PROMO - I wear my sunglasses...

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Fade in…

 

It's Ben Hardy, standing in front of the SJL banner and standing next to a substantially taller man.  Hardy looks up at the man, tall, blonde, gray tights with everyone's favorite initials, MVS, stenciled on the side in neon blue.  Van Siclen looks at the camera, and then looks at Hardy with a slight smile on his face.

 

"(Mike) So, you gay freak, when do you plan on cueing me to start?"

"(Hardy) Well…"

"(Mike) How about now?"

"(Hardy) But Mi-"

"(Mike) I said now, you short motherfucker.  Cue me in."

"(Hardy) Y-y-y-y-yes…"

"(Mike) Who the hell do you think you are?  Porky Pig?"

"(Hardy) W-w-w…"

"(Mike) Shut the fuck up, and cue me in."

"(Hardy) Okay… Ben Hardy here, standing next to Mike Van Siclen, and Mike, tell me, why did you viciously attack the Natural Born Killer, Josh Tupper?"

"(Mike) Why did I attack Josh Tupper?  Hardy, tell me, what did I do over the past week and a half?"

"(Hardy) I can't say that I remember…"

 

Mike chuckles, but not a ha-ha-that's-funny chuckle.  A very angry chuckle.

 

"(Mike) You… you, and every motherfucking fan that watches this program.  One week and three days ago, I delivered a promo.  What do I get?  Oh, he's targeting someone.  Last Metal, I put on the best match on the card, and what do I get?  Oh, Deathwish pulled out a shocking victory.  Let's ignore the workrate.  Let's ignore all the work that went into putting over Dan Williams.  Screw Van Siclen.  Then, yesterday night, I attacked Josh Tupper.  About, oh, noon this morning, I checked my email, went to a couple of online news boards.  Not a damn thing on Mike Van Siclen.  Not a damn thing.  What do I have to do to get the slightest bit of respect around here, Hardy?"

"(Hardy) Good question…"

"(Mike) I mean, I won the European title from a man that was Light-Heavyweight Champion less than a month ago.  I just attacked Josh Tupper, six jobbers, and a baker's dozen of referees with a sledgehammer.  I was the fifth-longest reigning TV champ ever.  And, not only that, but I was the one that was supposed to beat Tom Flesher.  I was supposed to be European champion right now, not Frost, but Tom Flesher, or Durandal, or whoever the fuck he is… that motherfucker broke my leg, and look where he is now?  Whereas, if he hadn't, I'd be the one in the SWF.  I'd be the one fighting for the United States title.  I'd be the one that just teamed with Lady Red to defeat Johnny Rotten.  What I wouldn't be, would be the one that's being forced to job to a man with a broken leg.  Not the one who's forced to come to a draw with an ECW fucker.  I would be the United States champion… not an SJL also-ran."

"(Hardy) Okay, Mike, now then.  You go unbooked on Metal.  What…"

"(Mike) Wait, spare me.  I don't know what I'm gonna do on Thursday night, and quite frankly, I don't care.  I just beat the absolute, living shit outta NBK Josh Tupper, and he gets to face T-Bone.  Meanwhile, a man that very nearly put that same NBK Josh Tupper out of action just last night goes unbooked?  I don't even give a damn who's booking this shit… I'll kick all of their asses."

"(Hardy) Okay, Mike, now then…"

"(Mike) Wait a goddamn second, Hardy.  I wasn't done."

"(Hardy) Okay…"

"(Mike) You see, Hardy, people say I snapped last night.  I did not snap.  I knew exactly what I was doing to Josh Tupper.  I will know exactly what I'm doing to whoever I face next Crimson.  And when I said that there was someone I was targeting?  Well, there is someone I'm targeting… the man, or gender-undifferentiated woman, who wears that World Title belt around their waist.  I will run you over, I will kick your ass, I will attack your ass… I don't really care how I get it.  All I want, is the gold I savor… the gold I crave… I need that belt around my waist.  And I can win it, Hardy.  I'm better than deKindes.  I'm better than Frost.  I'm sure as hell better than a gender-undifferentiated woman.  I'm better than every… single… motherfucker back there.  They can say whatever shit they want, but can they back it up in the ring?  Not like I can.  None of those motherfuckers can even compare to the Amazin' one… the true man, myth, and legend… and that's me… Mike Van Siclen."

"(Hardy) Mike, you say that you'll do anything you can to get…"

"(Mike) Hardy, are you fucking stupid?  I said that I will do anything, and every damn thing in my power to win that World Title belt.  I will run over anyone who gets in my way.  Frost.  DeKindes.  Sky.  Ordonez.  Thompson.  Williams.  Z.  If any of you want to stop me… go right ahead.  I will run you the fuck over like a fucking speed bump and keep right on rolling, until I am the Smarks Junior Leagues World champion.  And if you think you can compare to Mike Van Siclen… prove it.  Because THAT… is exactly… what I said."

 

MVS walks away, leaving Hardy standing like a dumbass with a mic in his hand, arm extended.

 

…fader…

 

---

 

Comment away, gents.

 

- Mike Van Siclen.

  Angry since last night.

[Guest]

Vanny cut a Heyman like worked-shoot promo with smark references and everything. He even said something about online boards, which made me mark. But I think you could have toned down the cursing because it lost it's shock value after the first couple time MVS said them in back to back sentences. That's why everbody marked in recognization when Angle first busted out the it's true, it's damn true line. Even though I personally don't consider damn a curse the seriousness of a curse word came out of no where for his character.  But I guess it is apart of your character to lay down the profane language, so shit, keep it the way it is. You got alot of good points across about your character and wrote a great promo.

[Guest Renegade]

Hardy.....the bitch of the JL!

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Okay, I'm slightly pissed.  Two replies to the first promo on the board in over a week, one that I worked relatively hard on, one with a lot of character development on my part... and two replies?  Does it really take that long to type "that sucked"?  Or "that was pretty good"?  I'm sorry if I'm wasting my fucking time trying to create at least a semi-storyline, but damn... blah.  I'm probably wasting my time even posting this.  Oh well, a bump might get this post two more replies.

 

- Mike Van Siclen.

  Blah, this isn't the least of my problems.

[Guest Insanityman]

That was good Mike. It happens very often that the good promos don't get replies... it sucks, I know.

[Guest Muzz]

I think I've been the only person to actually put Ben Hardy over in a promo.

 

Good work, MVS.