Hulk Hogan Rules

[Guest Nikkolas]

Well, I'm a Hogan fan. I'm also a fan of the RPG seires Final Fantasy. However, I like Final Fantasy IX and Kuja infinitely more than the overrated Final Fantasy VII and Sephiroth.S o, I wrote this little piece. Then, some people liked it and I wrote another one for Kefka who is the only villain who can match Kuja for awesomeness or evil.

 

Anyway, enjoy.

 

-------------------------

 

Jim Ross: Hello everyone. Once again this is Good ol’ J.R. coming to you with Jerry The King Lawler and King, we’re about to see one of the biggest slobberknockers in the history of slobberknockers.

 

King: You got that right, J.R.. That old has-been Hulk Hogan has challenged the famed antagonist Sephiroth to an all-or-nothing bout here tonight!

 

Jim Ross: Dunno if I’d call Hulk a “has-been” King but he may have bitten off more than he can chew here tonight. But perhaps the Immortal One can pull off a win and secure that Sephiroth stays dead in future games.

 

King: Not a chance, J.R.. We’re definitely gonna see the end of Hulkamania here tonight.

 

*Sephiroth stands at the ready, hair and black trenchcoat still in the arena atmosphere. The crowd is as silent as the grave too. The tension and suspense of the bout to come thickening the air. Hogan looks over, dressed in the red and yellow trunks and bandanna, his eyes calmly surveying the opponent he must defeat*

 

Jim Ross: And there’s the bell! Oh and I can’t even bare to think what will happen in this one!

 

*Sephiroth is a blur of motion as in no time he’s punched Hulk straight to the face. Hogan groans and stumbles back. Sephiroth, merciless, delivers a low blow to Hulk who crumples as the crowd boos loudly*

 

King: I love it! Hulkamania beaten in two moves!

 

*Sephiroth looks down at the old oddly-hairstyled figure now laying flat on the mat. He sneers. He figured he could “pin” him by impaling him on the Massamune. Out of nowhere, the sword materializes in his grip*

 

Jim Ross: Wait a damn minute! That’s illegal! Someone stop this!

King: Nuh-uh! This is what he’s had coming to him for years!

 

*Sephirtoh smirks down at Hulk, strutting over to place either leg on either side of the still form of Hulk Hogan. Then, a sound is heard. It starts low and rumbling like distant thunder but grows till its like being in the very middle of the worst storm of all time*

 

“Hogan! Hogan! Hogan! Hogan!”

 

*Sephiroth frowns in annoyance and pays it no mind. Raising the sword, he aims the tip of the lengthy katana down and prepares to drive it through the heart of Hulk Hogan. The crowd’s chant reaches an all-time high as it descends rapidly towards Hulk’s body. But then, out of nowhere, a hand snaps up and seizes it. Sephirtoh blinks and applies more force but Hogan’s grip holds the blade firm and ineed he starts to push it AWAY from himself*

 

King: Impossible! More pressure, Sephiroth!

Jim Ross: No pressure or force in the world can stop him now, King! It’s HULKAMANIA!!!”

 

*Hogan looks up straight into Sephiroth’s strained features as he tries with all his might to force the blade into Hogan. Hogan, with seemingly no effort, snapped the tip right off the Massamune. The crowd gasped and Sephiroth stumbled back. Looking at Hulk in bewildered rage, Hulk merely got to his knees and shook his head, holding his face aloft to the ceiling while his wide eyes stared intently at Sephiroth. Sephiroth threw away the sword and landed a crushing blow straight to Hulk’s chest but Hulk shook his head one last time, blond hair waving as he did so and got to his feet*

 

JiM Ross: Oh yes! This is the power of Hulkamania!!!

King: Hit him again, Sephiroth! Powerbomb! Heartless Angel!! Something!

 

*Hogan marches around the ring, the fan’s roars now reaching a pitch that threatened to take the roof off the arena as Hulk shook his massive arms and HULKED up. Sephiroth, snarling, walked towards Hulk and landed a Demi3 right on him. Hulk, turned to look at Sephiroth and the spell did absolutely nothing. Hulk pointed a finger at Sephiroth and then shook it. Sephiroth went for another spell but was seized by Hulk who threw him into the ropes. Bouncing off them, his green eyes saw the heel of a yellow boot as it hit his face solidly*

 

Jim Ross: And the fans know what’s coming next! It’s time to wrap this up!

King: Get up! Move out of the way! Use the Lifestream!!

 

*Sephiroth lay immobile, incapable of moving as Hogan signaled to the crowd. The crowd screamed its approval and as Hogan gave one last sign and whipped off the ropes, the voices of Hulkamaniacs everywhere sounded out. His body lifted into the air above Sephiroth, hangtime and elevation surpassing anything that had ever been seen before, and brought down the infamous, unparalleled might of the Leg of Hogan/the Atomic Leg Drop right across Sephiroth’s head.

 

Rolling over, he crawled across him and hooked his leg*

 

1....2....3!!!

 

*Hogan stood up as the crowd went absolutely insane. The Hogan chant was ear-splitting not only with the noise of it but the sheer intensity. Hogan gestured for a mic. He bent over and looked at the unmoving form of Sephiroth*

 

Hogan: Ya see, brother, me and all these billions of Hulkamaniacs don’t want you to come back. Your evil will never win against the power of Hulkamania. Now. *standing straight up, he looked around at the crowd* I know all those other FF villains are in the back watching this match. Yeah, you Sin. You Kefka. And I know exactly what you’re thinking!

 

 

WHATCA GONNA DO BROTHER WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?

 

-------------------

KEFKA

 

Jim Ross: Well, folks, this is truly the big one. Hulk Hogan, after defeating Sephiroth, was challenged by the notorious antagonist known as Kefka.

 

King: Yeah and I have a STRONG feeling we’re gonna see Hulkamania taken down once and for all tonight. I mean, this guy destroyed his planet and had his own cult. Hulk can’t top that.

 

Jim Ross: The only way to know is to see it, King. And that’s eactly what we’re about to do.

 

And there it is – the sound of the anthem to Hulkamania: “Real American.” To its blaring sound and the even more powerful screams and chants of the crowd filling the arena, Hulk Hogan walked to the ring. He posed in the walkway, acknowledging the fans as he did so. The yellow-and-red clad figure entered the ring and tore his shirt off in a display of his vast strength. Standing over in the corner, the sound of the song and the crowd died down as a new song played “Dancing Mad” was this theme and it was the tune to one of the most evil beings Hulk and the crowd had ever seen.

 

It was the theme of Kefka who walked slowly down to the ring, a grin plastered across his clownish features. The overpowering boos and catcalls from the crowd attracted his attention. Looking to the side, he waved his hand and just like that, a beam of energy shot from nowhere and in that flash from the beam, the entire right side of the stands with the crowd was gone.

 

Jim Ross: Wait! You can’t just vaporize the audience because they boo you!

 

King: What are YOU gonna go tell him he can’t, J.R.? Triple H broke your arm sure but this guy would annihilate your body.

 

Jim Ross: That may be true King but I can’t help but find it despicable when a person just casually ends the lives of hundreds of our WWE fans.

 

Kefka, laughing now in the silent as the grave atmosphere after his strike, strode to the ring and went through the ropes. Walking to his corner, he stood there, a maniacal grin now firmly across his face once more as insane eyes danced over the giant blond man in front of him. Hulk Hogan, in his corner, kept up a brave face, his jaw tight. But he felt some doubt down in the very core of his being. But he also felt a flame burning to avenge all those just killed by this...androgynous clown.

 

Then, amidst the silence of the arena, the loud echoing toll of the bell sounded out. Kefka, laughing again, raised both arms and immediately at his side were 3 statues. Hogan looked at them, frowning and then took a step towards Kefka. Kefka continued to laugh as a wall of energy met him, the wall being projected by the statues.

 

Jim Ross: What are those objects? This surely must b ea violation of the rules to use mystical artifacts to make yourself invulnerable.

 

King: You never said anything back when Undertaker had his Urn, J.R.. Don’t be a hypocrite.

 

Hogan frowned and threw a punch. It bounced harmlessly off the energy barrier. The crowd was muttering. This was going very bad. First a stand-full of people wiped out and now their hero couldn’t even touch the man responsible. This...very feminine-looking man. It was dispiriting to say the least and no one was even out of their seat.

 

Hogan raised an arm to call for the people, Hulkamania’s, aid. With a mad giggle, Kefka sent out a shockwave that sent Hulk flying into the corner where he crumpled. Kefka, continuing to shriek with laughter, raised both hands above his head.

 

Jim Ross: I don’t like the look of this, King. What is that twisted excuse for a human being doing?

 

King: He’s ending Hulkamania, J.R.. And I can’t wait!

 

After a long moment, another, much larger beam came down and struck the stadium. In the flash of this light, panicked screams were extinguished. When the light faded, the entire place was nothing but a heap of rubble and corpses.

 

Jim Ross: This ain’t...right.

 

Jim Ross collapsed next to the dead form of Jerry The King Lawler and died as his cowboy hat slid off his lifeless head. Kefka, cackling in victory, looked around at the devastation with a gleeful and sadistic eye.

 

Kefka: Kefkamania is runnin’ wild!!!

 

But, a rustle was heard under his wild laughter and repeated chants of “Kefkamania”. It was the rustle of a particularly large chunk of debris from the arena. Then the approximately 520 pound piece of debris (trivia: 520 was how much Andre the Giant weighed when Hulk slammed him at WrestleMania 3) went flying. Kefka stared in bafflement at the figure before him. It was the form of Hulk Hogan. Though the bandanna was gone and the yellow-and-red attire was ripped, his body showed no signs of injury.

 

Hulk knelt there, his head held high and his arms shaking at his sides, fists clenched. Kefka, blinked and grinned.

 

Kefka: Whatcha gonna do second-cousin twice removed when Kefkamania sends the Light of Judgment at you?!?!

 

With that, the beam of light that had decimated this arena came crashing down upon the kneeling form of Hulk Hogan. When the flash dissipated, Kefka’s smile faded. Hogan was still kneeling, no sign of injury marring his body. Hulk shook his head at Kefka, bleach blond hair quivering as he moved to his feet and began to march around the destroyed ring, arms with their massive biceps trembling as he did so. Kefka glared at the figure. Hogan then turned and pointed a finger straight at the glaring form of Kefka. Kefka felt something odd happening and looked at the statue to his left. As Hogan shook his finger, it exploded in a blaze of energy that quickly vanished. Hogan shook his finger a second and third time at Kefka and the second and third Goddess Statues ruptured in a blaze of power.

 

Kefka now stood there, shock and horror upon his face as not only his barrier but the source of his power faded. Hogan then began to march around the destroyed ring, Kefka paralyzed with fear as he did so. All around him, the corpses of the crowd began to stir and then stand. J.R. and King both got up, Jim Ross putting his hat back on.

 

King: No one kills Jerry The King Lawler and gets away with it! Squash him, Hogan!

 

Hogan was doing just that. As the roars of “HOGAN!” were sounding out, Hogan was marching over to Kefka. Kefka went to whirl to try and run for safety but Hogan had him by the shoulder. Spinning Kefka around, he gripped him by the front of his outfit and gave him a solid punch to the face. The now powerless clown was laid out flat on his back as Hogan held his hand to his ear, signaling for what everyone wanted. Listening to the shouts of the resurrected crowd, imbued with the might that trumps any and all things, Hulk backed away from the prone form of Kefka.

 

Jim Ross: Whatcha gonna do, Kefka!! WHATCHA GONNA DO?!?!

 

Hogan, giving one last showboat hand-to-the-ear took a running start and then leapt into the air over Kefka. His body soared high into the air, hanging there for what seemed an eternity before the might of justice, the might of Hulkamania, the Leg of Hulk hogan came crashing down right on Kefka’s head.

 

Hogan, rolling over, covered the still body and hooked a leg. Both shoulders were down as the crowd shouted

 

“1...2...3!!!”

 

The crowd’s scream for victory, for the victory of good over evil was a wave of sound that threatened to bust every person’s eardrums.

 

Jim Ross: He did it! By God he did it! That clown could obliterate cities and indeed everyone in this arena but in the end, he could not kill Hulkamania!!

 

At the outskirts of the destroyed arena, Terra, Locke and the crew stood blankly.

 

Locke: Well...I would’v liked if we had that guy in this party. It would have made things easier.

 

They shrugged and turned to walk off.

 

Hogan, after celebrating with the crowd, scooped up a mic from nowhere. After motioning for silence, he held the microphone to his mouth.

 

Hogan: Train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins and most importantly to all the little Hulkamaniacs out there, believe in yourself and YOU can beat psychotic God clowns too!

 

Then, a scream was heard. Hogan looked behind him and saw a massive beast lumbering towards him. It had two gigantic fins and its head was tilted downwards to survey the people as it walked. Hogan locked eyes with the creature and spoke into the mic.

 

Hogan:Brother, I bodyslammed Andre the Giant. And after I bodyslam YOU! *points at Sin* You’ll be thinking one thing!

 

 

WHATCA GONNA DO BROTHER WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU?

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

OMG

 

BAN PLS!

[Gary Floyd 0]

Lol internet.

[Guest Nikkolas]

OMG

 

BAN PLS!

 

Heavens know that I deserve a banning for committing no violation of rules and even if I did commit a violation ie. maybe posting this in the wrong forum, I don't think it would be ban worthy. Plus, as I seem to have embraced the ethic employed by most people on the net with half-a-brain, hat of actually writing out words, I don't see why your obvious judgment on me is anything more valuable than a stool sample.

 

May I also remind you that no one forced you to read any of that. If you find it mind-numbing or retarded, do you have to post in this topic? What exactly is being accomplished by your calling for a "BAN PLS"? Perplexing.

[Thoth 0]

OMG

 

BAN PLS!

 

Heavens know that I deserve a banning for committing no violation of rules and even if I did commit a violation ie. maybe posting this in the wrong forum, I don't think it would be ban worthy. Plus, as I seem to have embraced the ethic employed by most people on the net with half-a-brain, hat of actually writing out words, I don't see why your obvious judgment on me is anything more valuable than a stool sample.

 

May I also remind you that no one forced you to read any of that. If you find it mind-numbing or retarded, do you have to post in this topic? What exactly is being accomplished by your calling for a "BAN PLS"? Perplexing.

 

Stop defending this bullshit.

[MarvinisaLunatic 0]

OMG

 

BAN PLS!

 

Heavens know that I deserve a banning for committing no violation of rules and even if I did commit a violation ie. maybe posting this in the wrong forum, I don't think it would be ban worthy. Plus, as I seem to have embraced the ethic employed by most people on the net with half-a-brain, hat of actually writing out words, I don't see why your obvious judgment on me is anything more valuable than a stool sample.

 

May I also remind you that no one forced you to read any of that. If you find it mind-numbing or retarded, do you have to post in this topic? What exactly is being accomplished by your calling for a "BAN PLS"? Perplexing.

 

Im gonna be a bitch and nitpick..theres a General Wrestling Folder where you discuss "Fantasy Booking"..probably not the intention of the rule but..um..yeah..this woulda sucked in there too..you should have put it somewhere else and by somewhere else I mean anywhere else besides TSM.

 

whatever then..anyone else expecting a Shaq Fu style Hulk Hogan fighting game when they saw the title ? That woulda been awesome..unlike what was actually delivered.

[Guest Nikkolas]

Stop defending this bullshit.

 

nd I should...why? Because some people I don't know on the internet are insulting it and me? Insulting me no less for something they A) do not have to read and B) do not have to comment on is not speaking volumes of whatever superiority you have decided you possess that makes you think you can call my writing "bullshit." Do you not like Final Fantasy? Does sorta long writing involving humor fatigue your brain? What is me posting this topic doing exactly to you?

[Scroby 0]

what.....the.....fuck?

[Thoth 0]

Stop defending this bullshit.

 

nd I should...why? Because some people I don't know on the internet are insulting it and me? Insulting me no less for something they A) do not have to read and B) do not have to comment on is not speaking volumes of whatever superiority you have decided you possess that makes you think you can call my writing "bullshit." Do you not like Final Fantasy? Does sorta long writing involving humor fatigue your brain? What is me posting this topic doing exactly to you?

 

Because I post on this forum. And you have posted utter shit on it. You're on my lawn.

 

Get off my lawn.

[Guest Princess Leena]

New poster, people are quite rude here. You'll get used to it.

 

And yeah, next time post stuff like this in Fantasy Booking.

[Open the Muggy Gate 0]

This man had Hogan beat Sephiroth. There's gotta be a law letting us hang this man.

[cbacon 0]

hostile crowd in this forum

[Craig Th 0]

I am moving this to, umm, CS.

[alfdogg 0]

I was actually just about to do that. Well done.

[Man Who Sold The World 0]

OMG

 

BAN PLS!

 

Heavens know that I deserve a banning for committing no violation of rules and even if I did commit a violation ie. maybe posting this in the wrong forum, I don't think it would be ban worthy. Plus, as I seem to have embraced the ethic employed by most people on the net with half-a-brain, hat of actually writing out words, I don't see why your obvious judgment on me is anything more valuable than a stool sample.

 

May I also remind you that no one forced you to read any of that. If you find it mind-numbing or retarded, do you have to post in this topic? What exactly is being accomplished by your calling for a "BAN PLS"? Perplexing.

 

w... p?

[Ginger Snaps 0]

This man had Hogan beat Sephiroth. There's gotta be a law letting us hang this man.

 

Worse, he jobbed Kefka.

 

Is this new poster a gimmick account?

[Guest Nikkolas]

Oh no...not Sephiroth! Losing? SEPHIROTH? Is it possible?! Well, by all accounts, yes it is. Lost once...twice...3 times last I counted as he was defeated by Cloud in the Mako Reactor before the game then by the party at the end of the game and then again in Advent Children. And, most representative of how sub-par he is, nothing he did came close to Kefka or Kuja. He had the benefit of an entire movie made for his series but he still couldn't get half the job done or show half the power and evil of Kefka and Kuja. Kefka is self-explanatory but as Kuja is less well-known, let's how how both devoid of character, power and accomplishments Sephiroth is.

 

Kuja vs. Sephiroth - the confrontation of the silver-haired Playstation sensation...s. Kuja, the poetic yet nearly unknown antagonist of Final Fantasy IX against Sephiroth, the universally-known and giant sword-wielding villain of Final Fantasy VII. There have been two threads like this in the past on this forum but both lacked a nice thorough evaluation of each character. I will provide this as the start for this topic.

 

SEPHIROTH

 

Motives- The key to any true good villain is their motivation. Why are they evil? Sephiroth was a noble soldier and war hero, admired by young men. One day, he goes on a mission and reads some books in a secret government laboratory.

 

Sephiroth: (reading a book) …an organism that was apparently dead, was found in 2000 year old geological stratum. Professor Gast named that organism, Jenova… Year, X Month, X Day. Jenova confirmed to be an Ancient …X Year, X Month, X

Day. Jenova Project approved. The use of Mako Reactor I approved for use… My other's name is Jenova… Jenova Project… Is this just a coincidence? Professor Ga st… Why didn't you tell me anything? …Why did you die?

 

Short time later...

 

Sephiroth: Don't you get it? An Ancient named Jenova was found in the geological stratum of 2000 years ago. The Jenova Project. The Jenova Project

wanted to produce people with the powers of the Ancients……no, the Cetra! …I am the one that was produced.

 

 

From the lies told him and his own bizarre logic, Sephiroth deduced he was “created” and a test-tube baby. This conveniently severed any ties he had with humanity which he seems to have also fabricated a story for.

 

Sephiroth: Long ago, disaster struck this planet. Your ancestors escaped… They survived because they hid. The Planet was saved by sacrificing the Cetra. After that, your ancestors continued to increase. Now all that's left of the Cetra is in these reports.

 

So, Sephiroth’s motives are a righteous hate for humanity. To avenge his “ancestors” and mother, he must kill and “take back” the Planet from humans. He then proceeds to perform his infamous rampage in Nibelheim.

 

But, isn’t this knowledge invalid? He wasn’t created. He wasn’t a Cetra. The “mother” of his was the real thing that wiped out the Cetra. This is fact. Yet, Sephiroth...

 

Sephiroth: ...Ah, but I have. I'm far superior to the Ancients. I became a traveler of the Lifestream and gained the knowledge and wisdom of the Ancients.

 

That is Sephiroth at the Temple of the Ancients. Examine these quotes well. He has gained the knowledge of the Ancients which would include his righteous hate for humanity being non-existent. Thus, his motivation and reasons for going evil are moot.

 

Power- Now, Sephiroth’s power..what is it? He went into the Lifestream and is now at Northern Crater. He’s stuck there, trapped in materia. His power (never even explained) was the ability to control Jenova’s body and the other Sephiroth clones. In this way, Aeris and the workers at Shinra HQ were killed. Sephiroth himself does absolutely nothing throughout the game except stay stuck in the Crater. His main goal and use of power to attain his goal was Meteor. However, Meteor can be used by anyone.

 

Aerith: Nope, we can't use it right now. You need great spiritual power to use it.

 

Cloud: You mean lots of Spiritual energy?

 

Aerith: That's right. One person's power alone won't do it. Somewhere special. Where there's plenty of the Planet's energy... Oh yeah! The Promised Land!

 

So, even the “great Sephiroth” to use the terminology of the Sephiroth clones and fans (who have a remarkable likeness in the extent of their brainpower) was incapable of wielding such magic. No one could unless they were at a place of immense power that gave them a big power boost. So, there goes Sephiroth’s amazing power right down the drain.

 

But, I suppose I should examine Advent Children. He then keeps his consciousness from being assimilated into the Lifestream thanks more to the Jenova cells he was born with than anything else and the three Silver-Haired Men are born. In the end, Kadaj gains Jenova’s head and here is Sephiroth again. His goal now - to traverse the stars using the Jenova cells to contaminate and control the Planet. Again, not his power. Jenova’s. He’s piggybacking on it.

 

Appearance- Now we al know we are shallow and how a character looks can sway our opinion. Sephiroth is very stereotypical for a villain. Dressed all in black, rather tall and armed with a massive blade, he represents what most villains should look like and what you expect them to look like.

 

Accomplishments-

Burned down and kill some people in Nibelheim

Used Jenova’s body to kill people in Shinra HQ.

Killed Aeris

Summoned Meteor - failed to achieve goal of this accomplishment

Held off Holy

Came back after being defeated and was defeated again.

 

 

KUJA

 

Motives- Kuja was born a Genome, a specially-designed creature named for a seed used to create them. He was defective, however, and was planned to be disposed of after he had served his purpose of being a placeholder Angel of Death.

 

Garland: His ambition was unbecoming of a Genome, but it was perfect for the mission I gave him. To bring war and chaos to Gaia...

 

And so, Kuja’s desires and lust born from his own ideas and egoism were not in accordance with the mission Genomes should hold dear. However, this destructive nature was perfect for Garland.

 

That was Kuja’s initial motivations, showing he was a natural-born tool of destruction but had ideas of using that destructive might for his own ends. His plan to achieve the power he longed for was thus.

 

Kuja: You two just don't get it! I need an eidolon more powerful than Alexander! An eidolon with the power to bury Garland! His powers are so incredible; I cannot even come close. I must destroy him before Terra's plan is activated, or my soul will no longer be my own! Who cares if she lives? I want that eidolon!

 

His goal was to gain the most powerful summon, a summon which could destroy Garland which would both destroy his most powerful and hated nemesis as well as removing the chance his soul would be taken from him. He first used the benevolent Queen of Alexandria, Queen Brahne, to summon Bahamut. Taking control fo Bahamut, he destroyed Queen Brahne and her entire fleet. He then attacked Alexandria with the out-of-control Bahamut but it was destroyed by THE most powerful eidolon, Alexander. When Kuja attempted to seize Alexander however, he was thwarted by Garland. When the new attempt at taking an eidolon from Eiko failed, he concocted a new scheme after witnessing her moogle going into Trance.

 

Kuja: So...an eruption of anger against one's surroundings induces a complete Trance! It's not the will to live, nor is it the desire to protect another!

 

Kuja: That means...I simply need a powerful soul, even if that soul is not my own! No, wait... And it can be found there!

 

Time goes by and the party reaches Terra. Kuja expresses very well how stupid they all are.

 

Kuja: I must say... I truly love you all. You not only broke the seal to Terra, but did me the favor of defeating Garland!

 

He then fights the party and they help him even more! They help him go into Trance.

 

Kuja: It's Trance! You know how it works. But a normal Trance won't be enough to defeat you... You're all as resilient as oglops. Even tiny

moogles possess the power of Trance... When I saw that in Gulug Volcano, I came up with a plan. It was easy. I just needed to borrow the power

from wretched souls that can't die... Where did I acquire it? It was the Invincible, or should I say, that large eyeball in the sky?

 

So, his plan shifted a good portion through the game and his own brilliance and cunning led to this new plan being a complete success. Well, almost...

 

Kuja: A mortal...? ...I'm finished? I don't believe you! Why would I believe such a silly story! You're telling me that I'll die soon, now that I'm more powerful than anyone? I'm gonna...die!? Lose my soul...?

 

Kuja: ...I won't let it happen. I won't... I won't let this world exist without me!

 

Kuja, who had lived for power, finally had the unrivaled might he sought. However, his life was at an end. He summed it up pretty bluntly later on in the Crystal World

 

Kuja: Why should the world exist without me? That wouldn't be fair. If I die, we all die!

 

To an egocentric narcissist, the world should end if they die. If their time has come, then all others have absolutely no right to live.

 

He then engages in a battle with the party. You could say he was beaten but he then unleashed Ultima which, depending on your own speculation, may have killed the entire party.It’s not known how they got before Necron in such a place resembling a spiritual door or afterlife as well as members of the party having to give their power to the others so they may battle.

 

Power- Kuja’s power is truly immense. A mage of immense proportions, he was able to create the entire Black Mage race and the Mistodons to be used against his opponents. His power was so great, he let himself be openly targeted and hit by a straight blast from Bahamut and merely laughed at it. He then survived a blast from the Invincible, the most powerful weapon in Final Fantasy IX, and survived. His main noticeable power is his incredible intellect which allowed him to manipulate a continental war that cost thousands of deaths by using a kind queen. Not mind control but actual manipulation which is a bit more difficult as you must use your brain to make the person act in accordance with your objective. This power also allowed him also to conceive of the plan of using the Invincible to achieve his full power. He thus became a demi-god, a being nearly more powerful than any other in an RPG short of Id and Lavos.

 

Appearance- Kuja’s appearance is said to be “feminine.” Not only is his face not feminine in the least but nice hips and a thong makes him a great villain. Why, you may ask. Well, do you see the guy in the thong with make-up as the ultimate villain who brings about mass death and chaos? No? Well then, that works perfectly. Besides, a lot of guys wear thongs. It’s nothing that special. Any number of characters may wear thongs under their pants but you can’t see it. Kuja is in love with his own idea of his superiority which would translate into his gladly displaying his body. A narcissist is in love with his appearance.

 

Accomplishments-

Used Queen Brahne to devastate Burmecia, killing dozens there. Used Brahne to destroy Cleyra, killing everyone there. Used Brahne to attack Lindblum and kill many there.

Created the Black Mages, a race born for warfare and death.

Anticipated and used Queen Brahne one final time to summon Bahamut. Then corrupted Bahamut and destroyed Brahne and her fleet.

Formulated quickly and then put into action his Trance Plan which gave him more power than any other being on the planet.

Created the Chaos Guardians, Memoria and Deathguise.

 

conclusion

 

Kuja beats Sephiroth in motivation, appearance, power and accomplishments.

[Open the Muggy Gate 0]

My brain just did a Flair Flop.

[The Niggardly King 0]

Motherfucker where be dat Hogan/Sin match, I be expecting an epic. How can Hogan hit the 3rd Legdrop on something as huge as Sin?

[Ginger Snaps 0]

I don't know what's happening in this thread.

[Guest DaGoodz]

well thanks for posting in it to let us know that, you worthless cunt

[Star Ocean 3 0]

Stop defending this bullshit.

 

nd I should...why? Because some people I don't know on the internet are insulting it and me? Insulting me no less for something they A) do not have to read and B) do not have to comment on is not speaking volumes of whatever superiority you have decided you possess that makes you think you can call my writing "bullshit." Do you not like Final Fantasy? Does sorta long writing involving humor fatigue your brain? What is me posting this topic doing exactly to you?

 

Because I post on this forum. And you have posted utter shit on it. You're on my lawn.

 

Get off my lawn.

 

 

This is my yard.

[Open the Muggy Gate 0]

I don't know what's happening in this thread.

 

A 15 year old is trying to tell people about how much better Kuja is than Sephiroth or Kefka. And at the same time, those people don't care. Probably some kid from Gamefaqs.

[snuffbox 0]

Is this wildpegasus' 12th return?

[Black Lushus 0]

gotta be...

 

if more banned posters would be like Choken and come back with an entirely different posting style, they could probably last a little bit longer.

 

though Choken has been regressing lately...getting real testy about lots of things...signs of the old Choken.

[snuffbox 0]

That retarded wrestling-loving queer HTQ is still convinced that Choken is gone.

[Gary Floyd 0]

So Nikkolas, how about those benchpresses?

[Slayer 0]

Did one of the e-fedders get lost on the board?

[The Man in Blak 0]

[Guest Felonies!]

Best boss theme in the series.