This family walks in to a talent agent...

[Ravenbomb 0]

It's a mother, a father, two daughters (an 8 year old and a baby) and a 10 year old son. The father says "Sir, we have an amazing act. If you let us perform it here for you, we're sure you'll want to sign us." The talent agent says "Sorry, family acts are a little passé."

"But, sir, it's a really great act! Just let us perform it for you here, please!" The mother pleads. The agent sighs and says "fine."

 

They smile and all stand in a circle. The father says "aaaaand...NOW!" and claps his hands. The son goes to the mother and rips off her tear-away dress so she's completely naked. He turns her around, bends her over, and starts eating her pussy out. Meanwhile, the father undresses the older daughter, takes the younger daughter's arm and starts having the baby fist-fuck the older daughter. The son stops eating the mom out, takes his pants off, and starts fucking her in the ass while the dad takes two fingers and starts scooping shit out of the older daughters ass and starts making the two girls eat it.

 

Meawhile, whilst fucking the mom, the son takes a long piss into her ass. When he's done, he pulls out and slides over to the other three and starts sucking his dad's cock while the mom clenches her asshole and then sprays the son's piss out of her ass all over the father, the son, and the daughters. It gets in their eyes and on the dad's cock, the son's cock, the girls little pussy, and there's little bits of shit in there. The dad takes the kids and starts licking the piss and shit off of them. Then he bends the son down and has him eat the baby girl out while he fists him in the ass and sucks him off, while the older daughter and mother sixty-nine under them. Then the mother reaches into a duffle bag they brought in and takes out a speculum and some vinegar. She goes over to the others, sticks the speculum in her pussy and opens it up. The dad, older daughter, and son all drink the vinegar. First, the dad starts gagging, and throws up into the mom's pussy. Then the son, then the daughter. The two kids keep some of the vomit in their mouths and start making out, swapping the puke between them, while the dad eats the vomit out of the mom's pussy.

 

Then, the son takes a huge, runny, shit into the daughter's mouth, and she swallows it. Then she licks up the stuff that got on the floor while the son fucks her in the ass. Then she drinks some more vinegar while licking the son's asshole clean of any remaining feces, and vomits up puke and shit onto the baby, which the mom licks clean. Then the dad and son fuck her in the mouth and ass, rotissery style, while the older daughter eats her pussy out, and she's breast feeding the baby girl. The baby gets full, and she sprays her breast milk all over everybody else.

Finally, the dad's had enough. He takes the older daughter, bends her over, fucks her doggy style, and cums in her pussy. The son does the same with the baby daughter. Then, the mom takes out two BUTT plugs and shoves them into the two daughters' pussies ("so none of it leaks out", she says to the agent).

 

Then, the dad shouts angrily "WE'VE GOT THREE FUCKING MORE OF THESE THINGS AT HOME!", grabs the baby girl by the ankles, and slams it's head against the corner of the desk. Then the dad and son take the dead baby and fuck it with both dicks in the ass. Then the mom eats the pussy of the baby girl out- literally, she licks it some, then chews the pussy off of the baby, and she and the daughter eat it. Then the dad fucks the baby where its pussy used to be and says "yeah, that loosened her right up"

 

Then the dad scoots up a chair from the desk to the middle of the room and sits down. The mom produces a hammer and a nail. She gets his dick all lined up nice and straight and hammers the nail into it. He stands up, goes to the eldest daughter and she starts sucking him off while the nail is in it. He holds her jaw and pierces her tongue with his dick-nail, before she bites down on the nail and he yanks his dick out, splitting his dick down the middle so it’s like a fork-dick. He then fucks the two girls at the same time, each with a half of his dick.

 

The son, meanwhile, shoots heroin into his balls. He has several different needles, and when he uses each one, he breaks the needle off into his ball and has his mom suck it out. They do this about 3 or 4 times.

 

Then the dad lays the mom out on the floor, stands over her and says "Now, my impression of Ghandi!" And he grunts really hard and shits a gerbil out into the mom's mouth. "Wait! That's not all!" he proudly proclaims. He then proceeds to shit out 20 or so baby gerbils. The mom, while fingering herself, chews really loudly on the gerbil mom and babys and swallows them. She then aims her crotch at the rest of her family, and has a big, gushing orgasm that sprays all over them.

 

Then, the mom, dad, son, and daughter (while holding the dad baby), head to the middle of the room and yell "Ta-da!"

 

And the talent agent just sits there in shock. Finally, he mutters "...christ, that's a...that's a hell of an act. What the hell do you call it?"

 

And the father says...

...The Aristocrats!

[Man Who Sold The World 0]

Hawt

[Guest Felonies!]

Then there's the family act that sings songs together and does some pet tricks, called The Fucking Cocksuckers.

[PUT THAT DICK IN MY MOUTH! 0]

Joe Franklin raped me

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

I cant watch reruns of Full House anymore knowing how absolutely filthy and perverted Bob Saget is. I heard him on O&A promoting the Aristocrats movie and I saw the movie..

 

The movie is great though.

[snuffbox 0]

I don't get it.

[JangoFett4Hire 0]

I cant watch reruns of Full House anymore knowing how absolutely filthy and perverted the Olsen Twins are.

 

Edited for fun./\

[Ravenbomb 0]

I don't get it.

 

Neither do I...

 

 

Two guys walk into a talent agent.

 

“Hey, we’ve got a great act we wanna show you.” One of them says to the agent.

 

“Alright,” the agent says, “show me whatcha got.”

 

They get right into it. One man pulls out a boom box and pushes play, as music from the game Doom plays. They then pull out these five cats from a box they brought in with them, all leashed to a big cinder block. They unhook one and hold it down against the ground. The one guy stands up as the other holds it by the back of the neck to the floor. The man standing braces himself and then rams his heel into the cat’s head. The cat lets out a sickening meow, so the man stomps on its head again, splattering little chunks of cat head around the room. He stomps again for good measure, but mostly just hits floor. They scrape up little bits of cat head and put it into a little bowl.

 

They unhook another cat and shove its head face-first into the bowl to make him eat the splattered cat head. After force-feeding the cat, they hold its mouth open and make it bite down on the cinder block. One of the men stands up and stomps down on the back of the cat’s head, forcing it against the corner of the cinder block. The other man then pulls the cat corpse up by the tail. He holds the tail firmly, grasps the hind legs, and pulls them away from each other, ripping the top of the cat away from the bottom. He tosses the two pieces of cat back into the box.

 

They unhook another cat. One of the men hold it down while another takes out several hypodermic needles filled with a combination of pure rabies and heroin. He keeps injecting them into the cat until the cat dies. They toss it back into the box.

 

The remaining two cats they rape to death.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK!” the agent yells. “What the fuck was that supposed to be?!”

 

One of the men turns to the agent and says “The Aristocats.”

[haws bah gawd 0]

The best 2 versions of the joke I've heard have come from Bob Saget and Cartman. Good stuff.

[k thx 0]

I told this in the pub the other week. It got a mixed reaction.

 

The fluffiest dog in the world joke I stole from someone on this board works better with improvisation.

[stahl 0]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URyFoTh3qr0

 

Much more funny than reading it.