KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 5, 2007 (edited) BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! B-O-O-M~! The house lights come up to reveal another packed house, this time in Tampa, Florida as we begin another year of OAOAST action. The cameras pan the crowd and their signs, including one that reads "Respect Bruce's Authori-tah!" and a trio of fans that hold large golden be-glittered letters that spell out C-O-D. We SWOOP~! over the ring and head to ringside where the guys are ready at Sofa Central. MICHAEL COLE Happy New Year, everyone! It is 2007 and we are ready for the first HeldDOWN of the new year right here in Tampa, Florida which is just a short ride from where Mainframe Monday took place this Monday night. We want to thank the folks that logged into OAOAST.com and cast 2.5 million votes for our first ever interactive show. COACH 2.5 million? That's more votes than any third party candidate can ever hope to get. COLE Trying the political humor in the new year, Jonathan? COACH Ted Kennedy's a drunk. COLE Fantastic. It certainly was a great end to the holiday season this weekend as the Angle Awards were held Sunday night followed by Mainframe Monday, an event that had it's share of shockers. We have NEW OAOAST Tag Team champions.....and they weren't even in the title match! That's right, Chicks Over Dicks made their triumphant return and once again are the tag champs. COACH Terry Taylor wishes he was the Red Rooster again, I'll bet. COLE Also, in our main event, we had a TIE in the voting for Drek Stone's opponent between Tony Brannigan and Landon Maddix, so we did the only logical thing..... COACH You mean the most unfair thing to the champion, right? Making Drek defend against two guys isn't logical, Cole. Thank goodness his greatness allowed him to overcome it. COLE That's your opinion. However, one of the most shocking developments at Mainframe Monday did not stem from any of the matches we saw. We had heard last week on HeldDOWN~! that Zack Malibu had something that Bruce Blank wanted, and was going to offer it to him at Mainframe Monday. What Zack Malibu did was ask Blank for a last chance at defeating him, something that Blank has done twice in one on one competition. In order to get that chance, Zack Malibu is risking his career, his life in wrestling as we know it, to take on Bruce Blank in one of the most brutal matches the OAOAST has ever seen...Survive Or Surrender. COACH We only saw it once though, yo. COLE True, Coach...and the one time we did see it, Malibu was on the losing end! But Zack has had enough, and emotions have boiled over since Blank and The Wildcards made their debut last spring. Zack wants the chance to finish this war off once and for all without any outside forces interfering. He wants Blank to himself, and just like Blank humiliated Zack by beating him in the Respect Match several weeks ago, Zack wants to be the first man in history to make the sadistic redneck say "I Quit". COACH It's a tough task for any man, even my man Zack, but...yo, boss man on the way! The crowd pops loudly, as OAOAST Company Owner ANGLESAULT~! comes down the aisle and circles ringside, coming over to the commentary station! The man in charge grabs the mic, and looks none too happy tonight. ANGLESAULT Cole, Coach, excuse me, but before we kick this show off, I've got something to say. Anglesault, still holding the mic, climbs up into the ring, that way he can make his address. ANGLESAULT I'll try not to hold the show up for long, but Cole and Coach were touching on something in the commentary that's been on my mind since this past Monday, and surely it's been on the mind of each and every one of you. In case you missed Mainframe Monday, Zack Malibu has challenged Bruce Blank for a match that will take place at Anglepalooza. The match is called Survive Or Surrender, in which a steel cage, complete with roof and minus a door, is lowered over the ring and connected to the ring apron. The idea behind it is that the structure will keep interfering parties out of the contest, leaving whoever is inside to have to go it alone. Now that's fine. If Zack felt that this is what his vendetta has come down to, then more power to him. But he took it one step further, and now the match not only has that stipulation, but the added bonus of being a Career vs. Career match, because Zack Malibu has vowed that if he cannot defeat Bruce Blank this time around, he will walk away from the wrestling business. Zack, I can't pretend to know what you're going through, or the hate you feel for that man. I can guess, but I don't know for sure. As a friend though, I'm asking you...do NOT go through with this! COLE Wow! COACH Anglesault don't wanna see Zack go! ANGLESAULT Zack, I'm not doubting you, so don't get me wrong. It's just that, when I walked away from this company...at times cursing it's name and wondering what the hell I had gotten into...I knew it was in good hands with you. When the torch was passed at Anglemania 2 four years ago, you didn't just become the World Champion, you became the flag bearer for this company. I might have put the money into it, I might be the guy behind the desk, but Zack Malibu is not lying when he claims this as HIS company, because it is, and rightfully so. He has done more for this company, even more than what you people have seen from him these last five years, than you'll ever know. Whether you love him or hate him, you have to respect him for that, and that is something that I don't want this company to lose! There will never be another Zack Malibu, he truly is one of a kind, and so I'm swallowing my pride by doing this, Zack, but I'm begging you...don't go through with this match. Your pride can take the hit. Forget about Bruce Blank and playing into his games. Aim for the Lethal Rumble. Aim for Anglemania. Aim for Drek Stone and all he's done to corrupt the legacy of that championship...do ANYTHING but go into that Survive Or Surrender match. I don't want to see you go, and these people don't want to see you go! I came back to SAVE your career, to save you from a forced retirement, and I don't want to see you on the verge of disappearing from the OAOAST for the second time in six months. Think about it, Zack. Think about it. Anglesault humbly exits the ring, and hands the microphone back to Michael Buffer, and then heads up the aisleway, letting us get back on track for the evening. COLE An unexpected arrival from the company owner to kick things off tonight...and he's pleading for Zack Malibu to back out of the Survive Or Surrender match at Angleslam! COACH You know Zack ain't gonna do that. He's waited long enough for a chance to take Blank out once and for all, and he ain't passin' it up just because someone asked him nicely. COLE Anglesault did share the sentiments of many of us. Zack Malibu has done more for this company in its entire existence than anyone ever has! To risk losing him would be a major blow to us as we enter out fifth year of business. COACH We ain't lost him yet, Cole. Gotta have faith, playa. COLE I suppose time will tell, Coach. If Zack does stay true to his word and go through with it, than Anglepalooza is going to be judgment day for either he or Bruce Blank. Well, let's get things rolling, shall we? We're just about ready to go with our first Anderson Cup bout of the night, but I understand Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker has requested interview time to deliver a major announcement. With that, let's send it over to our broadcast colleague "Mean" Gene Okerlund. (Cut to the backstage area) OKERLUND Theodore Moneymaker, you asked for this time. The forum is all yours. THEODORE Asked isn't the word, Okerlund. Paid for. That's the power of money, baby. It can buy anything or anyone. MUAHAHAHAHA! Months ago I made the decision to invest in the hottest property on the market, SMN Productions, and instantaneously became a major player in the world of wrestling. You know why, little man? Because when money talks people listen. Don't believe me, just ask Felix Strutter and Ken Pantera, Team Canada. They've graciously accepted my offer to acquire the #2 seed in Los Infernales Conference which I'm proud to present to the Beverly Hills Blonds. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! SIMON & NED OKERLUND Are you telling me you've bought the #2 seed for the Beverly Hills Blonds?! THEODORE Lock, stock and barrel. An incentive for winning the 2006 Angle Award for Tag Team of the Year. OKERLUND But that means...that means Los Diablos de Fuego will have to face... THEODORE Team Canada. HAHAHAHAHAHA! OKERLUND But what happens should they both meet up in the Conference Finals? SIMON We'll worry about that when the time comes. OKERLUND Then you better start worrying. Need I remind you, Team Canada won last year's Tag Team World Cup. NED Yeah, last year. Their purpose is to defeat Los Di-- I mean, uh... OKERLUND Say it. To defeat Los Diablos de Fuego. Theodore bought the 2 seed so you guys wouldn't have to face them now or later in the tournament. NED Anyway, I'd like to give thanks to the Lord Jesus Christ... OKERLUND Oh, you gotta be kidding me. NED I'm most certainly not. I was in serious pain a few nights ago, you know, from my groin injury, and I just got down on my hands and knees and prayed to the Lord after my daughter Maya told me about Krista's recent outburst at her school to protest her best friend's mother saying a prayer to keep them safe. I figured God would smile upon me I denounced that woman, and he did. The next morning I woked up feeling the best I've had in weeks. A true miracle! OKERLUND A load of bull if you ask me. SIMON Well, we didn't. So there. OKERLUND A load of bull if you ask me. You're the most disingenuous men I've ever had the misfortunte of coming across. SIMON And you've been around Hogan, so that's a compliment! THEODORE (whistles) Moss, Benjamin...come here for a second, will ya. OKERLUND Theodore Moneymaker calling for Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin, America's Team. Gentlemen, welcome. THEODORE Now, I don't know if you've heard, but earlier today I finalized a deal with Team Canada to purchase the #2 seed in their bracket and want to extend the same offer to you. BENJAMIN You want to buy our spot for you and CW? THEODORE Exactly. MOSS Just how much are we talking about here? THEODORE Oh, believe me, a very healthy sum in cold...hard...cash. BENJAMIN What do you think, man? MOSS I don't know. Is the girl included? "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" BENJAMIN (licking his chops) Heh. Yeah, I'd like some of that. MACKEZNIE Excuse me?! THEODORE Hey. Just who do you think you're talking to? I'm giving you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If you want to pass on the offer like two morons, go ahead, but don't try to get over at my expense. MOSS Eh, we'll take our chances. * WHAP * Theodore is staggered by a SLAP to the face. The Blonds and CW having to catch their boss before he falls on his ass on worldwide television. SIMON Medic! We need a medic! I think a tooth may be loose! BENJAMIN (to Gene) Sometimes it's not all about the benjamins, you know. OKERLUND I guess not. Theodore Moneymaker's notion money can by anything or anyone proven to be wrong. The camera cuts to the backstage area where Colombian Heat is talking to Stacey Robertson. The crowd cheers loudly. Heat is already in his wrestling attire, while Stacey is wearing a pink shirt, a leather jacket, a necklace with her name on it, a watch on her right arm, blue jeans with a studded belt buckle, and black heel boots. COLOMBIAN HEAT Soooooo, how was it? STACEY ROBERTSON How was what? HEAT Youse know wot! How wuz it spendin’ time wit The Lightning Crew an’ Vitamin X? STACEY Well...it was..it was...it wasn’t that bad actually. Heat is surprised at this comment. HEAT Say wot? STACEY Yeah. I mean, I slept in comfy beds. I was waited on hand and foot. I got to swim in X’s olympic size swimming pool. The guy DID treat me good, I gotta give him that! Colombian Heat doesn’t seem too pleased at hearing all of this. He is breathing hard now. HEAT So, he treated you good? STACEY ...Yeah. Actually, he did. I was surprised myself. HEAT So, he didn’t... STACEY No! But he wanted to. But I told him no, and he said he was fine with that. HEAT Wowwwwwwwwwwww. I’s did not expect to hear dis. STACEY Hey, I’m telling you the truth. I swear. Vitamin X was quite the host for me! But Heat, even though Vitamin X treated me good, all I thought about...was you. Heat smiles at this. HEAT I’s thought about you too, girl. Stacey smiles at this. But her smile turns into a frown. Heat also becomes sad. HEAT You know, this could be our last night togetha. STACEY Yeah, I know. I’m not really pleased about it either. HEAT Listen, Stacey, if this iz indeed our last night togetha, I’s just want to let ya know dat...dat I love you. I love you! Stacey Robertson, I’s love you! And no matter what happens tonight, ain’t nothin’ gonna change that. Nothin’! Youse understand? STACEY I’s understand, Heat. I’s understand. I love you too, Heat. With all my heart and soul. And I know that later tonight, you’re going to go out there, and you’re gonna to rip Tha Puerto Rican apart limb from limb! And I know that you’re gonna beat him senseless. And you’re going to do it all for me! I know you will, you know why? Because you’re the greatest boyfriend I’ve ever had! HEAT True dat. STACEY (CONT’D) You’re my knight in shining armor! I can always count on you to defend me, and I know you’ll do it again tonight! I personally cannot wait until this match is over so that we can move on with our lives! HEAT Yeah, me too, Stace, me too. Still, Stacey, if this iz our last night togetha, may I have one last kiss? Fo’ luck? Stacey puts her arms around Heat. She looks right into his eyes. Colombian Heat, despite looking depressed, still kisses his girlfriend, even adding a little tongue action to the proceedings. The two remain lip-locked for about a minute before stopping. Heat and Stacey continue looking at each other, both worried for the future. Colombian Heat and Stacey Robertson continue holding each other, their foreheads touching, and neither one saying a word. Colombian Heat and Stacey Robertson gaze into each other’s eyes, and that’s the last image we see as we go to a commercial break. * COMMERICAL BREAK * Edited January 5, 2007 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 5, 2007 And now the ENTERPRISE proudly presents...OAOAST BACKTRACKER. New Year's Spectacular: Monday Mainframe Mariachi is beaten so bad Los Conquistadors set him up for their double team finisher, the slingshot clothesline...but Uno slingshots Mariachi too hard towards the corner, enabling him pick up some serious air and take Dos down off the top with a HURRICARANA! 1... 2... 3! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The winners of the fall, Los Diablos de Fuego! ONE... TWO... THREE... Still in disbelief, Uno is unable to break the pin. He snaps out of it and lunges at Mariachi, who brings him down with a drop toehold. Los Diablos then place the barbed wire tiara on his head and hit the spike tombstone piledriver they call THE SODOMIZER! EIGHT... NINE... TEN! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match...LOS DIABLOS DE FFFUUUUUEEEEEGGOOOOOO! "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Mentally and physically exhausted, Los Diablos have nothing left in the tank when they're attacked by the BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The Blonds have their way with Los Diablos, beating them chairs and Moracca's own rhinestone belt until OAOAST officials are able to arrival and restore order. This has been OAOAST BACKTRACKER, paid for by the ENTERPRISE: Never mess with the rich and famous! SCHIAVONE Welcome back to HeldDOWN, fans, Tony Schiavone here along with Jesse "The Body" Ventura as we are ready to call yet another Anderson Cup for you. Jesse, the OAOAST has one of the most robust tag divisions in the world and these tournaments always seem to bring out the best in these teams. JESSE No doubt, Tony Schiavone. Not only does the winner recieve the coveted Anderson Cup trophy, not only do they earn an OAOAST Tag Team Title opportunity at AngleMania, the winners of this tournament will be regarded as one of the top teams in the entire world, an honor that puts them among great teams as Black T and the teams that these brackets are named after, Los Infernales and The Miracle Weirdness Connection. TONY Indeed. Looks like we're ready to go here, so let's take it up to Michael Buffer. Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime BUFFER The following contest is first round ANDERSON CUP action set for one fall with a 10 minute time limit. Currently on their way to the ring, the 4th ranked team in Los Infernales Conference; they are accompanied by the Chief Financial Officer of the Enterprise MACKENZIE DECENZO...from Beverly Hills 90210, total combined weight 460 pounds, the former heavyweight tag team champions of the world..."THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD, "THE VIDEO VOYEUR" SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!! Full of bravado the Beverly Hills Blonds scroll down the red carpet grinning from ear to ear. So exuberent Ned thanks Jesus for healing his groin injury. As they reach ringside, one of their assistants passes by to place Mackenzie's director's chair in the Blonds corner, bowing at her feet so Mackie can step up and onto the chair. VENTURA Do you know how many men would pay to have Mackie walk on them, Schiavone? Wait a minute. Why am I even asking you? You're one of them! SCHIAVONE There's no better feeling than a 6 inch heel digged into your back. Uh, I mean...Hi there, fans. Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura here to call the next match for you. A first round bout in the 2007 Anderson Cup we thought would be Los Diablos de Fuego vs. the Beverly Hills Blonds, but surprise surprise, the Blonds went Nick Saban and found a way to weasel out of a commitment yet again! This time it was a gift courtesy of Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker who bought -- BOUGHT, Jesse -- the #2 seed from Team Canada for them. VENTURA How great of a boss is Teddy, Tony? The 2 seed had to cost a pretty penny or two. Probably a 6 figure sum. Chump change to a man like Moneymaker, but it goes to show how he'll reward his associates for their hard work. As Mackie takes her seat, Gavin Rossdale's "Adrenaline" hits and the only bodybuilding tag team in OAOAST history rush onto the stage chewing on power bars and gulping down the lastest NRG drink. BUFFER And their opponents! Total combined weight 515 pounds, the team of BIFF ATLAS and FLEX PHILLIPS... NUTRITION'S REAL GURUS... N... R...G!!! NRG enter the squared circle and the Blonds hightail it to discuss strategy with the woman who knows Biff and Flex best, their former manager Mackenzie DeCenzo. SCHIAVONE The tension is high anytime these two teams get together as it was the Beverly Hills Blonds Mackenzie left NRG to manage, publically firing Nutrition's Real Gurus in front of thousands of fans and millions of viewers worldwide. In fact, it was the Beverly Hills Blonds who defeated NRG in their OAOAST return and on the first edition of Syndicated. You better believe Biff and Flex haven't forgotten about that, just as Los Diablos de Fuego haven't forgotten about the trauma the Blonds have caused to them. They want a piece of Simon and Ned in the worst way. VENTURA Imagine that. Los Diablos actually have something in common with the opposite sex! They both want a piece of the hottest tag team in wrestling today, the Beverly Hills Blonds. SCHIAVONE You know what I mean, Jesse. Ned faked an injury to avoid wrestling Los Diablos at Monday Mainframe, "willing" his way through the tag team turmoil, then along with Simon attacked Moracca and Mariachi after they just had a grueling Mexican Deathmatch vs. Los Conquistadors. VENTURA Hey, Ned said it himself -- it was a miracle. Blame Jesus. When you think about it, it's not really surprising. Los Diablos de Fuego, Devils of the Fire. Put two and two together. It was an act of God. Haha. * DINGDINGDING * Everyone take their places as the bell sounds. Ned Blanchard and Flex Phillps to start. They lockup, and Blanchard is overpowered, slammed to the mat. He rushes to his feet and quickly locks back up, only to be slammed again. Ned bails outside to gather his senses and has a few words with Mackie and Simon before re-entering. The Handsome Hustler clasps his hands together and asks for a test of strength Grecko Roman knucklelock. Flex obliges...and is kicked in the gut! Blanchard then hammers away, smashing Flex into the top turnbuckle prior to STOMPING A MUDHOLE AND WALKING IT DRY! JIVIN' J.R. STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! VENTURA What's that fat Okie doing here? JIVIN' J.R. I'm so BAH GAWD lonely. SCHIAVONE You better run outta here like a scalded dog, Jim, or Jesse's probably gonna toss you out. Following a tag, the Blonds whip Flex into the ropes but miss the double back elbow, and are floored on the rebound by a clothesline! Biff steps in to even the odds. Dumb bell rights stagger the Blonds, as Biff shoots Ned in and wastes him with a big boot. Biff exits beating his chest ala Tarzan but is soon back in as the legal man. He looks to land Snake Eyes when Simon slips off and dropkicks him into the corner, immediately rolling him up in a school boy! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Atlas reverses an Irish whip and presses Simon overhead, then tosses him into the charging Ned Blanchard! As Ned rolls out, Simon is launched into the corner where he smacks his head on the turnbuckle and stumbles back into the clutches of NRG. Not wanting to risk going to the time limit Biff and Flex go for the win now, looking to hit their NRG Burst, a press slam/gutbuster combo...but Blanchard sneaks in and CLIPS FLEX'S KNEE! Biff makes the mistake of letting Simon go to after Ned, which allows Simon to clip him from behind as well! VENTURA Things not looking so good for NRG anymore. SCHIAVONE Tag made. Ned Blanchard the legal man. Ned fires Biff across the ring and drives the elbow into the chest, knocking Atlas off his feet. He follows up with a snapmare and comes off the second turnbuckle with the point of the elbow to the sternum. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! The Handsome Hustler complains about a slow count. He puts a halt to his arguement to throw Biff outside and push Flex off the apron, baiting him into the ring while Simon sends Biff into the guardrail. Singleton chicken-wings Atlas and holds his head up as Mackie comes over and SLAPS the taste out of Biff's mouth. SCHIAVONE Such blatant disregard for the rules. Nick Patrick catches Simon with Biff and orders him to back off, to which Simon acts like he's just trying to help Biff back in. Ned springs off the middle rope and drives the boot into the side of the head repeatedly. Blanchard tags Simon and slams Atlas in the center of the ring. Singleton connects with a flying elbow, hooking the leg as he makes the cover. ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Simon brings Biff over to the corner, smashing him face-first into the turnbuckle and unloading with a series of stinging knife-edge chops. Irish whip and a tag by the Blonds. Simon takes Biff down with a drop toehold while Ned comes off the near side and drives the point of the elbow into the back of the head in succession. The Blonds with another quick tag and double-team maneuver -- DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK! ONE... TWO... THR-- KICKOUT! SCHIAVONE The Blonds doing an excellent job keeping Biff isolated in their corner, Jesse. VENTURA Tag Team 101. Simon chokes Biff and earns the wrath of Nick Patrick for his blatant disregard of the rules. Simon innocently moves up, placing the knee under Biff's throat and throwing his arms up in the air to argue his point. Nick Patrick's been around the block long enough to know the game Simon Singleton is up to, demanding he breaks the choke or get disqualified. 1... 2... 3... 4... Simon walks away and taunts Flex with the only poses he knows -- Hulk Hogan's. Singleton incites the crowd even further by cupping his ear ala the Hulkster. Simon casual walks back over to Biff and stomps the head. Following a suplex Simon climbs to the top, balling up his fist, the spotlight focused in the center of the ring as he dives off... ...AND SMACKS HIS CHIN ON BIFF'S BARE FEET! SCHIAVONE Biff got the boots up! VENTURA Unbelieveable. It looked like Singleton had a clear shot, but at the last moment Biff got his feet up. Both men down. Now who can make the tag? Simon crawls to his corner holding onto his chin, Biff unable to do much other than roll onto his side. As Tony Schiavone predicted, the Blonds are the first to make the tag. The fresher Ned Blanchard stepping in and punishing Atlas with more elbows to the sternum. He scapes Biff off the mat and connects with a round of rights, whipping Atlas to the ropes, only to have him duck under a back elbow. Blanchard stands his ground, waiting for Biff to come back at him. He leaps up, but so does Biff...and the two COLLIDE IN MID-AIR! VENTURA Oh, they butted heads. Atlas and Blanchard both had the same idea in mind. I think Blanchard took the worse of it, Tony. They both cracked heads, but it was Biff Atlas who was coming in full speed ahead. Both men lucky that didn't bust them open. Ned mounts Biff from behind to prevent him from getting any closer to his corner, peppering the back of the neck with forearm smashes. He brings Atlas up to his knees, hammering the side of the face with illegal closed fists. Out of desperation Biff wraps his hands around Ned's neck and rises up, delivering a jawbreaker that buys him enough time to... ...MAKE THE (HOT) TAG! Simon picks up the workload while Ned is down, sprinting all the way across the ring to meet Flex head-on, and gets blasted with a slingshot shoulderblock for his trouble. Ned makes his move as Flex returns to his feet, charging the man known to his mother as George Marcos Phillips with his hands locked together overhead, only to get caught with a powerslam! Flex Phillps cleaning house, hip tossing Singleton to the other side of the ring! Mackenzie climbs up on the apron and is picked up by Flex! "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" VENTURA Hey! How dare Flex Phillps put his hands on a lady. Who does he think he is, Terry Taylor and Rick Martel? Fortunately for Mackenzie, the Blonds come to her recuse, drilling Phillps with a pair of knees to the back. Mackie makes a safe landing and quickly exits. The Blonds unleash an offensive assault on Flex, beating him down to the mat before shooting him to the ropes. Flex ducks under a double clothesline, the Blonds momentum taking them to and back off the ropes, giving Biff enough time to come join Flex in mowing down the Blonds with stereo diving shoulderblocks! The force sends Ned rolling out to the floor, where Mackie helps him up while Flex works Simon over in the corner. Biff notices Ned and Mackie together outside and hits the ropes, but Mackie sees him coming and moves Ned out of the way, causing Biff to crash and burn on the arena floor! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" Inside, Simon counters the FLEX CAPACITATOR spinning sideslam into a DDT. He goes up to the top as Ned does the same on the opposite corner. They leap off at the same time and hit... SCHIAVONE ...the Atomic Blond! ONE... TWO... THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners, advancing on to the second round... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!! VENTURA The Blonds move on to face the winner of D*LUX vs. the South Central Militia. SCHIAVONE And we'll have that for you next week, along with Black T vs. the Lone Star Gunslingers. More action still to come. Backstage, Bloodshed sits in the Wildcards locker room, Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez around him. Both men are laughing, but Bloodshed is fuming. BLOODSHED What am I going to do? He's probably still standing outside that door. It's been hours. CORTEZ Why don't you just go hit him with something? Both Maddix and Bloodshed stare. CORTEZ Well it might work. BLOODSHED I'm thinking I could hit him with a chair until he was a bloody pile of tissue, and he'd still be happy that I touched him. Did you see his face? Were you watching last night? MADDIX He's just a fan, Clark...or Bloodshed, or whatever. BLOODSHED But no fan you ever had has ever jumped around in the ring with you, except for Megan. Bloodshed looks back and forth between the two men, who squirm uncomfortably. CORTEZ That's neither here nor there. Why can't you just talk to him? BLOODSHED Psychotic Emotional Bullet Trains can't talk. What have I done in the past six months to warrant anyone cheering me besides putting that damn Akira Kawhatsits in his place. CORTEZ Kaibatsu. It's japa-- BLOODSHED I don't care! The fans don't care about me anymore. What the hell is....wrong with that guy? Alan Clark doesn't want cheered any more! I have to deal with the Disney stuff, I have to deal with Peters making me the BUTT of his jokes because he doesn't like what I'm doing over here. I don't see him picking on YOU, Maddix. MADDIX Well I'm not the kind of guy to flake out for no damn reason, either, Clark. You ever think of that? Would you trust someone who just left you hanging with no word of your whereabouts? You were gone for almost eighteen months, you left BOTH OF US, too. But that's a hatchet buried, Okay. Now you are in here HIDING from some kid who is smaller than you and... BLOODSHED ...and emotionally unstable! CORTEZ You ever look in a mirror, man? I mean, really. Let's be honest. BLOODSHED A man has to do what a man has to do. This was all Malibu and Bruce, and now look at those two. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrng! BLOODSHED WHAT? Bloodshed screams into his cellphone, shocking both Maddix and Cortez BLOODSHED Hello? CORTEZ That was the buzzer on the intercom, Clark. Damn. MADDIX *clicks on speaker* Wildcards Residence. May I ask who is speaking? VOICE CLAAAAARK! IT'S ME, YOU IN THERE? BLOODSHED SHIT! MADDIX *click* How did you get in here? You aren't an OAOAST wrestler. *pause* Are you? VOICE BOUGHT A TICKET! BACKSTAGE PASS! MADDIX *click* Stop screaming, kid. He's not in here. He came in, talked to Bruce Blank and then left right after. Like thirty minutes ago. VOICE Damn Bruce Blank! I hate that guy......fine. You know where he was headed? MADDIX *click* No idea. Now can you please go before we get you kicked out of here for harassment. We don't need this. We get enough shit from the fans around here. VOICE As you should, Maddix. Martial Law sucked. CORTEZ Aw hell no, he didn't just say. *click* Don't make me come out there! VOICE What the hell was Clark doing teaming with you two anyway? Stupid Revolution Zero...he's better than the both of you! Bloodshed smiles slightly. VOICE He should have came to his senses sooner! I mean, the Ghost of Mike Van Siclen? Who talked him into THAT one? BLOODSHED HEY! MADDIX SHUT IT. BLOODSHED He can't hear me unless you hit that little button and I'll say whatever I want. I am the one with the two championships in this group. MADDIX *reaching for button* HE'S IN... BLOODSHED NO!!! Bloodshed dives atop Maddix and knocks him to the ground as Todd Cortez reaches for the button. CORTEZ *click* I'm sure you'll see him next Wednesday. Now get out of here, alright. I'm seriously going to call security--or Bruce. And he isn't happy AT ALL. Bloodshed sits up, staring into the speaker, but no response is heard. BLOODSHED Thank Todd. Commercial break Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 5, 2007 (edited) COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!. Last week, we saw one of the most dominant HD debuts in history, as Hammer Henderson butted into a situation and filled in unofficially for The Royalty of the Ring, who are still stuck in Canada because of paperwork problems with Zangief Carpentier. But, this huge monster came out and destroyed the Royalty's scheduled opponents in under one minute! COACH We've learned a little about the big man since last week. He stands exactly six feet, eight inches tall and weighs in at three-hundred four pounds, all of which looks to be ripped muscle. He trained at the OAOAST Wrestling Academy straight out of high school, but after graduating, he's apparantly gone off of the deep end, growing out his hair really long, donning war paint no matter where he is, and living in...well...he himself describes it as an undisclosed location. COLE Tonight, we get to see the big man's first official sanctioned and televised bout on HeldDOWN~!, and let's not wait! Michael Buffer, serenade us! (cut to a shot of the ring, where we see a skinny, long-haired kid with a blue singlet) BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall...introducing first, weighing in at 210 pounds...Len Wenner! (Generic metal riffs blast through the P.A. system, and out runs Hammer Henderson! He sprints all the way to the ring, then leaps onto the ring apron straight off of the floor! He leaps into the ring, then runs back and forth repeatedly, bouncing off of the ropes!) BUFFER HIS OPPONENT! From Parts Unknown...he weighs in at 304 pounds...HAAAAAAMER HEEEEENDERSOOOOOON! COLE You can hear assorted screams from the crowd, as I think he's slowly starting to catch on! *DING DING* Hammer immediately avalanches Len Wenner in the corner before Len can even move! He grabs Len by the back of the head and shoots him off to the ropes like an Irish whip. Wenner comes off of the ropes and gets lifted for a gorilla press! Hammer tosses Len straight up and kicks him in the stomach on the way down! Hammer puts Len between his legs, crosses the arms, and drops him with the Greg Valentine Tribute (cross-armed kneeling powerbomb)! COVER! ONE! TWO! THE LIGHTS GO OUT COLE WHAT THE HECK? Murmurs fill the arena, as no one knows what's happening...they come up... AND A TEN-FOOT MOUNTAIN LION IS IN THE RING! COACH SUPER CRAZY MONKEY CAR! Hammer gets up to confront the wild beast, but gets swatted across the ring with one fell slap! Hammer cannot believe the power of this majestic creature, as he tries gathering himself, and then runs over and connects with a clothesline! It doesn't faze the beast! Hammer goes to work with one punch...another...and another! The big animal is rockin'! Henderson comes off of the ropes and goes for a flying bodypress...but is caught! AND THE LION EATS HIM WHOLE! COLE MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! The lion then burps and takes a dump on the chest of poor Len Wenner. The lights go out again, and this time, circus music plays as the lights have come off. When the lights come back up, NO ONE is in the ring! COACH CAMPBELL SOUP FUCK-BANG! A silence envelops the arena as they try to figure out what the hell they just saw. Finally, someone says something over Cole's headset to snap him out of it. COLE OH! Uh....Terry Taylor is backstage... COACH Terry Taylor? He's still stealing a paycheck? COLE I suppose. I mean he's dumb, but not dumb enough to work for free. COACH So money that could be going into the bank account of moi, is going to that fool, Terry Taylor? Ain't no justice in this world. While Coach laments Terry's employment, we go backstage to the man himself. TERRY TAYLOR Greetings and salutations, wrestling pals! OAOAST corespondent, Terry Taylor on the scene, here to bring you to the hottest scoops and the latest news. This past Monday we were given the surprise of a lifetime when two of my favorite ladies, made their return to OAOAST television and captured tag team gold. You know who I'm talking about; Alix Maria Spezia, and Krista Isadora Duncan, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks. And your man on the scene, is going to be the first to interview them about their return and controversial win, as well as get their thoughts on their first title defense against The Lonestar Gunslingers. The champions arrive on the scene, and get an enormous pop from the arena audience. A befuddled Terry Taylor notices that the pair looks much taller then they were the last time they were on OAOAST television. About five feet taller to be exact. Ever the sharp one, Terry finally notices the source of their amazing growth: THEY'RE ON HORSES! HORSES, PEOPLE! HORSES! Krista's belt rests around the neck of her black steed, who seems none to pleased to have a shiny hunk of middle strangling it's neck. Unsurprisingly, Krista is holding a half empty bottle of Budweiser. Alix, on a white horse, wears her belt in a more traditional manner then her partner. But the championship looks anything but old fashioned, as Miss Spezia has decorated it with rose petals, flowers, multi colored glitter, silly string, and Hello Kitty stickers. Even more amazing is the fact that she's attached a horn onto her horses' forehead to make into a unicorn. TAYLOR Welco...... Jesus humping Mary! What on earth are those things? ALIX How rude! I know Krista's getting up there in age, but I don't think they're sagging that much. KRISTA He means the horses, you twit. ALIX Horses? What horses? Oh! These horses. Gotcha. Yes, Terry, these are our pretty little ponies! Aren't they just the cutest thing? Krista's is a boy. And what a boy, might I add! Oh my. Put that thing away dude, you're making Terry jealous. TAYLOR You can't let a live animal in here! KRISTA Why not? We let you in here. Deeply wounded by Krista's mostly harmless insult, Terry let's out a mournful sigh, and holds his head in heavy sadness. TAYLOR Girls, I was hoping that with a new year, we could usher in some new traditions. Maybe get rid of some of our old and unhealthy, malicious, and hurtful, habits. ALIX You want me to close down my moonshine still? TAYLOR No, you don't have to do that. Actually, I was kind of hoping that you could, maybe, if it's not too much trouble or difficult for you, be a little less horrible and mean to me this time around, maybe not brutally rape me of the little self respect I have left. I would really, really, really appreciate that. KRISTA What? Terry, we're like your own personal Dairy Queen, we treat you right. You walk into our house, and it's like Burger King, you can have it your way. Think of all the fantastic things we've done over the years to shine light onto the barren abyss that is your soul. I mean, I took time out of my busy whirlwind schedule to become your personal weight loss consultant. Only the crème de la crème get such treatment from fitness royalty like myself. I had Sharon Stone call me trying to get me to tighten her abs and firm her BUTT, and I said “Sharon, honey, I love you but I'm sorry, I've got a meeting with wrestling journalism's biggest name this side of Lord Alfred Hayes, Terry Taylor.” TAYLOR Weight loss consultant, huh? Your weight loss program involved shoving me into a car trunk, driving it onto train tracks and telling me you were going to leave my fate in the hands of god. I was so scared I defecated a quarter of my body weight! KRISTA Hey, you lost the weight, didn't you? Besides I moved the car, right? TAYLOR Of course you did, it was your car! ALIX Don't be so snarky sparky, we're plenty nice! What about the cleansing ceremony we preformed for you? TAYLOR Cleansing ceremony? Ha! You stripped me naked, handcuffed me, tossed me in a pit of mud, then got in your car and chased me down the streets of South Central Los Angeles while you blasted Ass and titties out of your radio. I ran for fifteen minutes until the cops came and arrested me for indecent exposure. I spent that night in a cold, dark, dank jail, fending off would be mates with a spork and a loose brick. I missed my mother's funereal! It was the worst birthday of my life! KRISTA We get you to the front of the line to a veritable buffet of the California state correctional system's most wanted hunks and all you can do is whine and complain like you were about to be forced to reenact a scene from Jail house Butts 2: Doin' Hardtime. Such a drama queen. And as for me being so nasty to you, is it my fault that you're so incredibly dorky that I can not communicate with you as a human being but rather as a feeble sub human shit pile of neuroses and desperation? No, nothing is ever my fault, for I am perfect, and perfection can never be wrong. But, because we're such nice gals, we promise from here on out not to drive you to commit any murder/suicides, so toss those recipes for homemade bombs into paper shredder, Timothy McVeigh. In fact, here ya go, Terry, have a soulless mass market beverage on me. You don't need your kidneys anyway. Krista tosses Double T her half finished beer. Naturally, he bobbles it like a goof before managing to secure it in his possession. TAYLOR The doctor said I shouldn't mix alcohol with my yeast infection medication but when in Rome! ALIX Rome? I thought we were in Chicago! KRISTA I thought we were in hell. TAYLOR Girls, I appreciate and value your kindness. And I perhaps more then anyone here in the locker room, am thrilled to see you return. But, I must ask what brings you back to the OAOAST? It goes without saying that the allure of getting a title shot on your first day back was too much to resist, but what else drew you to return? And how do you think your fellow tag teams will react to your surprise return and capturing of the titles? KRISTA “Oh no! The wrestling game is all messed up now! What are we gonna do? How are we gonna survive? How are we gonna eat, man? How are we gonna pay our bills? How are we gonna keep our jobs? How we gonna feed our family? I got six kids by four different women, my baby's mama said she was on the pill and now she's pregnant again. I'm broke, I'm twisted, my wife's a hoe, the kid isn't mine and everybody knows. But I love my baby's mama, I'll never let a go. What are we gonna do? We we gotta log onto Monster.com and find a new vocation because there's no hope for us now COD is back around!” That's the rest of these bum ass tag teams thinking out loud when they saw us back in town. That sound you heard when we made our glorious return to this less then glorious company, wasn't the sound of thousands of people chanting our name, that was the sound of the hearts of every tag team in the OAOAST sinking to the pit of their stomaches, because they know they couldn't hang even if their last name was Husein. So my suggestion to you fine gentlemen is that you pray to the goddess above that HI-YAH shows you a random act of kindess and let's you get a run with their belts, because the only way anyone's getting a whiff of the real thing is if they pry it from my cold, lifeless, dead of alcohol poisoning body. You come to take these belts away from us, and I will take your dignity, your self respect, your pride, your will to live, your sister's virginity, the LSATs , I always thought I'd make a good lawyer, your car, one of those Cosmo tests that asks if you're a tiger or a pussy cat in the bedroom, guess which one I am, a trip to Boston, always have wanted to go never got around to it, hear it's lovely, your house, and anything else of your's I damn well feel like. TAYLOR Krista Isadora Duncan serving notice to OAOAST tag teams! However there's one tag team, one with very powerful connections, and an even more powerful bank account that is none too pleased with the way you arrived into the OAOAST. And I don't think threatening words can chase these men off. Of course, I'm talking about the richest man in professional wrestling, the billionaire, Theodore Moneymaker and your old enemy, The Natural Christian Wright. “BOOOOOOOO!” responds the arena audience. Alix feigns fright at the mention of the snotty duo's name. KRISTA Ah right, Mister Moneymaker and his loyal, castrated, man servant, Christian Wright. Upset because they were actually forced to do work to become tag team champions. Great heavens no! Such a deplorable tragedy mustn't occur! It mustn't, it mustn't, oh it mustn't! How dare these venerated Jevoahs, heroes of the sacred land, actually have to wrestle a match in order to win a wrestling championship. Such abhorrent atrocities should be punished by death and death alone! Look, when I saw Teddy making his entrance, I didn't know if he was with his partner or if he was walking his dog backwards. Christian, I've seen better faces on hemorrhoids. There are cases of genital warts that have more sex appeal then you. Crawl back to the swamp you were born in, Quasimodo, and keep your buck toothed mouth shut, before I keep it shut for you. If you didn't learn last Anglemania, your damn sure gonna learn now. TERRY Christian Wright, you have your warning! KRISTA Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Ya know what? I take all that back. All of it. It was cruel, hateful, and completely uncalled for. That was the liquor talking, that demon whiskey speaking, that's not Krista talking. Here's Krista talking. Gentlemen if you have an issue, if you have a problem, let's work it out like adults. Theo, toss Christian in the truck, get him his leash, his water bowl, his rabies shot, and tow his fat ditch pig ass down to Auntie Krista's spacious palace, and let's have a little talk. Come and chit-chat with the world's most beautiful woman, the only person who looks good enough to give sight to the blind. Have a pow wow with heaven's finest angel. Don't be shy or afraid, I don't bite. I'm a nice girl, a calm, tranquil, caring, docile little dove, not temperamental in the least, or prone to sudden, vulgar, and melodramtic, fits of violent anger. I'm a people person... TAYLOR If you're a people person why are you so mean to me? KRISTA I don't consider you people. Theo, Theo's castrated man servant, if you have a problem or a complaint, call my office, children. Business hours are ten to five, Monday through Thursday. Call at five fifteen, I'm not picking up. Leave a message after the beep, if you'd like to leave a call back number press nine, if you need help press five for options. Tell 'em what my voice mail says, Terry. Tell the people 'cause the people need to hear it! TERRY (doing a poor impression of Krista's raspy voice, while she mouthes the words in the background) Can't talk, counting money! KRISTA Speaking of money that's another thing that brought us back to the land of milk and honey. Where else can you work once a week for three months and still earn millions of dollars? Where else can you say I'd like to do as little work as possible and still collect an unreasonably astronomical salary, while doing so at the expense of the horribly mistreated minimum wage earning citizens who tirelessly toil in deadend jobs, praying for a better life that will eternally elude them? Where else besides the OAOAST and the US senate? ALIX This place is so much nicer then my other jobs! I used to work at Abercrombie when I was in college, yes I went to college, and I, like, didn't show up to work for like five maybe six weeks, and when I finally did generously grace those jerks with my presence, they had all these crazy questions for me. No, welcome back party, no gnarly welcome back briefcase full of unmarked bills. Just a whole bunch questions! Where have you been? Were you the one accepting bribes from mall security to run cockfights in the stock room? Did you use the store phone to dial 1-900-senior-whores. How did you dial 1-900-senior-whores? There are way too many digits! "I'm all like, whatever, dudes, I'm a liberal arts major with a focus on 18th century neo-classical ballet, and you will not talk to me in such a manner, I'm skimming a few twenties out of the register, stealing a pair of jeans, and then I am so gone." A swarthy sea faring lass like myself must stand up for her employee rights! Anyway, the main reason we came back to the O-A-O, besides the bags full of money and instant title shot, is for the super rad fans, who we just l-o-l-o-l-o-v-e to bits n' pieces! KRISTA We luv you, but you we don't love you, so, if some of you would be Tom Clancy's could keep your more disturbing and horrifying erotic fiction on your hardrive and out of my inbox, that would be all kinds of awesome. TAYLOR I spent three of the most agonizing and difficult weeks of my life hand writing that story, and an additional two months illustrating it, and that's all you have say in response? You're a devilishly cruel temptress, Krista. Well, with that out of the way, I can finally ask the question that's being driving me insane for the last five minutes. What's with these darn horses? Are those actually live animals? As soon as Terry finishes his somewhat insulting question, Krista's horse decides that it would be a good idea to chew on his hair. Significantly freaked out by having his hair treated like a bale of hay, Terry nervously pushes the animal away. ALIX Because superior alien intellect from the planet Zorbtron have yet to bestow upon us meager humanoids the technology to properly create lifelike and incredibly well hung farm creatures from Styrofoam and paper mache, I have to say, yes, Mr.T, these are real live animals. Yeah they stink worse then an unwashed baby, yeah they're really freakin' large, and yes they just had a bowl movement the size of my head in Beverly Hills Blond's locker room, but they sure are fun to ride! Kind of like Krista's mom! KRISTA Excuse me? ALIX Your moms made her choice, ese. KRISTA Look, Terry, In the spirit of our match with the Gunslingers, we thought we'd show the world that we're the real, rootin' tootin', pistol totin' outlaws in this here jurisdiction, not The Lone Star Gunslingers. See, they ain't nuthin but two pairs of lyin sacks of crap. They're cheatin', and horn swagglin honest citizens into thinking they're real roughnecks, when they ain't nuthin but a couple of rotten' city slickers. Lord-a-goshin, Terry, we just can't have that! They wanna fight us? Crazy as loons, that's what they is! Their brain cavity wouldn't hold ennuf water for a cactus plant, comin up with ideas like that! Gunslingers, ya'll fellas might as well just hang up yer fiddles right now because you couldn't hit a bull's ass with a handful of banjos! I know you say you gonna beat us, but yer words ain't worth a hill of beans. Boys, ya'll can't defeat us any sooner then you can catch a weasel asleep. Terry, when we get them varmints out in that ring we're gonna make 'em about as happy as two ducks in Arizona! TERRY Hmmm. I don't believe a duck would find himself very happy in Arizona. There's a marked scarcity of water in that state, and contrary to many people's erroneous belief's, water is an integral part of the duck's continued survival. Thus your claim of making them happy as ducks in Arizona doesn't hold much weight. I expected better researched quips and witticisms from a woman of your alleged educational level. It would seem you can buy two masters degrees from Standford, but you can never truly buy intelligence. KRISTA That's the idea, Terry! A duck without wa...oh forget it. Why do I even bother getting out of bed in the morning? ALIX Terry, while we're getting our Western lingo on, the Gunslingers are still having trouble forming coherent sentences. Remember, fellas, I before E except after C. No child left behind! It takes a village! Hillary in 08! TAYLOR Girls, do you really think you're actual westerners? ALIX Totally! I mean we are from California. And if I could get my Where in the USA is Carmen San Diego on for a moment geographically speaking, the good ol U-S-of-A doesn't get much more western then Californ-i-a. Well, except maybe for Hawaii, but they're all a bunch of godless, Jesus hating, devil worshiping, hedonistic savages. So in a way they're kind of like California. Except we have Lego Land. And Lego Land, in case you did not know, totally rocks. But even better, Krissy and I know, like, a gazillion and sxity country western stars! Don't we, Krissy? KRISTA Hey, don't drag me down with you. I'm still taken semi-seriously around here. ALIX Okie dokie, thanks my unhealthy and borderline psychotic obsession with the Dixie Chicks, I know plenty of Country Western stars as well as many Nashville county prosecutors. I don't really like to name drop but I'm purrrdy close to a certain red headed stranger you might remember from his riveting performance at Wrestlemania VII. TAYLOR Willie Nelson?! ALIX Willie Nelson, what the heck are you...I mean yeaaaaaah, Willie Nelson. Riiiiiight. Oh, me and Nelly, he likes me to call him Nelly, go waaaaay back. Here's a juicy morsel of scandalous gossip for ya, babe! Uh....(Alix looks around nervously until she notices an old issue of TV Guide with Star Trek on the cover) I drove the get away car when he set William Shatner's house on fire. And, um...(her eyes roam until she spots at a pamphlet for Sea World on a nearby table)Did you know that he hunted the hammer head shark into extinction? Uh-huh, true story. When I asked him why he did it, he said the sharks' condo was blocking his view of the mountain. When I said sharks don't have condos, he shot me in the leg. TAYLOR My word, Alix, I never knew that you were so connected to the privileged and fabulous lives of country music's royal elite! ALIX Given enough old TV guides and pamphlets, I can go on about stupid crap I don't understand for hours on end. Can The Gunslingers pointlessly ramble on about nothing for ten straight minutes? No way, Jose! But Ally Cat can. For instance, you know what I've always wondered, why is Tom from Tom and Jerry such a prick? Seriously, what is that cat's deal?! See? Told ya! And can we talk about those Gunslingers, Terrence? I mean, can we? Can we, pretty please with eighty million cherries on top? TAYLOR I think that would be a splendid idea, Alixandra. ALIX The Gunslingers are so boooorrrring even a boomerang wouldn't come back to them. Believe me, party people, I know this from experience. Jock tossed a boomerang and it never, ever, ever, ever, came back. I was so appalled and disturbed that I had to put on my Danny Phantom junior investigator badge and get to the bottom of the situation. Two hours later I found Mister Boomerang at the bar at Applebees getting wasted off rum and Coke. What follows is a dramatic recreation of our earth shattering conversation. “Boomerang, what are you doing, dude, The Gunslingers are waiting for you!” “I ain't paying that bitch a dime.” “What?” “ You done heard me woman. I ain't paying that girl no child support.” “Exsqueeze me bacon powder?” “How she gonna have me in court trying to get me to pay child support when the kid's got blue eyes and blond hair? I ain't got blue eyes. I ain't got blond hair. I ain't got hair or eyes period, and she want eight thousand a month. And then she's gonna tell me she got the clap, she got chlamydia, and I need to get checked out. The bitch is Muslim and she got chlamydia. What does Allah say about that? See if Mohamed gonna pay your electricity bill, because this dude sure ain't. I ain't messing with these Cuban girls no more. Chick ain't worth the boat she came in on. Makes me wanna beat someone's kids just thinking bout it.” “Uh, dude, what about the Gunslingers.” “They talkin' about throwing me in jail. I wish they would throw me in jail, they got dudes cooking food for you, dudes sorting your mail, doing your laundry, cable TV, beds, and hot water in there. I spent last night sleeping in front of an Exxon gas station with one eye open. I wish they would they put me in jail. I got a semi automatic in my trunk and I'ma put her on some kind of support. Just not the support she wants. Please believe that.” Terry, the boomerang wouldn't even acknowledge their existence, that's how boring they are! Boomerangs don't even have wives, it had to make the entire story up to avoid acknowledging the Gunslingers existence! TAYLOR (trying once again to prevent Krista's horse from eating his hair) I didn't even know boomerangs could talk! ALIX They can't! I had to make the whole thing up because I had nothing else to mock the Gunslingers with because they have no discernible personality traits! You can't make fun of something with no personality, it's like trying to make fun of a blender, or a lamp shade, or Simon Singleton. You can't do it! It's possible in English! Il est impossible en français ! É impossível no português ! Es ist auf Deutsch unmöglich ! それは日本語で不可能である! Check this, Mr.T, if the OAOAST was money, The Gunslingers would be rated as food stamps. What can you buy with food stamps, Terry? The generic Alphabit Cereal, that's it, that's what. You can't even get the real deal, you've got to buy the one where the letters only go up to K. You'll be looking around asking weren't there twenty six letters? Not for three dollars worth of food stamps, my friend. Your kids won't know how to read, because all they've got is cereal that goes up to K. They'll be in class and they'll come to the word Lamb and they'll have a seizure. What is is this strange and mysterious symbol with the horizontal and vertical line?! I do not understand these ancient hieroglyphics! Help me, help me! But look at us, Terry, we're the total opposite of the Lonestar Gunslingers. Our cereal goes up to the super secret letters after Z. KRISTA Super Secret letters after Z? And what, dare I ask, would those be? ALIX If I told you it wouldn't be a super secret, silly! DUH, Krissy! TERRY Duh, Krista. Even I know that. God, you're so stupid, Krissy! God! Why are you so stupid? On orders from his perturbed master, Krista's horsie takes another chunk out of Terry's rapidly thinning hair. KRISTA Okay, let's bring this happenin' shindig to a close while I still have some semblance of my sanity. Gunslingers, I'm dyslexic, but even still, us with hang can't you. Your career reminds me of Dick Clark, I can't believe it ain't dead yet. Now, I understand you want the minuscule fame and modest fortune that goes with winning a championship in a sport that's only taken seriously by people who are even less respected than meth addicts and serial rapists. And given the America's Funniest Home videos worthy failure that is your sad and pathetic lives, I'm sure you hunger for even the tiniest morsel of glory to bless your otherwise pitiful and mundane existences. I know you're fantasizing about riding off into that sunset with these belts held high and your heads held higher, looking into each other's eyes, casting glances of intense affection, wondering if you should commiserate your life long partnership with a tender but ever so passionate kiss. But if you wait, wait, wait, wait a minute Mister Postman, and take the time to truly consider your current course of action, you'll see that that fighting us makes less sense then naming Terry Taylor world's sexiest man. You don't really want it with me, Rascal Flatts. I'm not the kind of girl you come for, I'm the kind of woman you run from. You get in the ring with me and I'll show you more blind rage then Helen Keller and Ray Charles in a steel cage. I don't think you know how crazy people say I am. “You're running in the deep end, Krista”. Well, I don't give a damn. I'm screwed up from years of hard liquor and I'll send you to god quicker then any religion. It doesn't matter if you're Muslim, Hebrew, or Christian. I'm indiscriminate with my punishment, I've got permanent PMS, and I stay bitching. I repeat once again, and production department flash some subtitles onto the bottom of the screen for the benefit of the hearing impaired: You...do..not..want...it...with...us. We will run you into the ground and right out of this town. You might never be heard from again. When we're done with you, you'll have a whole company singing like Paula Cole (Krista begins singing) "Where is my Baron Windells? Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone?" Your's in Christ, Krista Isadora Duncan. ALIX Oh, your beautiful majesty, thank you for deigning us ragged peasants the immeasurable delight of your golden soliloquies! Geez, talk about a snoozer! You could at least show some cleavage if you're gonna talk my ear off! Bewildered, Krista slumps onto her horse and clutches her chest in exaggerated pain. KRISTA I think I'm having a heart attack. TERRY Well then, while we wait for Rescue 911 to revive Krista in time for her match, I'll turn it back to, Johnathan Coachman and Michael Cole. For the OAOAST, I'm Terry Taylor. God speed, and God bless. On cue our view switches back to the announce table. COLE Thanks, Terry. I've been granted the opportunity to speak with the challengers in the tag team title match, The Lonestar Gunslingers. And I'm sure they're eager to rebut some of the comments made by Alix and Krista. Gentlemen, are you there? JOCK Where else are we gonna be, boy? Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels appear on screen, leaning against a nondescript locker room wall. Outfitted in their trademark all white wrestling attire the normally handsome duo scowl at the screen, striking an intimidating presence COLE Gentlemen, thank you for taking time speak with us. No sooner then a day after Chicks Over Dicks won the championship at Mainframe Monday did you issue a challenge for a title bout. Were your surprised to see them accept your request? JOCK No, I ain't surprised they accepted the challenge, because there weren't no choice to do otherwise. When The Lonestar Gunslingers say you're gonna do something, you can bet your bottom dollar that you're gonna get up and do it. What you call a request, I call an order, and those gals fell in line like any good woman should. COLE Some might say that by getting a title bout, you've leapfrogged several teams who were in tag title contention. JOCK What you call leapfroggin', I call using the brain god gave us. We're Texans, not idiots. We weren't gonna jump through hoops like all the other teams 'round these parts, and waste time in tag team turmoil matches that don't make a lick of sense. Hey, if all those morons wanna beat each other down like a bunch goofballs for the chance to maybe one day get a title shot, then that's their business right there. But while they're doing that, Baron and I will be backstage sipping champagne and toasting our victory like the true champions we are. BARON When we want something, we go out and we get it. And we wanted a title shot, and that's what's we got. See, we've been waiting all our lives to win those belts! COLE Wait, how is that even possible, this company's only been around for five years, and you're twenty six years old. BARON ......... COLE ........ JOCK ....... COACH ........ After an unreasonably long spell of awkward silence, a less then pleased Jock finally speaks. JOCK Alright, I see what you're tryin' to do here. You're tryin' to kick up a row. COLE Kick up a row? JOCK Yeah, kick up a row, create a disturbance, get us real nice and angry. COLE I assure you... BARON Don't assure us of nothin', slim! JOCK I don't need you to tell me what you is and ain't tryin' to do when I can see perfectly well what's going on, saddle licker. Just like them girls did, you want to make us mad, get real deep under our skin, because you know we got bad tempers, and rilin' us up is easier then lickin' butter off a knife. But, I'll tell you this, Alix and Krista may have pushed us a bit too far. Ain't that right, Baron? BARON I know I'm madder then an ol wet hen. But my mama told me to never lay no hand on no woman. And I'm not one for hittin' the lady folk, and I got full respect for those gals. But if the good lord is gonna give me the chance to make something of myself, to see a little glory before I pass on to the next life, well, then, I gotta make hay while the sun shines, and settle up with my conscience later. COLE That's perfectly understandable. JOCK As you can see, my partner is someone to ride the river with. He is a gentlemen of the first water. But I am anything but. I been the on the dodge, running from the law, since the day I was born. I'm full of piss and vinegar. I'm always lookin' fer trouble and spolin' for a fight. I can hit a woman just as well as I can love a woman, it don't make no lick of difference to me, just as long as she's gone by morning. If the time calls for it, I can be as savage as a meat axe. Now you mail order Hollywood cowgirls may have been able to stretch the blanket, and tell your tall tells for Terry Taylor's and these people's enjoyment, but when it comes time for the real showdown, we'll see what you princesses got. COLE Gentlemen, thank you. JOCK You're not welcome. COLE Well, thank you anyway. JOCK You're not welcome anyway. With that the feed to Gunslingers lockeroom cuts out leaving us to look the world's most average looking announce team, Johnathan Coachman and Michael Cole. COACH (munching a hot dog) Mmmm...hey, I'm back. Did I miss anything? COLE (doing double take) Geez, no wonder it felt like I was the only one out here. COACH I sat down while you and the Gunslingers were breaking kayfabe. COLE ............ COACH ........... COLE ........... COACH ............ Commercial break Edited January 5, 2007 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 5, 2007 (edited) Verdi's Requiem plays, and the Hell's Hitmen make their way to the ring, as the camera gets several shots of terrified children in the audience. COLE And we're set for our second match in the Anderson Cup tournament! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is a first-round match in the Anderson Cup tag team tournament, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 687 pounds...the team of JINGUS and THE SADIST, collectively known as HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL'SSSSSSS HITMEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! COLE And here comes the biggest team in this tournament, in what should prove to be one of its most interesting matchups, against one of the favorites in the tournament, Moss and Benjamin, America's Team! COACH And I think we could see our first upset of the tournament, Cole, these guys are sadistic! COLE No doubt, you can't count out the Sadist and JINGUS! Stars and Stripes Forever plays, and Moss and Benjamin make their way to the ring, carrying their flags. BUFFER Their opponents, at a total combined weight of 485 pounds...the team of CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMERICAAAAAAAAAAAA'SSSSSSSS TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!!! Moss and Benjamin pose on the buckles, then set their flags outside as the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* COACH Interesting to see how these two teams match up! COLE Absolutely, Moss and Benjamin do a lot of wrestling and Benjamin is a great high-flyer, lots of finesse on that side, and with Hell's Hitmen, it's anything but! A total contrast of styles! Benjamin starts off the match, and is met by the Sadist. The two tie up, and the Sadist immediately shoves Benjamin down to the mat. He raises his arms in the air, and is booed by the crowd. COACH And Benjamin making a mistake right now, he shouldn't be trying to match power with these guys! Benjamin gets up, then sizes up the Sadist, before backing into the ropes and going for a shoulder tackle, only to bounce right off and fall to the mat. Benjamin gets up and puts his hands on his hips, then thumbs Sadist in the eye! COACH Oh, what is that? Benjamin then hits a dropkick, before climbing the top rope, and finally knocking him to the mat with a flying clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin is shoved right into his corner off the cover. COLE And a powerful kickout by the Sadist! Sadist walks over and tags in JINGUS, who steps in and approaches Benjamin. He shoves Benjamin back into the ropes. Benjamin uses the ropes to hold himself up, then makes his way back over to JINGUS, then gives him a shove back, enough to deliver a dropkick, which the big man simply brushes off! COLE Nothing doing on that dropkick by Quentin Benjamin! COACH JINGUS may have enjoyed it, who knows? Benjamin talks to JINGUS, as JINGUS just stands and takes it all in. Suddenly, JINGUS attempts a dropkick of his own, getting about two feet off the mat, and Benjamin sidesteps it, then drops a leg to the back of his head! He then tags in Moss, as JINGUS gets to his feet near the ropes. COLE And now a tag to Moss, after that ill-advised dropkick attempt by JINGUS! Moss circles the ring a couple times, then moves in on him, but JINGUS gets a foot to the gut, then sends Moss into the ropes. Moss ducks a clothesline, then lunges at JINGUS, who catches Moss and plants him with a Boss Man slam! COLE And how quickly the tide turns here, as one big move from JINGUS and now Moss in trouble! JINGUS tags in the Sadist, then whips Moss into a corner, before whipping the Sadist across into him for an AVALANCHE~! COACH And nice teamwork by the big men! Sadist whips him across and tries another one, but Moss dodges it, then tags Benjamin, who goes to the top, and dives off, but Sadist catches him and then falls forward! COACH And a nice counter by Sadist, just when it looked as if America's Team would reclaim the advantage! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Sadist whips Benjamin across the ring, so hard that Benjamin does a front flip upon hitting the buckles, and lands on his back! COLE And tremendous power by the Sadist! Sadist tags in JINGUS, who lifts Benjamin in a PRESS SLAM~!, and drops him on his stomach on the mat, then drops an elbow to the lower back! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! JINGUS drags Benjamin over to the corner, and tags in the Sadist. JINGUS grabs a front facelock, and Sadist pounds away as the referee counts. JINGUS steps out, and Sadist applies a bearhug. COLE And a bearhug applied by the Sadist, will it be enough? Benjamin fights it briefly, but eventually fades. The referee lifts his arm... 1!!! 2!!! Benjamin holds through on the third lift! Benjamin delivers a right hand! Then a second! And a third! The hold is broken, and Benjamin goes to the ropes and ducks a clothesline, but gets caught by the BIG BOOT~! of the Sadist! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COLE Just when it looked like Benjamin had some momentum going, he gets drilled with the big boot of the Sadist! Tag made to JINGUS, who methodically hammers Benjamin around the ring. He sets up a powerbomb, but Benjamin sunset flips over the back, then rolls to his feet, and makes the tag to Moss! COLE And somehow Benjamin makes the tag to Moss! Moss comes in and hammers away on JINGUS, then delivers a SUPERKICK~! But JINGUS simply staggers backwards! Moss delivers a second, same result! COLE Two superkicks from Moss, and nothing doing! Moss runs to the ropes, comes back with a sidestep, and delivers a third, and JINGUS goes backwards, and falls back over the top rope! COACH And JINGUS out to the floor! Sadist steps in, and gets caught with right hands. Benjamin steps in, and ducks down behind Sadist, sweeping his legs as Moss backs into the ropes and delivers a clothesline! COLE They got the double goozle! Benjamin runs to the ropes, and catches JINGUS with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! COLE And Benjamin taking out JINGUS! And now up to the top! Sadist is up on his feet, and Moss gets on all fours behind him, as Benjamin delivers a flying bodypress! Moss gets up and sits on top of Benjamin as the referee counts... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Moss and Benjamin have advanced! BUFFER Here are your winners...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMERICAAAAAAAAAAAA'SSSSSSSS TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!!! COACH That's not right! You can't have two guys making the cover! COLE Well, the referee allowed it at his discretion, and the result is a pinfall victory for America's Team, who will now take on either the team of Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright or The Love Doctors in the quarterfinals! Right now, let's go to "Mean" Gene Okerlund! It’s Thursday Night and we’re backstage at an OAOAST event, that can only mean one thing MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN BY-GOD GEEEEEEEEENE!! “MEAN” GENE Ladies and gentlemen I’m standing here outside President Anglesault’s office and I’m hoping to catch a few words with James Wolfenstein before he goes into his meeting with the OAOAST president. Gene grins, he’s bound and determined to be the first guy to interview James Wolfenstein or die trying. In the background we see Tony Schiavone coming around the corner, microphone in hand and with a camera crew following him. When he sees that “Mean” Gene beat him to the punch he throws the microphone down and walks away in anger. “MEAN” GENE That’s right you’ll get the scoop on the allegations made by Asmodai on Monday Night right here. Gene scouts for Wolfenstein but so far no “Lone Wolf” “MEAN” GENE And don’t forget to call our hotline, option “4” is the Gene rapport with all the backstage dirt… Gene is obviously playing for time as he waits for James Wolfenstein to show up. Then to his surprise Anglesault’s door opens behind him and out walks James Wolfenstein followed by President Anglesault. Anglesault shakes Wolfenstein’s hand and pads him on the shoulder before James walks off without a word. ANGLESAULT I’m glad we got that cleared up James! Gene just stands there for a moment looking at Anglesault, then at the back of Wolfenstein as he heads for his locker room, then back to Anglesault. “MEAN” GENE Have you guys already had the meeting? ANGLESAULT Yes we have Gene, it was very… informative “MEAN” GENE Informative? Well since we’re here and we’ve got the camera rolling maybe you’d like to comment on the rumors and allegations? ANGLESAULT Certainly Anglesault turns and faces the camera straight on. ANGLESAULT As you all know I’m a man who likes to run a tight ship and I do not like to be bamboozled or mislead. So when there question of James Wolfenstein’s past popped up I decided to get it cleared up right away, I’ve talked with Mr. Wolfenstein and he’s told me everything “MEAN” GENE So he’s not a rookie? He lied to look more impressive? ANGLESAULT Let me say this so that there are no doubts about this: James Wolfenstein has only been a professional wrestler for about six months. “MEAN” GENE Oh… ANGLESAULT However he has informed me of his past in other fighting sports. As Asmodai implied Mr. Wolfenstein does have a history in K-1 and with the UFC under the ring name of “John Hawk” “MEAN” GENE So why did he lie? ANGLESAULT In his own words “He just came to fight”, he did not want to be bogged down with expectations of him because of his excellent K-1 career. He did not want to become a “Wrestler Hunter” like some shoot fighters have turned into – he wants to be a wrestler first and foremost. “MEAN” GENE But he lied? ANGLESAULT He did and I’m not happy about that, but honestly why fire a guy for having a background in a different sport? “MEAN” GENE Well from what I understand it’s not just “a background” – he was a big time contender for a while. ANGLESAULT He was 12-2-1 in K-1 and both losses were by disqualification Gene, I’ll admit that it’s a good record for someone so young. But we’ve had amateur wrestling greats, hell somewhere I hear there is an Olympic gold medalist wrestling;) “MEAN” GENE I still don’t understand why he kept it a secret ANGLESAULT Because he didn’t want to be known as “that Shooter guy”, he’s not looking to become the next Ken Shamrock. He just wants to fight. “MEAN” GENE The big question is, will you let him? ANGLESAULT Short answer: Yes! Despite being backstage the camera picks up the crowd cheering for that announcement ANGLESAULT Long answer: With certain precautions. He must at all times wear protective gloves, elbow pads and kick pads when he is in my ring. We all saw him knock out Jock Mulligan “MEAN” GENE And Asmodai ANGLESAULT I haven’t forgotten about him – we’ve seen him do it, the man’s hands are lethal weapons and I need to tone it down a bit. I have told James Wolfenstein that he cannot compete without that protective gear – no ands, ifs or buts. “MEAN” GENE You heard it here first fans! ANGLESAULT I’m not quite done Gene Gene looks a little surprised, he figured it was time to wrap it up after that announcement. ANGLESAULT Since Asmodai couldn’t go through the proper channels and instead tried to embarrass Wolfenstein and my company I’m booking him against the Lone Wolf next week! Gene waits for a moment, not wanting to make the mistake of going for his wrap up before everything is said and done, once he’s satisfied that he can end it he turns to the camera once more “MEAN” GENE There you have it fans! James Wolfenstein’s past revealed and perhaps his biggest challenge next week as he faces the man who tried to humiliate him on national TV. Back to ringside. The haunting beauty of Ennio's Morricone's The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly drifts into the arena, giving birth to an excited murmur from the Tampa crowd. Red and blue lights splash across the landscape, as an orange pyro missle descends from the peak of the overhead scoreboard and onto the entrance stage. It lands with tremendous impact, nearly deafening those spectators unlucky enough sit near it. Immediately after the powerful pyro display concludes the lights dim to a troubling blackness. The home audience is shown an overhead view of the entrance stage, it's metallic floor carpeted by simmering flames that form the shape of a bull's head. The camera then pans downward to reveal the rugged tag team known as The Lonestar Gunslingers. Like beasts walking through the gates of hell, the surly Texans confidently stroll through the blazing symbol. Roving orange lights dance along their muscular baby oiled physiques and give a menacing tint to their matching white trunks. The men toss a nod to each other then set out to the squared circle. With only a nod passed between them, the roughriders begin their journey to the battle ground. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes, and it is for the OAOAST world tag team championship! Now making their way to the ring, the challengers, weighing in at a combined weight of five hundred and seven pounds, they are brawlers hailing from The Lone Star State, they are The Texas Twister Jock Mulligan, Baron Windells, THE LONESTAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS! The second Buffer's announcement concludes Baron slides into the ring amidst another series of soft applause. Jock stays on the ring apron, hooking his arm around the top rope. He gazes through the thousands of fans, not focusing on anyone or anything, merely contemplating the landmark task that lies before him. He turns towards his longtime ally and exchanges a solemn look. Each man is keenly aware that this is the most important match of their short careers. COLE They've got speed, size, talent and looks that could stop traffic in a heartbeat, but their attitude leaves much to be desired. We don't get a chance to see them often on HeldDOWN, but the Lonestar Gunsligners have an opportunity to establish themselves in the OAOAST record books. The industry was stunned on New Year's and it could be stunned again tonight if The Gunslingers have their game in order. Many scouts have said there's no reason this team shouldn't be ripping up the tag division, they just need to be given a chance. Well, they've been granted a chance, let's see if they make the most of it. COACH Forget about that, because whatever team wins tonight is going to get picked apart by The Sooner Bruisers. They are maaaaaaad, Cole, mad as all hell, about what they perceived as being screwed out of the titles at Mainframe Monday. Personally, I think they have a legitimate grievance. How can you lose your title and never be pinned or submitted? But what's set them off even more is that The Lonestar Gunslingers, a team that's never won any championship in any level of athletics got the first title match before they did. I was there when they found out The Gunslingers were getting first crack at the girls, and I couldn't get out the room fast enough. They tore that mother up! Those brothers are criminally insane. It wouldn't surprise me if they came out while this match was going on and just started smoking fools left and right. Droppin out of helicopters and such, straight blasting suckas, Bruce Willis Die Hard style. POW POW POW on all you mofos! Duck and hide! For that reason, I'm putting on this riot gear, I've gotta protect myself, I gotta earn my money. If I were you I'd do the same. Coach actually does put on a SWAT team helmet, and clutches a knight stick like a precious jewel in an anticipation of The Sooner Bruisers inevitable arrival and destruction of human life. Cole remains nonplussed. COLE As Terry Taylor mentioned, Theodore Moneymaker... COACH Mister Moneymaker to you, peasant! COLE Mister Moneymaker and Mister Wright along with their cronies and henchmen in the Enterprise are distraught with the outcome of the tag team turmoil bout. They felt that the titles were rightfully their's by nature of the original match lineup. Although I feel the passion for their point, I can't say I agree with them. And it doesn't seem like many of the OAOAST wrestlers, and the OAOAST fans feel much sympathy for their plight. Sugarcult's unadulterated and athletic rock anthem Los Angeles kicks through the sound system, as the venue plunges into a dreamy darkness. For a moment nothing happens, but the rowdy fans know exactly what's forthcoming. They make their voices heard above the music's sonic drumbeats, belting out chants of “C-O-D! C-O-D!”. Their voices only grow louder when a gorgeous red pyro waterfall cascades from the heaven's above, interloping with an equally majestic pink pyro fountain in front of the Angletron. Once those fireworks fade into an oblivion an astonishing gold pyro wall booms to life, engulfing the entire length the entrance stage. Sugarcult's ode to the city of angels reaches it's hot point, and through the smoky haze step LA's favorite angels, Chicks Over Dicks. The anticipation of seeing COD make their return to HeldDOWN after a year long absence pales in comparison to the actual event, and the audience responds with a monstrous scream of excitement. COLE Such an ovation! Alix, attired in a white tube top, matching booty shorts, and white boots with faux fur leg warmers, bounces across the stage, doing her part to further pump up the adrenaline charged audience. Krista, outfitted in a black open sided mini skirt, white Adidas snow boots, and a red Obey tank top that reads “Make art not war” strikes an alluring pose atop the ramp, sliding her hands through her vibrant hair, and putting on a expression of enchanting mystery. Eventually, Krista is able to corral her wild n' crazy partner by the hand. She twirls Alix around like a ballroom dancer, then pulls her into her a tight embrace. Ally tosses her head over her shoulder, and blows a kiss towards the camera, leading cute super imposed red lips to pop on screen. BUFFER And the champions....now making their way to the ring, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, the Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! At the conclusion of the announcement another frenzied pop rises from the stands. Alix repays the audience for their appreciation by passing out her world famous Miss Spezia Sweetie's peanut butter cookies to their eager hands. Ever the sweetheart, she gives the remaining treats to a young autistic boy in the front row, and even kisses him on the cheek. Krista just kind of waves at him awkwardly, then quickly backs away before he can think of asking her for a smooch. COACH I hope Special Ed over there enjoyed that, because that's most play he'll ever see in his life. Fasten your chinstraps, bucko, that's all the excitement you're ever gonna get. COLE Alix and Krista shocked everyone when they made their return on Monday, and they left more then a few superstars upset with the manner in which they came back. But, the fans are the ones who keep the OAOAST alive, and they are tickled pink to see them back! And I feel the same way. Krista slides into the ring, and leans over the ropes facing the cameras, beaming a cocky smirk into living rooms across the country. Alix scampers to her side and makes herself an enormous menace by enthusiastically shaking the ropes. The sudden jolt in the cables, causes Krista to vulgarly ask Alix what the hell she's doing. Ally shrugs her shoulders, replying “I dunno”, before leaving a nauseated Krista to her lonsome. COLE Folks, the 2007 Anderson Cup is underway, and I personally feel that it will be the best Anderson Cup we've ever had. The brackets have already been announced, and are available at OAOAST.com for you to check out. Also at OAOAST you can vote on who you think will win the historic tournament. Now, Jock and Baron are penciled in to take on Black T. However if the Gunslingers should win the titles tonight, then Chicks Over Dicks would take their spot and would face the powerful team of Brannigan and Black. Anytime you have Black T in the ring, you're looking at a big time match, but to put Chicks Over Dicks in with them is off the charts. The girls try to settle the argument over who should start the match with a heated game of tic-tac-toe. Alix actually beats Krista, making this the first time she's ever beaten Krista in anything. Thus a disillusioned and confused Krissy departs the ring, and Ally is left to square off with Baron Windels. “C-O-D! C-O-D!” chant the Floridians, most of which are still on their feet. The ever mischievous Alix points to the ropes and sweetly asks Baron if he wouldn't mind running towards them. Windells tosses her a quizzical glance, but one sickeningly cute “Pretty, pretty, pretty please” later and he's dashing towards the cables without question. Unfortunately for him, Alix charges behind, collars her arm around his head, then drives him nose first into the canvas with a bulldog! Her clever scheme earns her a scream of approval from the fans, and a shout of pain from her foe. But she has little time to gloat over her trickery, because Jock Mulligan comes roaring at her with a Bandit Kick. Alix easily sidesteps his trademark attack, then leaps into the air and pummels the man with a standing enziguri! With a throbbing headache and regrets of interjecting himself in the match in the first place, the defeated Texan rolls his carcass out the ring. Meanwhile, his outraged partner, Baron, is seeking to gain a measure of revenge on his bubbly tormentor. He zooms towards Alix wielding a viscous Western Lariat. However Ally delays a possible decapitation by appealing to Baron's spiritual side. “Wait! You can't hit me. I'm Jewish! Jews are Jesus' people!” She exclaims, cowering in an mock fear. Torn between his devotion to the lord, and his devotion to his profession, Baron's pea size brain ponders this great quandary. Sadly, he's never able to reach a solution due to his sneaky enemy rolling him up for a pinfall! ONE TWO Baron yanks his shoulders off the mat, and soon his whole body follows as he ascends to his full six foot seven frame. Towering above Ally Cat, the angry cowboy throws a familiar lariat her direction. But Alix has never met a clothesline she can't avoid, and this one is no different. She ducks behind her foe, and dropkicks his muscular back, thrusting him towards his corner. Jock who hasn't the slightest clue that he's about to be steamrolled by a two hundred seventy five pound bulldozer, groggily returns to the apron. And just as soon as he puts his foot on the beige surface his errant friend slams into him, flinging him off the apron and throwing him shoulder first into the steel barricade. CLANK! Mulligan's massive body lands with tremendous impact, pushing the barricade back three inches and knocking the beers out the hands of nearby audience members. An outraged child, who had his soda spilled by the Slinger, proceeds to wallop the poor man with a foam Colombian Heat hand. Covering his head in the wake of the unusual assault, Jock loudly curses both his fortune and his buffoonish ally. However, his complaints are overshadowed by the cheers of those fans entertained by his predicament. COLE I don't see what Jock's problem is. What could Baron have done? COACH Not get dropkicked. Not go stumbling forward and knock Jock into a steel barricade for starters. A distraught Baron leans over the cables, apologizing profusely to Jock. However no amount of sorries can alleviate the searing pain Mulligan feels in his shoulder and his ego. Thus he continues to lambaste Baron for his foolishness. COLE I think Mulligan is overreacting to a simple miscommunication. In fact, Baron was already on his way to the ropes when Jock started to climb onto the apron. So if Jock had paid a little more attention to what was going on in the ring, he wouldn't be were he is now. The Gunslingers embarrassment increases when Alix blasts Baron with another dropkick. This time the attack hilariously hurls the sheriking brawler over the orange cables and onto the floor bellow. With a booming thud, Windels lands in front of his partner, who has several choice words for him. Baron rises and attempts to defend himself in the wake of Jock's rampant criticisms. But Jock offers no argument, instead bellowing a frantic “Look out!”. Confused by Jock's warning, Baron turns around, only to find his enemy descending on his team with an over the top rope body splash! The duo quickly dive out of the way of the soaring cutie, praying that she'll crash into the cold metal barricade. Much to their chagrin and to the crowd's delight, Alix's cat like agility sees her land with her feet on the railing and her back to the Gunslingers. Operating in unspoken unison, the Texans step forward, seeking to shove her into the laps of the audience. But Alix counters this tactic by launching herself backwards, extending her arms, and nailing her bumbling rivals with a moonsault double lariat! The not so gruesome twosome topple to the floor in a heap. Alix stands up, and for some inexplicable reason, chooses to celebrate her triumph by doing the robot and singing We are Family by Sister Sledge in a robot voice. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” chant the crowd, who don't seem to mind her less then pleasing singing voice. COACH Again Baron's fault. Why did he move out the way when she did the body splash? She's lighter then a feather. Alix is so skinny she could hula hoop with a Cheerio. Just catch her in your arms, and drive her into the ring post, chump. Baron's taking L's left and right. Jock, you a real man, you need a real partner. Holla at the Coach! Jock and John, tag team champions 2007. Jock shares some of Coach's sentiments, and resumes browbeating Baron for his considerable stupidity. Even as Alix rolls Windells back into the squared circle, Mulligan lies on the outside mats, alternating between grousing about his physical pain, and whining about his poor choice in partners. Back in the squared circle, Baron rolls to his feet, and spots Alix darting towards him. He halts her charge with a boot to the stomach that leaves her doubled over and wheezing in pain. Seeking to gain some revenge for all the trouble she's caused him, he roughly lifts her up as if he was going for a body slam, then inverts her and drops her shoulder first across his knee before discarding her to the canvas. Alix slinks away from her rival, clutching her wounded arm. But he stalks her across the ring, eying her with feral intent. He reaches down and grabs a thick clump of her hair, using it to pull her upright. He then pushes her into a bent over position and coils his arms across her slender waist. He lifts Alix into the air and holds her in position for a few seconds to showcase his ungoldy strength, then brutally slams her into the canvas with a gutwrench powerbomb! Krista and the audience react with horror to the viscousness of Baron's attack, and even Jock can't help but be a little impressed. Not satisfied with the damage already done, Baron hauls Alix to her feet, and hurls her to the cables. Her incredible speed proves to be her downfall, as she gets bounced back before she can contemplate a plan of attack. Baron isn't nearly as indecisive as she, and knocks her off her feet with a spinning back fist. He stands victorious over his whimpering enemy, smirking to himself, gloating over the pain he's wrought. COACH I knew Baron was that dude all along! I've always been a supporter of the Baron Windels movement. Never could say a disparaging word about the man. Deciding to quit while he's ahead, Baron tags in the ill tempered Jock Mulligan. The Texas Twister's entrance into the fray earns a smattering cheers and boos. However he pays the varied crowd reaction little mind, instead focusing all his thoughts on winning his first championship belt. He hits the ropes and comes back with fists clenched for The Hollywood Bad Girl. Alix, resting on one knee, looks up at the last minute and makes a desperate bid to get out of the way. But Mulligan tracks her movements, and as she scrambles to her feet, he extends his knee forward and smashes it into the top of her skull! “CRAAAACK” the disturbing sound of bone meeting bone echoes throughout the venue, as the camera picks up a shot of a worried Krista pacing back and forth on the apron. Jock doesn't wait for Alix to rise before he continues his punishment, choosing instead to drive the point of his elbow into her bare stomach, causing the redhead to spasm in pain. Mulligan springs to his feet and repeats the same sequence, before latching onto Alix's left leg for a Boston Crab. Miss Spezia is steadfastly opposed to being placed in such a submission hold, and uses her tennis shoes to kick Jock away before making a mad dash to her feet. Enraged by Alix's escape, Jock pulls himself together and prepares to knock her into the stone age with a Bandit Kick. Unfortunately he doesn't move quickly enough to prevent Ally from leaping onto the third rope, spring boarding off, and catching him with a spinning wheel kick. The fans responds with a huge ovation for her counter. She acknowledges their love and support, with a wink and smile as she nurses her sore stomach. Always overprotective of Alix, Krista views Alix's minor discomfort as a sign of her being near the deathbed and hollers, “Tag me and fast!” “Tag you and fast? Do you mean tag you and hurry or do you mean tag you and not eat for a really long time?” Alix inquires. “Just tag me, dummy!” Krista screams, wondering why she even wastes her time being concerned in the first place. Alix follows orders and applies the tag to Miss California, eliciting a gargantuan pop from the capacity crowd. COLE Would you listen to that reaction! That incredible reaction lasts for all of ten seconds, as Jock, who recovered during COD's confusion, storms over to Krista and blasts her with clubbing forearms before she can properly enter the ring. The official admonishes Mulligan for his questionable tactics, but The Slinger ignores him, focusing all his attention on punishing his foe. He latches onto Krista's vibrant golden locks and drags her into the squared circle. The handsome brawler hauls her into a neutral corner, and uses his burly frame to seal off her escape routes. He raises his thick arm, preparing to strike down on Krista like some sort of demented human guillotine. But the speedy lady somehow manages to slip past Jock's elevated limb, leaving the man dumbfounded! She takes advantage of his brief confusion, and swaps places with him on the turnbuckle. With his barrel chest exposed to the world, she unleashes a hellstorm of knife edge chops on his buff pectorals. Each blow does a fantastic job of tearing away at Jock's baby oil drenched skin. However his mounting anger allows him to brush the damage aside and land a ferocious knee into Krista's six packed stomach. Another knee follows, granting the big man control of the contest. COLE Jock Mulligan is doing what he does best, and that's brawl and use his strength to overpower his smaller opponents. The Texas Twister applies tightly held front facelock on Kris, then situates her onto the top turnbuckle. Krissy teeters back and forth, sweat staining her forehead, her brain working overtime to determine how she can beat this intimidating beast. Jock's answer is that she can't, and he drives this point home by playfully slapping her in the face, as he ascends to the top turnbuckle. Disgusted with Jock's crude treatment of Krista, Alix rushes to her rescue! She punches Mulligan in the ribcage and actually challenges him to a shoot-out at the OK Carrol. Though the actual punch was nothing more then a minor annoyance to Jock, it provides Krista with all the distraction she needs to shove her assailant back to the floor. Jock lands on his boots, but struggles mightily to maintain his balance. This moments disorientation grants Krista the time she needs to prepare to strike him with an aerial attack. The roaring audience rises to it's feet, many readying their cameras to capture an image of what should be a jaw dropping move. Krissy shoots herself off the turnbuckle and laces her toned legs around Mulligan's neck. He tries his damnedest to rid himself of her unwanted presence, but it's to no avail. She peels backwards and pulls the rugged warrior head over heels with a fabulous hurricanrana! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” scream the audience, as Jock lies a groggy mess on the canvas. The chant's recipient scales to the second turnbuckle, further exciting the highspot lusting crowd. But before she can execute any high risk move, she has be assured her makeup looks acceptable. Thus Krista pulls a Revlon compact mirror out of her top, flips it open, and admires her gorgeous visage for a solid thirty seconds. In fact the only reason Krista stops checking herself out is because Alix screams... “Krissy! Do your stupid move and fast! And I don't mean do your stupid move and not eat for a long time!” Snapped back to reality, Krista chucks the mirror into the stands, leaving the audience members to battle over the precious souvenir. While the crowd fights, Krista rises to her full vertical base, leaps from the posts and fires herself at Jock. She rotates in midair and drives her full weight onto his chest with a gorgeous shooting star press! The impressive aerial move claims a cheer from the fans, and Krista stands up to bow like a 17th century court dancer to her numerous admirers. As she soaks up the adulation, a dazed and confused Jock rolls onto his front, ready to push himself upright. However, Miss California spots his ascension and immediately nullifies it with a basement dropkick. Mulligan holds his face in sharp misery, but refuses to stay grounded and staggers to his feet. Problematically, Krissy is no where to be seen. Though she's out of sight, she certainly isn't out of mind, and Jock turns in a dazed circle to get a bead on his elusive foe. Unfortunately for him, she reveals her location in a most painful manner. Leaping from her position on the second rope, Krista sails through the air, latches her legs onto Jock's shoulders, and sends him skidding across the canvas with a hurricanrana. As the audience applauds her latest attack, Krissy leaves her moaning adversary in the middle ring, and strides to the turnbuckle. The crowd screams with anticipation for her next glorious move. She certainly doesn't disappoint them, jumping to the top rope, then corkscrewing back with a majestic moonsault! But to the fans' and Alix's immense dismay, Mulligan pulls himself out of the way at the last possible second, leaving Krista to hit the mat with devastating impact. She crumbles to her side, screaming as the chilling pain spreads like a cancer throughout her body. “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” the audience sings, doing their part to make sure the momentum doesn't swing to the side of The Gunslingers. Drawing strength from the fans' support, Krissy tries to get back to her feet, but the pain in her stomach slows her down enough to allow Jock to prepare for her. The Texas Twister lashes a spinning back fist across her face that knocks her head from side to side and leaves her staggering backwards. Following her trail, he closes his arms around her exposed waist with a grip that holds tighter then cast iron bars. From there he bridges backwards, launching the fan favorite into the sky with his trademark belly to belly overhead suplex! Krista lands on the mat and is instantly attacked with horrible pain, her back feeling like it's been carved up by razor blades. The audience is absolutely livid at such a blatant disrespect for Krista's body, and gives a remorseless Mulligan an earful. COLE Looks like Jock has the bulge! COACH You nasty, kid. I'm checking out Krista, like any red blooded male would, and you looking at a man's package, staring all intently to see what he's got in there, salivatin' and secretin' over it and whatnot. COLE To have a bulge, means to have the advantage in cowboy speak, Coach. I was just trying to bring some education to this program. Going against his better judgment, Jock applies a reluctant tag to his oafish partner, Baron Windels. After thanking Jock for the second chance, Mister Windels enters the ring and promptly picks up where his ally left off. He grabs Krista as she's starting to stir and snags the blond bombshell into a front facelock. To Baron's chagrin he encounters spirited resistance from the fitness queen. And for a fleeting moment it appears that she may be able to break free of his clutches. But a quick forearm to her upper back subdues the spirited fighter. Baron slings her right arm over his head, takes hold of her mini skirt, foists her into the air, then timbers to the canvas, crushing her back with a textbook vertical suplex! The effects of the hold barely have time to register in Krista's mind before Jock Mulligan illegally reintroduces himself, planting a knee into the top of her skull! Before the referee can even think of admonishing him, the Twister's already fled the ring, disavowing himself of responsibility for his actions. On the apron, Alix pitches a hissy fit over Jock's tactics to anyone who will listen. But the one person who needs to hear it the most, the referee, is too busy counting Baron's pinfall to listen... ONE TWO Krista scrapes her shoulder off the mat, leading Alix and the fans to breathe a sigh of relief. Frustrated with his inability to end the contest, Baron brings in Jock to seal the deal. Mulligan joins Windels in the ring, each man taking a hold of Krista's arm and tossing her to the ropes. With their onyx colored eyes gleaming like quicksilver, the cowboys surge forward and bowl her over with a pair of shoulder blocks. Krista plummets to the mat, pain lighting up everyone of her howls. Alix witnesses her dire state, and leans over the ropes, rapidly clapping her hands together, making every effort to rally her fallen friend. Jock sees Alix's worried expression and taunts the feisty lass, promising her that she's next in line to feel the Gunslinger's wrath. Ever the mature one, Alix replies by making a monkey face at him. See? Mature. Once Baron exits the ring, Mulligan takes the stock of situation. He realizes that Krista is in a sizable amount of pain, but he wants to make sure she's perfectly incapacitated before he attempts to put her away. With that in mind, he crooks his arm around her sweat drenched head, then takes hold of her right leg, situating her for fisherman's suplex. Krista makes a heroic effort to break free, but the brute strength of The Texas Twister is too much for her to overcome. Fortunately for the damsel in distress, Alix comes to the rescue, sprinting into the ring and pasting Jock with a roundhouse kick! “YEAAAAAAA!” scream the previously dead crowd. More annoyed with the fact that the fur from Alix's leg warmers got in his mouth, then hurt by the kick, Mulligan makes a bee line for the retreating Alix. Yet he's unable to cause her any damage, as a recovered Krista saves her from harm with a rollup! ONE TWO Jock kicks out, and manages to rise to his feet before Krista. He wraps a hand through her shimmering hair, and violently hauls her upright. He drags her to his corner, where Baron has the presence of mind to rest his cowboy boot on the top rope. With a sneer towards the thousands of fans in attendance, Jock prepares to smash her beautiful face into his ally's waiting shoe. But Krista has other ideas in mind, and stymies Jock's efforts, by placing her left hand on the small of his back, and pushing forward, sending him hurtling into Baron's leg! The fans come alive with a roar of approval for Krissy's counter attack, as Jock wails like an unwashed baby. Windels, who hadn't been paying much attention to the proceedings, looks over to see what all the commotion is about and is left in utter shock when he spots his partner clutching his nose and insulting him for uselessness. Hoping to make up for his latest error, Baron tags himself into the fray and instantly goes to work on Krista's back with clubbing forearms. The femme fatale responds to the assault by rifling a parade of rapid fire punches, not letting up on her rival for a millisecond. But her strikes aren't powerful enough to floor Windels, and the big man easily swats them away, returning fire with a series of straight left hands to her already sore face. Krissy's body rocks against the tremendous force of the attacks, not stopping until he ceases his reprehensible battering. As Krista has been left dazed by his brutalization, Baron meets little difficulty in lifting her limp body into a standing fireman's carry position. COACH I don't know what's coming, but I bet it leads to new tag team champions. Smiling from ear to ear, Baron spins around, slowly showcasing his beautiful victim to the viewing world and adding suspense to the inevitable damage his move will bring. The audience's heat swells to the boiling point, as they and Alix urge Krista to fight her way to freedom. Just as Baron is about to slam Krista into the ninth level of hell, she somehow manages to roll off his broad shoulders. She lands on her white Adidas snow boots with all the grace of a classical ballerina, and all the hatred of a caged lion. Windels is so dumbfounded by Krista's escape, that it doesn't even register that she's no longer on his shoulders until the queen of the jungle does a one handed hand stand, spins her entire body around, and liquidizes his delicate facial features with her right leg, before her left leg replays the same painful sequence. The onlookers give Miss California a rousing ovation for her ability to stave off certain defeat as well as for her flashy technique. COLE That is a capoeira attack known as the Au Malandro. It's moves like that make me love watching Krista wrestle. COACH I don't mind seeing her wrestle, but I'd much rather see her box. hehehehehehee. Box. Krista's devastating attack fails to floor the lumbering giant, for when he timbers backwards for the earth shattering drop to the canvas, he's caught within the chilly embrace of the ring ropes. The cables act as an unwilling host, and eagerly rebound the muscle stud back to his resurgent foe. Baron takes a few unwanted steps towards the center of the ring, too dazed to prevent Krista from draping his right arm over her shoulder. Seeing his chances of holding OAOAST gold fall apart before his eyes, Jock screams at Windel to stage a counterattack. But Jock's pleas fall on deaf ears, as Baron is at the cruel mercy of Krista's whims. And those whims drive her to perform a back flip onto her stomach, forcing a hollering Baron to go airborne with her. Windels is deposited into a forward roll, brutally landing on his back at the hands of Everybody hates Kris (back flip rock bottom). The ring ripples beneath the monumental impact of Krista and her mangled adversary, and Alix claps excitedly for Krista's moment of victory. “YEAAAAAAAA!” shouts the crowd. Krista sprawls stomach first on the mat, mortally exhausted, her sweat drenched locks cloaking her exasperated face. Through damp strands of hair, her blue eyes spot Alix on the ring apron, begging for a tag. Gritting her pearly white teeth together, she undertakes the arduous journey of trekking to her corner. Her mind urges her to move with speed, knowing that Baron won't lie dormant forever. But her impoverished body refuses to cooperate, taking it's sweet time in getting her to her destination. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience chants, encouraging their fallen heroine. COLE Krista has got to get to Alix. If she doesn't then this first title defense will be their only title defense! At the zenith of the crowd's chant, the warriors stir their wounded bodies. They both slowly gain their feet and unsteadily inch their way upright. The combatants are bone weary, hardly able to tell what's going on or even what city they're in. Neither seems to have the slightest clue of what to do next as they teeter back and forth on weakened knees. Baron stands on one leg, comically swatting at mythical foes like a drunk after happy hour. Krista, however, encounters better luck then him, and is blessed with surge of desperate energy. She clenches her fists together and uses her last trace of strength to sprawl forward to make the tag with her partner in state sponsored civil union, Alix Spezia! The capacity crowd goes nuclear for Alix's arrival, nearly taking the roof off the arena with their cheers! Alix points to Baron and channels the spirit of Al Pacino in Carlito's Way by hollering “You wanna be big time? You gonna fucking die big time!” at the man who is so out of it that he thinks he is actually being threatened by Al Pacino himself. Windels makes a weak effort to defend himself against Alix's impeding onslaught, offering a languid elbow smash as she nears. But Alix handily neutralizes his strike by taking his attacking arm and slinging it over her right shoulder. She then ignites a blaze of anguish along his back by driving him to the mat with the True Life: I just got beat up by a girl(STO)! “YEAAAAA!” Seeking to derail the COD train before it knocks his team completely off the tracks, Jock enters the contest and darts towards Alix. He extends his lengthy leg forward, trying for the third time tonight to take her head off with the infamous Bandit Kick. Once again his efforts meet with unbridled failure, as Alix deftly avoids his volley by grabbing onto his foot and slamming it back to the canvas. However, Mulligan doesn't even get the chance to bemoan Alix's evasion, because in the blink of an eye she locks her arm around his neck, leaps into the air and spins him like an out of control merry-go-round. After a full 360 rotation, she plummets to the canvas, spiking Jock's noggin into the mat with the Sucker Free DDT! Every fan in the arena lets loose with a wild ovation for Alix's domination of the roughnecks. But Jock, who's now suffering the worst headache of his life, fails to see what's so joyful about his miserable situation. COLE Perhaps Jock ought to consider putting the Bandit Kick into retirement after tonight! Alix decides that with her foe in a prone position, now is the perfect time to showcase her assets to the lustful crowd. Standing at Jock's side with legs apart and hands on bent knees, Alix bounces her voluptuous BUTT up and down, making it shake like dice much to the hormone driven audience's enormous pleasure. Splurty sounds of young boys fapping their way INTO MOTHER FUCKING MANHOOD to Alix's sweet ass, while repeatedly looking over their shoulder to make sure their mom doesn't catch them in the act, are heard in basements across North America. Finally Alix ends her booty shaking routine and rockets herself backwards, coming down across Jock's chest with a standing moonsault. As the audience bellows a gigantic pop, the referee drops down to count the resulting pinfall. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO! Baron Windels makes an ill fated attempt to break up the pinfall with a top rope body splash. Ill fated because Alix spots his descent out the corner of her eyes and yanks her body away from the speeding bullet. OOOMPH! Windels lands with a nauseating clunk onto Jock's chest, instantly seizing all the air from both men's lungs. He lifts his battered bones off The Texas Twister, much more concerned with his own welfare then that of his grouchy associate. But he's offered no time to lick his wounds, as Alix pulls him upright and hurls him to the corner. But Baron is able to shift his weight, and use his sizable strength advantage to reverse the hold and send the SoCal babe to the ringposts. He watches her smash into the padding back first, then follows her in with plans of bringing misery to her world. However those plans fail to materialize thanks to the cherry haired fighter sidesteping his rampage! Baron has a terrible meeting with the turnbuckles, his injured chest receiving the scathing brunt of the blow. COLE I think at this point in time The Gunslingers are getting overwhelmed by Alix's amazing speed. Windels has nary a second to get his wits together before a revitalized Krista descends upon him with a body splash. He drags his impressive frame out of the way, certain that she'll encounter the same grizzly fate he did seconds ago. But KID manages to land flawlessly onto the third turnbuckle, popping the audience and giving Baron fits of rage. She further adds to his problems by flipping towards him with a moonsault press! But Baron avoids the attack by diving underneath her plummeting body, and praying to the gods above that she'll splatter onto the canvas. His prayers go unanswered as the blond goddess lands with exquisite grace on her flashy footwear. Just seconds later those expensive shoes join Alix's equally expensive shoes in decimating poor Baron's face with double dropkicks! “C-O-D! C-O-D!” sing the fans to the girls who are currently exchanging high fives With the taste of Adidas and Gucci on his lips, Baron staggers out the corner. His teary eyes search for a comfortable place to pass out and throw in the towel. Unfortunately his legs give out before he does, belly flopping his entire body towards the mat. A deafening ovation spews from the stands when Baron's shaved head lands precisely on Jock's purple headed womb broom. A mortally wounded Mulligan shoots his back off the mat and wails into the night sky, damning the day he chose to enter this heartless world of professional wrestling. COLE Safe to say Jock doesn't have “the bulge” anymore! Eh, Coach? Hehehhhe. Bulge. COACH I wish I was dead. No wait, I wish you were dead. Yes, that would be much better. Face awash with anger, and hand clutching Rumple Foreskin, Jock rises, seeking someone, anyone, to obliterate. His crazed gaze locks onto Krista, and he charges towards her, hoping to flatten her with his sheer size. But Krissy has no trouble dealing with the studly Texan, and halts his advance with a face caving superkick! COLE I think we may have just heard Mulligan's nose break! Eyes rolled into the back of his head, he topples himself into a full nelson by Alix. She wraps her leg around his, then slings his entire body forward imprinting his facial features on the canvas with her finisher You Have Died of Dysentery (full nelson face crusher)! “YEAAAAAAA!” Mulligan lies a shredded heap on the mat, unable to think past the pulsating wave of pain in his battered face. Fortunately for him, all he has left to do in this match is lie in perfect harmony while Alix pins him and the official makes the count. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO CROWD THREE! The girls theme music kicks up once more, but it can scarcely be heard over the earthshaking ovation of the audience. The referee hands the elated champions their titles, which turns out to be a big mistake because chirpy Alix takes that as an invite to explain to him the origin of her title's unusual and overly girly decorations. BUFFER Your winners, and still tag team champions of the world....AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS...CHICKS OVER DICKS! COLE All in all a pretty solid showing from The Lonestar Gunslingers. They've beaten Black T before, one of the best, if not the best tag team to ever set foot in this company, and they almost pulled off another upset tonight. We'll see if they can work some magic when they face Black T in the first round of the Anderson Cup. Jock and Baron scrape their defeated bones off the mat, trying to stable their bodies under the pressure of throbbing pain. Brief words are exchanged between the two, and the outlaws seem to reach some sort of plan. Holding onto hurt ribs they limp their way over to the girls' winner circle. Murmurs are heard amongst the audience, for many believe they are about to bear witness to a post match confrontation between champion and vanquished challenger. However no such battle will come to pass, as, The Gunslingers, in the ultimate act of sportsmanship, extend their hand in respect to the victors. Krista, who is distrustful of any man much less one who tried to beat her up, eyes their offer with extreme skepticism. Alix, on the other hand, strangely hollers out “THIS CRACKER IS DOWN FOR WHATEVER”, and eagerly returns their show of respect. Despite her initial trepidation, Krista gives into peer pressure and repays the Gunslingers gesture. The audience greets the symbol of respect with a stirring round of applause COLE How about that, Coach? Doesn't that just warm your heart, old buddy? COACH That's exactly what would I do to two people who caused a two hundred sixty five pound man to land square on my nuts, I'd shake their hand and thank them for it. I was wrong, Jock Mulligan is a brokeback fool. And don't call me “buddy”, I'm not your friend. You don't know me like that. With one final nod to The Slingers, the champions exit the ring. As they leave they hold up their titles to the delight of their adoring fanbase. COLE Well, Chicks Over Dicks making their return to HeldDOWN and picking up a hard fought victory over The Lonestar Gunslingers. A great first defense for our newest champions. And I....hey what the heck is happening in the ring? While Cole is wasting everyone's time recapping what they've already heard a million times before, a donnybrook is being kicked up in the squared circle. The Sooner Bruisers, amidst all the gleeful commotion, have ran through the crowd and stormed the ring, where they've accosted The Gunslingers. The brothers grim are pummeling their victims with punches and kicks, drawing jeers from the Anti-Bruisers audience. COACH I told you they were coming! Quick hide under the desk! If they can't see you, they can't attack you! Jock fires off a series of forearms in his defense, leading the fans to believe he actually has a chance of staving off a brutal beating. But Big Frank dashes that hope by slamming a trilogy of clubbing forearms into the man's upper back. Uber further subdues Mulligan by striding forward and pulverizing him with a devastating lariat. Jock folds to the canvas like a crumpled newspaper, powerless to prevent the barbarians from decimating him. Elsewhere, the stunned referee gathers enough of his composure to order the time keeper to ring the bell repeatedly. The stunned referee gathers enough of his composure to order the time keeper to ring the bell repeatedly. As you can probably guess, hitting a metal object over and over again does not stop the Bruisers from their uh...bruising. COLE What are they doing this for? What is the point of this? COACH I told you already! The Bruisers are mad they weren't granted a rematch for the titles they never truly lost, while a team that's never held any championship of any sort gets the first crack at the new champs. So, they're taking out their aggression on The Gunslingers, and once they're done with them, who knows who's gonna be next! Big Frank presses Mulligan's broken carcass into the air as he lewdly taunts the enraged audience. After ten seconds of keeping Jock Mulligan, Frank releases him, dropping him throat first onto sharp ring cables. Mulligan bounces off the ropes and onto the mat where he clutches his throat and tries to regain the air that's rapidly leaving him. The Man of Tomorrow regards his weakened victim with a disgusted sneer as he watches him struggle to breathe. He then steps forward and buries his foot deep into Jock's chest. The force of the blow pushes Mulligan onto his stomach. He lies face down on the mat, coughing up gobs of blood, withering under Franks stomp filled assault. Across the ring, Baron is trying his damnedest to trade blows with the maniacal Uber Bruiser. But in his weakened state he's no match for the amateur grappler's raw power, and Uber is able to overwhelm him with a monstrous lariat. Baron plummets to the canvas and lets out a scream of horrendous pain. That alone would be enough to satisfy any normal sociopath. But Uber is far from your run of the mill sociopath. Thus the Psycho Gremlin begins to satisfy his lust for blood by raining punches onto Baron's handsome face. Windels moans of misery fill the crazed savage with orgasmic glee, and lead him to increase the furor of his strikes. COLE Someone stop this! COACH No, don't stop it. COLE One man has blood pouring down his head, the other has it coming out of his mouth like a waterfall. Why would you want this to go on? COACH No reason. I just like being contrary. Having seen enough, Alix and Krista valiantly (and perhaps foolishly) charge to the ring, getting a raucous ovation in the process. Devious smiles slide onto the brothers' faces, as they know beating the tag team champions in a fist fight would be easier then snatching candy from a baby. Unfortunately for them, no such brawl will take place as a bevy of road agents, referees and various other backstage sorts flood the ring to keep order and protect the first ladies of the OAOAST from a savage stomping. Angered at the intrusion but not wanting to risk a brawl with an army of OAOAST personnel, the Bruisers exit the warzone, but not before delivering a few well placed stomps to their victims. Krista's ice cold eyes stalk the ex-champions up the ramp, and her mouth showers them with a legion of insults. Big Frank simply makes kissy faces at her, flexing his steroid enhanced muscles as he and his howling sibling retreat up the ramp. COLE All I can say is thank god. That was bad but it could've been even worse. You know what, I'm sick of those bullies. If they were fired tomorrow, I'd be thrilled. Overjoyed even. They repeatedly cross the line, they get fined, and then they just do it again. Nothing ever changes, I'm tired of the Sooner Bruisers and I'm not the only one. If you have a problem with the title situation take it up with the appropriate people, those in charge. Don't just attack innocent victims because you're eating sour grapes. COACH Those weren't innocent victims, they stole The Bruiser's title shot! COLE They didn't steal anything. They presented a challenge, Chicks Over Dicks accepted it and that was that. As always The Bruisers were completely out of line in what they did today. Someone has to shut these monsters down, and put an end to their rampage. I know you agree with me. COACH You ugly. And you smell. You smell like muskrat love. Commercial break Edited January 5, 2007 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 5, 2007 (edited) MICHAEL COLE Ladies and gentlemen the following match is the NEW YEAR’S KNOCK OUT match that did not take place on Mainframe Monday COACH Yeah because they couldn’t wait to get in the ring and started fighting backstage COLE They even had to call the police, but Anglesault stepped in, upped security so that we will get the 20 man match tonight. MICHAEL BUFFER The rules of the New Year’s Knock Out are simple, two men start out in the ring and every 90 seconds another wrestler will join until all 20 men have entered the ring. You are eliminated by being thrown OVER the top rope but only if BOTH feet touch the floor COACH Yeah we get the concept Buffer, move along now and get to who 1 and 2 are. MICHAEL BUFFER I would now like to introduce the individual who drew NUMBER ONE!! Buffer pauses to see who’s coming out, no one but Anglesault and the wrestlers themselves know the order so it’s a surprise to even Michael Buffer when Kenji Kawada’s theme song kicks in MICHAEL BUFFER HI-YAH’S native son! Kenji KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWADAAAAAA!! COLE Kawada back with us after the holidays, let’s hope he’s not jet lagged Coach COACH How could he be Cole? He was here on Monday too you know. Kawada stops on the apron, pulls off his HI-YAH t-shirt, wads it up and then throws it to some lucky fan in the floor section. After giving the fans a quick raised index finger the Japanese superstar steps through the ropes eagerly awaiting the first opponent MICHAEL BUFFER And the wrestler who drew NUMBER TWO!! ” When I die and they lay me to rest Gonna go to the place that's the best When I lay me down to die Goin' up to the spirit in the sky” MICHAEL BUFFER Here is the REIGNING HI-YAH HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION – FAQU~!! COLE There is a face we haven’t seen in forever COACH Yeah and thank god for that, I thought he had moved to Japan permanently COLE The man has commitments as the HI-YAH champion Coach, you probably wouldn’t know what that’s all about COACH What are you talking about? I’m totally committed to sitting here week in and week out making sure you don’t assault our eardrums too badly Cole! While the fans are happy to see Faqu back in the US Kenji Kawada seems less than thrilled to see the HI-YAH champion coming down the aisle and Faqu responds in kind with a mean looking face… although to be fair he ALWAYS looks like that. Faqu puts the HI-YAH title down on the commentator’s table and then slowly enters the ring while keeping his eyes locked on Kenji Kawada COLE These two are certainly no strangers to each other Coach COACH They’re not? COLE If you paid ANY attention at all then you’d know about the battles these two have had in Japan COACH Oh in Japan… yeah whatever, if it’s not on American television then it can’t be very interesting. COLE Fans you are in for a treat, the champion and the perennial #1 contender from our sister federation in Japan are about to mix it up. *DING*DING* Kawada wastes no time at all leaping into an assault on Faqu, the champion may be pretty quick for a tubby guy but Kawada is even quicker and manages to kick the Samoan upside the head knocking him back in the corner. Following up on his success Kawada grabs Faqu by the hair and then slams the champion’s face into the turnbuckles TO NO EFFECT!! Kawada knees Faqu in the (ample) gut and then slams the Samoan’s head into the turnbuckle once more. COACH WHAT IS HE DOING? YOU CAN’T HURT A SAMOAN’S HEAD!! Faqu proves the old adage right by responding with a headbut that knocks Kawada on his ass and then starts to pound away on him with a series of clubbing forearms as the crowd pops. COACH I can see why he’s come up short against Faqu every time, it’s because he’s stupid Faqu tosses Kenji Kawada into the far away corner and then roars much to the approval of the crowd. The freighttrain gets up speed and then *WHAM!!* Hits nothing but turnbuckle as Kawada rolls out of the way of the charging bull and then springs to his feet. Kawada seizes the moment and hits the champion with a massive lariat that almost sends Faqu over the top rope. COLE We have an elim… COACH Calm down Cole! Faqu held on to the top rope With Faqu already half way over the top rope Kawada grabs the big man by his flowery trunks in the hopes of eliminating the HI-YAH champion less than 90 seconds into the match. Faqu has his massive arms wrapped around the top rope holding on for dear life, refusing to let Kawada push him over the top rope. COACH You know I was surprised to hear Faqu announced as one of the X-Division participants COLE Why? COACH Well he is kinda… well you know COLE What? Already a champion? COACH No you dumbass!! He’s kinda… hippopotamus like, not the usual X-Division build COLE Well the X-Division isn’t about weight limits, it’s about attitude and style COACH Well he’s GOT attitude… but style? Faqu finally brings himself to safety after knocking Kawada down with a back elbow. Just as he’s about to attack Kawada the count down starts for the first time TEN!! NINE!! EIGHT!! SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! FOUR!! THREE!! TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* ”You’ve been struck by… You’ve been hit by… A smooth Criminal!” BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Ramone Gutierrez steps out the moment the buzzer sounds, smiling, looking confident as he runs to the ring and slides under the bottom rope. The confident smile on his face is wiped off the moment he comes face to face with BOTH Faqu and Kenji Kawada. Both HI-YAH superstars close in on the psychopathic Cubano who shakes his head and holds up his hands to beg off the two on one assault. COLE These two men only have a friendly rivalry but there is nothing friendly about Ramone Gutierrez at all. COACH Friendly rivalry my ass! They were ready to tear into each other, they just want Ramone out of there so they can keep fighting, I’m telling you it’s discrimination COLE Discri… you do realize that we’ve got a guy from Japan, a guy from Samoa and a guy from Cuba in there right? I don’t think it’s a race thing It looks like it’s more of a “Kick your ass” thing as Kawada and Faqu both rush Ramone with Faqu pinning Ramone in the corner while Kawada chops Ramone in the chest. Faqu keeps his grip on Ramone’s waist making sure he cannot escape their onslaught. Ramone does the only think he can really think of in this situation and pokes Kenji Kawada in the eye. COACH Always thinking, always one step ahead of the competition – that’s why I pick this guy to win it all. COLE If he’s ahead of the competition how come he’s still locked in Faqu’s grip COACH Bah! Details Ramone tries to free himself with a couple of blows to Faqu’s back but it’s like hitting a side of beef – it may make a sound but it doesn’t really hurt the cow… nor does it hurt Faqu who takes a step backwards with Ramone still in his grip and then hurls the Cubano over his head with a stunning belly to belly overhead suplex that Faqu releases… INTO A SUPERKICK FROM KAWADA!! COLE Oh my god! He kicked him cross eyed COACH You mean slant e… oh wait you meant Ramone, my bad The crowd really comes alive for the first time during this match as the two HI-YAH superstars inflict some serious damage on Ramone Gutierrez. TEN!! COLE Here comes number four! NINE!! EIGHT!! SEVEN!! COACH I hope it’s some help for Gutierrez because he’s getting slaughtered in there. SIX!! FIVE!! FOUR!! COLE “Big” Dave isn’t in this match Coach, I don’t think anyone else will really help Ramone THREE!! COLE TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* The lights begin to flicker between normal and a weird lime green color as smoke begins to billow out from the far side of the ring. COACH What in the name of Bonaparte’s balls is this? Out of the green smoke crawls a figure in black, the mysterious creature only known as… COACH What is it?? COLE Yes COACH That’s no answer Cole, WHAT is it? COLE You’re right it’s “it” COACH Oh I give up Quicker than you can say “Tired Abbot & Costello Act” It the alien has crawled up on the apron and then actually climbed over the ropes like they were a rope ladder. Kawada hasn’t noticed the strange arrival as he’s busy trying to flip Ramone over the top rope on the opposite side and Ramone is busy trying to NOT be flipped over. Faqu however has seen the weird looking creature And he’s not quite sure what to think of it COACH It’s not dinner Faqu!! Don’t eat him! COLE He would never! COACH Oh yeah? Look at his waistline and tell me he never ate an alien. “It” cocks it’s head sideways like a dog as it examines the HI-YAH champion, then he extends a finger, reaches out and gingerly touches Faqu’s shoulder. For some strange reason “It” keeps running it’s finger up over Faqu’s skin, almost as if he’s using the finger to prope Faqu No NOT like that! It’s a clean show after all. In the background Ramone escapes elimination by kicking Kawada in the crotch and then rolling back under the bottom rope to safety. Faqu on the other hand just stands there, staring at “It” as it runs his probing index finger up to the HI-YAH champion’s face. That’s the last straw for Faqu though as he grabs “It” by the extended finger and twists hard to the right. COLE Faqu is not in the mood to fool around tonight COACH You say that like he’s ever in the mood to fool around, look at him – he’s 300 pounds of bad mood and attitude – slap a flowery dress and a hat on him and he’s your mother in law! With “It’s” finger trapped Faqu goes for an elbow aimed at the weird creature’s chest, but somehow the very limber and flexible “It” manages to move with the momentum and instead ends up with his free left hand and both legs wrapped around Faqu in a snake like manner. COLE I.. I’m speechless COACH You know I think “It’s” my new favorite wrestler. Ramone and Kawada sit in each of their corners just staring in disbelief at the weird sight of “It” having it’s legs and arm wrapped around Faqu who’s carrying the alien on his back. COLE Bye-bye Mr. Alien COACH What are you tal… *THUD!* Faqu drops backwards driving “It” into the ground with all of his considerable weight on top of him. TEN!! NINE!! COACH I don’t know who’s coming out next but it can’t be any weirder than “It” EIGHT!! SEVEN!! SIX!! COLE Yeah that’s really going out on a limb there Coach – what next he’ll be skinner than Faqu? Less annoying than you? FIVE!! FOUR!! THREE!! COACH I promise he’ll have better body odor than Michael Cole TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* ”A modern-day warrior Mean mean stride, Todays tom sawyer Mean mean pride.” COLE It’s Felix Stutter! Kickin’ it for Canada COACH Kickin’ it fo… holy crap you’re white Cole The man known as “After Hours” struts down the aisle, spinning around once while grinning at the crowd reaction. Then he quickly throws off his vest, runs to the ring, leaps up on the apron and then further onto the top rope in one smooth motion SPRINGBOARD HURACANRANNA!! COLE He almost Huracanrana’ed Kawada out of his boots!! COACH Stutter is making an impact right away! After leaping back to his feet Stutter lands a high roundhouse kick that strikes “It’” in the throat and knocks him over the top rope onto the apron. COLE He’s saf… Felix quickly makes Cole look like a foot by drop kicking “It” off the apron COACH OUTTA HERE!! First guy… well creature, eliminated tonight. 0==============================0 Out #1: “It” Eliminated By: Felix Stutter Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Kenji Kawada, Faqu, Ramone Gutierrez, Felix Stutter 0==============================0 Felix doesn’t get a lot of time to celebrate before Faqu clobbers him over the back of the head with a stiff lariat. A lariat that knocks the Canadian over the top rope to the apron but NOT onto the floor. When Faqu tries to correct that mistake by pushing Felix off the apron “After Hours” wraps his arms around the bottom rope and hands on for dear life as Faqu puts his foot on his opponent’s chest and starts to push down and away hard. COLE Felix could be out of here after making a quick splash in the match COACH Yeah he co… I was wondering where “Big” Dave was. The crowd starts to boo once more as Ramone’s bodyguard “Big” Dave comes down the aisle, smiling as friendly as he can as he heads to the ring. The appearance of Ramone’s bodyguard comes at a very fortunate time for Ramone as he’s teetering on the top turnbuckle with Kawada using his shoulder to push the Cubano out of the ring. COLE He’s got no right to be here! COACH Hey when you pay for someone’s services you expect them to perform. COLE I really don’t want to hear about your private life Coach “Big” Dave makes it to ringside just in time to save Ramone from being thrown over the top rope by putting his big paw on Ramone’s shoulder and pushing him back in over the top. Felix ducks under a giant kick from Faqu, leaps up on the middle rope and then flips backwards with an Asai Moonsault that takes the HI-YAH champion off his feet. TEN!! NINE!! EIGHT!! COLE We’re about to add a 5th man to the mayhem. SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! COACH Right now it’s everyone against everyone if say Esperito comes out now then Los Vatos will really have the advantage in this match. FOUR!! THREE!! TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* COLE Oh that’s NOT any help for Gutierrez I can tell you that A streak of blue and yellow runs towards the ring as the crowd eagerly anticipates the first meeting between Ramone Gutierrez and one of the Space Cadets, in this case Discovery. The Space Cadet knocks Ramone down with a flying elbow, then he quickly turns around and knocks an attacking Felix Stutter down with a spin kick before driving Kawada into the corner with a drop kick square to the chest. COLE Discovery is a house of fire~! COACH You mean he’s a pagoda of inflammation? But Discovery’s fire is quickly douse when Ramone attacks the excitable youngster from behind before he can have a go at knocking Faqu down as well. Ramone grabs the masked man by the mask and shirt and then with a running start hurls him over the top rope. Ramone even turns around and wipes his hands like that was the end of it, and it would have been if not for the fact that Discovery managed to land on his feet on the apron instead of going to the floor. COACH Watch out Ramone he’s behi… Coach cannot even finish his sentence before Discovery has lept up on the top rope and used it’s added momentum to leap more than half way across the ring to drop kick Ramone Gutierrez in the back. The drop kick hurls Ramone forward THROUGH the ropes and to the floor. COLE Now Ramone isn’t actually eliminated COACH Oh really Cole? You thought we forgot the rules? COLE I’m just making sure our ADD viewers are kept up to date COACH Like we have viewers with AD… oh shiny Discovery steps through the ropes to the apron and then knocks Ramone into the guardrail with a cannonball splash on the Cubano. While they are fighting on the floor Kawada and Faqu has Felix trapped in the corner. Faqu charges first but Felix leaps over him so that the HI-YAH champion strikes the turnbuckles. When Kawada tries to do the same Felix once again leaps up over the attacker, but this time he hooks his legs under Kawada’s armpits, then fips over the top rope to lock the Tarantula on Kawada COACH It’s the … Canadian Crippling Clutch! COLE You just made that up! COACH Did not! And Felix doesn’t have to release the hold here, no rope breaks in the New Year’s Knockout. With Kawda and Felix tied up in the ropes and Discovery and Ramone fighting on the floor Faqu has a moment to catch his breath and plan his strategy, which is a moment more than he ever needs since he only really has ONE strategy Attack, attack, attack In this case attack is an attack on Felix Stutter who’s already gone over the top rope. Faqu strikes Kawada in the back, knocking Felix’s grip loose causing the young Canadian to flip down and land on the floor YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa….. But only with one foot, he manages to keep his other foot off the floor before he grabs the bottom rope and pulls himself back inside the ring to save his hide. TEN!! NINE!! EIGHT!! SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! FOUR!! THREE!! TWO!! COLE Who’s next who’s next? ONE!! COACH Goldberg? *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! COACH Ah crap another Space Cadet! The Space Phaero throws the curtains to the side and races down the aisle to aid Discovery against Ramone Gutierrez. The two Space Cadets grabs Ramone by the hair and the pants and rolls him back inside the ring, they can’t eliminate him while on the floor after all. Space Phaero slides under the bottom rope while Discovery leaps up on the apron. A Faqu foot to the mask takes Discovery down, but since he never went over the top rope he’s not eliminated. COLE A win here tonight will be a BIG step towards getting a shot at Reject and the X-Division title. COACH No doubt Cole, this isn’t officially a #1 contender’s match but the winner will have a good claim on a title shot Kawada whips Faqu into the corner, pushes Felix out of his way and then launches into a handspring back elbow that nails the HI-YAH champion square on the jaw. Felix on the other hand seems to be content to just hang back as the others fight in two little groups. Space Phaero ducks under a flying elbow from Ramone and then shows Ramone how it’s done as he rattles his cage with a flying elbow of his own. The cocky Canadian can’t help but smile as he leans back against the ropes waiting and watching as the others fight. COLE Maybe Felix would like a hammock or something? COACH He looks pretty comfortable to me Cole, and who said you had to bust your ass every second of the match? Stutter is playing it smart, holding back, taking his time, picking his shots One of the shots he picks is a running drop kick on Discovery just as the masked man climbs back on the apron. Having already fallen for that once Discovery swiftly steps out of the way so that Felix flies clean through the ropes and lands on the floor much to his surprise. The next surprise comes when Discovery leaps off the apron and takes the Canadian down with a twisting Huracanrana. TEN!! NINE!! COLE So far we’ve only had one elimination I’m telling you EVERYONE came to fight tonight EIGHT!! COACH Unlike every other night where they come to eat popcorn? SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! FOUR!! THREE!! TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* For the second time tonight Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky” plays which can only mean that Faqu’s sometimes partner James Blonde is on his way to the ring. COLE Blonde will be facing a full ring of competitors Discovery pushes Felix under the bottom rope and then slides in after him instead of getting up on the apron like his two previous attempts. COACH At least he’s got Faqu to back him up. James Blonde rolls under the bottom rope, walks right past Faqu and then clobbers Kenji Kawada over the back of the head with a lariat. Faqu gives James a quizzical look but soon has other things to think about when Ramone Gutierrez runs straight into his chest as he tries to escape the two Space Cadets. Ramone looks up, then three seconds later he looks at the lights after Faqu clobbers him with an elbow to the chest. Taking advantage of the situation both Space Phaero and Discovery leap up on opposite turnbuckles and then take to the air COLE FROG SPLASH!! COACH LEG DROP!! “Big” Dave looks on with a worried look on his face as they two Space Cadets manage to land a Frog Splash, top rope combo on Ramone Gutierrez. Both Space Cadets end up paying for the combo as Discovery falls prey to a knee drop to the back of the head from Felix Stutter and Space Phaero finds himself dragged out of the ring to the floor by Los Vatos Loco’s big bodyguard. COLE Come on now he’s BLATANTLY cheating! ”Big” Dave wraps both his hands around Space Phaero’s neck and then hoists the Japanese Superstar up in the air while choking the life out of him. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! COLE This has gone too far, throw him out!! COACH Oh let him be, he’s just doing his job Apparently the officials seem to agree with Michael Cole as they congregate around “Big” Dave as they try to get him to release his grip on Space Phaero. Back inside the ring Faqu has Ramone up in the air, pressing him over his head while roaring like a savage before throwing Ramone over the top rope to the floor YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! Ramone lands on his feet, then when he realizes that all the officials are busy trying to pry “Big” Dave’s hands off Space Phaero he leaps up on the apron, steps through the ropes and then nails Faqu in the back of the head with a running knee. COLE HE WAS ELIMINATED!! COACH Was he? I’m sorry I was busy looking at Dave beating up Space Phaero. “Big” Dave finally releases his hold on Space Phaero, unceremoniously dropping the smaller wrestler to the mat before heading to the back on the officials’ insistence. When the officials return to their positions around the ring none of them realize that Ramone has technically been eliminated. Felix and Kawada are exchanging chops in the corner while James Blonde stomps away on Discovery. TEN!! NINE!! COLE They need to get Gutierrez out of there, he was eliminated EIGHT!! SEVEN!! COACH Doesn’t seem like it now does it? SIX!! FIVE!! FOUR!! Ramone seems to be in a world of his own working over Faqu in the corner with vicious blow after vicious blow mainly targeting the big man’s throat. THREE!! TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* COLE Here comes one of Los Tigres Del Ring COACH Yup it’s Tony El Tigre! COLE No you moron that’s Tigre Metallico COACH Whatever, all tigers look the same to me. Tigre Metallico races down the aisle, leaps over the top rope and… IMMEDIATELY GETS THROWN OUT OF THE RING BY FELIX STUTTER!! 0==============================0 Out #2: Tigre Metallico Eliminated By: Felix Stutter Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Kenji Kawada, Faqu, Ramone Gutierrez, Felix Stutter, Discovery, Space Phaero, James Blonde 0==============================0 COACH Holy crap, blink and you missed him “Afterhours” Felix Skipper wipes his hands after a job well done and then turns around INTO A DOUBLE BIG BOOT!! *POW!* James Blonde and Kenji Kawada shows a bit of unity as they both plant their right boot in Felix’s face. But the unity doesn’t last long as Blonde pounces on Kawada with an Enzugiri that knocks Kawada forward chest first into the ropes. Blonde quickly rushes over and grabs Kawada by the tights to lift his body over the top. Ramone has forced Faqu to the canvas working over the knee until Discovery sweeps Ramone’s legs out from under him into the clutches of the downed Faqu. COLE We’ve got… 5 no 6 people in the ring, it’s mayhem Coach COACH And Space Phaero is still in the match too Cole, he’s just being a coward and hiding on the floor. COLE Coward? He was choked out by “Big” Dave, what he’s doing is trying to regain his breath before he goes back in the ring. COACH Buck-buck-chicken!! Felix joins Blonde in his attempt to get Kawada over the top rope, trying to overcome Kenji’s grip on the ropes. Suddenly Blonde reaches down and grabs Felix’s legs and flips both competitors over the top rope. Kawada quickly crawls through the ropes while Felix pulls himself back up into the ring by Skinning the Cat *POW!* A well placed Lariat from Faqu is meant for Felix Stutter but the Canadian swiftly arches backwards under the blow and Faqu ends up striking his long time friend James Blonde in the back instead. COACH He attacked Faqu!! I always liked James Blonde!! COLE Come on Coach that was an accident and you know it! COACH I’m not so sure Faqu knows it though! The HI-YAH champion is on his feet quickly and stares at James Blonde with murder in his eyes. When Blonde doesn’t immediately explain that it was an accident the “Samoan Tractor” tears into him with a forearm shot. The crowd roars with electricity as James Blonde fires back on Faqu as the two exchange lefts and rights in the middle of the ring while everyone else just kinda holds back and watches them brawl. COACH All hell is breaking loose now! Faqu strikes Blonde in the face with a palm thrust busting James’ nose open, an act that James Blonde repays by elbowing Faqu upside the head so hard he cuts the Samoan above the eye. After exchanging blows for a moment or two Blonde finally puts his hands up, asking that Faqu listens to him as he explains about the accident. COACH Don’t believe him, it was intentional COLE Will you stop stirring the pot! TEN!! James Blonde holds out his hand, offering Faqu a handshake NINE!! EIGHT!! The mighty Samoan looks at the hand for a second, then at James Blonde trying to figure out if the apology was legit or not SEVEN!! SIX!! Then slowly Faqu raises his hand and cautiously shakes James’s hand FIVE!! COACH You know I never liked James Blonde! FOUR!! THREE!! As the two shake hands they’re immediately jumped by everyone else in the ring even the Space Phaero who’s finally recovered enough to enter the ring. TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* COACH HERE COMES JAMES RIGGS!! This guy is such a technical marvel I don’t think anyone in the ring can eliminate him! James comes strutting out with the always easy on the eye Staci Roberts, taking a moment to just suck in the boos and jeers of the crowd before sending Staci back to the back (a move that causes even more boos and jeers) About half way down the aisle he goes from a cocky swagger to a sprint as he runs to the ring, slides in and then kicks Faqu in the face before the HI-YAH champion can get to his feet. COLE Alright I’ll admit that he’s good, but there is no one who can eliminate him? That’s a bit much COACH Nope, he’s THAT good COLE Well let’s just hope he does better at this than playing Guitar Hero against Dance Dance Dragon COACH If you’re smart you’ll never remind James Riggs of that, it’s a touchy subject you know. Discovery takes Ramone down with a single leg takedown, positioning La Citatriz across the middle rope. Space Phaero runs at the ropes and connects with a 619 that hits Gutierrez dead center on the jaw YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! COACH Where is Esperito?? Come on it’s two on one out there! COLE No it’s not, it’s every man for himself Coach COACH Yeah every man, but not every Space Dork! They’re obviously working together COLE And loving every minute of it. Kawada and Felix Stutter has James Blonde in the corner, trying their best to lift him over the top rope despite him clinging on to the turnbuckles like it was his conjoined twin. Faqu finally makes it back to his feet, but it’s a short lived reprieve for the biggest man in this contest as James Riggs explodes out of the corner and then lands a picture perfect Rolling Koppu Kick. Riggs quickly follows up by applying the Crossface Chicken Wing on the HI-YAH champion to soften him up enough to throw him over the ropes. COLE Riggs had some great matches with the previous HI-YAH champion Zack Malibu and I’m sure he’d love a shot at the current champion too COACH If he ever got a shot at Faqu then the Samoan fatass would be living on borrowed time as a champion. COLE I think the term is “Samoan Bad Ass” COACH Not from where I’m sitting it’s not. TEN!! NINE!! Discovery breaks Riggs’ hold on the HI-YAH champion but only gets a low blow for his efforts as a pissed off James Riggs turns his attention towards the colorful Space Cadet. EIGHT!! SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! COLE This will be the eight participant in the ring, the tenth to enter overall – fans we are only half way FOUR!! THREE!! Holy crap we’re only half way? TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* The second the first notes of Madonna’s “Hung Up” is heard the crowd leap to their feet cheering for the imminent arrival of the Dance Dance Dragon COLE Well, well speaking of James Riggs and embarrassing losses, here comes the Dance Dance Dragon COACH I told you NOT to mention it The Dragon gets down, gets funky as he heads for the ring, slapping hands and shaking booty as he turns the entire arena into a dance party. When he’s about 8 feet from the ring James Riggs turns his attention away from Discovery and straight at the Dance Dance Dragon. It’s obvious Riggs is pissed off, it’s clearly written on his face as he runs across the ring and then leaps OVER THE TOP ROPE SOMMERSAULT SENTON!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Riggs takes the Dance Dance Dragon down with the stunning aerial move but in his excitement he didn’t realize something very important. COLE Did… did he just eliminate himself? COACH Oh don’t be ridiculous Cole! 0==============================0 Out #3: James Riggs Eliminated By: Self-inflicted Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Kenji Kawada, Faqu, Ramone Gutierrez, Felix Stutter, Discovery, Space Phaero, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon 0==============================0 YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! James Riggs is livid when the referee inform him that he has to leave the arena since he’s eliminated. He turns his back to the ring to walk away but suddenly tears away from the road agent escorting him to the back to nail Dance Dance Dragon with his Rolling Koppu Kick COLE That bastard! COACH Hey Cole, I was right – no one could eliminate James Riggs, only James Riggs is good enough to eliminate James Riggs COLE (Mumbles) or dumb enough. None of the other competitors seem to even have noticed what’s going on on the floor as they all have their personal wars to fight. Discovery has managed to roll Ramone Gutierrez into a Boston Crab and the Space Phaero soon adds injury to injury by locking a Crippler Crossface on the prone Cubano adding to his agony. Felix Stutter and Kenji Kawada has Faqu teetering on the top rope only mere inches away from being able to throw the HI-YAH champion out of the ring. COLE What’s James Blonde doing? COACH Why do you ask me? I’m not his mother, I’m not Mrs. Blonde! James just stands there, hands on his hips as he watches Kawada and Stutter trying to eliminate Faqu, then he finally just shrugs his shoulders, grabs Kawada and Stutter by the heads and knock them together to save Faqu from elimination. TEN!! NINE!! COLE I knew he’d come through for Faqu EIGHT!! SEVEN!! SIX!! COACH You know the first three entrants are STILL in the ring FIVE!! FOUR!! THREE!! TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* ”You’ve been struck by… You’ve been hit by… A smooth Criminal!” BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! COLE OH NO!! COACH OOOOOH YES!! Esperito wastes no time at all racing down the aisle, sliding under the bottom rope and then tacking Discovery to break the Boston Crab / Crippler Crossface combo that the Space Cadets was subjecting Ramone to. Ramone hurls Discovery face first into the turnbuckles, then he grabs Space Phaero and hurls him into the back of Discovery before hitting a reverse Bulldog on the Phaero. COACH Now it’s fair, now it’s two on two – NOW THE SPACE CADETS WILL PAY MUA, HA, HA, HA! COLE You scare me sometimes Coach COACH I know, I scare myself at times too. Esperito helps Ramone to his feet and then turns attack Discovery, tugging and tearing at his mask. Dance Dance Dragon has shaken off the effects of the Rolling Koppu Kick and joins the match helping James Blonde trying to force Felix Stutter over the top rope. With everyone else fighting in groups the first two participants come face to face once again. Kawada says something to Faqu which the Samoan responds to with a chop to the chest *CHOP!* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Kawada responds in kind landing an overhead chop to Faqu’s chest *CHOP!* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COACH Talk about a target you can’t miss *CHOP!* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *CHOP!* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *CHOP!* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO The HI-YAH champion and their most popular native competitor exchange a series of stinging chops in the middle of the ring, neither giving an inch, neither ready to back off. COLE I’d love to see these two face off in a 1 on 1 ring in an OAOAST ring Esperito manages to tear Discovery’s mask open in the back revealing a thick head of black hair. Enraged by the dishonorable actions of El Esperito Discovery resorts to tactics he wouldn’t normally use and strikes Esperito with a low blow. TEN!! NINE!! Ramone tries to nail the Space Phaero but the more rested, swifter Space Cadet ducks under the blow causing Ramone to spin around from the momentum. EIGHT!! SEVEN!! Space Phaero wraps his arms around Ramone’s waist from behind SIX!! FIVE!! Discovery quickly leaps back to his feet and runs across the ring FOUR!! THREE!! SUPERKICK TO RAMONE!! TWO!! The kick combined with the belly to back suplex from the Space Phaero propels Ramone Gutierrez over the top rope, tumbling off the apron and to the floor ONE!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! 0==============================0 Out #4: Ramone Juan Jesus Gutierrez Eliminated By: Discovery & Space Phaero Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Kenji Kawada, Faqu, Felix Stutter, Discovery, Space Phaero, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Bloodshed 0==============================0 *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* COLE Listen to the crowd!! The Space Cadets got a little revenge here tonight! COACH Here comes the Disney Sponsored maniac Bloodshed COLE Huh?? COACH Nevermind, you’d have to watch the SWF to get it The eerie, creepy Bloodshed walks out bathed in a red light, the Wildcarder stops at the bottom of the ramp and just stands there watching with a creepy grin on his face as the people in the ring brawl. Ramone leaps up on the apron and grabs Space Phaero by the arm, at the same time El Esperito rushes in and pushes the Space Cadet with all his might sending the brightly clad superstar over the top rope, dragged to the floor by Ramone Gutierrez much to the displeasure of the crowd. 0==============================0 Out #5: Space Phaero Eliminated By: El Esperito (Ramone Assist) Eliminated: Ramone Gutierrez Left in the Ring: Kenji Kawada, Faqu, Felix Stutter, Discovery, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Bloodshed 0==============================0 COLE HOW CAN HE BE ALLOWED TO DO THAT? COACH Esperito? He stayed within the rules don’t be a moaner. Esperito taps the side of his head as the crowd boos Ramone and Esperito’s dirty tactics. Ramone passes Bloodshed on his way back to the locker rooms, the two maniacs’ eyes meet for a moment, then they slowly acknowledge each other with a nod before going on about their business. COLE Is Bloodshed even going to get in the ring? COACH Of course he is, he has to be in before the next count begins after all or he’s eliminated. Bloodshed finally moves, running over to the crowd, pushing a fan out of the way and then grabbing that fan’s chair. The maniac grins from ear to ear as he slides into the ring with the steel chair in hand. First man he meets is Kenji Kawada *CRACK!!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! After knocking Kawada down he turns and sees James Blonde trying to sneak up on him only to… *CRACK!!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! COLE Can’t the referees do anything to stop this? COACH What?? TEN!! COLE He’s using a chair? NINE!! EIGHT!! COACH All within the rules Cole, no disqualifications remember? SEVEN!! SIX!! Bloodshed eyes his next victim, the HI-YAH champion himself, Bloodshed raises his chair and … FIVE!! *CRACK!!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! FOUR!! Faqu actually remains standing after the first chairshot thanks to his hard Samoan head THREE!! *CRACK!!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! TWO!! *CRACK!!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The third chairshot finally takes Faqu down. ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* COACH Here comes one of HI-GATES’ brightest stars Cole, it’s the Dark Predator COLE So you’re just ignoring the fact that Bloodshed is running roughshot over everyone with a chair? COACH Hey I already said it was a good tactic A groggy, bloody Faqu grabs the ropes to try and drag himself up, pulling down on the top rope the moment Bloodshed blasts Kawada across the back with his trusty steel chair. Kawada lunges forward, hits the ropes as Faqu pulls the top rope down and then flips over the top to the floor. 0==============================0 Out #6: Kenji Kawada Eliminated By: Faqu Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, Discovery, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Bloodshed, Dark Predator 0==============================0 COLE Faqu inavertedly eliminated Kawada COACH Oh you know it was intentional, he just wanted to eliminate the competition to his HI-YAH title COLE How can you even say that? The big guy is still groggy from the chair shots. COACH Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure he is After everyone else has either been hit by the chair or taken cover on the floor the Dark Predator is the man who’s able to separate Bloodshed from his chair as he springboards off the top rope and drop kicks the maniac in the back. Predator then drags Bloodshed into position and then lands a Tornado DDT, driving Bloodshed’s head into the steel chair. *CRACK!* One of the referees quickly reaches in and grabs the chair so that it will not be used as a weapon again. Felix sneaks up on the Dance Dance Dragon and tries to hook him up for the Tarantula, but is blocked when Discovery hits the Canadian with a drop kick to the midsection. El Esperito knows that Faqu is probably the easiest target right now, he’s been in the ring the longest, he’s taken three or four chairshots and well he’s in the worst shape of everyone in there. Esperito clips Faqu’s leg from behind, then leaps up on the top rope looking to land a Frog Splash but ends up having his feet knocked out from under him by the Dark Predator OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!! COACH If he falls backwards he’s eliminated!! But Esperito is lucky and falls forward instead while holding his private parts. TEN!! NINE!! EIGHT!! COLE The next participant is number 15, that means only five more competitors after that and everyone will be in the ring. SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! COACH Oh, oh, oh I almost forgot – the fans voted on a surprise entry. Should I tell who won? FOUR!! THREE!! COLE Not until it’s time for him to enter the match TWO!! COACH Oh poop. ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH COLE Here comes a man who personifies the X-Division, it’s the Spanish Fly!! Spanish Fly wastes little time running down the aisle to join the 8 other wrestlers in the ring. Spanish Fly climbs up the ring post and then comes off the top with a Cross body block on The Dark Predator knocking him into Bloodshed and thus taking two men down in one shot. COLE Fly has had his troubles with the Lighting Crew, maybe it’ll be a nice change for him to not worry about that for one night COACH Oh yeah instead he just has to worry about 8 guys who are all bigger than him, in Faqu’s case CONSIDERABLY bigger than him – very relaxing Cole. If the Spanish Fly is intimidated by anyone in the ring he doesn’t seem to show it as he takes the fight to James Blonde with a flying back elbow. Faqu once again finds himself the target of the heels as Esperito and Bloodshed lay into him with kicks and knees in the corner trapping the HI-YAH champion in unfamiliar territory. The Dragon and the Fly come face to face in the middle of the ring but instead of fighting they both do a quick little shuckin’ and jiving before attacking the guy that’s about to jump the other guy from the back. Dragon drop kicks Stutter while the Spanish Fly knocks the Dark Predator down with a spin kick. COLE See Coach it doesn’t have to be all hostile in there COACH Oh that’s just pathetic Cole, it’s every man for himself but of course if guys can’t make it on their own… COLE Funny I didn’t hear these comments about Esperito and Gutierrez earlier COACH What’s that? I’m sorry I was busy not really listening to you. While some of the competitors have slowed down a bit the new arrivals every 90 seconds keeps the match rolling along at a high pace with guys like Dark Predator or Discovery flying through the air every couple of seconds. Bloodshed has rolled out under the bottom floor and grabbed a steel chair, but before he can enter the ring one of the referees grabs the chair and tries to pull it away from him. COLE Not another chair! Come on noWii COACH WHOA SPANISH FLY!! The Spanish Fly launches himself off James Blonde’s shoulders, over the top rope and then knocks Bloodshed down with a splash COACH HA!! He just eliminated himself Cole, now that’s funny COLE I don’t think so Coach COACH WHAT? But earlier when James Riggs did the same thing he was eliminated COLE Except that I don’t think Spanish Fly’s feet touched the ground, he knocked Bloodshed down but his feet never touched the ground A quick instant replay shows that Spanish Fly actually DID manage to not have both feet touch the ground which means that he’s still in the match. He even stands up on Bloodshed’s chest so that he can get back in the ring without risking elimination. COLE I have never seen anything like that before! TEN!! NINE!! EIGHT!! SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! FOUR!! THREE!! COLE Man even I’m getting tired and I’m just commentating the match, imagine how Faqu feels like TWO!! COACH That’s what he gets for not buying a higher number than #2 Cole ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* The Sixteenth man to enter the match is HI-GATE superstar Ultra Shago comes out complete with smoking skull and weird hand gestures. Unlike Bloodshed he ditches any potential weapons before he races to the ring and attacks perennial arch nemesis Dark Predator with a leaping Huracanrana that he turns into a standing Crossface. COLE Okay, okay just for the fans at home, who’s still in the match Coach COACH Well obviously we’ve got the new guy Shago and the Dark Predator COLE Right and Bloodshed is crawling back in the ring now, right in front of Discovery, Esperito and the Spanish Fly COACH Faqu who’s being helped to his feet by James Blonde… and Felix Stutter!! COLE And we must not forget the Dance Dance Dragon COACH Oh can’t I please? After being on the receiving end for the last several minutes Faqu has finally regained enough composure to dish it out instead of taking it, something he demonstrates in full force by first knocking Bloodshed a full 360 with a lariat and then booting… well footing I guess Felix Stutter in the face giving him the first recorded case of Athlete’s jaw in medical history YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! FAQU~! FAQU~! FAQU~! COACH Oh yeah? Well F**k you too! COLE Coach! Language COACH English! Esperito steps through the ropes to the apron, then grabs Discovery by the mask and leaps backwards off the apron sending the Space Cadet staggering backwards into Dark Predator and Ultra Shago. The two HI-GATE superstars greet their federation compatriot by landing a double backdrop on him before returning to their personal fight with each other. TEN!! NINE!! COACH Is this the surprise entrant? Is it?? Is it?? EIGHT!! SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! COLE I dunno Coach, I’m sure they’ll tell you when to reveal who won the vote. FOUR!! THREE!! TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* “Eye of the Tiger” plays and out comes another one of Los Tigres Del Ring COACH Hang on! Did we not see this guy out here already? COLE No that was Tigre Metallico, this is Space Tigre Coach. COACH Oh now I know you’re bullshitting me now – come on own up to it COLE I’m not kidding you, earlier we saw Tigre Metallico eliminated by Felix Stutter in record time. Space Tigre slides under the bottom rope, gets booted in the face by Felix Stutter and then finds himself hurled over the top rope, clearing the apron and hitting the mat without hope of saving himself. 0==============================0 Out #7: Space Tigre Eliminated By: Felix Stutter Eliminated: Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, Discovery, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Bloodshed, Dark Predator, Spanish Fly, Ultra Shago, 0==============================0 COACH Oh you’re right, totally different guy COLE I wonder if Canadians have a problem with tigers? He eliminated both of them in record time. Felix barely has time to turn around before Discovery leaps at him, a dip of the shoulder later and Discovery comes crashing down right next to the Space Tigre another victim of Felix Stutter 0==============================0 Out #8: Discovery Eliminated By: Felix Stutter Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Bloodshed, Dark Predator, Spanish Fly, Ultra Shago 0==============================0 COACH WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO two in a row, Felix is kicking ass and taking names tonight. COACH He has been very impressive I’ll give you that Coach. Faqu grabs Esperito as the Ghost tries to cross body block him, then the HI-YAH champion holds him up high in the air giving Spanish Fly and Dance Dance Dragon a chance to leap off the top to give the remaining Vato Loco a double drop kick. COLE And Faqu is STILL going, he’s the guy who’s been in there the longest and he’s still fighting. Ultra Shago, James Blonde and the Spanish Fly all try their best to get rid of the Dark Predator as he clings to the ropes like they were long lost relatives. Just when it looks like they’re going to get the job done Felix Stutter breaks it up to allow the Dark Predator to slip through the ropes and back in the ring. COACH Alright that may have been a miscalculation by Felix, he should have let them eliminate the guy It seems that Felix has picked himself a target though as he lays into Spanish Fly with a series of chops and elbows driving the smallest man in the ring back in the corner. TEN!! NINE!! EIGHT!! COACH ANOTHER ONE?? SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! COLE This guy and then two more to go Coach, we’ve still got plenty of action FOUR!! THREE!! TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! The crowd comes alive once more as they see the third Space Cadet at the top of the ramp., striking a pose as his cape flaps in the wind. Supernova rushes to the ring, slides under the bottom rope and then Yep you guessed it Attacks El Esperito with an Enzugiril followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Unfortunately the Space Cadet forgot to take off his cape, something which Bloodshed takes full advantage off by grabbing it and yanking backwards snapping Supernova to the ground. COACH If there has been one story in this match it’s been the war between Los Vatos and the Space Cadets COLE Yeah but there hasn’t been *ONE* story COACH Oh shut up Esperito sneaks out under the bottom rope and then ducks down by the side of the ring, out of sight of any of the wrestlers currently in the ring. The only competitor who has a beef with El Esperito is too busy right now being worked over by Bloodshed who demonstrates why he’s a double SWF champion in addition to being a creepy individual. It’s not quite clear exactly WHY Bloodshed is jamming his hand down Supernova’s mouth, maybe it’s a version of the Mandible Claw, maybe he just likes to do a bit of amateur dentistry in his space time. COLE You know this is an excellent preview of the 30 man elimination match that’s scheduled for Anglepalooza COACH Man you never miss an opportunity to plug a PPV do you? Dark Predator lunges at Felix Stutter, and as he’s done a couple of times already in this match Sutter leaps over his attacker, locks his legs under the other guy’s armpits and then flips over the top rope. But this time he doesn’t lock on the tarantula, instead he pulls the Dark Predator over the top rope while making sure he himself can slide back into the ring through the ropes COLE DARK PREDATOR IS OUT OF HERE!! 0==============================0 Out #9: Dark Predator Eliminated By: Felix Stutter Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Bloodshed, Spanish Fly, Ultra Shago, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 Ultra Shago can’t resist taunting his arch-nemesis, a move that is rewarded by a Yakuza kick to the jaw by James Blonde. TEN!! NINE!! EIGHT!! COLE Only two more to go! We’re getting down to the wire SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! COACH Is this the vote in entrant? FOUR!! COLE Erm… I don’t know, I can’t figure out who else is left THREE!! TWO!! COACH You didn’t sign me up for the match right? ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* The lights The gust of wind The Heroic pose as his green cape flaps in the wind YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! COLE HOLY CRAP VENOM IS BACK!! COACH Ven… awww crap! The four Space Cadet waves to the fans as they cheer for the surprise appearance of a man they thought would be out with injuries a bit longer than that. He looks to be okay, no obvious signs of neck problems as he waves to the fans, then throws his cape to the side and enters the ring. Supernova looks to be surprised to see his friend and partner, but also overjoyed to see him as well. COACH Awwww isn’t that touching? Touching the back of my throat with a finger! COLE Come on Coach, Venom has been out with an injury since Ramoen Gutierrez went apeshit on him VENOM!! VENOM!! VENOM!! VENOM!! VENOM!! COACH Oh I bet he wishes he drew a lower number then since Ramone is long gone and Esperito… COLE Yeah where IS he? The camera man moves around the side of the ring to get a better shot at El Esperito hiding outside the ring. The Ghoul holds a finger to his mouth in the hopes of keeping the fans quiet but to little avail. The fans quickly point out where Esperito is, Venom signals to Supernova to go left and then he himself goes right as they exit the ring trapping the unaware Esperito between them YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! The action in the ring still rages back and forth but right now the focus seems to be on the ringside activities. Esperito sees Supernova coming at him, stands up and then backs off begging off until he bumps into Venom. Esperito gulps as he slowly turns around, then leaps backwards in shock as he sees Venom’s masked face staring right at him *POWii* COLE Superkick from Supernova!! TEN!! NINE!! EIGHT!! SEVEN!! SIX!! FIVE!! FOUR!! THREE!! COACH This is it, this is the secret entrant as voted on by you the fans!! TWO!! ONE!! *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!* A) The Superstar: 21% B) El Ultimo Villaño X: 40% C) The Amazing Rando: 39% COACH By one percent it’s … Ultimo Villaño X?? COLE The fans have voted Coach, deal with it. The very odd mixture of Kobe drums and a mariachi orchestra begins to play as perennial underdog Ultimo Villaño X walks out, hand raised in the air to greet the crowd. COLE The last time we saw UVX he got mauled by Bruce Blank COACH Oh man I remember that, I’m surprised he’s even able to walk now Villaño X takes off his cape and gets ready to run to the ring BRUCE BLANK Oh no you don’t you bastard!! Out of nowhere Bruce Blank rushes Ultimo Villaño X with a chair, clobbering the masked Mexi-Japanese wrestler over the head with a sickening thud. Bruce can’t help but laugh as he drives the chair into VIllaños back a second time and then a third time as he knocks UVX to the ground BRUCE SUCKS!! BRUCE SUCKS!! BRUCE SUCKS!! BRUCE SUCKS!! COLE What is this maniac doing here? He’s done enough damage to this kid already COACH I think he’s here to finish the job Cole, Once Bruce Blank beats you you’re supposed to stay beat Everyone in the ring are busy fighting eachother, only Bloodshed seems to have noticed his Wildcards partner out on the floor as the big man throws Villaño X around like a rag doll. Bruce picks up the kid, places him across his shoulders and then HITS A RUNNING POWER BOMB ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR COLE Oh my god! COACH That’s… that’s sick, someone stop this. After splattering UVX on the concrete floor Bruce picks his cowboy hat off the floor, dusts it off and then puts it back on before heading off. 0==============================0 Out #10: Ultimo Villaño X Eliminated By: Bruce Blank Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Bloodshed, Spanish Fly, Ultra Shago, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 COLE I think X is unable to compete tonight, I was really looking forward to seeing him in action COACH Ah well, shit happens. You do realize that we’ve got all competitors in the ring – one of these 10 people will win the New York Knock Out! Dance Dance Dragon catches an unattentive Ultra Shago with a Super kick knocking the HI-GATE superstar over the top rope and to the floor. 0==============================0 Out #11: Ultra Shago Eliminated By: Dance Dance Dragon Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Bloodshed, Spanish Fly, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 COACH One of these 9 people will win the New York Knock Out is what I meant to say. Bloodshed knocks Spanish Fly down with a kick to the chest, then he hits the ropes to get a running start for another attack. When the maniac goes to pounce on the Spanish Fly the lighting quick cruiserweight raises both his legs and flips Bloodshed up over the top rope to the apron. After landing safely on the apron Bloodshed takes a drop kick to the back quickly knocking the Wildcarder out of the match much to the delight of the crowd. Edited January 5, 2007 by KingPK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 5, 2007 (edited) 0==============================0 Out #12: Bloodshed Eliminated By: Spanish Fly Eliminated: None Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, James Blonde, Dance Dance Dragon, El Esperito, Spanish Fly, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 COLE It’s all action tonight Cole, these men, all twenty… well nineteen I guess are really making a statement about 2007 being the year of the X-Division. COACH Michael if they can keep this action up all year long then I’ll have to agree, this could be the year the X-Division steals the show Faqu is offloading with overhead chop after overhead chop to Felix Stutter who he’s got trapped in the corner. Venom and Supernova have finally managed to track El Esperito down and gotten him back inside the ring. Spanish Fly springboards off the top rope for an Asai Moonsault but instead of hitting it’s intended target James Blonde it hits the Dance Dance Dragon as blonde quickly pulls the Strong Style Party Animal in front of him. COACH Now that’s using your head… or your Dragon, either way! Blonde takes advantage of the situation by grabbing the groggy Dragon by the shirt and mask and then hurling him over the side to the floor. 0==============================0 Out #13: Dance Dance Dragon Eliminated By: James Blonde Eliminated: Ultra Shago Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, James Blonde, El Esperito, Spanish Fly, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 COLE The bodies are flying left and right here Coach, we’re seeing a series of rapid fire eliminations as the time finally takes a toll on these guys. COACH Considering they’ve all been going full speed all night no wonder they’re getting worn out, maybe they’re also getting a little full of themselves, a little overconfident leading to making a mistake. Venom charges El Esperito but the ghoul ducks out of the way letting the returning Venom crash chest first into the turnbuckles. Esperito can’t pass up the golden opportunity he’s been presented so he quickly climbs up the ropes calling for the Frog Splash COLE This isn’t good, I know Venom looks like he’s alright but he returned awfully fast from that neck injury. COACH Whatever happens to Venom is Venom’s own fault Cole, he could have just stayed out of the ring. But nothing happens to Venom fortunately as a tired and worn out Faqu falls backwards against the top rope, knocking El Esperito off balance so that he lands with his legs on either side of the turnbuckle. The crowd moans in sympathy as El Esperito slowly begins to teeter to the right before falling off the top rope to the floor while holding his private parts in sheer agony. COLE HE’S OUTTA THERE11 YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! 0==============================0 Out #14: El Esperito Eliminated By: Faqu (Indirectly) Eliminated: Space Phaero Left in the Ring: Faqu, Felix Stutter, James Blonde, Spanish Fly, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 COACH Damn it there goes my pick! COLE The Space Cadets outlast Los Vatos in this, you know that’ll piss off Ramone Gutierrez COACH Yeah but then again what DOES piss him off? Felix Stutter leaps off the middle turnbuckle hoping to take Supernova down with a cross body block, but the Space Cadet easily evades the move and Stutter ends up being caught by Faqu instead. The Samoan staggers backwards against the ropes still carrying the Canadian when the Spanish Fly runs over to help him finally get “Afterhours” out of the ring YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! USA!! USA!! USA!! 0==============================0 Out #15: Felix Stutter Eliminated By: Spanish Fly & Faqu Eliminated: “It”, Tigre Metallico, Space Tigre, Discovery, Dark Predator Left in the Ring: Faqu, James Blonde, Spanish Fly, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 COACH I’ll ignore the irony of a Mexican and a Samoan drawing the “USA” chant COLE They just eliminated the guy that’s really been profiling himself in this match, he personally eliminated a quarter of all the guys in the match! COACH Thank you! I was wondering when you’d give Felix his props! Spanish Fly takes a moment to catch his breath and give a little shout out to all his fans as Faqu just leans forward on the ropes gasping for air, not able to really see because of the blood and sweat in his face and not really able to think clearly after being in the match since it begun. COLE I can’t believe Faqu is still in there, he’s an animal! COACH Bah Blonde has saved his ass all night long Cole and you know it. James Blonde has stopped punching away on Supernova and is instead checking on his friend Faqu, unfortunately Faqu takes his attempts of checking on him as an attack and blindly reaches out, hooks one of Blonde’s legs and then throws him over the top rope to the floor before he realizes who he just eliminated. 0==============================0 Out #16: James Blonde Eliminated By: Faqu Eliminated: Dance Dance Dragon Left in the Ring: Faqu, Spanish Fly, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 COACH So that’s how he repays a friend? He just callously eliminated him!! COLE That was nothing but an accident Coach! Neither Coach nor James Blonde seems to buy that and Blonde is letting Faqu and everyone in the arena know that he’s NOT happy about it. Spanish Fly comes over to the side where Faqu is trying to explain what’s going on to try and help the situation out, hoping to calm the enraged James Blonde down COACH He’s got every right to be pissed off Cole! He had a real shot at winning this but Faqu wouldn’t let him would he? He’s jealous and wants to win this himself. COLE Well of course he wants to win it but he’s the kind of guy where friendship means more than anything else in the world. As both Faqu and Spanish Fly try to calm James Blonde down and explain the situation Venom rushes across the ring, pushes both competitors against the ropes and then over the top to the floor. 0==============================0 Out #17: Spanish Fly Eliminated By: Venom Eliminated: “It”, Bloodshed, Felix Stutter Left in the Ring: Faqu, Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 0==============================0 Out #18: Faqu Eliminated By: Venom Eliminated: Kenji Kawada, Felix Stutter, James Blonde, Esperito (Kinda) Left in the Ring: Supernova, Venom 0==============================0 COLE Holy shit he caught them totally by surprise! Venom just eliminated the HI-YAH champion and Spanish Fly in one swift motion. COACH I just found something I like about Venom, I approve of his tactics COLE Hold on Coach you know what this means? COACH What? COLE This means that a Space Cadet WILL win this thing, there is only Supernova and Venom left and no one else set to join them in the ring The two masked men stand in the center of the ring, face to face as the crowd starts to chant for the Space Cadets. Venom holds out his hand, offering Supernova a gesture of sportsmanship and friendship before they fight over who will win the New Year’s Knock Out. COLE This is what it’s all about, sportsmanship, friendly competition COACH Oh gag me with a spoon Supernova takes Venom’s hand and shakes it YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! *THUD!* UUUUUUUUUUURRRGHHHH!! The crowd is stunned silent as Venom boots Supernova in the privates, then disgusted as Venom makes Ramone’s “Scar” handgesture by dragging it across his cheek. COLE What the hell is going on here?? Venom places Supernova’s head between his legs and then underhooks the arms COLE That’s… that’s Ramone’s Way! What the hell is going on *CRUNCH!* BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! After hitting the pedigree it’s not hard to throw Supernova’s lifeless body over the top rope to the floor. 0==============================0 Out #19: Supernova Eliminated By: Venom Eliminated: “None Left in the Ring: Venom 0==============================0 *DING!*DING!*DING!* Moments ago the crowd would have cheered like crazy for Venom winning the match but now?? Now they’re booing the man looking like Venom but certainly not acting like him. Suspicions are furthered when El Esperito and “Big” Dave come running to the ring to celebrate with Venom, even going so far as to lifting the masked man up on Dave’s shoulder as he raises his fist in the air. BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT!! COACH Now, now he won it fair and square COLE Fair my ass!! After celebrating his big victory for a moment Venom leads El Esperito and “Big” Dave down the aisle as he unties the straps on the back of his mask, pulling it off and tossing it to the side before ducking through the curtains to the back. 0==============================0 Winner: Venom or is it Ramone Gutierrez?? Eliminated: Supernova, Spanish Fly, Faqu 0==============================0 BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT!! BULLSHIT!! COLE My sentiment exactly! He left as the winner technically but there is no way in hell such a tainted victory brings him any closer to a title shot. COACH I wouldn’t say that, in fact Reject may be wise to look over his shoulder, Ramone Gutie… I mean “Venom” *Wink*Wink* could be gunning for him. COLE Yeah “Venom”… right… and next you’ll tell us the moon is made of green cheese COACH That’s the problem with you Cole, too mistrusting, not ready take things at face value. Tha Puerto Rican promo (Back to SC) COACH And then I bet her ten bucks she couldn’t swallow it all Coach’s eyes bug out when he realizes that the camera is rolling. COLE Oh erm… welcome back fans, Coach was just talking about an… erm… COACH It was a drinking contest! Yeah I bet her she couldn’t swallow all of her beer COLE Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyway… Both Coach and Cole are relieved when they see Asmodai and Mephisto walk down the aisle and get in the ring. COLE (mumbles) oh thank god ASMODAI Alright everyone just shut up and listen! BOOOOOO-ISH (hey it’s only Asmodai after all) ASMODAI So Anglesault is fine with James Wolfensten being a lying scumbag, he probably sees this “Rookie sensation” and thinks he’ll be the next big thing right? COLE I don’t think anyone has said that have they Coach? COACH I dunno Cole, I hardly even pay attention to YOU and you’re right next to me. ASMODAI I know differently! And I will expose “John Hawk” as the fraud he is – you take away his K-1 offence and you’re left with nothing! Now that he’s forced to WRESTLE he’ll come up short! LONE WOLF!! LONE WOLF!! LONE WOLF!! ASMODAI Oh shut up! He’s not going to come out here people, he doesn’t have the guts! ”War without end No remorse No repent We don't care what it meant” YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH The Lone Wolf comes out from the back looking pissed off and ready to fight as he walks to the ring he adjusts his elbow pads and then pulls on the protective gloves that Anglesault has ordered him to wear. COLE Here comes Wolfenstein and like he said “He came to fight!” and fight he will ASMODAI Oh yeah? You want some of Satan’s Footsoldiers? Well Mephisto will be happy to kick your ass! Mephisto looks a little surprised as Asmodai quickly leaves the ring before James Wolfenstein can enter it. The big man wastes little time in assaulting Wolfenstein before the Lone Wolf can even get in the ring, knocking him off the apron with a running knee. The force of the impact sends Wolfenstein flying off the apron, crashing into the guardrails much to Asmodai’s delight. COACH Looks like we’ve got ourselves a match! COLE Mephisto is definitely the biggest opponent the Lone Wolf has faced so far, he’s never been in a fight where he didn’t have the power advantage. COACH And his lethal elbows and kicks have been limited a bit too, I think the Lone Wolf is in BIG trouble! Mephisto steps through the ropes, then leaps off the apron with a massive clubbing right that knocks Wolfenstein back down again. Then the Footsoldier grabs Wolfenstein by the throat with his right hand, raises his left hand with his index and pinky fingers extended MEPHISTO SATAN IS MY HOMEBOY! With a sadistic grin Mephisto hurls Wolfenstein back first against the ringpost with a sickening thud! COACH He’s being man handled tonight Cole! I knew it was just a matter of time before he’d come up against someone either too big or too strong and tonight he has. COLE Don’t write him off yet An OAOAST referee finally makes his way down the aisle so that the match can officially get underway. Mephisto rolls Wolfenstein into the ring, crawls in after him and then wraps his massive arms around James Wolfenstein for a bear hug. COLE I’ll have to admit it Coach, it doesn’t look good COACH That’s an understatement Cole! Wolfenstein tries to elbow Mephisto to break the bearhug but the big man just tightens his grip making James forget about the elbow due to the pain. After holding the bearhug on for a minute, maybe more Wolfenstein begins to fade, his arms dropping down by the side. The referee raises Wolfenstein’s right hand and lets it drop ONCE!! Then he raises it again and it drops TWICE!! But the third time the referee raises Wolfenstein’s hand he clenches his fist and keeps it up in the air, suddenly surging with energy as he tries to fight out of the bearhug. The Lone Wolf snaps his head forward *CRACK!* And headbuts Mephisto across the bridge of the nose with a sickening thud to make the big man release his grip. The second Mephisto releases his hold around Wolfenstein’s ribcage Wolfenstein locks his arms around Mephisto’s chest and BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX ON MEPHISTO!! COLE Holy shit! That’s like suplexing a side of beef COACH Yeah but look where it got him Cole! The effort seems to have taken the last bit of energy out of the Lone Wolf as he drops to his hands and knees looking like he’s close to passing out. COACH Even if he suplexed Mephisto he’s still in bad shape, he still took a beating from Mephisto COLE His back has GOT to be killing him he took several hard shots early on. Mephisto isn’t slow in getting back on his feet but he took enough time to let Wolfenstein recover enough to move out of the way when Mephisto tries to boot him in the ribs. The Lone Wolf evades a second kick, then a third before he counters with a leg sweep that brings the big man to the canvas and then follows it with a stiff heel kick to the throat of the big man. ASMODAI Hey ref that’s illegal. Asmodai is livid that Wolfenstein has been allowed to claw his way back in the match and actually being on his way to dominating it. The Lone Wolf grabs Mephisto’s right arm and tries to put on a cross arm bar only to end up with a thumb to the eye. COACH See they don’t teach you that in K-1 COLE No I think they try to stick to the rules COACH Rules are for fools! Mephisto rakes James’ eyes once more to and then gets back to his feet. After a couple of knees to the midsection Mephisto places in position for the Execution. Mephisto raises both hands in a Crucifix pose ready to finish the match. MEPHISTO SATAN IS MY HO~! The big man doesn’t even finish before Wolfenstein throws him up and over his back to the delight of the crowd. The Lone Wolf follows up with a massive clothesline on Mephisto the second the Foot Soldier gets back to his feet followed by a second clothesline that knocks Mephisto down for good. COLE Wolfenstein is digging down deep here Coach COACH What is he, a mine worker or something?? Wolfenstein pulls Mephisto up by the hair, then hooks the big man’s arms from behind, locking his hands together before suplexing him up and over into a bridged pinning position ONE!! ASMODAI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! TWO!! Asmodai slides in under the bottom rope hoping to break the pinfall attempt THREE!! Only to make contact with Wolfenstein a moment too late. *DING*DING*DING* Asmodai kicks Wolfenstein in the mid section, but then quickly hightails it out of the ring when the Lone Wolf releases Mephisto and takes a swipe at Asmodai instead. MICHAEL BUFFER The winner of the match: “The Lone Wolf” JAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES WOLFENSTEIN!! Asmodai reaches in and grabs Mephisto by the boot pulling the big man out of the ring, cursing at him as the two Foot Soldiers exit the arena, leaving Wolfenstein in the ring to celebrate with the fans. COLE He did it! Wolfenstein took down Mephisto!! COACH I promise you it’ll be different next week when he faces Asmodai – that guy is FOCUSED and now he’s scouted Wolfenstein out, he knows all his weaknesses. COLE Yeah he studied how to run away from him alright! COACH Strategic retreat Cole, you’ll never understand it since you’ve never competed in the ring COLE And you have? COACH Are you kidding? I’m a seasoned pro… I just keep it to special occasions and all. COLE Mmm-hmm. Up next is our main event, Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican in a no disqualification match! Commercial break Edited January 5, 2007 by KingPK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted January 5, 2007 (edited) A piano plays a melody causing the crowd to cheer loudly. COLE Well, here we go. It’s showtime! The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *"COME ON!"* *BOOM~!* Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat rushes out onto the stage, getting the crowd fired up. Heat runs to both sides of the entrance stage and fires that section of the arena up. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans, and then tells them to "Hold up" for a second. He goes through the entrance doors, and then comes back out with Stacey Robertson. Heat twirls Stacey around, kisses her, and then points to both sides of the arena before walking down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. Stacey simply waves hi to the fans. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a No Disqualification Match scheduled for one fall. If "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican wins, then Stacey Robertson must become a member of The Lightning Crew. BUT, if Colombian Heat wins, then Vitamin X must stay 500 feet away from Stacey Robertson at all times. Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied by his girlfriend and manager, Stacey Robertson. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia, but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He is the OAOAST 2006 Most Underrated Wrestler Of The Year. COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Heat continues slapping hands with the fans as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE Colombian Heat won the 2006 Most Underrated Wrestler Of The Year Award at the Angle Awards last Sunday. But his mind has been on Stacey Robertson ever since last Thursday on HeldDOWN~! when he lost to Mr. Boricua, thereby making Stacey Robertson a HOSTAGE of The Lightning Crew over the weekend! COACH Hostage!? That’s kind of extreme, don’t you think? COLE I think that’s the right word for it. Stacey didn’t ask for this. She didn’t want to be dragged away from her boyfriend and spend 4 days with PRL and The Lightning Crew. She didn’t want to be touched and have her hair stroked by Vitamin X. And she DIDN’T want to go to a motel with him last Sunday night! COACH She did. She was just hiding it. You know how girls play hard to get. Stacey loved every minute of it! And she’ll love it even more when PRL beats Colombian Heat AGAIN, and she becomes a member of The Lightning Crew! COLE I think that’s the worst case scenario for everyone involved. COACH Not Vitamin X! COLE Right. But, hey, even PRL doesn’t really like her. So how would he feel having her be in his group? COACH He’s probably warmed up to her. I mean, HE was the one who made the stipulations you know. COLE That’s true. But I think he did it for Vitamin X. Not because he likes her. COACH Well, either way. Stacey better get ready to wear a Lightning Crew T-shirt after tonight! I wonder what size she is? Let me go measure her. COLE Stay here, Coach! Colombian Heat climbs up the ring steps and then hops into the ring. Heat gets on the second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. Heat then gets on a second turnbuckle, and throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. Colombian Heat gets off the second turnbuckle and calls for a microphone. Stacey Robertson stands in the middle of the ring and watches Heat with a smile on her face. She also waves hi to the fans. COLE Colombian Heat is about ready for one of the most important matches of his career. Heat is fighting for the woman that he loves, the woman that inspires him. It was because of Stacey Robertson that Colombian Heat returned to the OAOAST in December 2005. And now, tonight, on the first HeldDOWN~! of 2007, Colombian Heat can lose his girlfriend to his most hated rival and his group. And what a blow to Heat’s psyche, to his career, that would be if he were to lose tonight? COACH It would cripple him emotionally. I don’t think he could continue wrestling knowing it was because of him that Stacey is a member of The Lightning Crew! All the more reason to root for PRL tonight! Colombian Heat gets a microphone. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo! CROWD Yo! COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo! CROWD YO! COLOMBIAN HEAT YO! CROWD YO! COLOMBIAN HEAT YO! CROWD YO! "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat looks at the fans with a smile on his face. He then winks at Stacey, who winks back. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" COLOMBIAN HEAT Now then. If all of y’all are ready to see me make PRL, that punk jigger, feel the Heat, and ALSO make The Lightning Crew feel the Heat...then Tampa Bay, Florida, make some noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH~!" The crowd cheers. The camera pans over several Colombian Heat signs in the crowd. Heat kisses Stacey once again. He puts his microphone away and looks to the entrance with a serious look on his face. COLE Colombian Heat is FIRED UP! Will this be the last he has to deal with The Lightning Crew, and more specifically Vitamin X, harassing his girl? Colombian Heat gets into a fighting stance in the center of the ring. The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role ’99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and out from the smoke come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, Stephen Joseph Popick, and the entire Lightning Crew. The crowd boos some more. COLE And there he is. One-half of the HI-YAH World Tag Team Champions! PR has a smirk on his face. He looks at the crowd with disgust, taunting the fans. Puerto throws his HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship belt over his left shoulder, looks at Popick, and then orders The LC and Popick to follow him to the ring. Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Thomas Rodriguez, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Stephen Joseph Popick, and "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican walk down the entrance ramp as "Know Your Role ’99" continues playing. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick and The Lightning Crew. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is one-half of the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions of the worrrrrlllllldddddddddddd! "The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! PRL, Popick, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez walk in the front of the group. Chants of "P.R. SUCKS!" fill the arena. COLE This will be the first time in almost a year that Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat will have a one-on-one match. At Anglepalooza last year, PRL defended his 24/7 Championship against Heat in a match that Heat WON, until The Lightning Crew screwed him over! And you can bet that Heat’s hoping that The Lightning Crew doesn’t screw him over again tonight! COACH Oh yeah, I remember Anglepalooza last year. That was a great moment! The look on Heat’s face was priceless! But I’ll tell you what. Losing a chance to become 24/7 Champion will be NOTHING compared to losing your girl to your mortal enemy! COLE That’s a good point, Coach. A hell of a lot is on the line tonight! Tha Puerto Rican plays his HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship belt like a guitar, and then climbs the ring steps to get on the ring apron. He sneers at the crowd. Popick and Lindsay hold the ropes so that PRL can enter the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans boos while "Know Your Role ’99" continues playing over the P.A. system. Colombian Heat punches PRL in the face! PR punches back! Back and forth they go, slugging it out! Stacey Robertson leaves the ring and Earl Hebner calls for the bell. "Know Your Role ’99" dies down. *DING DING DING* NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN (with Stephen Joseph Popick and The Lightning Crew) vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT (with Stacey Robertson) (If "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican wins, then Stacey Robertson must become a member of The Lightning Crew. If Colombian Heat wins, then The Lightning Crew must stay 500 feet away from Stacey Robertson at all times.) PR and Colombian Heat continue their slugfest as the crowd cheers loudly. The Lightning Crew and Popick watch from outside while Stacey heads to the opposite side of the ring. COLE And here we go! These two men wasting no time! They want this match to start NOW! Heat gains the advantage, punching PRL into the ropes. Heat then Irish whips Tha Puerto Rican into the opposite ropes. Leg lariat from Colombian Heat! CH gets right back up, and starts pummeling PRL with lefts and rights. Heat picks PRL up, taking off his Puerto Rican flag bandana in the process, and slams his head on top of a turnbuckle pad. Colombian Heat beats on Tha Puerto Rican for a little while while the crowd chants his name. Heat climbs the second rope, grabs PRL’s head, and looks at the crowd. 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! COLE And Colombian Heat is on fire as we start this match! Colombian Heat grabs PR’s left hand and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle--PRL reverses--and knees Heat in the stomach! Puerto Rican nails Heat with a Rock-style punch to the temple. He hits him with another Rock punch. And another! Stacey looks on, worried. Puerto Rican whips Colombian Heat into a turnbuckle--NO!--Heat reverses, PRL does a Flair Flip onto the ring apron...and Colombian Heat clotheslines PRL off the ring apron and onto the floor! Heat plays to the crowd, who cheer along with Stacey! COLE Stacey Robertson looks to be loving every minute of this match so far! COACH That’s what she looks like on the OUTSIDE. But on the inside, she’s like ’Oh no! I’m gonna have to spend another night with Colombian HACK! Why God, why!?’ COLE Will you stop? The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick just stand there and watch Tha Puerto Rican try to get back to his feet. PR is already breathing hard and appears groggy. P.R. gets to his feet, holding onto the ring apron. So, Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes, rushes forward, and hits PRL with a baseball slide sending him into a barricade! COLE There’s no rules! Colombian Heat can do what he wants! COACH That thug! Of course, he’ll take advantage of there being no rules! CH exits the ring. He punches PRL in the face several times, and then picks him up off the barricade. Heat punches PRL in the face! He then punches PR in the face again! And again! The punches stagger The Corporate Champ. Heat grabs Puerto by his neck and slams him head-first into a barricade! COLE They’re going up the ramp now. This match is no disqualification. Anything goes in this type of atmosphere. COACH PRL wanted to make sure that he beats Colombian Heat in this type of match, so that Heat won’t complain when Stacey becomes a member of The LC! COLE I think it’s a little bit too early to make predictions now. COACH Nah. I think this match is PR’s for the taking. PRL and Colombian Heat go up the entrance ramp with Heat punching P.R. in the face. Heat goes for a punch--BLOCKED! P.R.L. with a punch! P.R.L. with another punch! The P.R. Menace fires off with several Rock-style punches to the temple! Puerto then grabs Heat by his orange shirt and yellow tanktop...and then FLINGS him onto the entrance ramp with a hiptoss! COLE Oh! Oh my! What a hiptoss! Colombian Heat is lying in horrendous pain on the entrance ramp! COACH He flew a few feet too! Look! He’s now towards the end of the ramp! Indeed he is. Colombian Heat winces in pain on the edge of the entrance ramp. Heat clutches his back while Stacey Robertson looks on concerned. Vitamin X cheers PR on. Tha Puerto Rican sneers at his former best friend, and then hits him with a shaky leg kick. He hits Heat with another stomp to his chest. "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" The Corporate Champion sneers at the crowd. He gives Heat some more shaky leg kicks and then picks him up. Tha Puerto Rican whips Colombian Heat into the ring apron...Heat reverses...short arm clothesline from Colombian Heat! Heat does a SHIMMY~! for good measure! COLE Colombian Heat making the comeback on his former best friend! COACH Come on PR! Think of X! Think of your friend! I know you don’t like her, but do it for him! Colombian Heat has a look of RAGE on his face, thinking about all the crap he’s gone through because of The Lightning Crew. Heat grabs Tha Puerto Rican and walks with him over to the end of the entrance ramp where he simply slams his face down onto it! PRL’s head bounces off of the ramp. Heat stomps on PRL’s back and then picks him up by his shirt. PRL’s eyes are glazed over now. Colombian Heat taunts The Lightning Crew as he takes PRL over to the ringside area where he slams his head on top of the ring steps! COLE Well what do we have here? VITAMIN X I’m in no mood to joke around, Michael Cole. This is an important match we’re watching! Cut to Sofa Central where Vitamin X, wearing a white T-shirt, a grey shirt over it, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants, and black dress shoes, is sitting next to Jonathon Coachman with a headset on. COLE Do you realize how wrong this is? Putting Stacey Robertson up for grabs like this? VITAMIN X Michael, Stacey belongs to me. She just doesn’t realize it, yet. Believe me, when she joins The Lightning Crew, she WILL realize that we belong together! COLE Oh that’s sick! You know that? That’s very disturbing! VX Hey, I’m just telling the truth! COACH Yeah, Mikey! He’s just telling the truth! COLE Aww come on! This is disgusting! You’re a very sick man, X. A very disturbed, sick man. VX Hey, watch what you say, Michael! I have a team of lawyers that’ll sue you for everything you got for slander! Meanwhile, Colombian Heat is taking PRL around ringside. Heat punches PRL in the face. He does it again and again! PRL gets lucky with a punch to the face! He fires off again! P.R. grabs Heat by his head, and whips him into the timekeeper’s table! Heat hits the table HARD! VITAMIN X OH YEAH BABE-BAH~! THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT! YEAH! The crowd boos. Stacey Robertson looks on as Colombian Heat stays bent over on the timekeeper’s table. Tha Puerto Rican walks over to the announcer’s table and takes off Michael Cole’s headset, putting it on. VITAMIN X All right! "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN Michael Cole, SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Tha Puerto Rican and Vitamin X are going to do the announcing for now on! VITAMIN X YEAH BABY~! VX high fives PRL. PRL Now, sit your gay-ass down! Colombian Heat, here tonight, in front of the millions upon millions of Tha Puerto Rican’s fans, you will bow down before me! Heat, The Lightning Crew IS taking your girlfriend away from you and there’s not a damn thing that you can do about it, you jabroni! VX YEAH! PRL So, Heat, say goodbye to Stacey, give her one last kiss, because once this night is over, we will have a NEW member of The Lightning Crew after I kick your roody poo candy ass! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~! PRL takes off the headset and goes back to work on Colombian Heat. But Colombian Heat is waiting, nailing PRL with the ring bell in the stomach! VITAMIN X Oh no! What’s going on!? What’s going on!? COACH Heat is coming back, X! VX NO! NO! COME ON! PRL! STOP HIM! Heat drops the ring bell and starts punching PRL all over his body! The crowd is starting to come alive again. Heat nails PRL with forearms to the face! VITAMIN X This can’t be happening! Come on PRL! Stop that HACK! Stop that punk! Stop that--that thug! I want him eliminated! I want him to be destroyed! Kick his ass! MAKE HIM BLEED! MAKE HIM-- COLOMBIAN HEAT LAUNCHES HIMSELF ONTO THE ANNOUNCER’S TABLE, TACKLING VITAMIN X DOWN! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Colombian Heat beats on Vitamin X to the roars of the crowd! The tackle pushed Coach aside, so he’s now without his headset (yea!). And after Heat punches and stomps a mudhole in Vitamin X, X is without his headset either. Heat yells at him, and then goes back to PRL, leaving VX to recover next to a barricade. Heat grabs PRL--PRL scratches Heat’s eyes! Puerto Rican once again goes to the Rock-style punches to Colombian Heat’s forehead. The punches stun the Colombian superstar, so PRL grabs his former friend and slams his head on top of the barricade! Vitamin X is still knocked out and there’s still no one doing the commentary. "P.R. SUCKS!" "P.R. SUCKS!" COLE PRL back in control of Heat as this match has broken down into a brawl, which is what you’d expect in a No Disqualification Match! Tha Puerto Rican grabs a cable wire from one of the cameras nearby and wraps it around Colombian Heat’s neck, choking him with it! COLE Now come on! Come on! Is that really necessary? I know it’s a No DQ match, but still, there should be a limit to stuff like this! Come on! PRL pulls back on the wire, making Heat gag and gasp for air. PR jaws with him while doing this, as Stacey Robertson puts her hands over her mouth, worried for her man. PRL Jabroni! The Corporate Champion lets go of the cable wire and then grabs Colombian Heat once again. Puerto whips Colombian Heat--Colombian Heat reverses--and it’s PRL who hits the ring steps left shoulder first! COLE Oh! And PRL hitting the STEEL steps! That’s gotta hurt! COACH Heat cheated! COLE How can he cheat? It’s a No Disqualification Match! PRL WANTED a No Disqualification Match! COACH He still cheated! And will somebody please help Vitamin X!? Vitamin X is crawling back up. He uses the announcer’s table to get on his knees. His eyes are glazed over. COLE Heat feeling it! He could be moments away from ridding his girlfriend’s life of The Lightning Crew forever! COACH That’s not going to happen tonight! That’s not going to happen any night! Because Stacey WILL wear the white T-shirt before the night is through! Colombian Heat walks over to where Tha Puerto Rican is. PRL is crawling around ringside. Heat grabs the top ring steps and lift them over his head. After a few seconds of holding them up in the air, Colombian Heat throws the ring steps onto PRL’s back! COLE Not if Heat keeps fighting like this, she won’t! Heat throws the ring steps aside. "LET'S GO HEAT" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" Colombian Heat sneers at PRL, and then picks up the ring bell AND the hammer for the ring bell at the timekeeper’s table. COACH Somebody get those weapons away from Colombian Heat! Who knows what he could do with them? COLE Heat is just going by the rules, of which there are none. CH just stands there and lets Tha Puerto Rican crawl back up, using Heat’s shorts for help. Heat raises the ring bell and hammer over his head--- ---but gets punched in the stomach! P.R.L. punches Heat in the stomach again! Heat drops the hammer and ring bell as a result. PRL slowly gets up. He waits for Colombian Heat to get near him, and then kicks him in the stomach, THEN he grabs him and cradles him up. CRADLE DDT ON THE FLOOR! COLE OH MY~! PRL with the Esto Daño De La Cogida De La Voluntad! COACH We can’t say the word on TV, but it definitely DOES hurt, especially on the floor! Stacey winces in pain along with Heat. PRL gets up and smiles evilly. The Lightning Crew and Popick applaud. Vitamin X is back up on his feet, dazed and confused. A "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts up as PRL picks up Colombian Heat by his head and shirt and throws him back into the ring. PRL is still sporting an evil smile as he takes the ring bell and hammer. COLE The fans rooting viciously AGAINST Tha Puerto Rican! COACH Hey, this is a new year. Why don’t the fans start cheering for Tha Puerto Rican? COLE Because of all the dirty, rotten things he did in 2006! That’s why! COACH Oh boo-hoo! It’s a new year, so it’s time for a fresh start! Get over it! P.R. jaw jacks with some fans at ringside and then goes back into the ring. Colombian Heat is lying in the middle of the ring, still reeling from that Cradle DDT. PRL sees this, and gets an idea. He places the ring bell on top of Colombian Heat’s face...and then kicks his right arm onto his chest. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Oh no. Don’t tell me! Don’t tell he’s actually going to go for it! COACH He is Michael! He is! With added weapons this time! COLE Oh damn it! No! This isn’t right! This isn’t right at all! PRL taunts Colombian Heat, and then does some weird hand signals. He then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Colombian Heat, then bounces off the opposite ropes. PRL flips Colombian Heat several middle fingers...AND THEN HITS THE RING BELL WITH THE HAMMER! *DING!* "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Colombian Heat squirms in the ring! The ring bell is still on his face as he winces in pain. Vitamin X is up and applauding PRL, despite not being 100% there. COACH That PRL. He can make a show out of simply hitting someone with a ring bell! COLE And we’ve got Vitamin X up and applauding Tha Puerto Rican! Is he even on the same planet as we are? Hello? Vitamin X still applauds. COLE Not a clue. COACH Stop mocking the Financial Consultant for The Lightning Crew please. The Corporate Champ laughs at his opponent’s recent misfortune. Stacey Robertson just watches, with tears filling up her eyes. PRL spits in Colombian Heat’s general direction, and then looks to Popick. Popick gives him "the wink and the gun" gesture. PRL smiles evilly and then throws the ring bell off of Heat. COLE Colombian Heat is in a bad way here! And of all the nights to be in this position, this is definitely NOT one of them! COACH He’s just gotta get use to the fact that his girlfriend is going to be riding with The LC from now on. Sorry, Heat. No, not really. HA HA HA HA HA! The crowd is rabid. PRL picks up the dazed, sweaty, breathing hard Colombian Heat. Puerto Rican smiles evilly. He taunts him...and then slaps Heat across the face! COLE What a sign of disrespect! COACH He doesn’t deserve anything less! "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican grabs Colombian Heat by his right arm and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. P.R.L. puts his head down, so Colombian Heat stops in his tracks, grabs Puerto by his head, and slams him onto his knee! The crowd cheers! PRL bounces right back up, dazed, so Colombian Heat kicks PRL in the stomach, turns him around, hooks his arms up, and then lifts him up high into the air! COLE He’s got him! He’s got him! He’s got him up! COACH Oh no! Oh no! NO! NO! NO! The crowd is going nuts! The members of The Lightning Crew are shaking their heads, panicking. Stephen Joseph Popick is worried. Vitamin X has a sad expression on his face. Stacey Robertson smiles a wide smile and jumps up and down in joy. Colombian Heat looks at the crowd, looks at PRL, and then looks at Stacey. He knows what he has to do. COLOMBIAN NECKTIE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Colombian Necktie! He hit it! He hit his finishing maneuver! COACH Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Colombian Heat covers "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, hooking the left leg. Heat is furious while making the cover. Earl Hebner gets on his knees and makes the count with the crowd counting along. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *DING DING DING* (8:45) COLE Yes! Heat did it! Heat still gets to be with his girlfriend! He did it! COACH Oh DAMN IT! Colombian Heat gets off of Tha Puerto Rican and lets out a victory yell. The crowd explodes in cheers as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Stacey Robertson jumps up and down in celebration while Vitamin X stands there at Sofa Central stunned. BUFFER Here is your winner...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Therefore, The Lightning Crew must stay 500 feet away from Stacey Robertson at ALL TIMES! Referee Earl Hebner raises Heat’s hands in victory. The Lightning Crew are disappointed, but Popick just stands there serious for some reason. Vitamin X is still stunned. And PRL is still knocked out. Heat has a smile as wide as the Cheshire Cat as he raises his hands in the air in victory while his theme song plays. COLE Colombian Heat has saved his girlfriend from The Lightning Crew! Stacey Robertson no longer has to worried about The Lightning Crew ever being her life ever again! She can now file a restraining order on The Lightning Crew, and specifically on Vitamin X! COACH This isn’t right! Colombian Heat shouldn’t be the winner! Stacey should be with The Lightning Crew right about now! Man, this stinks! I HATE this! COLE You’re the only one that hates this, Coach! The crowd loves it! Stacey Robertson can return to Colombian Heat in peace now! Vitamin X mutters to himself as Heat does a SHIMMY~! to get the crowd fired up some more. Stacey blows kisses to her boyfriend in the ring. Popick looks at The Lightning Crew and frowns too. COLE Vitamin X can’t believe it. He thought he had this match in the bag. But Colombian Heat pulled through for his girlfriend! For the love of his life! Heat yells out again, and then taunts Tha Puerto Rican, who is still knocked out from the Colombian Necktie. Heat then gets on a second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal once again as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE Colombian Heat agreed to the stipulations! He’s got Stacey Robertson back safe and sound! And now, The Lightning Crew must ALWAYS stay 500 feet from Stacey at all times! COACH Aww geeze! And I was SO looking forward to seeing Stacey in a Lightning Crew T-shirt. COLE Well, you won’t have to, Coach. You never will. Because The Lightning Crew is out of Stacey Robertson’s life FOREVER! COACH AWWWW! SOMEONE WAKE UP PUERTO! PLEASE! Stacey Robertson applauds her man as she enters the ring. She smiles a smile as wide as Heat’s. Heat says something to her, and then hugs her, giving her a big wet kiss to the crowd’s delight! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH UGH! This scene makes me sick! I’m gonna throw up! COLE Not on my new shoes, you don’t! COACH Watch me! COLE NO COACH! COACH Ha ha! Just playing! You little loser. Stacey and Heat kiss some more. They stand in the center of the ring, hugging, right next to PRL, who’s starting to recover. Stacey Robertson hugs Colombian Heat once again. Stacey looks at Colombian Heat and smiles. But then her smile turns into a sneer. Stacey Robertson SLAPS Colombian Heat across his face! COLE Wha--WHAT!? The crowd can’t believe it! And neither can Heat! COLE What the--what in the world!? What the--What’s going on!? "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull has died down. Colombian Heat is trying to comprehend what Stacey just did. But he doesn’t have much time as Vitamin X enters the ring, and gives Colombian Heat a low-blow! COLE Low-blow! What--what the hell? What is going on!? Colombian Heat collapses to the mat, holding his johnson. Stacey is still sneering at Colombian Heat. COACH What’s going on? The crowd is as confused as the announcers are. Popick gives a signal, and The Lightning Crew enters the ring, and starts doing a beatdown on Colombian Heat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE No...no... The crowd boos viciously as Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Vitamin X, Stephen Joseph Popick, and even Thomas Rodriguez lay in the boots to Colombian Heat! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez helps Tha Puerto Rican up, while Stacey Robertson just stands there and watches, with a satisfied grin on her face. The crowd can’t believe it! STACEY ROBERTSON YEAH! YEAH! GET HIM! GET HIM! COLE Look at Stacey! She’s--she’s actually enjoying this! What the--? Why would she enjoy this!? COACH I think I have an idea, Michael. The crowd is just stunned. Stacey is LAUGHING at Colombian Heat! PRL is on his right knee thanks to Lindsay. Meanwhile, The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick grab Colombian Heat and drag him over to the ropes, where they tied him up. Colombian Heat is groggy, but Popick and VX hold his head straight so that he could get a good look at Stacey Robertson laughing evilly along with the rest of The Lightning Crew. COLE It can’t be. It just can’t be-- COACH You know what’s going on Michael! You just don’t want to admit it! COLE No! COACH Stacey’s converted! COLE No! COACH Stacey’s been seduced by the dark side of the force! COLE NO! COACH Stacey Robertson has decided to be one with the power! She has joined up with The Lightning Crew! Popick taunts Heat. Heat can’t believe it either. Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Thomas Rodriguez, and Stephen Joseph Popick hold Colombian Heat and force him to watch what’s going to happen next. PRL is on his feet and watching with Lindsay. Stacey tells Heat something and then looks at Vitamin X with a sinister smile on her angelic face. Vitamin X also smiles evilly. The two of them hug, look into each other’s eyes... ...AND KISS ON THE LIPS! COLE NO! COACH YES! PRL YES! The crowd starts booing again! Colombian Heat mouths, "NO!" The Lightning Crew laughs evilly. Stacey and X French kiss in the ring. COLE Stacey Robertson has sold her soul! She has joined The Lightning Crew! COACH It worked! All the convincing, all the pandering, it actually worked! Stacey has fallen for Vitamin X! COLE But how? Four days ago, she was miserable with them! And now she’s in love with him!? COACH Women, aren’t they difficult to figure out? Stacey and VX make out in the ring. Colombian Heat actually starts crying! PRL applauds X. Stacey licks her lips and sneers at Colombian Heat again. COLE I just can’t believe it! Why would Stacey join The Lightning Crew? I thought she hated X! COACH She was seduced by him. Everything. The money, the movies, the power! It all got to her! She wants to be apart of it! COLE I thought I knew this young lady. I thought she had class. That she had dignity. I guess I was wrong. She ain’t nothing more but a jezebel! COACH Yes, but a HOT jezebel she is! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds starts playing. Vitamin X and Stacey Robertson hug and kiss on the lips again. Stacey then goes over and hugs Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, and Thomas Rodriguez. She shakes hands with Popick, and then hugs Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. Then she goes over to PRL and, after a moment of hesitation, PRL finally relents, and hugs Stacey Robertson. All the while, Colombian Heat is still tied up in the ropes, forced to watch this. COLE Look at Colombian Heat! Look at how heartbroken he is. He’s crushed! COACH Yeah, it’s great! I love it! COLE How can you be so cruel? COACH Colombian Heat deserves every rotten thing that happens to him! COLE Why? COACH Uh...I don’t know. He just does. Stacey sneers at Colombian Heat again. She laughs in his face. Vitamin X asks for a microphone. COLE This is a sordid, depressing scene. Tha Puerto Rican has pulled one over all of us AGAIN! Stacey was going to join The Lightning Crew whether or not Heat won or lost! COACH You’re right. This must have been planned since last Monday, right? COLE Yeah. Stacey must have agreed to join The Lightning Crew before she left Monday morning. COACH Say, does that mean she really did it with-- COLE I don’t want to know. Vitamin X has the microphone. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. VITAMIN X Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the NEWEST member of The Lightning Crew! My GIRLFRIEND, STACCCCEEEYYYY ROBBBBERRRRRTTTTTSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! "No Chance In Hell" starts up again. PRL, Popick, and The Lightning Crew gloat over what they’ve just done. Lindsay and Stacey laugh it up. COLE His girlfriend? HIS girlfriend? COACH Believe it Mikey! Vitamin X has finally gotten Stacey Robertson! This story has a happy ending after all! COLE Happy ending? There ain’t nothing happy about this! COACH What are you talking about? Vitamin X tried and tried all he could to get Stacey Robertson, and after much MUCH pandering, he finally got her! It’s the classic love story! COLE This is a demented twisted love story, if you ask me! COACH Well nobody asked you, Cole. COLE At any rate, Stacey Robertson has joined The Lightning Crew, and Colombian Heat has lost his girlfriend to his arch-rival! COACH Like I said, a happy ending! Cuban Wall unties Colombian Heat and throws him down onto the mat. Heat just lies there, unable to move, probably because he doesn’t want to. Stacey looks at her ex-boyfriend with disgust on her face. All SEVEN members of The Lightning Crew (and Stephen Joseph Popick) stand in the center of the ring and raise their hands in the air to LOUD boos! They all do it again on the other side of the ring, with PRL, Lindsay, Stacey, and VX all standing next to each other, with evil smiles on their faces. Colombian Heat crawls around the ring, tears coming out of his eyes. Vitamin X yells in Colombian Heat’s face, pointing to a smiling Stacey. COLE I don’t know what Stacey was thinking, joining The Lightning Crew! COACH She wanted fame, power, and money. THAT’S why! And I have no problem with that. COLE I thought she was a sweetheart. I thought she was *nice*! COACH She still is nice, Cole. She just also happens to have a wild side to her. Which I like! COLE I still can’t believe what we’ve just seen! Vitamin X spits on Colombian Heat! The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick leave the ring and walk up the entrance ramp. PRL has his HI-YAH World Tag Team Championship belt over his left shoulder and his right arm around Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez’s shoulders, while Vitamin X has his left arm wrapped around Stacey Robertson’s shoulders. The rest of The Lightning Crew laugh evilly and celebrate while Stephen Joseph Popick gloats with PRL. Colombian Heat is still in the ring. COLE What a shocking ending to the first HeldDOWN~! of the new year! 2007 has got off to quite a start! COACH Yeah, and we’ve still got 51 weeks to go! COLE That’s right, Coach! Fans, thanks for joining us tonight, as we continue on our countdown to Anglepalooza and...oh look at this. PRL taunts Heat from the entrance ramp. COLE I think Heat is asking the same question as all of us: what the hell is going on here? Vitamin X and Stacey Robertson stand on the entrance stage with their arms wrapped around each other. They kiss one more time, and then laugh evilly, both sticking their tongues out. Colombian Heat isn’t even watching, but they still do it anyway. COACH Look at those two! They make a cute couple don’t they? COLE I thought Colombian Heat and Stacey made a better couple. COACH Stacey seems much happier with X, doesn’t she? COLE Oh for God sakes. I can’t believe that VITAMIN X of all people is with Stacey Robertson, that beautiful woman! COACH Look at her! She’s smitten! She loves him! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Stacey licks her lips and then laughs. Then she sneers at Colombian Heat. Vitamin X and Stacey Robertson hold hands and leave through the sliding doors. The rest of The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick follow them. "No Chance In Hell" continues playing over the P.A. system. COLE Fans, thanks for joining us on the first HeldDOWN~! of 2007. What a night this was! And we’ve still got 361 more days to go in the year 2007! For Jonathon "Da Coach" Coachman, I’m Michael Cole saying so long and we’ll see you next week! And Colombian Heat...Colombian Heat has hit...Rock Bottom. The Lightning Crew has left. Colombian Heat is on his knees, using a turnbuckle to get up. He is shaking, tears are coming down his eyes, and he is sniffling. His face is red from all the crying he’s done. The crowd just sits there and watches, stunned at what they’ve just seen, as "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds ends. Colombian Heat gets to his feet and rests his head on the top turnbuckle pad. This is the last image we see as the credits roll and the show ends. FADE OUT Edited January 5, 2007 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
