Painful Commentary

[Guest]

I am now writing my second match. Clearly the hardest part is the announcers. I know that all I have to do is read more experienced guys matches, and just stick with their characters, but it is really hard. I just want to improve my match writing skills in any way possible and my weakest point is obviously the commentators. If anyone has some helpful hints or something that helped you elder wrestlers get with the announcers characters please let me know. I just want to get better.

I'm ready to learn.

[Guest BA_Baracus]

PROMO (Stubby P. McWeed);

"Well...

 

...to be honest I think a lot of people these days lean way too heavily on the commentators.

 

It seems like a lot of the matches I mark are half just the two announcers prattling back and forth.  In the end, commentary is really not of any huge importance.  At least not when I mark...I don't know how the JL markers approach it.

 

Mothernature says...oh mah Gawd!"

[Guest Tod deKindes]

Here's what I do.

 

Axis: Picture him as Joey Styles. Face play-by-play man, calls the moves as he sees them, will react accordingly to an event that takes place in the ring. Heel beatdown = reacts like it's the worst thing he's ever seen. Heel upset win = reassures the viewers at home of a valiant effort by the loser and that he'll live to fight another day. Triumphant win by the face = acts like it's the second coming of Jesus and that all is right with the world.

 

Edwin: I picture him like Mike Tenay, but with a twist. Having spent time in the ring, he knows how to analyze a match to its core, and will often offer alternatives as for what the wrestler could do in a given situation. Heel beatdown = will often sympathize with Axis and thinks that a despicable act is taking place. Heel upset win = same as Axis. Triumphant face win = reminds the people that he'd had faith in the wrestler all along and that finally justice is served.

 

King: To me it's the spirit of Bobby Heenan inside the body of an e-fed commentator. I know it's hard to actually recreate The Brain, but it's still fun to try. He'll insult the face wrestler at any chance he gets, but it's gotta be a good burn. He's also not afraid to take any shots at his two colleagues. King's got class, so anything resembling "You're ugly, big poopyface!!" is unnacceptable. Try to be clever when writing King's burns. Heel beatdown = Will gleefully encourage it and scream at the wrestlers to hit em a lot more, where it hurts, too. Heel upset win = praise the winner on his natural ability and that it's just another day in the park for him (works best if the heel used devious means to win). Triumphant face win = the worst thing that could happen. He cheated, he was holding the tights, his foot was on the rope, his foot was holding the tights with the ropes, you get the idea. He'll try to come up with any excuse to give reason to the heel. In a nutshell, he's right and you're wrong.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

I personally mark with a bit of a focus on commentary, but it's only one of many elements.  Still important, though, because it helps with the ever-elusive flow.

 

I would recommend focusing on just a couple aspects of each commentating character: Edwin is goofy and likes faces, and King is cocky, vain, and likes heels.  Stuff like that.  Don't worry too much about funny jokes or routines, but just have them punctuate and add drama to the actual wrestling.  The commentators are often the best place to put over any psychology or particular attack strategy you're having characters use.

 

I also use them for dramatic impact much of the time, or to put emphasis on a particular action.

 

And...uh...yes.

[Guest Suicide King]

Yes.  At the end of the day, commentary is best used to break up action sequences and create atmosphere.  A good match should use commentary for those purposes and not let the action outside overshadow the action inside.

[Guest Ace309]

I'll just take this opportunity to quote myself from a conversation I was having with Z one time.

 

"I just write the left half of my brain [ie, the analytical part] for Axis, the right half [the creative, wacky aspect of my personality] for Edwin and the testicles for King."

 

I think that about sums it up.

[Guest]

The one piece of advice I can give, would be not to force your commentary, especially the joking around. Let it come naturally, and if you have to, think back to or watch old matches to get a feel for it. My commentary always sucks anyhow, and I never follow my own advice.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

King said it best...for me, commentary was only really used to break up my spots.  I don't have the flare for humor, so I didn't try often.  

 

The advice I have for you that helped me write commentary that, while it wasn't good by any means, didn't make people cringe when they read it...visualize.  The key to writing a good match (in all aspects) is visualization.  In your head, see what's happening in the match, and hear what the commentators are saying about it...then write that down.  Seriously...I just imagine that JR and King are calling the match I see in my head, and I just write down what they say...maybe with a little less of the drunk JR comments, but more or less, that's what I do.  If you can visualize  the match, then you can write the commentary no problem.

 

Also, when I mark, I rate 7 things in the match...commentay is just one of them.  So, if you bomb it, it's not the end of the world.  If you look at people like me, ELM, Wilson, and a few other top WFers, none of them have ever been exceptionally great at commentary.  All of the aforementioned have been WF world champion, but none of them can write commentary worth a  damn, so don't put so much pressure on yourself to get the commentary perfect.  You can make up for bad commentary with good flow, nice spots, and just some nice wrestling.

 

Da "visualize this" H

[Guest Insanityman]

And don't try to be funny if you can't be... trust me it'll never turn out well.

[Guest redbaron51]

"You're ugly, big poopyface!!"

 

That my friends is funny...Edwin funny

[Guest]

Ok, I finished the second match, and found it tremendously easier than the first to write. Thanks to everyone who posted here as I used your advice. I think the commentary is better on this one as it doesn't hurt my eyes to read it anymore.