Supertape Rant

[Guest Daredevil21]

Supertape Volume 1 Rant

 

       Nothing going on tonight, so I figured I’d dip into the Coliseum Video collection, and see what I came up with. This was the first tape that I came across, so I figured why not; the WWE/F is in a crappy time right now, so I figured why not take a look at another period where they sucked? Guess that was poor judgment on my part, but then again, lonely Saturday nights will do that to you.

 

       Anyway, this tape was the beginning of the Supertape series, which was more or less an extension of the Best of the WWF series, only for the 90’s and not as good. It was released at the very beginning of 1990, and would spawn four other volumes, one of which would contain the Tuesday in Texas PPV from December of 1991. It should be noted that this is the tape that began the “2-hour tapes full of crappy dark matches and cheesy segments,” that would run until about 1994 or ‘95. And with that being said, let’s move onto the tape.

 

- Generic video package featuring shots of different WWF superstars, as well as several of the Wrestlemania’s start things out. Our host is Sean Mooney, who is in the WWF headquarters of the WWF home video division, according to him. He gives a quick rundown of the contents of the tape, which get me wondering what I’ve gotten myself into.

 

- Fan Favorite Match: Ronnie Garvin vs. Mr. Perfect- We can all thank “Matthew Mello from Long Beach, California” for this one. These fan favorite matches always bothered me, as the fans were obviously fictitious, and they usually asked for terrible matches. Before we head to the ring, we get generic promos from both guys. Garvin mentions that he’ll probably lose since he was once the NWA champion, or maybe he just says that he’s going to beat Perfect, I don’t know, either one works. Perfect mentions that he’s perfect, so he doesn’t know why he has to hang around with a fruit like the Genius. With that said, let’s go to the ring…

 

This one looks to be a dark match from a Wrestling Challenge taping, and we have Alfred Hayes and Tony Schiavone calling the action. I never really saw the big deal about Garvin, but I’m sure that’s because I was raised on WWF, where he was made to look like nothing more than a JTTS. Either way, I’m not looking for much in this one. This is from 1989, as is most of the other stuff (if not all of it) on the tape. Perfect is sporting his black singlet, with the funky pink and neon green on the back. They start out with some basic mat wrestling, and Garvin’s crappy offense, which is made to look presentable, thanks to Perfect’s over-selling. Big splash from Garvin gets 2, and follows it up with the Garvin Stomp, easily ranking right up there with Sgt. Slaughter’s Noogie of DOOM as stupidest finishers of all time. Ronnie tries to get his reversed figure-four, which IIRC, is actually a Sharpshooter, but Perfect manages to block it. They exchange blow, and following an Irish Whip, Garvin slaps a sleeper on Perfect, and manages to knock him out, but releases it for whatever reason. Ronnie goes for the pin, but Perfect manages to get his foot on the rope. A series of roll-ups from Garvin only gets him 2. He goes for a small package, but Perfect is able to reverse it, and gets the pin thanks to a handful of trunks at 10:44. Let’s say ¾*. Match was about what I expected, which isn’t really a good thing. Guess you can’t expect much more from a dark match. From here, Perfect would move onto his brief feud with Hulk Hogan, while Garvin soon faded away, and left the company.

 

- Manager’s Profile: Bobby Heenan. Now this is what I’m talking about. Heenan basically runs down all of the faces, and builds up the heels. He mentions the egos of Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior, and how they don’t care about anyone but themselves. Wasn’t aware that this was a shoot. He makes note of his tag team champions, the Colossal Connection (Andre and Haku), and says that they’ll hold the belts as long as they want to. Guess that they didn‘t want them for too long, since they lost them at Wrestlemania VI, right after this tape was put out. Good stuff here, but just average for Heenan’s standards.

 

- Superstar Profile: The Bushwhackers- Oh joy. We get three Whacker matches, and footage of them out in the middle of nowhere with Mean Gene. I can’t believe they charged 60 bucks for this shit. Anyway, Gene yaks it up with the Marching Morons for a couple minutes, before we take a look at their debut in the WWF.

 

- Bushwhackers vs. Bolsheviks- This one is from the December ‘88 MSG show, and if the actual “match” in the ring weren’t bad enough, we get Hayes, Hillbilly Jim, and another guy whose name I can’t recall, but he is damned annoying. Has a voice like a gangster from the 1940’s. Anyway, mayhem to start, and the unknown announcer wonders if they’ll be able to get a match going. Ha, not with those two teams in the ring, buddy. Crowd is pretty dead, probably because they are confused from the Bushwhackers’ shenanigans. That wouldn’t last long, as it would be a matter of months before the fans were marking out hard for every single one of their acts of stupidity. Plenty of biting going around here, and that’s about it. The unknown commentator spends the majority of the match trying to figure out which one is which. That’s something that always bugged me about commentators in the 80’s. If a tag team looked even remotely similar (most times if they did, it was because of their outfits), they would always wonder aloud, which guy was which. They especially did this with both heel versions of Demolition. Getting back to the poor excuse of a match, Boris inadvertently clotheslines Volkoff over the top rope, at which point, the Bushwhackers break out the battering ram, followed by the double stomach breaker, and then the pin at 9:22. Ugh, nearly 10 minutes for these guys. -**. Quite the debut, and a sign of things to come. Wonder how they felt about going from working hardcore matches to chronically licking each other.

 

- Back with the Whackers and Gene, who are feasting away on some “Bushwhacker buzzard.” They talk about the upcoming match, which triggers Butch’s memory about “how good Cousin Luke tasted that day.” I’m not even going to touch down on that one. Let’s just move on to the match.

 

- Bushwhackers vs. Bad News Brown/Brooklyn Brawler- On second thought, let’s go back. I think I’d rather take subtle homosexual comments over shitty brawling. This is from a Superstars taping, and it takes them all a minute to start the biting. Bad News no sells their wacky offense, but the Brawler does no such thing. As Brown is jabbering away to the fans, the Whackers break out the battering ram and the stomach breaker for the win at 5:41. DUD of course, but the short time was the one plus of the match.

 

- Once again back with Gene and that crazy duo from down under. The trio are still eating the buzzard, and I guess it has an affect over Gene, who begins to display some Bushwhacker tendencies. Whatever.

 

- Bushwhackers vs. Powers of Pain- Oh c’mon. Thank God this is the last match of this profile. This is from the Maple Leaf Garden, some time during 1989. Doesn’t really matter does it? I mean, they sucked in the WWF no matter what year it was. After taking in roughly a minute of this one, I opt to take a bathroom break, returning just in time to see the Warlord break out that high impact move, the bear hug. Whoa, came back JUST in time. Gorilla takes a look at the tag team division, saying that it’s at an all-time best. Too bad he only names one good tag team in his entire spiel. What makes it ever more sad, is that the WWF tag team really was at an all-time best just one year before this. By this time, it had been reduced to the Colossal Connection, Bolsheviks, and the Powers of Pain, just to name a few. Absolutely nothing of note happens, until the Whackers deliver a pair of battering rams to the Warlord and Barbarian. They look to have things in hand, until the Barbarian catches one of them with a boot, and Fuji gets into the ring, and nails him with the cane, which the ref sees and calls for the bell and the DQ ending at 9: 05. Once again, nearly 10 minutes for this garbage. You want to call yourself a man? You’ll be one after you can say that you sat through THREE Bushwhacker matches in a row, and didn’t once hit the FF button. Didn’t the Whackers ever fight anyone good? Blah, at least we’re done with the Whacker matches.

 

- We are back with Gene and the Bushwhackers, for what will hopefully be the last time. The buzzard has apparently transformed Gene into a full-fledged Bushwhacker, going as far as to sport a black beater and camouflage pants. Well, we’ve already seen the man in wrestling trunks, so this is bearable, although not by much. Wrestlecrap at it’s finest, right here. Maybe now we can move onto something a little less offensive.

 

- Call of the Action with Alfred Hayes- Not as offensive, but not far off. Hayes takes us through a couple of Rockers and Jimmy Snuka matches, naming the various holds. Not like he ever said any of them, but whatever. At least the action is somewhat enjoyable, especially to what I’ve been subjected to thus far. Hayes promises that the next “Call of the Action” will deal with the power men of the WWF. That’s a lie, since I think the next COTA featured the Orient Express, and unless I don’t think those guys would ever be considered power men in Titan Land.

 

- Tito Santana vs. Rick Rude- Two former IC champs going at it, and this one could be good or very dull, depending on how lazy they decide to be. I’m not real optimistic however, since the clip from this match that they showed at the beginning of the tape had them in a rest hold. This comes from a Boston Garden show in mid or late ‘89. Rude doesn’t have Heenan with him down at ringside, so I think it’s probably from late ‘89, when there was some dissension going on within the ranks of the Heenan Family. Some posing from Rude starts things off, as was the formality in his matches around this time. Test of strength won by Tito, who wants another one, so of course, Rude gets in a cheap shot. This is the first match on the entire tape where the crowd has shown any life, but that doesn’t last too long, as both guys take turns using rest holds. Finally, after about 6 or 7 minutes of non-action, Rude manages to pull off an inverted atomic drop, which he tries to follow with some more of his posing, but he’s in too much pain to complete it. Aw, poor guy. Well, hope you enjoyed that one move, because it’s back to the rest holds, with Rude working a chinlock on Tito. After several exciting minutes of that, Santana manages to get control of the match, and attempts a splash, but Rude is able to get the knees up just in time. At this point, I’m looking for a time limit draw, mainly because the match has been nothing but a ton of rest holds. Tito gets the figure-four on Rude, but he gets to the ropes fairly quickly. Santana with a sunset-flip from the apron, but Rude holds onto the ropes and scores the pin at 16:43. Way too long for what they did. ½*. They could have done this one in under 10 minutes, but instead went for the unnecessarily long match, and we ended up seeing a ton of stalling and rest holds, with an actual move thrown in here or there.

 

- Jake Roberts vs. Ted Dibiase- These two guys had been feuding for what seemed like forever at this point, and it wouldn’t end until Wrestlemania VI. I swear, these guys met at least 300 times in 1989/90. Just try and find a Coliseum Video from 1990, where there isn’t a match involving these guys facing each other in some form or another.

 

Anyway, this one is from late ‘89, and it may just be a normal MSG house show, since I don’t see a commentator’s table, and Tony and Alfred are calling the action. Plenty of nothing happening in the first 5 or 6 minutes of this match, which isn’t really surprising, since most of their matches were like this. Ted is able to avoid Jake’s first DDT attempt, to no real surprise, since Jake rarely hit the DDT on the first try, unless it was against a jobber. Million Dollar Dream applied, which Roberts is able to escape by getting his foot on the rope. Dibiase drags him to the center of the ring, and gets a 2-count. Jake up with the short clothesline, and signals for the DDT, which livens the dead crowd. Virgil gets in the way of that however, and now we have Jake trying to roll Dibiase up, but is unsuccessful, as Ted holds onto the rope. While Ted is showing off to the crowd, Jake sneaks up on him with another roll-up, this time successfully getting the pin at 16:15. ¼*. Once again, way too long for what they did. The crowd came to life in the closing minutes, as did the match, but the rest of it was dull crap. Dibiase and Virgil attack Jake after the match, but run off after he brings out Damien. Jake is able to catch Virgil and bring him back to the ring, where he tries to put Damien on him, but Ted comes back and pulls him out. While I liked the Jake/Dibiase feud, I was never a big fan of the actual matches between them, with the exception of their Wrestlemania VI match, which was surprisingly good.

 

- Fans Across the World with Tony Schiavone- Well, this should be good for a laugh or two. This segment is devoted to talking to a bunch of marks at different WWF shows. The first question presented is “What is on your mind about the WWF?” Funniest answer comes from a little kid who says, “Well, I don’t really have anything to say, but all I got to say is HULK!” No, I’m not making that up. Something tells me that they let the fans say what they wanted in this case. Next question: What do you like about the Ultimate Warrior? Bunch of little punk Jethros claiming that he’s a great wrestler, and a fast runner. That’s why kids are so stupid. Last topic: Compare the Ultimate Warrior to Hulk Hogan. Some tubby redhead who looks like Ham from the Sandlot gives some remark that I miss since I’m thinking about how much he resembles Ham. Some 30-year old guy who looks like Chris Jericho on hard drugs, cuts some promo that I miss, since I’m too busy laughing my ass off at this goon. Next up is a chick who looks like Sherri Martel on crack (a.k.a. Sherri Martel, actually) and she likes Hulk and blah, blah, blah. Alright, enough with these hicks, let’s move on, shall we?

 

- Tugboat vs. Iron Mike Sharpe- This is Tugboat’s debut and he’s introduced as Tugboat Thomas. Guess that was dropped pretty quickly. On a side note, how gay is his outfit? I mean, the fact that he’s dressed up like a reject sailor is one thing, but the fact that the whole thing looks sprayed on (not the style a near 400-pounder should be sporting) makes this one of the dumbest looking outfits from this time period.

 

Anyway, this one is from Superstars, and thankfully, Jesse Ventura is commentating. Vince commentating is a bit of a downer, but Jess makes up for it. Tugboat is ready to drop a head BUTT to Mike’s groin, but must first seek the approval of the fans. This leads to Jesse questioning McMahon on why guys like Tugboat (faces) always have to get the approval of the fans before they do a move. Vince tries to BS an answer, but eventually trails off, and changes the subject. Standing front dropkick from the big man sends Sharpe of his feet. Moments later, Tugboat gets the pin with the big splash at 2:25. DUD. Not much of a debut here. Tugboat would be shelved for a while following this, and wouldn’t come back onto TV until mid 1990, and which point, he became Hogan’s sidekick/lackey/bitch, whatever. Bottom line is Tugboat became a joke, and was wisely turned heel, changed his name to Typhoon, and formed the Natural Disasters with former enemy Earthquake, in 1991. Speaking of Hogan’s bitches…

 

- No Holds Barred Cage Match: Hulk Hogan/Brutus Beefcake vs. Randy Savage/Zeus- This is from the No Holds Barred PPV that was held a day or two after Christmas of ‘89. The PPV consisted of the movie of the same title, and this match. As Mooney was introducing this one, he called it the tag team event of the decade. Moron.

 

As Hogan and Beefcake enter the cage, Sherri slams the door on Hogan, leaving the Beefer to face Zeus and Savage alone. Sherri puts a pad-lock on the cage door, but Hogan simply enters by climbing up and over. Hogan sends Savage into Beefcake, who back body drops him into the cage. Ouch. Savage attempts to escape, but Brutus brings him back in. Beefcake slaps the sleeper on Zeus, but Savage breaks it up, and the heels take control of the match. As the ref is standing by the door, Sherri pulls it open, slamming him in the head, and putting him out. She scales the cage, and we are treated with an unpleasant up-skirt shot. She hands Savage the lock and chain, and he sets up to drop onto Beefcake from the top of the cage and nail him with it. Brutus manages to avoid it however, and now Hogan starts to Hulk up, which pretty much means the end of this one is near. Brutus escapes over the top of the cage, and drags Savage (who has bladed) out through the door, leaving Hogan and Zeus to face each other one-on-one. Well, better than in the main event of Wrestlemania. Hulk slams him, and sends Beefcake back out, after he comes to help out, which sends Jesse into an anti-Hogan spiel. After ramming Zeus’ head several times into the cage, Hogan delivers a bodyslam, and three big leg drops, and the pin is academic at 9:23. **¼ thanks entirely to Savage, and the fact that this one stayed under 10 minutes. This was the blowoff match in the less than impressive feud between these four, and luckily for us, this was the last time we’d ever see Zeus in the WWF.

 

Final Thoughts- What can you say when the best match on a tape involves Hogan, Zeus, and Beefcake? Not good. This tape is just awful, and has next to no redeeming qualities. That is, unless you like crap. In that case, this is the tape for you.

 

Avoid at All Costs

 

 

Thoughts and the like would be nice.

[Guest nWoScorpion]

Thank you lord for not having me buy that one! Damn, Avoid ANYTHING that has more then 1 Bushwhackers Match. LOL. Good Rant expecially since the tape sucks ass.

[Guest fairtoflair7]

Very Good rant on a terrible tape. Keep'em coming.  2 and 3 are much better I think.

[Guest Black Tiger]

Good rant with one minor error.

 

There are five Supertapes.

Supertape vol. 1, 2, 3, and 4. The other one is Supertape 1992, that's not a "Volume" but its not a big deal.

[Guest nWoScorpion]

If you look back in this forum, I did rants on 2, 3, 4 & 1992, an I think 1992 was the best, with 3, 2, 4 in that order of goodness.

[Guest Daredevil21]

There are five Supertapes.

Supertape vol. 1, 2, 3, and 4. The other one is Supertape 1992, that's not a "Volume" but its not a big deal.

 

Actually, if you read it a little better, I say that it spawned four other volumes (emphasis on the word other), meaning four more after the first one.  Just pointing that out.

[Guest]

Very good tape rant for you debut tape review. I can't wait for more reviews.

[Guest JBcool]

bah you post your review today and get 5 replies today...I post mine days ago (AJ vs. NJ 2001) and haven't got a reply yet

 

*sigh*