Lockdown Comments

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Semi-stream of consciousness stuff, but really not, since I've got to stop my brain as I switch windows, lollerz.

 

1st post

I like the word knickknacks. I also like giving my dog a bone. And I'd like to see an old man roll (down a hill) home. Genesis, man! Peter fuckin' Gabriel Drake! lolz. I'm not ever of funny. Rasslin' gawd? GALATEA!!! Volunteer potato monster, oh noes!

 

2nd post

 

It's the card! Yay! Picture of stuffed!

3rd post

Pfft. Pyro isn't scary, unless it goes off unexpectedly in your house or something. Or it smashes into the helicopter restaurant you work at and sends you into the rotors to get chopped to bits. DETHKLOK! Suit am made by Jonathon Taylor Thomas, lollerz. Dude, Mandy Moore? Not, like Marilyn Monroe's corpse? That'd be cool. lolz. Pfft. Hawke shoulda went for Zero Gravity or No Gravity, or whatever it's called. Like the Bruceiraptor can even get to the top rope, lolz. Oh noes, it's those guys that are jerks! But, wait, Jay Hawke is a jerk, too, isn't he? BATTLE OF THE JERKS! WHEN JERKS COLLIDE! AIEEEEEEEEE! OH, SNAP, SPICY FUCKIN' BURNSAUCE BY JAYASAURUS! Oh noes, Cross, another jerk, is here! Man, it's sausage fest in the ring right now, lolz. Hey, it's a druid! He's going to...do stuff. Face to face with Bruce, Nemesis, and Cross? Stretch Armstrong?

 

4th post

Bird/Spork ak-shun! Birdman is really Extreme Hound. Just wanted to ruin that for everyone. Spike is like a sneaky guy with that sneak attack. Spike da Sneak. What? That doesn't rhyme like Keak da Sneak? Fine, I hate you FOREVER!

 

I'll, uh, finish this up later. I'm made of stuff and whatnot. Promise to finish laterz.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

You don't have to lie, Drea: you weren't really conscious when you typed that...

[super_tigris 0]

I know that it's just Drea being Drea, but that kind of shit is exactly why I no-showed my shot at the Hardcore Title.

 

You're still lovable, but a bitch to write in the situation I'm in (i.e. not really wanting to write at all).

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Some more of the other comments, the match: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law vs. Bollywood Santosh Jeevan (post #4)

 

- Birdy is totally wrecking Spike's beak. He'll need reconstructive beak surgery, and who cares if it is expensive, just put it on his bill! Oh, I should kill myself...

 

- I'm not a huge fan of talkin' and fightin' and action' (What? The word isn't actiong? Damn) combo paragraphs. I do not have a reason for that, other than, uh...poop?

 

- The C in plan C is for cookie. I think I just channeled Uncle Filthy. I should get rid of Doom and be Uncle Filthy version 2.0. Actually, I should do that with a lot of people. Rane version 2.0, Comet version 2.0, Ghost Machine 2.0 version 2.0.

 

- lolz, fistdrop. I remember reading Edwin's blog (Back when he updated it), and he said something about writing a paper about someone getting fisted by Wolverine from the X-Men and/or Mr. Fantastic (I think...doubt I just invented that). Too bad he's an ocelot, now.

 

- lolz, someone should stuff some uncooked rice (or Alka-Seltzer tablets) down the Birdman's throat. Caw-caw KABOOM! Once more: not funny.

 

- Birdman, don't you be stealin' my thunder, what with your headbutts, brosef. Or, like, I'll uh, do stuff. TO YOUR FACE!

 

- The early Birdman gets the gummy worm spine? My grandpappy used to say that when he was off his meds. We had to put him down, because he mauled a kid and had rabies. No, that was Old Yeller. Old Yeller used to say that and he had the hydrophobia (Isn't that what they used to call rabies, or am I fucking batshit loony fuckin' tunes? I like the old names for diseases, like consumption, or melty head or THE DEVIL IS IN YOUR SOUL AND WE MUST REMOVE IT WITH A GIANT HOLE IN YOUR CHEST (That one was a sore throat, lolz). Hey, I put parenthesis inside of parenthesis, instead of parenthesis inside of brackets, [ ], or squiggles { }.)

 

- Birdman, as tough as a pelican, or something? Also: I thought a rabbit punch was just to the back of the head. I MUST BE MISTAKEN. I WISH I DRANK, SO I COULD CHALK THINGS UP TO MY BOOZEAHOL CONTENT, BUT GUESS NOT. YAY.

 

- Dude, Birdy is a woodpecker. They've got all kinds of crazy biological stuff to help their heads/brains not get fucked up when they smash through trees. DUDE! Birdy vs ELM, lolz!

 

- To be serious for a moment, it seems odd that Spike wouldn't go for the Endwell when he's got Bird in a double underhook and everything. Then again, this is Sporky. Nice fruit rollup sequence. Then Bird poops on Spike's chest to win. That should be a real stip. "First to poop on the other guy wins". I'll write a match for it.

 

Overall, Bird vs. Spike - A pretty good read, with nice cruisery action, even though Spike is all "I'm a cruiser, but I want to mat wrestle!" which is totally illegal. I award it a grade of, like, Neato Bandito, but not quite Supremo Super Awesome (Which is tops, lallurz).

 

 

Post #5

I know it was mentioned in the frickin' promo, but some of these Maddix/Stephens exchanges seem like they're two steps from "Let's make out, to solidify our tag team confidence, lolz!" And that would be silly. You build tag confidence and trust by killing prostitutes together. (Also, though this was from a previous promo, I was getting a Drake = Bricktop from Snatch vibe. The whole 'treating Maddix like a tooloser or whatevs' aspect. Or, like, yeah?)

 

Post #6

Wouldn't the fact that he lost a Loser Leaves match mean Johnny shouldn't even be on the segment? Or something? Like I know how to read and comprehend. I mean, I'm only studying to be a whatever it is I'm studying. Taxidermy? Space Farmer? Hamburgerologist? Oh, yeah, accounting. I'M GUNNA AUDIT YOU! RAR! Oh noes, Tom Crusen! He's gonna lock Xenu in a shed! Oh, just the MI theme. Lolz. That's not a velvet rope, it's a velvet anaconda! Quick, throw it on a Sportscenter broadcaster: Snakes on a Kenny Mayne! A third time of not being funny. I win! And everyone is Birdman! Hamsauce shouldda came out. And Madrac. And Robot Jesus. Then MVS gets stuff done to him, yay.

 

Other matches to come: NOT NOW. So, later. Like, in two weeks, lol.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

More of commentings!

 

Post #7

 

Tom is drunkbed and a Fatty McFatfat. Also, I keep thinking of "The Avon Lady" by Chester Tam, Kal Penn, and Brandon Routh, because in the song, Kal is made because the Avon Lady ate his fish and chips (She also pulled the four-fifth, and started talkin' that ish, how she hated White Castle and the Lonely Island). But, I digress. Not feelin' the super crazy wacky, so I'll just say I liked this promo, what with Tom all "Pfft, Cruiser title? I don't need no stinkin' Cruiser title!". Which, you know, is something he's never, ever done before, lolz.

 

Post #8

 

lolz, Landon is a goober. And then gets beaten around the head and neck for it. Man, just once, I wish someone would write Hardy as a badass that just thumps anyone that tries to rough him up (Or if a fight breaks out, like in this promo). Then again, I think the Hardy character was like, 5'9" or something. And I'm pretty sure he was also British. So, yeah, no dice on that. Man, screw Toxxicle for breaking his promise, what is he, some kind of...promise breaker? YEAH! Let's kill him to death! Pfft. Drake's a hobgoblin for not fighting Toxx and stuff. God I fucking hate hobgoblins.

 

Post #9

 

MVS just signed a permission slip allowing WC to go to the planetarium even though his report card had two Ds and one F. WC is very sneaky and junk.

 

Post #10

 

This match should have been jobbed because it lists MANSON as the inferior Manson. There's no excuse for that. Who is this "Jesh" person I've seen before in Blank's matches? Is he some sort of Danish deity or something? To quote Mitch Hedberg "To hell with purple people! Unless they are suffocating, in which case, save them!" aw shit i forgot how to read. Wait, there it is. Yeah! Words 'n' stuff! Ah, but how big of a boat was this sarcasm? A canoe is not very large. Ugh, I honestly don't want to read this match, not because it's a Bruce match, but because of the screw up I mentioned earlier. If it isn't MANSON, then I don't care about it. lolz. For this mistake, I award the match a passing grade of Double Meh.

 

Post #11

 

My shitty match, where the sound effects were provided by my biology textbook. Go school! I award this match a So, Uh, Yeah...Stuff.

 

Post #12

 

That promo what I done wroted. It's about, like, stuff.

 

IN CONCLUSION, THIS WAS SOME HALF-ASSED LOCKDOWN COMMENTS. I ONLY REALLY READ ONE MATCH (THOUGH THERE WERE A TOTAL OF THREE, ONE OF WHICH I WROTE, SO I BASICALLY READ HALF THE MATCHES FOR THIS SHOW). I KIND OF SUCKED WHAT WITH THESE COMMENTS. THERE WERE SOME GOOD PROMOS, AND STUFF, THOUGH. I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM GRADES, TOO. I ALSO SHOULD HAVE USED GRADES THAT MADE SENSE, LIKE NUMBERS, OR STARS, OR SOMETHING. I WAS ABOUT TO SAY 'IN CONCLUSION', BUT I ALREADY SAID THAT, AND I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE AN EVEN BIGGER FUCKING MORON, SO I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS BIT OF WISDOM: IF YOU'VE GOT A WIENER, DON'T STICK IT IN A BEAR TRAP OR A TAR PIT.

[Smartly Pretty 0]

...the hell am I gonna do with this bear trap now?

[JJ Johnson 0]

Well, we don't want you reproducing anyway.

 

Also, if Men in Black taught me anything, it's that...

 

Blank: "The only way you are ever ... and I mean ever ... taking this title belt from me is to pry it out of my cold dead hands."

 

Hawke: "That can be arranged."

 

...the proper response to Blank's statement is "Your proposal is acceptable."

[Toxxic 0]

I'd like to point out that I for one am intrigued by who Hawke's Druid-y sidekick is.

[super_tigris 0]

I'd like to point out that I for one am intrigued by who Hawke's Druid-y sidekick is.

 

The odds makers in Vegas have Trent Hawk listed as a 2 to 1 favorite to be the druid man.

 

But only because Hawke & Hawk with manager Steven Hawking would be the coolest thing ever.