Ask The Dictator!

[Guest]

After looking over your list of available positions in your Cabinet, I would like to do 2 things:

 

1:  I would like to point out that there is no mention of a position for the ministry of Education

 

2:  I would like to nominate myself for the position

 

A superpower like the State of America is going to need a much better system of education than the currently employed one.  The children of our nation do not need to be recited empty lessons with no basis in real life.  My system of education would eliminate the foolhardy methods and ideals that are currently accepted in the world of education, and replace them with high, and acheivable standards for our nations young.  Our system will be not one that stifles the growth of our children, but instead trains them to be useful towards the betterment of the State as a whole.

[Guest]

I am sorry, I forgot Education. You can, as long as you can come up with a spiffy title, wedding gift, and get that title as your sub-name(personal title, whatever).

[Guest Anglesault]

OOOH! A borderline cult! I want to join! Make me "Commander of Commerce."

[Guest The Hollywood Fashion Plate]

My liege,

When you go on your first tour of your kingdom, you'll travel in style in your magnificent new 2003 Buick Rendezvous! Automatic, side airbags, headlight lasers, and new OnStar forcefield protection, so you won't even NEED Secret Servicemen! I humbly present this to you. *genuflects*

[Guest]

Slickster, you are going to be a very entertaining Cabinet member, I can tell. Thanks for the car. For the record, we are not a kingdom, rather we are a State. And drop the cordiality. I'm only functional royalty.

 

Hmm, I was wondering when Anglesault would notice this little operation we had going. It isn't a cult, it's a plan for a future fascist State of America.

 

I'd let you in, as long as you had good ideas mind you, but I'm not sure if the Cabinet approves, and even though I'm Maximum Proconsul and have supreme power, I'd still like to have a happy cabinet. Consider yourself a quasi-member until then. You're in the Party, you just don't have an office yet.

[Guest areacode212]

OK, here's my statement. It's short because I'm tired:

Work hard, pay your taxes, and don't be annoying. Nobody likes an annoying, lazy, tax-evading co-worker.

[Guest]

Works for me, AreaCode. Good work. Keep those slackers working! Make sure your finger is always on the Nessun Duma button, ready to deploy them in emergency labor situations!

[Guest]

In that case, I shall be the Viceroy of Education.

 

My first decree shall be to perform an investigation as to the efficiency and capability of our current line of educators.  Those educators that are found to be degrading to the system will be federally retrained in their area of expertise (or if no expertise is present in the individual, they will be reassigned to teach subject matter where the amount educators is lacking).  Educators that meet the new standard will not be forced to retrain.  However, a nationwide update in curriculum will take place, and this will be a more rigorous curiculum, but it will also be acheivable through the federally trained methods of education.  And now, the best part.  Any educator who, after-being federally retrained, fails to comply with the nationwide standard will be banished from the land with no hope of return.

 

And now I'm going to try to get some sleep, whilst I meditate on what sort of wedding gift to get you.

[Guest]

So bad teachers are banished to Cuba. Works for me.

 

I look forward to working with all of our new Cabinet members, and I will be off to bed myself I think, but not before changing the signature to reflect the new additions!

[Guest]

Ok I thought I already entered this... but I'm still getting used to this thing so sorry if it shows up twice.

 

I agree A matriarchy is a stellar idea. Poor spoonie, he's sweet but he needs guidance on how to run a country.

[Guest]

Grr. No comment from the Office of the Proconsulate on the recent statements of the First Lady. They are said to be settling this matter behind closed(and soundproof) doors. The press may sit in the room below and listen to the thumping noises if they want news.

[Guest goodhelmet]

ok, almighty first lady, since you wear the pants and are the REAL lady, I ask that before any educational matters and policies are activated, they are approved by me first. I don' doubt Sodumus's talents but I do have experience i neducation and will be a teacher within the next year so i am qualified in matters of education.

[Guest]

I should have seen this coming.

 

Listen here, you. You come to me for favors and responsibilities!

 

With that out of the way, yes, you may approve Sodomus's actions as a sort of filter system. Talk it over with him whenever he has a measure he wants to institute.

 

(Success! I've managed to integrate even more comedy into this thread with the subplot of the powerless-against-his-wife dictator!)

 

(That last remark does NOT mean that I made the First Lady up. She exists, it's just I knew that when Erica joined this kind of stuff would happen.)

[Guest]

NOTE TO ALL CABINET: The First Lady can delegate powers the same as I can and has pretty much the same powers as me. However, you will always regard me as the HIGHEST authority, even if I am not such in the White House itself. I'm Maximum Proconsul for a reason! Thank you.

 

Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge

[Guest]

why not hate crimes?  I am all about hate crimes

 

--Rob

[Guest]

In response to the Maximum Proconsul's ideas to make a "rave day", the Nessun Duma stands poised put into effect a plan to set up no less than 5 nationwide pure techno radio stations.  This plan will be presented to the Baronese of Entertainment in addition to the Maximum Proconsul, and will await the approval and go-ahead from them both.

 

And a heartful welcome to our glorious First Lady's debut.  Since she shares the powers of her husband, the Nessun Duma is at her command as well.

[Guest]

"Why not hate crimes?  I am all about hate crimes."

 

Then you're all about getting fired. Goodbye. In accordance with the new penalties, the Nessun Duma have been dispatched to your house to kill you.

 

The State of America needs a Foreign Policy Minister once again, preferrably one who has an idea of what the hell he's doing and isn't a complete moron.

[Guest]

I was wondering how long it would take you to do that, thanks

 

--Rob

[Guest goodhelmet]

now that the useless hatemongers are out of the way, we can address the techno issue... ummm. no! techno will still be confined to the nightclubs while being intermixed with all other artificial forms of sounds that try to pass off as real music. i think kinetic would agree with me on this.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Great Kotzenjunge, as the Councillor of Music, my opinion on the "techno" issue is that the genre should be addressed by its proper name of "electronica", as the popular name of "techno" has always bothered me on a deep psychological level, for reasons I cannot explain.  Perhaps because it resembles the gobbledygook dialogue in the bad movies I am prone to enjoy, though the genre is enjoyable through its merits, not its lack of them.

 

As for the current state of affairs, I'm very thankful that RobStone has not only been executed, but banned from the board for his suggestions that hate crimes, particularly those against homosexuals, are OK.  That's exactly the kind of thing that will horrify people (such as myself) and make our government look bad.  If there's one thing I have learned from reading novels of anti-utopian supergovernments, it is that the government must NEVER look bad.  As such, I have requested that the Ministry of Truth remove any mention of RobStone ever existing.  Hopefully they will do so soon, but then again, hopefully I'll actually write my friggin' column soon as well... given the relatively slow nature of all governments, even the cool ones, both should happen with the next few months

 

As for my mission statement and pet project, as the Councillor of Music, it will be my job to encourage the popularization of good music, because then wise-ass indie fans and anti-mainstream dissenters will realize they have no choice but to EMBRACE THE POP~! Whenever a ceremony arises, it will be my job to choose the appropriate music.  I will also give my opinions on music whenever appropriate, and they will be taken as law unless superseded by the Great Kotzenjunge or his First Lady Erica.  Though electronica is not my favorite genre, I definitely don't dislike the genre, and will use this opportunity to use government funds to research more into the subject, as well as underground hip-hop, so as to serve as Councillor to the best of my abilities.

 

My pet project? To save up enough money to buy a Playstation (the ol' skool kind) and Britney Spears Dance Pads (hey, they're only $15) so that I can master DDR and become one of those people at the arcades who does all those fancy jumps and break-dance steps on Maniac between steps.  It is a well-known fact that DDR is the coolest video game ever, and never gets tiring, so it shouldn't be that difficult of a pet project to participate in.

[Guest]

My naming commitee made a slight error in naming the police force....it's Nessun Dorma, not Nessun Duma. Sorry for the mixup. The Duma was the first Russian Parliament before Czar Nicholas was overthrown. It's easy to confuse the two.

[Guest]

Hey hey now. The 5 techno radio stations stay. You can always tune into a different station, but let us techno fans have some fun! Personally I think it's a good idea.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

In regards to the electronica radio stations, not only is it a good idea, it's a must, as each of the stations will focus on the major sub-divisions of electronica.  Also, as Councillor of Music, I mandate that there be at least five radio stations for each genre of music, simply because the major problem with the radio before we took over was that there wasn't enough choice.  With a set amount of radio stations per genre, there are also new mandates that a certain variety of songs and new artists must be played, to encourage even more exposure and variety for the governed who also happen to be devoted music fans.

[Guest goodhelmet]

ok but that can only exist if there are double the amount of radio stations dedicated to good music to counteract the trash that will spew over those 5 airwaves.

[Guest]

Hurm. Being that there is so much pro-electronica talk going on here, I am going to play the devil's advocate and counteract it.

 

Using my powers as Czar of Propaganda and director/editor of PNNN, I am going to sway the public's taste in music away from electronica and assorted pop crap (and the ilk) and more towards 70's-style punk rock. Thusly, there will be a demand from the people for more of these kinds of stations and clubs so, if you care about the people's support, someone must act. If at all possible, I'd love an MTV-style television station that plays only punk rock, old-time rock 'n' roll, nu metal, alternative, grunge and any semi-decent new wave shite out there. Oh yeah, and Britney Spears too. Don't ask why.

 

And for the love of Bob, will someone please order MTV to do away with TRL and Carson Daly altogether? As a matter of fact, will Intimacy Goblin please please pretty please with sugar on top have Daly executed? For the good of the land?

 

For the record, I've really got nothing against electronica or pop, it's just that I'm all about punk, baby! Word!

 

Thank you, that is all.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

To goodhelmet, as the Councillor of Music, I have no problem with establishing as many radio stations as is required.  For yourself, I have already gone to measures to ensure FAB-4, all Beatles, all the time, will begin to air this weekend.  With every Beatles studio album, every side-project, and every bootleg in their playlist, there should be more than enough for you to enjoy

 

To massivHEDtrauma, I'd like to add that I have attempted to establish a '70s-early '80s punk only station before, but the artists that would be represented, being TRUE punk rockers, have voiced their opinions against such crass commercialization of their product and our government.  For daring to question the government and my actions through actual utilization of free speech, they have been summarily executed.  Terribly sorry, but that's how it goes.

[Guest]

After a momentous day in which the State of America ran itself without me (Good Job, eveyone!) I have returned.

 

Techno stations stay. Punk Station, meh, why not. We do need to make each faction of the masses happy. Besides, it'll keep hooligans from vandalism and such if they have something to listen to.

 

I am aware of the Assistant Proconsul and Chancellor to the Proconsul's attitudes toward electronica. I however love it, and it will be protected just as much as every other genre.

 

Now for the last word on the late Lord of Foreign Policy RobStone. He never was a real favorite of mine, and always struck me as a moron. His foreign policy blew for lack of a better word, although I endorse his policies of having the Orient as paramount to keep good relations with, since Europe is busy being conquered by Minister of War SupaTaft, which explains his absence. He was also a black eye for the Pary with his continued feuding with people on this board, including Risk, who I would actually like to be his successor, if for nothing more than irony. His continued foul language, illogical arguments, and stubborn attitude did not help his situation. He was what the State hates more than almost anything: a male teenager who thinks that because he's sprouted pubes that he is imposing and overlord to all. He might not have said it in such words, but you could tell.

 

EvenflowDDT, if you were screwed in the OAOAST, then I suggest you drop that sub-name you have and just adopt Councillor of Music. I wholeheartedly endorse the policy to EMBRACE THE POP~!

 

Secretary of Justice justsoyouknow, I thought "Duma" sounded odd, but, being ill-versed in Italian, figured it was right. Nessun Dorma rolls of the tongue easier anyway. I am well aware of the history of Russia, but thanks for the attempted edification of others.

 

Carson Daly will remain unmolested. He has professed his hatred for pop many times over in interviews I have seen, even going so far as to suggest someone annhilate Orlando. He obviously can't say such things after 9/11, but still. The man was a DJ for KROQ in Los Angeles I believe, so his roots lie where we want them.

 

I'm glad the First Lady is posting more than when I ask her to.

 

I'm still waffling on whether to allow AngleSault to join. I'm leaning towards no more than yes.

 

Viceroy of Education SodomusChrist has yet to present a wedding gift, but since his interim supervisor Goodhelmet has, I will count it for him. Weed Dude Dreamer420, we would like SOME kind of statement from you, no matter how short. We just like to know everyone is involved. I also think "Weed Dude" would make a neat sub-name.

 

I'm also looking for an INTENSE~! update from Overlord of Homeland Security Slickster, especially after the recent bombing in Pakistan.

 

That is all for now. Off I go to watch my tape of Confidential. No one tell me a thing until I say I'm done.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

::bites his tongue:: Are you done yet?

 

Also, my "International World Champion" title isn't a part of OAOAT (where I was SCREWED~! out of the Tag Titles and Unified U.S. Title), but a reference to dumb gimmicks/goofs, as WCW had that name for the "big gold belt" for a (short, I believe, since not that many people remember it) time until it was unified with the WCW World Heavyweight Title.  Think about it... "International WORLD"... that's incredibly redundant, that's why it's funny

 

You are correct.  Carson Daly was a DJ at KROQ before he was snapped up by MTV.  However, he also dated Tara Reid.  Your ruling supersedes mine, though, so he shall live... for now... ::claps his hands and the mysterious individual provides EVIL LAUGHTER~!::

[Guest]

Well, I got the reference, but since I am not a follower of the web of intrigue that is the OAOAT, I didn't know if that had been made an actual title by you folk.

 

And the ends of your statements will never beat Slickster's, sorry.

 

**raises arms in victory as "Jive Soul Bro" hits** is just absolutely hilarious to me for some reason.

 

That is all. My Confidential tape never came to fruition, since my VCR decided to forget to record it, despite being programmed and turned off for the recording to begin.

 

**raises arms in victory as the "Imperial March" hits**

[Guest J*ingus]

HED, your wish is my command, and MTV1 is history.  Heat, Tough Enough, Daria, Jackass, and a couple of other shows have been moved to MTV2 where they will continue playing, in between MUSIC, AND LOTS OF IT.