

I have no doubt in my mind. This whole thing was a setup all along! It was trap! Vitamin X goaded Colombian Heat to come to the parking lot so that The Lightning Crew could attack him without any interference from the anti-Lightning Crew! It was a damn setup all along!

 

The Lightning Crew stomps on Colombian Heat.

 

VITAMIN X

YEAH! THAT’S IT! THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT! HA! HA! BOO-YAH~!

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew is making sure Colombian Heat ISN’T 100% for AngleMania!

 

CABOOSE

Look at X go! Look at the jungle cat!

 

Tha Puerto Rican, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and Thomas Rodriguez pick up the groggy Colombian Heat. Together, they SPEAR Colombian Heat into a garage door! It looks like the air has been taken out of Colombian Heat with that move. The LC holds Colombian Heat in place, laughing manically, smiling evilly, and taunting the former Second-In-Command of The Lightning Crew.

 

CABOOSE

What a brilliant plan from Vitamin X! He is just SO smart! I freaking love it!

 

Vitamin X power walks over to Colombian Heat. He grabs him by the head.

 

VITAMIN X

YOU THINK YOU’RE A BIG SHOT NOW? DO YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME NOW!?

 

Vitamin X slaps Colombian Heat across the face!

 

VX

I AM THAT MUCH BETTER THAN YOU!

 

Vitamin X low blows Colombian Heat! Tha Puerto Rican laughs manically.

 

PRL

Yeah X! Way to go! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

The Lightning Crew lets go of Colombian Heat, causing him to slump to the ground. The Lightning Crew laughs evilly and high fives each other, a job well done. They all gloat over their attack, while Colombian Heat grabs his nutsack on the ground, wincing in pain.

 

VITAMIN X

See ya Sunday, Heat! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

 

Colombian Heat’s face is red now. It looks like his veins are about to burst. He mutters to himself as he tries to get back to his feet. The crowd is pissed off over what just happened. Heat is still holding his who who dilly.

 

(Cut to Triple C.)

 

COLE

I can’t believe it! I can’t believe how low The Lightning Crew will go! Setting up a trap for Colombian Heat! Vitamin X KNOWS he can’t beat Colombian Heat one-on-one so that’s why he’s looking for an easy way out! He wants Colombian Heat to NOT be 100% by AngleMania so that it’ll be easier to beat him.

 

CABOOSE

Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. If Vitamin X wants to win this way, I say let him. Whether he wins like this or wins fair and square, the important thing is that he WINS. And he will win this Sunday at AngleMania!

 

COLE

How can you be so heartless?

 

CABOOSE

Colombian Heat is a piece of lower class filth. That’s why.

 

COLE

Does VX pay you to say this?

 

CABOOSE

Oh come on! Absolutely not! That is absolutely ridiculous!

 

COLE

IF you say so.

 

CABOOSE

I do say so.

 

COLE

Okay.

 

CABOOSE

Yup.

 

COLE

Okay.

 

CABOOSE

Yeah.

 

COLE

Good.

 

CABOOSE

Okay.

 

COLE

Anyway, Colombian Heat is looking to get some revenge when he FINALLY goes one-on-one against Vitamin X in a good old-fashioned Grudge Match this Sunday, April 2nd, at OAOAST AngleMania V live only on pay-per-view!

 

CABOOSE

Vitamin X doesn’t pay me.

 

COLE

I know. You already said that!

 

CABOOSE

Good. Just wanted to make sure you understood that.

 

COLE

*Sigh*

 

(RETURN FROM BREAK)

 

COLE

Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! and during the commercial break, on OAOAST Unrestricted which you can of course catch on our sister channel TSM Extra, Leon Rodez came to the ring and has been waiting within all commercial break. And...well, it's been a pretty precarious wait.

 

Precarious, because as the camera focuses on the ring we see Leon Rodez sat atop the highest rung of a ladder, looking out into the cheering crowd. Microphone in hand, Rodez carefully raises the microphone, making sure as not to topple over the ladder in the process.

 

RODEZ

Three days. It's amazing to think that we're just three days away from the biggest show of the year, ain't it? It's amazing to think it's been a year since AngleMania IV. It's pretty scary too, to think of how quickly our mortal lives are slipping by...BUT, let's not get ourselves on an emo-downer people! Let's look ahead with positivity to three days time and AngleMania V. 12 months on and the OAOAST returns to the Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino once more and since last year, a lot has changed. Axel left...and is back. Hoff left...and is back. Drek left...and is back. Panther left...and, well, he didn't come back. The GPX turned evil. The Sk8er Boiz got crunk. Stephen Joseph won the World Title. Still can't get over that one. Alfdogg won the Lethal Rumble. Peter Knight stopped wrestling actors and won the World Title...then wrestled the same actor again a couple of weeks ago. Me and Alix Maria Spezia did the deed, many times. Ned and Holly finally consummated their on again, off again, I'm calling the police again relationship. Zack found out he's having a child and then it wasn't mentioned for a couple of months.

 

Rodez wipes a smile from his face...again, carefully and again wobbily.

 

RODEZ

In the space of that year, the face of the OAOAST has changed. But one thing has stayed constant within that year...or, almost a year. See it wasn't quite a year ago, but it's close, when Tha Puerto Rican was awarded the OAOAST 24/7 Championship.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

RODEZ

The more things change, the more they stay the same is the old saying. And that's true for Tha Puerto Rican. Through all the weeks, all the months, all the season, Tha Puerto Rican clung onto that title by whatever means necessary and I think that feat deserves a round of applause.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Rodez shrugs, almost taking himself off the ladder in the process. But, he's a professional and covers it up quickly.

 

RODEZ

Well, apparently he's not going to get one...but, I think he deserves one regardless. If I weren't fifteen foot over the ring on an unstable ladder I'd even applaud you myself PRL. I really would. Because whatever these people think of you and whatever the critics say about you, you've achieved great things with that 24/7 Championship. You've fended off all challenges. You've blazed a trail and made that Championship your own in the past year or so. And you're just one win...one win away from a one year title reign.

 

A smile forms on Rodez's face again.

 

RODEZ

It's just a shame that you're coming up against me now, at this event, with this stipulation, because when you wake up ten years from now and open up that OAOAST record book on your bedside cabinet, you'll look down the 24/7 Title History and you'll see yourself SO close, SO tantalizingly close...and yet, so far away. And it'll eat you inside. It bugs me slightly that I'll be responsible for that. But, not too much. See, I've been waiting two months for this one shot, this fair opportunity at the 24/7 Championship. Those two months have felt like a year to me. And should I come out of AngleMania with those two months wasted and with no 24/7 Title around my waist...well, that'd kinda suck. Let's not forget, I'm unbeaten at AngleMania! So I've got that streak to preserve. That's why I feel so excited about this year's AngleMania. Nervous excitement, but excitement nonetheless. I'm feeling that AngleMania fever. So, I thought I'd come out here tonight and sit atop this ladder and look at all of you.

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

RODEZ

I thought I'd look at you and get a little taste of what's to come at AngleMania, just to get the juices flowing. I thought I'd get a preview at...

 

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

A lightning bolt hits the entrance. The PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while “Know Your Role ‘99” starts playing over the P.A. system. The crowd starts booing loudly, while Leon Rodez turns his attention to the entrance.

 

CABOOSE

Oh thank you, P.R.! Thank you for saving us from Rodez talking even further!

 

As "Know Your Role '99" continues playing, the entrance door slides open, and out walks the one and only CORPORATE 24/7 Champion…"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican! Dressed in his usual corporate attire, and with his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt slung over his left shoulder, The Corporate Champ, wearing sunglasses, has a cocky smirk on his face. He looks at the crowd with this cocky smirk. Leon stares at PRL.

 

COLE

In 3 days, Tha Puerto Rican will put his 24/7 Title on the line in what is quite possibly his toughest challenge yet. If Tha Puerto Rican can beat Leon Rodez at AngleMania and hang onto the belt through next Thursday's HeldDOWN~!, PRL will have held the 24/7 Title for exactly one full year!

 

CABOOSE

And that's exactly what's going to happen, man! PRL will beat Leon and hold the 24/7 Title for ANOTHER year! And if the past year was amazing, wait till THIS year! It'll be unbelievable!

 

PRL is standing on the entrance stage. He, not surprisingly, has a microphone in his right hand. "Know Your Role '99" dies down.

 

"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN

Leon Rodez, know your role and shut your mouth, because Tha Puerto Rican is sick and tired of hearing you run your mouth about our match at AngleMania this Sunday!

 

The crowd boos.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

And not only that, but the PEOPLE, MY LIGHTNING BOLTS, are sick and tired of hearing you run your mouth about our match at AngleMania this Sunday!

 

The crowd's boos get even LOUDER, believe it or not. PR spins the belt plate. Leon smirks.

 

"P.R. SUCKS!

P.R. SUCKS!

P.R. SUCKS!

P.R. SUCKS!"

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Leon Rodez, I've said it once, and I'll say it again. You are not stepping into the ring this Sunday with just an ordinary wrestler. Oh no. Leon Rodez, this Sunday, AngleMania V, you're stepping into the ring, and going one-on-one with the CORPORATE one!

 

Puerto walks down the entrance ramp while speaking.

 

PRL

Leon, you little punk, all you’ve done these past two months is run your mouth. Talk about how you were screwed at Zero Hour; screwed during the Triple Threat Match a week later. Man, the way you make it sound, you've been screwed more times than Paris Hilton! Leon Rodez, the fact is you haven't been screwed at all. Tha Puerto Rican had you beat at Zero Hour, and you know this is true!

 

(Boo.)

 

PRL (CONT'D)

I would have kicked out of the Because The Lady Loves had the time not run out! And the reason I left the Triple Threat Match was because I had a bad stomachache and had to go to the bathroom! I tried to get the referee to stop the match so that I could do my business, and then restart it when I returned. But he didn't listen. Instead he counted me out!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

PRL

Hey! That's the truth, Ruth! That's the truth!

 

COLE

Oh please. You gotta be kidding me.

 

CABOOSE

Hey, Mr. Boricua's chili is hard to digest sometimes!

 

COLE

Come on.

 

By now, Tha Puerto Rican has entered the ring. Leon Rodez is still sitting on top of the ladder staring at PRL.

 

PUERTO RICAN

And now, Leon, this Sunday, we collide at AngleMania in a Ladder Match, which is what you wanted the match to be so that way I couldn't 'escape' with the title. Well, frankly, I don't know what you're talking about in regards to me finding a way to 'escape' with the title, but I can hurt you even more with a ladder so I'm perfectly fine with a Ladder Match.

 

Leon just rolls his eyes at this.

 

P.R.

Now, I've seen your interviews, and I've heard what you've said. And Rodez, what you have been saying ever since I accepted your challenge for a Ladder Match at AngleMania has been pure...fantasy.

 

COLE

Fantasy?

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

That's right. Pure fantasy. You're living in a fantasy world, Leon. A world where you are the 24/7 Champion. I bet your fantasy world also includes fairy elves that throw pixies dust at you, monkeys that fly, unicorns and dragons that you can ride, Democrats and Republicans who get along with each other, and I bet in your fantasy world that you reign as 24/7 Champion in your gumdrop house on lollipop lane!

 

CABOOSE

HA! HA! Good one!

 

Leon has a puzzled look on his face, as even he can't believe the words that are coming out of Tha Puerto Rican's mouth.

 

PUERTO

Well it's time to bring you back into the real world, Rodez! Here are the facts. 1.) At AngleMania V, I will have been the OAOAST 24/7 Champion for 360 days! THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY DAYS! That means I will have held this belt for 8,640 hours, 518,400 minutes, and 31,104,000 seconds. THAT CANNOT BE DENIED! 2.) I have beaten each and every challenger to the 24/7 Title. I have pinned each competitor that has tried to take this title away from me. That means I have beaten John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Otaku II, The Mad Cappa, Spanish Fly, and Colombian Heat! THAT CANNOT BE DENIED!

 

PRL lets the crowd boo him. The fuckers.

 

TPR

And Leon, here is fact number three. And I know you're going to hate this one the most. 3.) Tha Puerto Rican, at AngleMania V, Sunday April 2nd at the Trump Plaza Hotel And Convention Center in Atlantic City, New Jersey, will take on Leon Rodez in a Ladder Match and beat him, to retain his 24/7 Title! That is a fact! THAT CANNOT BE DENIED!

 

The crowd lets PRL have it with that one. They are pissed off to be sure.

 

COLE

I'm going to have to dispute fact #3.

 

CABOOSE

How can you? You can't dispute facts! It's impossible! You can't!

 

COLE

We'll just see about that!

 

PUERTO RICAN

Leon Rodez, do you realize just how much of a threat I am? How can you call me a joke when you've seen what I've done to people? When you've seen what I did to Otaku, his wife, Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, and John "Rock Hard" Brickston. When you've seen that I ENDED Panther's career, and crushed The Mad Cappa's larynx. Leon, you are taking me lightly, and that is going to come back to bite you in the ass when I climb up that ladder on Sunday and retain the 24/7 Title the way a Corporate Champion should!

 

Tha Puerto Rican walks up to the ladder. Puerto is on one side, while Leon is on the other. PRL looks up at Leon as he continues speaking.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Leon Rodez, holding a title for one year is a beautiful thing. It's a special thing, that only a few lucky individuals have had the honor of doing. You can be a great star, a legendary wrestler. But to hold a title for a year? THAT is how you separate the men from the boys. From the greats to the truly greats. Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Demolition, have all held belts for a year. And now Tha Puerto Rican, the ONLY OAOAST superstar EVER to hold a title for a year, will join that illustrious list! HA! HA! HA!

 

The crowd starts booing again. PRL smiles evilly.

 

CABOOSE

All hail PRL! His word is like the Gospel!

 

COLE

Pfffft.

 

PRL

I am the only person in the history of the One And Only AngleSault Thread to hold a belt for a year. No one. NOT NO ONE has held a title for as long as I have. NO ONE. I have outlasted the World Heavyweight Champion, the X-Division Champion, the Women's Champion, the Heartland Champion, the Tag Team Champions, and the Six-Man Champions. And Leon, you are right about one thing. In this one year, in what was probably the most chaotic and controversial year in the OAOAST's four-year history; the one thing has that stayed consistent. The one thing that has stayed the same…is Tha Puerto Rican holding the OAOAST 24/7 Title! And for that, I SHOULD be applauded.

 

PRL waits for the applause. Instead, he gets (surprise! surprise!) more boos.

 

CABOOSE

I am enjoying this speech right now.

 

COLE

Glad to see you're the only one that is enjoying it.

 

CABOOSE

Hush you.

 

PRL

And so, this Sunday, in 72 hours, I will have to overcome another challenge. I will have to overcome another obstacle in the form of Leon Rodez. And Leon Rodez, make no mistake about it. You are in for the fight of your life. AngleMania V will be one of the greatest nights in Tha Puerto Rican's career, while it will be the worst night of your career. This Sunday, Tha Puerto Rican will do what he does best. I am going to walk down the Corporate ramp. Slide into the Corporate ring. And then I am going to climb the Corporate Ladder. Rung, by rung, by damn rung! Until I finally reach the top, and then I will grab the Corporate 24/7 Title belt, and snatch it off the Corporate hook. And then, while the confetti falls, and the balloons pop, and the fireworks explode, I will be standing on top of the Corporate Ladder, holding my 24/7 Title over my head, STILL YOUR CORPORATE OAOAST 24/7 Champion! Meanwhile, you will be lying on the mat, bloodied, battered, and beaten, with your hands covering your eyes so that we can't see you cry. And you will feel great pain, OH YES; you will feel great pain, as you have once again FAILED in trying to beat Tha Puerto Rican. And then, Lord willing, you will pack your bags, and go home, for good, as Tha Puerto Rican has humiliated you at the biggest show of the year, and you can never show your face in this business again! And Leon, when I look into the OAOAST records book ten years from now, it will say that Tha Puerto Rican held the OAOAST 24/7 Title for years and years. It will also say that Leon Rodez left the OAOAST after AngleMania V, because he was so ashamed of his loss that he couldn't deal with all the pointing and laughing, all the taunting and insults. It will hopefully end with it being revealed that you hit rock bottom after the show, and you never recovered. To put it all in a nutshell Leon Rodez, you piece of trailer park trash: YOU. SUCK. And at AngleMania V, you're going down at the hands of the best damn 24/7 Champion there ever was, and there ever will be! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!

 

Tha Puerto Rican grabs one of the rungs on the ladder. PRL still has his custom made spinner 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder, and is holding the microphone with his right hand. PRL adjusts his sunglasses, a cocky smirk still on his face.

 

"P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!"

 

COLE

PRL sure can talk, but his mouth is not going to help him this Sunday.

 

CABOOSE

True. But PRL IS talented, so I wouldn't worry about it.

 

PRL and Leon are on the ladder now and as PRL scales the rungs, Rodez wisely moves himself down a couple to give himself a safer footing. Still climbing, Tha Puerto Rican reaching halfway...and suddenly finds himself face to face with Rodez! It's a mid-air staredown! PRL and Rodez lock eyes and Tha Puerto Rican tries to pysch Rodez out, only for his challenger to smile in his face.

 

RODEZ

Corporate Ladder, huh? That's clever, I see what you've done there. Well you're up here with me and I have to say, yes, you can climb the 'Corporate Ladder'. You made pretty light work of it too. But PR, remember this...this Sunday night, I'm not going to have a microphone in my hand and I'm not going to let you run your mouth the way you do so well. I might be on the top of this ladder with you...and on Sunday, if that's the case, you won't be up here for long. Or, I might be down on the mat looking up at you, in which case...again, you won't be up here for long. The 'Corporate Ladder' is going to get a lot more shaky on Sunday night. And it's fitting I guess that we'll be in my good friend Donald Trump's Hotel and Casino thingy for AngleMania, what with all this talk of Corporate this and Corporate that. Because after Sunday night, I'm going to see to it that you're demoted...

 

Rodez steps up a rung, enough to suddenly tower over PRL.

 

RODEZ

...and I'm promoted, to the 24/7 Championship that I've worked so har...*UGH!!*

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

The crowd suddenly goes wild as PRL catches Rodez with a cheapshot, right below the belt!!

 

COLE

Hey! Wait a minute!

 

Leon clutches the little Rodezes, and then slowly falls off the ladder. Leon continues wincing in pain, while Tha Puerto Rican climbs down the ladder. The crowd is booing like mad, as PRL kicks Leon while he’s down, and then picks him up.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is trying to draw first blood before AngleMania!

 

CABOOSE

Get him, PRL! Get him!

 

"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican hits Leon Rodez with Rock-style punches to the temple. The crowd chants, "P.R. SUCKS!" as Leon becomes dazed and confused from all the shots to the head.

 

COLE

PRL is just manhandling, MANHANDLING, Leon Rodez before AngleMania!

 

Suddenly, Leon blocks a shot! He fires off with a jab! Then another jab! Then another jab! Then a fourth jab! Leon blows a kiss to the popping crowd. And then hits PRL with an enziguri!

 

COLE

MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!

 

PR is face down on the mat. Leon gets up, a little weakened, but still strong enough that he can pick PRL up, and start beating him up, to the point that PRL's Puerto Rican flag bandana and sunglasses fall off.

 

COLE

And now Leon Rodez is going to work on Tha Puerto Rican!

 

Leon continues working on Tha Puerto Rican, but is soon stopped when The Lightning Crew storms down the entrance ramp into the ring.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COACH

Here comes the Calvary!

 

The Lightning Crew enters the ring and immediately attacks Rodez. They punch and kick Rodez all over his body, weakening the poor guy even more. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall do most of the work, while Vitamin X and Thomas Rodriguez get in a few shots. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez checks on her man.

 

COLE

And now The Lightning Crew is ganging up on Leon Rodez, just like they have done in the past.

 

COACH

Go get 'em baby!

 

The LC are still beating on Leon Rodez as PRL takes a break with Lindsay.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

The cheering is because COLOMBIAN HEAT, JOHN "ROCK HARD" BRICKSTON, SPANISH FLY, and OTAKU II have run down the entrance ramp to save their leader and friend!

 

COLE

And now Leon's backup has arrived!

 

CABOOSE

What the hell are those scrubs doing here!?

 

COLE

Saving their friend, Leon, from The Lightning Crew!

 

The Anti-Lightning Crew if you will, enters the ring, and saves Leon from The Lightning Crew. A giant brawl erupts, causing the crowd to explode with cheers!

 

COLE

It's chaos! Total chaos in the ring!

 

Eight men are in the ring brawling. Colombian Heat is beating on Vitamin X. John "Rock Hard" Brickston is beating on Cuban Wall. Mr. Boricua is slugging it out with Spanish Fly. And Otaku II is chasing Thomas Rodriguez around the ring. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Tha Puerto Rican have exited the ring, while Leon Rodez rests on a turnbuckle.

 

COLE

The ring is littered with bodies that are hitting the floor!

 

COACH

Someone check on Tha Puerto Rican. Make sure he is all right!

 

As a war continues being raged inside the ring, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez whispers something into PR's right ear. PR smiles, grabs his spinner 24/7 Championship belt, and then slides into the ring. Leon Rodez is up on his feet, looking for a LC member to fight.

 

COLE

These two sides have been at war since September, and it may end this Sunday at AngleMania!

 

Tha Puerto Rican crawls over to a turnbuckle. He holds his 24/7 Title belt, preparing to do something no doubt evil with it. Meanwhile, Leon Rodez is helping Spanish Fly beat Mr. Boricua. While this is going on, PRL quickly runs towards Leon…

 

 

 

 

 

 

*BAM!*

 

 

 

AND HITS LEON'S SURGICALLY REPAIRED RIGHT KNEE!

 

LEON RODEZ

OH GOD!

 

Leon Rodez falls to the mat. Tha Puerto Rican stands over the fallen Rodez, who is clutching his right knee. The crowd boos.

 

COLE

What? What? What did PRL just do?

 

COACH

He did what he had to do to win baby!

 

PRL kicks Leon while he's down. The brawling has stopped, as everyone is watching PRL beat on Leon Rodez in the middle of the ring. The crowd continues booing.

 

COLE

PRL just hit Leon Rodez's surgically repaired right knee! He's trying to injure the knee again!

 

Leon's fall is enough distraction for The Lightning Crew, who are now in control of their former comrades (and Otaku II). Cuban Wall beats on John "Rock Hard" Brickston in the corner. Mr. Boricua beats up Spanish Fly. Vitamin X is still slugging it out with Colombian Heat. And Otaku II is still chasing Thomas Rodriguez. Seconds later, Mr. Boricua clotheslines Spanish Fly over the top rope to the floor. Cuban Wall does the same with John "Rock Hard" Brickston. Cuban Wall saves Vitamin X from Colombian Heat, and Mr. Boricua saves Thomas from Otaku.

 

CABOOSE

Look at The Lightning Crew! Look at them in control of those scrubs! Look at them make those scrubs their bitches! Isn’t it great?

 

The crowd is furious now. PRL does some shaky leg kicks on Leon Rodez's right knee. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez cheers The Lightning Crew on from the outside as Cuban Wall beats on Colombian Heat and throws him over the top rope to the floor. Mr. Boricua clotheslines Otaku II over the top rope and to the floor. Thomas Rodriguez laughs manically, as though he did a damn thing.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew has cleared the ring!

 

CABOOSE

Beautiful! Beautiful! Just beautiful!

 

Colombian Heat, Spanish Fly, John "Rock Hard" Brickston, and Otaku II lie on the outside. Vitamin X is laughing maniacally, since he knows The Lightning Crew have Leon Rodez all to themselves. Again. And sure enough…

 

PRL

Help me beat him!

 

The Lightning Crew joins their ever so humble leader in kicking the crap out of Leon Rodez.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COLE

The LC, The Lightning Crew, are just demolishing Leon Rodez 3 days before AngleMania!

 

CABOOSE

Well, Leon thinks PRL is a joke. Does he think he's a joke now?

 

The Lightning Crew continues doing their trademark beatdown on Leon Rodez's candy ass. PRL is directing traffic, letting each member get a piece of Leon, including Thomas Rodriguez.

 

"LE-ON!

LE-ON!

LE-ON!

LE-ON!"

 

COLE

Leon Rodez is getting mauled in the ring, and there is nothing his friends can do about it!

 

Indeed, Leon's friends are still out on the outside. Meanwhile, in the squared circle, Tha Puerto Rican has stopped his Lightning Crew from beating Leon Rodez.

 

PRL

I'll handle this. I'll handle this.

 

Tha Puerto Rican stands over Rodez, who is nearly knocked out. He tells Cuban Wall to go grab the ladder that's been in the ring the whole time.

 

COLE

PR calling for the ladder. What's he doing now?

 

Wall grabs the ladder and hands it over to PRL. PRL thanks Wall. Wall blushes. Puerto Rican slams the ladder onto the mat.

 

COLE

Uh-oh. I don't like where this is going.

 

And neither does the crowd, who are booing profusely. PR and Vitamin X grab Leon by the legs, and drag him over to the ladder. As a "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts up again, Mr. Boricua opens up the ladder. TPR and Vitamin X place Leon's right knee in between the ladder.

 

COLE

Oh no! Don't tell me! Not this! They're not gonna'

 

CABOOSE

Oh yes they are, Cole. Oh yes they are.

 

The crowd hopes for a Leon comeback, but it ain't happening. PRL and Vitamin X smile evilly. The Lightning Crew stands back and watches, as Tha Puerto Rican grabs the part of the ladder that's sitting on top of Leon's right knee…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

....lifts it up....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then SMASHES it on top of Leon's right knee!

 

CROWD

GROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!

 

COLE

Good God! What a sickening sound! You could hear that all over the arena!

 

Leon Rodez screams out in pain. He can't take the pain and agony. PRL laughs manically while the crowd boos again.

 

COLE

PRL has just attacked Leon Rodez's surgically repaired right knee. The knee that kept him out of action for months! It's like PRL wants Leon to not be 100% by AngleMania!

 

CABOOSE

You dingbat, that's EXACTLY what PRL wants. He's going to retain the 24/7 Title by any means necessary, as we just saw right there. PRL is going to keep his reign going for another year! WOOOO!

 

The Lightning Crew laughs at Leon's misery. Leon is still on the mat, holding his right knee, screaming.

 

COLE

I think The Lightning Crew may have reinjured that knee.

 

CABOOSE

Gee, you think?

 

The Lightning Crew all gloat over their latest evil deed over Leon Rodez. The crowd still hates Puerto. Suddenly, the happiness fades when Puerto spots Colombian Heat getting on the ring apron. The crowd starts cheering as John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Spanish Fly, and Otaku II slowly crawl back into the ring.

 

COLE

The Anti-LC is back up, but they maybe a little too late.

 

Tha Puerto Rican tells his troops to run away. They do so, leaving the ring, but with smiles on their faces; mission accomplished. PRL smiles evilly as he high fives Cuban Wall and kisses Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The crowd has quieted down, worried over Leon's health.

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew has once again done damage to a PRL opponent! They've been in the OAOAST for three years, and have always helped PRL in his battles, always helping him gain an advantage.

 

Colombian Heat, John "Rock Hard" Brickston, Spanish Fly, and Otaku II have entered the ring. John Brickston is the first one to check on Leon, followed by Colombian Heat. Brickston removes the ladder from Leon's knee and throws it aside. The four babyfaces check on their fallen buddy while the crowd looks on.

 

COLE

And now Leon's friends

Edited March 31, 2006 by Tony149

[Patty O'Green 0]

God of Thunder hits and Thunderkid comes through the curtains to a nice pop.

 

COLE

And we're set for tag team action, here comes Thunderkid!

 

BUFFER

The following is a tag team contest scheduled for one fall! Making his way down the aisle, from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 257 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!!

 

COLE

Thunderkid to join forces with Alfdogg here, as they take on their former associate and friend, Reject, who will be paired with the World champion, Peter Knight!

 

TK slides into the ring as Magnum Opus: Father Padilla Meets the Perfect Gnat/Howling at the Moon hits and Alfdogg makes his way to the ring to a tremendous reaction.

 

BUFFER

And his partner, weighing in at 240 pounds...ALFDOGG!!!!!

 

Alf gets into the ring and poses on the buckles, then holds his hands out as TK slaps them. Renegade hits and Reject comes to the ring, receiving a huge round of boos.

 

BUFFER

And their opponents, first, from New York City, weighing in at 235 pounds...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREJECT!!!!!

 

COACH

And how about this sight, Cole? Alf and TK standing in one corner, looking across at Reject as an opponent?

 

CABOOSE

And what about Reject's partner?

 

Metalingus hits, and the boos fill the arena as the champ makes his way through the curtains.

 

BUFFER

And his partner, hailing from Fall River, Massachusetts, and weighing in at 265 pounds...he is the REIGNING OAOAST Heavyweight champion of the WORLD...PETERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

 

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTT!!!!!

 

Knight climbs into the ring and hands his belt to the official.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Alf steps out of the ring, leaving TK inside. Knight and Reject debate over who should start the match, then when TK turns to say something to Alf, Reject pounces on him from behind.

 

CABOOSE

Sneak attack there by Reject!

 

COLE

And you notice he made sure to wait until TK's back was turned to decide he wanted to start.

 

Reject whips TK into the ropes, and takes him down with a clothesline. Another whip in, and TK comes in and bowls Reject over with a shoulderblock! Reject lands right at the side of the ropes, and immediately reaches over and tags Knight.

 

COLE

And quick to get out of the ring, as well!

 

Knight enters the ring, and then thumbs TK when he goes for a tieup. Knight measures TK, then attempts a big right hand, but TK ducks and delivers a big atomic drop! Knight stumbles over to Alf, who delivers a right hand! Knight bounces back over to TK who follows with a right hand! Another right from Alf, and Knight goes down as the crowd goes crazy!

 

CABOOSE

Listen to the crowd here!

 

TK makes his way over to Reject, who promptly hops off the apron. He then whips PK into the ropes, backs off on the opposite sides, and meets him in mid-ring with a clothesline! Alf tags in, and he and TK whip PK into the ropes and take him down with a double elbow! Alf and TK position themselves, and Alf hits a standing moonsault as TK hits a legdrop simultaneously!

 

COLE

Great continuity on the part of Alf and TK, and none thus far on the other side, Coach!

 

COACH

Hey, it's early! Give it some time!

 

CABOOSE

Well, a lot of matches END early, too.

 

Alf delivers a snap suplex to Knight! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout!

 

Alf tags TK back in, who comes off the top with a double axhandle as Alf holds him. TK follows with a standing kneedrop, and covers...

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout!

 

TK picks up Knight, and delivers a fallaway slam! TK goes into the ropes, but when he does, Reject plants a knee to the back! Knight slowly gets to his feet, and hits TK with a vertical suplex! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout!

 

PK tags Reject in.

 

COLE

And NOW Reject will get in, with TK on his back!

 

COACH

Well, why would he tag in with someone who's on their feet and on a roll?

 

Reject picks up TK, and delivers a fisherman's buster! He follows up with a snap legdrop, then drags TK next to the ropes and hits him with ROLLING THUNDER~! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Shoulder up!

 

Reject delivers a standing front powerslam to TK, then turns himself around and hooks him with a triangle hold!

 

CABOOSE

Submission applied!

 

Reject cranks down on the neck, as TK fades slowly. Reject reaches back and grabs the ropes with his hands for extra leverage.

 

COLE

And Reject holding onto the ropes now, come on, referee!

 

Reject releases the ropes as the referee looks up. The referee questions him, and Reject shakes his head as Knight tells the referee to get back down and check TK. The referee checks again, as Reject slowly reaches up again and grabs the ropes. This time, Alf runs across the apron, reaches in and rakes Reject's eyes! As the referee puts Alf out, Knight climbs in and drives knees to the misection of TK.

 

CABOOSE

Well, Alf caused a break in the hold, but it's allowing a double-team right now!

 

COACH

Yeah, now you're seeing some continuity! Cole said these guys didn't have any continuity, but now that some time has passed in the match, they're getting a chance to show it right now!

 

Knight drops an elbow on TK, then hooks him in a sleeper on the mat. The referee wlks over to Reject, who puts his hands in the air and makes a clapping sound to signify that a tag was made.

 

COLE

Well, Reject explaining to the referee that a tag was made, but we all saw here that that was not the case.

 

COACH

I saw them tag, Cole! We must not be watching the same match.

 

Knight releases the sleeper and drives knees into the back to TK. He picks TK up, and whips him into the corner, following him in with a clothesline! He follows with a gutwrench suplex, and covers...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Shoulder up!

 

Knight picks up TK, and delivers a BUTTERFLY BOMB~! He then picks up the legs, looking out to the crowd as they send him boos.

 

COACH

Uh oh, here comes the Ace in the Hole, Cole! This is it if he completes it!

 

Knight does in fact turn the hold over and complete it, but Alf immediately comes in and knees Knight in the back to break it up.

 

COACH

And look at that cheap shot by Alf!

 

CABOOSE

Well, how about that knee to the back by Reject earlier? Turnabout is fair play.

 

The referee puts Alf out, and Reject once again comes in illegally, and he and Knight whip TK into the ropes. TK ducks a double clothesline and hits one of his own!

 

COLE

And now TK with a chance to tag!

 

TK struggles over to his corner, as Reject reaches and grabs the leg. TK pushes himself up with his hand, and leaps over for the tag!

 

COLE

TAG MADE, and Alf in there now!

 

Alf hammers away on Reject, and hits a Hart Attack clothesline! Reject rolls into a corner, and Alf follows him in, and lays in punches as the crowd counts along!

 

1!!!

 

 

2!!!

 

 

3!!!

 

 

4!!!

 

 

5!!!

 

 

6!!!

 

 

7!!!

 

 

8!!!

 

 

9!!!

 

 

10!!!

 

Alf catches PK with a superkick, sending him out to the floor! He then catches Reject with an overhead belly-to-belly! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! Kickout!

 

Reject rolls into a corner once again, and Alf charges, but this time Reject picks his feet up and Alf runs into them! Reject rolls over to his corner, and tags in Knight.

 

COLE

And here we go, a preview of the main event of AngleMania right here!

 

COACH

You're damn right it's a preview, as you can see, Alf flat on his back right now!

 

Knight chokes Alf with his boot as Alf lays in the corner. He then pulls Alf out and begins the KNIGHT ROLL~!

 

COACH

Suplex, and another one to follow!

 

Knight delivers another suplex, then rolls through and holds him in mid-air, then delivers a Falcon Arrow! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! Shoulder up!

 

COLE

And Alf BARELY getting the shoulder up there!

 

PK makes a tag to Reject, who goes up to the top rope.

 

CABOOSE

Reject ready to fly here!

 

Alf rolls out of the way as Reject comes off with a legdrop and crashes into the mat! Alf slowly rolls over and tags in TK!

 

COLE

TAG MADE!

 

Reject immediately begs off of TK, who moves in and delivers punches!

 

COACH

CLOSED FISTS!

 

TK picks up Reject and plants him with a gutwrench powerbomb! He gets up to meet Knight, ducking a clothesline and hitting him with a bicycle kick! Reject bails out and runs through the crowd again, and TK gives chase!

 

COLE

And Reject bailing out again, with TK hot on his trail! There'll be no running this Sunday for Reject, though!

 

Meanwhile, in the ring, Alf has set Knight up on the top rope, going for a hurricanrana! Knight holds onto the top rope, and Alf drops to the mat in a heap! Knight hops down, picks up Alf, and hits him with the KNIGHTMARE~!!!!!11111

 

COACH

THERE IT IS!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

COACH

YEAH!!! THERE'S your AngleMania preview, Cole!

 

COLE

Peter Knight has pinned Alfdogg, just three days before AngleMania!

 

BUFFER

The winners of the match...the team of RRRRRRRRRRRREJECT and PETERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

 

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTT!!!!!

 

Axel meets Knight at the front of the aisle meeting ringside to congratulate him, as Alf gathers his senses and locks eyes with Knight as Axel raises his arm. And that is the image that will take us to Anglemania.