PROMO: "What's Wrong With A Happy Ending?"

[Chuck Woolery 0]

"I'm sorry, Calvin, I don't see the big problem here."

 

"Well, you wouldn't," hisses Calvin Szechstein into a cell phone, standing by an enormous statue of Dolly Parton at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. He's obviously en route to Atlanta, and he's obviously trying to avoid being heard. "Fred, I've been trying to call you for two weeks and you've consistently blown off my phone calls. You know what that makes me think? That you know exactly what the big problem is and you just don't want to address it."

 

"Calvin, you boys are 2-0, our sponsors are happy, Zack is working out perfectly... can't you be professional?"

 

"Don't question my professionalism," snarls Calvin. "I'm being a perfect God damned gentleman and you know that. I'm just questioning why you would stick me with Zack when you know -- you KNOW, Fred, that I don't like him."

 

"You know why, Calvin? Because Zack is popular and you, my friend, aren't always the most likable person on earth. We need Zack to get them to love you and we need you to get our point across and you need to realize that this isn't the OAOAST and we can't be successful with the Calvin Szechstein Show, do you understand me?"

 

Calvin looks ready to blow his top, but Zack Malibu appears beside him, a smile on his face. "Have you seen this Elvis exhibit yet? Dude was a legend."

 

Calvin raises a finger. "Yeah, Mr. Business, I've got you."

 

"You've got to make this sacrifice for the best interests of Island in the Sun Marketing. Think about the money you're going to make, and I think you'll be all right. Have a good day."

 

"You too, Mr. Business." *click* Calvin snaps his phone shut and looks over at Zack. "Elvis?"

 

"Elvis Presley, the King, man. Don't play dumb with me, I know you've heard of him."

 

"Oh, yeah, 'Heartbreak Hotel'... he's pretty good."

 

The two men wander through the Country Music Hall of Fame, not really making conversation, just walking and observing, when Zack lobs up a softball.

 

"Did you hear about the Clusterfuck card yet?"

 

"Not yet." More awkward silence. "Did Flesher call you?"

 

"Yeah. We're both in the 'Fuck."

 

"Cool."

 

"But, ah... we're also tagging against Wild and Dangerous."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah... I'm pretty excited for it, honestly. I mean, beating the Predators was nice, but Alan and Ricky doesn't mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things... winning this week would be nice, beating JJ and all, but Wild and Dangerous?"

 

"Mmmhmmm."

 

"That'd be the pinnacle, honestly, Calvin. That's a legacy, there's no tag team in OAOAST like Wild and Dangerous, you know that."

 

"Yeah."

 

Zack quiets, obviously not much appreciating the one-word answers. "Well, if we're going to win the Tag Team Championships, beating Wild and Dangerous is a huge step in that direction, right?"

 

"It is."

 

"So let's do it."

 

"Yeah."

 

Calvin and Zack pound fists, but it doesn't take a narrator to tell you what's going on.

 

FADE TO BLACK.